Shutdown Fullcast - 2026 Bracket Special feat. The Median Voter

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

Tornadoes, gendered for a reasonNew Grumors!Meteor game! Which metropolis does Spencer dub "The Tampa of Ohio" and why is that not the meanest thing he's going to say in the next ten minutes?Who is the Chet Hanks of the Mannings?This year's Fullcast mystery brackets ask the important questions, such as: Has cryosleep gotten a bad rap? Is there pizza in the future? Will we never trust North Carolinians to handle snakes properly?Who will join previous bracket champions Mariah Carey and Old-Timey Mine Cart? Everybody be cool and follow the instructions to determine our winner! You did a really good job at this last year, and we're proud of you! Do not make us unproudThe Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 27 (twenty-seven) bonus episodes since launching in August. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)Now through March 31, 100% of proceeds from all PTKU merch sales will be donated to TransVisible Montana. Visit preownedairboats.com to purchase BRAND-NEW BLUE SHARKS GEAR #EXCLUSIVEShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray Surber Fullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Trey McClureDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz

Get out of the big pool. If you're sitting in your hot tub right now. Get off the roof. You get out of there. How dare you tell me to get off the damn roof? I don't give a shit. Water is very heavy, so I think it's probably, like, if I'm in the hot tub, the tornado would have to pull all the water.

You've tried to lift like a cooler full of melted ice. That's heavy as hell. I'm just going to hide. But if it's just me, you know? You have to preface it, if you're, we've got to really up your tent. Penaeism here. You've got to preface it with. Now, listen, I'm not a little person. I'm not a little guy. I'm a big boy. I got some, I got some size to me. I got some heft. Okay. If tornado wants to come pick my ass up, it's going to have to work for it.

Tornado. Better pack a lunch. It'll take all day. Hope you're ready. Throw your back out, tornado. All right. Here it comes, kids. Think heavy. Get dance. all your blood to your calves. You see what I paid for these goddamn roads? You can be doing me a favor. Go ahead. I had a big fucking breakfast today.

You should have seen the Arby's I had for lunch. There's no way this tornado's good day. I heard there's a tornado coming. Give me the big Buford. Give me two. I'm taking no chances. Safety first after all. Cost me $11.50 to get a windy spicy chicken sandwich the other day.

And you know what? Well, did you fly away? No, guess it was worth it. And when you eat two big Beauforts to keep the tornado from taking you, that's an FSA expense. You can use that. You don't have to pay for that. See, I had to. Who else would provide for my family if I didn't need enough big Beauforts? That's Big Beaufort and Hot Tub Tornado insurance. And that, that's a new business. Come on down to Manchester, Lebanon, or Carthage and Lafayette. So there I was, practicing safety by eating two big bufurt's in my hot tub.

Tornado took one look at me and said, I ain't got time to wrench that rascal free. I'm going to move on to an easier target. Who, boa hiko be stinky? Not interested. Too much work for me. Oh, look over there. He ate a salad.

I'm going to go get him instead. What? Skip breakfast. That's easy. Go get them. Easy pickings for me. A tornado. I want a tornado, not a tornado,

because if I'm going to get sucked off, it ain't going to be gay. Jesus Christ. I don't get the distinction, but I believe you. Feminine masculine. I think I was going to say, Spanish.

This is a... That's why we say tornado. It's not tornado. This is... L.A. Was I the only one paying attention? Spencer's imagining a character who deeply understands romance languages and also is homophobic against nature. You know, I'm not saying this person doesn't exist.

I'm just clarifying the character. I may be, this character may be homophobic, but you're being classist. No, I'm not. No, no. I am restated. I didn't pay attention to a romance language. I'm not comfortable with same-sex relations, but surprisingly open borders. Very fond.

It's the homophobic libertarian in me. That's why we can't build the wall, so the tornado doesn't say here. It will trap the tornado. I don't want to do that. I want to be able to get. I want my tornadoes to be American, okay? American built. I want the vortices to start here.

What are you, typhoon? Get the hell out of here. You know, the words... Go back to China! The word tornado does come from the Spanish, uh, from the word tronata. So, Spencer, you were... definitely onto something. See?

See? That's why I call it a twister. You think I did two years at Franklin High School Spanish for nothing. Come on. Like how you made it sound like a sentence you were. That was levied a bud. I did two years of hard time.

Franklin High School. Buddy. If you've been to Tennessee Public Schools in the 1990s, that was a sentence, okay? What was the hardest part there? The hardest part, okay, for real, it was this.

It was, so in the 1970s, Williamson County was built up by a bunch of real... I went to high school for two years there. I went to middle school for four years in Williamson County. And I went to, first of all, I went to a brand new school. If you've ever been to a brand new school, you know, it sucks ass. Nobody knows what they're doing. And they get everybody who's a cast off from other schools, right? Half of them were going through a divorce.

Holy shit. Like half of my teachers would walk in and they'd be like, She took the kids. Anyway, the Civil War. I thought you made your classmates are going through divorces. Probably. Some of them. Second of all, we were on that border.

We were in the school shooting belt, which, you know, a lot of school shootings happened where there's an extremely wealthy community coming into a rapidly developing formerly rural area with very large subdivisions. And then there's the rural population who's still there. I had people who drove to school when they were 14 and 15 on special allowances because they were coming in from doing farm work. and their parents, you know, they're like, hey, the bus can't get there because the water too high. So we put a snorkel on the truck and we just tell them, hey, go with God.

You just get in there. This is my gyrocopter. I'm allowed to take it to school. So we had like one, like, it was not uncommon for like, okay, geography test. Hey, David, why don't you get up there? And David gets up there and they're like, hey, where's Mexico? And he's like, in my nuts later. And I never saw him again.

Had to go back to the farm? Just, just, yeah, just quit seventh grade, just out. I've heard enough. Yeah, he's like, shit, I don't need this. I got a truck and I got a lip in, you know, so like there was this, the rednecks used to put down Vaseline. That's how good life used to be, kids. I got a wife and kids to provide for. Yeah, they're like, listen, I'm on my second marriage and I'm 16.

I need to get after it because I got to give you on my third marriage by the time I'm 22. And there were guys on wet days, like extremely rainy days, which you live in Tennessee now, you know, 30 to 40% of the time. They would put Vaseline right by the doors and just watch people eat shit on the way in. This was their high school experience. I think some of them just showed up for that because, you know, like the bell would ring and I'm late. I'm walking in. I'd just see them leaving. And they're just like, all right, made an appearance.

Duceus. I'll see you later. I clopped in. It's good. Show my face. It was just one of those places where, like, that was happening. And at the same time, there was a memorial every other week for like, oh, my God, Ashley died. She had a tree.

Well, what kind of car did her parents give her when she was 16? They gave her a Ferrari. How could this happen? How? You're like, well, he gave a 16-year-old dumb ass of Ferrari. It seems like a pretty set deal to me, buddy. I see how? I think this all sounds very valuable and informal.

Like, I feel like going to high school in Tennessee gave you a lot of window into, like, what systems you should and should not respect and which ones were totally full of shit. Like, I don't know. I feel like you got a good education out of this. It was. I had a friend who wrecked three cars in two weeks, and they were all the same kind of car. They just kept, they bought him two new ones. They're like, here's your Volkswagen Golf.

Here's your new Volkswagen Golf. hit a boulder doing 65 miles per hour in a 25 zone drove to school without a hood do you think when you go back to get the second new one do you go in like the bobby valentine must hello i am here to buy a new golf and i have never bought one before i think they took i think they take one look at your idiot 16 year old son with a dad with too much money right and serious guilt from a divorce and they just go hey you want a package deal we'll sell you three for 15 grand. Oh, like buying

toothbrush heads at Costco or something. Yeah. You're going to need them. I'd rather be looking at them than looking for them. Yeah. Yeah. That was like, if you've ever seen video of Vitam Kho guy,

the driver who bought his way into the Rolex circuit, and he's just driving a Lamborghini like a cross lane. You sent me this video. Yes. I have seen this person in real life. He was my friend Brian Nelms, and he could not, like,

he was one of those guys who was like basically a sentient early auto drive software where it was like right turn coming up like left turn into nunnery you know orphanage in 50 yards drive through right through well you know what I appreciate this self-drive isn't a papist if nothing else you know what yeah that's right this you know what AI stands for American uh impression that I left in this boulder with this Volkswagen golf that's what this AI stands for yeah that's what going to high school was like and then ryan then i went to high school in florida do you feel like one prepared you for the other or were they just totally separate experiences totally separate experiences did not prepare one for

the other both different chapters in you should give up on humanity how's how's florida go florida i walked in and on the first day i was bookended on the first day i watched two girls from Jersey who had their names written above their door handles and their Camaros, they had like matching Camaros and they were all like four feet tall and they would all beat each other's ass one and then be best friends the next and then beat each other's ass. So day one, so a bunch of girls from Jersey get into a hair pulling fight of like AEW ferocity, right? You know how AEWs leaned into serious, hardcore early Puerto Rican wrestling style gore? That is what they did, right? I watched somebody get their ass beat on day one. And this was in like not a bad high school.

This was not a real rough high school. They were just doing it in the parking lot for fun. My last day of high school, what did I see? The same girls beating each other's asses in the parking lot. It was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. So that's a series, a series of fights, keeping track. A series, but they were like, I think there were three fights.

And I saw one one on the first day I got there, none for a long time, maybe one in the middle. And then this one at the end. Three fights in a year? That's it? No, no, no. That's the only one's like, yeah, it was not a, it was not like a particular, violent school. It's hot. It's too hot to fight in Florida.

It's too hot to fight, but like at the same time, it was Florida. So it was like, hey, man, what are we going to do? I don't know. We're going to go hang out of your empty subdivision. You want to go hang out of your, you want to go hang out of the country mall? We'll drive up and down this six lane highway. It'll be fun. We had a shitload of fights. Three fights

per week, probably. I was going to say who was doing the fighting? Was it everybody or did you have the same people over and over again? Like a wrestling bill? I don't remember too many repeat offenders. I went to a huge 2,000 kids, big high school. So, like, I don't know, you sort of lose track of who's

competed with who over time. Unless they make a production of it, unless it's like, you know, we've talked about this before. The way girls fight is like, fuck you, fight, fight, fight. The way boys fight is meet me at the best buy parking lot this Sunday in a steel cage.

And then they don't show up, right? Yeah, yeah. So, like, unless they provide that level of production value, it's kind of hard to keep track of who's fought who. So I'm going to say everybody fought once. How about that? Like a Smash Brothers type. A new challenger enters there.

It's Derek. Quiet Derek from Mab. What the hell, Derek? Find Derek's one of those scary guys who cries when he fights. He cries and he knows some weird martial art. Derek's not one Wolverine claw. It's crazy. Derek believes he's hoist-gracy.

