Shutdown Fullcast - An Ode to Koala Brain

Episode Date: January 18, 2023

NOTES:  Spencer very accurately explains a day in the life of a farm An examination of Koala and Shark Brains, and how both are good at business   Jason discusses a sleep experiment allowing him to play more video games  living in holidays, not holi-months with HGH Scrooge  "Warren Buffett taught me it was okay to be weird"  Jim Harbaugh staying at Michigan in the most awkward manner imaginable (again)  We create the ultimate streaming network: CBS Sports SD  Tom Brady sit and do nothing on the NBA on TNT set challenge  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's be real. Two in the afternoon's a worthless fucking slice of time anywhere. Like it is. Like two in the afternoon? Sure. Nobody's working. Farmers are done for the day.

Everything's fucking hot. Hang on. They are. They're just done. Hang on. So they clock in at four? They clock in at four in the morning. You describe a farmer's date of,

you get up at 3 a.m. Yep. That's what you do. You eat seven pieces of bacon. And you say, You say hello to your, you say hello to your, that's it. And black coffee from one of those lacquered enamel like tins, you know, like the blue tin, like a camp tin, right? You go outside and according to Yellowstone, you commit a murder if you're in ranching.

So you go outside, kill the nearest foe. Kill a child. Kill a child. Throw them down the ravine of not knowing, the ravine of forgetting. Because you can need one of those. every ranch has one I don't know about farms they're too flat to have a ravine

they have a ditch of forgetting a gully they do they have a gully a forgetful gully gully of gullibility which which is allowed which is not yeah they're both allowed

check your check your order ordinances little known server all murder is legal if you're a farmer then by 345 you are in full lather working behind the wheel

of some sort of giant combine I don't really know what a combine does other than it crushes things so that's what farmers do they just get up and they just crush all the shit that they see in front of them that's where it's crushing it comes from right? They create some sort of food paste and they put it in a silo

that's also where the silo up that's also where the soft drink orange crush gets its name that's right that's how it's made just crush! So based on understanding of TikTok by the way while you are crushing all of these things expensive accidents happen involving rocks getting stuck in the food crusher messing with the production of nutritive paste that feeds this nation okay then

I'm to understand between six and eight you just count money from ethanol subsidies and that's what I've been told I have sources on this happy to provide them and then from 8 to 12 what you do is is you go say hello to animals. You just go talk to animals. Okay. I was thinking, Hey, buddy, I'm going to crush you at a week.

Morale. They do. Perhaps there's somewhere in there, they would be like associating with your 13 children. No. They're in the ravine. But if they are among the animals, because they all have jobs,

that's when you say hello to them. They do. The children are in charge of socializing the animals. There's etiquette courses. There's, they learn to code. Animal catillion. Yeah. They learn to code.

Okay. Now, when you see the kids, do you say hello or you just nod, right? You nod them. A small pat on the head. I think you refer to them by their last name. I'm an alpha, so I understand these things. I understand leadership and time management and excellence. One of the things you need to do with an alpha is you need to make sure that distance

keep somebody coming, right? Like you don't give them that affirmation or start a relationship. You starve them a little bit, so they're hungry for it. So for your 13 children, including your son's Van Halen, Helsing, and Jort, and Jort. You know, those are the only named three of them because the other one's got to earn them on the farm. It's like a home at Stripe. It's like, yeah, the Vandy thing when they, when Clarkley got this. Yeah, you teach the goat code, and I'll give you a name, okay?

He codes the combine. Yeah, he codes the combine, which doesn't belong to you. It belongs to the goddamn bank! That's another thing I know that farmers talk about. Also, all your children are married. They all have spouses. You don't know any of their names. They do, but yeah, but they better get to produce it because I also know from Conair that many hands make light work.

That's another thing I know about. So what time is it at this point? You've met all your animals. you've talked to all the animals and consulted and you've gotten the intelligence on which ones are plotting your demise it's important that you have eyes and ears everywhere like the book by jordan arwell never not i'm not familiar with that um it's real i understand no it is it's documentary memoir i should get around to it um and then after that it's around one o'clock and you have lunch which i'm told one a m one no it's one p m one p. wait a second i thought i this was all that's what's happening from from um this entire time i've been over the impression we're talking about 8 p.m to midnight crushing this is all morning stuff yeah yeah crushing is 345 a.m. sorry yeah we haven't even gotten to lunch animal animal cotillion okay um 12 p.m. to 1 p.m. is checking the message boards for farmers and iowa football and so is our farmers like posting deals like in

video games like I have 50 wheat and I would like 10 gold coins yeah that's not a video game that's that's okay good yeah um they're doing that they're bartering and you know they're buying hokas because you know everybody loves a comfortable shoe including the farmer not discriminating and then uh you know you start to wind down at two because from two to four p.m everybody knows that's a worthless time a day that's baseball that's when we bring it around to america's game Baseball. That's when you use one of the big machines you don't know the name of to clear out one of the fields so that ghosts can play baseball. That's why a field of dreams takes place in Iowa because that's where baseball fans live.

Precisely 2 p.m. Yeah. Because if you've been crushing it all day, you've got time to watch a little bit of American baseball. That's it. You're off the clock until you've got to wake up at three and start crushing everything into a nutritive pace. I can't stay up for an 8 p.m. World Series game. I've got to be up. three hours.

Tarnation. That's decadent city hours. I got to get up and run the combine with my son. Bort. Bolt. Knob. Do you have any daughters? Farmers don't have daughters.

That's why the farmer's daughter is a cliche because it's a fantasy. It's an ironic joke. Seven brides for seven brothers. It's because they needed to go find brides. Well, this is also how nature keeps farmers from overrunning the land, is if you don't create daughters of farmers, they can't, they can't breed, so. Correct, you guys, it does find a way. Nature does find a way. And that's how farming works.

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. Today we are joined by Ryan Nanny, live from Nanny. Phil and Tennessee. And Jason Kirk and on the ones and twos, Michael Serber. Holly Anderson is out on the D.L. This week.

She will be back. That sounds sinister. I know. I know. I was trying to just make it curt and it came off sounding sinister. That happens a lot to you, doesn't it? I have no control over the tone of my emotive voice. None.

It's got to be challenging as a parent. That's why I'm not. Listen, if I were the anchor on an evening. newscast, I would be off the air and social mediaed within six months, right? I'd be like, and in other news, a fatal three-car accident. Like, yeah, it'd come out all wrong. That's why I write. Doing the weather.

You know, you're doing an audio thing right now. No. Okay. All right. Ryan, this podcast has readers. This podcast has readers. The newsletter has listeners. Keep up.

I wanted, first of all, to go ahead and say that I understand leadership. We talked about this, and I understand grindset and success. And I know that everyone on this podcast does too. I only associate with other shark cess stories. That's what I call my shark cess and shark accessories. My line item, my line of different sort of success oriented accessories for my fellow sharks out there who never sleep. Sharks never sleep.

They just keep going. Isn't that right? That's not true at all. Totally correct. Sharks are restless. Sharks sleep constantly. Like other alpha predators, they just are in constant motion. Not because they have to, but because they understand the grind.

