Shutdown Fullcast - A Space Elevator In Jonesboro, Arkansas

Episode Date: March 30, 2021

• How much y’all reckon it would cost to just buy a football program outright? • Short on new can’t-miss business ideas this week, but almost positive we’re the first media outlet to suggest militarizing rodeo clowns • Who are you, “officer," to tell us we “cannot” jetski through the Suez Canal • Ryan invents a game that reveals just how easy Spencer would be to steal from • There are manatee noises! It’s not cute!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This podcast is sponsored by Ramp. Are you the decision maker in your company? Consider this. For the first time in decades, there's a better option for a corporate card and spend management platform. Meet Ramp. The only corporate card and spend management system

designed to help you spend less money so you can make more. With Ramp, you get full visibility into your company spending and control who spends what with each vendor. Ramp's software collects and verifies receipts instantly to save your team valuable time. Ramp automates data entry

and routine tasks with automated approvals. expense categorization and bill payments, time-consuming tasks, which means you'll stop wasteful spending and close your books in hours instead of days. Businesses that use Ramp add up to 5% to their bottom line the first year. If you're a decision maker, adding Ramp could be one of the best decisions you've ever made. Get $250 when you join Ramp for free. Just go to ramp.com slash easy. Ramp.com slash easy.

Ramp.m.p.com slash easy. Currents issued by Sutton Bank and Celtic Bank members of DIC terms and Conditioned Supply. Kale Yarborough was like a real life like satanic badger of a man like he had like no neck and would jump from hundred foot trees when he was a kid in Florida and just like didn't give a fuck. Like Kale Yarborough was an insane person with all the confidence in the world and not necessarily the preparation for some of the situations he put himself in this being one of them saying this man is an inspiration to you. He is he and a friend of his because one thing all NASCAR guys do whether it's a smart idea or not is they start flying planes because well that's just a car with wings i can fly that that's exactly how that works yeah yeah so they all get planes and kale yarbrough when he was real young um was like hey man i want to learn to fly and his friend was like hey me too why don't we just pool our money together uh and get like a cheap shitty little sessna we'll we'll do it and i'll show you how to fly and cal was like cool man let's go so they get this plane

They split it, get a down payment, and Kail's like, can I try to take it off? I can't land, but I'm pretty sure I can get this thing off the ground. This being Alabama, his friend is like, sure, man, why don't you try taking this plane off? So, Kayle Yarborough gets like the plane in the air. And they're like, okay, cool, cool, man, that's awesome. Cail's flying, and they're just kind of zipping around. He keeps telling his friend, hey, man, anytime you want to take over and land this thing, just let me know because I'm just kind of like tooling around here and his friend's like no you're good

the gas gauge keeps getting lower and lower and they keep getting closer to e and he says oh hey you you you really we should probably land this thing and his friend looks at kale yarborough and goes listen i got a confession um i don't know how to fly kail's like i don't know how to land this plane the friend's like well sounds like your problem because I don't either and I'm just sitting there with like circus peanuts

at this point right yeah he's just like some chips or some shit this sounds like a situation that would make me real snacky and Cal Yarbrose like well shit

and he lands the plane like he bounces it all over the place but Cal Yarbrough gets the plane what would you do after landing a plane and like nearly dying a plane your first time. You might never do it again. Cali Yarbrough the next day goes out, and he

just does like touch and goes all day. And he's like, yep, never had a lesson. I looked it up. Cali Yarbrough still owns a plane. Kelly Arbor still flies. Never had a fucking lesson. Not one. welcome to the shutdown fullcast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast if you want another one the closest one to a dollar without going over well you get a new one but

until then until we play the game you have to deal with us on the shutdown full cast as your only college football podcast i wanted to start with jason okay because i wanted to do this have you ever been on the price is right before i ask you this question have you ever been on it as a contestant what percentage of people have been on the prices right would you would you estimate without going over um man i'm going to say at this point our nation's population can we include crowd members Like, you were just in the building. Oh, okay. Sure.

Because you got to be in the building to be on the row. And then you got to risk it in order to bid on the biscuit. That is correct. And in order to get on stage, in order to get the big biscuit, right, you got to get on the row. So, like, I'm going to count everybody who's been through there. I'm just going to say that half of 1% of our nation's population has been in the building for the price of right. Okay. I am in the wrong half then.

I have gone over, so to speak. Yeah. I have never glimpsed the big wheel nor the Plinkgo board. No, me neither. If you were on the prices right, do you feel pretty good about your ability to go in accurately, get at least sort of close to the prices of consumer goods

and end up talking to Drew? No, no, no. I don't buy things, and I'm pretty bad at math. So, no, I'm doing the $1.00 strat the whole time. How about you? Same, same, because I do buy some things, but I never remember. My brain has a very efficient, maybe too efficient system of prices, figures, and basic facts and numbers. If I don't need it at that minute, I just throw it out.

Sure. It's just gone. It's just out the back door. Is it like, I need a dirt bike. So I'm going to obsess extremely hard for exactly two hours with the prices of dirt bikes and then buy a dirt bike and discard that information for. forever. Four hours later, I will have no idea how much a dirt bike cost. I'm like, how'd this fucking dirt bike get here? Yeah, yeah. I would have absolutely no idea. Ryan? Well, now I mostly want to see a version of the prices, right, where you and Jason have to

not guess on random items, but like Drew Carey comes out and he's like, okay, Spencer, this is the exact box of cereal you bought today. Within 25 cents, how much does it cost? Boned. Boned. That would be so fucking embarrassing. Like that would be, that would be much more, you know, yeah, because yeah, I don't expect you to understand, you know, to be able to price, you know, a pinball machine or a jacuzzi or even like dish tabs that you don't buy.

But if they said, like, we have your receipt, this is, this is what you bought at Publix. Can you tell us the price of four things on here? Do you think you could pull it off? Ryan, I'm just here to say that I find Memento, the guy in Memento, to have a very, very long memory in that he remembers things for an entire day before having to take a snapshot and write them down. What if you get a tattoo of your receipt? That's the only hope.

Do you think if they made it a week, if they said, okay, here's, we have the contents of your grocery run from last week, and they held something up, and you just had to say yes or no if you bought that. Could you do that? That's going to be a no, Ryan. You are the perfect consumer. I mean, kind of. But like in terms of like brand loyalties, I have like four.

What are they? So I'm kind of a bad consumer when it comes to. What are your brand loyalties? If I have to stop for gas, I will go to a QT. I have that sort of, like I have a dad thing where it's like, no you gotta go to two teeth they always got the lowest price oh so it's not specific it's not like i need the rolled up pot dog it's you trust their economics the value yeah yes you get you get more for your money okay yes that is it even if it's not necessarily true like i've racetracks over there

yeah and racetrack is winking at me and going oh it's a half cent lower i'll be gone temptress yeah i'll be like yeah you'll get me somewhere else y'all i am betrothed to the do you have this is my my cutie do you have any sort of like a membership thing or like an app or a money back thing or anything with cryptrip or is it strictly just oh i don't have that with anything love the logo no no that's part that requires far too much management and and maintenance you know like if there's any point reward system or anything that goes for like i i don't understand sports writers who are like oh yeah man you know you got to get the marriott points so you could get the frequent flyer miles I want to preface my ignorance in saying this by going, this is on me because I understand it's a really great program and you can get excellent frequent flyer benefits and Marriott points and cool hotel things. And like, I don't know.

There's all kinds of wizardry you can do with these things. I can't do it. Yeah. I cannot. For the same reason, I can't play fantasy football in that it requires the barest minimum, like the minimal sense of organization and maintenance. I cannot do it.

What about my thing is I always try to keep track of frequent flyer miles, but like I don't remember which airline I was on last time and like people ask and you feel like a dumb ass for not knowing, but I don't know. I just push the button and pick the first one that was the best number. Get on tube. Purchase ticket to tube. Goal into tube. Throw me. Throw me really far. In the right direction.

yeah okay Spencer what are your other brand loyalties just run them quickly so I just know what we're working with quick trip boy it might end there right are there so like we're not

talking about like you know like a Popeyes versus KFC type situation where there's clearly a quality demarcation we're talking about specifically just the brands are basically the same but you prefer one is that one yeah that That you are, yeah, that you are like, no, this is the thing.

