Shutdown Fullcast - A Deeply Personal Episode with Steven Godfrey

Episode Date: June 5, 2018

Which member of the Fullcast had a baked potato for breakfast? Which has never done drugs because he's boring? Which suffered a serious shoulder injury because they slept on a beanbag as a grown person and might actually be a poorly paid pro wrestler? Which guest almost got charged with terrorism, but it was before 9/11 so it was a totally different thing? Which superhero is just Silicon Valley But For Crime? Find out these answers on a very special, very oversharey Fullcast with special guest Steven Godfrey! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. It's the internet's only college football podcast, but you already knew that. Oh, I mean, we have a crew tonight to discuss all kinds of stuff, right? We have, let's see, Jason Kirk in beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia. Hey, Jason, just for those listening for the first time, you're the college football editor at SPNation, but tell a little something about yourself that maybe the listeners don't know. I want everybody to sort of give a little nugget away to be like, you know, there's more to me than just these hot college football takes. Wow, man, that's like the first day of vacation Bible school.

Mm-hmm. Don't speak on your heart yet. We're not ready for that. Okay. Oh, shit, man. Damn. I wasn't prepared to share. I have a gigantic baked potato in the fridge for, I'll probably eat it for breakfast tomorrow morning because I eat super early because I'm old.

So I'll eat it for what normal humans would be breakfast, but for me it would be lunch. And thank you for sharing that extremely personal bit of information. You're welcome. Over here, and I'm gesturing to the north, we have Ryan Nanny joining us from Brooklyn, New York. Ryan, what's the one little special, random fact you'd want like a new listener to understand about you? Not only that you can dish out college football opinions of scathing temperature, but that you're also a person. Have I, I feel like I've talked about it on the show, but I immediately forget everything we talk about the minute we stop recording. You know what my only personal focus for 2018 is, right?

No. It's to get better sleep. Like, all I focus on outside of like, no, no, it should be. I was about to, I was about to be in awe of your ad read skills, if that were the case. No, no, no, no. Yeah, I got a side hustle. I'm doing, I'm doing solo adteries. Fuck y'all. There are any internet mattress companies left, but we could make one. You're doing the, you're doing the roadrunner adery, right? Like, middle of the podcast, like, my personal endorsement. None of you get this funny. All, like, I think all but, I'm probably up to like eight nights

so far this year. I have gone to bed by 11 o'clock. That sounds so luxurious. And it's fucking great. I have missed important sporting events. I have missed, you know, other shit that people are staying up late to watch. But, and it's old man as hell. And that's it. That's the whole thing that I'm doing in 2018. It's trying to go to bed at or before 11 o'clock as often as possible.

And I'm living my best life. I still look terrible and I still feel terrible. But I'm living my best life. I don't even have kids and that sounds sumptuous as hell. I know, do you wake up in the morning, like, some smug bastard and like a coffee ad, right? And like a two-piece pajama set, you know, with the sun beaming through, like, ah, stretching, like. Kind of, a little bit. I mean, the nice thing is if you have a child who randomly wakes up at 5.30 in the morning one day, but you went to bed at 11, like, you're prepared, you're kind of prepared.

You've still got six and a half hours. You're ready to go. Yeah, but you don't wake up. like I do every morning, which are with these two words. Oh, God. No, no, no, no. You have sons. We've talked about this. But no, this is my, this is the, the big takeaway from this, I am your most boring friend. Your most boring friend. Here's, all right, to reiterate that, because it will probably come up in some form in this podcast, never drugged, never in a whole very long life at this point. Never, never drugged once. Such a disappointment. So boring.

Yeah, I really think you probably just reneged on your. your entire agreement to get a diploma from the University of Florida with that statement. But, you know, that's okay. We'll get you on some legal, you know, we will, the first time you, the first time you do the pot, you're going to do it live on the podcast in the legal state. Oh, God. Oh, God. You are.

That's what we're going to do. One episode, we're going to go to Colorado, Washington, Nevada, or some other state that actually believes in freedom. We will get Ryan baked off his ass and we will put him on the podcast. Can I, can I still be in bed by 11? Oh, yeah. No, you're going to be in bed by 11 whether you want to or not. We're going to tuck you in like a little burrito.

Yes. Yeah. I know. That's actually the reason that you'll enjoy doing marijuana. Your pillow, oh, your pillow is beyond your best friend, man. It's the infinity gauntlet. You're just putting your head out going, oh, the whole universe right here. Hashtag, nanny and nanny.

Nanny and nanny. We'll just tuck him in. What did you do for your podcast? It was weird. We got a dude high for the first time, and we tucked him into his own bed. Actually, I've actually said Nana and Nanny to imply that you were the St. Bernard from Peter Pan. I am the St. Bernard from Peter Pan. But edgy, I'm updated for, I'm updated for the modern version.

Sure. Also joining us, we have Holly Anderson. No, no, you get the intro. God, we're going to leave our actual guests on the hook for, so he's going to walk away. He'll hang up. You let him fall asleep if he wants to. He's just like one of our listeners. If you want a nap during this, you're going to.

go right ahead. Really wish I could have been informed of this earlier, like go smoke cigarette. I just broke a streak of like six shows without having my name mentioned. That's even, that's Stephen Godfrey. We'll get to him. Holly, what's one piece of information about you?

What has gotten into Spencer? What is this? Why are we saying? Are we making up for lost time? It feels, it feels like he's stalling. Like he's got a witness coming into court that's not there yet. So he's like,

Your Honor, I thought we just go around and talk about ourselves. Learn a little bit about what makes. it's all good Christians. If you don't mind. Did somebody from corporate say like, y'all have to introduce yourselves more often so it's just getting it all in at once?

