Shutdown Fullcast - Amateurism Hour

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

SHOW NOTES A special demographic survey of UCF Great week for scandals! Kevin Warren, you’re up first Spencer presents Big Ten Lawyer Anime Now, with some real grown person problems: the Pac-12! Which school would make the best use of an extra 7 billion dollars? Charity Bowl wrapup and negotiations for Spencer’s subsequent humiliation A surprise musical number Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What a beautiful tweet this is. Ron DeSantis will launch his presidential bid with Elon Musk. Yes. Fuck. Well, at least we know, like most Elon Musk launches, it will fail. A little good halfway there. What a rousing success. Actually, we just wanted to see if we could get Ron off the ground.

Yeah, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother. Mother, Mother, Mother. Come to the shutdown full cast. You're looking to the internet's only college football podcast. How bad did that we get, boys? The internet crackled during... During at least a couple parts there. Nice.

Good to know. It's going to be full-scale disaster today. I, Spencer Hall, I am joined as always by Jason Kirk, Ryan and Holly Anderson Hi And on the ones In terms of Michael

Server. Present. Yeah. When's the last time you were somewhere where they took attendance? Huh. That's a great question.

Do you think like a doctor's office waiting room counts? It's like a delayed attendance. I guess I guess that's the Yeah. I'm probably boarding a plane. If they call your name,

there's been an issue of some sort. Yeah. Honestly, I think the last time I was at something that took attendance was probably my freshman year of college. Then after that, like, after you're 18, they just give up. They don't care anymore. If you're not there, whatever.

Who gives a shit? Yeah. At that point, when you turn 18, I think that's when attendance becomes a skill. Before then, attendance is mandated by parents, insured by some societal. structures truancy laws after the age of 18 that's when attendance becomes a skill that's how low the bar is by the way for participation in society in terms of skill and commitment that we're like you need to be there that's that's job one attend you should do this at a spring game we should be like all right it's the it's the UCF spring game we're taking attendance

I just over the loud speaker just read out every UCF student Wow. See who's there and who's not. Yeah, it's going to take a day and a half, but it's time to see who's all in on this space program and who isn't. It's about generating content for the Big 12 Network. Days of content. Just Gus Malzahn sitting there with a clipboard. Ames.

Aaron. Yeah, just first names. Yeah. Do we have a Steve? Is there a Steve? Oh, you know there's a Steve that you see. How many steves are at UCF? Let's see.

A thousand. Steve's per capita. I want to say 6%. 6% of the student body and staff. Wow. I feel like you threw out like a caden. Caden's got an entire unit of Cadens. Yeah, you have several cadence.

Yeah, that's like ground zero for that bullshit. The director of leadership and career development strategies at UCF, Steve Sey. Did you welcome everybody? Did you Google Steve UCF? I googled Steve UCF. I googled Steve UCF.

That's the name of the mascot, the knight's name? It used to be Nitro, but now it's just Steve. Yeah, it's like his non-night name. Nitro Steve is a pretty safe fucking name. Good. Nitro Steve, DDS. There's a

psychology professor at UCF named Steve Jex J-E-X. No. No, bullshit. Yep, yep, yep. That's a cyberpunk name. Basement Jex. Yep. Steve Sutton

teaches in the College of Business. Steve Neal does something in the comms department. Wait, wait. There is, there is, this is, this is a professor of global health management and informatics. I don't even know what that word means. His name is

Stephen ton. Nope. It doesn't count. Phone and email directory. That's a Stephen. I am in the UCF directory. Are you?

Should be. Yes. Oh, you, you know, Steve, we've got a Steve Goldman computer storage of some sort. A lot of steves. UCF, a virtual Steve high. Yeah, we need to get into the student directory. If you can access the UCS student. What university has the most steves per capita?

Steve's, so you need some Stevens. No, just steves. I know, I'm trying to think, but we've got to drive. This is like, if we're going to distill some steves, we usually have to start with some Stevens. Maybe they were born as Stevens, but they have flourished into steves. I do miss that kind of like mid-century baby boomer thing where they would just give you the first name. They would just skip the derivative entire mom is one of these.

My mom is a Vicky. She's not a Victoria or anything. She's just straight up a Vicky. My best friend's dad is a Steph, as in Stefan, but it's just S-T-P-H. So it's like it's short for Stephanie instead. Right. My sister is a Jenny, not it, she has never been a Jennifer. Really?

Is it with it, wait, is it a Y, what's the, what's the, what's the, it's an eye. It's an eye, in fact. Oh, that's very, that's very like specific, time-specific, yeah. It's when with the name, you literally pull the, no, my father was that. Please call me. Time out. Time out. Yes.

This is from a news article published in June 1991. University of Central Florida President Steve Altman resigned Saturday after a newspaper reported he called on escort services during trips to at least five cities while on university business. UCF is a Steve school. They got Steve scandals. I think, I'm okay with saying that UCF leads the nation and Steve's. We can start there as a base. Per capita, though. Like, of course they lead in total.

They have 80,000 people counting professors. Per capita is going to be tougher because there's a huge, like, there's got to be like a huge seasonal population, right? All right. Which, which five cities? And I'm going to tell you, three of them are in Florida. Do you think Steve had traveled to and received support services? Jacksonville, Boca. Incorrect.

Incorrect. Tallahasse. Tallahassee is one. Oh, damn. Damn. Yes. Uh, Tampa? Tampa's.

Yeah, do it. Um, Pona Vida. Uh, Miami is on here, so I don't, I don't know how specific. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, so now you have to name two non-Florida cities. Oh.

Mobile. Give us a hint, strong guess. Um, these are. Oh, uh, stores Connecticut. Uh, Let me think of how to. These are places that Spencer, Spencer has a connection to both of these cities, and one of them he would rather not have that connection to. D.C.?

Franklin? D.C. is one. D.C. is one. D.C. Yeah. Yeah. And the other one is Nashville. The other one is Atlanta. Okay. Okay.

