Shutdown Fullcast - Are we dead? Are we all dead? Are you??

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

A French artillery lesson, about buttsHow to tell the Fullcast hosts apart (it's based on how long since each of us has played Wave Race)Whole crew proceeds to fail to conclusively prove we're currently aliveWhat kind of boat is it on the river Styx, do you reckonVermont community theatre newsThank you for emailing us from workHolly ad Spencer made a zine, you will be able to buy it next week, like everything else they do it is nominally about college footballCatching up with Ol' Terry BikeassThe Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 32 bonus episodes since launching in August 2025, including five (5) new hours just this week. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)The Shutdown Fullcast is produced by delicious and energizing Monster Energy Master Chief Michael Ray Surber Fullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Christian AshlockDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s other show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz (new album out now!)Purchase exclusive Shutdown Fullcast gear at preownedairboats.com, real website, not a trapThrough September 30, all proceeds from our PTKU merch collection will be donated to Alianza Translatinx

I think per Reddit for R slash French, I think the word for like juicy butt that you're looking for is pittard. Like hoisted by your own pittard. There are some other options, but this is the one that Reddit seems most. I do like Popo Tain. If you want to talk specifically about a thick butt, that's Teno. Uh-huh. Do it and EAU.

And then I'm seeing a lot of discussion about like, well, French has a lot of words for butts, but they're not specific. specifically big but you have to use an adjective to emphasize the largeness of the butt. I want to pause and talk about pittard for a second because this is a common misconception and I feel like not a lot of our audience may know people talk about, you know, the saying of being hoisted by one's own pittard, which makes a lot of people think via the choice of verb there that hoist means like a noose, like you hung yourself with your own rope. Or a slain or something.

That's not actually what this is. a POTARD in this context is functionally a grenade. And it's more like I stepped on my own grenade and it blew me up. So hoist you were like propelled. Like you were hoisted, but you were hoisted from beneath. You were thrown by the landmine you stepped on. So in this case it would be like my own. So you know how in Lone of the Rigs when they blow up,

when they put that bomb in the base to blow up the wall at Helms Deep? Like that's a that would be a potard. Any little barrel that link can carry and throw that throws up? So what you did was you created an ass that was enormous and it's on the ground. And you stepped on it and you bounced very high into the air. So it gets even better. And this is how it comes back to butt. The term petard, it originally comes from an old French verb that means to fart.

which is how we get back around. Well, so, and if you look at a pittard, right, like in terms of what it means for a but, the pittard is like roughly like a thick slacks of dynamite, right? Or thick stick of dynamite. Like a roast beef of dynamite. A tonneau. Patard is also slang for a joint, by the way, if you're in France, like right now, like modern usage. So in both English, specifically American English,

and in French, you can be smoking a butt. Yeah. And if I'm remembering, right, it's actually, it's a, it's more of like a, I didn't do that entirely correctly. I think it's more of like a blunt because the point is that it's thick. Right. Right. So.

There's also the tonneau, which is the name for a wine cask. So you're literally saying that somebody's packing a barrel back there if they got a tonneau. They're casked up. Yeah. Yeah, they're cast up. I do like that they're like, the two French expressions, explosives, and, um, wine. That's it. Explosives and wine. We understand this. To the shutdown full cast.

I'm getting myself a B on that one. Who's me? I'm Spencer Hall. That's right. The host of this show. Spence Hall, giving myself a B. And, uh, yeah. Were you trying? Were you trying or were you just trying to get it over with? I wanted, uh, professional queen, clean, quick execution of it. So you're going for a B. I think I was going for like an A and I landed on a B and we'll do better. Okay.

is what I think about that. I am allegedly the host of this show. Joining me is fellow shutdown full guest host, Jason Kirk, who also works for the New York Times. This is so extensive. Doxing. It is. Phantom Islands, Ryan Nanny.

Hi, Ryan. How are we doing? Hi. Good? This is... I know. It's very odd. It's the Wikipedia version.

And then Channel 6 co-founder. and legend Holly Anderson. Hello. Tell us her birth date. Tell us her star sign. Yeah. Social Security number, please. Ooh, I finally got Spencer's birth time, so I have his chart.

You want to hear about it? Yeah, I have to introduce Michael Serber. Then you can do that. And that there's, that's Michael Serber. He's lead vocalist and guitars for the killer ants as well as podcast producer, full cast member. You do so many things. There.

This is the only, the internet's only college football podcast. professional. Do you do other stuff? I am the co-writer of Channel 6. A great newsletter we'll tell you about later. I did found EDSBS for better or worse. I've been on TV. I've done a lot of different things. I have two kids. I've traveled extensively. I speak like parts of seven languages, but who's counting? Which parts? All of us graduated middle school, except I kind of didn't go to middle school. Did all of you finish middle school? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Middle school finished me.

Yeah, that might be closer to the truth. Okay. I hear it sucks. I didn't go. Did go to high school. Everyone here finished high school. Yeah. We've all been to a football game. We've all been. I think we've watched. All of us have been to a football game together. I don't know that all five of us have, but I don't think so. Servers selfishly didn't drive cross-country for Yukon, Vanderbilt.

Everyone here has played Wave Race, I assume. I was there. I had better seats, by the way. That's true. When's the last time each of us played Wave Race? I played... A mere months ago. What?

