Shutdown Fullcast - 40 for 40: The 2018 First Responder through Texas Bowls

Episode Date: December 20, 2018

Please note: this is not the episode where everything goes terribly, terribly wrong. We'll get to that one, don't worry. This is just the normal amount of things going wrong, focused on the following bowls: 2:28 - THE FIRST RESPONDER BOWL 10:01 - THE QUICK LANE BOWL 15:17 - THE CHEEZ-IT BOWL 27:47 - THE INDEPENDENCE BOWL 32:32 - THE PINSTRIPE BOWL 43:21 - THE TEXAS BOWL Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome to the shutdown forecast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast and we are marching determined and damn near organized through all lemming like yes off this cliff of enlightenment that we call bowl season are we going to learn anything no no are we still going to watch i don't know cal TCU for some reason because it's on? Yeah, yeah, probably. Not going to pay attention to a single ad, though. Cheez-Sitts, you bastards. We'll get to that. I'm Spencer Hall. And these people?

Ryan? Yeah. Jason. Fuck, Cheez-Zit. Holly? What? Perfect. We're going to go through

our next batch of five bowls these are the pre-Christmas bowls post the appetizers are these posts are we post we post we have crossed the Christmas oh good God we're through the we're through them the rubicon of Christmas

yeah by the time you get to these you already have either had a good or bad or an in between Christmas so that's something maybe that's right right after Christmas is a really sweet spot because it's still the holidays but everything is now you have accumulated the debt and you have the stuff you ended the debt for.

It's sort of like playing a video game after, like a game that lets you keep playing after you've accomplished all the missions. And it's just like, well, I don't know, it's just be Batman now. Have fun. Yeah, it's just a bonus level. It's when you're in a Lego game where it's just like, can you destroy a million dollars worth of stuff? I guess. I do have a request for this episode, Spencer. Okay. To recapture the flavor of the original 40 from 40, every time we start a new bowl,

can you just welcome us to it? Sure. Thank you. We can hit that over and over again. We definitely won't get sick of it. No. I'll hit them harder and longer as we go, because I'm sure that'll go well. So have we already done it for the first responder bowl, or do we need to do that now?

No, we have not. No, we have not. Welcome to the first responder bowl The first responder bowl Formerly the Zaxby's heart of Dallas Bowl Mm-hmm

Which after you go to Zaxby's if After you go to Zaxby's If you get some Zaxby's anywhere near your heart You will need a first responder Probably a second and a third To be honest It's gonna be a team effort Why the hell did you put Zaxers in your heart?

I don't know Well, when you eat food, it passes perilously near your heart, in my opinion. Yeah. And if you eat too much Zaxby's, it's going to pile up until you have sort of a backlog around your heart. Well, again, this is our podcast sponsored by the Kennesaw State Biology Department. Go out. We have a good nursing school. I believe that's covered in the textbook.

How old does the Kennesaw State Biology Department think the Earth is? 11 or 12 Remember 12 Remember you're going to have to give the Zaxby's victim ZPR And also test them for signs Of a stroke Or embolism

Instructions for first responders I started Chest compressions Yeah this is Boston College And Boise State are the teams here if you think wow those are two teams

with absolutely no overlap I'm here to tell you you're absolutely correct you nailed it you absolutely nailed it you absolutely never you must forgot about the micronpcccomcom bowl oh so

oh that's her there are there are deep grudges to be settled here folks does micron PC still exist I don't know probably not

This is verifiable. What's at MicronPC.com now? MPC Corporation. Well, if you, if you Google Micron PC, the second result is whatever happened to Micron PC. So. So that's going good places. We're going to do a post on this. It is, the Wikipedia entry for it.

MPC Corporation was a computer hardware company based in Nampa, Idaho. that's Tampa with an N That's the worst That's the worst way to look at something All right So while we wish most people And listen

If you were affected by the closing of Micron PC Personally we are sorry for you And we hope you found work since Since they did file for We now work at Zexpease They did file for bankruptcy in 2008 but I think it's fine

that they're dead as a company Wow Whoa Wow fuck them I guess Okay Kami I'm sorry I'm sorry Ruthless It's just Nampa what's

Come on Nampa The free market has spoken through Ryan Nampa Oh now we're slandering Entire villages How do you become Knock Off Tampa Designer imposter Tampa

Chinese Chinese import Tampa I didn't look closely I thought I got you Tampa I got you Nampa instead This is from Pantlanta I wonder if it has a A beach

Man how is Pantlanta not a store already Can I just start a city called Houston Probably It's the Tom that makes it special It's the Adarn Schefter of towns I mean what are they going to do sue you Conner Point, Norlando. That's so good.

