Shutdown Fullcast - Alien Ant Farm feat. DMX Brought Down The F-35

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

SHOW NOTES Ryan has found this show's equivalent to thinking about the Roman Empire. (Of course it revolves around Tampa.) Sure hope y'all weren't turning up expecting to hear us talk about anything except the terrible, hilarious continuing misadventures of the F-35! Holly mixes up Beaufort and Other Beaufort like nine times, she's very sorry, but not like "lost a fighter jet IN THE AIR" sorry Once again, that number is 843-963-3600 Important archaeological news from Buffalo! Our hosts compete to determine who has fallen from the greatest height, and discuss their thoughts on the way down Week 4's college football schedule is plumbed for entertainment Jason imports a vital lesson: College football famous isn't famous-famous! Visit sunny preownedairboats.com! Subscribe to Vacation Bible School and Channel 6 and Buried Treasure! Listen to We’re Not All Like This and DNF! Sign your name away in full faith to Shutdown Fullbooks! 🌞 YOUR MONEY IS NOW OUR MONEY AND WE WILL USE IT TO BUY A BETTER FIGHTER JET 🌝 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Okay, you can do this. I know, I know. Carvana makes it so convenient to sell your car. It's just hard to let go. My car and I have been through so much together. But look, you already have a great offer from Carvana. That was fast. Well, I know my license plate and VIN by heart, and those questions were easy. You're almost there.

Now to just accept the offer and schedule a pickup or drop off. How'd you do it? How were you so strong in letting go of your car? Well, I already made up my mind, and Carvana's so easy. Yeah, true. And sold. Go to Carvana.com to sell your car the convenient way. $8,000

$8,000 of fireworks $10,000 dollars about fireworks and an illegal retainer Welcome to the Shutdown Foolcast. Not yet. Not yet. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast.

I am Spencer Hall. It's my voice that you're hearing right now. I'm joined as always by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and on the ones, and two is Michael. Hello. Ray server behind the production board. Holly, you got something to tell us? Nothing except that this episode is brought to you,

Coors Light, Mountain Cold Refreshment, made to chill. Thank you. You son of a bitch. It's the coldest, just like us. Yes, Ryan. I was thinking the other day about how wildly important Mike Allstott was to the city of Tampa for like a good stretch there.

Is this your Roman Empire? It might be. It might be Tampa's Roman Empire. I just wanted to bring that up. I don't think people know that Mike Allstott was maybe Tampa's most important person for six years, let's say, something like that. Ryan, for those of an Alex Kirchner demographic in age, who is Mike Alstatt? Mike Alstatt played football at Purdue, where he was a fullback.

I don't know if he overlapped with Drew Breeze. I feel like that might line up or they might have just missed each other. The most famous story about Michael Stott, I think while he was at Purdue, he used to like push his Jeep around campus, I think, or around like West Lafayette just to be big and strong. He had what can only be described as a late 90s wrestling fan goate and shoulder pads that connected at the temple. That's how massive his shoulder pads were. Yes, and he played for the Tampa Bay Bucks in the, like, mid to late 90s, early 2000s when they had no quarterback worth discussing, but they had a great defense, and they had Mike Allstatt and worked on doing Thunder and Lightning shit. And people just loved it. People just, they loved both of them, but like Mike Allstatt in particular,

was just like, oh, man, I love seeing this beefy boy, just just bowl over the other men. And he was, like, he could have been a pro bowler, like, as a blocking fullback. He was that good. There was that Tampa Super Bowl. I was thinking the entire game, like, there goes to Super Bowl MVP, just flattening people. Of course, they had, like, 19 guys on defense who were worthy of the honor. But he did other stuff as well. Like, his, I'm looking, I'm trying, his yards from scrimmage, he went over,

He had like 900 yards from scrimmage every year as a, you know, as a fullback who is not the point of the offense. This is what offense used to be like, y'all used to. Yeah. He did not, by the way, overlap with Breeze. He was, he missed him. Breeze was 97, 2000. Did he? Yeah.

Allstock was a bit ahead of that time, 92 to 95. So you know that this is, of course, peak shoulder pads, eye black, and neck roll material that he was maybe the most neck roll fullback of all time, except when they paired. in the backfield with Lorenzo Neal, who if you do not know, Lorenzo Neal, is classified as both fullback and livestock. And they would put him in the backfield with Mike Allstott for the most punishing two yards ever gained per play in the history of the National Football League. I have a Mike Allsat story that made me kind of emotional to think about because I was coming back from a year and a half living overseas.

and I had taken a lot of sleeping drugs to get me through the flight on the way home and I was passed out in the Seoul airport and nearly missed my flight, shocker. And the TVs in the lounge, right, where we were all waiting, a lounge is a really, really exaggerated term for what this box was.

They were tuned for some reason to the Vikings Bucks game where I came out of my haze. Yes, and I came out of my haze and went, oh God, I'm going to miss it. my flight. I'm never going to get home. I'm never going to get back to America. And I looked up and I saw the beautiful, gyrating, shimmering shoulder pads of Mike Allstott barreling through the Vikings defense. And I was like, that's America. That's where I'm going. In his rookie season, Mike Allstott led the Bucks in receptions and receiving yards and was tied for the lead in receiving

touchdowns. What were the 1990s like? That's the way to have it, folks. The quarterbacks for the bucks that year were UAB coach Trent Dilfer, Casey Weldon, and Scott Milanovic. Just feed the beast. And Mike Alsat got 65 catches that year. A six and ten year for the bucks, which was pretty darn good for the bucks in those days. That's right. That's right. I just wanted to give Mike Allstall some shine because appropriately enough I was at the YMCA

when I remembered how important Mike Alstead was. I think Mike Allstott, appropriately enough, owns a gym. He had maybe my favorite career-ending injury of all time, which was he lifted too many weights. That's it. That's why he had, that's like, how did you go out, Mike Allstott? I lifted too many weights and injured my neck. God said I couldn't be that strong. I got a little too rectangular.

Yeah, sorry, too swole. Can't play the NFL anymore. It's for soft boys. Not for me. I'm out. I think Mike Allstott also works so well in Tampa. because he looked like he could have been a pro wrestler. Like, he sort of had the vibe and the...

Steiner Brothers type, yeah. I was thinking either Steiner's are buffed back, like a less glamorous buffed bagwell. Yeah. I'm sorry, because I guess in Tampa, like the boy next door aesthetic is pro wrestling. Correct. Yes.

He'd be tough Bagwell, not Buff Bagwell. Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's good. Bluff Bagwell. They really missed on an opportunity to create an entire series of alternate Bagwells all rhyming with off. The Bagwell verse? And their pet rabbit, Fluff Bagwell.

Yeah. There are stories about Fluff Bagwell. Gruff Bagwell. Oh, he's nice, but, you know, that exterior. But we're not... Snuff Bagwell was a rodeo clown. But we're not here to talk about the ground game today, aren't we? We're not here to talk about things that work.

We're not here to talk about things that advance forward at a satisfactory rate. We are talking about a career success. rate of about 50% toward a first down. In a desired direction. Also, I don't know. I could probably look at what Mike Allstop made

over the course of his buck's career, but it ain't what the F-35 is made. I'll tell you that. F-35, man, listen, if you go to Roto World and you start looking on the contract contract. They're looking to unload that contract.