Wow. It's on the Switch, isn't it? Oh, is it? Yeah. I played Wave Race in a long time. I think I played it when it first hit the Switch. I played Wave Race on a 64 two years ago before the 64 stopped working. So Ryan or Holly, you're our most recent Wave Racers?

Yeah. I believe so, yeah. Okay. So add that to our wikisies. okay that's important yeah anything else you need to know um yeah or trespination but we don't talk about that um that's the thing though we do yeah we do talk about it for never never come counterpoint no yeah and that's it this podcast used to be a video that was just jason spencer long long yeah it's weird it's very weird they both had long

hair and no facial hair. At the time, I was bald. Spencer was... I thought, oh, were you? I thought you had, like, kind of shaggy hair for a while. I'm pretty sure I was... I had a shaved head at the time. I did for most.

Is this the tight intro you were hoping for, Spencer? It is. Yeah, I think you guys are nailing it. You're fucking nailing it. Or was it Spencer who had a shaved head at the time? I think Spencer might have to see it. Because I did for most of my adulthood. Sure.

Until pretty recently. When I was like, you know, I don't know how much longer the hair lines got, so I'm going to work it for all this worst. Nailing it. Killing it. Wasn't there a hot dog thing you did, Spencer, where you were also shaved and looked like a hot dog in the video? I did look. It was like a long hot dog-looking man eating hot dogs.

You want to know something embarrassing? Hmm. I didn't really know you before at Leerfield. They were like, hey, let's do it. And so I looked up Spencer Hall and that was my. Good. Conceived notion. And you're like, oh, this will work.

This will work. Yeah, you're like, that's cool. That seems a cool. That seems a good. About right. Source of the greatest PR email, not PR email, of the greatest, like, celeb adjacent email we've ever gotten where, because, you know, there's always somebody who's like, hey, I can put you in touch with so-and-so to be on your show.

But after Spencer did that hot dog thing, I got an email from somebody offering to connect us with Joey Chestnut's sister's friend. Ooh. Wow. Who could speak to his life and career. Marie. Yep. Yeah. That sounds like a Marie kind of thing.

That she would. Totally. What if it's revealed that she's just like incredibly talented all along? Like. But I guess I owe some apologies. Yeah. And we missed our shot. And that turned out to be Olivia Rodriguez.

Let's see. You hiked mountain on camera. I did. I failed. Failed. Yeah. You drove. You did stunt driving.

Yeah. Are you dying? I did. Yeah. We're recapping all of this. Are we all dying? Oh, definitely. Oh, I think we're.

already dead, to be clear. We're all dead. I think this show is... As of when? When did we die? The minute we started this show. Today? Long ago.

Nope. The first time I started. So the first... So the... This podcast has been some sort of an afterlife for us. You too, and I think Adam Jacoby of memory served, you died first. Adam moved on. Then I died.

So did Adam come back to life when he left the show in 2013 or whatever? This is purgatory. So he's in a different... He's in another realm of the afterlife. Yeah, that's right. What about our guests? Are they people experiencing near-death experiences? Yes, Roger Sherman has almost died several times.

Yeah, like, yeah, like, Al-Sprudsoner and Richard Johnson, and, you know, they just sort of pop in it out. Harry Liles. Yeah, yeah. Almost died. What about Brian Floyd? Does he, does he still haunt the living realm? Because he is here. You can just ask.

All right. This is for the audience. If you can hear Floyd. That means you're dead. Ooh. Yeah. So when he speaks, he is some sort of a vision from the beyond for the listener. Only the dead can hear, can channel his voice.

So that's how they know. What's that what's that fluid? Everything I'm saying is right. Okay. Yeah. He's confirming. That's what Ryan walks around all day. Here's the good news.

You're doing great, buddy. If you just heard. Brian Floyd speak, you don't have to worry about getting a colonoscopy. Nope. Taxes, done with those. Yeah. Don't pay them. Oh, actually, it's over for you.

Said, you don't have to worry about it anymore. The noise only people under 40 can hear. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, my college, whatever. You're dead. Welcome. Yeah, it's fine.

That's why Spencer says welcome every time, because he's welcoming you out of life into death. New newcomers to the river sticks. That's right. Yeah. Spencer is the boatman. So Spencer is the boatman and... Yeah. Those two coins on your eyes?

That's podcast business right there. Spencer has a boat because he can't swim. Yeah. Okay. You know what I just thought about? Yeah. Fellas, it never occurred to me before. The boat on the river sticks pretty much has to be a pontoon, right?

How so? Practical. Not a... The gondola? Not a raft. You want it wide. You want it wide because you're moving a lot of people and you want something that's really stable because people are going to be walking back and forth. You don't want the boat rocking.

This is not- Are they heavy? Are you heavy in death? Fuller souls may vary. Shades. That's true. Shades are typically lighter, as I understand. Everybody's reaction to the river sticks is specific to their fitness needs.

All right. All corpses are beautiful. I agree. What about a ferry because I'm going to need my car? car. Bro. Oh my God. That's where they sent Brian O'Connor and his little white skyline. When they,

yeah, when they buried. I'm emotional. When they buried Pharaoh Brian with all his sports cars. That's where he went after the end of Fast 7. And it's a shame they never made any more movies after that. I'm telling you my uncle Ralph ain't going without the teetop. It's not.

