Shutdown Fullcast - A Thousand Plinys Live In You

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

—state-themed candles reviewed, including one that literally explodes, and also a shocking Missouri one  —Ryan makes Spencer cry with a reading  —Jason surveys the wonders of Texas beating a clearly superior OK State team leading to LONGHORN GRAVITY GUN CONSPIRACY THEORIES  —Dan Mullen did the thing he does: making it worse  —Georgia is the Ohio of the South  —Oregon continues the most efficient season in college football history  —The Feast of the Rowdy Uncles is this week, aka how Pliny the Elder vaped a geological phenomenon  —yes we know there is a beer named after Pliny, we did not go to UGA and therefore do not care  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm Welcome to the shutdowns. You are listening to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only. college football podcast. And this week, I want to add something else, a new Ballywick, if you will, to our profile. And that would be, in addition to being the only college football podcast you will ever listen to on the internet, we cover an important topic that I don't think gets enough shine, and that would be Senate State Candles. Well, as we all know, this program is pleasing to the auditory sense. but why should your ears get to hog all the full cast experience, right? Oh, Ballywick.

Yeah, it's time we spread our coverage domain into the nasal realm as well. So on Amazon, I guess, at wherever on the internet, there's this brand of candle called Hom Sick, not to be confused with Home Field. And they have candles that are said to smell like places, basically. A wide range of places, cities and states, they have, you know, for example, there's a candle that smells like New Jersey, allegedly.

Top notes of candy, apple, and cranberry, midnotes of beach and seaside. Those seem like the same thing, but if you have a very finely trained New Jersey nose, surely you can detect the difference. And a base note of musk and cotton candy. Oh, there's nothing I like better than an unspecified musk. from New Jersey. Big old armpit full of cotton candy. Is this brand maybe better?

Is it homesick or is it home sick? I think it's home comma sick. Yeah. The New York City candle contains a midnote of concrete. Seems appropriate. The city ones. So obviously I didn't see the city ones.

Oh no. They're city ones? So you go to their page and you flip through the city ones and man the eye just bolts right to Philadelphia and I feel like I feel like it's lying from right away because it says it contains top notes of fresh air I like this one though midnote of sweet Tonka is that a plant or something oh there's a Boston candle okay because like if we meant literally a tonka truck I can buy that as a Philly scent a little bit of dumpster

pool in there? Yeah. Smell that. There's a Boston candle that smells like tea. How original. This smells like rosewood. They're giving Atlanta

daffodil and cedarwood and dogwood is only a midnote which that's good. Let's tamp that down as far as we can. Folks, there's a Pittsburgh candle. Fries. Ketchup. No, I'm not making this up.

Top notes. Smoke. Yeah. Wait, wait a goddamn second. Midnotes. Steele what what so awesome like it smells like rubbing pennies together We got we got to get one of it Norlands Norland's top top note bignette

So it smells like it smells like cafe smells like a fried donut oh like a fried donut okay there these are now I think these are fairly new products because they don't have that many reviews But the Denver Oh the reviews are the best part. Yeah There's a Denver The Denver candle so the Denver candle which actually feels like it should be somewhat easy, just do some like vaguely ski slopey smells.

Oh, no, there are country candles. And correctly, like the top notes on this include like fur and pine. The mid notes include hemp and patchouly. But there's only one review for the Denver candle. Three stars.

Weak scent. Here is the review. The scent for the Denver candle is pretty weak. I needed to burn the candle for around five hours before I even started smelling a hint of anything. This guy's just sitting there like, hour four, huffing it up, bro. Nothing.

Not getting anything. There's an Arizona candle. Why doesn't it smell like gun? I am closing the country candles tab because it is stupid. The top review on the general mini that encompasses all the states. This does not smell like Texas, y'all.

This candle smells like a truck stop bathroom and I'm like I thought you said it doesn't smell like Texas it's gonna say it smells like a urinal cake and you're like well covers east Texas do not buy does not smell like the description of northern California smells like bananas and dish soap smells like truck stop bathroom is this like when coaching carousel season rolls around and everyone assumes that just because a coach has lived someplace before that he necessarily wants to go back yeah that's right two stars I wish they had We're weirder cities for these, frankly.

I wish that they were like... Alabama candle. Oh, boy. Oh, man. I was going to tell you that there is a negative review for the Florida candle, which is two stars, too small, too expensive, and has no scent. I will tell you. Any candle that is supposed to smell like Florida that does not have any scent, I will tell you.

I agree with this review 100%. Taste terrible. All of flea, can't kill. I thought, here we go. They have country ones. The United Kingdom. Oh, no. Top notes of grass and rain.

Mid notes of. Wet dog. Tea and wet dog. Fry stand. Smells like me chippy. They have one called Friday night football. They have a memory group here. This is basically an ad at this point.

Top notes. Grass, leather, lemon. Mid-notes, popcorn. Wait, what? There's too many notes. Hold on, I'm sorry. That yellow just made was me looking at the Ohio candle. Oh, no.

Sounds like anger. Friday night football has eight ratings. Most of which are pretty good. Five stars. There is one star, a one-star rating. I think this is for a different one called pumpkin picking. one star broke out into flames that's the point

no no hold on hold on there is there is a picture of a candle that is entirely too on fire so they gave you the visual aid it's full of petroleum for very similar to I'm going to I'm going to send it I'm going to send it to all of you so you can see that I'm not like this person

This review sounds insane that somebody's like, this candle caught on fire. But in truth, this candle caught on fire. Oh, God. That's just a jar with flames coming out of it. No, no, that's a smudge pot. That's seriously. I'm interested in pumpkin picking for the first time ever. Seriously, if I put two of those by my door, Henry V will walk through it and be like, I'm at the stage.

I'm at the stage. I'm at the pumpkin picking. I'm at the combination stage and pumpkin picking. Y'all, the West Virginia candle sense description just says food. They made a candle. Smells like food. This is the Hillbillogy candle. It smells like bullshit.

I just wish that they, like, I think they should do more college football ones. Like, I think they should have, like, blown big 12 chances. That should be a candle. Oh man, we can make these. If the activity in the self-care room on our Discord, on Moon Cruise Discord, is any indication, people will pay anything for candles. Yeah. I include myself in that number. Can I tell you there is, if you search, oh, this is terrible.

