Shutdown Fullcast - 2026 NFL Combine Insiders Guide

Episode Date: March 4, 2026

What is "the Last Glizzy"?Arise, Rueben Bain Arm Length DiscourseIndiana nice, explainedPresidential trading cards: what?The definitive "needs weed" power rankings of the Stoops brothersThe Transfer Wizard returns, making this an episode that is a) potentially actually informative and also b) one in which everybody gets to do wizard voicesPLUS! Which host is "itching for another roof crime"?The Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 27 (twenty-seven) bonus episodes since launching in August. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)Now through March 31, 100% of proceeds from all PTKU merch sales will be donated to TransVisible Montana. Visit preownedairboats.com to purchase BRAND-NEW BLUE SHARKS GEAR #EXCLUSIVEShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray Surber Fullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Caleb Curtis DID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz

Did any of you all see the New York Times article about the list? All right. So there's a movie theater in New York called Film at Lincoln Center. And the staffers there have a list of the wrong movie titles that people have asked them. They're like, I want a ticket for this. And they have a list of the wrong titles that people have asked them for instead of the right one. Yeah. I'm just going to like, first of all, unfortunately, this doesn't have the full list.

I understand that they wanted to keep it to themselves. But I'll give you an example. Somebody wanted to see everything everywhere all at once. And they asked for a ticket to upside down anyways. That's what they asked for. Sure. But I just want to give you my favorite one. And I just want to see if you could guess what the movie is.

The patron asked for this. Bend Over Pac-Man. What movie did this patron want to show? Recit Ralph. Detective Pikachu. Bend Over Pac-Man was neither Reckett Ralph nor Detective Pikachu. Not Beckham. Remains of the day.

It was Bend It Lake Beckham. That's correct. Can I tell you who has prepared this for me, who has prepared me for this game all my life, my mom? Yes. This is, my mother-in-law doesn't do this with movies. She does it with restaurants. Like anything that's not a chain restaurant, she'll fuck that name up so bad you wouldn't believe it.

But I'm just delighted that there's a list somewhere that has Bend Over Pac-Man. As says the request for Bend It Like Beckham. Come home and watch what we do after dark. Just the list of what people wanted. What we blast for for Anora? They asked for Anita, Andorra, Aurora, Amore, Ansara, Norma, Anorac, Anorraq, Anorraq, Anorra. And like half of those are other movies. Yeah.

The only other one I want to offer, which Spencer will appreciate, somebody asked, somebody wanted to go see the death of Stalin. And they asked for a ticket to Hitler. That's what they said they wanted to tickets. Straight up Hitler. Just Hitler. That's how we have Cheetah. Not the movie.

Not the death of Hitler. No, just Hitler. Not detective Hitler. I'm sorry, man. If you want a ticket to Hitler, you have to go to Regal. Not Hitler breaks the internet. Not bend it like Hitler. Like Hitler.

Bender over Hitler. Hitler bent over Pac-Man. Now that's just D.E. On it, that's different. Listen, that's nightcourt, New York when you're like, yeah, I want two tickets to see Bandova Hitler. It's playing in Times Square. That's when Times Square was real.

That's right. Then later on, I'll go to my full-time job of being naked under a trench coat and flashing people. Before Rudy took it away. Before Rudy took it over when New York was real. When I got a hot dog with hair with needles on it. You think people in Chicago are mad that a hot dog with hair? heroin needles in it did not become Chicago style. They wouldn't have stopped with one.

Like, do they feel like that's stolen valor? The problem is they wouldn't have stopped with one drug. Chicago would have, it's got five drugs on top of it. And cake. Look at that. As far as I can tell, anytime you call something Chicago style, they will say, this is the other Chicago. Like if you say that is gross and bad and too much,

they will reveal a whole secret style that has been Chicago style all along. You haven't seen the directors cut Chicago. Chicago style is very evasive and hard to pin down. Sure. But it generally is just kind of too much and sort of sucks. It's more like we like pieces so much. We have nine kinds. Can you solve my pizza riddle traveler?

That would be an amazing sauce sequel. You fell for it again. You fool. The real. Now I'm picturing that scene in the last crusade. That's just cut with a jigsaw. I'm picturing the scene full of cups in Last Crusade, but it's just various pizza boxes. That's the pizza of a carpenter.

Yeah. Totinos. No, that's it. Listen, do you want to get the pizza of Jesus? It's Little Caesars every time. This is a Super Bowl to Tito's ad. Yeah. That would be. Yeah.

Damn. Just giving you away free IP. No worries. Just choose it. Just sitting there. Actually, eating the wrong pizza is pretty much just going to do exactly what it does to the guy anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

Turbo diarrhea. That's all that, man. With the garlic butter of the. Kings? Yes, with the garlic butter of the Kings. See, I'll be say hello in Evanston. She talks in her sleep and she says, go bears. I like my hot dog Chicago style, which is where a tour bus filled with a slurry of pickles, relish, uh, ground up pizzas, chocolate cake and, um, the bodies of several

Oh, you gotta get the sport peppers on there. You gotta get the sport peppers. You get those. You get the sport peppers. You get a couple of dozen like pounds of tacos and grind them up to. Just this fine slurry of Chicago food. Why do Chicago stop with the sports pepper? Why didn't they give me the sports to me?

Oh, this is sports mustard. It's different. Holly, did you play the Dave Matthews song because we were talking about Chicago slurry? I did. Yes. Thank you. It's an underappreciated list. But yeah, you take that and then you dump it on to me as I'm holding up a hot

dog on a boat traveling underneath the bridge. You just empty it out of a bus septic tank. The first and only pertinent use of this sound, it will not happen again. Probably the worst verb when it comes to something being applied to your hot dog is empty. Now we're going to see, now we're going to get emails from Ohio saying that we're stealing their valor by applying slurry to other people's foods. That's our crap. That's our slop.

That's how we do it. Nasty style. they're not as nasty as us I like cities that don't have a style that are just like ah we just eat food we don't need to put a spin on it listen I know they do have some

Oregon there's no such thing as Oregon style pizza no I ate it I ate it Portland style there is I don't want to hear about it it's like weed cheese you know sure I think that's just pizza that gets sold out of the back of a Waldorf school as Portland style but there it costs

$35 like for all For all its other issues, there's not D.C. style anything that I can think of, right? Oh, this is Washington, D.C.? No, it's not. There's nothing. There's nothing here. Mombose. Senate bean soup. That's it. Yeah. That's it. The closest we've ever come is Ted Cruz's sprite eggs.

They're custom. They have a chili they're proud of. They do. Oh, yeah, they're chival. I recall it being normal chili. But is that even, like, signature? D.C., it's not even like a style. It's just a place, right? All that comes to mind.

Yeah. Well, yeah, like, let's see. So like, mumbos sauce. I said mongo sauce. You know what? That's fine. DC sucks for the most part. So I don't give a fuck.

Let's see you here. All right, mongo sauce deserves a little bit of respect. What is D.C.'s signature food? Someone says, a half smoke is the top answer, according to Reddit, which is a sausage hot dog. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's like Wisconsin has like 18 kinds of those.

They do. They're like, yeah, we got one called the executioner. We'll kill you in three weeks. It's made of God's toenails. Dude, I so want a sausage called the executioner. Like there's a cardiologist who's like, here's my card waiting right at the end of the line. The glissie that kills you. Right?

Oh, you'd sell so many of them. The final glizzy. I think you could sell so much. food in the United States. It's got pork beef and a little bit of dark matter. Yeah, it's that's what makes it stick. A little bit of white dwarf and every single executioner. That's a salmos hot dog. Yeah. You can sell so much food in the United States if you're like, yeah, if you don't eat this, you're a bitch. You are become deaf eater of dinner. Yeah. Hey, that's, Deb, that's me. You say that all the time. So I said,

there and watch you eat it with the like you know up andheimer footage right like I'm putting the goggles over in the blast yeah delicious I'll take another can I have this one Chicago's tell yeah go get on that fairy we're gonna inundate you with 10,000 gallons of industrial sludge then we'll get mad at you if we pointed out I can make fun of it but you can't should be Saturday night every night should be Saturday night should be Saturday night Should be said a day not. To the shutdown full cast. You got there.

I got there. You are listening. Understated. To the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall joined as always by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and Michael Serber on the ones and twos. Hey, I want to talk about something Jason wanted to talk about, which is short arms. So do you want to talk about or just Jason want to talk about it? I'd like to talk about how I want Jason to talk about it.

it because Jason wanted to talk about it and that made me want to talk about Jason talking about it. My, as my attorney points out, I would like to talk about Ruben Payne's Godzilla arms. As the NFL Combine revealed something everyone already knew, Ruben Payne has really short arms. Honestly, not even short for a six foot two person. Like there is a thing where people who are, you know, multiple inches shorter than that were measuring their arms and realizing like, oh, arms are longer than Ruben Baines. And so, you know, this is going to be the whole thing through, and we can, I'm sure we'll do a wonderful NFL draft analysis episode next month.

