Shutdown Fullcast - ARP ARP ARP ARP ARP

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

We knew about Josh Allen this entire time, and if we have ever indicated anything to the contrary, we were clearly bluffing Dildo Jai Alai is invented We are giving Satan too much gas Introducing two new segments, “how’s the Tahoe?“ And “let’s remember some dawgs“ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-a-a-a-a-la-la-la-la-la-a-la-la-da. She is so concerned right now. Where I'm just reading out names of, like, Georgia players, right? See? Yeah, that's right. Champ Bailey Craig Blue, Jordan Davis. Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown full cast. That's barking as a sign of our newfound respect for the Georgia Bulldogs because that's what we are.

a podcast full of University of Georgia respectors. Alums. Alums. Sure, all three of us. Jason, you went to the UGA John Deere School of Business. Is that correct? I don't know about Newfound here. I was born in Georgia, unlike y'all.

I welcome you all aboard the bandwagon. That's fine. We're a welcoming nation. I mean, you know, you're both lifelong fans as well, so it's not like I'm one-upping you in any way other than I literally was born in the state of the current national champion's greatest program in all of college football. You know, but that doesn't make me better other than the way it does. No, but you're right. There's a lead dog. Their lead dog is a phrase for a reason, and you're it.

Yeah, I am, I am, I was almost as old as our previous national title, but now very few people in the world, relatively speaking, are as old as our most recent national title. national title. I don't know anyone who is younger than our current most recent national title. If and if so, they're not to be trusted. They just got here. They just got here. They don't talk about damn thing about college football. I mean, not disrespected the new recruiting class of 2022. So speak. Welcome aboard. You're all five stars as far as I know. Don't want to alienate anybody because it's part of Kirby's plan. We got to recruit from birth. Okay. When they come out of the shoot it's time to recruit that's Kirby's thing okay we sizing up the toddlers we sizing up the newborn wait yeah does it rhyme then it's time

if it comes down the shoot we must recruit okay that's why we got people in every single best in town once they crown that's that's correct and by the way thematically appropriate because who is on Georgia's roster as we discovered this week it's the earliest I've ever seen server just put his head in his hands that's correct a player named Braxton Hicks. I don't know how we made it through the season without knowing that this was a thing. But the best part to discovering this

was the thread of some of these men I know have children. The thread of dudes going, what? What's funny about that name? Yeah. Yeah, it shows me exactly how engaged you were in this process. We will, as we always do,

continue to respect the dogs throughout this podcast. I do have one thing I want to discuss first. Did you happen to see the Buffalo Bills beat the living hell out of the New England Patriots? As a lifelong Buffalo Bills fan. Yeah, I did. Tables fear you. Beers respect you.

Why would that be Josh Allen, greatest quarterback in college football history, throwing a perfect game in the NFL playoffs against Bill Belichick? Just like we said he would. The man who completed like 12% of his passes. in college is not the greatest quarterback of all time. Listen, man, you don't just walk into the Saturday morning chess tournament against Josh Allen and expect to walk out with all your own blood. You know, at the time, it was, wow, that gigantic dude throws the ball, 40 rows up in the

stands every play. What a failure he is going to be at the next level. Maybe we really should learn, and I'll look at it. The next time we see a 6-foot-9, 280-pound. man who can throw the ball into the Rocky Mountains, we should respect it. We should go, hey, that's awesome. Or does it skip a generation because Jonathan Crompton? There's nothing to learn. Nothing to learn from that. Nothing. No. The mistake was when he came in, we tried to apply things we had learned before. They were all wrong. Take note. Adjust nothing

based on what he has done. He has the anomaly in every way. It is beautiful. It's gorgeous and wonderful, celebrate it and treasure it, except for, like, his old tweets and stuff. But, like, he changes nothing about how I view football players. Like, he is a miracle on the field, and that's wonderful. But that's it. Like, the next six, eight dude, they're at a million miles, it probably will complete 12% of his passes. Fair enough. That's an accurate representation of his college stats, by the way, Jason.

That is correct. Lifetime 12% passer at the University of Wyoming. playing behind an offensive line who from my understanding were all 165 pounds that's yeah what was your passer rating at the university of wyoming uh better better i was a much better quarterback than josh allen was yeah a 165 pound lineman who who were facing 160 pound lineman like there's there's nothing in his college career that indicated this was even possible like it like his team was by mountain west standards pretty average and talent like there was nothing nothing that prepared anyone for this and that is the beauty

of it and you know the draft is coming up and that means it's almost time for us to do our annual rage at all of the NFL come lately types who just get here but is the josh allen a pro is is josh allen teaching us a lesson here should we just accept and be happy should we just accept whatever comes to us next as a series of discrete miracles and not base it on anything that came before? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, I think as college fans, there was like that whole, you know, for the whole, the 2010s, let's call it, where it's like, we make it, we talk so much shit when we hit on a Russell Wilson, right? We told the NFL they should draft Russell Wilson that we were right. We're so smart. We're so goddamn smart. We were wrong as shit all the

fucking time, just like the boring GMs we made fun of and all that shit. And guess was right about Josh Allen. They made the fun pick, and they were right and we were wrong. So, like, yeah, it's, let's just celebrate every single player who gets picked. That's, yeah, I think that's healthy. It does seem to, it does seem to save us a lot of work. Yeah, because, like, who gives us shit? I don't really care which 256 players to get rich.

