Shutdown Fullcast - 40 for 40: The 2018 Birmingham through Hawaii Bowls

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

Yup, still doing these. Nope, not particularly close to done yet. Eh, not really sure what we feel like having for dinner tonight. Maybe soup, but like a hearty soup? But not a creamy soup. Makes us all congested. Topics on this episode: 3:35 - THE BIRMINGHAM BOWL 19:45 - THE ARMED FORCES BOWL 29:27 - THE DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL 35:02 - THE HAWAII BOWL Notes from our sponsors:LEGO: In today's show you heard advertising content from The LEGO Store. With LEGO, every gift has a story. Start your story today at https://LEGO.build/Shutdown-Ship Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You haven't stumbled into just any regular edition of the shutdown fullcast. No, it is mid-December, and that means we are currently in the throes of 40 for 40. That is correct. A podcast devoted to each and every last one of the approximately 87 college football bowl games. So many bowl games, we don't even have enough college football. teams to fill them. That's why, that's why, I don't know, you got the New York Jets lining up against Akron. Good for them. Good for the Jets. I know. I'm glad they made

a, I'm glad they made the posseys. Were the Jets grades that good this year? No, that's definitely not that. What if the NFL had APR? Which how much more unbearable would it have been to plan a team with Peyton? Then signing Ryan Fitzpatrick makes all the sense in the world. Would they go by like patriotism quotient? Yes. The APR stands for like America patriotism rating. I think they would be more subtle. I think they would put it under civics, but the civics class would be like tactical brob patriot as hell. Right. Right. What is the greatest force for good in the world? Uh, modern medicine or capitalism? It's capitalism. Good job. It's 100%.

What did Christopher Columbus land on Manhattan in? That's right, a Learjet. That's right. And then all the natives died of their socialism. That is correct. And the worst part is that the players are smart enough to just go, just say what they want to say. God, I just want to get through this.

Just say what they want to say. We got to get to the Quick Lane Bowl. Just get to your second contract. That's all you got to do. That's all. I really Although if I had to bet on a team that was going to have The lowest

Possible APR Brother I think it's got to be the Jags Wait did I miss a bowl Are we at the quick lane? No No sorry that was just the first one that came from mine He's throwing off

As a bowl that the NFL team would be desperate to attend Oh yeah it's in Detroit Is there an NFL franchise there? No there was one There was once, but then Barry Sanders retired and they quit. We do have five, no, we do have four bowls, four bowls so far. For this series of chunks. This chunk is all the pre-Christmas bowls.

Get some chunks for your bowls. Yeah, yeah. We're going to have a big chunky Christmas Eve. Actually, there are no Christmas Eve bowls this year. It's important to note that's usually the Island Bowls Day. the Hawaii and Bahamas type bowls. But these are all December 2nd, 22nd. I know I was concerned when we looked on Christmas Eve.

I was like, oh God, we already lost the Bahamas Bowl. But nope, there it is. Christmas is canceled. Sorry. Should we start with the Birmingham Bowl? I believe we should on this tour of cities and sites best described as federal contractors for things that aren't exactly desirable and that you want to keep as far away from major population centers as possible.

Birmingham. The NASA Waste Center, Birmingham Bowl. That is correct. The Birmingham Bowl. Is this an ESPN Events Bowl? You bet it is. Does it have a sponsor? Oh, you bet it does.

In case you won't see the ads enough times, this is sponsored by Jared. No. Stupid Jared. Stupid Jared. No. Actually, nothing says love in Birmingham more than mall jewelry. I'll buy that.

God damn. What? I'm applauding them for matching the sponsor to the surroundings, sir. Let's also remember that this is the bowl that Papa John's specifically abandoned this

bowl sponsorship. Let me interrupt you. This is the bowl that Papa John's website abandoned. Sorry, yes. The digital presence of Papa John's abandoned when they when they got the NFL deal

but they don't have the NFL deal anymore who's to say why probably was a very smooth transition so it's time to come home papa john.com it's time to come on back to your roots how you letting how you letting Jared stunt on you? Jared a reminder

the jewelry company owned by the same place that owns all the other jewelry that's my favorite thing is that the mass jewelry industry is basically like hey we're all the same but Don't look too close. Ooh, values over here at Zales. Oh, maybe you should, every kiss begins with K.

