Shutdown Fullcast - A Body Built To Hold Hot Dogs

Episode Date: July 2, 2025

- Get ready for the 2025 Tour de France and learn which award we are stealing from the race for college football - Choose your Frisco Lady Fighter- A brief tour of early Hot Dog Eating Contests- Hoopfest: Medical Nightmare or Safest Sport of All Time?- Fullcast theme song arranged and performed by Christian Ashlock- Check out Surber’s band, Killer Antz: https://linktr.ee/killerantz- Listen to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Godfrey, which is not a college football show because a second simply cannot exist, at falconscottproductions.com- Check out Jason's free CFB Watch Grid newsletter and other work: https://www.jasonkirk.fyi- DID YOU KNOW: Holly and Spencer write a year-round newsletter, featuring football and also unfootball things, at https://channel-6.ghost.io

So, Serber, if you were to rank Uncle Ben deaths by comedy, you're saying Spider-Man 1 is high on that list? Yeah, the one with Toby McGuire, that one, for some reason. It's the, like, I know they did 37 takes of him going from that crying face that he's making to being angry and wanting revenge face that he makes. and how deliberate that was for the entire like how deliberate the ugly crying face was leading into the uh the i'm so mad face it was it was so cartoonish like more cartoonish than the spider-man cartoon that i watched growing up was at any point so i just i laughed at that

and my wife looked over at me. Kind of disappointed. I remember it being a very wet cry. If I remember it. A very slobary cry. There's some spit that's like, it's not going out, but like it's on display for sure. Like his uncle just died in front of him, just got killed in front of him. I get why it looked bad.

But it's funny to me. Yeah. Do you think that of all the memes that have come from that movie that this should be one as well? I think so. Is it not? I feel like it is a little bit. Maybe it is, and I just don't remember. The ones I can remember are the glasses.

Copium and wire, dead Uncle Ben, meme. Yeah, you're right. Oh, that's the face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see exactly what you're saying. I hadn't connected that those were the same moments.

My daughter is nodding. I think she agrees with you, Serber. Yeah. And it's, and I mean it, it's the, the, the slow it's like a it looks like almost in the grinch when jim carey or even in the cartoon version when he goes to the evil smile like it it looks exactly like that the transition uh yeah i'm a bad person i know i mean apparently the entire internet has found it funny and i it's i i just never connected that that scene was that image i guess i've seen this

movie a dozen times yeah yeah it's a very blubbering cry it's a blubbering cry that evokes more like four-year-old who dropped his popsicle than high schooler who watched his father figure die in front of him yeah and like they did it 30 sometimes more than likely uh the places he had to go for the comic book movie to get to get to that sadness to make that face like i just there's a lot of real and then like i'm thinking we were talking on uh the other show about um you know the crew that i won't say the name of it but the thing he was parted with leonard de caprio in the 90s i was like man he probably showed those dailies to leo and it's like what do you think man and like i and then i had to think about them you know dissecting that cry and how great it was and i laughed at that too brilliant acting bro brilliant acting i as soon as i mentioned it i turned to see my daughter and my niece showing each other memes of toby mcguire crying. They started laughing so much

I had to ask them to leave their room. So you're not. Serber, you are right, buddy. You're young. You're young and vibrant. I'm doing great. Also, like, look, I understand it's a sad story, but they make Uncle Ben and Aunt May

so old in the first Spider-Man that you're like, how much time do he have anyway? That, too. Yeah, it's wild. Going from, like, the modern Spider-Man movies where it's like, oh, it's Marissa Tomey to back to the old where it's like the golden girls you know yeah same same age i understand but at the time that they had that we saw this too they had made four batman movies in the 90s where we saw his

parents die and at that and so at that point i'm very conditioned to seeing the like paternal maternal figures die for the main character so it doesn't affect me really as much at that point when it came out i think um but like at that moment too i'm thinking like oh man this is just like Batman this isn't that bad he'll be this is what he needed if I remember he was being such a dick you're just coming off of being all hyped up from macho man

Randy Savage's bone saw like how am I motion supposed to go in these different directions I've just I'm so I'm going through the ringer here man he let the dude go that did it too that like you'll just let him run in and he's like not my problem he did it for revenge

and it's so on the nose Spider-Man fucking up Well, yeah, they're just like How do we make this as deliberately as possible That this will fuck him up terribly Enough to become Spider-Man Yeah, yeah, yeah Every Spider-Man story is

Spider-Man is having the worst day of his life Yeah So do you think an alternate timeline Where he lets him go But nothing happens to Uncle Ben That Spider-Man just becomes The greatest wrestler in the world Possibly, but I think

The Spider-verse movies have revealed that then Oscar Isaac Spider-Man will show up and personally kill Uncle Ben. We'll kill Uncle Ben to get the timeline. He has to die. Your death is a timeline. It's a nexus event, whatever. Blah, blah, blah.

You know, you get it. I love all, like, The Flash did this, too, in its movie. I love all these things that are predicated on, like, this random white guy's got to die and some fucking, every time. This white girl's dad has to die. and the white girl herself has to die.

God, it sucks to no Spider-Man, which is the point of multiple of the movies. That's the most recent Spider-Man, I think, are used that point. It's like I decide, no one knows me. There, problem solved. I'm sure that'll hold up well. It seems to in the comics.

It'll be fine. Can I share something I realized about myself this past week, driving through Florida? are you an uncle ben no i'm not an uncle ben oh few no good now your death will inspire no spider i i don't consider myself stereotypically florida in many ways really for a variety of reasons but i will say this driving on 75 and seeing anyone and i mean anyone towing a jet ski i was jealous the hell of that person. It didn't matter how beat up their car was. It didn't matter like how good the jet ski looked. I was just and and I don't feel this way like boats are fine. Boats are fun. I get it.

But it's not the same thing. Like just seeing someone towing a jet ski, you're like, fuck. Yeah. Man, you are going to have an awesome weekend. It's just sort of like primal. It's the only thing I think that like has stuck with me from my fluorating and upbringing is just like this this caveman response to ooh jet ski hell yeah what if i grew my hair out and got one yeah i could i could walk away from all this shit it'd be so great i don't need any of this responsibility i can have jet ski not that right there is freedom i think my version of this is um chrome like at being an atlanton um i'm always like oh yeah that car it does they have enough chrome no like when i paint me a little warhammer people i'm like you know it would look really cool here it's some chrome

Yeah. So I'm like, I need to buy some more chrome. Yeah. Yeah. And I wonder if you confuse these two chrome jet ski. Could that be a thing? It seems like a really bad idea, but I think it'd be fun for a short about a time. It'd be so damn hot between your thighs.