I hope it is more than that because there are supplemental picks. There we go. Okay. Although, wait, it would, there is one alternative path. It would be fun to start from now as though we have known about Josh Allen all long yeah that's pretty good yeah they're gonna tell you they're gonna tell you josh allen didn't throw a perfect game against bill bell check but we on the shutdown forecast told you this many years ago and we'll find a way to insert the audio here we go here we go um we just just throw this back like

five years ago right so this uh i was watching wyoming the other day there's the first lie um and this guy josh allen man he's he's uh so accurate and uh it's not in the numbers yet but if you grind tape like I do then you'll see and like someday in the NFL he's god he's just going to he's going to like he's only his passes right now he's only completing 12% and in the NFL he's he's going to incomplete 12% that's what I foresee once he's a pro so we'll just take that audio and we'll throw it back a few years ago I you know the the bills really do have a bunch of dudes who uh everyone was wrong about I don't like they've got a Some of dudes who are like, like, Isaiah McKenzie, yeah, he's going to be too small to be in the NFL.

Nope, nope, it's going to be just fine. Dog respecter that I am, had to mention him first. I feel like Cole Beasley and Mitch Trubisky are, they're on the roster. I'm like, honestly, I'm fine being wrong about Cole Beasley. I'll just continue. I'll just stay wrong about Cole Beasley. That's fine. Dawson Knox, like Dawson Knox was barely used at Old Miss.

And he was out there catching important passes, including a ball. That this is how hot Josh Allen was on Sunday, by the way. Sometimes the quarterback tries to throw it away and accidentally throws a touchdown. That was what he did. He goes, yeah, I just turned around. I thought I'd throw the ball away and everyone's cheering. I'm like, oh, I must have really thrown it away well.

But yeah, they've got him. They've got Dawson Knox, you know, like completely miscast at Ole Miss, evidently. They've got Stefan Diggs, who I will just say being a skilled player out of Maryland. That's enough adversity in itself. given the history of Maryland over the past 10 to 15 years. Shout out to the bills for buy a low and selling high, baby. You know, except in the case of Josh Allen, who smart draft Nick's like

Jason Kirk bought correctly and estimated as successes. I feel like maybe we should just go back and overdub things like, oh yeah, you know who's going to be a real success? Josh Allen, right? Like very clumsily over the footage. That's what I was doing that audio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That right back in.

I think that was far too skillful. I think we should just go back and dub his name over players we thought were going to be really good. Players were actually like, yeah, like when we said, like, you should trap Johnny Mansell. Johnny Mansell's going to be incredible. No, we said Josh Allen. Clearly. Also, thank you for mentioning that the backup here is Mitch Trubisky. Yeah.

To recap how badly you are getting your ass beat in a football game, it is six degrees, but that's okay because it feels like negative eight at game time, thanks to the wind in Orchard Park. on top of all of that you are getting absolutely run over the bills did not fail to score until the final possession of the game where i believe they kneel they knelt so they did not you did not do anything you were supposed to do anything and on top of all that you had to go all the way up to buffalo and get dildos thrown at you yeah build those if you will i'd like to turn here to uh i can't do the dan carlin voice at you at can but I'd like to turn here to a tweet from six angry ghosts who was talking about the dildo situation as Dan Carlin folks getting hit with silicone at room temperature is one thing

I don't like it but it's warm enough and you move on when it's frozen solid solid and this is what the Patriots we're facing down after down after third and 17. Thank you, six angry ghosts. That's a good Dan. That's a good Dan. And again. Thank you. I learned from watching the best, by which I mean you guys. Just going up there, get dildos throwing at you while you're losing by four scores. That's a bad time. I don't care how much you're getting paid. That's a bad time. You know how bad you're getting a beat when the entire internet is just posting, like, here's the one I think they bought. It costs about $20. People are just posting screenshots of like, I think I've identified it and like debating.

Why would you waste that much money? Well, because look, it's on TV. Why wouldn't you? What is the security screening procedure to get into the Bills Stadium and how were these concealed? Security at the Bills Stadium? How much of what is on the field? has been inside someone in the stands that day. Nope.

They were wearing those on the outside of their pants when they walked in, as is tradition. I think, yeah, a fucking Bill's game, you walk in holding it. They might sell them there. I don't know if you, yeah. Can we, okay, talking of expenses and Bill's games, I have a question for our many,

many Bill's Mafia, uh, aficionados out there. Aren't folding tables expensive? They've got to have. I have one of those white, or do they go back together? Because I have one of those white plastic ones. And I feel like I remember it costs like $90.

Wow. I don't think they're that cheap. Yeah, I feel like you can get a better deal if you're in the market for falling on one, I think. It's got to be part of the calculus for any Walmart or super store in the Buffalo metropolitan area at this point. Because I've seen far too many of them to think that it actually isn't impacting demand at this point. Do you think that... What do you do with them after that? Slits?

The statue of Josh Allen, I think. Do you think that, like, maybe the local community, the Buffalo economy is like, nothing but like dildo factories and table factories. And they're just like, we've got fucking piles and piles of dildos here. They got to go somewhere. I'm going to wing him at Bill Belichick's head. What are the major exports of the area? Dildo, table, and sauce.

Copper? Let's talk to our emotion. oranges and dildos yeah and you're winging it at the sideline which end are you throwing it by are you trying to get a spiral are you going tomahawk throw you going yeah i feel like high ally is what i'm pictured in here the the first instinct that i have and this is where i'm sorry that you all can't see this but the first instinct i have is almost to sidearm it yeah and that suggests that you have to grasp it by the head well then yeah i think it might boomerang back at you that's dangerous there's so because like of all that torque you have working with you if you have the nut sack is what you're swinging is what's on the business end just a little flick of the wrist is going to get that thing sailing because if you're but otherwise you're doing a lot of work right because if you're grasping it by the sack it's almost the same as like you're throwing a flag right yeah yeah almost got that motion because you've got the weight in your hand but you can almost get like what is that what is that medieval weapon with the cannonballs at either end

and the string oh yeah no the chain shot right yeah yeah i feel like you could almost get if you if you if you have a long enough one and you're holding it by the head and you kind of side like a like a rock skipping motion getting out my notebook and writing down the phrase could a bills fan demast a galleon if you sidearm it across your like i'm right handed so if i'm throwing it from right to left and i'm siding arm arming it across my body in like a rock skipping motion yeah that feels like it has a lot more potential to do a lot more damage but also much higher degree of difficulty to not just like wing it leftwards down the stands i didn't expect we think thinking about this some was today, but I think we need to go down the hill and buy some dildos. I'm going to, I'm going to propose a sport, Dildo High-Eye. Oh. Does that mean somebody has to get it thrown at them? Both cultures already wildly apparent in Miami. That's weird.

