Shutdown Fullcast - BOLD PREDICTIONS for the 2023 College Football Season

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

SHOW NOTES Jason’s Epcot citizenship is revealed How to celebrate Jim Harbaugh during his forthcoming suspension News about the Fullcast After Dark! Find out where and when it will be! Eventually! Genuinely exciting breaking news out of South Carolina YOUR bold predictions take center stage as we sail into Week 0 As always, visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am joined as I am every week. by Ryan Nanny by Holly Anderson and by Michael Serber on the ones and twos Jason Kirk will not be joining us this week as he is

getting his goofy head grafted on for Epcot citizenship Yep But which country is goofy And which part of the body What What country do you

What country do you It's got to be It's got to be an Epcot country It does have to be an Epcot country I'm going to say Norwegian goofy for Jason Guiffy Goofy

Goofy Gersh Goofy kind of sounds Norwegian doesn't me You know he's like a tall

dude Norway's a real good call for him If not Norway Then Goofy is French Gouffe Gouffi Yeah

Yeah but Not Parisian French Like No he'd be like Jerry Lewis French Right Because like the French Yeah

The French were Like The French would ascribe lofty qualities to his physical comedy that simply did not exist, right? He's like, this devastating critique of the bourgeoisie and their endless striving is indicative of everything goofy is when he is learning to recreations. Yeah. Blue bear, have you seen this flu bear?

It is a magical substance. You say there's a flu bear? This brilliant satire of skiing is more than slapstick. Okay, learning to ski is the best Disney movie ever made. It is. It really is the best. Gustav, they have made a whole movie about you. they've turned you into a bouncy substance.

When he says Yahoo, who, who, it really, there is a cry of pain and amusement. I'm pretty sure this is on Disney Plus year-round, by the way. So if you don't know what we're talking about, go watch the like 1954 educational cartoon they made with Goofy about learning to ski. Yes, or as they call it for some reason, sheing. It's because it's a joke. They're trying to be British.

It's so good. yes I wanted to open do not be alarmed it is only fresh air by giving an update on an important criminal case a serious legal case in the world of the NCAA

which is about Jim Harbaugh at the University of Michigan so Jim Harbaugh was initially suspended for four games and then decided wrong wrong Ryan Can you take over here, thanks.

Three? Ryan, Initially, he wasn't at four. Ryan, can you take over here? Initially, he wasn't suspended for anything. Initially, Michigan and the NCAA had worked towards a negotiated resolution by which he would serve a four-game suspension. But seemingly on the NCAA side of things and not the stubborn Jim Harbaugh side of things, that agreement fell apart and it didn't look like there would be any.

any games missed this season at least then what happened then yesterday i think it was yesterday something like this we're recording on tuesday august 22nd michigan decided as part of some self-imposed penalties uh to to impose a three-game suspension of uh james harrison harbour I don't think that's his middle name, but it's fun to say. It's Jehosa Phat. Oh, sorry. I'm pretty sure. And, yeah, that's where, but now we have to see, like, what will the NCAA do with that?

Maybe three is fine. It seems weird that three would be fine if four was a number that they didn't like before. But I don't know. So that's where we're at. So we've got to go with what we're, we've got to work with what we've got here, the best available information that we have at the moment. And can you remind us again

anybody what the first three games of that Michigan schedule are? Oh, God. All right. Jason has already run through this at length, but I feel like we can provide accurate information here. I'm positive. Okay, because last time not so much. I know who the first game is. The first game

on Saturday, September 2nd, is going to be at home against East Carolina. Yep. The second game is also going to be at home against UNLV. Yep. And then in the return of the savior Scott Leffler,

the Bowling Green is going to be visiting Ann Arbor. Okay, so if Man, if you bought home tickets to Michigan games this year, what a fucking lineup you have been given. The other home games are

Rutgers, Indiana, Purdue, and then the Ohio State game the end of the air. Sorry, I just had to know that. I'm loving it. Speaking of which, the NCAA and Michigan have started to kind of push back on the notion, perhaps because it is stupid, that Harbaugh is being suspended in any way, shape, or form because he ate two half-pound burgers for breakfast with recruits and then lied about it. in my opinion I'm going to stand by our reporting here because it's funny

and say that this is exactly what's happening and I believe the punishment should fit the crime I believe the punishment should fit the crime and I believe that Michigan as a football team will be just fine for those first three weeks without their beloved skipper but he's suspended from coaching I don't see anything in here that says he's

spend it from the student section. Correct. And this is where I started, and I've come up with just like a helpful list of tasks to, you know, just to give him something to do, to give him a sense of purpose. If there's one thing that we know, Coach Harbaugh is known for, it is his aimlessness, went away from the football field. So we like, he's a working dog. We've got to give him a task.

And we also want the team and the community to know that he's not far. Like elf on a shelf. elf on a shelf had weird fucking opinions about abortion. Are you proposing a like a three week long, like a fortnight and a half, never forget? List of ideas. List of ideas here.

Okay. Idea 1. And this is just in the order that I wrote them down. I have already submitted this to the Michigan Board of Regents. I have not heard back at this time. I'll let you know if I do. Idea 1 is Harbaugh dresses as the hamburger

and throws cheeseburgers as as though he was out of a t-shirt canon perhaps to the capacious and roaring student section at the big house for these first three games okay yeah like it um idea two harbaugh dresses as a cheeseburger himself mare mcchease between these two giant yellow m companies it's hard to guess which one is more litigious with its trademarks, so I would never suggest that he directly take on a copyrighted character and also the thought of him as a civil servant is a nightmarish one. Yeah, that said, I bet Berger, if he dresses the Burger King, Burger King wouldn't say shit. No, no, they'd be like, thank you so much.

Burger King's got their own problems. I actually wouldn't be mad for the ECU game if the entire Michigan roster came out in Burger King masks. to show support. Can you imagine? That's good. We're adding to the list. We're adding to the list.

I like some V for Vendetta fast. But I wanted to really do something for the fans because we all know we have a huge swath of Michigan partisans that listen to this show, that turn up for us at the Charity Bowl, that turn up for us in person at our live show in Ann Arbor, still my favorite show we've ever done, who welcome us into their into the, their homes, into their tailgates, time after time. And we wanted to give you guys a little bolstering, a little bucking up for these first three games of the season.