No, wait, Dorlando. Charlep. This is, by the way, the historical grudge here is on Boise State side, because embarrassed on their home turf by them Boston College Eagles and the wily Tom O'Brien. This was a Matt Ryan special, by the way. Matt Ryan, this is, Matt Ryan won a big game. Wow, that's amazing. Big. A game with bowling it, no less.

Yeah, it's astonishing. I wasn't going to say that. Yeah, wow. Although he did almost blow a big lead. Boise scored 14 and the 4th to make it 27, 21, which, you know, wasn't quite 283, but it was getting there. I guess they must have ran the damn ball. Yeah. Wow.

That is going to be a feature of this game, by the way, because if you want an actual highlight of the things in this game, two really good running backs. You got A.J. Dillon for Boston College, and you got Alexander Madison, who is a nasty runner for Boys. If you want an actual highlight in this game, too damn bad because Boston College is playing.

You're going to sit and watch it. I think this is like, I think this could be like a sneaky shootout. Like if I could take futures on shootout, I would take this one. Well, I think you might be right because, Scott Loughler, have we lost track of him? Guess where he is now?

He's Bowling Green's head coach. He's no longer holding back Boston College's offense. Was he doing an okay job? I don't know, maybe, probably not. The number say he wasn't. Either way, Boston College is now free of Scott Loughler, so this will probably be a good football game. Yeah, this was, this could be, again, I think,

sneaky good game. Although I would point this out, my science textbook tells me that this is how you solve games. Boise State, they have a quarterback at a running back. Boston College, they have a running back. Boise. Boise is going to win this game. But weirdly, Boston College was actually better throwing the ball than running the ball this year.

They're only 90th and yards per rushing at time. Oh, yeah. I don't trust that shit. That's fine. Okay, well, all right. Sure. Spencer has determined Boston College has a running back. No, if you're like Boston College is better passing, I'm like, no, no, no, no.

like the chicken sandwich being better at a burger place. You need to run that shit again. Yeah. No, run that simulation again. It came out wrong. The government doesn't want you to use Zaxby's as a heart stent, but you can. You know what the really good thing at that taco place is? It's dint, zint, zint.

Zint. Zint. Yeah, we're back to open hearts again, huh? Mm. Zaxpies will find its way in. your blob really loved you, it would find its way through your ventricles. You need arthroscopic surgery.

Zergery. Speaking of the D. Speaking. Why did I sign up for Zaxby's insurrence? I'm a neurosurgeon. It's okay. The quick lane bowl. No, do it right.

Do it right. You didn't even get to two. Oh, no, we're heading downhill. I'm going to warm you up here, okay? We are heading downhill. Yeah. You ready? We're all heading downhill.

Welcome to the Quick Lane Bowl preview. The Quick Lane Bowl preview. Let's all die. The bowl that lacks the dignity to have a website that lives anywhere but Detroit Lions.com. The bowl that pits PJ Fleck against is Paul. coached in the bowl? I think so. I feel like I see pictures. I mean, it's Paul Johnson. I don't know why he'd pass up a trip to Detroit in December.

So I have an important announcement about the Quick Lane Bowl. I went through the website because that's what we do, because we're too lazy to know things about most football teams. And I found that they have an unusual feature video board requests. The Quick Lane Bowl is happy to celebrate special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, et cetera, you can purchase these, and they will show them during halftime of the Quick Lane Bowl. Really? Now, please note, proposals are not permitted, because even the Quick Lane Bowl knows that you shouldn't get engaged in Detroit at the Quick Lane Bowl.

