Shutdown Fullcast - $75 Million for Zero Wins

Episode Date: June 22, 2021

--We discuss the NCAA getting shut out in the national title game of legal cases --No really, it's hilarious, they got destroyed --Worse, they asked to be destroyed, thinking they would win! --And it only cost them $75 million to lose every case! --THEY MADE BRETT KAVANAUGH SUGGEST A UNION --Some light discussion of whether Captain America brought oral sex to the United States --A review of the Daddingest Things --Jason begins a ten year campaign to convince his wife to live in a van --Spencer gets bigtimed by his own father on Father's Day --Holly suggests a cable channel of comfort movies only aired during sports for psychological comfort  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Where's the van life, fart life hashtag? I need to know, what's your fart strategy? I believe this is a question for fart wolves. What happened to that guy? I'm just going to go to the biggest bad accounts, right? Go under the Instagram and ask them all the same question. What about the farts? How do you get the farts out of there?

I feel like Michael Feldor and I need to do this. This is like a Michael Feldor investigates thing. Like, hey, how do you keep all the farts out of your beautiful Tweed van? Your little Wes Anderson fantasy. It smells like farts. I know it. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast, which tonight means that we all. means that we also

possess the August title of America's most important legal broadcast. We need legal music. No, that's a little too exciting. And now I'm seeing an air drum. No, we don't need air drum. We need the opposite.

What are they doing on C-SPAN? What's C-SPAN music? Do they have music? There we go. There we go. That's hitting, yeah. They have like a singing bowl. some like warbling

warbling French horn right over some cellos playing that indicates that you're somewhere on the Potomac right noble America well folks if we heard the bwamp

wamp wom that means we had court stuff happened in college sports land the NCAA it did the thing the NCAA does whenever the NCAA appears in court land which is it's got its ass whooped that tends to happen

every few years. The latest one, it was, yeah, the Sean Alston case. Sean Austin, hell of a career for the West Virginia Mountaineers. Not only did he post two touchdowns in the 7033 Orange Bowl against Clemson. Also, two critical touchdowns in the last

ever backyard brawl against Pitt. Yeah. Lest we forget, numerous other scores. Had a final season, missed some time that year. But hey, he did enough in that 2011 campaign. and then there's this dragging the NCAA's ass all the way at Supreme Court

where they got shut the fuck out which 9-0 9 to nothing like a damn actual football score that's a 2008 Nick Sabin score right there and I actually looked I did I did some Supreme Court analytics

all right so a unanimous verdict the Supreme Court here is about 60 to 70 cases per year and something like 20 to 30 of them are unanimous, which is like more than I would have guessed. You know, it feels like a huge deal. But like, still, it happened to the NCAA. They paid these lawyers millions and millions and millions of dollars

and got zero points on the board. $75 million over the course of less. To say nothing of like, how many of the NCAA's employees do you reckon our lawyers like 60, 65 percent? Yeah. Like, what, you couldn't have just saved some bucks and gone in-house for this? instead you paid somebody a lot of money to take a nine oer like this is my thing the now when you feel bad on twitter about maybe pulling up a rando and maybe dunking on that rando a little hard and you say

i don't know that guy's only got 400 followers let me reiterate our nation's highest court does this 20 to 30 times a year they pick a case and they're like yeah we're going to dunk the shit out of this we're just going to go nine oh we're going to humiliate the hell out of these guys I have never seen so many replays of that onion headline, the worst person you know, just made a brick great point because Brett fucking Kavanaugh. The NCAA has to have a lower Q rating than Congress itself at this point. Have you ever seen such bipartisan?

I don't know if you could get this much bipartisan consensus on like, I don't know, pizza, definitely not pizza. Especially not if you're specific chains or top. toppings or whatever. Yeah. We couldn't get this much

bipartisan consensus on like FIFA. No. The video game, I mean. Let's put it this way. You got Justice Sotomayor and Justice Kavanaugh and Justice Alito

all on the same page. In fact, you got them so much that the quote that you will see, the passage that you will see cited, does not come from the main ruling. No, no, no. Gorsuch wrote that, okay?

Kavanaugh just wrote. Not enough, by the way, that you've got Gorsuch out front. These are people who think fence posts have more rights than human beings. That's basically who ruled in favor of student athletes today. Now, you will hear a lot of people say, well, this is really just kind of a window crack. Well, it's a bit more than a window crack. Okay. And this is the reason why the concurrence by Kavanaugh saying, among other things,

in my view it's always good when you get in my view right this is like the IMO here comes the heat that I got some shit to say it says that the NCAA says that colleges may decline to pay student athletes because the defining feature of college sports according to the NCAA is that student athletes are not paid that's a loop and guess who points that out Cavanaugh Cavanaugh says in my view that argument is circular and unpersuasive The NCAA couched is its arguments for not paying student athletes in innocuous labels. But the labels cannot disguise the reality. The NCAA's business model would be flatly illegal in almost any other industry in America.

Is that bad? Is that a bad way to be described by the like the Supreme means like highest, right? That means like most important, most powerful. It seems bad. There's no, there's this is, this is, you've talked to the manager all right. You got no more managers to speak to. They've checked in the back, okay? And this is Kavanaugh we're talking about.

Like, this dude doesn't like unions, but he was so infuriated by the NCAA's gall that he's like, y'all better go start a union. You had Brett fucking Kavanaugh telling you to go start a union. That's how disgusted he is by what he's looking at here. That's incredible, man. Like, I think of every song where it's like, you know, it's like a common metaphor. for every song where it's like, oh, this person was so beautiful,

made a, you know, a blind person could see, you could appreciate this person's beauty or whatever. This is like the opposite of that, right? This is something so disgusting, a blind person can perceive the ugliness of it. Great job, NCAA. This is,

this is, this is, this is, of all the NCAA's legal ass-wuppings, this feels like the most, um, uh, just,

just slam dunkingest. I would, I'm going to go, probably not the cost of, the costliest, but how did you get a guy who would probably seriously endorse something you would consider to be child labor in coal mining to write this? Or legislation would be one option toward resolving this, or colleges and student athletes could potentially engage in collective bargaining.

What did you do? What did you do? The gap between, and we've said this before, but the gap between, I encourage you to watch coverage of this on television or on C. span or streaming whenever you can because the gap between what we had just learned to accept is normal in this industry and watching anybody outside of its industry get a whiff of this for the first time highlighted this year by I think this was actually during the congressional proceedings and NCAA law are being asked so wait you're telling me that people like college

sports better when the athletes aren't paid and their answer was yes and you just hear man the number of warm chortals you heard around that hearing room every time they said something should have set off a number of warning flags how did you spend 75 mil to get this result the last time somebody spent 70 million dollars to lose 9-0 it was lSU football to Alabama and it took them like years to pay that much money to less miles that's they got six points, buddy. They got six. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. They did better than CIA here. They did better. They didn't get,

they didn't get blanked. That's astonishing. The last time anyone paid $75 million and didn't win anything, that would be Texas A&M. Yeah, that, thank you. Let's, let's rub that in on big new Saturday. Let us pray. They'll be fine. They'll sell more shirts in Texas. They'll sell more shirts in Texas. That's all they care about.

