Shutdown Fullcast - 2025 Bracket Insiders Episode + Merch Madness Launch

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

We have invented several new forms of golfIt's Merch Madness time! What's that mean? Several things! First, we've got some new items up in the Shutdown Fullstore (www.preownedairboats.com) celebrating Protect Trans Kids UniversityBut that's not all: From now through the end of the month (that month is March 2025), ALL proceeds from our store – PTKU gear, Antioch the Birthday Spider greeting cards, everything – will be divided evenly and donated to Trans Lifeline (https://translifeline.org/), the Transgender Law Center (https://transgenderlawcenter.org/), and Point of Pride (https://www.pointofpride.org/)The celebration won't stop there; more about that at the end of the monthAnd coming up next month: The 2025 Charitibundi Bowl begins on April 14Fullcast theme song arranged and performed by Trey McClureLet's break down some brackets! What is in the brackets? Let's all find out together!At long last, witness the return of Cookie, the camp cookCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz: https://linktr.ee/killerantzListen to Ryan's other, less harrowing show, We're Not All Like This, and check out his new narrative podcast with Steven Godfrey, Who Killed College Football? https://www.wkcfb.com/Check out Jason's free CFB Watch Grid newsletter and other work: https://www.jasonkirk.fyi/DID YOU KNOW: Holly and Spencer write a year-round newsletter, featuring football and also unfootball things, at https://channel-6.ghost.io/Purchase only the finest Fullcast gear at sunny https://preownedairboats.com/

If I told you the story about how the SEC Network once aired like a Kentucky, South Carolina baseball game, and everyone just left. What do you mean by everyone just left? The announcers left before the game was over. I remember this. Did it go into extra innings or something? So, like weather delay. Because this was Columbia.

Live night game. Yeah. I think it was Kentucky, South Carolina. Don't quote me on that. It was definitely Columbia. Went very late and went so late They weren't really sure what to do Because they'd never broadcast a game that late

This is early in the SEC network's history And they weren't sure how many people were watching And they didn't want extra innings Because that meant working even later Game stretches into like two in the morning 2.30, 2.45 And they're still tied And they're praying that it's not going to go to extra innings.

Three up, three down. And then I, they go into extra innings. And at one point, I think around 3.34 in the morning, they just left. Crew just left. They just said, hey, we're not going to. This is a live broadcast. And we don't care. Hold on.

But they left all the equipment up and running. Like they left the broadcast going. Oh, like, I'm sure they have their gopher. No, they, they, they, uh, I'm sure they have some gophers left behind to like get the tape. Sure. but I think you could spend that as charmingly retro like that's how that's how sports broadcast that's why the Heidi bowl was the thing we used to have a time where it was like hey man we're only broadcasts I mean a lot of a lot of like non-revenue college sports kind of work this way too still frankly but like you could spin that as just like yep we're just trying to give you the what me ma would have experienced back in the day now we got no Heidi no bowl and no jobs Yeah, just know that at one point, at one point somewhere in the SEC archives, there's a game that just ends, just ends, and it never, it never finishes.

And they left. And do you know how many complaints they received for ending this broadcast? None, man. It looks like the longest college baseball game was Texas, Boston College. First of all, what are you two? What did you? Secondly, this game went for seven hours in 2009. 25 innings.

I was a part of, I don't know if it's been best in now, but at the time, the longest ever nine inning, non-extra innings baseball game without a delay, just from start to finish. It was a Georgia baseball game. I think it was against Florida, because at the time Florida was really, really working. Like, there was the way that they were kind of just working the mound

and kind of delaying things, as well as George had kind of adopted that because it was when Florida was being very successful. The game was like four hours and 40 or 50, 52, 53 minutes, something like that. But it was nine innings without any stoppages or delays or anything like that. Just a five-hour nine-inning baseball game. It bested like a Red Sox Yankees game.

But it might have been beaten now, but it was excruciating. I respect Georgia Athletics. much for women's gymnastics accepted generally going the route of we're just going focus on football i know georgia baseball is pretty good this year but on the whole shouts out to the georgia athletic department for saying you see our eggs this basket they're going in this basket Welcome to the shutdown full cast.

You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. I am joined as always by Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, and on the ones, and two's Michael Cerber. How are you doing, y'all? It's really nice outside. Let's say something positive. It's nice outside.

there you have it. This concludes your good news for the week. It's nice outside. Now steering into the shit. That's right. How are we doing, Ryan? It's really nice outside. Yeah?

It's nice outside there too. It's so nice outside. That's good. I like it when it's nice outside there. You can go get a biscuit. You can, you know, you can go to church. Classic outdoor activity. Go get a biscuit.

I'm going to I'm going to go to the biscuit I'm going to go to the biscuit orchard and pluck one fresh off the tree. I'm going to go eat bread indoors. I'm going to go pluck me something from the puppy muffin patch. I do like that in large stretches of the country.

You're like, yeah, you know, I'm an outdoorsy kind of guy. How so? I play golf. What? So you like to go to the most poisoned, manicured version of outside. Yeah, hell yeah. I lick golf, It's like, yeah, I like when there's not a roof.

Yeah, that's true. What do you like to do outside? Drink on a cart? You know what I can't stand to look at is a wall. Logistically, it would be challenging. But if you could build like a nice indoor golf course, you could probably make decent money off that in certain parts of the country. With a conveyor belt for drugs. Yeah.

the walk the the the the cart path is all moving walkway at the airport so it's all pretty pretty low so you're just standing there swinging your arm mm-hmm and like and and going uh yeah yeah at all you like the computer fucks up your shots or whatever you know it makes you suck because you'd be awesome otherwise but like as far as i understand not a simulator this is just a huge huge like okay so you actually are hitting costco basically You actually are taking actual shots. Yeah, and walking, you are walking 18 holes. Yeah, on a conveyor.

On a conveyor belt in an air-conditioned warehouse. We'll call it hop golf because there's going to be a tap for beer. Oh, it's so good. Yeah, right next to the ball washer, right? Ball washer's here. Beer taps here. You have a little card, you flash it, ping, put it on there, right? Yeah.

It's like Disney World, you have a little wristband for whenever you want to buy something, right? it's a good plan yeah cart girl comes around and piles whatever passed out corpses onto the back right she finds there's a little conveyor belt

pushing you the whole way yeah hop golf here go like is this that sharks grim reaper is this that much crazier than like the Saudi plan to build a fucking indoor ski resort

Ryan spring it in here buddy little secret rich people are fucking stupid they're stupid just like you and me they're real stupid they've just got money so is this a good business idea just ask for cash just tell them about it

this sounds just as dumb as an actual golf course like I'm going to buy this forest and flatten it and they're going to play this game that everyone hates the people who play it they hate it they cannot stand it it makes them miserable who are you competing against in golf yourself trapped in a prison your own mind is there some sort of naturalist form of golf where it's like, all right, we have cut space for a T-box, and we have cleared a little space for the green. And everything else is through the woods, bitch! Like so Calvin ball golf? Yeah. Yeah, let's do like some sort of paintball golf. Right. Children with potato guns shooting you

the whole time. Damn it! I have an answer to this. This is why this country's soft. Yeah, I have an answer to this, which is that, which is one thousand, 8,850 kilometers of golf course, taking 14,000 shots to cross. That's right. Adam Rolston crossed Mongolia and played it as a golf course. As a golf course. Okay. I just think we can do like tough mudder golf and we can probably make some money off of that too.

I don't think it comes tougher or muddier than I golfed across Mongolia. And we'll have Joe Tess and Rob Riggle on the call. Yes. For Mungary 7. for Mongolia Tough Mud Golf Marathon. Frankly, the joke is worn thin. Oh, Joe, this is when it gets placed. Oh, Riggle's an ex-Marine.

He'd love this. He's like, this is so stupid, I want more of it. It's great. Strenuous. The guy had a caddy, and he carried 400 golf balls at one time. And 100 kilo cart of equipment. there's a shot of him playing golf and there's just a random stray

like dog of the step watching him like the fuck you do it what the what kind of death stranding promo is this buddy I hope the dog stole the ball too right where's he running to China I really like golf death stranding now

Steve's just walking with a bag on his back to put some clubs in that compartment and hey no monsters can see me. I'm going to swing a little iron. I got to get this baby and this tidalist over to the eighth green.