But, you know, this will be the thing that college fans watching the draft. This is just the guy we're going to have to prepare for like, oh, my God, he tore up college football. He's the best player in the country for large stretches of last season. What are these dumb dumbs doing passing on him? But it's because he's got short arms and they like long arms. And there are valid football reasons for that. So just prepare yourselves for that.

mainly um i don't know i i like it it again emerges as i guess this fascinating thing we're in college nobody is shaped perfectly you know like like every college football player just about is like well he's incredible he takes over like multiple games per season here are his flaws they're endless and then by the time you winnall everything down to the nfl it's like oh every everything you know, everyone fits into a tidy compartment. But again, as always, it's just fun being at the midpoint between high school football where it's like, we have one guy who's shaped right, NFL where it's like we have 50 guys who are shaped right.

In college, it's like, half the team is you, if you squint, they kind of look like a prototype. But it's all, listen, the shapes are what they are. Got Ruben Bane shaped like Godzilla, plays like Godzilla too. T-Rex had short arms. T-Rex had short arms. Like, I just put this in the newsletter. Like, imagine when T-Rexes came out, like, where the other dinosaurs looking like, oh, look at this. Look at this guy.

Look at this guy with his big fat ass and his big fat tail and his in his arms. First bell cypherstores. Yeah, yeah. Calling T-Rex, like, what them haunches do? The Mayakasaurus is like, oh, that thing's all butt. Oh, so much butt. That's an attacker right there. It's all ass.

No hands. but yeah who cares about arms man like like reuben bane with no arms third rounder if he yeah if he had his arms tied to his sides in in like for the game if he were bound in a straight jacket i still wouldn't want to line up if he was flying through the line ralph wiggum style it's that'll that's that'll still get it done i saw this dude take over notre dame take over florida take over hio state gave indiana hell and texas saying him might never recover from what he did to them. So, like, I don't know.

Like, if the Jets take him a number two for the first time in my life, I'll say great idea, Jets. Boy, that does not inspire confidence. But because the Jets, they'll be like, I don't know, that arm thing kind of worries me. I know that does worry me now. But otherwise, man, I don't know. It's just going to be the thing for this draft cycle. Just get used to it.

He's going to fall to the Ravens or the Eagles. He should run up on stage with his arms out like the little kids. and weapons. Can I share with you the most concerning thing about the Ruben Bain arms story? Yes. For me at least. This is a tweet from Adam Schaefter on February 26th. That can't be good.

Some context on measurements taken throughout the week of the combine. Measurements sometimes can vary for players depending on who they are taken by. To that end, at least two NFL teams that measured Rubin Bain Jr. today had his arms at north of 32 inches. The NFL, perhaps more than any other team sport, is intensely measurement-based. We watch you measure for first downs. We have to decide if you broke the plane. Was your foot in or out when you were trying to catch this ball on the sideline?

The idea that there are like old Italian tailors working for each NFL franchise. And they disagree. Like, is our, maybe I'm maybe I'm maybe I'm. stupid and maybe there's more elasticity to the human arm than I understood it depends on the time of day that they measure him it depends on who is the king in that area because the cubit is based of course on part of the king's body sure right it depends on if so so oh well sorry Stan cranky's got a little foot so unfortunately in RAM units it's actually this is based on like links per

Miles Garrett. I'm just for something that has been so hotly discussed like how long are Ruben Baines arms. The idea that there is there are many theories. The idea that the NFL is like well the measuring robot said this. The measuring laser said there this long to the pycometer. And it was like, why don't we have laser measurements of like and this isn't even as weird as like hand size discourse gets in years when that is a thing. I mean, like, Like, the funniest thing to me is each NFL team, they don't believe the league's measurements. No. The league's measurements, that's for us.

The teams measure these guys themselves. Like in the 40, they don't pay any fucking attention to the time that pops up on screen. They all time them themselves. The other thing I think this is information warfare. Is information warfare. I think there are teams out there who have no intention of drastic room and Bain because they're like, he's not going to fall to us. They're like, we measured his arms. If I were in NFL, there were 23 inches, their child's arms.

This is all I would do the entire week. I was strip in that one weird restaurant and do this. He doesn't even have arms. His arms are retracted. They're negative length. He's 106 pounds that it's all on his left side. It's weird. It's fucking weird.

His arms are actually legs. His hands are feet. He falls to the fucking Eagles and they reveal he's got Reed Richard's arms. He's got one of those xenomorphs mouths inside of his mouth, but it makes it really hard for him to put on weight because it's so small. Yeah, also the mouth card. Situations a nightmare. He's got a tapeworm falling out of his face.

That says that he's a good teammate. It's disgusting. I would draft Ruben Baines' tapeworm. Sure. He knows what it's like to be in a championship. He knows what it's like to hug Texas A&M's face. He knows what it's like to be in a championship mindset. You've got to measure the arm from the base.

I also appreciate it about the combine that Carson Beck was doing. God, Jesus Christ. Just keep it going. Jesus Christ. It's really the girth of the arm that matters. It was cold that day in Miami. I appreciated that Carson Beck was doing quarterback drills at the combine, and Indiana fans booed him there. They put the shit out of him.

And NFL media was like, this is inappropriate. Like, because it was actually happening here is a thing that I think we all, we knew on something. cellular level and we certainly knew from interpersonal reactions and I don't mean this as a criticism Indiana fans are mean as shit but because of the hand of football has been bad for the bulk of our lives we have they have not had an opportunity to be mean as shit so you probably thought like oh what a Cinderella story book story they not you know nobody who smokes that much is nice like they got a lot of things to take out on and also their hero is the guy who throws chairs and that was the nicest thing he ever did.

Right. Your other hero is Larry Bird. You were like, boy, what a nice man. Larry Bird was the guy who on Christmas was like Merry Christmas bitch. That's documented. Yes. They all hail some form of basketball grinch. Doesn't matter who it is.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. We know somebody who is personally told by Larry Bird to have no basketball dreams and to stop playing. Yes. As a child. Yes. Who? That would be I don't know this story.

After demonstrating his shooting form for Mr. Bird, Mr. Bird told him, stop. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway,

I'm glad that the world got to realize that winning a championship did not make Indiana fans nice all of a sudden. It just gave them an opportunity to be mean and more public and more visible. Ryan, can I also add this? It's a perfect storm because, in all contexts,

Carson Beck is very booable. Now, this is the quantity that some athletes have. They're just booable, right? They're not obvious heel. They're not obvious hero. They're not clown. They fall into this nether region of being in a position

where you are very responsible and yet kind of inert. Like Carson Beck is just kind of there and that makes you very booable. See, Jay Cutler. Jay Cutler, vacant-looking human. And the Cutler's face is the problem. Well, that's right.

That's this problem also with Carson Beck. Right. And also the, and that too had a lot to overcome because lest we forget, and this was an early version of, you know, we said after this season, ha ha, imagine when we're going to be sick of Indiana. We're not there yet. But, you know, we remember saying, hey, imagine when we're going to ever be sick of Clemson. Ha ha. Long before either of these took place, there was a time when he was in college when we felt sorry for Jay Cucson. Cutler because of the surrounding cast that he had to work with.

When he got drafted, we were like, ah, finally, Jay Cutler's time to shine. And then, you know, we got to know Jay Cutler. Right. But that's, he's a booble athlete. Frankly, Carson Beck is a very booble athlete because he is the guy to get you to the championship game. Maybe throw a game ending pick. That's just kind of who he is. It has no, that's no value judgment.

I'm just saying, I know what happens when you put one, It's fine if it is a value judgment. It's a combine. You can make that. I don't even have to take it that far. If you put that man in front of a large number of people, he's going to get booed. I don't know what it is, but that's just a booable athlete. Okay?

So we're going to test athlete booability by exposing these people to people who don't care about football and see what they think of him. We should figure out what the, we should figure out how to map like the characteristics of this because they both have like, Jay Cutler and Carson Beck both have like, really sleepy eyes, but other than that, they don't look that much alike. It's like, I think you should leave the baby contest. It's just like, that baby sucks. That's like people getting a look at Carson Beck. Perhaps the quarterback simply had bad vibes and was unpleasant to be around. I think it's how close you achieve, how close you get to the Joe Burrow horizon

without crossing the Joe Burrow Rubicon, right? Like, how close do you get to being the cool guy quarterback? If you cross it, that's a cool guy quarterback. If you don't get across it, boo! Like Rob Johnson. Love Rob Johnson of the bills, okay?

Rob Johnson was a guy who did not cross the good, cool line at quarterbacks. A bad example there, though, because that kid has bone structure put together by God. Well, right, because he's, and that's one of the things that makes him like an archetype.

Like not God, but like a senior vice president. Right. But there's people who get close and don't cross it. I wonder if the Indiana specifically thing with Beck is he threw that pick so everyone thinks he just gave us the title you know like maybe something like that I think he's just wanted to boo I think I think we've heard of that guy that might be part of it

honestly like they they they let's be honest if you're an Indiana football fan you haven't paid much attention to college football until about 36 months ago so it's sort of like oh right I remember that guy we's like we play I really think that's what it is yeah I don't think it was any deeper than that so that A lot of that booing happened when the quarterbacks were assisting the wide receivers. Because in the combine, as a matter of practice, they get everybody to run a gauntlet of routes. Of all the quarterbacks to put out to make a wide receiver look good.