So congratulations. At least he has some taste. At least he got some good wings. Yes. What an amazing Steve in the hall of Steve's. Yeah. Yeah. You can't ungoogle that either in terms of, hey, let's look up Grandpa.

No. Let's see what, no, that's out there. That's just stuck. Anyway. So Steve's per capita, you're going to want, it might be like a continuing education situation because we're making way fewer Steve's per capita than we used to. Right. Yeah.

So like, I think, I think, I think, that might be the biggest factor is a university with just an aging student body so what i'm hearing when i say steve i'm going to posit this as a matter of newtonian reaction naming where there's a steve there must be a ron and there's an equal and opposite number of rons i don't think we're making rons at that pace anymore man it's not true i think it's that it's not true spencer i have two uncle steves um are they brothers yes they are uh they are they are they are they are our brothers both named Stephen, no. I have two Uncle Steve's.

I have... George Foreman did it. I have two friends that are in my MySpace top eight whose names are Stephen. Wow. I can't think of anybody else named Stephen. My boss's name is Steven Hartzell. My favorite podcast

is Split Zone Duo. Oh, that guy. So I'm going to cut a Ruffles, a proposal that for every two Steve's there's one Ron. Yeah, yeah. Adjust your ratio there. That's better. Maybe 0.75, but I feel like we're making steves at a clip that were that Ron's just

can't keep pace with. Ron's kind of seemed like they went out with the Rust Belt. Yeah. That's why I'm saying that like somewhere between Michigan and like Michigan's probably turned out a fair number of Ron still, whereas I think steves are probably more, I'm going to say it. I think Steve's a, think Steve's like a son. Or Steve's a national power.

Yeah. Steve's are still a national power. National brand. Yeah. Ron's Tell me if this sounds familiar I'm trying to picture Big in the 80s

Out of on the decline Looking down in a baby And being like Ron Ronald I think Ronald's the harder one You're like I can name this baby Ron

Could I name this baby Ronald I feel like you can still go Ronnie Ronnie Yeah Serber do you remember your whole Ronnie? Ronnie Yeah

no and i mean at some points it was the top 12 sometimes it was the that's true i did the top 4 for a little bit when i was feeling very selective as we all applied our html knowledge it fluctuated over time then it was like fuck all y'all it's a top four myspace dot com's backslash so many fish here in the sea that's easy to type in oh the memories that you are all It looks like I googled largest continuing education programs, and UCLA is the first up bragging about the size of its continuing education program. So I'm saying UCLA's number one in Steve's. I think that makes sense.

I think California is like a very Steve. Yeah, that's a Steve Wellspring. Because I think like Steve Miller Band is I think where a lot of people are like, Steve's a good name to go by of a certain of Steve's group. Steve's a good name for chilling out. Yeah. Steve Jobs. You know.

Steve Jobs. Steve Martin. is from Southern California. True. So, yeah, I think UCLA is probably King of Steeps. Yeah. A bunch of 60-year-old guys doing...

I mean, even if you go across town, you've got Steven Spielberg lording over U.S.E films full. I know that's George Lucas. Don't at me. A bunch of 60-year-old guys who still try to skate and wear vans. Taking continuing education classes because, you know, learning's a life long, man.

UCLA basketball had a... Is he the current coach? Steve, no, he's not. Steve Alford and Steve Levin before that. Two steves in like a six-year stretch, ten-year stretch. Also, let's be honest, you could be in most scenarios

and say, yeah, it's like Steve Wooden said, and you could get away with that. Yeah, it's true. John one is, cool brother, Steve. Are we making as many Kevins as we used to? God, I hope not. Yeah, we're, well, not as we used to, but we're, I don't think we'll run We're not making any number of names. We haven't eradicated Kevin's.

Kevin's are still plentiful. Like, we're still making poison ivy. I wanted to say that if you see a Brad coming in an administrative or a Brian, I can't turn a Brad in an administrative situation. Raffinsberger hadn't gone well. Brad Childress. Yeah. Outside of like a dealership, I just don't see it.

Yeah. If you see a Brian, it's going to be iffy. If you see a Kevin, I'm just going to. going to put Kevin out there as a list of names are you know you can love them and this is a second the former commissioner of the Big Ten

there was a big deal that he had completed just completed this week it turns out this staint shit finished like not shit finished and they're massive wait I thought this was the PAC 12 is that a completely different story this is a completely

different story these are very directing up from being from sleeping for like a week and a half oh wow these are very different stories and i'm going to preface it by saying that everything spencer's about to say is a big deal is not especially compared to the pack 12 bullshit but please go ahead we're so let's let's as usual let's make the big 10 the opening act for the pack 12 ryan this is called level setting we're going to establish a basic level of acceptable incompetence for a conference most people agree is wildly successful you can't spell level setting without steve no right this is the part holy shit This is the part of the podcast where we go,

Sunny Acres had a underbelly. This man was guilty of a small crime. Act three. Insane crime you wouldn't have believed in act one. Okay. Brought to you by ZipRecruiter. You're not hiring, you sick fuck.

Yeah. All right. So the Big Ten has supposedly signed this big television contract. Seven billion dollars. They just heard that number. Right. It's one of these things that people in suits who have A grandiose eminence front love to throw out and just say,

$7 billion. Everybody's big excited, biggest contract going, shit SEC, blah, blah, blah. Uh-huh. He's like way ahead of you. And then why is Kevin Warren remind our listeners, why is Kevin Warren not there to usher this to completion? Well, he's currently running the Chicago Bears.

Yep. That's the job he left. He decided to leave the Big Ten for the successful unstoppable juggernaut of excellence and continued high performance that is the Chicago Bears football club. Having gotten to enjoy the Iowa Hawkeyes to try out the professional version. Yeah, points are an American.

Go Bears. Okay. So what is the issue here? What is not done with this contract? Well, details leading to, and I quote, much horse trading. regarding some of the specifics and some of the accounting that occurred. Uh-huh.

