Shutdown Fullcast - All Honked Up On Cheeseburgers & Aquavit

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Don't worry! This isn't entirely a college baseball episode! Mostly, it's a pro hockey episode One host is out, two others are sick, and everybody has a Good Sports Hangover Holly has some FATHERS & SONS feelings to work through re: the College World Series, and that's going about as well as you'd expect Celebrating Ft. Lauderdale as Hockeytown, USA Disturbing new allegations come to light regarding a MacGuffin known only as "the Jason robot" Stanley Cup trivia ruined by Jimmy Fallon A visit with Arthur Blank's actual falcon Surber delivers an assortment of wipes-based confessions This week's theme song arranged and performed by Shawn Pryor Follow Jason's work and upcoming book-related appearances on Vacation Bible School, Shutdown Fullbooks, and elsewhere at jasonkirk.fyi Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at channel-6.ghost.io Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing podcast, We're Not All Like This, and check out his new project at assigned.substack.com  Purchase only the finest Fullcast gear and keep up with our live show schedule at sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you know that the Tennessee Volunteers won a championship in college baseball last night? Were you aware? The first number one seed to do so since the previous millennium, no less. Can I tell you my favorite stat? And this might have gone up heading into the series. This might be higher now. There were like, how many teams are they going to deal on baseball? Like 300?

7,000. Yes. Something like that. I think there's 200. 150 they said at some point in the broadcast teams that don't have a single player who's hit 20 home runs this season guess how many tennessee has five five oh my god we're never going to see anything like this again that was incredible i i feel like i just watched 2019 ls u in baseball form can can i can i can i verify this because i wrote a little bit about about it but I just wanted to make sure there are certain kind of teams that feel like like well built long standing results of long standing work and design I can see the spreadsheet like they're very well this is not this is not what it means in football when I say they're very well coached they're they are architected right right and I understand that Tennessee has some of those same things too that

they use analytics that they definitely build their team with a certain thing in mind and with various measurables schedules etc right but that is getting a little bit overwhelmed by the the way there are i know that by the van by the the more van by the river aspects correct of the program right that i assumed this is the one thing i love about college baseball that i also love about college football is that i assume everybody at any point can play any position if they need to right like you'll see the third baseman one inning and then he comes over in pitches and then he's in the dugout with a fur coat the next or like everybody's multitasking in the way that I love it when college football teams have to have a defensive lineman kick extra

points that's that I love that and college baseball has tons of that that's the one thing I like about pro baseball is like when they run out of pitchers it's the fifth string quarterback of baseball when you have to have an outfielder come in and throw a solid third of an inning. When Bartolo is batting. Yes. You need to go back and watch the clip of his first home run because it is the single happiest moment in sports.

Anything is possible. It happens and even the announcers are like, yes! Finally! I think everyone in the stands too is like, So blessed. Like, so blessed. I'm so glad to be alive on this day.

I think everyone in the dugout disappears. There's some baseball tradition where, like, they all run away from him. Like, no. Don't touch him. It'll be. Don't touch him too much. He's too full of good luck right now. He's toxicly lucky.

Don't get near him. He's like an Ark of the Covenant kind of thing. Yeah. But my point being, sometimes there are teams for whom you can't tell me the design, because it's basically like the dude's rock is too strong you know the dude's rock just gets too strong oh okay i thought you meant the dude possessive apostrophe s rock a rock belonging to a wizard holding the enchanted stone is indeed too powerful and overloads my faculties clemson has that they have a rock that belongs to a dude they have a dude's

rock sorry go ahead you know another dude who was a rock to many jason who that'd be peter Oh, I thought you were going to say the God Emperor of Mankind. No, that's obvious. Now that he's literally decaying rock. He said was, not is. Yeah, he was. Yeah. He'll be back, though.

He'll be back. Or has he ever left? He's still on the job, as I understand. He's still on the job, man. He's like that. How does it feel to be the newest national champion in all of college sports? It was, um, I, I've told this story before, I felt both these stories before, the first is how in 1998 I was sick, just like I am right now, and my dad stayed home from the Fiesta Bowl and propped me up in his lazy boy, Barka Lounge, or whatever, in the den, and sat on the floor beside me, and that's how we watched the championship game, with me, like, bundled up in a blanket, and my dad could have been at the Fiesta Bowl, and instead, he stayed home with me.

and this week I asked him if you wanted to go to Omaha and he's like no that's too stressful and I was like I was raised by you so I agree and then the night before game or the morning of game three I'm like we could still make it and he's like I absolutely do not want to go to Omaha and I was like okay I understand and then after the game I'm like do you wish we gone

he was like no but do you know I'm not sure there's this quantifiable the amount of like joyous jubilation voodoo that's pouring out of this team do you know and i don't i assume texas n m offsets this somewhat do you know what kind of devil magic we had to be working with to overcome a having Peyton present at the game because we know what happens there B, having Morgan fucking Wallen in the university presence box. Now, I don't know how much of that Texas A&M cancels out,

because it has to be a good bit. But that's a heavy psychic lift to overcome what we do and do not get from the universe. I wonder if the two of those gentlemen cancel each other out in some way. Listen, I saw people, in case you think this is going to change us, immediately after this this game went final the the factions immediately split into the curse is over and shut up you're going to wake up a new curse

saying the curse is over creates a new curse to be fair I'm in the second camp I'm not making fun of these people man that was great um I didn't get to go I didn't get to watch the game with my dad because I was ill again I don't know why this keeps happening maybe I'm like the I'm like the child empress of Tennessee baseball I don't know

but I got to just sit on FaceTime after and say nothing that was great that was really great I don't have an arch thing to say about it that was fucking awesome

and I don't think we're ever going to see anything like it again it feels like you're doing a lot of basking yeah people don't get to bask enough also my god it's been a long time since I was on the wrong side I was on the business end of a Texas A&M online situation because we got a lot of friends over there and it kind of makes me forget what they're like but David oven at some point before the game said something to the effect of yeah whoever wins is going to record this as a stunning victory over the national media that never wanted them to

succeed and his mentions just fill up with both sides one that's not not funny. Of course you'd say that. National media puppet reporter. We've been shoulder to shoulder with Texas A&M for so long now because the good bull hunting people are such a good time that I just kind of forgot what they're like. And that was,

oh God, that was fun. Can I tell you one thing that I like watching about this? And it's the same thing I enjoyed watching. Is it watching both of us turn on Texas? Because that was the other favorite part. No, no um i think it was the the paul maurice the manager of the florida panthers who won the stanley

no it is it is it is it's watching people try to process happiness because i think people i'm having a problem it's not done i don't know like i got too much day quill in me it is it is so rare and it is so much more powerful and different than people expect when they win and when something good happens that a lot of the time no one knows what to do with it That includes Tony Vitello. Last night. He turned around. Like, the second thing he says in his post-game interview, and it's so awesome that

Chris Budden got to be there for this, who lived in Knoxville for a little bit, that she got to come back and do the series. That was awesome. But, like, the second thing Tony says when Chris gets him on the mic, he turns around, he's like, holy shit, I'm by the JumboTron. Yeah. He had no clue what to do. Also, I'm always struck when he speaks.