Of business. That's right. Sharks understand business. Listen, there's two kinds of animals in the ocean. Sharks who constantly grind, never sleep, always money. And koalas, who just sleep all fucking day. Mm-hmm. and which one do they make horror movies about that's right exactly that's right you you listener

working away at your regular job you're a koala just sleeping all day in the goddamn ocean you need to be a shark yep brain smooth as fresh asphalt buddy man oh you know how happy a koala would be just bobbing along in the ocean just like they wouldn't even know a koala so inner tube they're so stupid they wouldn't know they were in water they just feel like this ground is wet. That's weird. This ground has a lot of give to it. Yeah. This ground's very splashy.

What I do? Must have rained. I choke when I breathe it. Oh. It tastes bad. No, they wouldn't taste it because remember, koalas don't drink water. They're so stupid

they don't drink water. Maybe it's just like the actual literal water. It's bad. It's my least favorite thing. Air tastes bad, going dark. Hello, fish. I bet a koala wouldn't even know what a fish is. They would be like, hello, weird filet shaped.

This leaf is movie. Ugly bird. Ugly bird. All objects in a koala's world are just birds. Yeah, birds and leaves. Yeah. Birds are mean. They're loud.

That's what they are. They wake me up. Leaves are delicious. Leaves are good. Birds are bad. Leaves good, birds bad, out of ram.

And that's because koalas don't have diversified income streams. It's all leaves. Leaves are salary. Okay? You need passive income like a shark has.

Like bars of gold. Yes. Yes. A shark finds a treasure chest. It drags it along. Everywhere. And it eats it. You know what?

When they find a dead shark and they cut it open, what do they find in its belly? Treasure. Wealth. A boot A license plate Do you know what you can sell a license plate for?

That's right You can sell that to someone who has a roadside bar And they'll put it on their wall That's how sharks make money You know what? You can sell it for whatever someone will pay for it Spencer, okay? Yeah

That's what And you know how rare license plates are in the ocean? Very fucking rare. That's right I can flip this chunk of surfboard For a free ride on an oceanographer

biologist's hook which then they'll put me in the boat and then I end up on a yacht isn't that crazy I ended up on a yacht and then I own a condo yeah then I own a condo and boka

that's how it works and then I own eight condos and I'm your shark landlord and you're late on the rent which is going up guess what I do because you're a koala and I will squeeze you

for all your fucking word my koala's being eaten by the shark and they were like weather's weird today this tree hurts Yeah, and that weather is dark and pointy. Mean tree. I like that they'll just find koalas like who are crossing the road and they just forget what they're doing and they're just laying in the road.

Not because they're tired or hurt, because they're like, but reboot. Why would I go anywhere when I'm already standing right here? I'm already here. What was I? Uh, hmm. It's like, They need to do a Paddington's come off about a koala

It's just the fucking dumbest bear in the world None of Paddington's good qualities Just the charming cluelessness I knew I shouldn't have started crossing this road On only 14 hours of sleep And fucking beat Just like Winnie the Pooh But if he drowned in the honey

Oh bother So, yeah, grinds at Instagram. Love it. It's a great place to go and understand that riches are just, you just have to have the want to, as Hollywood would say. Yeah, I just got to want it. Sorry if you don't want it enough, right? What I need you to do is to,

there's several things I've learned this week. I learned from a guy named Ed Milit, whose name I did not know, but who's horrifying visage, I immediately recognized as Think Fluencer! Yeah. Yeah, you may have seen him

courtesy of J.R. Hennessy on Twitter. There's a TikTok account called SpeedCEO that shared this clip, which, by the way, if you see the TikTok handle SpeedCeo, that's a follow. Instantly, I'm going to see so much incoherent garbage on that account.

Just going to funnel it straight on my fucking brain. So when you realize the world is not for you, it's not, it's not. Like, content is not for you. It's not. When you see people getting, like, super emotional over the 32nd piece of Star Wars content, you realize, world is not for me. It's just not.

Like, when you go, people on message boards surely aren't still having, like, a, like a guy is not a winner comments. Nope, they're still in there. They're still having that discourse. I mean, Kirk Cousins isn't a winner, just to be clear. No, we fully agree. He was for a while. All right. Okay.

Good. It's good. You know what? He's not clutch. He's not clutch. He was for a while. He was for a while. But then he wasn't.

What happened? Coala ass quarterback. His fourth and ten, what was I? Four than three out. I don't know. So sleepy. What happened was this very bad team accidentally found itself in the playoffs. Whoops.

Despite being bad. On a heater. Everyone can relate. Can't relate. You know what? I should have left the table. Sorry to steer this off. course we'll get back to koalas and sharks but like in in college football the vikings would have

been fine you play 12 games and then the postseason starts right that's that's not enough to to find out the Vikings are total bullshit right now like they i don't know they might have been 11 and one at the time or whatever and then like they squeak out a couple more bullshit wins and we look back like wow that team was really great but in the NFL there's a little more stress testing you know you know they would have been they would have been that Michigan state team that made the playoffs they got fucking waxed there's also that goes that's fine That's fine. It happens in college football.

What it happens in the NFL, it's like, Jesus, fraud, absolute fraud. And it's like, yeah, man. It's the Vikings. We know. Look at them. See, I think they missed the obvious strategy, which was get Kurt Cousins to 12 wins or 11 wins.

And then new starter. Thank you for put in a closer. Like if we not really consider the notion of a playoff closer, there are certain quarterbacks. Like, I'm going to call this position. in the Cardale where you're like what do you need i need a guy who can just come in blind off the rip no playbook no looking and just uh do shit a derrick anderson a derrick anderson right a brock purdy i'm gonna go back i'll go yeah a brock perdy a jeff hostetler if you will somebody who can go

way back and just you know with no with a you know what we're on the grind set mode here because we're going to have that new verbiage you need koala brain pure smooth Pure smooth. Okay. You need to be... Shark body, koala brain. Shark body. Soul of a shark.

Heart of a koala. That's right. Heart of a koala. We need smooth. We need just need reactions, right? I need you to see a cornerback and think mouth pointy, not going to a pointy mouth. Brain and heart of a koala, body and soul of a shark. Arm of gladiator.

Yes. Yeah. That's what you need. Feet arm of an orangutan. Feet. Yes. Of a shark. Yep.

Mm-hmm. hands of a shark yes grind set okay so you saw this you saw this dude who uh-huh is um you know you know that thing this is another instagram thing and there's like a whole Netflix show about it you know where it's like oh here's what the recipe looks like uh for this decorative cake and here's what it looked like when I tried to make it it's just this misshap it this is that except for Dave Batista if you're like I'm trying to make Dave Batista if you're like I'm trying to make Dave Batista at home and you're like, this is how it turned out. I drew Dave

Batista and ran it through way too many filters. That dude has the most filtered face I've ever seen and I'm not sure if it was actually... It's unclear if it's Instagram or him. I agree. I agree. Is somebody who is on the gas in one form or another? Spencer, whoever painted that guy needed to thin their paints.