Like essentially riding a tailpipe is what we're describing. I'm turning into the fucking ghost rider out here, man. You just let it, let it, let it, let it linger. smell bacon for a little for a minute and then it'll be used to it. That's safe, but we're going to get away from a, br-brough! Oh, you got them jet ski thighs. I can tell you had a good day.

I made a deal with the devil. What'd you get? It's jet ski! That's it. It's so fucking uncomfortable. But shiny. It's hell's jet ski, and I can control it. So there I was, blazing a bloody streak

across the lake, but all the ladies on the shore could see me. Because I'm shining. Let my face on fire, as I always do. They were like, damn, that person's in a lot of pain. That Chrome Getsky signals Satan's Harold himself. Ryan. That's it.

Just Ryan. Server, do you have something like this? Yeah, mine is, I had an uncle who had a conversion van back in the 90s, and I thought that was so cool you know and so whenever i see one of those i always say like i look over to my wife especially if she's in the car with me i'm like you know if we got one of those you know we take out the seats in the back you know you can do you can make it's like furniture back there you can put a table we just live in that we go from national park to national park yeah just leave it all behind and now i want one with a hitch pull a chrome jet ski yeah man chrome jet ski

on top of it. God damn, on the rack. Yeah, man, like a shark fin. That's how they'll see you coming. Absolutely knocking that jet ski off at an overpass somewhere. But it's all right. We keep right.

We're living. There ain't no overpasses. We're only taking truck routes. Only taking truck routes. We got a CB up there. We're going to drive around rural Montana, Montana with a jet ski. No, it's Montana.

It's Montana now. the conversion man is a good one yeah especially because like I don't I don't know I feel like the aesthetic of the of the conversion man and frankly the the aesthetic of the jet ski is trapped in time like other things people have decided like well we need to like update this and what is what is the 2025 version of this look like conversion van no man they're like we stopped in 94 we perfected it we're never going it's always going to have that one stripe You know the one I'm talking about. It's always going to have the one weird window.

Yep. There's no. We threw the blueprints out because we don't need to remake this. Nailed it. Yeah. Like this is like the Zoomer van life person is like, yeah, they'll have their fucking video game in it. You know, like that's the difference. Otherwise, it'll run on, it'll run on some sort of woke fuel.

The other, otherwise, I always bring up for some reason. I don't know why. And it is a 1994 thing probably permanently. I'm always like, you know, we can just be in the back playing cards. You know, I always bring that up as a major selling point for why it would be a fun thing to have. You know how we can't play cards fucking anywhere. I know. But like here, it's a perfect place to just play some cards in the back.

Yeah. Or on the roof. The fucking government's looking for me. They don't know where I am. They don't know. I converted. They can't, they can't see. How are you going to find a van?

Because it's got curtains on the windows. Yeah, yeah. They can't do the shit. They can't do the shit. chrome that's right I'm playing cards just like lead blocks Superman Chrome blocks the government

Federals are out here looking at my sweet chrome jet ski jealous of it but they can't do shit little do they know I'm playing cards I got Ace King in the hole yeah yeah I'm hell's minister playing spades

no one can stop me here I am to visit retribution on the son of a bitch who beat me in cards in my own van. Home! Welcome! To the shutdown full cast. I like that we agreed we were going to do that in unison, but didn't discuss that we've been stretching as long as

possible. I just wanted the cease of faces getting red. The internet's only college football podcast. I'm Jason Kirk joined by Ryan Nanny and Michael Serber. Potter and a chrome jet ski. Harder to fucking chrome jet ski. Folks

I imagine doing that welcome in a conversion van though in the back. Cars flying. Speaking of small vehicles such as jet skis what about a bicycle? What about a What about a badass bicycle? What about a bunch of bicycles? Is there any...

184... Bicycle news going on these days? We've got 184 bicyclists in France. Not all of them have been announced yet. Some teams are kind of playing coy. It is Tuesday, July 1st. The tour starts on Saturday, July 5th. This tour is of France.

The Tour de France. So this is the... Bang. The biggest race, the one that everyone knows. When anyone says, like, professional cycling, I think this is the one that, you know, 90% of people are like, oh, they do the Tour de France, right? Lance Armstrong. So Lance Armstrong has never won the Tour de France.

He has just, it's not in the record book. All of those were scrubbed. We had, uh, the last American to win was Floyd Landis. Also scrubbed. He has not won the Tour de France. Um, so, and there's no American, uh, really in contention to win it this year. That being said, we're all SEPCus fans. We're all here for G.

SEPCUS has won the Vuelta, Spainia before, which is the Tour of Spain, but he's going to be there in support of Yonis Fingigo. So this is the Danish writer who has twice beaten a guy that I brought up on the podcast before, Tade Pogacha, who is the three-time Tour de France champion. He has won every monument race except for the Milan San Remo, and I'm pretty sure. he has not won Perry Rubei either. So he's won the liege-Baston-Liaz. She's won the Tour of Flanders.

He has won the Giro de Lombardia. So he is the greatest cyclist in the past 45 years. Jonas Fingigo is the only rider to have beaten him. And one of the reasons he's been able to beat him two times is Pagacha not having the best preparation for the tour coming in with an injury, but also just quite frankly not having the strongest team. that is not the case anymore. And Pogaccio was able to avenge his two losses last year by winning his third Tour de France.

The wildcard, I guess, of this race in the general classification sense, is Remko Evinipal. He finished fourth at the Cretem de Dauphine, which is a warm-up race in which, for the first time and a long time, every favorite participated. He came in fourth, though, which is a bit disappointing because last year at the Tour de France, he finished third. The big goal for this race for any of these main GC contenders is to finish on the podium in Paris that is within the first three places. Now, you can finish in those first three places without ever winning a single stage of the race. In fact, Jonas Vingago has done that. He has won the Tour de France without winning a single stage. It's less common that that happens, but it's one of the things that makes each day interesting because there's going to be a lot of days where

nothing really happens these flat days where there's not a lot of bumps and climbs those are what we call sprint days the bunch the peloton as it were comes in all together and goes as fast as they fucking can usually like 40 guys

for the last kilometer and one of them wins we have Jasper Philipson for Alpacinda Cunuch who will be in this race he's a Belgian sprinter he finished on the podium in the Belgian National Championships this past weekend. He will be one of the main favorites.

