Shutdown Fullcast - Another Perfect Fullcast ™

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

We did at one point have a plan for todayHave you heard the good news, about Turfman's College Football Almanac?The Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 33 bonus episodes since launching in August 2025, including five (5) new hours this month. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)The Shutdown Fullcast is produced by delicious and energizing Monster Energy Master Chief Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by The Eldritch TerrorsDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s other show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz (new album out now!)Purchase exclusive Shutdown Fullcast gear at preownedairboats.com, real website, not a trapThrough September 30, all proceeds from our PTKU merch collection will be donated to Alianza Translatinx

I think that she would think it was very silly if we missed our own show because we were sad. To the extent we're going to talk about how bad 2013 Florida was, that's somewhat helpful. Do you know, I got it's... Shit. Shit. That's where Spencer is, by the way. He just went outside. I'm glad I got to see her perform live.

dude can I tell you that was the second thing I thought after fuck this is always go to the show yeah always go to the show yeah I spent way too much money to see her at the Hollywood Bowl oh that's a good one and I broke my it was like the month after I broke this is 2016 it was the month after I broke my leg yeah and I was like how the fuck am I supposed to navigate the Hollywood Bowl crutches and because he's not on here I will tell you what happened and Spencer got on a plane and came to the show with me so that I could like

to help me navigate. She played, I counted. We were in, we were with a few other people. We were in one of those garden boxes. And she played 10 instruments. I counted. And it was not the, like that was not, that was not the first time I saw her play,

but it was the last. And my abiding memory of it was there was some other drunk dude in one of the garden boxes near us and who was just not shut up during one of her segments and finally she covers the mic and she was like, I told you to wait in the truck. She is she was that god, that feels weird to say. Nah. Um, I still say it is. It's incredible unflappable. Yeah. For somebody who, who both as a famous person and as a not famous person, dealt with a lot of bullshit, like incredibly unflappable without

cowtowing or compromising or like, yeah. Yeah. That woman's voice is one of the first things I can remember. I have no jokes. Yeah. Nope. Oh. Oh.

Like this might be a very specific comfort, but once like a lady of a certain age refers to you as baby during a bureaucratic hiccup, you know that you're going to be okay. Sure. Like once they hit you with the baby, you know it's all going to be fine. This is how all airport workers treat Spencer traditionally. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, shout out to Vanessa at the Fulton County Assessor's Office. And in many ways, Spencer is an airport baby.

He spent so little, he spent a lot of his life there, but not enough to reach the age of the majority. He hasn't been 18 years in airport. He's maybe a four-year-old in airport terms. I mean, I think mine's. Speaking of terminal, it's Ryan Nanny's last show. He's tried to spend a year at a time in an airport. He's both tried to spend a lot and tried to spend very little time. I think the latter leads to the former, I think.

I have spent less time in airports than other people. I would say that. I guess that's true. There are people who work in airports. There are people who work in airports. Yeah. And there was that one Tom Hanks movie. That's true.

When I miss a flight, generally, it's so, like, it's not frequent enough that the investment of getting there late and thus not spending an hour and a half, dadding around. I guess that's my big apology. I should apologize to. You're not to apologize. No, I should apologize to the entire, like, Discovery, Malcolm Gladwell publishing apparatus of airport books where, you know, to make myself a better person. I need to follow these six species case examples, right?

I haven't supported that industry and I haven't supported the anti-Annes and I haven't gotten ahead on the Williams account, right? By getting there an hour and a half early. You didn't finish the Williams account? No, I didn't land it. I didn't land it, Ryan. I was due seven years ago. That's why the agency fired me. Shit.

Williams is still waiting. I'll land the Williams account. The deliverables. My deliverables. No, I didn't do any of that. So on the back end, I probably, yeah, did spend a little, I did have to invest some time in hanging around the airport or nearby because I missed a flight. So what I'm saying, though, is that I don't think I missed enough flights so that I didn't come out ahead still. I think I'm still ahead.

You know what's important. It's not, the math isn't important because it would be too hard to suss out. What's important is that you feel you're ahead. Like it's like a casino. where it's like the money's not real but the feelings are you know what should think of it that way i think i had a good day of blackjack i lost 500 dollars but i think i had a good day i mean if this is based on walking in as the um door is closing versus getting there the dad prescribed four hours early yeah then i mean you do that what twice and you're making up for one miss flight that's right

more or less that's right i mean think of it this way though Okay, which is you're right about the emotional thing because I saw one time there were two gamblers too, like professional poker players, right? And this is back when like, I want to say 2015 when it was like, oh, professional poker players are celebrities and not people with problems. And so these two guys had made a bet because they just can't, you know, they can't stop making wagers. They can't stop projecting the odds and seeing if they can take advantage of it. And these two guys who were friends, one of them bet the other that they could not golf in Las Vegas in the summer. full day couldn't stay i think it was the couldn't shoot par for 72 holes 72 holes of golf that he had to start at sunrise if he wanted to that was the earliest he could and he had to finish by dark right

and he did shoot it and he shot par with handicap adjusted right but he shot par and the guy afterwards and i think this was over like a hundred grand right which i don't know about you that's a lot of money People get shot over much less. And he said, when asked about us, you do know about, you don't have to say, I don't know about you on this show. And he said, he said, hey, man, I thought I had the numbers. That was it. And he didn't, he, he didn't sound like, like, he was like, wouldn't change a thing. Thought I had the odds.

Thought I had the numbers. Now I just have to give my friend 100 grand because he shot par. On 72 holes of golf. And that's what I did today. That's what that guy did that day. Yeah. So what I'm saying is I feel pretty good about it. Okay.

That's all that matters, but proud of you. Yeah. Thanks. Speaking of bets, did you bet that the FBI would be involved in Ole Miss and LSU? Like first, sorry, I want to do two things. Yeah. I want you to explain the story for people who haven't. heard it yet it's relatively new so that may be a relatively large segment of the audience

and then I have a question I want to ask okay so I love what Jason does the side because you know you're about here's some silly bullshit it's a big gear shift because we're not talking about female body inspector for the person yeah with Pete Golding who actually is I think he is accredited at that there's a there's an official agency so like the guy who runs old Mrs. NIL deal said, and I quote, in an appearance on the Assorted Crackers podcast, I'll leave that up to the listener to determine what those words have to do with each other. Quote, we actually had the FBI come through and walk the building for bugs and for everything,

after Lane Kiffin left. For bugs and for everything. Did they bring the CDC? We knew it was in Baton Rouge and how they operated. I remember getting on my knees and looking underneath the desk, checking for some sort of bug. in my office. Somebody was like, what are you doing? I'm like, trust me, you don't know this guy like I do, this guy being Lane Kiffin. So this is, you know, one of the highest people around Ole Misses football program saying that the office was scoured by the FBI for, I assume he means listening devices,

not actual insects by Lane Kiffin, though I could see that being the case as well, locusts leaving behind locusts of some sort, maybe both. I wouldn't be shocked if it was like Lane left an entire meatball sub in a drawer and just forgot it was there for months. And it was there so long that it now has sentience and is there for a listening device. Yeah. Or maybe. It's a new running back. It's registered to vote. Or maybe there's just a collection of like living creatures who are effectively the ablative wounds for scandal ridden or otherwise problematic middle age men. You know, he's got juice, the dog. He's got Stevie, the hissing Malagasy

cockroach, right? Is this the best call the FBI gets on a regular basis? Like, hey. This is up there with the Kentucky boat cops who had to float beside the guy who was in the water without a legjack at all shift. Right. This is your best day at work. Like, this is, A, if you care about football at all, you're like, oh, sweet, we get to go down to Ole Miss and we get to go to the offices. That's fun.

Even if you don't, like, it's low risk, low danger. The people that are calling you don't know what the fuck they're looking for. so you automatically. Yeah, you can, you could just be like, oh, I don't know, these donuts, we have to take these and test. Sorry, we can't be sure. We can't compromise information security. I don't know. We're going to need another seven days.

Even if none of that were true, even if none of that were the case and this had to be, you know, they had to search the stadium. Even if they had to look into the stadium bleachers and the scorching August sun, you get this beautiful internal dichotomy of, all right, I'm going to walk purposefully with a bug in my ear and a, and, and. and say things like clear, all while pretending that Lane Kiffin has the level of organizational aptitude to keep up with a listening device. I could see Kevin leaving stuff behind, but I do agree forgetting about it, like, and misplacing the owner's manual and what have you. That is my password is password, dude. It's password 69-420, and he always forgets which number comes first.

The image of Pete Golden calling the FBI, like, hello. FBI. How did this happen? Hello, entire FBI. Yes, I'd like to speak to Mr. Investigation, please. We need Godfrey here because wouldn't the closest FBI field office

there being like Memphis? So you're calling Memphis for your Ole Miss FBI problem? Cash Patel, I needed to come down and scour the facility for any weird stuff Lane Kiffin left. So Golding actually commented on it and sort of just like,

he said he has one of his players, his dad, works for the local FBI, where they office, wherever that might be. So like, Jackson, huh? It could be, you know,

that person just sort of walked through and made a little joke about he-he-ha-ha, what if, you know, ha-ha-ha-ha, I could, blah-ba. And then that escalated into like, we got a, we're busting the paper light of it. An exhaustive sweep of the premises was made.