That's the real game. I'm going to put a dog on a shirt. shirt. I won't even put the logo on there. And y'all be like, holy, holly, holly. Pile the dog shirts in your shopping cart. Love y'all. The court thing happened. It was very important in some way or whatever and educational this or that, you know, and the video game that was going to come back.

Yeah, it's still going to come back. You know, so that concludes legal analysis, serious legal analysis. And I just want to get back to, you know, man, they really got their dick slammed in a car door on this one. the NCAA did quite frankly so i think i'm looking forward to the next one when's the next one when's the do we get a did they print out a schedule does the nCA put up like a home and road schedule for court cases well here's the fun part shit we should man we should have had watch alongs for this like my my only regret at this time is that we did not schedule any group hangs

can we game day one of these can we go to the court can we tailgate this shit that's outside can can we tail get it can we get game day to the supreme court for what one of the Lee Corso. I got the court. I think the court's going to win. He just put on a wig, right? He just put on like a powdered wig.

Actually, with this one, he would have been wearing a mountaineer a cooomiscan cap. He would have a rifle, right? Sean Alston, Mountaineer. So we had, O. Lee would be out there,

blah, on the steps of the Capitol. Oh, that happens every now. But, uh, I would, I would, I would, by the way,

also go to great lengths to remind everybody of a few things about this case. Okay. It is not, no, it is not the end of amateurism, but it's the beginning, like, because there's a big hole in the side that says that the Supreme Court, one, not only does the Supreme Court not believe a single one of your arguments about your reason for existing or about amateurism and have stated so in two rulings, two, right, from the most conservative court of our generation

two of them said that they don't buy it additionally they also said this they don't think that you're currently eligible for an antitrust exemption like baseball has

nope which is that's the entire Hail Mary football turn the NTA is going for they want that from Congress but I don't think that's going to hold up even if they get it so yeah shit's looking dire probably should have figured it out before now. But yeah, like it feels like, you know, the court is openly saying everyone who hates

this shit, you should feel emboldened to keep bringing us cases because we think this is fucking stupid too. A lot of people made the point they didn't overstep and say like, okay, fine, all money is legal. They specifically said you can't buy kids Lamborghinis, which is fucked up. But if someone were to, if Lamborghini were to sue the NCAA, right, if Ferrari and Lamborghini and all the car companies were to get together and the Tuscaloosa automotive dealerships were to get together and together they sue the NCAA, that is when the floodgates really open, right? When Dodge, when Dodge Motor Company sues the NCAA, it's over for you, hose. Can you think of a more fantastic lawsuit, by the way, than one that involves, Ferrari and like, you know, Neil BumpCamp Ford outside of college station, right? Like, I'm Neil BumpCamp and I'm a Ferrari.

We come and found the lawsuit. Buy our beautiful cars. I really feel it's all building toward what is the name of Nick Saban BMW versus in the NCAA? What the fuck are they going to do to Nick Sabin? Do it, Nick. You got the money. You know people who do. They'll fund it for you. That's Nick in a title game. You know what I'm calling? Whole school Sabin, 9-0, 9-0, three field goals in the truth or a touchdown and a safety. Either one's fine. All right, he likes points these days.

These days, it's going to get ugly. Yeah, I don't know. He can throw it back. How did you win a Supreme Court decision, 72 to 3? It's like, just pack the court. You got to pack the court these days. You need a lot of points on your side. I want to read one more passage, and this is from Kavanaugh's,

concurring opinion that he felt this is very normal it's your first time on this show y'all we just sit around quoting brett cavana all the time because we like that guy a lot so this is all very normal keep in mind the concurring opinion is essentially the hype man going yeah what uh-huh he told you like that's it's essentially the like ad lib track on amigo song that's just going skirk like that's what i think it's like it's like It's like on a Wu-Tang song, the old dirty bastard verse, right? Where it's like the dude who is taking it a step beyond,

the rest of them are like, we're not saying that, but we're glad he is, right? Yeah. Right. In addition to everything we've just said, there's two more things. One, that in the opinion, Brett Kavanaugh wrote this.

This really focuses on allowing schools to offer scholarships for graduate degrees and to pay for things like, quote, computers, unquote, and quote, tutoring, unquote. By the way, the mention of the word computers, pretty much the biggest display of technical aptitude and ability that anyone on the Supreme Court has ever displayed because they're not exactly up on the latest app, much less computers. But the NCAA fears that schools might exploit this authority to give student athletes luxury cars to get to class and other unnecessary or inordinately valuable items only nominally related to education. First off, shout out to SMU for making it into Supreme Court lore, right?

The Gold Trans Am and A&M, whoop, you both made it into Supreme Court lore as like legitimate fears of the NCAA. I like that they said, well, this might happen. It's already happened. This has already happened without justification and should because they're employees. I just like that the Gold Trans Am is doing donuts over this point. portion of the transcript, right? Adore that. But this is the sentence I wanted to get to.

Under the current decree, the NCAA is free to forbid in-kind benefits unrelated to a student's actual education. Nothing stops it from enforcing a, and I quote, no Lamborghini rule. Or shit. This is the best, this is the most fun we've had since the bagel rule. The bagel rule. Yeah, shit escalated for y'all. You thought you could regulate cream cheese. now you got the Supreme Court saying,

I guess you can regulate Lamborghinis. Man, y'all should have known your place. You should have, you should have dialed it back when he had the chance. You should just let those kids have cream cheese. You wouldn't be in this mess. How it started, bagel sandwich with $100 bill in it. How it's going. Lamborghini.

Okay. Like, that's where we're at now is that like the highest court in the land. The only thing you have to do to make this hilarious is to describe, as usual, with the best things that's worth. The only thing you have to do to make it funny is to describe exactly what is happening in context the highest court in the land is like okay no 400,000 sports cars that's where we draw the line that's it's we're going to drop chargers in here all day that's 65K that is a deal fully out it's openly out fully outfitted with the

hellcat package and the track sheet let the track tires right like 65K that's fine y'all just no Lamborghinis keep the get the Italians off the block I'm picture so we have a Hugh Frey's 2022, South Carolina head coach. Yeah, they're going to make a move. They're going to keep it spinning. Keep it spinning. We get Hugh in here. He's getting pulled over by the NCAA.

You know, they got a little cop car. And Mark Emmert is walking around. And he's got like the old school like cop, like 1930s cartoon cop hat. And he's like twirling a baton. And he's like literally a cartoon. He's wearing cartoon clothes. And he's like, did you know how fast you're going? And he was like, it says right here, no Lamborghini.

