Shutdown Fullcast - Aaaaand That’s Our Show

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

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Welcome. Welcome to the shutdown full-cast. You are listening to the Shutdown Fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. joining me this week and the me of Spencer Hall is Betty the dog if you can hear Betty whining in the background because I just hollered that's because she's a hound she thinks we're doing this all together

so if you want to howl along in your car as you are listening out on your stroll, trot, run, jog or dead sprint from the police whatever you're doing at this moment if you just want to let out a little you go right ahead I can't. If you're that one dude who said you can't listen to the

show anymore because we upset your dogs I'm sorry, your dog suck. Yeah, they're pretty much the worst. It's like you and then your dogs. Ours are still different. Jason Kirk, joining us from Epcot, Canada, his permanent home. Hey, A. How are you doing up there? Pretty good. Doing pretty good down here.

As always, monitoring our neighbors to the north up there in Georgia. Things sound pretty bad. I think sounds just desperate conditions worsening all the time sounds cold up there things of that nature just debilitating really

at all times nowhere near the pan nowhere near the sort of complete harmony and peace that you would find the universal happiness of Epcot Canada I'm normally like kind of half

joking there because Epcot Canada is a pretty happy place yeah there's nothing happening that's it well maybe not Epcot Canada could have a little Epcot Canada could have been if it reflected real Canada it could have been

very colorful very interesting over the past couple of weeks yeah colorful no not colorful that's usually that's just one color pretty monochrom pretty monochromatically loud we'll give it that much I don't know I don't know if you saw there was a

video of a Canadian a pissed off Canadian guy who was yelling at these morons the demonstrators in Ottawa yelling at them from his second story balcony and was just doing the most straight letter Kenny shit I have ever seen just looking and going

going fuck you fuck you yeah yeah go home no one cares about your bullshit huh no one ever and he's sitting there just giving him like the full stone cold like double birds and he goes on for like 20 seconds of this just telling them what trash they are and telling them to go to hell and then he turns to his left to people who have not left yet and goes did you not get my fucking statement last time

and holds out like the double birds and it was the greatest moment in Canadian history how many accents were you doing there I don't know but I got through all of them and you have to give me credit for that no I'm I'm

the rare completion bonus for Spencer yeah the quantity is what's impressing me yeah I can you're like that you're like that fella on on Kiev in television who can speak Luxembourgish. Yes, I can speak English in six different languages. That's what I'm capable of doing. Across this here table from me here in Atlanta, Georgia in the house is Holly Anderson.

Hello, Holly. Man, I guess. Yet again, producer Michael Serber, who will chime in only when the time is exactly right because no one on this program has better timing than Michael Server is producing this and listening along. But fellas, we're missing somebody today. Who are we missing? We're missing Papa Ryan, and it's an especially sad day for me because I wasn't on the show the last time this came up

and today it's up again and we're missing our sweet Ryan. Mm-hmm. Jason, do you want to explain the new news that takes us back to our favorite home, Chuck E. Let's see. Let me dial up the, uh, So, as I understand it, Chuck E. Cheese, the nation's leading entertainment wholesaler, is, quote, headed to the metaverse. I don't know what any of this means.

Which, as I understand it, is second life again. This time, it's Facebook. That's how I understand it. What we are, this is via Josh Gerben, who is a commentator about trademarks, says the filings indicate an intent to offer virtual food and beverages, virtual arcades, concerts, and theatrical performances. And what I am getting out of this is that Antioch the Birthday Spider can now track you in your homes. Ryan's not here to do the voice.

Oh, God, the noise, though. The noise is going on. It's probably for the best because it's horrifying enough knowing that Antioch is now in your phones, in your computers, in your smart toasters, all throughout your home. His eyes are everywhere. He has so many of them and they're everywhere now. I feel safer. If you have done nothing wrong, there's nothing to worry about.

Yeah. I honestly, I tried to do an. Enniac voice in the pre-show, and it just sounds like Jason Garrett. Jason Garrett in the metaverse. I cannot think of a more blank entity in this universe. I mean, it sounds like my Jason Garrett voice, which sounds nothing like Jason Garrett. I think Jason Garrett's already in the metaverse. That was the problem.

He was there a little too early. The idea of virtual villages, I guess I can't imagine anything less fulfilling. At least virtual food, you could see like, oh, so that's what it looks like being Yeah, like virtual food is like Oh, that's what it looks like being like cut open And cut into and you know Virtual beverage is just like Oh, now there's less of it

It probably tastes better than the actual Chucky Cheese wears I will only be interested in the Chuckie Cheese metaverse if puking is an option So because Because I just want to Because if I want to live the true Chuck E cheese kid experience

Somebody's got to be puking in the ball pit right Because if you create the metaverse and you create chucky cheese in the metaverse I know what people are going to do they're going to try to beat up the rock of fire explosion they're going to try to beat up the old showbiz pizza band that has to be in there

right if they've just become one universe and they're going to want to say hi and pay their respect to Antioch the birthday spider but the other thing they're definitely going to want to do that's terrible you're right that's terrible I mean I meant the actual voice not was the noise bad too no no no no no it was very accurate

Sounded just like Jason Garrett. Okay. Yeah, that did. I heard QB draw on third and eight. That's exactly what I translated that as. So Jason Garrett's voice is like binary Charlie Brown's teacher? Yes. Yes.

And it always equals throwing short of the sticks on third and long. But you've got to have like virtual puke because that's all anyone's going to do, right? They'll be like, what you do in the Metaverse? You're like, I went there and like 20 people were virtually puking into the ball pit. all at once. Excuse me. I believe the trademark filing is the Chuckieverse.

