Shutdown Fullcast - BOWL SEASON PREDICTIONS: Harbaugh vs. Saban at Epcot

Episode Date: December 9, 2019

Dabo Swinney gets into some light idolatry, Nick Saban and Jim Harbaugh will get into a fight on Spaceship Earth, every bowl game is just a 1950s vacation to somewhere with cigarettes, and the Sun Bowl is the only bowl game anyone should really play Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. That was the shutdown full cast theme, as played by Holly Anderson. live live on a recorder it's a beautiful instrument it's definitely an instrument I hope you all got headphones in welcome to the internet's only college football podcast definitely the only one introing live with the recorder

yeah we did after that blast of sound we might be the only one left just blasted them all right off the airwaves yeah like gabriel's horn just calling them all calling them all home gabriel's recorder gabriel never had a recorder and that's why sin still exists in this world

all right because if you'd had a recorder what a white to clean buddy we are going to go over quite a bit today because not a lot happened but the things that happened were very large Is that the way we want to put it? When you say happened, what does that mean?

I do feel like a number of things happened to us personally. That's true. But I'm more referring to this, that on championship weekend, there are several large iceberg-sized pieces of football that happen, right? Right. Big old chunks. And then after that, everybody sends up party invites. That's it.

There's like, what happens? It's an event where there are eight fist fights. And then afterwards, everyone hands each other cards. Like, oh, cool. I'm going to Cincinnati. That's delightful. And if you are angling for a mid-tier SEC party, that can also be a fist fight. as we discovered when Tennessee, Mississippi, State, and Kentucky could not quite come to agreements

on which bowl each would be attending, providing this year. Every selection Sunday, like, it's always sort of a big shuffling spreadsheet of logistics that plays out, you know, it's most visible on Twitter. But there's always one of these things where the transactions aren't quite lining up. And this year, it happened to all revolve around the Gator Bowl. Sure. Which is not really the thing you want things revolving around. The grand nephew twice removed of the mall.

Yeah. It doesn't really have enough gravity for things to revolve around it, I don't think. It's Tennessee. We don't believe in gravity. Oh, that's true. Do you think you could explain everything that happened around that in like two minutes? No, Jason probably could. That's what I'm, yeah.

Okay. As I understand it, the one-sentence version is Tennessee couldn't quite make up its mind whether it wanted to go to the Gator Bowl or not. Oh, listen, we were unprepared because it's supposed to be a three-win team. Well, I mean, if someone asked me, do I want to go to the Gator Bowl, I too cannot make up my mind. You know, I would say, eh, you know, so I sympathize with Tennessee here. This is perhaps the most relatable they've been all season, you're right. Yeah. If someone says you want to go to Jacksonville, do you say yes?

I don't think you do. I think there's not even a no. It's just like, huh? You're right. Why would I do that? What is a bowl? Yeah, the Tennessee fan is rediscovering bowl season, right? Yeah, this again is an illustration of a through line in college football, a theme extending through every single cell, fiber, hair, muscle, piece of tissue.

everything, every bone. Bodies are gross. Every part of this cultural body. You're talking about the Matrix, fella? We are. I'm Neo, and guess what? I'm dodging Gator Bowl invites. I love the word Neo said

in the Southern accent. Neo! The Matrix, but Southern. The Hill Jack version of the Matrix would be incredible. Hey, pal, you're the Uno. That's who you are. My mom asked me the other day what a hill jack was, and I still can't tell her she's fucking with me.

She's absolutely fucking with me, right? I believe that term actually started in West Virginia, so yes. As soon as I cut that movie on, I knew who the bad guys was because they was the computers. I don't trust them things. And the computers and the shrimp. So they put you in one of these little tubs. You know, it's like them paraffin wax things that they used to sell on QVC, but you put your whole body in there, and it turns you into a back.

trick. So you're in there and you're buying you. They want to brine you for about 30 years and then they pop you out. Once you're good and cured, you're full of salt. But I like the part with all the guns though.

