Shutdown Fullcast - A Trust Exercise - Week 5, Recapped

Episode Date: September 30, 2019

Hi, it's Ryan. I'm not on this episode because my internet was being a real shit, and I haven't listened to it yet, so I have no idea what it contains! I predict there's probably some talk about Rutgers and UNC, and Spencer probably freaks out about the Auburn-Florida game. Maybe something about Virginia Tech getting flattened by Duke? Shrug. Let's find out together. Surely I won't be mocked and slandered on this episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. The Internet's only college football podcast here in our 23rd season, I believe, of doing this thing. Somebody pointed out the other day that we have passed 420 episodes. Jesus Christ, why are you guys still here? That was a special moment. Yeah, somebody out there is this in all 420. That person is now high. Not me.

Not me. Not speak for yourself. If you have listened to 420 episodes of the shutdown forecast, congratulations, you are now dangerously dank. People have said that about me. We're going to talk about, you know, this week in college football, kind of a, I don't want to say a sleepy week, but I do think it was a week where, this felt like the week where college football overspent a little bit in the month and then had kind of

the week of reckoning right where it was we don't we we had budget for four Saturdays uh oh we had five Saturdays in this month shit no fancy ketchup this month

all the all the ketchup is in the packet drawer even those who had the ambition to maybe consider pulling upsets it wasn't so much that they were rudely awakened it's that they woke up in the coffin right like buried alive i for one absolutely loved ohio state having no time to put up with anything from nebraska whatsoever none that game was over in eight minutes like the eye test alone just destroyed any hope anyone had of a game that was interesting for anything other than

and, you know, sheer embarrassment and brute force. Yeah, that's probably, I mean, I guess Ohio State's the only people who didn't fall for Nebraska hype to any degree whatsoever in this calendar year, you know, everybody else is sort of like, I don't know, maybe, in Ohio State's like, no, no, we know. The answer is not maybe. The answer is not maybe. It's no. I think when they called a Justin Field run on third and,

long and scored on it i think you know in the what early second quarter yeah that might have been in by the way justin fields i think he's going to be okay he seems comfortable i think he's taken well to his surroundings there even though his surroundings are by his own reports the football facility if you saw his comments on yeah i'm not really too familiar with the rest of campus you know You know, we stay real busy over here, you know, and then I go to my apartment. It's crazy. The student athlete experience, the authentic NCAA-approved student-athlet experience. I do like to see him doing stuff besides fake punts.

That's cool. I don't know who would have him doing that. That seems foolish with the skill he has. It just stuck out my mind. Like, that would suck if he had to do that. And that was all he got to do for a whole season. It was open. I will always point my up.

it was it was they had it they got the look they wanted my favorite thing after any special team's debacle is well we got the look we wanted which thereby absolves the coach right like that's the reason for saying that yeah yo oh yeah no i mean obviously you know like i i did everything i was supposed to do perfectly drawn up yeah we got we got the look we wanted i That it's like a matter of interpretation, right? Like, I don't know. They said the allies were invading this part of France. Oh, they showed up over here.

It's not what the note said. Like, got the look we wanted. All that says is I outsmarted the other coach. After that, what do you want? Yeah, what? This quarterback's never going anywhere, right? I mean, what's he going to do other than look like a demi-god in the first four games? of the 2019 season.

Justin Fields is awesome. Justin Fields of Kennesaw, Georgia, by the way. No kidding. No. I didn't know that. How'd the owls let him go? It's our eternal shame. The thing is he wanted to throw passes and, you know, just wasn't a fit.

Otherwise, he surely would have gone FCS. We have some very brief podcast business tonight. We do. As a matter of fact. That would be, we have a live forecast coming up. two actually but one more pressing that would be on October 5th 4th 4th October 4th

October 4th off to a bang We're going to Charlotte hold four fingers up Three sir for the four horsemen Yeah for the four horsemen Is that a basketball thing? Because we're going to Charlotte It is it is that was the offense that Hold up four for the final four

I can remember that That's good I was going to go Hold up four for the triangle Yeah actually The triangle plus ECU. I was going to go four for the number of wins that Wake Forest has so far this year. And zero five. Did they get to five and no?

Dear God, man. I'm going to get one number right in this podcast. How about four for the downs that Mack Brown likes to continue playing offensive football on? Because he did it three times against Clemson. Testosterone replacement therapy is doing wonders for him. TRT, baby We're selling tickets for this show But based on how it's going so far

Trying to explain where the show is I'm really fucking hesitant To tell you how to buy them So Full cast live Tickets on sale For Charlotte, North Carolina Charlotte

You know, the Queen City itself Is that what they call it? Is that the Queen City? Yes. Okay, good, good There are multiple Queen Cities and I just wanted to make sure I was hitting one.

