Shutdown Fullcast - Advice Show III: Return of the Advice

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

The Advice Show Trilogy comes to a thunderous end with THE RETURN OF THE ADVICE, with perfect answers including: The Sims being a deadly accurate portrayal of life and social media A game of "Actual Country Music Title versus AI-Generated Country Music Title" Waiting for enlightenment at Waffle House A review of midlife crisis vehicles A discussion of history's most infamous cesspool disaster LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE SO WE CAN FEED OUR CHILDREN BECKONY AND LEON  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shut down to the Welcome to the shutdown full. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. Just one of your hosts on this, part two, of reader questions, because we had so many good ones. We didn't get to all of them last time. And we figured, hey, let's power through the rest of them

because the people got needs, and we seek to address them. Joining me, as always, is Jason Kirk. Hello, Jason, from beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia. technically part three I think because we split off the Thanksgiving ones last week so we have a darn we have a darn trilogy here we got a trilogy which this should be the capper this should be the emotionally satisfying one that receives tepid to warm reviews no I think trilogy is how they work is then you go back and you do a trilogy before the trilogy and everyone hates that one but then 20 years later they decided it was good and then parts of it are funny on the internet and then you do another trilogy on the end which is like three movies by people who all hate each other even though it's our dwarf water park episode

this one yeah this one I think I think we should embrace the Batman theory which is just like just start that shit over every five years just be like that no darker darker Batman this Batman doesn't even

turn on lights he hates lights Batman is a Batman movies are a rogue like the video game where you're supposed to lose every two minutes and start over are you learning anything no but i'm getting more frustrated i got one more my stats went up by one try again are we at the point by the way where we can just go full the other way and go back to 60s batman i think that's what they're ultimately

going to do zot yeah zap sure wow not yeah the watous the batusi boy boy that's robert patinson batman took place at the marina at noon a lot we're just going to do not expect that many paul dana water skiing scenes but i loved it i want him to go as he needs to go as goth as he appears he's going to be while at the marina yeah best of both worlds yeah i just want the danny mcbride batman hey everybody that's close to lego batman that is so close to lego batman the finest batman by the way is Will Arnett Swaggering and insecure Batman

Lake that's Danny McBride can do that too Head him with the merch gun Yeah that Lego Batman The other voice that you just heard there Ryan Nanny Hello Ryan

Have you resolved Your situation At home? No Not ready to talk about it Might I mean I've got server here So maybe he can bless this

I'm thinking I might come on Hand of the Dirt maybe in a week or so to talk to talk about it and break down how this all went after like i can't talk about it now yeah because so much can still go wrong it it just it's not your fault it's it's not your fault this is true i blame myself for a lot but the fridge the fridge dying four days before thanksgiving is not one of them and hand in the dirt is a safe space for you to come and talk about it whenever you're ready um please come and feel free to be as open as you'd like Thank you.

And I'm sorry I brought it up earlier. No, it's, server. No, no, no, I'm not sorry. That's just good producing. I was like, he's going to be pissed. It's going to be good. He's doting you into great content.

That's right. No, I appreciate that. No, I'm not ready to talk about it. Okay. And I do blame Boston Market. I think they ruin my fridge. The downside, by the way, of Nashville gentrifying is that generally if you really needed something,

on short notice you could just go take it off someone's porch sure that used to happen back in the day joining uh and also joining us holly anderson holly holly how are we prepped we yet you i'm doing good i got uh i'm doing something a little wild this year and i hope you i'm doing me the emotional space to get this out. I am I decided the night before starting to bake the pie that I have to take

200 miles on Thursday that I should bake it in a completely different kind of pan and that I could just scale the recipe in my head. Oh so you're changing the size you're changing the size of the pie.

I so okay I was the plan was to bake a slab pie to take up for Thanksgiving. We're going to have about like 10 people there. And it is normally an apple and cranberry pie with a dark rum caramel. And I'm changing that up to pears and wild blueberries this year because we're also having apple cake. Pairs and wild blueberries with like a dark maple rum caramel. And the thought of having to transport a Pyrex dish that can really only be covered with a like a dish towel in a moving car that also includes betty uh kind of filled me with fear and i went

through all these insane kind of egg drop notions of drawing on all my science olympiad experience to figure out how i could pad this pie so if she tramples over the box uh the pie won't be smashed because this is a dog who has stepped who has just glumphed her way into the center console of the car and put her foot through the lid and directly down into like a large Coke zero in the in the cup holder so her feet will go everywhere and i have a lasagna pan that was that was uh gifted to me by my best friend's very italian mother i've never made lasagna in it i really hope she doesn't listen to this i'm sorry moo um but it is very sturdy it's very so it's thick right like it's made to bacon um um It's thick stainless. It's got handles and it's got a plastic, close-fitting lid is the key. Sounds like you're making savory lasagna. That's what's happening here.

You mean sweet lasagna. Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, sweet lasagna. Yeah. I know what words mean. So I don't personally like. My favorite Arrowsmith song, by the way. I don't personally like baking in the, we're doing hand in the dirt now.

This is basically a lifestyle podcast. I don't personally like baking in metal. I think that the quick conductivity that you get with metal, I would rather have the change up of the radiant heat that you add with glass and also the ability to see the color of your pie crust underneath. That is what I'm nervous about. I'm nervous about because I know the time is going to change because the pan that I'm using is larger but thinner.

So I'm doing a couple kinds of math and it's deeper. So I'm doing a couple kinds of math at once. And I am instead of to do, instead of doing like a top, crust I'm gonna do cutouts and just like layer the cutouts over it because I I don't want the crust to reach over the top of the pan because I'm afraid the dog will get it somewhere usually pre-bake is this a pie usually pre-bake the crust for not this one I don't usually I think that I think that favors you here actually yeah because I won't be able to like I mean it's it's a deep dish fruit

pie you can't really overcook it But I am worried about undercooking. So, and it goes into the oven. This is, we're recording this on Tuesday. It goes into the oven at like nine o'clock tonight. So by Saturday, maybe I'll be able to tell you guys how this weren't. But yeah, it's, it's the only thing I found myself short was a lemon. So I have to go get a lemon here in a minute.

This is all very interesting. I know. Listen, you have a fridge in an oven, so I'm thrilled for you. And I'm excited. I'm living vicariously through you. you right now and i'm excited for you and i believe in you thank you i believe in you you're listen man you're you are way ahead of of me in terms of tribulation yeah you're like the bear girls of bartha stewart's right now ryan is the day one sim walking in the door

roll them flolum toilet bed microwave good to go no problems cook incin sync pee in kitchen your sim is unhappy shower your sim can't can't don't have an oven can't no oven thought bubble storm cloud heartbreak

time to go make four girlfriends and two boyfriends whoa whoa whoa whoa what that shit for split zone duo you pervert take job as Dracula yes now I'm happy Mood increased

No happy Best Thanksgiving ever Have argument with three boyfriends and two girlfriends I have never played the Sims in my life But I'm really enjoying this conversation With no context whatsoever This is one day in the life of a sims To me I don't want to know

That's all I'm saying It's one day in the life of a sim All I would do in the Sims is point in the mirror To become more charismatic without developing any other skills No friends either Just all alone Talks to the whole Coolest guy in the world

No friends Isn't that just Twitter At this point It has social media now You can post on social media And absolutely nothing happens It's like you have more followers Just gains you nothing

So it's accurate It's what you're saying It's a very accurate game You'd be like Do you get Is there like an achievement When you get like A big number?