I know how I'm getting Cash Patel involved. Caste, Snake. I'll be like, hey, man, listen, Ling and bugged our offices. And they're like, man, man, fuck you. We don't care.

Whatever, man. Like, kitchen of the Memphis field office is like, hey, yeah, I'm burying under 20 bodies right now. They're like, oh, cool, we need to find you. And then they get this call from Pete. I know how they get him involved there. They're like, hey, man, I think Lane was interested in your girl. And he's like, no, must protect girlfriend. I mean, it's either that or like Lane has the hottest tips on the best Nashville nightlife.

What? That's for me. Cash is supposed to know. There's stuff I've never found. I mean, I think if you tell a cop in Mississippi, I need you to come try to find dirt on Lane Kiffin. They're... Sure.

Hot foot. Yeah. Yeah. That is not a... Like, they're competing to take that case on. Get the tactical team. I guess the fact that apparently, um, no, um, espionage apparatuses were found, um, by cops with that level of incentive.

Um, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. If your old miss, can you take that chance? Is it time to? You need to call the FDI. I think it's time to create a codex of sorts. I think it's time to create your own, your own coded language. And listen, calls for balls.

Use of this. It's all play calls and signals that like, but I think it's time for all communication to start functioning through some sort of code that will be indecipherable. It'll take them years to heck. So they'll do that even inside the building, even when walls or doors are closed. Recruiting visits. Sorry, we got to talk like this. You're in the.

bunker beneath Pete Golding's office that, you know, you push on the bookshelf. There's no books in the bookshelf. It's Pete Holdings office, but you push on the empty bookshelf. It's a chees-it-box. You said, this copy of Moby Dick. No, no, no, it's a chees-it-box. Is this clearly unread, unopened, unglanced at book? Nope, it's not that.

But you're in the bunker and you're still using the code because, you know, Kiffin is that nefarious. You never know. You never know when he's there. It's really true. He might be. Like when they play that game before like I think you got to go around if you if you're Pete golden you're getting ready for LSU it's game day night game so you got time I think last thing you do before you take the field you go around to every one of your staffers and you make sure

they're not laying Kiff and wearing a mission impossible basket I think you just tried to rip their face off just make sure because his clone could be on LSU side line yeah it could be a you see listen they got robots running faster than you say bolt you say me they can't make Lane Kiff and stupid faces on the sideline now? Come on. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Ole Miss, I think you need to get even more FBI in there.

You need to get Interpol in there. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You need to get the Avengers. Yeah. Yeah. You need to see Pete Golden be like, hey, you got a Jason Bourne. I know dog, the bounty hunter sort of fell out of favor, but some sort of bounty hunter, probably. Listen, he's cheap. He's cheap. Bring it back.

Right? They'd be like, hey, man. your coach you're going to steal their duck dynasty yeah Pete like somebody would be Pete man I don't know if we should call dog because you know legally he can't carry a gun that's famous right and they're like Pete's like yeah me neither I'm not allowed to carry one I think what's funny about the this whole concept is like oh lane Kiffin master of subtlety and subterfuge and doing things quiet it's like if like given had a listening device he would probably broadcast it as an RSS feed to the world and like he's okay So it's week three, he's listening in on Ole Miss's meetings and, like, makes a fart noise that, oh, shit, I forgot to mute it on the other end, right?

Well, might as well let a few more rip. Hey, Pete. I guess my cover's blown. What's up, buddy? Yeah, I don't know what, I don't know what became of these, but there were these sleep programs that would record your, like, if you made a noise in the night, right? And I don't know if they're really as popular as they were because mostly they were just recording people ripping ass. in their dreams. And that's all that you're getting off of the bugs in a football office.

Yeah. That's it. There's no explicit conversation. You're getting two things. Ripping ass and the commentary about said ripped ass. And tobacco hawking and the same thing there. I think all these Zin farts are really back. Fast forward.

The Kiffin is listening closely for clues within the Zin Farts. I also think there is so like Ole Miss with this level. of potential paranoia. They're like, you know, we're going to feed false info into the listening device into the roast beef sandwich we found under the toilet. We're all going to crowd around it. And say, we're going to run the ball 40 times against LSU. Remember, that's what we're doing.

And meanwhile, Lake Kiffin's over here like, yeah, we're just going to sign NFL players. Is that cool? Don't care if it's not. Hey, we're just going to be almost as weird in which players we're signing as our women's basketball coach. What do you care? Kim Monke's signing both sides of a war.

We've got to compete with that. So LeBron might need all the cash. So if he's got to pull double duty playing for LSU and the Sixers. That's right. That's right. He's got to do what he's got to do because I don't know. He borrowed $300 million from someone. I'm not realizing I know and I won't disclose who they are. I do know somebody who is both a Sixers and an LSU fan.

I just want to sit with that for a minute. That's all. That's a common combo, I'm sure. They might be in luck this fall, buddy. Yeah. Imagine that. It's wild that LSU is far more like stable and accomplished half of that. You know, like, I got to deal with the Sixers.

That's true. But at least I have LSU. I can fall back on. At least I can depend on LSU. Can fall back on the stable, calm, rational decision-making of LSU football. the constant progress of LSU. Hey, hey, go to 348. I think they have a meeting at that time.

Oh, God damn. You watered my eye with that one. I like to picture like Q walking in being like, Coach, we've deciphered a code in the coaching farts. We've learned much information from them. They're using some sort of primitive morse as it turns out. Maybe they are. The rare Holgerson protocol.

Like, I, I, I, what if, what if LSU ends up deducing all of illness as like week nine signals? Like, oh, ha ha ha, ha, it was all worth it. Granted, we played them two months ago. The other problem is, like, now Lane's just going to troll you, like, mail you a talk boy and shit. And just like, uh, like, I understand the impulse. I don't think you should have told people. Because if nothing else, now he has the idea in his head. Is this, can you think of another time, by the way, when the FBI has been involved?

Like, the last time I can remember the FBI being involved was like the Albert Means case, and maybe that's only post when, you know, like. Well, there was, there was the, there was the college football thing. Yeah. It's not football, but there was the big shoe case with Kansas and a bunch of other schools like that. Yeah, there was the Ohio State tattoo drugs guy. Yeah. That, mm-hmm.

Yeah. Somehow brought everything down there. Yeah, the, the FBI. in that investigation, but there was something else a couple weeks ago that makes me wonder about a connection here. I'm just going to read this, this headline from Paula Levine at ESPN on August 7th of this year. NCAA and FBI announced partnership to combat athlete's exploitation. The NCAA and the FBI announced a partnership to educate athletes on how to prevent private images from falling into the wrong hands, and now Ole Miss is having the FBI sweep the office for devices.

saying. What am I just saying? I'm not even sure I know. You don't have to say. You don't have to say it. This is the key to podcasting is, hey, I'm just saying.

Hey, folks, we need a little, we need that little, that little riff from Clarissa explains it all when Sam comes through the window. Just saying, wha. Hey, I mean,

I'm just putting the pieces together. I'm laying them out there, and then you're putting them together. The other big FBI thing was the college basketball thing that went on for like a decade and resulted in, yeah, they get way more FBI. It resulted in Will Wade at LSU.

Can you imagine that? I think that's a thing. There's another connection via it being the same school of the same word. I think that's just laying out the connections. I think going to the college basketball well is what the FBI does when it's quarter time. You know, like when they get to the end of the quarter and they're like, oh man, I've been playing, you know, geo-guessor on the FBI surfer. Bottom of the big hill with a speed gun. Yeah.

It is funny to me how, like, FBI college basketball, they go for. that more than college football where there's far more players so surely well i'm more more basketball schools so it might be a wash but regardless um it is funny that they tend toward college basketball i guess partly because like march madness is so visible someone is always mad about it like you know like if you're at the fbi i your boss's boss's boss is mad about march madness but has never heard of college football therefore you are mad about college basketball i guess maybe too they're real dumb like i don't know i'm sure the scammers in college are just as dumb but they're are more of them. There's, you know, 105 players on the roster. And that means I got to

weed through all this. Screw that. I can just go to a basketball team and be like, look, I can fit these guys on one page of a spreadsheet and somebody's fucked up. And then bang, easy case, right? Oh, surely you didn't text about this. Actually. Oh, yeah, I was going to say point shape. Was the, um, was the Alabama baseball coach? Did that, was the FBI involved with that whole? The gamble guy? Yeah. The one who was like, go to Pete Rose way and Place a bet. Be sure you're on camera, so I know you did it. Commit a crime for me.

Hi, I'm here to place the legal bet. Hello, I'd like to place the most specific bet in the world on a thing you don't care about. I would like to bet on the, I'd like to place a bet for the coach of the game I'm betting. How do I do that? The bet that most remit, like, the bet that is the most like, whose funeral is this? Yours! Yeah, like I mean, why would you try, right? Football involves effort.