Because we can get a little perturbed about where people are going to play. For instance, there's still some horse trading around who's going to end up playing at night in November. Something nobody in the Big Ten is ever fond of doing, and I think justifiably so. Who wants to say, you know where I want to be outdoors in late November? That's right. The northern Midwest. But isn't that what makes the... strong but you get you listen all right let me start here once you decide tv is the most important

thing having the biggest tv contract is the most important thing why do you then get to turn around and say like oh but we don't want to all this shit that tv loves like we don't really want to do that playing in prime time is way past our bedtime and we'd rather we'd rather get in bed by five like i i think that's bullshit per do peter sleepy kids and i know perdu pete can't sleep That's why he looks that way. He hasn't slept up 40 years. Either side of this argument is fine to make, but you have to pick one. Right.

And the Big Ten, the Big Ten presidents and chancellors and athletic directors are basically saying we had this old, God, I hope there's a North, who has a Viscount? Wisconsin. Let's go with Wisconsin. Sure. Viscount. I mean, they all have chancellors. It's ridiculous that they have. Tennessee has a chancellor, which means fucking anybody can have one.

That's true. They're like, well, we had these tall. They were called, basically that were like, these are our special privileges as fancy Big Ten boys that we don't have to play night games in certain situations. We can sort of like, we don't have to play by the usual television rules. And this contract didn't have them. And NBC is like, you want what now? And everybody's like very perturbed about this. So that's thing one.

What else? That's not the big thing. Your complaint, by the way. It makes sense logically, Ryan? I get that. Somebody receiving a lot of money and then complaining about the details into it. This makes total sense to me

because people are awful and capricious. That's it. You need to start with this assumption that you say, here's the deal. And they go, I understand the deal. They are lying. They do not understand the deal. They have learned nothing.

They have only received a check. Again, just write that on the wall. I have received a check. I have learned nothing. Another rule. another thing though this is we can quibble about that that feels like an official capital Q quibble

yeah this ain't quibling uh this is from espn.com recently schools have found out they're going to have to pay back nearly 40 million dollars to Fox not payback not payback oh I'm sorry they'll have to reduce it's a little different uh huh how does that does that verb make you feel better

is that has that with it I think that would go down a little smoother. I think it's different that you will have to go get cash today and go give it to funds. I would genuinely like to have the difference explained to me. Yes. If I said to you, Holly, you owe me $1,000 and I need it today versus Holly, I owe you $100, but I've been miscounting. So I'm going to discount that over the next 10 years or whatever.

Okay. So this is about more of the forward budget than a today emergency. I think so. Yes. Still big. okay yeah yeah however it does still equal i have to give money but why do they why do they have to give money to fox because kevin warren delivered mccc the big ten football title game in 26 without the full authority to do so why doesn't he have the full authority to do so hold on we're going to get there why doesn't he have the full authority to do so because the way the big

10's IP works he didn't control the rights to the inventory of this latest deal Now, when you say he, when you say he, it's really the entire Big Ten doesn't control that inventory, right? That's correct. It belongs to the Big Ten network, which is partially owned by Fox. Okay, I get it. Yes. Wow. So, uh, majority owned the light just came out. Okay. They own most of it. Is that a mystery? Is that a thing that was here before unknown? Did you have to solve a puzzle in a temple and then click on? a little treasure chest and it went, doca, doca, do.

Are you trying to tell me? Is this a thing that was in fact crowed about as as something that was a better deal than what the ACC was doing, what the long hoarder did in the past? It's something that was perhaps held up as a sterling

business example. The conference that has spent over a century bragging about how much it reads didn't read its own Wikipedia page. Like, like all of the framing of this is like Kevin Warren did this and Kevin

Warren did that big bad Kevin Warren came and he gave away our precious TV rights and it's like if people seriously believe that the way a television contract gets negotiated is that the commissioner goes by himself to the network

and he's like just sign here I assure you all the particulars are settled on a oops I wrote down the wrong number like what the fuck everybody in the big 10 should have understood that this was an issue. Like how many lawyers? How many Big 10 lawyers

were fine with the contract? It's just easier to say, well, Kevin Warren, the guy we hated because he briefly said we couldn't play football in the middle of a pandemic. He left and it's all his fault. We're brilliant. Just to be clear, we didn't fuck up

the guy who left did. We're the smart guys who let someone who works for the Chicago Bears. screaming is for Indianapolis We put him in charge Chicago Reminder by the way

Can I just get a side anime Or at least a manga Called Big Ten Lawyers Just these big shouldered All Bill Braskey guys are like We're the Big Ten lawyers We're coming after you What if a MEC was

What if a MEC was all torso Yeah In a shitty suit Right Husky Mek Yeah So So, all right.

So they owe Fox 40 million for that. It's a fleshy totem pole. Yes. They owe us 40 mil for that. In addition to that, they're going to have to pay 25 mil total. Back to Fox again, their partner for a little 2020 football game inventory. That's a COVID thing. And like, that's probably coming down the pipe anyway.

Right. Right. What was the first number you said in this? What is the new deal worth? $7 billion. What the fuck do you care about $40 million? You don't care. You just want to cry and whine.

We didn't become August financial institutions without counting the dollars, unlike some profligate SEC schools. Oh, did you say that number? You have not landed on the thing that is dumbest about this whole quote-unquote curfluffle. Digame. There's a lot to go around.

The coaches, specifically for some reason, of basketball coaches are like, we should have been consulted. Tom iso is like, we were not in Ford. I should have had more influence and there should have been more trans. Who the fuck cares? Tom iso, go coach basketball. What was Tom iso going to do? What the, I don't fucking know.

I'm asking. We're going to wear kiss makeup about it. We're going to show up in the meetings, just like Gene Simmons. I need more influence. Like all these, all these, all these coaches are like, we really should have. I thought you just made it up. What's infuriating is that coaches like to do this thing where they're like, we'll play anyone anywhere.