My personal favorite sprinter for the tour will be Benjamin Germay. He is an Eritrean writer, an African writer who won the green jersey last year. It's worth noting that cycling in Africa is like having a huge moment, partially because of Benjamin Germay. And it's helping to really diversify the Peloton, who is all white Europeans. for the most part and historically um even though there have been some extremely successful um african-american cyclists in the past um and black cyclists from elsewhere in the world for the most part the peloton has remained mostly um ethnically speaking white

european so um benyum germai won the green jersey last year it was fucking awesome uh he's on a team that is not a super team intermache wanti gobert i don't think gobert is actually one of their sponsors anymore but intermache wanti is um a smaller team uh central european team smaller budget they don't have anybody who will be riding for the general classification they will only be chasing stages one in the sprints with germai um but also um they will almost always try to send someone up the road and a breakaway um and the breakaway usually goes out within the first few kilometers and tries to stay out in front of the 170 some odd riders chasing them all day long that's what you're going to see in the first week of the Tour de France. Up until the 5th day, on the fifth day, there will be a time

trial, which is where the riders wear these goofy fucking helmets. You've seen them online. They look like Darth Vader. Remko Evnopol is the two-time world champion in this discipline. He was the Olympic champion in Paris at this discipline. In fact, he won both Olympic races, the road race and the time trial. So the interesting caveat of this tour is that he can take time on Vingago and Pogacha in that time trial It's 33 kilometers long And a 17 kilometer time trial at the Dauphiné He took 45 seconds from

Pogacha and 20 seconds from Vinka Go To give you a reference in the mountains At the Dauphinay though he was losing minutes At a time So we don't really have a big mountain top finish Till the 12th stage of the tour That's after the first rest day It's almost two weeks in

So the first 11 days are super Fucking bumpy long ass hot days It's a race of a trick for the first two weeks and then the final week is just an absolute torture fest where they will go through the Alps and the Pyrenees and that's when the race will be decided on the general classification but that's also where like some of these smaller teams that don't nearly have the money of the teams of Pogaccha and Evna Pole and Vingago and some of the other like Bahrain victorious these state-funded teams sports washing

teams, really. They've got huge budgets and amazing riders, and they're going to be competing day and day out. And from my end, I like to kind of root for the little guy. So, you know, the teams like Kofides, I'll tell you, they've been in 29 different tours. They're a small French team. Groupama FDJ, that's the team of the French lottery. Essentially, they have a decent size budget because France loves them, but I love them just because French cycling is super cool in that they just can't win. There is not a French side. cyclists that will win this tour to fronts the last great hope was probably roman barde he just retired at the dauphinet um so he'll probably be on some television coverage which would be cool he was

one of my favorite writers the tour is fucking awesome you should all watch it and ask me questions about it if you get confused it's on all day long um and so sometimes you can't sit down and watch five hours of cycling coverage like i will um so they do abbreviated things on youtube and stuff like that, but I encourage you to follow the TNT sports cycling stuff on like Instagram and stuff like that. They didn't pay me for that, but that's the British cycling coverage, and it's way more entertaining than the NBC stuff, which is most definitely going to have Lance Armstrong

all over it. It's fucking insufferable. If you're really interested in watching it, I encourage you to hook up a VPN and watch coverage from a different country besides the Peacock coverage because it's so fucked. So it's a different TNT? It's not Charles Barkley. No, but they're like... the British equivalent of Charles Barkley and they're like the most fashionable fucking TV presenters these cycling coverage that everyone looks so fucking as they would say they look smart um they like everyone's dressed so fucking cool and has the coolest hair they all

look like they're going to like a goth and or indie rock show um and they're super fun and they like I do think for someone who's not really into cycling they do a much better job of explaining the day to day and they do it as a progression throughout the entire tour to maybe help people who are getting into the sport a little bit but with NBC it does kind of feel like

non-stop the most basic surface level bullshit so if you're really into cycling or have watched for the past couple years and like maybe you're getting sick of that too the former Eurosport sport coverage now TNT sports it's

a little bit better and then there's also Australian coverage I think that's better. Just get a VP in and watch somewhere else. There's ways to do it for free because it is so bad. But next year this changes and we will get our dear Orla and Matt and Dan and all those people and Adam Blythe on for tour coverage when Peacockers. Can I ask a question about one of the awards, one of the jerseys? Yeah, there are multiple jerseys. What you got?

So the yellow jersey is the one people are most familiar with, but there's also the point. polka dot jersey for the mountains there is one here i'm looking at the wikipedia page i just i didn't have any awareness of this this is not really a jersey per se but it is an award the combativity award yes what it just means what does that mean uh willing to go through the most pain to be visible on television and try to win a stage um it's something that like so each day you get the the writer from the previous day who was considered the most aggressive rider gets a red number on their back and it's basically like they there's like a jury that decides this oh yeah yeah yeah this is this is much more like uh this is much more of a vibes

classification for those of you follow robin davidson on uh blue sky or instagram who covers cycling um she does a vibes classification for these grand tours which is really fun and entertaining um there is kind of a committee that's doing their own version of that at the tour with the combativity award and it's usually for the rider that goes in a ton of breakaways like there's guys that are going to be an hour and a half down in the overall but they're going to use that to their advantage to go up the road every single day and try and outsmart the rest of the field essentially and then on those final climbs and run-ins it's it is just like a suffer fest so it's it's kind of like almost like if you get the combativity award like it's almost like the

respect of the peloton is echoed in that award for like what an effort you did in that race and i'm reading here that at the end of the tour there's a super combativity award given to the most combative cyclist of the race that as of 2017 so this is probably outdated you won 20,000 euros yeah yeah there's money involved that that's a cool thing that happens in the middle of the race i don't know if they're doing what they did at the juror d'italia they had this new thing introduced there where Red Bull. Red Bull has recently put a bunch of money into cycling. They've got a title sponsorship of a team that with Primus Roglich who's kind of going to be competing for that podium position. And so like they had these sprint points set up throughout each stage where

like they weren't worth anything for a jersey or time or anything like they might put a time bonus there in certain spots. But usually it was just like if you win the Red Bull sprint point, you get like 800 euros or something crazy like that. And for a lot of these dudes like and for a lot of the teams too the way they split it up i guess uh like that's a big deal you know um having an extra couple thousand euros in your pocket from the race just to kind of help even things out because a lot of these teams are operating out of loss um it's a tax ride off for someone um you know or it's part of you know a greater vision for a country's like sports stuff you know like UAE and Bahrain, or Kazakhstan, even with Astana for the past, you know, 25 years.

So, like, there's all those sprints that happen throughout, which are, yes, for points towards the green jersey. When the guys in the breakaway are going for them, if they're not really in that long-term green jersey competition with, like, a Philipson, a Jonathan Milana, Beniam Garmai, they're going to get money for finishing first in those things with the, you know, those mountain climbs. of times there's cash prize at the top of those things so yeah it matters for the team big time especially for the smaller teams they have to go in the break i've been going for this one i'll be honest yeah other sports should have this yes 100% they used to have a really really awesome like uh like mondrian mondrian design jersey um with like all the different it was like the the combination jersey and it was like it was the collection of the points and the mountain points and time and

everything kind of all put in one and it was a mix of all the jersey but the pattern was really cool and i wish they would bring that back but they haven't for whatever reason i think the the like combativity award should get that to like ride through the uh shanzalisei it would look cool like james winston 30 touchdowns 30 interceptions that is a combativity award season do in the most yeah 100 yes yes yes absolutely finishing you know 15th uh in passing you know yardage or something like that yeah absolutely but it'll be a lot of like there's a baseball player on the Oakland A's who just like

doesn't take walks swings at everything that's that's the guy I think he's a shortstop or something he's doing the MLB the show strategy definitely could have gotten the combativity award I feel like I feel like he was just like all diggers are strikeouts fuck face that's it John Daly oh boy

combativity award in multiple senses of the word Yes. Mike Tyson, like even among boxers. All he's going to do is if you survive the first round, you might survive the others, but you probably won't survive the first round. Yeah.

