Shutdown Fullcast - BOLD SPACE TAKES

Episode Date: June 8, 2021

 - It’s Ryan’s birthday and we got him a new nickname!  - The rest of the episode is devoted to YOUR spiciest space takes!  - Introducing the Mojo Grill Fugue, the hot new psychological state that’s sweeping the greater Tampa area!  - Tell Arizona Iced Tea to sponsor our podcast! Or Tang! The drink of astronauts! We would love a Cheerwine, thanks for asking!  - TELL THEM.  - #KeepMarsMoist Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Ramp.m.p.com slash easy. Currents issued by Sutton Bank and Celtic Bank members of DIC terms and condition supply. Oh, I got one more. I have some thoughts for you. User Dimitri. I'm not going to put your last name in here because I don't want your wife to find out about this if you have one. Aliens aren't prudes by any stretch, but even they think my neck, my back is a little much. Dimitri, we asked for bold space takes and you chose the time to advertise to the entire internet that you won't eat pussy. it could be that he won't eat ass

I mean he says it's a little much maybe maybe it's a back phobia or maybe he doesn't want to say yeah maybe he eats necks I noticed that the only person on this show not defending Demetri is Spencer I find that upset

oh I'm completely not on his side because Kia is a Florida fan so naturally I endorse her entire catalog and her crack you know by extension yes yeah well here's the other thing aliens are always new to shit so there's no way that it aliens like oh well like i think it's safe to assume that aliens are way more sexual and comfortable with sexuality than humans are but they don't usually have

cracks right like the little the little little gray little gray big head big eyeball do they not have cracks i mean i'm sure there's stuff on the internet where they do series about aliens that have five genders and i'm sure there's probably some cracks I mean, I guarantee you there's a million images on the internet of little gray men with butt cracks. But I'm just saying, on unsolved mysteries, which I consider why?

How do you? Are they photosynthesizing instead? How the fuck should I know? All I know is what I saw on Unsolved Mysteries, which is not butt cracks. I'm just saying that of all the beings that are available to fuck legally right now, this dude apparently wants it known

that he will not go down on you. I would also, as a side note, say this. You never see an alien discussed as having a gigantic round ass, ever. Nobody, nobody's ever like, an alien had a large head and had big sensitive eyes, and it had the biggest whacking I've ever seen. Should have seen the ass on this thing. Good Lord. Had that Phil Jackson, like halfway up on the back.

That's a good. Mississippi Queen, but with xenomorph. Department of Defense confirms ass so big that you can see. from the front can we go back to Phil Jackson oh yeah you know that's the that's the that we're talking they always do that's at the end of kings of comedy remember yeah the Bernie Mac Joe he's got the back yeah he's got the he's got the ass like halfway up his back right you walk funny my nephew had one of those a tall butt crack where he was like when he was one year old he'd shit his diaper and it

would spray out of the back like a geyser we had to put like fucking extra we had to put a fucking cumberbund we had to put a cumberbund atop his diaper so that it would contain his tall butt crack so wait so do aliens not have thick don't because they don't have ass cracks i i don't you know don't have thick don't because they don't have waffle house that's why they come here that's why they spent a much time hanging out here because they're trying to get thick like and that's why you always say it's like two in the morning it's like i'm Oh, here they come. That's why you always see aliens squatting. Yeah. I'm just trying to get a little, just a little something to fill out the jeans back there, you know? Do you think the aliens know about the time Alex Kirchner got the Philly Cheesesteak Bowl? Yeah.

At Waffle House? Do you think they laughed at that shit? No. Have we told this story on the show because you should? I mean, I believe, God, I don't know if we can't tell this story. We have to get his permission first. Let's say that. Wow.

this is a cliffhanger yeah he would he would want he would want that he would and the aliens sitting there going we need this data because we're trying to compile a definitive how to build this giant dog the aliens watch this happen and they think well i guess i'm ordering it too i'm trying to assimilate trying to fit in oh this is not sitting well glorthac it is not sitting well at all this is the real end of uh signs where like the the the the big twist is like oh the aliens who came to the planet that 66% water are allergic to water those fucking idiots but it turns out it's actually like they got the bubble guts from ordering a bowl at waffled house our desire to grow enormous cheeks for digesting your

horrible food has overwhelmed our brains slain us and overwhelmed us we flowed too close to the sun flew too close to the buns Thickerous. I flew too close to the buns and I'll blow thickerous. I have crashed in a sea of my own making doom the form of butter. Welcome to the shutdown full cast.

Why don't we have a beverage sponsor? Seriously, why not? Why don't we have a beverage sponsor? I'm open to that. I would also be open to Arizona iced tea that only tall cans. Oh my God, we are. Do they sell short cans?

You can buy bottles, I think. You can buy something other than the like, big tall can option the tall boy option Arizona tea short can I ask you shit we can't get the sponsors we have to pay us on time so I think Arizona listen since Arizona iced tea is still steady broadcasting from the 1990s they're definitely right on our schedule they're 30 years late already I just feel like you know at least for me personally it's like yeah the way I deal with anxiety rather than go to therapy is I go to Publix and I get a big sweaty can of either green tea or of either green tea or Arnold Palmer half and half late like that's that's how I medicate.

Ryan joining us by the way I'm Spencer Hall. That's the voice of Ryan Nanny a sweaty can's nanny. Ryan sweaty cans nanny immediately derailing the podcast. I just want to know of very relevant beverage Arizona. I see. Where is our beverage? Like, it doesn't have to be that. Clearly, Canadian would be interesting as well. But where is, where is our goddamn beverage sponsored? That is what will make me feel like we have truly made it when we have a beverage. How is that worse than me saying the sponsors don't pay us on time? Just different.

Okay. A real beverage. Which, by the way, this is, this is truly part of your native culture. That would be the 813 Tampa that you would represent a drink, which is geographically identified, but not authentic. No. There's Outback Steak. Oh, you're telling me it's not really made in Arizona?

Outback Steakhouse. Tampa is the home of Outback Steakhouse. Yeah. So I understand you can never say a bad word. We wouldn't say anyway because they did invent the blooming onion. They did have that naked lady in Ocala who was throwing bottles off the bar. What? They did.

Oh, you haven't seen this? A 52-year-old lady. No? Who? I have to say, 52 was not the age I put on her. That was not. In which direction? I thought she was like 30, maybe. So she's been pickling herself, I think is probably the answer.

I wanted to say a lot of things have gone wrong for that young lady or, you know, middle-aged lady in her life. Oh, Spencer, just dig up. Conditioning and conditioning and skincare, she appeared to be in fine shape other than the fact that she was nude and throwing bottles. Like, she's fit. That's what I'm saying. Fit enough to get up on that bar, yeah. Yeah, and throw bottles at 52 without using like a step ladder or grabbing her back. That's what I do.

Her name is Tina. She's 53, and she went into two different, she went into something called Moho Grill as well. I don't know what that is. And I don't think there's video. Ryan, when you said she went into something called, I thought you were going to name some kind of fugue state. And for a split second, I thought there was a psychological condition called Moho Grill. She went super-sayan Floridian, if you know what that means. Okay, yes, I can understand this.

Yeah, and she's just like fully nude. And it's, I think one of the disturbing elements of it is that it appears to be maybe 10.30 in the morning. No, they just opened that place. Yeah, there's nobody there. And there's, yeah, anyway. Okay, do we think, do we think rise in grinder, or do we think this is the night before's blood? alcohol carrying over rising grinder okay okay okay yeah and i and i and i hope i hope everything's going well for her now because she's she appeared to be having a very bad time i don't think you

yes yeah you don't end up naked throwing bottles at the moho grill in o'cala unless something's gone very wrong for you so thank you thank you for that brief thank you for that brief that's that she's not you know what some people some people won't go there but i will What if she was a T-800, sent back through time by the resistance, naked as all terminators are, and for some reason, that was the mission. She was said, you must go back and destroy this Ocala Outback Steakhouse. That's where Skynet gets started and learns how to party. You're positing an entire state, like Florida as the test state for T-800s, right?