So I didn't give him a Lamborghini. So skirt pulls off. That's it. And that's all Mark Gembert accomplishes that whole year. And South Carolina wins the SEC East and Hugh gets fired for something unrelated. I know who's going to come and pull up in a Lamborghini to the football offices of his employer. I know who's going to do it. You know who's going to do it first?

Yeah, who's going to put it on Instagram. I know who's pulling up in a blue Lambo with red trim to the football offices in Oxford. He is pulling up in a Lamborghini. his name is lane kiffin and it's going to be on instagram in like the next week or so so just wait for that to drop this is also you think okay this is a serious question do you think he can drive a stick no that's going to be the funniest part okay cannot drive a stick so we all know a g a is going to be right yeah so if he hits the paddle shifters it's over like he's going to burn out he's going to burn out the clutch which again lane kiffin might do and just be like that than fade away huh brother hey

what's chump changed to me why don't you bring another Lamborghini in here come on. NCAA said I couldn't do it. That's the other thing here is this, that the court has said in so many words that this is not the ruling, right? This is the ruling that's going to lead to another lawsuit. And you said, can we tailgate it? Can we get a schedule for lawsuits? Okay. I hope they filed like today. Like just, just like, I hope they had it loaded. I'm not exaggerating. We need this. Loaded and ready. Yeah, next. I got next. loaded and ready to go because I mean for a while

like when the Alston case actually went to first filed and all that like there was a stream of these so like you know I don't have the schedule of me but there is more coming like already like the nail in the coffin one who knows if that's even been filed yet but like it only gets worse from here like

yeah emirrit and all them they're bleeding bleeding time and collecting payroll for as long as they can the ship is burning and the individual rats will continue to collect on the way out but they blew the door on the bank and then said

be a shame if somebody robbed it that's really what they did they basically said this door's unsound sorry it's not up to code there's nothing standard here wow just family wants to walk through go right ahead except they didn't say that because it wouldn't be stealing

because earlier parts of it say their labor model is illegal they used an adverb Kavanaugh used a goddamn adverb. Also, it has the word labor in it. Labor. A labor ruling in favor of labor from the Supreme Court in the year 2021. When like half these dudes are federalist society jerks.

Like that's what you got. That's how bad you screwed up. And that's how like flatly illegal. His words not mine. Your labor model is. And you pressed it. You wanted. These people know from exploits.

the working class. Yeah, they're all for it. These guys went to, like, private schools in Bethesda, straight to Yale. Never had a job. Like, none of these people have ever actually had jobs. This is like rolling up to the true blood orgy and being told you're overdressed. Yeah. So is this like, is this cabin on them?

They're saying like, hey, man, be cool. Y'all are raising the heat on the rest of us, man. You got to flaunt it like this. Damn. No. What, do you see them? appealing to a higher authority to justify their lives? No, no, no, no.

They became that higher authority. The NCAA wanted it stress tested. They're the people who built something that was clearly unstable and then said, I'd like you to just shake it a little. So put this in court terms, asked and answered. Yeah. It has been stress tested. 9-0-0.

Get out. That's, oh. amazed. And for anybody who thinks, this is, by the way, also that, you know, they'll go, well, maybe they'll get an antitrust exemption. Well, what? Just play this out with me. If they get an antitrust exemption from Congress,

who just said they don't really buy the argument for an antitrust exemption? The court! Look! So, how is the NSA responded to this? Have they said, like, you know, oh, boy, this is bad. Or did they say, like, ah, this bad day

at the office, you win some? Some you lose some. You know, we just didn't execute today. We didn't, we failed to get out there and execute. So we'll just get them. They did the latter. They, they learned nothing from this. So.

Don't move it. Moving forward for more. Moving forward, onward. Check still cash. We'll let you know as soon as they don't. That is, by the way, from the office of Mark Emmert, whose salary is $2.7 million a year. $2.7 million a year. He is going to keep eating the corn out of the barn

as long as he possibly can for 2.7 because his services on the open market are to keep labor from seeing money. How much money? Way more than $2.7 million. That is a deal that the schools pay for the NCAA to take all this. Who!

I am fired up. that's great um should we pause for some podcast business i believe we have identification uh real quick i would like to weigh in um real quick on one thing uh bruce wayne doesn't but batman does that's my opinion on that matter oh shit yeah i can't believe we almost forgot about this uh yeah that actually makes perfect sense to me because bruce wayne is rich and if Batman doesn't why is his mouth uncovered yeah okay do you mind if can i ask you real quick a round robin lightning round yeah talk about robin oh yeah yeah oh no robin's round no it is about this and i just want you to go yes or no you can elaborate a little bit if you

want okay oh are you extending the which characters eat ass debate onto the show was I not supposed to tell everybody I'm just going to throw out a comic book character name and you can go there and just say yes or no yes or no to what's been saying well if Batman does or if Bruce Wayne does but Batman doesn't okay doesn't what

perform moral sex it's fucking wild that I am the only person on this show who will say pussy so in doing that I'm just going to throw out some characters, okay? Ready? I think the eat-ass fight is funnier. Captain America.

Absolutely not. He thinks it's tawdry. It wasn't discovered, like, American soldiers discovered it in France. So, like, he missed that entire wave. Like, he got out the game right before that hit. Oh, my God. I stand corrected, and I'm so happy. So, I mean, either he would, he might have been the one who discovered it, actually.

So, like, it might be. entirely his he's the one who brought it to the States and then he said I'll see y'all in 70 years

that's man Peggy Carter did have a glow around her at the end of the end it's been a long, long time oh my God

hey hey hey what did that man say I could do this all day no I don't have to talk about it no I don't think I will how does his first movie

end Captain America this first movie it ends with him literally going down okay okay okay okay he says he does but he doesn't

I feel extremely confident about this Hulk absolutely ravenous it's horrifying it's a problem yeah like hip displacements

it's a problem Iron man No He pays someone to do it No Yeah he's got Amazing machines But no

Yeah he's got that Yeah that machine He's always yelling at You know that Okay you know the scene In three When he's having the Empty suit

Talk to Pepper While he's downstairs That Yeah Only the robots Downstairs I mean I know what I'm doing here

Hawkeye Oh no fucking way expects his ass even though it's the worst he's the worst avenger for a reason I'll defend

I'll defend Hawkeye here because as go go check the record books any movie in which Hawkeye any movie in which Hawkeye appears his team wins all right shit see

also who's the only happily married one of them for a long time we don't know that I mean the closest this thing to happily married. That much we can confirm. Four. I think so.

Come on, man. I can enjoy it. I think this is why him and Holt get along. Yeah, and like, look at Ragnarok, who all his friends are. Right? These are freaking folks. Oh, that does track. Yeah. Yeah. I will say this. If he didn't before going to...

If he didn't before meeting Valkyry, he definitely does now. I was going to say, like, once he went to the garbage planet, right? He may actually be the only person who has picked up more techniques than cap. I may be- Via his time spent with Valkyrie. I may be answering this question simply by saying his name, Dr. Strange.