When we said, please find the intro, but then please also make sure to do plan to do drugs on air. None of you have come up with the most likely explanation. This intro is like Deezis versus Miro intro long. None of you have come up with the most obvious suggestion, which is that I have forgotten who any of us are because I am Dory the fish.

right that makes the most sense so far yeah that i'm actually this is my cunning way of getting you to reintroduce yourselves and reframe yourself within my 24 hour memory it's like the most boring remake of memento possible so so holly anderson who i definitely know and remember what what's one piece of personal information what one little nugget about yourself what are you a cop here i have one uh for reddit she's not married to spencer do you know who told reddit that i was spencer wife. Just trying to share. Terrific.

I logged in just in time to register that, and I'm never going back to that thing again. Whose idea was that? Jason. That was Jason's fault. Thanks, buddy. Social media expert, might I add? Jason Kirk. By the way, you should all go and join the shutdown fullcast Reddit.

We may make random appearances. You never know. Just assume we're reading everything. I think it's better to foster an environment where the children feel they can play creatively without you know without someone looking over their shoulders speaking of lightly supervised environments hey stephen godfrey's here hi uh so i'm supposed to share something i had an existential crisis today because was it monday recently well this one wasn't related to work so i broke a ripkin like streak of

micro nervous breakdowns um i inherited a pickup truck from my father Stay with me on this. Wow. God, how are you already telling the most oldness story possible? Fathers and sons. After scraping all the, after scraping all the obvious shit that comes from a 65-year-old retired cop off of the car, I was then, I was recently informed that there is an aftermarket CD deck in the truck. I'm painting a picture here.

It's like, so think circa 2002, a lot of like neon lights and, You know, a lot of buttons where you never know what they do when you buy it. Can we guess what CD was in it? Well, here's the problem, Holly. Okay. By the way, don't jump the lead. There's a CD stuck in it. Now, I don't have to drive the truck often.

So I'm thinking about just leaving this thing as is. Because, like, you charge your phone off the cigarette thing or whatever. And I'll just, like, listen to my phone. I don't give a shit anymore. I'm fully functional dad. The CD that is stuck in it, is big and rich's greatest hits. I'm thinking about just leaving this as like a novelty item in case I ever have a passenger.

That's a conversation piece. And then feigning shock when, one, there's a big and rich CD play. It's the only thing that if you turn on the super neon glowing deck that will play. So I'm thinking about just keeping this, feigning shock when a passenger tries to turn something on, and just seeing how long I can go before it makes me, you know, horribly. I'm excited. What if you pretend that you can't hear it and be like, what are you talking about? What music? I'm excited for Godfrey to use this CD to start his own ride sharing service called Goober. Oh. Yeah, what if you're, I was going to guess Amy Grant hard in motion. That's a

great guess. What if you're just like, hey, you want to hear the new big crit? Man, Kanye went native. Yeah, you know, if you gave big crit like a serious personality disorder and then played out a hundred years into the future and granted him no aging he'd eventually make a big and rich album right like on accident right like he just eventually hit on one if you just allowed him to make as many albums as possible you don't know that cowboy troy wasn't in cash money no one could prove that uh you know what if baby i would buy that he was like a cash money science experiment gone wrong yeah that's he from the cash money You laugh.

Like, they were trying to clone Birdman. It was like, kill me. They told the lab, we won a country rapper, and the lab took it a little too literally. Croatia's a country. Cowboy Troy is the most popular artist in Serbia? What? Yeah, by the way, that's the answer. If Baby says, Birdman wants me to say that Cowboy Troy is a rapper, I will say.

it. I'll say whatever he wants me to say, along with Jay Prince. If Jay Prince wants me to say that, I've got a story that I could just tell. I think there's statute of limitations on my agreements with ESPN PR. I had to go interview Big and Rich a couple years ago. You guys remember that when they redid the intro and they shot it in, of course, Nashville? Yeah, it's a good blog post. People should go read. Thanks. They may be weighed an hour and 45 minute to get, you know, just the basic requisite, crappy quotes that go along with a PR effort. And two-thirds of them were Ryan nannied out of their skull i'll put it that way and i was asked not to mention that so i think i can get away with keeping that agreement up by not mentioning which two of the like three or five guys

were completely geeked out yeah i'm on that i'm on that celebrity hot tub y'all don't don't do that come on this brand is tarnished enough why would you make it worse slang for slang for weed is nothing but you now you're super nanny when you're well rested yo man i got that super nanny Nanny. What do you call this varietal? What do you call this strain of weed? I call it nine hours a nanny.

I hate this show. Man, that's the blooming onion. All right, that will get us sued. That will get us. Man, you know how many downloads we get if we got sued by Outback? Probably about the same. I don't think it would change all that much.

No, it would be good for business. Okay. We're safe. What Spencer actually did with all of his vamping at the top of the show was provide us with kind of like an auditory buffer in order to face legal action people have got to wade through the first part of the show to find the infringements we're fine there's a bunch of corporate lawyers sitting down in a big boardroom and after three and a half minutes are like I don't we can't I just this no these guys the intro

is the abandoned furniture we leave on the front porch so when the cops show up they're like oh nobody lives here Spencer, which is a fun fact, by the way, you're not... Oh, yeah. What Spencer's weird. You can't throw this down and walk away. Spencer has to go to a doctor this week because he slept wrong. It's true. God damn.

How did everybody come up with the oldest shit? I did. I slept wrong, so I think I got some wrong with my shoulder blade or back, something back there. So I have to go to a... I'm going to a physician to go get that looked at. I walked into the... To do the podcast tonight, he's talking about going to a specialist, and I thought he had deadlifted his way into trouble.

He was like, I woke up weird. That's it. But isn't it nice that you're old enough to not care and you can be honest with the doctor? Like, if you had done that at age 23, you would have made up some bullshit or you just wouldn't go to the doctor at all. Actually, there was an injury from that era of my life I will share because you say, well, man, you injured yourself sleeping. That's a prime old guy thing. Yes, it is. But stupid injuries during sleep are a tradition around here.

