Shutdown Fullcast - All Dogs Are Online At This Point

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

SHOW NOTES The show gets derailed in the usual amount of time (less than three minutes) via a totally unexpected source (Surber??!) To which former Gator do we all owe an apology? Notre Dame's statistically alarming situationship Holly makes a correction Ryan introduces the team to NHL fanfic Spencer is in charge of today's math lesson, which goes about how you think it will Audiences are thrilling to Jason's new hit teen drama, Boy Yellowjackets Surveying the wreckage of the Pitt superweapon By far the most USF talk we've ever had in one episode Reassessing West Virginia Queasily confronting the specter of a well-rounded Missouri squad The Big 12's looming bowl logjam A modest proposal regarding Presidential pets Visit sunny preownedairboats.com! Subscribe to Vacation Bible School and Channel 6 and Buried Treasure! Listen to We’re Not All Like This and DNF! Sign your name away in full faith to Shutdown Fullbooks! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Miao rio-o-w-w-ha-wai-waw-you-on-a-waw-you-n-a-waw-a-waw-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-a-ha-a-ha-a-ha-a-ha-a-ha. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. My name is Spencer Hall. I am joined as always by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kurt, Holly Anderson, and on the ones and twos. And threes, if we had them, Michael's server. This is a reminder, by the way, this entire episode's festivities are brought to you by Coors Light. We almost forgot.

Mountain cold refreshment. made to chill. How's everyone feeling today? The mountains on the can emit the howls of the underworld when your beer is cold. Spencer, I'm giving you a nine for that, for that welcome. That was a really good one. Thank you. Thank you.

I put my whole diaphragm into it. Not quite your whole, because it wasn't a 10. I'm giving it a 7. Because I like to push you. My whole thing is, I'm like, you got more in there. Give me more. Ryan is the Ukrainian alcohol psychosis coach from cutting edge. Ryan,

Ryan walks in, puts his jacket off and goes, Whiplash, three, four. Not my time. Not my time. Is this show the opposite of what they're going for in Whiplash? Ooh. I don't exactly know. Let's ask Cerber.

He's a musician. I mean, if Whiplash is all about it. like slavish devotion to precision, synchronicity, musicality, like, you know, everybody being on the same page, J.K. Simmons is lighting the studio on fire the second he is part of this podcast, right? His character is. I do think that we collectively would beat the shit out of Miles Teller, though. So we've got that in common. I'm sorry. Could you repeat the question? I was answering a call on my Dale Earnhardt Sports Illustrated phone. What? What? Oh my God. that's incredible

listeners because this is an audio format we will go ahead and describe the scene that I am seeing right now which is Michael Cerber holding up the black three car that is the AC Delco

Parts Good Wrench car This is GM Goodrich Not GM Goodrich Plus That's correct This is a Lumina model Which of course Earnhard dominated in along with Jeff Gordon

That's right and it is also a phone if you roll it over the belly of the car the undercarriage has a full uh let's see is yes that's the full dot the full button display does it have how old school is it it has a mute redial and blank spot that's the button you press to respect three which you would think would be three but no we have an additional one where the hell did you get that server i got this from uh My papal who ordered it out of Sports Illustrated. It's an heirloom? Yeah, of course. You know, people talk about, like, the death of the print industry, but I think what really has killed newspapers and magazines is that telephone merch is just not what it used to be anymore.

Absolutely. My God. That's incredible. Yeah, I would have subscribed. Like, I'm easy. I'm an idiot. I totally subscribe for these kind of things. I know that because we had a house full of S.I.

My dad would subscribe to SI, and then they would say, do you want a videotape called Crunch Course, which celebrates the NFL's greatest concussions? And he'd be like, hell, yes, I do. This is also a Crunch Course household. Yeah. We're going to watch it 37 times. Yeah. Wait, was that real?

Crunch Course? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Crunch course. I didn't grow up in a Sports Illustrator house. There was like a late 80s, early 90s, NFL highlight genre that was just nothing but like, big hits. This guy almost died.

Yeah. This guy almost died. Isn't that awesome? And it's set over just like the shittiest stock music rock track you can imagine. Oh, it does have some NFL films bangers in there, though, right? Like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Just in case you're wondering, the Amazon reviews for NFL Crunch Course VHS are exactly what you think they are. We got to go back.

Pro football of the 80s and before was about tough players, not about the many pre-Madonnas of the 90s and today. Football before women existed. Brian, please tell me that's spelled P-R-E-Madonnas It is sadly accurately Spelled Whoa No fucking what

That technically is pre-Madana Some of those hits Brian K Jones Who reviewed this 23 years ago On Amazon We're old Wait what

Yeah Yes No No we can't think like that No No Yes 23 years ago

Brian K Jones Amazon reviews it can drink Oh no no no I was on reviews. That stormed the Capitol. Oh, my God. Is this kind of, oh, no, this is because I told everybody, I forgot to update everybody.

Hold on. Please let Spencer, I've seen the one Spencer's reading, and I really do need him to put it on the record. The Crutch Course is one of the best no-frills videos on Hits the NFL I have seen. There's no joking around with, quote, Folly is, unquote, or any smut like that. Smut. Smud.

much wait so what is this guy jacking off this is a must see for true fans who are looking for blood curdling hits follies no get the fucking bloopers out of here i want to see beheadings i want i want you to know that of all of the reviews there are 11 total ratings of this okay 11 of a video that it shows nothing but head trauma it's just an like 45 minutes straight of head trauma and young NFL assistants looking to the camera and going courage isn't about being unafraid it's about those

who go anyway I mean that's I mean that's understand like somebody had to produce buck nuts those guys have families so it's that and of four reviews

of this video which they're not allowed to see them but they have families to me like the NFL would consider this to be like legally actionable like if you actually purchase a copy of this an agent for the NFL shows up and they're like

we're gonna need that what they're doing is they're like you can buy this but you have to sign this and you can never testify at anything anywhere. Yeah, you see nothing. You're not allowed to surf on a jury. Yeah, you know that warning when they're like,

do not reproduce and you know portions of this video, do not rebroadcast, right? You do not reproduce yourself. Yeah, do not tell anyone about this video. It sterilizes you via a ray that comes out of that. That's what the light in your TV is for, the little on-off light. It's actually a ray that points right at your nards.

The other thing I remember from this video is that Deacon Jones is in it and he's the scariest human being in the world. Yes. Because they ask him, They asked Deacon Jones, they show videos of Deacon Joe's just clotheslining people and, like, assaulting them with tire irons, right? And they asked Deacon Jones, like, what'd you do to prep for games to get so mad? And he'd go, black coffee on an empty stomach, two cups. And I was like, you are an absolute psychopath.

This whole fucking video is coming back to me. It's like, it was one of these made me think Chuck Cecil was like Freddie fucking Kruger. Like, there's one of these videos where it's like, that guy should be in jail. And I mean, he should. Anyone who is highlighted in a Crunch Course era video, yes, yes, they should have not have been allowed to play sports. I just left the first letterbox review for Crunch Course. Oh, good, good.

I couldn't believe there wasn't one. Spencer, I do need you if you still have the Amazon listing. Can you click to the picture of the video cassette outside of the case? One moment, please. One moment. I'm on the way. The video cassette outside the case is a... a quality video with the name

Hall on it. This might have been... That is the thing I wanted you to see. That might have been my copy. Handwritten in the top left. Honestly, H-A-L-L-H-A-L-H-N-E-N-Teeles it. 43 minutes of legally actionable assault

with my family name written on it. This, this is the brand. Yeah, this is the... This video is incredible. There's also Sam Huff is in it. and his early black and white footage sam huff uh was a linebacker geez for like back in the 60s and he's trash talking and the trash talk in the 60s is sam huff pointing to a guy across the way that he is just i don't know hit in the adams apple with his knee in the pile and going hey bud

watch your mouth i'll sock you one like in that voice if we did taylor swift and Travis kelsey in the 80s Travis kelsey would have 17th and his whole job would be to put his his forearm into the throat of opposing defensive ends he would have seven catches every year that would be it that's a great tight end there yeah it's be uh taylor swift is dating conrad dobbler yeah and there'd be something like yeah you remember that great hit between mark gastineau and Travis kelsey the one where his eyeball fell out yeah that was amazing put it back in on he put it back in on the field dirty yeah gastonoh threw it and the stands came right out of his head and gastonoh threw it and then some But Jets fan ate it.

