Shutdown Fullcast - 40 for 40: The 2016 TaxSlayer Bowl

Episode Date: December 30, 2016

Number 34 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the TaxSlayer Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Kentucky and Georgia Tech have explore the whole football spectrum this year, from "beat Louisville and Virginia Tech" to "lost to Southern Miss and barely beat Duke." So if you know what's going to happen in this game, you are a liar or a time traveler. If you're a time traveler, why are you listening to this podcast? (That's true of non time travelers as well, to be fair.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the 40 for 40 podcast to cover the preview of all necessary information you need to know about the Tax Slayer Bowl. Tax Slayer! He's the tax. He'll make sure you have receipts for business expenses. I didn't even scan. Yeah. Who's the... In Tax Slayer, the least sexy Bond movie.

Who is the villainous? Oh. Lady Liberty? A sketchy deduction. Meet sketchy deduction. Is she an attractive assassin? No, she's literally just a sketchy deduction. This is the living embodiment of a drunken meal for $72 that you had.

It's a piece of unused farm equipment. It's poetic. There's something... incredibly depressingly prosaic about playing a game in Jacksonville I mean look at the layers here this is like a trifle

this is a Pavlova of sadness you have a bowl game in Jacksonville it's an 11 a.m. local kick it's not a field named after a bank and a game named after a tax software and Georgia tax half of it yeah how many how many iterations do you think tax

Slayer went with do you think they were like all right how about tax murderer they're like No, that's a little far. Tax kidnapper? Yeah, that also sort of sends the wrong. The tax axe. Why isn't it tax slaughterer? Tax slaughterer is so much more metal to me.

Like, that has so much more belief bind it than tax slayer. What about T-a-chostrophe axe murderer? I would update it. Tax-strangler? Tax-strangler? Tax-strangler is probably way more appropriate for Jacksonville. There's lots of things to dump. There's lots of places to dump bodies,

into canals. Also, strangling is the cheapest form of murder. So it's very Jacksonville. All you need is these hands. Just need these hands. People in Jacksonville are like, I don't know. Bullets are pretty expensive. Just use your hands. Hands. Hell, I got hands.

And all you're good for is games. Listen, if God didn't want me to strangle him, why did he give me these hands? Not guilty. That ain't. I don't quite fly in Kentucky, our other team. Our other team. Yeah, by I think every state involved here, Florida, Georgia, and Kentucky, you can stay on your ground in all these states.

This game, hell, you can advance your ground. You can go kill somebody if you think they're suspicious. Gain your ground. Jacksonville slides into the ocean. That and that and I will say before we make too much fun of this game, and we're all going to make fun of this game, me included. I think it's going to be awesome. I think this is a great matchup.

What's wrong with you? No, look at it. This is good. All these games today are good. We have moved the goalposts for good a lot this postseason. Okay. Our demented definition of what is good because... Paul Johnson and Mark Stoops, I'm with you there.

Yeah. We got two real ragey coaches, like super ragey coaches, right? Different shades of rages. There's like Johnson's latent, like, trapdoor spider rage, and there's Mark Stoop's, like, Royd spider rage. Yeah, like, Paul Johnson's face is the last thing you see before a mind shaft is sealed over you, right? Like, you would have made a great justified villain. He is a justified villain.

We just have to wait for the movie. That's how this works. Meanwhile, meanwhile, Mark Stoops is Stoops Ragey, which means theatrical. Now, he's not Mike Stoops. We, I think we can all on this podcast degree. Mike Stoops is the Johnny Walker. Yeah, he's the Johnny Walker Blue label of Stoops Rage, right? Well, no, but it's not.

Even Mike Stoops is more like constant like, oh my God, a log fell on my car again. I just paid it off. Jesus Christ. Just constantly bereft. He is the, you know, all those, all those gifts of the people in, as seen on TV commercials who are like spilling nachos all over themselves or can't wash a car success to you. That's him. That's Mike Stoops.

Oh, God. Who knows how to use a hairbring? fuck yeah no he has his own highlight reel spilling like a massive bowl of cheese curls accidentally kicking up the snack tray right I swallowed the TV remote again

oh god there's an egg stuck in the VCR are you tired of getting an egg stuck in the VCR no it's VCR filter yeah that's uh with VCR guard you'll never be much too

it'll keep you from putting things in the fucking DCR. You god that sounds like Oklahoma's defense. Yeah. Did you instantly vote? It's just a screen

of egg guards they put it in front of the end zone. This is really like, did you see something on Facebook you disagreed with? Big piece of construction paper. Put this over your computer screen. Until it goes away.