Because this is the time period when everyone believed they could simply lay on the floor and win a fight. Yeah. Get down here so I can fight you like a man. He's Valdow. Facing off against Nathan, who brought a gun from home. Oh, no. Nathan.

Hey, do you guys think John Gruden has ever held or dribbled a basketball before this video that Clemson posted? I put it in the show, Doc. Let me look. I just need you to watch him handle the basketball and tell me if you think that this was his first time doing that. Is before, okay. All right.

I don't like what's happening here. It's not a bar, it's not a barstool post so it won't ruin your algorithm. No, it's not that so much as like, there was a period of time where, um, we watched Darren Ravelle do a lot of basketball things. And I feel like it's been actively corrosive to me as a human being. Hmm.

Like I don't, I don't think I should watch a lot of this, but I am going to watch this John Gruden thing. He's not playing. playing basketball for what it's worth. Uh-huh. I mean, the shooting form seems okay. He's played before.

It's been a lot. Yeah, he's played before. I think it's sort of like this isn't football. Like, it's not that he's not a basketball person. It's that this is anything that is not football. Like, his brain is 99.99% football. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's just strange that the go-to was to dribble it so low. So low to the ground. Yeah. I think it's been years since he's picked one up, though, because he clearly, it hit the ground. He was like, oh, boy, seem miscalculated. Yeah. I will say I bet this is a man who has played nine games of pop a shot for every one minute of regular basket. Like this is a man who I

think has played a lot of pop a shot and has not used a lot of regular basketballs in his life. Nothing wrong with being a pop a shot. No, no. He's been thrown out of a lot of Dave's and Busters. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for using the proper plural there. I didn't need this shit for what I just didn't need this video to get posted but it did so I forced you all to watch there's so much about there's so many little rancid layers in there listen if we don't make john gruden happy how would our basketball team do well if we don't if we don't appease john gruden basketball god like hey john gruden you're famous come here and dribble for our basketball we need your powers we need your tampa sound on it's worse with the sound no no no i'm not doing that just not doing grunting and stuff

It's somewhat sexual, yeah. Yes, it is. I think he wants to fuck Clemson basketball. A lot of John Gruden sort of feels to me like if the main character and big never found the Zoltar machine again, it was just like, ah, I'm just this guy forever. It's going to get weirder and sadder. Big two, weirder and sadder with John Curtin. Even bigger. I don't need a mom.

He's just a kid out there. He is a kid out there. He has no guys. He's a kid in here. Yeah. Wait, ew. I'm trapped in this weird kind of red body. Yeah.

Now, don't make me feel pity for him. Don't, I don't. You don't have to. Okay. For a moment, there was Pathos creeping in. And then I remembered, it's John Gruden. I think the thing is, he has been a public figure for decades. So, like, the kid in him is now, like, 50 years old.

Right. That's what's fucked up about it is if he did find the Zoltar machine, he might go back to an older version of himself now, somehow? I don't know how it works. But like, even if he was, yeah, his body is 62. The soul of child has been an NFL coach and or was, you know, for a quarter century. Yes. Honestly, he was only a head coach for a few years, but still.

I mean, I think he would go back to his older self. And the point of all of these movies that concede is that you would learn something, that you would return with new perspective. Well, yeah, I mean, and if it's John Gruden, he's going to learn a lot of football information and take it back. That's all the names of guys that he's learned. Yeah, he's not going to learn, like, life lessons. He's going to learn, like, names of plays he can shout on his bizarre little videos

where he's sitting in a dark room reading box scores. That and like, oh, there's a secret menu at Hooters. Only I am discovered. You can order wings on your phone. You mean my rotary dial? No! Deuce! You'll never believe it! What about me in the future, Dad?

You're so wide and so powerful! From all the wings I've fed you. Because I'm tall? No! If you're laying on your side... can I deadlift 500 pounds dad you sure bet there you go I will say server John Gruden is kind of Clemson orange just as just as so I kind of get that part of it it is one note I do think they are trying to like tap his Tampa powers or something I don't think they remember how

terrible he was there for the last what seven years last like five or six yeah one a Super Bowl and yeah then let's not talk about it yeah yeah then let's not just not mention any of that ever again. So kind of a miscalc. I've searched Gruden face. And I am seeing some where he also looks kind of a little bit purply. So really. Yep.

Like a sunset. He's got Clemson face all over. Dabbo Hotsie? Question mark. Like a bruise that you get after adult softball. I will become a South Carolina fan if John Gruden becomes the head coach. How, how, what would the emotional swing like? be for you if they were like, Davos leaving, and then two days later, they were like,

John Gruden's stepping up, he's ready. Yeah, go Cox. I'm all around Shane Beamer at that point. I'm honoring my grandmother's memory, and I'm just not, yeah, just moving on. Whatever part of Gruden's background it was connected in Tennessee, some family, wife or whatever, like, it's suddenly like, did you know his wife went to Clemson? And everyone's like, wait, wait, you just said, no, no, no, no, no, no, she went to Clemson. Doesn't matter.

I love making up connections for hypothetical coaches anywhere. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's part of his natural recruiting pipeline. He was there for two years in 1995 and 96. He's established a lot of relationships. Well, and it's not any dumber than the ones that actually get used on television by people who make more money than we do. Because, like, all of these operate under the premise of, hey, there's this place you worked at before. You must want to go back there, right? What's really funny about that in John Gurdens case is he grew up in South Bend, like he was he up through high school. Yeah, it's really unfair. Never once have I heard him connected with the Notre Dame job. Like Notre Dame is like, don't even fucking try. Don't even put him at the bottom of a, don't do the like, what if?

No, Notre Dame shuts that shit down immediately. This is how you know it's the Catholics who really run the media. He looks like their mascot. Right. Right. The minute that Hooters ad came out, done forever. Done forever. Yeah.

Because Notre Dame's a Twin Peaks franchise. Not a Hooters franchise. According to Wikipedia, Gruden was raised Catholic and was a Cleveland Browns fan. Bring it home. It's time. Hey, I hear two jobs that could hire him right there. Both equally likely to win a Super Bowl. A meteor did strike Cleveland today.

Sorry, passed over. Oh, like a glorious apparition? Yes. So we have an omen. Did you all see the dash cam video of the guy who caught the meteor? Not caught the meteor. Excuse me. Sorry.

Okay, that was an unfortunate choice of words because for some reason, after I saw this dash cam video that this gentleman captured of the meteor streetking across the sky, for some reason, I flashed immediately to that one Eagles fan. who was like, unlike Agalore. And I feel like if God, I guess what I'm saying is I think if God was Pennsylvania, it would explain several things, good and bad. It would really suck if you caught a meteor and everyone was like, no, you didn't get your second foot to bed.

Only thing worse is not catching a meteor. That's true. Yeah. Of all the places that don't deserve to get hit by a meteor, Cleveland. Okay, sure. I've never been. I couldn't tell you any. I have no feelings about it.

It seems actually pretty nice. Yeah. It's fine. It's fine. It's just not there aren't, like they've already been punished enough is what I'm saying. Okay. Sure. Sports wise.

Yeah. Now other parts of Ohio, game on. That's fine. Meteor eligible. You know? Cincinnati. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to put Cincinnati gets meteor down. Cincinnati. No, they're meteor eligible, Ryan. This is a process. Pinkles and Meteor. Five places. Five places that are meteor eligible. You ready?

Okay, here we go. Silicon Valley. Washington, D.C. Yeah. Okay. Always near Elminton. Cincinnati. The third seat of power in America.

The third most evil city in America. The Reds! It's a vibes thing. Okay. It's a vibes thing. Jane's going to be mad at me, but I don't. I'm completely incoherent from not only common sense, but your own previously. Yeah.

Like Cincinnati's ranking in the actual evil cities list. Like, I don't know. Are they in the top 100? No, man. They're like, I mean, look, are we doing the 25? Welcome Spider-Man to Cincinnati. Spencer, you don't like the bracket you picked out for today. Why don't you just make this good?

Listen, they're like. Like, Bain lives in Pittsburgh. No, they're getting my like Texas State at 25 vote. You know, that's what we're doing here. Okay. Okay. Actually, it's a fun, a fun vote in the evil. Yeah, it's a fun vote.

It's my spurry. It's my spurious voting for Duke. I'm just going to throw a Sinci in there. You've been there, the vibes are rancid. Honestly, this is the coolest thing anyone's ever said about Cincinnati. It is, yeah. That they're extremely evil somehow. The town that peaked in 1887, they built a subway because they were like,

we're going to be the next New York. And 100 years later, they're like, we're banning gay photos. You guys really seized, seized the opportunity, didn't you? The Tampa of Ohio, right? America's next great city. Yeah. Also, meteor eligible. Miami before Tampa.

I got to put Miami. Yeah, Miami's seriously meteor eligible. Oh, I saw Miami before Tampa open from Moby at the Palladian. Yeah. Miami, they're just like, you know, light spectacle. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, oh, cool.

I mean, it's going to happen. Like, something bad's going to happen to Miami anyway. So like meteor eligible from the jump. Okay. Right. And then I need a fifth city to put on there in terms of like, yeah, you guys. Give me a far. Give me a real wild card here.

Even more wild cards. More wild cards in Cincinnati? Yeah. Yeah. In terms of cities where I was like, yeah, nobody'd miss this. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah, dude.

Fuck them up. You know what? I'm going to do it. Charlotte. Finally, the great Serber, you're nodding. You're nodding. Some would say, what the fuck?

I would say, no big deal. Not a big thing. We still got Asheville, Winston, Greensboro, Wilmington. We're good, man. Got a beach still? Yeah, some of them I'm suggesting that in the light of a cosmic justice, they would be obliterated by said meteor. And then some of these, I'm like, if meteor hit,

I think Boone and Asheville, Winston, we're all out of the blast radius. It's fine. The NASCAR Museum is not out of the blast range. The Dale Earnhardt Museum is. Never mind. Okay, yeah. We'll salvage what's necessary. So, like, I think what Spencer's presented is...

Do we think this is a dangerous time to be indulging our normal habit of speaking things into existence? I think we can't control it anymore. I don't think it matters. I don't think we actually do that. The Panthers have made some good moves this offseason. If we're not careful, they'll win the Super Bowl. The Hornets are 500. The Hornets are 500, dude.

Be careful. If we don't do this, who will? Yeah. I think Spencer's proposed a system in which we offer Charlotte as the payment for getting rid of Silicon. Also, he put Silicon Valley at the top. Yeah, I think this is like, I think Charlotte would take that trade. Yeah, absolutely. Come on.

I'm still stuck on Cincinnati. Yes, yeah. And they were third, too. Yeah. You could just keep putting cities in Florida on. You could just keep suggesting them. Nobody would miss them. Nobody.

None. Also, somebody's been like, Well, I look there and I like it. You wouldn't put Atlanta on there. Yeah, what? You see this place? Where's possible for a tremendous amount of evil? Dog, the meteor doesn't get stuck in traffic.