That was pretty good, right? I like the part where he could just learn Kung Fu by plugging into a machine. You know what I'd learn if I could do that? Don't lie. Don't joke. Origami. I can do a crane but everything else is kind of past me. I just plug it in.

Boom! I could be making all kinds of exotic birds out of business cards. I'd build an origami crane except like, not a bird, except like one of them things that builds buildings, right? I'd build an origami crane that would build me a building full of guns. See, the Matrix, the Hilljack version. It's all, it's all we need to make. Well, that and, you know, a college football podcast,

the one you came here to listen to. Oh, shit. Yeah, got to get on that, man. So, bowl season, point being, it's like everything else in this sport. You think there's a central authority. And as it turns out, it's just a bunch of people calling the other people going, I don't know, we'll give you some money if you'll come to Albuquerque. Does that sound good?

You want to just come play a game? It's not going to mean anything. Because remember, bowls used to be prior to, I think, the invention of modern football, they just used to be vacations, just actually. exhibitions. We would have already picked a national champion, right? In December, like, like after this round of games, which did not exist back then, we would have picked a champion like what, by December 3rd? If we're talking 1950s football, 1950s college football, then we would have had a, there would have been no conference title games. So there would have been a champion basically right after Thanksgiving. And then bowls would happen. No one would care at all. and in addition

some of those bowl trips would have been picked before Thanksgiving yeah like that's how little they cared about these things and then they would match up like number one versus number two and everyone would kind of think like

you get a little spark like is this a is this like a Super Bowl kind of thing no no no we're just having fun doesn't matter at all but we'll claim it anyway yeah you just kind of eyeballed it right and then everybody you eyeballed it and then everybody went to

a very primitive understanding of a vacation location, right? Places where, you know, the bar for vacation now is pretty high. You have to have things. There have to be, okay, for people who aren't cheap, broke-ass people like us, right? The bar for vacation is pretty high, right? They say, oh, well, you got to have, you know, good places to eat. You got to have decent weather.

There have to be attractions, not just for the, kids but for us for all ages as it were back in the 50s in the 60s this was the list of requirements for a vacation place it's not my house maybe there was one natural thing one natural attraction that they could go to maybe the weather was just warm I didn't say it had to be good it just had to be warm right they had bowl games in Texas they're like, let's go to the Cotton Bowl, Dallas. What was the weather? It's usually about like 40 and icy and rainy.

Was it better than New Jersey? Yeah, it was better than Jersey. Thus, Dallas was a warm weather destination. The 1950s vacation is like, we're going to a hot springs in Arkansas. And what are we going to do? We're going to eat at a diner. Right. We're going to stay at a, yeah, we're going to.

We're going to stay at a hotel, and dad's going to smoke on the porch. And mom, mom's going to read, and she'll smoke inside. Later, they'll switch positions, and dad will smoke inside, and mom will smoke outside. Kids'll love it. Kids'll, it's great. I took the kids to Dubuque? Man, that town's got something. They got a diner.

They got a diner? They took the kids to a, uh, what do you call it? A zoo? No, it's not a zoo. I took the kids to a lost luggage place. This is great. Like that was, you know, Pasadena was... We sat and watched the trains. Pasadena was a resort town, right?

And Pasadena's not near the ocean, y'all. Like a resort, the idea of the resort, they didn't have the golf course then. The idea of the resort was to just go someplace quiet where there wasn't poop on the street. Not too much anyway. Pasadena, slightly less poop on the street than the rest of your life. Well, only until they started inviting the Budweiser-Clydeals to the parade. Exactly. And Paula Dean.