No Nope nope You just got worse at work Good job it's awesome actively trying to shake mine off and they keep sticking around you somehow became a socialist and a Philadelphia Eagles fan I don't know how that happened but thank you Twitter go birds I did want to address one football thing I opened a fascinating article that to me says everything I want to talk about right now in terms of where the sport is at and where the coaching carousel is turning and I opened it up and it was an article from Bruce Feld uh who we know arizona football is fun again no this is just you know when i think something you're like i'm not ready i'm not ready for this discourse right we're we're bad people for enjoying this jason yeah jason you definitely started this definitely started that's fine uh the fall

from 1 in 11 to 2 and 10. Fix pizza in sync. Happy now. Fixed Fix broken pizza. By TV. Watch Arizona football on TV.

Thought loud. Heartbreak. Heartbreak. Fun. Hygiene going down. Arizona. Arizona levels dangerously high. Arizona football is funk again.

Why did I do? just sneeze a gun. I have Arizona poisoning. Turn off Arizona football. Clean TV. Clean TV. Clean TV. Stare and mirror. Developed charisma. Stop. Stop. I think I'm sleeping pool. There are these moods you get that it'll be like,

Friend died. We'll be sad for three days. Go cry to reduce sadness by one hour. This just sounds like being Bill Connolly. Calculate. Calculate. F plus. Calculating morning time. Friend plus. Buy sneakers.

Those are free. He doesn't listen to the show. No, God, no. But I did open this article from Bruce and it said the 30, like the 34 coaching candidates you need to know about right now. And I was like, not reading that. I love you. I'm happy for you, but I'm not reading all that. 34 for all, like for all jobs?

All of them. To which I said, to which I said like, I'm exhausted hearing that sentence. To which I said, like, this is obviously a very thorough piece of work. And I'm not reading all that. I don't, if you have 34 head coaching candidates for like five major positions, then you don't have any candidates. I don't need to read it yet.

That's it. We'll get to that next week. That's a lot of guys. That's all. Yeah. that's that's that's too many guys that's that's too many ghosts we cannot hire them all yeah original original headline for that article 35 coaches i told their agents i would put in a list at some point thank you i'm like this is not really an exhaustive piece of work if you're just taking

a list what i write can we do that for channel six i'm just going to call agents and be like hey why don't you just dictate what you want me to put in it and we'll do that and they'll think i'm joking the headline is you mean i can just type anything here and it shows you up on the internet. Yeah, just I'll tell lies about him. They're like, he's won 118 games in the last nine years. This got me in a lot of trouble three or four realignment cycles ago, where I made a list at Sports Illustrated, which up until that point had been a very respected magazine that

had a small website attached to it. And I made a list of schools that were a better fit for the Big East than Memphis, and it was every school not currently in the Big East or a Power 5 team. how'd that go over that was actually the start of my beef with because he gave my phone number to some Memphis talk radio guy who read it aloud on the air to be fair you were right you thought I was serious read the list of schools the entire list of schools no he read my phone number on the air oh it was a rough couple of weeks I think you were right just you were off by like this is the most recent version of

realignment I really should call them back yeah just trying to circle Memphis has no peers Anyway, we should probably, yeah, we should probably call some agents and just say, you know, hey, we'll let you come on here and say whatever you want. Yeah, throw like a baseball, throw like a baseball manager on there. You know, just be like, Bobby Valentine hearing his name thrown around for the LSU your job. Be like, really? He's, he's going to insist on wearing a football year. We can also do this ourselves. We can throw a name around.

Condi Rice. She sounded really confident on Peyton and Eli, and we know she's willing to commit war crimes. so she'd be perfect for LSU. Great. You could call like a music agent. Give me some rappers to throw on this list. Yeah, we could call it. That would actually be great because the Grammy nominations just came out

and they'd be like, I'm sorry, this is for what publication? Florida head coached the Applebee's song. Listen. Which is now Fall Out Boy, apparently. Hey, listen, they went under, that song went undefeated this year, Ryan. Okay, Dan Mullen didn't. Therefore, Applebee's song greater than Dan Langell.

He outlasted it though. Did he? Yeah. Did he? They stopped playing that shit weeks ago. They learned their lesson unlike Florida. It did get a Grammy nominee. Somebody pointed out that it did get a Grammy nominee.

Are you fucking kidding me? No, that's why we're upset. No, somebody put that in the full cast mentions earlier today. Extremely upset. Yeah. Josh has, thanks for letting us know. that it's it's nominated for best country song were there like five country songs this year uh there were six nominees so there were at least six country songs but uh yeah yeah what are

what are the six what are the six nominees for best country i'm not i don't know i don't know these don't make us guess can we can could like an ai whatever just spit out the words and it'd be correct there is there is there are like two look up the actual list yeah yeah you up you up the actual list of nominees and i'm going to look up i'm going to make an ai country song list okay we can do this uh so for the grimmies 2022 the only reason to read the tennesseean is their country music their country music coverage i'm sure they do something else well um so the nominees for best country song That's the category you're looking for. Best country.

We have a couple of them. I'm going to go with the one that has the most ridiculous titles. Nothing but a good old-fashioned love. All right. So here we go. Best country song. Better than we found it. Mine's better.

Camera roll. Okay. That's case you most great. So who do you think has had the better country song out of those first two, minor Spencer's? What was yours? like nothing but mine was nothing but a good old fashion love and spencer's was better than we found it nothing but a good old fashion love yeah if you took out the indefinite article

it was just nothing but i think it was just nothing but good old fashion love i would feel better i think the a raises interesting questions i'm going to go see i it felt more like a r and b hit to me because of that i don't know well it's here for country so i'm not here for hits it's fair i'm not here for pleasing music. Crossover Pellicle point. Spencer, what is the second

Grammy nominee? The second one is camera roll. All right. My second AI generated name is I have a grand conspiracy

to confuse. That's a blowout. Yeah. Again, I asked for the theme to be love when I plugged it into this generator.

I choose to believe that part of your title is in parentheses and I can't decide which part. I have a grand, I have a grand old conspiracy

scene to confuse. To be clear, the conspiracy is to confuse. It just grips you from the first line when Luke Bryan says JFK Jr. is alive. All right, Spencer, what's your third one? This one is

called one word, cold. All right, I got one. That old radio she used to love. Oh, man, from downtown. I'm so invested in this story. He found a radio. That is that is a that is a logo Lillard 3 right there.

God. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I might I might have it this time. Next one. Country again. Counterpoint. Well, comma, in the backyard is love.

Gosh. No, no, I think this is the one time Spencer takes it. No, it's a sweet. All right. It's a sweep one. He's got one more. I got two more. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you didn't see what I'm turning this. You can't see what I just got. So nominee number five is fancy like. Sure. Nope. Out. Get rid of it. It is very weird because this. I feel like every time I hit Generate, it's listening to what you just said because the song I just got was crazy little mama how you love that body. Yes. Yeah. I'm listening to that song anyway. Who turned that down? oh god okay tell me you have one more because i do i have y'all i have i have a world beater here is pitbull the featured artist on crazy little mama how you love that body

yes is that one also have parentheses and just that body all right i'm going to screen cap this so you you guys know that i did not make this up i have one more yeah remember her name Week. Y'all ready? Mickey Guyton rules, though. You got to love me like you love that boat. Oh, wow.