Oh. Also, because Paul Johnson's going to shut that shit down. Like, he's going to walk over to the girl and be like, don't want to do it. Oh, it's coach steal your girl. this is all I'm saying hey girl you got options for $50 we can get a video board message at the quick lane bowl how many

50 50 that's a little steep do we think that's worth it what if our video board message was this wasn't worth $50 okay now we're talking what if our video board message was pay the players

pay the players $50 Yes that's a good one yeah This is 50 yeah this is 50 more dollars than these players got Taxation is theft Beau the Rout Yeah Z salads Bring the NFL to Detroit

Oh Would they read that one Hold on Detroit I mean they won't just read it right Like we couldn't We couldn't just put anything up there and they read it, right? How would we verify that it actually aired?

Oh, we're going to need intrepid readers. Yeah, we need somebody to, we need somebody who's, listen. Listen, between all of us, we've got to know some Georgia Tech fan going. Don't volunteer to go to the Quick Lane Bowl. If you're a Minnesota or Georgia Tech fan who is already going, reach out and let's figure something out here. Hold on. I just want to make sure this message will fit.

So what are we thinking? Bring the NFL back to Detroit. yeah we use this time to talk shit about somebody we don't like okay who do you want to do it who do you want to pick

I know there's so many choices I know all right we will we will ruminate on this okay because I do have a point to make in this game which is that

there's absolutely no chance Paul Johnson isn't completely whipin ass in his last game zero none none like this is not not Minnesota

did you watch me like a hang 80 on him, Paul, or something. This is not just, not just, don't just say Minnesota. A Minnesota that gave up 55 points to Illinois. Lost to Illinois, then beat Purdue, then turn

around and lost to Northwestern. I'm sorry. Then beat Wisconsin by 22. Lost to whom? I'm sorry. To Northwestern. That would be big 10 West champions, Northwestern. Thank you. I really like Minnesota's S&P

plus ranking from week to week. Oh, God, it's got to be all, it's got to be like a minute, like a, oh, Jesus. Most teams by mid-s, off my meds, off my meds. On my meds, off my meds. You look at most of the. This is the elliptical machine setting that you're like, oh, this seems challenge. Oh, God. All right, we're going to go, stop.

Okay, start it back up all the way. So, preseason projection 76th. Pretty well, that's based on some pretty statistically solid stuff. First week, they kill New Mexico State that vaults them all the way up to 39th. Then they tumble to 49th. Now we're down to 65th. 55th, 57th, 57th, 59th, 76th, 53rd, 67th.

And finally settled in at 58th, or basically right around average. But on most of these things, in most of these profiles, it's like you light somewhere. You stick with a general, like, Bill Shades of things from green, good, red, bad. Usually, you know your color by about week 10. What if we just use the video board message to tell people to tweet at Godfrey? We can do that.

I mean, if the campaign is to bring the NFL to Detroit, we should involve some NFL media personalities. Yeah, it's the only NFL media podcast that I know. Can't be too many more of them. Mm-hmm. Welcome to the Cheez-It Bowl. The Cheez-It Bowl. Fuck that! That's right.

We're not talking about the Cheez-in-Bull. This is the Cactus Bowl. Have you... So I do have a question about the artist formerly known as a Cactus Bowl. Spencer, have you... Ryan, your daughter's too young to be exposed to any of this kind of information. But, Spencer, with your kids, have you tried to explain college football to them in any way? not at all not one bit i figure i'm just going to layer this on and let it just osmodically

creep into their systems until they're either completely immune good for them or they're not good for them so my daughter is she's very inquisitive she uh she always has a lot of questions about who's this team what's their mascot oh you know that kind of stuff today she happened to see the Cheez-It-Bull logo. So many questions. And it's actually a really hard thing to explain, like, what a bowl is. I'm trying to put it in terms of, you know, it was gymnastics meets. And I'm like, well, imagine if there was a gymnastics meet that didn't hand out anything

that mattered. There were no actual winners that just sort of happened. And it was named after Cheez-It. It's an invitational with key chains as trophies. Yeah, the players get to, and they get to go to go to. a best buy. Do you get to go to bed? Do they get to spend money there?