Like, achieve this initial mission, and then we'll scale you up for another mission. Which would explain a lot of behavior in the state of Florida. It's T-800s everywhere you look. We've made this really uncharismatic, terrible one. Get elected governor. Come back. Come back and prove that you could be elected governor. I'm Spencer Hall.

And this is the Internet's only college football podcast. Yes. In search of beverage sponsor. In search of... Beverage sponsors reach out. Would you choose Arizona iced tea? Ryan's sweaty cans, nanny. I thought I was ready for it.

Is that who you'd want to be our sponsor if we could pick anybody? I think it would be spiritually consistent with who we are as a group. We don't. You know who else is lying in the tall grass waiting to reveal themselves is Jason Kirk. Hello, Jason Kirk. Am I? My co-host. How are we this week?

I'm shopping for sneakers. Apparently, so I was searching to try and find if Arizona does have short cans and was rerouted, discovering that Adidas had a line with Arizona tea these shoes are tremendous I'm trying to find they there's got three lines don't there there's pink ones that I'm trying to find it looks like the best price is 90 dollars so trying to find the pink Arizona T sneakers for less than 90 dollars online so as soon as there are sponsor they could simply send me a pair of those and they'll be good on my end for the month hang on let me see if I can tweet at them Jason is that who you

would pick as the signature beverage of this program um i'll pick whoever pays us to say that they are the official sponsor of this show yeah so yes i really that is that is who i would pick and whenever we do have a beverage sponsor it'll be easy to simply edit this right here spencer do you want to i think almost i think all of you have more followers than i do does somebody with more followers than me want to tweet at arizona i sure i'll i'll i'll I'll tweet at Arizona Ice Tea. Would you like to sponsor our podcast? Please reply, this is for work.

Yeah, I am not a quack. I have five alive on the other line right now. You must act quickly. Oh, oh, five alive would be way more. On brand. On brand. Yeah, that really would be way more on brand. Or Tang would be good.

The drink of astronauts. Yeah. That is our thing. I think, I mean, I would want the legend. If I could get anybody to sponsor this, I'd be cheer wine. I also think that would have been a great segue and we'd recommend it for other things like

no I was just going to say you know yeah yeah just keep going I don't actually know where that segue was supposed to go Holly Anderson the drink of astronauts the drink of astronauts there we go thank you do you know split zone

actually rehearses their transitions and we laugh at them for this constantly wait but are we getting more worse oh yeah i think we're getting worse tonight we're going to adjust and actually take this segue after missing it backing up down the freeway causing a 15 car pile up just keep going and just hopping right on to it just we're going do the tampa thing do it make it a hit and run we are going to be discussing hot space takes because there is something in the water this week uh jeff bezos um i'm to understand he is the head of a company called amazon already in the water he's so he had a

little bit of a rough landing amazon is is made of water yeah many people say there we go and flowing flowing right through it is a man having what i'm told is a midlife crisis so large he's going to shoot himself and his brother into space i think it was was it 2018 what i i've been told today that i have advocated before for elon's space career on the show several years ago because my thesis at the time was that he was just going to keep shooting rich idiots into space and that that would increase uh increase the odds that one of them might not come back and we might have a moment's piece yeah and this business model may actually have been taken to an extreme hmm it's weird a business model taken to an extreme yeah and stolen by by someone god man we've really we've really been it's been in plain sight all the time but we as a nation nay as a global society have really glossed over the fact that this is ultimately a dude named jeff yeah we shouldn't and he's finally starting to act like it quit my job going to space what what am i gonna do well what's jeffer than that

his middle name is press his no his middle name is preston and he should be like a rich jeff he should be already because his middle name is preston he should be rich already because his middle name is He should be J.P. Bezos. I'm telling you, he's still going to be 5-7 in space. That's not going to help. Is he 5-7? It's 5-7. Goodness gracious.

Might explain some things. Yeah. Guess what? Gravity doesn't help that. It's still going to be 5-7. If anything, the loss of, like the loss of bone matter and density, when you come back, probably going to take it a five, six and a half. Might want to rethink this, buddy. On that rocket compression, it's not going to be good.

I was at the doctor today, and they said I was half an inch taller than I thought I ever was. Are you growing? Maybe. Oh, God. That'd be awesome if you could debut in the NBA. If I could fatten lengthwise. That's cold. Did you just go up with a new word for growing taller?

I'm going to fat and lengthwise. I don't think I'm supposed to be getting taller is the thing. Eight foot, Holly. Eight foot Holly. If I sleep in like a casing, will all of it just come off the top of the Arizona iced tea big can because I'm nine feet tall? be so rude if i was that tall ignore me don't make it weird i'm 11 feet tall and i endorse ice why would i sound like that if i don't know maybe your voice box would fat and lengthwise

is this about how i've had laryngitis for five weeks because one of your fucking sons coughed in my mouth uh yes not four weeks probably four weeks now uh the it's the anime dog's son for those of you scoring at home so we were thinking like is space really you know because i'm sure a bunch of people come on board and go ah this billionaire spending money to go into space what a noble pursuit and i somebody was like you know space is overrated and i thought that's a hot space take to say you know space is pretty overrated but it turns out there's way way bolder space takes than that and we will get to them uh because Our listeners had more than a few, okay?

I will tell you, it starts off at a bare minimum of Mercury is a bullshit rock. That's where we start with our bold space takes. But I did want to talk about a couple of things first, okay? Because. Oh, thank God, we're out of the segue. I did actually like. We've wasted an entire segue. You know, there are three times somehow.

We've been recording for 26 minutes. I know. You made the notes for the show is the thing. anyone see did anyone else watch the united states mexico match men's soccer yes no oh not in this oh my god oh contraire men's beer throwing you you missed the most full cast match of all time it was because i didn't it was i watched the very end of it it was oh man because i was confused that it was one in the morning and it was still on i'm gonna list everything that happened in this game and exactly how full cast it was and you will have no choice but to agree with

me because one the united states men's team when did they give up the first goal they gave up the first goal in the second minute like and here we go and we're down one oh oh god yeah down one oh in the second minute come back we need tight we need context uh united states mexico uh confed cup league final um nobody listening to this knows what those things big match between us in mexico historic rivals l tree made up tournament that's not not actually that meaningful made up tournament that that isn't actually that important but got super emotionally important all of a sudden people have told me in the past of this show is too insular so i'm trying to help them learn being played in denver colorado the soccer hotbed of denver

colorado uh with our backup goalie by the way uh just oh how'd that go well turns out badly and then really well because of all of the following things happen one couple fights brawls like actual sort of tusslin brawls um a the opposing manager there were two instant replay reviews one of which the opposing manager that would be tata martino formerly of atl united uh five stripes for life he got kicked out because he touched the rep and they red carded him like just went to be like hey what you're looking at there buddy and the ref was like blip touched red card no i i support that hey the rule's the rule right so the united States ends up scoring against a generally thought superior Mexican team.

Okay, most everybody's like, yeah, we don't really stand a chance in this game. Veteran experience, just better all around. We end up scoring the equalizing goal off of a header, and then the guy who scored it made a wanky motion on camera at a Mexican player, which is how you know it was good. Trash was thrown all over the place. There was virtually no security somehow in cop-heavy Denver. Like Denver's kind of a cop town.

And there was nobody stopping everybody from throwing full cans of what started out as beer. And then I think ended up as the excreted byproduct of that beer around the 78th or 80th minute. Anyway, nobody stopping them from throwing in the field. Mexican player just got hit full in the head with what I again hope was beer. I suspect it was not. So did Giorina. So did Giorina who scored the second call. Giorina

His Claudia Rana's son If you just want to feel 5,000 years old And are a United States soccer fan Yeah, that's Claudia Rana's son Giorana got hit as well There was a

controversial penalty awarded to Christian Pulisik Who absolutely buried it To give the United States A 3-2 lead After we tied it in the 78th minute And then an extra time in the second period Went 3-2

Mexico was then awarded a penalty Which, yes, the backup of goalie Ethan Horvath blocked. And if you can watch the Spanish language announcer's rendition of this particular block, there is a noise unlike any I have heard in a soccer broadcast and that says a lot when he blocks it. It sounds like a man having his soul sucked out with some kind of hideous satanic vacuum cleaner. Just a magnificent noise. Well done. In a bad way. Yeah, in a bad way. He does not sound well. And the The United States somehow managed to in what amounted to 11 minutes of injury time.