I'm never used to this. That band has, like, 80% less of an accent than you think he should. Yeah. Yeah. and had no idea how to celebrate so his players just interrupted the interview like midstream and just doused him with Gatorade and his dad was a real mean old

bastard and you watch him try and process that in real time on the air yeah who is and he was there his dad was there and you got to see him finally go up and give him the I finally love you son hug yeah man

yeah Paul when Paul Maurice was asked about what it was like to win the stand the cup after coaching since 1995 by the way not winning anything and getting fired by his... Oh, I saw this. Is this where he said, this is much fucking better or something? Oh, no, this was during the... He said that afterwards when asked about what the difference between last year and this year was.

But the most fascinating thing to me, they said, well, what is it like? You know, you used your standard, what is it like to win after all of this? And he looked genuinely stunned for a minute, and he goes, it's different? And I love that because it's not, you know, oh, hey, listen, we kicked it. No, he took a real moment to think about it and it was like, I was not prepared for this. It's so much. And then he said, it's so much better than I thought it was going to be. Last night was really the last good night of sports we're going to have for weeks, right?

Olympics are coming up. Oh, right. Never mind. Go swimming. I watched hockey. Holly, I knew you were busy. I tried I tried to flip over and because we we finished before we finished like right before the hockey game wound up and I did initially change the channel and then I was like this is too stressful it was I couldn't I could not hang on with it it was too it was too much I was I was completely I was depleted it was the advertised game seven experience yeah and and like the I mean like you know all the storylines Canada has one in a thousand years and the three oh comeback tank and all that but like man i was just so

locked in on sunrise florida is the heart and capital of a sport conceived in scandinavia for can Canadians um like when sigurders sigurderson the the bone bone king a thousand years ago invented ice hockey how you know who would have ever imagined that like across the street from an outlet mall where there's like a Popeyes and a Spencer's and a Protestant church that is the heart of hockey. It's like palm trees all the way down.

Just like Hockey Town USA and there's a Stuckies in the background. Yeah. It like Metro Fort Lauderdale is the capital of hockey. I love it. There's something in an epic poem about this right? Yeah, it's in that it's... Lo my father, do I see the Stuckies? Oh my father.

Odin saw this shit and clawed his eye out. Yeah. That's That's why he doesn't have it. He was like, oh, hell no. That's like, take my other eye. His staff is just a pecan roll. He's holding in one hand. Yeah, this is the future that Fat Thor foretold, right?

That's when Thor turned in or Loki turned into an alligator. Yes. Why? Because he was going to the Stanley Cup finals located next to the Everglades. Scandinavia, Florida. Got a lot of swamps. We got our first finished captain. Do we not?

Yes. That's exciting for. for our particular audience we got we got fins in the house that's right fens in the house we had our first finish captain oh my i can't believe jimmy buffett didn't live to do a rendition of fins we're going to have to do it ourselves in his honor i think he would like it in finish give us three years to get the grammar right fiends fiends jimmy buffett with an umlaught jimmy biffett biffett

yes natural natural friends the fins and jimmy puffin the swim fins yes where's my where's my beautiful story about being stuck in rally car aridaville margaritaville with nine umlots i'm imagining a margaritaville with like a hockey rink where the pool is This is just kind of my mental picture of this game Because I saw about 30 seconds of it

Mead or Ediville There we go I'm just all honked off on cheeseburgers and aqua feet Cheeseburgers and Aquavit Aquavit Aquavit Aquavit Aquavit

Oh, Oh, that would, that one blew up on the launch pad. That was all over. That was a, that was a, that was a, that was a unique interpretation. Welcome to the shutdown forecast. pushing through. Pushing through the midsummer nights cold that I've got. This is Spencer Hall.

I am joined. This is what's left of Spencer Hall. What's left of me after that. The former Spencer Hall. Listen, there's no, listen, there's no rockets without busting a few rocket eggs, if you know what I mean. No rocket omelets. No, I don't know what you mean.

No rocket omelets without breaking a few rocket eggs. I am joined, as always, by Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and on the ones and two's Michael Surber. We are the only... Ryan Nanny has been bullied off the show by me, finally. Finally. Ryan is celebrating extremely Metro Tampa winning hockey. Oh, yeah, he had to do a pilgrimage. I forgot.

What's he doing? He went home to Tampa to celebrate the hockey. Oh, good. That's true. incredibly metro Tampa Tampa Tampa's primary sport catalytic converter theft You can't tell me one of those cities is eventually going to sprawl into the other I know they're a good bit apart but eventually we are going to have a coast to coast

Florida metropolis I mean they are better at hockey than anything else Tampa yeah it's true it's true hockey capital is the world it must be said they have their their sports teams do have sick city specific uniforms they really do like it brings me no like i i have looked through that shot more than once and been like i would proudly sport this tampa bay merge oh yeah i got i got the um

i got the skateboard devil ray oh wait you actually have it yeah yeah yeah we got this skate ray which is like oh my god this is my favorite Pokemon ever the skateboard devil ray skate ray gear oh that was the other thing that happened um tennessee fans crashed the bookstore's website

last night trying to buy Omaha merch. Well, I know they're not crashing it to buy books. Woo! Today that's a celebration. You think that's an insult. I don't know. Well, you mean, you need the commemorative book about the season that you got to buy

whenever you win the title. Man, they're still selling Magnus about the Bama game year before last, which I applaud, because I really do think that was the psychic turning point. Something cracked in that game, yeah. Thanks, Nick. Nick's a giver Just a little something for you on the way out I've heard that about him

See Oh god At one point in the game As if to punish him for showing up Because if you're For those of you just join us Every time Peyton shows up to a big Tennessee function The team in question fucks up

This includes when retiring Peyton's jersey When was that It was a tragic loss to a Steve Spurrier No, it was a Will Must champ South Carolina loss. There was a lot of those, though. It was real bad. It was one of the, like, seven of those? Yeah.