It was amazing. I watched this shit on loop when I was like seven. Yeah. No, there's a shot, like, there's a legitimately inspiring, like, burned into my hard drive scene of Walter Payton doing his hill sprints. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You know, like, it is one of those things. It's shot, like, these days they would use drone footage is what it looks like. I don't know how they did it back then.

They did it by losing three. This was child laborer. They grabbed a small child and threw them up high. child in a tumbling mat. Yeah, it's just Steve Sable out there. All right, all right. All right. All right, Billy.

You're going to get, you're going to dangle by this fishing line. All right. I'm supposed to be in school. I need to be a doctor. You need to square the shot up is what you need to do. Yeah. With a timpany player right off camera, bum, boom. Yes, that's right.

That's right. Yeah. Orchestras were supported for decades by NFL films. Wow. When all music went electronic in the 80s. the NFL continued. Simpler times, now. I need the big drum, what hits good?

Men were men and women were also men. Just Deca Jones, haunting your dreams being like, sometimes I'd follow the quarterback home. Burn this house down. Kate Bush in love with Bill Romanooskey, question mark. Welcome to the sensual world.

Literally running up the hill with Walter Payton. Yeah. It really is. If you, like, if you did a terrible YouTube, edit of that video set to Cape Wishes running on that hill. I would have 10 hours of it. I would have it playing in my head and I would cry while watching

it. But it's just the lines running up the hill over and over again. There's no other thing. Yeah, yeah. He's literally never gets to the top of the hill. Run out of the hill. There is... Got a deal with the Chicago Bears. It's guaranteed that Crunch Course has been introduced as an exhibit in an NFL concussion lawsuit.

Yes. I don't see how not. Because you can do this, you could say, well, y'all knowingly knew about the violence of the game and actively encourage it through your marketing and branding. And some NFL lawyer, be like, there's a guy with the timpity in the courtroom. I would just sit there. No, no, Dave, stop. No, Tiffany right now.

This was clearly meant as a warning. When you hear the voiceover saying, modern day gladiators. That's our emotional support. You don't want to be that. That's John Madden's emotional support timpany. Yeah, it's just Marion Campbell, the Falcons being like, you all don't know. where you are right now and that's fine because we're winning.

This might have been one where there's like 10 minutes on the Falcons team that literally blitzed 11 guys on every player. Yeah, the grits splits. Yeah. Oh, boy. So that, believe it or not, is not what we wanted to lead with today.

But server showed us the sweet phone, so that's what we have to do. He showed us the Dale Earnhardt phone. Which, by the way, server, I cannot find one of those on eBay, so you have a true collector's like, pricey. server have you ever made a call with it is it connected to a landline no and and due to the college football fiasco of weeks one and two i no longer have a phone line through spectrum so i don't know how to test it anymore next time you come next time you go to a hotel bring it with you just plug yeah yeah like

a gideon's bible yeah i couldn't have that in my house i'd just get drunk and cry and be like i'm gonna call god on the dale phone i'm gonna ask you what it's all about that's what the blank button is you call Dale in heaven. Yeah. Speak to Dale. Ask coach. Server, what you need,

you need to get a landline and you need to... I'm not joking. I'm sorry for laughing because I'm not joking at all. You need to make this your personal bat phone. Like, you're like one person of great importance has this number. Maybe it's your dad. Maybe it's Felder.

I don't know who. It's going to be Hartzell. It may be Hartzell and it's like only Hartzell calls me. Nope. That sounds like I really don't like Hartzell, but... And I don't. But he... It's spelled...

Man. No, but then you get the pleasure of screening the call. It's probably Doug, I'll be honest with you. He's the one who needs them. We probably need a personal line one to the other the most. Yeah, Doug, good news. You could give it to one person and then just never answer. Doug, I have found you can buy the shoe phone from Sports Illustrated on eBay.

It's not early as good, but it is a shoe that's a phone. Who's shoe? Just a shoe, just like a tennis shoe. Okay, so it's old and generic, not like this guy's sneaker? Correct. No. I love it. It is.

If you had like, and it's not like a cool looking shoe either. It's just like, oh, this shit is busted. A Nike Blazer would make a good phone. I was trying to think of phone yule or obd. Like, if we had a modern, if we had a modern novelty phone craze, what would they be? Oh, this shoe is amazing. It's like the most basic white tennis shoe. Yes.

Yeah. There's also the football phone, which is like, imagine an unbranded. Nike Air Monarch. That's essentially what this shoe is. If you look at the ads for this, and you can find them on YouTube, the one for the football phone, there is somebody who looks at the camera,

and in a billowy 80s, 90s button down, goes, it's a phone, but it's a football! That's right. That's fucking right. It's like somebody was paid. Okay, so now I want to cut to Anthony Richardson throwing that football phone and just exploding the eye socket of one of his receivers.

Yeah, the actual work hazard that is Anthony Richardson. Can we talk about this? I know that this is a visual medium. Can we talk about this pass real quick? I apologize. Yeah, if there's a pass, if you follow. Because I think we might owe him an apology. Yeah, you should follow Nate Tice.

Welcome back to Crunch Corner podcast. No, no, for real. We might owe Anthony, we might as a society owe Anthony Richardson an apology. Yeah, you should follow Nate Tice, first of all. Nate Tice is a friend of the podcast, a football analyst. He used to work in a pretty good sports website. Former, yes, he did. Former Wisconsin quarterback.

His nickname was the human victory. Former Russell Wilson roommate. Russell Wilson roommate, and he says that Russell Wilson really does want to be president. You can listen to him talk about that on a fine episode. But I assume Russell Wilson wants to be president in like the 24 way, not in the like real president life way, but in the like, Mr. President, you must get to a bunker. And he's like, no, I will fight the terrorists myself. So he wants to be the, um, what's the, what's the,

We're the last survivor. Yes, designated survivor. Listen, you can't be both the idiot. Which is another key for Sutherland vehicle. You can't be the idiot boy who saves the president and the president. That's not the word. Russell Wilson can. Russell Wilson thinks he can.

Yes, you can listen to that. You can listen to that episode on Pablo Tori finds out. Sorry, go ahead. Yes. Thank you for completing the unsolicited plug for a year. That will be $10,000. We know you have it. We'll be invoicing.

Yep. We know you got it, son. Come on. Bring it back. Send that shit on. on over. Oh, but cost of living in New York. Too bad.

Live somewhere cheaper. We're sending the bill. Nate Tice, you should follow him anyway. He shared a clip of Anthony Richardson doing a throw in the Colts game this past weekend. Anthony Richardson at Florida had an issue where he threw the ball so hard. His receivers could not catch it. This is often because they simply lacked the hand strength and intestinal fortitude to catch it, which I do not blame them for.

But that wasn't necessarily the word on Anthony. when he was in college. No, no. He was said he was inaccurate. Right. He was an accurate. But part of that inaccuracy was like, hey, this is like five yard out. And I'm going to be.

But the overall knock on him, like, the thing that floated out into the ether was not he's too strong. It was, he's inaccurate. Yes. That was the top line. And after seeing this, after seeing this Colts pass, I think we may have to reverse that top line. Uh, yeah. He might be too strong for anybody. Yeah, it's like a poster out on the right hash thrown anywhere from 20 to 25 yards.

I'm just doing this off the top of my head, so I'm not exactly sure how far, but it's about 20, 25 yards somewhere in there. And it is ripped. It is torn a hole in the fabric of space and time hard and caught right over the guy's right shoulder away from the defender. It is not only a perfect pass, but thrown with a velocity and accuracy that is railgun, alarming. It continues to rise at a rate that you don't, that doesn't look physically possible. It looks like bad CGI. Yeah.

It's like Josh Allen worthy. Like, where Josh Allen makes those throws where you go, huh, that's a straight line, 40 yards down the field, to an exact point, most people couldn't hit in 10 tries. Yeah, it's that good and that scary. It's fucked up. Yeah, no, no. It's like so good, it's

like messed up. Yeah. I just want to note, Nate does write for a good website these days um oh shit i'm sorry i forgot there was a new sports website it's jasons that's it my apologies to date and jason yeah that's uh the athletic i forgot we were still making sports websites wait still going there's a couple there's a couple it's some of them even have newsletters yes um that's my makeup call I feel bad. Look, I never know how to act when I actually feel bad because it's not something that happens very often.