Yeah, they're going to have to, they're going to have to institute institute that as like some kind of rule. because he's going to want to take the firebird. I mean, is that Ghost Rider's deal? Like, he's like, I'm not going without my motorcycle, and now they're like, okay, well, you got to... Yeah.

You got out with some things. I'm a great Facebook t-shirt. I'm an uncle with a flaming skull who's from Tampa, and you're not taking me to hell without a motorcycle. I'm down to Satan, and I vote. You can bring your motorcycle, but your head's going to be on fire, and you're going to have a super,

power that never fucking works. That's right. That anyone, anyone can just no sell for any bullshit reason. Sign me up. No cops? No cops. All right, let's go. You are the cop. Listen. Keep hunking. Your souls are stained

with the blood of the innocent. That is the Marvel character who, who after Satan has been defeated, is in hell and it's just like, nobody's sitting there? I'll take it. Yeah, I'll take the throne. Let's go. He can try. But he never, he never fucking wins anything. No, no, no. He wins that by default.

he decides to stay. He's like, oh, it's pretty chill down here. I got it. Okay, when there's absolutely no other competition. Yeah, when there's no other competition, man, he's he's, he's aces. He's like, yeah, man, this seems awesome. It's better than Tampa. I'm good. Let's go. How much is true. I wanted to start not in Tampa today, but in Vermont, which when we think about, when we think about- The Tampa of New England. In a lot of ways. Vermont's lovely, and I've spent many wonderful summer vacations there. Yeah, but... It's got some campaignian aspects.

Like what? Well, you know how New Hampshire's live, free, or die motto? I've been told by several people that the real motto is live free or cheap. Now I'm also in further trouble by conflating New Hampshire in Vermont. Greater desire to be independent than perhaps is healthy. Love of Tom Brady. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That's there, too. There's only one accent, American accent, that I really struggle with comprehending, and it's Maine. But you'll get some nice crossover broke there. Anyway, none of this is the point. Spencer, do you want to just read this story aloud? It's short. Yeah, yeah, because we believe in community theater here. That's something everybody knows about the full cast.

We are community theater. And I think this will be familiar to anybody. Essex, Vermont, a planned production of cult classic play, The Rock. horror show was sabotaged by the play's own director, according to police. The Essex County Police Department said Kenneth Grenier, who was the musical director for the Essex County or the Essex Community Players production of the hit 70s film, sent himself threatening text messages from a subscriber-based cell phone app in order to get the show canceled. Here comes the good part.

Police said they first began investigating after Grenier. 26 of Hyde Park reported receiving a series of harassing and threatening texts from an unknown person. These threats eventually led to the theater company shutting down production of the play due to safety concerns. Sorry, I forgot. That's not the good part. This is the good part. Investigators later learned that the threatening messages were coming from an IP address registered to Grenier's home. When confronted by police, he allegedly admitted to creating a fake account and sending the messages to himself so he could step away from the show instead of what he described and dealing with what he described as difficulties with the cast and crew this case has been referred to the chittenden county community justice center for resolution what crime was committed here i i'm saying thank you like i i said this my immediate reaction to this was who among us uh like other than the technical crime even the technical crime seems like a little like a little bit of a reach calling in a false whatever here yeah who goes whatever whatever

I think the other cast members were being unreasonable more than likely. Here's the thing. Okay, here's the situation, okay, about this story. First of all, you will note that at no point in this story do you hear anybody speaking up in defense of the cast or crew. I would like to know a lot more about everybody involved. Second of all, if you're not familiar with this production or with theater people, let me just tell you from subject matter expertise experience, this is the median outcome. for a community production of Rocky Horror at most.

What? Like, you think on everything. Everybody involved in this got off easy. Spencer, does the article specify what the threats were? That's the part I'm a little fuzzy on, because like, I understand. I just assumed it was bomb threats. Right. Otherwise, they wouldn't have shut down the theater.

To can't, okay, okay. I'm extrapolating there, but I assume it was like somebody was threatening to kill you and, because here's another thing. I think if somebody was threatening to kill the director, that's not enough to shut the theater down by itself. Because again, then we would have no theater. Yeah. I want to know, like, I want to point out here that you said it was median, which means that the conversation, you've done Rocky Horror, right? Yeah.

Costumes, amazing. Score could be better. How was your lead? Ah, you know, they did their best. Bomb threats, exquisite, bomb threats. We got the usual bomb threats, and it was amazing. That was the best part of the show. actually we nailed that i was trying to think of when somebody else had done this and i'm

like i could totally see a college football coach doing this i could totally see it urban mire would have done this at like bowling green he would have been like i thought ready i can't do it we're gonna we're only going to win by 20 i mean there's a florida coach who like we're not sure might have done this there's a couple there's a couple of now like i don't want to get i'm not allowed to say any of this out loud but not i think we can say the Jim McElwain stuff. Jim McElwain towards the end of his Florida tenure was like, oh, been getting some death threats.