We're off Metaverse. It's the Chuck DeVers now. And that's our show. Good night, everybody. NFT. Now fun throw up. Nice fucking tokens. No free tokens.

uh n f t stands for nightly fun nightly flowing throwing up into the ball pit like think of how like that would be side splitting if you walked into the virtual chucky cheese and all anyone was doing was ignoring all of the pay to play machines that took real money to play virtual games and everyone's just going over and puking the ball pit Like the only way this place eventually makes money is they're like, yeah, sorry, we need you to play five. We need to pay like five virtue bucks to go puke in the ball fit. The rock fire explosion was truly inside you all along. Now let it out.

Into the balls. Into the balls. Into the balls. I need to lie down. I need to pay 10 extra dollars so I can technicolor puke into it. That's it. There's no such thing as dollars. No dollars.

Oh, I'm sorry. Zuck bucks. Sure. anything what any any did I miss something horrible it might be real by the time this post it might be just like any any word is acceptable currency any any word but dollars those are no those are fake I'm struggling here because I don't feel like I can explain the metaverse enough to make good jokes about this and we don't have our spider boy we don't have our sweet spider boy I read like a like 3,000 word article it was something about the

Metaverse. It was, uh, I don't even remember what. That's, that's exactly how it works anytime you read anything about it. Do you feel like you understand it any better than you did going in? No, at no point did it explain what the fucking Metaverse is. And there's this whole other question beyond it that like, we seem to have barreled past that's like, who wanted this? Like no one, no one asked for this. It just happens. Like the, the NBA commissioner has some like robot Shaquille O'Neal flying around. No one wanted that to happen. Put Shaq back on. the ground we sound yeah mm-hmm i could hit a free throw now no one wants to see shack hit free throw no i don't want shack to hit a free throw my childhood would be ruined by by fake second

life it was the one thing that told us that his feet were made of clay just like the rest of us yeah otherwise it's just you know dugs it's just dugs those are sick though those are absolutely sick the metaverse can't take those yeah i wish by the way i kind of wish like my understanding of sports which again not all that smart but it's far enough along that like i can be like just dunks is not enough for me i need like an occasional three-pointer because man what a pure time in your life when you're like 12 and you're like what is basketball and you're like duncan that's it just why don't they do that all the time that was in the 90s yeah and then and then step curry came along and figured out points from far away are worth more points and now there's no

more dunks. I'm sorry, analytics ruined things and I'll like, yeah, you figured out three was more than two? They figured out if you stand you got to be real. If you stand too far away to dunk, you get more points so now dunks are bad. It's fucked up.

You gotta be, you gotta be real Brady to figure out that three is more than two. You'll never understand the Sloan conference math. It's too, it's too elegant for you. It's too highbrow. Sorry if we lost you with the numbers.

It's my favorite thing that it boils down to. Us, us as kids are like, no, uh, the best shot is the loudest one. Fuck three points. Give me the two points that hurt. What if I could do two points and I could put my testicles out of another dude's head? That's worth a thousand.

Those are a thousand points, I think. That is. The one where it makes the other guy feel real bad. Like nobody feels real bad if a three-pointer goes in because they're usually like, Man, that guy's good. Whatever. I had a good shot.

I'll get it back at the other end. So he dunks on you. Nobody's like, well, that was really well defended. No, no dunk has ever been well defended. Ever, it's a dunk. The better, the defense, the dumber you look for trying to defend it. And someone took a picture of it and printed it and put it on their wall. That's what we used to do back then.

That's how cool dunks were. We just looked at them all day long. We put them on our actual walls and then stared at them. See, I'm really trying to get my brain back to the. that level of entertainment, right? Nobody does that with three-pointers. I'm going to look at this exact same three-pointer every single morning of my life before I go to school.

No. No. Nobody says like, oh, that changed your manhood. That changed your masculinity. Right? Like, nobody puts together a compilation of 10 times Patrick Ewing got a three-pointer shot at him, shot on him. No, they put a compilation together.

It's like 10 times Patrick Ewan was absolutely murdered by people in the NBA. Just for trying really hard. That was the other secret. Yeah, just for trying. Don't try. Like, if you look at nothing

but posters on the walls of 90s teenagers, you would conclude Patrick Ewing is horrible at basketball. Quite the contrary. He was excellent. No, he was really good. His problem was that he was way too good.

He was always in the vicinity of something very cool. You're like, wow, he's in great defensive position there. What happened next? and you're like, Scotty Pippin humiliated him on national TV and then stepped over him and started a fight. Yeah, for two points.

For two points. Meanwhile, Steph Curry's out there like, you can't kick my ass if I'm hitting it from 40 feet away? I think how precious points were back in the day. All that worked for two points. Now it's like, oh, he's going to shoot three. Okay, who gives a shit? I'm going to shoot three.

And then he's going to come back and shoot three. Then I'm going to shoot three. Back then your life was. on the line for two fucking points. Also, we're going to let you have that dunk. That's fine. Like, I do have some sympathy towards like, you know, there are old guy sports fans. Like, back in the day, they wouldn't have let you do that.

But, like, John Morant, I don't know if you've watched John Morant play basketball. Someone's going to try to beat his ass. I don't think they're going to succeed. But they're going to try. Well, someone's just going to get, because they're letting him have dunks. But Jaws like, oh, cool, you'll give me $5, $10 credit. Pam. taking it every time he's a rude individual yeah there are still some of those guys around

and to be clear i'm not trying to be like the back in my day they played defense like fuck defense not care about defense i'm here for the dunks to be clear yeah that's like the 90s were better and you're like no no no no no no i don't think you should be allowed to swing wrenches at people in the low post wait what yeah like like that sounds great like i don't care like i'm not like the 80s they played hard defense no no no no no no fuck that the 90s they dumped that's my entire thesis. I'm arguing specifically for the presence of wrenches and nothing else. I just want to make that clear.

I mean, I kind of like a, I like any philosophy of sport where you're like, Sean Kemp is the greatest player of all time. Pretty much. Dunks. Just dunks. You're like, what says here? It's like 19 points a game. You're like, yeah, they were all dunks.