Are there others? What like London? pretty much yeah by the way can you think of anything worse than like formerly as minneapolis also wait really well because because because it birthed prince you know right ah that is clever that's a very queenful I like that and if you pointed that out to then they'd be like oh you know we didn't have anything to do with it shucks so so take us such a nice boy such a nice boy it's going to be at the old Mecklenburg brewery what was prince's mom's name because i bet he still referred to there's

like oh that's debra's boy yeah i know him god that would have been the weirdest thing in the world to like to be prince's mom to be yes that would be especially weird for me i mean he had to have one i'm almost positive that's how it works uh at the old michaelberg brewery in charlotte north carolina on october fourth uh believe we were kicking out off at 7 p.m in Eastern time zone, the God's time zone, and a.k.a. the time zone where we watch Chip Kelly lose at 2 in the morning, not at 11 p.m. It was. So voxmediavents.com. Is that right? That is correct. So we'll do that. We'll also, of course, be passing out the link on all of our various outlets throughout the week and reminding you to purchase tickets. If you are in the Charlotte area,

at the Research Triangle. If you are in, where else? Greensboro. Wilmington. Come inland. It's fine. It'll be fine. If you're out in Kynston,

home of the brave, home of Jerry Stackhouse, that's right. Home of Vivian Howard. Vivian Howard or Jerry Stackhouse. No one has more range than Kinston, North Carolina. Those are ever been together

on any of her shows? I would like this. Yeah, no, that needs to happen now. The chef's table and throwing someone through it. Yeah. uh so that concludes podcast business thank you yeah thank christ god uh let's never do that again so we also had so this what you know this this wasn't the most um consequential weekend i think would be a fair way to say it uh entertaining all throughout as as always but we had a little bit

of a we had a little bit of bonus material this weekend because saturday wasn't the end of college football generating outcomes. In fact, Rutgers continued into Sunday, delivering us the first FBS head coaching fire of the season. It's always a precious special moment. Chris Ash, in the same year in which Ash finally won Pokemon, he also finally left Rutgers. Ash cashed. Ash cashed out, 8 million buyout, I think.

No money to pay the student athletes, but there's money to pay Chris Ash. I mean, he did a lot. I didn't say it was a lot of good. Yeah, he probably did put in a lot of hours. He did do several, several things. There were many lots there. Chris Ash, you should know, his record there. Eight and 32.

Yeah. Eight, what? I'm sorry, this bit isn't funny anymore. Yeah. Pretty standard records. That implies that it was funny to begin with, and I also apologize for that. So we've seen the name of the new Ruggers interim head coach, right?

I would let you say it. It's not racist if it's Italian. Yeah, that's awesome. I'll learn that from playing Nintendo. You can celebrate the musicality of the Italian language. I have, ever since it was discovered that this is now the name

of the man in charge on Rutgers's sideline. I've had at least 10 to 100% of my brain has been Brad Pitt's goons and inglorious bastards trying to say, Nunzio Campanile. Grassy. And someone's challenging them to keep saying it and really lean into the music of it. Nusio.

Campanile. Campanile. Nunzio Campanile. There's a real deal. danger that the overall environment of despair and the inability to both pay out Chris Ash's incomprehensible $8 million buyout. Who's his agent? I just want to know.

My new best friend. And if it's Jimmy Sexton, why? By the way, like, it's not just that, remember we're like, man, Kyle Flood sucks, because he's Rutgers head coach and he sucks. You have a 600 winning percentage, all right? Like, Chris Ash, by winning eight games in three years there, had a lot. 200 win percentage. I might be inaccurate on 8 million, by the way.

That's just the number in my brain, but I've said it. So now someone will believe it. It's canon for our show at least. You have to go back to get somebody who has a worse winning percentage at Rutgers of all places than Chris Ash, you got to go all the way back to 1901 when Arthur P. Robinson went zero and seven, all right? as as head coach okay by their first ever head coach no because for like 20 years there they were just the lost boys yeah no they yeah they did not have they had no king they had no one to leave them

they had no rufio right no nonsio no nonsio you should know but you should know you should know that And like Rutgers football We go Nancy Oh, that is so dangerous You should know that this dude Oh, okay Right, Arthur Ryan would have understood my hook references

It's a movie where an adult murders a child Why do you think I like it? The child stabbed This guy Arthur P. Robinson The only coach Before his predecessor To have a worse record than Chris Ash

This dude Only coached one year and what oh and seven the rest of the time he worked for a concrete a concrete machinery and contracting business that was his real passion and in his spare time he became uh one of the few rutgers head coaches worse than the guy getting millions of dollars to not coach rutgers now was this like concrete barren responsible for like all of new jersey's greatest and most beloved art Big blocks of concrete. I was going to say,

yeah, look at that fucking concrete. Oh, God. That's a big fucking pile. It's so beautiful. Look at it. Oh, God, it's lumpy. Come over here. Take a look at this fucking concrete.

Smooth as a baby's ass. So I wanted to throw out a suggestion for a wreckers. You could do the conventional thing. You could hire a football coach. You're just going to have to do that again in four years. It's not. going to work you could you know you could hire somebody give them like a decade to try to turn it around but somebody's going to panic and fire them so i think you go ahead and try something new

perhaps even go ahead and uh hire coaches who just go ahead and pre-fire them just say you have this many years and then you're gone right like a presidential term and in fact since this is unconventional and since, you know, who would really sign up for this? I mean, John L. Smith. John L. Smith will do it. Actually, this is a little bit long. If you say, I'm already here. This is kind of like his actual contract.

I'm at the door. If you say John L., we need you to stick around for three years, he's like, ha-ha. Let's make it something weird. How about two years and seven months? I can give you four months. Then they need me back in Utah. I got a shift.