Wow. I'm going to be so bad. Kenny Chesney's like, how are they finding my vault? How have they found my unreleased prince? Seasons assist. I've been hacked. Thank you to the website. These Lyrics Do Not Exist.com, which is an AI lyric generator.

you got to love me like you love that boat i'm sorry let me let me read you uh let me read you a chorus love is like a fairy tale flowing with such grace you got to love me like you love that boat you've got to love me love me love that's a great song yeah by that one also has pit bull on it just i'm sorry verse two is well you made me fall in love you made me fall in love strong as a tree in the way that you go girl I would just cut this whole album just cut it like don't edit a lyric just do it it'd be just fine

it'd be just as good as any other country album so my first idea here was I need to come up with some real or fake Christian music to post from the VBS account so I typed in Jesus pop songs yeah I'm just going to give one song

title here, Jesus lights a fire in the fire room. Yes. That's metal. Actually, let me finish this verse. That's also a good parenthetical in the fire room. Next, next line, can I be there to warm you up? And every time Jesus takes his

eyes off of her, Jesus says a sweet prayer for Santa Claus. Jason, did you try putting Jesus in as the topic and clicking metal for the lyrics? been there but yeah let's do it again Jesus lives outside of Rome Jesus lives way over there

we're gonna go very happy Christian all right all right yeah this is this is indistinguishable from yeah yeah Jesus heard my cries Jesus seen me crawling on the ground here I am Jesus draws me near his old faith Jesus showed me before

yeah this is all real there's this this Christian metal exists can I got two years before Jesus vanished a Texas town of just two Shit, yes It's just been given Its own congressional district It's still not as good as Jesus

praying for Santa Claus Two years before Jesus vanished That would be when Jesus was 10 This is Texas when Jesus was 10 Let's try a neutral Jesus rap Neutral Neutral is the word I love there Heard that too

Oh my God Oh God this is deep She wants the big love that she never had She wants the new person That Jesus never had well I was thinking about a girlfriend Jesus was thinking about a girl that's rap

yeah I don't think it knows what rap is bars I just ask for very sad Jesus rap and it says where is the boy who began the war where is the boy who began the war is Jesus in the same place is it the same space Spencer do that as Morrissey

where is the boy who started the war That is the lyric that I'm doing. Where is the boy who began the war? Yeah. Where is the boy who began the war? Don't be so snide. I never realized Morrissey was a Muppet. He is.

Morseys a racist Muppet. Oh, God. What is this show about? I don't know. How to live well. It's about smart opinions from us. I'm sorry, last one here's a bridge. Last one.

One more bridge. Bridge to the next part of the episode. I ask God if Jesus can help me. My ex can stay busy. You're goddamn right. Vives right there. That's it. That's the fucking gospel.

Get his ass out of here. Let's all pray for Santa Claus. Pray for my ex. Parentheses, Santa Claus. Santa Claus. What was this? A sweet prayer for Santa Claus? Oh my God, Santa's exes must have some stories.

Yeah. You know Santa could slang that dick. I mean No I don't He drops off presents Don Tumneys So like I mean I feel like

Santa's exes are all like He'd once a year He'd just disappear Running around all night long Visiting every house in the world I know what he was up to Oh So

I will start the questions this time What questions? The questions that readers sent us That we have not completed Going The trilogy demands completion. The trilogy. Ew. Again.

We'll begin our own personal free advice version of Return to the King with this one. This is from Jack Harlingen, at Jack Harlingen on Twitter. I quit my job with $10,000 in disposable savings, work at a Waffle House, and generally live like a dirt bag in some southern city. Is this a riddle? Where do I go? Are they bragging? His question is, where do I go?

Brother? It sounds like you gotta figure it out. Lay fucking low. Sorry, I read this is a proposition from him. Why don't she? Yeah, he's like, well, where do you just live like a dirt bag in some, man, it sounds like you're living pretty well. I mean, first of all, I know you're, you're kind of young because you use the phrase disposable savings. Because if you're thinking, you go, hey, I got.

10k disposable savings you know what your brain's thinking car boat like you've already got an earmark for something stupid don't do it don't do it just keep working at the waffle house until something comes to you okay because it will it will over time you'll eventually want something and this is a novel thing i think people should know this after you turn 30 or so um you're gonna want like one thing every five years everything else is just kind of necessary and you're gonna get it But every five years or so, you're going to actually want something. What is the last thing you wanted? Oh, how can I answer that without going into an hour-long therapy session?

The last thing I actually wanted. God, it's been a minute, man. So are you due now? Do you want? I got to think back. I think the last thing I actually wanted was probably. like seven years ago i wanted a car that was it yeah that's like of things i will like of things you could talk about right there's things you want like ah i would like peace i would like you know one

happy moment you would like you know one calm moment those are things you're like no i mean things right like you'll be working at waffle house living your like fine-ass dirtbag life right in some southern city with you 10k and you know what you're going to want you're going to say like oh i want that job it'll just come to you'll be like i want that thing and go get it that's great that's clarity but it doesn't happen very often and it doesn't necessarily happen when you're doing anything to get to that point sometimes it's just a random realization that you can only get in the context of living and being patient that's it have some patience is what i would say you're only going to want something and when you figure out what that thing is it become very apparent because

it'll be the only thing you want you'll just be like super obsessed with it and you'll want to go get it. Spencer, I think what I'm hearing from you is it's okay. Not only is it okay at one thing, it's okay to not want things. Buddy, you cannot have one without the other. That's it. When somebody says, I don't know what I want, I'm like, well, you're on your way to it. Because if you're just in a state of not wanting, things might be okay.

But I assure you, the great problem of life, and this is Buddhism, eventually you're going to want something. You're going to have a desire, okay? they have different opinions on how one should treat that and greet that uh i would say it's probably pointing you in a direction so hey stack your money lay low chill get real fast in that grill waffle house well hey if you want to be a chef waffle house cooks get hired all the time other places because you know what waffle house cooks can do move food two things they can move food fast and they can fight those are the two things waffle house cooks can do so just chill man

don't come to you god i wish there was a straight fighter level in a waffle house be it be amazing oh just the cook ignoring like blanca the whole time oh i see yeah i was picturing one of the bonus levels where you have to break shit sure but you're you're saying an actual fighting stage where the background is no one no one even notices yes m bison is flying back and forth because that hit that shit happens all the time yep like people people ordering food kids eating food somebody getting up to go over to the touch tunes like business as usual they're just happens to be a street fight

I like this because if you have a three you know three rounds three minute fight and everyone's doing the same animations the whole time but making no progress on their food that's what eating an all-star feels like anyway it's like god damn barely making a tint in this thing combo combo does this waffle get bigger what the fuck

I mean the all-star special really is the ultimate fighting combo it is combos nothing but combos yeah that's right what order are we doing today i think it's just whoever wants to go yeah yeah jason you got something speak on sure uh from joey kinney j kenny one nine eight seven i'm 34 my wife is 31 and to quote in the bleachers michael felder frequent guest on this program as of late our lives are pretty dope right now should we have a kid

and i believe uh felder replied to this one with one and done like k d which as a parent of a one and done man like here here is what has worked so well for us as parents of a solo child is um she has lots of cousins nearby so she gets the fam familial uh family you know she has like cousins between their age you know range of like three to ten years younger than her has more cousins you know in other states and stuff so like she has i i don't feel she has been deprived of the sibling experience so like knowing that i look back and i think like okay this you know this this this turned out pretty well for her um i you know there's every argument to have to not have

to have how many however all that stuff um i mean i i i would i would review our kid highly uh and the solo experience i will concur with builder uh boy there are strength to it especially if that kid is going to have you know um something like a full social experience letterboxed for kids and I I love that. I don't really understand the impulse to be like

things are going great should we have a like to me it's like there are so many other ways you could like you could challenge yourself to be like should I break my own kneecaps because things are going well and I'd like to experience what that rehab would be like

should I set my car on fire you know should I things are going great I was thinking about becoming an alcoholic. Right, right. Should I intentionally develop an intense gambling addiction? It's like, you could do that. I agree.