Like ice cream if you're like, no. Oh, okay. Spencer, I know one of yours. I know one of yours. Dominoes. You like dominoes, Spencer. I do, but you know what? I'm pretty friendly with Pizza Hut in the right sort of circumstances.

Okay, we can have a piece. Okay. Yeah. So that's fine. Publix is the other. Yeah, Publix is the other. Like, you can make all kinds of really positive arguments for other grocery stores, and I will ignore them irrationally.

because I don't know. I'm just trained to, I'm trained to experience a certain glee and pleasure whenever I see the trademark green sign come up. It is, it is to be clear, the state of Florida's, not individual cities, I know individual cities have some of this themselves, but the state of Florida's only positive cultural

contribution to the world is publics. And name another. Even that is kind of a stretch. Yeah, I'm, here's the thing. thing. Here's the thing. I'm hesitating on naming certain ones because I don't know who has done a problematic within the last one to three years that I'm, you know what I mean?

Like many names are coming to mind and I'm like, I'm not going to mention any of them. Eric Conjury. Does that strike is Florida out here being like, yeah, he's ours? No, they're ashamed of him. Okay.

They're disgusted. I think I'm going to, I'm going to make a bold statement here and say that Jimmy Buffett's had a positive impact on my life and others. Okay. I'm just going to go there and say that. And you're going to say Jimmy Buffett sucks, and that's when we're going to fight. And to quote Tom Brod dude, I'm going to dial 9-1, and the next noise you're going to hear is me hitting the floor.

I mean, you're basically stealing Jimmy Buffett from, like, Alabama and Mississippi, I think. Oh, yeah, because he was definitely right. margaritaville about orange beach uh-huh yeah you know margaritaville arkansas yeah sure got the ar right in there yeah yeah holly i think you'd be a monster at prices right no i wouldn't yeah no i think you would like what if you have to get a consumer good you're like the queen of bogo you always know prices but that's because i go looking for them like i don't have them in my head right yeah did they just disappear the minute you well no it's more of a sense of hey what kind of cereal are we eating this week is it

on bogo okay yeah yeah that's that's actually i feel like that actually hurts holly's chances because bogo is designed to make you ignore the number yeah that's true then you're just so like like that would be a very easy price is right game if they were like all right which one should you buy this cereal or this one where you get an extra one okay so i'm I'm pretty sure the person we're sending from the full cast is Ryan. You're going to make it on the stage. Sure. Okay.

That's fine. Yeah, like I do. I think Spencer's trying to kind of sort of make fun of me because I do a stupid amount of consumer reports reading. Wait, you have a fucking consumer report subscription. I read your magazines. Yeah. When I need to purchase something, I go to consumer reports. They tell me what to buy.

I get it. And then I forget what I have purchased and how much it cost. Yeah. So I do a stupid amount of research before buying shit, but it's not with knowledge that is already in my head, which is why I have to go do all the research right, right? Okay. Like, it's not that I innately know that like, oh, a raisin brand is like 85 cents more. So we should really go with corn and pops, right? It's because I've looked at it right then.

Yeah, that's like. I would like Spencer to just get on the prices, right, just to spin the wheel. Oh, I applaud this. Yes, to be clear. This needs to happen. Yeah. Like, I'd like if they called him up to play another game and he just went right over the wheel and spun it.

Like a toddler. Sir, and he's like, no, it's great. Like a toddler who decided he couldn't resist a ball pit. Listen, the lady who knocked herself out on the wheel is still my hero after all these years. Because how hard are you going to spin the wheel? I spun it so hard I removed myself from consciousness. That's how hard I rocked on the price is right. I knocked myself out.

I nearly killed Bob. It's awesome. I have a Price is right game. I can play with you right now if you want. I would love to do that. Okay. Spencer, you're going to be the only contestant. And if you do this successfully,

I am going to Venmo you on the air, $25 cash. I can't give you more than that because... You're a blogger. Yeah. I have found six autographed football things. I'm going to tell you what they are. And your job is to put all six in order from most expensive to least expensive. Or either way.

If you want to go least to most, that's fine too. But you got to put them in order. You ready? Okay. Yeah. Okay. And I will repeat them if you need them. Number one, a signed business card.

by Ronzuk from his University of Florida tenure. Whose business card is it? It's Ronzuk's business card. It would be better if it was some random, like, math professors. International arms dealer, Adnan Kachoki. Yeah. Steve Spurrier's business card signed by Ronzuk. By Ronzuk.

A signed Oregon football, signed by Mark Helfrich. Man, I thought you were going to say a signed organ. And Al Golden signed Hurricane's mini helmet. an 8 by 10 signed by Kyle Flood during his Rutgers years a Dana Holgerson signed full-size West Virginia helmet and the last item thrown in here for for Holly's benefit and to throw you off a little the last one wasn't for my benefit no and NFL when you say

when you say Dana Holgerson signed full-size helmet is not the last I thought I was going to hear an NFL pylon signed by Jeff Fisher okay so those are your six items and I need you to use this and they're all bad I need you to put them in it from tell me which way you want to go most to least release to most let's see how you do see I think this is a brilliant ploy on your part because whatever I say is a stupid answer because these are all stupid things so every order i go in is going to sound insane it might it might okay but i think you can get through this you should have thought of that i'm going to go decided to be a bad person i know by ryan's wrath buy the ticket take this ride i'm here for it yeah without a helmet

which i didn't purchase but even if i did i would have forgot that i did just don't don't don't stall man just give me your answer number six is kyle flood okay okay i'm gonna Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell you as you go, if you're right or not. All right. That is correct. Kyle Flood, the signed 8 by 10, the cheapest item on this eBay search, 3699. What was the eBay search?

Kyle Flood signed. By the way, I feel really confident about my 6 and my 1. Everything else in between is kind of a wiggle. Okay. So for the next up, the next up, the next. most expensive is the al golden helmet spencer that is correct okay uh then next i have the health rich ball spencer i'm sorry you've lost 20 your chance at 25 but you got two in a row i was okay okay hold on can i can i keep on can i keep going you can keep going then is then is the

next one the zook business card the next one is the zook business card okay so how about we we take five dollars off the table and we're planning for 20 okay what if if Spencer keeps going and gets him right he gets 20 but if he gets some wrong he has to give you money and I don't want to yeah it's at some point it swings back the other way that that's a fucked up version of prices right where Drew's like come on let's make it interesting open your wallet dips shit I'm Drew Carey I don't need your money but I will take I think I think I think one more and you two are like on pace to break even so We can all walk away here.

We can all walk away. Would the next one be the Hellfridge ball? No, I'm sorry. It's not the Helferch ball. Is it the Holgerson helmet? No, I'm sorry, yeah. It's the Jeff Fisher signed pylon. No way!

I'm trying to like an action. $149.99. Wow. What do you think the most expensive item is? The Holgerson helmet? The Holgerson helmet. $299.99. The health rich football

$199.99. I say all this, A. First of all, pretty good effort. Like, you did better than I thought you would. I think you owe Spencer $2.0.50. That's correct. Yes. I will Venmo him $0.8.

Right now. And that will buy me less than 1% of a signed Dana Holgerson helmet. That's right. Listen, I know you wanted this episode to be about bad purchases. I'm pretty sure any one of these

if you went to you know your accountant, your partner, your child who you're financially responsible and said, hey, guess what? I spent $90 plus shipping on a Ron Zuck signed business card. That's a bad choice.

But y'all should definitely purchase the investment app that we all use and love. I just want to make that clear. Yes. That's absolutely. absolutely true you're going to need money and you're not for these things to be clear no no

because i bought all of them and you cannot have why is there nothing on ebay that says jeff fisher i will be in my bunk have you seen weird science um i did i did want to do yeah a show about these things bad purchases expensive shit because i was inspired by a couple of things this week one can i just say that a bad purchase might be an over large container ship i just don't think that's a good purchase this week because why we why we got a body shame the boat it's as big as it needs to be usually that is true yeah i wasn't aware that this was um that this was a deterrent for you i um i did look up a couple of things about this do you a quick question how many millions of dollars a minute do you think that that cost just having it sit

there in terms of lost shipping revenue millions a minute worldwide yes 300 million it actually seems like kind of a deal now that you made that guess this is yeah i was like wow this is a really affordable has canal blockage 6.7 million dollars a minute that's nothing that's not that's not that much at all that's nothing can i ask a question given the parties involved and uh the general feelings of large industries for human rights and productivity how was blowing the boat up never seriously considered at least in public i'm not kidding i know i just like that that was the first thing people went to and they were like what do not enough people went to it

didn't happen what should we do with it blow it up i assume the concern was if we blow it up it'll still be stuck and then it also sets a precedent you know because it's like what if the next one gets stuck too that's a good precedent though that's it that that's a listen what if what if we blow up so many ships that the whole canal is lined with ships and then we have eventually every ship is blown up and we have the mountain of tankers spilling over the canal. See, I wanted them to dig two smaller canals

one on each side of the ship. Sure. Express lane. The TSA. No, then you got a rivalry game. Or they could have just put a ramp. Well, because, you know, if you

blow up enough ships. Yeah, Dom would have solved it. With a ramp. Like the other boats jump over the stuck boat? Ramp all of it. Well, I think then you do, you got to do like a water slide. You got to do a water slide.