Listen, it's not a problem. You can't feel bad on this show. That's what the listeners have to do. Correct. Holly. I wouldn't feel bad if it was Spencer. I feel bad if it's one of you two. Oh, shit.

Ryan has a sports weapon. God damn it. Can I say something about that we published at my at the messenger.com? How is your news? How is your news? Yes. It's great and fine. You can go to the messenger.com slash sports.

Or you can go to the athletic or you can go to Channel 6 or you can go to Split Zone Duo if you love. Go to all of them. What fuck is Split Zone Duo? Go to three websites per day. Yeah, that's it. And I don't know. See what Bud's up to too.

Bud's fun. God. Bud's great at making people mad. There's nothing left but sports websites. They littered the landscape and all of our friends are at the box. You know, Bill Connolly wrote something today. No, I don't know who that is. Agent

0-0-0-0-0-1 So Lauren Brownlow wrote something for us That I truly did not I didn't It makes sense But I didn't really appreciate it I didn't know she was writing for y'all

I love her Notre Dame has won 30 straight Regular Season ACC What So fuck Wait wait wait Do you remember Do you remember in 2017

When Miami beat And Miami fans went fucking crazy Miami was back And then they lost the pit And got stomp in the ACC Humanhip game. That Miami game, that's the last regular season ACC game that Notre Dame has

lost. But Ryan, Notre Dame's not in the ACC. You know what? They have, this is, Notre Dame and ACC are every stereotypical open relationship. I described him as that on split zone duo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is a, um, ethical non-monogamy and political situation. That Catholic Polycule culture that we all love about Indiana. What a horrible fucking deal for the ACC. Their teams just lose and what do they get out of this? This was the first time in a little bit of TV ratings. This was the first time in like two years that a team even, an ACC opponent even kept it within one score. Now some of it is like Notre Dame keeps drawing

Duke is the exception here but they keep drawing like ACC teams that are not very good although they've also like they've beat Clemson, they've beat Florida State not when Florida State was great, whatever, but like 30 games is just so many, just so many, and they made you take Stanford and Cal, and they're still not in your league. You have to adopt all their weird pets, and they still haven't left their

wife, the Virgin Mary. All they did is leave their shit in your yard. Like, I have to... The pets get it to that on their own. I have to admit, Notre Dame has fucking flexed on the ACC with amazing skill. Uh-huh. I don't care if you're playing bad teams.

Football's hard and stupid things happen. 30 in a row is a wild street. That should probably be in Latin over the entrance to the stadiums. I feel like, so maybe we can resolve this with the old standby of like Notre Dame's schedules are bad and so often weak and they don't count. Just knowing that they're having this easy of a time with the ACC for the first time we can pretend that that old standby is true. That's great. Time to up the difficulty. Join the Pac-12.

Ironically. Whoa, Oh, easy. Oh, damn. Ironically, Jason, by doing that, we're further hurting the ACC because it's all the sun. The conference being bad. We're just getting rid of all of it.

Oh, boy. So, yeah, I mean, great job Notre Dame, just fucking dominating your business partner for the better part of six years. Secretary remake is weird. Like, was, I think Sam Hartman might. have been in high school the last time Notre Dame lost to a to an ACC team. I'm going to double juries. Or may have just been starting in his first of nine years.

Yeah, he was, he was, he was in high school. He had not yet started at Wake Forest. That's how long it's been. Sam Hartman was leaving Amazon reviews on Crunch Course. Oh God, a fun stuck in time. Oh no, wait, he wasn't alive yet. Hey, you guys remember week before last one I pointed out that Alex Kirchner was born in 1992 and our entire entire audience crumbled to dust.

Yeah. I have a correction. Yeah. The first thing I did after this was tell Alex that he had owned in abstentia our entire audience. And he said, well, that's funny. And I said, why? And he said, I was actually born in 1994. And then my entire arm just fell off at that shoulder.

Just rotted away. Customers also bought. wait now let's let's see what customers also saw it's like a man cave kit trash bags and duct tape and lie what do we need lie for in such large quantities the dreamers what blow up trad wife you're right yes before we get

entirely off the subject of Notre Dame as this I was smooth that was a smooth this transition I've ever had as this podcast resident Jay said it's fucking livid right now yeah

this is not going to make people stop asking about our polycule are you rushing uh so on ticot you should know that there are some truly out-of-pocket uh ladies and gentlemen who are thirsting over sam hartman there are there are every single that's not out of pocket yeah wow there's a lot of like extremely sultry slow motion montages of that's normal sam hartman it's just going to happen wait we look through trace sorely twitter also like sam hartman's tick to a hockey friend had to tell TikTok to stop being horny and TikTok got very mad what what was this this like this is hold on this is not scripted no no no I don't either uh hold on all right I'm I'm Googling because it auto filled NHL book talk drama I love it yes this is this is this is about so there's a

uh no those words are in the Bible I'm guessing there's a there's a forward there's a forward for the Seattle Cracken named Alex Wendberg, who is white, and who is married, rather. He and his wife had to publish statements that were like, please stop objectifying NHL players on. Were they publishing fanfic about him? Yes. I think, I think basically like, and it was getting like aggressively sexual to the point where like at first the Cracken were like, oh, this is like, you know, book talks into

us like, this is a good thing we should do and we should like sort of like. like, engage with this audience, but then this audience just could not settle down at all. So, like, this is Travis Kelsey's future. Oh, boy. I mean. No, they're too busy. No, Swifties right now are too busy running barstool into the ground. Yeah.

That's, that's, yeah, I mean, one job at a time. That's fine. Yeah. It's a good use of time. And it, like, granted, it wasn't, like, you know, it was a select segment of book talk, but they were just, like, yeah, it was just, like, too much. So it's crazy that this. is book talking specifically

not just TikTok. Like we're publishing volumes of fanfic here? Apparently. And holding them up and pointing at them? I guess so. Why don't you just publish your thing and then just change the names? Why don't you just watch Crunch Course everybody? Yeah. Yeah, you want to talk about hot stuff.

There were ways to like, I'm just saying there were ways to not I didn't want to say rub it in this guy's face but there were ways. If you want real, if you want real erodices Why don't you go? Should we be celebrating that women can be just as problematically sexual online? Like, is this a weird frontier for equality?

This is the, this is the, this is the more women prison guards hand clap. Yes, yes, okay, there we go. Yeah. More women drone pilots. Gatekeep, girl boss. Um, gag me. Yeah. Yeah.

Hockey problems. Yep. Remember. We don't know enough hockey words for this. goalie goal keep gas goal keep girl boss yeah icing gasly public relations

ass fight ass fight ass fight another quality NFL blah blah blah blah the sequel to crunch course that sounds like a

it's like a sarcastic overreaction to like oh the national organization of women says we can't show guys punching each other in the head so Here's the guys landed on their butts. You like that?

Huh? This is what girls want us to do with our free time. You like their cheeky cheeks, bouncing off God's greed art. Is this what you like looking at? Cake bosses. It doesn't know of film. Bump on Ironhead Hayward. An ass known for miles.

I did really enjoy on the Monday night Manningcast last night where they had Sean O'Hara on. Extended butt cheek discourse. Did you, did y'all see this? had Sean O'Hara on and Eli made him explain how he got so sweaty during games. This was the center for the Giants during most of Eli's career that at halftime, Eli would make him get on the training table like a baby because I guess his pants were like taped to his cleats and an equipment manager would have to change him into like dry pants for the second half.

So Eli couldn't get anywhere near his butt without like, it would be, he would be dripped on. Yeah. And they made, they made this, Eli made this man talk about it. He was like, did you like that? And Sean O'Hara was like, no, I didn't like it at all, actually. Oh, boy. Yeah, it's been a good one. Bob, blah, bum, blah, blah.