We're not afraid of competition, blah, blah, blah. But then it's like, we didn't really have enough influence on whether the TV schedule said we would play on Tuesdays. That's not really a great day for me because that's sort of my me time when I try to get centered and clean the pantry. I'm doing a lot of journaling. It's so stupid. And again, all of this.

Taking time for your mental health, and we think that's stupid. All of this is to the background of you're getting paid $7 billion. Yeah, $40 million out of $7 billion is... It's not quite 1%. Let's put it that way. It's just... Gosh, when you put it that way. All right.

So that's over here. And, like, as an aside... There's more? I cannot fucking stand that college football has gotten to the point where all we can talk about during the offseason is fucking television contracts. Fuck college football for putting us in this position. It sucks and I hate it. But let's talk about the...

We're talking about how the Big Ten can't count. That's true. So, all right. So that's the Big Ten sob story is that these contracts, which have, you know, tens of people on them, which everyone involves should understand, like, yes, there is an issue if we're going to sell this inventory to a non-Fox entity when Fox is our fucking business part.

and has been for a long time. But you're still going to get $7 billion minus like a little haircut you'll have to take to pay out Fox. Great. Fine. Whatever. What happened in the PAC 12? I assure you, I don't know. Does Spencer know? I am going to call up.

I know that it has a logical episode. No, no, no. I know. But I will fuck it up. I know. I will fuck it up. I know you will. Just let Floyd explain it. me put it this way what happened in the pack 12 starts in 2017 in 2017 pack 12 network runs an audit because they think comcast is underpaying them and it's revealed in 2017 that comcast is in fact grossly overpaying the car to the tune of about how much five million dollars a year i love

on it. That's great. Do they go to Comcast and say, hey, time out, you need to do something about this. Friends, they do fucking not. I fucking love science. They let the overpayment continue to grow and grow over time until in January of this year, Comcast is like, uh, so it turns out we have overpaid you by about $50 million over the course of the last five seasons, six seasons.

And now the PAC 12, which doesn't have a $7 billion TV contract that they just signed, now PAC 12 schools, they don't have one of those. No, no, far to the contrary, they don't have any TV contract that they just signed. So now the PAC 12 schools are being told Comcast is going to withhold money from you that you thought you were going to be getting going forward multiple pack 12 network employee like higher ups have been fired because they're basically like you knew about this and did nothing it's unknown if larry scott is one of the people who knew something about this and did nothing and now washington state is basically like we're not buying anything new like we're not hiring

new people we're not even buying new equipment at this point until we fucking figure out what is going on with this money. We are in a total spending freeze. That's a real problem, Big Ten. I don't want to hear about your $7 billion not being as sweet and smooth as you thought it would be. And like the Big Ten, okay, what's

the worst that could possibly happen? Your uncompensated labor plays a football game on Fox and you don't get paid $40 million for it. Big fucking deal. The Pac-12 has real problems. They're putting shit on the CW possibly. The Pac-12 would kill to play a game on Fox.

imagine the pack 12 getting back on fox we've hit the big time we're back they cut away in the middle of plays it's awesome it's fucking great they show your marching band instead of anything else in the stadium it's everything we've ever wanted you're on TV

the pack 12 will take it that's I believe it averages out to four million dollars per school that they're going to have to experience this kind of shortfall. You'll notice, by the way,

the school that is most vocally complaining about this is Washington State because it matters most of them. We need it. We need it now. Put the check of the mail, Daddy. Venmo.

If you could Venmo, Wazoo, $4 million. If you want it, come find us. Yeah. Honestly, that ought to be their attitude. They've been real vocal about it from the start, I think, because of that, like back in the bill most days, especially because they

signed a couple of mortgages on some facilities that maybe they didn't immediately have the cash for but you know you're going to say they signed a couple of morons as athletic director that is also true that is also true but they've been particularly vocal about it because they have to that that's why other schools less so do you think USC ever like USC's got a whole like like they just have that dumb rich guy thing where they probably have like all of their TV checks that's crazy man yeah that's just that's wild man USC does not have the USC has never budgeted in their lives yeah they've never had to USC is a a banana. What could that cost $8, Michael? Like, that's very

P.S. U.S.E.'s A.D. just left four days ago. Yeah. Oh, right. There's a lot happening. USC probably still has all of their old Pact 12 checks sitting in a drawer, uncashed. Like, oh, man. Oh, do you think? They probably should cash those because they're probably not good. Not for

they might not be good in a couple of months. It's a little late to catch this. It's been a run on the Pact 12 bank. Cookie. The Pact 12 banks going under Larry Scott could not be reached at his C stead for comment Takes a trillion pack coins to buy a loaf of bread Yeah

Like oh my God the Pact 12 invested in a like Ghost subdivision in Mersed for some reason Oh my God It went under All I hear is USC is going from one broke conference to another Listen if USC what like I thought USC wasn't going to fit in the big tent But rich people complaints

USC, now it matches because now everyone the Big Ten's like, no, I have to give away a one one millionth of my money. This is an infraction on my freedom. I blame the Bears. I blame the Bears.

And the liberals. Yeah, this is, USC's completely going to fit in now in the Nouveau-Rish Big Ten. I love it. I hope USA and UCLA are also like, well, we don't play, we don't want to play night games.

Yeah, since when, Since when do we play on Thursday afternoons? Not doing that. Yeah, just pick an entire time that you don't want to play with on Pacific time, right? We don't want to play night games on Pacific. We only want to play at noon. At noon. That's it.

The Pac-12 should have figured out how they could have also blamed this on Kevin Warren. Like, that would have been the move. Just reach out to the Big Ten and be like, hey, we know you guys are working something. Would it be cool if we just piggybacks off of that? So it's a member of the Alliance that lasted for? for 10 months until the Big Ten rated their alliance partners. How would not have been a documentary about that yet? I don't think it lasted long enough to do a document.