Right. It depends on the, if it's a 15-yard route, bang. And there's no defender anywhere near it. Yeah. In terms of moving the ball vertically, Carson Beck is middle management. If we're throwing a screen, he's got you. Yeah. And I have to say he did overthrow an outer two in the comment.

The commentators were generous to him because they're trying not to be mean, right? But like he wildly overthrew a couple of out routes. And they're like, well, you know, this is practice. And this is not necessarily. But then, of course, for Penn State quarterback, Drew Aller. Drew Aller was there. And Drew Aller begins throwing. And as he's throwing...

What was hurt on him? His hand? I believe it was a leg injury of something. No, he fractured. his left ankle. Okay. Sorry, I was mixing up hands and feet again. Must have been thinking about Ruben Bain. Yeah, you're thinking about Ruben Bain and his little, his little hoves for hands.

It's 30 inch legs. Yes, 30, 30 inch legs. His little deedle, deels. Yeah. Just Ruben Bain out there like a plushy, right? Just a little short arms. Coming after, like, Sonic the Hedge. I heard they're actually just a squish mellow.

They're actually just scent receptors he uses to find his brain. We can't even have no musculosure what you have? There comes a fucking centipede. I mean, his name is fucking Bane. What do people want? He's shaped so weird and he can't be blocked. That's probably why. Like, I have some, I think I'm going to be the one semi-contrarian on this because I have, like, like having worked the draft around draft people, they do come up to you afterwards.

Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Bye, blah, blah, ba, ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. Thank you. insider Spencer Hall. When you worked them, like initially when I was starting to work the draft, I was like, these people don't know shit. And then sometimes they'd come up to you and be like, did you know he has the second

appendix? And you're like, what? Like there's stuff that comes up on medicals that is fucking wild. Like this is where you learn that the Alabama and Georgia dynasties are fueled by scar tissue. Like their medicals come back and you go, that's a 28 year old man. That's a 35 year old knee. All of that contact and practice adds up. So when they get their medicals back, one of the things that's factored in,

and sure is damn well, contract negotiations. Yeah, it's a Carfax. And when you look at people who came out of these like programs that hit all the fucking time, their medicals are nightmares. Their medicals are astonishing for what you see. So that's really what those dynasties are built on is contact. And contact yields injury and injury yields some pretty shocking medicals that you don't necessarily hear about in the draft process.

but if you see somebody fall back a couple of picks or if you see somebody fall down a round or two, it's usually not people go like, well, there are character issues here. No, a lot of times it's just like, hey, we know that that guy has a tin can in his knee. Right? Like there's just a, there's just junk. Every couple of years you get like the we have, speaking of shit, you don't know how to measure. We've decided this guy has small hands. I think the arm thing, this is where I'm coming, the conclusion I'm coming to, that is not real cool.

I think the arm thing matters. I think it even matters for Bain. Yeah. Like, yeah, it does. Like, I think it's going to, I think it's going to be, it's like, that's a serious obstacle. Like you, can you walk that out for me? Because as a non-draft Nick, what I hear after watching Ruben Bain Pay college football is, okay, say Ruben Bain's arms can't get to you quite as fast as, uh, you can get to him.

You still have to contend with the entire rest of Ruben Bain. That is true. That is true. But your point of contact as a defensive. is going to be the hand. You're always trying to, right? Like it's a hand game. You're trying to get your hands on a tackler, right?

And it's going to matter because the margins in the pros are that small. As a point of comparison. Okay, that makes sense. Like, in terms of it being like a, like working with tiny ass margins, that part makes sense to me. You're working like the margin. That's one thing. Like if I could drive that home and go, okay, this is what you don't understand. Like we talk all the time about like, hey, man, college athletes are just, it's another world completely.

The NFL are fucking freaks. They are all. Fucking freaks. When we say, you know, like half of college football players are shaped a little bit wrong. Yeah, yeah. That includes the guy's trying to block Rubin Bain, right? Right. And like he is so good that he overcomes his, I mean, like, you know, there have been short guys in the NBA.

Like there's always somebody who's just so good that they can overcome the limitations of their own physique. But it is a limitation. Like his arms are literally five inches shorter than. Miles Garrett's. Miles Garrett has a 30, Miles Garrett has a 35 and five-eighths. Yeah, that's why he's the cubits. Yeah. Right.

Like, he is, he is the prototype. And Rubin is coming in five inches. Like, if I can't. So that's, and that's to that, reverse the context there. There's the context you're going to be looking at him in the NFL. But there's also the context in which we have been watching him. Like, to go back to the shapes thing, we have been watching him wreck shit amongst, you know, several correct shapes in a sea of, you know, miscellaneous shapes.

Yeah. And now, you know, it's time to, it's time to play hexagon ball. I think there is also a part of this that takes what you're saying, Spencer, and puts on, filters it through risk management. If you draft a quarterback who's too short or a wide receiver who's too slow, no matter what they like have shown you in other ways and no matter how much you may think, like, oh, they're going to succeed based on my some understanding of their skills. and game and personality, whatever.

If they fail, everyone will point, if Rubin Bain fails in the NFL, the talking point, no matter why it is, the talking point will be arms too short, told you arms too short, and that will become a failure of that front office, that everyone told you arms too short, but you didn't listen.

If you take a guy who, Godfrey and I were talking about Jake Locker today, Jake Locker didn't do shit in the NFL, but he certainly looked like, He was 6.3. He was 230. He could quote unquote make all the throws. He had shape camouflage. Right. And

if you take a Jake Locker and he doesn't pan out, it's so much easier to just be like he's a bust. The Titans didn't do anything wrong taking Jake Locker eighth overall, the place where he went, because they they like met all the checkmarks. They went

to consumer reports and said, yeah, Jake Locker's shape is the shape a quarterback should be. And I think that's a big part of it is you know as somebody whose job security depends on whether these picks work or not that if you take reuben bain and he fails it's harder for you to sort of say like well reuben bain you know reuben bain didn't work hard enough or wasn't like equipped enough to do this people will say like no to collie's point you saw the carfax and you knew that you were buying something that was compromised in some way and that's on you it's like we know that we know that

a 4-3 running back has a better chance of success than a 4-6 running back, even though a 4-6 running back could work. And some of them still do. But like, you know, like you're saying, I agree. If you swing on the 4-6, people are going to remember, oh, we told you not to do that. There was a fast guy right there. Did the fast guy succeed? No, probably not.

But you could have taken fast guy instead. You could have made a different mistake. The other fucked up thing is if Ruben Bain slides, and I have no reason to think they will necessarily, but let's say he goes in like that teddy bridgewater into the first round spot and if if rumen vein's awesome every other like now we get to play the other game like why'd you care about short arms why don't you know ball yeah hey we found this guy who's arms are 12 inches long you're not making you're not making a jacket you dips shit what are you talking about and those guys get to be even more annoying because their shit is intangible woo mm-hmm although like you could like I would 100% feel okay with that

have felt and this is why because one of the people he's going to be going up against is like trit williams right like that's like that's the grade of athlete you're talking about you go who are you going to be facing in terms of a pass rush like surely they're just going to be a guy you're like no it's somebody who does incline presses of 315 is a warm up it's somebody who told a teammate i'm no longer interested in being strong what yeah that's insane and with the possible exception of being a quarterback, you are expected to compete against them from minute one. Yeah. The last prospect, the last draft prospect, I remember with this hyper focus on one part of their

body, was Kenny Pickett's hands. And I would not say that Kenny Pickett has lived up to his draft slot. First of all, Kenny Pickett does have a Super Bowl ring and played in the Super Bowl, Go Birds. Second of all, wasn't with the team drafted him. And he is not, like, put in a career that is worthy of where he got picked. but I wouldn't watching Kenny Pickett play I'm not like oh if only it wasn't for those small hands

it only human growth hormone is hands only probably some other stuff it's also like we were watching Kenny Pickett games like my god this dude's taking over he was good yes but it wasn't like my god that's the best player on the field right right it was funny but that wasn't the same thing right right right it was like this offense is pretty good right yeah or you could just do it you could just do what the Rams do which is they're like

oh he seems pretty good We should take him. I guess what I'm saying is Kenny Pickett should trade Ruben Bain his hands, trade hands, and give Rubin Bain three inches of his arm. I love the very short-armed quarterback. But with big hands, but with nice, nice, meaty pause. Slapping the ball. I think we're describing Diego Povian.

What's the shortest armed player you can build in a video game? That's a great, this God, this is a John Boy's question from 2014. Time to open up Cyberpunk. Time to Enormous penis, tiny arms. Blackheart, gold pants, Photoshop of the lineman with the four-inch arms. Brandon Shurf, yeah.

Brain and Shurf. Speaking of fast guys, did you guys see Haynes? No. Did you guys see, go look up, Ryan, go look up Haynes King's 40 time at the Combine. I believe it was. No, let him look it up. I want him to see.

Okay, 446, very impressive. Great. that's really good. I'm going to watch him do it. Yeah, he's hauling. He's hauling. How is he running like that with all of the iron plates in his body? What I want to know is whether he sustained an injury at the end of it.