We'll talk about putting a fake subway and banning gay photos, but if we are right there. You're aping our style. Stealing our bit. Please. Nashville? Sure. Yeah, I just assumed that was... It's kind of weird that you haven't said Nashville yet.

Come on, you're not going to miss Kid Rock's fart hut. If there's a way we could keep East Nashville, but then the rest of it go? Yeah. Dummy. Maybe, right? Can we keep like that? No, no, it's fine. It's fine.

Oh, no, man. What the fuck is wrong with any of the team? I'm attached to the women's basketball program. They can leave. They're currently not in town. Fucking vile. Yeah, you can attach them to it. No, the basketball team is in town because they're hosting the first two rounds.

Oh, right, right, right, right. I forgot about it. attach them to a Fulton extraction device and get them out of there before we put the meteor then. To leave Nashville to keeping Vanderbilt. Wait to Murfreesboro ladies. Let's put everything around the cancer. Wait until the final four arrives and then. Let's take everything but the tumor.

Leave Vanderbilt. Yeah. Well, who's Missouri going to play? Well, I just assume Missouri as a state is. How would we know? That's a big meteor. How would we know? You know what?

That's a big meteor. That's why God's sending his strongest minerals. You're going to pick up Arkansas, like Ultron, and drop it on Missouri? Yes. That's a fabulous idea. Now you're talking about making a sandwich and now I'm real interested. The one place I don't want. Ila in the middle.

This is Limelgaden, folks. The one place you cannot put the meteor, though, is Boston, because I don't want them to have any more reason to be conceded and self-fitting. Oh, you never been hit by a meteor. Sure. Not like us. Boston's strong! But God is still there. If they're the one town that doesn't get hit,

oh, we're the resilient survivors. Mm-hmm. Smarter. We didn't get hit by the media because we're smarter. Medias are scared of us. Jason, do you have like a book of JFK quotes handy that you could just crack open? I would like to hear more of this. If he said why yes and just immediately pulled out a book of JFK quotes.

Yeah, you don't? Yeah. So by the way, if you took offense to any of my... my suggestions that your town, city, or Berg should be annihilated by a media. First of all, congrats on your first full cast because you clearly haven't listened to the other ones. If the meteor hit Atlanta, I'd be like, oh my God, thank God, it's going to blow up. It's going to blow up. If the meteor hit Atlanta, you would be like, I knew I would be like, ow, my legs. I think you would also be like, oh, I knew I was right not to go to the DMV last

week. I thought I knew it. Look at all the paperwork I get to skis! You're not getting these quarterly taxes, motherfucker. Yes. Right. Do you know about how long he took to register his car this year? Or were you just guessing? No. It was a specific cold shot.

Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. It's fine. I think you see that's fair. Like, it's a point to be conceded that you just don't register your car. Listen. Spencer, if you feel attacked, it's okay.

I'm also attacked right now. People say live every day like it's the last day of your life. And that's how Spencer approaches it. in a lot of regards. I mean, full on. It's like I was driving. It's insured. Does it matter?

No. Doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't fucking matter. Oh, look at me. I promise you. I like how every once in a while we will toss off very casual items. Like last week, I believe somebody said college football was better before Rutgers got here, making a joke about college football in 1867.

And a Rutgers human being was like, what's with the Rutgers hey? And every once in a while, I think it's important for some. signal modulating purposes that we pop back in to show you what hate actually looks like. Yeah, yeah, we didn't, he didn't say anything about New Brunswick getting a meteor. Not a fucking thing. Don't. Jersey forever, baby. I mean, my, my point.

Protect New Jersey at all costs. Spencer median voter hall. If Rutgers hadn't started playing football 155 years ago, Rutgers would have like a billion more dollars right now. Which would you rather have? The most powerful institution in Western society, Rutgers. Welcome to Rutgers Spider-Man. Oh, my God. The Green Goblins should have coached Michigan State.

God damn. The Scarlet Goblet. Put on the Zoo Pass. Do it, Rutgers Night. Hey, speaking of previous episodes, did everybody get last week's episode, this is Tuesday, six days later in Apple Podcast this morning?

No, it came out on the day. It released for me. Those of you who missed it last week. I got it this morning. I got it this morning. I got it this morning. I don't know if I'm subscribed in Apple Podcasts. I'm like subscribed in all the podcast apps I can find just so like if somebody's having a problem, I can check on it.

Last week's episode was like four days late showing up in Apple Podcasts. For some people and only in Apple Podcasts, but not all people or even all people who use Apple Podcasts. And we have yet to figure out a pattern for this. And we couldn't find anybody at Apple with a real email address to help us out. So, episode before last, four days late. Last episode, six days late. Using Pacific Rim Math, the next episode will lap the episode after that, right? Spencer, you're the international dateline expert.

Help me out here. It would be 10 days, right? Four, six, two? 11. 11? Sure. You seem confident. Never mind.

That's gambler math. It may sense to me. What if it's adding 50% every time? So it goes forward? The thought occurred, yeah. Six, nine, 13 and a half, 20-ish. Yeah, okay. We got a fib and nanny sequence.

I think what we're saying is by the time this episode is heard by you Apple podcast folks, Purdue will, of course, have lost already to Queens, the college in North Carolina, Queens, North Carolina. Gonzaga, however, will be barreling down to a national title. Unfortunately, they will have lost to the Kennesaw State University Owls. Oh, I didn't know. Oh, thank you. Damn. Yeah, thank God.

It's going to feel great for you to be personally the one to take Alex down this year. Yeah, sorry, they're fucked. Sorry, I say take it down as though he can ever be stopped or even slowed, but. He'll get to work on next year. Yeah. Just go ahead and write the 27 column now. It's time. I love the notion.

I love the notion of Alex being wrong about this like 15 years in a row. It's going to get funnier and funnier. Listen, there has never been a more tenacious bit committer, and I say that in this room with these people. Any day now. Gonzaga National Champions. Oh. That's as shaky as your Cincinnati.

Do you want to start over? The curse of the river city. You got some chili lodged in that throat. Covington, Kentucky sins its regards. You bastards. Most of Pete Rose invades your edits right now. Jerry Springer, just karate chopping me in the throat from the Great Beyond. I've never heard a voice from Ryan that upset me as any of Spencer's voices, as much as any of Spencer's voices, but that one's it.

I'm going to try that again. It's like Strega Nona Green Goblo? I can't figure out the flavors there quite. But it's alarming. To the shutdown forecast. Nice. Make it hurt. There we go.

Eat shits and snatty. Welcome. They do. Yeah. Not a problem. They put noodles under it. Delicious. Multiple weeks in a row saying,

hey, that's our slurry. Which one of our multiple slurries are you insulting? I'm glad that we're settling into some comfortable off-season lanes here. I am Spencer Hall. I am joined as always by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and Michael Serber on the ones and twos. I would like to address the first thing that I have on our docket today, which is this? I wrote this question. This is about...

It sounds insincere, but it is. Okay. This is the header. The question is, who is the Chet Hanks of the Manning family? I arrived at this question honestly. How? Because Peyton's son is in eighth grade, and therefore we're starting to get like Cruton film on him.

He is at Baylor the high school, which is in Chattanooga. And we're, you know, starting to get some video of him throwing. I don't even remember who we were talking to, but we were talking about, you know, what the Manning clan might have taken from Arches' experience. both in recruiting and in his early career at Texas. Well, yeah, just that... Anyway, we were somebody threw out, like,

we're still waiting for the first Manning child to become like a volleyball player or a defensive back, and this gave rise to the question, who is going to be the Chet Hanks of the Mannings? Because, you know, Tom Hanks has children, and those children, one of them is very much like Tom Hanks. Okay, not knowing who Chet Hanks is, is I don't think the issue is here.

The issue is this sounds dumber, the more I try and explain it. I'm going to, no, I'm going to, I'm going to go. But Chet Hanks, Chet Hanks was stuck at Columbia due to some visa issues. And Chet Hanks after three weeks in Colombia. Oh, you thought that I meant who is the Chet Hanks of the Manning family, and I meant it complimentary?

No, no, no, no. I mean phenomenologically. We're not talking about it with any judgment, okay? Just there's going to be a Chet Hanks. And by that, I mean, because Chet Hanks is kind of... You might have very different interpretations of what it means to be at Chet Hanks. Okay, well, let me give you the one skill I know that comes with being Chet Hanks, and that is being somebody who can pick up perfect Colombian Spanish in three weeks.

Three weeks in Columbia, and Chet Hanks was just spitting it. Ted Hanks was just like, hello fellow Colombians. How are you? How do you know about this? Because I watched him, somebody was like, you have to see him in his farewell to Colombia. Because after three weeks there, he did a little video, which was basically like, what up, fam? Hey.

Was this from jail? No, no, no. He was just loose. He was just loose in Columbia. He was not confined. Yikes. And he was hanging out. And in it, he speaks in Spanish, addressing the viewer, and speaks in Spanish, which, according to the comments.

He got that Ben Affleck? He's got the, God forbid, a white boy do a perfect mimic of an accent after three weeks. So what was this what then inspired him to decide? that he was the white boy who could like speak with a Jamaican accent or whatever that was? That predates this as far as right now. So he was probing all of the Americas looking for an accent he could nail. I don't think so. My theory.

Well, it is St. Patrick's Day, which means we have to talk about how Cork and Irish accents are, or sorry, how Cork and Jamaican accents are wildly adjacent. Right. And I think he could do both, right? because I think in being weird-ass Chet Hanks, who sometimes thinks he's Jamaican, I think he's one of those people. You drop him anywhere on the planet,

all of a sudden, he just adopts the accent, patois, and language of that place in a shockingly short span of time. So the problem with coming up with, okay, I should say when trying to determine the Chet Hanks of the Manning clan,

that I don't know how many third-gen mannings we have running around. I do not know. That does not prevent me from being able to say with 400% confidence that whichever Manning child, grandchild turns out to be the Chet Hanks, it's going to be one of Eli's. Could it be Eli himself? I was thinking the same. That's kind of what led me there.

Like, I think Eli knows, like, oh, I can't develop a patois. Like, I know enough, and I have agents that told me, like, I can't start. I have agents and I have Olivia Manning. Right. But I think I think the sort of like, hey, I'm going to put on some prosthetics and I'm going to fool everyone into thinking, I'm this strange-faced man. Like I think that's him being, that's his Chet Hayes thing. Like Peyton is always Peyton. Peyton is always Peyton.

But I think in the same way that Chet Hayes is like, I'm trying to, I'm exploring who I am and it's transgressive and it's maybe racist. some ways. I think Eli is like, yeah, I'm the Batman. Look at me. Also, like, Tom Hanks is, you know, as actor as an actor can be. Peyton Manning is as quarterback as a quarterback can be. Eli, are we sure Eli is a quarterback? I don't mean the position he played. I mean his essence. Does he have the psychological makeup of a quarterback or did he just play quarterback? He plays quarterback like... We'll have to carve a tiny slice off of him to really get the tarrar. Did he ever enjoy playing football?