They make a documentary shorts are a thing. I think that's a TikTok. We should make an award-winning TikTok documentary. The Big Ten, I just love it. They, they, they're their little brother, the Pack 12, they picked them up by both arms and like wrenched their teeth around their little brother's skull and said, We are in this together.

Uh-huh. Chomp! What if Ocean's 11 was 12 minutes long and involved George Clooney just shooting Brad Pitt in the knee? Yeah. Like if they just got to that first meeting and they're like, if you want to leave, go. And they're all like, bye, blah, blah, blah. But as he's shooting, he's like, at least we're not the SEC. They're the bad guys here.

That's why you like me more than them. They're so mean. That's right. Don't worry. I'm sure by the time this comes out, some dumb SEC story, we'll have, we'll have. have emerged at this point too. Yeah, let's not do that. Remember, let's not do that. Because if we're coming out, we'll be like

man, the Big Ten, this guy just gets it. You know? We've got ten different articles about oh, this guy just gets it. He's made a deal. I don't really give a shit who's smart or dumb. I give a shit when people who claim to be smart are dumb. The SEC has never told me to read a goddamn book. Therefore, anything it does, I don't give a shit. The Big Ten, however, has.

The SEC has a sense when they do something dumb, they just talk about it. at lunch. They don't go running to ESPN reporters to be like, hey, a mean man

took my money and I want to say something about it. A scoundrel. Scoundrel has fled to Chicago. A big city NFL man.

The SEC is more like, I like that guy's style. How do we bring it back? How do we get him to rob someone else? Right. Yep.

How am I sounding now? Fine. Fine. So far. Yeah, I was making serious bomb-ass points Because you're right, Jason The SEC's never told us to read a book I have

As of yet been asked To swallow a profile of Greg Sankey as some sort of great innovator That's what I always like Have we gotten that yet? I haven't seen that Or maybe I'm just not consuming it I feel like what you get more there is like

Look at this straight shooter or whatever You know, you don't get the this is the man who will redefine business and all that shit he came he came in with a high reputation that i think uh has has not exactly held up since then but to be fair he was he was succeeding the don that's true but really like if you want to talk about idiot proof job man you know what listen i really just want to listen to mike's live cackle about this over lunch like i just want to be at lunch and Destin and just like listen to Mike Slive here all this for the first time. I forgot one other thing about the Big Ten story. So this is all from a Pete Thamble column on

ESPN.com. And buried in it is a little snippet that basically says Jim Delaney got a bonus of like $20 million or something when he negotiated, I think, the first big Big Ten TV contract. And while Kevin Warren's contract doesn't have a specific provision. for this kind of bonus. They're internally sort of figuring out, like, does he get one? Should we give him one? And I'm like, yeah, if it's not clear, part of the reason why Big Ten sources are feeding all of this to ESPN about what a bad job Kevin Warren did is so that when his lawyers

are like, we think he can have a bonus. He can be like, nope, look at this. We leaked this story about how stupid and mean you were. No bonus for you. That's why this exists It's right in the fucking story So stupid Amateur athletics

With amateur management Amateurism all the way to the top Amateurism all the way to the top That really is the story That really is explaining the entire story Just for once Let's just give Let's give the Sunbelt $7 billion

We know what the Big Ten is going to do Is $7 billion I want the Sunbelt to get in I want to see what kind of crazy shit they get up to Oh man Carl Benson would know what to do They gotta have a fucking hundred five thousand seed stadium For no reason

Yeah I know the sunbelt's gonna make this shit shine Sunbelt's gonna come back in a year broke They're gonna be like I don't know man we need some more money Got any more of those big 10 contracts Yeah we need a we need a credit line For what We put it all in bed bath and beyond stock

we were told it was full proof I wonder if they just add dozens and dozens and dozens of schools that would work too Harvard's in the Sunbelt yeah man sure they saw hey listen they know a good deal

did you we just had to get a can't we just had to name a building on campus after someone important to the Sunbelt and that's why Taylor Hicks Hall is a part of Harvard now you imagine giving

$7 billion to the conference that's got Southern Missing it Holy fuck Do you know what Hattiesburg would do with that shit They'd have a casino in the stadium The Terry Bradshaw Endowed Chair of Economics at Harvard University vis-a-vis law tech

You gotta run it by it We gotta make sure this curriculum Maked Woke first For you teaching them Harvard kids With our academic consortium Of Arkansas State and Yale I want to take it back by the way Giving Southern Miss money to put a casino in the stadium is actually a sound financial decision.

It's probably better than what a lot of these schools would do with it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Arkansas State would just buy coke with it. Yeah, we just bought a bunch of Coke. $7 billion. Are you selling it? Some of it.

Some of it. We're just keeping it around for, you know, parties. Why? It's Jones Booker, baby. Come on. we ain't got mountains but we got snow it's called the fun belt y'all need to loosen up

god damn yeah why you think we got a tree stand that's a lookout it's a it's a feature of entertainment value and a lookout inside the stadium just remember Arkansas State really did have a tree stand that you could watch the game from at one point

love y'all I'm not seriously suggesting you blow it all on coke you diversify there'll be some pills and some guns in there too it's fine drug wars not just a calculator game it's an athletic department

now I just thought what school was going to run right to the dark heart of the American dream and I'm like Arkansas state just which school is going to become most lawless immediately I'm like Burrow

it's a bitch Jones is like a mafia He's still there at me Look at him He's built for it If he's not there He's somewhere else I mean what was this motto at Tennessee

Brick brick by motherfucking That's right The signs were there all along A great A great report Butch I'm gonna let the feds Wounds

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You know what I realized the other day? Is, first, that this podcast is almost 10 years old. and the other that we are coming up on the, I believe I have this, right, first ever release of an NCAA football, EA sports game within the shutdown forecast era that'll happen next year. We have never had a podcast when those games come out. This show was launched shortly after the previous one, and the game's coming back next year. So it's time to wrap it up.