They're like eight dunks. He had the highest dunk percentage per field goal. They're like, how is his jumper? He was, you know what his jumper was? He jumped right at the hoop. He jumped and then he dunked. Yeah. It's why college basketball.

I can't. I can do women's college basketball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like women's college basketball is cool. It's like this is what every old guy who says they like fundamentals. This is what they are talking about. Like it's crisp, well-played, competent basketball. And then men's college basketball is guys standing around.

There really should be. Yeah, I mean, like, college basketball, I don't want to speak too ill of it. It's just not, it's not a taste that my, my palate can pick up, ever. Except for Auburn. Except for our beloved, our beloved top five Auburn Tigers. Florida beat Auburn. Florida, Florida. They did. They did. Wow.

Look at that. We must be really good. Must be really great to be Auburn in basketball. You feed this asshole. Yeah. Hold on. It's time to feed the asshole. Why does this always happen?

But we're going to come back to Bruce Pearl. Home field apparel. Homefield apparel is a shirts and pants website that has clothes based around college athletics. Allegedly the same thing this podcast is based around. You can wear clothes that talk about Auburn. I mean, they don't talk. They proclaim your love for Auburn. But a lot more silently than actual Auburn.

people will proclaim their love for Auburn which in my opinion makes them better than actual Auburn fans Visit homefield apparel.com for all the silent Auburn silent Auburn merch You can use offer code fullcast If this advantage has never occurred to you

To take 20% off your first order of Soft, vintage homespun collegiate apparel Mostly for the upper body Betty God damn it I've been thinking a lot about killing myself.

Home field of peril. Where the Auburn clothes are silent. So before... But when I die, my body will return to the loam and nourish oak trees. Before your life ends, I have a recommendation, which is to visit acorns.com slash fullcast and be certain that your next of kin is well established financially because... To-do list.

Passive. suicidal ideations, active suicidal ideations, acorns. With acorns.com slash fullcast, you get a $5 start toward your retirement. And then other stuff happens. And you set it up. So money keeps going in. And the magic stock market formulas apply and the algorithms. I watched Tenet, but as Christopher Nolan intended, I watched it on a plane on my phone.

Yes. That's good. I watched half of it on a... It's better on a Game Boy. Yeah, I wish I wish I had a Game Boy Color Did you tell him

Were you able to let him know That this is how you watch the movie? Is he, is he online? I don't know, but it seems worth trying to find out I watched half of it on a one hour flight And then the other half on the hour flight back And like expecting I'm going to get the movie to mirror itself

And it pretty much does It feels great Yeah, bad guy Uh, acorns are com slash fullcast and then you can retire and um watch christopher nolan movies i guess there's no special code you just give five dollars by going to that URL stop asking us for the code you don't listen you never listen stop asking about the code there's no code there's just a you out great ads ads are done and i'm back wow you guys nailed that um we're talking about

Christopher Nolan? We're talking about, we're talking about ghostly women who play secondary roles? We're talking about that tenet. Talking about that tenet.

Which is like, no. It's not his weirdest movie, I don't think. Like, it's not the hardest to understand. Like, it's, you know, it's very woo-woo with the time

and stuff and whatever, but like, you sort of pick up where it's gone and it's, I don't know, it didn't strike me as that complicated. The fucking Dunkirk,

that shit was ridiculous. That didn't. No, that didn't need to be like that. That's my review of that movie. Yeah. I am irked. It's more like dumb Kirk because it made me feel dumb. Yeah.

Yeah. And I didn't appreciate that. Hey, we're talking around something here, and I think we should probably just try and get it out in the open. Yeah. Hard Mountain Dew went on sale today Tuesday, February. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

In, well, Jason. You're about to hold a severe advantage over the rest of us because it is on sale in, let's see, who on this show knows about this news already? Don't look it up. Who knows this news? Spencer, you know. Yeah. Server did you? Jason, did you?

Do what? I think the audio burq up. It's on sale in. Do what? Hard Mountain Dew is on sale in three states. Who would like to guess the three states that it launched in initially? Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina. Florida.

Surfer has gotten one out of three. Spencer is correct. Florida is one of them. Okay, so Florida, Tennessee, Georgia, South Carolina. Florida and Tennessee are correct. Georgia is not, and I am upset. Brian Kemp. It was utter failure.

Fuck it. I mean, that was true before, but now. Massachusetts. I regret to inform you that with, I think we could safely call this stolen valor. The third state is Iowa. What the fuck? That's fucked up. Do you know what? No, I know why they did it. I don't want to be able to there.

you know why they did it horseshit they were like where should we sell it and somebody goes hey we're slip not from like yeah this is the only acceptable solution that's it they're like we got to do it man Tampa Tampa Florida where a death metal was invented in Tennessee you're here too

Tennessee home of Mountain Dew which state which hold on I'm going to look up this column in the United States Labor Statistics which state has the most people who make a living with a two-by-four embedded with nails in it. They're like, Tennessee. Hey. Tennessee, you know I'm right.

Is this all the way to get Brad and Farrants to have sex? It didn't happen when he was in Tampa. I don't know. It's called Hard Mountain Dew, not personal magnetism. If you ain't getting any in Tampa, he ain't getting any anywhere. That's what I always say. Is Mountain Dew as hard as the task of dethroning my father? my powerful virile division one football coach father he's so virile

how virile is he he's so potent um florida tennessee and iowa that's some outback bullshit right there that's some that's the fucking music city bowl in the making oh god i have a headache it's a goddamn walking gator bowl sponsor us sponsor us like ambitions of the citrus bowl ask hard mountain dew it's sweet that think I'm above begging, and that I'm kidding about begging for this sponsorship. Yeah, we need it, actually, so, Mountain Dew. We love pouring your products into our bodies, Mountain Dew. Come on.