Okay. This is another one. Steven Strange, no, never. Dr. Strange, uh, in multiple dimensions. He's, yeah, he's beyond, yeah, like, I don't even know if it counts. I think the answer is so yes. it's i don't know i'm going to flip back over to doromamu i've come to bargains just say the word dora mamu or my yeah um flip it back to dc for a second aquaman oh come on oh shit yeah i don't even

know if he needs to he just sort of stands there and that's that does the trick but can we can we appreciate just once more the moment in the moment in uh whatever the fuck that re-released square movie was where the girl smells his sweater yeah there are so few moments in the movie theater where you're like man it'd be so

fucking stupid and amazing if this happened and then that exact thing happens in front of you yeah thank you thank you fan service for once they went for it yeah for once fan service for women Superman no uh-uh

no it feels physically dangerous I think he's too powerful like I think he knows I think he knows someone's going to get wounded if he gets that worked up Are we talking about like abrasions? I there in numerous things

Like his vision is his What does he do? He's this cold breath or something He's just so stupid he's got so many stupid powers But I don't even think he can keep track of all of them So I don't know It seems too dangerous Last one

The Joker night and day without ceasing he does but he makes it he does but he makes it weird he's horrible at it but no I think he's man I just be afraid I'd end up with acid in my cooch no the Harley Quinn show just has me convinced that he would be that it would be transcendent

and yet attached to the worst human being in the world just the Harley Quinn show not imply that he wasn't getting it done in that department. It does several times. No, it really does. I'm not going to spoil where that show goes at the end of the current season or at the end of the most recent season. And that's the show that started all this. So I mean, that's the most canon of all when it comes to this. By the way, I did speak to, I forget if I already said this on the show. Did I already talk about how I asked Justin Halper about Bain? No. Okay. On a long ago internet, website called Banner Society. We were scheduled to interview one of the creators of

the Harley Quinn show, who was a long time full cast listener, and we're sorry for outing him as such. But we did get the chance to ask him, when did you realize everything Bain says is funny? And apparently it was during a lunch ordering process when one of the writers just started talking about their sandwich in the Bain voice. And they're like, oh, shit, we're on to something. I will I'm this chicken palms reckon

it is always funny it does not get old to me no everything I only by the way I only have one character who I am

convinced as a 150% yes to the positive degree and would ruin people and that is Namor Submariner

because Namor Namor Namor and first of all can breathe underwater second Namor in every single

comic is the dude who is Mr. Steel your girl, okay? And by the way, the dude, Mr. Steel your girl and Mr. Keep your girl aren't necessarily always one to one. Namor is both. Okay. Namor is 100%.

You've got a weird light in your eyes right now. So I got that. Only because Naimor and Sue Reed, every time Sue Reed sees Namor, she says things like, oh God, put something on, I'm married. Like Sue Reed can't keep it together around

Namor. Because I think once that happened, and evidently it haunts her. Like she looks like drawn and sweaty every time he's around like, like, oh God, that man has a disease and I want it. I would say number one in this list would be the eater of worlds, Galactus. How did we not even go there? Yep. This man devours everybody at once. To the degree where it has to be announced for your own safety ahead of the time.

up this is going to be this is going to be a eventful a naked man a naked man surfs to your doorstep and says all right this is going to get wild prepare yourself earth you're about to get your door is blown off by the sexiest man in the universe he survived the death of his own dimension to come here tonight to see you girl I feel like overall we're being a tad optimistic with the skews but you know what i'm a marvel movies are like that so i'm okay with living in that world yeah just namor and galactus being like respect bro respect man we have not hit upon yet who i think might actually oh okay star lord obviously does not i'm sure we can all agree he's from missouri they have never they've never heard

I got a sneaking but unshakable certainty that Drax can throw it down He did really love his wife Yeah He really, really did But I mean, but the thing that actually inspired that was You remember how he tunnels his way out of that critter In the beginning of Guardians

Like imagine that server's making the most awful I'm so bad for server right now. I'm sorry, Serber horny. Serber, Serber brought this upon himself by showing up next. Mike Vrable. Woo. God. That's what we call on Easter egg kids.

I don't even know how to secway out of that, but I know where we got to go. You know what you know the thing about tiny little nubbins? Like acorns. Oh, I thought you were going to start talking about Ant Man. Oh, my God. Oh, man, a whole universe of possibilities just opened up. Acorns.com. Antman likes magic tricks.

That seems valuable. Acorns.com slash full cast for all your investment stuff. Can power wave out of proportion to his size? He's played by Michael Douglas. Mm. Oh, wait. I don't know if you're in on that particular joke or not. no i'm there okay cool yeah acorns dot com upsetting acorns dot what is the michael douglas thing

we'll explain it later i'm gonna i'm gonna send jason a link and you guys do the ad all right i'll just click on it i'll just click on it and open it up uh please do that's what i want you to do uh acorns dot com is an investment thing where money goes into it and then it invests stuff and you have more money at least hopefully that's how it's supposed to work and that's how it often That's how it's worked for me. Let me put it that way. You go to Acorns.com slash forecast, and you get a $5 starter boost to the amount of money that you have.

And then someday, hey, who knows, play your cards, right? Do the automatic nickels and dimes thing into the big pile of money and maybe you can retire. I'm still on course for after age 83. But if you go harder than me on investment, maybe perhaps you will retire before age 83. That'd be awesome for you. And me as well, because I revel in the success of others.

I'll say, you know what, last month, I'm looking at a 4.27% growth rate on my acorns. This has me, this has me, no, it's down under performance, down under market gain and loss. If you scroll down on the app, performance. I'm not saying. Have you got the link? I don't have the performance. Well, and also on my family plan, you're familiar. I've been putting away just a little bit of change every week under my early account for the kids.

It might be time to check on whether my younger son has indeed pilfered a little more money away from me to pull away. We were at a current gap of $20, I believe, $25 last time. And we are, we're holding steady. We're holding steady at $25. Speaking once again of current gaps, Jason, I have sent you that link. Oh, there is. I did. I have replied with the word Poon Tang, which was in the link that I received.

Thank you. Thank you, Philmdrunk. Thank you, Vince, if you're out there. Yes. Also, round it up. Hey, listen, just today, round it over the past week. Rounded up a good $5 that went into my account.

So chipping away a little bit at a time. It adds up. That's true. Technically, yeah. That's a good point. That's what the app says. And folks, what are we going to do with all this, all this money? Well, we're going to.

retire for one thing. Damn it. Whether it's age 183 or what. What I really need is a fleece lined pocket to put all my money in like a kangaroo. Yeah. I'm going to keep saving until I have about $75 million. All right. And then once I

have $75 million, I am going to spend it at homefield apparel.com using offer code forecast. I'm probably going to wait until Saturday so I can get a look at the new gear available. Probably going to some dog themes might be some 12s um the the the amount of bevels will be very controversial

probably start some sort of infighting on on aggie internet but uh excited to to bevilly huh bevel oh yeah that's it's gonna get beverly here's what we need to do we need to bring back a and m Texas and we need to bevel bevo whenever a andm wins that's I think whoever does that and also the logo I made bevo not Bivalow. I did see, by the way, the Texas put up a noble fight in Big News Saturday. Oh, Texas put up a noble fight ultimately futile.