And I will explain why. I went to the Florida Tennessee game, and I believe 2007. This was the game where, I don't know, we beat them like a lot. We beat them by much. And afterwards, I celebrated. And when I celebrated, I fell asleep on one of those giant adult beanbags, right? I don't think they call them adult beanbags. That sounds gross and sexual.

Okay. Okay, so pornographic beanbag, if you like that term more. Okay. I fell, I fell asleep on a hornback. Wait, how do you even get traction on one of those? Well, I didn't, and that's actually part of the story of the injury, because when I fell asleep, I'm a belly sleeper. Y'all didn't need to know that. I tend to cock one leg up as if I'm climbing the side of a building, and that's how I sleep.

Oh, my God, you sleep in rampage mode. I do. I sleep in rampage mode, and I wake up seriously every morning with the thought of, oh god i'm still alive like every morning oh god i changed back from godzilla thank god is that good i don't know it's just how i wake up every morning it's like oh god i'm still alive another day most people are like well another day great to be alive i'm just stating facts like oh god awake so i sleep like that when you sleep like that on a a gigantic beam bag gradually your head will sink further because it is heavier than your arms.

You're literally describing how dinosaurs got trapped in tar pits. That was me over the course of a night. An allosaurus that had gone wayward into a pit and was gradually sinking into the tar or amber, whatever large, sticky substance. It is. They're big pits of amber. They're famous.

They're very famous. They're very famous. They're famous. The amber pits of Akron, Ohio. I can't. wait to top a cane with your skull. Amber Pitt's definitely the hottest stripper in Akron, Ohio. So I would,

this Pitt story concludes with me falling asleep with my head initially above my arms and then sinking well below that range of motion so that I spend a good eight or nine extremely drunken hours with my hands well behind my head, if you will, okay? Wait, that's a stress position for hostage negotiation, not hostage negotiation, for interrogation. Three days later, I begin to experience a throbbing, spiraling pain down my left arm, which, as anyone who knows, the signs of a heart attack would say, hey, that's alarming. It was very alarming,

particularly because it kept creeping up my face, like my neck and my shoulder and into, like, my jaw. And I really thought, well, buddy, looks like we've done it here, just shot, you know, just over the age of 30, we're going to have a heart attack. So I went to the hospital and a Michigan grad, a doctor there, said, I don't know, your EKG looks great. Blood pressure is awesome. Everything sounds fine. But you got no class. Yeah, said no class.

By the way, we don't cheat in football and never have. Why would we ever do that? And then he said to me one day, one day you'll have two marks of the Wolverine on you. And I was like, Sorcerer! So anyway, he said what you need to, he said, can you do me a face? favor can you take your left arm and raise it over your head and I tried to do that and I was like ah out he goes oh you tore your rotator cuff how do you sleep and I was like I was like normally just in my head but I've never injured myself sleeping and he goes did you have any unusual situations

and I was like funny story would sleeping on a bean bag do that and he's like brother I have some good bad news for you how do you breathe sleeping face down on a bean bag um brain doesn't need much oxygen to be honest. Did you take a snorkel? Yeah, no. I'm just trying to picture the physics of this at work. Are you sure we don't have any mattresses to slang? Because, again, the time is right. There's got to be an internet mattress company

that isn't spoken for yet. For a show that cannot transition into an ad read, you've missed like four for a mattress. Yeah, this is killing me. We noted all of them, though. I'm pretty sure there's like a red-yard-chippling fable about this. It's like we're bad. Can we start a mattress company?

Sure. Yeah. Vincent, do you think for like about 10 years of your life, you were actually just living the life of an amateur pro wrestler and you didn't know it? What do you mean 10 years? Like torn rotator cuff wouldn't go to doctor sleeping on a beanbag? Like that's that's like 80 dudes I know from back in the day. Like I said, that really hasn't discontinued or stopped in a lot of respects. This going to the, I live like a Viking, like a disorganized.

viking with bad furniture. Like an abandoned Viking. Like a Viking without purpose. Yeah. They left you in port. They left me in port. I missed the boat. You're too dense.

That's exactly. That's not making it on the boat. Be like, no, we're not putting his fucking beanbag on the boat. Fuck him. Leave him behind. We already have an anchor. Oh, I still love you. Now you're our emotional anchor.

Now I'm the emotional anchor. Why are we actually doing Drowning us, not grounded us? Well, we, we... But now I really don't know why we're here. No reason. Especially don't know why we made Godfrey do this. No reason.

Because, I cannot... There are two reasons, two reasons. One, the answer to one is because we did it last week. So... That's it? The answer... Well, we're forced to do it again this week. We're Sisyphus of bad audio?

Yes. Actually, that's our listeners. I mean, that's been clear for some time. The answer is you talk shit about Alpha Flight about a month and a half ago, and I just got around and bring the fucking paint. Okay, fine. Here, let's let's, no, let's dive into it, okay? I'm extremely excited to sit back and watch Stephen and Jason fight for 45 minutes.

Exactly. I wanted to go ahead and just frame this by saying that this week, this week has been really momentous for Stephen. I'd say the past like seven days, Stephen has been the star of a documentary, which is doing really, really well. It's called Flint Town. It's on Netflix. It's called Flint Town. What's the one about the cult? It's that one.

Wild, wild country. Yeah, Wild Wild Country. Stephen Godfrey is the star. He's the star of foul play. Our documentary on Go 90, which is about Mississippi football recruiting and sorted underbelly of college football. Which is about freak baseball injuries. Go 90.

It's a real app. You can put it on your phone or your tablet or any other device. It's real app. Real. Or a real app. Go 90. The he's also authored the 11,000 words, I believe. Opus summing up the story for those who prefer the tale in a wonderfully written version of this.