I don't know why they would have hard Mountain Dew in Iowa, though, and think they would embrace it, because that's obviously, just consuming it would be a threat to white safeties, right, to white safety, period. Here, I'm going to tag them right now, sponsor their schedule, I know, forecast. There we go. Everyone joining. Thank you. Folks, please relentlessly cyber bully Mountain Dew into sponsoring us.

Thank you. The Hard Mountain Doe account, I think, is the one we might have the best success with. Yeah, they're new. Because they're already drunk. Is Mountain Dew too easy for you? How about a hard Mountain Dew? Hard mode. Expert mode.

Now you have the kickstart and you have your day Mountain Dew and you have your 5 o'clock Mountain Dew. So it's like, Mount Day, we. the morning mountain dew at supper time hard mount do at 2 a.m. hard mountain dew I'm gonna have some hard mountain dew to put me to sleep and then some kick start to get me going again that's my mountain dew p.m. we have the entire we've looked at the whole day i got my fucking mountain dude Nyquil celestial seasonings mountain do hard The little bear's playing fucking Xbox Halo. The little bear with the fucking giant oversized neon green top hat just kind of

He's got a blunt in his mouth. Oh, that's just Cody, y'all. Piles and piles of Dorado bags. Yeah. I'm trying to be like that. This bear gets down. Be nice to Cody. The number of people I've seen who show that picture with like, I'm trying to be like that.

I'm like, that bear might be dead. I mean what do you think is in celestial seasonings? I don't know but the picture could lead to many different conclusions yeah

Desco hard what are you trying to trying to get trying to get faded off that I'm trying to get fucked up of celestial season I mean celestial season that name sounds like

it goes harder I mean it does that sounds like oh you're going to see stars and shit bro you'll never had the red zinger whoa which is a real product

that they sell sounds like sounds good red zinger that's right he's alerting us to poison like I hear you talking shit about Mountain Dew

sons of bitches I was raised on that I need that hard Mountain Dew put it in my veins Mountain Bend Mountain Dew in the crate of you son of a bitch go my daddy

daddy worked for Mountain Dew for 35 years he discovered the first Mountain Dew spring in East Tennessee Remind that Then the corporation stole it from us The railroad

The railroad man came through And took the mountain dew Stills With his tall top hat And his big promises You know it sucks Is I actually do have a huge swath A family who works for a beverage company

And it's fucking Coors And they're all goddamn lunatics Oh yeah Not in the fun way Yeah I can get no No benefit from this whatsoever No I'm pretty sure everyone

In the Coors family is like Yeah democracy's really really not doing anything for this country they're yeah yeah i think they're definitely those people they are they are the silver bullet they call the silver bullet because they're all terrified of werewolves i don't know what she's doing she's accurate yes as pete course he'll be like my number one fear and that that's uh over taxation my number two werewolves wherewolves have been the enemy of the corps family for several generations i think the number three fear is dehydration

Yeah It's like nothing I think a Coors light hydrates who better than water does To be quite frank Absolutely goddamn loiter I fully I fully agree I think that's I think that's completely accurate I'm also astonished that at one point

The idea of getting Coors On the East Coast constituted a caper Oh Aunt Mothband used to do that She used to do like an actual smoking the bandit run She used to run cores In her I've told this story In her Geo Metro I think it was a Geo Metro

That might have been too late. I think that's too late. She definitely had a metro later. But yeah, she used to run court. My mom will tell you this story. So amateur bootlegging. That's one other thing Coors gave us. A solution to the werewolf scourge. Insane politics and amateur bootlegging. Thank you, Coors.

You've done so much for us. Yeah. Just bootlegging for fun. I think you could do worse things to your body than the Mountain Dew lifestyle where you have Kickstarter at the morning. You basically plateau with Mountain Dew

all day. Maybe Spike with some code red. Nursing. Nursing it with the Baja blast all day long. What are you doing? I'm trying to build the god of kidney stones. And then just obliterate yourself off that Mountain Dew Hard at night. Because you know what Mountain Dew Hard sets the stage for? I'm going to go ahead and put it out there because I know what's coming.

Mountain Dew Harder. Mountain Dew Harder is going to come along. That's just canned Mountain Dew and Tequila. Like that's the cocktail in a can version That's fine Mountain Dew Hardest Mountain Dew Hardest plus Mountain Dew Hardest plus

S mode Mountain Dew Methantorine Mountain Dew Hardship And then there'll be a reboot where they just call it Mountain Dew Hard But that's even harder than Hardest was And then it's Mountain Dew for her Yeah

Mountain Dew hard for her It's got birth control in it Actually, Mountain Dew for him Should probably have birth control in it Boy, that would be a one-stop shop right there Yeah Mountain Dooley That's the Mountain Dew for those who drive

large trucks with two axles in the back And then there's Aaron Rogers who's on that mountain do-doo Oh I am making mountains of it That was a beautiful transition What are you talking about, Jason? Well, Aaron Rogers,

a person who's great at staying in the news. He's really good to stay in the news and he's good at health and medicine and public safety and being smart about things that he is or isn't putting in his body. His girlfriend has joined his family and all the rest of us in thinking that he's kind of weird. So that's the wild thing is like he was dating this girl who like eats rocks and whatever and then they broke up and now lo and behold he's even weirder than her

or something to that effect he's trying to impress her look look I'll eat even weirder shit than you please come back I need you back watch I'm going to eat gay for three days this is this is an Ayurvedic fast

called the pancha karma and the pancha karma Jason you want to trade off steps here because I think one of us reading one of us reading all of this might actually induce some of these symptoms. I don't think it's safe.

So I'm going to take number one. As you do that, I'm going to take a quick run to the Chuckyverse to hurl into the ball pit and then we'll tag off. Hey, before we go, I got a quick question. What do we think Aaron Rogers thinks Ayurveda means? He probably...