Sure. So you need like a crane to pick them up and then they can slide down. And make it, you know, you don't want to make it straight down because they'll get going too fast. You need like turns and those are fun. Yeah. Then you call it performance art about America's horrific lack of proper infrastructure for folks with less mobility. So just taking a boat through the Suez Canal is kind of a. a racket like what i'm sorry what what's sorry what's sorry no what is what is your your claim is that

this important part of international trade is quote kind of a racket folks it's time to cancel the suez canal i'm just gonna let you know it's not it's not exactly a pleasant it's not all it's cracked up to be yeah one you can't you can't sail through there which means you couldn't jet ski through the suez canal because i looked it up bullshit if you go fast enough not with That attitude, you couldn't. That would be, who's going to, I'm Johnny Knoxville. This is jet skiing through the Suez Canal. We could have used Johnny Knoxville's skills.

If there's, if there's water and I have a jet ski, ain't nobody telling me where I can and can't jet ski. Technically, you can't jet ski in the reflecting pool, but you can. I don't understand the can. I guess it's the words cannot and jet ski next to one another that are tripping me up. Yeah, I think, I think this is, this is mistaking. you will get shot for it with you cannot. It's called C do, not C don't. Thank you.

See, I now like this because in my extensive research, two minutes of looking, about the Suez Canal and procedures that you have to go through. Were you the captain of the boat? Is that what happened to her? Yes. Funny story. I thought you could do it via an app on your phone. it's really irresponsible

of them to let me do that. I don't think it was Spencer because the vote turned right and Spencer's a NASCAR guy it would turn left. That's true. That's all I know how to do. That's all my daddy raised me to do.

So they make you hire a pilot and the pilot of course gets paid a lot of money. Who is they? The Swiss Canal Authority and people who manage the canal. They make you hire a pilot and the pilot has to...

Just for the canal part? Just for the canal part. Okay. and they make you hire a pilot and you pay a ton of money wait what is there to to navigate about the suez canal isn't it like a vadaway type situation apparently a lot there's a lot it's very complex so complex that you have to overpay a pilot to do it at very low speeds while you also give the pilot like booze and cigarettes and extra cash on the side so that they'll do a good job this sounds okay so what you're telling me is that the uh the shipping conglomerate and

question has a croutin problem it well the shipping conglomerate in question might not have adequately greased the wheels right boats well there's your problem it's a boat yeah what's it need wheels for stare staring amphibious assault that's what it's trying to do it was trying to it was trying to it was trying to evolve is what it's trying to do is it was trying to turn to a salamander I will say I will say I will diminish and go into the west y'all were right you know it never gets stuck in on a body of water that's an airboat i feel like the the canal authority i feel like that's like harrison ford's actual job is he's the guy who flies over the boat and he's like ah shit the boat's stuck up time to time to take it down so i just like the idea of

hiring a pilot from the suez canal authority to be your pilot on a jet ski right when they're we can't let you take this through and you're like i'm taking it through and they're like well you'll take our pilot this this sounds like states where you can't pump your own gas yeah so you just get this pilot who's like i don't know it's probably just some like 60 year old career guy who's like i'm you know two days from retire of it one more job get on the jet ski get on the jet ski get on the this bitch yeah it's like five thousand dollars five five thousand dollars to put this tired old pilot on the back of my jet ski kind of like you kind of adjust your lapels or i don't know they're wearing bomber jackets in my head you just put straight ahead and you're like that way

man he got on that jet ski and he never came back because he'd never felt quite that alive before do you think those guys go to the airport and they're like yeah i'm a pilot too and everybody's just fucking groans and rolls like what do you you do i take boats very slowly through a straight shoot of water i feel like the sewage pilots those are like the zoolander of pilots right like he can i think why are they called pilots it's a harbor thing okay it's a it's it's nice to give people affectionate names i guess yeah it's a nautical term but it does but it does cost like as opposed i mean as opposed to like navigators maybe even they're like that's too much

wouldn't you prefer Navigator No what we do isn't that complex We just go straight So it costs $500,000 Every time For a boat that big For a container ship It costs 500 grand to take that thing through it

Why don't they just widen the canal Is it go through people's yards Not from what I can see but somebody should open a competitor that will do it for Suez Canal Authority if you're listening to this please call us yeah $49,000 I'm going to try to get some of that pilot pack money you kidding me oh that's true yeah

I did look up by the way how much it would cost to take an airboat through sure just calculating by length and draft and it still cost you about $3,000 worth it that's like driving across the golden and gate bridge man i don't want to do that to take it through there as opposed to 500k every time you park a container oh you know what i do you know what i do i take my airboat i'd like approach the canal and then right as i got there swerve to the left and just go on ground just skit skin alongside the canal fuck you you can't charge me for this can you i'm my own canal

proud of you i am the canal so this leads me to a wonderful story about martin county florida ryan sure because maybe we're all the suez of florida yes maybe we're all familiar alligators in the sues with the story of george jones and the time that he got real drunk and came home and tammy winnett said you're not going anywhere and hit his keys to keep him from going back out to the bar and driving drunk. So he took the keys to his John Deere and drove through Brentwood, Tennessee on a riding lawnmower and was pulled over for DUI on a riding lawnmower. Surely no one has ever topped that in real life. Nope. So I'm what in Martin County did because a friend of mine had a client who rather than stay at home and not go for round two at the bar took an airboat on the road

and when the cops pulled up when the cops pulled up the bottom of the airboat was nearly gone and there's just sparks flying everywhere like fred flintstone yeah here's here's the thing you got to listen you got to be prepared with your line if the cops ask hey what are you doing with that airport and the line is the same no matter the time of day no matter your state of inebriation no matter the circumstances hey we're filming something for a new uh reboot of Magnum P.I. That's it. That, or my darn wife hid my keys. You can all, that, that works every time. Yeah, or you want to drive it? It's for sale.

You want to turn? 800 bucks, I'll give it to you right now. Look at that. When you touched it, the floor fell off. Well, guess it's yours now. Imagine, by the way, hearing the story of a celebrity going, hey, you want to drive it when they're pulled over in a Lamborghini and then trying it with like your maxima you know hey buddy you want to drive this avalon it's a Toyota it's a lot of crushed up goldfish in here bro come on

it's got two it's got two tailpipes this ultima must be fast and it's sort of that weirdly iridescent green it is bro look it's got the original of post Street. Yeah. Yeah, it's undistroyed. Look at it. It's just burned. It's got multiple CD players. You can, it's, it holds multiple CDs, my dude. It's got a CD and it's got the tape deck with the corded Discman attachment. There are Dave Matthew CDs that haven't circulated out of this car in over 23 years. That might work, though. If your cop, you're like, hey man, you want to drive it? And the cop would be like, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm going to let you all. off you're too dumb to ticket i did want to say three thousand dollars to take your airboat through the suez canal that's a bargain that's yeah man because there are things that are more expensive in life than that like buying out the entire alburn coaching staff and hiring a new one because i don't know if we've really dwelt long enough on and and hard enough on how much money Auburn spent to hire Brian Harsen and fire Gus Malson.