What? There's, there's, there's, Sean, sweaty ass, O'Hara. Some, my favorite part of the Mannycast, for which we think, the return of which for which we thank God in all his forms was a little bit earlier in the night when Peyton and Eli were talking about we're talking about a tish push and there's this moment where Peyton said Peyton says a phrase that could be I don't remember what he says like Peyton's like yeah you got to really get up in there so like that something that could be derailed by a phrases type yes a phrases type occurrence and Eli is

visibly ready to jump up that it is like visibly getting ready to jump off the track and fear into a joke and Peyton just keeps going like Peyton is locked in on this butt crack metaphor and just keeps going for like 30 seconds while Eli just kind of gets quieter and quieter and Peyton's like well you get one guy pushed on the right but she can one guy push on left then one guy can just go right up in the middle there's ruined and Eli's just kind of kind of slowly wilting but also trying really hard not to laugh Jeff, Jay Kang, at the end of the game, who said that the Manningcast was the perfect format for Seahawks Giants because it was a broadcast that actually reflected the game. And at that point, Peyton and Eli had been talking about wet willies for three minutes and just going, oh, no, every time Daniel Jones threw another pick.

Well, that's the thing is that the Manning Castle is supposed to, like, it's portrayed as like, look, this is fun and light and there are guests and whatever. But what it really is is kitchen nightmares. And these two are Gordon Rams in. And they're like, we're here at Daniel Jones Fish Shop, and it smells of terror. The person who's having the worst time of all is Peyton. Oh, my God, Chargers Jets is a Monday night game. Yes. There's a Bears, there's a Bears Vikings Monday.

Like, the Monday, I. The bills are going to beat the Broncos by 900,000 points on Monday night football. The Monday night football schedule. And again, Vikings Bears? God. You've got that one. The Raiders play on Monday night, I think twice this. season, which is

fucking criminal? The NFL has to eliminate these FCS games. It's time. All right, but we're here to talk about college football. We're hitting still happen. We're big hits still.

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See Store for details. So I did a dangerous thing. I did a little bit of homework kill. Ryan, you look different. Yeah. Did you do something with your hair? I was kind of a, yes, I got a cut. which yeah

I moved it all to my chin thank you there we go what just go just go dude so I was wondering yesterday I was like you know like we've hit the point in the season

where I think we're starting to build up a little sort of like okay you're heading for like either a serious disappointment or massive fulfillment as a team vis-a-vis in regarding your expectations preseason like we have expected games We have expected wins. We're like, okay,

Vegas has you at this. And right now, some of y'all are disappointing Vegas. I know. It's a low point in life when you've disappointed the Sin City. But there are some teams that are so far off at this point that you're like, we can pretty much go ahead and wrap you up as like, brother,

you need some crazy things to happen for you to even be considered to be a mild disappointment. And I looked and there were some people that we talked about and then there were some people that we really haven't touched. on in terms of being extremely disappointing. Are you, are you just looking at the negative? Like, are we going to talk about the positives or is this? There are some people. There are some who have

exceeded. Okay. I'm just curious. I'm fine with me. No, there are some positive. It's not all listen, it's not all like, you know, turds around here. Right? We have some blossoms as well. Lovely. It's all one big field metaphor, maybe. Shut down forecast. It's not all

turds. It's not all turds is what I'm trying to say here. For instance, And this was the one who got me thinking about it originally. This is what a dark place my brain is. I was thinking about Tampa. Specifically, I was thinking about the University of South Florida. Okay. Went one and eleven last year for context.

Yes, went one and eleven. With a preseason expectation, these odds are all from the MGM Grands sports book, if you would like the source from BetMGM, the preseason odds. Such thorough research. I know we're excited page that's because at every turn when I'm trying to do this I'm like where's Ryan going to make fun of me and I just built it I mean the place I'll make fun of you here is like I'm very glad you decided not to go find the odds the preseason odds from the gambling company that sponsors our show that's correct so surely surely these numbers are inferior let's just yeah just like much like the shutdown full castes are so wrong yes that's true that's what we're Yeah, yeah, the drag kings were all dead on. These are draft names. Yes, I'm going to show you how very wrong all of these.

All right, so USF. USF, four and a half wins projected preseason. Okay. But they already stand at a robust three and two. Yeah, because the numbers are bad. Yeah, with one of those losses, yeah, because the numbers are bad. But with one of those losses coming to Alabama, you know, a more than respectable law. And there are at least, I would say, two, there are at least two wins you can find on the remainder of the schedule.

Assuming things don't go haywire. We'll talk a little bit more about them later, but they do play Yukon. And they do play Temple. The University of Connecticut found money huskies. And they also play Charlotte. So like, things are looking awesome. Hey, Charlotte's a good football team. And other football teams that beat them should get lots of credit for doing that, even if that's one of their only wins this year.

That's correct. A fierce test. Especially when you play them at home. They're really good on the road. They're actually harder to play on the road than at home. People don't know that. They are famous for that. They are famous for that game.

That's just because Charlotte was that devilish on the field. So USF, Alex Golish in year one. Good job, dude. Like superb work. We're already like exceeding expectations. Unlike some other Alex G coaches, we can think. There is, there is a segment of the audience right now that is like in consecutive shows, including the after dark show, the fullcast has said nice things about

Missouri and USF. And that is how you know how bad this of a shape this country is really in right now. Call your senator, call your congressperson, ask them to bring back the old shutdown forecast. This is a college football podcast so we like to uncover, you know, the lesser covered stories, the unknown stories. That's why I want to highlight it's into the show, so we should probably start doing that. Yeah, I wanted to highlight that Colorado, uh, a third of them rarely spoken of this season. A what? What was the win total? Have we gone this long without talking about Colorado in terms of seconds all season?

They were three and a half. Three and a half games was their preseason prediction. Three and a half wins. Okay. And they're already at three and two. Right? So good for y'all. And should and should exceed this like pretty.

If they don't, uh, boy. No. They got Stanford. They got Stanford. They got Arizona State. They got Stanford. They got Arizona State. And there's, like, a couple other coin flips as well.

There's maybe some flippy, flippy in there. Sure. Yeah. There's the possibility that they could go ahead. Travis Hunter's coming back. Yeah. Like six wins? Six wins is entirely probable.

It's on the table. It's on, yes, I would agree. I wouldn't say probable. Okay. Okay. It's on the table. Team rankings.com does project. It's a long table.

You might not be able to run. It's so close to the table. I will say team rankings. com projects them at 6.1. wins so let's call it let's call it likely okay yeah looking looking pretty decent okay so just you know like if you didn't already know that's a success okay that that's like already been a success congratulations y'all i wanted to discuss this one because um because you know they're the fathers of this whole shit rutgers was at four and a half wins all right ruckers was at four and a half

wins currently sitting in four and one baby currently sitting and in a very Rutgers gesture i would say i'd go ahead i'd go ahead and take the over there on whether they bet like they better hit but with with the because they have michigan state and indiana left like they really better hit the over here if they lose every game left on the schedule it's very hard to say this was a good year for records they better win two out of the next three and those two better be michigan state indiana yeah i think that's right i think that's right. I don't, I don't, beyond that, I'm like, uh, maybe Iowa, maybe, because that will just be Rutgers play such a like molasses slow form of football that, that the over under for that

game is going to be diabolically low. Nine. Yeah. Nine. Take the under. Blackjack. Like nine card blackjack can't right two you're on your sixth card yeah one in a quarter it's like why am i at 11 how to buy more cards the defenses they're facing like massy projects retress to score from here on out 14 21 23 12 11 13 10 and 21 yeah they got a boy scout troop there in terms of ages that's that Ohio state Iowa Penn state you know how you got a bunch of 23 year olds in your boy scouts No, no, that's the camp. If I saw these ages listed on a lost in the wilderness manifest, I would be like, a scoutmaster is in trouble.

Yeah, yeah. The 23-year-old is in charge. Yeah, exactly. This is a Whitewater summer. Competitive soccer team lost in wilderness. Yes. Yes. Yeah, this is Yellow Jackets for boys.

Which is from New Jersey. It checks out. There you go. Bringing it all the way around. That'd be a really short show. So, yes, unfortunately. We're all going to. hunting we're all dead now

who's staying here with the stuff nobody fuck that this is an awesome to be movie 35 minute yellow jackets

we could do that lost in Piedmont Park we just shoot it on an iPhone which turns into a documentary documentary when the filmmakers are themselves shot in Piedmont Park we could do this let's just do it and see if we

can make like $73 off this movie who cast productions i have one that's near it can actually take place at peabot park in real life and they just can't find their way out of it because they refuse to ask for directions that's yeah well dudes rock man dick butt kiss wouldn't ask for directions he'd hit

butt kiss um i want to go i want to leave the winners for a second we're going to come back um i wanted to go to one that we'd already mentioned losers okay coming in the season y'all yukon was projected uh at four and a half wins who did that which is like pretty i mean this is a team that What, did they win five or six last year?