This show cannot exist in the same war. is done we have served our purpose yeah we stood in the gap we have held the watch what do you think we could have done instead with 10 years of four people's time don't act like it would have been productive everyone size simultaneous football video games yeah let's cut that off right now and you go well this time we could have we could have cured a disease no you wouldn't have no i couldn't have no i know that we could start a golf website It's an idea. I don't think anyone's had before.

Speaking of golf, Holly. Darling. Let's do a little podcast business if that's all right with you. I'm so tired. I know. The charity bowl has come to its thrilling conclusion.

Oh my God, y'all. We did it. What, uh, first of all, splendid flu game from both you and Spencer, mostly you. And from our, uh, and from our backroom statistician, by the way, who had to have emergency dental surgery pre-dawn on like Wednesday of ball week. Sorry, Steph. That sucks. Oh. Um, what, uh, for, for people who weren't following along on Twitter, where, where are we at?

Um, we, so last year's, um, last year's, um, last year. year's game concluded at $842,000 in change raised in a week. And we set our goal this year at $700,000. What we ended up with was an $80,000 increase with about 80% of the donor base that we had last year, which is incredible. We were short about 1,000 donors from last year. everybody who stuck around gave more money as far as oh and Michigan won but you know yeah so hail to the victors uh they did win again with 126,000 4805 dollars doubling up their closest

competition Texas A&M Texas A&M Texas A&M came through so this is a this is a little bit of an anomaly because, for the most part, we don't have a lot of, like, high rolling donors in this thing. Like, and I'm talking about people who give, like, five figures. We have, in the past years, had, like, two, usually two. There's one at Michigan, and there's one at Georgia Tech. If you take out the donor from Michigan, by the way, Michigan still wins by a huge margin. They don't necessarily double up the number two school like they did this year. but Michigan still wins by a huge margin.

And Georgia Tech was still usually second. Georgia Tech fell off cliff this year. Georgia came up and started spending like they belong here, which was at first. But the Texas A&M thing came because one dude on day two came in and wrote us a note and was like, I just want to pretend I'm Jimbo for a day and dropped like 35 grand.

This is not usual. Yeah. This is something that has never happened. He dropped, I think, what's the large, just single donation in the history of the bowl until the very next day when our our long time our long time leading Michigan donor who chooses to remain anonymous came through and dropped $45,230 which I thought was pretty sweet on her part nice little bit of nice little bit of symbolism there.

Let's see what else is there. We had lots of, lots of... But we had lots of super... Sorry, I wish my brain was more together. We had lots and lots of cool shit happened this year, but the best part was the best part was breaking the record. We, in fact, we came so close to our goal of a million,

which we deliberately set so that Spencer would not have to play golf. We are considering going through with the golf thing anyway. So, yeah, I... Because this number was so stunning and done despite everything pointing to universe and circumstances around, that y'all, I think I'm going to do the golf thing anyway. Now, when are we going to do it? I'm not exactly sure. How are we going to do it?

And where? Again, we need to huddle up with our no laying up partners. We do. And with everyone else who has expressed a pleasantly surprising and awesome interest in helping me embarrass myself in front of any. everybody am i going to wear uh a pair of as i call them juncos to play no one no one calls them that absolutely no one so am i going to wear a pair of those while playing one possibly i think possibly i think one whole then i can drop then i can drop then i can drop what if you put both legs through yes then you thing and like put one of your put both of your

sons in the other leg i had some if you're not wearing the jinkos it like I don't know. I don't know if you're not wearing the jikos. We're just all standing there watching a stranger play golf. Yeah, there was, there's the possibility of live streaming and commentary for this as well, which is shocking to me that we could do this. But for those of you who don't know, in the winding, in the months winding down before everything locked down in 2020, we were planning a charity golf tournament in the office. season with, uh, with some of our, with some of our no laying up pals, um, just as kind of an off season lark. So we're, we're finally starting to pick that ball up again. So this,

this is a combination of previously held plans and we're, we were just so impressed and blown away by the donations that everybody put in this year. Again, with 80% of the unique donors that we had last year. Uh, thanks Elon. Yeah. So know that the, the golf thing is most likely happening. All right. What if? What if we find 18 pairs of JNCOs going from relatively, let's say, first hole, relatively normal, like slightly large pants, not, you know, just sort of like, these are, these are the kind of pants? Right, where are we going to find a wardrobe professional to source these?

I can work on that. You know that's like $4,000 worth of pants. That's the thing I was, hey, we're going to auction them off afterwards for charity. That's right. You're going to sign the JNCOs. You don't have to buy them new. We're going to cover Spencer in body paint and just have him lay down at full length on one, just like a finger paint each one.

I bet they're more vintage because people are like, no, man, they're not really as big. The bigness, you need this vintage bigness. Would you prefer 18 pairs of jinkos that scale starting from small to big or start with the big jinkos? And by the time you get to 18, you're wearing basically more of the jeans. Are you saying he has to change clothes 17 times on a golf course? Yeah, no, no. Okay, I like this. No, no.

No, this is part of it. What if, what if, buddy, you're outnumbered? What if we golf it up in each, you have one club, but you can choose the JNCO that is most suited to that hole? I think if I get under a 10, I can play without the JNCOs on. If I play, if I get over a 10 on the hole, I have to put the back on. I will, I will, let's amend that to double par.

Because like getting a 9 on a par 3, I'm not going to give you credit for that. brother you can get i am giving you the number i know i am not going to be able to hit on most holes this is charity don't go double par some sort of firm rule tan is as close as i am getting you can't get a snowman on most of these holes motherfucker no that's a snowman you're telling yourself you're telling me you would shoot 173 or something you did the math yes ryan i'm telling you especially if I'm going to abide by my conditions that I am not going to touch a club

prior to doing this. I'm going to walk in the cold, pick up somebody else's clubs, and play a game that I have not played in full in probably 30 years. Okay, for context, when you did play golf, how good did you get at your...