If I'm an FBI agent, I'm just going to get college basketball or college baseball where the numbers are smaller and the bets are smaller and the rosters are smaller. And I'm just going to throw a big old steak on a hook out there. See who bites. Because chances are it won't take you but 10 minutes. And then, hey, I made my money for the quarter. I mean, I assume it's just as like the answer is just as paying little attention to sports as possible. But they saw blue chips when they were 25 and they remembered blue chips and that's it's a good movie. It's a great movie.

It's a great movie with like totally actual basketball going on. Yeah. I've never seen that. Do I need to watch that? It's good. Yeah. I would say it has a case as the best college sports movie. It is certainly it certainly is where you understand why someone got the idea of like, hey, Shaq should be in movies.

And Shaq should be a movie. Immediately. Like this is like still kid jack like we walked it back pretty fast but for you understand why there was that glimpse of like hey I think this kid's got well I mean we kind of didn't like the man's on TV no he's every minute of every day but that's different from being a movie actor I think the amount of work he's put in with the general is as much work as you know what you're right I am I am just I am just counting his commercial work which is nobody has ever been more believable because he's being like you need a printer. You're ass, you know what your ass needs? A printer and a pizza with too much pepperoni. That's what you need.

That will fix your problems. My home has a laminator. Your home needs a laminator. You're like, you're right, Shaq. I do need a laminar. I'm going to laminate this pizza. Thanks, Shaq. Now it's safe from water.

And Lane Kiffin. Can't get grease on your fingers, can you? Mm-hmm. Ever want to decode the farts of your friends? Easily done. With the Shaq fart decoder. The power of AI. No, that's common.

Don't. It's not fair. I'm sorry, yeah. I'm stepping on a common. Different bald guy who will do anything. That's right. A little field guide, like the Audubon guide. I think Shaq's a better actor. Than common?

Yeah. This is like half an hour ago, and I was like, that's weird. LeBron's in a headline involving hundreds of millions of dollars and insurance. And I feel like I just saw a story about the Lakers and a whole. a whole bunch of money and insurance. Is that, is that anything? Um, we're just going to read this out loud. And, uh, so just months before he joined the Lakers, an LLC that he controls, borrowed almost $300 million from a pair of Midwestern life insurers advised by an arm of Guggenheim partners, according to insurance industry records reviewed by Bloomberg. They are in the form of bonds,

which are due in 2049, and they were structured to provide immediate cash to James, and backed by a stream of future revenue tied to his earnings outside basketball, such as Nike sponsorship, etc. Just, yeah. And the Lakers are now obviously tied up in some weirdness involving Mark Walters and insurance. He caught who was in the insurance business. Insurance business and who, like, misstated his own debt by a factor of like $16 billion? Yeah, which wouldn't be a problem unless you reported to the- yell at me unless you reported it to the feds um by the way the company uh that uh that he's partnered

with in some of these uh was was gugenheim insurance yeah anyway is that why he's still playing basketball sound off in the comments i don't know man if somebody that just seems weird i don't ever want to be in a position where it's like is it bad if i owe 300 million dollars to somebody where shack comes on the tv and it's like hey do you need 300 million dollars right now Yeah, I don't ever want to be in that position. I just kind of figured I don't pay a lot of attention to these things. So like LeBron kind of floats in my head in that stratosphere of somebody just like, I figure they have enough money to where that's not my business.

Like I can't comprehend it. This is also where it's important to note that if LeBron owes somebody $300 million, that is a problem. But it is a problem with a pathway. If one of us owed someone $300 million, it'd be like, great. What would you like to do about? Make up a number. This isn't,

this isn't real. Yeah. I owe you unobtainium. Congratulations. It's not real. You can't have it. At what point does it become a you problem? Yeah,

you gave me 300, you need the 300 million. Right. Like, I understand my life and my life might be forfeit as a result. But just in terms of like, what do we do? Right.

What do we do about this? At $300 million for me, it's like, well, do it every want. Like, there's no way. There's no path where I can satisfy it. You killing me and selling me for parts will not get you any fraction of $300 million. It's not even going to put a dent in, dude.

Now, will it make you feel better? You will still be out $300 million. Right. Yeah. It might make you feel better. 50% Mountain Dew. These are not good organs. No.

Have you seen this liver? It is fat. $299,540. Like, you have a lot of, a shitload of debt and a mess probably to clean up. Like, because as you kill me, I'm going to pee everywhere. I'm going to be speaking in all sorts of Ole Miss Park language. Calling for help.

It's the IRL posters revenge. That's right. Listen, that room's going to smell terrible when you're done with my corpse. Make sure you get some in the carpet. Oh, 100%. See if you can hit the baseboard so it gets down in the subfloor. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I'll dexter the room.

I'll chew through that. that plastic and start pee, and you know I will. You know I will. The Dexter of P. Dexter who analyzes pee pattern. And that's his specialty. He's also been called to the oldest. Dexter, we think

Lake Kiffin pissed on his way out. He left piss signals everywhere. I'll take a look. Is this territory his now? What if that dog that wasn't really his was undercover the entire time? Oh my God. Wow.

I have a theory. I know you do. Yeah. It's not the same dog. That's not the same dog. That's not juice. No. Great question, Jason.

Wow. Someone should look into this. But I'm a juice truther. That's not juice. I think the FBI should look into this. Again, telling Cash Patel will be like, listen, I think your girlfriend really thinks that dog's cute because I saw her favor. Oh, no! Yeah.

You think Ole Miss's compliance department still just gets emails? They're about to. Hold on. They can't. That email address can't still be active, right? Spencer, email it and see what happens by the end of this episode. Compliance at oldmiss.edu? Yeah, that's the one.

Yeah. How soon we forget the ancient texts. All right, hold on. I'm about to live. What if it's still, Hugh Freeze. This is so exciting. Yeah, if it's still Hugh Freeze, it'll be like, hey. Oh, no, he's in my DMs now.

FBI. It's not like he's busy. That's true. Compliance at oldmiss.edu. Hey, man, the dog is fake. Be like, hey, can I get the FBI's number? Subject header, missing dog. Real dog, question mark?

Fake dog. Urgent. Hey, I'm looking for my friend, comma, juice the dog. Sincerely. Juice Kiffin in quote marks. Sincerely, Spencer. I think he's fake.

Okay. I have sent that, juice, Kiffin, unquote. I'm looking for my friend, Juice Kiffin. Ben, Thunderbirds, Kingsley. I want you know, I put Juice Kiffin, comma, the dog, just so we're clear.

Okay, we'll see if that still works. We will surely find out. Yes. It hasn't bounced yet, so very positive sign. I haven't gotten a reply from my favorite correspondent, Mail or Demon. We haven't started, we haven't started, we haven't started the show yet either, though. Yeah, that's right.

I have to wait till Mailer Damon says hello. And I know that he's okay. There should be a Warhammer guy called Mailer Damon. Mailer Damon, I'm going to make one. We'll make him custom. To the shutdown full cast. You're listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall, the voice you are hearing right now.

And while I'm waiting for my friend, Mailer Damon, to email me back. I'm going to introduce everybody. I'm joined by Ryan Nanny. Hi. Jason Kirk. Hello. How are you? Holly Anderson.

Ah, Ooga. And Michael Ray's server. Are you, are you, Holly, are you the car from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? How did you know that? It's incredible. Holy shit. Ryan, you should work for the FBI. I'm only not scared.

I'm only not more frightened right now because I can see you on camera. Sure. And I know, I think that you're not. in this room. I'm not. I can confirm. Are we bringing in Ryan for tune for tune crimes? Someone was it with a boinky mallet? An enormous mallet. Get me agent Nanny. From the F and FBI stands for fun. That's right. I always thought we should have had more fun with the with like the Muppet babies of it all or Ryan just barrels

into the middle of the show and goes, what's going on here? We're like nothing, Nanny. What's all this? Stop it. Why is God's dead. It's that funny. Because he would have the most fucked up death. Gonzo is the most Mickey 17 of the Muppets as well. What? Oh my God.

Thank you for like reshuffling the order of what Muppet, what movie would you want to be a Muppet movie? Because it's that one. So I Googled which Muppet died the most times. Oh. And what I instead got was a YouTube entitled, which Muppet has the high. kill count it's 28 28 minutes long okay did they come to an answer I'm gonna open it

just to just see if the comments summarized that Abby Cadabee was at J6 I believe that without question you know before YouTube would you want to to to get this kind of information you had to happen upon this person in a bus terminal that was the only way you could make it up yourself yeah so the comments are being good about not spoiling it but there's a lot of in the comments a lot of allegations against Swedish chef Swedish chef is probably very high up, I would think. He has access to lots of sharp things and burning things.

He throws things. He's extremely reckless. Yeah, but the second big bird is like, the second big bird like turns the emotional tables on him. He goes to shredded wheat and cranberry sauce. That's true. Although, he might feel that he's in personal danger. Actually, he's just really good at getting out of a tight corner.