Yeah, that's the sport they'll turn to it. That's the hot spot. You know, if you're down with Dildo Highlaw, you've got to get to Dade County. Crazy about it. What about Dildo Racquetball? Just for the bouncy one. It feels more like a Naples. You need a really bouncing wall, I think.

Yeah, you need a particularly. Oh, trampoline gyms. This is what we do with all the trampoline gyms. Dildo Hilei has to be played in a trampoline gym. That gives us a national reach. You could, here you go. You throw the dildo up and people shoot at it. You know what that's called?

You know what the name of that sport is? It's called ski-cheting. God, damn it. God, damn it. I went to middle school, as you can tell. In Georgia. That's right. Home of the Georgia Home of the goddamn best program

in all of college sports. That's right. Thank you, Betty. Nature lifts its voice to concur. Yes, I do respect the dogs. Betty's voice I've decided is like Meatwad's girlfriend, which doesn't really fill in well here.

Son of a bitch, don't you talk shit about Stetson Bennett the night? Yes, exactly. That's her voice. like if Meatwad had either a lady friend or a me-ma I'm going to go Walmart I'm going to see the trophy I'm going to kiss it Betty come here babe

Betty no don't sanitize that shit give it here I am waiting don't wipe Kirby's kisses off that trophy no get curvis kisses in my system I want that excellence

that's actually what they mean by a system I got I got to go scout I got to go scout the newborn ward I got to go see what babies and biggins get them biggens get them all up to Athens bigans okay we need them biggings get them all up to Athens getting fast feed them Zaxbys until they get great okay she's not going to stop what she stopped you in that voice no she won't that's right that's fine this is good on dogs this dog is going does that Spencer does that hurt your throat at all after I can do this out that long

you still bitch okay because that's just like I literally in my head I tried to arrange my throat to make the sound

you're making and it was like ow I didn't even make any noises it's like Michigan that's light work oh

do you see them nerds put the shit out them nerds yeah well we say go blue we're referring of course to the baby blue state of georgia i'm talking about gregg blue that's right them dogs it's kind of meatwad and it's kind of nut it's kind of meed one yeah a little bit of me ma'am yeah a little bit of me ma'n there i got my women's bible group in the morning y'all go to build that's right i got to get up and grind taped she does do this recovery is important also i'm going to claim that territory just like the dog

claim the entire southeast for recruiting that's right you got somebody we already made him an offer pissed that it you're coming shitted over all the entire southeast that's right i peed all over this five-star defensive tackle he loved it uh it's territory marking that's all and by pee i mean money long story short by way of getting to a talking dog calling everyone a son of a bitch for disrespecting The Georgia Bulldogs. I can lick my own asshole. I don't see what the big deal is. Yeah.

That took more work than licking Michigan did. That's right. That's right. We got that butt out of here, didn't we? Didn't we? She has this look of bitter recrimination to come on her face right now. And I can't figure out how.

I feel like maybe we need to respect the dogs a little bit more, though. How? Well, I want to see if you guys would like play a highly subjective game where I get you to like the SEC championship that's correct shouts out to the officials you tried to tuck that from us like the music city bowl that's right like the music center boat which they actually did take from y'all very sorry about that it's all right there's a bit enough separation now that I think I can say this without getting strung up somewhere that's the best thing that could have happened to this program because emotionally Tennessee is the least

equipped team in the goddamn country to handle a bowl win they cannot deal with it Josh that's true they cannot deal with it yeah i say this in my home state at the moment come get me also i feel like with with tennessee it's like the the preseason number 19 ranking is the equivalent of like texas is third yes it's it's back pressure's all yours now peru all eyes on you i don't mind there's the peru produce fun also shouts out to josh heple for just decided no we've had enough football for today yep that's it we're going to go we're going to go for it, get this shit out of the way. We're tired.

You know, I like it more than I thought I would a year ago. That's enough Purdue. We've had enough Purdue. That was, uh, it was in the Peach Bowl, um, like, the Peach Bowl was like, well underway while that game was still going and it was like, no one cares. It was just fun being in the press box and like every computer is tuned to fucking Purdue Tennessee Bowl during, during, during an important bowl. scores in the last four minutes.

Perfect bowl game. No notes. None. Thank you. Speaking of Purdue, thank you to Travis Miller, who tweeted at the shutdown fullcast while we were having this conversation, saying anyone want to go in together for a black hawk. He means the helicopter, not the bird, for sale in Huntsville, Alabama.

That's a real black hawk. All right. Bidding closes in current bid is two. $250,000 in reserve not met. $250K for a Blackhawk seems like a deal. Man, we've been talking about what we're going to do for our next tour. If there ever is a post-COVID time so we can tour again. And Cruton helicopter seems like the way to go.

If you recruited with a Black Hawk, that actually might be bad. You might get returned fire in some spots, depending on where you're recruiting. Government's coming. It looks like a brand new one will run. about six to ten million so oh this is a deal this one must have been through some things no that's what they tell you as soon as you get that black hawk off the lot

it loses like 90% of its retail value what kind of mileage you got on that thing what kind of gas mileage this thing get let me hear let me hear about it in the comments here at blackhawk owners.com I put what would you put at what black hawk oh boy that is an unfortunate series of syllables

to string together unclearly, isn't it? What would you put, by the way, if you had to outfit your... Like, what's the thing you put in your helicopter? Live well. Live well? It's a good fish. I'm going to fish off it. Just hovering.