He has been, this is what I wanted to ask you, Stephen. What's the weirdest input you've gotten this week? I know that the reaction's been mostly positive, like shockingly positive on both, right? Like not a whole lot of people like. Like FSU positive. Well, we ran a streak of 23 positive, non-racists, non-gender biased, like totally humane at a family event level commentary from 23 in a row from FSU fans. What the hell happened down there?

They lost their edge since Jimbo left. I don't even have a joke. I was worried at one point. I think Willie Taggers just like really brought him to Jesus. They've just embraced the positivity life, man. That's what happens when you get a spread offense where people get to have fun, you know? All of a sudden, the universe is like beautiful rigging

and architecture become apparent to you as opposed to the satanic, complex musings of one Jimbo Fisher. The false god. Oh, God. Yeah, the only thing I have to add to that is that I have a contact whose job it is to look at every picture of Jimbo Fisher on social media and the internet

and then Circle when he still wears his Florida State Nike stuff and then they have to send it to the school and be like, can you please I swear to God, please make him change that great T-shirt. Well, to be fair, he can't afford new clothes.

He doesn't have much money. He doesn't work for money. He works for the love of the game. The money game. Sorry, we're talking about money? Even with the absurdity of this show and everything that we do, which is patently absurd, we have undersold a shit out of that man going to Texas A&M

for that much money guaranteed. We have all slept on this. We've all done a poor job. Can we pick a point in July over the All-Star break when there's nothing else going on in sports and just pick a designated day to all just flip out over this? It just randomly occurs to me sometime that they're paying him that much money to do that,

which isn't going to work. yeah but gigam what if it does yeah counterpoint there'll be no living with it what if it does counterpoint fuck you I have well the way you got to think about this is Texas can't afford to pay Tom Herman that much apparently

because they're not so maybe you have me at Texas can't afford I I enjoy that Jimbo Fisher really doesn't have any idea what to spend this on And there are other coaches who I'm like, I don't know, man, I'm pretty sure they could spend this money. But Jimbo, I'm like, I don't know how many trucks you can buy. There's no greater argument about economic inequality when a man who's guaranteed to make $10 million a year for like what the fuck ever it is for the rest of time cannot change a gray dry fit t-shirt after being told multiple times.

Name Jimbo. and I like that every photo that comes out of him it's like oh he's boy the self-care levels are not great like they're always grizzled they always have to apply every photoshop filter possible so they can be like no he's just looking steely and hard he didn't stay up all night and hasn't brushed his teeth in four days I don't know what you're talking about Jimbo's fine he loves it here everyone's fine go away yeah the desert is desiccating him into the turtle from never ending story no look it up look it up right now do an image search never told a lie on this podcast i believe you i believe you other divorced dads are looking at him and and they have concern about

a skin care regimen it's true they're like listen he may not agree with their political beliefs but lush makes a couple of moisturizers that frankly transcend any concerns one might have they put in the most primitive understanding of masculinity they put exfoliants in them now you don't have to do but you don't have to do two steps you can save a lot of time just do it in the shower yeah listen it's one gel across that's my favorite thing about men's products is that you're like can we use one gel for what oh yeah yeah yeah if men if you know the combination shampoo conditioner if that could also be toothpaste a lot of men would buy that yeah that sounds great yeah but the next step after that is like subsisting off

of it. It's going to move into consuming territory pretty quick. Also fun. Have you seen Snowpiercer? You know who likes trains? Dudes. Doos like trains. I thought you were going to say Texas. Texas loves railroads. That's true. They do. If it weren't for those T-sippers in Austin, we'd still be riding on them.

By the way, Ollie's completely right. The turtle and never-ending story is Jimbo Fisher is terrifying. this is terrible can we ask the reddit questions now yeah so some some media elites might have a problem with there being a reddit page because they sit and stare at the twitter twitter and complain about like you know normal normal internet weirdos using reddit and having to interface with them yeah yeah you know how twitter is totally healthy for your brain to sit and stare at every everything written about reddit has just been like yep it's just normal interaction everything's good it's exactly as normal but it's nowhere near as normal is

Twitter, of course. Twitter, of course, where normal humans spend all their time in their little elite bubble. So seeing as this is a podcast of the people, we reach out beyond Twitter, which is like 700 people, all tweeting LMAO, Twitter, broke my brain.

And we extended out to Reddit, which is like 700 people talking about whether John Cena could beat up Batman. And like, yeah, they both have a lot of awful people saying awful stuff. Oh, yeah. No. The fan art is just Twitter is Reddit for media people who can't draw fan art.

Let's be on it. Exactly. Tell them. Talk to them. The fan art is if John Cena could beat up pregnant Sonic. It's different. On Twitter, it's whether, like, John Cena is woke enough to, like, eat Donald Trump. I don't know. So this, so I like this one from Quietude 38, because this is also a topic that we wanted to get into anyway. Best gas station fried chicken. And this was, this was, I feel a welcome question for Godfrey as sort of our ranking mid-south Louisiana expert. Okay, so it can't be a chain inside of like a

pilot station, correct? We're like eliminating all that crap, right? No, you just, you just make the choice you want to make. Now, if it's a chain but it's one specific location of that chain, that's fine. I just, I want you to make the decision that your heart, your heart wants to make. Okay, don't think about it. Between the cities of Meridian and Hattiesburg is I-59, and there's one outside of Laurel, Mississippi, and then there's another one on highway, I think it's 95, just north of Waynesboro, and they're both just like a mad, by the way, is everyone familiar?

I know Holly is, and Spencer probably is, but is meet and three just a Nashville term? Everyone understands what that is, right? Um, yeah, no, that's, I think that's a pretty common culinary term is to say, like, yeah, just to imagine. So what Mississippi does is that, like, can't get the money for the building and afford the business. So they just put them in the back of a gas station and cuts all the overhead. The food is as good, probably better than most places that are like bullshit trendy. There's a place, uh, just north of Waynesboro and it's in the back of an Amico station and the gas, the gas chicken is fucking unreal. Do you know the name of this place?

we want to point. No, it's just the back of the Amicoe though. I mean, that's better. I just want people to know. Back at the Amico station, right? It's on, it's on Highway 45.