And that's where I got the idea of, well, how do we usually memorialize these things with patches? Right? Well, patches are tricky, and I don't necessarily want you to mess up your finest Canada goose or whatever it is you guys wear in September up there. I don't really know. It's hot. Probably not Canada Goose. Maybe Canada Goose with the sleeves cut off.

But in any way, that could compromise the insulation. So this is where I hit upon the idea of helmet decals. We get little cheeseburger helmet decals, and we pass them out to, we pass them out to our friends to be distributed in the stands, amongst of Greek organizations. If anybody wants to get them into the locker room and put them on the actual helmets.

Yeah. Just Michigan running out there with a, maybe it says gym and the block letter, and then the little block letter is the golden arches. No, you put the Harbaugh glass. glasses on the burger. Oh, my God. There is.

See, in my head, it was going to be shirtless gym, but with giant cheeseburger head. Okay. Maybe that's a tattoo we can all commit to getting. Like some true Silent Hill nightmare bullshit. I'm pictured in like a tasteful Bradbird watercolor. That would be good, too. Not Brad Bird. Who's the artist?

Yeah, no. Thank you. Bradford's the director. Yeah. Um, server fixed that. the look the look of consent

you just gave me super gave you the same look that a dog gives you and it's like I'm not doing that just a racial slur flies out of your

mouth and you're like server fix that any of us might do no any of us might not do that what you're saying I'll bring it back

right when Spencer said that you said a racial slug Thanks for making it worse, Spencer. Yeah, so anyway, I think the cheeseburger glasses combo is a go. And hopefully by the time you hear this tomorrow, we should have a reasonable facsimile of this up in the shut down full shop at pre-ownedairboats.com.

Pre-ownedairboats.com. By a handfuls and handfuls of these lovingly home. made mailed to you by the internet Harbaugh stickers. If you order them as soon as possible, they should almost certainly get to you. By the end of the suspension. Listen,

we promise not to send you prescription medicine this year. Why? Why would you promise that? Because so far we've delivered on that. Oh, I guess so. I've delivered. As it were. No, but when he comes back, that's when we introduced the some gave all

with a hand holding the burger. It's all gave some in a one pound burger in the hand And some gave all on the other hamburger in the other hand Sliders She would get us a variety bit Sliders Should we do a little Should we do a little podcast business while we're at it?

That was for the Jerry O'Connell heads out there Yeah, let's Podcast business Podcast business What's the business? Podcast business Podcast business I wish the dog would shut up

because she's interrupting the podcast. He sang me onto the one and three. Yeah, that was pretty cruel of him. I noticed that. That was so mean. I like Harry Connick Jr. I'm just throwing extra measures in there to get that out. First, he says you're uttering racial slurs.

Then he puts you on the one and three. He's really, really trying to put you in a bad spot. Holly Spencer, who is bringing our audience this week's episode? Oh, this episode is brought to you by Coors Light. That's Mountain Fresh Refreshment made to chill. He fucked it up already. That's fine. I like my Coors Light Mountain Cold personally, but.

Mountain Cold refreshment. It's made to chill regardless. Yes. Podcast business. You know what I like about Coors Light? Real quick before the ad is that every once in a while, their PR team will just drop cases of Coors Light on our doorstep. Yeah, we got some this week. I know.

We got some this week. This is the best sponsorship we've ever had because they come without Rohing. It's kind of like the reverse of the dad in Angels in the Outfield, where he's just gone and you're like, when will we come? When will Dermot-Moroni come back? I think it's Dermot-Moron-Roney. in this case Corzite just shows up

and he's like hey hey son the angel stink but I still love you because the angels do stink sometimes people wonder what it's like to have a sponsor and sometimes that sponsor

is just we pay you to say words on our show but we're still a terrible company at heart even the products that you pay for high AT&T but what that's been like two years they're not listening to this it's fine it's fine

can I tell you true story. Somebody who works at AT&T reached out to us after they heard about all of our internet troubles at the start of this off season. I was like, you know, hey, you used to sponsor the show. We should help you out. And I was like, oh, yeah, sure. Can you help us figure out what's wrong? And they ghosted us. Yep. Maybe that was their honest answer. Can you help us out? To me, this is the best form of sponsorship where you just get, you just get beer appearing on your doorstep with no pattern. It's just like, hey, have a great weekend. Yep.

Anyway, I appreciate you as a sponsor. I know that you believe in us. We have two podcast business items that are literally about the business of the podcast, sort of. That's a little weird. First. Take it slow. We'll tease them in. So Jason's on here, but he asked us to let people know that the watch grid will be available for free on his substack.

Ryan, what's the watch grid? Jason Kirk. FYI is the substack. Holly, your father is the biggest fan of the watch grid. is he not? You're the one he should explain the watch grid. This is an important part of your family. The watch grid that Jason puts together,

that Jason has put together for long, long, years is to me a tool that's as important to the football season as LSUFootball.net. LSUFootball.net will tell you when the games are, but Jason will tell you what the games are. If you've never seen the watch grid, it is a handy dandy dispatch handed out once a week

during the college football season that explains which games you should definitely watch, which games you should consider watching, and which games are, as Jason puts, well, it's football. And my father, who is a man very much of his time, will print out the watch grid on a printer in his home and keep it next to him in the good chair. in paper form Now he had He had problems for a couple of years Where the watch grid

Was taking an email newsletter form And he didn't know how to print emails Been there So just for my dad, I guess Thank you Jason Jason has moved Has moved the watch grid onto Substack And I'll tell you something about Bill

Bill can print a webpage Bill can print the shit Like most of us Bill got his start at SB Nation webpages and I'm in full color by the way so you get the red you get the red yellow green in the grid and also every week just to add an extra layer to it you asked and so you're getting the whole story yeah when it is done when he has done it for the week he will take a picture of the printed out watch grid and send it to me with a little with like him doing a thumbs up in

the corner not an emoji with his actual hand yeah yeah sure um so i did it there is never been no it's more like i'm ready troop oh okay and you know that's his game face i'm doing my part there is a there is no greater uh cross-generational uh college football tool than the watch grid and it returns to us this year is jason nutmer is full um if you are tired of grade inflation sure we all are in this country the watch grid is for you because let me tell you what unsparing there will be sections of just

it's football this is not a place this is not graded on a curve of okay the top five games are watchable no when this is a weekend where you can go and acknowledge your family or show up at a wedding

or do yard work all weekend you can trust Jason to tell you so the other piece of podcast business shut down forecast after dark will be returning that's right for the 2020

season. It will not be back week zero. We don't know where it back week zero. Nobody panic. We've never done it in week zero. Yeah. It's just nice to know. Yeah.