They just hover like five feet above the water as you cast in. Although you'd lose some lures in the rotors. That's going to happen, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm probably dropping a table out of it. and dropping an elbow from the helicopter to support my Buffalo Bills.

Go Bills. Like your own flying circus. They would do that, by the way. That may be what's coming up, right? Like, how are you going to top it? Because I saw a couple of absolutely form-perfect Randy Savage elbow drops, including one gentleman who had an unreal and unsafe degree of height, even by Bill's mafia standards.

Somebody's probably already planning the helicopter drop, Jason. Yeah. I mean, imagine if they go to it. the damn Super Bowl what they're going to do what are these people they're going to bring out fucking Jeff Hardy yes broken Jeff Hardy the broken Jeff Hardy the broken bills what's left of Jeff Hardy yeah it's I mean it's probably for the good of like public health and safety if the bills lose at some point but in terms of human achievement however listen we can't we can't get in the way of human

achievement. Who am I to oppose great art? Yeah. For some nerdy shit like safety. The city of Buffalo is literally burned to the crowd. There are three homes left and everyone in the city going, where are that? I need to provide an update of both art and safety. Walt Hickey, who runs the numlock.

News newsletter, a former 538, long time friend of the program, who interviewed some Channel 6 executives of my acquaintance a couple weeks ago popped up yesterday to say that did y'all know that Alexander Graham Bell famed for inventing the telephone has also invented the airboat no no here the let me phrase this aircraft engine test boat called the ugly duckling So that's, huh. So he doesn't like the Pact 12 either. But I wish he'd focused more,

I wish we'd focus more on the good he did and not the ability to let other people call me. If I had to trade the telephone or the airboat, I'm going to opt airboat every time. Now nobody knows my business and I have an airboat. You'd have to pull up on the airboat to ask me about the warranty on my car. This shit was 1905. in Canada. Imagine seeing that in 1905 in Canada. Airplane motors being tested across water.

Just blow your mind. Enjoy that the concept of the airplane at that point was still so relatively nude that somebody immediately was like, on water! Just did it. Like, I'm like, well, how are you going to rig it up? Is it just put it on a boat? Just nail it on there. The makeshift raft-like vessel was unable to obtain a speed faster than four miles per hour. Four miles per hour, though, And at that time, though, that had to feel like light speed, right? Like, ah! He meandered so that Jeremy Shockey could fly.

That's correct. The father of the jet ski. We'll just call him that. Yeah, I never knew this that we learned planes by putting planes in water. I did not, I was not aware. Did not know this at all. No, you could pretty much just try anything. It's still totally, like, all right, it's not totally illegal.

Back then it wasn't even, like, serious. legal. I have a note, by the way, from producer server. Michael, how do you pronounce this day? Dingus Day? Oh, okay.

What is Dingus Day? So I found out about Dingus Day for a friend of mine from Buffalo. It's like, they do it on the Monday after Easter. It's like the end of Lint and it's basically like a Polish St. Patrick's Day. And like the traditions are like

they dump water on each other and, like, give each other pussy willows. Like the, like the, like pussy willows. Yeah. Okay. Pussy willows play a huge part in the festivities. I've never been, obviously, but it's like, it sounded like the most bizarre thing, but my friend who was from Buffalo, would they, like, they would get so fucking hype to go home for Dingus Day.

Like, didn't go home for Christmas, went home for Dingus Day. Are there any extraneous holidays that you guys have gone home for in your youth? I can't think of one. No, not one, unless you count like Talladega. That's a holiday. Which I might. They do, apparently they celebrate this in Eastern Europe too. But Buffalo is just the place in America where they do it.

And it's the, like, the biggest one in the country. And I've seen pictures and it looks fucked. they all wear these stupid hats and stuff too like everyone looks really weird they're really into it which is kind of cool uh the lead the lead on this w grz segment on thinga state in buffalo is dateline buffalo new york the coronavirus pandemic can't stop the pussy willows in buffalo good christ yes they cannot take our freedoms another from buffalo news How Buffalo is keeping that Denghis Day state of mind. Oh, so say we all.

So we're going to Buffalo, right? This settles it. For Dingus Day? Absolutely. Nothing like upstate New York in March. Is it upstate? I don't know. Dingus Day is about renewal.

It's about renewal. And the Pussy Willows. I'll tell you one. Hey, we did get one correction. Not a correction. but a correction that I actually will read. We had multiple civil engineers right into us after last week's segment on architectural sense,

Dr. Ronald Hamburger. The Mighty O at Omar United wants to point out that many of the civil engineers just regarded with this with abject horror. Omar writes in to let us know that there is a reason for waiting four days between installing the piles and grouting them. the four-day gap has a structural explanation.

So according to him, to know if the piles are deep enough, typically you have to wait 72 hours before doing a retest to make sure that they have reached the required depth and resistance to movement. And that delay allows the soils to recompact. You know, like if you're, this might be a hand in the dirt segment. Now, you know, after you repot a plant, you have to like let the water settle and then maybe put some more soil in.

you can grout after the retest passes. Now, he wants us to know what to follow up. The building is still a hilarious disaster, but the four-day gap has a structural explanation. Ron is not to blame for the hilarious disaster. I also heard for a source in the engineering industry that Ron Hamburger is indeed the vivid personality we made him out to be. So we correctly identified the colorfulness of that man's general life presentation.

Folks, please continue to keep writing. to us about Ron Hamburger. We want to hear it all. We need to know all things hamburger. Ron, if you're out there. I have, in doing the usual amount of research that we do on this show, which is about now about Dingus Day. Dingesty.