Eli Manning played quarterback like a punter who realized he wasn't going to get the ball off and had to do something else. Like that was his energy the whole time. Like the player who most defaulted to being a two-time Super Bowl winning quarterback. Yes. Yeah, I guess I'll go into the family business. Yeah. And then as soon as he's out, he's wearing silly hats and stuff.

Yes. Yeah. That's a good way of putting it all in. I mean, he has two, and you know who's responsible for the other one. So he is the perfect season slayer. So you're saying that we dropped Eli Manning in the middle of football, and he was like, fine, I'll play quarterback. Yeah.

Yes. Okay. Leaning that we could drop him in the Dominican Republic for a week. And he'd come back and be like, Klo K, hey. Right. It wouldn't be like, oh, I have become so festive. it would be like, yeah, I figured out some words. Right. If like Peyton is the Colin Hanks, where you're like, I see the lineage,

I see that you're trying to follow your father's footsteps, I think Eli is the most like, oh, okay, you're just doing some shit. Got it. Like, there's a level on which, you know, it's because he got out early and sustained significantly less damage. Well, I shouldn't say that since the spinal injury is what knocked him out. You know, he's taken statistically way fewer blows to the head. It wouldn't surprise me, if Cooper just turned out to be some kind of like surprise polymath in your life? For me, the simplest way to answer this question is, which of the three Manning brothers could you see coming back from Hawaii with beaded hair?

Oh, it's Eli. And the answer is Eli, and I think that makes him the check. He is getting hair wraps. He is cutting the bottom of his T-shirts into fringes, yeah. Right. If he doesn't own. Hey guys. If he doesn't own like a pan-African-nitted beanie somewhere.

Mom, I'm wearing this to church, Mom. I'm wearing it. But not changing. He has it. Not changing personality or accent or anything. Just wearing a hat that white boy you shouldn't be wearing that hat. Or this is the guy who comes back from like a visit to rural China. And he's like, oh, hey guys.

How you doing it? All of a sudden he just like squats and lights a cigarette like on a street. Like he's just squatting and you're like, what do you do? doing? And he's like, I don't know, man, I'm just having a butt. Smoking? It's funny because he's like, in, within the body of one person, he is like the most and least study abroad manning. You know what I mean? Sure.

I think he might be the most abroad manning, but the least study manning. Yes, that's better. We've got the least book on him, the least data. Sure. Because he's street smart. That's right. And periodically disappears and like absorbs parts of culture effortlessly. Like I could see Eli Manning is starting an Instagram account where he reviews McDonald's across the world. Nothing else in other countries but just McDonald's.

That sounds phenomenal. And I think it would be pretty good. I think he'd do a good job. It sounds like a hit. He's going to steal that shit now. God damn it. No, he couldn't do that, though. Why?

They'll kill him. If the American realizes, if the average American, they, they will. I want you to keep in mind that we started this talking about Chet Hayes and how, think about how long he's survived. We keep saying Chet Hayes. But he's not. I'm calling you Chet Hayes. He's. No, he's a rapper name.

I respect it, Ryan. It's much funnier to call him Chet Hayes. Okay, no, I wanted to make sure that everybody listening knew that Ryan was not misspeaking that there is a distinction here. No, not Woody Hayes' weird son. It's not H-A-Y-S. It's H-A-C-E. Correct. Yeah.

But the reason is, if the average American were allowed to find out how bad their quality of life was, we'd kill our leaders overnight. All right, we would. All the different ways that we're being screwed every day. And the primary, the most notable one of those is this. McDonald's abandoned us decades ago. I've said it before. I will say it again. Yeah, sure.

McDonald's has been phoning. Can we get a clean cut of Spencer saying McDonald's abandoned us decades ago in this quiet, solemn, good night and good luck-ass voice. We've talked about the Burger King long sandwiches and what you can get abroad. Right, right. And this is, and with McDonald's, it's especially true. If you go anywhere overseas, if you go anywhere in a country, not the United States, the variety, depth and innovation on display in the McDonald's menu will horrify. you it will anger you right we don't have the double mc chicken new zealand new zealand new zealand has the double mc chicken okay yeah japan gets all the special burgers we get none of the

special we get the wool over our eyes that's all we get we get the wool over right no yeah you get until until elin manning reveals to us exactly and elizabeth manning's going to do that and then they'll have to assassinate him because that's the listen that's the cornerstone's militia yeah Them. Yeah. The paramilitary arm of McDonald's. Yeah. I'm sorry.

With my tiny cheeseburgers from my cold dead hands. Right. Yes. Right. What I should have done when you said they has done this. Shh. They'll hear you. Yeah.

The fry kids, that is. That's right. It's grimace with a long rifle. He's kind of a trouble. The hamburger with a wire waiting in the backseat. Would not the hamburger be on the liberation front, or is the whole anti-cop thing a ruse? And he's actually...

He's a plant. He's a plant, yeah. So the ham burglar is a false flag. Yeah, that's why they call them Impossible Burgers. You see the vision. You're understanding the Matrix. I'm glad. So, yeah, we've decided, Eli.

There you go. He's the jet hand. Thanks. Good. I'm glad we can clear this up. Thank you. I was wise to bring this to all of you. Can I make a request for the second thing

you've put on the please the docket today? Because I want to get to the third thing, and I want to make sure we have a lot of time for it. I just want, can we skip the main thing of point two and just get to this secondary item in point two? Please do. So you put in the document, Michael Lombardi said something,

a comma, attack. Michael Lombardi's going to say all kinds of dumb shit. We'll have more time to do this this off season and probably all regular season. But I want to focus on this bullet point you added. His hair is still fucked up. I just want to point that out. Yep. Go ahead.

It's this like fucked up comb over, but not even comb over. It's like a comb down. Like in order to emphasize the fact that both he's fighting a losing battle against gravity on multiple fronts. Yeah. and his hair is thinning. He's decided to bring all of the hair down. You know, kind of like...

Kind of like... It looks like when you put Lego hair on backwards. I... You ever seen a guy try, like, a guy who's Winnie the Poohing it for whatever reason? What? And he has to stretch... He's like, oh, no. And he has to stretch the t-shirt down.

Right? Yeah, sure. And he has to pull it down. And it's not quite enough to cover the goods. Uh-huh. But he's trying. That's what his hair looks like. Gotcha.

Yeah, okay. You posed a lot of situations as though they're normal for all of us today that I have questions about. It's perfectly normal. Even worse for Michael Lombardi in this regard is if you search him on Google Images, he is competing head to head against some actor, some actor dude named Michael Lombardi who looks vastly better than him. Oh, yeah, he does. This is rough, man. Yeah, that is unfortunate. You're like, damn, Michael Lombardi's a handsome.

Go, fuck. I think it's mostly that if you look at pictures of Michael Lombardi, you're like, I don't think he ever remembered. how he's supposed to comb his hair. Like I think every day is a memento moment for him where he's like, fuck, what did the tattoo? Which side do I part it on? God damn it. So he doesn't have any tattoos. Do I comb it all to the front? Ah, shit. I gotta go up late again. Bill, I need to get a tattoo about how to, uh, recruit, how to evaluate high school recruits. Last time I saw an Italian take of peninsula loss this badly. It was the Adriatic campaign of 1807. Oh, got it. Got it. Got it.

Nail them. Rattled around the rim, but it went in. Forza! Onions! Oh, rub it in, Ryan. Galunceato! Sorry. Speaking of basketball.

Don't ever apologize for art. Speaking of basketball, it's the time of year when everyone on the Internet does the same thing. They make it a bracket of stuff. It's a festival. And we have... developed a tradition by which I mean we've done it at least twice that I can think of. At least twice.

I think so. In which we do a bracket of brackets. Multiple of us bring our own seeded regions. Oh, how gross. You said those are bracket terms. Settle down. And then we reveal them on air and we determine a winner of the tournament that we have assembled on the fly.

As far as I know, we have four regions of eight items, but we know. know each of us only knows what one of those regions is. Is that correct? We have five regions? I thought Cerber did one. Serber you did one? Yeah, I did, but I could lay out to make it easier. No, no, no, no, no.

We need a 40 team tournament. It should be like a first two then. Like the, there should be a consensus on what the play in for the final four is. The playing 16 are. Yeah, there we know. I can offer up my region first. So I'll just go through the seeds in this region, and you'll begin to begin to grasp what we have here.

First up, the number one seed in my region is, his name is Michael J. Jordan. He's a NASCAR team owner. Used to play baseball, some basketball. He was in a cartoon at one point. He was not a cartoon, though. He's the number one seed. He'll be facing off in the first round of this region

against Michael A. Jordan, who is a man who is only identified by which, Wikipedia as English insolvency Baron Guy who's great at spotting doomed enterprises, I guess. Buckets.

The four seed in this region, the winner of the 1-8 will get either the four or the five. The four-seat, of course, is NFL offensive lineman Michael Jordan. His dad's name was Kevin Michael Jordan, so you can add a K in there somewhere if you want, but I don't know what his middle name is. Spencer, bad news for you. He's from Cincinnati.

So coming after my ad. If he's coming out of him. survives the meteor. The four seed Michael Jordan of the NFL will be facing Michael H. Jordan, former CEO of Pepsi, and a former nuclear submariner. In that order? I think he did the submarines first. I kind of wonder if you've worked for Pepsi. You're like, fuck this.

I'd rather be in a sub. Put me in a tube. I'm obsessed with working in cans. Pepsi is okay. I think he took the nuclear power to expertise and went to Pepsi. Hey, Pepsi did have a nuclear sub at one point, right? Exactly. Yeah.

On the other side of this region, the three seed, this is a strong seed here. Michael I, Jordan. He's one of the greatest computer scientists of all time. He's a Cal professor. He's a global computer scientist of the year in 2016 for Science Magazine. And he's like, he's a real contender. Let me put it that way. Number six, I do not know how to do a checklist of lackey an accent,

but there's a hockey player. He's played for a million teams, including a couple of NHL teams. And his name is, let's guess. something like Mikal Jordon. Just do Russian. It's close enough. Sure. So that'll be a battle between those two.

The number two seed. You know him as Wallace from the Wire, as Vince from Friday Night Lights. He also was in the news recently. Michael B. Jordan, the young man, one of the best actors of his generation, is going up against number seven. Michael Jordan, who changed his name

to Michael Hakeem Jordan. He's former Lafayette Leopards head coach. He changed it because he was sick of being confused with the number one seed, Michael J. Jordan. Those are our eight Michael Jordans. in this region um let's let's work our way to a final two which i feel like it might be obvious but we'll find out i don't know i like i like the insolvency baron the insolvency baron the insolvency baron is the insolvency baron the one going up against michael james jordan

oh that's a great question yeah michael joseph jordan is going up against the insolvency baron um jason point of order do we given recent events have to count michael b jordan as two and therefore doubling his power. Yeah. No, I think that would, you know, it would add a point in his favor. It's like another extra guy he's played. Sure.