You know what? That's new. They came away with beautiful home field apparel, and that's something that they can feel good about, unlike most seasons recently of Texas football. So I think this was a win for everybody. Not a win. I have a butt.

What? we're talking about Texas football here Jason I think it was 10 wins a win for commerce which surely Texas fans can appreciate I also to look ahead of things the A&M one when they come up short

they're going to be bent about it they're going to be a little bit bent We're going to blame the refs Homefield's biased in Bama's favor is it what does that have to do with anything you're not competing against? Yeah well the homefield's bias fair Bama right they'll just

that's that's the go to these days It used to be Oklahoma, right? It's crimson teams hanging together. Indiana and Alabama. They got a lot of time. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. Indiana, the Bama of the Big Ten.

I've always said it. Hey, Crimson's Crimson. Indiana who's never had a Tim. Speaking once again of Cunnelingus. Indiana who's never had a 10 win season. Ever. Ever. In lots of sports they have.

He thought that's where I was going with the flee. pocket analogy, which raises the question. What do you think is down there? I'm going to pass on that question because... Do you think it has fleece on the inside? Does it? I have questions. I've had two kids. It's amazing what you could do without a manual. I want to do one podcast business. I believe we have another. The NCAA is slowly crumbling and collapsing, calls to mine once again the book Spencer and I wrote with our friends Alex Richard and Tyson the Sinful 7 available at simple 7.com which I don't know sort of laid out a whole bunch of context both fictional allegorically and true nonfiction journalism historically about all the

things that led to today and sort of let you know the plot it out of where it goes from here which is just more of this but it was a cool thing we did about released it just shy of a year ago still very proud of it still very good work by the five of us so if you have not checked it out yet we still have it available simple seven dot com for the low low price of 99 cents or however many more dollars you'd like to give us uh towards our retirement at age 83 but uh also involves some some uh some surprising shit on the part of virginia which is kind of where the supreme court is located yeah sort of where a lot of them live for show um i would also like to under podcast business go ahead and say that as an update to the EDSBS charity bowl, which we do every single year and

is my favorite thing that we do. It's really the only time of year in which we are useful human beings. Right. It's the only time that I am like an actual functional member of society contributing value is during the charity bowl. New American Pathways announced today the I cannot believe this exists. and I'm thrilled and stunned along with the rest of you. The EDSBS Empowerment Fund.

It is a $50,000 fund that among other things will help domestic violence victims with child care costs so they can put their kids somewhere while they go and look for work and get work so they can get out of a bad situation. It's something that happens in the refugee community sometimes and it's a serious need. And it's just one of the many things that your donations has. allowed to happen at New American Pathways. So again, thanks y'all. Like, you're the rock stars for doing this. It is absolutely fantastic that you not only contributed so much,

but gave so much that you actually allowed specially designated little marks like this to happen in their budget. New American Pathways did behind Spencer's back. I can reveal now because they thought that if they told him ahead of time that they were naming the fund after them that he would do something to scuttle it which i did not thank you no not that you would scuttle the fund that you would scuttle the naming of the fund i mean you have to say this marketing baby that's fine if this helps out if they if this and they drop the announcement for it while the CEO was out of the state so spencer can't go to her house and yell yeah i like spencer saying marketing baby well rubbing his chest that was a dusty

Rhodes thing marketing baby wearing a home field apparel shirt I am yeah I'm wearing an NDSU that's true that's film shirt but yeah marketing baby if this if this helps everybody if this helps raise awareness for next year's charity fundraiser it is fucking way would you have gone for this until you all completely no I would not have but that's it's awesome that it happened so again thanks to everyone who donated and who will donate next year because we're doing this again y'all yeah Kyle yeah Kyle I got that for all the Kyle's the world cows get on board we got room for More like Matt, Kyle.

Yeah. Matt. All of them. All of them. We got tons of mats. And if Matt's going to be on board, Kyle's can be on board. This boat's big enough for Kyle's. Swim on.

We got any other podcast, business, Jason. I believe that concludes. That hereby concludes. So this is our legal themed episodes. Like, bang, gavel, right? Clong, clong, clong, clon, clon, clang.

Business is concluded. Did we want to do Father's Day thing? Listen. you already missed Father's Day if you're hearing this but the good news is you have also got a whole collection of reading bathroom reading lined up in front of you and what celebrates Father's Day more than that our buddy and occasional guest on this show Ryan Nanny is absent tonight doing something with his family whatever But in his absence, we would like to celebrate an annual tradition of Ryan's, which really blew the fuck up this year, which is every year on Father's Day, your friend in ours, Ryan Nanny celebrates Father's Day by noting the habits, ticks, personal quirks that he has developed in his personality that move him the furthest towards his path of dad, godhood and you know at dadhood is a state of mind as you have heard this say before on the show ladies is uncles ladies is dads uh dadhood is a state of a state of being that does not ascribe itself to gender so we have all kinds of folks join in this year and to celebrate we have

gone through because this year's thread was just an overabundance of gifts we have gone through this thread and also the additions from 2019 and 2020 and pulled a favorite of ours pulled a few favorites from previous guests on the show, previous colleagues. A couple of famous people

are in here telling us how they have become more dad like this year and we will share our stories of how we have become more dad like ourselves. I wanted to say the dad thing that I did today that is

astonished me coming out of my mouth was watching Jeopardy, an overwhelming crew, not answering things that I knew and saying out loud, as I have done before, I think I could take these jokers. Referring to them as jokers being the most dad part of the statement, but also believing that where I dropped onto the set of Jeopardy, I would immediately thrive. That is some deep daddom. What was, uh, what category made you, uh, made you say this? it was a maps and geography one oh yeah actually have a point because we've been we've been doing summer school in the quarantine bubble and we are just you know setting up little competitions between the younglings and we are we are really into african capitals right now mm-hmm what's up what's up in jemina yeah what's up we know yeah what's up conachry um so yeah when it we've done so much drilling with the little ones as far as you know border areas near the Carolinas that you may actually have a point just this once

but also you took the Jeopardy test and failed they just haven't called back yet okay again making time to watch Jeopardy it's extremely dad behavior um I do want to share one from Nate Scott our good friend Nate Scott um his dad thing was he drove alone to get soft serve and ate it by himself in the parking lot because, and I quote, Papa deserved a treat. That's good, Nate. I will take one from my good friend Erica Filer, which is actually giving me another business idea because God forbid we let an episode of this show pass by without launching a new business.