The Bobby Bonilla of the federal government. New York Nets, please take on this deal. you're the only one's dumb enough how the F-35 tear it's rotator oh it tears everything that actually makes that sense okay well hang on first of all for everyone who thinks we're terrible after if you're still hanging in after Spencer said

my favorite career ending is the first thing you need to know about the story is the pilot ejected safely okay everything it's okay it's funny it's funny okay now go the pilots yeah the pilot the pilot survived an encounter as the F-35's pilot that alone is a miracle Holly, do you have the tweet handy that sort of set this made America aware of its prodigal plane?

This was a fun weekend of, I guess, from whenever it happened, like Sunday through today, people were just making sure that we will discuss this on the episode. Yes, yes. And this was one of those times where, like, you saw the parade of blue checks and the parade of star-unstar-star-bellied sneaches under and you had to scroll pretty far down to find something terrible. Like, everyone was just enjoying this because the Great Uniter is the F-35 being a piece of shit. I have dropped the tweet in the chat for you, Holly. Oh, good.

Am I reading this? Yes, please do. All right. This is from Joint Base Charleston in Cerber's neck of the woods, or in Serber's home stomping grounds. We're working with Marine Corps Air Station, Beaufort, South Carolina, to locate. an F-35 that was involved in a mishap this afternoon. First of all, okay. Mishap.

Does the F-35 have haps children? Can't afford them. At some point, we should probably start calling it something else. The pilot objective safely. Second of all, that means this pilot is probably back at work. Can you imagine? Yeah. Okay.

I got to get back in that thing. Can you hear? Can you hear? Can you like him trudging? back in. Can you hear the end after burn after reading

where it comes to J.K. Simmons and goes, Sarah, we've had a whoops a Google. Here's the best

part. If you have any information that may help our recovery teams locate the F. Like a lost dog.

Please call the base defense operations center. They had to put their phone number up. Please call

the base defense operations center at 843-963-3-3-3-360 subplot. Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort, which is known as Fighter Town East, fine,

which is in Beaufort, South Carolina, which is tagged in this tweet from Joint Base Charleston, has not tweeted since March of 2022 the last time they had a jet crash. This is

all this thing is good for. Go ahead, server. This is extremely dumb, but we're going to get a lot of comments from the low country if I don't just step in and let you know. It is Beaufort. It is Beaufort in South Carolina. I'm sorry.

Oh, God. I knew it as soon as I said it. Tennessee is Long Carolina. You're forgiven. It is Beaufort in North Carolina. They're both beachy, like coastal towns, but they pronounce them differently. And they're very passionate about it. I leaned so hard into it because I was so sure this one was the Beaufort.

I am sorry to be in South Carolina. It is low country, Beaufort, Outer Banks is Beaufort. Shit fire. Well, now that makes two mishaps, I guess. I love that they, I mean, there's so many tremendous details here, such as the F-35 is still in operation. Who could, who would have thought? One is like, in every movie, anything that's worth more than like $600 has a tracking device on it.

Like, no country for old men said in 1972, I think, has tracking devices. This thing costs fucking $100,000 trillion and doesn't have any sort of a tracking device. because it's the stealth plane also something tells me air tag wouldn't mix well with an F-35 because it's just not its natural state to stay afloat although seeing that notification on your phone would be like F-35 has left your vicinity

oh thank God yeah this is this is the kind of event that ties otherwise innocent headline writers into knots they cannot avoid being tied in. I will share this headline from USA Today as an example. Crash site of missing F-35 jet found. How did a stealth

fighter go missing? Motherfucker, it's an invisible plane. Was it raining? We found the one thing it's good at, apparently. The literal old Wonder Woman joke, that's what this is, right? Where did I park my invisible plane? Oh my God, it could be a camp

counselor now. That's what it can do. It can hang out in the woods. Also, it's your children. Please. I so want this to be an example of the pilot being like, hold on, where are my chips? At what point do you think the air base had to turn the, unplug the phone?

Because just too many people are calling me. I know. I just want, I got at my garage. Yeah, I'm on Bofa. I'm over in Bofa. Just hanging up. What's, sorry, what's Bufa? Yeah.

No, Buford. Yeah, I'm in Buf. I'm in Bufa. I live over in D's. So I'm trying to look up previous examples of a stealth plane being just, oh, we don't know where it is. Because it's in this F117, missing F117, all you get is like, ah, one was shot down, right? Let's try missing B2. No, that brings up vitamins. My body is missing B.

This shit doesn't happen. It's only the broken. plane and like we're we're saying nice things about it to say it's because of the stealthiness as opposed to it tried to run an update and blue screen death the whole plan I bet that's what happened thank you to user AP who asked Spencer everyone only asks where is the multi-million dollar jet and not how is the multi-million dollar jet I was just hearing slaughter fly to the angels right as it was like taking off right This guy ejected and got to have the real-life video game experience of shoot, deployed, horizon, found, jet, streaking away from me.

Like, that's the thing you don't want to see. This is the 21st century ballon Rouge. Yeah. I don't want to do it because that music depresses me, but someone set the Balon Rouge soundtrack to the F-35, toodling away. It's tootling in my head. Not streaking at all. I'm going to put a conspiracy theory out into the universe. I recognize it's dangerous.

They haven't found the plane. They freaked out and created a debris field just to be like, this is where it was. This is where they found that in South Carolina. The F-35 is a debris field. It's a debris field. It's a very tightly compressed debris field waiting to happen. Held together by magic paint.

There's some Chinese guy in a little booth somewhere in Hainan, who's watching all from his balloon cam, right? is watching this objection and going, y'all won't believe this shit. Holy crap. I would also like to celebrate the suggestion of Reader Descrub King, who says, we've got to lead it back home

by flying some decoy planes around it like catnip. Yeah, boy. I want to know who this pilot was, and I want to know how his week is going. He watched $100 million just soaring away from him. He created the world's most expensive frisbee. well it's not a boomerang I feel like with any other device

it's like wow it's going to fall into the wrong hands there are no right hands for this thing there I have another answer from the timeline what are they going to do learn from it east the teens found our F-35 and are roasting it on TikTok oh no right yeah like oh oh they've learned how to not fly they already knew that someone itself playing crashes out of gas teams just surrounding it

Oh, you thirsty. What are those U.S. government? Like, think about this. Back at it again with the black Vantablack. This shit's sinking in the swamps of South Carolina, Degaba, and Yoda's like, nah. Nah. You've been shaking his little hand and just going down.

Yeah, yeah, just push. Back I will put it. He just sort of, like, force pulls his keys out of it. He pulls it out, tries again, dunk. See if it'll know the same one. Takes, changes his mind, pulls it back out. He forgot his meat sticks in the glove compartment. Let's it sink again.

There are guys, like, think about this. This is South Carolina. This 1,000% happened because there were meat sticks in the glove department, right? Yeah, or it rained. Or he plugged his phone in, and it was like, does not support Apple Play. McAfee, Antivirus out of date. Don't think these things run on like Windows 2000?

He was probably trying to download lime wire. Yeah. Were you trying, were you trying to play CitySky? I'm sorry, it was this MP3 labeled M&M sick unauthorized collab, underscore Wave, underscore JZ, underscore BMP, underscore A-AF. I was just trying to play robots. Alien AntFarm featuring DMX brought it on the F-35. Sims free download EXE. No, don't you win.

No, it's porn you won't like. It won't run dwarf fortress and crews at the same. There's not a goddamn chance the F-35 could handle Dwarf Fortress. No way. Although that's a great way to crash when you're like, oh my God, why does this dwarf have such an elaborate backstory and no graphics? This is why.

The pilot reported that he was deeply engrossed in a game of snood with all of the seven. This is the best possible one-word dancer, son. Can you tell us what happened up there? Dino Park Tycoon? Yeah. Why did you yell out Rock and Stone, brother, while flying a plane? Fine.