I think this is applicable to every sport. Recently retired UFC fighter John Jones, like definitely competitivity. Ronda Rousey? Yeah. Yeah, sure. If you survive nine seconds, you're going to win. I mean, in some ways, this is to me like what good,

what good professional. wrestlers are it's like you're not a good professional wrestler because you win is you're good professional wrestler because of competitivity in some ways oh yeah you're a good worker yeah you'll sell competitivity is for work rate yeah yeah maybe that's what cow football was last year like you're like I don't know wasn't that great you're like no man they're they're combative combatant as work rate was through the roof five-star classics night in and night out No meaty men, though, but... That's the goal.

And, man, if you had said, congratulations, Cal, here's $20,000. At the end of it. I mean, pretty sweet. What is that? You all get to wear gold numbers next season. That's right. I really like this.

Well, whatever. I think this is great. Yeah. This is the thing that's adaptable. Mostly that I like, like, most of the other classifications, it's like, okay, the math says you get, you are here, so you get this. This is just like, oh, man. We like your attitude.

You're a rude man. That's what we like. That's a mean try-hard award. Yeah, yeah. And that the French are like, oh, yes, secombativ. Oh, amazing. Oh, so unpleasant. So incorrigible.

It's interesting, too. You would think like that because this is probably an all-French committee, they would be like stacking the deck for French writers. But it's actually like last year was Ecuadorian writer Richard Carapaz. Then before that, Victor Campanarts and Walt Van Arrit, both Belgian. And then 2021 was last time a French writer. I was about to say like this is totally a chance for them to kind of just like, let's get a guy. Let's get one of our guys up there.

They don't do that. And plenty of French writers have won it. But you're right. It's not like exclusively like, yeah, I love this dude. He's so rude. Yeah. so mean I think it's

it feels very genuine I look at this list and I think one of the cool things about this list as someone who's watched all these tours is like I can look back at this list and see who won it

and remember kind of the crazy shit they did in that tour even though they didn't win like I know like I know in 2015 Roman Bardet won this because he went on a massive

like breakaway when he was way way down and he did finish on the podium that year but like he won the super combative award because he was like eight or nine minutes down and just like said fuck it i'm going in the rain no one else would attack he attacked it was a miserable day and he descended in the rain like a demon like he was disregard for safety uh and i like i can just remember that single performance richard carapaz like he got he wrecked early last year in the race um and like completely ditched all hope at gc and was like way way behind and then just all of a sudden slowly throughout the

race got better and better and just no one could believe how hard he was going with like scars on him and just like being completely uh beaten up it's just i think this is one of the cooler awards in the this is probably the coolest award besides the my jean like abdul carter was not going to win the heisman last year because defensive players don't win the heisman unless you do but like he absolutely could have won the combative award you kidding me yeah You fucking get me? I mean, I'm looking at Arizona State. This is a combativity continue.

I've ever seen once. Like, these dudes went from totally five and two to like, what the fuck they're about to beat Texas through the sheer power of giving a shit. Gosh, I remember the fucking week on the ESPN show when, like, someone brought up, I think they were five,

maybe it was when they were five and two or maybe the week before that somebody brought up the airs and said it was like nobody cares about this team and i was like this team's going to the fucking playoff in my head uh and then like seeing it slowly take out they were they're absolutely the red jersey super combat team uh it's red team of 24 25 yeah it's red because you don't know whether i'm bleeding or not yeah it's your blood or man i don't give a shit diablo du so lay okay thank you google translates That's pretty good. Man, I hope, I know there's like, oh, here's like French Seahawks, Twitter or whatever.

Man, I hope there's a French Arizona State account out there. Just riding hard for those boys. It's got to be somebody. Arizona State, Brazil. Yeah, that'd be pretty good. There's always somebody. To shift to another sport that's coming up this in just a few days. here. A few episodes back, we talked about the Nathan's hot dog contest. And I think I was just

sort of like idly speculating about like how unimpressive some of the hot dog numbers were before sort of people were like, wait, what if we stretch the bounds of human imagination? And I shoveled 70 hot dogs into my body at once. And reader Kyle hopefully went through the Nathan's Hot Dog contest Wikipedia page. And I'd like to bring some highlights to you of of pre-90s hot dog contest winners from yesterday year. I want to start with 1978, where the contest was held on Memorial Day and ended in a tie with each contestant eating 10 hot dogs. 10 hot dogs was the number.

The winners were a 180-pound 18-year-old basketball player from Newark. And a 75-pound 10-year-old, that's who won the hot-ton contest that day. Pathetic. Pathetic. That's it. Let's jump a couple years later to 1980, where the contest was again tied, this time by a 190-pound 25-year-old unemployed pharmacist and a 260-pound, 21-year-old, unemployed actor. They tied again after a tie-breaking eat-off, and the prizes were two trophies and a pair of yellow plastic bags.

That's it! End of the prize for nine and three-quarters hot dogs. And then this is probably my—well, no, I'll do with 1981 as well. 1989 had a declared winner, Thomas DeBerry, ate 11 hot dogs. Mr. DeBerry was a 35-year-old Housing Authority gardener from Coney Island. He, quote, downed 11 hot dogs in five minutes and then rushed off with his family to attend a barbecue. God damn. All right.

Light work just laying the face for the day. That's Old DeBerry, not Mr. DeBerry. This is when Will Chamberlain showed up in the NBA. But the number one, the best story of a like, when the hot dog contest was just some like whatever bullshit and not Joey Chestnut engorging himself with a year's worth of hot dogs. In 1984, a woman named Birgit Felden won by eating nine and a half dogs. At the time, she was a 130-pound 17-year-old West German women's judo team member. God damn. She had never eaten a hot dog before the competition, and she won the whole thing.