People always panic. We've never done in week zero. And we don't know where it will be. So listen. Let's let's talk. This is not a matter of full cast being ill-prepared. Y'all know what Twitter is doing right now. It's August 22nd.

time the show comes out tomorrow, Twitter may be gone. We have been watching all summer looking for stabilization in one direction or the other of whether or not this thing should tilt or not. And we want to land the show ultimately where most of our audience can get to it. And, you know, a lot of you have left Twitter. And we have less idea than usual of whether Twitter spaces would actually work. Everybody we used to work with behind the scenes there to see if we could break their website again with

your mighty flow of traffic has been fired. No one works there anymore, but also, we've never done this show on YouTube. We've never tried to do this show as an Instagram live. So what you're going to get in a couple weeks is either a Twitter after dark show that may or may not work

or us trying this on a brand new platform in week one. And if you were around for the launch after dark, you remember what that was like. So, for once, this is not our fault. Y'all know what Twitter is doing. But what we can tell you is that just keep in touch with our social feeds, keep in touch with the four of us on, the four of us on Twitter.

All four of us are also over on Blue Sky as well, along with Cerber and along with the show account. When we figure out what we're doing, and the reason we're putting this off to the last minute is because Twitter changes every goddamn day. And we don't, and it's usually for the worst. But also, it's the most forecast thing to do. Also, it is the most forecast thing to do. It would be the most forecast thing to just keep it there in the creaky, dark spider-filled

corner. But anyway, when we know, you'll know. So just keep up with this on social. We are doing this. What we can guarantee is that on Sunday. On Sunday, knock. Not this Sunday. Not just Sunday.

But on Sunday of week one, there will be a recorded form of whatever we do for After Dark. You will get this in your podcast feed, in the main shutdown fullcast feed, along with the fullcast after dark feed, for those of you who just for some reason want to roll with that. So just keep in touch with this on social. When we have figured out what the fuck to do with this, because we do want to keep doing it, we love it, we know you guys love it. the internet is just shifting beneath our feet at the moment when we know you will know but you will have a recording of whatever we do no matter what if we end up having to just record a normal ass podcast on saturday night to drop for you guys on sunday morning we're going to do that we would much rather have the live element because we want to hang out with you guys on saturday night we know a lot of people love it how else will we celebrate indiana beating ohio state week one seriously how else um but anyway that's that's about where we are which is to say, we don't know where we are, but for once

it's not our fault. Don't yell at Ryan. All you have to do. On midnight, local time, the Labor Day weekend on Saturday. The night of Saturday, not early Saturday morning. 11.30 Friday night. Go to your closest cracker barrel. Spin in a circle six times chanting smooth Spencer, smooth Spencer with eats rotation.

And on the sixth rotation, smooth Spencer will appear to you and tell you where full cast after dark is at that point. Like a phomotrope from hell. Yeah, I'll be nude. I'll be nude. Don't worry. That's the only way to prove he smooth. It's not sexual. But like you're, if he's spinning, you're going to hear like a, you're going to hear it flapping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be like, yeah, you're going to be like, weird bat.

Weird stinky bat coming for me. Big bear bat. Like a bear, but a bat. Bats are fundamentally always naked, but. Giant kinkajoo comes for you. Albert, let me get weird. Anyway, we love making half of our living on this shrinking ice flow of a Nazi infested website. The other half, defense contracts.

Hey. Is that not? What's wrong with being a war criminal? It's summer. Major League Baseball is in full swing and there's one app for you if you want last minute deals on Major League Baseball games

and that's game time.co. That's right, gametime.c.O. I'm looking at the app right now and I'm picking out America's team really, the Kansas City Royals and at Kaufman Stadium just in a couple days, there's tickets available for $16.

And then, well, I don't want to up the stakes too much here, but let's go to next week. It looks like they're playing the Chicago White's There are tickets available right now for $3. You could see a Major League Baseball game in Chicago for $3. What stadium you ask?

Not important. It's in Chicago. But GameTime.co is not just for Major League Baseball games, even though you can get great deals for that. You can also get great deals for concerts, football games. Those are going to be coming up pretty soon. You can find them on GameTime.co. I use GameTime.co.

To purchase last minute tickets for an Olivia Rodrigo concert. Tyler Childers did not show up at mine. that would have been awesome, but it was awesome nonetheless, and GameTime.C.O made it super easy. I got my parking through GameTime.com.co. And I got great tickets for my wife and I. GameTime.com.com made all of that so easy and one of the greatest concert experiences I've ever had in my entire life. And I'll be using them again. In fact, I'm seeing a little bit called the beaches in late September. And where did I get my ticket? That's right. Even ahead of time. I didn't wait till the last minute because GameTime.com has you covered then as well. That's what I love about it. Whenever I want to get a ticket for an event, whether I've heard about it months before and procrastinated to no end and have left myself an alert, you can save up to 60% of buying last minute for sports, concerts, comedy, theater, anything else.

So take the guesswork out of buying MOB tickets with GameTime. You can download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code fullcast for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code F-U-L-L-C-A-S-T for $20 off. Download game time today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. Speaking of war crimes, I have some South Carolina news that's breaking during the podcast that I think is worth mentioning. Again? I don't know what this is, so I'm excited. Did I know how this worked out for them last time? From Brandon Marcello, the national reporter for 247 Sports. Hey, Brandon.

Yeah, Brandon has some news for us. And when I say news, I mean, when I say news, I mean, earth shattering news. Derrude, the artist behind Sandstorm will hold a concert on South Carolina's campus before the Gamecox host Kentucky on November 18th. Oh, what fuck is he going to play more than one song?

Probably not. Can I have more than one song? Two hours of Sandstorm. Just going to be Eagles covers. He's going to Cotton Eye Joe. We're going to Cotton Eye Joe Sandstorm. Yeah. You've never heard Hotel California.

