Shutdown Fullcast - Bold, Spicy Predictions for 2018

Episode Date: August 23, 2018

Bill Connelly joins us to assess, approve, reject, and come to terms with BOLD PREDICTIONS submitted by our listeners about Lovie Smith's coaching prowess, an LSU-Florida SEC Title Game, West Virginians fighting Bill, FCS teams triumphing over their richer brothers, and the unsolvable mystery of the ACC Coastal. Also, Jason continues to insist Texas is going 9-3. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cast This is a college football's only podcast But which is still true This is still true This is college football's only podcast However college football's only podcast What is smart And uses numbers

And also has a Stephen Godfrey That's podcast ain't played nobody Yeah And wouldn't it be weird Wouldn't it be weird? Wouldn't it be weird If we actually injected the full cast, not known, I would say for our academic rigor. Is that fair? No, wait.

I'm not saying a word. I'm not saying a word. Oh, but you just did. The voice you heard saying a word, we're going to dare to get some stupid on Bill Connolly. He's going to have to decontaminate. He's going to have to bleachify. we're going to have to hold him down and in one of the great comedies of all time

like that scene in Silkwood we're just going to have to scrub him clean of all that radioactive dumbness we're about to rub on it all of that charismatic stupidity that the full cast has joining us as you might have guessed the voice in the background

Bill Connolly thank you Bill how do we doing tonight I'm good it's earlier for me that's very good it's earlier when do you normally record Oh, God, like 10 in the morning or something like that.

Godfrey hates it. But, I mean, you know, he won't do seven. So that's kind of the compromise. Bill, can I ask a kind of important behind-the-scene podcast question? Sure. If PAPN is a marriage of words and numbers, what are you getting in the divorce? I have all the Excel sheets. I don't care.

He can take everything else. He can take the Reddit. He can take everything else. I just get to keep my numbers. Hey, Godfrey, you get Twitter. Congratulations. Oh, God. That's right. We have a Twitter account that we haven't actually, like, done anything with yet.

So he can have that. This is breaking news, folks. There's a PAPN Twitter account. Whoever finds it first gets a, what's the prize, Bill? Well, already, like, 12 people have, so it's over. It's too late. Whoever finds it gets the 13th of a prize. No, no, no.

You got to think about this, like, Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones never found that shit first. It was, he was the first, you know, American white dude to find it. Yeah, think about Christopher Columbus. He didn't actually discover show. Whoever finds it gets to live tweet the New Mexico State versus Wyoming game. From the PAPN account? That sounds like a terrible idea, actually.

You already said it. You've committed. Bill, what were Nazi archaeologist turnover luck in the Indiana Jones series? They had amazing turnover. They had tremendous turnover's luck. There's no question about that. Fumble recovery. They really did.

The point of all just always bounced up into that. hands exactly like oh dr jones looks like you've been intercepted uh we do have uh we do have we do have ryan on say hey ryan oh hi you guys you guys didn't do an episode this week without me did you no no we didn't do an episode because i'm i'm an important part of the podcast and you guys wouldn't just go on without me and everybody have a really good time and the episode did really well and everybody thought like boy I miss nothing this was maybe the best episode right you wouldn't do that actually Ryan we did record one it was called sitting indoors and everything is going fine yeah that was that was the idea sitting indoors that sounds dope actually just last

month we finally had an episode of PAPN that got more downloads than the one where Holly co-hosted last winter so Godfrey finally got that monkey off his back that's Tennessee's first victory of 2012. I know. And now it's over. And now it's gone. Yeah, now it's gone. Like a fart in the wind. We smelled it, appreciated it. And now it's over. The, uh, speaking of farts in the wind, uh, I wanted to go ahead and, uh, I thought you were going to introduce Jason. Yeah, I thought that was going to happen. No, Jason can't be, Jason's not that Pete dad. But I was going to point out that I did eat nachos tonight. So I am incredibly lactose tolerant. Some people are intolerant, but as a modern American, I accept all forms of

what is lactose exactly? Dairy. It's just milk products. Well, I know that. It's milk. It's the sugar and milk. Is it like a protein or something? No, it's Oase is. Sugar is what it is. Okay, I accept all sugars. Ose is a sugar suffix, right? Bill? You're the smart guy. I really, lactose isn't, isn't my specialty. Hey, listen, if there's right, no one knows what lactose is. If Bill doesn't know, then it's not worth knowing. I will tell you, I will tell you. It's the scientific name for cow sugar.

This is the first thing I have known that the three of you have passed on. I literally said that not too. I didn't hear anything. Did you say the word cow? I said, I said milk sugar. Oh my God. Milk sugar, please. New York guy, never seen a cow before in your life.

What are you talking about? I mean, if we ever did... We have two chick-fil-aes. That's true. What does New York know about milk? Jim Harbaugh. Jim Harbaugh wants to fight those cows, right? How many people in New York actually know where milk comes from?

There's probably like 35 people in the city. We're like, yeah, that comes from a cow. I get my milk from mushrooms. Yeah, nobody here drinks dairy milk anymore. Anyway. We do have, before we dive into tonight's agenda, which is going to cover, I believe. We're going to have bold predictions.

Like, screw your mild predictions. Screw your milk toast predictions, if you will. Who the hell ever made milk toast? I know it's an adjective, but like, and it's spelled like a Q-U-E. What does that even mean? I don't know. It's disturbing.

It's like what? I'm just going to dip some. That sounds like a Kansas dish that John Boyes would make up, right? Milk toast, it's the official milk. of Brentford, Kansas. Isn't that, I mean, it's just sort of lazy French toast, right? That's what they serve you in, like, Kansas jail. Yeah, it's Pan Will Perdue, if you will.

That's an obscure joke. The, we do have some podcast business. Podcast business. I kind of had it to the tune of Hold That Tiger. I'm like, podcast business. What's that business? Hold that business. Podcast business.

Hold on, try it to neck. Podcast business, dick. so yeah once again as we told you all in the last episode that you totally don't tell Ryan that you listen to it but it you took nothing okay um some tickets are still available for the forecast live show in Atlanta Labor Day weekend August 31st Bill will be there Godfrey will be there PAPN in the house um lots of basically the entire sbnation.com college football staff plus some other yeah plus uh we ended up uh in case anyone was wondering how that happened,

we sort of end up with our preseason college football meetings in the city at the same time. So what, fuck it, everybody come through. We're coming up with fun jobs for everyone. You know, I want to have, like, it'll be a super fun couple hours. And, you know, if you want to come hang with all of us, please do by all means.

Follow the Twitter and read it and rate and review and just subscribe on every possible platform even if we're not on it. Give them the ticket link. You know the ticket link. The ticket link, y'all know it by now. Pre-owned airboats.com. Pre-owned airboats.com.

Not a joke. You type that in. You'll be amazed what comes up. We own that. The greatest page you've ever seen. That's the end of podcast business. I think, by the way, we really should have an installment on the, I think we should, all right, I'm not going to say it online.