Yes, this is delicious. It's like, so it's a shitty Frankfurter? Sure, I can eat 10 of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah and and and somehow this like these were all these were all just like they're all champions is the thing like in the same way that we have to say like oh yeah you know this college football title when you went six oh and two and nobody had shoes that year like that counts as a title the same as 2019 ls you did like nobody can take beer get feldon off the books for eating nine and a half

hot dogs that frankly i think was braver than anything joey justness does because she had no idea what this would do oh yeah yeah like your first your first taste of a hot dog happens when you're like three right like you're you're you're indoctrinated into it before you have any choice you know eating whatever the fuck a hot dog is as like a near adult for the first time that's got to be yeah walking blind into that yeah in in coney island of all places here i am at new york the weirdest fucking fun fair and i'm going to just eat 10 hot dogs now for the first time ever joey chest and also to put up what at the time was based on what i'm hearing the upper limit of human hot dog ability 10 to basically to basically do what dudes 10 twice her size were doing at the time

um to to to max out her level in the game you know levels hadn't been unlocked yet um the system was gated at 10 hot dogs so she she did the maximum she could possibly do on her first try like it's pretty humbling there have to be i bet you could probably find a year where the winner of this year's hot dog eating contest will eat more hot dogs than a past year's like entire panel than the entire people yeah people just like i don't know do you think we just like didn't believe like i don't really understand how we flip the switch i think this was uh i think this was a completely mafia controlled uh hot dog eating competition initially the nature of these contestants that you're telling me about like i know this godner i know this god name oh yes yeah i got hey my 10 year old

neighbor he fucking i got this west i know this west german fight she can fight she can eat i know that hey i got an unemployed pharmacist here he's fucking great at it he eats so much fucking You wouldn't believe I've seen him eat five hot dogs once. That's what I'm saying, man. Either that or these are all accidental victories where the fix was in, and they were all trying to eat as slow as possible. And someone just accidentally ate nine while trying to be inconspicuous. And then someone showed up and ate like 30, and they're like,

God damn it, you just ruined it for the rest of us. What throws me is that there's not, like, the same level of time distance. Like, when we talk about this with the NBA or something like this, we're talking about guys who, like, played in the 50s. something like that and you're like oh man you'd get work today and yes totally understand that but if you were like i mean 1984 we're talking about like young michael jordan young michael jordan absolutely could have hung in the mod it's not like he would have gotten worked in the modern NBA and neither would any of like magic johnson would

kareem abdulibart like none of these guys would have been like totally out of place but for some reason and the same i suspect is true and baseball and hockey and football and all that but like for some reason in hot dog eating it's just like nope fucking went super saying all of a sudden now we eat 60 hot dogs in his setting like it's nothing yeah like in the 80s bow jackson put him into basically any modern sports league he's probably fine yes um but dan rino threw for 5,000 yards yeah dan rino was a fucking time traveler well fucking getting hit all the time yeah the hot dog eaters of the era were it putting up So here's, here's my, here's my horrifying question for both of you.

Have we approached the limit or are there jumps yet to come? Like, will we one day look back on this air and be like, they didn't eat 200 hot dogs? Were they even trying? What were they? Were they already full? So have we approached the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, have we reached. That's right. That's right. It took, it took me a second.

I was like, oh, maybe my audio gave out. But, um, yeah. Like, is it physically possible to beat Joey Chestnut? Like, is he a god? Is he a demon human of some sort? Because I'll, I'll buy that somebody can sort of, like, get, like, he will naturally sort of, like, come down a little bit. And I'll buy that somebody will be like, I ate two more hot dogs to Joey. But I'm saying, like, is there somebody who's going to smash this?

It is going to be like, I not only beat Joey Chestnut, I made him look. pedestrian where you look back and say like irrelevant not like how not a great like how when we were kids it was like oh nobody's hit breaking that home run record and barry bonds is like pishon yes yes yes and it did it naturally of course and so is someone going to come along and do that to joie chestnut yeah that's uh wow our eyes are on it folks the boy boy sat off in the comments keeping our eyes peeled for 10 year olds who are already putting away 50, 60 hot dogs who are on pace to just destroy chestnut in the future. How long is you going to keep doing this?

That's my other question here. Because he's back now. Yeah, he is back. How old, if you had to guess, how old is Joey Chestnut? Well, I think it's in biological age. He's like the opposite of the guy who injects his kid's blood and his aging in reverse or whatever. Joey Chestnut's like 400 years old by now. You know what's fucked up?

I think Joey Chestnut has aged just as well. that guy. As the guy who was like, I've hacked the body and I've stopped aging and my penis is gray for some reason. I think Joe Jess not is aging just as well as that dude. Joe Just noticed 41. And I mean, he does look like in the face healthier than the vampire cyborg man. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the insides. Don't ask about the insides. But I doubt the other guys, insides are that great either. They got to be weird. Who knows what's going on in there? I also learned that Joey Chestnut went to San Jose State. San Jose State needs to be playing that up a lot, a lot more aggressively.

Like, yeah, like UNC is like, hey, Jordan went here. San Jose State needs to be like, hey, the most dominant athlete of all time went here. The greatest snacker in human history. 100%. God, the amount of... How? How? How what?

I just, every time I see him or... the guy who was it Kobayashi i think yeah yeah uh see those guys just don't under like i saw the largest man not be able to drink nine beers and eat nine hot dogs and a in an instagram video how does this yep how does he do this what is in there yeah it's just like his his insides were made for hot dogs there's a black hole inside like if anyone ever if anyone ever does challenge him he reveals his final form and puts away 200 the fucked up thing is that You look at his Wikipedia page and you're just like, well, there's two things I like. Both what the other things that he has eaten.

Like in 2020, he ate 32 Big Macs in 38 minutes and 15 seconds. Yeah, it's like people know him for the hot dog thing, but this is like just one event. It's just, yeah, it's part of his like, he does this shit year round. Right. There was a video just a couple weeks ago where he beat like five people at eating chicken tenders. all by himself like my my favorite on the list in 2022 joey chestnut ate 17 pounds and eight ounces of cherry pie in eight minutes at what event the goldman sacks 10 000 small businesses summit what what's so so he was just doing this as a performance like it's like he's

like you bring in obama to motivation speak you bring in you two to play as a private concert Talk about the creative process, whatever. Joey Chestnut, eat 18 pounds of pie for her music. And the crowd's like, we're not going to the Obama speech. We're going to watch Joey Chestnut. Do you think there's one thing that Joey Chestnut's like, oh, fuck, can't. Just fucking can't eat more than two of that. Because there's a lot of, like.

I hate sun dried tomatoes. Yeah, maybe. Let's see. Joey Chestnut vegetables. There's no way this guy eats vegetables. It promotes vegan hot dogs. Yeah, that was an issue last year, I believe. Joey Chestnut Vegetable Contest.

God, the fucking AI thing. Google AI. Not seeing a lot. Oh, deep fried asparagus. Eight 12.8 pounds of it in 10 minutes. Perfect. Of course they're deep fried. I love it.