And there's another place I might have to go in Buffalo. It's called the Adam Mikowitz Library and Dramatic Circle. It is a 120-year-old Polish library, theater, and bar that grew out of nearby St. Stannislaus Parish. So were people just like reading books and drinking at the church? They're like, you know, you got to do it over there. I love this.

That sounds incredible. Go watch a play. Have a couple drinks. Maybe read a book while this is all happening. You know, relax, get my dingus on. It'd be awesome. Get it on what? It's a great question, Jason.

When Serber referred to this day as like a Polish St. Patrick's Day. I've been looking up like the Patriot and Saints of Poland of this time. There's not a lot of very funny stuff there in the top layer. It is just generally funny to me that like Mary is the top ranking saint of every country because like Mary, Queen of Poland was like, she didn't sign up for that. But I mean, I guess you take that title, but like, sure, she's the queen of Poland. It wouldn't exist for hundreds of years, but sure, sure.

they were just you know she was just waiting on it to be formed it's just it's just funny to look up one day hundreds of years later and discover you're the queen of Poland and everywhere else I do have I'm glad you mentioned a religious angle because I do want to pivot up that to ask our important senior biblical affairs correspondent Jason Kirk server um and and server um a question which is this. So do you know about Michael Turk, Oklahoma's punter, who is currently posting on TikTok about

kicking a ball loose from the ceiling of Oklahoma's indoor practice facility? Loose from the ceiling? Someone tweeted at me about this, but I don't have much awareness. So like he's kicking balls at a ball that is wedged like in the rafters? So Tress Way, who now punts for the Washington football team,

in his time at Oklahoma, booted a ball so hard and so high into the ceiling in the indoor or practice facility that it is jammed in one of the joints between the supports at the top love it it is stuck all right yeah it is legendary shouts out to trash way i believe it is also an official NFL ball and not a not a regulation NCAA ball thus slightly upping the value um in addition all this he's on TikTok and is going ahead and posting videos of him trying to kick a ball so that it hits the stuck ball and knocks it out.

He's now on, I believe, day eight? Yes. No, no, Michael Turk. Michael Turk. Okay, got it, got it. Currently, he's a transfer from Arizona State, a native of Ridgepoint, Texas, who is currently punting for the Oklahoma Sooners.

Okay, go, well, what does all this have to do with the Bible? So, did you scroll down from there? So I did. Okay. Okay, so that's where we're going. Yeah. So further down in his TikTok account, he has a video that is why Travis Scott's concert in Houston, you know, the one where people actually got killed, was a satanic ritual. yeah okay yeah it's just right there and it's done in like the same tone so you just listen to michael turk go like yeah man i'm gonna kick this ball loose i think we got this and you're like oh man

this guy just seems like a kind of chirpy upbeat dude and then like six videos down it's like okay here's why travis scott's definitely trying to channel satan in houston and uh this this isn't even that weird this seems like i mean it is weird but based on the number of people i know who actually think this, all right, particularly in the state of Georgia. That is the greatest football state nation, by the way, respect to the dogs. Despite our beliefs about Satan, we are the best at college football. Maybe because of our beliefs. Because of the amount of time we spend thinking about Satan, we are so good at college football. Yes. We put up the barriers. It's locked tight. What if all along the whole thing is like, Satan just likes attention. Like, spending all

your time like I'm so scared of Satan and like oh we're so mad at Satan he just eats it all up he just loves that attention all the same just ignore him and he'll go away this is how it works that so this the um this video this kid did is just like the washed in blood shirt is a nice touch yeah the washing of blood shirt is the night yeah sooner colors no less yes he's very enthusiastic about his faith. Oh man. Okay. Yeah.

There's a lot. Red washed by his seven reasons. Wow. Yeah. There's a lot. There's a lot to this one. 90 seconds. Entrance to hell prop.

Okay. So the stage looks like some painting of like Satan doing a goatee or something. There's a big mouth there. There's a phrase I didn't expect to hear. Yeah. That doesn't really alarm you. 666 months after the Church of Satan was founded. Oh, so literally anything that happened in that month would have freaked this guy out.

666 also isn't about Satan at all. Okay, there's some painting that scared him. Okay. The stage is an upside down cross, okay, from a certain point of view. It's also a right-side-up cross. Mm-hmm. He doesn't like Travis Scott's shirt. It's got red people on it.

People are throwing middle fingers up. That's Rebellion to God, okay. All right, so Stone Cultivot is Satanist now. Eight people died. Anytime eight people die, that's Satanist. So that's seven reasons, I guess. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Now he's talking about fucking Molek. All right. Sweet. We're Mollick. Okay, good deal. Lots to think about sacrificing. All right, so now we're just doing Q&A, and that's how we end it. All right.

Good. Okay, good deal. Yeah, there we go. Oklahoma's punting is in great hands. Can I remind you of where? How did Dundee miss on this guy? I know. God.

Can I remind you of where he transferred from? That's right, the sun devils. That's where he transferred from. I see why him and Herm didn't get along with that well. Yeah. I kind of wonder why he signed on with the sun devils in the first place. You share one festive TikTok. The harrowing of hell evangelizing, probably.

Fair enough. You share one festive TikTok before somebody 0.3 seconds later goes, you mean this guy? I took, it's, sorry, it was the very next thing. thing down. Yeah. I didn't even intend to look at this. It was just right now.

It's just wild that like reason number seven is a lot of people died. Yeah. Could you leave with that? Is that the worst thing that happened maybe? Like not his fucking t-shirt, but the fact that people died. I don't know. That's probably the reason number one through seven. This was a bad thing for me is people got hurt.