It's all the same company, you stupid chuckle fucks. Wake Forest is like the Zales of football. Right, and that it's the exact same as UNC. They're all the same. Well, it's kind of like the ESPN events bowls, right? Oh, yes, yes. Let us also remember before we abandoned Go Big Papa that in the days when this website actually sponsored this bowl game, they famously ran out of pizza repeatedly.

Before kickoff one year, didn't they? Yeah. Will Papa John's delivered a Legion field? Reader. They will not. Can you order? Well, now, here's the question. When you go to the concession stands at this bowl game, can you buy a tasteful engagement ring? Probably.

It's Birmingham. I would honestly rather get one out of somebody's trunk in the parking lot. Baby, I love you. And that's why I got cheese fries and this diamond solitaire. The only mall jewelry that I was ever interested in, in purchasing. And Holly convinced me of this after pointing this out to me. Is this about the ass and titty's necklace? Yes.

Yes, it is. It's the Jane Seymour, the goods necklace, right? You guys remember this one? It was like two hearts upside down, but it looked like boobs and a butt and somehow never appeared in a rap video that I've ever seen. The one with the commercial for years where the ladies like, it's her, it's her open heart collection. Yeah, yeah, that one. When I think of, when I think of love, I think of an open heart and it just looks like a half.

I see two butt snuggling. I like it because Jane Seymour is sort of like implying that she's Hannibal Lecter. I think of a bisected heart lying open on my kitchen counter. Did you know that the only organ in the human body that's actually shaped like a cartoon heart is the prostate? It's kind of like the human centipede, but even more fucked up. You're taking people's hearts out and stitching them together. And upside down, not even like side to side. Yeah, like you're actually tearing people's innards out and stuffing them in inside other people.

The open hearts necklace actually is still available. Gentlemen, you're all married. How much are we talking? $79.99 at K. Wow, what a value. This is my granddaddy had open heart. It cost him a lot more than. however much this thing is.

Yeah, it also, okay, it's either an open heart or it's a snake that's had a couple of fractures. Listen, you can use your FSA funds for this, probably. Yeah, I'm going to need an open heart in a couple decades here. Wait, I'm going to put this into the chat and see what you guys think. This also looks like it could serve as a pretty serviceable bottle opener. Oh, now, now we see the Matrix. Wait, hang on, I'm going to put it in there.

Y'all look and see what you think. When she said love will always find its way in, that's what she was talking about. Love will always find its way in to the Red Stripe bottles. Oh, yeah, 100%. You know, the other thing you could use this for, you could use this to hook a fish. You could put your, you could put it between your knuckles as you walk from the mall to your car to avoid rapists. Right. You could gouge eyes with it.

Yeah. You could also use it to gouge eyes in other places like PTA meetings or your cage fly. fighting club. I like the idea that if you wear this, somebody's going to be like, who the hell is Z? As opposed to, boy, you got an ass around your neck. If I buy like 10 of them, is it just going to be a big old constellation, a golden booty around my neck? That's what you've always wanted.

Do you want to be a big butt spoon or the little butt spoon? Birmingham has hosted this for a while. Wait, if you click up or to the bottom of the website next to this necklace picture, where it's says will it fit i saw that okay guys it's a necklace like you got to have you got to have some some real you got to be doing a lot of neck work at the gym for this to not what if your lady is a giraffe what if you're pat fitzgerald and you have boat muscles of the neck wait wait

reviews reviews all right two star review what if what if what if your lady doesn't have a neck i love my most gotts of a wife two star reviews two star review not that great I ordered this for my mother. It looks a lot bigger online. This piece is very small. I ended up exchanging it. I'll bet he's heard that before. I ended up exchanging it for something bigger and with more bling.