How much was it? $73, $73,000, $275,000. So $73,275,000, $275,000 American. So that's what they had to pay the old staff to not work for them and what they are paying the new staff to work for them. Yeah, the number compiled by Tomas Verde. Tom Green on Twitter who covers Auburn is to between the new contracts that they handed out and all the buyouts that they owed to Malzon and his former staff when you account for the duration of the new deals and the stuff that they will have to pay out seventy three point two million dollars yeah fit it it made it it it uh it made people some people happy for at least a few months

let me put this way for you or i or i or for anybody listening to this podcast that is a bad use of 70 plus million dollars unquestionably please come up with the good the good and smart thing Auburn would do with 70 million dollars um is this the is this the you might as well let the kid eat a popsicle in the bathtub because he's just going to eat it your car and correct correct they could probably use a bigger scoreboard but i don't think 70 million would be enough to top the current one sure so you'd need like a second scoreboard it's not as big as the current one okay yeah you could put a picture and picture on your current scoreboard if Auburn just went if Auburn just went ahead and took that money and built a second scoreboard on top of the scoreboard they already have here's what you do you buy a scoreboard and put it in like the overflow facility and it shows the current score it's like it's like a webcam pointed at the current scoreboard just put it in Tuscaloosa somewhere here's the score of the Auburn game it's it's the score of the time Auburn beat Alabama forever yeah yeah that's otherwise known as a

photograph but no no no we're gonna do it with a score a live scoreboard i just i don't i don't think there is a way that auburn can because because they're they're also building a new facility right and what it doesn't have like a fucking flight simulator in it like are they putting huntsville out of business there are you are you are suggesting that there is a circle on this ven diagram that says where auburn spends money wisely and i'm telling you that doesn't exist why did they have the flight simulator have we i have no idea is it so you can pretend to be their eagle if it is that if it is that whips but i i i assume it's not that's awesome and stupid is it an awesome and stupid just thinking of auburn mindset is it so you can pretend to be

raptured wow it's like uh it's like the ultimate flight simulator it's like one of those things at the at the carnival that just fires you up, you know, the rubber band type thing, except it just keeps going. That's true. People don't know that during the rapture for like five minutes, God lets you be a human mig. The whole way you're up, you have, the call is like, to the 50, to the 35, to the 20.

Auburn's going to, Auburn has not been left behind. David's going to win the soul game. Look at Alabama, down there on the. ground staring at Alabama remaining on earth during the tribulation that's another championship though shit yeah they're going to clean up during the tribulation seven titles for them

who's going to keep them from claiming it all will be like we got the one title we wanted well I mean Clemson's gone the rapture wipes out Clemson yeah A&M's too rich they ain't making it in they're still going to be here but thank you yeah no can't worship a dog and get away with that It's just not going to happen.

That ain't fitting. It's a false idol. I mean, Jesus said, if you make $75, you've got a $75 million contract, you're not getting in. Have fun down here. Jimble will be like, fine, more things for me. Fine, I'll buy my own. Yeah.

I'll build my own heaven and Sugar Land. It's got a water park in it. Think about how much deer hunting I could do in people's backyards now that they're not here. Caught a 12-point book in R.C. Slokham's backyard. Streets of gold. My toilet's made of gold. Sheets of gold. Just Jimbo Fisher picking up raptured hair pieces, stacking them on his head.

I got 15 piles of hair here. Cups for sale. Yeah. I do think it is, according to, made-up rapture canon, that your clothes stay behind. So I feel like toupee's would stay behind as well. So Jimbo is going to be sitting and pray. I got so many fancy things. It's the best move I ever made.

Rev is getting raptured, though, just to be clear. I mean, she's in charge of the whole thing. Reb is getting raptured, and as she leaves, she will reveal that she can speak English and be like, you idiots, you worship me the whole time. I led you astray, and now I'm going to heaven. Why'd you hire Frenchone? I was, every time I parked, I was trying to warn you.

To make you mad. Don't. The most antisocial thing Auburn could do with its money is to take, to buy a bunch of billboards sized or bunch of jumbotrons and have them facing outward. There's this massive billboard, L.A., called The Reef, which is 736. Oh, this thing is horrifying. Oh, it is absolutely terrifying. And it blasts out and just pierces the dark. and ruins everything for an entire neighborhood at night it is 736 feet wide the most

antisocial thing that Auburn could do would be to buy a bunch of those scoreboards and put them on the outside of Bryant Denny it's in a ring a ring of them around Tuscaloosa yeah it just ruined the sleep right I'm sorry we're just we're just practicing you know capitalism this is just the free market these are just yeah but I feel like you do that Tuscaloosa and Nick's Haven's like, fine, good, sleep is for losers. Yeah, you got to get something done around here. You got to fuck with Georgia, I think.

Oh, yeah, Georgia would crack. They'd shit their pants. They'd fall apart. They'd crumble. Georgia ain't cut out for this shit. You keep them up past 10.30. They're done. Oh, boys, I'm sagging in my weijans.

Actually, with $70 million, Auburn should buy, what is it, the CBS affiliate in every CBS affiliate in Georgia and refuse to air the Masters. The truth of Jews. God, Ron. I'm so weak.

All right. It's Saturday at the Masters looks turned. What the fuck? They're showing the 2012 SEC title game. What the fuck? They're showing that time

all our coaches fell over because we couldn't knock down a Hail Mary on Luke for seven hours. They're showing us lose the Liberty Bowl. God damn it. that'd be way better yeah the Auburn man so diabolical

they're showing all the times George's lost to Bama fine throw them in too they don't got to watch it damn you Auburn I just wanted to look at the pretty trees it's all I got tree footage

Spencer wanted to get the plug hang on no like a real plug for the computer No, I know. I figured that's what it was. While he's gone. Y'all were doing great, though. I was just enjoying it. While he's gone, should we talk about the wonderful offerings of homefield apparel.com?

Oh, I wish he would. Speaking of things for folks of means and sophistication. That's right. That's right. Think about that. If Jason is right, and I know it's not Jason, it's more, you know, Jason telling us what other people think. And at the end of the rapture, all clothes will be left behind. That means all home field apparel sweatshirts, t-shirts, t-shirts, doggers, that'll all be left behind, too. And so while, yes, get your hands on a pair.

It will be unpleasant living on an earth where, you know, the sea is constantly erupting and demons are chasing you, whatever. But the plus side is during this literal hell on earth. So, folks, if you. like to not ask Jesus Christ into your heart this is you got a pro list and a con list all right here's the pro list if you outlast maybe there'll be some doggers in it for you sure I don't want to oversell the fine products of the home field apparel however I will say this everyone who bought doggers is going to heaven yeah exactly they got the they got the

indulgence thing on there Connor can you hook that up connor and i don't really want to promise things for home field or for connor but i'm also pretty certain that if you buy a piece of homefield gear this week after listening to this very podcast wow and and use offer code fullcast you have to use the offer code yeah that's important yeah so yeah with offer code fullcast you get 20% off your first purchase and guaranteed entry into heaven if you tell you what if you if you You use the heaven's full of Indiana basketball fans. I don't want to go.

No, they're fine people. I assure you Indiana basketball fans are far more comfortable in purgatory. I don't want to go. They have no interest in heaven. Unless Brad Stevens is there. He's not. Yeah. So use offer code forecast.

Get 20% off your first purchase. You can buy any number of incredibly comfortable, incredibly good looking cronex, hoodies, t-shirts, what have you. And if at the end of this, after you've enjoyed a long, fulfilling life of comfort and good taste, if you don't get into heaven, come find us and we'll refund the difference.

We'll be here. They can't find us. Jason might not be. The rest of us will be. No, y'all are coming with me. You're good. You're good. John Calvin said so.

He didn't mean to, but he did. Thanks. Yeah, pre-destination is. predestination is kind of fucked up like that. John Calvin's fucked up. He made a loophole, buddy. He said God loves everyone and only people God picks get to heaven. You do that math.

Wow. I'm sorry. I saw a price matching offer on my soul. You have to let me in. I was told by AppleCare that God loves all of us. Yeah. Yeah. I will laugh very hard if Spencer dies, gets to the pearly gates and

St. Peter is like, okay, Spencer, all you have to do is tell me, how much does this loaf of sourdough bread cost within a nickel that you get in I would pull the I would pull the trapdoor myself right like how much within a nickel well see here's how it's going to work for Spencer because Jesus said people with money don't go to heaven so you know they just just say hey Spencer how much money do you have he's like I don't fucking know okay cool come on in yeah yeah sure what is the last time you went grocery shopping today really yeah

what okay what did you buy uh let's see i've completely forgotten but i know for real for real like i'm not oh we believe that you forgot was it food or not was it food or not food it's unclear jason but i was definitely in a grocery store today did did you eat it that's also unclear did you eat today yeah i did definitely eat today okay i did I had some Thai food. It was really good. Okay. Did you buy it at the grocery store? Did you find it? I did not find it because I would have remembered that. That's exciting.