Okay, so if you search Missouri candle. Oh, no. The fourth result is the candle that says, it's a scented soy candle infused with orange, lemon, pineapple, cassisoned driftwood. That's excellent. It's got four and a half stars. Where's Missouri getting driftwood? That's not it. It's not a Missouri-themed candle.

It's a candle from a line called wax and wit, and this particular one is entitled, Don't do meth in our bathroom. I'm looking at the, all right, so there's no Missouri candle. There's no Arkansas candle as well. I think that actually is just an oil drama flame. Yeah, that one is just trees and chicken. Oh, there's a Maryland candle.

Oh, two stars for the Maryland candle. doesn't smell like old bay uh the top note is bay motherfucker oh the second note is cumin no nebraska candle the disrespect the chili and hot frost day chili and cinnamon rolls that'd be a delicious smell of candle i'm not gonna lie they have a jewish christmas candle that smells like popcorn and chinese food okay you didn't make that up you read that oh that's right i didn't make that up it says right here Like their recruits, Maryland candles have two stars and no reviews. I assume the Wisconsin candle doesn't exist because it would have too high alcohol content. Yeah, I was going to say it burned your house down while you sleep on the couch.

Hey, I bought this 105 proof candle, Barb. Janet, house is on fire again. I told you we shouldn't have got pumpkin picking. Call Paul, Kristen, have him come over and put it out with this huge sweatshirt. All right. one more, one more, one more, Houston candle. Come on, Houston candle. Oh, I need Jason to read this

in Wright Thompson voice. The Houston candle, yeah, go ahead. We'll set it up. Jason, I'm sending you the description. Bamping while Jason prepares to read it in his finest, right, Thompson. The thing about, yeah, I always feel like, I when it's time to do a voice, I always like, what the fuck did I, it's, it's less

about being called out and it's more like, Like, can Spencer read it as Mac Brown? What if Ryan did this as Brady Hote? Okay. Tobacco leaves Texas leather and brush swayed, capture the sense of the space city. Citrus notes offer an escape from the sweltering heat. I'm taking a picture of what Spencer's doing right now. Michigan lost this week

Ryan keep reading I'm sorry top notes Bergamont white grapefruit mint notes leather brush suede base notes

tobacco hay and Mandarin Brady speaking Mandarin would be wild Neo I put my headphones on backwards oh yeah it's when you said

Space City the idea of Radio Hope knowing anything at all about space is hilarious. Space City, Citrus. They, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, food is pronounced bignet, by the way. I thought you said bayonet for a second. That's terrific.

It smells like bayonets. Like, oh, well, that is a particular period in New Orleans history. The present. I don't want to talk about anything else but this. Yeah. Yeah. My single favorite thing we do on this show that we do, like, live is just read a web page. It's pretty fun to just look at the internet, you know?

It's a certain dating back to the finest, earliest days of 40 for 40. It's like, yeah, why should. This is what town criers used to do. Like, you just have a guy go to town, the middle of town, and basically read you that day's website. How many times, by the way, did they pay the town crier to just read some shit about the person you hated? like you know that happened right oh yeah like if Ryan and I were like arch enemies and Ryan was like hey listen

man I'm gonna give you like 10 croners to just read all this nasty shit about Spencer the town crier oh I'm sorry he would give 10 croner to the town crier actually you know what the town crier would probably do the town crier

would probably come to me and be like yo he's got all this insane shit he's about to talk to you for 11 croner I will read all of this about him I'm like I'll flip the shit, yeah. I'll flip this, right? Yeah, we should bring that. I mean, now we don't, we just go to the New York Post and the Wall Street Journal.

Can your opinion page just put all of this out without looking or fact checking it at all? Can we talk about for just a second how absolutely radical it is that the Wall Street Journal's news department and editorial department are fighting in the pages of the Wall Street Journal? That's awesome. That's awesome. They had a town crier, though. see that the Wall Street Journal probably does have a town crier

Here you here you Deborah's an ass Get your competing town crier You know what you did Jamie To actually begin

At least covering a little bit of what happened this weekend Jason You wish to discuss How Texas is indeed back I'm afraid Texas is back Unfortunately, Texas is yet again back. This Moon Crew Discord, the people I spend most of my time interacting with on Saturdays,

for some reason we have adopted these plucky upstart cows from the University of Texas. We don't really call them Longhorns. We call them cows, which is so much more fun to root for. But we've adopted this team as one of our favorites. We like to root for Texas. It's very weird. so when they pulled off a thrilling upset of the number six for some reason Oklahoma State Cowboys this is a big moment for all of us an overtimer the losing team produced 530 yards on the

day the winning team produced 287 very normal football game I went back and looked for games from this millennium in which you know with similar yardage disparities this is only the fifth such time. The first in a decade, the first time between two power five teams that one had more than 530 or more and one had 2090 or less. The winner had 209 or less. Very exciting, abnormal game. But when you're Texas, you just win however you can, whatever you got to do. Interesting. The last game before this was Tennessee with 287 yards in a win. UAB with 544 and a loss. That was a good game. That's a pretty fascinating number. I want to go watch that right now.

Texas pulled this off because there were five fumbles in this game, and Texas recovered all of them. What? Yeah. The only game I could find like this is 2003 UNLV beat New Mexico, despite being outgained 578 to 229. What a satisfying victory that had to be. Yeah.

And in that one, there were five fumbles, and they only recovered four. So Texas is even luckier than this bullshit. That's the most fumble luck you could find on record. I mean, you'd have to look specifically for just that, but I mean, it's got to be up there. Five for five is nuts. So, yeah.

And Texas also benefited from dribbling a kickoff return around for a while than picking it up and running it back, pulling the old Dion Sanders. Texas just got basically every dumb break you could. There were three fourth down. attempts all three broke Texas's way there was a roughing the punner wasn't there after a failed third down attempt that they were sort of screwed up that they were bailed out on yeah it's just awesome it's just so good to see a little school like Texas catched breaks for

once but now they're ranked so they'll be losing soon guy we're going to leave some of the Texas real estate for split zone duo y'all you know they love the smaller school They do love the... They do. Well, hopefully there's some room between Coastal Carolina at BYU and Texas for us to talk Texas. Oh, God, they've got to play West Virginia next.