I just actually had an idea that we're going to do for a podcast. All I'm going to say is... We're having an editorial meeting right now. Yeah, no, no, no. This is tax deductible. this is for you keep going to we're going to order some delivery shrimp listen if you just want to try to get away with something in America right now

do it do it okay Ryan's a lawyer and they can't go to jail right like USA Today this is my favorite thing USA Today published a report okay from a player who transferred from Texas A&M to Arizona We want to be clear

it's Tuesday August 21st and this is the biggest news in the United States today. That's my favorite thing. They were like, oh, man, this is going to kill. This is going to be amazing. This is going to look like, basically the report from this player in applying for his transfer lists a bunch of activities by the current Texas A&M staff that do not comply with the rules of amateurism, the NCAA, or likely Texas A&M of the Big 12, okay?

Such as incredibly rich man, Jimbo Fisher. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Did you just say Texas A&M and the who? Oh, I did say the Big 12. I thought you said that we didn't have big news on this Tuesday night. You know what? I'm going to start calling the SEC the Big 14. Oh, no, Bill, you got sick back.

Sorry, bro. No, you said Texas A&M. Missouri's cool. Missouri is obviously just fine in the SEC, totally SEC. Yep. we just hired Derek Dooley for God's sake what more do you want well you know we'll get we'll get there I forgot that happened man literally over-signed on defense you will forget it eight more times I have been told that

Derek Dooley is Mizzou's offensive coordinator on three different occasions this off-season every time I read it including reading the Mizzou preview bill wrote for this very podcast when I got to that I was like oh yeah it's the ultimate reveal it never gets old you like you can so very much talk yourself into Missouri this year and then you realize Dooley yeah Bill and I have talked about this like every time you look through Missou's roster you're like huh this is probably second best in the East and then you see Derek Dooley you're like hmm this is probably like fifth best in East that don't remember like we'll make fun of Barry Odom I will also

say this Barry Odom him body goals very olden is built damn straight like a bear yeah no dude is straight and he's built like an actual bear and that's how he looked when he was a linebacker too like he he's not his body has not changed got a you know gut included uh since like 1998 when he was a linebacker at missouri does derrick duly still have the beard that he grew when he was with the cowboys I do not believe so no now granted i mean he's been wearing that giant floppy hat like for for fall camp or whatever so who knows what's under that but Jesus he's charming he's a charming dude

great great quotes probably probably some Missouri food that we can just make up because nobody's actually ever been to Missouri right it can be like there's some Missouri pizza under there by pizza I mean a hamburger that's milk toast you're talking about milk toast milk toast there like all good Missouri people he just takes his milk that is all I just want the record to show that's all St. Louis Kansas City

Bill, what is the definitive Missouri food? Well, I mean, I hope it's like Kansas City barbecue or something. Wrong, wrong. And not like crackers with ketchup and fake cheese and, you know, St. Louis-style pizza. It's, yeah, it's Provelle. It's Provelle. Sorry. You know, the only thing I've ever found that tasted good with Provelle was bologna. Like, the processed on-processed made it, like, unprocessed.

Sure. No, I believe you. No, no, no, that's like two wrongs. Two wrongs? No, you're, exactly. the two wrongs theory of culinary construction. Yeah, that sounds like eating Taco Bell. Yeah.

Which isn't that bad sometimes, right? All of this food is poison. Yeah, I mean, when you go all in, it's, you know, sure, this is like the acid in this is killing the bacteria. Well, what it is is your body respects when you commit to the bit. Yeah. I will stand up. I will stand for Kansas City food.

Okay. That's fine. Okay. Yeah, no, I really think, like, when I was, when you said, what's Kansas City food? I was like eating chicken and a biscuit crackers and using VHS porn as a plate. While wearing an Alex Smith jersey. Listen, the ketchupy barbecue sauce is great with French fries. Yeah, it is.

It is, yeah. Sure. I like burn ends. I'll say something nice. I love Kansas City burnt ends. And the sandwich with the onion ring and the brisket and the provolome. cheese and the ketchupy barbecue sauce. Tremendous.

Cheese on brisket. It's just delicious. It's my favorite thing when I think of like Missouri specialties right now and I'm like, what's a Missouri specialty? I'm like, well, let's see. A complex murder plot taking place in a small dying town

usually consumed with a burnt end sandwich that's used where the bread is two slices of cracker pizza. And then we all go out to the lazy river and watch kids get killed on the giant unsafe water slide. Missouri!

Listen, my parents live here. That's not my fault, Bill. We're just here. We're just here. Bill, I assume they're not redwoods and they could move as well. They are redwoods, actually. This is a really touchy subject here.

All right. Bill is half int. The best part is Jason and I live in Georgia and we're like, you live in. in Missouri. Can we please do some bold, some bold takes and not just some milk toast attacks

on Missouri food culture? Sure. So we posted a call on our Reddit thing. We have a Reddit thing. Just search shut down full gosh Reddit. You'll find it for bold predictions. And boy, it filled up with some good ones. And I want to start out with this one.

because it mentions our guest by name. From Reddit user, it was a catch. NC State does the wolf packiest thing by losing to JMU and then beating West Virginia. Bill C says numbers don't lie and thousands of Mountaineer fans drown their sorrows and bathtub liquor. Spot the lie in that.

I mean, it wasn't that bold to take. I mean, all of those components are at least semi-realistic. there, right? Bill, why do you hate the Mountaineers? It was like one time. It was like last year. And my numbers very much hated all the turnover and blah, blah, blah. And so I had them projected a lot lower than they expected. And because Will Greer got hurt and they were so horrendous after Greer got hurt, I ended up, I think, nailing the record and the ranking. So that S&P Plus caused his injury. And it willed,

West Virginia to being pretty mediocre last year. S&P does stand for sprain and punctures. Pulpunctures. Sodom and Pomorah. Sodom and Pomor. Bill, if you could give a top five teams that your numbers hate the most

Michigan State's on the list, right? Utah, West Virginia, Washington State. Like, what's the top five? Kansas State was in there for a while. Yeah, Kansas State probably just like, because of 2011, it's always going to be on the list even when they're accurately rated. Michigan State's definitely number one. There's some smoker mirrors stuff that somehow everybody forgets when they went three

and nine and only focuses on when they do better than the numbers. But yeah, Michigan State's absolutely number one. West Virginia is probably number two at this point. Let's see. Kansas State. Well, Kentucky and South Carolina both seem to always be ranked a little lower than their fans would prefer. by the way South Carolina

I wish this this is a comeback I wish I had Godfrey pointed this out not only when the Kentucky band was yelling at me earlier this week about how I you know

damed to have South Carolina not only has beaten Florida which is something Kentucky can't South Carolina has also been at the last final four of the two

so I'm feeling pretty I've like stocked up on Kentucky smack now and I got to have a reason to unleash it I don't think I will that's five right six

four, something like that. You're the numbers guy, so whatever you say. Yeah, that's cool. You know, I'm just going to point out the irony of trying to make a numbers-based argument to Kentucky people. Okay. And I'm not even going to add South Carolina and West Virginia to that. I'm just going to let it sit.