Beaker is probably the Mickey 17 of the Muppets universe. Like accidentally and intentionally. Attention. And he is, he is a test, much like Mickey 17, he is treated as a test subject. Oh, man. He's often fine with this. This opens up a sexual universe for Beaker that I had never imagined. Have you ever searched Sexy Beaker on Google? I didn't, but my wife didn't. I'm about to.

It's going to be like last week when you said Eldridge Horror Garfield, and we didn't know that was already a thing. There's a whole comic about it. Yeah. You should search Sexy Beaker. It's worthwhile. And there's probably a comic about that. I can't confirm for sure. it's not as bad as you'd think. Did you guys see Big Garfield last night?

Big Garfield? How big we talking? Oh, traveling Big Garfield. There was a giant plush Garfield. There was a Garfield themed restaurant in somewhere in Canada that did not serve lasagna. This is all I know about it. And when it shut down, there was a giant Garfield plushy in it. And somebody, whoever got the giant Garfield plushy when the restaurant sold it, when the restaurant shut down,

like took it across the country and took a bunch of pictures with it. and like, you know, like flat Stanley style. And now apparently the Garfield resides in Canadian Parliament somewhere. I'm just trying to explain a normal thread in a normal day online, and I sound like a crazy person. It was the end bit. Anyway, they were good pictures. The end bit was really where I got tripped up, admittedly.

I'll drop it in the chat. You can see it is a very large Garfield. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, sexy beaker. It's a surprisingly wholesome search. That's what I'll tell you. There, if you haven't, I'm dropping the good Garfield pictures in the chat, but I like the one of him at the scenic viewpoint binoculars.

Crap, Wikipedia's down. Shit, how are we going to? Now we can't show. This fucks up our whole show. I'm having a hard time researching Garfield Eats without Wikipedia. I can't remember Wikipedia ever being done. That feels wrong. Hey, listen, they asked you for money.

How many times do you say, not today? Not today. I should have given them three dollars. Fuck. Wait, it's working here. What do you want? What are we looking for, Garfield Eats? Garfield Eats.

Yeah. We'll give you $3. Eats. Oh, I give them $5 every month. Wait, it's specifically that page, though, because I'm looking at the Beaker page, and that works, and I can go around to the Muppet show. Well, but you're looking at a whole other wiki for Beaker, one of the dirty ones. Beaker porn.

Fandom. Garfield Eats was a ghost restaurant themed after the Garfield Fries. What does was a ghost restaurant mean? I guess it doesn't exist anymore. Now it's post-ghost. Now it's back? It was a ghost kitchen, right? Or like, it's a, like the thing where like a ghost once, it's something about its afterlife is satisfied can then blink out of existence or what have you.

Oh, yeah, he or covered it. It has since been reduced to a frozen foods brand selling only big cow lasagna. That does make it sound like it was distilled. I get a bat. What if this was a street calling all along? Just like Nonna used to make. Mm-hmm. It had locations in Dubai, Toronto, and London, Ontario.

Huh? Yep. Sure. There are no bad ideas. There are some bad ideas, but not bad Garfield ideas. Including Eldridge Horror Garfield, it's not a bad idea. It's disturbing to look at, but it's not a bad idea. I think in terms of the Garfield spinoffs, it's right up there with Garfield doesn't talk.

Mm-hmm. I don't have Garfield spin off. off awareness. I think those are the main two. Those feel like those feel like two of the more important ones. Garfield doesn't talk is excellent as well. It works in a different, uh, I would say that's more like David Lynchian probably in its execution. Hmm. I would say they're both different kinds of lynchian. Yes, I guess so. One's just like there's something slightly wrong with this guy and the other is there's something very wrong with everything. There's a lot of there's not. Yeah, okay. I guess I guess we're talking about different. I like this cost of

All right. Garfield doesn't talk is TV, David Lynch. Eldridge Horr, Garfield, is movie David Lynch. It's the first 45 minutes of the Lynch movie and the last 45 minutes. It's like, oh, that guy seems really nice, but there's definitely something one percent wrong with him. Fuck, I would have loved David Lynch to take a swing at Garfield. I would love for David Lynch to take a swing at Garfield. Honestly, that might be the one thing he does normal. That would be fine, too.

Like from what we saw, like the glimpses of his personal life that he gave us, he was actually really normal. Yeah. Like there's two things. Weather and Garfield that I'm normal about. Everything else I'm weird about. Oh, I miss his weather reports. Yeah. Those were great.

I have a question that I've had in an open tab for like three months in the same time and keep all the show stuff. Bring it. So now seems like a good time to ask it. Okay. So, you know, there's this classification of movies that I have in a list that's just called It Was on T&T. but it can be like, you know, TNT, TBS, whatever. In the era of turning on a TV and just finding a movie playing, this doesn't have to be the one you personally watch the most,

not even the one you like the most, because the one that I'm thinking of, I don't actually love. Do you have a standout movie where, if you had to bet, you would say, okay, when I turned the television on across my entire life, and I just flipped, I'm in a hotel or something, this is back during cable, pre-cable, and I flipped to a channel this movie is playing. Is there one movie

that you would bet on over any other? If you had to lay a bet and say this movie will be playing no matter where I am. Over the course of my entire life. So I have to kind of time adjust for it. If you had like a scatter plot or something of like okay, what is

the movie you have seen the most of like not necessarily like encountering? In television chunks basically? Does it include scrolling through the channels you go past it. Yeah, yeah. Like, what appears the most often?

Because I have an answer, but it's, it's, because I realize I don't think I've ever seen this movie end to end, but I feel like I've seen individual frames of it more than I've seen any other movie on the planet. Under Siege is my answer. Okay. I thought you were about seeing mine because my answer is overboard with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

See? My answer. It's everywhere. My answer was going to be. That movie's got big problems too. My answer is going to be gone in 60 seconds, but I think it's too late. I want to leave in your world. I think it's too late to qualify for the world you're talking about.

I want to be in your timeline where that happens to you. That's way better. That is fun. Yeah. I think there's a good chance Shawshank is on right now. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

So I have, I had a list I was compiling for a while that was just called, that was just called, it was on TNT. And a friend of my, I was knocking this. this movie around or I was knocking this list around with a friend and she goes, well, you have to put overboard on there because I feel like every time we were, we were at your house and we turn the TV on, overboard would be on. And then I realized that I don't think I've ever seen overboard. And then I found out there's a remake of overboard. Yeah, I don't think anybody saw that either. With Anna Ferris and some dude. All right, I'm going to change my answer to Big. I think Big is the movie that I have definitely seen Big standalone, but I have probably like, I feel like for a long time, it was like, this is both safe. and interesting enough for grownups to watch that they would just get yeah big was on comedy central from like 1998 to 2006 every day every day so the top five the top five that we settled on the other day is the ones that we had seen the most like growing up this is somebody I grew up with was uh the Italian job the new one the 2003 one yeah the Reese Witherspoon debut the man in the moon

uh huh uh kiss of the dragon 2001 jetly is that jetly that's not Not DMX though, right? No, that's exit wounds that I'm thinking of. Apologizes. How dare you? For the set a file out there. Apologies. It took me a second because I was like, he might have been in that.

No, I think it's Steven Seagall. Overboard and Lady Hawk. Oh, okay. Yeah. Can I tell you, by the way, a TNT? Yeah. Listen, you want to talk about running your offense. Okay?

I'm about to tell you what's on live and what would be, my answer by the way is the Pelican Brief. I've seen 20 minute segments of the Pelican Brief. I think if you assembled all of them, I have seen the entire film. Never seen the whole thing because... Like how most people read the Bible. Right. Sure.

Right. No, I know Pelican Brief way better than I know the Bible. And if everybody in the Bible was... No, they were plenty sweaty in the... One day I might actually read the script for Pelican Brief. That will most likely happen before I finish any second. of the Bible. Wait, so, Serber, you said the overboard has, has some problems.

And I think I can kind of guess the genre of the problems via the subject matter of the movie. But I really don't think I've ever seen the whole movie. Yeah. I mean, there's just the obvious problem, like, of, like, the fact that he has tricked this woman into being his wife. Right. But there's some, like, at one point, he's, I feel like he's singing something from

Song of the South in that movie at some point. Whoa. Yeah. He utters the lines, I have a, oh, don't I have a wonderful slave, I think. What the hell? Yeah, yeah. The movie overboard is really fucked up on a lot of levels and didn't age well at all.

I don't think it was good at the time, maybe, but just kind of got away with it. Apparently there was an answer to the most played movies on TV, at least as of six years ago. Oh, shit. This apparently came from Variety. Roadhouse and the original Jumanji. Oh. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. I'm going to throw a different answer for myself as well. I'm going to change it again. I'm going to say the Breakfast Club.