I got to pick up. I wanted to throw out the idea that we, Bannersociety.com, go ahead and become the Rutgers coaching staff. Bud could do that. Well, I thought about this. So, Bud, all right, Bud recruiting coordinator. Like, he could probably handle that, you know, deliver, like, Rutgers grade results. Sure, sure, right? Spencer, you're a strength coach now, okay?

Okay. Holly, how do you feel about being S-I-D? That's Alex Kirshner, sorry. Well, I have Alex Down for special teams coach. That is fair, never mind. But I thought you could really do some damage as S-I-D. If you don't want it, we can find another job for you. That's totally fine.

I do like being petty online. Okay. I think Richard is our head coach. He did play football. Young, dynamic. Don't ask which level, but he did play football. we can we can really we can really work with this Florida connections right now we're talking recruiting right and he knows the New York area he's literally more New York than Rutgers is okay

Stephen godfrey of course is running our bagman network our booster coordinator Ryan is of course our mascot and I just want to be in charge of like stadium music and lighting like I want to get the what I want to do is take the the the fucked up red Georgia stadium lights and I don't want them for a full Saturday experience I want them for an empty ass New Jersey Friday night

like it was it was slightly scary in a full stadium imagine how fucking spooky that is in an empty stadium imagine how spooky the stadium was on an empty ass jersey Friday night took my union card into my butt and I drove down

to the shack we're going to replace all the music There'll be no Bruce. There will be no Bon Jovi. It's probably just Redman. Oh, you know. Red like Rutgers. Fettie Wop.

Redman, Fettie Wap. We can get Joe Budden, Chino XL. Maybe that's our announced team. Joe Button would be hating on everything in the stadium. Perfect. You, you see four. I see you. You trash.

I still really want the, I thought of other New Jersey music. I want Dillinger Escape Plan. like most hilariously complicated fucking like math core band I want I want Rutgers band

to try to learn one of their songs like all that just could do some crazy trumpet runs like that yeah we want the bumblebee

they can do that I just want every team that comes to the stadium to be like we gotta get the fuck out of here I'm so

I want to play the annihilation soundtrack for the entire fourth quarter you know you know how we're getting

hype with the The screaming fucking bear and everything. I was going to say a new mascot is mutant bear. Yeah. Screaming help bear. We got to get out of Rutgers. I also want to,

I want to make our official hype up is meeting the rest of the strength staff, right? Just lifting in jeans and work boots. That's it. We're just going to be deadlifting, you know, and like fist pumping in the clothes we wore to the office. Right? be super jersey because like do you remember who is it's not john delaney uh who is the democratic presidential candidate who's over is that john edward no it's delaney he's from jersey

and there was an article on him working out and it's him deadlifting in slacks like slacks and a polo and i was like oh that man yearns to lift in jeans and work boots like a button down with the sleeves ripped off. Yeah. That's what we're going to do to get everyone I. We're going to get Jersey strong. Have you ever seen the Pine Barrens episode of the Sopranos? Surprisingly haunting.

You guys want to see a dead body? We got one here at Rutgers University. It's called the football program. Oh, God. What a recruiting bitch. You know what our signature of dish is? It's a horrible sandwich served out of a truck. Wait, I don't actually know this.

What is Rutgers' signature sandwich? I believe they're big fans of like a pseudo-garbage plate arrangement. A sandwich? Yeah, it's, I can't remember the exact name of it, but it's served out of a truck. I hope it's called like a Jersey sandwich. It's called the Garden Plate. Get it? I have a Plowman's lunch joke, but I don't think anybody's going to get it.

So, like, you know how Records has been calling itself the birthplace of college football? Yeah, you know what? Women used to give birth in ditches all the time and they died at like 35. So. College football's birthing gulch. The birthing canal of college football. Oh, God. We got to make this as horrible as possible.

Wait, that was because what's the other thing there, Johnson and Johnson? They know all about cervixes. So the sandwiches were served by, I, I called them, like, just random trucks. It's worse. They were referred to as grease trucks. Ah, why? Awesome.

They served. That sounds relatable. That's the most relatable thing we know about Rutgers. They were in the specialty were fat sandwiches, which included, which included. This sounds relatable. Which included, you ready? Which included items like the fat cat, which was two cheeseburgers, French fries. Ready?

Two cheeseburgers. burgers french fries lettuce tomato mayonnaise and ketchup all combined on a bun uh the fat cat became popular other ones were the fat moon which was chicken fingers bacon egg french fries lettuce tomato mayonnaise and ketchup and the fat cocoa which was pizza steak what the fuck is a pizza steak please tell me that steak please tell me that steak with pizza sauce and like cheese melted on it it's got to be oh god and the fat sam which was cheese steak grilled chicken french fries lettuce tomato mayonnaise and ketchup. Come on down to Rutgers University.

Get you a fat pizza. The fat Daryl was the most popular sandwich, which was chicken fingers. That's a great name for a sandwich. I don't know what's in it. Chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, French fries, and marinera sauce. What the fuck?