Jesus. West Virginia, by the way, off an ass-wopin of K-State. Like a dragon, like a full, hearty pile-driving in all four quarters. Like, they were not ready. K-State was not ready.

Like, that was... I love it when that happened. went on the first drive they roll out and you see a team go oh no we we don't want to do this today we absolutely have no interest in getting hit this hard i got a dental appointment yeah it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a very you understand i've had a very long week and right now my emotions are very sensitive and west virginia's like that's cute you got therapy on tuesday let's do this i also by the way would say this Oklahoma state if you get five out of five fumbles recovered and you get all of the luck. That might be a conspiracy. You know who's going to be

picking that up? Mike Gundy, he's going to get to the bottom of this. I think I think the gravity is out to get you, Oklahoma State. Sounds like when the ball hits the ground and it bounces around, it's not going your way. Might be something in that ground. Might want to start fracking under the stadium. Yeah. Have we just invented, I think, I think, we just invented Texas's great gravity gun. Mm-hmm. Is T-Boon really dead? You know what?

Just asking questions. Is Joe Jemail really dead? Oh, I hope not. No, absolutely not. Joe Jemail is in hell walking around beneath T-Boon Stadium with a gravity gun. He thinks it's awesome. In fact, that's why he went down there in the first place. He's poking at the ceiling with a broom handle of the Lord.

He's looking up saying, just calling him. everyone inside a dumb son of a bitch and a fat boy take take that you turd lilies mike gunda you you stupid bastard cut your hair hippie i took your sweatshirt skinny boy have the courage to grow it long like willie or nothing come on you're lukewarm um the other thing that happened this weekend that merits at least a little comment is that Florida played Missou. Not exactly the world's most consequential game. That's the one. That's the one.

Uh-huh. That's the one game. Is there another one? I think we're talking about events. Events. Okay. Yeah. Not exactly the most consequential game.

All right. A little bit of a get-right game for Florida. Mizzou tried to prove some things. And everybody ended up proving things, including this, that Dan Mullen is a dumb boy. He did the dumbest damn thing by making it worse. That's what you don't want in a situation where things are bad.

Don't make it worse. Quarterback gets hit late right before the half. O line goes after him. And what happens? Do you go out there and you calmly, do you get in the middle of the fight is the question? Now, I'm going to ask all of you, what do great coaches do when a fight breaks out? I know Lou Holtz said, you saved Jimmy. you said great coaches okay i am i am follow me here so great coaches who have won championships okay

how's this great coaches or coaches who have won championships and you'll see my example here um so notre dama and miami get into a fight in the tunnel and i believe the 88 game of catholics v convicts right what a title that is in retrospect and lou holts is after they get into this pregame fight is like you save jimmy Johnson for me in the parking lot. Do you know where Lou Holtz was in that fight? nowhere near it. I thought that was the other way around. Wasn't it Jimmy who wanted to fight no, no, Lou. It was Lou who was like, you save Jimmy Johnson for me. Everybody goes crazy in the parking lot. Good luck, Lou. He says, meet me in the parking lot. Okay, he's nowhere near it. Okay, Kane's FIU. Remember Kane's FIU? The Ned fight, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, where's

my first favorite meme? Yeah. Where's Larry Coker when that's happening? That might have been Randy Shannon at that point. He's old. That's not fair. Now, nowhere near it. No, nowhere near it. Do you ever see, do you ever see Steve Spurier in the middle of all those Florida, Florida State fights? No.

No. No. Hell, did you ever see, we're not talking about guys who necessarily won big championships, but he did win a big 10 championship. Mark Dantoneo. Every time Michigan State went out there and trampled on Michigan's logo, and did it some assery like that. Do you see him in the middle of it?

No. I didn't see it. know why you get paid too much to do that don't do that you let everybody else clear off the field right and damn ellen goes and gets like as our colleague stephen godfrey is fond of saying uh that that he goes out and gets cheap expok heat it's just dumb absolutely dumb and unnecessary stupid it was dumb it's dumb as hell that's all i have to say about it was a great game otherwise You beat Mizzou, though. You beat Mizzou, which that's an...

That's not always a guarantee in Keynesville. Yeah, Tennessee beat Mizzou. Yeah. Right? Did we? That's true. That is true. I felt very confident about that for a second. No, what you're saying is right.

All right. I also like that... I also liked that Dan Mullen wore the Darth Vader outfit at the press conference afterwards. And that, like, if you were already mad at Dan Mullen, that made people matter. like it was like oh he's not taking serious oh this child why won't see he's confirmed he's a mass murderer that's right here's my thing of all the things to be pissed off about at dan mullen and they are myriad this is so small if you're mad at dan mullin about the outfit why aren't you mad at him about all the other shit so i think people were mad about i think people somehow decided that

the outfit was worse because of all the other shit when like that you have nothing to do with each other and i would invite you into the world of my broken brain which is imagining the world where what was the final of this game spencer like 40 to 10 or something 40 11 i believe i believe imagine the world where florida loses this game by 30 points and did it and mullen still goes to the press conference in a dartfeeder outfit isn't that a much funnier world to live in let's just live there briefly imagine will must champ going to anything in a darth vader outfit and not knowing who Darth Vader is it's the only problem I have with it is that Dan Mullen is the least Darth Vader person like maybe in coaching he's way he's way more

like smarmy Star Destroyer Admiral who Darth Vader fucking hates who Darth Vader fucking hates and is like please let me choke him please let me choke him to death well think that makes Kirby smart Darth Vader then doesn't it so far that's no kirby kirby is the like better behaved star to star admiral

who watches that admiral get choked and it's like who hate to be that guy Kirby so Kirby has a lead in the national title game right at the half time and then we're just looking back he's his just burned corpse like Kirby you were the

you were the chosen one spinning through space all these men kind of shaped like charred legless torsos. Yeah, and pretty much have the awareness on important social issues like violence against women

of a charred legless torso. Wow. There it is. Yeah. Thanks, buddy. Glad you're back. Yeah. Yeah. So, of all the things to be mad at him about, there's plenty to be mad at him about,