The Breakfast Club is the movie that if it came on today, despite being almost 40 years old at this point, I wouldn't blink an eye. I wouldn't be like, oh, it's weird that TBS is showing the breakfast. I'd be like, yep, that all is right in the world. Water has found its level. The last two TV movies I watch, not streaming, but like we're scrolling through channels. was one, Bring It On was on on the hotel TV. Great. Strong. Strong. The other was

Fast Five was on at the hospital. That'll get you in the right mindset for any procedure. Yes. I'd like to bring up back to school as another movie that I don't think I've ever seen start to finish. But that's the Rodney Dangerfield movie. It's sort of the Rodney Dangerfield

Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison. His son in it is the main character from Christine. I don't. think I've ever seen any... Okay, I've seen the poster for this. I don't think I've ever seen it. I think Robert Downey Jr. is in back...

He is. He plays like a Depeche Mode listening, like, communist. With the exception of Caddyshack, I don't think I've ever seen a Rodney Dangerfield movie. You never saw Ladybugs? Ladybugs? No. Like, I'm aware of it.

Wait, did you might be too... This might be a few years past your time for, like, the... There was an animated movie where he's a dog? Yeah. He's, like, trying to get back to his owner. There's that one? I don't think so, because I was, like... I go to this time here and I think inappropriate dog movie with a non-child-friendly actor,

and I think all dogs go to heaven, yeah. Featuring a gambling dog plate. Yes. But that's why I watched the Rodney Dangerfield movie. Sure, I get it. Hey, Wikipedia is back. Oh, thank God. I don't know what we would have talked about with it.

Oh, natural born killers. Does that count as a Rodney Dangerfield movie? I guess I have seen that. I haven't thought of that. That's true. Sure. Yeah. So, man, T&T, though, still making the classics of tomorrow today.

Because I'm going to tell you exactly what is on. They have one piece of original programming, which is Dunk Man. I do not know what this show is. But the finals for season five are on tonight, so clear your schedule. But that's not what I wanted to say, because this is literally, like over the next 12 hours, this is what they're playing. Cole Case currently on. Kong, Skull Island, future TNT Classic, okay? maybe already attained that status because they show that.

Then they show the Jake Jillenhall Roadhouse. Oh, God, I forgot that happened. Yeah, they show that. So bad. Yeah, but you got to admit, that's the pick for TNT 2026. To be showing a roadhouse, yeah. Right? Yeah.

Then we get Dunkman, one piece of original programming, and then back at it, Jurassic World, Kong Skull Island again. And then. You said Jurassic World Kong Skull Island again. classic world Kong Skull Island like it was one movie and it completely that no it did not phase me whatsoever I was like yeah that's probably what's a smart direction for the franchise we overnight with cold case because there's apparently 5,000 episodes of that and and because they keep in the freezer and because programs always go back to the fundamentals at 5 a.m. from 5 a.m., I mean clear on to 10 a.m. 5 a.m. what's carrying us and bringing this nation from slumbered to work? Let me guess. Let me guess. Let me guess. Let me guess. Um, the firm. Charmed. Kong Scola.

That's right, Ryan. Charmed. What do we do? We run power. That's it. Run it again. Charmed. Then another episode of Charmed. Not used to charmed existing outside of NBA season. That's, we used to when at Leerfield, when in like, March Madness would roll around and like there would be first round games on TNT. there was this like annual thing that would happen we would walk into the showcase studio we had which was full of TVs we used during the Blitz that it would be turned on like that because we'd be watching the games in there too

but it would be on Charmed minutes of like 80 we would all go in and watch Charmed at like nine in the morning at least for like a couple minutes yeah five fucking hours of Charmed how many episodes of Charmed do you think they're on way to make their asses quit TNT if you had to show kind of rules doesn't it how many episodes of charm do you think they made.

136. Wait, is it more or less than Supernatural? I, if I had to guess. Fewer seasons, but longer seasons. I'm, uh, hold on. I'll, I'll pull up the number. It's far fewer than Supernatural. Oh, I'm going to say.

Server's guess a hundred and thirty six. I'm going to go 60 episodes. I'll go 90. Holly is closest. 178 episodes. Jesus. Server, you did a great, great guess as well. Supernatural, 327 episodes.

And your dad's seen all of them, Holly? We, oh, that's a special interest episode, isn't it? I should just watch Supernatural with my dad. Someone did.

Oh, I could bring Chels on for that. She has every season on DVD. It is in the episode request on Patreon spreadsheet that we bring your dad on. She has them on DVD. Yes, she has the complete series. So she's got supernatural. She has the ancient text for real.

She has seed vaulted. It was not like, oh, I found this show, this, like, trash TV on Peacock that I want to watch it was like oh this I don't have to I can just keep the DVDs put up now it's so easy to watch this show now respect which was great for me right listen you don't you don't know when they'll take it away from you got to protect those

that's true that's true that's incredible my family needs to protect our investment in supernatural hey FBI we just looked around the office we can't find our supernatural We can't find him. You need to execute a search report on Lane Kiffin's property. You can't just stream Supernatural. Come on. He knows we love that show. What's our team supposed to do?

Fine supernatural online isn't owning it. Then pirating supernatural isn't stealing supernatural. I'm not excited about imagining Lane Kiffin's whiny nasal voice saying supernatural. Sorry. It's my fault. Anyway. I, uh, I am absolutely flabberg. that people would be entirely shocked by the notion of like, man, what if they just get AI to like automate our television? I'm like, brother, TNT. TNT's been running on. How much automated do you want your television? Asston answered. Friend, we're good. It's been running. TNT has been running on autopilot for 40 years. 40 years. Once a year, they get together and they're like, here's the rotation. Yeah. This is, I imagine this is what they do. They sit around. All right.

What car movie are we going to do this year? Who's got a car movie? Yeah. All right. All right. Who's got an animal movie? I need an animal movie. All right.

We need one about kissing. That's right. We need a gross out comedy. What are they? All right. All right. Now I'm going to say this. And then the Sandler slot.

Yeah. Yeah. Now we need one that's a little religious guy. Just a little religious. All right. And the rest is lawyer stuff. The rest is whatever. Cops and lawyers.

There's no spot for that. It's just like we just cram in all the cop we can. That's the free space on the Binghamport. That's where you put my cousin Vinny. Cop movie. Yeah. The guy who said Kong Skull Island, that's why he's president now. He's like, I said we need to go out and get the rise to Kong Skull Island.

Yeah. And charmed. And look at where we are today. My closest rival wanted to run Turner and Hooch. He's out of a fucking job now. Look at me. Look at me. I know the people want Kong and his home island.

They need that scene where Shane Wiggum gets kicked into a cliff. And blows up, right? And blows up. And blows up. Dude, that is the script. Somebody's like, as an actor, what part would you have said yes to quickest? And I'm like, Shane, Wiggum's part where they're like, hey, listen, you're going to do the bold boomer sacrifice.

You're like, oh, fuck the planet up, but I'm going to save everyone. Right? And, but I'm going to die because I don't want to live or have any discipline. And so, you know, he gets kicked into that. The minute I read that, right? The agent would be like, so they're offering. I'm like, I don't care. Here's the thing.

I don't think I really appreciate it until this very moment. I think Jason Statham is laying up treasures in TNT Heaven. Yeah. I think all these movies, like we're five-ish years, 10-ish years away, but I'm pretty sure he's going to fucking own that programming at that point in time. He's going to be the savior of that channel. Can you imagine? like Statham Saturday?

Oh my God. The beekeeper? The beekeeper franchise alone? The Meg? The Meg? The Meg is good, actually. Yeah, I'm not saying these are bad movies. I want to be very clear.

So is the second one. Like, I think, and it's like, all right, we need a car movie. I got the transporter. That's what I got for you. We can throw a spy in our T&T rotation. Spy is great. Do you know what Jason Statham's name and the expendables is? Mm-mm.

Jason Satham's character in the expendables is named Lee L-E-E-E-Christmas, just like it sounds Christmas. Sure. This is the guy also known as handsome Rob, Turkish, bacon. Like, there's some great names. What would you pay? Like, realistically. So musicians do this. They'll sell their entire, you know, works for X amount of money, right?

The publishing rights. Yeah, sure. What would I pay for the master? of Jason's the value of the state. It feels like every film where he is the main character. What is the market capitalization of the turtle companies at this point? That's the answer. We're talking nine figures, right?

Looking to sell me filmography. Just by scenes, though. Yeah. Would you like to program an entire case? You know what? Fuck it. Two cable networks. Would you like to lock this up for the next 20 years?

Buy the rights to every Jason State. You got to put something on your TV. That's right. Go small. Seen that one. It's pretty shy. Jason Statham letterbox. Let's see what's most beloved.

Statham Criterion Collection. There's shit I haven't even heard of on here. Wildcard? What's that? What's his character's name? Nick Wilde. Of course it is. Are you crazy?

Statham films by shortest first. You're probably going to find a hit. Because for a long time front of the program, Amy Nicholson, who's the film critic for the L.A. Times, wrote like last week, I've been wrestling with Jason Statham for a decade, and I'm finally conceit. defeating defeat to his latest movie, which is called mutiny.

Yes. His upcoming movies, The Beekeeper 2, and Jason Statham stole my bike. They're making another beekeeper. They're making another beekeeper. I am getting Marcus on the show and we're going to unpack like whatever they are trying to make Jason Statham in this movie. Scheduled to be released. Scheduled to be released in January 2027. What do you pay?