I was shit. I was absolute shit, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but shit can mean a lot of things. Like, I'm not a great golfer either, but I'm not... I'm going to inject one note of something. Suspicion. Yeah.

You're a fucking assassin at Pupput. Yeah, but I got to get to the green. Yeah, but that's the big that. I mean, you just got to pick a direction for that. We're not going to fucking play St. Andrews here. I mean, come on. All courses are St. Andrews to me. It's bad.

Wow. Yeah. Okay. But what would you shoot at your best? Can we do this at Sagar? No. Absolutely not. You can't risk getting the Jinko's that close to water.

No. Yeah, no, God. Okay, what if we make it a day-long 36-hole thing, but it's put-putt? Oh, there's absolutely no way. What if you play 48 holes of putt putt in Jinko's? I would do well. He could do that. That's just 90 holes in putt up.

I can putt. Yeah. 100 holes of putt puttut. 99. Yeah. 100 holes of put putt, and every time you get it in the hole, we cut off an inch of the jeans so that at the end of it, you're in jorts. No.

Right. But I have no. Or a tiny jean skirt. I'm not really sure how those work at the top. I'm ass off the T. I barely... The what? As, total ass off the T.

Okay. Yeah. Total ass off the T. Yeah. Terrible with irons. Never been able to hit one. Like a consistent any iron of any number. My short game's okay.

Like the closer I get to the hole, the better. But everything before then is essentially random slapping. That's it. Okay. Okay. This sounds like the kind of thing where you would infuriating, excel. I have my suspicions. Ten. I don't think so.

I don't think he's... No, it's bad. I think he's not as bad as... Like, for context, if you are somebody who's never played golf before, this is a level of bad that, like, almost doesn't exist. A ten? The worst golfer,

a ten on every... Like, yeah, there are plenty of people who go out and they'll finish the day with a ten on a hole. But nobody is out there taking tens and elevens all fucking day because they don't write it down Ryan

no one that's not true make it sound so reasonable yeah no one that's doing no one that's like getting a tin every time is going back no yeah they're not even they're not even going for the back nine they're getting through nine

and they're saying fuck this I'm not going that's the thing I'm going to show up once there'll be no practice 10 I think I think 10 is absolutely fair for the moment on the par three when he's got a putt for a 10, but he's not

going to make it. And I mean, he had and he's going to be playing from the front teas. We're not going to make Spencer play from the tips or even one up or even two up. He's going to play from the front. So on these part threes, he's going to have like 90 yards. And I think, honestly, his strategy may become just get the putter out

if there's not water in the way. Absolutely. No, that was, I've thought about that. Like, or do the thing that is closest to putting, which is just polo shot it right just yep just grab like a hybrid and just keep putting it with the bigger club i am aiming i am aiming for the cart path what if we let you use a cricket bat that's up to the course i'll totally use a cricket no no he has to use someone else's clubs that i think is key he has to show up without anything i like you someone else by the way i like

the implication that this is any advantage or disadvantage they're like if he used his own clubs he'd be more comfortable no you could use i think we're just you're just like um edge of fear Yeah. I think we're just dropping you in, like, it's Metal Gear. You have to acquire what you acquire. Yeah. What if everybody can show up with a club of their choosing and you pick? Yeah, that's fine.

Whoever you defeat, you take their gear and you golf with it. Some sort of golf potluck. I need four. Yeah, that's fine. Everybody bring a club. Like, that's going to matter. Jason's describing the Mega Man approach to golf. Yeah.

Yeah, you defeat Puttman. And then finally you have a full power. Everyone bring a club, but no one coordinated on what club they're bringing. No, just bring a club. I only have 12 drivers. Yeah. Yeah. As I've said, I only need four clubs.

Okay? Four clubs. I need a five iron. I need a nine iron. I need a putter and I need a driver. That's it. Can we get you one of those drivers that has a head the size of a bowling ball? I want the biggest 2001 driver imaginable.

I want the one that looks like in Zelda Tears of the Kingdom when you fuse a boulder to a sword. I want the one that looks like that. Rock hammer. Yes. I want Rockhammer, the driver. Okay, I'm texting my father. I still think you are overselling how bad you're going to be only because you've played enough golf in the past

and you are not generally an unathletic person. I think what we have here is we have an attempt to do some football coach poor-mouthing to lower expectations. Yes, yes. And then to simply breeze past them. Yes, and then he shoots 110 and it's like, well, damn, he's not so bad. After all, he's the greatest golfer I ever saw. I am pure ass.

I never should have doubted him. I cannot believe you will go through this rather than play horse in a gym. It would be still preferable. I cannot believe this. I still get a nice walk out of this. This is so fucking weird. This is good, though. This will be social.

We'll get to involve some of the split zone guys. Surber gets to play golf. That's nice for him. Yeah. Yeah, I think this is pretty good. I might play. Fuck it. Oh, my God.

Please play and just smoke this shit out of it. of him. That doesn't sound hard at this point, and I'm not even very good. You and Richard, you and Richard should, like, share a golf cart ahead of him and just, you know, buzz him on the greens every once in a while just to keep the, just keep the, I am going to, if you do the JNCOs, I am going to make you walk one hole, maybe 18, mostly for the photography. Swish, swish, swish, swish, swish.

I mean, chances are I'm going to be wearing them anyway. Yeah. You know. Okay. If we had to, if we had to draft a third. If we had to draft a third and a fourth for, like, a foursome to terrorize him, it's Ryan, Richard, Serber, and who? Alex.

We talked about Kerber and who? Is Alex good? No, I thought Alex was going to be Spencer's caddy. That's pretty good. But Alex plays quite a bit. I would imagine he's pretty good. I know Richard is good. Alex having the time to both caddy for Spencer and play himself beating Spencer would be hysterical.