I was playing Deep Rock Galactic. What is the best part of South Carolina in which this thing could have landed? The plain butt, the peach butt. Just right into it. South of the border. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it would blend in really well. Directly onto the roof of a stuckees.

Yeah. They're flat. So what do you think? I mean, you're the assail. Yeah, no, I think you guys have hit them all. I can't think of anything better than this. Yeah, I would say, I would say the cabooses at a South Carolina, like outside the South Carolina football stadium.

It would be, I think, concordant with the entire history of Ginkgock football to have a plane. If they found this in Williamsburg County, that's not far from Polly's Island. It could have gotten tangled up in a hammock. You could have heard a hammock. Do those hammocks. Oh, no. Like it, Darlington. And it's just running laps.

It's chasing them around and around like a bug zapper. The lady in black claims another. victim. Great. We'll get my strike. Yeah, he gets you. My other favorite theory is that it was returning home to Lockheed Martin so that they could trick the Air Force into paying for it again. Like, I do like the hammock theory.

That's one way to keep it in the air. Wee. I know that, I know that if somebody found this on the ground and they were looking through the parts, at least one person was like, yeah, this thing's a piece of shit. I already got a Cummins in my truck. Hey, I learned something while researching this story extensively for the past two days. Do you guys know besides, I know we know the Marines fly this, the U.K. military flies this. Do you know the only other world military force that flies this?

The Italian Air Force. Oh, I was going to say the Pope. I should have gone with my first instinct. Discuss. Yeah, but that's. I think that's a choice. What does the Italian Air Force do? I think the Italian Air Force wants days off,

and having the F-35 is a good way to get them. Oh, signore, we cannot fly these months. Yeah, we got to take the year off. The plane is broken. We have to bring you your pornography by the train. A spokesman from Joint Base Charleston told NBC News the aircraft was an autopilot when the pilot ejection. I hope so, yeah.

So it works great, then, evidently. Have they all but told us that someone, like, remote hacked in and kicked that dude out of the airplane? I hope it's part of the MGM Las Vegas hack. I hope it was just one person being like, watch this shit. So, you know, a whole plane a computer. What could possibly go wrong? I keep saying the other best part, but the other other other best part is that

at Joint Base Charleston doesn't just house Air Force and Navy planes like all of the not Space Guard but all of the real branches of the military have units at this base and you know how hard they are clowning these people? Yeah. Like imagine being the three branches who were not responsible for this. I hope there's a child. I hope somebody issues a very sarcastic

challenge coin commemorating. I just like every other branch is like oh well you know our f18 still works it's 40 years old it works fine so maybe you should have just stuck with that because it's B plus at everything so this is okay a brief side note by the way the Italian Air Force oh good oh no are they what are they are they the ones that are devastatingly hotter is at the Spanish cops I think that's the kind of the kind of fashy Spanish cops who are super attractive. The Italian Air Force,

they were the ones that we sold hardest on the F104. For those who don't know, the F104 was the lemon we sold the rest of the world through bribery and extortion and sold tons of them to the rest of the world. And they bought like tons of F104s. The F104 was known as the Widowmaker for its frequency of crashing.

Japan bought a bunch of them. And I think they had like 2% crash because it's Japan. and like generally they were super careful with the planes and didn't ask them to do things they wouldn't Italy lost 137 of their F104 38% of them

they lost to crashes including a lot of them I'm looking at the list here Impact into mountain impact into mountain That's like that's like That's less funny That's like a Bears quarterback success

Right It's Justin Fields. We had to buy a hundred of them. Yeah, that's Justin's in the field, all right. Can I share with you another mishap that I feel he deserves our attention? Is it still about the plane? No.

Okay, we'll come back to the plane. But this is about a fall. Unlike the plane, we'll circle back. This was brought to my attention by our good friend Victoria. just going to read it straight from the local news report in Buffalo, New York. A man was charged after he allegedly jumped a fence while under the influence of multiple drugs and alcohol and fell into a pit at the new Bill's Stadium on Sunday. Put in pit.

Police responded to the area. I'm sorry, hold on. Is he okay? He is okay. I'm having a cellar door like swooning fit. Can you please read the last half of that sentence again? fell into a pit at the new Bill Stadium on Sunday. Thank you.

Spencer, he was taken to a hospital for evaluation and suffered various minor injuries. Police estimated the hole to be about 30 feet deep. They responded at about 1220 in the afternoon and found a naked man covered in feces. the 29-year-old man mentioned to police that he was under the influence of a combination of alcohol, LSD, cocaine, and marijuana at the time. Mixed together?

Survey your volume levels really enhanced that. You sounded like you're outside. Like, watch you through the window, like, hell yeah, brother. Can I just say that although we started in Lafayette, Louisiana, and later opened one of our better-known branches in Philadelphia. Adding a Buffalo Bureau to our extended universe has paid such rich dividends. It really has.

Thank you, Vic and friends, for making that happen. According to the sheriff, this was an isolated incident. I don't think that needs to be said. I don't think that means to be said. This is part of a sick new teen game. You listen. There's a 30-foot hole.

I'm going to get fucked up and fall into it. It's called bills jumping, and teens aren't going crazy. So in both of these stories, something shitty fell to the ground. But one of them emerged unscathed. And it was the Buffalo Man. One of them were actually worried about. One of them, the well-being were actually concerned with. One of them we feel bad for it.

One of them has redeemable value. It's, I would advise the city of Buffalo and the authorities they're in not to leave 30-foot holes where Bill's fans can scale a fence and get to them I would simply close the hole

for the during game how are they supposed to settle the final matches of their wrestling feuds that they're having in the parking lot you got to go big for that final blowoff match those fans are like gerbils they can jump straight up a lot farther than you think Ryan you can't just cover that hole

if you cover that hole and be like I can get through there I'm going to do that shit Yeah, covering is like putting up a red flag I'm charging bull I'm gonna put a table on top of it And then go through it And then power bombs Yeah, hell yeah

Yeah, no you're right I've that's, they learned it from Mario. Mario jumps goes butt first What's just a brief survey of the crew here? What's the farthest you've fallen unbraked Like on like Without injuring myself? No, you can injure yourself

I mean like the far as you at all But I'm pretty sure I can beat everybody Yeah Okay, go ahead onto the ground or in like I'm falling from any point from any point onto the ground an uninterrupted fall from because I fall in like two stories into water

okay that's I think that qualifies it doesn't feel good jump right like it's yeah I did jump I did jump I got way further than that I don't know if water counts because like we've all done like a high dive right what if you fall on your back Spencer how high would you say the bluff is how how would you say the bluff is behind my parents

Tom Tom home wing it's a good 15 15 feet farther no 15 feet farther than you think It's farther than 15 feet. All right, how's this? I'm being conservative. It's at least 15. Okay. Yeah.

All right. I don't think I've fallen 30. I'll tell you this. I've never fallen 30 feet into a hole. How about that? I have fallen off a ski lift because I was having a spitting contest with my friend. And we got the tips of our skis tangled in some wires leading to a maintenance shed. Cool.