Ooh, a boon. Yeah, no, like that's thrilling, right? Like, ooh, random food. I am restored to health. Yeah. I, I, I, you would be the worst witness to a crime ever. What was the value of the item that was taken? I'm a that's why I am an ideal member of the crew he'll say okay we caught you can you tell us how the rest of the heist happened and I'm like no gosh while we are talking about terrible gangstering did you all see this story that I put in the show notes yeah yeah and I'm gonna I'm gonna share it with everybody because it's inspirational okay it takes place in it takes place in Italy so you know it's good specifically in calabria which they have delicious peppers they do they do and they also have a serious organized crime problem well a little less serious now but i'm getting ahead of myself

much like our our friend in the story italian police it's already a good story when you have the italian police smoking handsomely piling their Lamborginnies off of the beautiful cliffs of amalfi They tracked down Mark Farron Claude Biot, 53 through the culinary videos he uploaded to YouTube. While he carefully hid his face, he failed to disguise his body tattoos. The alleged member of the Andrageta crime gang was arrested at the Dominican Republic last Wednesday and has now been extradited back to Italy. So just to be clear, we're talking about a mafioso who was on the run. who decided that he could not live on the lamb without starting his own YouTube cooking channel. Yeah.

The worst part about this is that there's no link to the channel. I want to know what he's making. Ryan, start looking for it. It can't be that hard. Okay, I'll see what I can do. The other detail I'd like to share with you is that the gang, the alleged clan boss, Luigi Mancuso, 66, is known as. the uncle other members go by nicknames such as the wolf fatty and blondie i just want to point out that of course this story features an uncle listen if this guy

somehow manages to keep his youtube channel going while cooking in prison i think he's going to come out ahead on this deal honestly and tell me that you can't see a well-connected italian crime figure getting his own youtube channel from prison i could see it happening well yeah they got to do the the thing with the with the garlic slices like for real for real you'll get you'll get all the goodfellist scenes right ah these lobsters that i obtained in prison don't ask how yeah that's it was such an such an inspiring story that he did that for the like and subscribes they look oh it's beautiful um the other thing that i had in here which i was going well this is this is an absolutely insane thing to spend money on was the greatest the single

greatest and most insane sports bet i had ever seen ever which happened last year this wasn't some like legendary like story from the 70s the sands my friend Marty Mancuso. No, this is a guy who was at the Venetian last year. He put down four grand on a parlay. Four grand on a parley that won him $442,000. All right. But it was a seven-leg parlay.

Seven legs, all right? um first of all he took um he took liberty to beat virginia tech and that's which they did if you remember on a last minute field goal um the ohio state had to beat rutgers oh oklahoma had to beat kansas all right all right these aren't these aren't crazy we're going to call this we're going to say this still one leg yeah um he picked maryland to beat penn state man what that's when that was when to his brother talia went nuts and they beat them 3519 right and he threw for three t ds so he had a money line play on maryland to beat penn state which again you already picked liberty to beat virginia tech and then you this is the one that really amazes me that you picked maryland

to beat penn state all right and then you had um app state feeding defeating texas state and iowa state straight up beating baler so there's two kind of insane ones this is where i like the craziest part of it he had a steelers money line bet uh a bet on the steelers to beat the cowboys that was the final one so this degenerate spaced it out so that he if it if he actually pulled it off he had had to wait an entire day to get to the Pittsburgh Dallas game. And the Steelers were down 10 points going into the fourth quarter. They then scored 15 unanswered.

And the Cowboys had a pass batted down to the end zone at the last second. And he made off $4,000, which by the way, like, is $4,000 a light lift for anyone here? That's not, that's a huge amount of money. I'm not I'm not a trusting Liberty with that money no no like I'm I'm sweating if I'm sure yeah I don't know how people do the multi-day parlay thing no thank you not for me no thank you no and that's how he took four grand put it on his seven-leg parley including liberty beating Virginia Tech and Maryland beating Penn State which as we have pointed out in this program many times go look at the Maryland Penn State rivalry page to see how

insane bat bet was and then carried it over the next day to win four hundred and forty thousand dollars and now he can navigate the suez canal with his winnings oh shit yeah just about he can buy the nicest jet ski in the world and get a pilot on the back oh shit probably bribe his way through you need the whole $600,000. I think $4.40, just act nice. You know, just be friendly. Just be cool, man.

Clearly things are not like super professional there, you know. I mean, just take a look. I wonder what would, like, could you pull up with an ampha car, one of those cars that drives like a boat? Didn't LBJ have one of those? He did. And didn't he like fuck with people by driving? into ponds and shit when they didn't know uh-huh and saying things like he would he would

with a beer in his hand pretend the brakes had gone out and go whoa and they would crash into it and then he would say things like save your president as the people were bailing out we got you got to do this in the uh the scoot ski remember that from like a couple weeks ago yeah yeah it really fizzled fast but it was really a really great day of the internet when the scootsky happened The guy who turned a scooter into a jet ski for absolutely no reason. It's not amphibious, no. Like, it doesn't actually work as a jet ski anymore. It's just a jet ski with wheels.

It just looks fucking great. And that's it. Yeah. I did also want to open the bidding, okay? Oh, God. Because there is. Open what bidding? The bidding on not the most valuable programs in college football.

Okay. Because the most valuable, just to play. put you in the right frame of mind forbes back in 2018 said that the most valuable uh franchise in college football uh now this is of course an insane formula that is very flawed but they they came up with oklahoma as the most valuable franchise in college football at eight or though they they said oklahoma's worth 885 million dollars like if you bought it like it was a sports franchise so not the most valuable but they said it was worth 885 million all right that's not what

i wanted to ask well thank you for taking us all that journey you're a terrible auctioneer like imagine if they like reveal the painting and then the auctioneer starts talking about a statue that's not even up for sale imagine they reveal the painting and somebody in the audience goes is it possible to do the american sniper workout without the liquid supplements no and i'll tell you why Spencer just grabs the podium with both. The American sniper workout is impossible without the liquid supplements. Liquid swords. Liquid supplements.

Thank you. So was the, was that establishing the ceiling for these? Yes, the ceiling for the lower. How much, how much would you bid for the value of the entire, say, Arkansas state football program like you want to make a purchase where would you start the bidding to own jones boogie's finest amateur football am i responsible for the upkeep as well uh you're gonna be you're gonna own it yeah man you say arkansas arkansas state Arkansas state you've got to feed it and walk it you got to feed it you got to walk it you got to change the water and their little habitat

that they have a little water gotcha yeah You got to make sure that no drunk people are sleeping up in the deer stand. In Arkansas, it's called a Hamagotchi. I keep feeding it beer and it wants more. The thing just keeps belching at me. Honey, Hamagotchi is trying to fight me again. It's so damn heavy. I can't move my hand.

Is this thing supposed to make death threats against me? Officer, my Hamagotchi hack. to my email this thing is awful why is it burning on my wrist if the if the opening bidding for texas is an estimated billion dollars or so how much how much we how much how much money we put up for arkansas state are we pooling our resources or are we competing i listen i'm assuming that everyone on this podcast in order to compete in this has at least sold a successful multi-state regional hvac concern right sure you got some money you got some money You don't have, like, billionaire money.

That's why you're bidding on Arkansas State. Oh, man, Butch is there. You could do whatever you wanted. That's going to need, I'm just saying that's going to need a deep claim. He got his feelings all over the place. You could do an insane rich person thing and just walk in and fire him. Like, like walk right in. Or you could let him have the illusion of safety for several months and then fire him.

you could you could basically turn this into your own little saw episode with him i would use him to pay all my players flagrantly and extravagantly and then fire him i think i would keep him but i would um i'd constantly call cripplingly nice to the detriment of yourself and others that is true but in this case i would call him by the wrong name and i would do it in confusing ways i'd be like how's it going bart hey barch barge how's it going there i know I think I know the name that I piss him off most calling Butch Davis. He's probably got that a lot, right?

That's probably having many times. Get him a barb, because that's his wife's name. Could I call him Lyle? What if I just called him Lyle? Lyle. You know, Lyle. You notice he can't say that without sounding like you're blanching.