That the fucking shape of his stage from a certain angle. Like we're so busy being freaked out by like, like numerology and shit. There was very concrete bad things that happened. You don't have to like introduce algebra to the shit. Again, this is giving, this is given Satan way too much gas. This is given Satan away too much gas by the way.

All pub is good pub. That's that's Satan's motto. You're just gassing them up. That's all it is, right? Just, you know, growing up, nothing was cooler. You're like, nothing in an evangelical Bible setting. If you wanted to go straight for the cheap heat, right? you know who's around

Satan yeah Satan's behind this you're like what does he look like he's jacked he's jacked he's got a cool car it was having it both ways it was very much having it both ways it was like oh he'll fuck you up

but guess what he's gonna lose and it's so am I should I be scared of him or not whatever makes you come back tomorrow night you should be terrified of him but not but not but not at all Sunday Sunday you should be scared of him at all times except for when you're in this building not touching each other that's yeah so i guess he's repellent no he's handsome and sexy

yes yes yes yes he's the prettiest thing in the universe he's repulsive and god hates him yeah what is he what is he i guess god like it sounds like he's got nothing to offer he just like he's got everything he's like money and sex and power and cool cars oh he sounds pretty awesome yes that's his whole plan this dude sounds like 1980 rick flair so like so so you So you're trying to tell me this guy's, like, incredibly powerful? It's like, no. No, he sucks. He's going to lose bad, so bad.

He can't do a damn thing. Okay, so should I be scared of him? Yes, what? No. I don't know. Just stay here. Stay right here. This sounds like how I talk about Florida football.

Yeah. We're terrible. We're absolutely going to beat your ass. We're sexy and pretty. Are we good? No. Don't look at us. We're so pretty.

What do we have to offer you? Pain and cancer. Andy. Oh, the candy. Is our quarterback an angel? Yes, but everyone else is a devil. We're both. Yeah.

The wrestling heel is a great one. Absolutely. Yeah. The wrestling heel where it's like, look at that cowardly, devious scumbag. He's a genius. The dirtiest player in the game,

I can't stand that bastard. He's going to win. That guy's a total moron. He's going to outthink you at every turn. what's that say about me yeah yeah oh you're shit that's the that's the other side of the message wait and god made me am i beautiful and lovely no fuck you you need to come back so that scumbag doesn't make you even worse than you already are he's literally the hardest worker in the building right like it's always away he's always looking for a way in first guy in last guy out

yeah yep that's the real gym rat so what's a sin sloth what satan does not hard to avoid sin i am sitting here motionless what you're telling me is he's putting in the work he's a 24-7 365 gym rat i mean that's why he's so jacked that's the that's the story they sell like it doesn't even have to do shit the propaganda is it's done it's done spun up see we're gasing the benefits you're gonna be like hey man satan what you bench 350 don't tell anybody everyone thinks i'm like a 450 guy i'm straight yeah no but he's got he's got a he's got a there's a leanness right that he's got to maintain 315 tops yeah you got to stitch together like 50 different verses of like 50 different characters to even create the idea of satan like they

quite arguably this thing doesn't even exist within the story itself and we've spun it up into into this like god opposing monster that oklahoma's okoma's punter is terrified of also if you're going to really like go for you know hey let's let's really Satan's working hard Satan wants to get the biggest bang for buck what are we going to do we're going to go to the most important place in our culture a Travis Scott show that's totally if I'm looking for fucking evidence of like dark demonic force in this fucking world there's a goddamn virus that's killed millions of people we could call that out like we could point that out but no it's a rap show yeah so I got to I got to enjoy I'm sorry I brought it up I got to enjoy an innocuous ball kicking video for 0.3 seconds an innocuous punt stunt for 0.3 seconds before I said I was sorry we can't even look at look at look at fucking punt trick shots these days without goddamn Satan surprise who's the last I knew it who's the last famous punt trick shot guy you remember um that's

right no johnny maxed worse yeah that's true he was the last trick shot video dude and now just saying currently undermining american democracy he's like really important like he's like an actual important villain now yeah yeah they remember the two dudes by the way on that was johnny macgitia and dan orlovsky the gruesome duo if ever there was one now one spreading the gossip of fascism and And the other, the tyranny of spicing. God damn it, I got it wrong. I got it backwards. Speaking of Satan, let's talk about paprika.

Hi, I'm Dan Orlovsky. Speaking of Satan, let's talk about homefield apparel.com. That's right, Indiana. Which will keep you warm. Warmer than the embrace of the dark one himself. Warmer than the fires of hell this winter. Homefield apparel.com with offer code fullcast. You can receive 20% off your first order.

If this is your first time hearing the good news of home field apparel, then that will work for you. You have to fight. That's a pretty good idea, Homefield Club. That's a reference that I made up. Everyone just snuggles because we're too comfy to fight. They have numerous colleges, and they're dropping ones that play basketball these days. I'm a Georgia Bulldogs fan, so I'm not quite familiar with what that is. But I'm told we have Tom Crean coaches our university in that sport.

Who? that man could use some home field pants that's what I know could use some joggers he really could because you don't have to hike those up to your nipple he might be wearing joggers under his khakis for all we know he's just battle ready baby that would actually explain some of his his outline yeah we're doing in basketball this year let me look it up for the first time I you know your shouts out

that's uh george of bold dogs who I'm sure are five and first first five and twelve The five and 12 men's team. How fair are the lady dogs? A lot better. A lot better. Women's basketball.

We're a women's basketball school. That's right. I'm not sure I can pull through this part of the character. Speaking of hell, you can get, you can honor the mouth of Hellgate Canyon itself. That's correct by purchasing either Montana or Montana State gear, which is new on home field apparel this month. Some fantastic stuff, including a fighting bobcat shirt where. It really does look like, it does look like a giant cat.