But he doesn't get two points because the character's names weren't Michael Jordan. Okay. I do think they should have given him two Oscars. That would have really ruined sinners, wouldn't have been Michael Jordan. I'm scared of these vampires. Well, no, somebody else pointed out,

what if they had split the, what if they had specifically given the award to one of the characters he played and insisted that he was shit playing the other one? I think he should have just thanked all of the rest of his cast, including himself by name. So the one aid is interesting to me because obviously Michael J. Jordan is associated with greatness and winning and success. And this other Michael Jordan has turned failure into success. And I kind of am tempted to be like, in some ways it's harder to build a brand based on making failure your success.

And I know that Michael Jordan, the basketball player, tried that shit with the Wizards and the Bobcats and couldn't fucking do it. So that, like, I don't, I feel like maybe the British guy has shown that he can do something that MJ can't do. I mean, I'll say my favorite Jordan ad ever was the one when he said, I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. Therefore, the insolvency baron is fucking winning. Yeah. I just realized also they're both barons, but Michael's time is a bearer. Aaron was kind of ignominious. It was. Oh, my God.

And also insolvent. Yeah. Yeah. Weirdly, I think Michael Jordan, the basketball player, would want us to pick the British guy in part because he would be fueled by the disrespect. Right. He would take that personally. Yes.

Yes. So I would call for an 8-1 upset at the top of this. Michael Jordan is no longer the best Michael Jordan. Unbelievable. And it wasn't even Michael B. took him out. That's incredible. He's got a lot of race car trophies coming his way recently. Perhaps he can console himself with those. Yeah. He can embrace his real son, Tyler Redick.

He's going to just ride a piggyback. The insolvency baron, do we see him being beaten by either the NFL offensive lineman or nuclear Pepsi? No. Pepsie is interesting, but I don't think successful. Nuclear Pepsi's going to give him a scare, I think, but no, I think he takes this. So insolvency is always second place. Is into the title match in this bracket on the other side we have computer man versus checklist lackey hockey player sure um which one is the one who changed his name uh that that's that's that's michael he'm gonna michael he'm going up against

michael b that was a football coach you said a basketball coach yeah he wasn't listen if he changed his name he's seriously not 100% about being the michael jordan that he is so michael michael b second round uh we want people who want to be here yeah so michael b versus computer guy tell me more about computer guy so uh see he's been like um one of the world's top computer scientists for like decades yeah um like dunk dunking on them i'm sure if there was some sort of i'm actually i'm sure there is if we went to like computer science reddit and was like tell me your top 10 computer scientists ever he would get some votes fuck fuck all right we're going to get some emails about this here's what i want to here's what i want to tell you about michael jordan computer guy based on

his profile at uc berkeley's electrical engineering computer sciences website Ryan, can I pause you for just one second? Yeah, please. Can we talk here about how, just for a moment, about how much accents make a difference? Because if you put on, like, your thickest Rutgers Brogue from earlier and said Michael Jordan Computer Guy, it would sound like an insult.

This fucking computer guy. Regardless of whether you meant it that way or not. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, please continue. I'm going to give you his academic backgrounds. PhD, I'm going to go in reverse chronological order. So got his PhD in cognitive science from UC San Diego. Okay.

Master's degree in mathematics, Arizona State. Yeah. Okay. Bachelor's degree in psychology from LSU. This guy's committed to excellence. This guy is seen, like, to go from, to be like, hey, I went to undergrad at LSU and then I got my master's in Arizona State. I went to Arizona State and LSU and got smarter. And I am like king of computers and not in a porn way.

No, you know what? It's like pretty impressive. Maybe in a porn way. Maybe in a porn way. No, I think he applied. So beloved by the community. I think he applied at MIT and they were like, this man is so powerful as brain needs a governor. Brain needs a restricter plate.

Send him to Arizona State. Yeah. So I guess what I'm saying is in any world where Michael B. Jordan hadn't just one best actor. I would probably pick computer guy, but it feels irresponsible given what just happened on the side. I'm going to say as the executive of this region, we will not have two white guys

advanced. Michael Jordan and Michael B. Jordan. So Michael B. Jordan is into the final round against the insolvency battle. And we have A versus B, my God. Oh, wow. Fuck. Time for some A-B testing, folks. Spencer, who do you think

should win this? I'm a sentimental favorite. I'm going to go Michael B. Jordan. because I know what Michael A. Jordan never did. He never had dirt bikes doing wheelies around him while he was training in the streets of Philadelphia. That's true. Pretty sure that never happened. He never led, what was it, East Dillon to a whatever?

Yeah. He's never on a soap opera. He never made fun of Chris Brown on boondocks. Yeah. And you know what? Michael B. Jordan has suffered through insolvency of his own being in that Fantastic Four remake. That's some true insolvency right there.

Michael B. Jordan, the winner of this region. Okay. Into the final five. Well, well played everybody. Who's next? I'll go next. In my bracket, I'll start out with the four-verse-five matchup. The four-seed in my bracket is the 1992 film Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Ooh. And it is, this is not star the people from the television show. This is what launched the television show. it is taking on number five scream to be clear this is just the film scream not the entire franchise and also a television show

yes oh yeah okay well maybe you could be on to some of it maybe not three seed Muppets is the film Muppets from space this is probably not the best like Muppets Christmas Carol I think is the best one but this one's still pretty good

It's fun enough. You watch it once every couple of years and you're good. It's got one really good song in there too. Yeah. The number six seed in who it is going. This movie is super fucked up. It's called Never Been Kissed. It stars Drew Barrymore as a news reporter who poses as a high school student

and she's never been kissed and she's trying to get a date to the prom and she ends up falling in love with her teacher who also falls in love with her. Sidney Bristow's alias boyfriend. Yeah. But at the same time, this guy is her teacher. Like he has fallen in love with his movie Super Bowl. She reveals herself to not be a student later. And, you know, spoiler alert, they have a moment at the end and they kiss.

And anyway, that's the six seed. The, anybody figure out what the category is yet? Not yet. No. Okay, the two seed is the film Airheads, which features a rock and roll band fronted by Brendan Fraser. The drummer is played by Adam Sandler and the bass player by Steve Bishimi. They take over a radio station in Los Angeles and hold it for Ransom.

I'm trying to make them play their tape. The seventh seed that it will be going up against is the adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl 3D. Wow. I've never seen that movie, but it was better than what I have is my eight seed. The one seed is the WCW vehicle Ready to Rumble, starring Tony nominated and Screen Actors Guild nominated, Emmy nominated actor Oliver Platt. And it is taking on for its eight. seed eight-legged freaks. These are all films which feature the talents of David Arquette.

Okay. Wow. Okay. Yeah, yeah. What an oeuvre. Where do you want to stop? I think Ready to Rumble clearly moves on past eight-legged freaks. Not even close.

I'm going to say, a point in Ready to Rumble's favor is this literally won David Arquette, the actual WC title. Yes. They put the actual belt on him. Yeah. They put the belt on him. And it ruined the company, but. It was really bad. It was a terrible decision, but it was, looking back, it's hilarious.

It's always the funniest part of those documentaries when they get to like, and this, like, everybody's hanging tough. And it was a really good competition. And then WCW really jump the shark. The, the, who it would take on is the winner of Buffy versus Scream. I think this one's really tough. Both of these movies are really, really good. These are both stone cold classics. Yeah, I don't, for a second when I start to look at them as movies or as, as, David Arquette movies. No, no, David. David...

David Arquette obviously elevates... He elevates all of these films, obviously. So I don't think we did to necessarily judge his performance. We know that the movies are great because he's in them. Yeah, he's a kid. It must be said that if the committee does want to consider performances, like, you have to wait. You have to give Scream the Edge over Buffy.

I agree. That's why I asked, because I agree with that. Which is not the movie. Like, I prefer Buffy as a movie, but in the Arquette, if you're considering the Arquette metric I would say Arquette or otherwise my kid is like exact Buffy target demo and she would say scream all day long

Yeah interesting 70 to 72 71 screen Yeah okay okay all right Scream with the first upset then 5 before Muppets from Space first never been kissed I really never been kissed is such a bizarre film Muppets from Space is harmless It just feels like in a contest You know the people are going to come out of those

looking two different ways. One's going to be like, what did I just watch? Well, both will be like, what did I just watch? But one would be like, I wish I hadn't watched that. And I think that's the never-been-kissed crowd. Both of these are like example, like, Muppets from Space, I couldn't have even told you it was a movie. Like, so I think they both blend into their genre to some degree. But I am less, I am more supportive of the Muppet genre than the adult is posing as a teen. And I think a really nice thing, they're both about discovering your identity for sure. I think the message in the Mubbles from Space one. Yeah, of Gonso trying to figure out, you know, who and who he is and where he comes from.

It's a poignant story. So I think Mubbets from Space, it's not an upset, sorry. Airheads versus the Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Now, Airheads is one of my, as a dude that's been in a band since he was like 11, one of my favorite movies for that reason. At the same time, The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl, I've seen so, I've not seen that movie for Star I've seen so many clips of George Lopez. It's very good.

It's the villain. It's very, very good. I feel like that might be the winner. Yeah, I don't feel like this one's particularly close. I don't remember either of these movies, but I trust you. Is Rodriguez completely in his bag? Yeah. I would then probably give the edge to Shark Boy over Muppets from Space,

Shark Boy and Lava Girl 3D. and so it would then be taking on for me it's ready to rumble like I push back like this movie crown me king Sal bandini want to wrestle like I just I say these things that no one gets ever but like they're important to me this kind of makes sense too because you know it's not like it's not like every powerhouse victory in March Madness is a team that we like you know far from it sure I think for me the the final here would be Muppets versus Scream, and I say that without remembering a single second of this Muppets movie. I'm going to believe in a Cinderella. I'm going to go with you, Cervor.

I think if it comes down to, I think if it comes down to Muppets versus Scream, there's absolutely no contest, and is that what we want? But it sounds like Ready to Rumble is really pushing for that spot in the final. I think reluctantly we've got to give it to Ready to Rumble. And I urge everyone to go back and watch this movie. Can I ask a question briefly? I'm happy with Ready to Rumble being the winner. Oliver flat urge, not unfamiliar to this show. There's one David Arquette movie you didn't pick for this bracket. I'm curious about the thought process here.

Okay, sure, sure. He's not the star. Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner are the stars. It's the 2001 crime film 3,000 Miles to Graceland about Elvis impersonators robbing Vegas casinos. And I'm just curious if that was on the radar at all. It wasn't on the radar. I haven't seen that one. Are we sure it's better than eight-legged freaks?

I don't know. I don't know. It is a, like, famous box office bomb. Okay. So I don't know. It's only for true our cat heads. But it does have ice tea and Howie Long in it, if that does anything for you. I mean, that's as good a cast as you'll find and ready to rumble. That's for sure.