Lyle. Hey, Lyle, hail hydra. Butch is such a fucking tryhardt that he would be like, yeah, hail hydra, brick by brick. um i'm not you know what can pick up a lot of bricks at the same time an octopus spencer sell me on i'll have a good push jones voice he sucks though sell me on why i would i'm picturing now like an octopus doing navy seals trading in a pool trying to pick up bricks um blindfold spencer listen man that one of them opened a jar that's true why do i want to buy that's why they

call them jarheads i don't i don't see the appeal of having art like this is a game of monopoly where all the properties seem like a pain in the ass I think a weird element here is the just the idea of buying a college quote-unquote franchise because like if you buy a pro franchise it's like I'll fucking move it fuck you I'll move it to Alaska unless you build me a stadium and now I have a stadium also this is a terrible time to be a quote-unquote buying a college franchise because like the way things are shifting your labor costs are about to go up significantly i think i you know what you're negative

nellies you're not seeing you're not seeing all of the tax dodges all right you're not seeing all i'm gonna i'm gonna bid 10 million you're not seeing all of the tax dodges here i'm gonna bid 10 million dollars for the arkansas state red wolves do i get just football or everything you know what we're just betting football just football that's fine what shameless what shameless sponsorship are you pursuing first yeah you're going to need to you can need to gin up a little bit of cash here how are you going to steal fedex from the memphis tigers wow yes you know i don't know i don't know how i'm going to do that but i have what they're not fritz probably knows jerry make it happen i think you could talk fed i think you could talk fedx into it on a weekly arrangement

where fedex was from jonesborough arkansas on thursdays and sundays yeah those are the days we play football we're good right you could you could do that you could just feel like hey listen just fedex tuesday is what we're going to call it fedex fund belt tuesdays right you could probably get a corrupt legislator too to be like hey on thursdays and saturdays there's no taxes on concessions in jonesboro for some reason yeah you can there's there's a lot of little breaks and things that the arkansas political like mafia will more than happily help you do right and work into code so as long as they get an extra three cents on the dollar they will do it right so yeah you could do that i think you're missing one obvious sponsor for arkansas state that's just down the

road and that's bad boy mowers yeah but i don't want to get locked into a low-tier bowl game because like we have we have aspirations oh we got ambitions now oh yeah oh yeah oh Are you NCAAing this? You're like, listen, I simulated everything our programs capable of over five seasons of NCAA. When I sold the HVAC concern, all the rest of those millions are going to be invested. I'm only paying $10 million up front. And to be clear, the whole point of doing this, I agree, is to get Arkansas State into not just a Power 5 conference, but a ridiculous one. The Big 10, yeah.

Correct, correct. Absolutely. And I think it's not even like get this. them in. I think the pitch is like, hey, I'm here. Hello, Big Ten. I'm here to explain why Arkansas State should be in the Big Ten and Nebraska should be out. Yeah. I mean, didn't they beat him in football or was that some other Sunbelt team? I can't even remember. They're so ready to do that right now. They're so like, God, you know everyone else in the Big Ten despises. I mean, if I'm Arkansas state, I go to the Big Ten and say, listen, you, I've already.

brought in one non-AAU university, what's another? Don't you want that valuable TV market of the Fort Smith area? Listen, Nebraska needs a regional rival that isn't in the AAU, or maybe they are now, because...

That isn't cornblight. That they can beat. Half the time. Half the time. We'll make a trophy and we'll call it like, you know, you got your Heroes Trophy and Freedom. The Arkansas State, Nebraska Integrity Trophy.

Whoa. I would also take PAC 12 member Arkansas State, and I would insist that all of our home games kick at 10 a.m. local. So, you know, so I can play 18. So, you know, the game's going to be over by, you know, 2 p.m., out by 3, on the course by 3.30. Mm-hmm. Fuck you.

Hey, Oregon, you don't like it? Fuck you. Because we're Arkansas State. We call the shots around here. We've got Nike. We got bad boy mowers in two days worth of FedEx. We got shared custody of FedEx.

We're delivering you the televisions in half the country, all right? That's right. You know, who didn't get stuck in the Suez Canal FedEx or a bad boy mower i know we're not i know we're not east of the mississippi but we're darn close to it a lot closer than any of y'all are see this also we're really ignoring you say the labor costs are about to go up yeah i say we're about to get a loophole blown in

the side of amateurism that we're going to be able to drive millions of dollars of recruiting money through sure like a tiny and ineffective backhoe next to next to the specter, the gleaming immovable specter. Yes, the backhoe is NIL. The fucking giant boat is all the money colleges make directly. It's going to be so amazing. Scholarship value, $16,000 a year. Endorsement deals, $10.5 million a year.

Yeah, the size of the vaco is directly correlated to the ambition of that particular university as far as it comes to enriching the lives of student athletes. Like some schools, it's, you know, it'll be more like a space elevator than a backhoe. Space elevator that teaches you how to cheat on your taxes. I don't see why not. What a perfect machine. I know. I kind of, I kind of want one.

Yeah. And if you get caught, just get on the space elevator. Follow me up here, feds. State Vermissious Knaz. Just like, can you imagine the International Space Station, but full of really shitty tax evaders? Oh my God.

They got Russians up there all the time. There's a lot of learning experience. I mean, Elon Musk lives up there, so. We're going to rename the stadium the wormhole. It's going to be great. If there were a space elevator in Jonesboro, Arkansas.

What are you putting up? there my trash i got the dryer it called it the wormhole figures pretty good place to go fishing i already thought that was you and lv's new stadium oh that'd be a really good place to put one unlv yeah no i meant wormhole unlv spice must flow that's a tremors joke i'm talking about tremors i know but i'm also talking about sandworms how dare you erase reba yeah fuck that is the role and the dad from family ties yeah as a crazed survivalist is the opposite of his his like character on family ties spitzer is there um this exercise is there a number that was recommended market value for arkansas state i know i was curious okay i was like if

there's like a billion dollars for texas i'm like well proportionally how much could you just walk away and get you know get Arkansas state for and i was like You know what? You can probably get yourself a deal. You can get a cheaper school than them, too. Forbes came up with a whole formula. Forbes came up with a whole formula, and it was like Oklahoma and Texas,

but they didn't do the actual work of like all of FBS or anything? No, they just did the top. They didn't value all of them, which to me says that I might be able. And again, if there is an Eastern Michigan fan listening to this, I don't mean to demean your program. of just being factual i think you can get the entire eastern michigan football program for the price of like a two-bedroom house in l.a i don't think it would take much like you're also

you're also underestimating how much a two-bedroom house in a house in hell you're like i was like you can probably get it for like two-mill a whole program everything assets and everything you're just pick it up for two mills seem about right yeah i think the thing the thing with that is you have to do a like face saving type deal like fine i'll buy cmU and wmu also all three of you like none of you wants to be the first out of the game but come on we we know all three of you know you'd be better in d3 let's just be honest about it we will let all of you go at once so none of you can say you're the you know first to bail so we're going to buy all of them combine them into one and then i'd call it wentralern michigan

call it we're just going to straight up call it directional Michigan University and they'll say which direction we will say all of them it's basically a Voltron with one arm and no head you know our new direction here at directional Michigan University up this Voltron just swings wildly with this sword can't even see you yeah we're putting it by the way we're playing all of our games in a frozen stadium somewhere in the UP because the direction we're going is up so come on down to Omnidirectional University where we go everywhere God, I want the idea of a Michigan Tri-Force trophy. Because if we make Michigan grads so mad, they didn't think of it, they're like, ah! Oh, so they'd be so mad about not having wisdom. Yeah. Like, they're fine, I'm not having power. It's been a while.

And, like, they have too much courage, you know? Yeah. Well, not this pasture. They didn't have to play Ohio State. We'll play anyone. You lose. But we played them. We played them.

Yeah. That's, like, I think you could get. get like i mentioned Arkansas state because i don't know there's some potential there you can move them up i think anyone who has played zygd double a way has said okay that's a program you can do that with you know middle middle Tennessee state a little bit of potential there which program in fbs would you um insist on being paid in order to assume control of that program being paid like like if you're taking it on as a liability. Maybe Eastern Michigan.

That's rough. Eastern Michigan's a hard go. Also, maybe, God, I'm trying to think of just the worst. I don't want to shit on New Mexico State again. I know. It's like the most difficult gig,

but yeah, Mexico State's kind of, you might have to pay me to do that because that's a hard poll. I mean, I'd live in New Mexico. That wouldn't be a problem. See, here's the thing. You're talking about these things. We're just talking about them as sort of like an imagination thing.