Not like a fighting bobcat, but just like a giant kitty cat. I'm going to buy it. There's also, if you just want to buy the most ambiguous apparel shirt, which is nonetheless stylish, the Montana State cat script. It just says cats. You could be a Montana State fan. Maybe you're just about them felines. Does it come in puffy paint?

Maybe just a fan of the species. We can make it puffy paint for you. That's, I mean, I mean you. I mean, I'll do that extra for $5 if you send it to. me somebody's going to try to take me up on that damn it yeah a lot of people do that i think you just created a supply chain issue for homefield apparel homefield apparel that sounds like a lot of gear to buy jason yeah if you're in the sudden need uh homefield for uh for a lot of equipment that'll enable spencer to like bedazzle shirts or whatever uh you're

going to need to do investments at acorns dot com slash fullcast which is the place where when you buy stuff, it invests money for you. That's their tagline, I believe, the official company tagline. How it works is you go to that URL, acorns.com slash fullcast. There is no space to put in an offer code. You just go to acorns.com slash fullcast. You type those words. Those are the things you type. And then you download a new account and whatever with that has $5 in it all ready to go. And then you start investing. And then you retire. Holy shit. Skip a few steps in between, but. Right now we have, uh, in terms of my, the early

account, which is ACORN's really clever, nice little interface, easy to use way to put aside a little bit of money for your kids on the side. I currently, in terms of my embezzling sons who have been trading turns atop the leaderboard in terms of investment, right now we have a $57 lead for the younger child. How did this happen? You know, Again, I think the crypto play and the NFT thing probably is going a little bit better than expected for one of them. And then somebody else bought the wrong, bored ape. Somebody else bought the wrong terrible piece of online art. My apes.

My apes. They're very bored. They're very bored. It doesn't matter. I will do bored apes. Did we do monkey police on the show? Did we sing in the entirety of Radiohead's monkey police? Arrest this ape.

um yeah that is that is the update on how my sons are doing investment wise as for me i am on track to uh let's see retire when i am 87 87 which is great because that's about how long i planned on making it yeah just punching the clock on your last day and that's it yep i did it like bear brian the number if i can't work fuck you i'm out of here if i can't put money into this. That's how dedicated I end Acorns. If I can't put money into this Acorns account. I'm taking my Acorns money and going home.

Burry me with it. To the dirt. Barry me with my Acorns account. Barry me with my Acorns. That's right. Acorns.com slash fullcast slash bury me with my dirt. Yep. Do we have anything else to say

about the Georgia Bulldogs today? I wanted to. I wanted to see if we could play a quick game of damn good dog. That would be where I'm going to award points. You're going to each get four different shots. My game is first. Your game is first? Yeah.

Which game is this? Okay, time for our weekly segment, as Georgia Lifeers called How's Your Tahoe? Oh, yeah. Spencer, how is your Chevy Tahoe? You know, it's good. Yeah? Yeah. All right.

Glad to hear it. Serber, how is your Tahoe? Uh, just, uh, clean them tires. Got some of that McGuire's tire cleaner for them. Nice. Yeah, they look real good. They look real good. Glad to hear it.

Jason, how's your Tahoe? Uh, well, we had, we put the, uh, the snow tires on it because we had about a quarter inch of snow. Uh, so we, we went ahead and braved the snow to, uh, Publix and back. Tahoe held up just great. Glad to hear you're hunkering down like all good dogs. And that has been, how's your Tahoe? All right. Spencer, back to you.

Uh, thanks. you so much and go dogs i wanted to go ahead and see if we could just uh you got to keep the devil out you got to say go dogs god wags i don't yeah because you know satan's recruiting every day not like kirby not like kirby but you know uh i want to go ahead and see if we could uh you know just remember some dogs just name a couple of of damn good dogs and see what we got points wise I'm going to go ahead and ask both of you to give me four shots and if you give me the four you know best dogs to remember I'm just going to award the points as they come them we'll see you know what we'll maybe the dogs against Alabama we'll just see if we'll

settle on the scoreboard oh oh are we are we naming dogs we actually like you know what you can just name name a dog memorability is that the general criteria yeah you know what we're just going to go with it here so holly has selected rennie kern that's a hard one to top that's one of the damnedest good dogs that ever has been that's pretty good that's pretty good that's damn goodness the criteria oh damn good didness okay damn good a damn gooditude yeah i'm gonna go with uh i'm gonna go with garrison hurst let's see i think you're both um this is on a scale of one to five with five being the best damn dog imaginable um these are both solid these are both solid fours i'm gonna give you both solid four yeah i'm gonna give ready a solid four he would have been a five

but I think, you know, upon revision, I'm going to both give you four. So right now you're both tied at four. That's an excellent call. Round two, both tied at four. We'll go ahead give Jason first go this time. Let me go with, let's see here. I'll go with DJ Shockley. DJ Shockley.

You know, I met him personally, so I have to give him a five for damn good dog in this, Jason. Because he's going to be mad at me if I didn't. Because, you know, I meet all of my fellow Georgia Bulldogs. Holly. Joe Cherishinsky. The fourth. The fourth. See, okay, okay, okay.

I was good. If you gone for any of the previous models, that's clearly somewhere in that two to four range, okay? Being specific. But, man, you gave the, you gave the numeral. And frankly, any dog with the numeral, that's a five-star dog. I'm going to go ahead. Four's done us a lot of luck this year. That's good.

That's good. Not they need luck. We're going to go ahead. You're both tied at nine. Luck may also be Satanic. Tied at nine going into round three of, let's remember a damn good dog. I believe this time I have Holly going first.

AJ Green. AJ Green. Oh, that's a solid. Yeah, that is a solid five-star dog there. Go ahead, Jason. I got to go big. Let me go Gino Atkins. Gino Hat-Dame!