Yep. Whole turkey. God. Eight, eight, eight nine pounds of whole turkey in 10 minutes. Can't do that. I don't know about that. At the Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut. Good God.

Going to go to Connecticut to eat a turkey. It's my job. I'm famous. Everyone loves me. No one watches what I do. No one watches the hot dog contest, but everyone loves the idea of me winning it. You physically can't watch it. It's the most disgusting thing in the world.

I'd rather watch surgery. Oh, it's so tough. I bet watching the old, I don't really clearly remember watching the old one. But like, watching somebody eat like seven hot dogs would just be like. slightly unpleasant. You know, just be like, hey, slow down there, kill her. It's the dunking the bun in water. That's where I'm like, I'm not looking at that.

I'm not looking at that. I'd rather, like, any disgusting thing in nature, I'd rather watch than that. There's no pleasure in the glizzy, that's for sure. It's no savoring the glissie. No romancing the glizzy. Yeah. Well, is that the, maybe, is that the difference maker?

Were they, were, was it the dry dog that, that, that, you know like I should ban the water wow you should have to choke these things down literally let's start our own hot dog contest raw dog rules only yes

are you allowed to separate the dog from the bun or do you have to eat it all at once that's fine it's all got to go down and it's all got to yeah I think that's fine I don't think that works in your favor when you like I think the bun needs the dog to be to be any type of

like for you to be competitive I think if you get down to just a couple buns you're like Here's the other button is the challenge They're not going to say it And maybe they're fine with it now But the first time somebody pulled this shit You know Nathan's was like

What the fuck man We're trying to get people to want to eat hot dogs This looks horribly What you're doing? What are you doing? Our beautiful product This is like Yeah

This is like Jim Thorpe showing up and everyone's like whoa whoa whoa whoa this is not fair for everyone else what the fuck is happening here the the deer park CEO has some major dirt on the Nathan's CEO he just stands in the corner you'll let them have water give them all the water they desire or the video will be released I'm trying to make hot tucks look gross it's like yeah it's like it's the hamburger industry that allows the water

the hamburgers of course the mortal enemy of the hot dog that's right that's right never the two shall marry that's what we've learned god I mean really the bun is the challenge I would like to see how many just just dogs

bunless dogs put away nothing nothing but weaners but weaners only like slappers only weeners only no water raw dog weaners only only what yeah that's a good question how many how many just dog no water could you do in a set of i mean i remember i i i went oh are they nathens or pink weenies what do you what do you think you can tackle more of pink weenies jesse jones yeah 100%

frosties okay either of those okay yeah there's yeah there's there's maybe there is fertile ground to be explored in knots on competitive feeding space. And we're going to make it less disgusting, but also it's going to sound so much more disgusting. But visually, it'll be more pleasant. The slapping is going to be much more visceral.

That's for sure. So there you go, ESPN. Should we do some podcast business? Sure. Now that we've appealed to. Now that we've wet your appetite. We're not going to do the song for podcast business. That's Spencer's job, and he decided not to show up for, no, Spencer and Holly are just out today.

It's fine. Let's go on reverse order, mostly because they just want to know. Serber, how was the Tuscaloosa show? Tuscaloosa was super fun. I encourage everybody. You guys have both been to Druid City brewing and seen Bo up there. It's a really, really cool place. So if you're ever in Tuscaloosa, I encourage you to go.

And if you're in Tuscaloosa, Birmingham, and that's where you live, I encourage you to go to a show there. it's a cool place there was a can't remember what he told me it was but there was something in town that closed and they had like a a wizard of Oz motif so they kept like the wizard of Oz like things like there's like a Dorothy and a 10 man back behind the stage it's really cool looking in there um and yeah they're just super super nice people Alabama uh I've been there a couple times now there's not much um that I've that I get to see um until I got to Birmingham I still haven't been to Mobile. I think that'd be cool to go to Mobile.

Maybe go to Auburn or something to see a game might be cool. But I drove past Brian Denny. It was fucking huge. But yeah, if you came. There were a couple people that listened to the show that came out. I appreciate them coming out. Killer Ant isn't doing anything for the next one until September. We've got a show in September and a show in August or excuse me, October.

So I think we're going to record for the next little bit. Probably got some music coming out. soon so i'll post about it follow me on the things and and all and all that stuff uh jason if you even if you even if there's no show you can go listen to killer ants on music platforms all over the world so yeah we got all kinds of all kinds of links in my bio hell yeah hell yeah uh i i do a newsletter college football newsletter um but as you know this is a college football podcast as you can tell by this point that one has usually more college football content in it i'm sorry but i do my best despite that flaw it's called

until saturday it's for you to subscribe to um it's a product of the athletic i said the athletic so someone will now mention to me um their subscription status and i will say thank you so much for telling me um additionally uh vacation bible school podcast just finished up writing an episode um and uh spencer's gonna be on this one that'll be a lot of fun we haven't recorded it yet how far into the good How far into the good book are we at this point? This one will get us through the book, the portion that Christians refer to as first kings, halfway through the book of kings,

but I'm going to count it because it'll add to our numbers to count it in the Christian way. Once we make it through the latter half of kings, we're also going to knock out a bunch of the minor prophets along the way, the Obadiahas and so forth, and we're going to squeeze in Jonah along the way. So, of course, we're going to watch the Veggie Tales Jonah movie as a scriptural research.

But, yeah, you know, it's a real nice, slow-moving podcast. And at any point, anyone who hasn't listened, you can catch up on the past five years of it. You're not that far behind, because I can only do it a few times a year. Has there ever been a, like, Big Hollywood, like, I came on with Felder, I think, to talk about the big Hollywood Noah film. They've never done a Jonah film, have they? Well, other than the Veggie Tales.

And it's like, once you see that, it's like, how could Hollywood top this? Right, right, right, right. Yeah. running man we can redo that veggie tales Jonah nope right it would be it would I mean the the like definitive version of it has already been put to film I would say yeah it would be it would be crass to try to what are you going to do have Russell Crowe saying the pirates who don't do anything now I'm actually write that down that's a great idea I'm all in on that okay okay you can probably get him too um all right I will promote

Phantom Island the podcast I do Stephen Godfrey that server producer You can subscribe to it at phantom island. Show if you want to be a paid member, or you can find it where, you know, podcasts are out in the world roaming about in your garbage can. We talk about all kinds of stuff. We just did an episode about why hockey is the one sport where you can get like four jobs, five jobs, never get fired, always get rehired. Everything works out fine. We have an episode coming out. by the time you listen to this, it'll be out about college baseball and college hockey.

Are we ever going to talk about college football? Yeah, we do. So I'm talking about college football. You can listen to Godfrey and Bill C. Have little mini reunions every now and again. But yeah, that's Phantom Island. And we encourage you to go check it out. And we'll plug it because they're not here to plug it for themselves, but Channel 6.