Did he just say his mom has a big fat neck? I think, I think so. I bought this for my mother, an actual bison. Without the diamond accents for $79.99 to be clear, but it was the first one that popped up when I searched for it. A lot of, most of the complaints seem to, be that it's much smaller than you think you're going to get. I bought this necklace

as a Christmas gift for my wife. She said she loved it and said that it matched the earrings that I bought her for Valentine's Day. Well, this man is bedecking his wife with metal asses. What about that isn't love? Come on. That's true. I didn't complain. Yeah. Man, I don't

leave reviews for anything. Wait, wait, wait. My three granddaughters thought this was the best gift ever next to the trip to the Poconos. the polka nose can be very scenic sometimes I took you to the polka nose and then I gave you golden asses this game this game by the way in 2015 featured the highlight of the recent Florida Gators football history

which was running back Adam Lane in a 2820 victory over East Carolina that's part of our open anuses collection mm-hmm he pooped himself when you wear white pants and you try try real hard, maybe a little too hard, and you have a little Papa Johns.com pizza before the game. Maybe you don't react so well to it. Maybe you poop yourself, despite running for well over 100 yards and saving the team single-handedly. He transferred after that. I'm sorry, I just found a review that said, it's just right for my neck.

Thank you so much. Good job, Jared. You made a neck-size necklace. Man, okay, this also says it's only three-quarters of an inch high. I want like a pendant. Like, I want this to reach down to my navel. Right. And listen, the two-star reviews are here to warn you that you're not getting that.

Yeah. Thank you, two-star refuse. Now, on the other hand, buy this for a baby, and it will reach down to their nail. So. I'm going to experiment with this. This is, by the way, like, just as a game. I got a fresh baby to test it on. Yeah.

You test this fresh baby on what is going to be, I think, an equally, fresh bowl game it's us f pit right no every birmingham bowl must be usf pit yes no you're right you're not in the birmingham bowl anymore what's the bad news in the role of usf this year we have wake forest and in the role of pit we have memphis yeah I think we should flip those but yeah that works I I can see an argument either way that's fine I am I am 100% for this ball game by the way like, I will actually watch this. I think it'll be fine. I think Wake Forest is kind of crappy.

I think Memphis is actually a pretty good team. And Wake Forest, like, they're okay, but they're not. They didn't close the season super well. I mean, their whole season wasn't, what do they do that makes you excited to watch them. What makes me excited to watch them is watching Memphis rollout 55 on them. That's what makes me really excited because I just get to watch Derrick. who i voted third in the heisman by the way in the ceremonial hey you won't win but you're awesome slot right the quentin flowers uh memorial heisman slot the third slot i put darrell henderson

in there because he's awesome but it also helps that joey magnifico plays for memphis and his name is joey magnifico a guy with a wrestler's name playing for the most wrestling compatible team in college football in the most wrestling-compatible city. Yeah, it all adds up. Can I throw one other little bit of trivia for you, by the way? Please do. Please do. Memphis.

Memphis is a double Brady team. Starting quarterback, Brady White. Backup quarterback, Brady McBride. Man. That's how much excellence they have. I guarantee White McBride shops at Jared. 100% Hey did you all know that Mike Norvel is not leaving

He is not leaving Memphis I don't know he can't Because their record wasn't good enough for him to get an offer this year Mike Norvell is not even attending the Birmingham Bowl Because that would involve leaving Memphis And he's not doing it I want to get real reasons for why Mike Norvel can't leave Memphis right Like we'll find out in 20 years

I'll be like man Mike Norvel is a legend in the industry Yeah it started when he killed a man in Puerto Rico in Puerto Rico. There is like one legit, good reason. And that's that he, he makes like a good amount of money. He makes 2.6 million. He made 2.6 million this year.

How do you spend 2.6 mil in Memphis? Okay. I hear what you're saying. But that's $800,000 more than Dave Clausen made. Good. He's, he's making more than Dino Babers. He's making more than Barry Odom.