She fell off first and then pulled me. And we landed on the, we landed on the roof of the shed. Like, by the time we actually fell, like, by the time we actually, those bars don't do shit on the ski lift, by the way. By the time we slithered under the bars screaming and actually let go of the thing, we landed on the roof of a shed and rolled off. Also, it was, you know, there was a lot of snow. I've jumped off a roof. It was one story. me and the homies at one point

were having a who is willing to jump down the most stairs contest oh we did that when I was a kid I did the whole flight it was in the upper balcony at church during church the noise is really fucking loud but I won I think that's the farthest I've ever jumped and it was a mega church mind you so we're talking a serious flight of stairs yeah yeah so this was just a normal flight of stairs

but I was very small. The house where I grew up in has one of those staircases that turns 180 degrees in the middle of it, so it's like half flight of stairs, landing, turn around, half a flight of stairs down. And my brother and I and our two neighbor boys who were like staggered with us in age, so we were just this like natural little quartet. We had this thing called flight school, and the object was to jump from the top of the stairs and see who could slap the wall the highest. Sure.

And then you would kind of slide down the wall like a bug. Yep. And land on the landing. I don't think anybody ever got hurt, but we were pretty little, and it was only like eight steps. I think the ski fall was farther. Mostly I'm impressed that.

And the cops don't want to say this, but they know it's true. This man... Go ahead. No, you go ahead. You go ahead. I fell 20 feet off a climbing wall. and my, my belayer, my belayer did not, uh, did not hold the rope.

Was there, was there patting? I wouldn't even if I saw your big ass coming down. I get out of the way. Was it, where are we talking, indoor padding or what? Um, I had the advantage of falling onto shredded, like, shoe foam. Yeah, like shredded, shredded rubber. Like that playground stuff, yeah. Yeah, that stuff which I'm, I'm pretty sure now it gives you like some sort of heinous cancer.

Um, but it did manage to actually save my ass because I landed. on that and i will tell you falling from 20 feet uh it's it feels you're like oh i'm dead yeah like i'm sure the thing it just takes so long it takes so it takes so long but i will say this the impact is so short you're like wow i didn't know i could have that much of my ass kicked in that short a span of time there's i'm thinking about like um the tallest cliff i ever jumped off of you know when you're a dumb kid you jump off a cliff into a lake and like that first split second of like I want to go back you can't you're just going to keep going for a long long long time yes if you've ever if you've ever my experience was jumping off a makeshift high

dive at a sinkhole and I decided I decided to go like Olympic diver head first instead of just like jump and go feet first great as I was tumbling the wrong way that's like you have enough time to realize, oh, that's not what I should have done. And that's not a fun feeling. Yeah, it's not a, go ahead. This is, I think, I don't think this is higher than the rope song. I did do an attempt to do a gainer and do a quarry that's on the other side of town. And I somehow got like twisted around sideways and hit, if you've ever hit water from

that far up with the side of your body, really with anything but your feet, it creates like a modeled bruise wherever you're. skin touched the water first and it just looks like you've been beaten with a tangerine like wherever your body hit first but only on one side but i think what we have learned from this story which the cops don't want to admit to is that the problem is not doing dangerous things it's doing dangerous things without being under the influence of alcohol lSD cocaine and marijuana like when you make that potion in this version of resonant evil the zombies can't hurt you you You know what else he was clearly taking?

Fiber. I do have some questions about the covered in feces part. I want to know where that happens in the story. I want to know how that happens in the story. Did he arrive with that as a costume or did the impact cause it? Or was this like a former like port-a-potty pit that you landed in? Yes, many questions. If you fell 30 feet into a pile of human excrement,

Man, that's Bill's fan, baby They should probably put his number out. That's so long that on the way down, he had time to think, man, fuck Ken Dorsey. It might be Ken Dorsey's fault. We don't know. I mean, you know, drops are a problem, boys. That's so far.

30 feet so far. Yeah, you have so many thoughts. that's way too far that's so long you have time to think about how many thoughts are thinking yeah he probably actually also thought

oh man I'm covered in shit that's wild I also appreciate that in this version of the news story the verb they use is that he mentioned to police that he was under the by the way

I just thought I dropped this year it's none of your business but so Ryan can you just go over the toxicology one more time just because I want to clarify. Just list them one at a time. If you talk to the college,

he sounds like he was fine. Alcohol? Helped? LSD. Did not help. I will guarantee you that did not help. Might have been the cause. Cocaine.

Mega helped. Helped in the first second. Didn't help from that point forward. I think it's what bounced him back up. Right. Marijuana. Definitely helped. Helped after the cocaine world.

Yeah, exactly. There's also going to help you the limp on impact, though, and thus suffer fewer inter, fewer, like, bone injuries, right? There's, um, I'm a doctor. There's one more quote here from the Erie County Sheriff. You wouldn't be in a port, uh, sorry, I'll back up here. When you're taking LSD cocaine and marijuana, you're going to not, you're going to not read the signs. You're not going to read anything.

You wouldn't be in a porta potty jumping inside it, covered your, yourself with human excrement. You wouldn't be doing that. This is a very isolated issue. Oh. So I think, if I'm understanding correctly, a picture reveals itself. I think this man pre-coded himself in feces and then jumped into the hole. Did he, did, was the pit in the port-a-potty?

Unclear. Was the port-a-pottie, like, on top of a dormant volcano? No, I think, I think he, he, he, I think he went from port-a-potty to scaling fence to pole. Because you could read this as he was sitting there. He stood up and he jumped, got skinny, and went straight through the toilet hole himself. He's Super Mario Brother.

And then for a time lived as Gallum down beneath the port-a-potty. Met and married Hillary Swank's character from the core, raised five beautiful children. To wrap the story up from the journalistic side, Sheriff Garcia praised the sellout crowd at Sunday's game, calling it the, quote, best-behaved crowd that we've seen since our administration has been in place. This man, if this is the worst I got to deal with, I'll take it. I guess once you get him down in the pit, he's pretty docile.

One other arrest was made after the game. A man was charged with harassment for attempting to fight other people. Sometimes it is best to just go back to the old ways. I hope this man takes the lesson from this is that he's capable of extraordinary things. Oh, he 100% thinks he can't die now. Like, he's like, Unbreakable is real, and I am Bruce Willis. Yeah, like somewhere a man played by Ed Harris in a beret and military uniform, and it's like, find me that man's number.

We need him. Bring me the Super Bill. We must study his terrible smelling blood. You know who would have pulled that F-35 out of the air and guided it in? That's right. Super Bill. He would have parachuted down onto that thing Like a cod mission

We're going to send him into the slumps Into the Congaree Would have been the best Would have been the best quick time episode ever in a cod game Press X to grab F-35 with hands Guide to ground Like you're riding it like a horse

And cooing into its ear Being like You got this big fella Boss, you're low on LSD Press Y Oh my God You just landed on the perfect name for those planes.

Old paint. Old paint. That's right. He found the solid snake. That's for sure. That's why you're the best boss. That's what the cocaine's for trying. Like, he hit the ground and immediately it was like, S.

You get an S tier for this. Congratulations. It's just speed. He really speed ran that one. Incredible time, boss. You laugh, but Hideo Kogam is like, this is a very good idea. This is a very good idea for a mission.

We're not laughing. This is very serious. I think there's probably also some part of Buffalo law enforcement that's like, well, the bills did win, so maybe this was lucky. Look what happened when they played the Jets and nobody fell into a 30-foot pit. Are you trying to say that? It's like mid-Somar when the ceremony of people jumping off the cliff. It's like, more like Midwintar, I guess.

Yeah, like it's Buffalo. But... Mid Bromar, yeah. All right, who's next? Josh Allen needs to play a normal game this week. We just need him to go out there and just throw normal passes, not do any crazy stuff. Who's going to jump in the pit?

I will be the incarnate... I will be the incarnate vessel this week for all of the disorder and chaos in the bill's world. I will make Josh Allen normal. I will channel it, right? Get the ketamine, Marve! That's for the playoffs. That's for the playoffs.