Dude, he is coated with many thick coats of Citadel paint. That's what he is. Brother! A little too much wash on that face. A little too much wash. a little too heavy Stefan aka boring as heck

from the go-off kings said he'd look like Mel Brooks if you made Dave Batiste out of Mel Brooks I believe yeah he's a dude whose head looks a little

unnaturally large for his frame due to I don't know some supplementation he's like if Batista's character from Glass Onion was real whether it's supplements or not

there is there have been stages in this man's life where he's like I only eat one food. And whatever that food was, he just ate that. He was just like prunes. I only prunes this month.

Yes. Sometimes it's scallions. Beef phase. Sometimes it's scallions. Just scallions. Just a month of scallions. From May to June, I eat my own shit. I do.

Because I've spent 11 months creating pure food. That's right. So it's time to harvest. Every minute I don't have toxins. How can my poop have toxins? You spend your time preparing meals. I spend my time not preparing meals. My body prepares them for me.

I'm recapture it. I'm becoming the perfect waste recycling machine. Perpetual motion machine. That's me. Like a shark. Like a shark eating its own shit. You might say shit is dirty. I say I've created my own clean energy.

Now who's going to win it business? It's not poop. It's bio fuel. Yeah. Bio means life. That way I've hacked the food cycle. I've eliminated waste from it completely. Now every meal is five meals.

for me. For you, it's one. Yeah. They say, doesn't it taste bad? I say, yes, I'm making myself stronger. No. You know what I do with that? Taste is a koala concern. Not a shark concern.

You know what it tastes like? Riches. Money. You think licensed place tastes good? No, they're terrible. I've tried them. I'm eating one right now. For all of May 2019. You know what I did? Business. Yeah. For some reason, the ones from Illinois taste way worse than the others. I don't know why.

It's because of the mustard. It is. They ran over mustard. It's the jargoner. It's a mustard-based license plate. Everyone knows this. You got to put a lot of the jardinera and all the mustard on the plate before you get it in there. Why does this license plate of so many poppy seeds on it?

Just a shark from Chicago outrage that I'm putting ketchup on a license plate. Fuck you, buddy. Let's see. I'm going to look at state license plates and see which one has a license plate with the skin on it. It's got that crispy snap to it. Yeah, so this dude is... Just real quick. For people who are like, God, thank God for Holly.

She keeps this show on the rails. Yep. 100%. Yep. 100% right. Thank God for Holly. Anyway, sorry. Go ahead.

Yeah. So this dude is from World Financial Group, which sounds real legit. Yeah. Yeah, which is... That's... That's the party James Bond goes to to initially meet the villain. You're at World Financial Group. We're here to clean the oceans and provide, and it's like, nope, poop in the oceans.

That's what we're doing at World Financial Group, and then I control all the water because I'm King Koala. What's happening? Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, and he really, I think, makes most of his, spends most of his time being financial inspo, right? motivational shit a lot of time for posing with people and Instagram that kind of stuff if you Google them there's a lot of photos of him

standing in front of a private jet and a pair of describe these jeans if you would please they're the jeans send me a link I'm going to send you a picture suffocating no I think it's more that they also look like

they have a filter on them they do brother this also looks like you should have thin the paints on the jeans Okay. While you're investigating that, I'm going to report that I think Arizona's license plate looks the most delicious. Lots of pastels, purples, teals.

Sort of looks like a cookie. Like a king cake of license plate. Yeah, a little... I guess a kingcake. It's got a little waft of smoke up the middle, so maybe you get some spicy flavor. But if that's one, I have to eat, that's what I'm choosing. I think that one sounds delicious. Oh, that does look delicious.

You're right. I would go ahead and if I had to pick one, I would pick the 10. I would pick the Tennessee Smoky Mountains plate. I don't know. It just looks like a really sort of lovely, like, I don't know, a cane cake. It looks like it might have some avocado or some celery to it. All right. Well, Spencer has now sent us the lowest-res photo possible.

My God, that is the lowest-res photo. Jesus Christ. What decade is this from? There we go. There we go. I've sent you a photo of Ed Milet's jeans, which I'd just say, These genes, if I see them, are indicative of like past credit trouble, bottle service, the words coming to mind. Let's see, Orange County. These feel very light. These jeans look so stiff. They look very... They look both stiff and wrinkly at the same time. The wrinkles are there on purpose. Like imagine, imagine you had a tool that did the opposite of what an iron does. That's what these.

genes look like they've been treated with yeah so this guy and don't ask the math you're going to be like hey how does the math work on this i'm here to again convey not explain okay i'm not here to apologize for the world but merely to describe it and all of its heart he starts by saying listen i have manipulated time i am going to have multiple days within one day okay not going to he does this is not a plan this is not a i have a i have an idea this is this is him describing his life you are too late i have already set the plan in motion 35 minutes by which i mean 120 minutes correct yeah so for my day starts at 6 a.m and what day one starts at 6 a.m. ends at 12 am snap dude has like the loudest fucking snap in the world like a earth shattering finger snap do you think

He watched one take, and he was like, make my snap an order. Yeah, he's like boost that. Enhanced. He's like, server, can you go ahead and boost the snap in post? Can you make me snap like a jaguar? Yeah. Not a koala snap, but a shark snap. It's fine.

Yeah. But yeah, he says, they're done. You know, you're a fool if you think it takes 24 hours to have a day. Then he's like, from 12 to 6, that's my second day. I am. Done. Day 2. Day 2.

Day 2. Snap. You're barely awake. Farmers just getting home from fucking baseball. game, but this dude is wrapping up day two. Thinking about the goddamn Cubs on Tuesday. Then the implied day three is

6 to 12, which I am guessing is mainly reserved for gene ironing. Multi-planar, gene ironing and Instagram. Yeah, de-ironing and re-ironing. Gene texturing. I have to meringue my jeans real quick.

Gene gains. Filterization. Yeah, I get gene therapy done I gotta go to the gene bank yeah that's my anti-aging therapy increasingly baroque acid washed

jeans but yeah then that's day three and then I guess he sleeps 12 to 6 what hey fuck you pal if that's what you think I do he sleeps a whole day what a lexy piece of shit here's where you're wrong I sleep in each of my days I sleep for 45 minutes per day

and then don't tell anyone, but I also fall asleep for the entirety of day four because I'm arrested. Don't tell anyone that. Business is how. Business, that's it. Hey, and then he goes,

if I stack, hey, listen, stack that up over a week, you know, you're done. You're toast. I'm kicking your butt. You're toast. I'm kicking your butt.

Stack that up. At what? At business? At business? We're competing. At posting. Selling jeans or whatever. Whatever is you do?

buddy let me tell you if it comes to posting you're not going to kick my ass at that I just I will post harder if you really commit to this lifestyle things that take a normal amount of time must drive you crazy

like if you sit down you're like hey we're going to watch this movie it's two hours you're like it's a third of my day I can't spend a third of the day watching movies I'm not some lazy piece of shit you're spending your entire life when the water gravity planning

but interstellar yes My children just aged six hours. Flight time's going to be five hours and four. Are you a whole day? It takes a whole fucking day. Are you kidding me? We're flying to fucking Mars?