No, no, we're letting them be the dons of this conversation. You, professor. No, after you. I would also point out this, that bathtub liquor, a little high flute and forth. West Virginia. We might let that run straight off the mulch pile. I assume that was just liquor you drank in the bathtub. Yeah, that's true. Actually, just lay in it and

drink it. That's that. Don't drink the bath water. It's alcohol. It's sterile. Drinking liquor through your gills. I just, you know, bear season, 2012 grew gills. You know, I just

love Hellboy. I just love it. That movie means a lot to me. Hellboy. You know, if you told me Hellboy was from West Virginia, wouldn't doubt it twice. Absolutely. Oh, the son of Satan lives in West Virginia and is a mountaineers fan and hates Bill? This is explain a lot about the shape of water. Y'all see that?

Yeah. No. Yeah, it was cool. She bowled the fish. Yeah, well, the fish was drunk was what we just learned. Really? Huh. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Think about it. Fish was like, I don't know, fuck it. You know, when am I going to get back to Baltimore? Because, like, we've seen, you know, we've talked a lot about, how, like, oh, that movie's so weird, like, you know, what about his perspective? He's going outside his species, too. But he has no options, right? Well, he...

He's a god. He's got options, man. He could just wait until he gets back in the ocean. He could have tried to seduce Michael Shannon. I mean, I don't think that went well, but he could have tried it, right? You would watch that movie. I'd watch that movie. You would.

Come on. Don't just put this on me. I mean, man, once you watch the shape of water, you're past all. I wouldn't watch that movie claims. I mean, I watched two squirrels have sex on my deck earlier today. So, I mean, it's kind of a set thing. And then they stared at me. Who are you to judge?

Privacy. Hello? Don't you king shame? I was trying to get, I was trying to think of an ink, like, rhymed squirrel term and then realize my squirrel vocation. It's pretty weak. I did, by the way, I do want you to know, Bill, that I saw that on your Instagram

and then immediately went and read the Adventures of Squirrel Girl to my son at bedtime. So thanks for that visual. I just like that Bud saw it and his natural response was, hey, I took this picture of Grasshopper screwing earlier today. I'm going to post that now. I mean,

in Bud's defense, animals in Florida are constantly fucking constantly fucking I have one that I would like to that I would like to go

which is this this gets me to a couple of topics I actually want to discuss Are you stalling because you can't remember what it was? Nope I want to talk about both of these things it's from dubs LA on the Reddit thread there

to Cocho leads LSU to the SEC championship game against Florida, but it's fired after trying to eat Florida's mascot. A couple things I wanted to point out on this. No one in Louisiana would fire you for eating over. Also, no one in Louisiana would fire you for eating a man stuffed inside of an alligator. Nope. Wouldn't fire you for eating Albert either. Also, Florida has two, two gator mascots. Somebody eats one next lady up. That's right. Also, it would be pretty cold if Alberta just sat there and watched I never I never loved you

Never loved you My mother made me marry you I was just I was young I wanted to live in San Diego You made me stay here In Electoral County in Keynesville I did want to address this Because it tackles two questions

That I actually want input from Bill Juan Which are this You were talking about Michigan State Maybe one of my favorite teams because the numbers are ass every single year and yet uh and yet they prevail prevails a real strong word for what they do on the football field they win games survive they were smart they put all their regression in like one season and they went right back to win it it was very very you know well played michigan state is the football version of erosion where you're like yeah it did work

definitely you can see that it worked i was thinking they're your crash dieting friend right you're like man you know he's really slim you're like Yeah, three years ago, he had his entire intestine removed and he went to Israel and had his blood changed with a thin person, you know? Like, that's what Michigan State did. They were like, well, let's just get this over with. But the opposite of that to me, I guess, like, by schedule is Florida. Because Florida, like, I think Florida won't have, like, I think they'll be not the opposite

of that. For me, they're in the same boat because I think Florida's schedule is so weak that they could end up with a way better record in year one than they probably deserve to have given the talent on hand. So to keep your example working, if Michigan State is the one that goes to extremes to lose weight, Florida is your friend who, like, decides, I'll just drink whiskey and not beer. Yeah, or Coke. Like, do you ever know somebody who just got thin on Coke, right?

Like, man, you look great. They're like, yeah, I've been doing a tremendous amount of cocaine. you know or meth addiction it's crazy don't look at my mouth yeah that's you guys aren't gonna lose to tennessee though right i don't know i don't know anything anymore man that is that is bill that is not the game that worries me kentucky's the game that worries me yeah okay spencer spencer has spoken the fear spencer has spoken the fear no it's not it has nothing to do with any cogent football analysis it has everything to do with the fact that when you have a very long winning streak over another team,

and it's been buttressed by a fair amount of bullshit and tomfoolery as Florida's... As Florida's street. And only, like, getting hip deeper every single year. It only gets, like, it finds a way to get, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, it's the hangover movies where it's just like, how do they keep making these and they keep getting dumber? But somehow, Kentucky, Florida does that every year.

And now it's just the situation where there is, if Florida beats Kentucky again, it doesn't particularly mean anything or augur anything positive. And if Kentucky finally wins this, especially if they do it in Gainesville, everybody's just going to be fucking pissed and, you know, cranky for a month. So is this going to be like what was that Indiana Penn State a few years ago where like Indiana finally got on top, the nerd got on top of the bully and then just wouldn't stop punching and then like crying and just wouldn't stop punching and ended up winning by like 35 points or something yes okay so whenever whenever it happens it's going to be like 68 to 24 or something

well when when vandy when finally beat florida that was kind of how that went down right i think spencer was at that game i was at a lot of bad games i did i ignored my family a lot I did I hung out with my friends failure despair and punt all right I want to go back to the core of the question though Bill what is what is the thing that would be more shocking and dismaying to you

LSU in the SEC championship or Florida in the SEC championship well what happened to Georgia like how I'm not telling you you have to decide this is all this is you wake up this is a saw scenario you wake up chained to a pipe and in the room is an LSU West champion and a Florida East champion, and you have to figure out the puzzle.

Well, LSU, I can start like, you know, Bama, you know, lost to Auburn, lost to like, I don't know, Mississippi State or something, beat LSU nothing, but LSU didn't lose to anybody else. I can kind of see that. Like, seriously, like, did Georgia get abducted? Like, what happened in a scenario that Florida, I guess, beat Georgia in Jacksonville this? year like that just doesn't i can't no no it's it's florida it's very much florida damn it he's right he's so right i hate myself i mean did georgia lose to like south carolina oh oh oh okay well they lost to south carolina and missouri just give me that and i'll give you florida in the title game okay okay okay done yeah i you know what this is correct

because the only way florida makes the c championship game is if they are some bullshit it. Oh, this is the tiebreaker for the three lost teams. Oh, God. I already hate it. I want to, I want to care, but I also can't. Just can't go back there. Would a 9 and 4

SEC champion Florida make the playoff? The answer is yes. The best part is that there would be like an 11-win South Carolina team that somehow didn't. That's what I want. I want, like, I want an 11-win South Carolina team, but Will Mostchamp is like,

I finally did it. I learned to coach everything. Also, you got like 12 in one Washington, like, seriously, what the fuck is? Washington. Washington comes in like eight. Final number five, Washington Huskies. Oh, we just didn't want you guys to travel. It's just so far.