He's clearly done a lot of research. I want to know what he thinks it means. He probably thinks it means Indian. That's what it is. So he's like, let's go to an Ayurvedic restaurant and then he goes to like a Punjabi place. Yeah. Oh, sick burn.

So, Panchama cleanse. Step one. Three days of ghee therapy. Consume ghee until you evacuate at both ends. Wait, what? Mm-hmm.

Wait. Wait, way, way, wait, wait. Gee is, as in butter, not karate pajamas? As in clarified butter. We cannot be. We could not be more problematic right now if we tried. Three days of clarified butter.

How do you eat, like, how do you consume the butter? You know, if you're an NFL all-pro, you just make it happen. Yeah. Do you just, you know. But I don't think geek comes in sticks. Like, it's in jar form, right? Yeah, yeah. So you just got to spoon it up, man.

Spoon it up and go for it. Wow. Goodness. So, from what I know of, athletes, I assume he's, like, just hammering this via smoothie. This particular fast, um, who boy, there's five carmas and that's, this is, it's way too many carmas for me, um, to go through for this. Because, so, step two.

So after three days of, um, shitting and puking, uh, which that's, that's good. That's the beginning. Now things have begun. Um, then Aaron Rogers did one day. of therapeutic vomiting. Which is the specific... That's what he went on Pat McAfee's show, right? This is a specific type of vomit?

Yeah, did we catch any of this live? No. Did I just say, I would pay for a commentary track of this by Pat McAfee. Yeah, that's the guy I want to hear, like, exulting about the spray and the... Correct amount of gravitas to the moment. Mm-hmm.

And then after your... one day of therapeutic vomiting. You receive one day of laxative therapy. So you are already evacuating from both ends. And then you had a day devoted to evacuating from your

front end, followed by a day of evacuating from your back end. You have now spent five days evacuating from one and or both ends. As an NFL person, this seems like a curious choice to me, because who, other than an

NFL quarterback has greater access to large amounts of 300, 400-pound men who could literally pick you up bodily and ring you out like a gym towel, because that's what it sounds like is being done here. Like, you just want somebody to just you. As if, yeah, as if playing an NFL quarterback isn't unpleasant enough physically, this is how he's spending his downtime. He also has to wake up every day and be Aaron Rogers, which doesn't look or sound fun ever um i just want to say by the way this is a 12 day process yeah we're not even halfway no it's a 12 day cleanse it only took i believe nine days to evacuate dunkirk it takes 12 days to evacuate erin rogers erin rogers is more clogged the antietam

more clogged than dunkirk yeah uh so so so then so herb drop drops in nose, I don't know. That's, we're, we're reading it, we're reading a tweet. Oh, the Battle of Palma was 12 days last year in Mozambique. Yeah. So that is, let's see. The insurgency of Cabo Delgado. That's up to eight days.

And then it says, many days of enemas is what the tweet says. So I would assume that means four days of enemas. Guys, I didn't realize it, but I've been doing this fast. That's called eating taco. I'm just, I'm just engaging in combat with pancha karma by going through all of this, but still going to Golden Corral four times a day. Make them work for it. Make it count for something.

I just felt so darn unproductive there on day nine with nothing coming out. Yeah, you're not through with the five carmas. Buddy, I got all kinds of carmas. Most of them bad. That's why I'm eating a double whopper. I just, I feel like if. Aaron Rogers wants to engage with Eastern medicine as a dude from Wisconsin, there are easier ways to do it, like getting a tattoo on his arm that is the Chinese character for arm.

That's a great idea. That's a really good idea. That's a good one. Like get an arm band tattoo or something, man. You can work out this energy in other ways. I'm going to do that one. I'm going to get that. Get on the arm for leg.

Yeah. ankle yeah oh yeah lie to them about which part they're looking at yeah

yoga also yeah yoga and meditation throughout which while you're shitting all over

the place you're also in downward dog and just really squeeze it all out which now this

now all of this by the way all of this says that that he, the best part is that this was all done at the same time

as she's addressing his future. So like, yeah. I'm deciding. I'm deciding my next career move. As Green Bay fans are like, I can shit for 12 days and I don't have to leave the house. I'm an owner.

Do you know that? Aaron, I could have saved you the time. Just go, just go down to Frankie's pizza. Get yourself. of Sicilian with hot peppers. I can get the accents just all over the place again. I'm not hitting the right today.

That was good. You could use a cleanse. Jeez. Doing all this stuff. What's a green day cleanse? Just eat Culvers once a week. You'll be clean as a whistle. I'm telling, no, it's a brought with hot peppers.

That's what it is, right? That's, that's, you know, that'll set me right. Oh, Claire shit whistle. It'll have your butt feel. sterling sharp that's what i'll have nice and clean that's a person well that's the kind of sharp my butt would be feeling you know as good as our famous all pro wide receiver the legend i'm just making sure that you knew yep yep that feels feels magic like don mccowski everything catching toxins like jordy nelson that's green bay irevetic school of medicine has to happen

has to happen. Well, I cleaned out my Bart Starfish just fine. I'm feeling truly grateful. That is the word, by this one, grateful to be alive. So upset. He's felt an intent.

He said this shit gave him intense gratitude. Like, yeah, you survived it. I'd be grateful to. Pat McAfee, I can't believe I'm here speaking to you after this ordeal. I'm so grateful. Well, yeah, because at one point after that much suffering, like, aren't you going to feel euphoric no matter what once it's over? Yeah.