Oh, gosh. Paula Dean and Goofy have the same voice. Go listen. Both noted street shitters. Yes, both notably incontinent people, Goofy and Paula Dean. Not legally actionable because that's satire. so we have questions about bowls that the readers have submitted jason before we do that um time to do a little podcast business yeah well heck why not in honor your playoff rankings number one ls u tigers it's

time for some pocket holly do you know how to play neck on the the recorder no that sounded I just tried podcast business and I got it backwards, so I'm going to go with no. That was in a minor key. Podcast business. Okay, no, let's get in there. I like the minor key one. That feels like the podcast has bad news. Podcast business.

Bad news, guys. We're going to record again tomorrow. No! And you're going to have to listen to it. There's going to be another episode. Sorry, everyone. So we did a handful of things around Selection Sunday. We did one on five ways to improve Selection Sunday.

Selections Sunday is over, but it would have been much better if they took ideas from Alex, Richard Godfrey. Someone named Ryan Nanny, I think that's our producer and myself, such as Godfrey's idea, to turn the whole thing into a big, W.W.E. Alex updated a post that we swore we would not have to update this time around every year Ohio State is the playoff's biggest controversy. 2014, 15, 16, 17, 18. We thought that was the end of Ohio State being the biggest playoff controversy every single year. Nope.

Them getting bumped down to number two was this year's biggest controversy. I don't know how they do it. They're amazing. Consistency is a virtue. And also I put up a thing that I'm going to be tinkering with. I've been messing with it for about a month and I'm going to continue tinkering with it through bowl season every bowl's weirdest game ever.

It is a very large blog with a morsel of history on every current bowl game from the ancient Hawaii Bowls where I forget which team it was. I'm not looking at it right now. They went to Hawaii and played two different games

in December. This was the Denver pioneers in fact. They had a 27-1 record, went to Honolulu for two bowl games, beat a high school team on Christmas and lost to the rainbows on New Year's Day, just tons and tons and tons of stuff like that, all throughout old stuff, new stuff, up to, you know, Kansas State, the time they went to the pinstripe bowl and lost because they saluted military personnel in the stands. You know, ball season is great, and I'm sure we will get a few things that I can pop in as

updates that will be even weirder than some of the stuff in this thing. the Sun Bowl I have a high degree of confidence something weird will happen because something weird always happens putting this together led me to the conclusion that the Sun Bowl is our greatest bowl our most demented bowl even you know the thing that our podcast readers always ask Spencer about about the 2012 game I don't even know if that's a top 10 weird thing that has happened in this bowl you know you have a 12 interceptions game you have Kyle Orton throwing 74 passes and completing 45% of them.

Joe Teller didn't retire. Joe Taylor went to the Sun Bowl and he never came back. Just disappeared. The dream. Yeah. You have the Southwestern Pirates defeating the National Autonomous University of Mexico Pumas, a game in which the Pumas. Thank you, God.

The Pumas, the Pumas put together negative 25 yards per pass completion. I don't know how that's possible. That's what you, that's what, like, you and I would do if they put us at receiver and quarterback, right? Right. Without ever having put. Right. Yeah, just flee or, here, take it.

And then I run back, like, run backwards, three yard loss. Pretty soon we're at negative 25. There, that's how it goes. I think the question is, so if, if you and I, if they put us out there at wide receiver, you know, we're facing, say we're facing Ohio State or something, Ohio State is nowhere near the Sun Bowl, but just for the. purposes of the exercise um they're out there wide receiver catch the screen pass how far can you flee before you get tackled like how far backwards can you run oh can you make it 10 entire yards

before they hunt you down i don't i don't think i could no no no field can we borrow to try this out though i'm going to like it would be difficult to lose 20 yards i'm going the length of my body so i'm going to go about two yards you're just like the right you're going with the ryan mallet right you're going to just fall i'm going to fall like it's right yeah because honestly it would take you're just going to fair catch the screen they would take yeah I'll do I'll do what innovative old miss players would probably try in a pressure situation I would try to fair catch the screen and it would take real agility for me to lose 10 yards right it does like when you like this is actually an interesting point because when you see 23 yard loss

a player who knows they're slow as hell and have no moves whatsoever they're going to keep but to your safe, three-yard losses, right? A player who's back there losing 20, at one point in his life, he was the most agile person on the field, right? Sure. Yeah, not anymore. No.