You know how much business I'm missing out on? There are no customers on Mars. Like if you think Felder hates overtime, this dude is... Oh my Jesus Christ! A whole day of football! Also, you know, like, just from a, like, before we get into my favorite, like, reality distortion, sleep deprivation angles on this, by the... the way, right? Let's do this. My day starts at 6 a.m. That's cool. Brother, if you got business

with me, it's going to have to wait till day two. My day starts at day two. Maybe late day one. Here's what it also is. It's like, yeah, man, I got a one-year-old. My day starts at 6 a.m. 2. I wouldn't say it's a great start. I wouldn't say it's an intentional go attack the day start. You know who packs four days into a day? Babies. One-year-olds. That's right. I'm fucking tired. I've done so much goddamn business. I'm going to sleep.

The original one-year-old is the original CEOs, man. I have literally increased my strength by 1% today. I doubled my vocabulary. I think I've accomplished enough to go to sleep. I don't give a shit that it's noon. I'm also eating my own poop. You know, others, listen, one-year-olds are the original, like, ground-first CEO. Other people are up here in the office, but one-year-old's on the floor.

I want something I go take it I just go take it I just go take it I don't ask for permission because I don't have the words for it my parents are koalas I'm a shark one year olds

one year olds have the original now habit they do they have the habit of now when are you going to shit your pants right now who's going to change it for me my assistant you are yeah someone else

whoever gets tired of it because I'm not yeah that's good a problem Yeah. When am I going to look at the fan, coup, right now? That's what I'm plotting. I'm also waiting. I'm also waiting for somebody to, for this to come up in some sort of legal proceeding at some point.

Sir, what were your whereabouts on January the 8th? Which one? There are four of those. You'll have to be more specific. Like, when did this start? Is he now? literally 20 years in the future, like, is in his mind, is it 20, 20, 20, 43, does it extend into the past? You said you'd pay me in 30 days. That was 10 days ago.

High school was awesome. It was 16 years, 16 years of hanging out at the mall. Like, how old do you tell people you are if you live this life? Biblical age. Biblical age, you're doing some Methuselah shit where you're like, I'm 750, Mthuselah was the original grindset guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. it's all making sense now

dad i'm seven i can't drink yes you can you're 21 you're fucking 21 i've counted each and every day of your life if the government tells me if you can't drink i will show them my spreadsheet this is why super motivated people in the ancient world always resorted to like murder or pillaging their neighbors because like how much shit was there to do

there's nothing like what yeah you know there wasn't an internet yeah like you know you get all your shit done you do your grind setting these days is very literal so like instagram has contained these people to some degree and that's good it is what are you going to do i'm going to do 40 sets of biceps instead of conquering my neighbors the assyrians instagram really is the like ghost busters ghost chamber but for influence for now yeah it's doing the best it can i um there is part of his message which took him uh 20 of our seconds but untold numbers i don't I've lost complete track of how long it took him. He said, he referred to people who believe in 24-hour days,

absolute idiots who believe in 24-hour days. He said, it's like you're someone who lives in a cave 300 years ago. So in his mind, the age of cavemen, so to speak, was 300 years ago, which is a complete opposite time dilation, unless he's referring to monks, right? So time in the past was very, very, very, very, very fast and is now very, very, very slow, I think. And at some point, we cross some sort of plane. Being his assistant must be hell.

Must be absolute hell. You have this meeting at two. I mean, fuck. Which two? You have this meeting in two days. There are eight days per day. You have to leave right now to get there. I think it's kind of so confusing that he can't keep up, right?

Like, so you just tell him anything. And you just tell him, like, sir, I've given you five days per day. Oh, thank you. Dad, it's my birthday again. It seems like it just happened, but I am living on accelerated time, so I guess you do get more presents. Four birthdays a year, isn't that what he's saying? Do you get four birthdays a year?

Yes, yeah. Including one that's a sleep birthday, which is an amazing concept to me. That sounds beautiful, frankly. What are you going to do? Also, there's, PJ Fleck would 100% adopt this mindset if the NCAA allowed him. Would? Yeah, I think every football coach has tried this. Yeah.

I did want to go ahead and like roundabout wrap this to like coach bullshit, because you will hear this. Like, this is, coaches are just apes pressing buttons. That's really all they are. Just apes pressing buttons hoping something will work. It's like, so you have the student athletes practicing at 6 a.m. and at 8 p.m. and lifting and watching film and all the things they're of yeah that's four days it's fine but does that fuck your eligibility out no of course not not on not on koala calendar but we live on shark calendar game six you're a junior you hear me you're a fucking junior you're not a freshman

anymore i'm putting it in the programs do i have to go to more class what no you go to less class that's why i'm kicking your butt yeah Unless you're really good, in which case your eligibility has been stretched to one day every three days. And you can leave the university after, you know, four years, five years. Yeah, if you're really good, then you get the time dilation monk hour. Yeah. Would this have solved the days in a week debate on the weightlifting message board? Nothing.

Or would have at least derailed it in a production way. It would have made it four times worse. It would have made it four times worse. Four days to work with. It also would have given someone rabdomiolysis because it means they would have been doing it. heavy muscle workouts once a day. Right? Once in a koala day.

Once in an Earth day. Right. Day nine, they would have been like, I'm peeing blood and I can't stand up without shaking. Can we just declare we have three hour days and boom, we've beaten him at his own game? Yeah,

that'd be it. I'm going to kick your butt. That was easy. Yeah. Have you ever done this, by the way? Like, in your youth, I don't know, let's mess with an alternate sleeping schedule.

Let's figure out, have you, Jason, you're nodding your head. Have you done this? Yeah, I don't remember the exact setup, but a few of us worked it out where it's like, basically, you have six sleeps per week. Like, we figured out the math where it's like you can just, you can sleep at such stupid hours that you skip a sleep. And like, did we have business ambitions? No, it's like we can play more fucking Grand Tourismo and Tony Hawk. That's why, you know. but yeah

we tried this for an amount of time now now I will say it was summer to be clear there was no okay okay there's a lot of sunlight

I'm doing some investigation and I think Ed doesn't even believe his own bullshit no because he has an Instagram post that says 2023 begins now

now the time to post this depending on when when he adopted this when was his when When was his zero AD for this? He should have posted this during the Byzantine Empire.

He posted it on January 1st, 2023. And it's like, it can't begin now. I guess the only way this could possibly work is if you say years are the same and weeks are the same. It's just that every week contains 28 days. And every day contains four days. 1,460 days per year. And actually, this probably does resolve. leap years better than our current system because you don't need to add an entire day like

you know okay so we can hold on we can figure something on here because how many how many days did you say that was 1,460 all right there's no planet in the solar system that totally fits this a martian year is 687 days and a year on jupiter is 4,333 days so he's on asteroid belt year the Asteroid belt year. That is what this is. Beltawala and what's his last name? Milit. Okay.

Beltawala, Milit. Got it. So are we currently in March? Is that where we are going into the second? We're currently in March of, we're in March of Grindset, 23. Yep. Yep. Right in the second, at the end of the beginning of the third week.

in January. I think you should try a living like this, Spencer. Absolutely the fuck not. I have a hard enough time. But that's my point is if you're a person who already has good time management and sense of like when things are supposed to happen, this would be really challenging. But you don't. So why don't you just adopt this? Well, this just means I have more shitty days.