I agree that if you're, if, if things are going great, you just want to change things. Yeah. Listen, gambling addictions have their fun parts and so do parent. So does parenthood. Like, they're both extremely unpredictable. Pick one. You are only going to make friends who basically share the same core issue that you do. Uh, you know, they're, they're, they're very, you're going to, you're going to look down and be like, God, I smell terrible.

Latehites and vomiting. That's going to happen. Yeah. The friend's thing is so real. Like, you're going to immediately, all your old friends, you're now people who say like, hey, man, why have we done this in like seven years? Oh, right. Yeah. Like, this is, this feels too simple to say, do you want to have children?

If you don't want to have children, I would not recommend doing it on a lark. Nobody's got to. No. Like, buy a kayak. If you're like, I think I might be a kayaking person. That's fine, because you can always sell a kayak. It's hard as fuck to sell a kid. It's not at all.

Okay, never mind. I mean, never mind. I think difficulty isn't the issue here. Something that can be done. You're right. You're right. Facebook marketplace could do wonders. No, you can play.

We're going to flip this kid. It's like that saying about poisonous mushrooms like, is that edible? Everything's edible wants. Sure. Sure. Yeah, I just, I, if you want to have kids, great. Do it. Don't, don't do it just to be like, you know what?

But you should be really sure about that. Yeah. I would always say this. If somebody said, hey, should we have kids? I would always say, hey, it's the greatest thing you'll ever do and know. Because every time you tell somebody, because I'm being very honest, you just say, listen, whatever problems you have are only going to become 10 times bigger once you have kids, and whatever issues you have with yourself,

they're only going to become five to ten times bigger once you have kids. Nothing is easier. You don't sleep as much. And it's also the point at which you firmly burn your boats and can no longer go back to any form of serious emotional immaturity. And I mean, like, emotional immaturity in the sense you're like, oh, I'm just going to like not put on pants today and not do anything.

You know, like, no, that doesn't happen because there's somebody who's like, you've got to feed me. Like, at the very least, you got to do that, right? And ultimately, that leads me. to like well i have to put on pants for myself because because the baby can't be the only one wandering around here fully pantsed up and fed i got a yeah there's a whole chain of things so i'd be like it's a great experience don't do it because inevitably when you tell somebody to not do it they don't listen to you it just starts a thought process yeah that's like when when i used to wait table

somebody would be like can i try that anytime somebody said try that i would be like i wouldn't and they would always order it right yeah like that's that was always the case from somebody's like how is that i'm like ah it's not my favorite you shouldn't get it they would always always get it always it's not like it's not like that's always going to be the like oh they're going to do the opposite just to piss you off no what you said doesn't matter they probably

weren't listening anyway go ahead and say it just to at least provoke a thought I would love a world where nobody felt obligated or compelled to do any of these recommended life steps and they only did them because they and their partner chose to

so Joey Kinney create that world for yourself enjoy um holly do you want to pick one or do you want me to go i'm going to do three here in one quick swoop yes because they have

a theme between them although they come from different sections these are from this is like right a killer apilit essay you're about to write I love it. These are from Grit Knox, Hebe, Gibi, and Warren Ables. Grit Knox asks, I have a friend who talks about his cat a lot. How do I politely tell him I don't care?

Should I be polite? It sounds like I would say that you don't really have a friend, but it actually sounds like your friend is the one who doesn't really have a friend. Suck it up or don't hang out with that person anymore. you are asking for permission to do a thing that you don't want to do without consequences and guess what that's not how it works from heby-g-be is bitch what inappropriate for our work email i will reach i don't know anything about you where you work or who you work for but i'll say again everything is edible once you are

asking to do something without consequences uh and you're also not providing context Warren Ables, if I were to leave Texas and move to a less draconian environment, where should I go? Warren, I don't know anything about you or your situation, but if you have the option to leave and move to a less draconian environment in the Texas, I would, you know, be careful what you wish for in terms of less draconian. You know, see also what's currently happening in eastern Washington, the history of the entire state of Oregon, the prevalence of Nazis in Maine. but also the fact that you have the option, it sounds like, to pick up and move your family because you don't like the politics of your state, is to me an argument for why you should stay instead and devote all that energy you spend thinking about where you should move instead to maybe helping out people who would love to move and live under different governing

conditions but are unable to. The answer to fixing the problems where we live is not to abandon those who can't fend for themselves i don't think but speaking of people who can't fend for themselves i'm going to pull a mac brown i got to go catch an uber you guys have a good one you go you go you go go get you go come here i'm going to suck the life out of you before i don't want to shake your hair off no no i'm so bored also i have to shake your colors behind mine and the driveway yeah that's fine go ahead okay bye all bye goodbye politeness is like what is the polite way to do a thing somebody else won't like is a really baffling concept because like there isn't one there

isn't like a particularly there are like worse ways to do it but there is no like if you're going to tell somebody like if you're going to tell somebody something they don't want to hear or draw a line that you know somebody may not want to have drawn polite really doesn't factor into it like you can make you cannot make it personal and you cannot make somebody feel unnecessarily bad but there is no like there is no good way to do some things. Yeah. Also, you're going to bump up into a basic pack, which is sometimes, you know,

you just look up for somebody that you've been friends with for a while and you're like, I don't know why we did this. That's going to have your... Jesus. It's going to... I'm very Bill Parcells about this, right? Like, I'm like, you've got to have...

You got to do confrontation. You've got to have blunt conversations. You got to be like, dude, are you just the guy who talks about your cat? And why am I here? There is also like, this is a thing I'm working on as a parent in both directions, embracing the idea that you are not responsible for somebody else's feelings. You are responsible for your own actions and the consequences of them. But like my daughter is at the age where when she does something she's not supposed to do, she really obsesses over like, are you mad at me?

and my answer is not yes or no my answer is you are not responsible for my feelings like I am responsible for my feelings I have to deal with them I have to sort of like carry them with me and and cope with them but like you can't live life trying to manifest

feelings based outcomes in other people because it's just out of your control you should be a thoughtful person a good member of your community, an empathetic person, a good listener, all of those things. But none of those things guarantee that someone will like you, will be happy with you, will be happy with themselves because you can't, that is the thing you can't control. You can control your own behavior and not somebody else's feelings. And that, to me, is like behind a lot of this is like, how do I keep somebody from getting mad at me?

You can't. You really can't. You can just try to make good decisions because they're what feel comfortable to you. I also, just, of course, cosign all around, on the subject of my friend talks about their cat too much. Everyone has a cat, so to speak, that they talk about too much, right? We all have our own cats. Florida football, perhaps. Warhammer. That was anything I'm thinking of that.

