Shutdown Fullcast - 40 for 40: Early Bowls and Cheap Insect Protein

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Holly, Jason, Ryan, and Spencer speedrun the early slate of bowls, including answering important questions like: 1.      Which sponsors can be milled into a #nutritious #paste? 2.      Why is Pac-12 champion BYU playing UAB in Shreveport? 3.      What bowl game matchup sounds most like a super racist Supreme Court case? 4.      Will San Diego State win despite a determination to do absolutely nothing but punt? 5.      Gasparilla Bowl? (SOURCE????)    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

... ... ... Welcome to the shutdown full cast. Oh, wait. Nope, nope, no. You can howl if you want to, though. Oh, oh, that's fine.

This is the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall, joined in this, yes, slightly echoey room by Holly Anderson. 19 foot ceilings are good. 19 foot ceilings and podcasting are, I'm sorry, I just about apologized for audio quality of a 40-for-40 episode. Let's move along. The spoiler there and the alert. This is a 40-for-40 episode.

We are discussed every single bowl with our co-host, Ryan Nanny, live from Nashville, Tennessee. I'm not happy about our ballgame. Nobody in Nashville has a country accent. And Jason Kirk, live from beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia. How we doing, Jason? uh hello um the ceiling here is uh the the porch ceiling is far below 19 however i'm outside so the ceiling is infinite god's ceiling well we have 40 bowls to go over we are going to attempt to get through approximately 15 of them today promise the people i like that i like

that the um the number of balls is always just generally enough 40 like as it fluctuate It's call it 40. No one actually cares to count them. The series originally began at, in Yon, EDSPS days, as 35 for 35, and we thought that was pretty ridiculous. And here we are in 2021, the year of the hastily assembled Frisco Classic, which is its name. The Frisco Classic. The hastily assembled Frisco Classic.

The Risco Classic did not exist before, like, the Hasteley Assembled Friscoe Classic. The hastily assembled Trisco Classic. It's part of the name. Yeah. But that's not the bowl we're talking about. No. We're going to, Jason, you're going to give us, I believe, around six minutes to discuss these. We can advance if we feel like we are done before six minutes.

Stop telling Jason Jason's rules. Those are Jason's true. According to the number of bowls that we will be attempting to get through, attempting to preview scrupulously in only three episodes. And based on our average episode time, six minutes is sort of the maximum that we'll be spending on any given bowl. And you may begin when ready with the Bahamas Bowl, Middle Tennessee versus Toledo, who has brought the depth charts and the stats formulas and the X's and O's breakdowns for this. I have some things on my heart about this. And this is the part of the 40 for 40 that is our most cherished tradition where we look up things about these bowls.

on the air. Does the Bahamas Bowl not have a sponsor this year? That is correct. It does not have a sponsor this year. Because this is me... I think for a few years now. Like it had Popeyes and that's just like it's sponsored by the ocean. And then it had the city in Illinois. A random town in Illinois

that was like the makers makers dot go. Maker's daughter. Makers but not ooh. It was like makers but not the bourbon. Deer Forest, Illinois or what have you. Yeah.

It was like, it was seriously, it was like Elkhome, Elkhars, Illinois. Dags Hump, Illinois. If you're in Illinois, tell us what this bowl was. We're not looking it up. Don't do that, actually. But I actually think this is the only funnier thing that having it sponsored by Popeyes would be the Bahamas Bowl realizing it's the Bahamas, just get down here. I think that's what they're doing.

Yeah, that's the idea. They do. I love their website because it says bowl games are better in the Bahamas, hummus, which I think is inarguable. You're also telling this to people from Murphysboro, Tennessee, and Toledo, Ohio. I've been to both these places at this time of year. You could not have bestowed your bowl invitations

upon more grateful subjects than these people. Yeah, the quote from Middle Tennessee's coach was, we're not used to 80 degrees this time of year. Because as we record this, they're already down there. Why are you yelling? Because I can. This is excited. He's excited about the Bahamas Bowl.

This is the second appearance for both teams. I love this. This is a Thomas Bowl in their short history has already invited both Toledo and Middle Tennessee twice. Do you think that the, what is this, is this a Mac Cusa or Mac Sunbelt? There's a small circle of balls that sort of rotate and trade, and the same teams are always no matter how many times the conference has switched amongst themselves, the same teams are always in the running.

This is one of the most notorious ones where, like, if you do projections for the middle of the year, you're like, fuck, everyone has been here very recently. Mm-hmm. Yeah, this is a Mac Cusa match. But the lure of the islands has drawn both of these teams back. Do you think as the year gets towards the end, teams look at it and they're like,

if we win, we might bump ourselves out of the Bahamas Bowl and into something, quote, mark. better. And do you think like Toledo and MTSC we're like, let's drop a game or two just to make sure we can get this this nice vacation? This could explain a lot about Toledo football, which over the past like 10, 20 years has been the best program in the Mac and never wins the Mac. I'm actually really glad that you brought this up because this brings up one of the one of our favorite hobby horses during

40 for 40 time is discussing how the best teams of the worst conferences get such a shit deal compared to the worst teams for the best conferences and this is a game that we're not going to be discussing for several minutes

but can I point you straight ahead to the fact that BYU has to go to the Independence Bowl when they should be in the rows BYU like we talked remember how we talked a couple weeks ago about how we should be able to declare BYU the winners of the PAC 12

they have to go to Shreveport. Shreveport. The Pasadena of the South. Yeah. The Pasadena of that part of the Mississippi River. Anyway, we'll get to this bowl in approximately 36 minutes. Sure.

But just that when we talk about the precipice that teams find themselves on when the Bahamas bowl holds itself in the balance, if you fall off the cliff, you're not just going to Boca, you're going. way further down. It is my belief, by the way, that this poll game is used as a money laundering scheme. This one, this is the one. Watch out for this one.

The rest of them are respectable businesses. Watch out for this one. Franchises, civic enterprises to encourage boosterism and tourism and some of our finest and most notably scenic communities like Shreveport. This one, though,

I'm convinced they continue inviting the same teams because they're reliable. They're good couriers, and they bring cash back with them and get a decent cut on it. This is Bahamas Bowl, by the way, is now billing itself as the longest running international bowl game, RIP, the Bacardi Bowl, and a couple of weird games in Japan. Toronto. Yeah, it was the Canadian one. Yeah.

And in World War II, when there was suddenly college football was happening. Like, every time zone on Earth. I feel like we see this every couple of years. How have we not gotten a bowl game in Dubai? It's a matter of time. It is. How is this not like A&M's permanent postseason home? Yeah.

And the other thing is just wait until Vince McMahon puts one in Saudi Arabia. The general ball. At an indoor ski resort for some reason. That's fine. And you know who'll have to go there after beating five teams in the pack 12, BYU. That's we'll have to go there. They'll have to show up to Saudi Arabia. They like to travel.

It's fine. BYU Saudi Arabia. This is going to be very American. Much to wonder. Three, two, one. Was that six minutes? The tail grader, Cure Bowl, Northern Illinois versus Coastal Carolina, a battle between a team that kind of sucks but wins every week, NIU,

and a team that we think is really great, but they don't win quite as much as they did last year around. That'd be Coastal Carolina. And IU is amazing. Like on paper, they're just terrible, but no one can beat them. And so we talked earlier, obviously we've talked a lot about Nebraska's point differential, specifically in conference. N IU is nine and four this year.