I think this was our first, I think this was our first one out. Okay. Okay. If I had to, if I had to guess, I will go back and watch this movie now because that sounds terrible. And I look forward to seeing it. Okay. So it sounds like ready to rumble is advancing. Yeah, I think that's right. Okay, ready to rumble.

So we have two in our final five, but both equally brilliant Hollywood. Deserving champions. Yep. Spencer's left. Spencer walks away. Spencer is very upset about screams loss. Oh, he did tell us why. Okay.

Holly, do you want to go next or do you want me to go next? I want you to go next because of all the people who I think, have a chance at guessing what my region is before it's done. I think Spencer is all of them. Okay. Got you. I'm going to tip my hand and say what my region is because there are rules to it that I want to get out of the way. This region is technology that is not real, but I once thought maybe it would be by now. By that I mean I am excluding stuff that is like kind of real. Like self-driving cars are not on this list because they do kind of exist. AI is not on this list.

I have also included space travel as not on this list because I don't want to have a big argument about Katie Perry going to low orbit, like whether that counts as like space travel or not. So I have put on here only things that to my knowledge are not real in any sort of real practical sense of the words. Some of them may be getting close to real. Some of them maybe have like rumors, whatever, but I have just put them here based on what as like a eight to 12 year old movies made me think we would be living with in the 2020s. I'm going to start with the one versus eight. Number one and frankly number one with the bullet cryos sleep. I would love fucking cryos if you could just put me in a freezer for cross country flights for right. How old are your kids?

They are nine and four. I would cry of sleep every day if given the opportunity. And I think cryosleep has gotten a bad rap from movies like Alien and aliens and Alien 3. And every space where it's like if you do it, you're going to wake up to something fucking. Yeah, right. But you know what? Cryosleep looks cozy as shit. Ask the parent of a nine year old and a four year old.

You can wake up to something fucked up without doing cry. Like football season is about to kick off. Florida gives up a fumble all right just knock me out just go ahead wake me up for the playoffs a see what happens after this I would if you could cry oh sleep me and hang me like a piece of meat in the plane I would love to do that I don't need to I don't need to watch movies I don't need to have snacks I would if if we could have cry of sleep that would be great so that's my number one season is bracket thank you my number eight C my number eight C terraforming

Teraforming Teraforming always also gets a bad rap But I am pretty convinced I am pretty convinced that terrorforming would only be useful For evil purposes if it were real I think we would only terraform in bad ways Unfortunately, because only extremely rich people could Right, yes, terraforming would automatically fall into the wrong hands

At all times plus terraforming does not get me any rest Cryosleep gets me nothing but sounds loud as hell Yeah The winner of CryoSleep versus Terraforming is going to go up against the four or five. Number four, I'm not huge into Star Trek, so I may not be using term correctly, but the Star Trek food replicator that can just make you

a cheeseburger seemingly out of nothing. Oh, that's so strong. Like, yeah, I have some questions about like the sourcing of it. I have a lot of questions as to like whether this food actually tastes any good. But the idea that you could have a machine, and you could just be like cupcake, it'd be like coming right up, like admittedly intriguing.

That goes up against my number five seed. Shrink and growth rays. I don't want to use shrink and growth rays on a person and definitely not on me. But again, I would love if I could like shrink and grow inanimate objects. Like the cheeseburger you've just made. Like the cheeseburger I've just made. Maybe I want to shrink it down so I can pack a bunch of them. Maybe I'll want to grow it.

Who knows? 3-6. Number three, teleportation. teleportation is scary, but also like, I would not be a first adopter of teleportation. I wouldn't be a second adopter. But by month six, I would be all in on that shit. Absolutely. And I understand if we got to try it on just stuff instead of people first.

I understand maybe it's going to put your organs in the wrong place. But like the idea of teleportation, very exciting. Life is going to put your organs in the wrong place. Sure. Sometimes it just happens. It's cool. Ryan. Yeah.

School run at 6.15. Pop them in a teleporter, pop. Boom. Bown! Get out of here, kid! Zapp! That's right. Number six, flying car.

As a child, I would have had flying car way higher on this list. But now I know how other people are with non-flying cars. And flying car is going to be an absolute shit show. That said, flying car brings about the possibility of flying car. NASCAR and flying F1 and flying Indy car. And I do think those would be fun. So that's why I don't have it at the bottom list. Flying car would be bad for regular society,

awesome for like actual competent racers and things like that. That brings me to the 27. The winner of teleportation flying car will be going up against. Number two, the danger room from X-Men. Wow. The danger room would be fucking great, guys. Guys, like I'm not into VR.

I don't think VR is interesting. I don't want to put the headset on. But if I could go into a room where it was like, all right, time of you to fight a fucking dinosaur. Like, yeah, the danger room would be great. If it worked, you could do all that shit, the danger room would be amazing. You know we're accidentally leaving the hazards on, right? That's okay. That's all the danger room.

Yeah. It is the sweet, weird bald man is trying to kill you to see if you can enter into his school for 16 years. That's right. That's right. And I know it's called, what's it called? The holodeck into Star Trek. It's basically the same thing. And it's more used for like, what if we were Shakespeare or whatever. No, it's not what it's used for. Oh, yeah. All right. All right. Yes. Okay. I got you there because number two. Hold on. You walked right into it. I'm pairing number two. I knew where you're going with this. I'm pairing number two and number seven. Number seven is cloaking device. And the reason I'm pairing them is because these are things that are not sexual on their face. But I understand. implicitly that they're going to be used for sexual purposes the danger room has yes the danger room will be used for sexual purposes cloaking device will absolutely be used for sexual purposes and in much creepier ways so that's my ranking of technology that is not real but i once

thought maybe it would be by now and i leave i will leave it entirely in the hands of of the panel as to what advances from this region just wolverine sighing and going load gene gray oil wrestling scenario again. Yeah, there's like so many panels of this. All right, so let's start with the 2-7. What do you want to advance? Danger room or cloaking device? Danger room. The danger room, I mean, obviously

it's the sentimental favorite, and I think it is the most honest thing here. Everything else here will kill you. This is the one that is trying to kill you. Sure, and it says so. It says so on the box. It's doing so for a reason. Also, Danger Room itself has become a character.

Sure. She's like this feminine Android character. So I think that gives a leg up as well because like cryosleep can't argue for itself. As the Klingon representative here on the podcast, I'm going to vote cloaking device and be outvoted. Just because it was so funny to watch the Federation crew be like, Science! Diplomacy!

Ah! I got you bitch! Bye-bye! Yeah, okay. Surberg, do you have feelings on Danger Room versus Cloaking Device? I like Danger Room. Apology, Spencer. I like that's fine. Okay.

Do you want danger room facing teleportation or flying car? Teleportation. Teleportation by far. Flying car's ass. I think we're all 100% agreement that the flying car. Yeah, I live in Atlanta. I don't want to have another direction to have to watch for a fucking altar. Horizontal clog as well.

Flying Ultima is the one step. Like in Atlanta, you look up and chicken bones are now flying down into your. a car we have enough flying cars in this I think as it is flying car is sort of the definitive all-time number one in this like anytime anyone talks about technology we're supposed to have by now they always say flying car I think because of that it should be plummeting further than it is Ryan I think you gave it a good seed like nowhere near number one and I think it should not make it out of round one okay okay yeah yeah teleportation all right do you want teleportation or the danger room if there's if that's your to to advance of the championship game is it in

encompasses all of these things. Nightcrawling practices teleportation in the danger. Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can teleport in the bounds of the yeah. You get all this other stuff. No, I disagree with that. You can't teleport in the danger room. If someone pushes button to make you teleport.

No, you could simulate teleportation. If you have teleportation powers, you can't. But that's not the same thing as I'm here and I want to be in Paris, blink. They make it look like Paris. Whoever's pushing the button says, okay, here's your mission. You are being teleported to Paris. That's the scenario.

But to go back to Spencer's example, you can't be like, oh, my kids got to be at school. I'll just put them in the danger room so they think they're in school. The danger room is at school. You want to use Spencer's an example of something that is a lot of stuff. And then go to the murder laser trap. And then go to history class. I'm going teleportation because motherfucker pizza. Bam.

There. Doneger room can give you pizza. And it'll try to kill me. eating a thousand pizzas. Can you defeat the pizza man? Forever a challenge. No, I'm American. It's Big Papa.

Here comes blob. You have to make enough pizza. Everything they say is true about AI when they're like, oh God, it's degrading the environment and destroying things and it's consuming thousands of gallons of water a second. I'm like, if that were teleportation, I would be like, burn the oceans. Boil the seas. Bring me D batteries right now. Danger room got to be running up the electric bill at the same.

Xavier's. Yeah. The place gets fucking blown up every three months. And Xavier has to borrow money from India. I met Xavier's doing that on purpose so he can go to the New York Power Company. He just really likes the new paint smell. That's what it is. Okay.

All right. So Danger Room is advancing the championship game, it sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. That teleportation shit never works. Okay. Depiction. It's so unreliable.

So like even in this scenario where the technology is real, it's still fucked up. I don't trust big teleportation. That's, That's very fair. All right. Food replicator versus shrinking and growth race. Replicator. Replacator.

I'll eat it. I don't know. Imagine the fucked up Oreos we can make for Jason in here. I don't know. Is it the neutrod Doritos. Eat them. I'm going to tell it. I'm going to tell it Doritos and hit randomizer.

Sure. Doritos. Surprise. Food randomizer with a surprise me button. Yeah. Let's go. Can you have met. With an extinct dinosaur.

Listen, it's just me and Dana. It's just me and Dana Holger. and going old-fashioned. Bairnionic. Beer. Beer. Ryan. Beer.

Beer. Pack of smokes. What is food? Fuel. How do we make fuel? Pressing on plant matter over years and years and years. Dinosauridinos.

That's true. Damn. Shoot beer with Grow Ray. Could I get a big beer, please? Man, you're never getting data out of the danger room. I'm in the danger room with the food. replicator. You're in the

Dana room. Me and the boys are in there reenacting the prancing pony scene. Line of cocaine. Line of cocaine. Your job is to

walk out of the danger room somehow. All right. Food replicator going up against either cryosleep or terraforming.

I'll be the lone terraforming vote. Okay. Oh, terraforming. I'm no. I'm going to go. Oh, wow.

Wow. There we go. Yeah. Wow. Cryos sleep. Fucking out of here. No restaurant. my ass thanks for nothing for me regular sleeps good enough for me you know why i went to the replicator

i was like beer we're gonna make a canyon and we're gonna fill it with grass that'll die because we're on mars all right terraforming versus food replicator then food replicator food replicator food replicator simple i love terraforming give me food machine i love terraforming but you just gave me a machine that'll create any kind of pizza i can imagine all right so now we have now we have entered the championship round in the most like podcasters or lazy people who don't go into the real world championship ever. Food replicator or living video game, the Danger Room. It includes food replicator because if someone decides your challenge is to survive an endless wave of cheeseburgers. I think.