California until you've heard DeRood cover it. I can confidently say that South Carolina is going to fucking boat race the tar heels because I drove to Columbia on Sunday and drove back on Monday and coming to Charlotte from where I am in the Piedmont area of North Carolina and then coming back to Charlotte from the Midlands where Columbia is, there are billboards all up and down the side, all up and down the highway that say a sandstorm is coming to Charlotte. And it is some of the most badass branding I've ever seen ever in my entire life. How many people from Charlotte think this is about a mosque and are going to start burning the billboard now? I'm on a podcast with Felder. I will not disparage Charlotte openly. He's not here. He ain't here.

It's a cop town. It's a terrible place and it's weird that he likes it because we love him so much. It's not my favorite North Carolina City. It's not even in my top five. Top five North Carolina cities. Go, server. Go. Top five. Winston Salem.

Hell yeah. Asheville. Yeah. Where's Wilmington? Wilmington is number three. Thank you. Is Bill Morris City? No, that's technically Asheville.

That's just Rich Asheville. That's Republican Asheville. But tulips, man. Yeah. How about Mount Airy? No, Mount Airy doesn't make the list. Jesus. You contemplate a great deal in the idea of a great North Carolinaian city.

Listen. Mount Area is really cool. It's actually Mayberry. It's the real Mayberry, North Carolina. My grandfather looked just like Andy Griffith and was a security guard at the mall, and people had to take their picture with him all the time. Sir, were you from the area? How old were you when you realized the name was not Mount Area like I thought it was?

And it was just like, this is where the mountains are. This is where I'm learning it. Oh, yeah, no, no, no. I knew that. I knew that from early on. I knew that everything in the show was kind of backwards. Like they called it Mount Pilot. But that's actually Pilot Mountain.

which is a really cool place here. We're friends. Southport would make my list, which is near Wilmington, and they film like a Nicholas Sparks thing there, so it's kind of lame for that. But it's actually a really cool little town, and they have one of my favorite music stores. Wait, is it one of the Nicholas Sparks thing

where there's inexplicably a ghost in there the whole time, and you're not supposed to know it? Maybe, I don't know. I just know that my sister-in-law was like, they filmed this here! And I was like, God, damn it. Nicholas Sparks do a die-hard movie. Oh, no.

Nicholas Sparks movies as they go on gradually become less and less Relatable the more money he makes right This is haunted by the ghost of a man who was in love with not paying taxes He's on like, he's on like Knights in Rodanthe level money right now Did we get five? He's basically Diane Lane Did we get to five? No, Boone is the number five

Boone is my number one Boone's number one We've gotten some new listeners since then So I will tell the story of my high school boyfriend who went to his student orientation at Boone and met his RA when his RA came flying down the hall wearing a golden methong and angel wings and riding a skateboard.

Boone is a terrific place. Yeah. Boone is number one. Silva's number two. That whole Silva. Cashers Western North Carolina area is awesome. Asheville's three. Y'all overrate Asheville. Asheville's like doable.

When I rate Asheville to be fair and to defend Holly a little bit here, I'm reading the Asheville that I used to go to because I don't go there anymore. Not the Asheville that's like Austin Aspirant. Yeah, I just can't find anywhere to eat. Look, we're hippies. Yeah.

Let's have some topics. I have friends that live there, so I usually get to like stay on the outskirts and not really get into it. I'm going to put a blowing rock up there. Blowing rock, very bougie. Yeah, absolutely. What, do you think I'm going to have a bad time?

It's bougie booed. Yeah, no, it's bougie boon. Yeah, no. You think I'm going to get the cheap foam pillows? no baby yeah this fat head needs it down oh what town has dude let's go let's go blow past boosy which town is where's the old edwards oh that's highland has highlands i got to put highlands in there because north carolina has some sneaky excellent spas yeah anyway we won't be in any of these places but is it can i declare right now that um i've never wanted to go to

columbia on purpose or by accident in my life but this feels like our meetup for this year I had this answer. This is also the first game of the season in which it will drop below 90 in that stadium, unless it's raining. Two years ago, I swore I would never return to Williams-Brice Stadium. It is a deeply unpleasant place, and I say that with so much respect. I will go back for Drewd. Yeah. I'll break that.

I'll break that claim. Do you know how powerful they're going to be? They're going to win like 5080. They're going to be beaten the hell out of anybody wearing anything other than South Carolina gear. They're going to tear chunks of concrete up with their bare hands. Max is going to retire on the spot. spot. Yeah.

I've had it. If I hear that goddamn song, one more time. They're doing this before the Kentucky game, right? Oh, I thought you said North Carolina. No, no, no. He's, I think server is saying they are powered up by this news and will use it to crush, because I think what will happen instead is they will, they will host DeRood for this concert and then lose to Kentucky like 1510.

No, that sounds not right. No, that's it. Here, Cox. Which is to say we're going. A South Carolina fan Would be the first to tell you this, right? Like, hey, you guys are going to beat their ass Because DeRood's there

And they're like, nope, we're losing like 17 to 11 Somehow the punter is going to throw two picks It's going to be a nightmare Unlike Tennessee, I've never seen A South Carolina win a fight in a croaker And this game has big Croker In a Grogher energy Put him in a pigly wood

How many years do you think they've been asking DeRood? He's finally like, oh, fucking fine, I will come do your car Oh, God damn it. Did his residuals expire from something. Could be. If you're a Derrude

financial planner, please contact us. I hope he only plays new shit. I hope he only plays new shit. When he gets in there, he's like,

hey guys, I'm really getting into Ambien. Or he just plays nothing but shotgun sound effects and sirens nonstop. That would be awesome. That would be awesome.

Are you kidding? Are you kidding? anthem yeah so sorry i had you you you will agree that was worth that was worth that was worth is there any new business is there any other new business before we proceed to the news of the day which is our reader submissions no all right uh folks a short time ago upon the platforms of twitter and blueski we asked for your we've done this before So let's specify. We ask for your boldest predictions for the 21 season.

Guys, what do we mean by bold predictions? Do we mean accurate? They can be accidentally accurate, but they shouldn't be aiming for accuracy. The inadvertently accurate, our blessed are the inadvertently accurate here when it comes to our bold predictions episodes. I'm going to just read through a selection of these. I would love to hear the assessments from our three-person panel. I'm going to grade based. I'm going to do grunt-based grades, if that's all right.