Thank you, Jason. Thank you. I'm glad that your face isn't on here right now. My computer was being all. I'd try to punch it with my tiny little fists. Computer was being all janky. Yeah. Kind of like South Carolina, baby.

Yeah. Anyway, but anyway, at one point, Peyton has Morgan Wallin on one side and Rick Barnes on the other side. and if you've ever seen a Rick Barnes interview, Rick Barnes does not have thoughts that do not immediately fall out of his head. And Rick Barnes is like, and Morgan Wallen's on the other side just going, well, why can I say it is all I'm saying? And I'm just like, I hope he's enjoying himself.

If his presence is going to stress me out, he might as well be stepped between those two. I didn't see Morgan Wallen at the end of the game, but all the chairs in the stadium were bolted down, so I don't know what he could have done to get in trouble. Not his kind of scene, yeah. I didn't know he was allowed to leave the state, honestly.

That dude, you could not. Like, I saw him last night, and I have heard him sing. Still could not pick him up out of a lineup. No, no, that's the point. There's a TikTok about this that a young woman of Tennessee extraction has helpfully made about how to spot Morgan Wallen,

like how to identify him. And it does involve going to baseball practice and going, which one of you, spits nicotine packets into garbage cans because you think it will impress girls and using that to narrow down the field. That's the starting point. Yeah. I'll post it along with the, I'll forget to do this like we do over time, but I say right now that I'll post this along with the episode so that you too can identify and avoid Morgan Mullen in the field. But that this person will sing a cover of a Leonard Skinnerd song so beautifully that it draws a tear to your eye. That you'll forget it's

Leonard Skinner. Yeah, that you'll forget it's Leonard Skinner. You'll just be like, oh my God, How can this person sing? And she goes, yeah, so then you replicate that product. You take the nicotine packet spitting boys, and you make them all sing, tell them saying whatever they want. Take the ones that sing Leonard Skinner without being asked to. Replicate that process 50 times, audition those boys, and then you have Morgan Wallen. Sounds easy enough. It's a scientific method.

And yet y'all overcame it to win the title. Like that's... Dude, we've talked about this. I know you've heard this story. My father who has... Huh. I mean, he doesn't think this is grim. He talks about it all the time. I'm the one that it gets uptight every time he talks about this. My dad has outlived all the men in his family by a good bit at this point. And I like to congratulate this about himself. But the problem with this actuarially is that based on the timetable, he should have died during the Jeremy Pruitt era. And Jeremy Pruitt did his very best to try and help this along. and at one point I don't even remember

which Jeremy Pruitt-based fuck-up this was but my father who is the most important person to me on this planet looked me dead in the eye and said I don't think I'm ever going to see

another enjoyable Tennessee athletic season as long as I live and I've had that on my heart for that long and oh so you're trying to say you got two great you got two great pleasures

at once, which you'd got to tell your father... Jeremy Pruitt didn't kill my daddy. You got to say, look, Dad, we're getting to share this great moment. And you also got to say, I was right. Oh, I didn't say that. No, I didn't say that because, listen, you remember what happened when we tried to move our family matriarch to her home? And she was like, nah-uh.

And we were like, yeah-huh. And she was like, I'm going to die on the spot. And did? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no. That's that side of the family. I'm not messing with their magic.

She had a poster's heart, by the way. She did have a poster's heart. I will delete my account. The user is no longer found. This is the aunt who had double replacement knee surgery, and the little old men at the country club would complain that she was golfing too slow. So she bought a golf cart, had it custom painted, like neon pink, and spent the literal rest of her life buzzing them on the cart path every time.

like she would deliberately drive poorly around them and veer off the cart path towards them every time she saw them walking and like, sorry! Who's slow now? I would have the Wicked Witch of the music blasting, right? Wicked Witch of the music blasting, right? Wicked Wichita.

No. No, she would never. I think I'd go, they see me rolling. You say that, I will tell you one more fact. Her favorite athlete was Stephen Jackson. Real. She loved that, man. Real.

like had a jersey Stephen Jackson like pre-brawl Stephen Jackson and post-brawl Stephen Jackson I was going to say like I think there might have been people

that was the selling point but she was up there with the Stephen Jackson did nothing wrong choir she was on board well ahead of time she was like they're in his house that's impressive as hell I don't know

congratulations no I'm not going to taunt my father into death because he'll do it. Just congratulations to all y'all. That's amazing. Fuck, yes. Just a galactic assembly of shit kickers, the likes of which we will never see again. I started to get sad in like the third inning, because I was like, I just want to watch, I just want to watch this team play forever.

I, I, mm, oh, I hate what baseball does to us. I hate it. I don't like it. I'm down here with the rest of you. Oh, look who's got feelings. Shut up! Let me talk about something else. Let me talk about this, which is that I think that these teams do...

I don't play stoku about it. These teams do exist in college football. You do get teams that, I think, kind of transcend the notion of being like a well-recruited machine, and that you just go, yeah, I don't know, they just get out there and they just beat shit. They just, they just wamp on stuff. and I don't know one time they got a title may not be a dynasty

may not even be a champion to be honest but like you look at it and go yeah damn that sort of that beat everything so for instance

I kind of think and this is maybe a surprise answer but the 2022 Georgia defense that whole team the one that could fucking teleport

yeah because that offense wasn't great it wasn't the 2020 Like Stets and Benz in 2020 was a really good quarterback. They didn't have a, the offense wasn't world beating, but Nikobe Dean could take one step off the hash mark and be at the opposite hash mark. Correct.