God, is God for using our podcast to run a human trafficking scheme? Is that what? I'm worried that's what's happening here. At least it has a purpose now. Yeah, that's another extremely right of opinion, right? Look, I don't have to disclose paid endorsements. Kiss mine.

I'm off the clock. Is it a legal. Mississippi. Good question. Oh, chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken gate's going to be great. I'm excited. This is where I basically talk a SWAT team into raiding the place out of paranoid like idiots online just to bring me chicken, right? Like the SWAT team's like, well, we confiscated all the chicken. I'm like,

guess you're going to have to like meet me in Atlanta at your office at the ATF. Oh dear. God, though, this confiscated chicken. I'll test it. I'm brave. I'm brave. I'll eat it. Mmm, it's delicious. I mean, it's terrible, toxic. Why did you guys bring me all this delicious chicken? Wasn't part of a long-term plant at all. Do you all realize how insane talking about gas station chicken is?

No, this is not insane. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, let me finish. Okay. To people, to people who have no familiarity with the region that we're talking about. Well, all right, you got to know. Okay, here's a couple things you've got to know. And I don't think it's that outrageous.

No, like even in a dense urban environment, y'all got bodegas, you get it. It's just a bodega. Exactly, but I would not get fried chicken. Okay, but what would you get at a bodega? What would you eat in a bodega? You wouldn't get fried chicken in New York City? You would get an egg sandwich. It's been sitting under a heat lamp for eight hours.

What's the D's and Mero sandwich that's so popular now? Chalk cheese. The chopped cheese? Yeah, okay. So you get one of those or you get, I know in New York, like, the best things I've gotten are usually like the sort of like half garbage that comes off of like, yeah like a bodega or a cart of some sort right sure oh yeah street meets street meets fine oh that's all you're doing but if you can

drive up and get the street meet woo and a pack of door owls and maybe a couple gatorades god your life has been bad now seriously though like that's like for like this has always been that's called shopping Ryan okay that's what we do not all of us go to publics all the time I'm so sorry for your wife and I say that all the time, but I've never felt it. Oh, especially this week, though. Are you taking that lady on vacation? She's in Pensacola with both kids and my in-laws right now. Oh, God. But when she gets home,

lemon, lime, waiting. It's not just a drink. It's a lifestyle. Next question. From the shutdown Folkaz Reddit, like and subscribe or whatever you do to these. Okay, I have one. From, from, oh, you have one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, if you've got it loaded up, go ahead. All right, this is from cockadoodle boom. What's the dumbest redneck thing you've ever done?

I'm directing this at Godfrey to start. Oh, ooh. Right on the spot. It would definitely be discharging firearms and city limits. I was... Well, okay, look. So before 9-11, you can be charged with terrorism. Jesus.

Jesus Christ. Okay, I was not arrested for terrorism. One of my friends was arrested for terrorism, but it means something, it meant something different before 9-11. Right, it was a period of time. A simpler times, sure, yeah. Thank you, Jason, who immediately knows what I'm talking about and will back me up. No, I got you. I got you.

The individual was, I had assisted in the operation, but it was not on the roof. This was after we fired a 38, like a, it's not a full stoplight with the three colors, but just the one that just has the intersection? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Then there's an individual on a roof, and I can't even remember what the recipe used to be,

but you would take, like, I think it was Drano, tinfoil, you put it in a two-liter bottle, and I think there was some other... That wasn't it. Orange juice. There's something else where you can shake it up. Wait, were you making a napalm?

No, we were just, no, it would create an explosion. Never mind. This is Holly and I saying we know too much. Go ahead. Jesus. No, no, we were, it was creating an explosion, because it was like compacted or I don't know like I was sober at the time wait didn't this didn't this like get attention as like the next knockdown game a couple

years ago is like this thing that teens are doing this was I mean this was like pre no no I mean I know what you're talking about because I think this had a resurgence like last year the 90s are back finally what were the consequences of this I did not go to I did not go I did jump flat-footed in cowboy boots off of the roof of a one-story home and really stuck the landing. I'm proud of you. You got a high center of gravity. That's nice to do. Now, I know a guy who got a terrorism charge because he owned a record store in downtown Fort Lauderdale and decided it would be a fun idea to see if he could shoot, to see if he could shoot clay pigeons off the top of it, not really thinking about it being the middle of Fort Lauderdale.

that was that was a charge he dodged eventually but I don't blame them for that like he's like you're not going to terrorism charge yeah no it used to be funny because pre 9-11 you would terrorism was a pretty common funny charge for just being a drunk asshole I am available to lecture to your students or scout group if you do want to teach them how to make napal FBI I'm I don't know these people I don't like them oh they're busy honey I don't work with them. Are they? Apparently, yeah.

You know Jeff Sessions listen to this podcast because he loves Spencer's impression of him. I asked two FBI agents a week ago. I was like, what? Was the motivation on the basketball thing? We're like, we don't fucking know. Godfrey breaking news on this podcast.

The festival investigation, no one fucking note. But both of them in unison just completely shrugged it off with all of the, like, all of the existential dread and on-wee that comes with a federal government job. Just like, we don't fucking know. I hope it's revealed that it was just a couple of Kentucky fans within the bureau that were just like, yep, just wanted to show you, Coach Cal's clean. Love them. We're dedicated.

Anybody else got a, well, no, I do want to ask Spencer what the dumbest redneck thing he's ever done is. Although you kind of already said it when you tore your rotator cuff sleeping in a beanbag. at post age 20? I think that counts as redneck if that like ruined your high school baseball career. Yeah. Yeah, which I never had. So I have to resort to an entirely different thing, which was shooting a movie in my sophomore year of high school, one of those, you know, hey, let's make a movie for a school project. And that somehow morphs into the idea of, hey, we need a scene with fireworks.