Usually there's like three, four, maybe five. There's a lot. Yeah, there were 11 minutes of injury time due to all the chaos. And on top of all this, someone ran onto the TV set, onto the Paramount set, and just was pushed, jumped, kind of a combination thereof with. While he coyoteed over the edge. It was so quiet. Because the sets up on the mezzanine and looking out over the field.

and that drop off you and I know it's at least 10 feet maybe more he can fly he can or he's or he just I'd be more concerned if he can land he animorphed into a bird oh that's much better into an agila to an eagle beautiful eagle thank you for translating your native Spanish de nada so that was that was like those were all of the things that happened and I am and I am leaving other things out. It started at around nine. Did you mention the streaker? No, I didn't.

There were multiple streaker. I think there were multiple field invasions over the course. Again, somehow no security for this thing. They put a soccer match between the U.S. and Mexico, and they didn't hire security? I guess they'll behave for the first time in the history of a rivalry. And the notoriously stayed atmosphere of Colorado. I think the lesson is for U.S.-Mexico matches going forward for concessions.

You know, you remember when at some point, like maybe in the 90s, they were like, all right, we can't give you a bottle anymore. You can't have a beer bottle. We have to pour it into a cup for you. I think now we have to take the next step, and anything you order, the concessionaire has to throw in your mouth. And you have to have it. Like, okay, you're having some Coca-Cola. I will spray it into your mouth. And then you have to walk away.

You can't leave with anything. isn't this also the state in yes yes i will flip a hot dog into your mouth from 10 feet away isn't this also the state in which uh immediately prior to our houston show uh i'm going to call it last year because that's what it feels like there was the nebraska colorado game where they debuted those little aluminum cups yes yes which way maybe half an ounce each and Nebraska fans all screamed about them being used as projectiles. Those cups, by the way,

are made by, some of them are made by Ball, the mason jar company, and the reason I know this is because I just saw them available in stores in Atlanta for the first time, I believe. So now you can bring your own projectiles to the tailgate. They're not a sponsor either, but we're asking.

Melt them down and become Iron Man. Oh, shit, yes. I'm aluminium man. If you can literally be the title's sponsor of a Mac school. You can sponsor a podcast. Ball. Come on. You got this. Then I would go ahead and also recommend this. Bowling Green is sponsored by Ball. Yes. That's the do it. Twist it. No. So if you also did not see. Our boy, Valtieri Botas. He had a day. Or he didn't have a day i guess um if you were if you were up with all of the displaced college football dads and watching

the um baku f1 race in Azerbaijan the our boy valteri botas the official f1 driver of the full cast if you're going to say that he's ours you have to say his name right valterri bought our buddy terry bodas terry bodas okay valteri bought us god dude yes uh it's okay to just say it say it the the correct way you don't have to so terry bodas thank you there you go there we go just let it right so terry but terry bodas if you go and you search how he did in the race i think he finished like fourteenth or something uh which is not usually where he's supposed to be because his teammates the best driver in the world he's on the best team in the world and they were on the course where you know he was you know he was top 10 in qualifying there's a clip of him getting passed by like six guys

because guess what terry bodas did cruised it baby just cruised it like absolutely Absolutely just had a leisurely day. Just, you know, had a little tea, decided to let people pass him. He got passed by like six cars on one lap, not because anything was happening with the car, anything. Just, I don't know. He just wasn't feeling it. And he still finished ahead of Lewis Hamilton, because Lewis Hamilton on the last lap, with his brake smoking, tried to make a turn. And then his car just kept going in a straight line.

this was after like the race leader max first step and the tiny animated madam doll just yeah terrifying looking man his tire exploded for no reason just just blew up on a straightaway and took him out of the race hamilton could have won but his brakes started to catch on fire so the point being is you know keep it mellow you'll still finish ahead of your teammate effort is overrated just cruise it Terry Bodas, a model for us all. For effort being overrated, yeah, that is a model for us. Absolutely. And then the last thing of note, why did Alabama extend Xabin?

Is there any reason for them to do that? Extended him up and down? He fattened lengthwise. Did they Gattaca him is what I'm asking? They super soldier serum him at the age of what, 71? I don't think we talk enough about how Gattaca made very quick plot work of just giving a dude new ankles to make him taller. Like, how did not, how did that not take off as like pop surgery? Can you, I mean, yeah, I think that beats the other ways of being made taller, right?

Because you could extend your, everything sounds painful and bad. You should just fatten lengthwise. Yeah, the shin lengthening. people this is like the reverse cotton hill basically that that's a thing what's a reverse cotton hill the polyester cavern the polyester crevasse surgery to be taller yeah no you're going to get the weirdest no we're going to make spencer do it it's called surgery to be not cotton hill sure right yeah gottica surgery surgery In real life.

Double my shins. There we go. Double my shins.com. So this, this are we, oh, yeah. Are we getting too close to making Gattaca a reality? Shut up, Scientific Americans. Is that actually an article? Nobody asked you.

You need to be more American and less scientific, it sounds like. that movie is all about exfoliating pretty much I'll start un-scientific American magazine really all he needed to do the whole movie was exfoliate better man people are paying I fucking love science magazine

people are paying $76,000 for this surgery to get your bones bigger wait did people do that yes yeah yeah the shin bonus shin surgery All right, all right. You can get, you can also get.

So it's just like putting another Lincoln log in your shin. Yes, that is correct. All they need to do is eat a Mario mushroom, but they'd rather spend all that money. They'd rather not do the work. They don't want to put the work in. Then you get a, then you get in a fight, and that Mario mushroom surgery, gone.

You know what? I'm going to say something. I want to say something because we've been taking some shit. it lately. None of these people getting a shin lengthening surgery or millennials. None of them. Fucking none of them.

And that might only be because we're like on our fourth recession and we're under 40. Sure. But I'm going to stand by it as a point of pride. And as somebody who is 68 and a half inches tall today. Should we get this for Godfrey? For a medical professional.

Oh, oh my God, we could take his shins. All we have to do is. get him to pass out it's not hard he's got three kids now take god for shit we're going to have to do it soon though because he listens to these on like a three week delay so we're going to have to do it before he catches up i think everybody would probably be a lot nicer if every time you got into a fight and got hit you lost six inches in height six six like like if you get not that doesn't give you a lot of fights though if you get knocked this also gives the person who's doing the striking a huge compounding snowball advantage.

One punch in the other person's reach is like greatly diminished. This results in just instant beat downs. Does the person winning the fight gain the height? Oh yeah, I assume that they took it from you. Right. Highlander rules. Well, I think either way. What if they take the height, but they can apply it in any direction on their body.

Now, do their arms shrink as well, the person who's lost six inches in height? because if their reach remains the same, then perhaps this is a weird advantage. Yeah, I agree. Because now you're swinging for where their face used to be, but they can still swing just as far. This toddler with adult arms is impossible to fight. My God, you've gone odd job mode.

Just turned him into a battlebot, like one of the wedge ones. I agree that that is the one downside of this plan, the one and only downside of this plan. But it's also something that I've got to figure out, you know, we just got to. But we got to get there first and then figure out how to deal with this. You know what I do? I would set up a business if we had this where outside of every airplane, it'd be like, hey, pay me $50 and I'll punch you.

And you'll be six inches shorter and you'll be more comfortable on the airplane. And then on the other end of the flight, somebody else has, hey, pay me $50, you can punch me and you can gain the height back. You can shrink just for flight purposes. If you punch someone, say, 12 times. yeah they are now the average person would be negative heighted yeah that's that's when they are they underground or are they quantum or what uh yeah to clothes is there an ant man effect here do i keep the same strength antman an antman effect do i keep the same strength at that why would you keep the same strength that doesn't make sense that's like the point that defeats the point

of am come on can you fucking be serious about this can you fucking be serious about this particles aren't real we're talking about people being negative heighted only real things here yeah also you'd have to really airport clothing boutiques i feel like would really take off from this because you'd have you'd be like vincent adult manning yourself out of the plane also i just want you to imagine this crowd of people very deliberately and slowly punching each other in calculate in the airport boarding group A you may now all

Now you know how this This gets hijacked though is every airline is like Oh okay they're all 12 inches shorter We can sell 20 more seats So now you have to punch each other twice more Yeah we're gonna keep going until they have 10,000 seats on every plane And you have to be punched 10 times just to fit fight 12 foot high hijackers or one enormous stooping hijacker.