The hell. Hulse date run by toddlers. Remember that time we thought that the Falcon sub at Publix was like a little much? I feel like we've been living in Plato's allegory of the cave, but the cave is a sandwich shop. They had to change the name of a few of them once grease trucks became more popular

because several of the names were deemed offensive. Names like the fat ball sandwich, the fat bitch sandwich. I thought you were going to say due to Rutgers, due to New Jersey's unusually high population of Daryls, We have to change the fat Daryl sandwich Yeah, and one was called the fat Filipino sandwich Spelled P-H-I-L-I-N-O Wow Yeah

You know, I want to Yeah, give me two fat bitches It'll be, yeah, two fat bitches And a side of fries Wreckers really might fit into the Big Ten Is New Jersey real? That's a fair question. Hey, listen, it's close.

It's not the cradle of democracy. It's like the diaper genie of democracy. It's right next door. It's right to the side. Just as full of shit. This is what Rutgers need to lean into, man. They just, they're so misunderstood. They're like, we're basically, uh, we're basically like a public I've eaten out.

No. No. Hey, you know what? we call public Ippy down here. Cutsu. Godzue, that's right. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, we would like to coach Rutgers.

We've already got the branding down, right? There. Yeah. Yeah. Who else has more of a vision? Oh, sure, you're going to hire Greg Shiano again. Guess what? That's because you built a house for him on campus.

He just wants that house back. Yeah, misses that. By the way, they did that for real. Go look it up. Oh, on camp. Why would you want a living on campus? They carved out a piece of campus. for him and built his family a home and then he left to coach the bucks we gave you a piece of us yeah

I'm gonna go live in Tampa that can't be the first time that's happened to them no I mean with the exact same cities involved absolutely not so see already already a really important week one little note by the way like why did they bring him back man why who Chris Ash Why didn't they fire him last year Oh Couldn't afford it Well the question there is the question

You always want to ask for whom And bring in whom Greg wasn't doing anything That's the weird part to me Is Greg Shiano was Had the You know that thing And then

The Patriots kind of hired him And then he wasn't hired, and people were like, oh, clearly he's going back to Ruckers. I guess here's what I want to know. Do they think they're being canny? Do they think people don't remember the Shiano experience? I just want to know if they think that this is sneaky. They won nine games at one time. They beat Louisville.

That was remember that's Rutgers big victory there is they beat Louisville. Oh, wait. I know who they should get. Is Bob Diaco busy? Doubted. It's extremely handsome. Bobby Diaco. He's handsome and he's got a name that sounds vaguely Jerseyan.

I mean, yeah, I mean, it's going to be Shiano, but come on, man. You could have done that, like, a long time ago. Like, a real long time ago. And instead, you're just dragging the players through this, right? like that's who really who really suffers in this like yeah because chris ash is going to get paid he's going to get a buyout guess who has to survive and like play the rest of the year on the ghost ship of chris ash's like rutgers football legacy under the tutelage of nonsio campanile is nonsio you're like the buzzing flies to him it's yeah the players the players have to lose by

50 points for the rest of the year just have gino oriam a coach this team and the offseason. That's a great idea. Like as his like a JV team? No, this is like his community service project or like a mission trip. Listen, a little hobby. I'm still convinced the biggest mistake Tennessee made was not putting Pat Summit in charge of both programs.

You know they asked her if she wanted to and she was like, no, I coached teams that win. Wow. I made that up, but she probably would have said that right. I mean, she would have done it. Trying to tell me she wouldn't have done any better? No.

I feel like she was probably focused on the team that actually brought home trophies, but, you know. Yeah. Jason, is there anything else from this week that we want to discuss? I've got a few things. So I got a transition for you. All right. What Rutgers is trying to do is trying to go back to the days when they won nine games. Well, guess who else did that?

North Carolina brought back Mack Brown, and it has paid off slightly better than anyone thought. came about two yards away from paying off far better than anyone thought. Is it time to bring back Spencer's greatest tweet? North Carolina. Your North Carolina poem? Come on and raise up. Take a shirt off. Twist air on your head.

Take a test without a proctor. Can I do the voice or it's no fun. North Carolina! Come out and raise up. Take your shirt off. Go for two. Cassio dog. Call a shitty speed option.

Yeah, that's what they did. This is like, there's two questions in here, which is the, hey, what's, why is Clemson sick? What is wrong with Clemson? I maintain not much because go back and look at Clemson under Davoswini. There's definitely like a development curve that Clemson has every single year. They're not one of those teams that comes out and beat somebody 50 to nothing in the first like month of the season. and then kind of hits a trough, they generally kind of fart around for a month or two.

Yeah, they do this every year, and usually, at least so far, it has never actually bitten them, even if they've lost a game. I think the other thing here is, I'm kind of putting together a blog on this, is like, even for the absolute very best teams,

college football is really hard. If you're a team like Clemson that likes to intentionally increase the difficulty to make sure the entire bench gets to play, it's even harder. So, like, this is going to happen, and clearly UNC is more competent than before. Like, to me, looking at this box score,

it is very hard to find really any particular reason why, you know, I mean, both teams look pretty even, but there's nothing in it that you're like, ah, aha, there's a weakness. The one thing I did spot was UNC, I didn't get to watch much of this game and, you know, obviously want to. UNC was in Trevor Lawrence's face a lot based on the hurries total.