Here's the dumbest thing we ever did. driving down the road there was a box of fireworks for a scene that was in the back seat and there is one person in every group of people will be the person to do the one thing that will endanger everybody right i have a theory and that's this that if the group of people equals n right then n greater than five there will be one person in the group who wants to torture everyone it's just it works it's like any movie right like if you're in a a door to locked situation, a lord of the flies situation. If you have more than five people in the room, one of those people is like, you know what the solution of this is, we need to torture somebody. That's just going to happen. Okay. Be ready. Know if it's you. Be honest about it. Okay. Two, there's always one person in that group and larger than four who are, who will be completely willing to do something randomly dangerous to, to like screw up everything, simply because they want to, right? This is the person who wants to watch the world burn.

we had five people working on this project one of them thought it was a really good idea too while driving down a major road in franklin tennessee throw a bottle rocket into that box which was sitting in the back seat of what i believe was a tempo i was not in the car i was in the car behind it which was the best place to be because if you've ever watched about a hundred bucks worth of fireworks go up inside a small compact car it's one of the most of the most beautiful things you'll ever see. It really is. Because in the midst of all of the explosions and things going off inside the car and smoke coming out of it, you'll see hands waving in a panicked fashion that while you acknowledge is alarming and possibly harmful to the people

inside is so hilarious you can't stop laughing. It's nature strobe light. You just see someone in the back going, ah! And the universal panic gesture. They had to pull over and pour out. They all looked like they'd been in an oven for about 30, And it was magnificent. It was almost like Tom and Jerry when something blows up and they're all covered with like Nash. It looked exactly like that. That is the most redneck thing I've done is pull over and laugh at somebody who had a box full of fire. Go off the backseat of a car.

Yeah. I'm not going to keep asking this question because somebody's going to commit to a crime, admit to a crime. Please, someone take the mic. I have a question. I want to ask Spencer first and then Godfrey. it is from MHG 94 on the shutdown forecast Reddit which everyone should friend or whatever you do

America is only college football Reddit that's not true I have one free day in Nashville what should I do Spencer Leave Go to Memphis Go to Memphis Go to Memphis

So stay and sleep All right Those are your choices Or my superior answer Leave and get some decent bargain with you Well, we bought all of Memphis's barbecue and brought it here. So, yeah. So ruined it.

Yeah, whatever. We've been trying to keep this up for like 10 years now. And I'm just like, yeah, fuck, whatever, I pay taxes here. I'll always win. Why? Because I won't ever let it go. No, here's the problem. It's slowly turning into the part where you're the person on this podcast who cares the most about Tennessee.

and that's how you lose you know that's a very damaging thing to say about something I have no response to that if you step into the courtroom then that's what happens you just got Ryan just Ryan just tore your argument to trash

I know that's why I'm going to solve for another 15 minutes Judge no it's it's fine why don't we go around and talk about why don't we share deeply traumatic childhood stories so we can better understand no uh all right this is from the fanged rabbit this is saban or god freaking you explain sabin or to the people saving or is the device that we created on p a p.n because inevitably everything comes back to the um horrible time in which we live in in which a uh death plot ruler is taken over

our freedom and uh wins a lot of national championships um you thought i was a trump joke um so no you said winning that hey uh so what we do is we say basically um say Sabin or means a number of national titles to be, yet to be won by Nick Saban or some other event. All right. So this Saban or is, Saban National Titles or good DC Cinematic Universe movies. Saban National Titles. I didn't even blink, Sabin National Titles. And you on P.F.B.M. being podcast and I play nobody, the universe is only other college football podcast.

Well, that's Earth 2's college football. All right. Yeah, it's the, what is it, secret invasions or whatever. Yeah. Y'all are the, when the Cree turn into heroes, y'all are that. And we're the good guys. Let me tell you something. I know you're downplaying your knowledge of that fucking event right now to sound cool.

Dude, it's amazing. I, like, I duck the nerd tag. I have a motherfucking Nintendo tattoo, and nobody around here calls me a nerd. It's amazing. I know. So on that podcast, you've established 2.5. as sort of the going over under for future Sabin titles.

Yeah, that seems to be what everybody thinks is 2.5. That's horrifying. Because nobody will make a decent DC comic because all of their DC stands for dumb comics. All of their characters are dumb.

All right, God damn it. Now I can show what you say. No, wait, wait, before we get there, I want to change this. Jimbo or Jimbo National Titles with DC Cinematic Universe. How long is he staying alive? Can they cry, oh him?

Okay, so here's my thing about Batman, and I've thought about this a lot over the last couple of days, and I want to compare him with Spider-Man. So Spider-Man's origin story, he gets his powers, but he doesn't really use him to fight crime at first, and this comes back to bite him, some pun intended, in a very particular way, because his uncle dies because he failed to intervene to stop criminal, right? Did I get everything right, Stephen? Yes, sir. Okay. so it's understandable like oh he's learned a lesson here he has to use his powers to make the world a better place because if he doesn't he will live with the guilt that he didn't stop these things from happening all right that's number one batman at least we'll use christian bail batman batman sees his parents gun down when he's a very young child and then he grows up all disaffected because he didn't go to therapy and didn't work out his issues goes training and off in the mountains,

comes back home and sees his parents' killer proceeding through the justice system normally. So that means he should fight. I don't understand. Why is Batman fighting crime if

like what was supposed to happen did? The police caught. It's not like this killer went uncought. And if we are going to go with the other version of the origin story where it's the Joker who kills his parents, that I'll buy. But if Batman's

killer, if Batman's parents killer is just... Batman's parents are dead? He does... Jesus, asshole? I mean, like, since it's... Well, here's the thing.