Is that golf, golf man? I'm being approached by club man. If you had to play one one country as an entire golf hole, what would it be?

one country you gotta like tip to tip link the whole length of the country yeah i'll go to the vatican yeah you're out of there two shots not good not go to golf man i'll go chile i like like the narrowness of it i was like which way are you going with chile because you could have a very yeah i'm going top to bottom you could have a bad time or a real bad time the ocean is filling the entire way yeah you could probably sell the pGA a youtube series like I'm going to golf the length of Chile. There'll be like, here's $30 billion. Who cares?

You can sell, shit, you can sell bunker advertising the whole length down on those sides. 100%. Saudi Arabian billionaire listening to this, because I know you're out there. Just buy Chile and turn it to Ryan Nanny's personal golf course. I don't know that I want my name. No, Ryan N-A-N-I. $30 billion, though. Okay, I guess.

Oh, man. Very excited for the A-N-N-N-I. ice grapers to find this transcript. That's how they're going to get us the money, Holly. What is Chile? Chile is actually owned by Saudi billionaire

Ryan Manny. Thank you, A.R. Chile is a golf course. Owned by podcaster and onion enthusiast Ryan Nand. Slash onion. Yeah.

I'm going to golf Japan. Okay. And here's why. Because I think the All the islands? Hmm? All the islands?

Yeah, yeah, we got a, we got a, there's going to have to be some, I'm going to, there's a couple of water hazards that I just, I'm not long enough for. I can't get over. But I'm going to do Japan. And it's because I think they'd be into it. I think they would, I think that if you're doing it, the Japanese people would be like, hey, this is a pretty cool idea. We like dumb stuff.

Would they know? You'd win over the locals. I can see it. Like, it's, uh, yeah, this is, this is what Americans do. This is what they do when they're doing here. I'm basing this on their fondness for, for reality shows where somebody is trapped in an apartment for six months nude. And he has to talk to, like, the walls and one guy he can call on the phone once every three weeks. Like, Mr. Beast doesn't even rate in Japan.

No. They're just like, we have, we have 8,000 Mr. Beasts. So if they see bearded idiot, Missier's Beast, playing a game he absolutely hates. They'd be like, we find it very motivational, but he's going to finish it because we have to help him finish it. So, yeah, Hokkaido all the way down to Okinawa. That's how I'm going to do it. I'll go downhill. There's a lot of puddles to jump, but we can work around that.

The documentary Pacific Rim show does nothing. It is that the Pacific Ocean is an incredibly hazardous water hazard. They should have made a Pacific Rim Gulf. be okay. Yeah. That would have been a lot of time. Where two golfers have to agree on the best way to swing or else their kaiju will be out of sync and like they're just bitching at each other the whole time.

Your elbows all wrong. Both your elbows are wrong. That's because my dad died in front of me. Which, oh God, it is like real golf. Shit. This actually sounds much more harmonious than real golf because at least I'd have a clear enemy in Pacific Rim Golf. The enemy and golf is me.

Shut up. You're the caddy. No. the caddy. No, no, no, but let me say you on this, Phil Mickelson having to interact with another person as an equal for money. Ooh. That's good.

Two Phil Mickelsons. Oh, oh. That's a specter. Punished Mickelson. Punished. Did you see? So, not to derail again into Death Stranding. No, no, let's go.

The 10 minute, the latest 10 minute Hideo Kojima trailer. did. Film of the year, first of all. Do I know what's going on? Maybe like 10%. If I were to estimate, if I were to guess,

I could probably get like 20% right. However, having said that at the end of this thing, it has revealed that a guy who is basically solid snake shows up. A mercenary with a rifle looks exactly like him, played by some Italian actor whose name I forget, puts on the bandana just like snake. Snake is death stranding camera now. So excited.

Could not be more delighted, more ready to like, I don't know. We need to just live stream this entire game. I'm so excited. Jason, I'm dropping a photo in the check, because I also need to make sure you see this sick fucking jacket he wore lately. Let's get a look at Kojima's jacket. My God, that's so many logos.

It's stickers and, oh, it's all stuff from his games. Finally, Death Stranding 2 brings together, Sal Snake and L. Fanning. The two tastes that go great together. And a doctor who has two right hands. Not commented on. If you don't notice it, You don't notice it, but she's got two right hands.

Yeah, they're like, was Kojima using AI and that's a mistake? You're like, absolutely not. No, you're fool. Absolutely fool. The vision is uncompromised. It's very important that she had two right hands. Am I going to have to find the mysterious Dr. Diarrhea to get over Hell Mountain? Yes, you'll have to find Dr. Diarrhea.

Do you know Conan O'Brien had like a brief cameo in the first game? Yeah. What? I did not. No. Like, I started. I encourage you to go YouTube, Conan O'Brien Death Stranding. Which is so

good, like, for a million reasons. One of them being is he's like, uh, not a gamer at all. Like, he'll, he'll, he'll have people playing games on his show and he'll just be baffled by it. And Kogam is like, got it. You're in the game. You're in the, you're in the, you and Mads-Micklesit are in the game. I'm in the game.

Genius. Absolute genius. He still got it. All that I'm thinking about it, I need Conan and Mads-Michel to play brothers for some reason. It's just so nice that from, I've never played it, but my understanding is this is a sequel to a game that's about like the ephemeral

connections between life and death and also hardcore backpacking. It's walking. Yeah. It's walking simulator. Walking simulator. What walking can teach you about the connections that exist beyond mortality.

And then there's a giant kaiju who looks like venom and his head is a spaceship. Yeah. Hideo Kojima. Stone cold. Yes. Yeah.

Also, I got to carry around this weird baby in a sack. It's crucial. Now the baby can, I think the baby's mother can time travel. Oh, my God. No bad ideas. No bad ideas in his death stranding. We got to get a meeting with Kojima.

Like, listen, boss. we got seven ideas he's like approved all of them we already did five of us we're already with plans yep what most people need an entire canister of whipits and a joint

of the cheapest weed available coach him to achieve sober and this should be like it's for a cut scene where it's like I don't even did that was I even supposed to notice that yeah I did a whole character creator and then that character was deleted. Maybe that was the problem with Tenet is Tenet didn't go. Tenet needed like

18 more ideas. What problem with Tenet? The problem for some. I'm kidding. It could have been Kojima up at very least as all things could and should. I think that's the nice thing is that once you layer so much bat shit on, you sort of have told the viewer like, don't, you're not going to sift through all of this. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because like Nolan does the thing where he's like, I have presented you a puzzle. And he does it in a way where you feel like you're supposed to solve the puzzle. Whereas Kojima gives you a puzzle and says, I don't give a shit if you solve it or not. This is 5,000 pieces from different puzzles and some of them are just subway tokens. Good luck. What's your name? The best way to

engage with either of this is like, sure, I think I vibe with it. Yeah. Are you going to explain the mystery? No, I will introduce you to a mysterious character and a top hat with one eye named Regal Bowie. also the metal gear joker has a long tongue why because that's weird doesn't matter stop asking questions yeah did we just zoom in on a video game ladies ass for five minutes yes she needs the ass to speed very important you see she's um smart that's why yes can i hacker can i tranquilize a bear instead of a person yeah if you find one is the battlefield You see, it's about memes. Greatest artist of our time.

Absolute genius. Thank you, sir, for this trailer. I'm going to do the college football playoff preview video next year, sponsored by Hideo Kozima. Eight warriors trapped in the mind. A football, which is a playfield for soldiers. It'll be better than that fucking schoolhouse rock cartoon when they made. Y'all notice they only aired that thing once

and then it was never mentioned again. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we need. Good job everybody. Good job internet. That's what I mean by that. Good. The Buckeye. He's a soldier with a skull mask and a secret. He has three right hands. Yeah. He has three. Where's the other arm? Never mind. Moving on. We're already moving.

Yeah, moving on. We need to introduce another character and another dynamic. And I need to play I need to play another song I remember from 1987. Oh, yeah, hell yeah. Here is the president. He is a ghost. The more we talk about this, the more I'm like, yeah, if I were making video games, this is the exact kind of shit I would do.