Okay, those are bad. Like, like, Like, Memphis has found a way, and of course we have to imply that, yes, maybe that's illegal, to keep Mike Norville pretty well, well compensated. You don't know all the, you don't know all the other perks he gets there, too. You don't. Like, you know, Nick Saban has all of these little sort of add-ons and extras, right? Like, well, we'll buy your house and we'll give you a Mercedes dealership. Yeah.

He might have his own barbecue truck. There's your retirement plan. by that we mean a truck constructed of barbecue not one that serves it here's your own country western gear store i think it's a truck that has been parked in a garage size smoker and we're just letting it sit barbecued truck you didn't read the contract very carefully mike that and i want you to know that the birmingham bowl's website when it lists nightlife. And I'm not poking fun. This actually

sounds like a really great time. There's two things on there. Neither one is a real proper nightclub, but the first one's kind of boss, because it's Vestavia bowl. That's right. Vestavia Bowling is listed under Birmingham Nightlife.

It's technically accurate. I mean, points for that. They got that disco bowling. but not with cocaine maybe with cocaine no I was here can I offer a historical fact on this

is ancient rivalry oh professor sandman the first time these two teams played Wake Forest's quarterback was a young fellow by the name of John McAvick who would go on to be a head coach throughout the country does anyone know what John McAvick

is doing these days. Oh, please tell me it's cryptocurrency. He's a, very close. He's doing teeth bleaching for corpses in Arizona. Since leaving Arizona in 2007, he was the United States national head coach of American football and the International Football World Cup.

Literally America's coach. It's like one step away from the presidency. See, and since 2014, he has been the head coach of Italy's American football team. Oh, a traitor. A traitor is Kerr. Wait, does that mean if Congress blows up, like in that key for Sutherland show, nobody watches that John McEvick is president? Yes.

Mm-hmm. But of Italy, weirdly. Yeah, I think he's in line for, like, the papacy. And that's, of course, why they should be the Papa John's Bowl once again. there we've done it well you know let's let's face it putting john mackovic in a position of power really if you're if you're looking to pull a coup anyway it's happened to him before was honestly who would suspect him the armed forces bowl but no i have no no no no i got one more fact no i got one more fine we've gone so long on the

birmingham bowl and i guarantee you we're barely going to talk about the other bowls we lasted longer than their concession stance pizza supply damn Sports Illustrated said my favorite joke about this, and it wasn't a joke. He said that Memphis should hold Wake Forest starting quarterback Jamie Newman to less than four passing TDs because, quote, I just tried to move us on. They have film on him now. This is someone who has not watched Memphis at all this year.

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and get your free shipment with the use of our promo code SB Nation. Just pay $5 for shipping. Again, that's B-L-U-E-chew.com promo code SB Nation to try it free. Blue Chew is the better, cheaper, faster choice, and we thank them for sponsoring this podcast. Armed Forces Bowl! Armed Forces Bowl! I learned a fun Houston thing today that I didn't actually... I don't think I ever knew this, or I at least didn't remember it. It has nothing to do with 2018 Houston football.

So Andre Ware won the Heisman in 19. At the time, Houston was playing under NCAA, under NCAA probation, where they had lost a bunch of scholarships, they had a bowl ban. But for our purposes, more importantly, they were playing under a TV ban when that was still a thing. Like, how, it seems very hard from the perspective of the world we live in today to win the Heisman when none of your games are on TV. at all. How did that even happen? This must have been Larry Scott's plan all along. He took one look at that and said,

aha, that but an entire conference. That's the future. Now back to me watching tennis. Hey, homeless man. Would you tell me what happened in this replay? I know you're not a trained official. The future, anyone can officiate? Crowdsourcing.

Crowdsourcing. The Pac-12 has been stocking up on messenger pigeons. We have thousands of crowds. We have thousands of them, and they all pay San Francisco rent. Cloud officiating. Let's ask Chinese Premier Li Jinping what he thinks of this past interference call. I do have something I would also like to share about Army that is about 2018. The two teams in this bowl are Army in Houston.

I'm not just talking about them randomly. Information overload. That would be a thing we would do. So Army threw the ball 94 times this year, and they had six touch. on those throws. Ruckers had five touchdowns this year. How many passing attempts do you think Ruckers had this year? Again, Army 94.