One enormous stooping hijacker. Oh, no, wait. This is okay. You just make all the air marshals like 12 feet tall. But then you sell seating on the air marshal. Like the air marshal lies down. No, they just, they lot those, those bags, compartments that you can't use because they're for the rich people in the front of the plane.

Take those and the air marshals can lie in them like bunks on a train. Or they ride on top. up you know yeah that's practical yeah i think the air marshal if like cliford the big red air they just they just lay in the aisle they lay in the aisle and then if anyone is trying to to take over the plane they would strip down and they'd fall very far and then they'd just give them a bear hug and hold them there sit down up there whoop ass class you need to sit down i got a taser i agree that clifford was obviously a fed in conclusion that's why next day than got signed to an extension.

Yeah, you say we're getting worse. We went from Nick Saban to giant 12-foot air marshal. Which point do you think that proves? You know what? Okay. I'm going to let the hay duration slide on down the river. We're going to keep on going. But there's an easier way if you're looking for growth.

Why don't you just get yourself a big old Arizona iced tea, Ryan? If you're looking for growth, simply punch someone. Or if there's a, there's an, All I'm saying is there's an easier way to achieve growth other than punching somebody and gaining six inches. Ah, you know what? I think I know exactly what you're talking about. I think you're talking about acorns.com. I was.

I think you're talking about space. We are getting worse. I can scream loud enough to be heard in space. We are getting worse. Acorns.com. I mean, the bar was really. I know, but that's, is it even noticeable? Jason, that's how we got up on top of the bar.

That's the alarming part. That's the alarming part is that, like, how? How did we do this? I mean, at some point, it's, you know, it's when you learn in, like, ninth grade physics or whatever, if you keep going halfway to a point, you'll just literally never get there, like, at this point, you know, it's like if you're already on the one yard line and you go off sides, like, what fucking difference does it make? The shutdown forecast, you'll never get there.

If we're on the one yard line, when your madden opponent is quit and they're getting delay of game on every play, after an hour of that, what difference does it make, right? Acorns.com slash fullcast is your investment starter kit. You simply go to that URL I have listed with my mouth and you download the app. And since you typed it correctly, you will have a $5 starter boost toward your future your retirement holy shit i just opened my app what would i do with a ten thousand dollar bonus investment i don't have time for that right now acorn stop throwing money at me for free i'm trying to read an ad uh i have hundreds of dollars in my account fee she slowly being lowered towards a pit of lava because i take this 10 grand jason is reading this

in the style of somebody who's in a room with a wall of spikes that slow approve $10,000 Jesus Christ not now pasta bot so how it works is nickels and dimes from your purchases go into your acorns thing and then investment stuff happens and you have more money at some point it holy shit get you $300 when you get three friends to join by I okay I'm pretty sure that'll happen we're doing an ad so I don't know how to count that toward my credit but you probably should give me my three hundred dollars anyway give us a discount investments

investments go up when you do the acorns thing uh i am still on pace to retire well after age 83 but we are working on whittling it that down speaking of things that are getting closer and closer and we're never going to hit yeah retirement yeah who wants to retire with work this rewarding you're just saying that because you're way closer to retirement age than the rest of us or death let's see what comes first death the ultimate retirement Oh, man. Acorns.com slash fullcast. We're all going to die.

Hey, man, listen, I got a nice... You know who else recognizes that we're all going to die? Home field apparel. Home field apparel. Because your body will wear clothes, probably. And they knew what we wanted to lower ourselves into the grave in, and it is layer after layer of the finest, snugliest LSU branded cotton. No, no, no, but what if I'm going to be, what if I'm going to be buried above ground, share?

What if I'm going to be put one of them marble vaults that they got there? We're just going to leave you in the yard? That is the correct spirit for this upcoming new. Yeah, well, they might leave you in the yard. Might put you in a marble vault in New Orleans, okay? Might just put you in that smoker. Don't you dare die in my yard. Spencer?

We left Spencer where he wanted to be at the top of a McDonald's play place. McDonald cost you put it on one of those little horses at the bottom of the ball pit daddy what happened to hamburgler he's sleeping well he fought the law son and the law won the law in this case is putrescence yeah yes entropy which going back to this what's going to be more festive than the Louisiana funeral you can have in LSU gear that's right big new Saturday coming up the second installment after Notre Dame I believe like smashing some records for home field apparel they're number one they're number one right now and the Notre Dame

collection is so good that I briefly I want to emphasize briefly I consider buying a sweatsh kind of initiative in the charity bowl apologies to no one but Michael Jr. shouts out Michael who did his best yeah you look

magnificent in those overalls and your brand new home field apparel anyway i don't know why i would associate the university of notre dame with charitable giving please continue well somebody's about to give it to them this saturday because lSU's coming up those people i think that's against the student honor code at the ls u honor code i'm going to say these words just so they come out of my mouth the ls u honor code Oh, that felt good to see. Homefield apparel, comfortable, stylish, unreasonably good Notre Dame gear. That hockey t-shirt was magnificent.

What's that offer code? Full cast. There it is. 20% off your first order. Yeah, like they all said, ancient Egyptian pharaohs had to go get cotton liniments and whatever to get wrapped up. And you can just, when it's your time, just put on like eight homefield sweatshirt. and your doggers and you're ready to go off to your eternal reward we are on to bold space takes having paid the bills i feel like that was a bold space take i'm going to i'm going to

start and i want to start with it's an hour it's 57 minutes into this recording mhm spencer's going to start us off hey vic um vick is starting us i just want to explain what we've done here Yeah, we asked our listeners for their boldest space takes. And y'all supplied, amply supplied us with some of the boldest space takes I have ever seen. Did we explain this like 40 minutes ago? I can't remember. No way to know. We'll explain it again. No way to know. I'll find out tomorrow when I start to edit this thing.

Vic says Mercury is a bullshit rock That's a bold start Glorified Glorified fucking asteroid Fake planet

God damn Don't hurt him Fick categorize Mercury as a dwarf planet and restore Pluto to its rifle I was not on board until she came in for Pluto

and now I'm listening This is not a zero-sum game Mercury and Pluto have been in the same family before. Yeah, they got a long fine. But I mean, they keep their distance, but they got along fine for a long time. Yeah, they're fine. I appreciate that, by the way, y'all have a lot of opinions about Pluto and most of you are wrong, but I do appreciate that the absolute coward who said that people who pretend to care about Pluto not being a planet anymore are just pretending.

That asshole deleted his tweet, and I appreciate that because I was going to. You got somebody to delete a space take? I didn't even say anything. I was just like, I'm coming for this person quietly. And he's already deleted it. Good job, buddy. I think if we're deleting a planet, let's bring Pluto back into the fold. Pluto minds its business, never hurt anybody.

Neptune, my eyes are on you. Wow. Neptune is pretty. Neptune is pretty. Delete Venus. Neptune looks like Venus is pretty, too. Venus we can see with our eyes. Venus is beige, ma'am.

Keep the blue planets. In terms of visuals from our act from. Where we are, Venus is the prettiest planet. Mars is pretty, too, because Mars is, we can see a little bit of red, but... Also, Venus is an Earth tone, and while I'm not a fan of Earth tones, I will say, they're necessary in a decorating scheme, galaxy-wide. We got two blue planets, all right, and one of them has a funny name. Yeah.

We got to keep Uranus. We got to keep Saturn, because Saturn is the coolest looking. We've got to keep Jupiter, of course, because Jupiter... At the top point, Neptune's the God of the Sea. Yeah, but Neptune's way far out there, and it's... You know, it's, if we're cutting a planet, I'm cutting Neptune. It's basically the same as your anus, and it's further away. I want to actually add another.