plenty to hold them account for this i don't really give a shit if you show up in the darth vader costume yeah that's that's the thing i'm that that's where i'm at like i i find it so hard to have the needle moved by this little by this little dan mullen earthquake because i'm still sitting here grinding my teeth at all the big dan mullin earthquakes yeah i mean a coach wore a mask that alone is a victory yeah jesus god we couldn't see your mask we couldn't see your mouth moving through your bullshit mesh mask oh just call it a day i did like the the new development this week where coaches are sticking their um their headset mics under their masks so it looks like they have like a growth the size of a tennis ball on their chin and you could put a lip in mm-hmm that's true like

they're wearing fucking scuba gear i i want one like maybe strength coach maybe just a ga i want them to wear like um like a horse feed mask just like go ahead and eat you know it's hot it's cold as hell absolutely how will eats it's freezing in minnesota is it a your oh and five at this point and just like eat just go to town on some mac and cheese you know those little wire pieces that they've got in the mask to like mold it around the nose right one that just pushes it a little bit further away from your nose so that just you GAs can just pour trail mix into the top of it. Keep it coming. Keep it coming. Oh my God. I just realized Will Mustchamp is going to drown in a

mask. What, full of skull? He is going to pour something into the top of his mask and drown in it. It's got crazins. I hate crazons. You can talk all kinds of shit about Stetson Bennett, by the way, and I won't because I really respect what's happened. I won't. Not after this weekend when I turned on the Georgia Kentucky game, just in time to hear Stetson Bennett with his Second rushing touchdown, and it was like 12, 16 p.m. First of all, dude's a fourth-street quarterback who's starting. Awesome. That's fantastic.

That's everything we want to happen. Yeah, it's not your fault. You're named that, Bennett, Stets, and Bennett. Second of all, he's been caught on the sideline. Okay, because he's down from, like, Swampwise country. He's down from around Blackshear, Georgia. And shouts out to Matt Williams and the entire Blackshear gang. But he was caught on camera, scoring a rushing TD.

and coming in and putting the biggest lip you have ever seen in, right? They're like Stinson Bennett, scoring the TD and just cramming like a fist full of red man like in his mouth. I'm going to say something here that I did not think I'd be saying at the start of the season that I'm still mad about saying, I'm really furious that he doesn't go to a different school that I would actually feel comfortable rooting for. This is the best thing to happen to Georgia football since like Rennie Curran. Save your ire for your first and your second stringers, right? Yeah. If you were even seeing the field to do a thing.

like a four Georgia player since Rennie Curran, I'm calling it. It's like him and, uh, Rodrigo and Rodrigo is fine. He had glasses. I don't know. I think I'm, wait, that's the exorcist. He was also a good kicker. I don't, he's easy. Well, that doesn't endear him to me as a, as an alum of an opponent division school. I would have preferred him to be a terrible kicker with that look. But I don't think I like Wes Anderson enough to really get the Rodrigo thing. He was fine, but if you want to pull favorite dogs for me, I got to go back to like Rennie. That's the level of Normie we're working with in the average Georgia fan, that there was a white dude named Rodrigo who had glasses and they were like, hey, he's exotic

and a kicker. That's crazy. These chicken fingers is spicy. Like, yeah, that's it. Like, we back on Midwesterners all the time for being like super bland, but Georgia had one kicker with glasses and they were like, Jesus, we're old now. We're freaky. Remember on the old Muppet show when a guest would come on? And I forget who it was like Milton Burl or something when he came on speaking pig Latin and the pigs in space sketch and they start screaming, he speaks the ancient tongue.

But Jesus Christ, where were we? Where were any of us really? That's a long. It's time to talk about the AP poll, which I, by the way, I have, I love to talk about the AP poll. You are so right that in every other season, talking about the AP poll has been an absolute chore. And somehow the absurdity of this season has made it a delight. Do you know why that is? Inform me.

So my theory at this point is that AP poll voters like are so follow like such strict programming. where like if you are ranked seven and you win and it's not like a close win you know you win convincingly you should stay there you should maybe move up slightly if you are ranked fifth like it doesn't really matter who you are just like the number should stay the same unless there's a reason for the number to change drastically one way or the other obviously if you like if you're seven and you beat number one, you should jump. If you're seven and you lose to an unranked team, you should fall. It's like, it all makes sense.

But normally the AP poll starts from a place of extreme, um, power five bias. Like, not necessarily bias, but like the, the set they start with is so power five heavy that when they apply this sort of like boring math to like, well, 11 stayed here. so, you know, that there's not a lot of room for good group of five teams to move around and get in. But because of the way the season played out, now that we have Cincinnati and BYU in and around the top 10 and Coastal Carolina in the top 20 and Marshall hanging out there too, like they're just sort of going, like the computer doesn't understand what's happening. It's kind of like war games where Wopper doesn't know that this is.

isn't a simulation and it's like yes send nukes Indiana you're 13 absolutely you're 2 and 0 in the big 10 so you should be 13 that's just how it works here it's and it's so weird to watch because in every other season we would be looking at 5 and 0 Cincinnati being what ranked 18th maybe 16th and and screaming like why are they behind these one and two one and two lost teams and blah blah but that's not how it worked this year the computer doesn't understand what it's doing and it says yes Cincinnati is six BYU is nine coastal Carolina is 15 Marshall 16 Marshall 16 so here's a really funny way to put it it is November November you know the pivotal college football month a one loss Michigan currently

ranks behind Boise State, Cincinnati, BYU, Iowa State, SMU, Indiana, Marshall, and Coastal Carolina. One lost Michigan in November. Obviously, they're one in one. Right. I also, I would like to apologize to Cincinnati for two or three weeks ago

saying their ranking is a little lofty. They've since brutalized two more teams, SMU and Memphis. They've blown out like three top 50 type opponents, which I don't think. anyone else in the country can say so cincinnati i'm sorry i'm sorry let me go ahead and

posit two things here that cincinnati like all other american cities is thriving in the absence of tommy tubberville it's true once he leaves things get better no matter where you are and he will leave that's a guarantee oh yeah yeah he might leave for the duma halfway through his term as a united state senator he might go to a different parliament you don't know he's a wild card Turns out, I'm Australian. See y'all. Good day. The Wisconsin Badgers, beset as they are by COVID issues, are 1 and 0. Their current ranking with just one victory.