Because if he didn't, he's going to do it again. It doesn't count. Yeah. It's like, can you put somebody at the end of the path that I need a wall to run through or I can't go full speed. We don't have a natural. They're just going to put up like a holograms. That's just a beam of light for him to run at. I don't have a natural

pivot to this, but who's the president that Haynes King was paired with on that trading card? Oh, fuck, it was something so weird. I mean, they were all weird. Yeah. Not like Tanya Harding weird. Like, this is the most visual thing

that I don't even know if we can really break down on this episode. You know what? Let's spend five minutes trying. We could do this. It's FDR. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I have this bookmarked for all time. You know who else they doubted?

When I think about moving quickly, I think about FDR. God. Hey, they both had wheels. That's true. That's true. Wait, can we talk about who real quick, and then I will leave it. Can we talk about who JFK is paired with? Can we first of all explain what these cards are?

Yeah, let's try. No, no. Server, can you, can you, can you describe for the list? Are we getting a full hand of the dirt breakdown of whatever the fuck this is? Okay, so Leaf is a card company, all right? They make un-lis-like, well, like tops or upper deck or pinini, but they are not licensed. So like, anytime you see these plays. So they're cool.

Yeah, there's Dominic Wilkins and William Henry Harrison on a card. By the way, can we look at the cunt face on William Henry Harrison? Yeah, he's serving a lot of guns. He's on a fucking runway. Not for long. He's going to die when he gets to the end of it. Okay, so it's a moving sidewalk. I'm the only person who finds William Henry Harrison dying funny.

No, you're not. So the logos on all leaf cards are like blurred out. The photoshopped out or airbrushed out or whatever. So this card was these cards, this is a set of cards that was released for President's Day. This year? I guess this year. like this year. I think they've done it a couple years. This might be the second edition of them.

What a time to celebrate presidents. Shout out to Luke Knox.m.m. On blue sky for bringing this to my attention. And these cards have athletes paired with presidents. You're thinking there may be a rhyme or reason for connection to said president and athlete. Or between the athletes themselves that were chosen? Yeah. Yeah.

No. There is not. None. So we're looking at a card that has. like a presidential seal behind it that's like hologram with like hologram stars and stripes and these are all autographs like sticker autographed stuck on the bottom of the card and it's a haines king card and next to it is a portrait like the presidential portrait of franklin delano rosephel and john f kennedy is i see just above this he's paired with joey chestnut

athlete. By the way, to this day, the greatest ever athlete outreach I've ever received in my life was when we were all at SB Nation. And we got an email from somebody offering to connect us to they could get us in good with Joey Chestnut's sister. Aw. That's nice. Thank you, Joey Chestnut's sister's friend. Still the greatest PR email I've ever received. I have one.

Who's Tonya Harding with? I haven't found that one. I forget. I just remember goggling that she was included. I have found John Daly with Teddy Roosevelt. Oh, I didn't see that one. They're really shaped the same. It's a big boys.

It's a big burly. They both ride, bro. I have found Jerry Stackhouse with Warren G. Harding. What? Yep. I have found Rick Flair with Harry Truman. They would get along. Tanya Harding is with...

For like two minutes. Tanya Harding is with James Madison. Thank you. Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I have founding fathers. Lamar, Odom, and Woodrow Wilson. Yeah, I would not get along. Both of them have had strokes.

The most confusing one is, I'll just put it in the chat here. Let me make sure that it's linking to where I want. Yeah, okay. I'm just going to put it in the chat. And then one of you can tell me what we're looking at here. Seems to be Anthony Hopkins and Richard Nixon. Yes. And fame actor Anthony Hopkins and not just any Anthony Hopkins.

He's in character. From Amosad, I'm pretty sure. That's a sport? Like, like, Leaf, you crazy for this one. Has Anthony Hopkins has played an athlete. Is he insured it's a fire? Motorcycle racer. Okay.

Apparently, allegedly. Great. Look at Nixon. Nixon's so happy to you there? There's also So these, I think what I'm surmising from these cards is that like these athletes, these are not one of one

cards. These are not even numbered from what I can tell like one to 25 or anything like that. There are presidents who are on a card with different, like multiple athletes. Like there's also a Richard Nixon and Hannah Hidalgo

card. But this is the dumbest thing. Like this is the don't buy these if you're like looking to this is not the this is not the hobby purchase that's worth making Don't do this. Don't do this because this is I guarantee you a box of these is like oh it's got to be $270. Yeah for what's that's just like a blaster or is that a hobby box does it say this is this says it is a 10 box it's a case that includes 10 boxes now hold on okay That's not bad. Four to five autograph cards per case from an impressive roster of athletes.

Please buy these for him in the dirt and do a four. There worth every penny. Me and Tony Hopkins. I've downloaded the checklist of every card. It appears there are combinations. Like each athlete is paired with multiple. Like for instance, of course, there's an Adam Schaefter Abraham Lincoln. However, there are also.

Adam Schaefter Gerald Ford, Adam, another athlete, Adam Schaefter, Barack Obama. This is a gigantic spreadsheet that I'm looking at. There are numerous Anthony Hopkinses. Anthony Hopkins is paired in one version or another with every president, by the way.

Damn. What the fuck are you looking at here? The hitman, Brett Hart, who famously hated America, is paired with American presidents. I know there's a Rob Van Dam in here. There's a Rob Van Dam? Yes.

Yeah, I've passed multiple wrestlers. There goes Chevy Chase. I'm still not over Lamar Ottom and Woodrow Wilson. This is so good. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever. And that's what makes it perfect. There goes Ed O'Neill. Elizabeth Shue is here.

Lamar Odom could probably do a better job running Princeton. He deserves a shot, at least. Listen, he would have been. a better president. Bill Goldberg. Oh. The amount of a combination of autos, just there, the dual autos are

excellent here. Ben Affleck and John Bernthal. Yeah. Who obviously. Which one is president? I think that there's multiple options you can get for that one. Hallie Berry is paired with every president.

Get a job. Leave it alone. There are some, like, there's some chases here. like Larry Bird, Jalen Brown. Two Celtics, like, if you're a Celtics fan, maybe that's a, that's a chase that makes sense. Like Nolan Ryan, Roger Clemente. That, or Roger Clements, for some people,

might be a chase if you're into that sort of thing. There's a Randy Moss, Peyton Manning. How about John Goodman and William Taft? Pat. Yeah, bros. Big boys. Yes. Wade Boggs and Bill Clinton.

Two part of bros. Two good time and bros. That's all that is. Larry Bird and Abraham Lincoln Ooh Coco Beware is in this set Ryan Day is in this set Oh, did you see who Ryan Day is paired with? No, I didn't know.

That's the thing. The wizard Martin Van Duren Listen, they're all paired with every president. There is a version. You can find Richard Petty is in here. So I can get Johnny Manzell and Jimmy Carter if I want. Yes, good to know.

I have seen Connor McGregor in front of the Mount Rushmore. I've seen Kate Beckinsale in front of Mount Rushmore as well. Sure. Yep. So it looks like there are exceptions here. It looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin is not paired with a few of our oldest presidents. Sure.

He doesn't recognize their authority, obviously. The first real president was James Monroe. Because those are the ones he hasn't stunned yet. That's right. Yeah. I'll get to him. I got to say, I'm still pretty partial to. to Jerry Stackhouse and Warren G. Harding.

That's the one where I'm like, that's the most like, give me this NBA jam bearing right. Who's not fucking around here? Regulators! I listen, if I want it to be a jam combo, Lincoln and Bird? Sure. Height. Yeah. Who's the Spurrier combo?

Why isn't Lincoln with one of the wrestlers? I mean, Spurrier, let's see here. The Spurier one I saw. Spurier again, you can get in any with anyone if you like. Uh, the first one, the first one I saw. I gotta go back to it. Damn it. I've lost it already.

There's so many of these. There's just so many of these. That sure is true. So the, uh, ultimate rarest version of each of them is, of course, the super presmatic edition, which pairs any of them with George Washington. Yeah. So, you know, Andrew Garfield and George Washington. logical match or Brian Cranston and George Washington

Haley Steinfeld and George Washington Spider Manning should be Carmen Electra and George Washington At last That's a throwback At last Two classics It's a weird mix of like

That's the other thing is like There's no there's no consistent through line of like Oh it's people who are this famous Sometimes it's like yeah these are like Some of the most famous athletes in the world And then you're like there's Carlos Boozer And like why is Heather Graham here, which first of all, that's fine, but she is not eligible to be paired with like Millard and Franklin and, you know, I can't get a Ulysses and Heather Graham card. I have a rapidly developing conspiracy theory looking at this list. And it is that Adam Schaefter has some connection to this company and got to pick his own presidents. I mean, that's the thing. They all are.

connected to almost all of them. The thing is if you scroll down the checklist, you will see jaw, and your heart will leap because you think it'll be jaw rule, but then you realize it's John Morant, and you feel even better. Okay.

Yeah, it's basically... Jeremy Renner is here, folks. And he is not eligible to be paired with the oldest presidents, but otherwise, I can get you in a Jeremy Renner Nixon. Can I get you in this new Jeremy Renner, You want a renter bush one or bush two. I got you either way.

I can say with confidence this would be the most delightful card pack you could possibly open. I would like Iverson with any of these guys as long as she's crossing them up. You know, like I don't want imposing. No. Iverson crossing up Trump. Iverson crossing up Grover, Cleveland. That's what really happened to. Iverson stepping over John Adams.