The traditional, the traditional outlet. I think, but the good movies. I would pay. Hey, it's the off season. Those are my favorite movies. I would pay like $200 million for these combined. Easy. Just like, like, like I, bangor after banger, like what are we doing today? If you're like, hey man, I'm not doing anything. I'd be like, Parker.

And you'd be like, oh, man, that's what we're doing. But you're not playing it at your house. You're putting it on T&T so everyone can watch it. No, no, no. I'm getting my rival, right? My rival is going to get to it before me. So I'm getting 100%. Yeah.

Turner Classic Movies isn't getting this. You're going to put it on private TV. and T and T and T plus what I pay for T and T plus oh the answer's not flattering it's like it would be like three T's T and T plus that's just the that's you rent movies from the library what you're really postulating is a further balkanization of media to the point where it's like Netflix but just for one act and it would rule this will work and I think of it We've done multiple shows about this, about how there needs to be a service where you can just watch the first 45 minutes of like Scarface, Blow, Requeam for a Dream. And you're like, this is a great, this is a great business with no consequences.

Oh, just movies about how cool it is to do crime. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is where, by the way, where I think like Spike kind of fucked up, right?

Because we've had this entire debate about, man, men do you. The otherwise prestigious. Men don't read, right? Like, men don't read. Are men being priced out of literature just intellectually? And I'm like, yes, that's why you need a channel that doesn't even bother to market to them. They just know it, right? They just know it.

Like Spike was like, this is for dudes. Now you're talking about Netflix, but only for dumb guy movies. Yeah, but you don't even advertise it. It's just slop. You're just like, here, piggy. Here you go. Here's Transporter at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. And they're like, I know what I'm here for.

Like the channel wouldn't even need a sign. We might not even need a brand. They'd just be like, that's channel 22. God, do you know where this would be extremely helpful in an airport? If I knew every time I went to the airport that they would be. A Jesus seat. So like, are we talking there's boy TV and girl TV besides each other? It's for everyone.

It's for everyone. Everyone has to watch the games. Children, old people. Everyone gets to watch Jesus. Yeah. So wait, is there a kids' statham TV? No. It's all the same.

What kids? What kids Statham is there? The Meg is a children's movie. It's got fishies. Yeah. Crank? That's a kids movie. That's right.

It's about staying active. That's right. Get 60 minutes or you'll die. It's how it jobs about teamwork. That one's fine. That one's fine. Kids love scheming. Ed Norton being a dick.

That's a guy. the documentary. Yeah, I would pay so much money for this. Oh my God. Death Race? Death Race. He did the remake of Death Race. You know? Or Hummingbird? Have you seen Hummingbird? No. Dramatic turn. He's really good. He's really good. It's not a good movie. But he's really good in it.

Does he change his hairstyle a little? No. So he doesn't put on an acting toupee? No, he's not like I'm serious. I have hair now. So unlike the Rock, when it's like, I will change my character by sometimes changing my hair. Yeah, do you like that The Rock was like, I need to be serious now. All right, all right. I want to be, hold on, hold on.

You said this was a serious movie, and I'd like to read the Wikipedia one sentence summary of it. Okay. Okay. Yeah, you go right ahead. It stars Jason Statham as a haunted alcoholic veteran who befriends a Catholic nun, becomes involved in organized crime, and exacts vengeance on a man who beats and kills prostitutes. This sounds just like a Jason Statham movie. I got to be honest with you.

It's not, can I give you the pitch? But he's haunted. Sure. Yeah, I'm going to tell you, here's the pitch, okay? So the pitch was, I'm sure someone in the room said that, right? I'm sure. I'm sure someone in the room said, that just sounds like a Jason Stathen movie. Because you read it as, he's a haunted alcoholic veteran who befriends a Catholic nun,

becomes involved in organized crime and exacts vengeance on a man who beats and kills prostitutes. And I'd say, no, no, no, no, that's not what it is. It stars Jason Statham as a haunted alcoholic veteran. read the whole thing like that and they were like oh we get it this sounds to me like when sandler does a serious movie every 10 to 30 years the plot is still a sandler movie right like that one you did punch drunk love if you put in some wacky sound effects is every sandler movie but it has emotions and it's real acting and whatever like the the fucking gambling one if he had done that with a wacky cartoon face it is all of his movies Yeah yeah yeah Like it's all the same movie There's just a seriousness dial

Like like he could very easily do that Like whoa He doesn't even have He doesn't even have the like kind of wacky girlfriend Yeah Oh my God There's an athlete cameo They just filter

Yeah yeah yeah And it's really about just musical choices Half the time Yeah Right yeah Like oh hey There's a Sandler movie where a NBA player delivers a surprising performance.

Oh, my God, it's the serious one. Yeah, you just... Like Shaq and so many Sandler movies, being really good at acting. There's just a filter they put on it, and suddenly, wow, he can act. It always comes back to the bigger Estadl. It always comes back.

The center of our cinematic universe. Here in week zero, we are mostly talking about Shaq. I would like to point out for the audience. We had a plan for today, and it was to talk about the Cleveland Browns. At least two days ago, Jason was like, should this be our season preview episode? And 72 minutes into this episode, I can confirm that it might be. I think it is.

We did put quote fingers around season preview in the last episode titles. We're covered there. And we talked about Old Miss and LSU. Yeah. You know? Can't see? Yeah. That's happening?

I mean, Cleveland Browns are hilarious. We could talk about them any week of any year ever. Just put the Cleveland Browns, the only franchise that could put me the position of i think you should start shudra sanders yeah they probably should yeah probably trade for division two's jack strand off the when was when was the last time the the uh it was a bad idea to say the cleveland brown should start their backup quarterback instead oh boy when was the last time it was worth starting a quarterback for the cleveland Like,

Flacco. What's the last time at Matt? Joe Flacco. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You should start Shadurr Sanders. That's bad.

How bad is Dylan Gabriel? Did you know Cody Kessler was the leading passer for the Browns one year? Sure. You don't want that. So is Deshaun Kaiser? Like. So was Brian Hoyer? Shudor Sanders, guy who last year was the most like mocked quarterback in the league.

And like, you know, some of that was people like hunting for clips. Like, sure, he didn't play well. but also it wasn't that bad. He just, you know, has very clear weaknesses that he had throughout his entire college career. And, you know, he likes to roam. And is playing on a bad team. And he plays on the fucking brown. He plays on a bad team.

So, like, to go from that to, like, oh, my God, he's the only hope you have, you must start him. He's fucking bad. And the guy that they're starting instead has had, like, I don't know, a decent game since 2020. and like, like, you know, additionally, all that other stuff, and additionally, you're paying him a quarter million dollars still. And,

and additionally, just got done being like, fuck all these fans. I hate it here, the fans suck. Fuck all these fans who are booing me for illegitimate reasons. These fans don't like me as a person for some reason.

Or as a quarterback for some reason. They're the problem. The vibes are, like, like, it takes a lot to say the Browns vibes are bad, but holy fuck dude here's i think the biggest i was saying about this the biggest difference between the browns and the jets because the browns the jets are similarly mismanaged like do everything wrong franchises the jets tend to get more attention because they're in new york but the brown the browns get plenty as well and the biggest difference is that i think the browns don't even

bother going through the offseason cycle of optimism jets the jets will absolutely like Jets fans and Jets media will do that. Did you see Gino this weekend? I don't know. I think this is the year. I think this is the year we put it all together. We got a Italian quarterback named Gino. We got no interceptions last year on defense. So therefore we're due for a ton this year.

That's how that works. Law averages. And though, like, if you know a Jets fan, the easiest, listen, this is not a gambling podcast. We don't take money from gambling sponsors. There's a long story behind that. We'll get to it one day. But I will tell you this, on a personal level, if you can find a Jets fan in July, we're a little late, you could probably sneak in now, ask them how much they want to wager that the Jets won't win 11 games. And they're off, they'll be like, easy, easy money, why would you say the Jets won't win 11?

Have you seen this roster? Have you seen the direction they'll take? Have you seen this coaching staff? They'll always take it. It doesn't matter that it won't happen. Their goldfish brains can completely flush out literally everything that happened just a season. prior also they're high on the nix so yeah that's true that's true whereas whereas the browns never make a pretense of like the browns are like hey it's exciting we ch we traded one of the best players

of franchise history and it wasn't a completely lopsided trade yay we did it we're the browns it's about keeping your name in the news this is this is all because this is all because a a kind of incompetent man inherited a un-unfuck up a bull, unfuck up a bull, gas station empire, truck stop empire. Yes. And he said, I think it was like two years ago,

he was like, yeah, we shouldn't have traded for Deshaun't try it for Deshaunson. Yeah. And he's starting. Yep. Mm-hmm. Holy shit. And is he also friends with the Manning family? He sure is. He sure is friends with the name. Guess who's coming. Guess who's next? Guess who's getting thrown into the

sadness pit? Can you imagine being the same family that was like, hey, fuck you, Chargers. Yeah, we won't like a pretty good team. Like a team that has like been to a Super Bowl before and has been competitive. Like you wouldn't look at the Chargers and be like, that's, that's the bottom. That's like, but said no. We, we are pulling our card here.