Their point differential for the whole season is minus 15. They're amazing. Are they the most Auburn team not named Auburn? They're the most not Nebraska team. Yeah. are they the dorian gray for nebraska like if n iu ceases to exist does nebraska age into a successful football team brasca's just looking like shit in the attic and n iu is at thriving when n i u beat nebraska because that happened that is the thing that happened they stole nebraska's soul and like there's the documentation

right there um spencer who's the sponsor for this game how tail greeter tail greeter who discuss that's what dogs do that's kind of sounds like Airbnb

that's how dogs say hello yeah I think the way it works is in theory you you say like I have a tailgate and I would like to sell spots

to it is that a thing we can do I it appears to be so if you want yeah go ahead yeah if you

If you wanted to, like, you go to Tail Greeter and you enter your team of city. Oh, that's not what I thought would be about at all. Yeah, I'm sure there are a lot of disappointed people. And not just because there's a ton of Ohio State fans. What is the shittiest NFL team right now? The absolute crap. That's a competition. Jaguars?

Is it the Jack? I mean, it has to be. The loser of Texans Jacks. Yeah. Okay, so Jacksonville. Lions fans fucking pumping their, they didn't say. Well, Spencer, while you are searching for Jacksonville Tailgates, I'm going to explain my annual pink washing screed and how it kind of sort of applies less here than in other places. We have a longstanding policy of not abiding the pink ribbon bullshit and the money that goes to, you know, administrate the Coleman Fund and not actually give money to science.

BCRF, the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, is one of the very few, very good standouts in this field. And that is what the Cure Bowl is partnered with, odds against odds. The BCRF's head of the Division of Cancer Research is actually based, Dr. Annette Cal that is actually based at UCF. There, UCF, I've said a nice thing about you. And she and her lab have personally received over a million of the funds. raised from the first three cure bowls. So in terms of the, like, this is maybe the one bowl that we cannot knock the philanthropic angle of.

Unlike the cheating Bahamas bowl. Unlike. Unlike every other, listen, can you imagine, like, think about the pit, like, think about everything that we know about, like, breast cancer awareness campaign in sports. And the pit that fell out of our stomachs when we said, oh, there's a bowl game around it. And then they went out and partnered with, like, the one good man. organization out there and now I'm like you're trying to trick me right

here's the trick so the tailgating option one of the premium tailgating options at this game includes a four hour open bar and seafood paella and I feel like these are two of the worst cards you could deal people

on a Friday afternoon in Orlando I don't really in the winter I don't really think there should be a four hour window at a loop warm tailgate for seafood for our seafood for people from Illinois yeah

this is delicious oh man it's gonna be made out of is this still at the is this still played rickety aluminum stadium is this made from imagining a paella pan made from disassembled

bright house stadium parts yeah from like an old from an old like direct TV satellite dish that's gonna turn your tummy into the bounce house. Nobody from Coastal is easy eating fucking Orlando Paella, are they? No, they're turning their noses up with that. Oh, no, no, no, no,

they know better. You were joking about the Jacksonville Texans tailgate. No, we weren't. Thereof, Jason. For $60 per person, you can attend a quote, monster 100 person plus size tailgate on December 19th in

beautiful Jacksonville. A game day tailgate experience, aka GTE, which is hosted by former Jaguars kicker Mike Hollis. Yes, that Mike Hollis. Okay. Professional of the Jacksonville Hollisies.

It gets better. Professional wrestler Brandy Rhodes, Houston's Superfans, Demi the Texan, and someone named Steve Ultimate Texan. Wow. Please tell me that's his legal name. Please tell me that's his legal name.

We will verify. I saw mommy kissing saying, pause at the jaguars tailgate last night i thought you were going to say i saw mommy kissing steve the ultimate texan and i was like you know what respect mom you have what i did for her now she is she's taking his last name i think is oh we're going to hyphenate imagine the kerning man how mad are you if you're steve the ultimate texans kids youth soccer coach and you have to figure out how to get the kinkos to print like Brittany and Michaela

the ultimate Texan on the back of these little jerseys. It is now time to begin the roofclaim.com, Boca Raton Bowl preview. Western Kentucky. Seamless transition. Jason,

thank you for your discipline and leadership in this time. Roof claim is, this is what Roof Claim says themselves on their goddamn Instagram page. Roof Claim is an official sponsor of two football entities. LSU Athletics and the Jacksonville Jaguars.

What the fuck kind of combo is that? And bases with a lot of destroyed roofs. Yeah, that's fair. For one reason. That's a fair. Yeah. Sometimes it's God and sometimes it's Doug. Who's to say who destroyed this roof?

Doug, the roof destroying idiot of each of Florida. God, I just got distracted because I'm like, do we not put producer Doug through enough without having to append him to this? But no, it's too late. It's a very Doug thing to do. I hate two things. The Colts and Roos!

Man, I for some reason am inextricably and forever subscribed to the roofclaim.com Boca Raton Bowl's newsletter. And I got to tell you that it's clip art that appears in this newsletter is peerless. What's the cadence of that? Like, is that coming out in April

just be like, hey, just a weekly check-in from the Roof Claim Boker-Ratone? Do you know who does that as the fucking Liberty Bowl? But hang on one second. Let me find out. Let me just search my email for roofclaim.com, Boka-Ratone Bowl. Every fucking bowl has their own newsletter

just to make themselves feel like they deserve to have a year-round jobs. Hey, guys, Liberty Bowl here. Getting really into NFTs. Life's not too happy. I think it's going to pay off. They do shit. Like, you know, here's who.

Here's who all the media is projecting for our game, you know. And it's like, it's the same cluster of teams every single week. And the best ones are the ones that don't even do that. That just say like, remember, our game is in 13 weeks. Let's see. I have. Oh, dear God. You know what?

They're being, they're not exactly playing hard to get, but they're being fairly sedate. I have only received three emails from the roof claim. dot com, Boko Ratonble, this month, December of 2020. And before that, not since November 17th, they really only stand out because, again, I'm going to hold it up to the camera, the clip art. That's excellent clip art. Yeah, sure. By the way, two quality teams.

Oh, wait, whoa, wait, wait, wait. I was just, y'all, is that a pyramid? Look over the logo. Yeah, it is. That is. Is this? Yes. Is this some kind of Illuminati?

Yes. Yeah. Imagery. Okay. Okay. You all see that too, right? Pyramids are all roof, if you think about it. That's true.

Holy shit. The only building that's all roof. The ultimate roof claim. Please also look at the, this is a very come lately trophy, but please also look at the Super Bowl replica trophy that serves as the Boca Bowl. They're going to sue over that. Like, it's a. Fuck them. Come get us.

This is a giant silver football on a one, two, three, four, five, six, seven layer pedestal. So you can inscribe the all, all 70 years eventually of Roof claim Boca Raton Bowl winners. This has to be, this has to be part of the deal. Like, think about how good this will look on the administrative desk in the office and nobody has to know that you just got it in Boca. So there is a very important football reason to watch this game. This is a name we, I don't think we've said all year. which is amazing. Bailey Zappi.

Yes. Quarterback for Western Kentucky is four touchdowns away from tying Joe Burroughs single season record of 60 passing touchdowns. And in his last six games, he's had at least four.

The flip side is, App State has only given up 12 passing touchdowns all year. So this is the thing you are tuning in to see, to see if Bailey Zappi becomes the all-time single-season passing touchdown record.