Like, he hits it all the way to green. He comes trotting on back. He's like, hey, buddy, it looks great up there. He will have time Yeah Oh yeah How many balls would you bring Oh

I would anticipate Losing one every other hole So Now that's why we That's why we have tons of spectators We'll array everyone up and down the So I'm probably I'm probably gonna bring 10

Okay I think it's the same situation You can't bring anything You can harvest balls Okay so yeah I will ask the gallery for balls Because well okay If you find worms, you may eat them.

Does he start with anything? Because even in Metal Gear, I don't usually start with something. No. Nothing. Okay. Not even a ball retriever? Can we give them that? Starting nude.

He has to acquire jinkos and then he may begin. You have to fight the jungle tree. It's dangerous to go alone with it. That's not what they're called. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Go take some junkos off that bot goblin. Where is the you? It's just, just.

It's in there. It's fine. It's fine. Duncos. Yeah. Meanwhile, L M-O-P. Alex called them

J-N-C-O's, so there is no law here. You know what? That's at least explicable. That at least makes sense. Like that has a plan. There's a logical pattern.

And Kershner was barely around at the time. He was three minutes old, right? Yeah. He might have been swaddled and he goes for all we know. I remember my childhood is very sweaty.

Well, Thank you, everybody who donated in the charity bowl. Yeah, it's incredible, you guys. It was a lot of fun. I don't do any of the work. Holly and her team do pretty much all the work. They fucking crushed it this year, as they do every year. We didn't crush it this year.

We did. Thank you. I love you. This is everybody else. You guys did this. The donors did this. Protect Transkid University. We waved our hands and screamed for help.

yeah that counts and and it came so which is awesome also um also if we can be totally serious for just second um they are due to you know ongoing situation in afghanistan ongoing situation in ukraine they are uh new american pathways had to scale way way way way way down during the previous administration after their federal funding was cut and cut and cut and cut and gutted and get it some more And then when the Biden administration like reversed immigration policies and added policies of their own, they had to scale up at a speed that was basically impossible for humans to do. And the money that we made that we made last year went directly towards those people's paychecks.

So if you gave money last year, you are directly, and this is what I love about this. it's not nebulous at all, you are directly responsible for at least the welfare of one family who landed at the airport with nothing and wants a better life and wants it here. You are directly responsible for that because they had nothing in their coffers before we came in last year. And the same thing happened this year. They have had to staff up and up up without unnecessarily knowing how long they were going to have money to pay these people, but they are, you know, they are the biggest refugee resettlement organization in the area, and, you know, these people keep coming in. What are you going to do? Tell them no.

So this new wave of hiring, the EDSBS Empowerment Fund, this is all directly coming from you guys. Like, this is not a situation like the Red Cross where the money just goes into a pot and you feel warm and faintly fuzzin about this. Like, no, the money is going directly and immediately to people who need it. And, oh, we love you guys. One of my favorite things that this gets used for out of the Empowerment Fund. One of the things that's been used for is to provide driver's licenses and various types of driver's licenses to refugees who need them to...

So on a very basic level, you have a family who has, uh, on one end of the spectrum, you have a family who has kids who are like 15, 7, and 3. and the 15-year-old being able to take driver's lessons and get a driver's license when they turn 16 may mean the difference between the mom and the family being able to have a job because the 15-year-old can now help shuttle the kids back and forth. At the other end of the protrational scale,

they are training a lot of people right now on CDL licenses because there's a huge trucker shortage, as I'm sure server's dead could tell us. Everybody's heard the TV trope of the guy who was an engine, overseas who came here and he can drive a taxi. The licensing

and recredentialing procedures, even to become a teacher again in the U.S. can be incredibly arduous and this the EDSBS money goes towards recertification for doctors, for engineers, for lawyers, for professors, for anybody who wants to like pick up

an equivalent career on this side of the ocean. But the cool thing about this fund that I love and this is this is not just the fund that's been set aside like in our name. This is not the overall block of donations is none of these like no group of families has no two families is ever going to have one like same set of financial needs right like one one has they need child care so that the parents can go on job interviews uh one is like they don't have a car we can help them

buy a car it's the needs are so asymmetrical and because we have this like free flowing little fund little fun that we created two years ago we can plug these little holes all over the place without having to create like a blanket policy for it. And it's been, like, the response to it has been incredible. In short. Thank you. Now we've got to hit a million next year. Yeah.

I love that there's this, like, thing where part of the government just never existed or gets deleted sometimes. And what is there to fill in? It's college football podcast. We are the largest source of, we are the largest source of non-governmental funding for refugee. At least in the state, possibly in the region.

I know we are in the state and have been for a couple years now. So I wrote, I don't even know if this is how we want to end things, but I did write some initial lyrics to the Big Ten lawyers anime theme earlier in the podcast. Why didn't you say so? what was happening while you did this um i was probably the show the show was happening you know i mean i just i just started with a little i can sing it if you really want me to yeah yeah yeah so you have to let this go because it's the jojo scene but i'm going to sing over it because i think it'll fit okay let everybody let him hear it big uten bengo shi whatashi shitachi ha bokin o'sitay umasu

Our city's tory-hiky are monsters we're we're a second to negas

shi- padiy are you or not might not but they're not

not not ever ain't big ten lawyers we have adventures Big Ten lawyers our deals are monsters

we lose them on the world Purdue will play at night they may not want to but they must play at night that's it I started to write some lyrics I mean there's another verse

but you know I don't get to it sure I had to a podcast that's for next week watch Big Ten lawyers streaming now on Max on what that's going on fox that's yeah fox is coming for what they're owed it was going there but someone sold it even though they didn't own the rights to big ten lawyers

the chicago bears sold our anime they have adventures Ryan, what was your anime protagonist thing? He's become more powerful than ever. She's just making Chicago man stronger, impossibly strong. More sausage. This hot dog's got more topics than ever

before. Make the food worse. And where's the cheese coming from? He's coming from inside him. It's a wall of pizza.