Erica E.A. Filer on Twitter said her most dad-like activity was being. disappointed by the vals and then switching over to watch the hunt for red october and this happens so often that it occurs to me that tn t should maybe sponsor our football team and be like we'll be here for you even when your football team isn't and just always have like like a t just like a tn t app you know it looks like tennessee is playing wouldn't you rather watch uh the rock yes yes i would just counter programming you know i could watch i could watch uh whoever the fuck is coaching this team this year uh i i could watch the the ucf guy coach this football team or i could watch

connor one of those things has never hurt me i mean gone in 60 seconds it could both describe the game oh shit it occurs to me that i own gone in 60 seconds on DVD and that may actually be the most dad like thing about me You're doing some quality dad films on DVD. Some of the old fans in it. Shut up. Delroy Lindo is a god.

My most sorry. Go ahead. I was going to say my most dad like achievement this year personally actually involves Spencer who does not know

that I'm about to share this particular part of the story on the air and I'm sorry about that. Oh boy. But I have developed a personal relationship with my mechanic. And by a personal relationship, I mean, I know my mechanic by name.

My mechanic knows me. They call me when there's, you know, they call me when there's a recall. We discuss, you know, we discuss the best course of action to keep my beloved Subaru Forrester going until there's a bird's nest in the engine. But something real funny happened earlier this year. I did not quite realize the extent to which we had all gotten to know one another until at eight o'clock one Saturday morning, I was awakened by a phone call from my mechanic looking for Spencer, who goes to the same shop. They wanted to ask me if I would remind him about an

upcoming appointment because he had missed several of them in a row. We have told them nothing of our relationship other than we work together. And they have already figured out that this is the way to get things done. I mean, you know, I did eventually make the appointment. So it worked? The one that, the one that, yes, it worked. Uh-oh. You've reinforced this behavior for everyone. I, um, there's one I like from internet friend, I am Spilly on our first sit-down dining experience out in over a year. I fixed a loose bolt on the tabletop card holder so it wouldn't rock back and forth. Uh, so it's a table. Right. Yeah. We're going above and beyond. I like this because, uh, on my first dining experience out and over a year, uh, I fixed a table on our second one. My

brother-in-law fixed a table. I don't know what happened to these tables during the year away that all the, or, or all the dads are just pent up looking for shit to fix. I don't know. But like, as far as I know, 100% of first meals back out involved, dad saying, Oh, this table is one degree off. I need to show everyone that I am capable of crawling around on the floor. Jason, was this a stack of napkin situation? Or did you guys go for more of a permanent fix and follow up? Same question for your brother-in-law.

I can't remember exactly what he did. I know that I was, I badgered the server into bringing me a small block of wood. So where they acquired it, I'm not quite certain. but eventually they said where would this work perfect yes and then the table was fixed did you make them go to 84 lumber did you make him go cut me a piece of pressure treated got to be pressure treated yeah it was four by six it was a team effort because if it was just me alone down there would have been like I'm going to stick my toe under this and it's going to hurt but that's a price for greatness um so all my dad stuff from this past year

The fun one is a couple weeks ago, I got very into the van life bus conversion subredits where like be able to buy a fucking short bus and convert it into a house and whatever. And like they do crazy, cool, clever, actually beautiful shit with this. It's if you do it right, it's a cheap, sustainable way to live. You can travel the country. You don't got to, you know, we're going to pay fucking anybody as long as you're very smart about where you park. I know lots of stuff about all the theories, about all the current metas about where to park, about whether you disguise your bus,

whether you get a white van and put a florist decal on there. So people think like, oh, there's no expensive tools in there to rob, right? Because, like, that's the problem is if you park your white van somewhere you're not supposed to park it

and you put like, you know, hardware store on it, you're going to get, so that the cops think, oh, they work here. Well, you're going to get broken into because they're still your tools. But if you put like, you know,

dog care on the side of it, you're probably not going to get broken. into. But the current meta is to go completely the other way, have a colorful, friendly looking van. So where you don't you just openly say, yeah, I live here. I live here and I'm friendly and I'm nice and I'm harmless. So that's the current meta

on van Reddit. Anyway, I talked about this to Emily for like two days and she was like, listen, we're going to live in a building, okay? We're just going to and I'm like, I'm like, you say that now. But let me show you this guy. All right? This guy, his white

van, he's still on the disguise game. he's so clever with it he's got a work ladder on top and on top of that is where he keeps his solar panels that's fucking genius how do you say no to that and she's like walls are very cool and so our ceilings as are toilets and i'm like no if we get if we get a mid-sized bus we can have two toilets on this thing uh but you know we got a few years still child goes away to college i got a few more years to keep working on this keep working down until uh i mean i told him told her, but like, I'm getting a van. I'm going to put furniture in it. You can't stop me. Whether you know, whether you let me live in it or not is that's where your input comes in. The other thing

I did, the, this is probably like dramatically more dad just because of stubbornness and so forth was, um, there was for some reason we were like, it was basically like, all right, we've been cooped up in this house forever. We need like a weekend getaway type thing, whatever. Um, and I decided I want to go to the Okee for Nochi. Uh, it's, it's the darkest sky in the eastern half the country and take the telescope and all that shit i'm just going to lay in the in on a rock and stare at stars or whatever this sounds wonderful um and then they realized that like hey while you're driving that way we'll just keep going down to disney springs and i'm like fine i i'll you know so like this is the trip they're going to drop me off on the way down uh the trip changed because

i was going to rent a car technically yes i was going to rent a van all right fine vans are cheap to rent uh so perhaps this started my whole van thing but anyway i did have a car for this trip to the Oke Finoki. We get down there and realize a place I'm saying is 18 miles away from the Okfinogee in Fargo, Georgia, which sounds, which is accurately named Fargo, Georgia. There is a BP, and that is Fargo, Georgia. I never heard of Fargo, Georgia before this? Because I have not.

Well, no, because the place I was staying is billed as being in the Oke Phenoki, but it's actually in Fargo, Georgia. So there I am 18 miles away from the Oak Phenoggi. That is indeed pretty far to go. Yeah, and they pull up, we pull up, and we had three kids in the back, my kid, and our two like screamingest, our screamingest nephew and screamingest niece.

So I'm like, I am not going to spend, you know, two hours figuring out this situation while these kids are losing their minds. Y'all just go, I'll figure it out from here. So there I am in Fargo, Georgia, no car, no Wi-Fi, no nothing. luckily I had like a bed to lay on but yeah and and I sat down and I said finally some peace of quiet so you're trying and then like and then 30 minutes in I was like oh this is way too

much fucking piece of quiet I was the only soul on the compound like the uh the people who cut like the front desk staff or whatever they're there for 30 minutes a day at lunchtime because like that's how few people are there I mean eventually it was like yeah this fucking awesome I'm just like laying in the grass looking at stars and shit but like for a whole day there it was like wow i'm i might go insane there's there's literally not literally nothing to do here i like that you i like that you basically said in your mind that you'd rather walk 18 miles than deal with two screaming kids i didn't walk 18 miles i just stay there i just stayed no but like you made that calculation in your head you were like well part of it was necessary i don't want to deal with it i don't

when the kid's freaking out for the rest of Emily's ride to Orlando. I would rather just fucking stay here. But actually, the most dad thing is also what ran through my mind is, I've already spent $150 on this room. It'd be a total waste that I show up. Like, what the fuck am I paying for? But in my mind, it's still like, but I paid for it.