Warhammer, Spencer, whenever you want to talk about Warhammer, I'll call you. That's fine. That's fine. Bring it on. Bring it on. So the thing about the lamenters, Jason, is that. Yeah, we were reading about the lamenters, and they just have the worst luck, man. The worst luck in Warhammer?

The worst luck of, no, seriously, the worst luck in Warhammer. We got to them today on this podcast we listened to about Warhammer. And apparently there's somebody who is too cruel for Warhammer. Like, there's somebody in the Warhammer universe that people are like, those guys have shit luck. Just like you were saying that if Warhammer, if white supremacists show up to a Warhammer event and Warhammer's like, yeah, you guys are too weird and violent for us, you need to go, that's a sign that you've really gone beyond the pale. That's a sobering, well, you like pale, but that's a sobering fucking moment is like,

dude, you're too weird for Warhammer. Like, that's got to be, I mean, I hope that shocks you into reality, man. That's a bad moment. That should be a bad moment for you, right? But like, if you are, if you are, if you're the saddest crew in Warhammer, if even people in Warhammer are like,

God damn, dude, I don't know what God you pissed off, but man, you don't deserve any of this. Then you're obviously the saddest. people in the game um but yeah everybody does have that right so like this is clearly an issue this is beyond your friendship man i think my thing is um i think i try to remember is everything like this i probably do it too right and like that doesn't you know it doesn't make it okay it doesn't mean you ignore it blah blah blah if it's if it's you know it's if it's sort of ruining the friendship then okay there are steps to take um and i sort of i try very hard to always remember that like

put yourself in the shoes of the person who is talking about the cat too much what is it that they need they need out of the friendship right doesn't mean you have to give it to him but it is helpful to try to try to know to combine this with the previous question if you're the kind of person who can't stand your friend who only wants to talk about their cat don't have a kid because your kid is only going to want to talk about cats and cat lore and hats that they invented in their heads like you if you if you need conversation to be inspiring to you and something you're personally invested in don't have a child because you're going to talk about so much shit that doesn't matter to you at all i'll tell you what man i'll tell

you what my stance is it's fucking awesome like she just gets sure if she gets into the dumbest shit i'm like fuck yes i love dumb shit let's go so like if that's your temperament you're gonna love kids i'm currently in i'm currently engaged in a long-term pretending game with my daughter where she is the wife beth i am the husband george we have three imaginary children their names are beckony diala and leon leon leon oh leon so i i have to go around the house talking to nobody and say beckony stop doing that and i have to say beckony like it's real fucking name so you're beckoning beckony yes yeah i mean to the to the people who are irritated with somebody talking about a cat can i interest you in any of the details of any of the major aeronautical

disasters of the last 75 years in the united states and abroad yes actually i would i would be happy to go over all of them with you you got it you see this is this is how people start podcasts they just they're friends are like i don't want to hear about this anymore and they're like you know who does there's the internet there's a sleut You should cat guy. Start a fucking cat guy podcast and then they see, oh no, one person listens and it's me. I guess I'll take it. Everybody on the House of Leon, my podcast about my daughter's imaginary family.

House of Leon is an awesome fucking title, by the way. Write that down. IP, House of Leon. Develop a lot later. We're pitching it to Showtime. Pitch it right now. It's happening. Call them.

Thank you. Pitching it live on the podcast. I would like to spin us to an extremely unproductive question if that's okay. Oh, please. uh this is from uh jd vans fans refigeration at texson in n yc this is not helpful because it was submitted at a time where this advice is to uh comes too late but the question is i have to play one song just one for an event full of professionals next week it will be a me and a guitar and they're all in their 30s what song should i play so i decided to do the thing that i think will make spencer

maddest and i'm looking at the billboard year-end hot 100 singles of 1999. 1999 is what I went with. There are not a lot of charming guitar-based songs on here. This is quite a year for like songs you don't want to hear anymore. Highlighted, of course, by, oh, shit, I just lost. All-Star by Smash Mouth. but I think

I think the answer is looking at this list Wild Wild West the Will Smith song I think if you played that in a business setting on a guitar by yourself people would be so confused

that they wouldn't know like you would shut down their emotional reactions completely they wouldn't know whether to applaud whether to boo they wouldn't know where they were they would have no reaction whatsoever every other song on this list some people might like some people might hate but wild wild west is so specific that like i think you would just you would just like effectively break people's brains and that's why i pick it i'm gonna go ahead it's a bad list though it's a terrible yeah it's a bad list i'm going to go ahead and do this i think

you should test the powers of human will and of my low estimation of most people and you should just go in there and sing sweet caroline just do just do sweet caroline on the guitar and watch as every Caucasian in the audience just goes uh uh like they'll sing the boat bob bob I've seen it happen too many times to have any hope that it would not be a complete smash what have you do with piano man and refuse to acknowledge that you're playing a guitar that's fine too they won't care nobody cares nobody cares or has any standards it's fine they will just slavish they will just slavishly sing along like zombies it is a spell i do not care to question it's magic okay um i will go and i think my question is

extremely useless um why this is from this is a food question from craig fair at edgar dyes rocks appreciated in the freak states Alaska and Hawaii I disagree with your those are the freak states I disagree with your characterization of Hawaii as a freak state Alaska yes yes there are some bona fide freaky people up in Alaska it's still Alaska has improved in this respect but from what I understand and talking to several people who live there it is still very much in the place where somebody's like yeah I'm the town attorney but I also cut hair and I'm a DJ like there's you know and that's charming but it's because they don't have actual competent

people to do all three jobs so there's somebody who's good at one and then they can do the other two without getting arrested can I can a lot of places in Alaska are still there can I offer what I think is a helpful for me formula for what is a freak state and what is not yes ask yourself could Wolverine live there for a couple years just and I think that's a use like Alaska yes Florida yes Hawaii, no. I don't think Wolverine could live

in Hawaii for, like, what would he do? Get drunk. New Hampshire? Absolutely. I don't think, where could he not,

I think he, I mean, there's places he'd hate. Is that what you mean? Right, yes. I mean, like, places that Wolverine could live and you'd be like,

yes, he fits in there. Yeah, he's five, and he'd be fine. Like, Wolverine can't live in fucking California. That's nonsense. I was just thinking, Los Angeles would make him

lose his fucking mind. Right. Yeah, Wolverine stuck in traffic in the heat. right somebody's somebody's dying

he's hairy yeah these useless powers he's just I'm stuck I'm stuck alive for this entire commute

I cannot die this entire what could you do you could claw the car in front of you but that will just make traffic worse now you're there even longer

Wolverine in Houston just getting shot constantly right oh god got shot again then gambit comes to visit he's fucking annoying and you hate it people in houston would figure out that you could shoot wolverine and he'd come back to life and they just do it for fun they'd be like yeah yeah it'd be like when like a fraternity

puts a car out on the front lawn they're like a dollar to swing at this old car be like here five dollars you can stab this man right in the chest on it brother bam it's for it's for charity don't worry Wolverine's got to be the richest man in the world for that, right? Because he's like the king of bar bets. He's been making bar bets for like 400 years. Yeah. I think the actual answer to this is both states had a heavy government presence for a really long time.