They, they, yeah, they went bowling. Okay. So like, that's not, year over year, it's like, okay, that's not a high degree of enthusiasm to say this team that made a bowl is, is only going to get four or five wins. Yeah, they are, they are very significantly worse than last year. And that wasn't expected. They are also like snake bit in a weird way. Yeah.

Bad teams usually are. yeah that's true um you know flies flies follow you know what they follow and this is a team that is currently at oh and five and looking down the stretch in terms of hey surely things will look up they are favored in one game out of their next the sacred heart game sacred heart they are favored against sacred heart what the fuck is sacred heart it better be a win is that that's not even fcs is it yeah it's yeah it's an SCS team, but it's not, it's not a very, it's not a good one. No, they are, uh, one in four. The rare, acts, the rare accidental bit of anti-Catholicism on the show, and it didn't come from Spencer. They are, they are, they're not a, they're not a, uh, tenacious FCS team. It was intentional. It was me.

But they got to, yeah, they, like, they have to play rice, who's three and two this year. They have to play South Florida. They have to play a Boston college team. I don't understand the slightest. They got to play Tennessee, which at Massey, they're listed at Z. zero percent shit yeah that's hard to do that is fucking hard to do you con you can place when did we schedule that i don't even remember good for you see november what the why is it in november four because it's because it's about tradition don't get caught no why's no i mean it's not even socon challenge week it's yeah it's sandwiched between a road game at kentucky

and a road game at bazao this fucking schedule dude like they're going to boston college They're going to Tennessee. Then they're going to JMU. Jamie's really good. Yeah. God. And then end of the year, the two worst teams

are facing each other in the Cumbull. Wait, is UMass? Is UMass again one of the... Ah, that's disappointing. Per Massey right now. They are...

Let me see the computer composite. UMass is last. Yukon is fourth from last year. UMass is at least a more fun bad team this year. I would argue. Yeah. Well, they have one win,

so that's more fun. Yeah. So that's, that's grim okay that's that's grim as hell so so so they have to go one two three four five so they have to go five and two to end the year to hit the over yeah she ain't happening yeah Yukon beats Tennessee zero percent is hard to pull off like anyone who puts these numbers together is like let's let's avoid the zeros in the hundreds but let's always say like oh we'll leave room for somebody four percent yeah yeah right which is to say

Jim Moore, you have a chance to pull off the most amazing you would be the only coach in the world who could actually say nobody thought you could win because you didn't think you could do this shit either. You'd go into the locker room. I'm going to have to clean those up. Stop throwing them at me. God damn.

You know what you did. I know what I did. I'm just going to take the ammunition away. Another loser, by the way. Uh, no, don't throw that. God damn. Uh, another loser in terms of, uh, expectations. Underperformer, please.

No, this is a loss. Currently a loser. Yeah. Currently a loser. And I think, I think bound it. And bound for glory. Yeah, yeah. Pitt.

Oh. Pit had seven expected wins. Seven. Yikes. Seven. Seven. What are we had one? What is your expected win?

Yeah. One and four. Over the Terriers. Over Wofford. So they're O for FBS right now. And they're getting less competitive as they go. Uh-huh. Of the remaining seven games.

Four are against currently ranked teams. Seven, eight. I'm sorry. Is there eight games remaining? No, they're seven. They're seven. Four are against currently. All of them against, all of them other than BC are against one loss or better teams.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So they're favored in the B.C. game, which would give them two. Two. Oh, man. The jerk ball. The jerk bowl. I mean, it's really sad that us, the people who invented the concept of Pitt losing

in order to become more powerful are not predicting that at all. What's fucked up is that if the super weapon goes off, it will be on November 25th when Pitt beats Duke. Yeah, it's like, Duke in the playoff. How crazy is this going to be? Finally, Duke gets its comeuppance. I mean, they could knock out FSU. They cannot do that. They cannot do that.

What are their defensive numbers look like right now? It's terrible. Right. Like, for a team that hangs its hat on that. He said might. He said could. For a coach you hangs. I believe in possibility, Ryan.

In defensive F plus right now, they are 48th. Yeah, that would really suck to not be able to score on that team, wouldn't it? Yeah. That would be a big surprise. and you'd feel bad about it. All right. I have another one that I'm noticing

on F-plus that I suspect is on your list too. Go ahead, Firewood. Illinois. No, I did not put them on there. Tell us about it. Enlighten me.

I have one in the barrel here. I can't wait to do the show notes for this episode and write up all the teams we're talking about. Let me see if I can find what the preseason win loss was for Illinois,

but you can keep going. I have one that, boy, if you want to white knuckle it, If you want to go ahead and make a bet that's going to have you sweat in the rest of the year, LSU was expected to win nine and a half game. That is some purple people eaten. Uh-huh. They were expected to win nine and a half.

That's a tough number. Sorry, how many do they have right now? We're currently sitting at three and two. So less. Three and two and less. And they're right. Now, there's some trending up, okay? They're favored in all but one game.

ahead okay which has gone really well for them so far but and also their defense is still their defense so their defense is is ass like I'm going to be a broken record about this it's worse than USC's

everyone has fixated on USC's terrible defense it is worse than USC's can I tell you to the variety of bedevlement that they will face down the stretch because there is one first of all they are coming up this weekend at Missouri which is a fiddly, tricky little offense.

Possibly, we wrote in the top whatever on Channel 6 yesterday, possibly the most complete team, and that's division. Surely the most consistent team. Consistent, yeah. I think that's a better word for it. But, yeah, they are the most consistent team. And they are, they are bedeviling offense at times. But that's not the game that you should be talking about.

No, that's not the game. It's the next game you should be talking about. It's the next three. No, I was saying the next three are all. one and the next one is Auburn LSU Auburn like the nightmare game in all of the sport with two teams both

currently undergoing different nightmares both of them so that's just going to be nightmare on nightmare and then the next week they have to face army a not a not terrible army adjusting to new rules always a headache

and then they play at Alabama which will be good and angry by then yeah Illinois appears to have had a preseason we'll get back to LSU I promise Illinois was six and a half was there over under

and I think they've won one game I'm going to double check that two they have one too Toledo and FAU oh right FAU is the other one they barely beat Toledo Illinois can still pull this off

they play Nebraska they play Indiana, they play Northwestern, they play Minnesota, they play Iowa, they don't have a ranked team left, they avoid like Penn State was the only sort of like Titan of the Big Ten that they have to play. They can still, they can still make it happen, but man, they just, they got their asses kicked by Purdue. Like, and if they, if, I will say this, they play Nebraska and all Friday night. Okay, sure. That will kind of tell you if they're going to, if they're going to pull this one out of the dive or not.

Yeah, that's another white knuckleer. You're like, mm, it's possible, but it's not going to be fun. No. No. No. If that's your goal, it's going to be a desperate climb up to that. Team rankings projects LSU at 8 and 4,

which, uh, that, you do that and you're going on the list of like, most, most separated top five teams of the last. You understand this much better than I do, Jason. Eight and four LSU, roughly what, Does that put them in? I mean, then you're like, you're, uh, sub citrus, for instance. Yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah. You're in the, you're in the big group of normal bowls, the Nashvilles and Texas's and things of that nature. You're in like a Southwest destination, not a Delta destination. You're not quite, um, uh, Dusty Road regional airlines, but we're not Burbank bowling. No, yeah, no, we are, we're not a pre-Christmas bowl, sponsored by mid-south area.

City, formerly known as Outback, that kind of area? Yeah, you're playing Iowa, yeah. Okay. So you're in the Iowa tier. So you're playing Iowa or Wisconsin. All right. So that's how, that's what's going to happen. They're going to play Iowa.

Brian Ferrence is, everybody's going to be like, Iowa's got to score 58 points for Brian Ferrence to keep his job. And LSU's dog-ass defense is going to be like, we'll have to score 67. I'm not going to help. And America gets cooked on a trip. I want another, uh, extremely. gritty, extremely gritty and powerful and passionate failure to meet expectations. South Carolina, the number of games.

Yeah, the number of games coming in. People, you know, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, no, no. The fundamental flaw here is having expectations for South Carolina football. That is on other people. The Vegas has made an amount of money off of it. I know, I know that that's their job, but like, I think anybody who says, You've entered the spiritual realm.