My second choice to cut will be Mars, but we'll get to Mars. Mars, you'll be dealt with later on. All right, next week on our Season 5 expanse recap, we're going to discuss this. Yeah, Bobby Draper, you might kill me with your Iron Man suit, but it is what it is. I'm laughing at the idea of you actually just cutting a perfectly good planet because it's blue we have two blue planets the question was which the question was if we only have eight and we have to get rid of one in order to welcome Pluto back I'm putting Neptune on the block I'm trading Neptune for Pluto sure we don't need to back up blue planet he's going to lose

one I'm going to lose one come on man do we want Pluto back or not I'm not I mostly not expensive Neptune what I don't understand is like why is the perspective on this merely one of categorization I think if we're going to say like we're getting rid of X like let's let's bomb it let's if we're getting rid of new Neptune yeah let's literally get rid of Neptune I mean what did you think I was saying I just want to be clear that that's what we're all talking about painting it space colored so we don't have to look at it that would be fun too because Because then you run into it on accident. Oh shit. We've created some kind of fucking monster. We created Venom. That's how Venom works in the comics now. He's like this ancient alien creature thing.

See, all right, how fun is this talking? This idea sounded better by the minute, right? We've just created Venom. We all like that movie. We just created a homicidal alien symbiote. Venom is the best boyfriend. That is a planet Yeah

Yeah Okay, this is working actually I'm for it We can write this comic book Wait, why is this not a good in between Like Neptune's no longer a planet It's a living symbiote Yeah

And it's Pluto's job to keep an eye on it So that's why Pluto is back around I'm hesitant to anger the god of the seas What can I say? Okay, okay That's fair I'm just going to put this out there's nothing keeping us from selling the naming rights to a planet man we're going to ruin the shit out of this universe so fast nothing is stopping us from calling neptune like uh amazon web

services the planet nothing no it's got to be something more ephemeral than that it's got to be like nc i s new orleans the planet the planet yeah i'll agree to just about any name change for a planet but you have to put the planet after it. Plus that way, we can keep the mnemonic, my very educated mother, just, you know, whatever, because you get to Neptune, and it's still an N. NCIS, New Orleans, the planet. Star Trek reboot 5.

Carl Urban gets drunk on weird planets. Damn it, Jim! God damn it, Jim. I'm on the Margarita planet. Again! It's great! It's great! movie has no conflict i'm happy for 90 minutes just getting hammered with tycho y t is amazing

make out we can do that we have 89 minutes left in this movie and no conflict i'm gonna make out what I can. Okay, folks, that's our show. So Jordan, Jordan has who's that? A bold space take. It's getting worse.

What we're watching here is orbital decay. We're watching the shutdown focus slowly, slowly re-enter Earth's atmosphere. Is anybody else concerned about the half-life on this program? It does feel like we're standing up. Jordan says the first days upon return to Earth for extremely fit astronauts sounds so miserable and difficult that I can't see civilian space travel being a thing. I think that just makes it funier. This is the completely wrong attitude because for extremely fit astronauts, it's no fun because it's like, oh, look at all this muscular atrophy.

If you are not fit and you go to space, like, what's their design? change what if you're already there right I was fit and now I feel so weak as opposed

to somebody who's just like I was made for weightlessness yeah I think this is a good idea my whole body's

made of hot tachis and monster energy trick I'm basically perfectly engineered for this environment it's awesome

HDC Anderson space smells awful Do you, can somebody else have a turn? That's why we need, yeah, we'll do it. But that's why we need to. That's a good idea. Fuck.

Not the radiation vacuum, but the smell. The smell, space smells bad. I mean, yeah, look at it. Yeah, no, that's got to smell bad. That's why we got the ozone layer. We think it's to protect us from UV rays. Nope. to keep earth fresh what is causing the smell in space what what what wouldn't cause the

smell in space i mean i mean ryan ryan ryan think about it where do cow farts go into space yeah that's where that goes too all bad smells go to space they have nowhere to go to heaven but all dog shit goes to space goes to space that's right when the astronauts when they when they shit in the spaceship and they throw it out the window, right? Right. They dump the bucket out the window and then now all that is in space too, right? And then think about all the aliens also doing that, you know? Like you go to the lake and it's like, oh, God, I don't want to pee here.

And then you're like, oh, millions of fish have done the same. That's how space works. This is why the universe is constantly expanding. It's just farts. Farts just... Yeah, farts make just... The compression is pushing everything. thing outward right jason i love that you've taken an episode of cosmos and forced a hypothetical

neil the grass tyson and that little spaceship to go and out here the vast sea of farts there's the the giff everyone likes where his mind is being blown it's just that's just like who caught a bad uh solar flare so to speak oh hey ryan how about you do one sure um This is from that G. Kinnett. Nope, that geek in it. Good job, May. Hardly anyone is going, hardly anyone is actually going to live on Mars,

but there will be a little dome there with 100 million shell corporations registered to its address for tax avoidance purposes. I read this one, I think right after, I read the one about renaming planets, and I think that's what colored my expectations that renaming planets was going to go

so badly yeah this will like draft kings mars probably tomorrow right so right i think uh what the listener is proposing is that we've created space delaware yes yeah or it's actually what i think it actually is more of is like space virgin islands scenic for sure um yeah i'm actually a little surprised nobody's done this yet that we know of right i also don't think there's anything stopping us from just doing it ourselves well so here's the thing i who has the authority to tell us no i think to get away with this you would have to you couldn't just put a building there you would have to put a person you don't have an office on mars fucking prove it couldn't a robot couldn't do it right

No, I think you would need a person to serve as your agent of service. This is me like pulling out the corporation's knowledge that I remember of my worst class in law school. But what that means is that for like when, you know, Google and Amazon and Microsoft, you're all like, okay, we're doing this. This is awesome. This is great for us. They will find one person and they will say, listen, we're going to send you to Mars.

You have to stay there forever by yourself. Matt Damon. Yes. yes and if you ever get a fax you have to take it but in exchange we're going to pay you like what 50 million dollars no matt damon's already rich and he has a lot of making up to do i'm sorry if do you think that damon is passing up 50 mil matt damon can make 50 million more interesting ways my question is spencer what is your price he can still make movies while he's up there if if like the six biggest

companies in the world come to you and say Spencer we want you to be our representative on Mars you have to go there by yourself he how much money do you need to make that happen understanding that like your ability to spend that money yourself is extremely limited once you leave yeah let's see that's it takes like nine months to get there sure like yeah around there takes like nine months round trip to get there uh how long do i have to be there forever you've never come home but you'll get to die outside like you want oh yeah it's it's hard to die more outside than that where did you die i i died in the cow fart i died in the cow fart cold of space

um no no no come on man i wouldn't quitter i know i wouldn't this no no wonder restaurants are having trouble hiring with Spencer won't accept a hundred million dollars to go to Mars. This guy, this guy Harties is going out of business because this guy isn't willing to die on Mars. God, what an asshole.

I'll underbid Spencer. I'll do it for a trillion dollars. Good. What are you going to do? No, I'm sorry, Spencer. We've already moved on from you, okay? You're out of the running, pal. Now my daughter is extremely rich. Yeah. and I'm the first person to die on Mars

you're the first person to do so much on Mars yeah I'm the first person to do literally everything on Mars I'm gonna do shit I don't even like doing just to say I'm the first person to do it on Mars how loyal is Mars like how I'm gonna play golf on Mars just to just to ruin it for everyone else just just oh man that's gonna pass so many astronauts ever on Mars yep yep but here's a major that Tiger is never one. Yeah, yeah.

Take that, Tiger. Bryson Deschambeau prepping for the Mars open. Oh, God. Oh, man, he'd hit it so fucking far. He'd just bouncing in moon boots behind Brooks. He'd blast that thing 900 yards.

Brooks is like, this course is stupid. I hate it here. Hate it here. Hate you, Bryson Deschambeau, and he's like, yeah. Wait, no, this is better. What if we sent the two of them to Mars together?