Too powerful. No, I think you're cheating because I think you're doing the I ask the genie for more wishes. I mean, trick. Okay, so it has, it can do everything except drown you in milkshakes. If based on the history of the X-Men, all the danger room does is raise your insurance premiums. That's it. Do you know? And your heart rate, brother. Did you not hear that it was a lady now?

Yeah. So she's very... That's going to be a lower insurance premium. She's more responsible. I'm serious. Food replicator. All right, server, you get to maybe make a tie here. It's food replicator. Wow.

Damn. Yeah. The replicator is through to the final. Final 5. Yeah, see? See? I forgot to mention our previous two winners from previous tournaments. Mariah Carey, I listed, and Ryan last year listed old-timey mind cart.

Was our previous two winners of this exercise. The ball is to. Something is joining those in the rafters. All right. Food replicator advances to final five. Holly, I think you should go next because Spencer left, so he avoided his spot. I do. I had to take the dog out, yes.

I understand. All right, I wanted to wait for Spencer to come back because Spencer, this is something that if anybody's going to guess the fastest, I think it's going to be you. This is something that we have talked about previously on the show, albeit briefly. But see if you can tell where I am headed. I'm just going to go down the line in order. My seeds from 1-28 are, stop me. Just make a buzzing noise if you think you know where this is going. One, Alabama.

Two, North Carolina. Three, Texas. Four, Mississippi. Anybody? Anybody? States. Damn. Five, Wisconsin. Six, Pennsylvania.

Seven, South Dakota. And eight, North Dakota. This is difficult. This states ranked on, cigarette smoking. No, but that did enter into my considerations when it came to states that missed the cut,

which were, for the record, Nevada, Missouri, Indiana, Idaho, Montana, Arizona, Delaware, Oklahoma, and Maine. These are, Spencer, nothing, really? No. States in the union where it is legal to own a large cat. Yes! Yes! Sure.

Are they ranked by size of cat? No, I actually put perhaps an inordinate amount of thought into this. I know that doesn't sound like me. Let's take my one-seed Alabama versus my eight-seed North Dakota. Ultimately, this just came down to, this was really a style call. Alabama has a number of climates that can lend itself. Well, I was thinking about the welfare of the tiger. Alabama has an ocean. Tigers can swim. Did you guys know tigers can swim? Alabama has jungle climate. Alabama has some little mountains

that the tiger can play around in. And Alabama has a culture where if someone brought the tiger to church lunch and said, hey everybody, this is John the Baptist the tiger. Everyone would say howdy John the Baptist the tiger. North Carolina takes

the second but that would pit it against North Dakota by the way, where North Dakota both Dakota made the cut. The committee felt that it was important to give the tigers plenty of room to roam. However, the scarcity of, the scarcity of human habitation in North Dakota makes me concerned that if, you know, if we're in a medical emergency type of situation, I would like to be close to the medical center at UAB and not have to perhaps travel far for large cat care. So budgetary concerns. Who do we take one versus eight? I can tell you that I am, leaning not Alabama because going through even trying to think like FCSD 2 obviously there's the Auburn Tigers but they're not that committed to the tiger thing with the whole eagle thing and so I'm sort of like why aren't there more big cats in the state's institutions we have a fucking dragon

so I'm a little bit like maybe maybe Dakota the North Dakota would appreciate this a little more No, that's a good point. And I thought Alabama was a solid one seed, but this is, after all, why we play the games. Right. You know, I think that's very thoughtful, Ryan, but I think you're overthinking it. Alabama. Alabama. Big cat.

Are you worried about the LSU of it all? No. Okay. No. What, do you think? What, they got one? We got one. We get one two.

We took Nick Saban from them. We'll take their talk to. These are, by the, sorry, I have to throw in one more thing. our one, two, and five seeds, Alabama, North Carolina, and Wisconsin are states where it is legal to own a tiger or lion without a permit. Wow. In these other states, in these other states, you have to have a permit to be a private owner. Okay, then, yeah, I think, yeah.

That's a huge advantage here. Yeah, okay. With respect, I have to, that changes my view very strongly in favor of Alabama. Alabama's three at this point. So my two seed, North Carolina, is up there. for many of the same reasons, plus the addition of not having to have a permit. This is a very similar matchup to one versus eight. This is North Carolina versus South Dakota.

South Dakota beat North Dakota, sorry, in the seedings, because I thought it would be funny to drape the tiger over the top of Mount Rushmore. Sure. And it would. For naps, yeah. When it comes to North Carolina, we know that big cats there are really mediocre based on the Carolina Panthers. So I here would suggest South Dakota in the giant upset.

I agree with that. And if I recall correctly from a previous forecast, wasn't North Carolina also like disproportionate amount of snake bites? Unbelievable amount of snakes. So that tells me of like North Carolina, if you can't be responsible with your snakes, you definitely can't have tigers. Like if a North Carolina sees a snake,

they will like offer their hand to it. Right. I don't want to bother the tiger with snakes. Right, with snakes. Yeah, yeah. We're a horse state. And we don't need to mess with that formula at all. Horses famously friendly to snakes.

Mm-hmm. Yes. Horses and snakes. All right, all right. So, all right, so that is Alabama emerging and South Dakota emerging, correct? Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah.

All right, so my three versus six matchup is Texas versus Pennsylvania. These two also in here for much of the same reasons. I don't think, I made paying the lip service in the top seat there to a tiger being welcomed at a church lunch in Alabama. I don't think anyone would blink at you owning a tiger in Alabama. I think that not only would it not go remarked upon in Texas or Pennsylvania for you to turn up at the function with a tiger, I think that the tigers could very easily be elected to local office, which would be a vast improvement in big parts of both of these states. I'm a little worried that a tiger in Texas will become another sign of another class distinction, another way to show that you have more than the other guy.

And we have enough of that. And I feel like in Pennsylvania, your tiger will be a more democratic, it'll be more of a like, this is the neighborhood's tiger. This is our tiger. So you're worried about the specter of Taylor Sheridan's tiger ranch. Yeah, exactly. I don't want tigers to be exclusionary. I want them to feel part of the community.

Yeah, really. And in Pennsylvania, there's more room for them to be involved in local government. Right, right. Like a tiger in Texas is going to go to a Texas game, but it's going to sit in a luxury box. A tea-sip in Tiger. A tiger in Pittsburgh is going to go to a Steelers game, and it's going to get in a fight with a Ravens fan in the stance. The Ravens Tiger. That's right. Yeah. So I would lean Pennsylvania. It's a strong argument. Fellow's thoughts? No. I don't think any disputes here. I'm fine with that.

Yeah, Advanced Pennsylvania. All right. All right. Final matchup. up four or five. Mississippi, many of the same arguments as Alabama, but permit required. Wisconsin, no permit required, but climate that depending on the tiger may be a bit more hostile to the tiger itself. It's giving Siberians no tiger, right? Like, and those are pretty cool looking. But it can also get terribly, terribly hot there in the summer. Like Wisconsin has aggressive forms of all seasons. which knocked it down a little bit in the rankings. That's what put it at a 5C,

despite being one of the permitless big cat states. Hmm. It's a tough one. Counterpoint. Tiger in the beer garden. What is the alcohol tolerance of a tiger? Tiger, this is, we're about to find. If Pennsylvania doesn't let us find out with Sons and surely will.

Because they're going to, they're going to feed the tiger booze, right? The tiger's going to demand it. In this state more than any other, yeah. Like Mississippi, they like think they will, you know? Like, oh, it's going to party with us. It'll get like a sip of course light or something. Oh, it's going to come to our little tailgate. No.

Yeah, and in an Alabama situation, I am not worried about the LSU of it all. But Mississippi, clearly, we have reason to be concerned about LSU incursions. Sure. Yeah, they might come steal it. I don't know. Steal your tiger. Well, when you Google, can tigers drink? alcohol, Google's AI

overview, which I can't turn off, says, based on available reports, Tiger Woods is not known to be a regular drinker. It's the future. Get on board. You just need to give it the right prompts. I'm going to go to the Tiger Brandy Cave and it's just

turning up that Perkins waitress. I think the AI thing is helpful because when I search for it, let me know that aliens are actually an herbivorous species and their bodies have already evolved to be able to eat fermented fruits. Sure. I'll try it too and get a completely different answer from the exact same source.

Tigers do not naturally consume alcohol as they restrict carnivores. There's also, according to Wikipedia, I guess, a traditional Chinese medicine concoction called tiger bone wine? Yeah, that popped up here as well. What's it do? Makes you very strong! So let's see. medical purposes. So looking at just geographically speaking, this is confusing. Okay, claims with rheumatism, arthritis, stiffness, or paralysis in the lower back and legs, and weak in scare quotes, kidney.

Not kidneys, just the one. To get you fucked up is what I'm hearing. It also drives off evil spirits, ghosts, and poisons. It stops convulsions, and it treats, and it treats acne. I love a medicine. I love a medicine that gives me Clean skin and also drives away ghosts. I'll tell you what, brother Pat in this bottle, Evan Williams, this will scare way to go see. And it'll also bring him back. Calm down, right, Thompson.

Chinese, right, Thompson. Maybe I'm a coward, but Tiger Bone Wine has to be actually thinking the tigers will be safer in Mississippi. I was also, I'm looking at the map and we have, um, South Dakota and pencil. Pennsylvania, and then we have Alabama. Mississippi was sort of balanced the map a little bit. Sure, sure. And then we'd have like an SEC. Who is, who is this, who is this winner going to

face? Alabama. So this would be the SEC Championship. Okay. Yeah, yeah, I guess I would lean Mississippi. And then the other would be FCS. Yeah. All right. Gaville? Gaville. All right, so that's our, let's

let's, let's hit the bottom of the bracket first. Let's play that. We've got six and seven Pennsylvania versus South Dakota Do you want your tiger roaming free among some of our greatest natural wilderness

or do you want that tiger to be an alderman? I have to choose. Yeah. Just this once. Tiger aldermans pretty cool. Yeah, but I don't want a tiger to have to care about the sexers.

You know? Oh, yeah, we have to think about the welfare of the animal. I mean, just looking at Looking at general geography, South Dakota is really, it's really standing out here. Pennsylvania just has too much going on. Where South Dakota is like, plop, big river. That's it. I want the tiger to have to worry about the septus strike.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm really leaning South Dakota. I also lean in South Dakota here. That was a strong case. Let's see. So that leaves us with Alabama and Wisconsin. Winner gets South Dakota in the final.

Wait, do we pick Wisconsin or Mississippi? I thought we had Wisconsin. Oh, I thought we put Mississippi. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I'm picking Alabama over either of them. It doesn't matter. Yeah, Bamma.