We got to beat the fucking dolphins. They won't. You eased into the pit. That's why we lost. You're going to fall. Just lower yourself gently. Why does this man have a wingsuit and he's covering himself in bull's blood? Never mind.

Never mind. I hope this becomes the halftime show at Bill Skames. The Thursday nighter with like Al Michaels like, oh, and so I'm, some local yahoo is jumping into the shit pit just bored out of his mind by the curb street's like this is normal at Ohio State

well Al I really like his technique but I don't know if it would fly in the big tent The thing is to really get into a porta potty It's all about footwork This is a Stanford mascot looking at this guy being like Surviving that amateur

I die every time I do it That's why there's a new one of me every year that's right that's what happens yeah there's advantages there's free tickets you get a parking pass and you die speaking of free tickets well they're not free but folks if you would like to attempt something incredibly daring and impressive at a stanford game in fact Arizona Stanford's coming up it's on pack 12 network which means there's no other way to see it except for going to GameTime.C.O. Oh, the F-35 runs on Pact-12 network, so.

Oh, if you're an F-35, if it can fly, so what do you do? You just sit in it and turn it on and just don't go anywhere and just enjoy the Pact-12 network? Yep, gotcha. Okay. Failing that, unless you're the lucky South Carolinian who has recovered the horrible plane,

simply go to gametime.co. Do not say gametime.com. I didn't. I said gametime. That's where you can buy tickets to stuff. Buying tickets to your favorite events shouldn't be stressful. Game time is the vast and easy way to buy tickets for all the sports, music, comedy, and theater near you with killer deals on last minute tickets and their best price guarantee.

You can stop stressing over the tickets. It can start getting hyped for all the fun you'll have. I'm on the way to the game, brother. This is a serious ad. It's the place for last minute ticket deals. Forget planning months in advance. Yeah, see, this ad copy is actually targeted. for us planning months in advance, what the hell does that mean?

Game time guarantee means you'll always get the best price. If you find tickets, the same section in row for less. Game Time will credit you 110% of the difference. Snag the tickets without the stress with game time. Download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code fullcast for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply again. Create an account and redeem code full cast for $20 off.

Download game time today. Last minute, ticket's lowest price, guaranteed. Shouts to the Brave Soul who on Game Time right now has listed tickets to Arizona, Stanford for $221 a piece. Good for you. There are a lot of tickets for this game that don't cost near that much, but somebody says, I will drag this market higher. Well, for a lucky forecast listener, there are only 200.

That's right. That's right. It's summer. Major League Baseball is in full swing, and there's one app for you if you want last-minute deals on Major League Baseball games, and that's game time.co. That's right, game time.co. I'm looking at the app right now

and I'm picking out America's team, really. The Kansas City Royals and at Kaufman Stadium just in a couple days, there's tickets available for $16. And then, well, I don't want to up the stakes too much here, but let's go to next week.

It looks like they're playing the Chicago White Sox. There are tickets available right now for $3. You could see a Major League Baseball game in Chicago for $3. What stadium you ask? important it's in chicago but game time dot ceo is not just for major league baseball games even though you can get great deals for that you can also get great deals for concerts football games those are going to be coming up pretty soon you can find them on gametime dot ceo uh i use gametime

dot co to purchase last minute tickets for an olivia rodrigo concert tyler childers did not show up at mine that would have been awesome but it was awesome nonetheless and gametime dot co made it super easy. I got my parking through GameTime.co. And I got great tickets for my wife and I. GameTime.com made all of that so easy and one of the greatest concert experiences I've ever had in my entire life. And I'll be using them again. In fact, I'm seeing a little bit called the beaches in late September. And where did I get my ticket? That's right. Even ahead of time. I didn't wait till the last minute because GameTime.com has you covered then as well. That's what I love about it. Whenever I want to get a ticket for an event, whether I heard about it months before and procrastinated to no

end and have left myself in a lurch, you can save up to 60% of buying last minute for sports, concerts, comedy, theater, anything else. So take the guesswork out of buying MLB tickets with GameTime. You can download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code fullcast for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code F-U-L-L-C-A-S-T for $20 off. Download game time today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. Is it time to read the schedule? Schedule time, schedule time.

God damn it. I was looking at your face and it made me laugh. Oh, that's not a really mean. I just mean that you were laughing and it set me off. No, I'm used to it. Thursday night, whatever. Hey, man, we got two winning teams with Georgia State Coastal. Georgia State's undefeated, right?

Also, do you know what we did last week? We got all the way through haranguing last week's schedule without pointing out that, well, you know, when we say this week's are boring, some weird shit happens, and then some weird shit happened. Yeah. I mean, I feel at this point it went without saying pretty decent Friday night. You know, no awful teams other than Virginia. But that means we get to watch Calandria, who is always good for something.

Air Force is pretty fun to watch this year. Air Force can move the ball. They're a lot of fun. They can move the ball and they're the entertaining. Actually, I would add this. I think both Army and Air Force are extremely entertaining triple option teams because especially since Army has gone even further back into the past by putting the guy in shotgun, the quarterback in shotgun.

So it looks like he's running the single wing, right? Looks like he's running like some single wing wing t-shirt. They're both really entertaining triple teams if that is. your bag. Also, man, you're not above Sunbelt on a Thursday? Hell, Sunbelt on a Thursday, man. That's family entertainment. And that game in South Carolina, F-35 might show up. You don't know. Yeah.

Never mind. You know what? Listen, F-35's not above Sunbelt football either because it ain't above anything. I mean, the F-35 is allergic to the sun, so I'm not sure if it would be watching the Sunbelt. How's your ground game? Stronger than I want it to be. Committed.

Established. I will also state that if you want, don't, have you watched San Diego State? Like, even like two minutes of San Diego State? No. Yeah. Well, I watched the Oregon State game because I hadn't really had a chance to see DJ. Oregon State enjoyed themselves immensely.

Yeah. It's bad. San Diego State is, that's all. Yeah. That was interesting for a minute. Yeah. And not anymore. Can I immediately fast forward to, like, I think a really good noon slate on Saturday?

Because I want to... Beginning with the return of the king! Good noon Saturday. Jim Harbaugh, who went to a place who's never been before, which a salad bar? I like... That man's been to a salad bar, but it's all iceberg and ranch. It's one of those bacon bits of cottage cheese situations. A Stevie B's, it's not a salad bar, but.

That's why that you... Are there burger bars? Oh, that's fudwreckers. That's wild that you went immediately to Michigan because my first thought was to go to Auburn, Texas, A&M. Wow. Because this is Auburn. This is Auburn. As a road dog with no discernible trace of offense.

Not meaningfully so. Yeah. yeah against an a and m team that should win brother there's a button certainly needs to win needs to win and should be more talented a and m is a touchdown favorite which tends to go really great like we have i think i think it was bruce feldman who has already started the like they're starting to find the money to fire jimbo and like if they lose to this auburn team they're going to start finding that money a lot faster

to find some more it's exciting to find a use for Auburn basically A&M boosters are going to turn into Mario when he finds the one coin the one brick he keeps it the thing ding ding ding

ding it goes down the pipe and it's the money room the coin sewer the Aggie coin sewer it's time so I don't know if I don't know how much Auburn you've watched

but if after Cal 9 fucking count. Yeah, it's only Auburn County If you've watched a senior citizen try to back into a parking space in the last week, you've watched Auburn's offense?