Fuck. Brooks would have eaten him in three days for the protein take three days okay yeah Jason why don't you take a turn in space let's see here um so let's see speaking of Mars let's get right to it a lot of people wrote in to note that terraforming Mars is really stupid idea valley shook of the internet terraforming Mars is always a fool's errand could not agree more this is quite possibly the dumbest idea in human history to develop the technology and the industry and the resources and so on and so forth to change an entire planet ignoring the fact that we already

have a better one right in front of us beneath us at all times it's in it's hard to imagine a dumber idea terraforming jupiter i guess would be a dumber idea but uh people aren't like already throwing millions of dollars at that so are we we into it because it's a cool sounding word yeah 100% nobody nobody wants to be against something like if we're like we're going to moisten mars everybody would be like oh pull the funding gross fucking stupid i hate well then a bunch of a bunch of deviance would be very into it so like it would find an audience and and honestly honestly that is a less stupid idea like dumping water on mars okay so we're trying to see if water will stay you know that there are

it actually be something to it yeah so so you're saying i should get government funding to crash a rocket full of water into mars yeah follow your dreams thanks man get it sponsored by cores and you know what get it sponsored by arizona iced tea we're going to take one of those tall cans and we're going to see how much of mars that can can moisten oh my god it turns out with a giant can of Arizona green tea life bloomed on Mars in five years. Just one cloud of Skittles

you know like the old Skittles commercials. Yes. Intelligent life developed in 17 years and they won an ACC title. We seated it with Mountain Dew Code Red. Dude, the sickest dirt bike track popped up. That probably is the most popular Mountain Dew on Mars just considering the redness.

yeah it's always code red on mars baby the best part is because because jason has a trillion dollars he can fund my moist mars expedition i i would say i'll look into it but rubber stamping approval i like the i like the name you seem confident i like the cut of your jib here's a billion dollars make mars as moist as you possibly do your fucking worst the best part the best part would be when we did it and like you know we have like a rover there to catch the to catch the footage whatever you send drones

and like huge explosion of water tidal wave whatever we're like yeah yeah yeah and then within minutes it's just like a sponge just evaporating going back to try like god damn it that was fucking sick but it cost a billion dollars yeah but it was awesome

do it twice do it twice at once oh fuck it turns out Mars turns into a big puffy dinosaur when you cover it in water. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to dig a really big hole and we're going to put an in ground pool and you dump the water in that. Yep, yep. Yep. The only thing native to Mars and it just needed water to blossom and that's ticks, just ticks everywhere.

Daddy, why does, what is, what is, why is there a Clemson Tiger Paw lazy river on the moon? Just give me lots of standing water and we'll grow Mars mosquitoes. Marsquitos. You cut the feet halfway. You cut the feet halfway through this venture, though, right? Like, hey, man, look, the water's here, cut. Got to need another $100 billion. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, look, it worked. Send more money. Yeah. Just go ahead and wire. But my question is. Oh, look, something's crawling out of the water. Yeah. All right, send in the jet ski rocket.

Send it the rocket full of jet skis. Oh, I thought the rocket is a jet ski. It is a jet ski and it is full of jet skis. That way it doesn't have to actually deploy. any sort of apparatus to land just into the water and instant fun it's more of a xenomorph queen it just creates thousands of new jet skis oh that's sick with its ovipositor bro listen we've created a fucking jet ski facehugger on me this is sick

it's trying to fill my belly full of jet skis oh sweet a jet skis just burst out of my chest It's fucking awesome. That's sick. All right, something's been bothering me about this whole discussion. Isn't the spirit of Mars more conducive to an above-ground pool than an in-ground? That's a good question. And are there gravitational considerations that we should be making? Yeah, I'm just worried about if it ruptures because if too many people are in it jumping around and stuff.

Because then we've lost all the water for good. Fuck! You know what? Actually, though, if we do this enough, then. If we rupture enough above ground pools, we will create an atmosphere. Like, we will, we will create, you know, a better atmosphere. That's how we're going to be a shitload of water to do it. We're going to cover Mars and above ground pools, and then we will cannonball into them one by one until we have created an atmosphere.

This is not too dissimilar. I'm not joking from how they made Las Vegas. See? We've already got a model. We've already got a proven model for how we're going to make this happen. I mean, if people can have it, Las Vegas. Okay, fine. Terraforming Mars isn't that bad to be done.

My question is this, how many minutes is Mars loyal? How many minutes is Mars loyal? Like, once Mars gets water and figures out how to make its own food. Loyal to whom? Earth. It's not loyal to us now. The planet itself? No, like the people on it, right?

Oh. Oh, okay. Well, now this is the expense again. Yeah, Spencer hasn't seen it yet. He didn't want to watch it. Yeah, but that happens in a minute. He said everybody talked too fast. Do they have Hulu on Mars?

Because they'll be loyal if they need our Hulu passwords. Streaming is the only thing that takes like 38 minutes. Streaming is the only thing that's bonding many people here on Earth. I thought you were going to say here on this podcast, which is also true. Thank you, Ryan, for your HBO Max login. You're very welcome. That was very nice for you. Holly, have you done one?

What? of course not okay please do it because Spencer's in the room all right I'm gonna take I'm gonna take Justin's who is drifter 1717 on Twitter don't really need to go up there none of our business to be honest I I approve I need to go up there I like none of our business if just if like Justin's you know got a TV that the aliens key in on and they're like we'll send him the stress call. It'll come in and he's just quietly going to turn the

TV off. Like, nope. I'm trying to imagine Justin in Independence Day the movie when they're like, it's coming from the moon and he just like adjust his hat further down on his head and keeps mowing the lawn. Nope. Can't see it.

I'm going to worry about it. Must be a wrong number. The best part is you know there are people like... I don't agree, but I respect this approach. The best part you know there's people in 1969 who

win the mood landings happening are like what else is on that is a good point I want to know

the TV ratings of everything that was competing against the moon landing there's some fucking like racist

sitcom on at the same time no I'm telling you my grandfather got home and was like what

gun smoke's not on what is this shit get the TV this looks like crap That astronaut looks like a Democrat. This Western sucks.

That's a fake flag. You can tell. You need to get Dragnet on. Put Dragnet back on. I don't know what this is. None of my business. All this space shit. And in that moment, you'd have to respect him because you're like, yeah, man.

I get it. This actually serpentines into another one from Elizabeth, uh, who is Sal underscore. Corrugata on Twitter. I think it's Italian, which is why I said it funny. There's no way we haven't been back to the moon in 40 years. Something's happening up there. And I like this because I feel like even on this show,

the conspiracy theories regarding the lack of a moon landing have run their course as far as jokes go. And we need to go as far as we can in the opposite direction for the next cycle. Yeah, I love this. yeah what is what if we can't like what if it's a thing where like NASA won't tell anybody but they're just like holy shit every moon landing we just got totally lucky we didn't mean to we didn't really know what we were doing we just like got lucky and we can't replicate it like we didn't write it down like you know how you know how sometimes out of nowhere you'll do something very

athletic like you'll be you'll be amazing okay god fuck I do so Ryan when is the last time you were like holy shit i'm so athletic i remember exactly when this happened i was in the vox media new york offices it was at the end of the day i was talking to set that would make me feel athletic actually i was talking to set set set rosenthall sweet nix basketball play so you too were like doing slam dunks and stuff we had a basketball hoop in the office i was sitting at my desk holding holding the basketball that went with it are you saying you were literally working in the lab late one night yes is that your defense He said, I bet you can't make it from there from your seat, because I had to shoot it over a hanging light to do it.

And I said, if I do, you have to give me all the money in your wallet. I somehow sunk this basket. And he looked at me and he said, well, it turns out I have $78 in my wallet today. I did not take it from him, though. I did not take it from him because I thought that. Ryan, he's never going to learn. No, that's fair. It's fair that he's never going to learn.

No. This is why you're not a basketball champion because Michael, would have taken it from it that's true michael george would have left set in the bahamas yeah i just like is it possible nassick just can't do it yeah there got to be some spencers up there i think it's i think they got there with some spencers yeah totally meant to do this it's fine we could do it again um have y'all seen did you did you do i think it was last year one They asked NASA's social media Twitter account. This is a great anecdote already said,

do you remember where you were the day of the moon landing? And Buzz Out, Aldrin quote, Bud's Aldrin is the only good quote tweet in human history, like he's not accomplished enough. And he quote tweeted this and was like, yeah, I was on the moon. Absolute madman. He's so beautiful.