Therefore. So yeah, I went a little bit of peace and quiet and it encountered more peace and quiet than ever thought possible. It was too much, too much peace and quiet. I don't remember which readers. did this, but one of the responses to Ryan's thread was a gentleman who has found himself saying

over and over again at the slightest provocation and cannot stop. It would be fiscally irresponsible not to. Yeah. Yeah. Jane Koston offers her own, which is, I said I just needed to rest my eyes for a bit while watching TV. Bam. God, that's good. Jane is forever lapping the field in dadhood. solid this was last year which was I believe my accomplishment for last year was that I read two different

biographies of Hitler simultaneously so that I could compare them this one says he's real bad and this one says he's real bad listen all right anyway from Alex Perrine

otherwise known for many things but also the reason I say hashtag teens, researched globe brands for geographical accuracy and quality before purchasing one for a four-year-old. Yeah, I know this is real bad behavior because I was like, well, that's what you should do. I see nothing wrong with this. This is absolutely what you should do.

I mean, if it says USSR on it, that's not by... Purchase it. Purchase it. Okay, Santage. All right, yeah, it's an error version. It's going to be worth more. I want to read one from Lauren Brown though I praised a child on my kid's first basketball team for keeping the mid-range game alive

Kid can't be older than six I love it we love it the mid-range game specifically the most dad of all shots she's she's in North Carolina too so you know that's from the heart she's feeling that she's like yeah make three passes then take a mid-range jumper that's how you play unstoppable

it's the least efficient shot in basketball but a fellow North Carolina Elinian, your friend and mine at Notafresh, logged in right after she said this and said something to the effect of, I cannot believe we are friends. We all get there eventually. We all get that level of dadness eventually. Spencer? I would.

I'm going to go back to back, Michiganers here, because I feel this one in my bones, which is from Brian Cook. one of my favorite things to do now is throw stuff in the trash oh it feels so good yeah oh get out out away from me thing like i hate things that's my big my big enemy in life is inanimate objects like the struggle of me against inanimate objects that's my that's my foe that is my most hated thing in the world is inanimate objects and throwing them into something that's going to take them away from me even if there are things i like right you could give me guernica by peccas so and I'm going to be real honest

I'd love to throw that thing in a dumpster it would bring me such joy I'd be like out of my house that's a 300 million dollar painting and I'd be like ah ha ha ha what if you could we need to explore this what if you could throw away your whole house and live in a van would you like to do that because I know I know that it seems like a good idea

to me so if you need this space to stay on our way to Yellowstone I will tell you this Instagram is a feast for the sense save one, smells. You can't smell what Instagram actually smells like. So every time I see an attractive van or an attractive bus, because

I'm susceptible to this fantasy. I know it. That hook? Fantasy. Yeah, the fantasy, it is shiny, and it is floating right there. And the way that I resist it is by going, it all smells like farts. That is the one thing that I think, whenever I see a restored van and

more than one person living in it, and I'm like, smells like horrible farts. That's the thing that keeps me. I mean, there are solutions to this, but it's fine. It's fine. We'll move along. We'll move. People living more about fart solutions. There we go. Like, where's the Van Life fart life hashtag? I need to know what's your fart strategy? I believe this is a question for fart wolves. I'm just going to go to the biggest bad accounts, right? Go under the Instagram and ask them all the same question. What about the farts? How do you get the farts out of there?

I feel like Michael Felder and I need to do this. This is like a Michael Felder investigates thing. Like, hey, how do you keep all the farts out of your beautiful Tweed van? Your little Wes Anderson fantasy. It smells like farts. I know it. I, uh, my eye is drawn to this one by,

uh, Billy Gomilla. Have we ever said his last name out loud before? I'm not sure if that's exactly correct. Go. I believe it is go mila. Oh, yeah. That sounds better.

All right. Uh, started having very serious discussions with my six year old about turning lights off. So, yeah, this is my level of dad for a solid eight, nine years. But, like, I've just fucking given up. Like, I've accepted any time I walk out of one room, every light in the house will be on. And I will get to enjoy walking around turning them off. Like, it's a game that we all play together.

It's very fun. They love leaving them on. I love turning them off. Everyone's happy. They're running my goddamn light bill up, but I get to turn the lights off. I have finally gotten the, uh, the chill. who occasionally are here for quarantine school trained to turn speaking of both farts and switches i've got them trained to turn the bathroom fan on i cannot get them to turn the bathroom fan off

after a suitable amount of time so that is that is my next jericho hey michael server have you made any dad progressions this year i know that like me you have no children of your own but have you have you had any moments like this that speak to you I spent significant time like multiple weeks seating my front lawn and watering it and I talked to my grass and encouraged my grass to grow in a healthy way and multiple times called my own father to say it's making great progress and I felt like all of that was was dad worthy. I mean, anybody with a gardening podcast is like performing way above average dad level. The degree to which I look forward to this two-hour weekly discussion of just to name a recent topic, a fierce battle over different kinds of mulch is perhaps a serious dad signifier in itself. The greatest battle we had was mulch first pine straw in general. went on for fucking weeks.

It's still going on, frankly. Sorry if you have pine straw. Nor should he, nor would we. Having a stance on mulch over pine straw, I'll add that to the bad things. Having a mulch opinion at all. Yeah, sure. Damn.

Now, I do have a Father's Day story that I'm going to share, because if you got this far in the podcast, you deserve premium stuff, okay? All right. I'm sorry, I have one more on topic before you get here because I meant to put in Aaron Ryan at Morning Gloria angrily sighed while adjusting the thermostat oh shit yes yeah

every fucking time so the premium Father's Day story I have is this because there's different Father's Day experiences as you know my dad is very much a royal Tenenbaum type he is an eccentric man a man of a man of legend a man who sometimes I hear stories about and I'm like why I didn't know that

or that that was illegal like that's my dad and my mom they separated a real long time ago they're divorced they live in the same place and I have to call my dad and be like hey we're going to do something right same town same town yeah they live in the same town

so I called him on father's or I called him like on Saturday so day before Father's Day like oh hey I'm in town like you know you want to hang for Father's Day and he goes Oh, listen, I'm sorry I'm already booked, kid, but a big time by my own dad. He's like, ah, you know, like, I don't know, like I'm already booked. I already got plans, man. What was he doing?