It is the most efficient ranking I have seen that did not involve being preseasoner in week one. Wisconsin, with one win, is hanging solid at 10. one win got them the 10 spot in the AP top 25 it might be a record for efficiency but hold on hold on because just two slots below them at 12 without playing a game the Oregon ducks continuing to rise Oregon Oregon was slumping a little bit but they've turned it around about this Oregon season and I hope they include the first two months of it they were 14 last week Oregon dipped. They were 12th, and they have reclaimed their throne. On the wings of absolutely nothing. I think the best one is USC, which I think for four straight weeks has risen without doing anything. They are now number 20.

Ahead of Texas and Auburn, two of our hardest working teams, two of our most content-generating teams. Listen, why do you pay for a USC education if not to rise upward with no effort? apparently perfect it's right there but Oregon is hanging Oregon's hanging at the 12 spot off of Jack and nothing nothing

I am so impressed this is the greatest season in NCAA history Oklahoma State Oklahoma State was 6th was undefeated on the season lost as we've already said

a very unlucky game to a Texas team that played well but like they lost it overtime and their reward is to be two spots below oh and oh orc so uh oh and oregon their schedule Stanford at home at wazoo UCLA at Oregon State I'm here in four and oh all right then they got at Cal that should be gruesome but they'll be favored uh then Washington could be tough so like this team has what one tough game before Christmas. I guess there's also a Paxilf title game.

Two tough games before Christmas. I think the governor should not let them play. I think the governor should say, no. Like, just... I mean, let him get to Oregon State. Let him hit the 4-0 and then say... And then, you know, tell the playoff committee,

I believe you've seen enough. Yep. Yeah. Meanwhile, Coastal Carolina, playing anyone who will step to the plate with the shots, right? taking on all comers rising five spots this week to 15 again

I want to tell everybody the 15th ranked team is usually what UCLA Virginia Tech Virginia Tech Oh boy that's a good UCLA year Yeah Virginia Tech maybe That might be Wisconsin

Wisconsin sometimes lurks around 15 It helps that UCLA hasn't played yet Yeah maybe it's it also feels to me like a real Auburn just lost badly spot Folks you can be trying at 38 Godfrey the 15 is Auburn's crash pad like wow god's oh that's saved your spot sir that's the Auburn team that's like it's got four losses but everyone agrees they're the best four loss team

that's also sometimes Ole Miss 15 which we will call Auburn Skid Row that's where they go when they bought them out coastal Carolina has swiped that spot coastal Carolina or as we've called them in the past right that's the comfort in version of South Carolina Gamecock football. It's the boutique version. They're at 15. That's insane. There are seven group of five teams in the top 25 right now. God, I love it. And that is you talked about this a couple weeks ago on the show. I remember we were all goggling at the fact that there were five group of five teams. And now Liberty and now Liberty has joined the poll at 25. Never mind. I'm not happy about that anymore. No, no, no. This is good. This is good. They're not a group of five team.

and independent. So we don't have to acknowledge that. Terrific. That's a great point. I'm going to say another extremely loaded phrase. There are two ACC teams in the top five. Two. We just said group. That is true.

That is true. Yeah, because Notre Dame is one of them. It's true. It's normal. It's fun to rope them in. ACC power. Notre Dame. They're going to, like, there's a reasonable chance they're going to play for the conference

championship at the, point right like who who is going to I am not particularly convinced that even without Trevor Lawrence no name is necessarily going to be Clemson but even if they don't there are no divisions so it's just like be one of the top two teams who else in the ACC is going to swipe that spot that's right well okay this is yeah this is an intriguing question because if we look at the ACC standings and we want to come up with the funniest and that is all I really care about mash up between

schedule I was like Wake Forest Demon Deacons Pitt was ranked reasonably high not that long ago Pitt plays Clemson

Thanksgiving weekend which means Pitt plays Clemson after Thanksgiving weekend as well because the super weapon

will be fully charged by then Pitt was right Pitt ACC title here we go pit was ranked 21st and is Now, two and four, I don't even know if they can get to the ACC title game at this point.

I like that Pitt beats Clemson and absolutely nothing changes. Clemson just beats Notre Dame a second time and then wins the title. Speaking of... It's nice to have some certainty in these uncertain times. What I was trying to get was a Notre Dame Wake Forest matchup that would end with a replay of the 9-6 Wake Forest ACC title. Why would you say that out loud on this show? Because, because I wanted to happen. Because you're a bad person.

What, do I want to see a Dave Klausen, like, 6-3 game? Yes, yes, I do. You fucking sicko. Not in the good way. Not in the fun way. No, no. Speaking of which, I told you all Georgia, Kentucky was going to be the sickos game. Disagree.

I told you all. Are you saying Northwestern Iowa wasn't the sicko game? Do you know what happened in that game? Agree to disagree. Wow. Can we, can we, can we, can we discuss these after podcast business? Fine. Let's do these after.

What's that business? Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business. What's that business? It's a gun and its name is Neil. Neil the gun. Thank you.

Let's look for a good capper. And you had it. Jason, we got some business. We got some business. Our e-book, The Sinful Seven, available at Sinful7.com. That Spencer and I worked on with Alex Kirchner, Richard Johnson, and Tyson Whiting. We did a very fun thing in the pre-sale portion where we let people pay whatever they want, 99 cents or more, and we gave a portion to Feeding America.