Not really. No, they get to choose between like three things. If nothing else, this has got to instill some extra confidence in your child and her choice of sport. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You definitely made the right choice

not trying to play quarterback for the dogs. Another reason we're not discussing the cheese at bowl is because two things. they're giving out not one but two Yeti products it's crazy racist and then two what a bowl with Berkeley and TCU and it is racist and then the

second one is that one of the gifts they're giving them and it's in Phoenix and it's racist listen if you look on the back if you for some unfortunate reason have a box of cheese it's look on the back look at the serving size and it just says separate but equal what the fuck they give you a dollar shave club starter set

when they ask if those little cheez-its are mature enough like to graduate into the box or whatever there's just this one cheese-it in the corner who's always like well why can't I say it and then there's the sociopathic cheese-it we have to talk about cheese-it yeah we wanted to discuss one thing in this time

times that we would normally devote to the Cheezid bowl. How many people you think we could convince that Cheez-It's are a form of like disappearing cryptocurrency? No, you eat them. It's totally untraceable. I think we can actually get, if we can get 30 people on board

and each give them to get 30 people in on this, I think we've established a cryptocurrency. Yes, we have. Oh, it's about time for the airplane game to come back. College football really is a cryptocurrency, though, because it's, yeah, we'll pay you a scholarship. We'll pay you in scholarship coin.

Hit coin. What's that worth? Well Grit coin. Grit coin. We literally pay them in grid coin. We pay them in book coin. Lit coin. English classes. That's what

that's what coaches would call it to try and impress teens. But we're not. We pay them in character. Come to the middle Tennessee state university. Bro. We got lit. coin mtsu is scrit coin let's be real um the the space here will be occupied by getting these jokes off about liberty hiring hugh freeze yeah which happened that was the thing that actually happened that's our little detour here that at the press conference just going to recap this

i really hope you didn't see it because i'd love to say it out loud because Because Hugh Freeze actually said in discussing his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that he was the only one who could handle all of his junk. Yeah, friend of the pod, Jesus. Thank you for the downloads. None of those is Jesus' fault, to be clear. None of it. No. It's all on Hugh Freeze.

No, man, Jesus. Come get your boy, Jesus. Come get your boy. The phrase was that, you know, he's the only one who can handle all my junk. He said that at Liberty University. I think the key word he said ever, the only one who could ever handle my junk, which, I mean, we know that's a lie. We know there have been people before who could do it. Maybe they, well, maybe they couldn't handle it.

Maybe that was the problem. But that was all that, I mean, maybe they handled it poorly. Maybe this was, we know it was handled. Maybe this was his way of spreading the gospel. Maybe this was his introductory. You know, they struggle with his junk. and he says, you know who's never had a problem, the Lord? I think we should celebrate this perfect marriage of candidate and position.

Certainly true. I'm sure it was a tug of war between certain factions within Liberty University as to who they were going higher. And that, yes, it may rub some of them the wrong way. No, we already did this on Twitter like four days ago. Yes, but... Getting there. You also, this is not... You're getting there.

That's what he said he's getting there. He said he's getting there. Ultimately, ultimately we all got a happy ending out of it, right? God damn it. There you go. I did it. I did it.

You didn't want me to, but I did. I wish there was a lady version of like, my balls just receding up into themselves or whatever happened. You get up that. Lady balls. The really unfortunate thing that he said at this press conference was not the junk thing. The junk thing was funny.

It was this quote, My wife of 27 years would tell you I've inconvenienced her many times in our marriage. Huh. Interesting. You know what? I keep coming back to this again and again, but Ryan's wife, who is smarter than any of us, the time she said it costs you nothing to be quiet. Yeah. I just, I want to tattoo that on my neck.

You can just chill. You don't have to say the thing. it ain't called it ain't called confinement university is it no it's liberty be free be free great great the best tweet on this subject period period by anybody was by red cup rebellions uh wait how old is this podcast going to be by the time we actually put this episode out who knows weeks ago they'll probably have hired petrino by then it's an offensive coordinator happy about this. Who's the fitting defensive coordinator?

Let's see. Scandalized. Horny. Horny. Scandalized. You know what? I got it. You ready?