Also a newsletter. Also sometimes about college football. I Listen, I don't know what they're going to say about it But trust is the important part of any relationship Editorial business whatever They have some things to say about How what is have we settled on a term for this fight

Jason like is there a like catchall name for what we're calling this this girl fight I mean girl fight's a good one Dallas white girl fight Okay, okay, okay. I purposely haven't seen this, so I'm going to look this up right now. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow.

Okay. So I should, I don't, I don't have X on my phone. Is it on blue sky? Yeah, yeah, yes. I just dropped it in chat. Yeah. Okay. Jason's good.

You look at that. Everyone else, if you're not signed up for Channel 6, $10 a month, two things a week. Holly and Spencer doing delightful Holly and Spencer things. Girl Fight content coming. all right all right so we're definitely watching based on that reaction so all right

podcast business is now closed so we can move on to this oh damn she had him in the first half she had her in the first half though yeah yeah so down goes poca dot several times but this here is we have a contender for fight of the summer folks

you know recently in recent years we had the Birmingham or the excuse me the Montgomery River dock brawl dispute across certain ethnic lines it appeared to be the riverboat race war wait who is he there's a dude who just shows up there was also a few years ago there was the the port-a-potty country girl fight where this one white girl in white boots just showed up like brock fucking lesnar and is hurling people about in defense of her mother it turned out i've seen I have seen references to the woman behind the counter at Waffle House

who Magneto stops a chair that's being thrown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, from that video, people extrapolated, this is all that happens at Waffle House every single day. All they do is fight each other. It's fine if you think that. It's fine if you think that. This video joins the Pantheon, and there is so fucking much going on.

I saw it via Joel Anderson, a longtime officianto of fight videos. No one here appears to be seriously. We're not making fun of anyone getting their, getting their leg broken or whatever. It's just a good, it's just a good old-fashioned slobber knocker. There is, I have not seen any actual lore from this. I don't know what's happening. It's like five or six women, they look like they were out partying or something.

And they're throwing hands. Women are all being identified by the colors of their dresses. There is black dress one, black dress two, polka dot red dress, and the men. main event, the showstopper, the heavyweight champion of the world, teal dress, who, um, when the thing starts out, it is polka dot and black dress one are just going at it, hair pulling, yanking, um, tumbling onto the floor, um, then red dress comes in and tries to get her some. It's mostly just trying to keep the piece, I think. Black dress number, number two comes in, she's flailing and kicking, and then teal dress comes in, shoves red to the ground, yanks

polka dot away by the hair and then walks off as if she believes the fight is over polka dot is the captain america of this she goes back into the fray just to land a kick and then that is when the special thing happens and teal dress just fucking wallops her straight to the ground like she-hulk and then they're all strutting away and fixing their skirts and dresses and that's mostly it and there's just so much going on um there are no clear or teams everyone is just wailing mainly teal dress is the one actually doing damage a lot of it and that that's just sort of the chronology of what's happening like the thing about teal dress is it's such like calm purposeful damage like it's not really that frenzy it's sort of like

it's almost like watching aaron donald sort of move offensive alignment around where you're like this is you're going like 80 percent this is kind of scary one one of these girls has a big brother and it's teal dress yeah sure maybe multiple yeah like or or or does teal dress have a bunch of little brothers like is she used to just like

cute little motherfuckers yes yes yes like I think this is a bunch of god damn it I don't give a shit that you all lost at robox or whatever get in the fucking car has she grown up in the would you rather fight a horse size duck

or 50 duck size Would you rather fight, could a hundred teal dress women beat a bear? I think so. Yeah, I think so as well. I feel more comfortable with that one. You mentioned the lack of lore, because this is what? This first came out like three days ago now or so, is that right? I first saw it two or three days ago, yeah.

Okay. I'm concerned about the lack of lore. I think it means people are like, oh, these, I dare not even speak the name. these women, if anyone discloses teal dress, she'll appear and fuck you off. I don't want to know if she's problematic. I don't, I know nothing. I know nothing. Well, the nice thing about this is I don't think anybody that you sort of like root for or root

against in this video that you're like, and I bet their politics are great too. If teal dress is canceled, okay, well, I didn't, I didn't stand for her. I just said she's a great athlete. That's all I said. I wasn't trying to buy her Facebook merch. It's fine. The best part of this is Pocodot getting flung to the ground, standing up and just charging right back in for a pointless little kick.

No damage. And then the immediate, swift, retro, casual, as you note, retribution. And then black dress, either one or two, I lose track somewhere in there, walks away, doing the most strutting, as if she is the black dress number two, walks away as if she is the victor which by wrestling rules her music is playing but we all know tealtris he's the actual winner here that was a real dolf ziegler run in there with the kick like you know there might have been something happening off camera that was there to be proud of

oh yeah she she hit the stunner when it was off camera oh okay i i'm just making that up but no i i know i think that's lore now and there's also a guy who's shows up a guy in a baggy shirt who's trying to like separate things he's definitely trying to help maybe he's like the manager of the business they're in front of or something but uh and then they all just sort of walk back to the car which if you know how this kind of fight works this is like either they're over it by the next morning or this is the end of almost all of these friendships it's relationships it's one of those two so like if this is their only ride i mean i know ubers exist these days but if they all have to go get back in the same car

and they all just know, like, we better not say anything because teal dress is in here. She's not going to put up with any more shit talk for the rest of the night. Teal dress is probably breaking down this film and being like, could have done this better, footwork is sloppy here. Like, you know, always something to improve. Next fight. You never know.

Maybe she's showing the rest of these girls like, okay, here, listen, this is, when I do that, you know how to defend yourself next time, right? Because, like, I don't want a weak fight. I want actual opponents. No, yeah. I want you to learn and grow. I want you to bring your best. If you get better, that makes me better the next time this shit happens because it's going to happen again.

Iron sharpens iron in the parking lot of Frisco. She just flings red, yanks away polka dot, flattens Pokemon, the whole time saying, God damn it, not again. Yeah. I mean, listen, finding games have always tried to figure out, like, how can we incorporate women? And how could we make it, like, uncomfortably sexual, unnecessarily sexual or whatever? But the real answers were right here, and it was just, like, just, you know,

teal dress, just flinging people, like, ragdoll physics. It's fine. Yeah, like, the fighting game thing, it's always like, there's token girl, there's Chun Lee, or it's like, there's way too many over-sexualized women, you know? But, like, the nice midpoint where it's like, okay, there's a lot of women fighters,

they all look capable, they all look athletic, you know, um teal dress is in that is in that realm a worthy entry to the street fighter series yeah like barefoot kicked the she I would like to think that she kicked her shoes off immediately and was like nope

at the very least like put her in smash bros right as teal dress as teal dress I assume her name is Ashley a new contestant teal dress

oh shit teal dress oh shit teal dress Op So, yeah, there will be more on this in Channel 6 to subscribe to, but that is just a, but a sample of what there is to say. Like, it's every single frame. Joel posted that, like, every single frame of this tells a story. And indeed, it's true. Should we talk about Hoops Fest?