It'll be 2499. God, we're going to be millionaires. Kentucky, Kentucky, I respect you so much for the season you had because Kentucky was the worst football team I have ever seen. Yeah, we went from, at one point, we were telling Kentucky to just abstain from football. Just stop, stop playing. And then by the end of the season, we were advocating for them to be the SEC East champion. Man, my playoff at the end of the year would have been Colorado, Pitt, Kentucky, and Virginia Tech.

Okay. Well, this is why you're not in charge of anything. That's right. That's right. because I'm right. But Kentucky ended up having a season where they went from being the worst goddamn team I have ever seen in my life

to yeah, beating Mississippi State, to yeah, beating Missouri, to yeah, beating... Okay, they didn't beat Georgia. Wait, they went... How far is the distance from worst to beating Mississippi State in Missouri? Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, we're going to keep going to keep going.

It gets better. Because it gets way better and funnier because, yeah, we were at that point where you're like, well, this really isn't much of a margin. O'Contrere, they beat Louisville 41.38. Oh, my God, they beat the hell out of Louisville, too.

It was, I mean, it was close, but it was decisive. And now they get to play Georgia Tech. A team that had an equally fantastic year, did they not? They did. Look at the scores on these. This shit looks

like random number generators, which the tech fan would appreciate. Uh-huh. They're similar in just so many ways The only thing they're good at either of them is just running Just run never pass just run And you never know what you're going to get out of either team Plus Georgia Tech ended the year in the most southern way possible

In a landscaping controversy Exactly Yes with Georgia Tech players Oh oh that gives us a chance to mention something Georgia Tech to Georgia this year huh this is the first year first year coach kirby smart oh oh speaking of paul johnson back in the liberty bowl that never ends poorly we saw what paul johnson said about a week ago about kirby smart right

we should tell people about that he um apparently kirby smart after the game-winning play by tech which was like this bizarre uh run up the middle that looked like a totally busted play Kirby said something like It was it was Yeah Kirby said something like That's one of their most dangerous plays We prepared

Specifically for that Like three weeks later No I believe him And that's the problem That's true That's true It's what dad would have done I think telling the truth

Which is worse So like three weeks later Johnson says We haven't run that play since You know 2008 or whatever and so that guy from Georgia, I don't know what he's talking. He called him that guy from Georgia

while fact-checking him. You get the feeling he means... Also, I get the feeling that he's not referring to Kirby as the coach of Georgia. You get the feeling he means that Georgia, that young man at the University of Georgia. Well, it's entirely possible that he thinks Kirby Smart is the interim coach,

which, hey, who knows, maybe. He kind of is, isn't he? I would... Yeah, he is, for whoever's next. To be real honest, that's how this works. Oh, hey, did Miami win their bowl game? Yeah, they did, didn't they? They did real easily.

Yeah, by like wide and thunderous margins. Funny, funny how that works. Sorry, Holly. Are you? No, it's in service of a greater cause, which is making Georgia feel bad. Yeah. Georgia Tech also, by the way,

inexplicable wins and losses. They got all of them, man. Like, nothing makes sense in their season. absolutely nothing makes sense uh they beat a terrible boston college team but they only beat him 17 14 okay uh georgia that that was in ireland so like no matter how mundane the score looks it was still weird it was like six a m exactly like what what makes sense about that okay i also i also absolutely believe that paul johnson just for consistency's sake made his team take a boat both ways a you boat

we're gonna we're gonna reenact dos boot here the the we're gonna travel on nothing but the latest technology the ammo the ammo's live boys but it always is it's like also georgia tech lost to miami so georgia tech lost to miami georgia tech like beat up on virginia tech 3020 out of nowhere and and and also lost to north carolina like there's there's a lot of confusion in this schedule well i mean jason said random number generator what he really means is dungeons and dragons 20-sided die because that's what this season was oh critical miss shit yeah roll roll with it you beat virginia okay cool cool we got away with that uh there is there's very little in this schedule that makes any sense which is great because they're going up against kentucky this is going to look like a really and i mean this as a

high compliment, this is going to look like a really great high school game. We all belong outside. We're drawn to nature, whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to, or the succulents that adorn our homes. Nature makes all of our lives, well, better. Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it, but the outdoors is closer than we realize. With all trails, you can discover trails nearby and explore confidently With offline maps and on-trail navigation, download the free app today and make the most of your summer with all trails.