I would like to take this one from You Blender. You Blender, this is space adjacent. My grandmother died earlier this year. Sorry for lost son. That's not a take. At her funeral, my batty aunt spoke about life on other planets. I remembered why I don't see that side of the family very often.

This is a space take. I think this is... You Blender sounds like a fun person to have at funerals. I think this is the cool. coolest aunt ever yeah you're definitely not invited to my funeral dude but your aunt is yeah but the aunt just got up there and saw her moment was like everyone's gonna be way too polite and i got some thought on aliens we're just gonna lay them all out because y'all can't get me out of here because it's a funeral and i'll process this grief later but in the meantime let's talk about the hot

cube yeah this aunt has never given you weed for a reason because she knows that you suck about the aliens could be a way of processing i don't see why not yeah yeah we all process grief differently maybe i need to talk about the time cube haven't you ever seen contact time cubes to love things about aliens processing grief so yeah this is cool i think this is awesome your aunt rules you wonder can revise your if your opinion is in the least negative of her revise it yeah correct that immediately she saw her moment and she took it this is from at T, D, T, FERG on Twitter. Yeah, it does a little bit.

Space travel is every road trip dad's wet dream. Endless driving for you to point out obvious thing. Hey, an asteroid field is the new look cows, with the only downside being dad can't roll the windows down instead of cranking the AC. He said wet. He did say wet dream. That's part, wet dream is a big, that's a big part of the Moise Mars project. Can we first normalize just dropping wet dream into conversation?

Like, this would be pretty funny if it was his dream, but... No. Boy, that takes it to a whole other level. How good of a dream? So good he ejaculated in his sleep, friend. I had another dream about space travel. Why is this become a normal thing to say? Not just anyone's, but a dad's wet dream.

Oh, God. Is space space? travel the ultimate road trip um a few demerits here there's no road so so there's no road uh do you think astronauts say things like oh we're making great time yeah no is that a thing john glenn one thousand percent did this okay um and so that's the other reason why it's the ultimate road trip there's nowhere to stop like yeah if if the if the purpose of a road trip is for from a dad's perspective is to make great time there's never traffic there's nowhere to stop

if something goes wrong it goes so wrong that the road trip is over permanently yeah it is actually a pretty I mean I'm not going to say what dream again except I just did trip in space wow wow that's what we're going to build on Mars by the way yeah got first thing ice tea bar

you know the first thing I thought was if something goes some of those little hot dogs on rollers if someone's got a peer poop it's a pain in the ass and dad doesn't want to stop oh yeah you know when he wants to stop hmm when someone peas yeah spaceship's got bathrooms on it yeah this is this is perfect for for the yeah but it's like a it's like a thing you got to like you got to if you miss some of it you got to chase it around the capsule with the tube and to suck it back in yeah this is not Are you talking about wet dreams again?

Dad's wet dreams. Jason, I don't have to take the turn. No! With some... No, tiger tongue. With some creed. No. No.

When you are with... Absolutely not. See, I thought it was going to be Michael McDonald, but that's fine. Keep... He's doing the unblinking eye contact. More. Keep forgetting. Yeah, Jason, go ahead.

Oh, are we done with, are we done with... Yeah, we're done with Dad's Wet Dream. Dad's Wet Space Dream. We're done with a lot of things. Let's see. Bunky Perkins, speaking of, black holes get a bad rap. Folks, black holes are... So it's scariest thing in the universe, as far as we know.

Sure, great. but first of all black holes all right point in their favor how else with Matthew McConaughey travel through time to his daughter's bookshelf think about that it's very selfish of those

who want to get rid of black black holes we would be rid of Matthew McConaughey who wants that the other thing is like you know we don't really know exactly what they're there for but some of the smartest people

in the world have theorized that perhaps these things contain universes within themselves the multiverse could be a network of black holes our entire universe we could be inside of a black hole actual very very very smart people theorize this everything we know of could be

nothing but the dead center of a black hole endless limitless mystery and how funny is it that it's nothing but this thing that sucks right it's perfect black holes are perfect nothing in all of nature is more mysterious and you know endlessly

mysterious but also like you can just sum it up in a sentence like everything we know is part of something that sucks and that's perfect okay when you put it like that full of great holly okay

in star wars says says user rapino grigio at that's balin in star wars explosions make noise and they need to burn fuel

to maintain speed which means there must be air in space to create friction so it happened a long time ago there used to be air in space but something happened that took all the air away boys what do we reckon that was farts someone lit a match burned all the air yeah burned all the fart gas up yeah i'll say what what fucked up all the air in space what took all the air in space where did all the air in space i like this so

much better than being a flat earth or being a space has air guy space doesn't have an air does too where it all the air go i think you know i think you know where it all went is jupiter jupiter's just a big ball of gas sucking it up yeah why is jupiter so fat because it's because it's tied in all the air so we go up to jupiter with a needle and we pop jupiter and then space has air again oh i here's what i bet okay in the star wars universe at the end of whatever wherever we are now the people of this universe get super into scuba diving and they start bottling all of the space air for scuba diving and that is what makes space eventually airless oh we got space nestley mm-hmm however we must also remember it's a galaxy far far away the air is all on their side of the universe so maybe so you're saying

they have all the air and we have none and the air just hasn't gotten here and will it's possible or is possible we need to find them and invade them those bastards stole our air fuck jerbs i will say i want to believe this because the funniest moments in any cartoon or show about space are the ones where they completely break with any sense of reality whatsoever and just have somebody go out without a helmet into space just like the funny cat's just chilling in space like you can survive in space for a few seconds i know yeah yeah silver hawks keep going you can survive in space for i think it's 30 to 90 seconds as long as yeah as long as you hold your rest super good super good i'm gonna need the little nose clips from the pool before i go out there it's gonna suck like that's true of anything you can jump at a volcano and as long as you hold your rest super good you'll be okay for a little I think saying you don't want to come back with Lava Lump. And you're describing it as super good is really the thing that makes this convincing advice.

Darth Vader was fine. What is the reboot show? What is the show that reboots the moon missions history that the Soviets get their furs? The morning show. Yes, the morning show. Friends. It's friends. Monday night football.

I'm not making it up. It's on Apple. Yep. Spencer, it's for all mankind. Thank you. Thank you. For all mankind. Huffily pulling out his lap.

Don't make me look. Don't make dad look up a thing. The season finale of for all mankind. We would want to waste time on this show, would we, Spencer? For all mankind season finale had a scene where they run across the moon without helmets. Oh, hell yes. How far? Oh, pretty far.

It's like they're supposed to, yeah. Wait, is this like for funsies? No, this is not for funzies. Oh, okay. That would be my show about the moon. Or it's like, a dude, I bet you can't do it. No, this is apparently not for funzies. This is like Super Troopers, but the moon.

Super troopers, but the moon. Dude, you made it 90 seconds. That's so awesome. His blood only kind of boiled. Yeah. That's not how the moon works. It's just a simmer. It's just a light simmer

But that made me want to watch the whole show Because I just want to see the scene Where they run across the moon with no hell It's like But they're a Russian So like You love us Blood is half fuck

Go Up there setting up the first pedophile Satanic Pizzeria on the moon It was I mean I think it's I think the reason You will notice Spencer Hall did not deny this i think the reason i love the soviet space program so much is because their entire motto is sorry to

this man but i'm built different that's the whole thing right yeah maybe for for instance this will segue to the one i wanted to do about venus oh thank god uh which is that comes from price yeah or dylan carlson ovi no scard which is god bless the soviets for going to venus absolute maniacs That's right. Because the Soviets didn't just go to Venus. They didn't just send a probe or two, okay? And go, I don't know. Let's give it a thought.