Or if they are, they're just the most agile person with terrible judgment. Could be the case. Have we any other business at this time? None that I know of, other than banner society.com is, of course, your one-stop shop

or everything college football community podcasts articles deep dives shallow dives extremely silly dives all forms this podcast is a constant shallow dive it is this content newsletters newsletters thank you tomorrow's uh is hopefully you dear podcast reader have participated in in fact uh Alex is running our annual bowl watchability rankings uh in which we will assess games on a score of one through five by watchabilityness I'm guest PIT EMU will not rate as the top most watchable game, but that's only because we know everyone will be watching it anyway. Watchability.

So, with that, speaking of our podcast, dear readers, we asked for hot takes and bowl predictions from them on some of these games now that we know the field. We could just sort of go through these in order. This one from Wes Spark Mon on Twitter, BVP Award winner. let's go back to our previous episode callback Lynn Bowden Jr runs so much versus Virginia Tech Bud Foster gives him his final lunchbox

show of respect You got a heart kid Oh man This is Indiana Jones in the last crusade He hands Lynn Bowden the lunchbox You guard heart kid Lynn Bowden looks down at the lunchbox You pan down to the lunchbox

You pan back up and he's got a cool hat And he's on a boat Dumb To-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dum-pud. Bud Foster, by the way, keeps a tall boy in that thing. That's what Lynn Bowden would find out there. I thought they decided it was a smaller lunchbox.

No, I think it's a tall... I think it's just one tall boy, but he immediately cracks in the locker room after every win. Respect. When the hat appears on Lynn Bowden's head, it's like a Bud Foster-type hat, right? Like a baseball cat from 1984.

Yeah. Oh, no, he has to have a goatee, too. He has to have the bud go-tie. Sure, yeah. A sham, every item of clothing he's wearing is made of shambray. Yeah. Why do I get the urge to hunt all of a sudden? Oh, cool.

All my clothes are older than me now. Kentucky Anna Jones. Just Kentucky Jones. It's already a state. Kentucky Jones. And there should be, God, let there be a player one day who plays for the Kentucky Wildcats. Whose name is Kentucky Jones? What would be the best states Jones

Kentucky Jones is a real strong leader I don't know about Utah Jones Utah Jones almost That's like almost Too man There's a lot of archaeology in Utah South Dakota Jones

Vermont Jones I want It's pronounced verment You never know With those people I think Arkansas Jones is pretty strong Oh Arkansas Jones

knocked up my mama and on the play that's south carolina jones raiders of the lost arkansas oh man listen we don't want to make jokes at those people's expense right now that belongs in a museum you mean you mean the ripplies believe it or not in branson i absolutely do uh i would i would like to take the next one if i may from uh at william Mosher, which was Bama sets a record for players sitting out a bowl game, comma, still beats Michigan. Alabama and Michigan have to play a football game, y'all.

Oh, is it a really good one? Like a playoff game? Sure. Hmm. I mean, it's, it's a play off from the playoff. It's several plays off from the playoff. They will, so they will play, and then they will be off. for the for the off season interesting interesting they can just kick it and they could just relax

but if they kick it they'll bonk the ball off of something in front of not like the if they kick it it will fail yeah sensitive word hey when do you get the chance to go to Orlando on January 1st and just hang out with your friends your good friends who are not playing for Alabama that would be no one will suit up is anybody actually like I know that this is them doing it en masse is a fairly new phenomenon. Has anybody kept a record of the most players to sit at a bowl game for a given team? Do we have that? It's been a handful.

I say do we have that like we have producers? I'm signaling over to my right, like off stage. Yeah. I'm waving my finger at them. Like, bring me the paper with that information on it. Bring me the folio. I'm going to guess it's around four, something like that. I think, I remember three.