I did get to watch some of this game and that is absolutely the case. They were, there was a lot of blue around him which is kind of, it's not the color scheme you usually see around Trevor Lawrence. He's usually more of an orange and white guy. Yeah. It's listed as seven hurries.

and like hurries is a very fuzzy stat. I'm going to guess it. I was trying to be cute, but yeah, they were behind that line a lot. No, I get you. We're combining the eye test

and whoever jotted down the number seven. Yeah. But yeah, the other question is this, which is when you get in that position, and this is what I wrote about at the top, whatever, but there's a very weird transition from,

I'm going to coach this game, as conservatively and close to the best as possible in order to make sure this is as a shorter game as possible because i know as unc's coach as mac brown um i'm not as good as you are i'm not and every second i hang in this game uh is one that uh is a gift so going for two at the end uh it just makes sense because you're like well yeah you know going to be conservative assume that like i know that our roster isn't as deep as yours i know it's not as good i know we're not the national champions but at the same time i need to do something kind of daring like the conservative thing is actually kind of daring there and then you call like the most milk toast possible

option in that situation to try to go for two and take a one point lead with a minute and 10 seconds minute 15 seconds left to go yeah it's uh it's not a comfortable position for you because it kind of goes against everything you've been doing right and also you're pretty limited on an offense it's not like you can do the clemson thing where you go oh i'm just going to put a ball into justin ross deal with it you can't no no no that's not what north carolina can do so like i didn't want to get into a position where you get in the end of that game and go well here's what they should have done right now if you're north carolina in that game the real victory was staying close right yeah yeah being being right there and the situation you were in it's not a problem because problems can be solved

it's more of a dilemma and that you're like well i got to live with it yeah i hate making this joke because mac brown is involved i don't think north carolina has a lot to feel bad about right now yeah no i don't like that i don't like that for my own purposes but yeah so i mean there is a scenario and it is not far-fetched in which clemson wins the title and we look back at this as one of their two or three toughest tests all year. That is an insane achievement by year one, Mac Brown. Hey, listen, that team being the biggest, nastiest thing that Clemson's dubbed their toe on, on the way towards an ACC title or beyond, quite the honor for year one under Mac Brown.

Great job. Great job by me, Mac Brown. We're going to go for two so I can get out of here. I got to catch a flight. We're going to wrap this ball game up. Yeah, let's fucking never bring that up again. I got to go pitch some time shares. I mean, the fact that we can't make jokes about Mac Brown,

let's never bring that up again is what I mean. Let's forever bring up the fact that he left a game early to catch an Uber. Well, it looks like the option didn't work, so I'll leave the last minute in the hands of Phil Longman. And the hands of the Lord, you know, Davo. And the hands of God's adjunct, In the hands of the Lord's servant here. In the hands of Red Zone Genius, Phil Longo.

I thought you were going to say Red Zone Jesus. Red Zone Jesus. It ended about the same. Speaking of teams that have nothing to be ashamed of in a weekend where they lost. Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Come in here, Arkansas. No, come in here.

You don't have to sleep outside tonight. I know you might want to. No. Don't even wipe your feet, buddy. Not a problem. We're Arkansas. they have to feel real flippers they got to feel real good hanging after losing as bad a game like that's as bad a loss as there has been so far um for friends of ours who didn't watch

arkansas football because they love themselves what's his battle loss losing to san jose stayed at home goodness gracious me did that happen that happened yeah it happened as so i think Arkansas, at this point, after that game, if it was any other top 25 team that you hang with, you're like, okay, everything's not so bad. If it's A&M, though, that's the thing. Because every single fucking year you do this. You have the ranked Aggies on the ropes,

and then you lose in the final minute. Arkansas has done this exact same game. It's either five of the last six or six of the last seven years. So I think that, like, if you're an Arkansas fan, even the tiny beacon of hope comes with strings attached. Aggie strings. Always. And by the way, winning this game, an absolute misery for Texas A&M too. Sure.

Right. I think, like, these two should just drop this series. Nothing good comes of it. You're in the same division, but just declined to play each other. No one likes this. Or just make it an app, or do a, do the... If Wake Forest and North Carolina can play for a non-conference game, y'all could just say no. Sure.

Yeah, just do that. We decline. We would like another buy week. We would prefer not to. We both choose to play Vanderbild instead. What was it that, that E.B. White famous letter that just says, you know, I suggest, I regret that I cannot do what you suggest. Yeah. That's because A&M, has A&M look good at once this season?

Like to introduce our new chancellor, Bartleby the Scrivener. Yeah, they've just been, they've been kind of, kind of just touched in the bad sense. Just not. Touched? Touched, yeah. Just not really, not really putting together, you know, two good plays in a row for most of the season. But all that money is guaranteed, so you've got that going for you, Jimbo. I don't really care what y'all think.