It's so, like, it's so relatable as a process. I mean this as a compliment. He's the only person I've ever seen who has achieved the perfect mind state of huffing chemicals without doing it. I think my current favorite Kojima thing is the guy who is responsible for all this stuff, for 30 years now has

put every idea on paper and then into a game the man who has never said no to anything weird who understands everything he saw the new Captain America movie and he said, I'm confused when what happened why he was confused about the basic plots

of the superhero movie which like yeah if you haven't seen I don't I don't really keep up with those anymore but I think it's a bad sign for the MCU generally of Fideo Coachman thinks they're too weird. Well, we were told to not look directly at Anthony Mackey, and it looks like a whole bunch

of the country agrees with us. What? No. Who do you feel sorry for here? Harrison Ford. That's what I feel sorry. Harrison Ford didn't know. No, no, no, no. You don't need to do this anymore. You will never take Harrison Ford's joy away. Did you see during the press tour

where he was just gleefully spoiling the movie for everyone while a publicist sat in the corner grinding her teeth? What are you going to do about it? Oh, no, Harrison Ford, you're not in the MCEU anymore? That's fine. He doesn't care. No, the check already cleared. This is the guy who, during filming, did not deny saying, let's shoot this turd.

Let's get it over with. I'm in front of a... Can you imagine any more satisfying day of work for a young Hollywood on-set technician than, I need you to get Harrison Ford into this body socket in front of this green screen? Jesus. Oh, God, I hadn't even thought about putting him in the sock. Yeah, that's Harrison Ford. He's covered in ping pong balls and a green body sock.

And it's not even for a coach him a game. Not yet. Not yet. It's not even for the highest of all art. Yeah, what character is Harrison Ford playing in this coach him a game? Harrison Ford. That's who he is. Yes.

Yeah. Is he like Dr. Skull or something? Nope. Harrison Ford. It's Harrison Ford. So he's playing himself. No, no, he's playing Harrison Ford. So he's playing the American actor who was Indiana Jones?

Different character, who also made movies. That guy is also played by Harrison Ford. This is a Harrison Ford who has a psychokinetic connection to all cats. That's important. Yeah, yeah. Can't make them do anything, but they can tell you how they feel. Is that part of the plot? No, it's not.

The cats can talk, only to Harrison Ford. No. They talk, they talk to people. They talk to everyone else. They won't talk to Harrison Ford. But he knows what they mean. Or he would. If not for her.

For an audio representation of exactly what this would sound like, go look. I'm not going to make you watch the whole thing. I know you have lives. Go look up the morning glory clip where Harrison Ford has to pronounce the word fluffy and frittata while cooking while cooking on a morning news program. And you will hear his cat voice. It's right there. Okay. Good.

Yeah. And then in order to complete the game. Pluffle. In order to complete the game, I have to get Harrison Ford into a plane, which he then crashes. Yeah, getting him into the plane is not the issue, as I understand it. Getting him out is the issue. They're kind of. An aviation.

I mean, getting into the ground is pretty easy. Just put him in the plane. Where's the golf course, kid? You'll find that ground. Show me Costner's house. I'm going to pee on it. I hate golf, and I'm destroying it piece by piece. One vintage.

aircraft crash at a time. Thank you, sir. What do you need, Dr. Jones? I need a P-47 that hasn't flown in 43 years. And I need... And directions to Bebble Beach. I'm going to kill Jim Nance if it kills me.

Here comes Ford again. Thank you for creating a world in which there's a Hideo coach of a game where Harrison Ford, played by Harrison Ford, who's not Harrison Ford, is in... Who communicates with cats. Yeah, is in a P-38 lightning of dubious like airworthiness and he's flying straight for Jim Nance's house

Jim Nanceman Jim Nanceman also played by Jim Nanceman. That character is Jim Nance. Yes, but that's... Because I need that final collision of weirdest guy and most normal guy. But this is also Jim Nance does the body capture Michael B. Jordan does the voice.

Okay, I see the vision. Mr. Kojima. It's disturbing. We're not that morrow from what actual games are like here. Yeah. You say that if I killed Jim Nance in this game, he dies in real life. Yes. Wow. Punished Nance.

Yeah. Whoa. Hey, could have said liquid, Nance? We didn't, though. Except so we just did. Yeah. Anyway, is it time for podcast? Find me the bird toast.

Friends. Hello, friends. Big Nance. Yeah, big Nance. Yeah. you get this toast recipe? I made it the fuck up. Dance.

This is hell toast. Sandal machines? Flaming hell toast. Now we're ready for business. Podcast business. What's a business? Podcast business. It's a business.

Podcast business. Nanomachines time. right let's let's start with our fine let's start with our fine friends at home field apparel who continue to provide you in the coziest most comfortable hang on i got a fake usPS text i'll be right back oh no most distinctive collegiate apparel and racing apparel that you can find holly have you gotten your jacket yet oh she's sorry she's texting the usPS she's muted right now uh that's right this this month and all months when you get spam text reply to them with the following no i don't want x but you might be interested in all the offerings at homefield apparel.com

use offer code fullcast for 20% off your first order very real toll road collector and then they'll then everyone wins they'll stop bothering you and in fact they'll probably abandon me my Dale jacket you rap scallion I was going to say legally you can run

them tollboats if you're in that three jacket that's the law didn't make it up no just flashed you know what do you know what the toll is here three you know what sold up three the state of the laws in such

flux right now that I can't say that you're absolutely wrong no state of the law state of the law yeah Um, anybody, anybody, are we transitioning out of home field sweatshirt weather? Jason still got his Kennesaw State. I'm inside, though.

It's freezing in my house. I'm going outside momentarily. So it's, it is always hoodie weather. Sure. But I will not be wearing a hoodie any longer today. I am deep in the bench this week because it's been very cold in my house. Uh, because we, our house does not get a lot of direct sunlight this time of year. Uh, and I have been, I have been, I have been.

been into the bench with my, uh, Heather, like the, the, the, the bright Heather red Utah hoodie with the mountain silhouette on it. Longtime favorite. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, your school, probably on there. If it's not, you can ask home field. They'll see what they can do. They're always open to new and inside. It's better to ask your school. It is better to ask your school. There is, there's probably one mystery school that's better not to ask, but I don't know who that would be. Oh my God. I'm oh my godding Serber apparently. Holy shit

Michael Serber has the jacket on. Fully regaled in the Deler and Hart. Michael Ray.

In the jacket and the hat. You can't actually address him as Michael while he's wearing all this

it has to be the double name. He's on his Taylor & his on his Dillard phone.

Taking a picture of my computer screen right. Which is a thing for him. I have never felt more

safe. Intimididating. And yet safe. You know what he's calling right there? Greatness. And it's picking up. It's answering. It's holding that pose.

He's just locked it in. It's incredible. He is. Statute-esque, man. Server, have you worn the jacket out into the world yet? No, I have not yet. But I do plan to this Saturday. Okay.

Maybe even before then. But I was waiting on the T-shirts. which are also great. Then I got them already, too. Man, this is such a... And the hat. Yeah, oh, yeah. It's power top to bottom.

Don't get me wrong. I'm going to be real blunt with you here, Michael, because I know you're taking, man, listen, the amount of ass you're about to have thrown at you is daunting. Scary. It's going to be, I would call it debilitating. Yeah.

Nothing new. Nothing new. Enter at your own wrist. Chelsea knows. She will kill you. She will murder you. That's right. Don't even look at me.

In fact, she likes it, so don't give her the opportunity. Hey, Katz, you ready to trade to paint? Looking for a reason, you hear me? She'll put your ass in the wall. You find out the hard way. She doesn't like to fight. She likes to win. Offer code forecast, 20% off your first order.

All spam text messages should be responded to with this. It is the only way to truly end spam in this country. What else do we got? What else we got? Chelsea's the intimidate her. That's good. That'd be a good, that'd be a good vanity license plate if you can make it work. Hang on, I got exonerated last week.

Let's see what I can do here. Right. Let's talk a little bit about pre-owned airboats.com. What's that? Ryan, what's that? It is, of course, as the name suggests, the home of Shutdown Forecast merch. Not free life insurance. not horse?

Why wouldn't it be? Holly, do you want to tell the people about what we're doing? Let's start with the March promotion that we are running on pre-owned airboats. Ryan, why don't you stop putting me on the spot and let me pull up some links while you talk about our brand new merch? Okay, you got it. You know what? That was a beautiful pass to me on the basketball court of this show, and I threw it right back at you. I'm sorry about that.