It's a tough, it's a tough road over here in Gainesville. And the university was like, cool, can we see them? He was like, sorry, got to go. I always found that profoundly,

very busy today. I always found that profoundly offensive on McElwain's part, because say what you will about Florida, and I've said plenty, Florida fans will stab you in the front. That's like their whole thing. Sure. They're not,

they're not canny. Nope. Not one bit. This is the most normal outcome for a community production of Rocky Horror I could have imagined. A dangerous sociological experiment I would like to contemplate but not undertake is how many people send threats to sports media members or angry emails to sports media members with their government names? And can you map it by fan base with some level of precision? I used to keep a spreadsheet. I, yeah, and the like the per capita part of it is interesting to me.

Because like if you hear from two people from the same fan base, your mind goes like, oh my God, they're all psychopaths. Right. And that's not really how it works. Like obviously you're going to hear from 100 Ohio State fans per year. They have a lot of people. Still, that's a huge percentage. But per cat, like if you're doing the math on like the smaller media markets,

like Clemson and Auburn, congratulations. Yeah. Like there are ones you'll be likelier to hear from. and then also at the same time, like Ohio State has both more people and a higher percentage of diseased minds. I think my favorite version of it

is when you get it from someone's work email. And instead of like, hey, I'm Ron Ronson at yahoo.com. It's like Ron Ronson, VP at plumbing.bz at the bottom. It's like, here for all your plumbing needs. I always die. Even if they're like,

like, you know, emailing you about something funny or weird or whatever, you know? Like, there was one just a month or two ago where somebody emailed me about, like, all their favorite primus songs. And dude is like, and then it has like credentials like CPA, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, you know, every primus song has like the word butthole in it. That's true. Because they're French.

Don't know. There is a British comedian. I want to say it was Joe Lysett who got a nasty email after a show from some guy who worked at a lawyer's office. And he wrote back to the guy and he was like, hey, I'm really sorry. I would like to make it up to you. I have mailed a signed photo of myself to your office. And the guy writes back immediately and he's like, hey, no, I work in a solicitor's office. Please don't do that.

And he writes back and he's like, my dear Joseph, I'm so sorry to have. I'm so sorry you have done this. I have attached several additional sign photos that I have also mailed to your office. And he just like starts sending this guy flowers and stuff at work. Yeah. Which I think is A, letting the guy off easy and be tremendously satisfying. Yeah. Ryan, thank you for reminding me that that was our team that did that.

That was great. You're welcome. Why? You're not the only one. Hey, don't worry. Florida football. We got better. after that. It's amazing, though, that it came to this, that an institution when the coach was like,

yeah, you know, like I'm being publicly threatened, the institution was like, word? Let's see it. No, it's not even that. No, it's not that. They were like, oh, we're going to take that seriously. Please give us the detail. Like, if you have an employee who's being threatened, it's like, okay, well, we got to talk about that. And then rumoredly, he was like, well, yeah, who. Who can find anything in your tank on inbox these days? Which is, again, pro move, pro move to be like, I don't know, it's crazy iPhone. Who can say what lurks in its corners? Squint dirt, dana, la laud.

So can we get like a little jaunty banjo riff like we'd go at the end of a Dukes of Hazard segment before commercial? I have an idea, yes. Okay. Speaking of commercials. Mm-hmm. Come on, dude. Podcast business. Christ.

I thought server... I thought server was going to play something. He doesn't have it right now. I'm not ready yet, but... Sorry. So like server's going to whip out, literally whip out the banjo. He's not the beatboxing guy from police academy. He can just make it come out of his mouth.

I like you. I like that. I like that this. I thought you're going to hit this world. I like the server can't just produce music on command thing while everyone is commanding Spencer to produce music. I was just waiting. Yeah. I was just waiting for the, yeah, I was waiting for the sound board.

Oh, yeah. Friday. Just do the music. I'm just going to start hitting sound buttons. Podcast business. What's a business? Podcast business. Train horn business

Whistle business Seriously there's a lot of business And this week We're gonna do it now We're gonna do it early We're gonna say it all right now Folks So first of all

On our Patreon Which you might or might not I've seen by this point We put up a shit load of stuff Today And I forget how many hours Somewhere between four and five All total

I'll look at that as I'm uploading them But I don't have that number for you As of this exact second Regardless it's a lot we did two different Q&A episodes, one college football, one non-college football, based on things that you asked us on Patreon, which is the way to ask us things. It'll come as absolutely no shock to any of you that you had far more questions not about college football than about college football. But regardless, we answered a whole bunch of stuff either way. College football-wise, we finally got around to one of the main mascot questions we've been asked for years, and we did a serious,

caring concern to that, talked about some of our favorite teams this year, and of the past, and like teams, you know, that we'll watch this year, which is probably not good news for that team. And non-college football-wise, talked a lot about, you had a million Warhammer questions. Yes, we're talking about how do we come back and do another Warhammer episode. We have done one. Search the public feed, but Patreon, you want more Warhammer, which is very funny to me. But we did a little bit of that and a little bit of a bunch of other stuff as well in the

college football episode. And additionally, my kid came on to explain My Little Pony to us as a detached, cool, ironic adult talking about a thing she used to be into. No, it's a really, really fucking funny show. And we talked about My Little Pony

as college football. So those are three new Patreon episodes for you. Additionally, we decided that Cody Campbell, I assume you're listening, that we will create a special million dollars a month tier just for you. Just for you, Cody.