The events of Solo suggest that maybe they're not. Oh, no. No, we're not going down this past. No. What my book presupposes is. So isn't Batman kind of an asshole? Because he hasn't had

some formative experience where he's like, Oh, the police couldn't do the job, so I have to. Like, what the fuck? Since he was created, there have been just a multitude of origin stories, and some are really wacky and zany and reflected time. But the bottom line, the poor version is this. Since the mid-80s, Batman has become like a libertarian's wet dream and basically reflected the Reagan era and then never stopped,

and he became the smartest guy in the entire universe. And so it makes me right. I'm giving you the answer basically that you want. I want. Okay. Yeah. Can I, can I twist that into Batman is dollar store Punisher? Hmm. You know, he's Silicon Valley Punisher. Yeah, that's more accurate. I'm going to just rope these streets. I'm got an app. We're going to disrupt crime. He's not cheap. You can't call him cheap. It's not like a knockoff. He's reinventing the bus.

Right. It's the other direction. It's some shit where it's like, Batman's like, I've invented a device. And when you push a button, it's shoots an object and it hits a person and everyone everyone mashes retweet like Batman you invented a gun commissioner here's a here's a special signal that you activate and it tells me to come meet

you mean a phone you invented a it's a light that's a phone Batman you invented a light he actually invented a really shitty text alert badge what if we arrested the criminals yeah you invented the police department Batman but you did it in a really inefficient expensive way

what a dumb ass Batman is the stupid Okay Batman is like By far the most compelling character of the DC universe And he is the stupidest character Wonder Woman The way they did Wonder Woman

The way they did wonder what's the way They made a good DC movie They did they made a good And that's it That's the only one they're good Ag good DC movie Like if they did a Martian Manhunter one It would be awesome

But Martian Manhunter is never getting any love Because DC doesn't make enough money Every week They're not making a movie Nobody, nobody knows that. They're not getting, they're not getting far enough in the depth chart to get the Marchy, Man, Hunter. Let's get that. Give me that.

So I came on this, so I came on this podcast to basically now associate Elon Musk and Batman for the rest of my life. Are they that, are they that different? Really glad I stayed up to do this. Can you see? Yeah, Elon Musk does not lift. No, not one bit. And Batman, even Husky, Ben Affleck Fat Kid Batman. I bet he's got spongy bones.

I just want to talk about the tattoo That's why I call Ben Affleck Elon Husk So I showed My wife had not seen the sad picture Of Ben Affleck at the beach Until a couple weeks ago So I showed it to her

And she looked at it carefully And she says Well, that's the new sad husky Oh I'll do it Put Sad Husky on Ben Affleck I don't think it Would you all create

Create that when you're listening and tweet it at Ryan Nanny. My favorite was putting that on the internet because so many people commented on his ass. That was the best part of it was, man, he ain't got no cakes. His cakes deflated. Look how flat that shit is. It runs right into his like knees. It's so disturbing. His ex-wife pulled the bless your heart in Vanity Fair on him.

She's from West Virginia. And how the fuck, like how the fuck did you leave yourself open to that? And how are you going to work again? He's from Boston, which is an underrepresented media market. I don't know if you know that. But by law, people from Boston get movie contracts and like websites and stuff. You can't bless my heart because I don't have one. More carbs.

More carbs. Crime will never be as loud as a Celtics home crowd. What if I made a car, but it was really heavy and covered in armor? That's a tank. It's a tank. dumbass driving on the roof um i have an important question from r r 5481 tell us about big 10 bagman and in what ways they are more virtuous than cc bagman we had a legit serious question today that was that absolutely stabbed right at the heart of this pious bullshit i don't really have a joke

about it but if you give me a second i can look it up but it essentially said if you don't support bagman and you condemn the culture that goes on the cc and you're in a Notre Dame or a Michigan fan, aren't you accidentally endorsing a modern form of slavery? I kind of just wanted to read the tweet and then just get off the air. That would have been our entire podcast. Yeah, well, awkward for those folks up north. I bet they're really struggling with that one. I guess they just don't understand, you know, that people deserve to be treated equally. It's a common problem that happens in the north. I would just say this, that if you are looking at any of this sort of behavior in the SEC and beyond.

And you say, oh, that could never be us. How many other basic big stories or dynamics has that worked for? Huh? Because you know what? What university in the SEC, I don't know, protected like a pedophile, hundreds of cases and instances of that?

And then retreated to defending the institution above the individual. That wasn't in the SEC. On a slightly later note, Ryan always... Now, by the way, conversely, the other thing to think is, that's probably happened in the SEC. Mm-hmm.

Oh, definitely. That's the other thing. Don't ever assume that the horrible phenomenon you're describing didn't happen in your neighborhood because if it's been described and it involves a large institution, guess what? Flip it.

It probably happened to y'all. And it will probably come out sooner rather than later in this environment and should that's good my point being don't assume any of this any of this isn't below board it's all possible ryan always reminds me of this because i don't watch basketball that much but it did vacate like a fucking final four for for paying players right that happened for like a uh a money laundering scheme yeah that went to federal court that Yeah. That happened?

Yeah. Yeah. It's everybody, this is, it is just safer to assume that your school is doing some amount of dirt. You hope that it is the kind that Godfrey has been investigating where you're like, well, on the, on the moral arc, this is on, you know, a pretty comfortable side of it. But to Spencer's point, yeah, it's a large institution with a lot of fucked up motives. and it's probably going to have some things on the other side of that arc as well. Power, power defends power.

That's how that works. Yeah. And there are no fences. It works everywhere. Fuck, this got deep. Yeah, I know. Better ask another question. Okay.