I know what will happen with South Carolina football. I have identified the flaw. The flaw is you, not them. Like taking bets on South Carolina, it's like, it's not elder abuse, but it's like of the same genre, right? Like you shouldn't be able to have to be. My friend, with problems like these, you need to talk to a priest. We're conversing with Fat Rob right now. Fat Robb says six wins.

God has other thoughts on your thoughts. There's so many coins clips left on this schedule. Yeah, this one's a motherfucker. This one's amazing, because if you go and you look at what South Carolina has left, what was the preseason number? What was the preseason number? The preseason number for South Carolina in terms of anticipated wins, projected wins, was six. Okay. Six. We can get there.

I mean, they get to play Florida still. We can get there. Now, they're currently stand at two and three. So they've got to beat Florida. They got to be Vandy. I had heard people who are more forward. Yeah, I'd heard people who are more forward thinking on these matters say, man, they've got to bank a couple of these wins early. And I was like, whatever.

And they're like, no, man, they really got to beat like Tennessee or North Carolina. And I'm like, man, they'll end up at six. Okay. So listen, they do have Florida on the 14th. That's probably a win. Okay. They got to go to Missou. They get Jacksonville State, who we will talk about it in the other category.

They're pretty good. They'll lose, but they're pretty good. And then they got to play, man, Vanty, Kentucky and Clark. Clemson. That Clemson game. Just skipped over A&M. Just disrespecting the goddamn Aggies. They have a trophy. They got money. They got to pay me to mention it. The trophy is the Sports Illustrated shoe phone.

That's what they're playing for. It's a phone. And it's a shoe. And a shoe. Yeah. This is going to be dicey. Yeah. Yeah.

But also like you're talking about, if we're talking about like disappointment, disappointment, five is a very doable number here right yeah like can i can i spin it this way it depends on how that last one goes on me they can just do what they did last year just tank till tank till the big games and then knock out kentucky for the playoffs yeah then you beat kentucky and clemson where was this all year yeah the most gamecock thing would be to hand the gamecock on gamecock violence trophy to jacksonville state and then beat clemson that that would be the most South Carolina. Dappo gets fired,

Rich Rod takes over. As long as we're manifesting, let's go big. Which will only happen because West Virginia's playing well and winning games. Country fucking road.

Oh boy. I assume West Virginia has to be on it. Everybody. West Virginia has to be on the list. Oh, hell, yeah. West Virginia has to be on the list of uh,

of improved, right, of exceeding expectations. West Virginia is... They're what, four and one? Yep, they sure are. Okay. They are four... Just beat TCU. They are four and one, Neil Brown...

Everyone saw. Neil Brown coaching his ass off. And currently, their projected wins, four and a half. So... Yeah. I think they ought to... On their way. probably talking extension what do you think uh yeah their uh preseason total was four and a half

did we mention that sorry yeah yeah okay yeah we got so four and a half four and a half and uh and favored in four of their remaining games so yeah neil brown extension yeah i'm hearing it you're hearing it let's all get on board god i'm slow boy yeah yeah yeah yeah uh one more here and you want to about i'm this is why i think sports gambling is for fools um and made by fools occasionally because draft kings dot com no sorry yeah um Nebraska again again this is always you cannot we cannot end without no no no i'm gonna make a brief six and a half expected wins that wasn't okay so some of that was based on everybody thought colorado wasn't going to be good right some that's that's one win that's that's the difference between six and a half and five and a half

i don't know what to do before that i still don't know why people i was wondering where you were oh that's all i got i ran out of steam there i'm sorry they are favored in one one of their remaining and there's only is it the northwestern yeah and then only in only illinois and perdu are within the coin flip range so yeah it's it's pretty it's pretty dark It's a very dark place to be. So we're probably looking at four and eight here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

They cannot score points. Like, oh, my God. That's, if you think, you think Iowa records is going to be a low over under. Black Friday, Nebraska, Iowa. Jesus Christ. You know what, this is, this is too dark for me. Let's go back to some ways. If realignment was secretly just so we didn't have to play Iowa, Nebraska every Friday,

I'm now in favor. I'm now in favor of everything that happened. To the Pact 12. I don't give a shit who's there. Just go. Just go. Pack three, buddy. Go to O and two every year.

I lost three times to each. I lost three times to Wazoo and three times to Oregon. You'll beat Wazoo once because Wazoo will fuck around. But other than that, yeah. Speaking of the king retaking his throne. Yeah, Jacksonville State. Jacksonville State was projected. at four and a half wins

and their FBS debut they are at four and one already and where do you see where are you projecting them to go from here is my question well at four and one already and they are favored to win three

per Massey's composites they are three of their last seven so a seven win debut if you put it on there or if they flip another one if they enact the Beamer protocol and they beat South Carolina so that they can beat Clemson.

Yeah, you could look at seven or eight here. This is, and their favorite, yeah, this is like you want to root hard, by the way, they're favored against Liberty as well, so it's somewhat largeish game. Yeah, a somewhat large. Are they favored against Western Kentucky? They are not favored against Western Kentucky. Western is good. I mean, that's not, you know, Western Kentucky's a fine team.

So there's no, no shade in mind. There's only one game they're likely to just. not win that would be south carolina like otherwise there's on this entire schedule there are one two three four five six seven eight bottom one hundred type opponents plus an fcs team this is a beautiful schedule um yeah there's one team you haven't mentioned that i'm very concerned for this is a team that was had a six and a half game set partially because of the schedule but the early part of the schedule has not been supremely successful this team who has has two wins to date over Western Carolina and Kent State.

I'm talking about Arkansas. Yeah, they're on the, they're filed into the losers, Ryan, at the moment. They are currently disappointing. Two and three, they're favored in three of their remaining games. One of those is Missouri? What the fuck? Like, I would not, that's not how I would stack that game on? An individual rating can have some weird stuff in it sometimes.

While we're on the subject, where is the Georgia-Kentucky line now? It started at 26. It was at 26, then it was at like 19 and a half? 14 and a half. Oh, is that all? I mean, that's at least... This is, yeah, the Arkansas, the Danny Nose experiment at... It turns out we don't like it.

Poor Chris driver. It turns out we don't like an efficient KJ Jefferson. We don't like an efficient Arkansas at all. That's not what that team should be. That's not what they should try to be because it ain't working. They haven't banked a whole lot of wins early. It doesn't get any easier down the stretch. They are, who boy, they're own, they're, they're, this is ugly.

It's bad. It, they, they. Auburn, Arkansas. is probably a will you be bull eligible tipping point i would say yeah like if they don't win that i think it will be very hard to get arkansas into a bull game and then like i do not i haven't looked at the recruiting rankings i don't know like what but like i do not feel great about about that coaching staff having any longevity at this point nope i really don't at all because It was a very nice story a year ago, and then somebody decided to have expectations.

But again, even those are like, six and a half was like, that's a very manageable number in theory. Also, like we said a couple shows ago, also, their slide, their backslide is going like largely uncommented on, which is strange given how much of a darling Pitman was on the way up. I think it could be because it's been so, um, So gradual, like it was two years ago when they were felt like they were very much on the way up. And then last year, yeah, and now they're. So it might just be that it wasn't all that, like, stark or sudden. They lost, listen, losing that LSU game, that's now in retrospect.

And I'm not saying that they should be, like, excoriated on television constantly. I just usually when, or maybe it's that they didn't stay long enough atop the mountain for it to be commented much on, they fell back down but you know usually when usually when somebody makes as big a splash as Pittman like you know culturally within the conference and it that wave recedes you know that that tends to draw comment I would guess it's also probably because like he's funny and personable yes yeah also it's Arkansas you know like they don't get the marquee attention positive or negative well we know the real answer here it's because thinking out loud on the SEC network is not

there to cover him. That's where I got most of my pit-back. The other part of this is Chad Morris, I still think, is fresh enough in memories that people are like, oh, we know what bad Arkansas really looks like. Like, this is like this is underperforming and kind of frustrating Arkansas. It is not Chad Morris

Arkansas football. Yeah. And that memory's still there. Yeah. That memory is still there and it's fresh enough. But they did drop, like, drop in that game to BYU and in retrospect, in that LSU game, which you only lost by three to a team with no discernible traces of defense.