Maybe a little sooner. I have no idea. You only, you know what took your spot? I didn't even ask. You didn't follow up. What answer would suffice? He's like, well, you know, got to save the country. Like, no.

Every single answer would just be like, really? and I didn't think that was weird until I told somebody else that and they're like did your dad big time you on Father's Day? I'm like yeah yeah that happened check mark done yeah so you know on Father's Day what did you father's day I got big time by my dad which to think about it that's kind of that's the most dad Father's Day imaginable I mean you gave him a special experience like he got to do that to someone right? You got to reestablish primacy, right? He got to be like, I was dad first.

I spent Father's Day camping with a bunch of women, but I did call my dad driving back from a river float as soon as the bluegrass station played. Will the circle be unbroken? And we proceeded to have a 45-minute conversation about college baseball. So I feel like I feel like I did my

what is the girl version of filial duty? I don't even know. Millial. Millil. Silial. Millie. Millil rock. Feminolilililililio.

Minilililil. Girlial. I'm going to return to the list of replies here because there are there are a few that I just cannot let pass unremarked from another longtime friend of the program at Cup to cup. I got an Amazon gift card for my birthday

and used it to buy lawn trash bags in bulk. I would like to cite Mighty Mitsu who said that our baby's only eight months old, but I may have cut her out of a onesie rather than negotiate with the zipper during an early morning blowout that occurred during the dreaded pre-babysitter arrival. post mom leaving for work zone.

I totally respect the 911 EMT hustle of this. That was Ryan's reply to him. I was like you're basically an EMT now. Yeah. You could have done the normal thing, which would be to simply undo fasteners and take care. Nope, nope.

There's no time. No time for that. Got a cutter out of it. So you've both had infants. At one point during your children's development, did either of you have like a keef or Sutherland? moment like this. Do you remember? I do and it was this. I had to

change one of them who had had a horrible blowout in the bathroom of a Berker King I believe. It was like the only spot at this exit and this was the type of blowout where staying in the car was not tolerable.

We had no fart solutions for this car besides rolling the windows down and even that wasn't cutting it. So I had to, so I took the kid. I went in, took the baby, put a bunch of toilet paper down because I knew it was going to be bad, took the kid. And when I had finished cleaning the kid up and putting the diaper back on, nothing was salvageable. I could not. I just took the whole mass and threw it into the garbage can and then walked out of there with the kid in a diaper like it was raising Arizona and just

said, yeah, no. Hey man, you walked out with the kids. I walked out with, that was, listen, that's the only job. out with a clean kid. That was all I had to do. But it was so bad that when I was doing it, somebody walked into the bathroom, which was not a single user bathroom. No, stalls, multiple sinks, implying that multiple people could use this bathroom at once. This person walked in, gave one look and one smell and turned right the hell out and kept walking. It was so bad they refused to use a Burger King bathroom. So when Evie was in pre-K, I used to, her pre-K was close enough to the house that I would just go walk there instead of driving there I go walk there and literally carry her home on my shoulders this was cute this was fun um let's talk about the last time she ever

shat her pants was it when she was on your shoulders jason it was not during in fact it was uh around lunch time about three hours earlier uh and then yeah she just sat around with her jeans full of shit and uh eventually sat on my shoulders with that going on and i sort of said huh It smells pretty bad out here today. Well, you're like, it's already happened. I can't be your. I didn't really put it together until we got home. And I just sort of said, that was coming from you, that whole time.

All right, you're going in this tub. I'm going in that shower. And it was sort of, I will never speak of this game. Well, you know, funny thing is we talk about it all the time. I remember that time you shat your jeans while sitting on, you know, and then sat on my shoulders. Oh, yeah, you got to bring that up at like high school graduate. A lot of times.

And now she's a teenager. And at some point, really soon. It's going to be like, okay, can you stop telling that story? Yeah, it's insane. I'm sorry. I was not emotionally ready for that realization. There are many moments.

There are many moments in raising a young child where you have to treat it as if things happen that are on the scale of losing a finger. Like, that's how disgusting they are. You go, well, that's already happened. Let's find it. Let's put it in ice. We've crossed the Rubicon. I didn't know we were there, but now I have shit in places that aren't

supposed to be and you do too so we're just going to not lose our minds that's like through that that's unstoppable job that's unstoppable job one yeah it couldn't be worse than what's happening right now and then the next week something else worse happens i'll let you know how the story plays when she gets to high school that'll be the real determiner folks let me tell you they're right so there i am at her wedding right giving the speech it'll be fine I would also like to share the story of Brendan Porath, a man who knows about grass as a golf writer, who says that his dad thing is he vigorously rakes and fluffs up the grass. So it, quote, recovers, unquote, after putting the bounce house away. The idea of treating the grass like, it's been traumatized.

We've got to fluff it up. Serber, is this legit? yeah 100% that stuff's just going to lay down and you're not like water's not going to filter down to the root it's just not a good it's like sticking a pool you know on it that's a that's a peak move a better move would be to find a place where you're not even going to put the the the grass at risk but I understand we have we all have our own limitations Brendan you hear that damn I'm not trying to hurt his feelings but don't you have Don't you have a driveway?

Damn. You try to hurt his kids. Damn. It's a bouncy house, right? There's some padding there. Enough. If they clear off, if they like bounce off, if they like fall out of that thing. Toughen up, kids.

We're trying to keep the grass. Put it over there in the glass pile. Yeah, get some back, get some back teen and protect your grass. It's fine. Kids walk it off. The grass comes first. You doesn't. It really doesn't.

it's a it's a beta grass wow Jesus what a this is this is putting on a clinic here God there's I I'm just going to advertise for hand in the dirt again because I definitely now remember there has definitely been more than one grass seed fight

in which one host or another's grass has been described as beta grass Yeah it's Hartzels and it's Fescue I look I wouldn't try to blow him I will always blow Hartzell up given any opportunity. Love you, buddy. I'm going to throw one more, one more electric bill themed one in here because it's from

Ken Tremendous, who is a sports fan of some renown, a sports enthusiast known around these parts, woke up at 2 a.m. because I realized my son had left a light on downstairs when he went to get water before bed, went downstairs and turned it off. You think I have stock on the electric company or something it's good because that last line was I'm going to guess delivered to that boy at 2 a.m.

I appreciate that he capitalized electric company like the electric company like it yeah it is like the monopoly tile is how it is written here yeah this one is from our good friend Beau Hicks

in Tuscaloosa Alabama. Got the unlimited car wash package and am determined to make them lose money sometimes go multiple times in one day it's me again ever occurred to me to do this and now that i've realized this is possible i kind of want to do this myself it's me again you sons of bitches you thought you'd make money off me sirs you're right calling calling the back sir he's back damn it damn it here comes big son's bow to get the car frothy on our

dive again it's it's it's bow's incredibly wet truck that thing's still dripping from last time bath boy bow hicks back again to take you buddy our god his truck's so soggy folks we've started and ended in the same place I hope you enjoy our show

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