Both of you pulling solid fives. And of course, honoring the Georgia Bulldogs of the NFL, that's correct, the Cincinnati Bengals. Yeah, who just like our beloved dogs, won a playoff gamer. It's all coming up, I'm telling you, see, it all comes around. Y'all laugh, y'all keep laughing, okay? Just keep laughing. Hardy, har, har, har.

We hear it, 1980 all over again. You know who else was good in 1980? That's right, the Cincinnati Bengals. We're going to go ahead and give you five for each. that you are tied at 14 going into the final round. I do have one thing, by the way, we do have a sponsored message here before we go into the final round

of let's remember some good dogs. That's right. I want everybody to remember that I know you haven't forgotten, but just in case you did, that our thoughts turn to spring now. It's a beautiful time in the state of Georgia. Flowers are blooming, pollen sitting an inch deep on the hood of your car.

But what I want you to also remember that it's a time to remember how we beat them sad-ass Florida gators. That's correct. Put them in the dirt. That beautiful dirt, that fertile dirt that sprout's blossoms. Blossoms like those that you'll see at Augusta National this spring. That's right. I didn't know they were vocals to this, but I'm just going to talk over him anyway. What the hell is they singing about?

I have no idea. I didn't know there were lyrics to this. I assume they're awesome. They're singing about golf. They're singing, why wouldn't you sing about golf, Jason? As a dog you'd understand. It's too precious to sing about. It's, uh, I don't utter the name of golf.

It's like Georgia football, which we love so much that we express strictly through the music of barking and canine vocalization. That's right. April 4th, the Masters. Not that you forgot about it. Or have tickets. it because you're poor. Broke. Yes, but rich in Tahoe.

And in championships, that's right. Just a reminder. The only thing you're going to find of equal excellence to the Georgia Bulldogs is the masters. On CBS. On CBS. And Nickelodeon, I wish.

NFL is on CBS and Nickelodeon at the same time. Let's just simulcast all CBS on Nickelodeon. That Nickelodeon kid that they had on yesterday was elite. he was so good i'm not i'm not making fun of anything no he was so good i think we do need when you hit the water hazard at augusta it should just be a fountain of slime right there and that and that kid talk to you after any point of this why did you do that that kid explaining that was what you're supposed to do that kid being like yo that shot was crap and fucking young sheldon is explaining you're actually not supposed to hit the golf ball there i was thinking like

harley i'm mad would you be like do you need do you need medication they're a golf Golfers are pretty low on social skills. I'm pretty sure one of them would assault the kid, right? Colin Montgomery and his prime would have done it. Gary L. I mean, if that's the line. So we are now entering the final round of let's remember a damn good dog. You are both Stramatic, both tied at 14 after exhausting Bengals slash Georgia grades, Gino Atkins and AJ Green.

So consider your choice carefully. this round, it is the final round. That means Jason has the lead on. It's a good master's voice, Spencer. Go. I feel good. I'm gonna continue the same strategies before. We're going George Foster.

George. Oh, man, you had to get a five star right there. That's correct. George Foster, Big Faust. You know, I know him, and he'd beat my ass if I didn't give him five stars. Yes. You know, and as a fellow dog,

I have to pay in that respect because he's much larger than I am. An armworn can out hike you. He's terrifying. He is. He's got very long legs or they could catch me with ease. So I'm going to have to give you a five that takes you to 19. This is a tough, tough call. Holly, you have to equal a five-star dog here.

Boss Bailey. Ooh. Damn, I'm going to have to give you a 19. That is another five-star. We're tied at 19. That's right. That's right. We're going to call this a Ray Golf.

That's a tie. like he had involved in his final game shouts out to the king of chicken fingers himself who was in attendance right which I love that Ray Golf got to show up for the parade right like guess who else is here Ray golf who laid the groundwork you mean that's right that's right for a dynasty god that's Jim Donnan's music

yeah he carried the torch and he let it burn his hands who recruited Kirby he was probably Ray Golf Who recruited Mike Bobo? Let's see. He played 95-90-year-old. There to go. I think it was, yeah, again, now that this would have happened.

So, yeah, 94, Ragh-Gov. Ragh-off. Ragoff saw the plan. He knew. He knew. He said, this is the chosen one. This kid, this dork right here is going to lead us to glory. You know who else he recruited?

He's like, I'm going to need somebody to wreck not one, but two of my rivals. I'm going to need to recruit somebody who can absolutely destroy. both Florida and South Carolina single-handedly. How can I do that? This boy must-champ looks like he's up to the challenge. Let's recruit him and bring him on. The dynasty killer, Raghav. I have this, the prince and the dark prince, both of the same team.

Stupid Prince. Please don't forget, that's national champion will must champ to you. His second ring. His second ring. National champion, stupid Prince will must champ. National champion, stupid prince, an official administrative position. Stupid champion. I'm a stupid champion.

Hey, man, it's better than just being stupid. I'd rather be a stupid champion than a smart, not champion. Go dogs. Go dogs. Go, sick. Introducing your kids to finances and gift cards can be quite a task. Don't want to limit them with traditional gift cards that only work for one specific store or give them a credit or debit card and have them run unsupervised.

But don't worry, because something epic is here. The epic gift card is a gift card for kids and teens that lets them spend safely and securely. The epic gift card was created with kids and teens in mind, letting them freely use it at virtually any age-appropriate retailer they want. Epic was developed by experts to ensure it's perfect for your kids, giving you relief that it'll be used responsibly while they get to buy exactly what they want. From celebrating their daily victories to preparing them for a future financial responsibility to giving them a fantastic gift. With Epic, the sky's the limit for your kids.

Visit Epiccard.com today to learn all about this incredible gift card. That's E P-I-Kard.com. E-P-I-Kard.com.