Although, can I give this to you? When you have attained a level of spiritual enlightenment and gratitude and happiness, who's the first person you want to go tell about? it. Pat McAfee. No, okay. I'm actually going to agree with this. I'm actually going to agree with this because Pat McAfee's whole deal is he's like Spencer Plus by which I mean no matter what you tell him he's excited about it no matter why. He's like that's crazy man. He has your whole like that's crazy man but it's full time. It includes like you know you show him like your distended asshole. He's like that's wild man. Yeah. How's the family? Oh. Yeah. When I descend from

the mountain top I'm going to tell Pat McAfee about it and he's going to yell the same voice. He says, like, Friday night smack done. That's... I have a question. Okay, I have a question. Ryan's not here. And I feel like this is where he would take the conversation. So I'm going to take the conversation here.

How do you know when you're done with the pooping and the puking? How do you know when it's the last one? Is there a potential for a runaway truck type of scenario? Are there off ramps in this situation in case you cannot stop the pooping and Oh, I see. At one point, like, at one point, how long, how many days are you supposed to be evacuating from both ends? Three. Okay, this is supposed to, this is, I'm going to phrase this question very sincerely.

How are you supposed to know in this situation if something has gone terribly wrong? Like, if it's a day six and you're still evacuating from both ends? Yeah. How do you know if you're doing it right? What are the metrics for success? I think you're double enlightened. maybe you found bonus uncharted bonus levels of enlightenment i oh god i'm so shook it's so just 12 days i don't want to be sitting here just like making fun of this making

fun of iervatic traditions for minutes at a time but also aaron rogers is such a dork i i'm having trouble reconciling these two impulses i want to be clear i am reveling in the notion of Aaron Rogers doing this, okay? It does not seem like a fun thing, and I would not do it myself. Yeah, and do anything fun. But goodness, your system,

yeah, you better be experiencing gratitude. I think, and the other thing here is, like, if this is any other pro athlete saying this, we say like, oh, okay, got it. It's Aaron fucking Rogers, who just spent a whole season. He just spent a whole season saying a bunch of bullshit about what he was and wasn't putting in his body right and doing his own research and like yeah that huge part of the joke is it's

Aaron Rogers like if if I'm trying to think of an athlete who could say this that we'd just be like oh interesting you know but let's there's probably a lot of them who we wouldn't have even looked up what the steps are but when it comes to Aaron Rogers he just anything he's honestly anything that he were to say I've tried this that thing would now be funny right that's a good point because he spent the whole season semantically shitting and puking from both ends of his body and now he's just doing it for real and in the NFC title game too

good grief yeah many people at least something's moving huh huh huh oh I got a at least somebody's end zone is participating huh I got a I got a speed chase moment for y'all sent to us

by a reader South Carolina man charged after low speed dump truck chase on I-485. A Lancaster, South Carolina, man is facing multiple charges after police said he led officers on a low-speed chase from Pineville around the outer loop of interstate 485 Monday morning. Police said they were following a piece of construction equipment that was recorded stolen from a work site.

Officer spotted the truck Monday. How? this is from WC and C Charlotte and tried to stop the driver police said the subject identified as 38 year old Brett James Cato refused to stop

leading to a chase on the outer loop of Interstate 485 oh oh my god hmm okay I was going to make fun of the driver as of Monday evening

police are still searching for the driver who led officers on a low-speed chase, the driver jumped and ran after driving the dump truck into some woods. Oh, he was finally captured and taken into custody around 2 p.m. He was located by... He was located by a K-9 officer.

I like that they refer to them as K-9 officers. Apologize to Officer Bingo. Officer Bingo is a decorated member of this force, and you will address him by the title, which he has heard. the most embarrassing vehicle to be caught road chasing to have to evade law enforcement in embarrassing uh dodge caliber i was gonna say a nissan versa for probably the same reasons maybe an h hr i think it'd be embarrassing all that plastic just laughing all over the place

not a not a pt cruiser no pt cruiser you'd note you'd be like that's pretty dope you're in for the cops and like the worst car ever got it makes it kind of cool you got to pick something that's not even like anti-cool. Yeah, Versa, I think also comes with like the, like, you know that guy who tried to swim from the cops and maritime disasters off the houseboat? He's probably making better

time from the cops than the guy on the Versa. If there's any kind of hill involved. Yeah. I could also see this. I think there are cars that it would be really embarrassing to lose someone in and not just her, that car is slow, but like if you ran from the cops and evaded

capture in a juke, I think that'd be just unpardonable. if you were the cop right like yeah the frog car car looks like yeah I ran from the cops in that I lost a guy in a juke fled the scene in a Honda fit

I couldn't catch the Nissan cube it was just moving too fast oh a sion okay any kind of sion do they still make those just me running from the cops in a crown vit going the irony

Oh, I, oh, goodness, guys. Yeah, I'm still stuck on the Green Bay Iyervedic method. Oh, man, all right. Yeah, the Green Bay Clinic. Sorry, I'll get my brain off of it. I didn't want to do this, but I'm going to pull the big lever. Okay. A black bear notice Hank the tank has broken in more than two dozen California homes since July.

Officials say paint balls, bean bags, sirens, and tasers cannot keep. 500 pound animal from seeking leftover pizza and other food. I will now scroll down to the very first reply, which is, I think the authorities should mind their own business. That's right.

Thank you, Hank, for being ungovernable at our king. I mean this very seriously. They should just leave Tahoe. They should just leave Tahoe. Solidarity, says Betty. Yeah. Like Hank's people were there first. Let them have Tahoe leave

yeah shooting a bear with a paintball gun yeah it's 500 pounds what did you think that was going to accomplish it's not even going to notice it you can't take my big ass down with a paintball gun you think you're going to attack a bear yeah this is not an invitation to shoot me with a paintball

gun although I'm unkillable you know what that bear probably thought they're like oh cool I can steal that guy's paintball gun while I'm in his house paintball's good eating it seems cool he's probably not pizza Bear just thought, like, look how colorful I am now. I'm so pretty now. You have decorated me.

It's adorning Hank the tank. Average black bear is somewhere between 100 and 300 pounds. This is a 500 pound black bear. Frankly, it needs pizza. Quoting local law enforcement here. Exceptionally large bear. Congratulations. It's, man, fat bear season cannot get here soon enough.