No, it's if you watched a senior citizen try to back into a parking space and then they got out and two other senior citizens tried because Auburn keeps rotating who gets to get behind the wheel of this car. Elder abuse is about the only free space they have left on their

bingo car, isn't it? That's true. It's time. But Yeah, this is hilarity. This is tragic comedy, and it has it written all over the place, especially with A&M coming off. I think, like, Miami kicked their ass. That score is much closer than I think the actual game was, especially in terms of how both teams came out of that game feeling.

Like, they just got their ass beat by Miami. Yeah, A&M had like two short fields that they scored on, right? Yeah, that's it. And then the rest of the time, they just got owned. they got at every key at every like keve like oh this is the game they not only like lost that play they lost it in embarrassing and decisive fashion Auburn in this role this is what they were born for it this is what you were made for this is the fire has forged you for this moment Auburn I want you to be like that little I have caught on the brain now now that I mentioned it in modern warfare you could get like a little buggy loaded with like TNT that you could drive a little remote control car to go detonate with somebody that's what Auburn is for A&M this week just all ground game all explosive i think it's very funny uh florida state clemson before

you know before the season started this was sort of circled as like wow this is this is a big one this could be you know this could be a playoff quarterfinal basically uh and then one weekend it was wow florida state the acc is theirs now the changing of the times and now it's like uh number four clemson is number four f shes is favored by two against an unranked team because rankings are funny things when it comes to putting your money on them. Did I already say this?

I don't feel like FSU spent nearly long enough in the wilderness for getting interesting again, although I'm grateful that they are interesting. I mean, it is, yeah, I thought so cute. They wildernessed hard, though. Yeah, you think they doubled up on their... And it's year four.

They doubled up on their class load. Yes. The COVID year kind of... Unlike them. The COVID year kind of screws up our time frame there because... No, you're right. You know, that went either so quickly or so slowly.

Like 21 was quite bad, if I remember currently. Yeah, like he almost. 21 is where they lose to Jacksonville State. Yeah, he almost did. He almost didn't make it. Yeah, but they should have done that like a couple years in a row for fun. It was just so fast. It went from like three season number two to, oh, God damn.

Almost as fast as an F-35 falling from orbit. Do you all know the last time Florida State beat Clemson? was it the tosh boyd game was it the 52 i was there and i was there and i can't remember i was there and i can't remember the year is that is that is 14 or 2014 but it this it's a closer game it's 23 17 the game you're thinking of what's 2013 yes you're thinking yeah the 2013 game where it was like that's the last time florida state beat clemson i was at that game but i just can't remember what year it was yes 2014 is the last time florida state won this game And at the time, it was FHU was the bully, and it's like, wow,

Clemson can't get over the hump. Correct. Yeah, I'm excited to overreact to this game in either direction. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, hell yeah. Can I tell you a wish? Yeah. Wouldn't it be fun if in the last year before the conferences melt into an unrecognizable pile of goo,

if this was the year we got the Florida State, Miami. That's a CCC championship game. Yeah. It finally happens. Just once. Yes. Especially because it'll be a rematch. They'll play in the regular season.

And if they have to play again, that's beautiful. I love that. I mean, they better get it done now because we all know it's going to be Stanford Syracuse going forward. I did have a Syracuse listener complain about us not really giving them enough credit and said we made fun of Garrett Schrader. Hey, we spent like five minutes trying to remember of Syracuse's public or private. That counts. We were not making fun of Garrett Shrader. Garrett Schrader is awesome.

We were having a little bit of fun at the notion that just like Garrett Schrader is running 300 yards a game, but only getting credit for 150 yards rushing. This is a longstanding pro-Deno Babers program. What new blood is talking like this? I mean, Syracuse does this like, oh, we're kind of in Maryland. They do this. So, yeah, oh, we're 4 and O thing every year.

And then, oh, we're 4 and 8. So, like, give me a month or two. Also, like, I can't. It's a win over. do. I can't gas you up that much over it. I just can't. Yeah, also you're about to play Army. So I hope you make the best of your possessions

because you're getting five of them. Rations. Yeah, you're getting rationed because, buddy, they're going to uncork 12-yard drive. That's what they do. Let's see, SMUTCU. Going away.

The skillet's going away. Yeah, the TCU fans I talked to are sort of like, yeah, we're fine with that. Yeah, we're too good for our rivals now, the school that complained for many years about their rivals abandoning them. A classic ACC Big 12 rivalry game that will be disappearing soon. Can I hear this in David Attenborough voice? I would, I know, we have not met our federally minimum. amount of time mandated to talk about Colorado would like to say just one thing i think dion sanders telling his team that they needed to win because j norvel was annoying as hell i really

deeply relate to that level of like that form of motivation like go out and win to make this annoying person unhappy that's like the most twitter twitter shit i've ever heard from a coach and I would like to acknowledge that I thought that was effective. It worked for both teams. This was just textbook wrestling promo stuff. Like a game even the teams

didn't care about for like five to ten years was like the talk of the, like in all of sports, the talk of the country for a weekend. And a shitload of people watched it on television. At 2 a.m. Eastern. There were people who don't even watch football who were posting about this.

Yeah. Yeah. Like I, one's hat must be tipped if you got, what was it, 9 million people to watch Colorado, Colorado State? That's fucking crazy. Like, I mean, I think this might have been the thing that. All the popular kids showed up. Yes. Like, this might have been the thing that I think really made it sink in for a lot of hardcore college football fans, how big a crossover deal is. Because, like, I don't know, I feel like we have had this. notion as college football people for a long time that like we have a new york yankees it's called either ohio state or alabama or notre dame depending on your perspective right yep yep no we didn't we do now now we understand like um what it's like to have the entire focus of your sport is

about one thing like i think i think you're i think this is more of a dallas cowboy situation where the the the level of attention is there and Maybe they're good, but maybe they're not. I think they're more in that level, though the Yankees suck this year. So are the Cowboys like, what's the difference between Yankees and Cowboys there? I think whether it's liked or not, the Yankees have enough, like, success that we remember, that we can be like, well, yeah, I understand why we're talking about this team that won a bunch of World Series and whatever. And, like, the Cowboys do not.

okay yeah so it's it i mean it's like it's a slightly it's just a slightly different basically we have the cardinals became the cowboys overnight yes and and yeah the game is completely changed like college football famous is not actual sports famous no no like go look up google trends tim tibo's career the height of his popularity was as a baronco not as a gator johnny mansell was more famous as a pro than as a college player like deion i is the actual rare celebrity in college football and this is his biggest game yet it's only going to get louder until he loses and then it'll be a different kind of noise mixed in they also have they also have a playing style by the way that's going to keep this hype

dream going because they're capable of scoring points meaning they ain't going to get skunked like i don't think Oregon's going to skunk them i think even if Oregon scores 40 if they score 50 Colorado's going to be right there points-wise. You know, they'll score 30. They'll score 35. And it will look more respectable than it actually was. I think you're right. The first half against Nebraska sort of like pushes against that

because they really could not get the, they couldn't move the ball that well against the best defense that they've played all year. But they get deep in games and you can't keep up with those receivers for that long, provided you keep Sanders upright. That is the one thing where you go, okay, the most interesting. interesting question in this game is not anything concerned with Colorado because I know they can't protect him. It's whether Oregon's going to be able to pressure them. That's the thing where you go,

okay, I don't know that. And I want to see that because all I've seen thus far out of Oregon is them absolutely emulating much lesser opponents for sport. Colorado's offense is going to be all or nothing. And there's going to be some all. Yeah. Like I think about this is like, say Oregon wins by 30. So much of the country will love that. Yeah. The Chadenfreude meter is maxed out. Like, you know, the interest is not going down in any way anytime soon. Finally, the defenders of respectable tradition, the Oregon Ducks are here to save us.