All right. Controversy. Unimportant. I genuinely forget which one we picked and it happened three minutes again. Alabama, Alabama, Alabama, Alabama, Alabama. Alabama. Alabama, Tiger. I don't give a piss about nothing but the tiger.

So Alabama versus South Dakota, we know which way Ryan's losing. Nothing certain but Tide and Tigers. All right, fellas, what's it going to be? Does anyone dispute Alabama? No. I'm going to let you in on a secret. I haven't since the first round. Unfortunately, Alabama is good at one sport, and it is tiger ownership.

Having tigers. All right, so I have added them as specifically the state of Alabama. State of Alabama. Yeah. And finally, Spencer, with the fifth quadrant. Oh, the fifth quadrant. All right. So I did redo this one because I wasn't really happy with what I had.

When did you redo it? I redid it just before the show. Oh, sure. I think you meant like right now. No, no, no, no. Also possible. Yes. And I have eight selections.

I think the theme will become very apparent very quickly. I'm not so sure about my seating, but we're going to roll with it. Okay. We're doing one V8. first, correct? Yes. Okay. 1V8 is shooting at a German tank with a pistol while you're dying

versus fighting off an army of orcs by yourself to save the mission. ORC or ORK? ORC. ORC. Okay. Okay. Gotcha. Okay.

Okay. That's our 1V8. Yep. V8. Our 2V7 is flying an M. 15 into the heart of an alien spaceship about to fire. Okay. Yes, I'm taking that one.

Randy Quaid seed. Ew. Sorry I said Randy Quaid seed. No. Versus freezing to death and suffocating in space to save your adoptive son. Okay. Sure. All right. This is our three six, which would be shoving your son in the rescue pod.

in the rescue pod and staying on the asteroid in order to save the earth okay that's not his son the son in law let it happen that's not even his son's boy it's gonna be the son law it's about the family all right really you missed a thing no it's yeah he must he should have had cryosleep should have had cryosleep but instead I chose the food pellet machine

the greatest vending machine in the world Spencer's gonna take over Aerosmith because I missed you baby and I seem to have missed some things. And versus the six seed, which is replacing the fuel in a nuclear reactor by hand to save the ship. Mm-hmm. All right. Okay. Yeah.

And then. That's not a movie. And then our four or five is lowering yourself into a smelter for the good of mankind. Thumbs up? With the thumbs up at the end? With the thumbs up. And, uh, The Five Seed, which is putting on an impossibly powerful piece of alien technology and using it, killing yourself in the process while saving humanity.

Wow. That's so many movies. Yeah. Yeah. Ways to Die is the category, right? Ways to Cinematic Ways. The headline I have here is Ways to Redeem Yourself as a Boomer by dying heroically in a film. I didn't do a thing in my life, but I'm going to make it all okay by dying.

Is it downy Gen X? It's a little bit Gen X, too. Yeah. If that's the category, I have a hard time seeing how it's anything other than Randy Quaid flying that fight. I mean, maybe we are, but yeah. We'll play the game, sure. I'm telling you, I'm voting for that to win the region.

Okay, well, you know what? Auto advance. It's 344. We'll auto advance it. That's fine. Okay, okay. Yeah, there we go. Five four of 44 to three.

Dad, you were a shit parent. but you killed yourself. Great job. All right. So to determine the winner of this bracket will do the same thing we did last year. On Blue Sky, reply to our post of this episode with your selection to win.

I think we all know who's going to win. I'm genuinely unsure who's going to win. Our four choices are. Five. I'm sorry, five, five. The five choices from the four sides of our bracket are Michael B. Jordan, the film ready to rumble, food replicators, the technology.

Alabama, the state, and flying an F-15 into an ailing space show. Oh, guys, we need you to do one thing. We need you to be cool. We need you to reply, not quote tweet, because it's harder to count. Yep. And we need you to not reveal to the other children who haven't listened to the episode yet, because God fucking knows when this episode is going to turn up in the app for some of them. But we need you to not reveal what is going on.

Just do a bunch of replies, okay? Yeah, last year you were great about this. You all replied, mind cart, mind cart, mind cart, mine cart, mine cart. It was great. Damn, now I kind of wish Danger Room had won. I think my region would have a better fighting chance now, but that just out goes sometimes. If you'd like to cheer Ryan up, just drop in his mentions and yell Danger Room.

Just tell him he's already won and it's okay. Just say Danger Room and it's fine. You've already won in the game of life. In a dangerous room. No, I mean in this game. Oh, yeah, sure. What's a business? Podcast business.

It's a business. Podcast business. Time to sell some stuff. And we got a danger of room and then our food replicator. God, if we had a full cast food replicator. Jason, what would be one way? We could continue the good work and research we do towards making the shutdown fullcast food replicator.

Folks, if you would like to invest in our technological scheme to invent the food replicator, first you'll need to go to patreon.com slash shutdown shutdown fullcast and make sure you're giving us $4 per month. Possibly a little more. If you do that, you will feel better about it once we reveal the food replicator technology. We're working on our next longer episode, longer than the shit we put out on this feed, that's for sure. And then, I don't know, we'll probably do some other stuff as well. But the patreon.com slash shutdownfulcast is the real business prison all along.

That's excellent. This podcast is also brought to by our sole sponsor, our only sponsor. Someone. Sponsors of our souls. Sponsors of our souls. Someone so near and dear to the DNA of this podcast, then we could scarcely call them a sponsor. We're it not for the laws of the United States in accounting.

That's right. Homefield apparel. Let's see. I think the gear we should look at this time would be Bamas, since that is, as we all know, the best place to raise a gigantic cat. There we go. All right, Alabama's gear.

I mean, I'm sure we've all looked at this before, but also new things get revealed at home field all the time. So the latest includes, one of the first thing that popped up is a five-peat shirt from the 70s, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75. Okay, they're specifying SEC titles. All right, I was going to say, that's a real thing. That's a bold series of national title claims. Maybe it was a big cat national titles. I've just now seen for the first time the Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer shirt. It has a bird, and that's it.

Just the bird. That's a fucking fantastic shirt. Just the yellow hammer himself. I will confess I do own that piece of Alabama merchandise. Marvelous. It is indeed a fine shirt. There are Alabama basketball shirts. That's a sport.

They are better at these days than the other one. Yeah. Don't ask what happened this week. They're fine. Don't worry about it. We should be legal. You can get a. get Alabama

Rose Bowl shirt. We all enjoyed that, didn't we? I think we all did. Yeah. That's one of my favorite Alabama football memories. You could get yourself in a University of Florida

basketball shirt if you really wanted to, but I would lean toward getting a Gonzaga shirt. Any minute now. Any minute now. They're coming. Yeah, they're going to lose. Who do you. Hey, hateful.

I said they were coming. I didn't say they wouldn't immediately then be going. Yeah, they're leaving. Yep. Hoot train, coming through. They'll zig, then they'll zag. So, yeah, homefield apparel.com. They have a lot of Alabama stuff and also a lot of stuff, schools that are better at football than Alabama,

because there's quite a few of those these days. If we were trying to make a Catholics versus convict style. for the Gonzaga Kennesaw State game, what would it be? Catholics versus Um Oh Duh.

Former country Catholic versus Catholics versus We're not country We're a former commuter school. Yeah, it's Catholics versus commuters. Yeah, nailed it. Former.

One shot. Former might I had. That's right. They got dorms? Yes. Yeah, you're right. I don't know. Well, it's

It wouldn't be a surprise that a college has dorms. It would be. It is a surprise to me. I think of Kenna, I lived in Kennesaw very briefly, and I did not know that people lived up places other than off campus. It is not. This is my fault and my failing. I mean, whatever.

It's a normal college. There is. Perfectly legitimate college. My degree is accredited. That's valid. I think valid. Trust me. I think I have a.

kind of mashed together in my head with Middle Tennessee State, which very much is trying to do the same thing, only not successfully at any of it. And much tinier. Hey, Middle Tennessee State, it's a valuable service for local high school. Oh, no, let's see, 20,000 students. We're here for you. 20,000 students at Mitsu. I take it back. It's a large. It's big, yeah. I mean, it's still smaller, but that's a large school. Nashville's metastasizing is the thing. I mean, mainly schools are judged based on how many people they have, really, I think. I think that's the true metric of any university. listen as we all know UCF is the greatest college of all hey that's another great home filled apparel shirt

citronauts baby that's right next business hey you want to come see killer ants play in Winston Salem on March 21st at gas sale drinking room you can do that Carolina cities we've allowed to live yes go to the ramcat.com that's RAMKAT dot com to get your tickets $12 ahead of time 15 at the door I think And it's $16 to preserve a whole table for you and your friends.

Wow. Let's ram some cats. Yeah. Hartzl was not on hand in the dirt last week, so I know more of you will listen this week. Rude. We had the GM from the Montgomery Biscuits, Michael Murphy on the show. You got you a Biscuit? Literally got him a Biscuit.

Got a Biscuit. So Feltar and I talked to him a little bit. about, well, Felder mostly talks to him about what it was like, how far, what it was like being an athlete at UNC in the early 2000s when they didn't have to go to school. I added that last part. We all know that's. I went, I went to school. I know I was good at class.

Yeah, Felder went to school for all of them, in fact. The other thing that you can do is since Ryan's not here, you can listen to Phantom Island. It's a podcast he does with Stephen Godfrey, and I help produce that. Phantom Island. Show. There's a free episode that comes out every Wednesday, and there will be one tomorrow with Roger Sherman, where he and Ryan discuss Olympic funding for, like, Olympics programs.

And then we'll have another episode this Friday. Our Friday episodes are always subscriber only, and you can get those by signing up at phantom island. Dot show. Next. Channel dash 6.ghost.io. That is the Channel 6 newsletter, produced by myself and Holly Anderson, two things a week for the low price of 10,000.

a month. We are going to be talking a little bit of football, actually, because I wanted to write about a specific team that made some changes this offseason and how quietly they're managing to do it. And, you know, just sort of like, hey, where, where are you at going into spring football about one very particular program? What team? That'd be Penn State. We're going to be writing about Penn State a little bit because I think it's very interesting that the amount of news that you've heard out of Penn State and the offseason has been zero, presumably because Matt Campbell is in the underground bunker. slaving away in the football minds. While other coaches are, I don't know, appearing on. In their regular bunkers. In their regular bunkers or appearing on stage with Lil Boosy. Morons.

They should get in the football bunker. They should get in the football minds. It didn't work for Scott Frost. Yeah. Wrong type of bunker. Wrong type of emergency room. You know, speaking of things that you can get in the email, I also recommend you subscribe to the college basketball newsletter I write.

It's called Until Saturday at The Athletic. It's college football newsletter for like 49 weeks of the year, but there's none of that happening right now. So it's college basketball newsletter. I believe that concludes podcast business. It's back. Cincinnati Lung. That was Tiger Tongue.

He's got Cincinnati. He's got Cincinnati Tiger. tongue. Now they've cursed me.