And I personally found that impressive. And also they just, um, they just beat people up. Like, that seemed to be the plan. If you looked at what they were running a lot of the time, they did have all of the sort of like big brain Nick Sabin Kirby smart blitzes. they did have some of that, but most of the time when they got in trouble, it was like, I need you to play cover one and go out and tackle somebody. And it worked. This was Michigan's offense last year. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Michigan teams often devolve, I think,

for one cultural reason, another into just a bunch of hairy winning machines out there. But last year, offensively, absolutely, Jason. This is also like, well, up until last year when we tried to do it from the start of the year and it didn't work out but this is like the previous half decade where we all look up in mid-October and go hey do we love Utah Utah does this every year well last year we tried to follow them from the start remember it didn't work so we have to keep we can't look directly at them is what everybody got hurt so yeah because we were looking at them yeah yeah yeah well if let's test

it this year if everybody gets hurt again this year that'll definitely confirm it then we'll have to avert our eyes for protocol but then we will have done harm, Jason, by intentionally turning our hurtful gaze toward them. I'm going to follow the Hippocratic oath here and just pretend they don't exist for a month. What if we, um, half of us look at them and we see if they get half as injured. And then we see who's the problem. It's poor that. Yeah, it's probably me.

It actually be wild if it was Ryan. Like if, if actually, you're too genial to curse. It's probably going to be Ryan. We have a natural, we have a natural. We have a natural. control here. Ryan's not on this podcast. Yeah, so don't let him in on the plan. Yeah, so everybody please, including, I know, those of you would. Wait, so, so should we tell the listeners to tell Ryan that he should pay more attention to Utah or less? Regardless of what we do, they're going to say what we're saying right now and I hope to curry some imaginary points with him. Not really, not realizing that everyone hates a snitch. Folks, just tell Ryan something about Utah. How about that?

and then on the Reddit there will be a thing about like why do they all hate Utah I think that I think that split zone splitting up their personnel for the summer into all these single wings has ported all of the drama queens

from split zones listenership and they are myriad over to us why would you ever want to imagine drama with Alex Kirshner and Stephen Godfrey in the same room. Like, Richard's so genial, I can't even factor him into this, right? Oh, no, I'm saying they're done with that for the moment,

and they've ported it onto us, which is adorable. And they're going to do it again now that we've mentioned it. I don't speak for anybody else. Let me just say, my ADD is way too powerful to hold a grudge. What grudge? Ooh, a bird. See, this is the thing. I've already forgotten what the last one was.

It was like, somebody didn't laugh at somebody, and that means that they are the least loved. Oh, yeah, that happened. Yeah, I've seen a few on there like that. It probably means there was a squirrel. There was one this past week that was like me and Ryan having a pronunciation war about Sherbet. Oh yeah, somebody thought that Ryan was being passive-aggressive by pronouncing Sherbet that way the whole time.

Or something like that, yeah. It was a thing on the Reddit. And I was like, I was, yeah, I was pronouncing it all sorts of ways for fun. I did not realize that I was stepping on anyone's, um, terrain by doing so which like i thought that spencer was saying it sherbert the whole time as a bit and it turns out he didn't even know he was doing it no i've always said it like that so that i didn't mention it on the show because i thought spencer was doing a funny yeah i just it's the reddit is very you or ryan yeah the reddit is very entertaining to me because it's like it's it's almost

like is everything okay are they are or are they fighting are they actually mad at each other and it's like, then I have to think about, like, what could even be perceived as anger? What's really, really funny is that there have been long stretches of the show where we have been fighting and y'all never knew. Never knew. Nope. Sorry. We're pros.

Proz. I don't know. Yeah. Y'all, you'll go back and listen for the, now you can get to see it here. We're going to goose engagement. Oh, yes. This is how we goose the back catalog. You go back and listen.

I need all of you to listen to the end. higher back catalog i can think of i can think of past stretches where i've been screaming mad individually at every single person on this show and no one in the audience has ever clocked it as far as i'm as far as i know and i know that's mutual for at least three of you yes i was dead for eight episodes in a row no one noticed i was absent for six months replaced by a robot of my own design my entire premise on this show involved pletland my entire entrance to this show in a permanent porch cat capacity involved me playing Nintendo

and yelling contributions from the next room and now I'm being told I'm not paying enough attention. Did we bang the Jason robot? That's between me and the Jason robot, okay? Well, I haven't heard anything about that, but that is between you two, I guess. It is unless it's... I will claim credit

for anything that was performed admirably, though. well buddy you got some credit claim in that case yeah that robot and i me love all right see i miss ryan because ryan would bomb in right here with something that's way more upsetting than anything either of you have said after being silent for three minutes he would but he's busy celebrating the florida panthers stanley cup celebration in tampa yeah they took the stanley cup into the beach and took it into the ocean this is no longer like wait did they really yeah yeah you can do that wait wait wait isn't there just okay it is my understanding there's only one stanley cup every year and they just carve a new

name on it right they don't every team doesn't get one the year they win it right so if they were to lose this in the ocean it's gone right the stanley cup has been stolen that would be the end of hockey yeah no like if they if they dropped it off the side of a party boat in in the bay or whatever it's fucking gone right there's not a backup this is not just one that goes in their trophy case. Hockey would then belong to Florida forever. All of Canada would send every resource they have to recover the cup. That's the only way they're going to win it.

Yeah. Elon would show up with his submersible being like, Canada's never touching it otherwise. Yeah. So has it been dropped repeatedly all the time? It's been dropped. How do they sanitize it or do they? I don't think they do.

It's hockey. That's comforting. Yeah. Yeah. It has been, in 2022, somebody fucking dropped it on the ice during the celebration. When the Edmonton Oilers won in 87, Mark Messier took it to a local bar. A bunch of rowdy Canadians ended up punching it. Because they were just drinking and happy.

Wait, just punching the cup? They dented it. They dented it while they were. With their fists? When the Bruins won it in 2011. The cup fell from Michael Ryder's table, or it was sitting, and was damaged at Chris Chelios's chili bar in 2008. Unreal. That's not a real place.

Chellios' chili? Chelliosis's chili cup. Be serious. Yeah, what am I supposed to believe there? Yeah. It is 100. It's been peed in by a baby. Yeah?