Okay. All right. From Reader Alexander, Florida will be better than last year and finish five and seven. No, don't forget, we have to grade these predictions both in terms of what we think of the prediction and the boldness. I think it could be an accurate prediction, but I don't think it's very bold given the trajectory of the program. So I'll give accurate, but not bold. But Spencer, I thought Billy was figuring it out. He is, but this ain't the year.

Okay. All right. From reader Michael Gallagher, Alabama will win it all. That seems somewhat bold, during the rest of the conversation around that team preseason? I mean, I know a lot of people have basically been saying like, well, it's going to be Georgia and Alabama again, but I think it's kind of

bold to say they are because it's a warning sign that they don't have a quarterback right now. It's, which is fun, because the rest of the West is the West has kind of taken over as the SEC East crab pots of old. Is that too far to say? Yeah. It is too far to say.

A little bit. It's bold. It's bold in the way that ordering seafood from a restaurant that's not known for seafood is bold you know wish casting there like yeah it's not like it's ordering seafood in college station sure i'm gonna try this wendy's fish sandwich i bet it's good why are you quoting me uh reader antifaldo says new year's bowl yukon all right now i got a look at bowl schedule please hold yeah hold on Like, yeah, are you getting on a technicality because you're like, oh, look, that's what we have to look at.

That's what we have to look at. Hold on. I'm right, all right, all right. God damn you, Nick. Okay, so I'll go through the options. The Reliacquest Bowl, formerly known as the Outback Bowl, can't take Yukon. Things would have to fall apart for them to take Yukon.

The Cheese at Citrus Bowl also can't take Yukon. The Fiesta Bowl also can't take Yukon. So now we are saying Yukon makes one of the, playoff semifinals or uh yeah one of these other bowls just completely breaks its existing contract bold as hell accurate not at all okay that's fair have we looked at yukon schedule this year is that a thing we want to do right now not at all do you can answer you can ask me that any day and you know what i'm going to say ryan let's look at a different schedule because uh reader wicked people suggest the return of nine win diana

god here's what we're going to do here's what we're going to do we're going to combine these two because now you've led me to this dark game we are going to go through yukon's schedule and indiana's schedule and as the three of you have to come to a consensus as to if one of these teams is going to win nine games you have to tell me which one it's going to be

who do you want to start with yukon or indiana yukon we start with yukon because i love independence Okay, opening game, home game against NC State. Then a road game against Georgia State. Home against FIU. Home against Duke and Utah State back to back. On the road against Rice. Home against USF.

Road game at Boston College. I'm not making fun of you. This is too fast for me to try and count. Okay. I'll start over. I'm sorry. One of you decide, Spencer, you're going to count wins and losses. Can we do the up down as we go?

I am counting. All right. NC State. What are we given that? That's chaos. We can't count that. Okay. Georgia State.

Man, I don't know. Dub. FIU. Dub. Duke. No. Okay, two and two. Utah State.

Is that at Utah State or is that at home? At East Hartford. Three. Okay. Rice. Dub. Four? USF.

They're bad. Five. Boston College. Is that in Chestnut Hill? It is? I don't think that should be out of that much, but okay. Yeah. Five.

That's six now. I would take that. No, no, I don't take it. Oh, you got it. Okay, five. Okay. Tennessee in Knoxville. L.

Okay. J.M.U. In Virginia. L. I don't know Yeah Come on Dukes

Dukes You know Win the Sunbelt Can they win the Sunbelt Oh no I'm sorry I thought you meant that Sorry I thought you meant that JMU was going

I had it backwards I am pro JMU Sorry Sacred Heart What When We're at Bull And ending with UMass

In Massachusetts Okay So we're seven Seven wins So in theory You'll have to Only stretch two to get them to nine.

That Duke game is up in the air? I don't think Duke is that good. You don't? I really like where this guy is going. I like where Elko's going. Yeah, I'm not giving them that. If they flip one, I didn't have them winning at Boston College,

which I think they could do, and then they need to flip one that doesn't. I think they could take VC. I think that'll be fine. Yeah, and then they need a miracle for the ninth. They need NC State, probably. Game one? Sure.

Yeah. Um, okay. Game one where they come out and just go, Rasmatat! You know, NC State's like, oh, what? Shit, lost. That's also a Thursday game, which feels very NC State to lose to Yukondo in the season on August 31st. Anyway, Indiana, this is going to be a little easier to start. Ohio State.

No. Indiana State. Probably. Okay. Louisville. Oh, no. No, they don't want to. Okay.

What if this is the same? Indianapolis at Lucas Oil Stadium. Okay, sure. Sure. Ooh. I'm sorry, I forgot that Louisville had Jay. I forgot it's not Satterfield anymore. It's not going to have this.

Okay, so one and two. Akron. Win. September 23rd. Oh, you said win, not win. Okay, got you. Two and two. Maryland.

Maryland. L. Okay. Two and three. Michigan. L. Two and four. L.

Rutgers. Dub! Three and four. Penn State. L. Three and five, Wisconsin. L. Three and six.

Illinois. Oh. This might be the swing game. But you know what? No. I don't think they could do it. No, it's L. Three and seven.

Michigan State. Dub. we're going to get some emails four and seven Purdue dub okay even so it's not even close like if you're you're optimistic

two win to close the season Indiana is still only a five wins so by your own admission you think Yukon is much closer to nine one territory and I think you're probably right I thought I was being pretty charitable and then if we have nine win Yukon. We're not really that far away from playoff

Yukon, are we? You see how we slowly talk ourselves into January 1st, Yukon? We're going there. We're following ourselves live on the air. Hey, let's move on to another prediction because I'm scared. Yukon beats Tennessee. Why would that scare me? I just wanted to. You want to know how I got these scars? I just wanted it to go in the Library of Congress. If a D.B. You want to see how I got these scars? If a DB has a football

embedded in their chest and they stumbled 98. yards the other way and die in the end zone that's TD right listen listen we can joke about Yukon Tennessee all we want but I'm not joking do you all think I'm scared of that possibility I just reminded myself today that UMass played Tennessee very close a few years ago with special assistant coach Chris Berman on the sign line yeah and who was head coaching the other team I think that's a butch year you see my problem yeah okay there yeah anyway my Moving on, extraterrestrial teradactyl says, After a tactical masterclass by Brett Bilema sees the Illini sends James Franklin with that L back to Happy Valley,

Jason Kirk opens a full cast after Dart preaching the gospel of Luke Altmire. That's a little close to Harold Fultmeyer, and so I'm going to say that I'm going to arrive at this prediction. So, I only have one, well, no, here is what. Here is what's bold about this prediction. Luke Oatmeier is a quarterback, and so you're saying that Brett Beelma is going to beat Penn State on the shoulders of a Mississippi State transfer quarterback. Extraterrestrial Teradactyl,

is it possible that you leaned a little too far into your schematic well just to make a Bible joke? Because if it's true, we respect it. Yeah, fair. That's what Jason would have done. It is. It is. All right, moving on.