You are also turning. You are also tuning in to see if he throws those touchdowns to Jarrett Stearns, the wide receiver, who is the nation's leader in total yards for game at wide receiver, and who is a blessed 5-9-200 pounds if you want to know what kind of a Rennie Curran model. Yes, we're working with a little tank of wide receiver who is a nasty route runner. There's a tiki bar operating at this game is the other thing that I wanted to make sure everybody knew about on the second level deck. There's still time if you're listening to the talk about early, all of us to meet there.

I thought you were going to say there's a tiki barber. That's where I thought that was going to. There's a tiki barber. He might be there. I think this is definitely on the, as far as like the bottom of the card goes, this is probably the best game. Every WKU game goes over. The point total just soars over for like two months now.

The scoreboard just explodes, usually in their favor, but Appstate's good. Very suspicious that Roof claim is sponsoring teams and games that aren't played Dome stadiums. Don't trust it. Oh, I think that means the stadium has yet to claim the roof. Yeah, that's a point of you can claim that there is a roof, but I have yet to see evidence.

When I watch this game, you know what I feel? I feel a little bit of roofed out.com. I suppose the most Florida thing to do would be to make an insurance claim for roof damage in a building that didn't have one. Yeah, there used to be, though. The Boca Stadium

is also the only stadium I have ever seen specifically ban both glitter and frisbees. Yeah, there was an incident. Up next, the cricket celebration bowl pairing Dionne Sanders's

Jackson State, who are really fucking good against South Carolina State, who are, it is great that they get to be here in the celebration bowl at six and three. I would like to place, I would like to place a particular filter over this bowl game if the rest of you would play along.

Okay. I do not know which cricket or cricket celebration company this is. I would just like to assume that this is in celebration of crickets, the insect, and I would like to speak on their worth at this time. Before you do, I was assuming it was the sport of cricket, but you please go ahead. Oh, that's even better. Okay. So I'm like, I assume way far in the back of my head that this is the shitty cell phone

company. I think that's right. But I would rather talk about, I would rather talk about the sport of kings or the nutritious insect. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's not the first word I think of with the crickets. You're right. They're high in protein. How are you not the one who brought this up first? Bro, I've got to get on that cricket swall. Can you imagine anything? What other, what other, scroll to this list, what other bowl game sponsor can be milled down into a nutritious flower? Roofs. Jimmy Kimmel. Uh, is the first one that comes to him. the first answer. That's true. Yeah. Cheez-its. Very nutritious.

I'm on that. I'm going to. You guys talk for a second. You guys talk for a second, and I'm going to power rank the list of bowl sponsors you can make into a nutritious paste. So the Celebration Bowl has one of the best events in terms of pre-bowl game events. And I will explain why after I list it. This event is listed as a roast and toast salute to me actually. commissioner, Dr. Dennis E. Thomas. First of all, the idea that a conference commissioner gets roasted at a bowl game event is amazing. And we do this everywhere?

Yeah. We should. Here's what makes it even more amazing. So Jason sort of alluded to how not impressive, at least records-wise, the Miak representative in this game is. That is because, in part, the Miak is down to six football members right now. A three left this season. Two of them went to the Swack,

which is up to 12 football schools. So at this bowl game, we're going to roast the commissioner who just lost like a third of his conference, two of which went to the other conference. So this is what we're going to do at the Sugar Bowl. Yes. Yes.

Like imagine if you were, imagine if you were like the roasted toast of Bob Bulls, when Bob Bolsey walks in. and everyone pantses him. Can we put Larry Scott on a one-day contract just to bring him back? Or can we just roast Larry Scott? Can both the Pac-12 and the Big Ten just roast Larry Scott in abstentia at the road? To be fair, a lot of ESPN programming over the last five years has been roasting Larry Scott.

I love the holiday seasonality of this. It's like the Christmas fool, Larry Scott. I would just get up for Bob Bolsby. just get up there and be like, hey, Bob, my set's almost over. I'm about to leave. You're not supposed to know that, but you wouldn't know even if it was apparent. I wouldn't tell you. I'm going to leave the party. Listen, Bob, I think you, I think you look perfect, buddy. A perfect 10. Well, not quite 10. Yeah. I think we should put Bob in a, we should make him do, put him in an arithmetic competition versus one of those forces that can do math. By stomping.

All answers must be delivered via stomping. Or alternatively, we put him in one of of those uh one of those catch the dollar bill inflatable cages with the money inside it yeah and however many dollar bills he can cram inside his button down in 20 seconds that's his salary for the next one put bob put bob in a table with eight people but 12 chairs yeah yeah this is amazing yeah i'm all for okay i have i have i have compiled my power rankings of which protein power rankings The most nutritious paste. And top of the list is the cricket bowl, but again, I think the rest of them will surprise you. In second place, I'm going to have the sugar bowl because high in calories.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being informed by the commission that you have to use the sponsors themselves, not the name of the bowls. So in second place, I'm going to say outback because I'm assuming in some part of the Australian outback, he would find some kind of minerals in the soil there. Tony the tiger would probably prove high in protein, at least after dried into some sort of jerky. Chick-fil-A! Minimal nutritional that.

There are fruit cubs. Manez already comes in a paste. But, and sorry, I'm counting from the bottom up. I should have mentioned that the very start of this. But cheese-its, I am going to put. in second place beneath the cricket bowl. Can we count the Auto Zone chicken

sandwich, the official chicken shout out Trublaw. Shout out Trublaw. Oh, we left out the famous Idaho Potato Bowl, but it already comes at this, this is the legacy, the legacy champ, the Idaho Potato Bowl. Sorry Tropical Smoothie Cafe.

You are a building clearly and not a tropical smoothie and therefore disqualified. Fucked out. Is that six minutes? very close as always a celebration ball very fun uh in the i think it's on the first day of games um the first saturday of bowl games this one's going to be lot this one this one's going to be lopsided so watch on paper very lopsided but it's an extremely cool event that means a lot to a lot of people around the country um jackson

state will be favored by a lot jackson state fam you was probably the actual hbc championship this year uh i believe jackson state won that one uh yes but uh but still but we hope that with this discussion of institutional pettiness and their willingness to host a Commissioner Rose, we have told you that there are more reasons besides just watching some competitive football to follow along with this league. Next is the PubG Mobile New Mexico Bowl. Okay, okay, stop, stop. I want each of you to go to New Mexico Bowl.com and see who pops up on your screen when

you do this. Listener, you can do this too if you are not driving. Oh, no, I did this already. Yeah. Just New Mexico Bowl.com. New Mexico Bowl.com. Hang on. I'm on my phone.

Bowl.com. I hope it works for you, too, on your phone. That's pretty good. Goal.com. Look, it pops up. It says behind, get your tickets now. He's coming. Yeah, play it.

Is he coming? Is he coming? Oh, God. I did not expect that. Hello. It's Bob Oden Kirk. You see right now. It's TV's Bob Oden Kirk.

What the hell? it says award-winning actor below his name and that certainly is true let me give you the largest portions of new mexico's economy by percentage okay 60% federal government okay a lot of nukes out there a lot of crazy shit that the government pays for 60% other 30% standard consumer spread of you know like basics supply chain and some tech companies then 10% is bob odenk 10% is bob odenk 10% is bob Bob Odenkirt related enterprises, okay? Because between Breaking Bad and between... Better Call Saul. And there's a movie and a movie, which I'm sure involved some shooting in New Mexico because all things involving Bob Odenkirk have to take place, at least in part, in New Mexico. The man walks it and he talks it.