Like Keith Jackson comes back from the dead to talk about how much Washington is not ranked. Washington, undefeated and perfect. I'm back from the dead to tell you that they're not going anywhere. All right. All right. Can we go work into this terrible crevasse even more?

Yeah. All right. This is from Peachy Carnahan. Lovie Smith wins Big Ten coach of the year. Oh, God. Does that mean like four and eight? They have no talent. No, they don't.

They have not the worst schedule. beat Kent State, beat Western Illinois, beat Illinois plays in every game, so I've got to think they're the worst schedule. They don't even have a George anymore. I mean, their road games are Rutgers, Wisconsin, which is legit, Maryland, Nebraska, Northwestern.

It's not a terrible road schedule. For a top 40 team. I mean, that sounds pretty rough. What part of it sounds rough? All of it when you were like... Oh, the part where you have to go to Rutgers, that's fair. The part where you have Illinois is too deep. No, yeah, listen, I'm saying irrespective of the Illinois part.

We have to, listen, the only way to believe in Illinois is to ignore that they're Illinois. Okay, I get it. Okay. I do like that he hired, like, a coordinator with Rich Rodriguez's ties just to, like, Because he's got a quarterback who's fast, can't throw, but it's fast. So it's like, hey, go, like, be Khalil Tate and everything will be fine. All right. I want to test, not Bill, because Bill will probably have an answer for this.

But Bill, if you do, just keep it to yourself. Okay. Spencer or Jason, can either of you tell me. This is a great use of our guest, Ryan. Just stay with me here, okay? He doesn't get to, please. Let Bill get some of the stupid. Hold on.

can either of you tell me with any clarifying detail any Illinois game last year? They lost to Wisconsin. What can you tell me about that game? It was bad. It actually wasn't that bad. They only lost 24-10.

This was one of their more respectable losses. That's pretty good. Well, you hire an NFL coach to get an NFL score. Yeah. Way to go. Spencer, do you have anything?

No, no, no, no, not a thing. Why would I, I would counter by saying, oh, wait,

I got one. I got one. They lost a USF in a game that challenged for the most penalty yardage of all times. That's the answer.

That is the correct answer. Good job. Damn, Jason. You are truly the smartest shutdown forecast member. Oh, God, 16.

They had 16 penalties in that game. USF did. That seems good. and they were the least penalized team they got all the Tampa on them that night how many penalties did Illinois have in that game not enough let's see

CFB stats says they had 15 God that's good and now they renew the rivalry this year it's great You know what sucks about this? Is it Lovie's cool?

No, and his beard is awesome. Lovie's cool. He's an awesome beard. His name's Lovie. Have you heard his accent? My God, he's got an accent. It's majestic. Here is why I like Illinois.

As I'm sitting here today, again, late August, on their team page on ESPN. And it lists their record, zero and zero. And it lists them as first in the Big Ten West. And you know what? Technically that's true. And when they list the Big Ten standings, because they do it alphabetically, boom, straight up at the top, there's Illinois. Eat it, Iowa. Eat it.

Wow. Oh, that means Wisconsin's last. Yeah. Well, they start slow. It takes them more to get the momentum up. All right, Jason, give us our next bold prediction. statement. Bill, did you have anything in the Reddit list?

You wanted to call attention? I just like the guy who said Notre Dame to the Penn Strike Bowl. Would they wear the uniforms again? Better. Why would you have them? See, here's my thing. I think the one thing Notre Dame could do with those uniforms that would totally change my feeling about at least the uniforms and maybe Notre Dame would be to wear them for

like for the road game against Wake Forest. Just be like, nope, has nothing to do with it. We just don't give a fuck about you. So we're wearing our Yankees uniforms. Or they show up at Wake Forest dressed like the Charlotte Hornets or something. I do respect that they leaned into it though. I mean, like, oh, you hate us now? Well, watch this.

Like, that's, I respect the game there. We're dressed up like Roman Raines. no one out here got that but like 10 listeners did shout out to y'all yeah no that was good our own wrestling podcast where everyone will get my wrestling jokes by the way do you enjoy that roman rains like you can't even make him happen on like a nerd podcast like that's how much roman rains is not happening

yeah roman rain at least you didn't move so things are looking up um i want to talk about illinois some more speaking what What? Why? Why? Just real quick. Shut the fuck up. God. Pretend you're done to Illinois game. On Josh Elman on the Reddit page.

Here is a true potential fact, okay? The Big Ten will go O and two versus FCS teams. Because in its infinite, valorous, chivalrous splendor, the Big Ten doth not schedule FCS teams, except for ones that are already on the books, such as Iowa, facing a Northern Illinois that is an FCS top 15 team that could very well beat Iowa. Hawkeyes fans, if you're telling me you're 100% confident about this game, you're a fucking liar. In Illinois, which is playing FCS also receiving votes, Western Illinois.

Again, that's a better team than Illinois. The Big Ten going 0 and 2 versus the FCC is extremely on the table, and I want this more than I want Yukon to beat UCF on opening. Bill, go ahead and give me your edit there. Northern Iowa, not Northern Illinois. Northern Iowa, yeah. Thank you. See, that's why we got Bill on here. But it is that tween that there is the possibility of them losing to Northern Illinois,

beating Iowa State, losing to Northern Iowa and beating Wisconsin. Yeah. Regardless, Iowa can beat anyone and can lose anything. Those are all at home. Northern Iowa. Yeah, but that's already happened, right? don't have to make that up. They lost to Northern Iowa in 1899, I believe.

Northern Iowa beats Iowa State all the time, but hasn't beat Iowa itself in a while. They're due. Oh, that's right. Iowa only almost loses to Northern Iowa. They don't actually lose. Yeah. I believe they missed a field goal on that, right? Yeah, I think that's right.

Last second field goal. Except in 1914 when they won 95 to nothing. Good Lord. See, they're owed. Okay, so I'm not usually sympathetic to Notre Dame fans who think that our podcast is too mean to them, but I would like to point out that we were in the midst of talking about Notre Dame football, and Jason turned the car around so that we could talk about Illinois some more. So in this limited instance, yes, Notre Dame fans, you have every right to be pissed at us.

Holy shit. Well, no, we took it easy on them. I don't understand what the problem is. Okay. They're the ones who wore the fucking baseball uniforms. We didn't make them do that. That's something we would have come up for them to do. Okay, let's at least have a football discussion about Notre Dame.

I want, if you don't have it, please open Notre Dame's schedule. And I would like you to identify the game that Notre Dame could lose that would give you the most twisted amount of pleasure. Bannerbilt. Okay. Okay, Bill's made, Bill's made an excellent selection. Pitt, obviously. With a bullet. The game that would give me the...