This is I'm going to read it because it's funny. From John Sequeter, Georgia Tech decides to fire back up the nuclear reactor on campus, and there is a mishap while installing the fuel, irradiating the last full practice before the season begins. The resulting mutations create an unstoppable team that rampages through ACCC play. It still loses to Georgia. Supermoutens could run the triple, to be clear. All right.

Demetri Doris, this next one is. is genuinely hilarious, and I want to see it happen because I want the headlines. I want the discourse. Pack 12 misses the playoffs one final time as a 6 and 6th UCLA knocks off USC in a defensive struggle. You know, that could... I want it. No, no, no, no, no, no, not the defensive struggle part.

That part. That's the bold part. That's the bold part. I didn't say it was likely or... I didn't say it was likely or possible on this earth. I said, I want it. Yeah. Give it to me.

Do you know? What a dick must? it would be for USC and UCLA to play a major role in in like destroying the Pac-12's last hope at putting a team in the playoff. I guess that's maybe better for the rest of the Pac-12 than USC making the playoff. Pick two programs more less likely to trash hotel rooms

on their way out of town. Fair. Man. Yeah, so bold, defensive struggle, accurate high. I give that high accuracy. You think UCLA's going to be USC? I'm saying I want this to happen Yeah likely and I only say this because

USC could lose All right USC will likely win most of the games on their schedule Yeah USC is also capable USA USA is also capable of losing any game on their schedule Because of what their defense is This is and again this is the bold predictions game This is not we're not trying to be candy

Nobody has a fucking clue what's going to happen In any of the chalkiest games on the schedule This is about desire. It is a little surprising that Alex Grinch got retained at USC, right? Like, the way, especially in those last two games, the way. We mean Floyd, because what happened there? Because he was the guy for so long. Floyd's right here.

Floyd, what do you think is the story of Alex Grinch's arc? Wow. Never thought about it. like that. Thank you, Floyd. Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of people are saying also, hey, USC got Bear Alexander. They've got a couple of good transfers. I don't care. I've never seen a Lincoln Riley team with a good defense. I don't really care who you have over there. And frankly, like, the perfect game plan against them is what Tulane did. I don't know if everyone remembers how funny the Tulane game plan was, but it was literally hang around until they need to stop.

They won't get one. That was it. It was, it was they did not lead in that game until the final drive and then they scored and won the game and that's what you have to do with them because the points will be infinite you could say oh Caleb Williams was injured in that game was he playing corner was he was he was he a linebacker trying to tackle anyone out of the backfield he had cusses on his knuckles he did have cusses on his knuckles that's why I call him old cuss knuckle that is a great nickname here's another one that's just based purely on desire fired after Volz hang 50 burger on the Aggies in Neeland. I already called that one.

God. I said that some bitch one go make it through the year. I haven't been to a game. I haven't been to Tennessee game in like eight years. This is the closest I've ever come to actually wanting to go to one. So that game comes right after they host Alabama. It's not a good point in the schedule for that, no. No.

If that happens. I mean, yeah. We'll have to see if Alabama can snap Tennessee Street first, but, you know. I, that is bold. I think the, you think it's bold that tennis, which part? The Tennessee hangs in. The bold part is that they would fire him after that game. Okay.

That's the bold part. The 50 is not. And I think if I just said three words to you or four words to you, you would probably understand how bold that is. And that would be interim coach Bobby Petrino. Does it have to, all right. Let's do this. Does it have to be Bobby?

No, that's just the funniest outcome. No, it might be one of his other offensive coordinators. Like, oh man, the other choices are not great. DJ Durkin, nope, shouldn't do that. Look at all the head coaching experience in that room. There's one person to Tiffany. Shouldn't do that. I know we've talked about their secret Santa,

but just like a genuinely unpleasant group of guys to share a van with. Imagine the bathroom. A lot of men who store stress in their colon is what I'm hearing. I'm going to blow right past that by bringing in WPF suggestion. Somehow, Stetson returned. Okay, so I want to go back to, I want to answer this one by going back to the last one. There's a cocoon situation here. Like, cocoon the movie or cocoon the scientific thing?

No, where before, if Jimbo is the scientific thing, where if Jimbo. I'm less interested in it not being cocoon the movie. Where to survive the winner, Jimbo is fired and Bobby Petrino is appointed offensive interim and then becomes head coach but he understands he has to delegate play calling so he hires Jimbo Fisher as offensive coordinator who then

becomes interim when Petrino is fired the next year and then they just keep coaching not possibly be improved with the addition of Steve Gutenberg I didn't say that. I wouldn't do that to Steve he seems like a nice guy yeah I liked him on party down yeah he's in great shape

so yes to answer to answer that oh here's a fun one from brodie logan all the exiting teams are deemed ineligible for the conference title game good lord they should do that they should absolutely do this yeah that'd be so funny we're ruining everything let's put our whole hands in the batter the problem is in the pack 12 at least you don't even have a majority voting control anymore so the exiting teams could actually vote the opposite what a thing oh man oh no cal's not going to make the pack 12 championship what if they vote no because they don't want is it it's not still there anymore in a prior in a long ago year i would have counted on them voting not to go just because nobody wants to play in santa claire

is santa claire yeah is it in vegas that's why i said prior year yeah thank you for joining us on the shutdown full cast um spencer I really want to go to the Pact 12 championship this year. Hey, do you guys know what Harbaugh's first game back is? Ruckers. Yeah, it's Rutgers. Yep. So does college football guy who says Rutgers upsets Michigan on Harbaugh's first game back.

That's bold. Can we talk about Greg Shiano? I know we don't want to. We can do a lot of things. Greg Shiano has not done a goddamn thing since he took the Rutgers job again. And they sure did passionately want him there. This is the number of conference games that Ruckers has won since he returned. He returned in the COVID year.