We will use that feed to say whatever you want until you cancel, at which point we will return to slandering you at every opportunity. Patreon.com slash shutdown full cast. Additionally, the free public version of this show is always brought to you by

Homefield apparel. Homefieldapparel.com, the best website to go to at least once a week. And today, I want to go to Michigan States page on there, partly because in two of the episodes that went up today, I said mean things about Michigan State. And I sorted by best-selling Michigan States page at homefield apparel.com.

And the second one that came up says, it's a beautiful day for football in Spartan Stadium. Citation needed, man, that is so positive and optimistic. It doesn't say it's a beautiful day for Michigan State football. Yeah, just as for football. And also, like, you know, people do be saying, like, when they see some shitty-ass weather, they're like, oh, football weather, right?

Her team on the Spartan, should you struggle with historical citations. For football is definitely an essential appendage to it's a beautiful day, right? You can't just say... Maybe it's a beautiful day for the football and not for the people. The football's having a great time. Football's loving it. Yeah, it's a

beautiful day because Michigan State isn't going to touch it. Football's love slopping around in gray mud and never reaching the end zone. Oh, I'm going to get joined down the field. I'm going to get joined off that break today. You'll see. I keep trying to go to Michigan State, but they keep giving it to the other team.

Additionally, there's a bunch of other stuff for Michigan State, of course. There's an old cartoon-y-type thing, like a newspaper cartoony one. There's one that appears to be like a hieroglyphic of a barefooted Spartan. Man, as always, you can just scroll and scroll and scroll through any team's page on homefield apparel. They have hundreds of teams, and each of them, you'll see logos you've never ever seen before. And you'll just find yourself throwing them into your cart and then ordering them. And eventually it'll be most of your wardrobe. That's how most of our listeners go out and about is wearing the garments of schools they didn't attend.

So Michigan State, throw them on the pile at homefield apparel.com. Next, we have Channel 6 business. And I mean serious Channel 6 business. Holly, help me out there. What? We need two hands to lift this. All right. We need two sets of hands.

You have two hands. Don't know what he's talking about. Two sets of hands. Whatever you want me to talk about, it's not something we've discussed. It's all we discussed. It was in the slack. I saw it in the slack. We have.

Turfman! Oh, you didn't tell me you wanted me to do this. We need the two of us to do this. Okay, you start. All right. We, as in. This is going great. Holly and I are producing, coordinating, and writing the Turfman's.

You are coordinating. The word Effortening is very well used here, right? Something is happening. Hey, we made our own preseason magazine. Yes, we did. Because we got bored, which is the reason we do everything. We made our own preseason magazine. If you're wondering why it's called Turfman's, you can look it up.

The EDSBSBS Wiki is a terrifying place, but this is. one page that it has absolutely correct. This is named after a 20-year-old ADSBSB-S joke. It's more of a zine than a preview magazine. This is not feel-steel. Why does this not feel-stile? Feel-Stele already exists. Why do you want another one? We don't need another one. We got Phil already. You can have Phil if you want. This is not that. This is previews written in the style that we like to do previews. Did we cover every team? No, we're two people. Are we covering what we think is interesting? Yes, so it's kind of the same way we do

everything else. We also have special guests who have come in to help us swing away at this. Some of them you may have heard of. I probably shouldn't announce this until everybody files their stories. So why don't we save who all is in this thing for next week? But we got some of our favorite writers and some of our favorite editors together and we said, hey, let's put on a show. And we're putting on a show and nobody has called in a fake bomb threat i am almost positive and oh right if nothing else goes wrong and we were supposed to get a whole bunch of stuff done today and instead i broke my foot if nothing else goes wrong this will be out monday august 10th so next monday if you're listening to this episode in fairly short time probably more about this next week playing through

the pain oh sorry one more thing i should say this is not a channel 6 thing uh this is This is going to be something you can buy for money, like on a newsstand, like you would do on a newsstand if we still had newsstands. But this is not a Channel 6 thing. We will be publishing exclusive excerpts of this on Channel 6 available to our paying subscribers. But this is a separate thing that we did

because one other thing that we wanted to do, which is my personal favorite thing, is to take people whose work we like and pay them to do it for us. So we would like to pay the writers who wrote for us, and what are they getting paid. Well, that depends, including us, on how many of those things we sell. So you'll be able to find this thing next week on all of our social channels and whatnot. We have a website for

this, but it's currently not working because the haint is hainting real hard. But yeah, check back next week. We made our own preview magazine. This was a fun little project for us. If we like it, we're going to do it bigger next year. So if you like it, buy it tell your friends. Thank you. Was that good? That was great. Okay, now you go. That was phenomenal. You didn't do very much there, Spencer. You said we need two sets of hands. I'm going to do this.

All right. I'm going to do this. I'm going to say this one thing in his defense because I did not know that I was going to be promoting this or I would have written something down to read because I'm fucking tired. But the word count for this thing just went over $20,000 yesterday. And Spencer wrote most of it. So he has been doing other things.

Last thing. Yes. People have already, this was the first thing, two things people have. about and I can already tell you, yes, the Turfman's top 25 is returning. Yes, suspenders will still be ranked number one. And yes, we do have the return of Haten S. Burier in this magazine. Yeah. We're playing the hits and we're bringing some new friends. But you're going to have to pay for it. And it will be available online, PDF, et cetera. Yep, it's going to be a PDF. You can download it. You can print it out if you want. My dad certainly will.