Yeah, that's mega bad. The team that I want to end the positives with is one. Thank goodness. No more positives. I know. Missou, the University of Missouri

football team. Hmm. An expected win total coming into the year of six. Of six. Okay. Goodness gracious me

And we are already sitting at 5-0 5-0 It should be noted It is a very like skin of your teeth 5-0 4 points over middle Tennessee team That is not very good

Correct SEC record field goal To beat Kansas State But Kansas State isn't bad Never in doubt Seven points over Memphis In a neutral Playing in the Rams old home

In St. Louis And like Vanderbilt They handled pretty easily but like there's making it hard by the way because they pick teams that I know are good but I don't know how good they are sure like like oh you beat Memphis by a single score you're like I don't know that might mean something right Kansas State is the same way maybe Kansas State maybe we get to the end of the year we're like Kansas State is the best five lost team in the country but but unlike Arkansas unlike Arkansas unlike Arkansas you won the gimmies right

you won you've completed the early assignments yes in full yeah and passed all of them that's true right booking wins early and that and that is like very much in contrast to what missouri is used to doing i would say right right like there are there's and then the rest of the schedule not a whole lot of favored games they're favored over south carolina florida's on here they could easily win that um you know and arkansas's on here so So, like, this is a team where you go, we might not be able to make fun of Eli for going, you know, six and seven again. Well, yeah, I mean, anyone can beat LSU. The heck of the heck.

I can't. Or the other thing is this could be the reverse November. Like, this could be the reverse, like, oh, yeah, it all fell apart down the stretch. I don't know. I truly don't know at this point. If they don't, they've been so good at making throws easy for Brady Cook. Yeah. like just making the offense easy and giving him solid throws and then when things get hard you just throw it to luther burden because he down there somewhere right like sure fuck it down there somewhere like just get it up there let him go that i don't know man like this like eight or nine eight or nine could be the go here they are they are probably they are probably the most one of the most accurately rated ap team at this point

where you're like, yep, right at the edge of the top 25 is like where you belong. That's like about, like they're probably between the 20th and 27th best team in college football right now, which is great. Like, that's fine. Mizzou, that's fine. Yeah, also, let's, that's enough positivity. I need to get to at least one more loser. Before we get to my favorite category, which is, who the fuck knows? Because there's a lot of coin flips down the road.

Baylor, Baylor had seven expected wins coming into this season. Seven. And they are currently at two and three. They are favored in two of their remaining games, and they do not seem capable of playing a normal football game. That's the most alarming thing for anybody following Baylor on a personal level would be this. You're not capable of playing a normal game. they're all going to be weird

weird in different ways even the blowouts the team rankings projection for Baylor right now is 4.7 wins goodness uh yeah yeah

you're favored to beat Houston because Dana's out to lunch y'all Dana if you need me I'll be on the boat guy who can't be fired you won't believe it his team is bad

I used to think that Dana like taking a year off remember like when Derek came left there like well we'll just you know this will just be a scrimmage year I used to think like well that was that was kind of brilliant now I think it was brilliant for different reasons Dana was like

you know they just released balder's gate three I think there's one more positive one you've left out BYU is at Wyoming is BYU yeah I did leave up yeah BYU preseason 5 and a half wins and is currently

4 and 1 and has enough, like, yes, they have to play Texas and Oklahoma. But, like, the rest of the Big 12 is, like, who fucking knows? Are you telling me they can't get two wins against TCU, Texas Tech, Iowa State, West Virginia, and Oklahoma State? Like, I wouldn't say that's true. Yeah, I think BYU is probably going to end up reasonably overperforming expectations this year. Not nothing crazy, but, like, is eight wins on the table?

sure seven wins for sure it's going to suck at least a couple good big 12 teams i think you're going to miss bowl season it's such a fucking log jam who's so middle heavy how and i'm not saying bi use one of them necessarily but right right it could be it's stratifying the outside of oklahoma and texas it's really and maybe oklahoma state at the bottom at this point like i don't if it's trying to internally rank the big twelve is basically 1, 2, 11-way tie for 3. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's a very weird conference this year. It's fun, but it's very weird.

I have a proposal for how they can deal with those bowl log jams. They can have four teams show up to one bowl, and they can each take one quarter playing the other team. I think the Big 12 should institute a 8-team internal Big 12 playoff. I'm here for it, actually. I think that's a great. I'd watch the shit out of that. I think they should call it, like, one true champion.

But didn't they use that? And they use, like, every game counts or some shit. Or they just rent a dome for a day, just rent the Alamo Dome. Oh, like a high school jamboree. You just have one team stay on the field until they lose. Right. Right, that's it. You just have Texas stay on the field for 12 quarters.

and just keep grinding through teams, right? Just out there puking in the 14th quarter of their title defense. You took Texas out of a playoff spot because we hate them. That's why. You stay on that field. Give the Big 12 ideas about things they can do to Texas and Oklahoma right now. I do like that the SEC commissioner is going to Texas Oklahoma, but the Big 12 commissioner is not. He's like, those are his kids.

I'm not going to that soccer game. They told commissioners like, I'm scouting Yukon. I'm not with their bomb anymore. I'm not doing that. I'm going to go scout this game in Trinidad. That's a cricket match. Yes. It's a growing sport.

There are a couple of teams that I have no idea what to do with. There are a couple of teams in this category that are also definitely white-knuckle thrill ride down the stretch to meet their expectations number one i have is tennessee tennessee had nine expected wins nine and you say well that's that's you know having seen joe milton and having seen the sort of hiccups that that offense has had um that seems like a lot okay okay i'll grant that but if you look at their schedule with a few upsets getting to nine is not impossible it's a few A few upsets. A few.

Just a few. You have to find five more wins on a schedule that includes A&M. So, beating Alabama is no longer a new thing. Let's just go ahead. Oh, my God. Two years in a row. Wow. All right.

All right. Let's go ahead and say that you do A&M. That's on the road this year, by the way. That's not in the hospital. And it's probably the number one thing Nick Saban has been angry about the last season. I think it's certainly up there. well that's too bad okay all right so you're saying win a

win a beat a at home beat Alabama on the road we need three more wins let's throw Yukon Yukon and home that's your three give me two more all right then uh at Mazoo I think they could do that and Vandy Vandy at the end of year

yeah so now if you don't here's where things get fun you're leaving someone out no they don't need that is to get to nine though if they simply beat Alabama so here's the thing

if they lose to Alabama then we really have a fun challenge because then you have to beat Georgia no you can be Kentucky you don't have to you can be Kentucky and Georgia Kentucky Kentucky is where this really turns

correct that's that's the shit I'm waiting for us to get because if they lose to Kentucky they're going to lose to Missouri too that's the problem so I'm guessing starting this year it's like wow only four road games and two of them are

Kentucky and Missouri? Wow. And now it's like, oh no, you got to, you got to go to fucking Missouri.

Yeah. This is tough as hell, and I really love the challenge. The Georgia, Tennessee game is so late this year,

and I hate it. I fucking hate it. Like, every, ugh, I don't know when schedules. We already played Georgia Auburn. What is that?

I feel so old complaining about it, but when the schedule is this weird. It messes with my bio rhythms. Yes. It's like,

like the bio rhythms of my bile right, right, are completely. This is scheduling by FromSoft games. This is...

Okay, now we're going to make you do the other thing. Florida, five and a half. I did not list that because I had already sort of... No, we're doing it. No, you're going to do it. Can you get three more wins? Can you get three more? I think the answer is yes, but it's going to be dicey,

and I know which three it has to be. Am I a bad enough dude to find three wins for my own? How many you need? Three. Three to go over. Three? to exceed five and a half. Also, by the way, five and a half,

very aggressive line for this Florida team. So team rankings have you at 5.9 for what that's worth. Can I do it, Ryan? No, can I lie? Yes. Fuck me. Listen to me lie. Do you like living paycheck to paycheck?

Florida Gators football may be for you. God damn it. Who left the AC on for that long? Spreading water for the rest of the month. That's it. faking our death so the electric coach and he can't come get us. Finally, the Florida football prophecy come true. I have faked my death as a result of care of football.

We will know if Florida can do this or not because they host Vanderbilt in a revenge game because they lost to Vanderbilt. For this goal, that is a must win. That is a must win. If they lose to Vanderbilt, the over is dead. The season is dead. It's done. Like Billy Napier might get fired the week after. And I, yes, that's a grave of reaction, but it really might.