And spam was the official fruit, that is fraud food, the official fruit of first the army, then the larger military there. And that's why it took hold, I think. that's why spam is so popular in both places is that there was a massive government influence spam being the official fruit of the government and then they just made it work Spam Missoubi is delicious don't act like you too good for it

I don't know what Alaska's done with it Alaska's one of those like real cold places that's filled with a lot of like people of Scandinavian descent so I assume the food's pretty brutal right like your raw meats are probably pretty good you're like you know meats that you got yourself like sure there's some delicious caribou

like that's fine you know probably get good you can get good meats like that your venison's probably awesome uh but everything else is probably pretty brutal up there hey you know what winter does come for us all though and that's good because and so does death but before death is retirement and folks yeah but if you like me were doing your planting and you're waiting over the winter for those little sprouts from the acorns that you planted i don't know who plants acorns i don't know when And acorns are planted. Yep.

How utterly. Scattering every day. No. Spencer, you know what else would be really handy in Alaska? I believe Bomba socks. We're not doing that, Adred. Spencer, so instead, I was going to say. You know I did that one on purpose, right?

But there's no way for me to tell that for sure. Because I, of course, was talking about home field apparel. and they're snugly, comfortable, multi-colored. I mean, they have multiple colors. It's not like all tie-dye stuff. That's a little confusing, I suppose. Sweatshirts, hoodies, t-shirts, baseball teas, all kinds of stuff. That's what I think you need in, you know, to survive the tundra.

Probably also supplies, but yeah. No, I mean, I think first you go to body heat is the first and like, sure, calories. You're talking about the film body heat with Kathleen Turner, yes? I think both can keep you warm through an entire winter, but I would argue first that you need a pretty husky Connecticut Husky shirt. That's the sweatshirt. That's the featured warm piece of clothing on Homefield's site right now. And let me tell you, the pretty husky, flowing locks, a look to the future as it filled with potential,

thinking of all of the seven and five seasons that Jim Mora might get them to. And I said that as a joke, but damning with faint praise, if they got to seven and five with Jim Mora Jr., new best coach in America, in my opinion. Jim Mora, Connecticut Husky lifer, is that what I'm hearing? That's what I want you to hear, although I would say this too, if you really, if you're not feeling so wintry and you want to just get a good piece of undergarment there, the UC Irvine surfing ant eater, if you have not seen, the UC Irvine surfing ant eater, go get that. that because yeah they got all your favorites homefield boned up this year they leveled up you know florida uGA texas etc everybody that you could possibly want notre dame if you got notre dame you basically are college football at this point they're just the hood ornament on the machine that they've built but keep in mind home field is all about their roots small schools like uc irvine uh you've got all the

indiana gear that you can handle not the indiana small but like nobody's more homefield than indiana You know, your Bucknells, your Colgates, your Toledo's, your Southern Indiana's, right? Your Southern Illinois, shout out to the Salukees. All of those things that really make them, and they do all of those the same way. The detail and the affection and the attention to the customer, everything that makes home feel fantastic. I gushed, but I'm going to continue to gush. You're damn right. You can use offer code fullcast to get 20% off your first order if you've already made.

your first order which if you're listening to this show i think there's a good chance you have good news black friday deals are coming uh homefield's going to have the whole dang site is going to be on discount but you're going to want to act quickly because stuff's going to sell out because you want to get stuff uh in time for holiday gifting as soon as possible so don't don't tarry don't delay get on top of it and i think no matter where it like you you can prepare for winter in multiple ways one of those ways might be putting on a single home field hoodie one of those ways might be to put on i don't know six home field shirts all of increasing size and becoming your own nesting doll of cool retro college logos why not do that why not indeed johnny apple seed is a beloved

figure in american history but dave acorns Dave acorns really deserves credit he didn't want the fruit in like a year if you're like oh fuck that house is gone. To meet Dave Acorns, the individual who will lift you like an oak tree toward retirement, you're going to go to Acorns.com slash fullcast where Dave will grant you $5 in your retirement booster kit and then you supplement it with pushing the buttons over time and eventually you have enough of a tree to build a tree house in and that's where you retire. For your own little Becany and Leon, you can get the early account as I have for my sons. who here for the purpose of this will be referred to as beckony and leon

um beckony and leon by the way uh we're currently holding at the younger son uh currently a fifty dollar advantage over the elder son uh which i believe is holding relatively steady to uh last week's pattern so no new embezzlement no new crypto investments uh no new skullduggery on the part of my younger son bandito but I have my eye on him and so does acorns.com have you ever heard your younger son say scared money don't make money yes I asked him what he asked him what it meant and he said aggression you're goddamn right he is like he is now tied for funniest person in the world with Charles McDonald, aka A. 4verts on Twitter, who, by the way, I saw last night, and I just wanted to share the story that at one point during 283, the Falcons legendary collapse

against the New England Patriots, Charles is a Falcons fan. He was in a bar, I believe, in Baltimore, and there was a Patriots fan, who was a very large gentleman, at least 300 bills in climbing and did not look particularly healthy with it, and was given him shit in his Pat's jersey, and Charles was so angry that Charles Lane didn't and goes, you're not going to live to see next year, and then just walked away. And I was like, yeah, you're not going to fight over that in a bar, because you're going to take at least five minutes and be like, who the fuck would say that? That's so mean.

That's what you're standing there processing. I was just engaged in some lighthearted sports chuckles. I thought we were just hearing a banter about it. I thought we were just, Josh it, buddy. He's like, you're going to die. the grave howls your name you got eight months buddy like

they don't understand man they don't understand I just I just ask the spam question do you mind if I go back to back with another diet question here sure go for it okay

this is from at Sal McEvey at Sal McEvey on Twitter, I'm really nailing that hand. Nailed, yep. Nailed it. Wife asked me to join her doing a keto diet. I said, sure, why did I do that? You did it because you want to be supportive and also because you want to make cooking at your house easy. That's it. So if that's what you've decided to do for whatever reason, you just have to fix one meal. That's why you did it. I don't know if you have to get too

psychological about it. I don't, it's easier if both of you eat the same food. if you're in the same house if you can do that I don't know if y'all have the kind of homes where people have 8,000 different dietary requirements but like it's way easier if everyone's on the same page also if you're not really into it and she waivers a little bit and is like yeah we don't want to do that tonight jump right in

that's fine go ahead oh you are you are the emergency shoot you become the like no you didn't quit we quit we quit and that makes us a stronger bond We decided it didn't work for us. That's right. Yeah. Yeah.

So go ahead and do that. Okay. All right. Here's one from Hamilton Cook. At Hamilton Cook on Twitter. I am single and have seven to ten weddings to attend next year. What should I do for plus ones? These are actual close friends and family that are important to me, so I'm not skipping the weddings.