Home. Dude, what are we supposed to say to that? To celebrate the Rangers won it and they also paid off Madison Square Garden in the same year. So to celebrate, they lit a copy of the mortgage papers on fire and put them in the cup. And when it got out of hand, boys, call the fire department, they just peed on it to put it out. And they didn't win another cup until 1994. oh my god it really did ruin the tour i was joking it did a lot of babies to put out a stanley cup fire mm-hmm um the canadianes uh when they had to change a tire had to unpack a car and they left the cup

in a ditch in 1924 just left in it uh a baby has pooped in it what wait is a baby hasn't done in it yeah this was this was Detroit red wing forward Chris Draper put it he was a baby yeah he that's listen champions come in all shapes and forms I don't think you're a hockey player you're born a hockey player yeah their heads are soft uh it has been it got somebody tried to do the almost famous scene with it uh guy carbineau of the 1999 Dallas stars like the rooftop almost famous scene uh-huh and he threw it from the top of a house owned by the drummer for Pandey Oh, so that's a pretty literal interpretation of the almost famous thing.

The most 1999 Dallas thing I have ever heard in my life. Kids, ask your parents if they had you at an uncomfortably young age. Yeah, they threw this thing off the top of Pantera's drummer's roof. And it did make it and it banged on the lip of the pool and it got damaged. In 1991 In 1991 In 1991 Phil Bork

Heard the cup rattling I'm sorry what Yeah Pittsburgh penguin Phil Bork Just say that phrase That four word phrase one more time Pittsburgh penguin Phil Bork Now say it in a Yenzer accent

Pittsburgh penguin Phil Bork Bork I can't Burek I want to go throw some milkshakes at Charlie Batch? Full Bork heard a rattling sound and took the cup apart to investigate. What? And he found out that repairmen had scratched their names on the inside of the trophy.

So Bork did the same. Cook it apart. Like there's a bomb in it? Yeah, you can take that thing apart. You got to defuse the cup. Clip the red wire. Cut the red wire. There's already a Seagal movie.

about this, right? There's one that takes place in a hockey arena. Yeah. The cup the whole time is like, I can feel everything. Oh, God. I would put googly, I would just put googly eyes on it surreptitiously. Yeah. At every opportunity. Raising me gay.

In 1905, the senators were drunk as fuck, the Ottawa senators, and decided to see if they could drop kick the Stanley Cup across the canal. It didn't make it. Huh. But the canal is frozen solid. Did they break their ankles?

That's definitely not the type of kick I would use. I don't know which kick I would use, but. Yeah. Has the Stanley Cup been put on the stage at Scores strip club in New York and danced around? Yes. Who is responsible for this? Oilers legend Mark Messier. Sure, sure.

Why is this one the weirdest one to me? Did they take it to Jumbo's clown room? If L.A., I would have to ask the Kings. I'd have to ask if anybody... I need to ask the Kings, okay. Yeah. Steve Eiserman showered with it, which seems more intimate than any of these things.

Why are you cleaning it? It's supposed to be filthy. That also seems like, hmm. I don't know, man. Like one slip and you've got seven or eight cracked bones. I don't want a clean cup. I want that thing shat in and dropped him in. around a giant metal cup

and a bathtub there are a lot of photos of it swimming there's a lot of photos of it just Spencer when you say swimming I mean like with its arms yes being being taken for a swim with floaties

you could put floaties on the little handles uh huh dogs dogs and horses have both eaten out of it I love the I fucking love that though because the first thing I would do

be like it is right it you know what come on over here i love our college football podcast yeah and the worst thing that anyone has ever done with it is that jimmy fallon did a keg stand out of it oh gets your fucking mouth off at jimmy kimmel gross i think it is college football because it's a rival trophy between canada and the rest of the world and the rest of the world um has had it for a very long time yeah as a society i just i would have hoped that we would have evolved past the need for for Jimmy Kimmel or the other one. Yes.

Was it Fallon? Did I say Kimmel? Yeah, no, I meant I meant Fallon. Whichever. But I stand by both of these. Yeah. Don't say his name or he'll ruin your joke. Candyman, Candyman, Candyman. Yeah. This is my magnificent plan for the NHL is to open an expansion team in Mexico.

Yeah. Man, they'd be so good. They'd be great. You know, hey, where are they going, Chuck? Galveston, Texas, NHL team. Like Mexico City? The shores of Galveston. The shore.

Dirty-ass water. And Mexico City. Yeah, and Mexico City. So that CETI-MX gets their own team or Monterey or whatever. Atlanta gets three teams. And we give them all to Mexico, right? We're just farming. No, we take them from Canada.

No, we do. The Atlanta maple leaves. We got those. Is it Jason? At that point, but where are they going after that? Because remember, we're... We're done shipping them north. We're going to send two to Mexico and we're keeping one.

That's fair. I think we're sending three to Mexico, let's be honest. No, we're keeping one this time. Be a good improv partner, special. I will be a good improv partner. Okay. We're keeping one of them, Jason, because we're in NHL town. I mean, they're going to give us another one eventually.

They're going to put it in fucking Clemson, but it'll be called Atlanta. It's going to be in Greenville, South Carolina. And it's going to be called the Atlanta metro area. It's going to be out by one of the Buckeeses. Oh, dude, the Atlanta beavers. Sure. Did they put a Buckees in Greenville? No.

Not yet. That's close enough for me to drive just to go to. Yeah. It's the only way you can drive out of Atlanta without eventually hitting a Buckees. Let me tell you. to get the uh i did inspect the auburn buckies this weekend um yeah and uh that's it's technically in leaves isn't it yeah it's somewhere around there greater auburn i've been there before and i'm surprised it's not burned to the ground

why's that by certain auburn organizations because the first thing i saw when i walked in that door not too long after that went open was a big one of those big like wooden serving trays painted in the live laugh love font and it had a little sunset painted on it and it had a little sunset painted on it And it said, as for me in my house, we will serve tacos. That's when I'm amazed. It didn't get firebombed. I think that's humor that they've sort of decided is close enough. Auburn, are you quitting?

Are you quitting on me? That's probably what it is. I wanted to point out that this is, of all the buckies I've been to, it is of the milk. So the ones in Florida will have the ones in Florida, will have fishing gear or they'll have deep sea fishing gear or they'll have some kind of generally like they'll be tackle have you ever mapped like where the deer stands stop well and the fishing gear starts because that line's probably that that line's probably like the Arkansas state line right I think so but I could tell you that they have decided that

Auburn Alabama y'all ain't going outside they're like don't even pretend y'all y'all ain't going outdoors well there's like not a camping section no not that I saw these tigers are indoor cats. Yeah, they're like, we know you're just sitting inside and watch the HDTV. Does that mean a second wall of jerky? Um, it, yeah, from what a room of jerky? A jerky cavern? Like a, like a beer cave that's been repurposed for, uh, smoked bite-sized meat?