Well, let's say Ruckers play 12 games. I'm going to go 283. 351. God damn. And they only got five touchdowns out of it. I see your amazing stat. And I raise you because this ball game is actually. exceptional in one in one degree like at least one degree okay army led the entire nation in time

of possession anyone who watched them would not be surprised by this remember they held the ball for like 44 minutes against oklahoma something i know because one brave okey filmed it off his phone so i could watch it with his sexy feet with his sexy feet everyone going show at your feet No, there's my feet, bro. Go Sooners. That guy almost got the Kansas State job. People don't know that. They would have been happier with that than Clemen.

Never seen Clemen watch a football game or show me his feet. At least we've seen Foot Guy watching an FBS game before. I've gone up in the haulers for a couple days. Why is everyone mad about this? Because they think FCS is Division 5. It's not everyone. We should clarify. No, no, I know.

I'm not including anyone on this call on that everyone. But why are the royal we mad about this again? I don't know. Those are the people who are excited about Ron Prince. So I was excited about Ron Prince, but not for reasons that they would like. We're legally required to remind you that Ron Prince beat Texas. You mean Howard University head coach Ron Prince? Ron Prince back.

Because the Prince is a king yet again. Jesus. He came back. The Prince of Washington, D.C. The Prince returned to D.C. because the prince will lead them. What is interesting to you about this game, Spencer? Okay, so Army averaged 3851 per game of possession. The Army time lords.

Yes, the time lords. Okay. They did this, by the way. How many times do you think, you know, like when you see an option team, you go, okay, so they're probably going to get 400, 450 yards of offense. It'll be like 400 yards rushing and 50 yards passing, right? That's probably how it's going to break down. How many times that Army actually run for,

for over 400 yards this season. How many times? I'm going to say probably only like two or three. Jason? I was going to say twice. Holly? I wasn't listening. What?

Holly, by the way, that is in the price is right terms, that is the dollar bet. So she gets one, right? Holly wins, doesn't she? Holly, by default, is correct because they only ran for 400 yards once. What did I win? Woo! There's a lesson here, whether you are, Part of the audience or part of the show, don't listen to the shutdown forecast.

You'll be better off. I actually wasn't paying attention because I was quote tweeting something that Ryan said earlier that I thought was funny. Oh, boy. But Army, Army just sat there. If you want to know what their offensive plan was, it was, it was crack a beer. Wait a minute. Gets about 10 seconds on the clock. Put the beer down.

Run a dive. Pick the beer back up. Repeat. so the army the army troublesome stumps our army just man army just hit that like bullet time right the dead eye got the dead eye full and just decided to chop and screw the whole year so i'm not even to the amazing and thus they're playing houston yeah houston Houston with 25 minutes of possession the game Easily easily the fastest

Like they are the fastest team with the lowest time of possession So you literally have like the slowest team in America Playing the fastest team in America Someone's going to cry Yeah if anyone out there if you don't watch this game Fuck you Yeah wow yeah this could be amazing Plus then you're then you don't support

the troops. There's also that. The troops of Houston deserve your respect. The valor they display day in and day out. Ed Oliver went without a coat just a sacrifice for you people. So you better tune in and watch this game. Yeah, by the way, Ed Oliver does not care because he's not going to move. Ed Oliver will be on the sidelines in a mink coat for this game. He'll be in two minks. That his agent bought for him. He's just going to be in pelts. I hope he walks up behind Major appellate and accidentally just shoulder bumps him so major gets a sideline infraction he's on the field i just walks up and takes major's coat i am still i am still getting though thought that was an amazing stat i am still getting to one stat um oj made in america the documentary

right yep all five parts if you added up all of army's time of possession for 2018 all right is it longer or shorter than all five parts of oj it has to be longer you wouldn't oh it's shorter shorter it's definitely shorter for me longer shorter three it's exactly the same is what it is three minutes it is three army held the ball for three minutes longer than the five part massive oj made in america i wish that had been a terrible twist on you where you're like oh no OJ's like an hour 20 longer Why would you think that's stupid You barely have time to watch