We gave Mumbles, thousands of dollars. I forget the exact digit. Probably should have written it down, but it was a very impressive figure. That was the funnest portion of the book as far as sales go. So we're going to try that again. We're going to do that again for the holiday season. November and December at sinful 7.com, the e-book that has been positively reviewed by much of college football Twitter

and whose name has been mentioned by people such as Paul Feinbaum. We're going to go down to 99 cents. You can pay whatever you want above that. And 20% of our proceeds, New Year's Day, whenever we get the tallies in after New Year's Day, 20% of those proceeds will go to the NAACP Legal Defense Fund. So, yeah, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, what holley's was Georgia, Kentucky. Oh, I don't want to talk about that game. I would just like to

point this out. That game was over, that game was in the fourth quarter by, I believe, to, around 2.15 and finished up like finished up to the point where they were vamping because they had to fill time. That's how little either team really wanted to play it. Kentucky was down 14.3 with something like eight minutes left and Kentucky was content to run the clock out. Kentucky ran the clock out on themselves and nobody including the announcers or anyone else suggested more urgency. That was it. I believe the color announcer said, you know, Kentucky's really got to play with some urgency here, and you can hear the unspoken, do they? Really? No, they're completely happy with getting out of there and doing absolutely nothing. If you wanted to know the game plan ahead

of the Florida game, it would be Georgia running the ball 16 times on the first drive. How many plays were there on the first drive 16 they did not pass the ball they showed absolutely nothing they did nothing of interest leading up to the big game in jacksonville so a complete sickos game if you watched it as i watched way too much of it it was kind of like watching one of those andy warhol movies that's like 60 hours of people sleeping some parts of it were you know visually arresting but that was like two minutes that wasn't you know the other 59 hours and 58 minutes a stultifying wonder that really we should never ever watch again if we are handing out retroactive sicko awards um my pick of michigan state michigan held up pretty well wow i had i had

michigan state covering in a hideous way um can it be a can it be a sicko game if it's an upset for Michigan I imagine I mean did you did you watch it I did watch it yeah

I was actually I was unable to watch this one but I did not get the impression that people were viewing it as a particularly beautiful expression of football there were there were some entertaining aspects of it

other and there were other parts as well um Yeah, no, I'm going to stick with, here's what I'm going to stick with Northwestern Iowa. This is a game where Iowa jumped out to a 17-0 lead early. On a Northwestern team that you may recall just demolished Maryland, week one. A Maryland team that on Friday had shown that they were not just going to be one of the worst teams in the Big Ten this year, at least for one week.

and then Northwestern Iowa got three more points in the game and lost this game 2120 Spencer when do you think Northwestern scored

the last points of the game for either team and what ended up being the decisive margin at what point how much time was left in the game when that happened I am going to say 26 minutes you're recently close

It happened with 6.05 left in the third. So like 21 minutes. So for 21 minutes, Iowa had to watch a game that it had already blown a three score lead in and now trailed only by one. And they had to sit and hang on that hook and slowly bleed out for 21 minutes with punt, punt, interception, turnover on Downs Interception. And they didn't watch Northwestern do anything. thing good back. They watched

punt, interception, punt, punt, end of game. Like, that to me is true sick oh shit. When you already saw the end game scenario, but you didn't really, like, the editors forgot to cut out.

The extra 21 minutes of game, a third of this game was meaningless. We got a mid credit scene. It's a punt. And nobody knew. This would be like watching porn where the big finale happened and then they just got to watch them like lay around and

clean up that's all it is like you want to shower do you want to get something to eat it's a wrap okay good i need a towel you just watch like 20 minutes of that because at least like at least like michigan state michigan i'm nothing oh no oh no suit yourself man like at least kentucky at least like it was clear that game was done kentucky was like listen man our scholarship money It's paid out either way. It's fine. Whatever. Let's just get this over with.

Michigan and Michigan State had like some intrigue at the end. Michigan sucked a lot of that intrigue out by deciding that time was a fruitless human concept. But I don't know, man. Northwestern going up by one and Iowa being like, all right, guys, time to mount the final charge. It's just stumbling over and over and over again. Let's put it into second gear. Northwestern had like was up on a hill. that's it it's like imagine if you were watching endgame and there was a 20 minute scene

where cap was trying to summon thor's hammer and nothing was happening no no so here's what you said you said in northwestern iowa the it was decided early on the pivotal moment a big moment happens early right well in end game they cut off thanos's head right away and you kept watching for three hours waiting for iowa to score See, this is no country for a little bit. Also, what happens in both endgame and northwestern Iowa is the Hawkeye is good for nothing. I want to change my sicko vote to Bama Mississippi State because that game is over like four seconds in and just got more and more over. Did we experience sicko ween?

Mississippi State rushed 15 times for 2.5 yards per carry. which increased their season rushing average. They threw for 3.4 yards per pass. They threw 48 times. I would like to withdraw my proposal of Georgia, Kentucky and throw in with Bama Mississippi State at this time. Someone somewhere, it might have been in our Discord, like two drives into the game.

Actually, it was probably Richard was saying like, all right, whoever's watching this game, are they, is Bamma rushing three, dropping eight into coverage? And everyone was like, yep, yep, yep. Say, okay, that's it. That's ball game. It's over.

Because that's all anyone does against Mike Leach and it's worked really well for four weeks in a row. Mississippi State's first, first down in this game came at 9.30 in the second quarter. And they followed that up with two incomplete passes in a sack. God. So there is a video that Bama posted of Nick Sabin breaking down a pick six. One of the pick sixes, I don't know how many there were. And of course, you know, nothing's perfect in Nick Saban's mind.

He's breaking it down and he's like, well, we got the three-man rush here. It's not great. He's complaining about the three-man rush not getting home. It's three on five, coach. This is your biggest problem. It's three guys can't beat up five guys. If you look around that clip, every other Bama DB is glued to their dude just like the coverage is perfect the coverage found one thing to gripe

about it's like well we didn't kill the quarterback you guys have been talking about you want to see that that black widow movie you know she could have taken more than two guys on and fight i don't see what's so hard about y'all you could just by the way in that explanation he starts terrible nick saven i don't ever want to do that again he starts and he says this he goes well you can see in this play here we've got and after that it's just just go like ripple is here playing flat pressing the cover here like it's it's jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon no but that's his id it's his it just except that if you were to to unplug you know the stopper to a normal person's id it would be

all kinds of mess falling out and with sabin it's just like a ticker tape out of an old-fashioned calculator it's not like like belichick you say coach can you talk about a ruggers fullback and you'll get a sonnet you know with saving it's jargon that's the purest expression yeah and he just cannot the implicit understanding by the way is this he's when he's looking at everybody he's going this is simple i don't understand why you can't do it everybody can do this stuff if you just look at it and i i actually i believe him no i mean it i don't think he's i don't think he's fucking with you or putting you down when he says i don't understand why people can't do it i think he genuinely understands why people can't do it because it's so easy to his brain to see the matrix in this way and that is the source of

a lot of his frustration we have rules it felt we're not saying a joke but i get this yeah um another thing that happened this weekend was Auburn had an efficient blowout of LSU LSU by the way I've been trying to describe what they got they got the butt fever they're just butt and that butt just gets more butt every week They just get just so much butt in every window. I will say, it was very clever of LSU to, I think they had a week off, and then they played South Carolina, and they looked very good in the South Carolina game. Like, congratulations to the LSU staff for, like, effectively duping the fuck out of your fans by basically being all right, we get it. We, okay, we, it was a bad start, but everything's fine now.