I'm rich. he does not and he is and to celebrate it he is dressing like a dentist on the sidelines my boots are ostrich my credit ratings flawless my boots are ostrich my shirts are vinyl for some reason so right now fPI has the aggies on course for seven and five which is about what they were supposed to do this year so eh i guess everything okay definitely nothing impressive so next week they play Bama so I feel like A&M fans probably

Oh Oh wait they get a buy and then they play Bama So they get two weeks to dread that Hey might want to climb that game too Yeah I don't feel like A&M fans will even notice this They are too busy being CEOs And as such are quite Consumed with their worldly concerns

I think the great capitalists Behind the theft of Jimbo Fisher from Florida State should go ahead theft that was some oh Henry theft I bought you a Jimbo Fisher and you got me a hairbrush

oh yeah I think the great capital is behind this should have a market-oriented solution to playing Alabama they should just submit a score and see if Alabama will accept that as the outcome of the game oh my God can we do that

just do that and by we I mean can Tennessee do that oh you know Florida should look into this. Just say, hey, listen, Georgia, can we, can we agree on a 3420 loss? No, no, no, no, no. I need you to ankle bite Georgia for maximum hilarity. I need you to absolutely ruin their season and then go eight and four. But Alabama really should do this, right? Alabama should accept bids on not playing. Yeah, it'll save Nick time to recruit. Yeah, you know who who used this method to conquer like the world was Genghis Khan. You'd show up to your town and say,

would you like to just give me your town or would you like to die? That's that's Nick Sabin. Yeah. We'll let you name a score and then we'll probably alter it, right? Like how about 2417? How about 383? All right, that's fine, Nick. I have no leverage.

I don't feel like there's negotiation here. If he doesn't like your first number, whoops. Yeah, that's an incentive to make it good the first time or else you got to play. And Nick is not obligated, what's the word? Nick is incentivized to accept this too because we all know that rather than coaching game, he would rather be out cruton. Yeah.

Also, instead of Genghis Khan, more of a Napoleon. I don't understand why you would make that distinction and I won't respond to it. Would calling Genghis Khan short to his face be one of history's great mistakes? I probably wouldn't do that, yeah. Yeah. How would you even tell if he's short, though?

is atop of horse. They were very little horses. Or the Mongol horses that little? They're built for speed. Were they collies? By God, the patterns. They were like fucking speed acrobat horses. They were.

They were, and they were also delicious. That was very important. I need a good war horse. Needs to be fast, tough, and also delicious. It's like, it was like fucking Fury Road for real, right? On the outside, tender on the inside. In a Mad Max movie, you probably would see someone like, Give me a bite of your car.

And the Mongols did that all day long. Let me, hey, grab me a piece of bumper there. It's delicious. I need a bite of car. And that's the only dialogue for 10 minutes. I need a fender snack. Sweat. Look at lizard for 10 seconds.

Stab person with crowbar. Action scene. Action scene. Carolina. Mad Mac. Mad Mac. Arizona State's going the Rose Bowl.

Witness. What Jason say, witness me and Matt in Mac's voice. I can't do it. I don't, is it? It feels like he doesn't have enough words. Shiny and chrome. This might be the one movie he would really struggle to appear in

because, like, he can't stuff 18 cliches into every line. Also, because there's a strong. a female protagonist. Wow. Arizona State's going to the Rose Bowl. Yeah. Oh, that'll be fun.

That's not going to be as much fun as my imagined Wisconsin Cow Rose Bowl, but it's still going to be a lot of fun. Yeah, that's basically the same, though. Arizona State is. Yeah, that's kind of still in play, isn't it? Yeah, now that ASU is beaten Cal, they've taken that mantle of Pac-12's best big 10 team. Eventually. So, despite two upset wins,

ASU still appears to be on course for about 75 because they also have an upset loss. But this isn't a numbers school. This is a word school. America's finest academic institution and home of the Walter Cronkite journalism schools. Too busy breaking news about the Ukraine scandal via the written word while you other J schools

are out here sitting on your asses. Northwestern, this is why you ain't going to the Rose Bowl. You hear that in New York Times? you're also not going to the roll ball yeah yeah guess what the new york times showing up in pasadena a floral spectacular yeah where whereas plants are put on wheels and then perambulated down the street as the nabob's cheer being back hey over here just issuing hippa violations left and right just because he can yeah yeah that was topical uh yeah this is the pack 12 by the way it's like best conference so far just like the most delightful

conference like for instance uh after after Washington state and UCLA play what was undoubtedly the most haywire game of the season so far both of them come out and immediately plots just complete flatline performances from both teams Washington state uh had their worst offensive of performance in three years, scoring 13 points in a knuck if you bucking from Utah. That's the Utah, by the way, that I love fear and respect. The one that plays an entire game just hitting Falcon Punch over in a... Falcon Punch! Punch!

I swear we've done this before on here, but Utah is a street fighter two player who just punches... Strong! Strong! Strong. Strong punch. Strong. So were you going to block it? Strong punch. Man, you know, like Leach is like, I think it's circle a round.

Could you? No. Punch! Like Tyler Huntley, there's one. All you need to know about them offensively, by the way, is that Tyler Huntley, like, they need a crucial fourth and short, or third short conversion to really kind of crack the game open. He has like two guys on him. He's completely missed two open guys already. He's looking at the scramble.

There's no hope in the scramble whatsoever. And just as he's about to, like, he's a centimeter away from going over the line of scrimmage, he flips the ball to a guy who is, you say, just past the sticks? Nope. Six inches past the sticks. No. The receiver is like an inch past the line. And that's as much as they needed.