Yeah. Because this is ironic because if Alabama has that many people sitting out, then Michigan might be able to do to Alabama what Florida managed to do to Michigan last year, which was take a team that was short-handed and missing many of their best players due to the NFL draft and beat them soundly on national TV and feel really good about it, even though. Oh, you're going to talk all often about how you didn't want to be in this bowl game anyway. Congratulations, Bama. Georgia.

Ooh. Damn. So, Spencer, once the next peach bowl happens, are you still going to keep talking about the previous Peach Bowl? For the rest of my life. Okay. I just want to, I just want to. You know, Jason, I was about to cuss you, but you know what?

Thank you for that warning. I'm going to go. It's just good to know what we're getting into. No, no, you're absolutely right. I think I'm going to go to the Peach Bowl, actually. I'm going to go to the semifinal. And I'm just going to yell like, Felipe did better. Just walk around and gator regalia.

Yeah. He's still king of this shit! With the peach title del. With the peach tithel. Y'all, I'm the king of the peach bowl. So how many Bama players sitting out would it take for you to actually bet on Michigan here? Not that many. Really?

Yeah, not that many, especially if... It depends because Alabama's had some injury issues. Uh-huh. So, do they recover some... players and get some players back who've been injured usually yeah a couple i'm going to go this i think if i think if you have four starters sit out four is bad for anybody i don't care who you are so if alabama has four starters sit out then they're in trouble huh i could see it going either way like i've seen every this was probably the thing our readers of this podcast sent us the most

takes about because like it could go we've seen the disinterested top tier team in a low tier ball before we've also seen the very pissed off top tier team in a low tier ball before the last time bama was down in this region of course they played michigan state in the most disgusting football game i've ever seen and not disgusting in terms of poorly played disgusting in terms of i hope they stop playing very soon yeah i don't want to jump to any conclusions here, but look, two species separated by 65 million years of evolution have just suddenly been thrown back into the mix together. How can we possibly have the slightest idea what to expect? Michigan is very used to playing at this level of ball game. Alabama is not.

They're going to lash out. Or maybe they won't be ready for the unusual pressures and hectic schedule of the citrus bowl. Yeah, you're in our world now. Michigan says. Maybe the I cannot wait to listen to Nick Saban go, if our players hadn't been distracted by all of the magnificent attractions in Orlando. Oh, God, Jim Harbaugh and Nick Saban have to share a press conference table again. Jim Harbaugh is going to be saying things like, it's great. We all went to. Oh, no.

I suspect that Jim Harbaugh and I have the same favorite ride at Epcot. What is it? The land. The land. Yeah, Jim Harbaugh says things like aquaculture. Man, they're doing amazing things with aquaculture. Tonics tour. Yeah, it's crazy.

It's called Behind the Seeds. You should actually all take it. We're going to take the fellas to Italy and China and Japan and Mexico, all in one day. Hydroponic Farming Ride. It's great. You can do the behind the scenes tour. You know what they got tunnels? It's all behind the scenes.

No, no, generally the behind the scenes tour where they show you the tunnels and like how they, you know, yeah. We went to the princess breakfast. It was amazing. Oh, no. I think Nick Saban's actually going to like this. This is a whole extra week of recruiting. people like he usually has to keep playing football until January the 13th or whatever he's got this shit done two weeks early yeah meanwhile Nick Saban's got everybody on a

lockdown somewhere 30 miles outside of Kissimmee right yeah we're just here to play football I'm not here to not here to get distracted not here to go on any rides not here to gaze at daisy ducks supple undercarriage what It gets lonely out there in the Alabama. She's an attractive duck. Duck. The next question. Tell me you wouldn't want to nibble up under that hoop skirt.