He is all about the state of New Mexico. What? The best part about that is that he is from Illinois and went. is Southern Illinois. It's just like at New Mexico all goddamn day. Have you been to Southern Illinois? No. No. And I will not go. Don't unfairly slam Bob. I have seen him

at South at Southern Illinois basketball games and he always wears Saluki shit. You have seen him at Southern Illinois basketball games. Spencer's a huge Southern Illinois basketball fan. You know that. Spencer Saluki Hall. He can't sell

Hunter Hall without Saluki. Also, we look a like. me and the Saluki. I was going to say you and Bob Odenkirk? No, you don't. Yeah. I like Bob Odenkirk survived a fucking heart attack. And the first thing he did afterwards was, I got to rep the New Mexico Bowl. Yeah.

The first thing I got to do. He also, like a month or two ago. Yeah. He also had that. I'm not up on my Bob blog. He had that movie that I haven't seen yet, but it seemed pretty good. He's like a straight forward action star. Yeah.

Yeah. in that promo too he's like I'll be there I'll be at the New Mexico Bowl yeah so sure for those of you who have not been with us during the long long tenure of 35 for 35 inch of 44 40 let me drop a few key New Mexico Bowl facts on you the most storied event in New Mexico Bowl history was the year it snowed in the New Mexico Bowl shortly before the game. and the field had to be painted green to pop on television and was then dried by helicopter by just bringing in a helicopter to hover over the turf. It's been a magical experience for everyone year to year, including the most unique trophy and all of boldest. I love this trophy. Which is the pot.

So there's two trophies. One is for the game winning team and one is for the MVP. one of the trophies is a piece of pottery. It's an urn, a vase type structure. And the other one is a leather shield. And both of them are made by local artisans, which is very cool. I've gotten to heft a couple of these before. They're like more old-fashioned weapons of war for trophies, please.

If the Northrop Grumman people aren't going to give us drones, this is the loose we can do. Why are you looking up things about the sponsor? I don't know what I want to know what PubG mobile is. Isn't it, isn't it just a like, it's, it was, it was, it was supposed to be Fortnite and then Fortnite happened. Right, right. Yeah. Oh.

It's the thing Fortnite said, oh, we'll do this, but make it fun and cute. Is that why the only phrase I saw while Spencer was scrolling through the page was the free fall from an airplane? Yeah. That's very New Mexico. Yeah. It's the instinct to the backstreet boys or backstreet boys. It's the 98 degrees.

Yeah, okay, that's better. Yeah, because PubG just walks on the beach in their videos. They don't do any dancing. Go Bearcats, though. Go. No, cliche. I like the implication, by the way, that 98 degrees was simply too buff to, like, really move a lot in their videos.

They're like, yeah, bro, we've been lifted hard, lifted heavy. We're not going to dance. Cardio's low right now. I've got to be honest. Did they ever explain the lore behind the name 98 degrees? Because, like, if that means body heat, it's like, you guys run slightly cold. Yeah, that's right.

We do run slightly cold without you, girl. Yeah, we weren't slightly cold because we needed, we need hugs. And that means I need you a 10. Don't ask how the math works, but it gets me up to temp. UTAP has only been to two bowl games before this in the last 15 years. Both of them had been the New Mexico Bowl and both of them have been losses. And this one, the spread is almost two touchdowns, and I don't understand. why it's not more than two touchdowns but is is jay canner playing in this game uh as i understand he is back

in yes he is back is returning to phrasno as of what today what day is as of yesterday i believe oh okay he made a brief flirtation with the transfer portal then they hired jeff tedford and then he decided we're going to do five minutes we're going to do five minutes for the radiance technology's independence bowl UAB versus BYU five go well we've already devoted some little time to explaining how UAB though we love them barely squeaked into bowl eligibility and now they have to play a b yu team that should be again in the fucking rose bowl um yeah b y you should be in the rose bowl based on who they've beaten based on the rankings they're so very close to being the fiesta bowl and here they are in the single bowl that has endured the most jokes of all bowls all time

time. This is also the bowl website. And has heard those jokes. Am I the only one that's been to one of these? Yes. I hope so. This is also true forever. This is the bowl website that is least interested in telling you who the teams are. Like you go to the website, the teams are not listed. You scroll through. There are pictures of other teams that are not playing. You go through like the subsect. You have to like work to figure out via the Independence Bowl who is playing in the Independence Bowl. Hang on. And it's not independent. Bull.com. It is Radiance Technologies, Independence Bowl.com. Oh, God. Wait, who owns Independence Bowl. com? No, and the website.

Look at the URL. It's the entire monologue. Kevin Costner probably owns it still. Radiance Technologies being... Independence Bowl.com redirects to a domain name sale group. So the Independence Bowl is too cheap to buy its own fucking domain name. But are we... You can keep to buy it for them?

Well, this, buy it and redirect it to a different bowl game every year. Yeah, but this, this domain, this domain group is also offering me brands such as Intestin.com,

eelskin.com, kingtut.com. Oh. What? Man. These are tempting. Intestine.com isn't already off the market? Apparently not.

Apparently these guys have it. Kansas Properties. com. So I got to let you know, Radiance technology specializes in what they call intelligence analysis to help the war fighting community. Would you like to know where they are headquartered? If I give you that description and I tell you that they are an intelligence corporation that helps the war fighting community, where are they based? Bosure City, Sarasota. I know I don't want to spoil it.

They are in coastal Mississippi, not far from Gulfport. at the John C-Stadness Spaceport. So according to their Twitter account, Pauladine. According to their Twitter account, they are also and or based in Huntsville. Well, that's a, that's a good space. That's good space, baby.

Yeah. Yeah, this means if I'm calling them, it's like, yeah, so we know where the crawlfish at. We know where they're at. We can help you find them. And I'm like, I pay for that, honestly. Radiance Technologies. I'll write you a check, so I know we're the best crawfish.

Radiance technologies, you hire them, and some dude in overalls comes over with a flashlight and says, There they are. Their competitors are a dude named Claude in an airboat, right? No, no, I'll tell you where they are. No, my flashlight, Brown and Claude's. It got more radiance to it. Just by the way, shouts out to BYU for having an awesome.

year where they beat Arizona, Utah, Arizona State, a good Utah State team, Washington State, a good Wazoo team, UVA, who they scored 66 points on, and USC in the Coliseum. I know, I know. Say whatever you want about USC. He started with Arizona.

Every half of this is remarkable by comparison. Just imagine the Peach Bowl pit BYU. Seriously. How fucking fun that would be. I mean, yes, it'll be fun to watch Kenny Pickett throw for 8,000 yards against Michigan State. But should have been Pitt, BYU. Yeah, this doesn't feel like a good, this is one of those bowl matchups that does not feel like a good matchup for either team. No.

Yeah, it's it, yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, BYU, BYU deserve the chance to take down another top 15 team. Instead, they have this, like, scrappy team that if they beat them, no. one will be impressed, but the line's only a touchdown, and it should probably be a little bit smaller. Like, they're going to have a bad time against the team. Everyone thinks they should be destroying. And if you're a BYU player, how mad are you going to be if you sustain after this season

some kind of debilitating injury playing UAB and fucking Shreveport? Love yourself. Oh, ball games aren't real. With that, let's move ahead to the lending. Tree Bowl, Eastern Michigan versus something that is also not real, which is Liberty University. Okay, I had a hard time with this one because I was like, this is the first time where can we also discuss for just a second how maybe it was because of all the cancellations in 2020, but I felt for the first time ever scrolling through this list of bowls and bowl

sponsors, I felt lost and disoriented and not knowing where any of these games were. this is the one that I couldn't figure out without looking it up what game is this what game is the lending tree bowl what what game did it used to be what was it it's in mobile this was the g this was the gmack it's the mobile ball oh it's the camellia ball no it's not this is the gmack

the other one it's the gmack go daddy dollar general bowl yeah oh wow that is yeah that is sad now named after an online lending marketplace. Grim. Just gets the, come on, kids,

get fired up. The Mobile Bowl should be sponsored by like booze. The booze.com mobile bowl. I like that this bowl sounds like it should be the kickoff to Mardi Gras. I like that this bowl sounds like it was

written by like Shell Silverstein's shitty brother who's like, oh, I got a good book for you kids. It's called the Lending Tree. It's original material here. It's where the tree cuts you down at 3% of money. The tree lets me hold $5.