Godfrey, what are your thoughts about, what are your thoughts about cowboy boots with the team logo on them? That's from JJ Ringer. I have no, I don't understand this at all. all but are you in like i guess it only works in like texas and oklahoma where people will routinely tuck their pants into their boots otherwise what are you doing or wear them with basketball shorts that's fine i'm totally fine with that i choose not to do that um it's it's more of a religious

reason but um yeah i i mean i i get it because it's very popular in certain campuses for the young ladies to pair with like a skirt or something like that but i don't understand why like unless you are seriously fucking wearing shorts you're not going to show the logo off but hey more power to you there is a school I know that we'll wear the team logo boots I've seen it with shorts

and that is Oklahoma State I've seen this at LSU you've seen that LSU okay have you seen it on a man at LSU? No okay I've seen it on a man at Oklahoma State I mean so don't sleep on K State either really yeah really it's

it's the bean bag of the Big 12s don't sleep on it Bill's not come on have have a sleep I'm just a big old beam bag I can't hurt you oh look at that your season's ruined because of tour your rotator cuff thanks for playing

here's a nice note when did you decide that you were a cowboy boot person godfrey well I'm not always it's just more of a public persona but um god I guess early college

that just feels like a hard thing to just be like, yep, that's, that's a thing I do now. And look, it works for you and that's great, but it's the kind of thing. That's when you do it, though. Oh, right, when you're, when you're full of, like, college is filled with those, like, overcorrections of character and identity experiments and all that shit where, like, you can, you can literally erase the collective memory by semester. So if you pull a stunt like that at any other age of your life, you're going to be made fun of.

Whereas in college, it's just like, wait, did he always doing that? I don't know I'm drunk. Well, I don't take sociology with you assholes anymore, so I don't have to talk about it. Yep. Damn. Yeah, I don't know. Are you, are you, you're, do you own a pair of cowboy boots, Brian? No.

I couldn't, I couldn't pull that off to save my life. Do you, Holly, do you own a pair of cowboy boots? Several. Several. Yeah. When did you decide you could carry them off? It was never a decision point for me. I've just always been around.

them because I am from hill people. She's been she's being Godfrey's Batman. I mean, most of my family comes from Appalachian, North Georgia, and like I remember my grandparents wearing them and it was, yeah, I guess it's funnier to me to hear Ryan act like it was a big choice. We're just like, yeah, it's way more. It comes from the ambience more than the affectation. Yes.

I mean, there are situations now, like there are situations in which it is an affectation, but the reason that I own them was because they were an ambient factor in my upbringing. Let me put it this way. If you're in Tampa and you see somebody wearing cowboy boots and you're not a Texas roadhouse, you should leave. You should go somewhere else. You should go somewhere else because that is a person who has a lot to hide. Not enough dry fit half-calfs socks in the world.

I own one pair, one pair. They're good boots. They're great boots, man. No, they're phenomenal. I wouldn't trade it for the world. They're awesome. If you get a good pair of boots, don't ever. part with them they're amazing i will back something i will say this man i think spencer would appreciate

this you get to a very grumpy phase of parenthood where you are the idea of like fashion and clothing yourself is so fucking arbitrary that there's something very appealing about buying a clothing product that can last you like 35 years that's really enticing i'll i'll old man you i'll i'll see your old manness and i'll raise you I don't want to buy something that might hurt my feet because I don't know. That's a powerful counterpoint. You got to buy the right kind. God, I'm so watched.

And I love it. Actually, I feel like having a very young child would be a good time to break him in because, like, when you're walking the baby around in the apartment or whatever, you just wear an extra pair of socks, break him in. Break them in a controlled environment when you have to be pacing about anyway. I think we have maybe two more good questions for God for here. one that presupposes that other questions were good but go ahead this is practical how do i become a bagman from my rival school and then accidentally get discovered this was we've been talking about making a parlor game out of this for years they they asked this question for on our show today too um it's if you want if you want to double the americans done okay for those who haven't seen

the americans help us out like me i haven't seen it you get trained by Soviet agents for about six to ten years, you basically learn like Krav Maga and a bunch of other fighting techniques. You have to learn foreign languages. You have to undergo just years of like horrible abuse and psychological reprogramming. And then you just move across the state to the ag school that you don't like. And I don't know, start handing out $20 bills. Can we make, can we remake the Americans and call it the Arkansasons? Man. Dibs on. Dibs on that.

No, don't say it. Don't we want it to be like a, don't we want us to be like a high dollar thing to make it more exciting. If only had been interacting with people in Los Angeles who would be receptive to such an idea for the past year. Huh. What's the other good question? Let's see. This one's, man, this one's real disturbing. Okay.

By the way, the conclusion to that question is, what if I want them to get the death penalty? No one gets a death penalty. No one gets the death penalty. It's impossible. Do you remember, have we talked about on this show how one of the NCAA penalties they used to levy was that you didn't get to play games on television? Yeah, we have talked about that. God, and that's why it's terrific.

It's so good to remember that there was once a time where the NCAA would consider that. And now, silence. I believe that was, didn't Auburn get that once? Because I remember there was one season where it was like Auburn was the indie band favorite. There was, yeah, there was an SEC. I don't remember if it was Auburn or not, but there was an SEC school. And that was, I think, probably what tilted it towards. Maybe we're not going to do this.

Like, yes, S&U definitely got it. Yeah. So real journalism moment, I asked someone during this investigation, I was like, is it possible if they actually did the old school death penalty? And their immediate response was we did an economic impact study or they had seen an economic impact study of what removing one SEC team would do in terms of like violating all the contractual agreements for television never going to happen ever ever

ever ever so I would so I would point to this Taylor come on home yeah no like this you have no incentive not to none unless you're Notre Dame unless you're Notre Dame because you're only hurting yourself and the ACCC which you're a member of and Comcast

and us yeah but you have no incentive not to you're only hurting Notre Dame and Comcast I'm sorry NBC has the Stanley Cup but they didn't put it on their primary network i'm not i'm not playing this game right now just got doc emmer emptying the whole the saurus over on the weather channel okay didn't realize we were putting our corporate synergy strategy in a burn barrel tonight nobody's listen this far this is true please uh the the last part

and i'm just going to ask you it's a very moving question i think is why do you hate old miss because I don't look good in pastels.