You ready to hear this? No, not at all. Yeah, Brian Van Gorder leaves his new job. Right? Finds the Lord. Finds the Lord. At least gets a second family. He quits his job at Bowling Green after.

two weeks which he's done before remember and then he goes to Liberty just felt wrong just so he can work with Bobby Petrino again yeah they missed each other but Jim Lomar Red Cup rebellion I quote how awesome would it be if Hugh Freeze committed

a ton of NCAA crimes at fucking Liberty oh this is the only part of this it's going to be fun to watch drop the hammer you do it A private school where God is the backstop for everything you do, redline it. Listen, only the Lord can foyer the contents of your soul.

Unfortunately, that Shell Corporation you created to pay recruits, subject to federal scrutiny. Coach freezes Christ in the Church of Lucre Day Saints. This is the best part of the story to me. So, wait, wait, wait, I know what you're going to say. Matt Luke is still the head coach at Ole Miss. By the time we release this, that might not be true, so I'm not going to count on that. It's that, it's that when Hugh Freeze got fired, the way he got fired, and what led to the information that got him fired coming out, it was like, victory for Houston Nut.

And Houston Nut is still not a head. I mean, this is a hard time of year for a lot of people. But think about Houston Nut, who now has to watch MacBook. Brown and Hugh Freeze get jobs while he does not yet again. It's, look, this is all going to be better when he takes the Auburn job. Like, kidnaps it? Yeah, absolutely. Like abducts it?

Like, give me back my son. 1,000% yes. I'm going to get an Amber alert for the Auburn job. That's more of a braily alert. Liberty is the one where they ought to be setting up amber alerts. Yeah, so I think we're done with the cheeses bowl. I mean Amber is in the person. It's the color of your energy.

Yeah. It's an aura. An aura, as Jim Lomar puts it, 22, four to five-star recruits somehow going to Liberty. God, I hope he has that. Can I just say that I hope he frees is an excellent tipper because no woman should have to look at that face from up close without being well compensated for her time. Picture the signing day ceremonies where we're all like, okay, he's got a Texas hat, that's an Ohio State hat, that's a Bama hat. What the fuck is this hat on the end? What?

Oh my God, he picked it up. I'd like to thank the Lord. Did he just say he's going to NFL Europe? I don't understand. I'm going to play for Liberty, baby. Praise Jesus. Jesus is the bag man, actually. Jesus, Reynolds.

For the next thousand and seven years in a pre-millennial tribulation, I'll be continuing my education at Liberty University. My walk. You're continuing your walk. I'll be continuing my walk with Christ. My very, very, very fruitful walk with Christ. Should I just go undercover and become a bagman for Liberty for a year? One thousand percent.

Yes, I will drive. You can't pull it off. No, wait. They'll never. They'll never trust a man who wouldn't clean shaven over there. It's going to have to be Ryan. I look like Jesus. Like fat Jesus.

No, here's what we do. Here's what we do. Ryan is the money man, but he uses Spencer as like the... Look, I found this raving prophet in the wilderness. He told me where I can find great big bags of blessings. That the Lord wants me to redistribute to the needy, specifically high school football players. By blessings, I'm not. mean $500 target gift cards.

Spencer, you will be a fisher of men as long as they are 17 years old and can run a certain 40 time. We are going to clothe the needy in whatever clothes they want to buy at the nearest outlet mall. We're going to house the needy in new homes for their moms and ants. I will kick over the tables of the money lenders because everybody knows you don't pay in cash in public. That's what gift cards are for in vouchers.

So, yeah, Independence Bowl. Ready for this? I'm going to wind into this. Yeah, go ahead. Stretch first. Take a breath. The Maria Callas of shitty podcast intros. Ready?

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to 40 for 40 for the Independence Bowl. That's right. We're back to the Port of Shreve. We're back to the Blessed Twin City. We are back to the. the Bojer-Shrieve connection. We are back to the hometown of Dack Prescott.

We are back to the site of the infamous mascot departure, aka the Air Force mascot Falcon, just leaving the stadium during one Independence Bowl. That's right. Broken Arrow! Broken Arrow! We are back to the place where I've been creepshotted by a member of the media. Well...