And that's all they got. and it completely cracked the game open at that point. Tyler Huntley in that Utah offense magnificently inefficient and yet efficient at the same time and the defense all that defense did was sit back

in zone and wait with sledge hammers for anyone in a Washington state uniform. So the PAC 12, I agree best conference in the country, not in terms of quality which is boring. Who cares? Quality. Anybody can be

quality and best in terms of entertaining me best team at this is still your Minnesota golden gophers continuing down painbow road beating Purdue by a touchdown four and oh one score games all of them decided in the final two minutes and look ahead at this listen how stupid this sounds like there's not a single game here that couldn't also come down to the fund Illinois Nebraska at Rutgers under Anzio Campanile, who's going to turn that thing around. Maryland, Penn State, at Iowa. That's going to be the dumbest game of the year at Northwestern and Wisconsin

in a rivalry game. Minnesota, go 12 and O and have everyone thinking like, I guess we can rank up like number nine, maybe? Is anybody else really enjoying the notion of Minnesota rolling undefeated into the Maryland game and then just face planning? That's who Maryland's saving their points for. as glorious a as glorious a botched reentry as any program has had this season was maryland who scored 8,000 points against howard made everyone think that they turned things around and then

plays penn state a not impressive looking pen state so far on friday night and scores uh do i hear 17 no do i hear 14 no 10 no no how about 10 but take away the one they scored saddle So after two games Maryland was number one in scoring two games later they're number 18 in scoring and fading fast

I lost a bunch of weight with low carb it's coming back buddy it's all coming back LSU number one in scoring by the way totally normal totally normal your son

your son enjoyed the bye week nothing to see here everything is fine yeah you did great. My son, Garrett Schrader from Mississippi State, not quite as much. 563 or 5623 loss to Auburn. Auburn can run, but Auburn had 361 yards passing boat necks. This is maybe the delusional Florida fan in me, but I'd like to see him have a bad game soon. Why not the Florida game? Because he's a freshman quarterback, and there was really

only one freshman quarterback I can think of who didn't have a bad game. And that was, James Winston and you don't want to be him. No, Bowdox. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's true. You know, right? I know you're in a good space right now. You're not pressing, right? Like, look at Trevor Lawrence. He's in his second year. Everyone's expecting to be good to do things. And he's pushing the whole effort thing a little bit. He's pressing. As they say, Boe Nix isn't there yet. Everything's easy for him. And he needs a game where he's going to return back to, you know, working hard. Stop lolly gagging by throwing the ball well Making it look easy

No, football's about effort I need to see some effort out of you, bo necks Some hard, confused And perhaps disastrous effort If you could just save that for the Florida game Look mortal, right? You're just trying to give Bo some adversity to overcome I am. I'm trying to inspire his teammates

By making them more relatable It's the action of a dedicated mentor Selfless, that's what I am strength coach that's what you are yeah that's right you may not you may not like me when it's happening but you'll appreciate me when it's over for all the hard lessons spoken like a true protest yeah um here's a trivia question for you can anyone name northwestern's offensive coordinator nope he's been there since the year 2008 wait we've talked about him before and this fact and now i still can't remember him

His name is Mick McCall. Previously at Bowling Green and before that at a high school, I think. In the last decade, Northwestern's highest ranked offense has been 60th. That was in 2011. Since then, it's ranked in the 100s multiple times. It is currently 129th out of 130. I presume Mick McCall will be there again next year. Unless he's hired away.

By Rutgers, yeah. But, fuck. Does that not just sound, by the way, like a future entry on college football's worst teams list, right? Like head coach Mick McCall, Rutgers University. Mickey McCall. Mickey McCall, known as an offensive wizard from his time at Northwestern.

An 11-year Big Ten veteran. Mickey, mickey, mickey, Mac. In eight years at Rutgers, he won three games. scored 80 points total for his whole tenure. Let's see. Do we have anything else of note? The Yukon tweet, perhaps? Yeah, listen, the greatest social media achievement of the weekend.

In case you did not see it. Yukon played UCF. That went about as well for Yukon as you would imagine. because Yukon is a very bad football team. One bad enough that people have even openly wondered about whether it should continue at all. Well, they lost 5621 to UCF, and the Yukon football Twitter account ended the evening by posting final, you know, 21, 56. And then the tweet reads above the graphic, 21 unanswered, the Huskies to close out the night

exclamation point ran them off the field hey we just ran out of time that's all we got more where that came from you think you're going to just walk in here and take it that was the garbage plate of

scores it's the fat bitch of games yeah 21 unanswered for the huskies to close out the night But the pot seat is in New Jersey Now

It might as well be I don't know Those states are real little You know it's the Annexation here And easement there It's nutmeg Kentucky That's all

Yukon is That's all That's all Yukon is Speaking of That's a great transition To the last thing I want to mention Which is this

Actual football hero for the week in a week where blowouts and intense punting was kind of the theme. There was a punter out there who did more.