I don't have a goddamn clue. I don't have... It's been a long time since I was in this situation. Sure, sure. So I have a few thought starters. One, if you have, if these are in places that are interesting to go to and you have a friend that you like to travel with, just bring them along. Like, it doesn't, you know, if people are like, who the hell is this? It's like, are they a good time?

and are they going to like not be the asshole at the wedding? Fuck it. They're a plus one and you're just like you're just turning it into a road trip or an interesting vacation or something like that. Other than that, like I don't think you should necessarily feel pressured to plus want it if you don't have somebody that makes sense to or if you just don't want. Like I don't really, I have been to several, I've been to many weddings by myself. I've been to many not by myself. I think there are advantages to both, but I have never gotten the impression that

if you have a plus one and you don't use it that you have fucked up somehow, but I might be completely wrong. There's also, you know, the scenario where perhaps, you meet someone at one of these early weddings and then, hey, you're now your wedding buddies. Yeah. Also, I'm just saying if you're single

and you've got seven to ten weddings, clean up. Clean up. Go there. Look good. be ready, have the good banter because that is the type of environment where people enjoy getting festive and you can probably end up having a wonderful time with somebody

over the weekend or making a really awkward and incredible memory. There's also that, right? Or both. You can sometimes do both. Yeah. Some weddings are long. You can make that work. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. If that's your gig. If you're like, hey, I want to meet someone really special. That might

happen. If you're like, hey, I would like to go have a lot of fun at weddings that can definitely happen right also you're going to get really good at the whole wedding thing you're going to look up you have like seven to ten weddings part of the fun's going to be at the sixth one you're going to go oh that is a lovely floral arrangement they didn't really oh you're going to have feelings and opinions at that point oh you're going to look your your expertise in the uh in the the marital event space that's going to just like skyrocket never a bad thing especially when later on you eventually plan your own your first maybe even your second have some input have some opinion file this away for something wedding

nfts i don't know what that means yet but i feel like it's how we'll get rich is that goes house house of lee all right so business ideas so far this episode content house of leon pitch to showtime and netflix yep yep and wedding nfts i don't know what it means but i feel like there's big money in it the wedding itself is an nfti is the nfti But who owns it? The couple? Do you sell it to the couple? Are you selling them?

Jointly, I think. And then, man, imagine being a divorce lawyer having it like, oh, fuck, I have to figure the fucking crypto out. Right, right. It doesn't exist and I have to figure out how to split it in half. Be like, technically, you don't have your own wedding. What you have is a link to your wedding, which exists on the cloud. NFT divorce. Here we go.

Now are digital assets split in a divorce. NFTs and cryptocurrency. Okay. I'm going to learn about this. That's the end. I have a feeling. The ultimate blockchain. I have a feeling the answer.

I have a feeling the answer is usually, well, the NFT or crypto was probably the source of the divorce. So only one party will want them. Only one party will fight for them. One party never wants to hear those words ever again. Get it the fuck out of my life. It's all you talk about.

The other will be happy with the fungible token known as the car. It turns out that slough was extremely fungible. Hey, listen, if you buy the right car, it's definitely a non-fungible token, right? If you're like, so hey, I have this 1996 Ford Probe. No one wants that. It cannot be exchanged for anything.

Good job. It also exists only in the cloud. That's it. Like, I can sell it for scrap. They're like, no, no, one does not do that. It is yours forever. The only NFT for me is a nice Ford toy. that's what it stands for um i'm going to do a little lightning around here um from do the dirty bird

on twitter what should i name my pet alligators i have two of them good that's a good amount um the boys the boys from baloxi and his sisters from fort mires those are their names that boy's named baloxi i mean all sure that's beautiful beckony beckony and leon that's also an option um i I give that my blessing. From Albino, Jack, on Twitter, should I get a tattoo? Sounds like you want to. I'm a tattoo biased person, so yeah, brother.

Let's do it. I'll go. I mean, I don't give a shit. I'll go. Let's go get tattoos. From Jamie Matthews, my 13-year-old niece is starting to realize the world sucks and everyone around her as an idiot. How do I tell her never gets better as an adult

without mentally scarring her for life? We're going to fix this with two words, right? We're going to take out two of your words. 13-year-old niece is starting to realize the world sucks and everyone around her as an idiot. we're going to take out a round. Starting to realize the world sucks and everyone is an idiot. Poof, pressure's off.

Yeah. There you go. You're an idiot too. Fuck it. Yeah. And from Mr. Bob Dobelina on Twitter, how do I get my 10-year-old daughter to like college football? The only part she will watch is the commercials.

Why? Would she try to taint the innocent with college football? I mean, like, my kid, like, you know, I'll say like, hey, look, Puddles is on. She looks up with the light at Oregon's goofy duck mascot. And then the football resumes, and she's, who, loses all interest, okay, that's fine. She didn't have to watch four hours of it to get the one minute she liked.

Yeah. I think if like the deeper thing is like, you know, getting the kid into your stuff, like, I mean, honestly, the first step is getting into their stuff. Like, you know, it's probably Minecraft, so there you go. Also, at this point, like, if you want your kid to like a thing, like a sport, you should probably take them to it.

I think TV is not that interesting at this point. because kids are so used to like, no, I have many more other things like it. Like when we grew up, it was like, is Ninja Turtles on now? If not, I don't have that as an option. But now you could just watch Ninja Turtles all day, every day, if you want to. And so I think kids, like, we understood that, like, on Sunday, it's not like there were other things I could turn to on the television.

NFL football was on. So we're going to watch Vinnie Testa Verdi and the Bucks, lose to the fucking Packers again. It's awesome. But now I think if you want them to get into it, you need to be like, let's go to a high school football game or let's go to a local college football game

or something like that. I think when you said, take them to a game that I got light bulb, all right? Got light bulb. Okay, okay. Take your 10-year-old daughter to a baseball game. Then when you get home,

say we're going to watch college football and TV and she'll see, this is so much better. This is so much better than that other thing was, can we never do that again, Please. I love this. I'll say I love this if you stop taking me to baseball games. The only caveat on that is you have to convince your daughter that none of the food at the baseball game is real. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's just a fake hot dog stand. That's fake ice cream and a hat. No, no, no, no, don't waste money on that.

Those are actors. It's part of the traditional baseball experience. The leisurely pace of baseball always does make it more conducive to binge eating. And there's, you have a because there's so much food and there's so much time in which to eat it. Football does not do that. Like the idea of when I see, like, you know, hey, you could get a jumbo barbecue sandwich at this football game. I'm like, no, I got to stay on my feet. I've got to be light.

I can't have that. I got to be ready. Yeah. In case the team needs me. In case it's a third down situation. I'm doing some active sitting. Occasionally I stand up. I might found her if I eat that.

They need. You also don't want to have to go to the bathroom at a football game. But at a baseball game, you're like, I'll piss three times. Fuck it. It's fine. What am I going to do? Miss something? That's the funniest moment of our interview with Roy Wood on the show.

When Richard and I asked him, we're like, who's like, who are the worst fans? He goes, or the best fans, he goes, man, Florida fans are committed. They made fun of people while they were taking shits. Alabama fans taking a shit. And they're like, oh, you drop in a deuce just like your team out there, huh? Made us all sound like Carl Berlinowski. It's beautiful, man. That is accurate.

It is accurate, yeah. ZDL man wants to know. So 15 years with the current company got burnout for COVID this year, looking to start my midlife crisis at 40. That's about on time. Two questions. First, do I abandon my wife and children for an exotic dancer with a capuchin? I would advise against it.

Well, now it's just copycatting, so. Yeah. Have an original disaster. Can we interview the capuchin first? Yeah. To make an informed opinion. I need to understand the degree of training involved in this capuchin. Also understand that, you know, it's a big responsibility to the capuchin.

because it will want to be part of your tribe. I would like to say this. I would like to say this for Texas football. They have done a very good job of getting poll assassin out of the news by virtue. Losing to everybody that they're playing over the last month. Not laughing at us now, are they? Like that's, honestly, that's real team unity where you're like, hey, one member of this staff is hurting. And we are going to go out there and show them that we're all failures, not just him.