But there is a Florida person. I don't know if it's a man or woman or identifies as neither. Who just won $238 million in the Powerball. Right? At the publics that my parents shop at. Really? I don't think it's them. Okay.

I thought this was your way of retirement from the full cast. They haven't talked to me. Would they tell you? Ryan has just come into some money. Well, on the show? Fuck. Yeah. I don't know if my parents would tell me if they won the powerball.

Oh, this is a revealing question. Jason, would your parents tell you if they had won the power ball? Yeah, because they like my granddaughter a lot. Okay. And they would, at least, they would immediately start buying her a ton. of stuff. Holly, would your parents tell you if they'd won Powerball? Did I say my granddaughter?

I met my daughter. No, you said they like their granddaughter. Okay, good. Yeah, you're good. You're good. I'd rather not say. I think I know the answer. We, certain people responsible for my birth and I

have had, like, lengthy car drive discuss before about how if we came into powerball money we would scheme to conceal that fact from other members of our family sure and I believe that's all I'm comfortable saying at this point in case one of them does been powerful but but by my own family side okay yeah sorry go ahead and I was gonna say our the reason I the reason I took a second is that our plan is actually the reverse My mother has an elaborate scheme whereby when, in her words, I win the lottery.

I'm going to. Hmm. Yeah. That's a pair of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a lady who's, yeah, there have been some wild divorces in my family.

So mine, mine, I guess, is not exciting enough for her. So this is her. way of spice it up she's she's powerball proofing it which is nice i i appreciate her thinking of that and the thinking that i have that kind of look i but but my point is there's somebody right now in the greater tampa bay area you could buy usf football for 238 million oh easily right yeah i mean realistically we're talking in a fantasy realm where you would purchase the program lock stock and barrel like it was an actual thing it's actually easier than that in order to become the de facto owner of a program the amount of money required to do it at usf it's pretty minimal man 200 grand

get it done oh listen you're getting a big big seat at the table if you take 500 grand and space it outright you're going to you're going to be swinging a big stick at the table for 500 grand we will let you have sex on the pirate ship at the buck stadium in the the middle of a game. We will let you do this. Yeah, yeah. Pirate. This is Tampa. So your second question is what kind of sex? Pirate sex. Pirate style. Pirates. All the pirates. What about livestock? Yeah. What about acquiesce livestock? That's pretty, ironically, the, the, the, the Raymond James Stadium pirate ship is very far from water. What if they're in a pool? or does it technically take place

in international waters? Let the manatee watch. Oh, okay, now I'm upset. It's the only way I could get through this. You have to let the manatee watch. Now he's endangered and sad. It's not for land lovers, I guess. but yeah like by the way by the way my by the way my land lovers by the way my mom she'd call and tell me that minute right she'd want to talk about it there'd be questions and then she'd say don't tell your father then she'd say don't tell your father see my dad my dad my dad none of us would no oh no if my dad won't yeah if my dad won I wouldn't hear shit about no no and I wouldn't get any of it either like no you have you have kids though so you might no he had kids

No, I'm telling you. All right. We're not getting any of that. No, I'm saying, will your sons get something? No, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay. Respect, Eddie. But you know what?

You know where his sons are getting something. Yeah, his sons are already set because of the- They've got the Acorns family plan. Their mastery of the investment market. That's right. Thanks to Acorns.com slash fullcast and the easy-to-use app that rounds up all your purchases, including entire college football programs. and trips to a quick trip

and all the other things we have discussed purchasing probably not the Suez thing because you're probably not going to want that to appear on your bank statement I don't think I mean I guess fine anything goes clearly we've seen the footage but acorns.com slash fullcast I am still on pace to retire at age 183

everything's still looking great there you can get in on this with that offer code and you will get a $5. starter boost if you do so i have news from my early account for my sons and it's thrilling one the gap as we've mentioned before it's all gone the money is all gone not yet but i will say that it has not it is held steady at about ten dollars when now the gap used to be one dollar okay so it has grown to $10 okay okay so it's back to where we started yeah yeah the span the span of the money between the two sons is roughly the amount of money that Spencer would spend on a single donut I would like you I probably shouldn't say that I have learned on this show I just look we're friends right oh boy right yeah we've been friends for a long maybe not after the sentence no no we're friends until tonight right that's what they say before you get on the pirate ship too i cannot stop thinking about

how easy it would be to steal from spencer like you could definitely defraud him never i'd never be caught no never be caught i could tell him about it and then when you try to tell the cops he'd be like i'm pretty sure she said some shit and and what was the value of the of the money that she's But there's kind of a win-win there, right? Because Spencer's like, oh, good. I don't have to keep track of that stuff anymore. Yeah. No, I just let acorns do that.

Acorns would bust you for me. I've made over $2 at this point in my acorns account. I would like the second thing. What? The actual balance. Oh, my God. Holly, please read the balance of my son's account. Spencer has just shown me a...

How did you do that? I just... This is what it came up. week i am looking at the balance of the older hall child's acorns early account which is i can't believe you're making me say this 4269 that's right i'm not making this up yep i thought he was making it up 400 oh my god you got investing is amazing freeze the account man freeze Shut it down. This is movie scene.

Guy runs into room, hits the button, shut it down. Yeah, do not invest any more money. No. That sign is good to go. Next. This is an auspicious sign for you and your family. When he knows what both of those numbers mean,

he can have the money. It's weed and... No! Try next year, idiot. It kind of is feed. Weed and feed. that's true acorns.com acorns.com there you go terrific ad yeah terrific product yeah money's not real though so just like jail just like jail money's not real

was there um was the other item the uh f35 in the news oh god yeah yeah i in case you should feel bad about i saw that i i saw that and i think i wasn't like 45 Second side texted Spencer and Jason and Brian Floyd. Yeah, I, yeah, I'm happy to be among the people that apparently many people think of when F-35s are in the news. Jason, how many, okay, what number text was I when that got to you? How many other people beat me to it? There'd been a few, but it's more about, it's more about being part of the, part of the lineage. They were all equally appreciated.

yeah oh appreciate you like it was equally delightful every time um the one thing about the story is like all the headlines are like the f35 shot itself which sure the plane fucking sucks that's the kind of thing it's going to do um you you read close and it's like technically the thing that was fired out of it blew up immediately after being shot which maybe you could say that's not the f35's fault but i think once once the round goes into the F-35 it becomes F-35 so the fact that it then explodes after being shot out to me that is still the F-35's fault because it was part of the F-35 the I was also alarmed to discover this is like when you spit in the wind and it falls back in your face like you spit on yourself you can't say like

oh some company made that spit it's their fault no you're the one who made the choice to onboard it to to review it via you sent out the RFP for that spit and you know did the protocols and whatever. You can't blame fruit striped gum at that point. Yeah, it's about personal responsibility. Yes. Yeah. As it always is. The, um,

so the amount of damage was originally classified as more than $2.5 million. It was downgraded to less than $600,000. Oh, $600,000. Did they only mess up the magic paint? Oh, go, God. That's like,

that's seven figures, the fucking paint. yeah like 600,000 that'll buy you like up 1% of one of these things the um the part that cracked me up was that this is this came out of the gatling gun which is mounted in a gun pod the gatling guns capable of firing 3,000 rounds a minute the pod that carries the gun and attaches to it carries 220 rounds of ammo yep do the math do the mat there we go Y'all, I'm not a scholar. Trillion dollars! Ha! That's it. So there is actually a plane that did shoot itself down. The, um...