Remember the ladies, John. There is a quad auto that is highly intriguing here of Chris Weber, Pesha Stoyakovich, Mike Bibi, and Vladi Dvats. That's insane to get all four of them on one card. Because those Kings teams were fucking awesome. Nick Sabin is here. Yes. And he is, so the ones that you cannot get in a Nick Saban, damn, you can't get a Witchrow Wilson or a Teddy. Roosevelt with Nick Saban. Otherwise, you're good. Anything you want.

Nicholas Cage is on this list as well. It's under the White House. 100% tracks. 100% tracks. Well, because he's, he's successfully infiltrated parts of the government before. So this just sounds like people you would see as iconic celebrities in some sort of horrible, brick-a-brac generic chain restaurant on the walls. I don't know if you've seen. But then why is Anthony Hopkins there? That's the part I don't get. To the lambs, bro. The movie's fucked up. I'm going to go, uh, Randy Moss, Jimmy Carter.

That's probably, if I, if I could assemble. Oh, Anthony Hopkins was in a Transformers movie, too. Never mind. Okay, we're good. Oh, that was the one that was like Transformers through time. Something like that. I don't know. Yeah.

And he's been in a mission impossible as well. Yeah, Anthony Hopkins isn't better than you. Don't let him say that he is. He's going to make you think, oh, I only pick good, fuck that. Scott Boris? Scott Boris. Half his clients are on this list. Ted DiBiase, he needs the money.

Did you feel bad for people who didn't, who got a no? It's like, sorry about that. DJ Lagway gets a card, you don't. Eat shit. Sorry, that's Baylor quarterback DJ Lagway. Oh, is that a segue? Wow, very, very well. Were you just going to wait until we mentioned the current college athlete?

I was going to, okay, because, you know, well, Ryan was talking about dealing some cars. I'm going to talk about casting a few spells. I think it's been too long. Oh, magic mists of time. Come to me! It's the return of the wizard.

It's Spencer the White. Spencer the Even Whiter. Spencer the extremely Caucasian. Spencer the Alabaster. Here at last, with magic, old magic. Old is January 25th. That's right. I've returned from beyond the veil to test you, mortals.

It's an eternal. I see all and know all. And yet I come down from this peak to test your knowledge and bless you with news that you may not be aware of. Because, because the Eldridge Horrors of New Age have dawned. then that means players can move about from one team to the other, as if there were jobs, as if they were real teams. Why are you like this? And it's easy to lose track of where one player may be. So often do they roam from kingdom to kingdom.

For instance, DJ Lagway, last scene throwing nine interceptions versus LSU, he's left Florida. And he has now gone to Baylor, where he seeks his fortune in the tri and savage climbs of Waco. Avenging his father or something like that. The avenging his father and blah, blah, listen, I wish him all the luck. I really hope he does well. This wizard wishes him

well. What I want to test is how well you know some of the most prominent playmakers who vanished to the portal. And if we surfaced in other worlds, other realms, other realms,

and I wanted to start with you, Jason. Jason. Okay. Do we know where star wide receiver Cam Coleman of Auburn

has teleported to? He has sprouted horns, Spencer. Goodness me, what sort of three? They're so long. That's right.

He is, he is indeed going to the University of Texas. Yes, Cam Coleman has gone to the University of Texas. If you want to know what they're trying to get Arch. They're trying to get somebody

that could just throw him the ball. That's it. So if you see Arch mysteriously, if this completion percentage bumps up a little bit, if it just bumps up a little bit next year, it's probably because Cam Coleman is there. Also, Cam Coleman,

looking for a quarterback who can throw him the ball. Just to me. Yeah. Yeah. They sort of said like, hey, Arch, we're going to buy you an offense. We got a shitload of money and here it comes. Here it comes, Texas style.

Woo-hoo. The transfer wizard is congested. Perhaps you need to cast a cough draw. A spell I need. Yes, Cam Coleman, now when you see him at Texas, do not be alarmed. Why would you leave the family at Auburn for Texas? Well, perhaps because Auburn still lacks a passing quarterback.

Money. It's because it's a man. First of all, it's Texas. Of course. What are you talking about? I love that. Can you imagine? Like, what great news when they're like, hey, Texas is involved in a bidding war for you as a college football player. You're like, fuck yeah. Stupid and riches on the table. Yeah. Can I get paramount in on this? Yeah. The Ellison's are like, we love to make this country great with you, Cam Colman. We're going to make Cam Coleman fascist somehow. Where's my nutrient? Good.

You song. Yeah. I mean, while Red McCombs, the ghost of Red McCombs is over there, I don't even know if Red McCombes is dead. Let's see. Is Red McComb's dead?

Great search in the middle of this podcast. In an actuarial sense, this seems likely. The wizard is consulting the orb. Oh, he's dead. He's been dead for three years. He has transferred to the Great Beyond. The final transfer.

How did we miss an entire Red McComb's obituary episode? Red McCombs is transferred to the graveyard. Hit the boys. Hit the noise. That's one of them. Next. Next. Byron Brown, UCF's magical quarterback. Byron Brown. Where is Byron Brown

transferred him to? First of all, you've transferred him to UCF. I'm sorry. USF. That's Byron. The magic. I moved to entire universities. He has turned into two animals, Spencer. He was formerly a bull with

Now he is a tiger with wings. That is correct, Byron Brown. It's now a tiger planesman eagle boy. Yes. At Auburn, you're following his coach, Alex Golish, to Auburn. In case, by the way, I know some of you are listening out there. One, Bob Stoops has retired, has head coached Oklahoma.

Two, Alex Golish. South Florida head coach is now at Auburn. We won't tell you what happened to Mike Stoops until the very end of this episode. You know what he did? They followed that money. That's what he did. Reportedly, Mark Stoops is being hired as a Texas assistant, which means we are one stoops away from Bob coaching against Oklahoma.

We listen. We need to collect all three stoops in the same place. I got to say, and I say this with full humility because it's just true for me. Nothing about Mark Snoops is like, oh, he'll look good and burnt orange. That'll look nice on his body. Who does? That's kind of left him out. Yeah.

Who looks really cool and burnt orange? Yeah, but when I hear, hey, special assistant to the head coach in Austin, you know, and I'm like, I'm like, God, that guy's going to drink some good beers. Like that, like that, that sunset beer, that sunset beer, it's going to be a lot of good sunset beers. I thought that was Matthew McConaughey's job title, Special Assistant to the head coach. Well, they're sharing it now, brother. You're just a cold one? You and me, Mark Stoops? That's your job is to be McConaugh's buddy.

That's it? Listen, I'm sick of him coming up to me with his deep thoughts. Just keep him occupied, Mark. He's going to come up and be like, hey, man, Mark Stoops is into the dankest weed I have ever smoked in my life. Like, he's smoking that paralytic. He's smoking that Dracula pack. We were out till sunrise last night. Why is Mark Stub's got a rat tail now?

Ponder in the multiverse, man. Mark Stoops has just got something in a bag that's labeled that Earl Campbell. Why do they call it that? It's going to knock you on your ass, man. You're a wise man, Mark Stoops. Yeah, I've been microdosing. Sees things. Other people don't.

I'm telling you, you get that man out of Kentucky, get him a couple of... Oh, sorry, I was thinking about Mike. I don't know what it would do for Mark. I think Mark's already there. I mean, Mark was falling out of... was falling out of press boxes, right? Because he was so frantic. No, that was Mike.

Was that Mike? Yeah, I was Mike. Yeah, I was Mike. Mike was the one who they had the press box that had like the little like school child desks in there. And you could see him like bang his knees on it every time he jumped up. I would say in the needs weed power rankings, Mike is like resounding number one among the stoopses.

Yes. Bob is cool. Like Bob's fine. Bob has found what works for Bob. Yeah. Whatever Bob's doing, keep it up, brother. I still maintain that the stoops with the best life choices has been Ron this entire time. That's right, high school.

Who took over their dad's high school job? Yeah. Then all of them were like, we're going to retire before we die on the field, all of them, for reasons that you should look up. Next! Oh, low, oh, low, the orb, it's cloudy, but suddenly clarity reaches me. The travelers! The wizard! Let me tell you a tale.

A tale of a man who demanded more difficulty. I'm sure he got paid. But Jacarius Peak, offensive tackle, highly rated offensive tackle, Jacarius Peak was howling at the moon at NC State with the wolf pack. Where did he transfer to? It's hard enough remembering quarterbacks. It is. It's difficult.

It's an SEC school. It is, but I will tell you, it's not one where you go. that's an obvious pull, man. South Carolina. That is correct, Holly. I thought it. The only reason I thought this is because my initial was USC and I'm like, wait, no, close, but different. But yeah, you got it.

Yes, Jacarius Peak transferred to South Carolina. To the real USC. Yeah. I want you to just know, Jacarius Peak decided NC State football wasn't hard enough. I'm going to go to South Carolina. It's, it's, I'm tired of going eight and four. I want to go either two in ten or ten and two. It's going in one direction

to the other, brother. Either way, it's going to be a story. I want a coach who's very happy or very mad. That's, congratulations. Here are the other solid offensive linemen we have.