You can never pass too much, at least in basketball. We have a few new items up in the store. Full cast logo sticker. A very simple thing that we have not had for some reason that now exists. A lot of you very reasonably asked us about this. Thank you. We got distracted. We have Antioch the birthday spider back in birthday card form.

That's the thing we used to have in our old store. And now it's back in this one. And most importantly, we have a sticker and a coozy featuring the PTKU shark and an affirmation that you, the holder of this item, are on your way to see the shark's play. Brand new design of Ryan's invention. I will happily tell you that if you have this, if you buy this and you see me in person, I will happily tell you about the litany of shark clip art that exists on eBay.

There is one option I found that was a shark with the monster. mullet smoking a cigarette. That's not the one that I put on this, but it exists, just so you know. We are running, is this, is it fair to call this like a charity bowl warm up? I wanted to call it merch madness and I have not looked around to see if anybody else has used that name ever. Okay. Because I just like alliteration. Okay. This impulse has driven more than a little of the process. That's fine. Not a problem. I'm getting this up and running. We are recording this on Tuesday, March 11th, 2025. By the time this drops on Wednesday, March 12th, 2025, who knows what other horrors will have been visited upon us and upon our

trans siblings and friends. And yeah, I would call this not a warm up, not a warm up to the Charity Bowl. These are, these are two different lanes and I think we can occupy them, which is why we're comfortable running this so close together. But let's get to the point, shall we? Which is that from now, now, whenever now is, look at the clock, look at your watch, look at your wallet, now go to pre-owned airboats and buy

some of our stuff. Some of this is stuff you've seen before. Some of it is new stuff. Some of it is brand new PTKU merch with our beloved mascot of Blue Shark on it. The important thing is buy some stuff from our store from now until the end of March, and every dollar and dime that we make is going to be donated to a series of groups that support our trans siblings out in the wild. After consultation

with our community, we have selected the Translifelime, the Transgender Law Center, and Point of pride as the recipients for our donations. And when March winds up, we're going to also have a little bit of a continuing threat of this. And we'll tell you about that in a couple weeks. But from now, until the end of the month, everything you buy from our store, all the money we make is going to be divided evenly between these three organizations who are helping and supporting our friends who need our support on a good day. And we haven't had a good day in a minute. And I don't really have to belabor this point. So love them up with your wallet. And let's see if we can make this like 2% less of a hellscape just for a minute.

Was that inspiring? Sorry. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Prionderopodes.com. Your respite from the hellscape. The only internet website, except for the other ones, including Channel 6. That's right. Channel 6, that's the newsletter that Holly and I put together. We're going to be talking about smart and dumb cities. That's this week. It's the offseason. So you get this kind of stuff. It's very important cultural research that we're doing.

I'm going to be talking about. Going to be talking about whether your city's dumb. Your city's probably dumb. Most cities are pretty dumb. I think a crucial point that you are perhaps the lighting here is that we say cities are dumb with affection. Yes. It is long-established EDSPS Canada that the place you are from sucks. Yeah, you don't want to live in a smart city.

The place we are from sucks. Yeah, you don't want that. So, yeah, we're going to be talking about that as well as our usual off-season business at TRL every Friday on what we've been looking, doing, watching, seeing, reading, in between all kinds of other stuff we have cooked up for you. $10 a month for just for two things a week, an abundance of content delivered straight to your inbox. It's free life insurance. It's free life insurance. I think for Channel 6, we need to do a newsletter that's just Hadeo Kojima characters that should exist, but don't yet. Yet.

Good luck. They probably do. This is the time of the year for narrow jokes. Yeah. This is a good plan. As opposed to all the other times of the year when we're very inclusive and inviting. Server, what's going on in the killer ants universe? We put out a record.

it's called Circus Smile and you can get it on my blue sky my Instagram all the things it's killer ants with the Z it's got four songs on it um and if you're going to buy it wait till band camp Fridays because then we get all that money good plan yeah it's fun it was it was super fun to make um you don't have to buy it though you can totally listen to it on like youtube and stuff for free server what's a band camp Friday we're old uh well i don't know i don't know how often they do this but usually on friday's band camp like waves there um part of the proceeds uh and just gives that to the artist um when you buy the album on a on a band camp friday i think they're still doing that they've

typically been doing that for a while if they aren't you can buy it any other day of the week or like i said you can just listen to it there for free i think you should have a number of monies, yes. Mm-hmm. Give me all of it. Then I can get a second Daler and heart jacket when this one gets worn. Wow. Oh, wow.

That's the spirit. Too powerful. Jason, any podcast business of yours? Subscribe to the until Saturday newsletter. Just put up one on the hardest college football schedules of the season, which happened to correlate with lots and lots of hot seat coaches. Go look up Oklahoma's schedule. You don't even have to look it up because I included it.

It's, man, I would hate to be the guy who has generated two of the worst Oklahoma seasons of the past quarter century if I was facing that upcoming slate. Wait, wait, Alabama State Champions, Oklahoma? Let's see how long that... I'm sorry, Alabama State co-champions with Vanderbiltzschevill. I think you mean Alabama State football champions. On the positive side, they have imported Washington State's offense, and any time you can ingest the stability and the cohesion and coherence of Washington

state football things are looking up on the positive side it's softball season they do have that they we don't want them to be good at um at all of their they're they're kind of the georgia of softball in terms of they're good at yikes and yeah so you got to pick something and they picked a pretty good one hey listen dingers that's what oklahoma softball is about dingers do you like you see i I was calling back to earlier in the episode when we said Georgia that was good. That was good. I liked it. I'm just saying, you want to watch some wamping, right? Arkansas's not the place you want to look in the spring. You want to look in Norman because they're hitting them things.

I'll also say anyone who buys my little novel in the month of March, I'll throw it into this pile we got going. What novel? The name of the novel is Hell is the World Without You. It's recommended by lots of folks all over. It's got a Wikipedia page. Most books don't, but only the least niche book. Actually, it's all the way back around to the other kind of a niche.

It's a book with a Wikipedia page. That's its own kind of niche at this point. Pretty soon we'll be able to say which book, Jason. That was also true. I'm learning we're all about Teddye. Multi-time author to be Jason Kirk. Teddy Roosevelt, so like in the White House, he was always getting yelled at for like, like the drill tweet about the boys roughhousing in the garage. that was Teddy in the White House.

It was like this fucking idiot, his children have like built a cave in the hallway and there are like, you know, like soldiers are getting lost because his children have barricaded them. He's like invented a sport with like the secretary of defense. They're hitting each other in the head with sticks. Like this is the president. Why is this not a television show? Instinctually, I, that'd be a man, that'd be a good like every four years, HGTV special because like instinctually and out of generational solidarity.

I want to say it was Jenna Bush. But which president's children do you think generated the most drywall repair? It's got to be Teddy. Upon their, like upon their departure from the White House. So like number two after Teddy, that's, that's where the competition. That's where we're all playing for silver medal here. Okay. Weirdly enough, Chelsea Clinton, just love punching some drywall.

I think she deserved to. Yeah. Okay, I'll go last for podcast business. If you go to falconscot Productions.com, you can see an email sign-in list. What's it for? I can't tell you yet, but it's for a thing Stephen Godfrey and I are doing. Expensive life insurance. Expensive life insurance that only pays out if you live to 500.

Folks business at notatontine. What a payout that is. And that I think concludes all of our podcast business, and we can probably do the actual episode. It is, let's see, 58 minutes since we began recording. Let's see. It's March, and we've talked about softball,

gymnastics, Hideo Kojima. I was going to say, with Kojima, we have talked about madness. That's right. That's true. That's true. Yeah, it's time. I think it's time to go ahead and beat everyone to the spirit of

March by We're doing our bracket episode before the brackets are out. That's right. Because we are the most on top of it. Because we're insiders. Nobody's ever done this before. No one. Nobody. We're the first people to do that this year. They wait like two weeks from now and it's right. But ours is also a draft

because we're Omni Sport. People will be like Fulcast did it already. That's right. We're going to... That didn't stop Split Zone Duo from doing offseason vibes. checks. Vibes need to be checked, repeatedly. Yeah, by those guys. By the vibes kings at split zone duo.