I disagree with the strategy. I think it should be only available at Windexie. That's fine. Dude, this is actually how I wanted to do it, but we want to see if people would pay money for it first. I think you should have to go to a Windexie and find somebody at a table in front of the Windexie and buy the physical magazine from them. Food City, but I see the vision. Yeah, sure. Available only next to Jugs at a Circle K in 1993. That does inform some of the aesthetics of this.

I do, I do hope you produce print versions of it so people like, Can carpet bomb doctor's offices with them just like leave them as it's like oh this doctor's office at this? Oh, if you want to be part of the channel six street team, I will mail you a physical copy of this to leave in a place where it will be inconvenient to someone. Yes. Yes. And in the meantime, hey, you can always subscribe to channel six, our newsletter, because if you just can't get enough of us, we produce quality, bang and fucking content there every single. week two things a week for the low price of

$10 a month. Holly and I work like fucking dogs on it. So subscribe, thrive. We're coming into the season. We got openers. We've got some preview shit. Oh yeah, this isn't the opener either. Someone's like, oh, you guys are working on the open early? No, we're not. We're doing like

5,000 openers worth of work and then we got to go right at the opener. I should probably figure out what it's going to be about. Yeah, we got shit to do. We got shit to do, but that's good. I'm really excited about this. I'm usually really bored in July and August and I am the opposite of board. I'm exhausted, but that is so much better than being bored. Yeah. Again, August. That's a lot of us talking. August, get on board. Now,

someone else sells something. See, this is why I like to write promos, because you read, you read them and then you're done, and I'm not doing this idiot shit that I'm doing right now. A fan of my own is a show I do is Stephen Godfrey. It's not always about college football. It will have some stuff that's more about college football coming soon. How will you find out more about this? depending on how you feel about some of the people are having on yeah it actually might be a threat anyway you go subscribe to the free feed or you sign up at phantom island dot show or you just i don't know maybe you run into me somewhere in the world and you say hey what's all this what's this new thing about and i'll tell you what the new thing is about because i'm not good

with conflict in person and i i just want to like avoid it so i don't know why that's all oh one more thing, Patreon. Annual subs are about to come up in the next 48 hours if you made an annual sub on the first day, which it's about to come up for renewal. If you are renewing via the Patreon app at the Apple store, don't. If you can, renew your subscription through the Patreon website itself. Apple takes an insane cut of this. I think it's like Jason's like 30% or something right of each subs and we don't make nearly as much money. And not a lot of people actually did. It sounds like most of you did sign up through the website

because you are beautiful old-fashioned darlings and we love you for that. But if you have the option at all to not subscribe through your iPhone, please subscribe through the website and said, because we get to keep away more of the money. Thank you, we love you. Thank you for your money also. Not many of you went through Apple,

but if you did, it'll keep your money away. from them. Other thing, obviously, Patreon that I forgot to say is that after Dark is coming soon and that'll be, our Patreon will be the home of that all-coach football season long. That's it for me.

This is a new killer ant show that's happening on September 5th at the Flatiron in Greensboro. A really cool thing happened at the Flatiron. Well, maybe I'll find the article and link to it, you can just Google Flatiron Greensboro outpouring of support.

I don't know. They just had a rough time this past year as all live music venues did. And they just kind of talked about it and we're honest about it. And the community came together in a really, really awesome way to save the flat iron. And we're super stoked to be playing there again. We've gotten to play there several times. It's a really awesome venue. Josh and his crew are awesome.

We're playing with wolves and wolves and wolves as well as Ort Patrol. That's going to be a really cool show. We'll have CDs for sale. We'll have shirts for sale. And I'll be there. The doors are at 7 and the show is at 8. And one thing that I think is kind of lame is when we do that. Usually then people don't show up to like, I don't know, 7.

Show up at 7 and have a couple extra drinks and like talk to the bartender and get to know the place and maybe buy your merch then so that we don't have to do it when we're all sweaty because you might want to shake our hands and that's gross. And maybe we do it before. We're all gross after the show. but it's just the thing I've been thinking get to shows early, stay at shows late do it at our shows, do it at the shows that you're going to that's all I got. Also, we make a record listen to it.

If you're old like me, if you go to the show early and do all that stuff, then once the show is over, you can immediately go home to sleep. You can immediately go and sleep. I like end of the show, let's split. Thank you for pointing this directly at our audience. Go, prepare, rock, sleep. No.

Yeah. No. There's even like a chance if you say, I mean, if you're a real pro and we're definitely not this band, but if you're going to like see like a signed band that tours and stuff, like go on setlist. FM, check out how they end their sets. Maybe you don't need to see that last song. And you'd be amazed what five minutes at the end of a concert can do to your trip home, especially if it's a band you've seen before.