Old school football, the Oregon Ducks. We're tired of this flashy Colorado Buffalo team. We need the old school sensibilities of Bodex and the Oregon Ducks to bring us back. We need the meat and potatoes, Oregon Ducks in their neon uniforms. to come in their uniforms made of sunglasses

they will there's a not insubstantial chunk of Washington fans that really are like this and I'm excited

to see if they shine this year oh boy oh boy I have I have a I have a I have a nagging

concern about Colorado that I haven't really seen come to fruition yet and mathematically that kind of makes

and I can't remember if I mentioned this or not they're playing with their hair on fire right now and they obviously have got a greater level of a way above replacement level

first year head coach level of team cohesion than they then they might otherwise have and I think the factors that you can credit that too are obvious I am worried, if I'm worried about anything with this team, I am worried about basic work-a-day attrition. Like, what happens when they,

what happens when they get into the, you know, when they get into the thick of October? And just like every other team, they start, you know, nobody, nobody ends the season not beat up. You know, everybody, everybody takes injuries, you know, holes pop up on every team. What happens to, you know, how prepared is the next level, you know, how far down the depth chart, you know, can they go without, you know, without making a crucial stumble? Like, I'm, it feels very weird to ascribe anything like a normal first year team to this team.

But that's the thing that worries me about them right now is like body math. And you can't really, I mean, they could have, they could have no significant injuries for the rest of the season. Who knows? But that's, that's the thing I'm really curious to see what happens is how, how they stand up and how they, and how they fill those holes and how they, like, how resilient they are when, when their numbers take a hit, as they inevitably will. There is one thing maybe working in their favor in that regard. some of the units on this team are not great to begin with like if you're like what does that look like for an offensive line that is already having trouble you know it's like the there isn't

that much room to drop the defense has had some good moments had some bad moments obviously not having travis hunter out there at deepy is not ideal but like they so much of what makes Colorado interesting and effective is Shadur Sanders and like a really interesting and effective wide receiving core right and if they can keep that true if that can maintain what it is for I don't know the next month like

they'll be they'll have more of a chance than you might think I don't know I'm I hear what you're saying most fair but I also think for what it's where that this is not the Pac-12 game I am most interested in this week. Go on. I would pick UCLA at Utah. Yeah, it's likely to be a much more competitive game. Mostly because I am really interested to see what UCLA is this year.

Like, they have had, I think it's easy to forget that, like, so many of... Weirdly under the radar Chip Kelly team. Well, so often at this point in the season, we have seen. UCLA either lose some dumb game or play like the South Alabama game last year where it's like oh you really should have lost that or you really got like hung around way too long or they pulled a route 66 yes and so far they've been fine and they've played coastal and they've played San Diego State like they've played teams that in in many years would be like oh that's the kind of team that can trip you up they also have like an awesome freshman quarterback and

more and the drop off by the way yeah from d'tr to dante more Dante Moore Dante Moore's been more consistent in a lot of ways and that feels really weird to say about a freshman chip still won't commit to him as

the starter like he's still playing the list right he's such a bitch veteran offensive coaches do that they just get snake bitten and they're like I don't know I can't find the right one no I mean bitch in like the mean girl since it is it is very mean girls but additionally too there's like one interesting thing you go well all right they're going to play utah what's utah going to do utah's going to limit

possessions they'll they'll get real tough they'll hunker down and they'll hold onto the ball right one if you've watched utah offensively they're not great at stringing together long drives they are not and UCLA's already played two teams san diego state and coastal who that's their m o like they really like to put together long drives hold the ball and run the ball on you and they've performed and equated themselves really well against those two teams so like in a styles make fights kind of thing UCLA stood up to that pretty well like this is going to be squeaky this feels like a really squeaky game like tight yeah I think that's right but I think it'll be fun I want to get to my idea of fun which is a total disaster and that's this week something

really unprecedented happen that we kind of let slip in the midst of every other story, which is one coach telling the press what was happening on the staff of another team publicly. And then saying that they talk and that's how he knows. Like, like, Lynn Kiffin

has had... Your friends like me better. Yes, please tell people who might not be as online as we are what you're discussing. So Lane Kiffin in a press conference this week to the old Miss Press was asked about the defensive game plan and unbidden, unprompted,

Lane said, yeah, we're preparing for a defense is going to be called by Travars Robinson, not by Kevin Steele. So why is that unusual? It's unusual because Kevin Steele's the defensive coordinator by name at Alabama. Not the guy that Lane said. No, not the guy that Lane said,

which is Taviris Robinson, who's also on staff at Alabama. And Lane basically said, yeah, he's calling the plays now. And we figured that out just from the looks they were getting from the calls, like and when pressed about this was like yeah you know i mean like you know we know those guys and you know like we talk and you know you can just tell now this is funny for well this is

funny for 17 reasons but let me let me lay out two of the reasons that this is uh that this is important a this is exactly the kind of thing that lane in for all of his uh for all of his whatever is a big football dork. This is exactly the kind of thing. It's incredibly plausible that he would know this. It's totally plausible that he would know this. This is not an easily dismissable story. And B, we tossed around reasons.

We tossed around reasons in the group chat all week for why he would have said this. But I think the reason that he said this is very simple. It's because now somebody's going to ask Nick about it. And somebody did it. Nick about it. They had to. Yes. And Nick had to say, no, that's not true.

I think this is just, I think this is a, I'm not even, usually I find this shit irritating from him. This is hilarious. I am still sort of astonished by that and by the fact that old miss might win this game. Jalen Millrow will be the starter. They're going back to him because. If he wins this.

that LA Times reporter is going to be writing for Cosmo. Yeah. By his boyish legs. Yeah. Jalen Milrow is getting the start because I'm pretty sure he said he had boyish legs. I think the USF game was, the USF game was, okay Tommy, we'll start your guy. Let's see how he is. And then the reaction was ass.

Oh, God. I just can't believe there's a guy named Milro who's not working out for Bama. Like that just, that seems like a failure of nominative determinism. Yeah. So I think, I think he's doing fine. And like, I mean, remember. against Texas they had two touchdowns called back by penalty like there is that i think quarterback is not the problem quarterback the quarterback depth chart sure but i think the starting

quarterback yeah yeah like can Alabama block old miss is a thought i haven't had in decades but yeah it's it's uh it's i mean i don't know if they can block anyone like quarterback is just it's getting all the attention like nationally but it i quarterback is fine it's not a worry it's just not yeah currently by the way Alabama in terms of rushing offense just behind Arizona Maryland New Mexico that's to be expected and teams like South Alabama South Alabama South Alabama's legit no no no no slander will be tolerated here South Alabama current home of famed Saban imitator Robbie Zell unlike splits and do all jaguars are welcome on this program not just the fancy Jacksonville ones i'm irritated

just thinking about that did you just say the phrase the fancy jacksonville ones i did i did you did there's not a podcast where we can escape the fucking jacksonville jaguars can we look ahead to the uh the national title game please god yes by which i mean of course Oregon state at Washington state yes the winner of this game will be undefeated at very least a co-leader in the pack 12 um and should absolutely get some sort of a trophy for winning the left behind cup. Like, whoever wins this is my favorite team for the rest of the year, just period.

Whatever that's worth, it's all the prize I can offer. The Last of Us Bowl. Sam Houston versus Houston, that's fucked up. Our analysis. No, that's one of the classic forms. What a weird-looking game. Is this man versus self or man versus God? I'm going to say that's man versus God.