Like when an airport has a contemplation room, but it's full of jerky. Yeah, the jerky full on. Did you just start a church or a new business? Or like a smoking room, but it's, um, heavily salted meat. Yeah, I mean, we need to smoke this very particular cigar in here. Okay, combination vaping chamber and jerky smokehouse. I'll be in the salt devotional room. This is our, okay, Great Wolf Lodge is taken.

So what are we going to call this place? Hmm. I'm trying to think of a smoke pun. Vap wolf. Oh, I was just going to say vape wolf. Vap Wolf. So are there, is there like, oh, the fart wolves are back. Yeah.

Vap Wolf Lodge. is there a whole wall of like sport drinks if they're not doing sports um there was as far as you got them of the yard okay so yeah as far as i could tell so they're not leaving their premises that's what it is yeah as far as i could tell the great compensation offered for no assumption of outdoor activity or steps taken right like i think i'm going to start referring to it as that is like the bucky's step counter you're like this is an under thousand step day average bucky's expectation because That's what make the Buckees itself not blow that up by being so huge.

Yeah. Yeah, I think there's a problem there. So steps inside Buckees do not count. Oh, this is like the restaurant at the end of the universe. Okay. Yeah, the Buckees is itself merely a portal of some sort. I think the additional space was used as an expansion pack for their LiveLap Love section for the Chochies.

That definitely tracks and leads. Yeah, I believe that was what they ended up using it for. also to be clear i want this taco platter or serving tray bring it to me thank you somebody in birmingham find this bring it to us that's for me in my house we will eat tacos no we will serve tacos we will serve so that Spencer's version spencer's version would mean the original bible verse is we will eat the lord yeah yeah which is very catholic bring your ass down here we're going to eat you lord that's mighty ecumenical of you there greater compliment can you tell somebody then, I would like to dine on you.

Is that what you did to my robot? All right, Hannibal. In a sense, yeah. Lector. It's a feast for the census. I hardly know her. Damn near killed her. Clarice, I was just paying you a compliment.

Clarice, you should smile. Okay, this is the other thing I want. Somebody bring it to me. I want Buffalo Bill's face on a T-shirt. shirt and it just says you should smile more. We did this at one point. Was it Kylo Ren? We had Kylo Ren in a graphic and it just said you should smile more.

Yes. 100%. Simpleer times. Hey, speaking of Alabama, y'all want to do a little podcast business? Why sure? Podcast business. What's a business?

What's a business? What's a business? Podcast business. I'm not on the beat, but I'm working toward it. There it is a moment, and we're going to talk some business. One month from when this episode drops, I'm pretty sure that we will be in Oregon. I'm almost positive that an attempt will be made. on July 26th for us to be in Oregon.

If you're hearing this for the first time, you can't go because it's sold out, but we're going to be there. This is just a taunting edition of podcast business. This is taunting because Ryan first brought this up as like a ha-ha, wouldn't it be stupid if? And it's my favorite idea that any of us have ever had. Doing a double header in Portland at the planetarium

at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry, I'd like us to take over your planetarium. Please email shut down fullcast at gmail. com um then after that the next show after that would be raleigh right that's right week zero that's right and i really hate this two-word phrase and it's very hard for me to say it without shuddering but we're in it now there is a podcast festival which frankly just sounds awful except that everybody in it is us and our friends so give it a shot this is in Raleigh, North Carolina.

This is a week zero. Yes, this is, I have a way around this, Holly. They can go to preowned airboats.com. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, they can get some tickets. I encourage you to. Also, I'm just telling everybody, when you get hung up on the notion of a podcast festival or something, I could be like, it's the shutdown forecast live with knocked loose.

Is not loose going to be there? No, I'm just saying live with knock loose. That doesn't mean they're going to be there. But hand in the dirt's going to be there. Mm-hmm. So something's getting knocked loose because Michael Felger's going to be in the building. That's right. I say we just lean into the festival-ness.

Y'all show up with glow sticks and like wear nothing but mandates. Who gives a shit? Yeah. There's just something about putting the words podcast and festival together and I'm just like, Mikey Barbaro is going to show up in the mirror and I'm going to punch the mirror real hard. And then he's trapped in there forever. Nice work. Yeah.

you know what maybe this won't be so bad after that we are returning to if atlanta is the is our if atlanta is our spiritual home for uh for live shows and and our equivalent of playing a home game and arbor is like our lakehouse our second place to play home games uh i think our our step lake house probably has to be birmingham don't you guys agree Maybe it's our It's not a beach house It's our What is it

The Winter Palace or whatever? It's the Winter Palace now Or it's our Terracotta Army Or The Forbidden Palace Maybe Winter Palace would make more sense From Michigan on account of it's very cold up there

Our super luxe duck blind We got a blackstone in there and everything Anyway we're playing the equivalent Of a home game We're hitting for we're trying to hit all of our favorite spots this summer we've done we've done Atlanta for Jason's book launch Spencer and I went up to Ann Arbor to do a little hangout with this year's winning charity bowl team so did uh Jane and Asin I we have we have the video of

that just went up didn't it sure did where can we find that why that's on my YouTube no less hell yes and then we have Jason would you care to describe our October appearance that would be We haven't planned. October 3rd in Birmingham, Alabama at an event presented by Furnace Fest and amid various other Furnace Fest events. It is separately ticketed for those who are interested in coming to Justar event, though you could also throw it in, obviously, with other fest-related events. Knocked Loose is also not at that, but lots of bands that sound pretty similar to Knocked Loose

will be. Someone just threw up I hope they recover Thank you barf heaven That's my band We're never Yeah And we'll probably do music disaster for that one