I'm going to try to bleach my brain and get... See how distracting the citrus bowl is? Jason, do you want to do the next one? Sure, sure. Can't sell citrus ball without fuck that duck. Yeah. That's true. the uh so we sort of group the bama michigan takes here and there was the wide range of them fascinated me

uh from drunk drunk corpse int on twitter who they for michigan does worse against bama the michigan state did in the citrus bowl slash cfp not possible not possible that cannot fucking be possible no there's zero percent chance that happens we're talking about a shutout and we're talking about please someone airlift Kirk Cousins out of there right now those are the two bars Michigan has to clear here also from

JMCM 46 on Twitter Nick Saban might actually murder Jim Harbaugh I think this goes back to their Epcot tour together where Jim's telling Nick about all the fucking hydroponics and whatnot Jim's rolling all his R's on the Mexico ride actually called El Rio

del Campo would you like a margarita We do need to do this. We have to make the head coaches actually hang out at every bowl. Halfway through this process, Sabin... We make their wives hang out. Yeah. Saban would just surrender and go, yeah, Jim, just tell me about this shit.

Whatever. And he would come out and you'd be like, you know, I learned a lot about myself today. And it's that I don't like Jim Harbaugh. Also, we're just all residents of spaceship Earth, aren't we? So if we made coaches hang out, I was trying to like come up with like a these would be the five best ones or but unfortunately I spotted the best one immediately it's Mike Gundy and Jimbo hanging out in New York City Christ God oh wait wait wait sorry sorry sorry the ESPN schedule messed me up

actually this is pretty good too Mark Denton no you got it already Michigan State Wake Forest and Penn Strait Bowl Gundy and Jimbo hang out anywhere is pretty good two rich guys who try to talk like they're not rich yeah i don't know i still just put on my pants just like everybody else does with the help of servants in a crane i also have uh for this which would be uh from at hanson nine j said that bama beats michigan so grotesely that harbaw gets ejected with ten left in the third hmm we've been waiting on this to happen unfortunately I did a bad job of selecting these because there were a lot of people who came down on the other side that Bama will be disinterested and Michigan will win.

So I want to be sure we're providing, acknowledging equal time for the people who are wrong. Are you saying that there's a historical trend of Alabama being pretty easy to beat in bowl games where it's not for all the money? No. Is that? No, I'm not saying that. No? I'm saying Michigan should not go to this game. but I want to acknowledge the people who for some reason believe in Michigan.

A thing that historically has always paid off well. Jason, you never- I'm sorry, can I break in for some breaking news that started just as we started recording, which is Alex McDaniel of SB Nation letting us know that it is finals week at Ole Miss and the school is selling discounted beer at the pavilion tomorrow for Lane Kiff. Introductory Press Conference, which is scheduled at 1 p.m. on a Monday. Thank you, Red Cup Rebellion and Alex McDaniel for informing us of the coincidence of these two things. Academics are important.

You know how they say do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life? Oldness grads are familiar with all these things. Separately, if need be. Jason, you never lived in Florida, so you don't know about the places that along the side of the road that say, see Disney for free. That's a trap. That's a scam. It's where Jim Harbaugh should stop, right, with the team, right? He should pull everybody over in the giant Mecca bus that Jim Harbaugh undoubtedly has that takes the whole team on there, right?

And it's just Jim Harbaugh with snacks, right? Because he's a dad. He's like, okay, guys, here. pass the bag one each one each i see you shay don't take two pulling them over and saying look that's disney there's orlando we saw it boys let's keep driving to a cheaper hotel in miramar you know that's that's what jim harbaugh should do with the team just skip it and let nick sabin in orlando period is one of my favorite visuals because it's the happiest place on earth and then there's the unhappiest man in the world i'm happy look at me look at the look on my face we want to thank

the good people of orlando for their hospitality it's a lovely city but they do a great job with this bowl game that means nothing means nothing keeps me from doing my job and uh earning this money keeps this whole program going but like i said it's a lovely place yeah he's gonna be i would want a camera on him the entire time. It's like a wet cat. It's Nick Saban in Orlando. Werner, Werner Herzog's next documentary, Nick Saban in Orlando. It's horrifying.