I don't think you can lose to Kentucky and Vanderbilt both times you play them. And no, like, no, I don't think you can get away with them. That will be, like, I would just go ahead and for anyone at administration and in charge that university and the decision making, declare a 24-hour moratorium and avoidance of sharp objects for 24 hours if they lose their game. I mean, so these are the three Florida has to win to go over. Vanderbilt, South Carolina on the road. Jesus. And home against Arkansas.

like you have to say things won't get weird against vandy south carolina and arkansas that's a bad way to live man either that or you flip somehow the lSU missouri or florida state games they're not going to flip florida state that one's simply beat georgia that one's not going to happen i can i can i can i can see a case for missouri is not what we thought they were and by the time we get there that's so late in the season maybe the complexion of things looks totally different. Yeah. And LSU is, but LSU, like, has so much hate and venom at this point that it doesn't

feel flippable. But their defense is very bad. Their defense is very bad, but Florida's offense isn't very good. Yeah, we're in, like, the hundreds, like, by most metrics. You might score 100. Florida's defense isn't. Of the course of the rest of the season? I don't know.

That'd be a lot. The long and the short is. We are now in the enviable position of Vanderbilt is a duer tie game for the Florida games. And what is the line on that game? I do not know. I'm going to look because I don't like myself. You're looking at 18 and a half. They're not going to cover that.

No, they're not going to cover that. It's free money. Come on. The over under on this game is 52. Seems high. then again maybe vandy will run the ball and then who i don't know scoreboard's going to light up vandy can throw is the thing vandy can throw the ball a little bit uh so yeah that's how that's how you find can we talk about something happier uh yeah i have a few no no i want to i want to i want to

talk about something else entirely please holly you could you could go right ahead yeah ghost dog is it my turn it is your turn president's dog haunted all right let's explain so long for this i really really deeply regret bringing politico onto this show but i feel like you will find it has been worth it also for once a story broke in time for us to have it on the show and not the day after the show so there's this story in politico's west wing playbook called Commander's Taste Buds. And it is about President Biden's two-year-old German Shepherd commander and his what they're calling behavioral issues.

So CNN reported last week that Commander recently bit another U.S. Secret Service agent bringing the total number of known biting incidents to 11. Now my person is doing a lot of work there. My person, again, don't forget, don't forget, this is the better behaved dog, not the one that has already been banished from the White House. Now, my personal pet theory is that it has bitten the same Secret Service agent 11 times. But let's go with the boring update.

There was a wonderful bit of it. There was a beautiful bit of, I love that we're still pulling off banger tweets in the decline of the world. But Twitter user populism updates. dropped a bit of text from the story into Twitter last night that was half real and then took a turn for a ghost story in the middle, claiming which Politico does not, that Commander was roaming the halls, making a mysterious clicking sound. And I just want to read some of the response. My favorite response, and I think the one that really sums up, my best opinion, is from Twitter user Modest, Who says, I don't know, man.

If you don't want your dog possessed by Meso American corn demons, try not founding your country on genocide. And they just giant Paul. Doctors hate this one trick. He says, country that did this yelling, oh, geez, sorry, he's normally really friendly, while their dog is beelining straight to the dozenth Secret Service femur they've tasted this week. Now, presidents are very sensitive PR.

Even Joe Biden, not him, but his administration. All presidential administrations are sensitive to bad PR. I think we could all draw a pretty straight line from the news the past couple of years to this dog still being in the White House, and that is that we still don't know how many Secret Service agents were involved in January 6th. I haven't, and that this dog is because, and as evidence, let me present this, okay. This dog is in the White House. This dog is surrounded by strangers all day long.

Look at the number of reported incidents we have of dog bites. Let me tell you who's not on the reported list of dog bites. President Biden or his family members, including his numerous grandchildren, staffers, White House employees, pages. Visitors to the White House? 20 years. Yeah, visitors to the White House, dignitaries and their security forces. There are other country security forces in the White House all the time accompanying people, you know, Treasury agents who are not in the secret. service, CIA personnel, regular ass FBI agents, regular police officers, capital police officers,

other dogs, squirrels, white house cafeteria workers, guess who keeps showing up in these incidents is the secret service? I have a different theory. Okay. I think the secret service has figured out if you, if you just fucking need some paid time off and you haven't like booked any. If you just like Put a little bacon in your pocket And fuck with the dog Like that's a week That's an easy week

No questions asked Yeah You probably don't even have to get bit that hard You can at this point You can just be like Oh yeah dog bit me Can you imagine though How much paperwork is involved

Getting bitten by the president's dog It's probably worth it though If you can get a week or two off Okay At this point there might be a form There might be like just sign here If you got bit by the president's dog My other theory is that all dogs are online at this point.

I have to assume. And there's been a lot of memes going around lately about John Carpenter's The Thing. All dogs are online. There's been a lot of memes about John Carpenter's The Thing. And I think maybe this dog is like, I don't know which Secret Service agents are true people or assimilated aliens. And I have to bite them to, like, I can't hold electric current to test their blood. So this is my next best option is to bite them. And if they turn into horrifying thing monster, look at that.

I just saved democracy. Let me just point in one more line. I'm just going to drop in one more line of dialogue from this story. Everyone loves him, said a White House staffer. He's always so friendly. This feels, if I'm the Secret Service, this is starting to feel like a me problem. Yeah, like, I don't know. Is this dog A-Cab?

no no because think about all the other different types of law enforcement that are in and out of that building on a given day is this dog he's not biting capital police this dog he's not biting motorcycle cops guarding the motorcade i think this dog is ccab certain cops are bastards certainly i think this dog has uncovered the deep state and knows that it's after the president yeah yeah and this dog is the last line of defense you know so this is the 11th the 11th time. The 11th known. So are you saying that the Secret Service missed an obvious threat on 11 different occasions? Do you think we'll ever get a president with a pet snake? We may have already had one. Hold on. That's not the kind of pet snake I'm talking. That's not what I meant either. I just met he's from Texas. I just met he's from Texas. No surprise here. Theodore Roosevelt had snakes. Did he? There we go. Fuck, yes. Thank you, Teddy.

Oh, my God. Did he take him on submarines? Speak softly and carry a snake in public. Sing softly and carry a big snake. We need to bring that back, and we need to say, like, it's part of our presidential tradition. Can you imagine? Listen, I'm not. Shit, man, you can work a snake into all those coils on the seal.

It's fine. It goes with the eagle. This is not the party I'm going to vote for it. I don't think that's surprising. But I think the next person in the Republican debates who shows up on stage with a fucking snake coiled around his or shoulders. The grand old python is going to fucking get that nomination.

Unfortunately, they're going to paint the snake in metallic red, white, and blue, and the snake is going to die like that early golden knife. That's fine. So dude, sit on his couch on his ninth beer. Let's have it goes, oh, dude, that's sick. I could have a beer with that guy,

his snake. God damn, the Vex got a snake. I like this dude. I could probably smoke K. that guy this is actually how we finally get Ted Cruz off this mortal coil he's like they'll like me

now as he lifts this giant rattlesnake out of a box like this is the move this is just the move be the snake nominee just just I want to be the paid actor

in the audience for that he goes hey the snake guy seems real fucking cool I agree with Mr. thinks the snake guy's cool I got a question for governor snake master

He speaks with the tongue of the men and angels And I don't see anything wrong with that I mean if you're polling at 1% brother Go ahead and do it Right Yeah you got nothing to lose Why don't you be a Mr. A Cool guy With a snake and a leather jacket

Why don't you dress like Brett Hart out there Oh man You show me where the Second Amendment applies to snakes you can't put a snake in a leather vest it doesn't have arms what about a leather snuggie of sorts yeah you can just put in like a little leather turtleneck I think it's all yeah yeah a little turtle it's all vest I think yeah yeah snake's the original leather vest

that's right he brought his own to the party that's how cool he is look at that snake he's wearing snake skin this is my this is my running mate vengeance I'm putting him on this is I'm putting him on the Supreme Court This is how the no labels party gets in all 50 states. You don't need a label when you're carrying her out of big fucking snake. God. Just let's just see who's a bitch and just lays the snake on the stage.

See who runs. Nikki Haley's like, oh, that's my friend Edgar. Yeah. We go to church together. He's a good Christian snake.