We got you, Coach. Remember, everyone is an idiot. The most all-gas, no-breaks program, because they didn't even stop for that story. They didn't even keep it, yeah, they kept it moving. Fuck that, we've got a Kansas to lose, too. You've got a Kansas to lose, too. We got some wild rumors that people are just going to throw out there,

and the West Virginia. Then we're going to have some, like, insane stories about people, starting people over racial preferences that were enforced by five boosters that nobody will name because that sounds like the most speciously sourced yeah they just kept that shit moving they just kept they're rolling good for them uh the second part of this question from zdl man is this and the part that i really wanted to address which is what is the most dad-style midlife crisis vehicle to drive this answer is more difficult than it used to be because all of us are marketed to in much more specific niche defined ways now and it used

to be that the answer was simple if you were a midlife crisis dad ready to erupt and make a stupid-ass purchase, right, harkening back to the last threads of your youth, slowly unraveling into the horizon, you would buy a Corvette. That was it. Like, Corvettes, like, the ultimate, yeah, you just get a Corvette, and that was it. And if you were really wealthy, maybe you would get, like, you know, maybe you buy, like, something super carish if you were super wealthy, right? Not like an older one, right? Yes. You'd buy a Kuntash now, you know?

When you get into it, you're like, I paid $45,000 for a car with no AC. It doesn't have Bluetooth? God damn it. There's something to be said for buying the car you wanted when you were 14. Yeah. I mean, shout at, like, I'm making fun of it, but I'm like, dude, that would be sick. That would be so sick. Just looking in the rear view at yourself when you were 11, like we did it, buddy. Yeah, we did it.

And we were an idiot. And I don't want it anymore. was a complete idiot yeah i just want it for a week you shouldn't be able to do that right like buying a stupid car for a week dot com that's our another business like stupid hurts yeah we just pass it on right like somebody's like yeah i'll take the i'll take the financial responsibility and liability for this car for the next like 90 you know 90 days right time share for cars yeah but you got to pay it's like a it's a time share with momentum right you have to get it just gets worse new business like the ad is to the business

idea pile over here. So what we have here, what we have here is we're mixing Hertz and hot potato. Hertz potato. Yes. Correct. Yeah. Hertz Potato. If you're hearing this. Oh, hell yeah, I got the cool car. Oh, no, I went rid of the cool car.

It's not that cool. I can't back it out of the driveway and the exhaust actually doesn't drain adequately so I get sleepy from the carbon monoxide. It is only cool for an hour. but other key dab midlife crisis vehicles now that you can get um you know what Hyundai Veloster N that's that's because the hot hatch is like a secret midlife crisis car right you're like oh it's got a big it's in the back and it's got room for you know stuff and everything no bullshit

that's that's you're just that's a sports car in disguise uh you can get a Mustang that like that's another quality midlife crisis car uh so is the Camaro any muscle car is absolutely a quality midlife crisis car and also apparently can be bought with financing of like five dollars down and only four felonies like anyone in the world could buy a dodge challenger anyone like it's just i don't think i think they just give them to you um but then there's more diverse selections when you go like oh what's the real dad midlife crisis car right now if you're of a certain set the thing to do would be you know what i need a camper right i need an RV you know that's that's an extreme midlife crisis move to be like you know it'd bring the whole family together yeah what if what if you could drive a red roof in around how about that yeah have you ever thought about being financially liable for everything that comes with having your own hampton in on wheels also what if you had to worry about how to drain the poop out of that hampton in in very specific ways what if you wanted to carry around your own little poop wagon

that's what you're doing. Doesn't that sound like a great way to spend your midlife crisis? I actually think that's more insidious than just going ahead and blowing your money on like a C8 or whatever. If you get, because what does an RV require? Space. Everything. Not just space and not just time and money. It requires the vehicle to pull it.

Chances are if you're looking at this, you don't have a truck, you don't have a truck big enough to pull it. So you're not talking about it like a camper you drop. You're not talking about... You could. No, I mean, that's possible, right? Like, if you're like... You're talking about the big sucker that sits in the back, connects to your truck. Uh-huh.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Like, make fun of the person who's like, yeah, man, I'm going to go buy a Fierro. Always want a Fierro. I'm not going to make fun of that person, because you know what? That's like a $14,000 mistake.

It's not the 140 you're going to spend trying to find, like, the perfect mobile home RV and or having a disastrous restoration project. where you go, I'm going to take this school bus and turn it to a place where I can live. What if I combined the maintenance problems of a house with the loss of value of a car? What if those two

could exist and the same thing? Depreciation plus oxidation equals recreation. That's the fucking vision. I mean, it's like, the thing to me is like everything is stupid. Like, if you think about, I'm going to rent a house and you really say it enough times.

That's where you're going to put your body. You're going to pay money for a place and it's not yours, forever. You're just paying money constantly. On the flip side, buying a house is also stupid as shit. It's way dumber. Somehow.

I've done it once. This is one of the dumbest things I've ever done. It's saying a lot. Yeah. No, I'm renting, which is either even dumber or equally dumb. What would make you feel better? Renting and having a hundred grand in your bank account or owning a house and having 10.

I would much rather have 100 grand in the bank because that's how I think. I have a Scrooge McDuck. brain where I literally think having a lot of money equals a pile of money. It doesn't equal assets. I mean, there are no good choices here. No, no.

So that is a good jumping off point to what I, the last question I want to hit, which is from a good Brian at Brain Done Again. Should I repair my house's foundations in crawl space or just buy a new house? It doesn't matter. Every house is just a puzzle that you cannot solve of calamity and dysfunction and bizarre fucking repair

jobs that you will go back and look and be like holy shit did you know half this house is like the wiring is covered in twizzlers like this is not up to code but in 1950 that's what they did they just the whole bathroom all the electrical wiring just twizzlers so like fix your current

house buy a new house whatever you have no idea what's going to happen five years from now it's it's a lot like living in the millennial falcon except it can't go anywhere it stays in one place the whole time well see this is why you could have listened to me and moved into that bus but you're right you're right you're right again i think if you're going to buy a house then you should absolutely because you're right

every single house is completely imperfect and bad they're all bad and by the way people will tell this to you about legendary houses right famous houses you know the houses like like old english manor houses which are revered is the standard for luxury that everybody in the anglo-saxon world right or had contact with the english reveres is like you know because if you get wealthy you're like i'm going to buy a nice spot in chelsea right like that's everybody who gets rich in the world wants to buy some ancient house in england and call it their manner okay cool if that's the standard for things those houses have leaks those houses have ghosts so my advice is you go by the most haunted spectral home you can possibly find don't half-ass

this right when you walk in and they're like somebody was killed here you go like how many people how many like three oh absolutely right does it does the roof leak there's a hole in it perfect lean into it don't pay don't have small problems because you're just going to have huge problems anyway take the ones you can see because i guarantee you that perfect house you see the wiring's bad it'll catch on fire and there's a crack in the foundation are either of you familiar with the i'm going to mispronounce this and i apologize the erfert latrine disaster no this is this just keep this in mind as you think about buying a home or fixing your current one so this took place in uh 1184 when the king of germany um was at a a fortress called the petersburg citadel in erfurt and what happened was

one morning all of the nobles were on the second story floor and the weight of them caused the floor to collapse most of them fell through into the latrine cess pit below the ground floor where about 60 of them drowned in shit and like the people who built this this citadel for a fucking king like they didn't want to do a bad job they weren't just trying to like make money on this job and move on to the next one they wanted it to be great they definitely did not want their work to be remembered throughout history with a Wikipedia page that includes the phrase latrine disaster but that's what happened and like that's just how that shit goes literally yeah there

it goes so you're saying shit happens