Let's go play Auburn, a game that's always. close and you know we'll fight till the oh look at that bo necks had four touchdowns what can you do when the other team has bo necks uh ls u s u is two and three the Cincinnati bingles are also have two wins there you go that is correct uh in this game if you did not watch it one wonderful way to make sure that you don't have a two-man quarterback controversy in a game is to make sure that you have a three-quarterback controversy, which is that, by the way, this might have played out, you can't decide who the better player is between T.J. Finley and Max Johnson

in this game because both of them were absolutely miserable and harried by the kind of Auburn defense where if I tell you they have my favorite thing that all Auburn defenses have, when they're good, is this a decided fat guy advantage? Their fat guys were mulling and proud. looking for snacks, meeting people up, throwing big dudes into the stands, Harry and the quarterback asking, where's the candy? Yeah, that's what Auburn had going on.

They were just dominating LSU at the line of scrimmage in both directions. And in doing so, basically had both quarterbacks come out. Max Johnson ended up getting more throws. He got more playing time than T.J. Finley did because T.J. Finley did, because DJ Finley was on tilt real fast and Bo Nix I can't believe I'm saying this he was efficient

he went 1824 through for 300 admittedly you'll go yeah that's LSU secondary yeah I don't know what's going on either they got Derek Stangley back there and they're real bad because they let Bo Nix pass for 300 yards on them to their credit I will say this Auburn appears to have simplified

things nicely for Bo Nix because all he has to do now is throw a lot of RPO involving not too many uh options on the p part of that and run that's that's what and he happens to be real good at that he actually led Auburn in rushing with 81 yards so yeah this was just an ass kicking up and down the block it was 48 11 and Auburn didn't even score in the first quarter so lSU something's real broke there and i don't think you're going to see the same people back on that staff with a quickness because you know who's not going to take you know who's not going to take

You know who's not going to take the fall for that? Ed O, Ed O is going to go ahead and clean out. If that means Bo Pellini at Defense of Coordinator, well, that's what they're going to do quickly. So, like, Chisicking has been the, that's the term that people have thrown around. And I'm a little confused why. Like, I get the literal why of it. You go from undefeated national championship to this. I get, like, the strict aspect of it.

But, like, with Chisic, there was an element of like, hey, listen, We get that last year was, like, not sustainable that you had this otherworldly player who is going to forever be in the conversation of greatest single players in the sports history. And there was, like, the right amount of Auburn, Auburn Jesus luck that went with it. Like, I think there was an understanding that, like, yeah, it's not going to happen again. With LSU, it's just like, I mean, Think about it this way.

They've already lost three games. They haven't played Bama or A&M or Florida yet. I don't know how deep, like, the Gene Chisick hole only went so deep. Yep, I heard it. And I'm not sorry. That's power through. You're fine.

But, like, they could lose six games this year, right? Easily, yeah. At this right? Because they don't, they don't, like, defensively, they don't. don't know what they're doing it's not a matter of it's not a matter of oh they don't have talent it might be a worse problem it's a matter of i don't think if at this point those dudes aren't on the same page then they're not listening you don't blame the players for that at this point

it's what are you doing to take this how's this what are you doing to take are you going to take are you going to look at me and say that lSU has a talent problem right say that with the straight face to my face. No, they do not have a talent problem. I will say this. This is a management problem. This is a chemistry problem. I will say this.

I'm going to put it down now, putting my chip on this. December 5th, sicko game of the season. LSU Ole Miss. Matt Carrell's going to throw for 8 TDs. And he might lose. That's got huge sicko potential. Yeah, that's a good question. let's go four of each

yeah four he giveth in he take it mackerel by the way six t ds on vandy if you need a get right game call vandy wait we got lsu florida scheduled for

december 12th yeah that's the rescheduled one where everyone's like they're going to be wearing parkas on the sidelines oh it's 50 degrees watching lsu florida for honica yeah

awesome normal. Why is tonight different from other nights? Please let the oil run out, please. God, that's going to be beautiful. I'm going to love it. I'll be like, yes, it's a holiday edition of LSU, Florida, which is kind of like saying, your uncle's here, and he's on fire and about to come through the window.

And now Ed Orgeron will tell us of the Maccabees. Maccabees. Maccabee. So they're called the Roman Empire. Fuck you. Fuck them. You get your asses up out of hill. That is,

that is, by the way, I think, a great transition to Indiana football. I just wanted... And that if there's a fever of some kind. The winning machine that is Indiana Hoosiers football. Oh, we're back to Indiana Fever. Yeah, you know who's not undefeated at this point in the season? Oh, last year's defending national champions. And one of the best teams from last year, Georgia, and Michigan football.

Who, by the way, next week gets to play the winning machine. The winning machine known as Indiana Hoosiers football. They get to play them. and you might think well speaking to get right games boy in any other conventional world where it wasn't the full cast you would say ah this is where michigan finally gets things on track by playing indiana but for once the universe is in harmony with our sick braids and in 2020 this game this indiana's to win baby it's all michigan you gotta go to doomington you up with shrimp cocktail oh that's it just stuffing rotten shrimp cocktail into the back of jim harbaw's van while he's not looking and you know it's a van it's an oconnell line looks like uh indiana oh indiana that's right indiana stadium is nicknamed uh the rock because they have a rock the rock

you're coming to the rock bitch um sorry we killed sean connery guys we did that happened too Indiana's gonna win in the honor but Michigan State won so it being the month of November now we have firmly entered holiday season remember the calendar goes from big boy season straight into holiday season they're overlapping but but we have to as holiday season make an announcement that we have we're either overdue or on time depending on your Roman depending on your Julian Or early. Or early? I'm going to say that...