I want to coach who's out of list of some sort. That's all. I want to coach with kind eyes, a breathtaking array of hernia as a 19 kids. Can you block one on four? Rivers. That's right. He'll be there soon.

That's it. Did we see the first of the river's children is head to Nancy State? No, I forgot about that. Gunner! Soon they'll have a whole lineup. I don't know if he's the oldest, but I do know he's committed. Just me holding my face in the press conference asking him without looking him in the eye going, why'd you name him Gunner? Because I do he's going to be slinging it.

Gunner is not the oldest, but he is the eldest boy. So the river's flag football dynasties will begin separately. Yes, yes. Oh, yet more visions. Behold, arc. More visions coming to me. Suffering more visions. There's a theme to these.

Oh, sometimes the threads of reality run parallel. Stanton Rammle, offensive tackle. He went from Michigan State to where? Anywhere, get out of there. Pat Fitzgerald's coming. The Transfer Wizard says you're slow. It's Auburn. Okay, next.

Joseph Simmons, offensive tackle. He went from JMU to where? UCLA. Auburn. Jake of the Strand. Offensive tackle. He went from Oregon State to. Auburn?

That is correct. Can you guess? Can you guess? Is everything. so far connected to Auburn. Can you guess what Alex Golish thought they really needed at Auburn in the off season? Football players? Fat guys.

A thousand pounds of man. Bring me a thousand pounds of man. So he's bringing over a few guys from US stuff, but he's like, we didn't have enough fat guys there. If you are a talented fat guy, Auburn be your destination. Go there. It's the pyramid of flesh. Oh my God. It's the pyramid of flesh.

She's building it. I thought you were going to do that again. The transferer wizard says the pyramid of flesh is real. Made manifest. A young sorcerer named Alex Golish. Messing with only the darkest and densest caloric materials. Compiling it in the Buckees of Auburn, Alabama. Extra meat on those sandwiches at Jimmy Johns?

Why is that the most disturbing thing you've said so far? I'm not finished. Thank you. You're absolutely. right. Oh, this one, I think that was difficult. Why did they never give the Cripkeeper like Dennis Miller's slut? What, Monday Night Football?

I assume we made on Monday Night Football, yeah. I'm in on his talk show, but yeah. Cripkeeper on Game Day, man. Cripkeeper would be go like, he'd go 12 and O on the weekend. His skin looks better than McAfee's. Indeed, Lee Corso did. Yeah. Next.

Terry Bradshaw, not trying to relate to Crip. Oh, man, you're a fun guy, Crip Keeper. You're crazy. You're slightly older than me. Like you, Crip Keeper, you made me feel like I got a full head of hair. How often do you think Terry Brattson knows where he is? Tell us some total non-sequentor story about what him and the Crip Keeper were doing when they were hanging out in 1982. Is you and Morgan Fairchild?

Was you a Morgan Fairchild? Crip Keeper, Crip Keeper played bass on one of my albums. He's a fucking cool guy. I got to tell you. I think he's got like 11 minutes a day where he's like, I'm here. I'm definitely here. Rest of the time? No fucking clue.

Astroplane. He's with me. Out here. With the wizard. Come on transfer wizard. I'm going to pin you today. Oh, do you know who's hard to pin down though? That's right.

When they say death is the ultimate transfer portal. Oh, no. There's worse places to end up than death. Is this about Auburn again? No, Penn State. What quarterback has played 42 games in college and yet decided he wants more! You know, it took us a while because we actually talked ball for a good portion of this episode, but we finally got to the moment where Cerber pushes his glass up and just rubs his nose in a tired fashion.

What quarterback has 42? Penn State. Forty-two starts. He probably came from Iowa State. Perhaps. Oops. So Rocco Becht. That is correct.

Rockopect. The biggest draining that we saw this year was Penn State just saying, hey, Iowa State, you're promising starting lineup next year. It's ours now. Took all that clean water. We didn't recruit. We literally didn't recruit. We're just taking your starting lineup.

It was recruiting in the way that bass fishing is recruiting for fish. Uh-huh. Get in this boat, son. Let's go. We've got a live wheel right here. You built this? I built this. To give you an example of how much Rocco Beck we've been exposed to,

Diego Pavia played in 53 FBS games. All right. Right now, Rocco Beck is at 42. So he will be passing. If he remains healthy, he will be passing the Pavia line. All right. That does not count Pavia's junior college games. By the way, one other combine thing.

I yes So Fernando Mendoza gets up there And like my God dude Like I think he's a genuine person But I also know that he knows how to work these guys man Like he like Fernando Mendoza Talking to guys in polo shirts or suits

Wrapped around his fucking finger He's gonna spend his LinkedIn stuff His Boy Scout stuff It's gonna work great I think it's sincere He's a lovely lovable person He just fucking nails the this this this this audience is his

Diego Pavia gets up there and says I've gotten a lot of good life advice from Johnny Mansell and says our coach told me all mature once I'm 26 ah guess that'll happen in a year like good God dig up stupid just like it's like watching the angel

and devil on your shoulder the more I hear Fernando Mendoza speak the more wildly curious I am to know what his conversations with Kurt Signetti were like. Oh yeah, like, Signetti's like, you fucking asshole, you threw a one in completion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a piece of shit, throw. I'll get him next time, coach.

It's not wise to upset a future dentist, coach. Just Signetti being like, that touchdown wasn't very good. but the next one will be like it's kind of like it's it we love of course that he that he got to where he did that he accomplished what he did but he would have been in another timeline the perfect quarterback for a we'll have exercise in fresh air team like shit that's leading cow to almost 500 yeah perfect never mind he's been there you're right yeah God, like as Mendoza as he is at Indiana,

imagine a Cal. Oh, yeah. Imagine. That had to have been a really positive time. Do you know Pavia should go... What's Black Block? Do you go? Pavia should go try to tear up the CFL

now that I'm thinking about. That's what I'm telling. Yeah, so much room to roam. You can lose track of him for a time. Just go up there and, you know, like, just tear up Hamilton, baby. Just get those... a tiger and a cat

I don't have a Diego Pavia voice. The whole Pavia family moving to Ottawa or whatever. We don't have enough international incidents going right now. Let's throw a few more on the file. Let's open a new front. Send the Pavia's to Canada.

15 ominous looking Pavia brothers. My favorite thing that Diego has said so far at the Combine has been, I can't remember the exact quote now, but he was like, yeah, you know, if you look at my record, that you know there's there's nothing on there that they should make these guys pause and drafting me and i'm like unless the record says anything about you being on an opponent's field

well yeah unless it is how we knew you in the first place if the record's just numbers sure but if it includes words i mean also he's like 5-8 but you know let's go back let's go you let's go back to the short arms thing you know he's listen he's uh this is actually very very clever on his part he is covering for the short arms by having short everything. That is, I have another one of note here. One that I think that the wizard thinks you will find interesting from a financial perspective. And that would be... The Trump, the Wizard!

Sam Levitt. Sam Levitt! That's right. Arizona State Sam Levitt. He beheld the death. desert and said, ha! He beheld a lot of environs, a lot of biomes. Many biomes.

He considered every type of geography that America has to offer, and he decided the desert was dry. I'd like to go somewhere moist, very moist. The moistest! I want moist ground, moist air. I cast water bomb. Just everything sloppy. Yes.

All over. These magic cards are all kinds of frogs and shit. Where? Where did Sam Levitt end up? He's an LSU tiger. That is correct. There is a connected one. Jordan Seton, offensive tackle, top-rated offensive tackle. Jordan Seton from Colorado.

Co-co Colorado. Also in LSU Tigers. And if you'll look, there's a number of other people who've opted to follow the crawfish highway down to Baton Rouge. And what I asked you, what assemblage of sorcery got them there? This is my way of saying, holy fuck, LSU's payroll's got to be like $60 million. Like they have, LSU's payroll's got to be nuts. I mean, after how well that went for them literally 12 months ago, how could you not double down? I mean, since when have people in Louisiana thrown bad money afterwards?

Since when has having a really unlikable head coach with a super expensive roster gone poorly for LSU? I have one more. The Transfer Wizard has one more riddle for you. One more. Sound. Thank you. Sometimes the summoning takes a bit. That's all right.

Your summoner was playing Mario Kart. The Transfer Wizard is buffering. The Transfer Wizard has a beguiling riddle for you. My most devious one yet. The top ranked kicker in the class was Connor McAvaney. Oh, boy. Connor McInney. He's a kicker.

It's a kicker. And he came from Quincy. Mm-hmm. Of course. Quincy. University. Okay, sure. That one.

Yes. Quincy University. And he signed where? No one knows this. Jesus Christ. Auburn. Pray tell Wizard. give us a clue.

I will tell you, he went to a school well, he will be majoring in festivity, frolic, and perhaps the consumption of potent potables. Arizona State. Like that, but wet. Wetter than Arizona State. Latter than Arizona State. Geographically, you're saying.

Yes, yes. Miami. Too lame. Dumb. Okay Dumber than Miami Right track FIU

Like FIU but more expensive And with a worse record over the last two years So worse than FIU FSU Yes correct Very wet and dumb Got it Yes

So FSU has a good kicker now Yes formerly of Quincy Illinois Quincy University That's right Quincy University Yes This is the mystery of Connor McInney is this.