Yeah, the tree's also a bookie. Give me 50 other giants, tree. Then the tree's got to take your kneecap. Sorry about that. The tree you owe. Just imagine an ant coming with the, like, the Billy Club for you personally. Oh, yeah. You're going to rack up a lot of interests of the ant.

It's going to take them forever to come collect. You're going to wish you had to pay her. earlier. Did anybody notice how Hugh Freese's name didn't come up with any jobs? Like this was, we've already discussed how many fucking jobs came open this season and Hugh phrase's name didn't come up once.

And what we did have was everyone saying like, gosh, there's just no up and coming coaches anymore. Oh, man. What a short list it is, huh? Even as the whole off season, it was,

oh, fuck, who's going to hire him? They're all going to fire their coaches to try and hire you and then just blissfully evaporated. I will bet you freeze turned down the LSU job. I just want to throw that out there. Why? Yeah.

Why would he do that? Why? Because that's the only reason you would get to Brian Kelly. Wow. That is, if you are right about this, I'm going to be so mad at you. This is exactly the kind of thing that he would be right about while having. no right just just stabbing wildly into the dark and yeah this is no you're right this is exactly the kind of thing that he wins on and this is why he makes us insane like some ls uadmin is like

fuck who told him fuck stabbing wildly into the dark as jerry fallwell junior watches we're in new orleans this week by the way and can i tell you how many people we've just seen random friends who were here and there in town and can i tell you how many people we have heard say some version of Scott Woodward really needs to shut the fuck up. I heard about this coaching search from my mechanic who weren't it straight from

him. All of them have had I don't know why they all have Midwest accents in this imagination. All of them have had the same reaction which is, which is yeah man we hired Brian Kelly. I'm sure we're going to do well. I hate this. That's been the universal reaction too. We'll win 10 games

and I will hate it. Yeah. Well, as a Notre Dame fan I don't really sympathize not my problem anymore Eastern Michigan by the way king of the like one score game keep it tidy boys be there in the fourth quarter

and hope something happens Eastern Michigan somehow never goes to the grocery store but always figures out what to make for lunch it's amazing it's pasta salad with meat on it anything's a sandwich if you got one piece of bread at least they have one of my favorite scores of the year which is against Miami of Ohio

they had a monstrous 13 to 12 victory hell yeah oh god this game's gonna rock this is this is the team that would put cheese it powder in their smoothie gotta use it up still good out gained by 130 yards

in that game one by one point beautiful football Eastern Michigan is a program that hasn't won a bowl since they beat San Diego State in the 1987 California Bowl. Roos for EMU. Because then Hugh Freeze will have started the season 5 and 1, almost beating Syracuse on the road. And we'll finish 2 and 5 on the back end of the season. We'll finish a hot 0 and 4 getting blasted by every team since UMass. That's right.

Well, and the first shall be last. Ask you where that's from. See if he knows. Let's see here. Up next we have the, oh, God. The Jimmy Kimmel. Wait, before we do that.

Okay, you're taking time from Jimmy Kimmel. We're talking about the lending tree bowl. Speaking of trees, Jason, can I hear a little bit about acorns? I'm pausing the Jimmy Kimmel timer. So, folks, if you have a tree that you would like to.

Timble time. Yeah, that's, oh, yeah, that's got to leave it right. Let's just, let's just Matt Damon, him out of the way. Yeah, I don't know. Okay, okay, it's still going. Folks, acorns.com slash fullcast is where you go. If your tree needs some lending from yourself, your future tree is, your current self needs to loan your future self some retirement.

So what you do is you go to acorns.com slash fullcast and you receive $5 that you do not owe yourself. And then whenever you buy crap, it's money goes from that into the thing. And then you owe yourself more money that, but you already have it. But you forgive the loan. You constantly are forgiving yourself that loan. Yeah. Yeah.

Just like Jesus taught you forgive your own loan, which is kind of a cool hack. And then you retire eventually, thanks to acorns.com slash full cast. Yeah. Jesus retired early, but we're not saying that way. That's not what we're looking for you out of this. Yeah. He took out a post-re retirement gig, according to the lore. what is the stupidest vision of yourself as a rich man do you look like the monopoly man

in your future visions of yourself with a monocle and a top hat right and suit and tails do you look like Kenny powers on a jet ski jason what is your future rich you who's obviously contributed enough money to acorns to make a difference look like i mean if i'm wearing a fucking tuxedo or whatever the monopoly man wears i better be making more money for that not less I'm going to be, you know, Adam Sandler is the model of rich 8.16. Yeah. That you would have all of the money in the world and that you could sell, you know,

FARC trip 8 to Netflix for $30 million with all of your friends and you make it like eight hours on a Saturday. You could convince Netflix to cast Kevin James as Sean Payton and they would say, yes, we'll pay you money for that. We're talking about this. And have a scene where children are vomiting on other children for like 30 seconds straight. Because they ate one of Rob Schneider's tainted nutrition bars. That is the dream to have that play basketball whenever you want and wear the crappiest clothes known to man.

That's that is successful. We call that Dave and Buster's Rich right there. That's acorns.com slash full cast. We are halfway through our Jimmy Kimmel preview. So let's do a home field ad now as well. Oh, thank God. You know who looks comfortable all of the goddamn time? Adam Sandler, and that's despite him not, to my knowledge, wearing any of the comfortable

t-shirts, crunecks, hoodies, joggers, et cetera, from the good people at homefield apparel.com. They have tons of college schools, big ones, small ones, ones in between, designs you can't find anywhere else, all of them extremely snugly and comfortable, and when you use offer code fullcast, you get 20% off your first order. Can you all, without revealing what the gift is, have you, are you giving home field to anyone in your circle this year? Yes. Yes. How, like, is there anything that you can reveal that you're like, I'm getting this for this person and they don't listen to this show?

Like my family listens. Oh, my family. Yeah. Yeah, the Tennessee and West Virginia collections dropping in one year made shopping a breeze for me. Yes. Power move. I got some Georgia Tech stuff for most of my family's Georgia Tech fans. Got like the Golden Tornado shirt for my dad.

He's like history and stuff. My mom, her dad was an Army grads. I'm getting her Army Mule shirt. Oh, nice. And my dad has a Purdue degree that he does. Yeah, he does not celebrate enough. So I got him the one where the hammer, hammer man is adjusting his hat about to whack some shit with it's not Purdue Pete because Purdue Pete's crazy is crazy and scary this is like cool old

school Hammer Man he looks like he's from a comic book like a Mega Man mega man's villain Hammer Man right that's who it is right on um Purdue Pete's never used his hammer now I'm getting my brother some Auburn gear and in return he will get me nothing and that's the gift of the Magi Hall family style it is wait we had to cut the part out in the show when you were complaining about not having to go to Startville with your family for Christmas period. You're going to put this in the show. Thanksgiving.