Hank did it. Hank did it. He's made it all happen. every last bit can I can I mention something that happened right before this podcast it is tangentially sports related so of course we can talk about it

is about Warhammer no it is not okay so go back to the official golfer of the shutdown full cast that would be Phil Wildboy Mickelson okay official golfer the full cast was bryston de shambo

they're both They're both kind of, they're both kind of terrible in their own way. Okay. Phil, in this respect, on Friday, a book by Alan Shipnick is going to feature a quote from Phil. Yeah, this is kind of what made me think, are you sure Phil is the official golfer of the shutdown? Kind of, because apparently, apparently he's fine using the, using an authoritarian regime that everyone's pretty sure totally killed a guy and hacked him up with a bone saw. and then kind of just got away with it he's fine using them as a partner

to try to force the PGA to do things that's really and told this golf writer, what was the quote on this again? The quote from Phil on this was that he described the Saudis as scary motherfuckers which is always

really what you want to hear right when you're talking about potential business partners and also they've got a horrible record on human rights they execute people over there for being gay. These are quotes. And in addition to all of this, the Saudis are dangling a bunch of money to get people come over there and basically like try to create a rival golf tournament, thus continuing

like the sports washing of the regime. Phil said this, and it really did flip the top of my lid because I'm not a golf fan, but this is the almost insane thing I have heard said by an athlete out loud in a real long time. Knowing all of this, why would I even consider it? Because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to reshape how the PGA tour operates. He's

not wrong. I will die for this shit. I will partner with actual villains. I will say it out loud that this is what I am doing. He's not inaccurate in that it could change the sport for good.

It really could. But yeah. This is it. They've been able to get by with manipulative, coercive, strong-arm tactics because we, the players, had no recourse. But now we do thanks to Saudi Arabia. Holy fucking shit, dude. Eventually, they're just going to fund all American sports. Like, there's no such thing.

It's kind of wild that college football hasn't. Yeah. It's like, there might be Saudi shadow money floating to college football. Does this kind of, by your mind that we haven't had this? this yet like they have they're like there are i'm skipping regimes but there are indoor ski resorts it like in doha um i'm kind of amazed we haven't had texas texas a and m resurrected just to have them play over there not that they're rivals well sorry one more quote this is amazing i'm not sure i even want the saudi golf league to succeed but just the idea of it is allowing to get things

done with the pGA tour phil you know who you probably shouldn't let hear you say that that's that's incredible okay i'm not encouraging anybody to visit crimes upon phil mickleson because phil's very existence does plenty of that inviting on its own i don't think that phil has the home security and personal security chops to play this game no by which i mean by which i mean this is speculation only i bet phil mickleson is really easy to write I know where he's going to be. There's a little card that the PJ will send that tells you where he's going to be. Oh, yeah, that's a good point.

No, I was just thinking about at home. He's probably real easy to burgle. Don't do, don't do dodgy. Don't do dodgy shit. It's not like he's a, it's not like he's a prepper. That's, that's amazing. Phil, you've upset the dog. She loves golf.

I guess I've just never cared as much about anything as Phil Mickelson has cared about the financial well-being of his employers. Like, it's not like he owns the PG, you know, he's just a guy who works for him. Which, and, okay, Spencer, I don't know enough about, I don't know enough about golf to know what Phil's gripes with the tour are. What are his specific complaints that he thinks he can do better or that he thinks will be done better by Saudi Royals? like what are his what are his complaints against the pGA tour what has made what what grievances have made this this breakaway this breakaway tour like even possible i mean i think the thing that made it possible was one saudi wanting to you know continue to be like we're we're cool hey right no right but what are they what are the gripes with the pGA tour that have have have made even even made it possible to put a wedge between players and the PGA. What are the PGA's crimes in Phil's mind? Kind of, they kind of have a point.

Like there is. Wait, wait, whoa. No, right, right. No, I'm not saying. Who has a point? Phil's kind of got a point on some of this. Oh, Jesus. Okay, a little bit.

Now, it's one of those things where you're like, how much of a point does he have? And you're like, he's got a good solid 42% of a point, right? Because the PGA tour has, one, they've started to release more money to players, right? Because somebody else was threatening to release more money to the players. They have this like impact fund, right? Basically amounts this. The PGA has a bunch of money and the players kind of want to know where it goes. Because tell me if you have heard this before.

So for transparency of accounting, again, we go to the Saudi royal family. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's the part where that's the 58% where you go, boy, you definitely don't have a point. This is the ancient question marks profit meme. Yeah. Yeah. Because the PGA is a

nonprofit. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I didn't know that. Yeah. That's very funny. Yeah. PJs just for... A tweet just rolled past KPMG has ended its relationship with Phil Mickelson. So like as we speak, he's losing I don't know, sponsorships or whatever.

Is that what's You know where he's not going to find any hampering on his free speech is within the cushy embrace of Saudi fucking Arabia. Once again, I feel like we're just hating on like the whole, I feel like we're just like on a pan Asian haters tour. No, no. Everywhere silly to some extent. And then one place is dangerous here. Everywhere is silly to some extent is probably a really good way. to look at all this um yeah i think yeah which this is by the way he also yeah kpmg has ended

their partnership with them also phil came out in a statement that said although it doesn't look this way now given my recent comments greatest in show ever okay i will say this he wrote that himself that's that's amazing my i don't like saudi arabia shirt is Raising a lot of questions already answered by my, I don't like Saudi Arabia shirt. Why? And once again, I just want to point out,

if I had this kind of money, do you have any idea how never you would hear from me again? That's, oh. I'll go. Yeah, once I'm rich, I am not at all caring about the well-being of the PGA tour. Y'all got this. Yep.