If you look at his hometown, it's Plumbridge Tyrone. So this is a D2 Franciscan College in Illinois. Wow. Okay. Yes. Okay. Yep. And he most kick.

If you want to fire your coach, NFSU clearly wants to fire your coach. You shouldn't go get the one player who can maybe flip a couple of games for you with a couple of bombs. Like, I don't think getting the top rank kicker is enough that you'd be like, fuck it, we won 11 games. We're back in the playoff. But it is enough that you'd be like, ah, shit. We went seven and five instead of five and seven because this fucking kicker week, God damn it. Like, it feels like the exact wrong move to make. A kicker from Northern Ireland.

That's right. This is again. At least they finally got something out of Ireland. They may have lost the game, but they gained a kicker. They really won over that young man. They did. He went to high school at CBS OMA. That's right.

From Plumberidge, Tyrone. It's Connor McInney, who is the son of Fergal and Sheena McInney. And this is just Mike Norville, again, just being a contrarian. Most people, they go to the other side of the world to get a kicker. So notable Quincy University alumni include, you know, a handful of politicians,

baseball players, whatever. And then there's Michael Swango. prolific serial killer and physician. Yeah, sure. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Was this the guy who killed people in the hospital with injections? I thought that was a nurse. I think it's that kind of vibe at a scanning.

Okay, yeah. Gotcha. But we won't blame Quincy University for that. I'm just saying the alumni list. That's what it is. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is the guy who's in Supermax. Like, he's in like, he's in like, like hell jail.

Yeah, Michael Swango. So congratulations, Quincy, on having a big Wikipedia presence. Yes, yes, this is who we've got. We have a Northern Ireland, a Northern Irish kicker. Transfer Wizard, can I throw one your way? A challenge? Counter spell, mortal! Play, play if you dare.

We have the sound for it. Transfer Wizard, Jaden Rashada is no longer engaged in a lawsuit against Florida. Because from originating from his high school recruitment, he's been to at least three schools since then, maybe four. Wait, what was after Florida or before Florida? He went to Arizona State. Okay. After Arizona State, he transferred to Georgia. Right.

After Georgia, he transferred to Sacramento State. That's the one I forgot. But that's not where he is right now. Transfer Wizard without looking, where's Jaden Roshada going to play this fall? Oh, the Transfer Wizard does have a guess, and it is a guess. He will be an incarnate word? Mississippi State is the answer.

Incarnate Word is a fantastic guess. It's a good guess. It really is a quarterback waypoint. That is where T.J. Finley, that is his seventh school, is incarnate word. Yes, yes. Quarterback who moves around a lot, there will be an incarnate. word stop yes yeah t j finley has an astonishing number of stops c j finley's awesome t j finley might be the greatest college football player of all

time in terms of the greatest number of college football teams yes no one will top greatest as in biggest number yes yes how many holly how many schools do you think are on t j finley's wikipedia page nine it's not that many but it is six it's six And he was at Tulane, but didn't play for them. That's true. Yeah, I should have a seventh. Yeah. It's seven schools that he's at least practiced with. Yeah.

I have one, Transfer Wizard. Please. Oh, Parlay. Your boy, Anthony Calandria. Oh. Oh. The Transfer Wizard did not look this one up. After, oh, man, I didn't know this one.

Oh, the Palantir is cloudy. Fuck this rules. After his time at UNLV. The Palantir is only showing an old video. After his time at UNLV. You are color scheme correct. What did she guess? I said Rutgers.

And color scheme, she's in the right ballpark. Conference. Conference she's in the right ballpark. And recent level of bowl success. That's unfair to Rutgers, actually. He's going to Ohio State? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no. Nebraska lost their quarterback to Oregon's bench. Nebraska nearly took one of Notre Dame's quarterbacks who ended up at Kentucky instead. Nebraska has instead found itself with the most entertaining of all those three options acquiring Anthony Clinton. Did not guess that because I did not associate Nebraska with wearing black at any time. T-shirt cannon the quarterback. Here he comes. The mobile cannon.

What a morale upgrade in the locker room that is. Yeah, we're going to have fun. And so are they. Dude, I know that this wasn't with the deal, and I know that Nebraska offered more money than you and LV could counter, but I know Dan Mullen got that call. Right? They're like, hey, man, Calandria is going, and he's like, oh, thank God.

My blood pressure. It's funny. It's kind of funny, Dan, watching that happen in the other direction, isn't it? It's a delight. For any first-time listeners, we love this dude. Yeah, I love him. Yes. But we don't have to coach him.

If you were his QB coach, if you're a QB coach and they're like, hey, listen, we got the swaggiest white boy from Tampa Bay, Florida. You're like, pass, pass. Go get me some big calm, Jesus freak. Who likes to hand the ball off? The bastard son of Patrick Mahomes is here to put you in an early grade. 31 starts, Calandria has thrown 29 picks. You are almost guaranteed to see an interception. Fuck yeah.

You like seeing interception. It's so good. What a, what a miraculous move. What one is we've uncovered. I have one more for you. I have one time. It's like when I said we were going to get out there and pull some high school shit, that is not what I meant. Fernando Mendoza is on his way to the NFL, presumably a number one pick, although we'll see.

Source? What about Alberto Mendoza? Georgia Tech, baby. That's right. That's right. The Transfer Wizard says mathematics. I'm extremely excited to see how this goes. Science and magics.

They all the same. I'm so happy. I'm so enthused for this because I know that Alberto Mendoza likes to run head first into stuff. And Brent Key, you know what Brent Key likes? He likes to tell guys to run head first into stuff. It's like, I love you so much, son. What I need you to do?

Now I have two sons. Now I have two sons. That's right. I'm like, he wants some like flat worms running it to it so hard that you split into two organisms. That's right. That's how you get, hey, listen, you need depth. That's how Plataeha Menthe's gets depth. And Plenarian ball.

Yeah. It's funny how much better I am at the Transfer Wizard game now that I actually cover the sport again. It's correct. Last year it was like, who? Huh? Do what now? I'm glad one of us is, I'm glad one of us is back in this, because we need something to cling to you.

We need a guide post. To be clear, I didn't know the kicker. I feel very bad about that. Now you do. It's just getting better every day, coach. Yeah, that's what's all about. We'll learn from this and grow stronger. That's so real.

Who's the best punter in the portal? Hold on. Let me look. Yeah, no, no, you got to go look. We've got the best porter punter. John Hoyett Chance. Move from Louisiana Tech to TCU. All right.

Let's see here. That'll work. If you did look through the portal, by the way, every time you go, hey, man, that's a pretty good player. They went to Indiana. Damn. Best long snapper went to Texas, too. Dropping a fucking bag, man. Third best, third best long snapper went to Kennesaw State, might I have.

That's all right. That's all right. Listen, if he becomes the first best long snapper, go to Texas next year. Texas is evidently just dropping bags. We haven't gotten into. Even now the soon to approach illegal transfer portal. I transferred avoiding the portal altogether. I've defied the wizard sciences.

It's beyond my reach. Summer when the wizard is hibernating. How did I transfer without using a portal at all, wizard? You are dead to me. I walked. I got to car. I circumvented the portal. Using the interstate.

My vision does not penetrate a mid-sized sedan's windows. Fuck, it is. Spencer's ISR on is watching the skies and someone's just taking the bus. It is the most college football thing at all, of all that people are like, all right, we have this software that you put your name into and you have to do it. And if you don't do it, you're in big trouble. And it took five years for college ball and be like, fuck that. I'm going to do what I want. And like, they like, shit, brats.

breaks so fast, they were like, all right, all right, all right. You can pay your players. You can only pay them this much. No, I'm paying them whatever I want. Other people can pay them too. But if it's more... If it's more than $9, you have to ask us whether it's okay. If we don't like it, you're in trouble.

Makes the bagel days look quaint. Like, it's just fucking... This is, it is one of the most anarchic, in college football simply because it's trying to regulate itself like years ago it was the same shit but you know everyone pretended it was all above board now we're getting glimpses and it's like oh god no one's gonna follow these rules they're and honestly honestly the people in charge can't be bothered with it because they're like hold on basketball's trying to tell me that

Shaq can keep playing I don't understand that I can't do anything so oh fuck this one judge who granted He gives the University of Alabama six figures. He said this guy can return from the pros. But this other judge who doesn't give Alabama six figures said otherwise. Meanwhile, a Knox County. I assure you as Judge Hounstooth, McCarran, I will be impartial in my position. A Knox County judge said, hey, Joey Aguilar, the combines next week.

You'd better be there. What the fuck out of here? Real fucking annoyed by that. I'm not going to lie. Hey, man, thanks for stopping. and by for six months it's time to leave i don't even think that was a judge being like no i will not be impartial i think that's judge who's like i don't think joey angeloar's that good i don't think he's cut out i'm not impressed that he tore up syracuse i could do that go get that six round money

just judge alex kershener being like get a job like of all the times we actually want to keep a quarterback can't have nice things Can't have nice things. Although I am really enjoying the specific like attention and scrutiny paid to judges who probably do this every day with all kinds of shit. Yeah, like how mad are you? Like they're not sympathetic figures, but how mad are you if you're a judge right now? Because this is like the whole reason to have this job. This way I got to be a judge who's a sidewalk fan who's like, oh no, no, I went to some unrelated school. Ignore the tattoos on my body. They have nothing to do. That's what the robes are for. Listen, if I'm at some sort of like Senecaer lifetime appointment type Judge shit, or if I'm in a place where there's

nobody who's ever going to run against me, my judgments are going to be blatantly unfair. I'm going to say roll-tied at the end of them. Hey, is he eligible? Where's he going? Auburn. Nope. No.