No. It just means more people. It just means more times you can be like, I already did that yesterday. I'll do that tomorrow. You also have more good days. yeah oh no no no no no if i'm compressed for time they're gonna get worse like so i'll just have twice as many days where i drop something or forget what if you do the opposite what if you have 48 hour days wow that i'm starting to think about that'd be fine that's the move if i could you're trying to say

i should just my bloody valentine my entire schedule i should just make it as heavy and slow as possible crushing 48 hour days what you should do you should get you down what about 73-hour days, because then 365 divisible by... Majoris mascot? Basically? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, all you got to do is if the moon hits the earth, then you've got to start over.

But that's fine. That way, just make sure you start the day with something cool. I could do that. I have messed around with... So I have messed around with six-hour sleep cycles and four-hour sleep cycles before, where you go, okay, I'm going to sleep four hours, and I'll work, and then I'll do four hours of sleep,

and then I'll, you know, start the rest of my day. And let me tell you, it feels like insanity after like three days. I don't know how your sleep experiment went, Jason, with the six sleeps, randomly spaced whatever you like. It was pretty awesome. We played a lot of video games. So what I'm here to say, what I'm saying is that maybe you weren't on the most demanding schedule in terms of attention to detail. Nope. It just has so many things to say about time.

Like, here's another one. It's the holiday is not hollum month. The caption of this one, most people think of November and December as an extended holiday season, but I think of it as peak separation season. If you want to get ahead in life, you should too. So it's holiday seasons.

So this is just HGH screwed shit, right? That's what this is. I need you to report tanned, jacked, and ready to the office on December 25th, I need that tribal armband to be popping over these reports. The 48 days of Christmas. He was not about that grind, was he? Bob Cratchett, absolutely not.

No. No. Scrooge was about that grind. So much so that three ghosts who hate success visited him. He took three meetings on Christmas Eve. That's how about that grind he was. And what? What was he?

He was in three different times. at once because he had three different schedules. I do think, I do think a Christmas carol would be better if Ebenezer Scrooge is like, go fetch the goose. And the kids like, they're fucking closed, man. You can't just go out and buy a goose today. I'm going to go find a fucking goose. What are you talking about?

There's a goddamn goose walking around. You can't just fucking shop today. Have you never done Christmas? Okay. Let's all do our fucking goose call standing in a city. moron I was no who gets the goose

I think it's for well I don't think it's just for the boy I don't think I don't think Scrooge's theory was like you know it'll care pluracy or whatever he has goose me who acquires the boy

the goose yeah yeah koala I think this is very I think this is very much getting that goose on Christmas day it ain't coming from the store

this is very much a walk in your trap take over your trap situation which is somebody else has a goose. And this being London, he probably walks in and is like, boy, Scrooge needs a goose. Don't move. Nobody gets hurt. And you know what Scrooge says?

That's grind. Jason Statham walks in. Confiscates your fucking goose. Kills 37 people. I had to. They were all bad. They don't want a goose, didn't you? In it?

yeah this is this is why whenever any coach posts their schedule or talks about time management i'm like lies lies i get too many stories from your staffers uh or from former staffers or from people who work the program about your terrible time management you're just pressing buttons you do not have a tightly scheduled day i think there's one coach who does there's one coach who actually has this and it's nick sabin and he's the only human being on earth who does it everyone else else is just running toward the sunset as fast as they possibly can, pushing as many buttons acting as frantically as possible. I hate to back us up.

Kirby is also on this schedule at this point. Not Kirby cheating. Kirby just cheating. Okay. Kirby. I need to just start that. Kirby cheating. I hear the koalas are sniffing around in Athens.

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And if you actually spend half the day with diarrhea, whole day. Yeah, effectively. Yeah. Oh my God. But you know, you eat that many license plates and that's what will happen. That's, you know what? License plates are clean meat. I don't, you know, I don't want to hear you slander it. There's two kinds of meat that's notorious that's like, like, cleaner than you would ever think. Waterfowl and license plates. Well, it's got water in the name. Yeah.

See? Get them in the river. License plates really are waterfowl, like if you think about it. That doesn't make sense. Somewhere between waterfowl. How long do you have to think about it? You don't have time. We're moving on to the next day.

In koala days? Think about it before. Or in shark days. Okay, I got it Well, just gnawing on a license weight What is this? I'm liking it Hard leaf

It's going Hard leaf Yeah, weird leaf Passing this off But hard leaf This is why I always see When there's an Australian wildfire They're like

Firefighter risk life To rescue koala And I'm like, why? The koala was probably like Hmm Hot leaf so hot Leaf Very bright day

Like it's worth asking Does a koala even know if it's dead So bright, hard to sleep Yeah I think a koala knows it's dead because it's like Finally long sleep Long sleep No more thought

Body becoming leaves At last All right I've found Ed's best Instagram post Yes I refuse to read the caption Because it doesn't matter

it's a picture of him jumping in the air and it only has these four words with two mathematical symbols weird equals rich, normal equals poor the end, that's it I love it I love it

that's what I love about Warren Buffett he taught me it was okay to be weird that fucking psycho it was when Warren Buffett showed up as a goth that I knew I had community at my high school. Star Dust. Stan Cranky.

All God. Steve Bishotti. Okay, Steve Bichotty wears a leather jacket. Steve Bichita is weird. I'm thinking Steve Bollmer, Mark Cuban, like, Steve Bollett. Yeah. Might be on to something here.

Well, Mark Cuban is just an Indiana frat boy who somehow got money, right? it like he is never really he's never really straight too far from that path other than he gets way too fucked up on the maves sometimes like even more than a sports owner should um but i mean the list of weird rich guys is probably longer than the list of anything else i mean i think this is valid fucked up on the maves is probably in the middle of the spectrum of like things you could own that you could get too fucked up on i mean would you rather get too fucked up about the MAVs or a boat? The MAVs, I guess.

I could get too fucked up about the MAVs or people voting. Like, that's really a billionaire choice to be like, yeah, you should be fucked up over the MAVs, right? To be like, hey, you know what I've decided is a problem? Democracy. Got a big problem with that. Most rich people are deeply weird. Mark Cuban is suspiciously normal.

Yeah. He's pretty fucking normal. That is an amazing piece of pros by Mr. Milet, though. That's incredible. I would love to watch Kuala Tank, where people just go and just pitch, like, extremely, I don't know, I just thought I'd have a chicken sandwich for lunch. Yeah, man, that sounds great. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. But I get half the sandwich. This is where we just. What are you going to? You're going to walk over here and take the sandwich? No. Well, it looks like I get the whole thing.

That's fine. Yeah. This is where we attempt to bankroll people's most mundane. Dane fantasies. Yeah. Quallas, I need $7. Okay. I don't have any.

I don't have any. I need $7. I just like to eat a lot of taffy. I need $23. I was thinking of buying some resistance bands, you know, because I don't want to get weight. Coalas, I need $14. I finally decided to buy a video game that came out five years ago.