No, no, it's fine. Keep going. Spencer, well, while I appreciate your enthusiasm for this bowl intro, it came nowhere close to interim temple coach Ed Foley talking about how excited he is to bring his team. Ed is so pumped to go to the Independence Bowl. So excited for his team. Just like, oh my God. I have nothing bad to say about it. Like, listen, he's already been interim head coach for a bull. game at Temple before

the 2016 Military Bowl when Matt Ruhl went to had taken the Baylor job. So shot number two, good for you. In true Independence Bowl fashion, one of the events associated

with this bowl game is a pub crawl. Hell yes. Yeah. Do you crawl to Bozer? Across the bridge. It's going to take an hour. Are you part of this team or not? You do it.

You do it so the radar can't see you, all right? Jeff Collins. Jeff Collins just took the job at Georgia Tech, but if you do not know Jeff Collins, Jeff Collins is long on enthusiasm. And it appears that everybody he hired at Temple is just a little Jeff Collins, right? Like, God, I'm so pumped. He inherited Ed Foley. Ed Foley's been there since like 2008. Oh, he wouldn't get rid of him then.

No. He was just like, hell yes. I love you. and I love you. Just a bunch of Gorons from Breath of the Wild, right? Brother! Hey, brother! Setting yourself on fire is fun!

Damn right! I'm not setting myself on fire. I'm reflecting the fire within. I kind of... I don't know, man. That's going to be the best part of this bowl game, by the way, is Ed Foley, like, cutting a promo. Saying things like,

I love every single kid on this team. mean, you're going to love them. You need to go up and you need to just get in their face and get to know them. Like, he's encouraging the residents of Shreveport to just rub on them like their cats. Especially because it'll be happening with David Cutcliffe on the other sideline being like, hey, can we all just like, ooh, it's loud in here. I was thinking of playing some mahjong later. Can you water this orange juice down, please?

It's a little tart. So in this game, we have Duke Temple. as the matchup. Can I throw out some fun facts involving former Los Angeles Dodgers catcher Steve Yeager? Jesus Christ. Man, let's get it. So the Huntington, West Virginia native

and member of the WikiPage list of select Jewish baseball players is the cousin of legendary pilot Chuck Yeager. Shout out Sean Green! Shout out Twitter hero, Chuck Yeager. He is also a, yeah, in addition to, like, planes and whatever. Steve Yeager also... He's also the most fuckable character in the right stuff.

Well, this is all important. That is sort of relevant. I didn't disagree with me. Steve Yeager is a co-owner of a Jersey Mikes. In 1982, Steve Yeager posed semi-nude in Playgirl. Thank you. Cowards. Steve Yeager has appeared on an episode.

episode of Family Feud. Semi-nude as well. Semi-nude on Family Feud. And finally, Steve Yeager played a role in the film Major League, the Major League series. The name of his character was Duke Temple. What? Shut up. Whoa.

What? Yeah. Can that please be our entire preview? Yeah, it kind of is. Spencer, next. Oh, I didn't wind up for that one. This is the Miami. You got that Yankee Stadium air in your lungs.

This is the 2018 Miami, Wisconsin of, uh, of welcome. You just did Miami fans stepping off the plane and trying to draw a full breath. It's all about the, you-hoo-hoo. I think I'm dying, bro. They've been vaping hard. They're like this New York dirt week. done compared to what I normally get. You should put a jacket on.

I'll never go non-sleeveless. Fuck you, bro. Doing the pregame, we're so tough thing for the entire weekend. It's only 48 degrees. Bro! This game is the Michael Irvin tweet brought to life. Man,

we played in that cold weather, it was cold. The pinstri-this, oh, Jesus. I mean, I like this game because it does have stakes. Pinstry bowl between Miami and Wisconsin. it doesn't have the stakes of hooray you won the pinstripe bowl but on one hand uh if wisconsin loses

this will be their worst season since 2008 and if miami loses they will have gone four and six against power five teams this year hooray mark wrecked everything's fine Miami will have also lost to the same team in two bowls in a row oh god and you know and you know if they lose to wisconsin it won't be like wow what a three Rilling 40 to 38. It'll be like, yep, 17 to G. 17 to G. I don't know how you scored G points, Miami, but you did, and it lost.

Yeah, so the offensive brain trust to everyone's last name is ricked. The scoring points has been the issue. That doesn't tend to happen in Wisconsin games for anyone. Has Miami considered bringing in a coach with maybe more of a background in offense or developing quarterbacks? I don't believe they have. Just just thinking out loud. It's a good idea. It's a good idea.