Did more than anyone else on his team to keep them in the game and by keeping them the game, I mean not keeping them the game at all. He was just doing his job because there was absolutely no way they were going to win. But man, Max Duffy

of Kentucky man Max Duffy of Kentucky had 401 punt yards 4.01 on the night in Kentucky's loss

to South Carolina four football fields just blanketing the sky with punts just my god the one man

blitz that was was Max Duffy from the punt line for the Kentucky Wildcats. My God, what a game. Pretty much the only thing that you should mention, right? By the way, was he referred to as a weapon? Yes, he was referred to as a weapon. Presumably because, you know, Kentucky fans want you to disclose that.

you carry anything i got maxed up you all right in kentucky that's a uh careful what you call a weapon yeah hey hey hey it's only a punter it's only a punner it's only a punner who hey listen what are you saying what are you saying only for that's our best player you respect you respect that man uh yeah and speaking quarterbacks who uh just you know really may have been either trying too hard may have been playing a team that isn't so good. It's not the case. May have come out hard and expended all of their talent points

in a single go. Yeah. If you watch the Florida game and when Kentucky played Florida and you saw Sawyer Smith come out, Sawyer Smith tore Florida up before Florida kind of adjusted

and figured out what would confuse him. Yeah, Sawyer Smith against South Carolina. it is uh when you look up old quarterback lines from like the 1970s he truly is a throwback quarterback because he went 11 for 32 for 90 yards averaging 2.8 yards a completion with zero touchdowns and one interception that's joe nameth numbers there man champion throwback throwback sometimes literally yeah if you're wondering oh man what were the highlights from that game none it was the most will must champ victory ever in that it was

despicable vile football that no one shouldn't even be recorded this box score should just vanish the last thing I wanted to mention was so Banner Society we have this thing we do on Saturdays is kind of our live chat community thing we do it

in Slack the work app get it that's funny it's very fun it's for business like conference calls. Yeah, it's for working very hard. And, you know, if you haven't tried it out, we have it. We have a Google doc. Go through our Twitter account. We've tweeted it at some point in the last three days. It's like a speakeasy, right? It's only open on Saturdays, by the way, so don't panic if you want again and haven't heard back yet. You're not missing anything during the week. Probably. Maybe at some point. We'll expand and evolve. We'll see. For now, it's only

Saturday thing. But so this past Saturday, we, uh, we have a few different rooms. One of them is called football nonsense. This one is mostly my domain. Um, and, you know, pop in and out while I'm editing, writing, uh, you know, whatever. We also opened one just for Akron UMass. The, um, the last place game this year. It was a lot of fun. We had someone was in the stands, beaming a pirate feed from the stands. Because, um, the last place game this year. That was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. We had someone was in the stands. otherwise you would have to pay $20 to watch the worst football game of the past half decade. It was an awesome game, as a matter of fact, listening in on, the, the best resource we found was UMass's student radio feed, which I believe is WMUA. Let me see, make sure I got that right.

Muwa. Muwa. W. Mu ma'amhurst, because these kids were so fucking fired up, man, about getting a win over a winless team but a win nevertheless these kids were announcing their their their tiny little asses off at the end of this game to a you know an audience of well our slack room at the same time we were watching this game in the numskull portion of banner society slack which is really saying something we were also watching we are completely ignoring like virginia notre dame no it's fine why we want to watch that normy shit. We were watching NAA Friends University the Falcons, a Quaker school in

Wichita, Kansas. How did we stumble upon this? I don't know. I wasn't looking at nonsense room when my asylum stumbled upon this university. I just sort of, okay, we are Friends Falcons fans now. At some point in there, I bought a shirt.

I know. I know. I want a Friends University Falcons shirt. I like that you made it sound like the game got you drunk enough to do that like i don't know bought a shirt ordered a pizza it got crazy yeah well it's quakers so uh the opposite of drunk i guess got me got me sober enough to but to yeah thought thoughtful enough contemplative but like it made me really think about so college football there are something like 1100 1,200 1,200 1,300 schools just in america that play college football most people enter a Saturday thinking like i am going to watch you know

6, 8, 10, 12 hours of college football and if the games with the teams that have the big numbers small numbers next to their names, if those games are bad, then, oh, boo-hoo, it is a bad Saturday. Well, thanks to the age we live in, the miracle of ESPN somehow having a camera everywhere on earth, like their, you know, government drones or something,

you can tune into universities you have never heard of, and see literally hundreds of people care about this that sounds tiny in the context of bama lSU but hundreds of people is a lot you can hear students at umass you know reporting their hearts out about the most meaningless fbs game of the half decade and you can have a great time so like i know it was a very cool saturday just stepping back a little bit from right like Bamma's fine. Clemson, eh, sure, they're fine.

Ohio State, they're doing great. Oklahoma's fine. Okay, the playoff is fine. We're going to look away from the playoff just for a few hours. We're going to watch a school we've never heard of, you know. And it might be a fun thing to try once a week. Just spin the fucking dial and see what you find. Yeah, also it's also a good way to remember that the people you watch mostly

on teams with major programs, they're very fast. They're very fairs that, too. They're extraordinarily good at what they do. Because if you watch like an NIA, NAA game, you see the ball come out of a quarterback's hands. You go, well, that's just leisurely, isn't it? Wow, I feel like I'm watching Kurt Kittner. Yeah, that's a, man, that's Kirk Cousins level. Any QB named Kirk, actually.

Yeah, you go straight from watching one-win NAA teams. listening to UMass you go straight from that to Ohio State it's like whoa buddy dude you go straight from that to like Illinois and you're like damn these guys are good these guys are fucking hot is that a Super Bowl coach on the side I know that guy's name he must be great