Like I've seen that as for junior a lot of times. Maybe I don't need to see them play the golf song. can't even remember the name of it off the top of my head the encore's gonna be like here's our two most popular songs that you've heard 50,000 times I'm good I've heard them I'm good yeah I was good when not hearing Beverly Hills at the Weaser concert I was like all right cool this one I'm gonna go get my merch and then there was like one at the end that I've also heard a million times I'm like come on let's let's get home an hour and a half earlier just because we leave this concert three also just a quick just as a quick addem just get the merch like every time I've

gone and not gotten the merch, I'm always pissed. I'm always like, why don't I get the, even if the merch is not like, oh, oh, man, just always get the merch. Just get the merch. Get a tour poster. Like, they almost always have those. And like, even if you keep it rolled up in a tube, maybe there will come a day when you have a, when you've redecorated your, like, little corner where you have your desk at your house, or, like,

you know, if, God forbid, you've reproduced and had children. Like, there's going to come a day when they think all the stuff. that you thought was cool. It's cool someday. Unroll that fresh poster from the Walkman concert that you bought that you were like, I don't want that T-shirt,

but poster looks cool. I think the thing about the tour shirt poster, whatever, is like in the moment, it's like, it feels like, I'm advertising this ongoing

five years from now. It's cool. Yeah, 100%. Do future you have solid and just get the merch. I think the tour-specific merch is the one that I most think like, damn,

I should have picked that up. Yes. Because it's like a limited time thing. Because I think part of it is like, ooh, I don't want to look like a brand new fan that I only clocked in in 2026. But in 2036, it's like, oh, wow, look at this ball nowhere's been around since before 2026.

Also, I'm going to tell you a secret about your anxiety over being a new fan. Nobody who you think is looking at you in that way actually is. And if they are, that's not a person that matters. Fuck them. Yeah. Everybody is somebody's noob, right? Not me.

I know all. Not, yeah, unlike Brian's who was there. It is cool. It is super cool, though, when you go to a concert for a band, you've been seeing since you were 16, and now you're in your late 30s or early 40s or, you know, 70s, Spencer. I knew Mozart when he was six, that he sucked. Yeah, but then you see, like, you see like a 15-year-old there or, like somebody in their early 20s, like a group of friends in their early 20s, and you're like, God damn, I'm old, but also,

this band does fucking rule. I knew I was right. I, you know what? I totally get salieri, though. Because imagine that you're salieri and you see this whole six-year-old who's better than you'll ever be and you're like, fuck that kid.

Yeah. Look at him. Little giggling ass. I bet that's how people thought about little bow wow for a while. Yeah. That was how Nelly, that was how Nelly

brief moment. Where are I the one to put you on the shelf? I'm going to back you off and put you on the shelf here. I don't think anyone. Really? Look at this massive talent that has emerged. I bet there was a brief moment of time when Lil Bowell was considered the young Wolfgangomatis modes of rap. Now, when they saw a little Romeo, it's a rap for all of us.

We've been surpassed. I don't think that's the chosen one is here. Master P has broken the mold. I'm just going to say no on that one. I don't think that's accurate. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It's in the ad.

They didn't see Tokyo drift, clearly. That's right. I think that concludes podcast. You're going to miss me when I'm not here to say things like that. I will. They won't. That's true. Hey, server, can I ask you a cycling question?

Yes. If I were to see over the weekend that longtime friend of the program and our close personal friend, Terry Bodas won a cycling trophy or a cycling race over the weekend. A UCI cycling race, correct? Like this? Yeah. So that's actually what I was asking. And I might be like, oh, that's cool.

Terry is keeping up. Can you explain what sicko shit he is doing? Terry's a bad motherfucker, y'all. Because he won a race that was a cycling race that is run on gravel? Yeah, I never thought about the fact that he smells real bad until I saw that. and now I'm like dude that guy probably stinks real real bad the level of dude the level of dude it takes to be into that form of cycling like you're just gross all the time and you're good with that and you embrace that can you explain the circuit and what what exactly he was racing in because I know nothing about it and I just sent this to I just sent this to some friends like a Terry Bodas and they flipped out I don't know this specific um like this specific course but it's pretty regular for gravel to be just long like gravel races just be suffer fest that have insane like um climbs and like terrible when it's when it says gravel it's like do not picture that they have freshly laid down gravel on a course for these guys to

ride down it's not like that at all it's like the most intense off road experience like cycler cross is the next extreme of gravel but gravel is like pretty fucking tough um a lot of like iron man type I think competitions include some sort of gravel racing in them I think it's just it's just the gnarliest form of like let's put you on an incline with a road that wants to like push you backwards and is pushing you backwards actively yeah like when was the last when was the last time you like we're trying to think back the last time you actually biked on on gravel I mean I I think I think me personally I would have been sick at this if I wasn't scared of falling and breaking everything.

Like, if I was really into, like, putting, getting my bike out on the road or getting a bike out on the road, this would be the thing I think I'd be the most natural at because of when I, growing up, I, 90% of the bike riding I did was on gravel roads. Yeah, but to be clear, it fucking sucks. Like, I don't, I can't really. It's kind of the cycly equivalent of running in sand, right? Yeah, running in sand or if you're a climb, like climber, it's like climbing and choss. if we're doing football things here,

slow track doesn't begin to describe what you would be running through. Like this is, this is, it doesn't even have the joy of being a mudder when it comes to running because at least then you kind of have the relief

of having all of the stuff tamped down. This is just particulate matter and gravel. Falling sucks. Going sucks. It's just, it's, this is a masochus thing.

It's, 100% of masks. It's crazy. It is, it is wild that, it's wild that he was allowed to do this. Yeah. Right. Isn't it? You got you, because I can tell you, I can tell you.