They might look to the NFL. He needs more time. The office of coordinator Brian Schottenheimer. He needs more time. There might be a Bowden. There might be multiple bowdens. There's a, there's at least two stray bowdens running about. Mark has a plan.

Wait, have we talked about Terry? Multi-boudin offense. Terry Bowden is. is now on the market. Have we talked about this since the season ended? No. Our very own Violet Broregard is out in the wild. They cut him loose.

Akron decided going six and six just isn't good enough for him. Akron is really, had his sights on the Dollar General Bowl, I guess. I think it's time for Mark Rick to step into that job. And then we give Miami to Terry Bowden. Yeah. This game has so much unhappiness. just written woven through it.

Well, yeah, it's in New York City. Yeah. I mean... So this is what happens. Every year, I'm reminded that the pinstripe bowl exists. And maybe in November or something, I think, well, if I'm going to be in town,

I think, like, oh, that could be fun. It's not, you know, it's pretty easy to get to. I take public transportation. I'll go to the pinstripe bowl. And then two days before the pinstripe bowl, whoever is playing in it, I'm just like, nah. I'd rather just stay home.

I'm fine. And that will, I don't even think I'll need to get that close to the decision. Like, no, I'm not. Hey, if you're going to the pinstripe bowl, have fun. I won't see you. Miami would do well to follow your lead. Yeah, kind of. I enjoyed that one reason this matchup and this extremely like zero positives,

all negatives bowl game, right? Because it will be a 19 to 13 score. That will be how this game. game looks right but I also enjoyed that they got screwed by the teams that usually play in the pinstripe bowl actually being good

this year that's because this is like Syracuse's jam right or Pitt yeah like this is a this is a Syracuse or pit special pit should just show up anyway and just be like hey we got next

Pitt shows up in Yankees uniforms oh dear God yes Like the teams that have played in this bowl game are like Pitt Indiana Boston College I think I'm pretty sure Duke played this

a few years ago right Notre Dame and Penn State are the two they really like having here Right Yeah Rutgers has done this game of course That's what they want This game

And every team that's normally a target For the Pennstripe Bowl Either overachieved this year Or bombed out below bowl threshold completely right and to get Wisconsin in Miami with Miami it's like I sort of see you know we're going for like old Big East vibes but then it's like they're playing a team they lost two last year this bowl matchup is very much like hey remember how we promised if we weren't married by 30 well remember how we promised if we fell out of the top 10 within like

two or three weeks, we'd find each other, because that's what both these teams did this year. Important. What was Miami to start the season? Eighth? Something like that. Jesus. Wisconsin was, what, fourth? If we don't score 13 points

by the fourth quarter, we're going to have a baby together, that will fix things. If you do, by the way, attend this game, or in the proximity, and you see it We don't want to know about it.

You can tell me. We want to, no, we want to, you can email Spencer at sbnation.com. And he will, he will instead tell you what good Legos you could have bought with that money instead. Mm-hmm. Probably some pretty good ones, actually. Well, the Yankees stadium Lego set. Yeah. Don't, don't buy that one.

No, they already got the Dead Star. I want somebody. If you see a Wisconsin fan, go behind the bar by himself. Because in Lewis Black's legendary Wisconsin stand-up bit where he just does everything about Wisconsin, including the line, how do any of you know when it's New Year's about their drinking? If you see anybody actually go behind the bar to serve themselves, please let me know. Because this is a thing that has to happen with Wisconsin fans. To be clear, including if it's you doing it.

Oh, listen, man, if it's you, send me the selfie. with like the New York bartender in the back reaching for the like the blackjack to get you out of the bar. It's not a crime because it's just schnaps. Hasda, have we thought about comparing the drinking styles of Miami

fans and Wisconsin fans? Have we told you guys about the brandy cave that we found in Wisconsin? Sorry, did you say brandy cave? What like a abandoned prohibition thing? I forgot.