You can't spell Gregorians without Greg. And if you ever wanted to know about the kind of guys who were making calendars back in the day, Gregs of history, y'all. Yeah. Not the most trustworthy. Anyway, it's been brought to our attention that we are approaching a holiday of our own creation from last year's Christmas Disasters episode. That would be the anniversary of the eruption of Mount Basuvius, the destruction of Pompeii, and the destruction of Pompeii, and the... shutdown full cast created Feast of the Uncles of Pompeii. And fellas, I have discovered a new fact about the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. Go on. The reason we know anything at all about the

eruption of Mount Vesuvius is primary due to the writings of a Roman author and Philosophizer, who I'm going to lean into Georgian accents again and call Pliny the younger. Pliny? Pliny? Pliny? Hey, is that Pliny or is that Pliny's daddy Pliny? Well, Jason, I'm so glad you asked because there's also a Pliny the Elder. And I had been operating under the assumption this entire time that Pliny the Elder, who was killed and the destruction of Pompey in 79 AD, was Pliny the Younger's father. Guess what? Huh.

He's his uncle. Yes! The original, Rowdy Uncle. Uncle Pliny? Uncle Pliny? That volcano took my uncle Pliny. Big Pliny. Little Pliny, you got to carry on since Big Pliny died.

You're the Pliny now. I just like the idea that he was called Big Pliny. A thousand Pliny is now living you. You go take that up with Big Pliny. Little Pliny ain't got the authority to make that decision. Little Pliny, you get off that swing set. I just don't know if I'm cut out to be the Pliny. Pliny. Little Pliny is the kind of song they sing on the porch in a hillbilly drama before somebody's arrested by the G-Man looking for a still.

Oh, little Pliny. Little Pliny, the first mumbo-core rapper. Lil Pliny. You tried to smoke a volcano. Yeah, speaking of which, this is widely disputed and I don't care because it's awesome. History held for a very long time that Pliny the elder died by running towards. the eruption of Pompeii because holy shit, sorry, the running towards the eruption of Vesuvius because holy shit and died from inhaling volcanic fumes, by which I mean in modern terms, this man tried to vape a volcano.

Uncle Pliny, get out that volcano. Uncle Pliny's got a lip of pumice in. Uncle Pliny done took my favorite jewel pod, a volcano. I hope he ran towards. it because he was like oh that's where I left my big green egg god damn you know that that's the biggest greenest egg of all brother that thing up there uncle Pliny took one look at that plume of smoking and he said oh I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm the meat this time listen I left a I left a whole a full kilo Carolina's famous gangster green high up on

that hill hoping the feds wouldn't find it and I'm gonna get it for the lava does because little Pliny said uncle plan to be done in about 10 hours Y'all know Titus Flavius Josephus, the historic. I'm keeping going, Josephus. Yeah, Josephus. Writer of Antiquities of the Jews. He clearly meant antiquities of the jewels. Yeah.

I would. He's another scholar of the era. He's the one who he helps us set it in the time period because he said in his writings that it occurred during the reign of Titus Caesar. which is kind of how we helped orient this in time. I was just saying if we had another name from that era, a writer and politician who would have done really well, Cato. Hey, Cato!

Cato! You get up there and talk to Big Pliny. You see what he's up to. I'm going to read you a short missive from eyewitness to History.com, which contains a translation of Pliny the Youngers. I don't know if this is quite a eulogy, but he's writing about the destruction of Pompey and the heading is Wrath of the Gods and here's his

description of Pliny the Elder wanting to get an up close look at God's Pissed y'all My uncle's scholarly acumen saw it once that it was important enough for a closer inspection Oh yeah

How many uncles have been launched via this sentiment throughout history So I saw a big flash on the horizon and I said I gotta go take a gander this led to the question by the way if this weekend is indeed the weekend of the festival of rowdy uncles then how should one celebrate it and with which games i would say this this is the week this week is the return of the mac and i will just automatically as a blanket statement say oh my god yeah since ever is top of the world baby um in every instance in every mac team and every school

if you said is this a rowdy uncle town absolutely buffalo new york rowdy uncle town western michigan hell yes kent state certainly eastern if salani's just rowdy uncle as hell so every every mat game from to toledo to bowling green uh to de colb illinois all of you Colb Muncie, Indiana is maybe the most uncle

that's like that's like the Big Rock Candy Mountain for uncles I got to pay child support so I got to move some place where the rats

I got Lawrence and Muncie Oh man and then we go straight from there to Reno Reno yeah that's another rowdy uncle game hell yeah

any game in Reno is by default but by the way that's also involving Utah State did you remember Utah State's old equipment manager that one of the rowdiest uncle looking dudes you've ever seen in your planet who had the magical handlebar mustache recently passed away rip handlebar dan that wasn't actually his

name i just like calling him that yeah that's completely rowdy uncle territory there we had calendars being made by dudes named gregg and julian we don't actually know that this guy's name wasn't handlebar dan no i will say this too uh in terms of rowdy uncleness Florida, Georgia very high on that list because if I told you about irresponsible people who don't know how to act, those states are one and two on the list. And if they met in Jacksonville for a weekend,

you'd stay clear of it like it was a nuclear test. That's a Rowdy Uncle special right there. The Utah State Assistant Equipment Manager was his name was Steve Wiley and his nickname was The Nightrunner. Routy Uncle.

Yeah. Tell me that's not a bacterium. movie. It will be. Well, probably not a McTiernan movie. I'm going to rename myself John McTiernan just so we

can make this movie. Should we tell him? Yeah. No. Okay. All right. He's in prison. I know.

Or is he dead? Or is he dead and in prison? Who can say? Just keep going. You're doing great. I will also say Pitt at Florida State. Pitt at Florida State has strong Roundy Oak Village.

Not that you should watch it. In fact, you should probably steer clear of it, much like a collection of rowdy uncles. I mean, if we're looking for the rowdiest uncle game, Tennessee, Arkansas is right there. Yeah. See, yeah. I think just scroll all the way to the bottom. What's at the very bottom of the week 10 schedule? New Mexico, Hawaii. Yep. Oh, that's the uncles they don't let come around anymore. That's an uncle who wants to be very far away from people versus an uncle who wants to be very far away from everybody and people all in the all in the same place with that's he's real good with the dogs