But instead saying yes to the Browns. Especially with the player who did not follow either of his predecessors to a at this point not so top. here SEC school, but instead went to Texas, right? Like a young man who was already going to play for the high achieving institution, that one being fine with playing for the Browns. The Browns is that family relative that eventually out of childhood and into adulthood, your parents have to pull you over and say, hey, you know, you know, Uncle Tim, don't drive with him, you know? Or like, hey, when he leaves, can you just look in the liquor cabinet.

There should be eight bottles in there, but I just need you to count. You know? Like, Uncle Tim was married before? Yeah, it didn't go well. Didn't, we don't talk about that. The idea of showing up week one for the Browns and like sitting down and like, you know,

you've gone through, I don't know, traffic or whatever and parking and whatever, you've paid $1,000 total. And you're sitting down, you have your $9.75 beers. And then you watch the Browns. And you've done this. 25 years in a row and you'll do it another 25. You could not possibly explain why. You fought hard.

Like, I understand it's maybe strange to talk about, but there was a time when there weren't any Browns. They were gone. You were free. And we, as a society, we said, no. We demand the returns. You must have browns back. Like the last time the Browns won anything, they were the Ravens.

Imagine if Ghostbusters, ends, everyone's celebrating. We've saved the city. And Ray immediately says, Let's get one more steep of marshmallow. Actually, let's do it again. I miss that guy. He was fun.

That's what we did with the Cleveland Browns. We didn't have to have them. Yeah, they did. We sent them to Baltimore, and they immediately became more interesting, better run, more successful. All of their problems were solved. We didn't have to have the Browns. We don't have to have the

rounds now they could go anywhere they could go anywhere but they'll send him to St. Louis building them a fucking new stadium they're becoming more entrenched yes it's not too late people of Cleveland is not too late you can be done with the Browns we can be we can be over this don't chain yourself to the mass of the past I mean Browns all respect to Baltimore but how many people do you know like move there and like man everything turned around It's great. Like usually it's like, oh, they're doing okay, you know?

And listen, this is not a Cleveland specific things. Like, you have the guardians. You have the calves. Like, you can have other things. I'm not telling you like, no, you're a bad sports. No, it's just you are not the problem. The Browns are the problem. It's a lovely town.

Yeah. And, you know, you're all Ohio State fans. You actually don't have any sports problems at all. Yeah. But, like, the Browns do not need to exist. No. Do they matter in the division? Not at all.

Never. Never. Not a bet. Haven't won it since before they existed. Yeah. They offer nothing. They do nothing. There is, I saw a stat I haven't verified it myself, but the Houston Oilers have a more recent division champion.

I'm sorry. Houston Oilers have not existed in this millennium. Can you say that again? Can you see that? The Browns are chasing ghosts. You mean like powder blue? That team that used to be there. All right.

The last AFC, the last division champion for the Browns was 1989. So anybody who won at 1990. Oh, boy. Like the fucking Panthers have been the most. Multiple Super Bowls, and they didn't exist until 1995. Oh, man. I'm sorry, Cleveland. This is really funny.

Your failure is funny. I'm sorry. It's all still newer than Notre Dame's last national title. Hey, there we go. Boy. There we go. For now. For now.

We could be eating shit on that real fast. No, I picked him to win at all, so I can, I'm playing both sides. Do you know what the Browns did the year after they won the AFC Central? Hmm. They went three and 13. They had the worst. They had the second worst record in the league immediately after, yeah, we did it.

Hey! We're here. Fart. Oh, man, it's time to look at Browns reference. Oh, yeah. It's cursed, man. They made the playoff a few years ago, and they won a game, and then they're three and 14 the next year. Three and four.

Yes. What could be worse than three and 13? We added another game. The Browns could lose 14. Another game to lose. Oh, God. My favorite, if you're on the Browns reference page, you can see their points differential.

And you can see like, it is fuck like, 20, 23, they went 11 and 6. You're like, that's pretty good. Ooh, there's some numbers here. 34 points positive. Every other year, you have to go back to Bill Belichick in 1994 to find another year where the Browns scored more points than they had scored upon them.

them. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I skipped over a Butch Davis and a Romeo Cornelior, Jesus Christ, right? You're really fucking it up here. These legends of Cleveland passed. There's a minus two, 258 in that column. Correct. Correct. In my head, I just hear Carl going like, none of this matters. That's, you're averaging a 16 point loss every single week. You're watching your team, and this before two-point conversions, you're watching your team lose by three scores week in and week out. Yeah.

That's awesome. That's incredible, man. Like, that's worse than the time they went 0 and 16. Yeah, they did that too. Like, comparatively, like, college football-wise, like, South Carolina fans are, like, on the high hog. Like, if I were the Browns, I would be pleading for massive NFL expansion just so we don't rank 32 out of 32 in things.

It'd just be like, I'd love to be 31 out of 36 guys. You can rank 48 out of 48. No, you know how this goes. You have to naively believe that you'll have a year or two where you're better than the expansion team. No, no, the expansion team's going to win the Super Bowl before they do. That's true. Yeah, there's. Like the Baltimore Ravens, aka the Cleveland Browns.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, this is how the Salt Lake Storm and Mormons managed to win a title before you do. That's fine. We don't need the Browns. We just don't. There'd be another place by a lake that has a title that you don't.

Like, so they add 16 NFL expansion teams. Sure. The Browns put Deshawn Watson on the expansion draft list. Yeah. Goes unclaimed. Nice try. Couch, free for new home. Next day.

Couch still there. It's time for podcast business. It's time for a little business. I think the people have been won over. That's what it is. Hey, you know what? If the people have been won over, Jason, what can they do? They're like, man, let me just throw money at these people.

If they're like, let me get some more of this, I think they should come to patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast, where on the way soon, we have additional hours per month broken up weekly. It's a weekly Saturday night recap show called Fullcast After Dark that some of you were around for last year. Some of you have remained locked in on our Patreon the entire time. Thank you to both groups. More thank you to those who stuck around the entire time. but still thank you to those who checked in and out. Regardless, we will be back to that.

Editorial meeting, I don't think we're doing it after week zero Saturday. No, we're not. Okay, good. Just confirming for the folks in homes. Confirming, yes. Great meeting. But week one, absolutely. I'm out of town, week zero.

Anyway, not that really would matter. I've done the shit on the phone before. I'm sure we all have at one point or another. Regardless, patreon.com slash shutdown forecast. We have many hours of stuff stored up for you treasures in heaven over the course of the offseason. and many more hours are on the way throughout the football season. Additionally, home field apparel, we have ad copy. Hit it.

Let me Google Homefield Apparel ad copy. So this is the after, okay, so it's the second one. Should I just read it verbatim again? Is that? No one can stop you. Yeah. So we're supposed to riff on this. That's a joke for you at home.

just reading it as it is. We are, as always, sponsored by Homefield, your industry leader in Game Day, gear by, and for true fans. Our friends at Homefield, design and research everything from the fit and fabrics to the vintage logos to stand out gear that defines your game day.

Shop the very best of Homefield, like t-shirts, hoodies, and crew necks featuring unique designs for your school. They've got over 180 partner schools. That's more than our NFBS, which I added that. See, I was riffing. Which means there's something for you.

Retro style jackets for every part of the season. premium hats with retro designs and a fit for everyone and just launched the home field stadium polo inspired by the bold vibrant game day polos of the 90s I right now am wearing a Looks like this is a northern Arizona Yeah, it's a northern Arizona Northern Arizona shirt looking at upside down is difficult because I had it from this angle it looked like my home field app state shirt Oh sure I'm on the app same page right now Yeah, so you see you the situation yeah

Northern Arizona I can't tell which which Which black and yellow outdoorsman I am wearing at this point. I got one of them. I got one of them polos. Them shits are real. One of the new ones? If you, yeah,

if you need a pole. I got the, the, the Clemson. There's two Clemson ones. I got both of them. They're fucking sick. They feel great.

Like, I have to wear polos to work. I'm not usually a polo guy, but I wear them to work to dress somewhat nice and also on the golf course. They're real comfortable. And the, like the 90s vibe is fully achieved 100%. The,

jagged the jagged shark yeah yeah yeah uh i'm endorsing these wholeheartedly you look like you could be coaching clemson to a seven and five season you put me on stock still staff like let me let me let me help that guy out a little bit maybe we can get Tommy west straightened out and and and the Tommy bowden era never comes that would be significant charlie whitehurst vibes is that the thing you Do you if you could go back in time? No. No. I'd fire Dabo after the loss to USF in the ball game.

Wow. I always like that, man, you're like, I'm going to affect a sports thing, and I'm like, I'm going to go back and watch George Bush puke in the laugh of a Japanese prime minister to dinner. Sure. That's what I'm going to do. What if you fired Dabo right after the second national title? Mm-mm. No?