Folks have already started asking Where can I send my marching band disaster We will let you know As we get closer to that time Make sure it's short make sure it's funny and those tickets are available those tickets are available that you know

it's easy to find the internet the internet let's go back to talking about professional hockey unless you have a business Spencer I do I do hey we run a little thing called the Channel 6 newsletter

yes and we have a very we've had a very busy summer for Channel 6 I now have my new policy of I don't know shit about football until august first and even then it might be optional afterwards to not know shit but we'll definitely start talking about it anyway um but before then we have a couple of little things we have to pack up into a couple of little trips we have to take one just took one to france you can read about us going to lamon with good friend of the show brian floyd well here his actual voice on a series of diaries

we did from there what do you mean every week what are you talking about yeah yeah okay you can What do people mean when they say you're not paying attention to other people in the show? Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry, Brian. No, I didn't mean that either. Apologies. But we're also going to be doing this. This Friday, I'm going to be taking a trip to Mongolia. Mongolia! Why on earth would you go to Mongolia besides a lifelong fear of deep water and an ability and desire to get as far away from deep water as possible? Friend, that's because there is a sporting festival there called Nadam. It is a festival of the three-manly arts, it's going to take place July 14th. Yours truly will be there. What are the manly arts? The manly arts are Rasslin. Needlepoint. Archery. Well, archery is kind of like

needlepoint. Yeah. It's, you know, I would say it's fully activated needlepoint. And horse racing. All three of these take place on a single day in a festival high on the steps of Central Asia. A great traditional festival contest. undertaking competition, what have you. I'll be there. I'm going to write about it. We're going to talk about it. And I am being joined by another very special guest for this one. No, not Brian Floyd. He got to go to France.

For this one... You have to take a Brian. I have to take a Brian. So this time I got Brian Phillips. Brian with an eye must be. Yeah, Brian with an I. So Brian Phillips will be joining me for this leg of the trip. I am extremely excited about this. And you get to read along and listen along to all of it if you subscribe to channel six just ten dollars a month

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Excellent. So anyway, also at this mall across the street from the Panthers, the hockey champions arena, there is a shake shack, there's a cheesecake factory. It's just an outlet mall, ass outlet mall, man. It's American greatness. That again, the home of hockey, American greatness, outlet mall, and then literally the Everglades National Park. and then like a long drive to Miami yeah

at a very sunrise we did it we did it baby I do have one report from South Alabama where I was over the weekend visiting family and I will tell you this I did the cool thing

nobody if you look at sports ratings what city is consistently number one for everything just in terms of we watch anything that you all put on that TV if it involves a ball or a puck. It's Birmingham. It's always Birmingham. College sports at least. Like Birmingham has some of the highest rates.

I hate to say this. Birmingham has some of the highest ratings for everything except the NBA. Like, yeah. But college baseball was on and I was watching it on a TV outdoors and I turned that TV off for a second or muted it. And I did not have to mute it because I could hear it on every other. other TV. The botnet, baseball botnet.

Did this give you like a frisone of fear or was it more of a sense of community? It was more a sense of community, but also like it was funny because if anything happened, I really could have just turned off the TV and listened to the neighbors. Right? Because you'd hear like, oh, dang! Oh, go!

You could, you didn't, commentary was not necessary. It was being provided by everybody within, uh, 300 to 400-yard earshot anyway, right? And you could tell whose stream was a little bit behind because you hear like, woo, woo, three, two, one, whew! Yeah, it goes there goes to cable and then a minute later. YouTube TV has caught up. Yeah, exactly.

You could tell who had cable and who was streaming. It was hilarious. I just live about 15 seconds behind. It used to be a good 45. It's getting better, significantly better. I don't know. I like it because I'm always like, oh, everyone's yelling. I guess I better pay attention.

I'm going to see something cool. Thanks for the heads up. This is the making shitty internet work for your life. Yeah. Yeah. I'd better steal myself for something crazy. I have done that. That's coming handy watching Florida where you go race for impact.

Oh, boy. Oh, yeah, yeah. When it's a team that you have an investment in and you know they suck. Like, yeah, on NFL Sundays, it's like, you know, LMAO Falcons and I'm like, oh boy, here we go. Here we fucking go. I'm not to see someone I've never seen before. What are we going to do with this on sidekick?

Yeah, hold of a new low. Worst Falcons thing I've ever seen. I'll be the judge of this. I just see you going up like the cartoon Gourmand, you know, from the French kitchen, right? Like, one moment, please. rubbing the ashes together Not bad Not bad

Well very bad But not bad But not bad Just the end scene From Ratatouy Instead of the Fond Childhood memory It's you as an eight year old

Watching Jamal Anderson get concussed I also get like That thing where You know the stat will pop up And it'll be like You know No team has ever Blown a lead

Of this magnitude With five seconds left and I see that at the same time that I see the LMAO Falcons tweets You go This is something special What an experience Anyway now we

Now we spent a billion dollars And two quarterbacks That's great You know what's better than one quarterback Jason That's right Two quarterbacks Two old quarterbacks Vintage

Jason did you see the photo of Arthur Blank with his falcon or the painting Yes, yeah Just hanging out in the background Like no one would notice Have you ever seen an image That shook your confidence

In another human being more It's fine I don't know what else I'd expect The man gave a lot of money to the zoo I guess that's how that happened They just gave him Here's your falcons sir Here you go

Here's a picture of you with the falcon And you're like Because if somebody gave me that I Where would you hang that up in your house I might hang it up in my bathroom. Everywhere. Yeah, everywhere.

Everywhere. I have it on the ceiling of my bedroom. Sure. Yeah. The Peregrine Chapel. If you don't know what I'm talking about, there was a, I believe it was the signing of Michael Pennix. There were handshakes being had and there were photos being taken in the Falcons offices. And in the background for just a moment, they didn't even have to linger on it, linger on it.

long. But for just a moment, there was a picture of this enormous portrait of Arthur Blank with a falcon on his arm, right? Like holding the falcon. I wonder how long that shit's been there. And Arthur's always been like, so where should we stand for the photo? Hey, you know. And every time people are like, gosh, that's creepy. Finally talk someone into it. Yeah. I'm not taking my picture in front of that. That's got to suck. you know that was probably the impetus for one of his divorces like I'm gonna put up the picture I bet no seriously I bet it was like I bet that's the kind of thing that does it you know you're like I want to put up the picture of me with a falcon and she's like I'm out

Bernie Marcus didn't like the falcon painting so that's it that's it Bernie Marcus made fun of my falcon painting that's why we don't talk anymore that's rich guy's shit when you're like yeah so what determined your actions my feelings got a little bit hurt over an ugly knick-knack that I have. And I didn't like his painting of him with a whale shark. Yeah. He just, him fuming at the club being like, Bernie, with his stupid whale painting.