No, this was in a grocery store. This was in a grocery store where the first thing you notice when you walk in is a big banner, like a championship banner, hanging from the rafters, commemorating the time some years prior when a black bear had just wandered through the automatic front doors of the store. This was a Woodman's, by the way. Go Maine. The second thing, the analysis was confident as fuck, man. And the second thing we noticed is that when you turn to the right, like in many grocery stores

in more enlightened states, there's a liquor store inside the grocery store. And it's in a, you know, a separate area to keep the children's out and what I'm sure none of the Wisconsin children were raised on such foolishness. But one entire wall of the liquor store, like front to back, is just brandy. I had no idea that there were kinds of brandy. Oh, that's the kid. That's the kid's section that you saw. Yeah. It's gotta be.

Yeah. Brandy. Time to pick out your first communion brandy. I don't know if I've ever, like, had brandy, like, just straight in my life. I don't know if I've ever had brandy outside of a cooking scenario. But the type and volume of brandy that these people consume, and this was in August. A summer brandy. I'm not even sure that we have.

have the language to communicate how Wisconsin fans drink. I'm not sure that we have the terms for it. It's sort of like how, you know, we, life on Earth is carbon-based, but that's not necessarily true of how life might look on other planets. It could be nitrogen-based, for instance. And in Wisconsin, it's their brandy-based life forms. Yeah, exactly. I will quote Margie Healy, Director of Public Relations,

for Corbell? Because there were a number of internet rumors, things like, oh, 90% of all the world's brandy is consumed to Wisconsin. That's obviously just like not even possible, right? The clarification is way worse. Because the actual reality, according to Corbell, is this. We export 385,000 cases of brandy a year, and 139,000 go directly to Wisconsin.

That's one third of our total production. Yeah, so that's less. All things in moderation. So it's fine. It's fine. Is it possible Wisconsinites are preparing for, like, another oil shot? And they're like, but my body will fuel my car. Man, if that's the case, they're ready. I'll just piss in the gas tank and boom, we're ready to go.

Like Gary Huffington of, you know, like Madison wakes up one morning and it's October and he's like, I have my brandy tooth is itching. Can't wait to meet the truck at the dock. God, it's going to be good. And he's nine years old. He's already been in a bar fight. It's fine. It's fine. Ready?

Yeah. welcome to the Academy Sports Outdoors Texas Bowl Shut down full cast 40 for 40 preview Wait the Academy what Academy Sports and Outdoors just in case you thought This bowl is being played in a dome In sports plus outdoors The Outdoors Texas Bowl is being played in a dome stadium

Yeah All right It's not being played at an academy either. To be fair, you know, energy stadiums. Vanderbilt's an academy. That's right. Have you ever wanted to stay up till 9 p.m. to just watch the kickoff of a Baylor Vanderbilt game?

You! Says the guy who is drinking Dave Matthews wine tonight. No, Dave, no, it's good. I'm sorry. It's good. I'm upset by that, but it's, very good wine. Listen, SAT style. Brandy is to Wisconsin

as Dave Matthews band wine is to Vanderbilt. I'm not buying that analogy. I don't think Vanderbilt would ever I don't think a Vanderbilt man or woman would ever admit to drinking reasonably priced wine, especially not wine that they bought in a grocery

store. Yeah. That ain't happening, you know. It's just not also Dave Matthews admittedly the frilliest of public school affiliation. with UVA still public school would would Vandy people

admit to anything though no they're lawyers their attorney their attorney would advise them not to speak they're barristers remember like half of all Vanderbilt kids are just from New York right

that they get Southern culture that's their exposure like we'll send you someplace exotic like Nashville is that what that the euphemism for well you didn't get into Duke. Damn.

Every, every time. I can, I can re. No, sometimes it's, you didn't get into, you got waitlisted at UNC. No, that's not it. That's too, that's too far. I dressed up like a Confederate statue. That got me into UNC. They built me my own building.

I have a single dorm. It's amazing. This is, this is, this. is a this is not a necessary game even on a bowl schedule but i would point out one interesting absence just to just to turn the globe for you a little bit right just to put things in perspective baylor is missing an important player a wide receiver who had uh over 900 yards this year uh and really performed beautifully their leading wide receiver jalen heard That name may be familiar to you because he is a wide receiver

who formerly played running back at the University of Tennessee. Which means that Jalen Hurd, even in absentia, has another chance to lose to Vanderbilt. It's right, but... I defended your Dave Matthews one. Little baby! Grimble-dibble go full. fuck yourself.