We used to have to do ads for that type of stuff, but... I remember. The F-11 tiger in 1956, it shot itself down, like literally. It was flying. downward fired off a bunch of rounds and then hit the after burner flying into the rounds the pilot was out of commission for like six months because he ran into his own bullets hell yeah it's incredible and then like shortly after this the navy or whatever is like i don't think we like that plane anymore like it was they just like stop making them i think the blue

angels use them for a while or whatever because they don't have to shoot hopefully it's a pretty bad blue Angel show if they start or a pretty great one a pretty awesome one in my opinion it's going to be one of a kind kaiju shit emergency

things are bad if you need the blue angels to tool up fuck we're down to the blue angels go fly very close to the alien very very very close to it dazzle the alien with your formation we need you to go like sort of snuggle

your plane against the alien and take a photograph of it so that we know they're weak spots have we considered having a squad that's just the stupid blue angels shitty formations flying sideways the boo the air

like the Washington Generals of the skies that's what I want I want the Washington Generals of the skies I want the Coast Guards very poorly trained aerobatic Coast Guard blue angels yeah

like the stupid blue angels like the bizarre blue angels right like here they come in their famous diamond formation planes wobbling through the skies one of them is still on the tarmac one pilot half out of his cockpit you're fundamentally asking for a military unit of rodeo clowns here and i am here yeah like we need some like uh uh taxying stunts Neither of them is taken off but they're like crisscrossing and like one is just 50 feet in front of the other

like please join us in our salute to America and they turn on the tricolored smoke pots right but one catch is firing yeah yeah one guy hits the wrong thing and drops his entire landing gear carriage on the runway

another one accidentally hits eject yeah we need like a plane towing a plane they can do like um you know the thing at like a demolition derby when they're like dragging boats behind each other you all seen that yeah yes yeah they're using boats as flails we're gonna do that in the sky we're gonna do plain demolition derbyes crack the whip with airplanes oh nothing more disappointing by the way than coming out being like the aerobatics team in prop planes the beauty actually of stupid blue angels is that they'll actually be 30 miles away from where they're supposed to be They're a loss. You'll be in the stands being like, shit, stupid blue angels were supposed to start 15 minutes ago. And over some little league and they're like, holy shit, what are these drunk blue angels doing? Okay.

This is the best picnic ever. Hooray, the stupid blue angels are here. Watches our pilot throws a bottle of an empty bottle of Jack Daniels, pinpoint accuracy at the stop sign. just past the gates of this runway and yet somehow we can start this ourselves this is somehow not as stupid as the real thing that happened in our country within like the last 12 months where we said you know what people are all cooped up inside and scared of coronavirus let's send some big planes into their cities we very little more about that yeah you know what new yorkers love low-flying aircraft they're not sure why they're there

I mean, every year they remember it. They said never forgets. Oh, my God. That was fucking wild. Yeah, I remember that. It was like, we got planes flying over Atlanta. And it was like, I've seen that a billion times. What is there?

Give me the stupid blue angels instead of this. Yeah. So I had this parenting story that is true and happened. It was just before, just before everything shut. down there was going to be an air show in the Atlanta air show at the Atlanta Speedway and you're going to sit there and watch all of these magnificent airplanes do cool stuff including the aerobatics team from the Canadian Air Force and we saw them going overhead okay they're going to go they're going to come back cool we're walking in right and my seven-year-old son at the time is like

okay so we're going to go get to see them yeah we're going to get to see them it'll be great okay cool And then we look, and on the horizon, there's a little pillar of smoke coming from somewhere. And I was like, oh, that's not good, because that was the direction that the Canadian aerobatics team went. And the announcer comes on and says, well, the air show has been canceled due to the crash of one of the Canadian aerobatics team planes. Guy's fine, he failed out, but one of the planes did crash. so I had to tell my seven-year-old son he's like dad why is the air show canceled and I had to be like one of the

planes crashed the ones that you just saw over your head it totally crashed and they're like and exploded I'm like yeah that thing exploded that shit's done it's over did he think it was awesome

that was the best part is that his face you could see was torn between is this cool or is it not and he's like was the pilot okay And I'm like, pilot was fine. He was like, okay, fucking A. Yeah. Thanks, dad.

Wait, did you know if the pilot was fine or did you just tell him that? No, no, no. I knew the pilot was fine. How? Because they announced it over the loudspeaker. But it's, you know, like you have to tell the kid because the kid's thinking about cotton candy. To be fair, now listen, I'm not saying you did the wrong thing. To be fair, the PA announcer is not going to say, folks, the air show is canceled because of plane crashed.

But don't worry, the pilot died on him back. It's fine. The pilot's in like 18 pieces, folks. It's disgusting. Don't go over here. Don't go look. Dead as hell. Dead as hell, y'all.

They're super not going to do that part. So I was at UAB for a game one time. I was a UAB for a lot of games for some reason. And the press box windows there are cantilevered. Like they tilt. Like, you know, those old-fashioned 60s windows at the school. What are they called casement windows? They tilt out.

You turn the crank and they tilt out. And there was a very low. flyover happening at that game. And you can tell that things are not quite right because the people on the ground who were supposed to like meet the paratroopers and shake their hands are all of a sudden like shuffling to the far side of the field as fast as they can. And the plane goes just unnaturally close to the stadium. And all of a sudden above us we hear a womp. And everyone you can just look down the row and everyone in the row is like leaning out to see are we going to see some guy slide down like a bug on these diagonal windows and apparently what had happened was the camera guys were set up on the roof right above us and that thump was them dropping their backpacks to the ground to hit the deck because the but the dude landed completely outside of the stadium but we were all there's this moment where we were all sitting here looking at each other and looking up like did we just hear a death

which would be a very unsurprising thing to happen at legion field yeah it gets wild in conference usa yeah yeah do you remember there was a boxing match where a guy parachuted into the ring like he had like a box fan on his back or something so he could steer box right yeah um but he but when he was wait does that work is all you need a box fan it was like a directional fan right so he could control so he could land in the ring and this guy landed in the a directional fan like one that pivots automatically back and forth that's got like it's got like rudders on the back then okay yeah yeah yeah like yeah like the automatic one just i feel like like you're just going to fly right and then left and then right and then left yep like an airboat

like an airboat made of an idiot but not of a boat right like that's all the can we get the dumb blue angel to do an oscillating flyby? Look at a wafting to earth, Vern. The Scottish Blue Angels is just like guys with oscillating fans. And thistles. They can just kind of float around like this one. Drunk guys on lawn chairs with oscillating fans.

With Claymore's clanking to the ground because they can't hold them. Ah, too heavy. I love it. But yeah, he landed in the ring and that was really bad for him. because the one place you don't want to land is in the middle of a very tense and exciting heavyweight boxing match surrounded by people who can fight he landed in the ring and like why not man they they beat the tar out of that guy oh my like he was i think he thought like woo on tv here's my mom ow oh god so many knuckles like just they beat the crap oh i thought you meant that like one of the boxers had paris shoot it into the ring as a stunt that would be awesome and if it were a boxer this was an interloper

how was something real someone real big like lennox lewis some massive dude right but no it was just some average guy who all of the guys who hang around with boxers immediately started uh subduing this guy by wailing the shit out of him as he landed in the ring which what a vivid experience for the senses that had to be going from skydiving to landing in the middle of a crowd to being beaten by strangers what was the plan on your back what what did he uh hope would happen i have the same question i don't think he thought that far ahead okay and hell yeah hell yeah yeah yeah mindset yeah yeah what he's just going to be a legend to do it diamond wings yeah the first rule of investing is to parachute into a boxing match

diamond lands this this this guy so this guy was nicknamed the fan man. And he did, he did this. Actually, that's not the worst Mega Man villain. No, that's not, yeah. So he did this during a heavyweight title fight between Riddick Bow and Evander Holyfield in Las Vegas. Oh my God, what is wrong with you?

But here's the thing. Wait, how did he, aren't those matches indoors? I don't know if this one was. They have a, they did some of that stuff at the outdoor whatever. yeah okay um but here's the thing normally when you're talking about like parachuters and and flybys and stuff did spencer maybe when you said this one i wasn't paying attention did you mention that this happened in the seventh round no i did not because it wasn't just like they're getting ready and this guy appears in the second minute of round seven he he parachuted into a fucking heavyweight

title fight. So was he maybe planning that the fight would already be over? I don't know. He was indeed attacked by both fans and security and was eventually knocked unconscious by a member of Riddick Bow's security. And then because it's Las Vegas, he was released after paying $200 bail. Terrific. You didn't mention this gets so much better than I even remembered it that the lines of his paraglider became tangled in the overhead lights yes yes which means he landed on the rope at the top rope of the ring but the shoot was still tangled in the lights and he was hanging there and then was dragged down into the crowd what more horrifying sensation is there than being torn between the crowd and people who self-identify as boxing security

Jesus In case you didn't know it was a bad idea before that should have made it abundantly clear in that moment Here's my favorite thing Here's my favorite thing From this man's Wikipedia page

When asked by reporters What his motives were for staging these stunts Miller never gave clear answers Yeah, don't say a word Don't say shit Don't say shit Leave them wanting more Don't figure it out

You left the code You left the signs It's up to them to figure it out You gave them all the clues Yeah