Okay. I mean, it's like the pit, right? Like, patient, vibe, pretty good. You should check them in 10 minutes because they might have crashed out, right? You can't steal our ideas because we don't know them. Also, can I have one more bit of podcast business in here? Oh, I'm sorry, yes. Run it back, right back, because I forgot, I forgot to state something.

Okay. which is that if you've ever had a doubt that I censor or in any way like mill down Spencer's I'm going to do this without adjectives opinions let it be known that I let pass without comment a truly unwarranted bit of the librarian television movies libel in this past week's newsletter even though it was in praise of the pit a fine show that feels directed and that for you must have been it felt personal yeah right it feels directed yeah I've never even

made him what he's never even seen return to King Solomon's minds piece of shit you know asshole anyway if you want to know what true friendship looks like kids it is Ryan Nanny who when I lost in a move my original copy of

the librarian search for the Judas Chalice what did Ryan do but track down an Emmy screener copy of it on eBay and send it to my home as a replacement. That's friendship. That's right. That's solidarity. You'll never understand, Spencer.

He won't. No. Meanwhile, I'm just writing Judas Chalice as another coach of my character. Judas Chalice. He's a mercenary. I think that's like a weapon. The Judas Chalice. But it's not a cup. I have acquired the Judas Chalice.

What are we going to get the really gritty, gruesome dentist show? give Hadeo Kojima three months. I think that's a little shop of whores. Yeah. I would watch Deo Gojima's little shop of whores. But we have for you today a bracket.

That's right. That's right. Is it a full bracket? It's a full enough bracket. Yeah. It is a full bracket. It's not 64. It's a full bracket of 32.

That's right. Where we were each, rather than come up with one unifying theme where we decided to do yes four four different themed brackets each of us was charged with coming up with one seating them appropriately which I found to be tougher than I thought it was going to be

whose idea was it to have Spencer explain this mine we never had it Hideo Kojima Hadeo Kojima So some of you might recall Ryan and I did this a few years ago in March and we decided it would be fun to do it with since we have four quadrants

for co-hosts, folks, you see the vision. And since we're an hour in, let's get rolling with one of our regions. Who's going first? Spencer, you seem like you have your ranking sorted. I mean, yes and no. It was very difficult for me to do this. I'm going to claim the southeastern bracket. Okay.

Are we revealing the theme of our bracket or are we just going? Yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. The theme, seatings, and items. Yes. Mine is Danny McBride properties. Wow.

Sort of celebrating the return of righteous gemstones. Are you going to docks all his personal addresses? Is that what this is? Yes, all of them. I have all eight of Danny McBride's estates. Danny McBride's art collection. Yes. Louvre, one Louvre Road, Paris.

It's a whole thing. Right. He owns Williams Prize Stadium. It's crazy. So I have, I've ceded the properties. Now, these do kind of vary because some of them are Danny McBride properties, like in toto, like Footfist Way, which was directed, written, and starred Danny McBride. Some of them contained a little less Danny McBride, but are still Danny McBride properties like

movies, movie roles that he had, and some of them are series. So I'm doing these by Danny McBrideness and quality ranked 1 through 8. We are seating. I'm going to proceed, but start with the 4-5 matchup. Number four seed, foot, fist way is going to meet number five seed hot rod. Ooh. Hmm. Wow.

Hmm. This is a deep bracket if hot rod is five. That's a horrifying seed for hot rod. What's wrong with you? Yeah, like I said, you can take issue with the seeding. That's fine. It's difficult. I will, I can understand how you put it here if you're ranking it by Danny McBrideness as a whole property. Because it has a lot of Danny McBrideness, but I wouldn't say it's exclusively so. It has plenty of lonely islandness. Right, right, right. Like, I had to kind of balance quality and percentage of Danny McBride, which is where the one and the two seats will get difficult.

It is great to drink green tea all day, though. Right. I mean, let me be clear. These are all excellent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all fantastic. We're all happy to be nominated. Okay.

So that's your four or five. Yeah, the four or five. Give me your three six. Three six. We have vice principals at three. going against the sixth seed which is this is the end where Danny McBride plays Danny McBride okay okay yeah all right at the two seven matchup okay and this was where it got hard for me number two the righteous gemstones number seven tropic thunder trash bracket okay I see the vision I see

the vision. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I'm, I only have one objection so far, um, and I've already voiced it. Okay. And then, um, and again, it was hard, it was hard even just limiting this to eight. It was hard picking a definitive number one seed. Uh, but, uh, the number one seed, um, under pressure to validate its ranking will go up, uh, which is eastbounded down is going to go up against Pineapple Express at eight. Okay. Uh, can you talk about what's your first, what's your first Danny McBride property out of this bracket? If you had a ninth, who would it, what would it be? Kung Fu Panda 2.

Two. Okay. Yeah. I think it's two. He's got to spot it. So that's the bubble team here. Okay. Okay. It's Kung Fu Panda 2. Okay. I think, my opinion, I think you've seeded this reasonably well within these

individual matchups because I'm going, I think I'm going chalk almost exclusively. but I haven't decided. Jason, Holly, server, does that seem right to you? The one I haven't seen as vice principals. I will trust the seating there, though. I am strapping the rocket to Hot Rod. I'll just say that. I am advancing to whatever extent we are all selecting the winner of these brackets.

I have already voiced the one who will be winning this region for me. Okay. that said eastbounded down as a worthy number one seat without question yeah i i think that's true i i could see a case for gemstones getting that one seed instead i could i could i could yeah the difficulty that the difficulty there is that righteous gemstones is so much more than just a load-bearing danny mcbride right like it's there's so many other people involved and yeah you know for Dan... But I would argue that's more true of vice principles. It's probably more true of footfist way, actually, because

that was like his show. I'm more true of Kung Fu Panda. It's not even his whole ass body. That's why it didn't make the cut. We didn't look at him. Yeah. Alien covenants there too. Yeah. I'm not sure who I would advance out of this bracket though. To our final four. Oh, it's hot rudder gemstones. Easy, right? I think that's right. The seating

the both to wish are atrocious. I do really like vice principals, but I don't think I would put it over gemstones. Jimstones isn't even finished yet, right? Sure. Sure. Yeah. I think the, I think the main issue that vice principals runs up against is that it's like,

man, it's such a 50-50 Walton Goggins thing with that show. Like, that's true. I just don't, I don't think it's good. I don't think it can make it very far for that reason. Like, he's great in it, but like it's kind of the thing for me anyways,

I'd seen Walton Goggins and other things, but it kind of launched him into the, I want to see him in every role possible category. The thing that puts Jimstones to the top for me is that it's the show where, I think more than any of the others, even with the fourth season as yet unfinished, you can hear all the other characters speaking in his cadence. Everybody speaks in his voice on this show. So I would argue that this is more of him a bride property than any other, because even when he's not talking, he, is do you think do you think that's not the case in eastbound and down not to the same extent which i think makes perfect sense because you know here he is with that much additional development sure the the goggins bracket was too difficult it got hairy after one okay all right so what Spencer what are you advancing out of your bracket

I am going to go ahead and advance righteous gemstones. I think gemstones comes out of this bracket as my representative from the entire region. So the southeastern region appropriately produces the rest of the region. I don't know why you think we need a geographic region. Nobody asked you. I think it's good. I think it's good. I hadn't even by it's it could be anything other than the southeastern bracket.

I don't want you to see him draw a map of what he thinks this looks like. I'll provide that. Draw a clock, Spencer. And for once, I'm genuinely curious and not looking for evidence of psychosis. Oh, come on. So the first time we did this, we ended up forcing Doug to decide things like, who is better, Whitney Houston or Elton John, stuff like that. This time around is just like, uh, I think we, I think we'd like this one better.

This is a much, much chiller process. Post at Doug and make him decide these things. You don't have to give. him context. Just make him choose. Yeah. Doug, Doug is the only bracket participant. He is our March Madness Sin Eater. That's right. None of this is canon until Doug weighs in.

That's right. All right. Who's going next? I have mine ready. I can go. I'm bringing to you Kool-Aid flavors. And when I say Kool-Aid, I'm including off-brand Kool-Lade, high-C, store brand, whatever. Sweet.