Which one is God? Houston. Sam Houston is God. Okay, so we have a theological discord here. Yeah, explain some things. You're going to have to have a conclave about it. I need like five years. We need like a traditional medieval conclave where we're like,

we need three years to discuss this theological issue. Arrange the lines in Jesus. The Houston Synod. I was going to say I have dissolved the Houston Senate. How did you do today? I advanced two yards against their argument. Tomorrow I will advance two more yards. Spencer, real quick, can you give me Mac Brown saying Palpatine?

Palpatine. Can we get somehow Palpatine returned? Somehow Palpatine returned. I don't think that's quite a lot. Somehow Palpatine returned. There we go. I say Notre Dame, sure. More importantly, Iowa Penn State.

Yeah, which, by the way, guess who's got a two-game win straight going in this rivalry? Really? I believe you, but that's chilling. I don't like to think about that. Yeah. They won 2021, 2320, and they won in 2020, 401, 41, 21. If Iowa beats number seven Penn State on the road. They're going to rocket up the fucking rankings, and it's going to be very alarming.

And then they'll have to fire Brian anyway. Yep. And really after this, after this, Iowa has Michigan State, Purdue, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Northwestern, Rutgers, Illinois, Nebraska. If Iowa is good enough to beat Penn State, which we don't know, obviously, there is no real good reason that you can't talk yourself into undefeated regular season Iowa. it's time to talk to your kids they're so grown it's listen it's entirely possible

and I want you to just think about one of my favorite things which is James Franklin desperately trying to make something happen against an Iowa front that won't budge out of their fucking cover three cover four like that just won't like just stays

in their shell defense he's like oh ha trick play ha fake punt ha and they're like tackle tackle punt tackle blunt the game you should not watch and will not learn anything from USC at Arizona State oh interesting like that's just start that's I think it's a 930 kick 10 30 Eastern 10 30 Eastern yes yeah five touchdown spread for you just

I got some good news in five I think I think being a human is a complicated thing and there aren't a lot of like clear like this makes you a good person if you watch this game and you're not a USC or an Arizona State fan, you are a bad person. I'm going to be a bad person. That's fine. Yep. Arizona State had eight turnovers last week. Yes. Yielded or?

Coughed out. Coughed up. Yeah, it's fat up. Eight turnovers as they got shut out by Fresno State. So if they improve by half, that means handing USC a short field only four times. But a mere four times. At least for part of that game,

you could instead be watching UCF, Kansas State conference game, sure. Kansas State, this is what you get to do after in a very annoying game against Missou is host to UCF. Hey, annoying, new most annoying cousin here. I don't know why anybody's playing them, but I appreciate the people keep doing it. That's true.

UNC Pitt. You. Anybody want to offer a prediction for that? No, but I kind of want to go. Whatever you predict, you're right. If we could just cover the fact that West Virginia after the backyard bowl had a DB at the press conference say well coming into the game

we knew that Pitt's quarterback wasn't very good at his job. That's actually it. I want to hear Mac's shit talk and opposing quarterback and try to make it sound nice. Well we know they're limited at quarterback. Like the anti, like the bizarro world Bill Stewart, which I guess already is. The Mac method there is listing all the positions they're good at. Sure.

Running back. DB. Lineback manager. Tide in. Kicker. Punter. On and on and on. Their water boys are non-parail? They're very good at left guard and right guard. Can you say non-parail and max voice? Non-parail. Thanks. I have one goal this weekend, though,

and it is to see an angry, sweaty Trent Dilfer. I get to do that because UAB is going to play Georgia. That's all. No, he's, you're misreel. Listen, we started talking about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I'm going to finish. Trent Dilfer is ready for this game and ready for it to go poorly because you know what he just loves to compete he just loves to compete with the best it doesn't

matter if uab gets blown out in this game he's just going to be so thrilled i thought you're going to say he loves attention and this is the only way to you and we'll watch you ab there will be there will be no look into his eyes there's just going to be pain just just dying behind those eyes he's got those little like he's black steamboat willy eyes too you're telling you trend delfer's going to be Trent Delford's going to have a bad time being surrounded by fellow golfers? No. This is not going to stress him in the sling.

Fellow golfers who know he's bad at his job? The other game, I think you should not watch, but for a very different reason than the USC, Arizona State game. God damn it. It's Oklahoma State at Iowa State. Disagree. These are definitely a preseason predicted anxiety bowl. so there are there's a tier of game in college football that i love at this point in the season

which is the two men one parachute game this might be this might be short round screaming no more parachutes it's not the first time my gundy's going to lose sleepover result in iowa this is this is this is mr bond telling you you know see you next fall and pulling the ripcourt as you fall there are more than a few two-man one parachute games on this schedule Oklahoma State Iowa State's definitely one of them another one is Arizona at Stanford that is yet another one another one is Mississippi State at South Carolina two teams that are both oh I know I think that's yeah definitely South Carolina's one and two yeah they they got to make something decent happen

and then there is yet one more they're one and two after playing home again Georgia and UNC Right Yeah I tend to agree with Holly But I will I will say if they lose

The Mississippi State I'm not any happier than you are About UNC showing up The way they did But they showed up If they lose to Mississippi State That's shit That's bad

But if Mississippi State But if Mississippi State loses South Carolina Like Yeah It's fine It's no It depends on how

And if they lose I would put the stress On the level of Campbell and Gundy though Yeah That's bad That's the worst one Yeah.

Like, to be clear, my only problem is setting this game as equal to Oklahoma State, Iowa State. No, it's a much lesser version. Yeah. Yeah. What was the other one that you were going to say? Oh, that I think in terms of making someone's season dramatically worse with a loss. Hey. Dramatically worse.

Kentucky at Vandy? Oh, no. That's, there's, there's a lot of potential bad news. Kentucky's been real quiet. Why don't you catch us up on where they're at? Kentucky had a weird one against Eastern Kentucky two weeks ago. They did and we didn't talk about it. Yeah.

Yeah. They had a weird one against a weirdly close one against Eastern Kentucky where, Holly, to paraphrase you, they did let Eastern Kentucky let, Eastern Kentucky let they got cute. They got cute in Eastern Kentucky let Kentucky hang around before that. And then they blasted. Akron, but we don't have a whole lot of data on Kentucky, not meaningful data in terms of, you know, not that we have it on anybody, but like, there's not a whole lot of, there's not a

whole lot of clarity. Like, you have a good game against Akron. Okay, that was Devin Leary's first, like, super solid game as a starter there. And they face Vandy and Florida in the next couple of weeks. Also, Vandy needs something, man. Vandy's played some wild ass games. Absolutely well-dust games. I think it is better if they... I agree that it's better if they win. Yeah, they probably do need to win this. Based on what they would like to be under-clercly at this point.

You're fighting for the basement, buddy. Well, I mean, like, I think it's not unreasonable for... I think we thought they'd at least be plucky at this point, and they're not even plucky. You don't think Vandy's plucky? Not right now. Okay. I think they can pass. pass the ball well enough to be plucky.

I think they're by Vandy standards. Yeah. Okay. Like, and I, I think after they started 2 and O, I think it was like, okay, there is a path to bowl eligibility. That path got a little harder after losing to UNLV, but I think if they can beat Kentucky, they can say, can we get three wins with what's left of the schedule? Like, maybe barely by the skin of our teeth.

But still, like, even if they go five and seven, like, that's fine. But if they don't beat Kentucky, now you're talking like two and ten is on the table. Yeah, where are you going to find them, right? Like this is now the point where you start looking down the calendar and going, oh, brother, we need something on the left side of the ledger, not the right. We budgeted poorly, yes.