Three, two, one. Blast off! This is not good. Nights don't belong on the, oh wait, moon night. Yes, they do, actually. Never mind. What you see is decline. I see his countdown to lift off, baby.

Ruckers is the Duckears is the DECD. true space school. Uh-huh. Oh, shit. Rutgers is about to soar, baby. Like, only a guy on a horse can't. It's like, I am... They keep sliding, too,

like, placewise, fifth, sixth, yes. Seventh. Yes. And like, oh, man. Enough bad things have been said about Rutgers that we don't need to... Let's add a few more.

But if Greg Shiano can't fix it, uh-oh. What's playing? be so you might go hey but maybe he's getting it done on the recruiting trail i wouldn't say that i wouldn't but sure you might one might because person person i just made up you definitely say he's getting it done on the recruiting trail currently being out recruited by wake forest houston duke vandy ucf respect to ucf they saw rutgers encroaching on the space territory.

Right now, by the way, for 2023 being out recruited by headless Northwestern at 47. He has five years left on his contract. Headless body and a to recap. Craig Shiano, when hired by Rutgers, and I don't think, I don't remember, I think was he maybe

co-defensive coordinator at Ohio State before that? He might not have had a job. Yeah, he was a co-defense coordinator for the team that Iowa hung 50 on. Okay. Yeah. Rutgers gave him an eight-year contract.

Eight years of Greg Shiano. We're only through three of them. Mm-hmm. Well. Yep. Also has a house on campus. It's like built out of a little slice that they basically annexed. Shiana basically has his own little.

I hope it's like Baba Yaga's house and he can like make it run away on its chicken legs. How many princes have you slain today, coach? Sit down, Greg Shadows's house. I have recruiting news. It just runs away. Oh, my God. Jason Aldeen is Bobby Yaga. I got to question my heritage.

Is that all the bold takes we have? Oh, no. Oh, no. I just ran across the most upsetting one I've seen yet. The only comfort I have is that it's going to upset Spencer even more. No, God. Ladd-McConkie, Heisman finalist. He's in a look.

He's camera right now. I thought you're going to come over the death. I didn't write it. I want to preface what I'm going to say. Reader usual cow wrote it. I want to preface what I'm going to say with at least five like preconditions for understanding this. Lab Baconki's a great athlete.

Lab McConkey has done nothing wrong. Watch, watch listener. Here we go. I absolutely. I absolutely hate that this is possible. How is this possible? How?

If Carson, all right, so if Carson Beck. Uh-huh. manages to be as good as Stetson Bennett and in the passing game, right? I don't think he's going to be as good in the whole run game, moxie, et cetera. But if he's a productive passer, he's going to need a guy who's going to be his Hunter Renfro, if you will, right? His dude who's his outlet on every single pass. Now, normally that'd be Brock Bowers, but Brock Bowers is going to be absolutely double-covered every single time he goes off the line.

That's not going to really limit a whole lot of what he can do, but it will leave somebody open. You know who it's going to leave open? Fucking Ladd-McConkie. And I'm going to have to say the name, Ladd-McConkie, which is a real name that a real person has. That's going to irritate me for no reason.

None. He's done nothing wrong. I'm the problem here. Okay. From pre-game Empire. Miami, Ohio beats Miami, Florida, and immediately starts an N.I.L. Fund called Death Wallet. Yeah. I love it. Death Wallet is 100% of Nicholas Cage film. One that he made in like 2017 when the bills were really hitting him. Made out of a Gwana skin. Shot live in Bulgaria. You're like, wow. Poorly Cigied Buddy Hackett, co-stars in Death Wallet.

Nicholas Cage. Ah, what you doing? You call it a death wallet. I can't, listen, listen, I know that we can say this about so many games. But I think it would be really hard to find a single game on the schedule that would, I can think of one. But I'm not sure there's another game that would send another fan base into an absolute fucking internal feeding frenzy than if Miami lost to other Miami, parenthetical Miami. Miami on Miami crime. It would, it would absolutely rip South Florida to shreds. The only game that I think comes close.

If Auburn starts the Hugh Free's tenure by losing to UMass at home, that's going to be bad. It's going to be quite bad. But even that, I think, probably doesn't touch Miami. Miami losing to Miami losing the rights to Miami like yeah yeah absolutely chit-show if if you mess if you mess beat Auburn it's God's plan sorry it's God's plan let's see what else we got in here I got three words for you from Noah Hikes Bo Nix Heisman plausible why I didn't write these I don't even see this I'm this is this yeah this is not bold this is not bold first of all i mean it's like not necessarily super they already did the time square campaign this isn't bold i just as the culmination of a journey i

find it pleasing why do we do the the ads in time square why is that a thing i assume it's because that's where the heisman ceremony is but it wasn't always like even that's a relatively new thing i mean it is it is the obvious homage to joey harrington's like right and since nike effectively does in-house marketing for Oregon. It's probably an allusion to that. Why do they do it? I don't know. I've decided to stop worrying about how people spend their money.

Like how large corporations, why did Nike do that? Why is Oregon doing that? I don't know. They're stupid. It's just, thinking about it, I'm just like, why would you sit down and be like, you know who needs to get involved in this Heisman campaign? Tourists going to see Wicked. That's who we got to get on board with Bo Nix,

Heisman candidate. Loving So I was headed to God, what is a restaurant in Times Square? Bubba gum Rubbub. Bubba gum. So we were going to Bobba Gump's.

I've been on a date there. Was it with your wife? No. Okay. Was it recently and do we need to talk? That's not what I meant. Neither of us. Bubba Gump adultery is like the worst fucking thing.

Biggie me gump. Oh, Jimmy, no. shoot Bubba on my gump till I shrugged That's the worst YouTube thumbnail I've ever heard Cucked at Bubba Gumps With your face like

I'm upset I got tased by my wife's boyfriend And Bubba Gump's But yeah So you're on your way to get tased by your wife's boyfriend when they're going to enjoy a nice edition of Hamilton, right? And you look up and you go, oh, Bo Nix. I should definitely be more aware of Bo Nix for Heisman,

because I'm a Heisman voter. Because I'm a Heisman voter. Right. I'm going to be getting arrested by NYPD after my wife's boyfriend was like, sir, leave us be tasing me. The worst part is he makes me pay the bill. Yeah. And I like it.