Not giving them that much rope? No. I want to see. No, I think, I think vibes are way better right now at this very moment if we just,

if we started something different than in 2011. Okay. Probably don't win two national championships, but it's fine. Just getting his year and be like, we won two national championships and it fucking sucks.

Like that didn't do anything. Yeah, but just cut him loose right then and there. You get into Davosier and you're like, hey man, look what you've done here at a place where people thought you couldn't win a national championship anymore.

Yeah, you got a vizierium. Let me talk about the Cleveland, there's another, there's another, There's another program. Everybody, everybody's doubting, Cleveland. You want to talk about the epitome of doubt.

Yeah. You want to be the great, you want to be the greatest coach. You're going to talk about the Lord accomplishing much with little. There ain't nothing. They don't get no little or nothing. Thank you for the, thank you for turning vizier into a verb. Hey, just imagine, just imagine you. It's up there, viziering.

Just imagine you lifting that Lombardy trophy. Oh my God, it'd be so beautiful. Lombardy. Lombardy. because you got a lumber at it. And they'd always love you, Dabo. They could never say anything bad about you on the radio after that. Cleveland Browns.

Call-in radio. That sounds like... You're going to be Tyler from Spartanburg's 133 and Y. It's depths of hell. Cleveland Brown's Coach calling show. And that's the Homefield appellate. Homefield apparel. Love to be a business with our favorite brand.

You can shot the very best in game pay off your team now with Homefield. Take 20% off your first purchase with code. Fullcast 20 at checkout at checkout at homefield apparel.com or on the Homefield app, Homefield, the official outfitter of shutdown fullcast, end of your game day. It's up to the Lord whether you put that garden hose in the window of your car in a closing. Spencer! Spencer! If you're going to do it, though, do it in one of them fine-ass polos.

Yeah, next, hey, Channel 6. There have to be Game Day shrouds. Hang on, because I know there's branding, there's college branded coffins. I seen them. Channel 6, that is a newsletter that Holly and I work to put together. And man,

not game day hoods. Work to put together. There's been a ton of that. We have the every SEC game preview coming up. We have got people's team. We've got the BVP watch list coming up, which is the Bradley Van Pelt Award that we give to the most college-ass college football player

every single year. We're going to do that. We're also got open. coming up we have a couple of surprises up our sleeve um which you will see coming up later this week never a better time to subscribe 10 dollars for two things a week including guess the return of the top whatever which will be coming back to tell you everything that happened uh on the week that was in college football in your inbox on mondays channel dash 6.coast.io did you find a game day shroud not exactly oh

Steelers. It's a great URL. It's an urn. It's an urn. That's an arn-earn. That's an urn. Yep. My stillers earn.

I want to tell you the most disturbing thing about this Etsy listing for a wooden urn with the Pittsburgh Steelers logo on it. And that is the, the, the, this phrase is just above the price. 13 views in the last 24 hours. Why is this a popular item? I mean, we all just clicked on it. So what that's like three, four views? Right. Now look at the Browns are.

It was, okay, it was right next to this in the listing, and now I'm like, could I use one for the other? Phantom Island is a podcast I do with Stephen Godfrey. Sometimes it's about college football. Sometimes it's not. Is Holly coming on Phantom Island pretty soon for a pretty lengthy conversation about a subject near and also not necessarily dear, but irritating to our hearts? Yes, she is. You'll have to find out why. You'll have to find out why.

You go to Phantom Island and you sign up today. You can listen to us for free on Wednesdays. pay and listen to us on Fridays and other days as well it's phantom island dot show or you just look at phantom island in your podcast apps i have not gotten a step stool yet to confirm whether or not stephen is bald i am working on it because journalism matters and spencer is continuing to ask the tough questions that nobody's asking about stephen god's all i do that's all you do that's what this that's what this business demands i have some news about the until saturday newsletter, which is entering its second college football season with me at the helm of it.

Still ain't gotten to Saturday yet. Has, I think we're, I forget the number of subscribers. It's vast. But a piece of news. I'm going to, the watch grid, the ugly schedule guide spreadsheet that I've been doing for a decade for some reason. Last year, of course, as you all know, I killed it and used a fancy, fancy version. Just to prove I'm better than most people. just to show off my wealth and access

to incredible tools that I have. But for this year, we're going to run it back. We're going to put the ugly-ass spreadsheet until Saturday newsletter. And I am... When I announce this to my coworkers, I just put it in Slack and know it objected. So I'm just going to do it.

And then it'll be fine. The newsletter team is very chill and cool. I won't get yelled at. Finally, some good news. It's an ugly fucking, it's an ugly fucking spreadsheet. It's beautiful. And I'm going to have to explain it, right, to a percentage of my readers, right? I have to explain why it's so ugly.

But it'll be fine. And if you listen, you get why it's ugly. Just tell them, hey, the time spent all the budget on games and recipes. Yeah. Like, there wasn't money. There's a gift link. That's what I'll do. I'll say, here, this shit is ugly and there's a gift link to some cooking.

Yeah, that's right. There you go. Perfect. All we're all square. The Until Saturday newsletter. sign up, sign up for that, and you'll get some nasty screenshots of spreadsheets. Did you talk about the magazine? We did not. Turfman Industries.

Turfman Industries.com is the website for what I think is the greatest college football preview ever put together. Turfman Industries will lead you to our football almanac slash preview. Book the expert, stupid friends cannot do without. That's right. you can go there and your copy remember it costs one cent less than

Phil Steels. We don't charge you for shipping either and we didn't charge you for shipping at all it does arrive in your inbox in the form of a PDF but you know you can print it out we've seen several gorgeous versions of it in various alignments and arrangements and it contains listen so much material

so much fantastic actual football content go go buy it go download it it's great it's sold way better than we had any like dreams of it selling, we would like it to sell even better? Kind of ridiculous at this point because we were like, oh, it'd be cool if we sold a thousand of these by Labor Day. And we crossed 2,500 last night. I think it'd be cool if we get to 3,000 by Labor Day, which at which point, you know,

this thing has a shelf life because it's a preview. But I think it'd be cool if we sold 3,000 by then, which feels ridiculous to even say out loud because we were like, ah, maybe a thousand. That'd be cool. No. Yeah. Go get it. Do it. Surprise us again, why don't you?

Listen, I cannot talk about this thing without the biggest smile on my face because it has been received so much better than we thought it might. So thank you all for that. We appreciate it. We'll do it again sometime. Yeah. I have a question for Surber. Last week we were curious whether perhaps Jimmy Eat World had come upon your album by way of this podcast. Sure.

And I don't think any of us hurt. from Jimmy Eat World in the past week to confirm that they heard it from this podcast, which I think therefore means that they found your band through music-specific channels. Yeah, algorithm of some kind, I think. So, yeah, Jimmy Eat World, if you're listening. Yeah. Or we could say, you know, hey, Jimmy Eat World. You could sing it back.

Yeah, Killer Ants. fantastic music. With a Z. With a Z as recognized by, you know, fellow artists and peers, friends, buddies. I heard Meat Loaf's ghost loves Killer Ants. That's what I heard. I would fucking rule to be haunted by Meatloaf. That would be pretty fucking cool. Paradise by the dashboard light. Just about to see that.

I mean, we, look, I'm a Springsteen disciple, 100%. I'm all. in on born to run darkness on the edge of town the river Nebraska born in the USA that run specifically bad out of hell it just stands toe to toe

and doesn't get the same kind like we don't talk about meatloaf with the same reverence we talk about Springsteen yeah and that that specifically pisses me out not as a knock to Springsteen but it is a great disservice that we like

people half smile when they talk about me. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's like, it's just a joke. And like that's the thing.

He is, but also he was more fucking ass than any of this other classic rock that you're supposed to. Yeah. It is the evidence of like, if you give, if you just give a really talented theater kid a rock band,

they will make something amazing. And I mean, the 80 shit's great too. And I won't stand for any of the, Part 2 slander or any of that stuff. It all fucking banks as well. Part 2 for me. Part 2 is where me and my dipshit punk friends came aboard 20 years later or whatever. We're like, yo, this is what old people mean when they say old music is good.

Yes, 100%. I'm glad that we took this time to respect Meatloaf. His name was Meatloaf. So that's it. Important podcast business. Support Meatloaf. Support Meatloaf. You shouldn't always support Meatloaf as well.

what we learned. Um, is there anything else? Nope. No, okay. All right. It's my last show on the full cast. And I, the thing about what I want to end with.

Hold on. Can I, can I? I wrote something down, but it's in the other room. Can I go get it? I'll be right back. If you come back in a saw puppet mask, I swear to God. Oh my God.

He's coming back in a fucking little, one of that little saw puppet bicycle. This bitch. Just end the episode. Oh, what diva. Just ended. All right. Thank you, Annie Ock. That's beautiful.

Very well stated. You're going to live on, Ryan, though. And do you know how I know? Because I have this button in the soundboard. No, wait, that's shit. That's me. God damn it! Also me. God fucking damn it.