Quarter water, you name it. Drink, right? All right. The 4-5 seed, I'm thinking this one's going to be controversial already. Four seed is green. Five seed is orange. Okay. Ooh. Yeah.

There's like a quiet, disturbed rumbling from the crowd at this point. Yeah, you're expecting green to be way higher, weren't you? That's how tough this bracket is. America Divide is once again. The three seed is purple, facing off against six seed pink. Two seed red, draws seven seed blue. Two seed red. Red.

Tough break for red. A legacy. Man. Yeah. Well, just wait to hear number one. The eight seed yellow. You're barely in here.

You're like, you make me think of lemonade and I'd rather be drinking lemonade. Yellow, you're about to get stomped by number one, which is mixed. Yeah. Shit.

I don't even know how to, this is. Yeah, that's a lot of flavors. This is. Purple is facing who again? purple draws pink Jason can I ask what happened to orange to tumble off such a cliff this season

they're a perennial favorite I guess it's a little top is loaded and green I mean with green the thing with green is the novelty factor people like ha ha ha hallo I'm drinking green that pushed it ahead of orange because Right there's also you they get a boost I assume from the ectocooler association The thing is the warm colors

It's such a tough conference you got red And you kind of got purple To some extent And then orange you know you look at red and you look at orange and orange tumbles down a little bit. I feel like Spencer is writing this bracket.

I am, I'm writing it down. All right. All right, go ahead. I'm 100% writing this down. Racketologist Spencer, tell us who advances here. I mean, I read. Joe Lennardi of Camp Punch.

Go for it. I'm to stump the Spence. I have a red pushing, man. I don't, you know, like, I'm trying to. reconcile exactly how but it's a it's a it's a it's a gut instinct here i'm just going to say i think red advances i think red is certainly enters as the betting favorite despite the seating yeah yeah yeah because i think the the mixed beverage you know the shit that's just like the bottom of the gatorade

jug um is like we all know it's the most delicious but it doesn't have that iconic quality to it right um i think the thing red is a little rough and ready i think the thing red and purple has that the others don't is mouth stain. Oh. And I think that's an important. Positive associations with summer via popsicle association. Sure. So when you see someone who has enjoyed one of these stronger colors, you're like,

ooh, I should go drink something. You're like, oh, man. You see somebody with yellow stains around their mouth and collar, you're like, yeah, right, right. But they got green tongue. See, that's why green rents highly because they're like, if you got fruit punch mouth, you're liver right. Tell you what. Jason, we've been dancing around it, and I'll be the one to break the seal here, so to speak.

Where is blue? Blue's number seven. Okay. Not a strong showing for blue. I just, like, why would you drink blue and you can drink purple? Interesting. Drink the blue that has red in it. I think, does blue have value as a, like, mix it up flavor?

As it, like... I feel like blue has a lot of intrinsic value because you cannot possibly, like, for a certain type of person, because you cannot possibly be drinking anything that was born in nature. Sure. Which I know for some consumers is the reason to be consuming this in the first place. I think if you want that, then you're going for the antifreeze of green. Everything blue does, someone else does better. Listen, it's not a bad pick.

I think the only weakling here is yellow. The top seven, however, there is not much separation. This should not be any shade perceived against blue. Now, this is well defended. Thank you. Did Kool-Aid man ever appear in anything other than red? Did he? He was green. I've got a sense memory of a green one, but I don't know if I'm making it up.

You can find him in any of these colors. I'm sure you can also find him in a 9-11 tribute camo at some point. Not patriotic. Oh, no. If he's red, white, and blue, then it's just, oh, that's just Kool-Aid colors. Yeah, that's fair. But if he's wearing like Forrest Brown, that's when you know. Why don't I have Alan Jackson so you washed in the blood of a lamb in my head right now?

Well, so Spencer would advance red. Do we have any other, anyone else who would call for either an upset or the number one seed to prevail? Purple. Purple is also where I'm leaving. I was feeling purple, yeah. Wow. I love it. I love red, but like, are we kidding ourselves here?

like purple was what we wanted when we were kids okay like that's why high C had to go or not high C uh uh the other orange drink puck sure sunny delight sunny delight yes had to go so hard at purple stuff because they knew they were oh yeah they couldn't even uttered they knew they were that's purple what a dark day in those corporate offices when the door flew open and somebody was like we've got to get on purple we've been out flanked yeah Purple makes the best mixer for alcohol, too, as an adult. So, like, as a kid, it was the best one. It also mixes the best with drink.

Sir, but you're making two critical points here, one being you're the youngest person, and just by existing, you're making a point there, which means you are the one in touch the most with the younger generations, because perhaps the purple wave didn't hit us as hard as it did you. And also then, you translated it into adult terms. So you have truly covered every generation with your argument. He's carrying Doug's mantle with glory here.

Purple Kool-Aid. is advancing. And we are in the northwest region. We are steering far clear of dating bright as long as we can. Holly, which region do you want? You know what?

I'll take the northeast region for reasons that will become apparent. Okay. I have drafted locations in the song Alice's restaurant that are not Alice's restaurant. Go on.

Ryan, I swear to God, Ryan, do we want to talk about our battle of the minds this week a little bit before I get into this? Because when you mentioned Turntable last night, I thought that perhaps you might have undone me a second time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Totally accidental. Folks, earlier, earlier on this week, Ryan, in a devastating bit of gamesmanship, allowed me to believe for, I think, like a day and a half that he was drafting items from the movie Maverick 1994 not the Top Gun sequel the Richard Donner Western

and I was so discombobulated by the possibilities here in this draft that I was just mad and too mad in fact to really do a lot of work on my own and then last night when you brought up turntable Ryan I thought you might have guessed what I was actually doing which put me in just an emotional tailspin

because there was no there would be no fond turntable memories of ruining our work days to Turntable FM were it not for the ever-present looming always kind of welcome but dreaded just the same specter of John Boy's dropping the full-length Alex's restaurant into the middle of a peaceful turntable session.

The length of which is 18 minutes and 34 seconds. Yeah. so one seed versus eight seed i have 39 whitehall street new york city versus the city dump city dump strong okay not at eight it's not if the city dump was a hang out okay i'm i'm going to explain this after afterwards uh we have uh our two and seven seeds the city courtroom versus the church sanctuary where the garbage had accumulated excuse me accumulated We have three seed the railroad track in question that is half a mile from Alice's restaurant versus number six, the church bell tower where Alice and her husband reside.

And then four, we have the scene of the crime and the scene of the punishment. Roadside cliff versus police station. It's quite a map. Discuss. This all takes place. This all takes place, by the way, in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, which is why, except for the person that takes place in New York, which is why I have selected the Northeast region. So as I recall, every time John played this song, it was booed off stage within about three seconds. We got pretty good at that.

I have never heard it beyond those three seconds. This song is about a crime scene. Is that right? We got to play it next Thanksgiving. We got to play at next Thanksgiving as soon as everybody gets good and relaxed and can't escape. How would you like to explain this to people? who have no familiarity with this. I would like for them to go listen to it.

It feels of a moment right now. It feels of several moments. Perhaps in a number of ways, which is why I have 39 Whitehall Street, New York City, marked up as the one seed, because Alice's restaurant was released in 1967. And I got to tell you, there's not much more I want,

right now than to hear a whole bunch of people singing in unison for one reason or another. And if you can do it, if you can do it at some bewildered government functionaries, so much the better. All right. I'm going to go ahead and I think 39 Whitehall is an extremely strong one seat. So you called, Spencer, you said city dump was a strong seed. City dump is the reason everything goes wrong within Alice's restaurant. If the dump hadn't been closed, none of this would have happened.

But conversely, city dump, this isn't really what conversely means, don't yell at me. City dump makes the bracket because were the Alice's restaurant massacree not to have taken place, we would not have this song. So city dump is both the reason for all of the tribulations contained within the song, but also the genesis seed of the song itself. And I found that to be too interesting a paradox to exclude it. yeah 39 watt hall street in new york by the way was the old army building yeah that's where the dude went to that that that's where our protagonist goes to see the draft board and begins to sing his song and suggest afterwards that you sing yours it's also a building in new york that has been bombed repeatedly uh the bell tower sticks out as interesting to me the bell tower the bell tower draws a sixth seed because it is it is both part of the scene of the crime, but also sort of the reason for the crime to be committed itself. This is not maybe like the most dwelt upon part of the song because it's not in the, it's not involved in the commission of the crime. But in the first verse after,

in the verse after the first chorus, you learned that Alice and her husband Ray and their dog live in a converted church near the restaurant, but they live up in the bell tower and all the pews have been removed from the sanctuary below, seventh seated church sanctuary, which is why they just start dumping all their trash down into it.