I mean, besides Ball State, right? Yeah, that one's too easy. Like, you beat Michigan and then lose the Ball State. Yeah, that's a little easy. I'm going to go for the connoisseurs choice. I want them to lose 12-8 to Wake Forest. Wait, wait, wait, give me Syracuse. Losing the fucking Yankees uniforms.

Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, where's the public school? I want you to lose three to nothing. To New York's college football team. Yeah, at that or the public school, give me Florida State. I'm a, you know, that's the one time, a 100% route for Florida State is when they're playing Notre Dame because it burns them. You're like, where are your SET scores? So, Bill, Notre Dame is getting, like, a lot of playoff buzz?

How do you feel about this? Bill just totally silence. Well, no, I mean, when I'm writing a preview, oh, God, that was like four months ago now, but, you know, I kind of talked myself into them, as I want to do for everybody that isn't Kansas or Illinois, they're our favorite in every game. Let's put it that way. That is not the same thing, and they're going to lose to, like, Northwestern and Syracuse. but I mean technically sure they technically have a chance technically

I see that nice stuff about Notre Dame that's I mean yeah they have to throw at some point I'm not real sure how that's going to go but um do they I mean I'm very skeptical about this in general of college football do they have to just commit yeah no they're fun I feel bad they were really super fun last year Josh Adams, Wimbush, you're guaranteed, like, at least one 80-yard run. But then you just feel gross enjoying it, you know? Well, you know, they also did have, you know, a magnificent offensive line. They did.

They really did. Like, watching them dismantle LSU, kind of a pleasure. Yeah, I mean, you know Quentin Nelson's good when, like, when he has a highlight video, like, five or six amazing blocks instead of just like this one thing. So not to say it, not to just go ahead and point out, like, how Notre Dame it is to be like, you know who the highlight player of our team is? That guy just ran 80 yards?

No, we have a whole highlight reel for this giant white dude who just plants people in the ground. I'm differing from all of your answers belatedly. I'm going to say Virginia Tech would be the most enjoyable game, mostly because it's on the road. And like, you know, Notre Dame

being like, oh, what is this? Rock and roll music. And then just getting a hole stomped in them would be very satisfying just for the culture clash element Virginia Tech's up like a weird Virginia Tech score you know like 18 to 4 or something like

that still still Blair in the Metallica anyway damn right they should let it play the entire 60 minutes just now just like rev in their truck engine being like Jesus was a builder like us

yeah just doing the hbc u band thing where you play right up to like the echo of the snap and then immediately resume i mean that's pretty easy to do with like can music too just every single time well i was thinking of i saw a tweet talking about things that really killed at karaoke and i haven't you know i'm not on twitter and i would have retweeted this 400 times if i could tweet stuff um this was somebody who said i was at karaoke parlor and I saw somebody do old time rock and roll by Bob Seeger but they just sang the first line the entire time so it's just somebody just take those old records off the shelf second line just take those old records off the shelf to take those old records off the shelf

to take those old records off the shelf. Maybe the prompt them froze. Every time, every time I've thought about this, I have laughed until I've, because I can't help but sing it to myself, and it only gets funnier. And the tweet was like, it sent the entire place into a fervor,

and it was F-U-R-V-O-R, and I was like, no, that's the right word. Because I would lose my God, damn mind. Say it again. Oh God, I hope he says it again. I will die for this man. So what I think Virginia Tech should do in that game is they should just play the like,

like first line of the song over and over and over again and or the chorus, right? Hush little baby. Say a word. Hush little baby. Hush little baby. Or just exit. Exit light. Just play exit light. Exit light.

So they're just doing the thing they do at the rap show where they play a part of the first verse and then run that back. No, no, no. They didn't get hushed little baby. I guarantee you, if they did the exit light thing, man, by like minute three, everyone would either be so irritated or laughing so hard that like, yeah, it'd be over, man. Notre Dame would lose by 70 points because they would be like. Notre Dame would be so mad they'd put on Mets uniforms.

I'm contacting my friends in the banking industry, and we're purchasing this property. All right. It's protected by the cult. I have one I want to get to that is entirely realistic, completely. Like, this is fun to actually go, well, no, this could totally happen. Bill, run this back for me. Just it goes old.

It's off the shell. Oh, God. UNC starts 0 and 6. Oh, Jesus. Now, I want to, before we go over this, I want to go over those first six games. There is, I know these six. It's on the table. There is one that would be, like, one in five, sure.

There's one that I'm like, it can't be that bad. It can't be that bad. But go ahead. And it reeks of cookout. It's redolent of delicious cookoutness. the first game unc at cow sure yeah probable right long track second unc at east carolina oh god oh jesus the old oaken cookout trophy on the line i mean east carolina is legally like required or no unccc state are legally required to lose to east carolina right i mean

that's part of the arrangement the silver chicken cassidia far as i know yeah I mean, that's, so why, why wouldn't that happen, right? This, this, this, this, this, the, this, East Carolina team was one of the worst teams horrible last year. Like, the radar map for their defense just, like, made me laugh out loud because like, like, it's not there. It's just like a bunch of dots right in the center. It's like a little bullseye.

That's called a stealth defense, Bill. Bill, it looks like a map that a submarine captain looks at and says, well, we can't make it through there. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that was the funniest part of Larry Fodor talking about, like, the between football and like military performance. I'm like anybody. Not much

defense going on at UNC. By the way, cookout got my wife addicted to cheer wine by the way just, which no complaining mind me, but you're welcome. So many ACC fans chanting ACC right now. Every time you do cookout,

ACC, say, say. The other next game, the next game is UCF, which I think, you know, yeah, like even even with residuals and with under management I think we can all agree UCF beat UNC totally plausible here right definitely next one which I think you're going to get thunderous agreement on this one that Pitt could beat UNC absolutely oh yeah but here's the other thing pit could also lose to UNC if UNC rolls up ranked like number nine

Pitt's got them. Here's why. Here's why. Let's say Pitt beats Penn State week two. They will lose to UNC as a result. The law of Pitt demands balance in all things. The League of Shadows is very clear on. The League of Shadows is all about Pitt.

I was just going to say Pitt is like Thanos perfectly balanced. As long as they're not playing Youngstown State. Yes, correct. That I was also going to say, don't tell Pitt what Pitt can, can't, or can't do. all right then the last two last two yeah these are totally plausible because unc has to go to miami and then they host a potentially dangerous virginia tech by the way that virginia tech uncc game anybody want to take an over under with me oh god on that virginia has lost like eight defenders or something this off season virginia tech yeah like overrunner players

suiting up right what i'm pretty sir alex kersner is like they're starting outside linebacker at this point. Yeah. I'm going to start that at 73 points and we're only going up. Oh, boy. I mean, I'll watch. They can't go. I mean, if they go in six, he's done, right? I say, I mean, in this scenario, they probably get destroyed at Miami. Right. Right. Wait, hold on. Is that before or after Miami plays FSU? I think we... Oh, it's good to decide everything. Oh, it's a week before. Oh, it's a week before. So, yeah, Miami's going to kill UNC. So I say OM5, and he's gone. God.