Yeah. Yeah, you could take it. But yeah, greatest intro to an apology ever. although it doesn't look this way now given my recent comments okay okay hang on let's let's power through what does he follow that up my actions throughout this process have always been with the best interest of golf my peers sponsors and fans that's why i was going to take nine figures from the saudi's there is the problem of off-record comments being shared out of context okay okay okay we're going back up here we're going back up here okay i don't i'm not a journalism expert okay not not there's i'm not a professor of these things. However, do you know what's off record? The things that you both agree are off record. Okay? I guarantee you that's not what Alan Shipnick did. I guarantee you it wasn't Phil

going. No, because that's a book. Yeah. Hey, don't tell anyone this. Books are like, books are like blogs. Yeah. You can, that you can hand to other people, but their books are basically like context blogs. Yeah. Yeah. They, they could be, they'll probably be around 100 years from now. Maybe. Yeah. I don't know about that. Being shared out of context and without my consent. He was writing a book on you. He was pretty transparent that this was going to be a book.

But the bigger issue is that I used words I sincerely regret. That do not reflect my true feelings or intentions. Which, did he say which words? It was reckless. Which words those were? offended people and I am deeply sorry for my choice of words I'm beyond disappointed that somebody caught me and will make every effort to self-reflect and learn from this okay okay let's let's talk about being caught let's ask another common question what is you think

the reaction was going to be philium what was your plan what what is your what is your blips 100% everything what does success look like for you under this plan what is the good outcome here for you is it everyone saying like yes the financial well-being of the pGA tour is what matters most oh phil what a financial innovator man oh i'm in tears this could have just been boiled down to the first sentence in the next to the last paragraph which is i have made a lot of mistakes in my life and many have been shared with the public thank you phil for that thank you for sharing i have made many mistakes in life like like the time that i said the dudes i was preparing to take nine figures from we're scary motherfuckers and that they have a terrible

record on human rights not that that's inaccurate but you know wait is he apologizing for the partnership or is he apologizing for saying the Saudis have a shitty record on human rights i don't know i think is it is it more of uh i i want to apologize for whatever i'm being yelled at about is that yeah yeah that definitely sounds like one of these like because is he because something i don't hear in this that i'm curious to know more about is he backing out listen this apology is like you know when you're painting a house and you're just like well just put a little more primer on it you need a little primer over there you want you want paint you want paint too like he's just bondo what healthy healthy healthy

oh yeah this this this this this this this ancient minivan of a an apology just has bondo in every i think he bondoed the door shut that's how much bondo we got here good god that's amazing the most the wild the best part is and I wrote a little bit about this but the best part is that he thought he was the dude who could pull this off he why are we speaking in past tense

do we know that he's done with this no he still thinks he's like I guarantee he's like I can save this I got this Spencer I feel like we're too hard on you sometimes I'll say it every this is the dude this is the dude has the car sideways

and is like no no it's cool I do this all the time I can pull this out. This is the dude live commenting on the Red Bull live stream. Like, my car would not plunge off this cliff. Yeah, no, I'm in the backseat. I'm good. Remember, going over this cliff. This is got, this is the best. Oh my God.

Just the wildest wild boy. He's not young either. He is not young. He's 50. I think he's 51. He's only 51. There's also that. He's only, that. It seems like he's been up to this shit, not just for my entire life, but for my father's entire life.

Yeah, any number between, I think, 45 and 90, I would believe. Like, he has really made that shit count. 51. God damn. We haven't even talked about the fact that... He's barely older than you. So there's one other quote here. Okay.

Because there are, and Alan Shipnick alludes to this. So, like, it's not pulling it straight out of some message board or Twitter, right? but he said that, you know, Phil, like, Phil's lost some money gambling. What? Yeah, he's lost a substantial amount of money gambling over the course of his adult life. But Phil's rich.

Pat Perez, who Arizona State's finest baby. ASU. He said, yeah, man, I don't know. Phil's under a lot of stress right now. Hmm. Who in the hell earns $100 million? You're telling me a kid that in this golden age of the,

the American oligarch, there is no, like, his, is Phil Nicholson alienated every single person who might otherwise have given him money? That in itself is some kind of grand slam. That's pretty rough. That's rough. Like, what is the most money, do you, like,

Jason, what's the most money or the number that you could get to and be like, I could not blow that sum of money? I mean, if 100 million is the starting point, probably, probably less than that. Yeah, I'm not even sure where I would go to spend that kind of money. Yeah, if you had 100, I mean, could you blow 100 mil?

I feel like it'd be, I welcome the chance to try. Within, within like fairly normal parameters. Okay, I'll go tax rate because everybody would be like, well, first you'll like 40. No, 100 mil, tax rate. Yeah, fuck that. Fuck math. Well, like, I mean, short of like giving away big chunks of it and whatever, like I have no clue what I would even. Yeah.

Okay, now we're thinking. It's an investment. It seems like it'd be hard work. funding moonfall too that's an investment that's a business investment yeah like what is what is the like what is the amount of what is the amount of money that you go just behaving pretty normally as i do i could not blow it because that money like that money for phil milkaslin who sold his private jet in 2019 which if you're a rich white dude with a private jet selling that private yet that's like losing a family member for you if you're that kind of guy who's like my number

one through five concerns are taxation you're like oh dude you're that guy yeah you're that guy so the amount of money for me i'm pretty sure within normal parameters i couldn't blow i'm pretty sure i couldn't blow 70 mil sponsors if you would like to help us try this yeah reach us at celebrity hot tub on twitter yeah dm him He'll take care of the business. And, you know, then you can watch me blow $69 million. That's the number. It's the actual bird song in the background that really brings us home.

Oh, good. I'm glad they're back. I'm glad we can hear them again. The birds have followed you to Epcot like Snow White. Mm-hmm. Yep, that's me. They're going to braid your daughter's hair. Just looking at the, you know what the birds are saying in Canadian?

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