Yes, we'll go ahead and put that in the show. Because I also know Tyler will never listen to this. So, yeah. He will, I'm getting to give some more. And his name's Tyler. Interesting. Additionally, by the way, if you want, Homefield drop the hottest thing I think they've ever dropped,

which is Tulane joggers. Are they still available? Don't make promises that you can't keep. They are still available. I still see them on, like, what did they drop besides the two-lane joggers? joggers, Spencer? Well,

is it a school that matters to us? Well, we did have Michigan joggers, but they are sold out. No, they're not. I'm looking at them right now. Sold out. Son of a bitch. Yes.

They had I you, yes. But hopefully they'll get those back in for the new year because, frankly, your need for comfortable sweats exceeds even the bounds of the holiday season. The only,

the only size available right now in the Tulane joggers is medium. So if you are a medium and you want to wear the angry wave. Or if you're a big man and you just want to put the print out. there do it that's right silly putty these these fuckers uh and uh the jimmy kimball's utus oh that's a shame up next is uh the r and l carriers new orleans bowl bringing to you louisiana

rage and cajans that is their name because they have been better than lSU for quite a while now uh and the marshal thundering herd there is only one important thing to me me about this game structurally. And that is that it is back at its correct time of 9.15 p.m. There was a stretch here where they were like, let's put this game on it too. And it was like, oh, that feels, that's like going to a casino on a weekday for lunch. Yeah. That's not the worst time slot this game has been in because originally, or not originally,

before it was at two when it was still at late night, it was originally an 11 a.m. kickoff, which is a different kind of the same problem. Yes, yes. Like, everyone in the stadium is drunk regardless, but I would venture to guess that the 11 a.m. drunks from the night before are much less docile than the 9 p.m. drunks in the stadium. I think that is a fair, a fair assessment, yeah. Boy, we got some, by the way, some really rank losses on Marshall.

This is not a great Marshall, too. They have some bad losses, including, lost the Navy to start the season which should have been. Okay, that was funny a couple of weeks ago, but now we're like what the fuck was this Navy team doing? Waiting. Waiting to play one game. The 2014

New Orleans Bowl, 10 a.m. Central. There, there is. Yeah. I was just looking for this because I knew there was one year it was worse. Yeah. They've bounced around, but 10 a.m. All right. Sorry, go ahead, Spencer.

No, no. That just sounds like you were like rearranging the game around some sort of late lunch reservation, right? Like, oh, we got to do it at 10 because I got to get over to Commandis. They got me, I got pants on and a jacket and everything. Also, this Louisiana Cajun's team, they're real good. Like, they're a superb team. Obviously, coached by, you know, formally coached by the most talented coach available. I say that as a Florida fan doing all the wishful thinking I could possibly do.

but now I've hired if you wonder where they went with the hire they hired a guy named Desimo so yeah they're gonna be fine I disagree that Navy is bad I think they're like I think their losses are I mean three of them in a row were by a single score the other was by a touchdown only really bad loss

was to WKU and WKU is really good so I think this is a high quality game in a nice time slot and there should be actual fans in attendance that is not as a thing that you can assume from any bowl game but all these folks like New Orleans. So I think we have two decent teams in a decent bowl. Also, Cajun versus Buffalo,

which is my favorite matchup of prospective wing flavors. So we've talked about decency. How are we going to find a way to talk about indecency? I think by fast forwarding to the Myrtle Beach Bowl. let's ask the commish commission can we proceed to the myrtle beach bowl merdle beach ball presented by tax act old dominion versus salsa that makes it sound like it was presented by congress yeah it sounds like some shit uh like ran paul wrote and they're like what's in it and he's like i don't have to tell you what's in it

wait wait tax hip is also sponsoring the camellia bowl what the tax act is i believe it is three different games that the tax act is involved with if i have that right in the Texas Bowl as well yes oh there it is god dang i just are there people listen maybe there are it's a big world but are there people out there who like march comes around and they're like time to start working on my taxes let's see which company supports college football's postseason and which one doesn't that's who i'm going to give mom for talking full cast listeners it's when a mid-april rolls around it's time to start talking about when june shows up and you get a letter Oh, right.

When Joe Biden knocks on my door, wondering where my taxes were. The amount of potentially predatory or theoretically inconvenient lending that is associated with college football really makes me nervous for us, the people listening to it, everyone following. Because somewhere the demographics must point to, yeah, these people need money now. And they've got tax problems. I mean, look at all these buyouts. Welcome to the J.G. Wentworth Citrus. bowl.

I don't know that that hasn't happened, Ryan. The Morgan and Morgan Montgomery Bowl is just it's right around the corner. It should be the Morgan and Morgan Jacksonville Bowl. That really like the Gator Bowl. I think I know my tax act is sponsoring the Texas ball then, right? Because like they always go. Folks in that state always got coaches to fire.

I have a Jimbo Fisher and I need cash now. I have a Sark. Can I need them fired now? I quote from an excellent athletic article this week on how Nick Saban recruits. I've never seen a white man eat my food like that before, referring to Jimbo Fisher on recruiting visits. Wow. Just Jimbo Fisher tackling turkey wing. This also, by the way, a matchup of two teams that most sounds like an extremely racist Supreme Court case.

Old Dominion versus Tulsa. is there is also like the least like that's where you should do your taxes city in America might be Myrtle Beach right yeah like this is this is a real strange combination all around

I do like this good go ahead Ryan go ahead Jason no good I was just going to say I really like what ESPN does for this game which is they let Ryan McGee wear an airbrush t-shirt and do sideline gigs which I love it which I love it's like a NASCAR race on a football field.

Can I use this game to talk about a larger complaint I have about the ESPN Bowls writ large? I wish you would. Can I say one quick thing about Tulsa? So Tulsa, remember, this is one of the most fascinating teams of the year, nearly lost to UC Davis, nearly beat Oklahoma State, which nearly made the playoff, made Ohio State look like shit for three quarters, barely beat Arkansas State, one of the worst teams in the country. and then from there just remained pretty weird almost lost navy which was horrible almost beat Cincinnati which all which made the fucking playoff like if you want a good time watch a

Tulsa game that's all also that hey that's my playoff team y'all also that's right it is also the believer bowl that was holly's playoff team and they nearly beat three different semi playoffish teams oh do you might have come from the deepest hole to make bowl eligibility they started and one and six. Cool. That is good hustle. Then against every trend and pattern set by those who

say hold the rope, they indeed held the rope. And they won their last against Louisiana Tech, FIU, Florida, Atlanta, Middle Tennessee, and Charlotte to make this bowl. So do you know who's really thrilled to be at the Myrtle Beach Bowl? Ricky Ronnie. Yes, that is not Ricky Rain.