I think this is a very well-seated bracket. And I've got, I mean, I'm going to chalk it and I'll take Whitehall coming out of it. Thank you. Appreciate it. I can't quarrel with that, truthfully. I think the only person who could quarrel with it would be John.

So I think, I think somebody should catch John. I'm excited to hear what he makes of this. Yeah, he'll probably just play Alice's restaurant at me again. That's probably right. So someone can vote for John in absentia? I should have just put John in here as a seat in baton. No one has ever fought harder within the context of Alex's restaurant than did John to get us to listen to this song. John, first four out.

Sorry, John. the locations all sound striking they all sound like um were these on a map i would uh i i could i could see uh with the circles and the arrows but uh and the color glossy photographs i'll trust the seating yeah yeah yeah serbs you've been quiet and i know you're familiar with the source material what you think i only want to just sing the praises of the the cliff where they dump the trash it look like a hell of a place to do it you know it was a good it was it was it was a great spot for all intents and purposes it was it was a tough battle between three and four because ultimately i i had to give i had to give three to railroad track the committee excuse me the royal we had

to give three to the railroad track because while the railroad track does not serve any functional purpose within the story other than to be a marker uh for travelers of how to get to the restaurant, it is also perhaps the only institution within this entire scenario that is entirely without blame. Holly, what do you want to advance out of your bracket? I'm taking Whitehall because I got to tell you, this is one of those songs that I could recite, start to finish before I knew what the words meant because I grew up in that kind of house.

And the notion of a bunch of people singing a mysterious song to strange. rangers and unsettling their entire day and then just leaving and the notion of this happening all over the country has been just just kind of a flame in my head since I was a toddler okay all right white hall it is all right I have the last so that you're in the northeast region which means how are we going to be southwest from southwest yeah so you're in southwest so like chilies yeah so are these is it uh northeast versus southeast yeah I think that's right. I think that's right.

Right. Right all is squaring off against Regist Joe's stones. And up next, facing off against Purple Cool, it will be. For my bracket, I have selected the category of old-timey transportation. These are all real forms of transportation that were at least attempt, if not outright used, were attempted. So none of this is theoretical. It's all real. Show me penny farthing.

Penny farthing is indeed on this seating But we're not going to start there We're going to start with the 4-5 matchup In the 4-seat I have railway hand car Picture the thing that you pump up and down To get away For Bugs Bunny or probably more likely Daffy Duck or Yosemite Sam

To get away from oncoming Steam locomotive There's going to be a lot of video game quick time events in here Yes, yes Also in the plot of blazing saddles If you're familiar Yes that's right A, B, A, B, A.

Railway hand car at number four, going up against Ornithopter at number five. Does anybody on this call this? Ornithor is. It's from Dune? That is a form of Ornithopter. It's real. Yes, ornithopters were real attempts. It's an early form of aircraft with wings that flap.

Yes. On purpose. You would like, some of them were, I think some of them had, like, basic engines, some were like bicycle powered. They're like stretched canvas over frames, right? Like it's like if you, if you looked at these and said, give me Icarus.

Yes. It is the closest we have come to that. This is how birds do it. So must be right. So it must be right. Okay. So that's your four or five. In the three-sixth spot, number three in old-timey transportation, steamboat. I am. A steamboat

at number three. Going up against, staying in the same area of earth, let's say. Number six, gondola. Gondola is my number six in old-timey transportation. I recognize that both of these are still in use today, but they feel old-timey as hell. Okay. All right. The two seven. Number two, the Model T, or really any old car like that, like you had to wear goggles because it didn't have a windshield. You had to crank it in the front. It had some loud ass horn. It was spew and smoke everywhere. It was just basically

a death machine. It's like running over people. Yeah, I'll whatever say. It has bicycle wheels for some reason. The horseless carriage. Yes, that's right. I like that when that happened by the way, there was no law about it. So it was like, I just rain him over. That's right. You can do that in a car. That's right.

What was the fool doing? I didn't touch him. It's not a horse. Number seven. Litter. The thing where you're a pharaoh or a king or a princess and you just get carried on basically a shitty couch. So we are connected by a one more beam. That's your 2-7 matchup.

And then the 1-8. The eighth seed, the last in this bracket, is the penny farthing. Yes. Which, for those not familiar, is the bicycle with one big-ass wheel and one real little wheel. To this day, the ornithopter seems safer to me. The stupidest bicycle. you've ever seen. How do you stay up there? How do you get on it in the first place?

How did you get up there? The dumbest shit in the world, the petty farthing. Garbage, but you know what? It is old-timey. You can't say it's not. This has never been revealed to my satisfaction, how you mount this thing. It looks like people climb onto it from behind. Yeah. With consent. I hope so.

Going up against my number one seed, the old-timey transportation bracket, the covered wagon, the prairie schooner. Huh. Interesting. That's what I've got, number one. Obviously, boosted significantly by Oregon Trail. What was your, what was your foreseed again? My four seed was a railway handcar, and it was going up against ornithopter in the five-seat spot. Dumb bike, dumb bike.

Let me tell you what, man. That hand car ornithopter matchup, that's a fist fight. That's sick. That's a fist fight, Ryan? Spencer, when you're writing these down, are you writing them in bracket style? Um, yeah, yeah. Show up. Can you show us on this?

Wait, what's that an envelope for? That envelope was sealed. Is that mail? Yeah, it was important. Yeah, it's bank statement. It's more important. Now show us, can you show us the front? Bank documents.

Two drugs. Can you show us the front of your bank statement? I don't want you stealing my information. So no. Smart. Don't fall for it. All right. I have done my address.

So I have no, I have done the seating work, but I'm fine with any of these emerging from the bracket. Damn. It was a joy to select. them all. Damn, when the eighth seed is a penny. Ryan,

your saw puppetry continues. This is diabolical. He's the meanest one on the show. We've always said. Wow, man.

Damn. I mean, and here too, I understand. Can I just, can I break down your bracket for you and tell you why this is so well, like conceived and seated?

Covered wagon. I know why it's the number one. Not only is it iconic, multivariate. You can, you can use it as a, boat? Because it will sometimes float. Yeah, like a cyber truck.

Right? Right? The cyber truck of the prairie. But also like Penny Farthing as an eighth seat, that's, it doesn't get old timeier than that. It's just the old timiest shit in the world. It is. You cannot, you cannot visualize this in your head without hearing a tootling piano. Right.

And can you picture someone writing a penny farthing without wearing a hat? No, you cannot. Can you picture someone climbing on this shit without having the dumbest mustache you've ever seen? That's right. Unless it's a lady, in which case she has a dress that's way too big for the Penny Farthing. The dress consumed into the Penny Farthing. She just looks extremely tall. Actually, I think that makes the most sense because fall off penny farthing, dress serves as parachute, gentle landing to the ground from 12 feet above.

Like Princess Pete. Yes, exactly. No, like Mary Poppins. it's brilliant your two seven matchup again the seven receives respect the litter throughout history a dependable and outrageously servile form of transportation requiring the subjugation of at least two people yeah yeah yeah this is the old timeiest mode you didn't see cleopatra up on a penny farthing no no but two the model t awuga that's what I have to say you know what I mean ohuga sure yeah that's incredible and

that your three six matchup going full first of all full aquatic matchup love that okay the steamboat v gondola oh this is three six says a lot about society right like this is uh yeah like the the the dawn of the industrial age and so forth like should we have stuck at gondola was that was that the advance of technology that we should have parked it at did we need to advance into the steam era which one of these things better off slowly sinking into the sea we still are All right, so I'm going to break this down. The Steamboat, I'm going to start at 4 or 5. Okay.

I'm going to advance hand car to cartoonishness. Sure, let our Bracketologist work here. Okay. Sure. I also, like, I knew you would pick hand card because of you're you. It's more, I'm sorry, it's more cartoonish. Which one features prominently in both blazing saddles and a Looney Tunes cartoon. Ornithopters, undoubtedly coaler, but I think in terms of.