I can tell you. I can tell you what everyone else in Formula One is doing, right? And they're off weeks. Okay. They're in the simulator. They're hanging out with their girlfriend. Um, they are sim racing for fun. If you're Max Verstappen, right?

Or you are maybe doing some light sponsor work. That's what these guys are doing. The young guys, by the way, are all doing this. They're hanging out at home in Monaco or they are on a boat, right? I'm not lying. Like George Russell is like, oh, week off. And he's like in white linen pants on a boat. That's typically what these guys do on a week off.

And on his week off, Valteri Bautas will go out to a fucking gravel race somewhere in the Czech Republic. Get the shit kicked out of him for three hours straight and then finish. second. Yeah, it means he doesn't like, yes, he did that on his off week, but it means he's doing it all the time. It like, he, he, he, he didn't just do that. Like, he, no, nobody just pulled that all the time. Yeah, he's doing that all the time, even when he's on, which is even, which is crazy too. It's just what, like, football players aren't allowed to do this. Basketball players wouldn't be allowed to do this. Like, their, their contracts wouldn't allow them to, to, to even participate in something like this, it's wild to me that someone at Formula One level is even like allowed to

participate in something that pretty commonly just breaks people's collar bones, tears rotator cuffs, tears ligaments and knees. Like it, it's the, it is, it's so much more dangerous than regular road cycling. If a, if a baseball player did this, it would be like, and he exploded. And he'll miss two months because he exploded. So, C.C. Sabathia on this. in this terrain. Like I don't. Yeah.

The, just to give you one notion of what the Super Bowl of gravel racing would look like, what our championship game is here. When I say, hey, a nice place to cycle across. You don't think Kansas. That's right. Because it's not. Outside of Emporia, Kansas is the gravel unbound 200. It is 200 miles almost entirely on gravel.

Oh, but that's Kansas. It has to be flat. Fuck you. There's 11,000 feet in elevation change. 11,000 feet over 200 miles. Yeah. And 1,500 people pay $345 to do this. Yeah, I think it's considered. I think that's commonly considered one of the toughest races in the world.

I'm trying to think. So like, my rough understanding is basically gravel cycling is a little bit of a like, it's throwback cycling. It's like, hey, this is how you used to it? Is there any other sport in which we do this in which we're like, yeah, fuck it now you gotta all right you're doing a field of dreams baseball game I guess it's like

out in a shitty ballpark but don't they build really nice like locker rooms for them for that right so it's not really the same to your point it's like playing red our helmet football and they're not like all right all right boys you have emphysema for this game

here we go yeah leather helmet pro bowl makes that game more watchable though if they were to do that to your point Holly now there are other are their golf tournaments where they play with like a mashe and a nibblec? I mean, does St. Andrews count?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's probably. Yeah, you're right. Links golf is our version of this. But that's like YouTube golf, you know? Like, that's, the PGA doesn't really, even, even when they play at St. Andrews, the pros, like, they're using this crazy fucking technology. It's only like YouTube golfers. Yeah, but they still hate it.

I'm playing with these old hickory. Is it like playing a Lynx Muni course? I think it would be like, the closest thing we have is that it would be like, yeah, I want to say like mind you by the way these gravel dudes are not out there on like fixies they're not out there on like carbon fiber state of the art shit yeah if if you did that I think you should be institutionalized if that's something you want to try to have to pedal through gravel right right you're still pedaling through gravel I suggest to use whatever technology is available to you up and true and including like rocket boosters engines whatever just to get through it but yeah we don't really have a sport I think

where you play like nobody's done that like oh let's play complete throwback football because somebody would die because that's what people did when they did that nobody does that with nobody's like oh let's play basketball with a basket which now that i'm said no shot and no shock pass pass pass pass pass pass it'd be like watching spain spain play soccer right just pass pass pass pass i love that shit yeah there's very few sports where i can think of where we uh where there's actually a no holly nailed it with lynx golf that is the one where it's still like, all right, hey, remember how to play? No, you don't fuck you. The ocean wind hates your ass today. You see the hole over there? You see that?

It's right there. Cool, isn't it? All right. Now, there is a light tower about 300 yards the other way. That's your aim at that. Oh, you're going to go for that. You missed. Now you're in a bunker that someone's grave. Fuck you. It's your grave now. You have died. I do like that even with links, golf, even with links golf, there is now, people are so good and the gear is so good that they just blast over some of the things. I've seen that on commentary where they go, ah, yes, the diabolical seventh hole, enormous bunker you can't get out of, hidden bunker on the, and he's just blown 300 over it. Just this shit, just completely screw you 300 yards completely over. Listen, Jane Koston talks about the all PI offense. That is essentially what a lot of golfers are

doing at this morning. We're like, if I hit it at the grandstand. I can just do whatever I want. Fuck you, dad. This is why everyone loves passing football, ultimately. I know. You have to run the ball. Running the ball is philosophically important on so many different levels. But if you call the touchdown play, brother, you'll always have a job, right?

If you can throw the deep ball, because that's one play. Okay, well, we've got a really complex deep ball. That's it. Throw the go ball. Throw ball, call touchdown play. That's what driving long is. That's why people love it. They're like, oh, that's simple.

I get that.