Yeah, I'm excited about Hoops Fest. All right, I'm just going to read. This is from the spokesman review in Spokes. this is a headline from June 29th 2025 just follow me on this journey here hoop fest nets over 800 injuries comma down for previous years this is apparently some sort of basketball tournament that takes place in Spokane where the medical there's a medical director of hoop fest who has to like go out there and be like great last year, according to this, they treated 1,200 injuries at Oop Fest,

but this year they think they might not even break 1,000. What is happening in Spokane that hundreds of men are going out to play basketball, and there were nine Achilles ruptures at this? This thing that we're all like, oh, what's happening in the NBA? And fucking go to Hoop Fest. Apparently you can see Achilles Pop every hour over there. Like, what fucking kind of basketball are they playing? 13 concussions.

13 concussions, 21 fractures, 12 knee tears. 152 wounds. Yes. Wounds. What does that mean? Yes. Yeah. We don't know what happened to you.

I will say this. I will say this. On the list, blisters, 14. We don't need to report blisters. No. When you have fractures and concussions on the list here, you don't need to give me blisters. I don't need that. But like, God.

Seven dislocations. 29 lacerations, not cuts, mind you. This all sounds, this all sounds horrid. Like, does anyone win Hoop Fest or do you really survive it? Whoever accumulates the most wounds. This is like fucking Mutant League basketball. This is Bill Lambere Combat Basket. That's the type of shit that are on up there.

We only play space jam rules. Every team gets a gun. Like, Spokane is a big city, but it's not a huge city. It has like 230,000 people. You should not be getting 1,200 injuries. Like, according to this article, basically the local hospital is like, yeah, we got to get ready for a hoot fest. Here it comes. Is that like 0.5% of the entire city is injured or my math off?

Somewhere around. You know what I mean. move the decimal wherever you want it's a significant it's a significant number of people and like if you if you go downtown after hoops fest you will probably see someone who was wounded the day before well and also like i doubt i'm maybe just sort of guessing here but i'm i'm doubting like a basketball tournament in eastern washington is getting a lot of like oh you know here come the out-of-towners coming in for hoot fest so it's probably a lot of repeat players so it's like are there people who have been like yeah this the sixth time i blew my

my knee at fucking hoop fest out of the woods yeah broke my clavicle what how are you living what's happening out here at hoop fest why can't you play a nice safe sport like eating 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes

215 lacerations at the hot dog contest it's like it definitely does seem like they're advertising the number of injuries it's like our our sponsored medical tent is and they're keeping stats and shit

there's just like there's a weird draw we're like yeah people are going to come see whatever type of basketball you got going on but and then maybe it's like well we're watching it anyway might as well suit up i want to be one of that number when the injured go marching in maybe you maybe you go okay so this this says all right here's according to spokane hoop fest dot net couldn't get dot com been there spokane i know how this goes this is the largest three-on-three tournament in the world apparently and there are 250 are All right, this is what they say. 250,000 people, 24,000 players, and they shut down 45 city blocks to do this.

So you know what? Maybe I'm the asshole. Maybe I'm wrong. And maybe actually 800 injuries is pretty good for 24,000 players. Like, what's that? I can do that math pretty quick here with the help of a computer. Like, that's an injury rate of 3%. and if we're counting fucking blisters

maybe that's pretty good I don't know okay okay despite it turns out hoop fest is actually very safe despite sounding really exciting it's just normal normal three and three basketball

here I was like oh my god the carnage and now it's like I think the numbers would be would be really disturbing if we were like if we just pulled pickup games around like our areas to see what injuries had happened in the last six months

and we're like all right we had 47 players and 122 injuries? Hang on a second. Yeah, like local flag football game at Park. Like if you just added up all those stats. Okay, maybe HubeFest is the healthiest injury, the healthiest event going on? The safest event you can send your kids to apparently. That's right. That's right.

You'd be crazy not to. If you're not in Hube Fest, what danger belies you? That's the question. It is a brilliant headline. It really is. Like, what a... We're talking about it, aren't we? Heck, we're talking about it, right?

The story sets to focus on the injury count is... It worked. It worked. Yeah. Look at all the traffic we're driving. I will say, I'm disappointed. If you go to Hoop Fest, if you go to Spokane Hoop Fest. You click on Shop, nothing.

There's nothing available. What the heck, guys? Come on. I want to buy hoop. I want to say, I survived Hoop Fest. I want that show. Well, you have to go to Hoop Fest. for that. I guess I have to earn it. You can't steal Valor from Hoop Fest. You have to go get

lacerated. I got to go get concussed at Hoop Fest. I gave blood. Gave blood at Hoop Fest. How many? Some gave him all. I bet Joey Chestnut could put some work in at Hoop Fest. His body's exposed to such pain and torture anyway. Like, I don't know what kind of shooter he is, but. I acquired 70 lacerations I can retire I think Joey Testine's body is like half rubber at this point He's got to be invincible

Just like I don't know if that's what hot dogs are made of If you're telling Chessna do you even buy Do you even bother buying like non-elastic shorts And pants and things? Like everything you wear has to be athleisure, right? Well yeah he's an athlete Like Oh I have a wedding

to go to. It's like, I'm still wearing shorts, man. I don't know what to tell you. So there's no, not a fitted tux happening. It's like, yeah, it's going to need to be stretchy. He knows what that body's going to look like at that point, you know? Because, like, at this wedding, someone is going to say, oh, Joey Chestnut, I challenge you. And he'll say, okay, I'm wearing a tux, but it's stretchy so you're on. This tux is dry fit. Do you think, do you think people, A, recognize Joe Chestnut and B, challenge him on the spot? Every fucking single.

everywhere he goes joy my nephew's fat he can out eat you the fucked up thing is that if you are a if you are a professional football player and somebody's like hey you know tackle me or throw the ball or whatever they're like you're probably like oh well you know I have to be careful blah blah blah blah blah if you're jolly chestnut it's like what's one more dog what's a good costume if like and it's especially like you will not encounter um you know you will not You don't not go out and counter Yannis happening to be playing basketball down the street of you. Like he might just walk past you and he'll be like, oh, I don't have my sneakers. Yes, yes. This didn't present itself, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you go down to a restaurant, there is any restaurant you go to, there is a chance.

Joey Chestnut will be eating in it. He will be doing his sport in it. How can you not walk up and say, sir, I challenge you right now to a duel? Is this your king? He refuses my challenge. Defend your belt. Defend it. It's me.

Defend your honor, sir. You coward!