They can't lose the ECHA. No, no, no, no. They're probably going to be a decent team, assuming they have 22 starters. Can I give you the nightmare scenario, though, if you're a UNC fan who doesn't want this? Granted, this is apparently worse than losing the ECU, so. So, well, no, let's give them that. Let's say they just go one in five, right? Look at the back end of the schedule.

Syracuse, Virginia, Georgia Tech, Duke, WCU. It's another win in the bag. And then, as always, let's depend on NC State to do anything reliably. The nightmare scenario is that they get off to a woofer of a start, and then they recover just enough so they can't fire him. Right. They also have the opportunity to potentially lose to both ECU and WCU. That's kind of cool.

Good thing there's not a... CCU? So I think that like an ACC this year that like somebody's going to bomb just because every team looks 500. Why no? You've talked about this. Yeah. No, that's every team looks pretty decent except like so I mean either every one team loses every close game, which if you look at like the projected margins I had for North Carolina, every game is three points. Either one of these teams loses one of these and a decent team goes two and ten or we finally get the scenario where like nine ACC teams all go four.

for what's the team that's most dependent on a single skill player there's my bet well i don't even know who's suiting up for unc so i can't i would kind of go with that though because north carolina like when they've been good they've had a quarterback right like we we know we're like who plays for them the quarterback uh and if that quarterback gets injured y'all yeah let's see virginia tech doesn't have anybody like prove one at all out of that big group is it Boston College yeah I think that's where I was leaning yeah F. AJ Dylan

alright yeah I mean well I guess they have two I mean Anthony Brown looked pretty damn good too so I mean you had him and Dylan just a beautiful robust 6-0245 from Dylan but uh Syracuse shout out some weights man

Syracuse with Eric Dungey they were kind of I don't know that's what I was also thinking that man because that's a team that like they lose that quarterback next next november win for uh yeah they always lose that quarterback i know next next time he wins the november game is his first win uh at syracuse in november so it'd be a win for his rib cage because that's he's he's frail i don't want to say frail is what he's yeah yeah yeah he's injured all the time but he'll still go head first yeah well he's not frail he's thin he's not a big dude like he's one of those

quarterbacks. I like football when it gets primitive and says things like, our quarterback takes a lot of damage. We should make him fatter. You got to treat your quarterback like a mech. Upgrade him. With lard. You need shoulder rockets. Shoulder rockets.

You got the waffle armor. Make him a beefy Gundam. Yeah. Can we talk about Georgia Tech ever so briefly? Yeah, yeah. Because, like, oh, man, I know, I know we're all excited about the new defensive coordinator.

Yeah. I got a lot of head. Ooh. I think it just last year was so confusing looking at who they, you know, they almost beat Miami, they beat Virginia Tech, but then they lost to Duke, Virginia, and Tennessee. And I know at the time losing to Tennessee did not seem bad, but it proved to be bad. how they lost like they lost so many games because they just fucking sucked in the fourth quarter the schedule this year does not look particularly easy and i don't know it does i have like a weird

i don't know how to put it i just have like a weird itchy feeling about georgia tech that they will they will not be the team that sits in the middle they will veer to an extreme i don't know which one i mean they they have hit some pretty impressive extremes just in like the last three years so it's definitely pretty good i'm totally going to georgia tech alcorn when i'm in Atlanta next week by the way i got dives nobody else can go to that one okay yeah i i called out every sporting event happening that weekend and we were sort of because like we're all going to be here so we're sort of divvying things up and i was like please nobody go to this and bill was like not so fast yeah hell yeah bill probably has it bill probably has an alcorn mcner jersey right

bill have you been to uh bobby dot stadium i'm not i've not i've not. Well, there you go. That's why. Just it looks, uh, you know, it looks pretty. I get to, I haven't watched triple option in person in quite a long time. And while I don't have an Alcorn McNair jersey, I did pick up, uh, that Jackson State shirt, uh, that I posted about on Twitter the other day with like Brazil and Peyton and all their Hall of Famers on it. More Hall of famers than anybody in the SSC outside Bama. Uh, but that's not Alcorn State. So that's, that's all, all I got. I think I have a shirt to top that. by the way because I went on a road trip this summer and I went to if you're

familiar do you know where Tommy Tuberville went to school Central Arkansas yeah he went to I believe it is is Central Arkansas and when I believe they're mascot since I own the shirt I should feel a little firmer in my beliefs here they're the mule riders oh so I have a mule rider's shirt it's not it's not as good your Oklahoma State wrestling shirt Nothing is as good as I got the Oklahoma State tennis shirt with Pistol Pete swinging a tennis racket it's gorgeous

Spencer also has an Oklahoma State fishing shirt yeah well yeah of course I'm gonna get the whole thing Southern Arkansas mule riders sorry Southern Arkansas there you go yeah Central Arkansas are they like the bear cats or something right you're definitely Bears just the bears

Bears see this is an FCS show but they have like the purple field right or the silver field yeah purple and gray see folks hey people who tune in and say oh they don't know they don't know their sports listen i just got half a central Arkansas mascot right so fuck you please

i did pick up a wisconsin stevens point shirt the pointers when i was there last year do we want to also in addition to the reddits each do sort of our own uh hot prediction stuff i know ryan prepared something i had a couple little things to say Sure. All right, I'll start. I'm going to go to the Big 12.

Texas Tech is either, we will know if Cliff Kingsbury is going to be Texas Tech's coach for 2019. Early. Before October. Yeah. Because they have Old Miss Houston and West Virginia all before then. There is not enough in terms of easy winnable games in the back half of the season to save him if they are slow out of the gate.

It doesn't feel like he's got a ton of equity built up. But on the plus side, Texas Tech has maybe the most big 12 quarterback name. McLean Carter. Oh, my God. Jesus. I can tell he's already got oiled money. Is he going to be Jet Duffy for the job? Because that's another pretty name good ones.

Jeez, they're so good. But, yeah, I think, I am going to lean towards this is Cliff Kingsbury's last. year because I don't know that they have done enough to survive the early part of the schedule and and the back I mean the schedule is just like kind of rough for them and I don't know I don't feel great about it so I think I think I think Cliff Kingsbury probably doesn't survive the whole season do you think they'll do something to screw him out of the rest of his contract Texas Tech I know lawyer who will take the case if they do.