Ricky Ryan. Look, let's agree that either way. Either name is valid and both names are excellent thank you um here's my complaint the espn bowl games it seems all are running off the same merch store which features two very confusing features one they are offering gift cards so you can buy somebody a myrtle beach bowl gift card which what who is this and here's the more confusing thing they have their banner at the top that's like you know um we have shirts we have this that and the other. And their free shipping starts at $250 orders. Who said that? Who was like,

no, no, no, only true Myrtle Beach Bowl merch of the shit autos will get free shipping. You only bought $180 worth of Myrtle Beach shit? How do you, sir? Do you know what that says to me? What? That says two things. A, they're either trying to encourage, they're trying to gen up enthusiasm for the bowl by encouraging us to buy in bulk and reselling, creating a black market for us. Or they have not figured out, this is more likely, they have not figured out in the back end of the website,

how to set up free shipping. And so they're trying to discourage it. Right. So you combine these two facts, and it means that you can give a relative you don't like a $100 gift card to the Myrtle Beach Bowl merch store, not to the game. And you have to tell them,

this won't cover shipping. save a little bit of the gift card for that. I have one solution for this. You better make it real fast then. We already did the... Myrtle Beach cryptocurrency. That's all good. The famous Idaho potato bowl

brought to you by Kent State and Wyoming, where the fun thing about this is both these teams just run the ball the whole time, but they do it from very different centuries. One is Craig Bowl, who likes his football just a cinder block at a time, and one is Kent State, the second highest tempo team in the country. I am so grateful to be back on Terra Firma of the famous Idaho Potato Bowl,

a game that we know of, a game that we know where it is, again, that we know who it's sponsored by, still the only bowl game logo that has chives. And I'm going to let you guys talk about it for a couple minutes while I pull up recipes from the Dr. Potato blog. The finest annual bowl tradition. and we learn potato recipes. One year, Holly's going to get very smart

and she's going to pull these and use them against us in the Beefo Brady's bowl. The, this is the most honest. Which one of these games is the Beecho Brady Bowl? The Gasparella Bowl. Oh, fuck. This is the most honest bowl game left. This is how all bowl games were.

Game sponsored by product, you should go buy. Correct. Company sells the product, not company that doesn't even fucking sell a product. item that you should want. With a battle of the bands that they call the mash bash.

Come on. Like, it is not hard to theme things. I could do all of these bowls for free. Yeah. We should get back to ones where they're just commodities. It's like the flax bowl. Yes. That's how all the bowls were. It was like watching, it was like listening to people

play Catan. It was just commodities and items and stuff dug out of the ground. And here's Here's the bowl's mascot, Manuel Manganese. Look at it. Now every ball we sell shit that's not even real. Dude, how good, how happy would you be if you came back with the tungsten bowl trophy? That's not fake.

I'm pretty sure there was one. You would have to return that one by train. I'm not sure you could even fly with that. And they're trying to pick it up, and somebody's been crushed. All my old tungsten cube. The 8,000 pound tungsten cube has fallen on MVP. be Jay Caner. He's okay.

He's okay. He came back to me. He's okay. He came back three places later. Okay. Somehow there was not a tungsten bull. I can't believe it. I can't believe that either.

How? Yeah, I saw something, by the way, I shared a clip of North Dakota State doing a beautiful like pole and like pole block kind of offensive line ballet. And it was gorgeous. And it was just everything that North Dakota

State football is. And somebody in the mentions in the replies was like, Wyoming tries to do this 12 times a game and they fail 11 out of 12. So it's like Wyoming really wants to run the ball and they want to be successful running the ball. And that's great. They're not always super successful at it. Are you guys ready for the Idaho potato blog? Yes. Yes. A couple things. First of all, this is not easy to find from the bowl website as it used to be ESPN. Why aren't you letting your regionality shine? Second of all, there is now a chat on it that says chat with spuddy due to time constraints i will not be doing it at this time i will

be doing this during the bowl game third there is now an advice column on the idaho potato dot com blog called ask doctor potato and it's a pop-up window at the top of it that says with 818 posts chances are there's already an answer to your question please try searching below before submitting a question to dr potato and i was like why would they put this warning up and then scroll down and the first question says, what has happened to the waxy white potatoes that we used to boil for potato salad? Are the waxy white potatoes available anywhere? So apparently you can write in just like, I had a thought about potatoes and I would, there's someone here that would answer them. I love Idaho so much. I've gone through a personal crisis loosely connected to

potatoes and I'd like to vet out here on this public forum. I put a post on this forum so I can get their automatic reply. Dr. Potato has already replied this question. You're Dr. Potato, so I could use FSA dollars on this is what I understand. All right. So once again on the, once again on the front page, new this year for the Idaho Potato Calm, we have dog treats that you can make out of Idaho potatoes. We have the suggestion, I think this might be a recycled one of putting mashed potatoes into deviled eggs, which I find slightly upsetting.

But I think this years are, guys, I'm going to hold this up to you. these are cheesy potato drumsticks these are mashed these are mashed these are mashed potatoes that have been sculpted to look kind of like corned oh it's worse than that it's worse than that holly go ahead go ahead and they look like scotch eggs in the middle so the recipe call it has chicken sculpture but it no it's both things it's chicken that they're like cook the chicken take it off and shred it mix it with the potatoes remold it a round the chicken bone and reform play god with food create a Pokemon build a potato chicken gallum of your own this is the finest Idaho potato bowl tradition because the best recipes on

here are when they're visibly like shit what's a food and how can we insert potatoes in it do you know how much work you have to commit to say like I'm going to take a thing that's already this shape, cook it, deconstruct it, and make it that shape again. I love it. I'm sorry, we have a new mascot. And it is a potato recipe. The

Idahoan crab tumblers. Yeah. And we must leave on that note because it's time for the tropical smoothie cafe frisco bowl between UTSA and San Diego State. The two greatest football teams in the country. I was going to say actual football content. This matchup is

heat. Straight heat. You've got to Sear McCormick on one side, outstanding running back. And you have on the other side, punt God. One team will try to score points. One team will try to assure no points are scored. Yeah, the other team is how far is it from Frisco to the tropics? It's just, it's just. I knew you were going to pick this one up.

It's just a dream away. I'm working out and hold on. All right. Please continue to talk about actual football. yeah san diego state an amazing team for stasis big fans of nothing you know what i love about this there's going to be pretty mild weather like the one thing you can say about frisco is pretty mild weather uh this time of year which leaves lots of air with no interference in it for our beautiful boy in which to cook with his punts it's 672 miles from friscoe texas to the tropic of

cancer. All right. That's that's not a that's that's that's comparable to the Illinois thing from the Illinois thing to the Bahamas. And what is what is our boy matter raised it doing? Just making punts. Just making field position happen. I did like that he I think he's playing him.

Don't embarrass me. I think he was named first team all America and that meant like all the assistance on SDS staff got bonuses. And to me I was like, wait. So the offensive coordinator. but I guess that makes sense the offensive coordinator does deserve a bonus because only because of

not being better at offense was Mada Reza given the opportunity to fully embrace his pun goddom. Yeah, somebody posted, I posted this, somebody replied on Twitter that a painter needs a beautiful canvas. You know,

it was a how he couldn't have achieved what he achieved, if not for the bountiful acreage that was just open before him, on which to roam. Yeah, it's a team sport. Let me give you the other side of the story. In terms of OF plus, your offensive ranking and efficiency. You made that up.

Now you're really making Godfrey mad. Iowa, mind you, at 10 and 3, has like a 0.78 in terms of efficiency or negative 0.78. it's negative 0.92 for San Diego State. They do less than Iowa. Why are you yelling? Because they believe in their punter. The defense 12th in SP Plus, the offense 103rd in SP Plus.

Jason. They're perfect in football. Sounds like we're moving along to the Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl between Missouri and Army. Let's remember 90s punk rock band Tiger Army. that's my only thought here and also Missouri's run defense sucks so that'll be fun

yeah they're 105th overall in defense and it's mostly because they let hend and hooker run on that no I don't even think it was hooker I think it was Milton they let Tennessee quarterbacks run on them for like 19 yards at a time don't do that

and now they're going to face one of the nation's best triple option army's going to throw on them just for fun it's going to be weird remember what major apple whites last year when army played Houston Why are you bringing up Major Applewhite? An Army absolutely threw them out of a window. Oh, that's why.