No. The bail of saying instead of all right. Roll-tide? Yeah, roll-tide. According to the case of you versus my ball. Bang, roll-tide. He's going to Auburn. Well, this is about protecting the opportunities for the upcoming 17-year-olds.

So these old men need to get out of here. Oh, you meant to say Alabama? Well, this is about we can't restrict the employment rights of 27-year-olds. Dude, listen, I'm going to make Maine Justice look like the federalist people. The kind of judgments I'm going to be throwing down concerning players going to your school and not mine. You ever thought about going to Florida, son? Too bad. Bang!

I do like that nobody bothers to sue in Louisiana because they're like, I don't want any piece of that bullshit. Yeah, or mine, whatever. We can work this out on the side. I was trying to get an 11th year of eligibility at Louisiana Tech, and somehow I got $42 million in a runaway truck judgment. That's right. Yeah. I bet Rex Grossman could still sling it.

Oh, if you mean cocaine, yeah, probably. Sure, slinging. Sling in whatever you need slung. Is he good? No, but man, he's still awake at 5 a.m. and looks over. That's right. I think we need to do a little podcast business. Podcast business.

What's a business? Podcast business. It's a business. No more wizard stuff. Time to sell and buy and sell and sell and buy and sell and buy and give us money. One of the subjects that we've talked about for, much of the last 10 minutes, we're planning on doing something on our Patreon at a future date. Almost, you know, most dates are future, to be clear.

If you assume the universe is going to be over than 10 billion years, you know what I mean? So, like, that gives us a lot of runway. But, uh, but yeah, patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast. We put, we put one up there a week or so ago about a very funny sounding TV show that Spencer explained to us called For All Mankind. do more of that too as well. So, uh, so yeah, patreon.com slash shut now forecast. It's cheap. It's cheap. Four dollars a month. Four dollars a month. Next. Less cheap is Phantom Island. The show I do with Stephen Godfrey. Although in some ways it's as

cheap because we give you one free episode every week and one episode behind the paywall. So if you just consume the free episodes, it's actually as cheap as possible. I guess as cheap as possible would be you listen to the episode and then you put a Venmo request to Stephen Cucson. Godfrey and he sends you $5. I'm not saying that will work, but he is very tired and he has three small children. What is his Venmo while we're here? I think if you sent him a Venmo request for $5, you might be able to get it. No, I mean, like, give us his Venmo like name.

His actual Venmo name? That's correct. It is Pearl Jam, Falcons, Daddy, 420. Petty Vedder 6969. Uh, I don't even know what to talk about. Family. I don't know what's talking about Fanta Mila at this point. It's a podcast, sometimes about college football.

This week it's not. This week it's not about college football. One tiny bit. It's about basically every other college sport, and it is yes about the Big Ten versus the SEC, the only battle that truly matters. Enter the Octagon. We don't have the NCAA-sponsored UFC, but one day we will. You'll see.

Phantom Island. dot show next channel six is a newsletter that holly and i put together two things a week for the low price of ten dollars a month we write about football we write about other sports we write about whatever the fuck we want to sometimes we're like so far ahead of the trend like like we were not to say original iris alice aloo heads right uh but but we were ahead of the trend on her you picked a really you picked a really good time to on board to figure skating i really I really did. I really did. Although I think a great time to onboard of figure skating is any time. Can I explain this here? No, you have to subscribe to Phantom Island and to Channel 6. That's right. It's one of them comment book crossover things. It's a tri-force situation. It's a tri-force situation. You've got to read issue six of Phantom Island and issue two of Channel 6. There's four of us and it's a trif force, which means I don't have to show up. It's a try with a Y. Try it means we're trying. Yeah. Also. Right for side and the four enforce is try.

That is that is correct. That is channel dash six dot. Try enforcing. That's right. Try and forces we won't. We all just still going to give you two things a week for the low price of $10 a month. That's right. Two things a week for $10 a month.

Sometimes it's more. Sometimes it's more than two things. Sometimes it's more. Sometimes we do chats. Sometimes we give you some audio content. We promise that we were going to do the chats weekly this off season. And then immediately both got. six so sometimes Spencer will show up to your house and clean your gutters just without even asking he's just like hey I just don't to see how to you know storms are

good traps for a wizard material eyes and then I uh expect them and then I point out I'm like hey listen man your roof's looking a little weird and then six months later you're out 35 grand and I'm in the wind does your roof look at least differently weird yeah it looks weird it looks weird it looks weird it's different Yeah. Okay. It's got a butt-shaped hole in it. Don't know what that's about. Anyway, I got to know. Spencer sat on your roof from a great height.

Keep me from going back to my scamming roofing ways. The roof of... That's right. Just $10 a month can keep me from a life of crime. He's itching for another roof crime. Once it gets in your bloodstream, baby, yeah. I also send at least two things a week, be the under until Saturday newsletter.

It's about college football today. Today's edition was about the best current college dynasties throughout D1 sports in honor of the Yukon women going a million and O for like the 50,000th time. And I include at the bottom, I was like, all right, we're gonna go through D2 and D3 later, but give me tips on anything you might want me to keep an eye out on.

The entire time that we've been talking, the notifications on my phone, Cal Rugby, Cal Rugby, Middlebury College Women's lacrosse. Cow rugby, Cal Rugby. Y'all, I promise, I'm going to talk about Cal Rugby as soon as I look into whatever that is. It's not an NCAA sport, which is why it wasn't included today.

But I just want the world to know that California Golden Bears Rugby is apparently the fucking Avengers of Rugby. Coach, I appreciate your dedication to showcasing the many, many teams that are superior to Ucom Women's Basketball. That's right. if that's how you want to describe it. Yes.

If you need something to feel good about in your life and you don't have anything in your own life, you're an empty husk of a person who has to put on huskies gear in order to have any sense of belonging or self-worth at all, there is always homefield apparel.com. Despite everything that I just said, I do recommend that you buy any number of their items celebrating any number of sports from hundreds at this point of universities.

It is, Olympics are over, but home fields sales of hockey rinkside hoodies are just heating up. I mean, this is a compliment. Their Tennessee hockey hoodie is one of the ugliest things I've ever seen. I must own it. It's got, they got, they got, they leaned into the checkerboard real hard. So hard. Fellas, what are we clothing our hideous forms with this winter from our friends at Homefield Apparel?

I have just looked up. Homefield does have multiple California Golden Bears rugby shirts. Oh, thank God. The globe-spanning juggernaut that is Cal Rugby can be adorned in Homefield Apparel. That's probably why it's so good. I'm not sure how many other rugby teams have gear on this website, but I will look that up. Only cow! There you have it. That's how dominant they are.

Wow. Say no fucking more. Yeah, go ahead. I was going to say, can I request a Georgia Southern rugby shirt? God, you imagine the gnats in your teeth? That's not so unpleasant. Do you know what, so Holmfield keeps adding new sports? schools, UMBC and VCU, two of the most recent editions.

Have you seen the UMBC Baja racing t-shirt? Ryan, I have not. I have not. Okay, I'm going to send you a quick link to it here in our chat. You can go to homefield apparel.com and find, just put in Baja, and I bet this will be the first thing that shows up. Oh, that's sick. Yes. Wow.

Whoa. It was not prepared. Per the description, this is the, UMBC Society of Automotive Engineers Baja Racing Team. University of Maryland Baltimore campus. UMBC, I owe you an apology. Baja Carten. That's what it's important.

Yeah, sorry. Man. Skid it off the road on that. Yeah, man. This shit looks like the most awesome Super Nintendo game I ever fucking saw. UmbC. first launched its Society of Automotive Engineers bought a Baja racing team in 1990. Like, where the fuck are all the other schools?

You can just launch a Baja racing team and you're not. And like, if there are no other Baja racing teams, national champs. We just said that. That's what Rutgers almost pulled off in 1869. Shit! But fucking Princeton was there. This is, by the way, someone right now just got the big, like, meme eyes at San Diego State and just activated. Oh, 100%.

I tell you. what UVA's not going to start a fucking Baja racing team that's for sure Baja lacrosse more like maybe maybe more like Baja I'll be at the library and Mr. Jefferson's university please home field apparel yeah UVA Baja racing shirts available soon on field apparel getting so many emails about NYU women's basketball I I swear I promise that up they've won like a thousand games in a row server Do we have any killer answer? Um,

playing the show March 21st at Gas Hill and Winston-Salem. Also, cycling season has started. So my podcast, podcast arena, which has been cryogenically frozen, should probably have something soon about that. And then listen to Hand on the Dirt Garden Podcasts by football.

Really a lifestyle podcast. That's it. Perfect. Thus concludes podcast business. All right. I got to take off. I got to go get kids.