A gorilla lawyer. Is that you? Is that you or Michael Cohen? Only one of us is pled guilty. Somehow it's not me. Life is funny like that. Yeah, that's my hot take is that Cliff Kingsbury

spends Thanksgiving not on the Texas Tech sideline. Bold prediction. Rutgers isn't terrible. Who! Yeesh. You know, I'd like to see that, actually like after making it's because I always feel bad when we make fun of teams like all right I feel bad when we make fun of most teams not Notre Dame ever but Rutgers I'm kind of pulling for Rutgers like I mean I realize I've been you know we've been in this job a while but like within the time that we've been doing this they've had some good teams it's just like it feels so natural when they bought them out and and they just have the like the most angry fan base and and these weird

year dismissals and all these things and they go two and ten or whatever hasn't been that long since they were decent they were a bowl team uh in 2014 yeah which no it's not crazy it's not crazy far ago no i mean you think about all that's happened in the last four years it feels like a really really long time ago but um okay sorry um no i mean they you know they they're leading receiver is a tight end that's kind of cool um look i am not i am not comforted by bill saying ruckers won't be terrible and then the first fact is their leading receiver is a tight end so their offense is going to be terrible but bill bill what kind of case are you making when is when is when is that ever stopped a team from being good or getting to a bowl game nah i like that the

headline of Bill's Rutgers preview it was let me let me pull it up real quick it was something about like the defense will be fine but the offense will be bad um oh yeah let's see here Rutgers has a defense but that whole scoring points thing could remain a problem and somebody replied to this with Bill's Rutgers headline from last year which is Rutgers should look like a big 10 team in 2018 and uh both headlines are right Yeah, no, I mean, again, I'm kind of pulling for Rutgers here And I see it as being entirely plausible Because trying is overrated

Don't try in football, don't try and do things Look at Cliff King's, yeah, Cliff Kingsbury That guy, yeah, that guy Cliffie, he tried to do stuff, don't try Don't try to do things on offense You just hang back And just keep filing some paperwork And let your defense just hammer it field position

special teams and a lack of ambition. That's just treat football like a savings bond. When 13 to 11, it's going to be great. Just make sure that whatever your win total that you're looking for this year, whether it's four or six or whatever, make sure you got it by November because we finished the year at Wisconsin, Michigan, Penn State, and at Michigan State. So, yeah, beat Buffalo and Indiana and Illinois and everybody. everybody before November.

I will say the Rutgers coaching staff has some great, like, it's New Jersey Italian first names. They have a Vince. They have an AJ. They have an Anthony. And most importantly, they have a nunzio. A nuncio. Hey.

Hey. You know, it's a Jersey thing. I think what Bill, if I was going to translate it to Jersey, I would say this, stock up on your tasty cakes. man i'm looking at the pictures here goodness first of all nunzio looks like a nunzio they got a good looking lots of lots of half beards lots of oh man they gotta do yeah that's a gold chains and chest hair they want to your recruits mom and nunzio walks in prosciud on two

hey we're gonna give you son the finest education we've got lots of playing time available when the guy walks in to recruit the mom's like my friend think you cute forget about it just do an Italian accent it's not yeah we definitely know what New Jersey sounds like never never been there

been through like wait it's pretty it's prettier than you're imagining the end there's an airport there so we've landed in and then immediately left We've seen Goodfellas. It's near there. There are trees. We've seen Jets games.

Can I remind you, can I remind you that in Goodfellas, what's the place that they invoke that scares Jersey people? Oh, yeah. He went to Tampa. Just saying. All right. Spencer, what is your bold take? My bold take is this. I don't think we're going to be able to laugh as much as we want or as consistently as we want at Herm just yet.

I think, oh, no, I think, I think the real, because here's this, he's got the keys to a car, right? And like a car that you just bought, chances are it's not immediately going to explode, right? Like, it's probably going to get you to where you want to go. Like, for instance, you know, they won't forget how to do everything overnight. Like, they're going to beat UTSA, probably. Probably. Probably. Probably.

Thank you, Bill. They're going to, you know what? Tell me this, too. Like, if you want, like, how false these indicators could be, right? Michigan State, Michigan State comes to their place. And since when, if I ever gone, oh, Michigan State's definitely going to blow the doors off somebody? No, they won't. They'll limp and crawl through this whole game, like they limp and crawl through 80% of their games, right?

And they might mess up and lose. Who knows? What I'm saying is that with this sketch, schedule, right? Which is not entirely kind. It's really not, especially early. At San Diego State is not pretty. And no, that's ugly, dude.

That's a bad game. Do you know what else is bad? They got to go to Washington. Washington, right? Who played like the worst game Chris Peterson has ever coached last year at Arizona State. Probably not going to happen to us. Not that anyone watched it because, remember, ESPN completely blacks out every Washington game out of spite. Blocks out who?

Never heard of this team. Never heard of them. No, no clue. It's like Marvin Harrison and the Washington football team. Talking about the wizards? Nope. But I am saying this, that we won't be able to laugh if like, like, it's not overly hilarious when Herm goes six and six or five and seven, right?

You might get a couple of lines. He might make a gaff here or there, right? He might forget that there's not a two-minute warning. He's going to forget that there's not a two-minute warning. Like, I'm not laughing. He'll be like, well, we were going in, and we had two timeouts and the two-minute warning. Herm, we. So there we are, watching the Cheez-It Bowl, where Herm Edwards is under the oppression, that overtime is a single period.

I thought Chad Pennington played a hell of a game. Yeah, you know, I think this is my maybe not so bold prediction, but I don't think it'll be as funny in year one. Year two, it's kind of like Parks and Rec or, you know, Mike Scher comedy. That first season is just laying the foundation. for the character. Second season, that's when the joke starts snapping, okay? That's when they forget how to do things entirely, all right? And players really sign out. But year one, there's going to be some sincere effort here. So, Arizona State, we'll only laugh at you a little. I don't know if that's bold, but I think that's evidence-based.

All right, that leaves Jason. Can I give you three predictions in increasing intent? Yeah, that's fine. We've only been recording for over an hour, so. Does this, does this mean, by the way, that you are going to deliver them with increased intensity? Yeah, I can do that. Yeah, so first. Slowly, slowly Hulk out, please. I'm going to, well, I'm going to start at a low boil in that case, leave myself plenty of room.

Hi, hi, Bruce Banner here. TCU will win the Big 12. This has got to be at least the third time since they've joined the Big 12 that I've predicted this. It will happen at some point. Bill himself has them within a range of this. So it could happen. I just look at Oklahoma last year. And I just keep coming back to Oklahoma last year

if they didn't have Baker Mayfield. They would have been, what, 8 and 4? 75. I think it's fair to say 9 and 3. 9 and 3 tops generously. They would have lost to Baylor. Well. Okay.

so I can't I hmm they want a lot of close games in the middle of the year yes okay it's fair to say that they probably they they are almost certainly not a playoff team correct and they and they are not comfortably winning the big 12 correct okay I don't know the big 12 champ has got some excellent branding behind it that really ought to convince the playoff committee this time what is the new thing, it's like, our teams play all the other teams. It's like, the big 12, the hardest path to the playoff.

It's like, yeah, no, congratulations. I'll make it. The Big 12, we got 100% completion. We found all the feathers. The fact 12th got to come out with like, actually we have the part of the past because our teams don't make it. So quite evidently, it's the hardest path. No, Pac-12 is just going to print.