This is, that is a hit, a palpable hit, Ryan. Quala Tic. That's me on Koala Tech. I'm like, I think it's time to play Titanfall. The pitch is like, koalas, I need $11. Okay. Well, that's be important. The controversial episode where we give him $11, and he purchases an $11 gun.

Oh, no. Oh, no. They're complicit. Yeah. Like quality sponsored by Burger King. It's just like, ah, don't dream too big. Have it your way.

We can't tell you what food is or isn't. Have it your way. Because you're not a dream. Let's face it, you're not a dreamer. So yeah, you can have it your way. Have it away. We know you don't have ambition. We are quite sure we can meet them.

If we thought you were going to get real weird on us, you wouldn't go to fucking burger game with you I want something awesome yeah how about a chicken how about a fry that's made of chicken whoa crunchy

the koala brain lifestyle he's catching on that's why the commercials just whopper over and over again koala's like wopper wopper wopper wopper that's the name of the food

you want me to buy i remember you now okay i'm gonna do that yeah i love so so when uh the the eleven dollar gun gets the koala that sharks sent to jail the koala's just like you're telling me all i do is sit here my only crime is being too weird and therefore rich eat leaf three times a day um speak speaking of weird and rich jim harbaugh not going to the nfl no baby oh boy Who's excited to do this dance, the exact same way next year? Next year. It's 3.10 p.m. That's right.

Tuesday, January 17th, Eastern Time. According to Ed, we're already doing this for next. We're already on to the next. Four days from now when this episode posts, news might be different. But at this point, we have gone through multiple rounds of Harbaugh and the school president. The athletic director doesn't seem to have a job. He's cut out of the Twitter thread between Harbaugh and the president. who just every few hours just sort of post, like,

it would be cool if Harbaugh stayed here. And then Jim Harbaugh is like, Agreed. Harba's like, I think this is interesting. A lot of good points raised here. Retreats do not equal endorsements. Are you signing a contract? I just said it was interesting.

Yeah. Retreats with eyeball emoji. Go blue. And everyone's like, is that like, are you committing to the season? Or are we done with this? Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully.

Just saying, yeah, just saying like adverbs and... Astonishingly. Yeah. Looking into this. I hope so. Absolutely. It's like, what it is, is, it's like in a video game when you talk to an NPC and they run out of their, like, things to say and they sort of start recycling

garbage talk. Yeah. I took an arrow in the knee. We know, Jim. We know. I used to be an adventurer, hopefully. I'll probably see you in several months It also it's also just delightful to me

That all of this is happening in the context of Michigan Having a really good year And getting a bunch of players to come back And it's just like nope Just had to check out if the Broncos were worth working for Just had to go out for that For the second year in a row Yep

How do you do that by the way You go to the Broncos and you go Well that's an organization that just gave Russell Wilson The GDP of a small island I don't think it's, I don't even think it's that, like, I think it's more like Jim Harbaugh's agent is like, hey, the Denver Broncos want to buy you dinner. And he's like, free dinner, of course I'm going. Do they have milk? Yeah, like, it's, it's so, if we said that's actually happening, it would sound like some shit we're making up. Like, it's like, there's a lot of Stanford guys there. That sounds like a joke. But that's not. no huh i will used to be there too all right sure it's in the mountain time zone i love that time zone is he'd be like they have 27 hours a day there that's why they do all that

skiing that's why he wins he's a koala and a shark walla and a shark walla a koala who thinks he's a shark I can't tell. I mean, I'm sure it beats Ohio State two years in a row. Yeah, it beats Ohio State two years in a row. I got to admit, I get it. I mean, I get while your ass is chapped over that outside of the rivalry because you're losing to this guy who probably does believe there are 27 hours a day

in Denver and Denver only. You're losing to an adult man who drinks that much milk. Wait, no, it's close on. So you have more of it. You can stretch it out like, geez. It's closer to the sun, so there's 23 hours in a day. Air's thinner. You're more efficient up there.

You've got to be more efficient. There's only 23 hours at a day because of the altitude. Yeah. That's what I love in efficient people. That's why Colorado football is bad. Yeah. Straight out of the count. Wait, what it is, there's still the right amount of time.

The day is shorter, but the night is longer because you're further away from the sun. Yeah, the night's in dinner a longer. Come on down. up to enjoy the Denver nights. Yeah, this is every year. Grand Theft Auto, Denver. This is why the Chargers aren't going to fire their head coach because they're just like, I don't want to even have to talk to the Harbaugh.

No, they're just a man with San Diego ties, no less. I love what they did, by the way. The Chargers, classic move. This is why Brandon Staley is going to be a coach forever. What do you do? Fire the O.C. who everybody hates. That's it. You look around the building.

and you're like man who's got flies you you got flies surrounding you that is that is really the best reason to become a head coach as opposed to any other job because most other jobs you don't have somebody like that who can be like boy things are really going poorly who does everybody in the office hate that i could just blame it all on and toss like if you're a firefighter that's not that doesn't happen i don't think that happens if you're a school teacher whatever but if you're a head coach scapegoat having a scapegoat that must rule that must just rule to not just to know that it's there it's like having a fire extinguisher at home where you're like i don't want a fire but i'm

glad i have this if it happens you see i think every organization if properly aligned has a built in scapegoat that if if crisis strikes okay all right all right the full cast it's me it's me no no no no no because listen for better or worse you are the head coach let's say you're the head coach of the full cast oh jesus so who so who so Who is the coordinator, who you are like, yeah, he just had to go. You have three coordinator spots. Yeah, you have, you have, you. And Spencer's your, or, uh, server is your director of player personnel.

Spencer, Serber's, Jim. Serber's, server's the owner. Serber's the owner. Yeah, yeah, server's the owner. Yeah. Serber's the owner. He's like, I've phoned it in from Cabo. How'd you guys do this season?

Have you ever had a churo? They're amazing. Just drunk off his ass. 54 years old we lost to who wife number nine his dad ran 500 sawmills off child labor and he's just sitting on like you know like a pile of like misuse you talking about kidwood industries yeah I got a blu-ray it's amazing we get the cuts so tight yeah those little hands remember the children crave the children crave the minds.

Anything small. Yeah. They love detail work. So if you, like, you don't have to answer this, but you should think of it. If things turn sour for the forecast. Those listeners describe. No, no, no. I think you have this miscast.

See, the deal is, Ryan, I am the head coach who has made his reputation off of superior talent that I have ushered along. And they're like, you know, the realtor, this is the Kirby Sabin situation, right? The current conspiracy theory that Kirby took the fire with them to Athens. Right? Never mind how Alabama did after that they were fine. They were fine. No, they're done. They're done. They're done. They're done. Pete Golden's fleeing. He knows. The talent's gone. He knows.

Kirby has more days than Nick Saban does. He's kicking his butt. Yeah. It's true. So many ways. But yeah, that's the deal here. So you guys would, you guys would oust me. It would be, it would very much be a talented assistant who is the real credit takes over. That's the deal. No, what it would be, all right, so if server's the GM, what it would be is server would fire you and install himself as head coach, like a Greg Popovich style situation, would be like, holy shit, this worked super well. Oh, my God. Nobody even remembers who the old coach was. Dude, I'd be on CBS Sports, right? I'd have to Houston nut it. But you're on a streaming only, non-broadcast.