Yeah, yeah. That's what this could look like. The only thing keeping Missou in this is going to be Tyler Beatty, who's put together an awesome year for like very little gain overall for the team. Like Tyler Beatty's just been a steady 100 yards a game despite everything that's happening to the rest of the zoo. So I would like to review the recent postseason history of Missouri football. We're going to start in, let's start in 2017, where they go seven and five and get a,

get a spot in the Texas Bowl where they lose to Texas, 33, 16. Okay, that's not too bad. Whatever. The next year, they win eight games. They go to the Liberty Bowl against Oklahoma State. They lose that one close as well. All right, you know, things are going fine. 2019 bowl ban year not fun 20 oh man no missou football 20 20 5 and 5 and are supposed to play

iowa in a bowl game but missou has to withdraw because of COVID issues yeah so that means that their reward for two years of no bowl football is going to play army in the armed forces bowl an angry army that's just lost to a horrible navy yeah yeah um yeah i don't i don't like this for missouri at all missouri hasn't won a bowl game since 2014 at this point are you saying that are you saying that this bowl game might not fly from missou because the f35 website and that that seems that seems like a matching harmonious thing that it won't fly hope it doesn't ring bowl game won't work talking shit about the f35 is one of my favorite

This is our favorite malice. The thing is there was a bowl game where it rained and the bull game didn't work. This wasn't this one. Yeah, but this whole game didn't cost a billion dollars. That was the first responder. That was the first responder. The F-35 doesn't respond to anything.

Let's move along to the first ever year of the frantically assembled, Francisco football classic between the Miami, Ohio, whatever they are, and Spencer Hall's, North Texas, Mean Green. We are. Coach, how are bowl practices, bowl prep, all that. You turn down the, you turned down the LSU job, you turn down the Florida job, and you're sticking, staying home in Denton. Yeah, you know, we're really putting roots down here. I'm very excited about our soft jazz warriors. Everybody's been focused. and swinging. RIP and Rice, by the way, RIP and Rice.

RIP and Rice. We're going to wear the, we're going to wear the Anne Rice Memorial patch on our jerseys. I'm going to go home and spank our girlfriends. Yep. I'm wearing my Memnock the Devil Memorial of pro-combatts.

Yeah, we're going to make a move, by the way. Not a primary mascot, but secondary will be Memnock the devil. Memnock's going to be on the sideline for year two, along with Snarky puppy. We're going to change the fight song to something. and 14-7 or 14-5 as our time signature.

You know, we'll make it work, is what I'm saying. We step to a different beat and a different drummer, and that's what North Texas is going to continue to do because the hater said we couldn't get here. And at 6 and 6, we qualified for a bowl game that they had to invent for us. The people demanded the hammering public. It sounds to me like they just put up a velvet rope, created VIP.

The people, by the way, I love this, that when you're like, market is perfect i'm like yes it said it saw one bowl game in friscoe texas and said no two two just adam driver screaming in that meme but with less in capital letters across the bottom i hope they i hope they double bill the smoothie company and see if they notice hey remember that team we were joking about losing to eastern michigan 1312 they're the other one yeah that was the red hawks which it's important just Jason, it's important to remember because they have the very Canadian style, capital R, capital H, yeah, yeah, America's greatest CFL team, the Miami of Ohio, Red Hawks. I guess we're moving ahead to the union home.

God, damn it, we should have stalled. We tried his best. We should have stalled. It's time. Oh, look at all the extra time we have laid up. Just go night night for a second. Sure, okay. Do you know what I like about the union home mortgage,

Gasparia Bowl putting UCF for Central Florida? Is that Florida could lose to Gus Malz on? I mean, they're well, they should be experienced in that. But the thing that is really, wait, did you all lose to Gus Malz on? I can't remember. We've lost to many people. Anyway, the thing that I love about this game is that either Florida has to gin themselves into getting up for a game versus UCF or they're going to come out flat

and all 15 UCF fans are going to hound them to the ends of the earth like 15,000 UCF can't. They have the posting energy of a thousand times their own mass. And they're going to hear about that shit for the next 15 years. And both of those outcomes are great for me personally. Yeah. If UCF wins, then it's, oh, oh, now I see why you never see why you never scheduled us and just going to hear about that for the rest of your lives until uh it was there a scheduling deal in the future between these two teams i can't recall let's see here i don't make it my business to know anything about either of these i'm not looking past utah next year frankly you have to play utah yeah yeah yeah uh florida doesn't get another crack at ucf until

24 who the fuck scheduled utah what is wrong with you listen eastern white Washington? Everybody was all. Florida doesn't play anybody at a conference. It's toughen up. And you're at Florida State. Yeah. That part's less concerning.

2023 at Utah. Good. Okay, we're going to that. Possibly on an opening Thursday night. If we're alive, we're going to that. Same with Urban Meyer. If he's again, part of our large, overpriced military products, consumer debt, and debt-related products line up.

This is the union home mortgage Gasparallible. It is sponsoring one in the Tampa Bay area. I can only assume that is further money laundering. But again, looking at the college football consumer and saying, you want a house? You want a jet? Do you want to borrow $8 million to pay for it? Do you need a smoothie? I feel like the word union is drawing bad attention in two different ways at least.

At least. I like this game. Poor choice. I like that a game that has been named after a fake pirate, a company that sells fake Irish food and fake internet money is now sponsored by something even more bullshit, which is mortgages. I appreciate that you won't impugn bad boy mowers because they are mowers and they are bad boy.

They are as real as it gets, brother. You know what? As I say while straddling my. bright orange steed across my lawn what was that listen what was the promise of the bad boy mower it'll mow the shit out of your yard that's and that you will feel like a bad boy and that all the neighborhood moms will notice you doing it on your mower Aaron hello I like the apprehension that it's sexy because you're on the mower not because they're like he's doing a chore no no that is that is definitely what is hot yeah so if i might lose to ucf yeah no this is also this game is a

sellout like oh no a lot of people are going to this game like at what percent do you think ucf fans a lot it's all of them it's going to be like i actually think it's going to be a weird mix of like florida fans ucf fans and u sf fans and florida state fans who are just there to be meaning. Because they don't have a bowl game to go to. Might as well. And USF as well. And USF fans are like, yeah, this is, that's our pirate ship. And one of y'all is going to lose before it. Do you actually think that Florida fans who were not related to Florida players want to see

any more out of this team? This is, this is what, it's not that. It's that there are going to be people who are home in Tampa visiting people for the holidays. And they're like, we already went to Lowry Park Zoo. We have to do something else. I can't stay in this house Let's go to the fucking Gasparilla Bowl

There's no public space Anywhere in this city to hang out Oh shit I said it's not Gasparia is it I forgot no it's not I like If I have to watch dad Watch one more episode of Blue Bloods I'm gonna hang myself We either go to the Gasparallible

Or we have to watch mom fart up and down the long ass sidewalk All right Which one do you want to? We either go to the Gasparilla Bowl or we watch the hot dad across the street and mow his lawn on his bad boy mower again. Is he hot? Yes, because he's responsible. Look at him.

Is he hot or is he just doing a chore? So that's the other thing. If you watch this game, keep an eye out for people who came to this game in Bucks gear because they're just like muscle memory. Wait, I got it. Is he hot or is it housework? Ooh, he's tall And he's taking the trash out Oh, sir

Sir The bar is so low Just like this game Tell me you did it without being told, Trevor He didn't No, of course not And that's the reason Florida is here Someone told them

They had to be here