Pack 12 is just going to print them all. And the Conference USA barrels in with, actually. No. It's impossible. It's literally impossible. Can't get rid of Charlotte now? No, the PACC is ineligible for the playoff. So take that, Big 12. So the Pac-12 is just going to print all of their materials in Pacific Rim languages

just to show how like next level they are, right? And no one will be able to read them. That's it. Larry Scott will be like, but in Korean and Mandarin, just to show that we're the league of the future, don't you want, don't you want Chudge out? Just the entire city, just watching Oregon State football. just all i want is for them to add hawaii just like if you're going to fade anyway like at least at

hawaii and like you know tonga or something don't forget watch the pack 12 championship on go 90 let's go just a fine a fine creative partner oh man oh man that's the funniest company name there is just you know just look at some things that have recently been tweeted anyway Um, second, in increasing intensity, Michigan will win the Big Ten East. Wow. So, all right, so, uh, let's see here. You have, Michigan, you have, they won ten games, very easily could have won 12. One ten games, very easily could have won 12.

One eight games, very easily could have been ten if they had a healthy quarterback. And that was a rebuilding year. We all knew it was a rebuilding year. Um, they were down to third string quarterback by the end. You know, probably should have been South Carolina. if they'd had a healthy person and if they hadn't had Ryan staring down at them in the onion suit you can't you can't predict that you can't account for that what were they supposed to do it was it was talked about on Twitter extensively actually right but they didn't have a choice that's true

they had they only have so many options and they had no tape on me and they were doing fine until he went out there that's right exactly like they thought they'd built up a big enough cushion to account for Ryan's um thighs and those tight but evidently That was a compliment They misjudged It's leg day motherfuckers You roll out that kind of thunder

Some lightning There's some lightning in the system You're about to get it So I am in our College Football season preview Package which we are An hour and ten minutes in And I'll mention it right now

For the first time It's probably published by now You know I say that with some uncertainty Because you know Don't jinx it Please don't take so. Listen, we're a big corporation and big whales take time to turn for swimming. So it could be up, man.

Hey, I don't know. Just go to our website. See if it's up. If not, check tomorrow. Could be deleted. Rerun, I wrote about the Ivy League, if nothing else. Yeah, if nothing else you find. Spencer wrote about strength coaches like four months ago.

Oh, man. If you really want to motivate Michigan football, read about Ivy League football instead. how do you see how much further you have to go you lazy slackers who aren't very smart but in that I contributed bold projections where

yeah I got Michigan doing really well I'm pretty high on Michigan I just look at so very well might have the best defense in the country again Clemson probably has the best defensive line but I think Michigan is you know it might have

it probably has a top five defensive line might have the best linebackers and you know bill i think you have their best player in the secondary right yeah colleague hudson somehow better than the gibralt peppers like just kind of out of the blue suddenly better three-star kid um i would take such intense and brief satisfaction in michigan doing really well after after having to write the same guys michigan's not doing that bad post like 38 times last year um but then i would remember who i was actually rooting for in a scenario and that would kind of kill it for me i just i just listen if michigan wins the division this year the problem is going to be that it won't just be like michigan football it will

be like michigan defender of honor and doing it the right way smites those who take shortcuts and abandon moral principle it'll just be exhausting then this means the michigan scandal drops in instantly we don't pay players you all know how this shit works you all know how this shit works by now don't talk about how your school is the clean one that's really all you have to do is not say that it's true yeah

keep your head down keep your head down that's why it's great to be a fan of a Florida school none of us pretend that you all know you're all full of shit there is no high horse we lost it to the bank there is no high horse FSU burned it down my favorite is

FSU now going oh yeah man Jimbo yeah that guy who would ever employ him yeah God he's filthy isn't he

good Lord what a dirt bag hey question hands up back here y'all taking questions does sound a lot like

All right. So what do you have that is that is bolder than Michigan wins the Big Ten? With intensity, please. With intensity. Some folks out there already know what's coming. Because we say it every year. And we haven't said it yet this year. Kansas wins three games.

It does involve the Big 12 and it does involve three games. The Texas Longhorns are going nine and three. Jason Kirk and I. The Texas. biggest long horn dance on the planet. Listen, man, like what we did on our fucking Texas Homer podcast, we were talking about how the media doesn't actually overrate Texas. It's true, if you exclude Spencer and I.

We are the only two people who actually overrate Texas. I literally believe, for the third year in a row, Texas is going nine and three. After being proved disastrously wrong two years in a row, I just look at, man, listen, all that talent, I'm falling into the exact same stupid argument from the Mac Brown era. That's fine. I'm an idiot. It is entirely possible. You don't even make it to November with Texas having fewer than four losses.

That's how it's gone three years in a row. It's fine. What are you going to do to me in this prediction? Do you know why I move for Texas? I like money. I like money. There's so much money. They're so rich and you're not.

It's just so stupid. I don't know why you keep doing it. There's nothing in this for you. They're the largest university in the state that actually still plays football and recruits. They have more money than God. They have Tom Herman as their coach. Eventually, we're going to be right. One year.

You're just saying like, oh, Kingpin's going to beat Spider-Man. This is the year. Look at him. He's so big and so wealthy. Yeah. I think you've got Kingpin all wrong. He's got a big old ass. Kingpin's amazing.

He's got a big old Mike. Mayok approved ass. He's got so much money. He's got so many girlfriends and so much jewelry. He owns so much art. He does. He owns more art than you do, broke boy. Spider-Man is a roommate. That's right. Spider-Man's a blogger. Do you know what Kingpin was trying to do? Feed his family. That's it. Do you know what Spider-Man's trying to do? I don't know. He's going through puberty and a leotard. in front of us all horrifying

that sounds like Oklahoma State he's like honestly he's like a mime who leaks this like explosive kind of goo and just wanders he's like a shitty mime you know what kingpin is a member of the community a cornerstone if you will

like Texas all I really hope for from Tom Herman is like all his caricature like characteristics get more intense and the whole big game little game thing gets more intense like this year he beats USC Oklahoma and Oklahoma State

and loses to Baylor and Maryland and Tulsa that's really all I hope for here like they go nine and three losing to Maryland Tulsa and Baylor By the way Sam Ellinger He's kind of built like Kingpin actually Look at him look at him in pads and tell me Tell me he's not tell me you're not like oh man

That's Kingpin Jr. Bring me Spider-Man That's Prince Pin Just get like five years of retirement on that frame And we're cooking Yeah Telling you Can you wear a white suit in an ascot

Shut up bitch if you can't At the Texas State Fair At the tech Do you know what Kingpin would do to some fried butter Some deep fried gushers Big Texas is creation That's right Mecca Big Tex

Spider Man will never defeat my giant robot cowboy You know you just have to set them on fire Oh, no! Maybe my favorite moment in the history of that rivalry has nothing to do with that game and everything to do with goddamn big techs catching on fire in the off season. And smiling through it all. It's smiling through it all with a Dickie's logo. A Dickie sponsored a conflagration of immense cultural importance in Texas.

He's just smiling through it all. Hook him. I can't think of anything more Texan than selling the sponsorship for. the next time it catches fire. I like to think that Big Tex, as he's burning, is remembering the USC Texas Rose Bowl games. Oh, man. Man, Vince played his ass off. He's so good.

I don't know what Reggie Bush was thinking. I'm going to fire, y'all. That's the only tweet I want preserved of mine. The only one is the picture of Big Tex the day it happened, and I wrote all caps over it. Yeah, Big Texas is on fire. That's it. Just take those old records on the show.