That's what I hate myself most for. Hope you guys have a nice time. It is also a little funny because it's like Joey Harrington finished fourth in the Heisman ballot the year that he got that, that billboard. So it's like, I don't know if this is what, and it's fine. Bonex is going to do great on the lines. It's very outdated. It's like we need to send a cassette tape, a VCR, a VHS VCR tape to people to tell them.

But the 90s are back and it's, so it's fine. That would be cool until everyone. but I was like, I want to see what's on this tape. Shit. I've got to go buy a VCR. Let's see. Does Best Buy sell VCRs? Hold on. While you're doing that, I'm going to read King of Tide's prediction, which is the Texas

team with the best record will be U.N.T. I won't bet against it. That's only the second most tier. What is UTSA's schedule? yeah the roadrunners would be my primary concern there yeah notice none of us are even entertaining the notion that that might be a problematic assumption for the longhorns

UTSA has to play UTSA has to play in non-conference Houston Army and Tennessee which is the real weird combo I got to play at too late okay maybe VCR at Best Buy

VCRs are weirdly expensive I looked them up the other day because we were trying to find old weightlifting tapes on eBay VCR Best Buy will sell you a VCR cleaner which is just a VCR tape that you like put some goo on or whatever and it will clean the VCR for you

it does not appear that they will actually sell you a VCR player though I've looked on Amazon and they're like 400 bucks so yeah I think we should move this podcast to mostly VCR distribution. Listen, I got, listen, buddy, for 60 bucks, I can get

you a Deu DVDVCR combo. The combo of the future! Blockbuster.com is still registered for some reason. Redirects. Wait, is the one at Gitmo still open? There's a Blockbuster at Gitmo? Oh, there's

a whole, like, documentary about this. The last freestanding brick-and-mortar blockbuster was in Go on Domino Bay. What? I said that. I know. It's in Oregon. This sounds like something. I don't think I would make up. Oh, okay.

It's in Bend, Oregon, the last brick and mortar blockbuster. Oh, that does figure. One of our truly most psychotic readers of all time came from there. The Gitmo of Oregon. Hey, let's check in with reader Matt Berry, who says that San Diego State will win more pack 12 games than Colorado. Time to go to the schedule. Time to go to the schedule.

All right, San Diego State football schedule. Is it more than one? All right, I'm just going to tell you their Pact 12 games. September 9th, home against UCLA. It's a win. For home. San Diego State. September 16th, a week later, on the road at Oregon State.

Loss. That's it. Okay, yeah, so that's more. So you think Colorado's not going to win a single Pact 12 games here? Ofer. Ofer. they are oh my god they are so small like if you see them like on the field if you looked at their fight it kind of looked like a high school fight they just have guys who like they got a lot of good

dudes through the portal they just have a lot of players who haven't developed yet and they're gonna get like i am i've said it before but i'm really terrified of what you talk could do to them you know i don't think deion's going to make it i just don't i think he's just that is just not the job that thought he took. He did not know it was going to be this bad. Does anyone remember who the single Pac-12 Colorado beat last year? Hmm. Ooh, here's a follow-up prediction from Cam Beck.

Colorado has fewer than 80 active players in its roster by Thanksgiving. How many do they have now? Don't know. Probably less than that. Hold on. who did they beat last year the answer is Cal guess who's not on the schedule this year

Cal the answer is Cal yeah so zero okay I have I I mean

that's the thing that's really sad is there are definitely a better football team after this offseason and after Dion got at the roster they're definitely better

and they're still not going to win meaning the roster they had would have gotten even worse okay movement all right two more

two more two more two more here's from Dawn this isn't bold or reckless but funniest to me personally would be Louisville getting exactly eight wins again this year I would have

I didn't mean to steer us into this much counting, but it does seem... Counting, the first reply to this is twice as many wins as the men's basketball team. Good God. Good God. Thank you, Joe. All right, let's do it.

A little schedule. Who's excited? This is the last counting we have because the last one, I think, is just going to drop and kill us all. I got good news for your beak heads. All right. For your toothed bird heads.

Stop it. Birds with Human Teeth ascendant Georgia Tech Yes, that's the good news 1 and 0 Murray State 2 Indiana

3 Boston College 4 NC State 4 in Raleigh 4 4 4 baby

Notre Dame 4 Pitt Pitt 4 5 5 Six.

Six. No, no, no. Virginia Tech. Okay, let's do one between Duke and Pitt. Okay. We'll go one and one with Duke and Pitt. So five? Yeah.

Virginia Tech. Six. Virginia. Seven. Seven. It's just, they're so bad. Miami in Coral Gables. Eight.

And I say, and then Luce at Kentucky? You'll be like, man. Dude, this is doable. yeah no this is this is totally doable and you say like oh man how's miami going to beat them and i'm like do you trust brougham or do you trust christopal more in a situation where you're like well we got to make something happen in terms of getting that team in a position to succeed that's i i don't yeah eight i think they could do eight okay am i or am i not the coach of the louisville cardinals all right you're ready for the last one

Last one. Right from the last one. Reader Ethan, this is genuinely upsetting, but I feel like it's our job to confront and answer the hard questions. Turns out Bobby Petrino was the missing piece. To a successful A&M run through the SEC. Is it bold? Honestly, I don't think it is.

I really don't. It sure is upsetting. If you just ask that guy to call plays. It's funny. like this is and this is something we have not confronted we have not confronted this all offseason all we have done is have all of our fun with how much this is not going to work ignoring the looming specter in the room of how unfunny it's going to be if this fucking works what what do you think would make jimbo crazier oh absolutely this working another bad year another bad year or having to depend on bobby dozens of columns about bobby petrino football genius, who saved little old Jimbo. Jimbo. Jimbo ascends to his place as a rehabber.

Well, Jimbo could ascend to his spot now as the new rehabber of lost coaches. He takes over. He takes over Sabin's school for Wayward Boys. I think there is a scenario where West Virginia fires Neil Brown. A&M is better with Bobby Petrino. And Jimbo hates this so much. goes and takes the West Virginia job. He cannot fucking stand it.

With all that money, yeah. Yep. Yep. If West Virginia as a university is still standing at that time. They offer three courses. I think I don't. They have to have four, one for each letter in STEM. I don't know. I don't know honestly.

Science? Tickles. Energy. Haven't we learned? And meat. and mountains and moorlocks Meat mountains

Morlocks I got your meat mountains right here