Like with Houston you barely have time to watch The Lord of the Rings It's like an absolute shame Like one movie or all three Like half of the cycle I think you can get Like the extended editions or like the theatrical Just read the Wikipedia pages

I knew Hollywood I knew Hollywood I was going to do it until Jason started it Yeah No I looked it up like you like even if you just have the bare bones edition it's like 43% of the cycle so yeah Houston you Houston you ain't shit that ain't erotic football slow it down having become predictable I'm going to go back to not paying attention the dollar general no I'm sorry

hang on yeah I think it's important we we remember this thing because it's one of the weirdest things in all of recent football history that no one seems to remember um These two were conference rivals for like kind of a while. Yeah, yeah. Like seven years around the turn of the century in Conference USA. Army was in Conference USA. This blows people's mind if they don't remember it at the time. And I think it gets even weirder than that because Army's head coach for part of this spell was former Chargers, Lions coach Bobby Ross, who has had a bizarre career.

He won a, we won an FBS national title in the state of Georgia. since the Korean War for you know that's that's crazy enough right there he is the actual like one or two coaches who did coach the Chargers we joke about all of them doing so it's him and Mike Riley they've just taken turns for all of history

and then there he was coaching army in conference USA how dare you ignore Norf like how fucking dare you Norv Schottenheimer also coached the Chargers Norv Norv Sorry.

Anyway, that was our historical report for this matchup. Please remember Bobby Ross coached Army in Conference USA. Wow. The Dollar General Bowl. I mean, look, look. Next. But this is all I want to say. Board now.

Buffalo plays Troy in this game, just so you know. Separately, and I hate to do this. but like figure that out on their own not if they listen to this podcast they can't this is all i want to say and and i don't want to go too far down this road but go do some reading about how dollar stores replacing local grocery stores in poor mostly black communities is a thing that's happening and think about how that's probably going to fuck some things up for some marginalized people that are kind of already you know not in need of another thing to get fucked up.

Just think about that. That's a very important thing to think about. Here is also another. I'm not saying this is more important and certainly not. But can you tell me the tallest quarterback in the city of Buffalo? Is it Josh Allen? No. No?

Is Brock Isisweiler up there? Maybe. He might have got lost. How about the heaviest quarterback in the city of Buffalo? Definitely not Josh Allen. Not Josh Allen either. That would be Tyree Jackson of your Buffalo Bulls. 6-7-245.

Good God. Draft this man. His college passer rating also higher than Josh Allen. But not you Buffalo Bills. Please don't draft this man. Let him go. I think they should. No, let him go.

He deserves more. Oh, hey, did you enjoy going to college of Buffalo? You live here now. Does Tyree have the same intangibles that Josh Allen has? Um, well, uh, there's a certain, a certain one he doesn't, but, as far as, uh, complexion, but, yeah, okay, okay, yeah, that's so basically same quarterback definitely don't draft him. Right. That's how it's gonna go. Right. The other thing is, this is in, uh, in Mobile, I believe. And Mobile, there are two things in the schedule that appeal to me as possible disasters, or as I call them, points of interest.

in the events, there is something called the Alabama Street Party which if you just told me hey man we're having an Alabama Street party I'm like is that where we get bricks and put them in pillowcases and then we go find somebody who reads and we beat them up

well we find somebody who has a nicer truck than we do and we beat that truck up hey Jared screw you I'm not that Jared why does everybody think I'm that Jared bought my mom a tiny butt now necklace. It looked bigger online.