Stupid fucking whale shark. My falcon painting is much better than it is. It costs so much more money. I bet we're quoting. I bet we're not even making this up. When you're rich and you've solved the basic problems of survival and existence, this is the kind of thing that gets your blood pumping, right? I'll have that

that painter executed for making me look older than 29 years old That's it, yeah Bring him to my chambers Make me look senatorial But not like a cadaver Enough of a fine patina of age So that I still seem virile

But also like I have a really good credit rating I don't look rich enough yet Wealthier The bird should look grateful That's the part that I'm like What expression Because the bird does kind of look like He's like, wow, I'm on Arthur Blank's sleeve.

It's an honor to be soaking up your wisdom. Sir, you're so strong. I feel, I feel, I feel weightless like I'm already flying. I just feel, I feel like, I feel like together we're soaring. That's really what's happening here. Sir, I'm a falcon, but you, you're an angel. We're both things with wings. And that's what counts.

meanwhile he's signing his second quarterback signing a 25-year-old rookie you guys think they're going to do it again before the season starts and all again all jokes are nothing against Michael Pennix we love Michael Pennix I'm delighted that he plays for my team well practices for my team

Mike her cousins goes home every night is like please God strike down Michael Pennix please gentlemen I'm assuming that Holly, because she is a woman, would have had at least decent ideas about decorating and putting a house together and things that a house needs. Oh, your dad is so busted. Uh-huh. So.

You won't tell them how you found this out? I will in a moment. No, wait, wait. Lay it out and see if they come to the same conclusion. All right, I will, but I'm redirecting the question real quick. Okay. Will Levis, 25 years old, has bought a house. What does he not have in there?

Anything but a PS5? anything on the walls except for a giant American flag that has a deer silk screened onto the middle of it that is tacked over the couch. Yeah, you need that. I'm calling it an American flag and not a Confederate flag because I'm trying to be optimistic. How many placings does he have?

Like, how many places can he set at a dinner table? Well, what's in the packet drawer? How many little of those little sets does he have in the packet? drawer this name. Hey, hey catfish, you have to use the chopsticks for payway

tonight. Has he run those through the dishwasher? Yeah, he's probably run them through the takeout containers. Hey, guys, you know,

I don't throw them out. You can just keep using them. This is coming from, I have a deep wealth of knowledge to draw on here because in my junior year of college, I only needed housing

for fall semester because I was going on study abroad and spring semester. and you can't do Tennessee's housing was set up in an idiotic way at the time where you couldn't do single semester housing

so I got an apartment with my brother and two of his frat brothers and we had a deal which was that I would clean the kitchen and keep it under control and they would clean the entire rest of the apartment including my bathroom and this actually worked out beautifully

but one of the things that I learned in this semester of living with fraternity that I'm not even going to mention here was that boys of this age will either have you can either have paper towels or toilet paper in the house but not both never both well yeah they're redundant they do the same thing never both and also never clean X under any circumstances that's just face toilet paper toilet paper I'm not a bitch

What a paper tells for I wonder what I do wonder It's just huge shop towels I don't know how many people actually buy these And whether it's just market saturation of the commercials But I do wonder what the rise At least in The rise at least in knowledge of

If not use of dude wipes has done to this particular equation Like are they using dude wipes in the kitchen Oh definitely Yes Yeah definitely Clean off his pizza box with this dude wipe And we can use it again as a plate I'm just gonna I'm just gonna put myself out there for

Embarrasser right now I've used dude wipes So many no no no like now in my life now I use dude wipes for all sorts of things Wait what well whoa whoa list the uses of dude wipes go on I mean some of these might be like honestly server Some of these might be really good uses Like my laptop They're basically baby wipes right

I think so My laptop the outside of it was dirty and I was like I kind of let's see And it cleaned it really good I just used The laptop where you were you shit out all the words Yep The

I watch my face with them all the time I wipe I don't judge me This is a tree of trust I didn't say anything I was making a curious face Sometimes I clean my face off with them When I feel like this

I'm gonna turn the camera off until you're done saying this Does that make you feel better? Yep, it does. Now it's just a little figment dragon looking at him be like, the laptop? Really? Now it's the avatar. The avatar looks shocked.

Yeah, the avatar doesn't help. There have been multiple times that like there's just been a packet of dude wipes out and like the counter needed to be wiped down and that's what I used to do it with. So in place of like, they have replaced electronics wipes, chlorox wipes. We got lots of kinds of wipes. now yeah okay yeah i don't sit listen this is fine okay have you ever like rung one out to water a plant no hey there's an idea but only does you don't have plants give the tribe you know what i would do it'd be like the tribe needs its water oh this is going to be a fun that's horrifying this would be

a fun experiment i would leave i would like go to home depot and just buy like nothing extravagant but like like a hanging basket of petunias and just leave it on the doorstep with like a welcome to the neighborhood card and just see what happens to that plant and then when it disappears put a new one up there and just see what happens to that one

so we'll monitor the situation meanwhile I'm sitting there watching Serber ring out a dude wipe into a house plant and I pop up go Lisa al-Gaiib he knows our ways I use the fresh mint chill one on my mint

Oh, you're returning it from whence it came Yeah, see? This is brilliant Have you used one in his rolling paper No, come on What do you mean, come on? Like a dried out one. Yeah.

After you ring it out to... Why is that unreasonable? After you ring it out into your coffee, then use it as rolling out. There's just peppermint mocha. Yeah, you're right. Try it. Yeah, okay, I will.

Now the spirit of adventure has possessed you. You're like, why not? Listen, I'm not making fun. If America refuses to embrace bidetes, which I think is also something else we talked about on Channel 6 this spring, that at least we are trying to make cultural strides towards clean buttholes. That can only improve us long term in the intergalactic Senate. the civilization doesn't have warp drive however they do have the days what's that what's that

governing body that decides whether or not we're ready to join the rest of the universe that thing yeah they would be like they do have bidetes though well we need to take this to committee we're rapturing all of japan the rest of you can sit tight until you clean up your acts