No, to the most hostile environment on any single planet, okay? Oppressive, 800-degree temperatures, like, absolute zero chance of any machinery functioning successfully. No real benefit because you can't get anything off Venus. They just wanted to know what was in the. the most hostile-looking, angry, khaki planet in our solar system. Venus is a khaki planet. Oh, you're talking about Venus. I wasn't listening.

They didn't just send... Yeah, you don't like it to do you. They didn't just send one probe. They sent 13 probes. They didn't just send one probe. They actually sent 16 and then sent additional Vega probes there. Ten of them made it. Some of them only functioned for 23 minutes.

Some of them lasted as long as two hours. All of them were destroyed by Venus, and they just kept sending more. All of them were destroyed by Venus. What a fantastic beauty. And when they got there, all of the scientific results basically said the same thing. Venus sucks. Venus sucks. Like what?

Yeah, everything's made of acid, fire, and lightning. It's a horrible place. Made of acid. Fire, lightning. I also like, I'm looking at the, Wikipedia and for many of these it's like the lander the lander got there it landed successfully but then the lens caps didn't release on the cameras and it's like fuck he landed a fucking spaceship in hell but the cameras didn't work for great job vasili this is an actual plot point

in sky captain in the world of tomorrow is it yeah the lens caps on yeah that's that's what they that's i just love some guy back there like vasili you get it all the way to Venus and you can't design a fucking lens cap. I know. So I do it again. I forgot. Like we said, there's Spencer's in every space program. Sent Vaneras, 12, 13, and 14.

Release, release all of them. That's not a joke. They were like, well, Vanera 1 failed and they were like, Send Vaneras 2 through 16. By the time we actually, like, by the time we land a robot on Venus or whatever, it's going to to look around and find like eight drunk bears singing the Russian national anthem. Like, I think they have successfully claimed Venus, whatever it is, it's down there.

Ain't fair. What do we have? Acid lightning. Dibs! You could, dibs! You could, you couldn't have the moon a little bit, or maybe Mars? No, acid lightning planet. That's what we want.

I mean, if you're from Siberia. just nice to feel warm by any that's true 800 degrees you say well sounds pretty nice to me let me do I'm going to do my last two real quick first from user fuck this guy except

the sea comes before the U all of the rocks finishing moves would be impossible in zero gravity perhaps I have quibbles so the rock bottom of course this is when the rock picks someone up and the rock lands on his own torso while dropping the other person on their back. Somehow this harms the person who landed on their back more because the rock has charisma.

He's very excited about it. That's why. This is possible. You know, you just lunge toward a wall or something. There's also, you know, a modified version. You just point them at the ground, use your arm. It might be even easier in zero gravity. So I think that one can work. The people's elbow, of course, is a glorified elbow drop emphasis on the glorified. It's going to take a while to get there.

It's not going to hurt very badly. So I agree with that one. The people's elbow will not finish anyone in space. But we're overlooking the sharpshooter. The Rock has a horrific sharpshooter, a horrific as in very bad and unimpressive looking, but he will bend the person's leg back, and it has ended a match before.

It's been a long time. Very few people agreed to tap out to the Rock sharpshooter because it looks so weak and unimpressive. But it counts as a finishing move, and it would work in any. environment known to humanity including zero gravity also from that shaggy mat on Twitter why is it that when people time travel in movies they don't just end up in space the earth is in constant motion it wasn't where you were when

you jumped apparently bothered me since he sent it actual all day actual smart persons have looked into this and calculated that you know you need to account for the earth's spinning speed you need to count for the earth flying through space you need to You need to account for the Earth's irregular orbit. The Earth's orbit isn't just this perfectly straight circle. You need to account for the fact our entire solar system is flying. Our entire galaxy is flying.

And there's background radiation and so on and so forth. This scientist of some sort calculated that basically you have a one in a trillion shot of landing exactly where you want to be, and that's even if time travel works. And John Reese Davies is not what he seems. In many ways, that's true. You gotta be really fucking good at math and shit. And jumping. Doc Brown got it.

It's fine. Like imagine if you're just one inch off and like, oh shit, my arm is in a brick wall, right? I was thinking about this and like maybe the only way to do it is just to go ahead and plan for like really broad in general and just like you reappear and you're in the sky and we gotta catch you. We have like firefighters running around with a trampoline.

I like how that adds like a group participation element to the whole thing. Yeah, because like, like, like it's too risky to have you reappear on the ground if we're off by a foot you might be buried in pavement so just give us some buffer and have you reappear in the sky and we can what i'm hearing is time travel blimp yeah and you could just bounce from blimp to blimp until holly you weren't going to say time travel blimp were you amazingly no i was going to say it sounds like what you're saying is the only truly safe place on earth is space fuck yeah so if we put them in a space suit and then they reappear out there and then maybe we find them maybe we don't and we could we could outfit the space suits to be inflatable basically you got to treat astronauts like like the eggs in egg drop did y'all do egg drop yeah sure yeah what was uh do what was your strategy in egg drop um we we rigged up kind of a little

we had a suspension bridge situation so we attempted to you know like those things at the mall that strap your kid into and it goes up a little gyroscope yeah have you seen those like huge contraption in the mall it was like that we wanted the egg to be like hang it out in the middle of of like a popsicle stick cube but kind of bouncy i am stuck i am now stuck on the idea of back to the future you know opening opening big the big scene where marty mcfly first travels through time and instead of showing up in 195 hill valley he's immediately a into the middle of space suffocates within minutes and the credits roll.

But it's 1955, which means there goes a Russian dog zooming past him at 1,000 miles an hour. The fuck is this guy doing? Stupid vest, don't it. I think so the main thing about time travel is just launch them back wherever. Don't even worry about location, because we're going to miss it by 1,000 miles,

but put really bright. lights on him. But we agree Stargate is settled science, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's done. Cool. Those are real. You know, if he'd landed in 1955, instead of Chuck Barry,

we could have had the song they danced to be 16 tons by Tennessee Ernie Ford. Yeah, that'd be better. I don't hate it. Yeah. Also, I'm laughing at the idea of being stuck in a DeLorean in space. Or maybe just hitting a re-entry, right? Like, oh, man, I'm in space.

Oh, it's okay. I'm going back down to the ground. This account is a giant success. Like getting that close to Earth? Yeah, right. That's a big deal. Also, oh, one other one that we should read. I don't know if it's in on anyone's list.

Just a shout out to TZAM, 2299. Space is only 62 miles away, so as a Midwesterner, I think driving there is a reasonable option. I don't have any further jokes because that is already perfect. If you've made it this far, we wanted to end the show on... Forever. A completely different note, which is that we have two people to say goodbye to, who are members of the Fulcast family listeners adjacent. two very cool people we wanted to just mention and talk about a little bit. Holly?

I would like to dedicate this long and rowdy episode to Dave Larimer, who was a sports editor at the Washington Post, who passed away just a few weeks ago. His... I'm going to catch Feely's here for a minute because this is a guy who listened to the show, and I didn't find out that he listened to the show until after he was gone. And he was a fan of our work.

He bought the T-shirt, according to one of his family members. So I just wanted to send all of our love and idiocy to Dave, who I hope is listening, perhaps in space, right here as we speak. Appreciate you, buddy. Yeah. Stuck with us through all of the Nebraska jokes, too. God, seriously, man. Which is super impressive for a diehard Cornhuskers fan.

He probably appreciated them, though. The other guy that we've said goodbye to was also unexpected. Oscar Pope was, listen, just the coolest guy, friend of the program, a marketing manager for the NBA on. on TNT here in town, close friend of another great deceased friend of the show, Ed Ashoff. Oscar Pope meant so much to the NBA on TNT crew that they did a beautiful tribute to him, Ernie Johnson on air talking about everything he meant to the show because he was so much more than a marketing manager and did a lot not only to make the show better. and was a fantastic co-worker, but also really pushed for a more inclusive workplace at the Ambiena T&T

and, like, got student journalist interviewing like Chris Paul on air from HVCUs, just the coolest dude. And it was fun to have a little cameo in Oscar Pope's life. I was at the ATL United Championship game with him, and there were a lot of happy people that night. but everybody was a little bit happier when Oscar was around. So he will be missed and David will be missed. At Astra. Yep, at Astra Paraspora.