Yeah. It's fine. I'm thrilled to be here with Aaron Taylor. That's right. That's right. They put Spencer on something called CBS Sports SD. I don't know what that. I didn't even know they had that. I would be so happy and proud to be on like, they were opening an SD over the air service.

Coming live in 720I. Only people with antennas could pick this shit up. You're like, I'm born for this. It's New York Jets practice on CBS Sports SD. That's it. They'd be like, why can't he get a gig? It's fucking weird. Because Cerber talks a lot of shit.

Yes. Serber tanked your reputation. Serber's a shark and you're a fucking koala. That's why. That's how you found out you're a koala. Actually, you know, if I was smooth brain, it'd be amazing. Like, I'd be, like, man, he's incredible as an anchor on TV. It's amazing.

Yeah. It's not too late. It gets too late. Nothing's too late. There's four days away, four days per day. It's not too late. There's plenty of time. Dude, what, I'm already, what, it's already 319 in my, I'm sorry, we're already three hours and 19 minutes.

According to Ed, you've lived 100 years by now, but you still have more head. And I love it, buddy. I do like server. I do like server as a completely out of touch owner in Kavow. This is my new favorite character. Is Serber just calling in being like, so hey, do President Obama stop by? Did we beat West Virginia this year? We left them two conferences ago, sir.

Yeah, this is the NFL, sir. And also we lost them in the bowl game, if you must know. Don't tell them that. Don't tell them that. If you must know. Did you get that luxury box for Betty White? I asked you about. Yes, sir.

Actually, yes, we did. Yes, we did. She lies in state at full cast arena. Like Lenin. that's okay because Betty White would think this is funny see that's some shit you should do if you have a Moribun sports team

like if the Rockets were like guess what Betty White's body is here for the rest of the Rockets be like holy shit that's great I'll buy tickets to a Rockets game and pay my respect to Betty White does she like the Rockets? No I just bought her corpse

perfectly preserved I bought the relic of Betty White you know she lived 400 years again we're going to go back to the mountain time so that'd have to be the nuggets because she'd be the golden girl Jesus Christ there's a tie-in that's a little too I like the Charlotte Hornets what's the connection none none just Michael Jordan everyone likes her that's the connection the hornets are cheaped by Betty White's body yeah they are you know she's from the Chicago area so so Jordan would have

incentive to invest. Do you think Betty White has ever met Michael, oh, I'm going to see. Is there a picture of Betty White and Michael Jordan together? I guarantee it's happened. Did Betty White?

Damn it, the last thing in my browser was the picture of the jeans. Put it back. There's a pick, all right. This feels slightly racist, Google. Google is giving me a picture of Don Cheetah with Betty White who is not Michael Jordan.

Maybe it's like casting the movie. Okay, we'd watch. I don't see any photos of them together. I know that doesn't disprove it, but. I'm guarantee it's happened. Michael Jordan, if you're listening to this and you've met Betty White, please reach out off. Please, yeah, please let us know.

Tweet us. The podcast listener, Michael Jordan. It was just like, these genes sound intriguing. I received an alert from my intelligence sources. A nude, bold type of gene was introduced. We have even weirder jeans than mine. They have flavor pockets in them somehow. So in the jeans turning, I think we have Ed versus Jordan.

On the other side, we have like Kevin Smith versus, is John Cena making it that far? Yeah, probably. Brady wore some, Tom Brady wore some horrendous jeans. Is Tom Brady really going to do television? Man. Yeah. I enjoy his current television. I think he's sticking with what he's doing.

Trust me. You don't have to be good to be on TV. I say that personally. It's not, yeah. I mean, he's not good and he's on TV. Wasn't good last night, brother. It's just like, Tony Romo opened this weird situation where it's like, all right, if you're a quarterback, you can just go on TV.

It'd be worth, you just get $100 million to be on TV. Why? Yeah. Why is that true? Yeah. Like, I think with Romo, it was like he started doing the thing where he would predict a play, which, okay, cool. That's impressive.

Yes. He's good at his job. Sure. But I think the internet sort of gaslit big TV into thinking that we like tune in to games just for that. Right, right. I mean, let's go back to that parlor trick, by the way. I know initially it's very impressive that Tony Romo can call what's going to happen on a play. And I do think it adds something.

There is also this simultaneously, while I am pleased that somebody is going to point me in the right direction of what might happen on that play and thus make me feel slightly smarter and more focused as a fan. I will also say this. It does kind of feel like watching Breaking Bad with somebody going, this is the part where Walter shoots the guy. Don't take that away from me. I want a little gap between my beholding and my understanding. Don't get too emotionally attached to Jesse Plymonds.

Hey, this guy's cool. He's not going to make it very long. Yeah, kid pulls up on a motorbike Oh no, you're not going to like this That's important Yeah Oh, and you got to do all the Romo noises She's gonna say something racist

Maybe what we need to better appreciate Tony Romo's presence is some broadcast With a quarterback who's fucking terrible at this Who's like, oh, there's what defense's gonna do And you're like, no, not even fucking close What are you talking about? Tom Brady tries to do this and it's awful If Tom Brady every time it's like

He should have thrown in the flat he should have just thrown to the guy should have just hit the checkdown I just should have thrown it to Gronk Gronk's not on this team what are you talking about I just always threw it to Gronk This team really needs a Gronk Or Randy Moss

Yeah if you can get one of those I think that the The spot for Brady is clear A team that needs a quarterback A team that already has a defense in place In fact they're number two in yards To play this year A team that their biggest weakness

Is their passing game They had the worst passing game this year it's an environment he's very familiar with has had success in literally that stadium and it gets to play belichick twice a year the jersey swaps are already out there tom brady to the jets it checks too many boxes and they're all bad i'm here for it frankly yeah yeah you see it what are you rooting for with this do you are like if if tom brady is good on the Jets is that how do you feel about that well he won't be because i understand i understand and also they're the jets yeah yeah it's like if this feels like the kind of thing where it's like

you know there's on paper there's a lot to like but i can't tarnish my brand by playing for the Jets which is hilarious because he's already got Tampa on the resume it'll also be it'll also be unfortunate if it's like well he did win a Super Bowl in Tampa and with the Jets he went four and 13 that's it he got the Jets out of the top 10 in draft order, it's its finest achievement. If he wins a Super Bowl with the Jets, I would.

God, God. I mean, now I just said it, and the desire is there. I'm not going to lie. You want the Jets to win a Super Bowl. You want the Jets to win a Super Bowl. Well, who wouldn't? Me.