Yeah. Ornithopters are sick. Yeah. All right. The steamboat v. Gondola, I'm going to take steamboat advancing because you can't play Pharaoh with a scoundrel on a gondola, at least not without some serious compromises about the layout of the table. And, Holly, to your point, the 1994 film Maverick doesn't take place on a gondola. Not once.

No. There's a mention of Paris. That's as close as we get. That's as close as we get. I'm going to advance Paris, France Sorry I'm going to advance the Model T

because OUGA Yeah, sure Covered wagon advances Over Penny Farthing Okay Come on, The Penny Farthing is just like

Vermont in the Big 64 Like you root for it But it's not going to win You've gone all chalk You've gone all chalk so far So far, yeah But then advancing But then I think advancing of that

We've got Handcar versus Steamboat I'm going to go Steamboat, we're keeping that chalky. Again, because I can't wear a cool hat in a suit and play Pharaoh. But you're going to put Model T over covered wagon, I bet. Yeah, I am because Ouga just keeps winning. I just keep pointing in my head.

Ouga, this sets up Steamboat v. Model T. And frankly, sir, this is where I'm going to do an upset. I'm going to take original three seed steamboat over the Model T. old-timey transportation. Yeah, because goddamn, you can't get more old-timey than a steamboat. Committee, how do you feel about this?

Strong, well, well-reasoned, well-argued all throughout. Hand-cart is really, that's been calling out the entire time. What a stupid way to travel. I'll push down on this and then you push down on that.

And then we keep doing it. And then we just have to be doing it. And like, if the timing is wrong, we'll just stop. At least it's how it works in video games. It won't work. That's right. We'll just stop and we'll be caught by the thing chasing us. I'm going to look up the longest distance travel.

It's also, it's also funniest that it was always used as a, we must escape this train. When it's like, just get off. The easiest way to escape the train is to get off. Two feet to the right. I think the community nature, the teamwork element of it is something we need in society today. We all need to pair up in hand cart teams. We need third spaces And those spaces need to have a handcart

The third space is the handcart Is the railway of the handcart? Working today's teens hang out offline On the handcart Young men need Progressive spaces The only TikTok you need is the sound of that lever Going tick to tick to tick tock

Touch touch Touch grass No touch handcart Let me tell you The only grass I want to touch is in Donkey Kong country Another fine handcart property Let me tell you the least amount of fun

somebody had in 12 hours 12 men 12 men Say no more 12 men Spring break Turn's pumping a rail trolley A hand car

Along a A mile of track covering a distance of 125 and a half miles and 12 hours Between the Peterborough and Longville stations in Cambridge That's they're hauling

It took 12 Because I was like How far would I go before I was like, I would kill myself to stop doing this? That's like not that fast. No. No. So like it's so much goddamn work. So stupid.

Also, if you're doing it in a tandem, like with a bro, right? You're like, okay, we'll do it. It will be so bad, right? You have to sit there and look at your friend the whole time going, ugh, ugh. I never thought about what you had like heaving before. It's also such a bummer because. you can only do it on a thing that is made for what was at the time like the pinnacle of technology the steam locomotive this thing that could take you across the country in infathomable speed

it's not like we're going to take the handcart to blockbuster like is there a railroad track to blockbuster instead here your dumb ass is pumping water that doesn't exist there's societal commentary all up and down this is awesome this is my winner from this region okay hand cart all right Yeah. Holly, do you want to break this tie? Sentimentality for the penny farthing aside. It's just too stupid to compete. Okay.

Just like me. Okay. Okay. Spencer, I'm going to overrule you. We're going to go railway hand car. You know what? As a competitor, I respect it. I think it can come out of this bracket as well.

Here's what decided for me. I'm in the Southwest bracket. I can't not have railway hand car coming out of this. Yeah, if you have steamboat, where's it going to go? Plopped in the desert. Yeah, here's what sucks. We're going to get on the hand car and instantly we'll all start talking like this. Oh, is that cookie?

Oh, I got the good cup. Let's go. We got to get to Mesa. We got to get there in four days. It's 15 miles away. We're going to break our backs. I mean, my friend Timmy Chittlin. and we're going to go copper prospecting.

We don't need a horse. I'm going to tear him a laborer instead. We're going to stare at each other's faces from two feet away and wish for death. Copper thieving used to be romanticized. He used to do it just from the ground. Yeah. Now you can mine in people's houses. It's a lot easier.

And car won't go there. Going to rupture three vertebrae all the way. Get there at four miles an hour. Could have taken a horse, but I don't. Trust them. I wish the sun was hotter, quite frankly. I wish it was out for 20 hours. Can we go over there, cookie?

Nope, got to stay here. Well, you see, if we did that, we'd have to step off of the handcart and then walk over there. We wouldn't want to do that. Someone might steal our hand cart. How you get to jump on? We used a handcart. Got my head on the hand cart. Hey, stop that bastard who stole my handcart.

I'm going to go walk behind him. He's tired. is it quiet loud as hell whi-w-w-w-w-w-w-h-w-w-wark I hear it someone stole the hand card did you put an alarm on it

you know you could just go down and wait in 10p for them to come through nope got to get another hand cart chaser re-ranking all these by stealth is just gondola running away at not one

and everybody else competing for last I don't know on gondola you can have someone singing very loudly that's true it does come with a loud Italian You can't turn that person off Ornithopter's not winning this for sure

Not because of the noise It makes taking off But because of the inevitable crash I'll tell you what The steamboat is not winning anything In terms of smell either In terms of which one of these smells The worst

Hand cart's a contender there They're all bad I think gondola No gondola is in some dirty ass canal That's going to smell terrible I think litter probably has the best smell just because the princess or whoever is insisting on. Yeah, yeah, that's probably right.

There's lots of Jasmine and Jasmine. There might be some oil. Cover wagon, that shit smells terrible. Oh, God. Yeah, but if I have to do, keep in mind, the covered wagon was so uncomfortable. Most people walked next to the covered wagon. They did not ride in the covered wagon because that was how you broke bones.

Like people who are like, all ride in the wagon. They all broke ribs. They ended up walking next to the covered wagon. Oh, no, I've been thrown from the ragged. Yeah. And they were like, wow, if only there were a smoother and more predictable way of doing this, and cookies in the back, like, catch you!

By in the back, we'd be like 50 miles away. 50 miles behind. On the track. Yeah. Is it safe? No, freight trains come through all the time. Cookie, what do you do when the train comes? I just go disturbingly fast.

Why don't you do that to start with? Oh, it's relaxing. I got to drink a gallon of laudanum just to numb the pain so I can get back on this thing. Okay, so that, that completes our final four. I don't remember, did we let the, did we let others vote on the final four last year? I think last year, what we did was, uh, or yeah, however many, whenever it happened, um, was we just sprang the final four on Holly and Spencer in the next episode.

Oh, yeah. Which I think they just, I think they said, uh, Mariah Carey. So she is our, she is the ranking. She's the Canadian. She must be. Yeah. She must be. So now we will see who will join her on the list.

Okay. so maybe we present the final four I'll post a skeet with the episode and there's no poll feature on that site so I don't know you just got it just yell highest liked comment wins oh my god that is one of the oldest ways to vote yeah

whoever ratios the post to review to review our four finalists would be 39 White Hall Street hand car purple and the righteous gemstones. Purple flavor.

So strong. So strong, man. I think gemstones is the favorite. I don't know. Handcar is strong too. But what sucks is that? Like, I feel like purple Kool-Aid goes so well with handcar.

Oh, you're going to need a lot of it. You're going to need a lot of it. No, you've got to hydrate up there. You're going to need an IV. Yeah. It also goes well with gemstones. What do you think those youth groups are drinking? That's true.

That's true. Yeah. 309 and Wildhall Street, I think is a sneaky board. I don't see it out of place in an army recruiting facility either, if I'm being honest. That's true. Purple might have the crown here. Well, I think all four of us just all four of them go together.

It is the color of the can. As always, we have a coordinated, sensical. Sorry to steamboat. Steamboat, great run. The hell of a run, man. I have mine. You'll always have your association with Maverick, which is the thing that we will cling to and not the fact that it includes Mel Gibson.

That's right.