What? Your mom's butt looked bigger online? It did. Didn't know it was hurt. Damn you, Jared. You weren't Smith. You've tricked me again. There is an actual real-life interest here, though, because the Alabama Street Party, if it's in Mobile, could involve a Mobile tradition, which is

street pole vaulting. If you don't know, there is something called the Dofan Street Vault, and which takes place at like the stank-ass peak of hot ass mobile summer where you can just go pole vault there's an open category on dofan street open category it's usually on thursday before the real pros get in and start pole vaulting in the middle of the street what is that noise i have no idea i'm uh sitting above a garage

the garage doors opening uh are you are you on a roof or are you in a house i'm in a house Crawl space? I'm in the garage that's on top of the regular garage. Okay. So usually we don't hear this because my wife parks in the driveway. But today, there goes again. Her car is in the shop, so she's driving mine, which means she's parking directly.

She was home, but now she's leaving. What's that? I can't hear you over the loud garage door directly. Why do you make your wife park in a driveway? I don't. Okay. She's a free. woman, she can park wherever she pleases.

We have two garages, to be clear. I don't hog the sole garage. There's another one that just no one parks in. Land bear and Jason out here with two garages. Montana Landau. He sounds like a real Jared to me. I think we should Alabama Street Party.

Alabama Street Party and that's what we should do. That's where I pull vault with a beer bottle in hand and I throw it at the apex release, being you in the head with it, then walk you with this pole vault and stick. Just like playing that computer game. Yeah, the next thing is that there is a fireworks display, and I just, anytime, anytime I see Mobile fireworks display, I'm like, hoo-wee! There's a lot of uninsured risk right there.

Listen, it's like a forest fire. Like, you know, how forest fires occur naturally to cleanse and sort of refresh the forest. That's fireworks in Alabama. Same thing. You know what my favorite Christmas song is? Of Skip Holt's Christmas. Celebrate the year That we're all alive

Because we all went Seven and five It's a Skipholz Christmas You've You've made Holly, do you see why I hate the holidays now? It's Skipholz Christmas The Hawaii Bowl

Features Hawaii and Louisiana Tech Stay and employed That's a Holtz game Also former conference rivals Yeah Reunited again by the magical powers of the Hawaii Bowl, which Hawaii Bowl taking place on the 22nd feels wrong.

I like people for no reason. It's incredibly wrong. It's the earliest this bowl has ever been. It's the first time it hasn't been on Christmas Eve since 2007. Fuck this December 22nd. Horses shit. Now, Hawaii is playing in this, so, you know, scrimmage. They don't have to go anywhere.

Kind of nice. Get a game, but, you know, you can just kind of roll out. Think about everybody at Louisiana Tech. Russ and Louisiana is a fine place. Fine people in it. Okay? A lot of people spend their whole lives there. But if you're a 19-year-old,

you spent the year playing Skiff holds football. Going seven and five, probably getting your ass whipped every now and then. And somebody says, hey, got some good news and bad news. Bad news is you're not going to be with your family on Christmas. Good news? You're going to be in Hawaii.

How many nanoseconds of regret is that? Is it like point, point two? It's fine. We should also explain why Hawaii is in this bowl, right? People probably don't know this. Go on. Okay, so the Hawaii Bowl, when it was, the Hawaii Bowl itself is not that old.

I think it started in like 2003, 2005, somewhere around there. I think Timmy Chang played in the first one. anyways when this bull got started they built into the bowl charter and yes bulls have charters like they are old tea companies run out of uh great britain they built a clause into it that says if hawaii is a bowl eligible and b not the group of five representative at the new york the new year six i think originally they had to say not in a BCS bowl. They ought to, they, the Hawaii bowl has to offer them a bid. And part of that is that, you know, obviously it's a huge pain in the ass for Hawaii to go to literally anywhere else for a bowl game. It's more beneficial for them and their fans to sort of like have this built in.

They get the payout without sort of, you know, all the costs that come with it. But my thought is, like, why is Hawaii so ahead of the game? here why didn't why hasn't michigan baked this into the rose bowl contracts hasn't michigan baked this into the quick lane bowl contract even better why hasn't ruckers baked this into the pinstrike like shop local you lives michigan wants us to think that they're so smart and clever but like you let the rose bowl just pick i think you should strong arm them with your michigan smarts so that every time michigan is bull eligible which yeah sure and not in the college football playoff which again not an issue rosable

automatically just jump the line don't respect it