Me as who. You personally. You'll regret leaving New York at that point? Yes, that's what it is. Well, it means nothing. If you want like the most meaningless title to everybody but Jets fans because nobody watching it will say, oh, that

definitely means something. That's definitely a design that happened and was fulfilled. No. It would be like an asteroid hit Paris and destroyed the entire city. What is it? Evidence of the universe's random cruelty and wonder. That's what it is. The universe is ever evolving

toward you. I think you need to understand that if the Jets win a Super Bowl, the worst people in New Jersey will be emboldened to do whatever they want for a full calendar year. they'll just be like that's right if Tom Brady could win if the Jets

go to Super Bowl I can rob a bank I'll see why not let's fucking go go Jets it's so close to what happened when the Eagles one state line different but the Eagles just keep it fun internally

Jets fans will go out into the world and cause problems how is this any different than the attitude prevailing in most of New Jersey right now it's more motivated honestly it's more motivated

oh okay like I think we need to understand that the Jets and to a lesser extent the giant sucking is like a governor on evil ambitions of people who live in New Jersey and if these teams become good they will become super villains but because so much of their emotional energy is about coping with the fact that the Jets fucking suck and always will that keeps their ambitions at a like manageable level where they just go to Hoboken and fight. You're forgetting about the other natural governor on the potential

greatness and or malevolence of Jets and Giants fans, which is this multi-level marketing scheme. It's just a safety valve that's going to take up a bunch of this, right? I mean, if you send Tom Brady there, yeah, that's going to increase drastically. Ryan had my favorite reaction to the game last night,

which was tweeting out a picture of Sam Bankman, Freed, and Brady on the stage together. That's it. No commentary. No nothing. Just a picture of him with the like crypto-fail son of all crypto. fail sets. Without getting into crypto in any detail, the idea

of losing millions of dollars to a dude dressed like that must just be the worst fucking feeling in the world where you're like, yeah, Jonah Hill's super bad stunt double fucking took me for all I had. And I

didn't even ask him to put pants on. He didn't in basketball shorts. Let's see these jeans. He's not wearing jeans. Nope. Nope. It's wearing shorts. And always did.

Somebody was like, this isn't the point, but how can you dress that way when you're next Tom Brady? That was the gimmick. He always dressed like this. That is like shit that Zuckerberg pulled like many years ago. Like I am going to make you think I am so much smarter than you by dressing as if I don't give a shit. Right. Right. Got to have a uniform, right?

This is my other favorite thing that grinds that. Train conductor. Particularly Northeast. Like, if you listen to, like, I watch the Hanukkah sessions with Dave Grohl does the Hanukkah sessions every year. And it's this, like, very fun. They all do covers with a bunch of, like, musicians in Los Angeles. It's great.

It's very homey. They did, I Love L.A., and I forgot that the opening of I Love L.A. is Randy Newman saying, New York's too cold and all the people they are dressed like monkeys. Which is true that everyone in New York has a uniform, right? Like, I'm going to go work in finance. Here's my finance suit. I'm going to go work in a restaurant. Here's my chef's suit.

Like, it's very European and that they're like, the bellhop has a bellhop suit, right? The hipster has a hipster suit. It's very like playing a strategy game where you can immediately tell like, oh, those guys are my 10 minors because they're wearing mine.

Correct. All the time. Yeah, exactly. Like, there's a coat, like, even people who are fashionable in dressing differently than other people have like a memorandum on how to do that at that moment, right? My favorite iteration of this,

that I think is not maybe, like, you'll see a little bit of it in L.A., but it is very New York specific in D.C. too, is the other place where you see this, is people who decide, I'm going to go to a sports event, and I have to keep on my finance uniform, my whatever uniform, and I will wear the jersey over that. Like, that doesn't happen. Like, people don't go to a Braves game and be like, I'm going to keep my shirt and tie on, and I'll put a Braves jersey on over that, or I'll put a Falcons jersey on over that. But people do that at Knicks games all the fucking time.

They're just like, yes, the tiles. Why? And the answer is just like, because this is what I wear. Because I'm a Lego minifig and I don't have a body under this. Because everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you are part of a team. That is the New York thing, right? We are all in this together and we will wear matching jackets.

That's really it. It's like I don't want anyone to think I've clocked out. Yeah. as opposed to like the Los Angeles thing which is I don't want anybody to think I've clocked in How long was you working? 19 hours and I want to die But it's cool, bro

I just show up whenever. It's all koalas out here, bro. It's all koalas. Except for that Sam Bangman-Fried, that fucking shark just chew us up. Fucking koala's clothing. Quallas weigh shorts all the time. Scammy leaf.

Delicious scammy leaves. Digital leaf. Fake leaf. Fake leaf. Black leaf Eating anyway Invisible Invisible conceptual

Leaf Cloud leaf Felony leaf Jail is where I sleep You sleep now in jail Three leaves a day It's pretty good there Yeah

I don't I don't even really know like what is next for Tom Brady other than the hilarious descent into having to do other things for a living which you know we've all been through career transitions we just get to watch his in real time for a living is the weirdest part to me I also like we've already seen if he says he's going to retire you shouldn't believe it that doesn't mean that doesn't mean a goddamn that just means he wants to play for the dolphins um yes like like it seems more likely than not that he will keep playing for some garbage fucking team like i don't i don't think he can't for a variety

of reasons i don't think he can or will quit to do what yeah i mean has so many parallels with him and lebron whereas like with lebron it's you know he's he's in a league where there is some mobility to like a roster right like he can show up and say i want these three guys i'm going there if those three guys join me right and then suddenly you have like theoretically a good team maybe only for one year but yeah um with brady it's like are you really going to move mountains to like overhaul the fucking uh uh texans roster to bring in tom brady like no you can't just change things that with lebron it's also like okay he has also lebron is still great he has a whole like production house and he has charitable initiatives and he has children that he's like trying to

like give it what do you ever hear about tom brady doing other than like ah he's playing golf on tv with charles berkeley can you can't do that all you i mean you could do that all year that's not a bad choice like with lebronn it's he's from this state so everyone wants him to play basketball there sometimes and he lives in this state verifiably so he plays basketball there sometimes if tom if tom brady just ends up like hanging out in the back of the set of inside the NBA just not even saying anything just be like i'm here with charles I didn't have anything to do, so I just gave to Charles to work. I just go with Charles places.

Look at Tom back there doing a whole lot of fuck nothing. He just a do-nothing this man, isn't he? Shack, like, collapses. Oh, I'm so good. They decide. They give him it back there, don't give him a mic, just so they can call him lazy. The one thing that people say is like,

oh, he could play for the Niners of his favorite team growing up. He's from the area or whatever. But it's like, I mean, they might have like three quarterbacks better than him right now. Yes. Also, the idea that Tom Brady thinks he's from anywhere, but like the universe, I guarantee you, he's one of those guys. Where are you from? Wherever I am.

See, true koala brain. True great koala brain right there. I'm from right here. He moved to Tampa voluntarily. That to me says he belongs to the universe, the horrible, howling, cold void of the universe. When you live in Boston and you work outside in winter, it's easier to move to Tampa. Ah, yeah, I'll buy that. He moved there to eat swimmers, clearly a shark.

Yeah, clearly a shark, yeah. Oh, no, they're full of like calories and stuff. He wouldn't do that. That's true, maybe nightshades, yeah. Before I carve you up, have you had any strawberries lately? Ah, fuck! They call me the mushroom shark. Good at football.

I only eat certified vegans. That requires an interview with the swimmer beforehand. My dinner got too chatty, so I gave up. So I'm hungry now and I'm bad at football.