Boy, if I wanted a grizzly, man, I'd go talk to Ed Ogeron. See, that's somebody who could appreciate a fine night out at Celebration Island. Oh, that's a good $22 Margarita. Can I tell you, I was cleaning on a hard drive and I found, and now that Ed O'SRon is back in the news, I feel like

it's time to resurrect. A, I guess something that you and I were writing for EDSBS when he was at Ole Miss that we never did. And it was, I don't remember what we were talking about or how we got on to this, but it was this like

400, not 400. It was like it was like four or five pages about Ed Ogeron being obsessed with Princess Diana and it was like him taking Diane Sawyer through his house and pointing out all of his like Princess Diana Franklin mint plates and at the very end they sit together and they watch footage of her funeral and Elling John playing candle in the wind and it's just Ed O'Sron like sobbing to people's princess until

the lights just fade out and now I'm like get this man some pageantry Charles was for the crown dirty our fire

that was love all she ever want of in love never found it excuse me yeah we'll get the people's princes

The people's princes The The not all of these questions were about Alabama and Michigan We do have Eric C

says, Ohio State, scores against Clemson this time. Probably the boldest take anyone sent in. Scores. The last score between these two teams was 31 to 0. The last time the Big Ten has scored in the playoff whatsoever was in the 2014 season. And furthermore, Clemson's favored in this game, despite being lower seed, as Dabo will tell you every 35 minutes until kickoff. But yeah, Ohio State might be scoring this time around.

Probably. Big goals, baby. Big goals. Get six. And see if you can get seven. Hell, get three. Yeah, that would be a step up. I am really worried about this game, by the way.

In what way? For whom? For Ohio State. Ah. Because I did watch Ohio State get knocked on their heels by Wisconsin. for a half something that probably shouldn't happen at all and yet did and now they're going to face a Clemson team that is doing that thing where pretty sure they just took the first month of the season to just kick the tires y'all just some light stretching little jogging didn't

even get in the wait room until the second part of the season and now they're in beat shape right they're in oh i think it's a beat shape like they were they were rotund yeah yeah they're full they're full of they've sprouted nutritious nutritious greens yes they they they leave disturbing stains on your plates clemson clemson you're gonna poop two days later and think you have cancer a beat is kind of purple that's true it's it's the lord's oh yeah the color of Christ the king yeah yeah so scoring Scoring would be good. I'm just worried for Ohio State in this game because we don't really know

what Clemson is capable of yet, but I know that what they've done warming up is terrifying. Sounds like somebody doesn't believe. That's right. I'm hating. Yeah, why are you doubting Clemson? What would be enough for Debo?

What does one have to say? Clearly not a fucking castle. Open genuflecting, I think, is all he'll accept. Interesting. Interesting. So we should idolize him. Yeah, I think so.

I think he would like. a like a little golden statue at the bottom of a mountain. I mean, why that? Why not a big statue? He doesn't want to ask for much. Yeah, a big gold statue at the bottom of a mountain. You know, maybe next to his castle that he lives in. Because he bought himself a castle.

Big history buff, Davo. Did he buy a castle or did he Renault flip a Lakinta? We've never settled on this. I think he's a little lord. I think that's what he is. Interesting. I would just, the minute that he began complaining about the media, I would have in that press conference

just started screaming like I'm okay, damn it! Folks, you can reach us at 38 Godfrey. He agrees with all of these opinions and said so. I don't think I've seen, that's the funny thing to me is I don't think I've seen a single Clemson fan that's like,

yeah, he's right. Oh, I got them all up in my mentions when I was making fun of the architecture of his house last week. Well, you can mess with... South Carolina, man, doesn't stand for architecture slamming. exactly please but like like I remember last year during the NFL season when the Patriots were doing this bullshit nobody believes in us and like you point that out and people would actually combat that the most ridiculous thing you can imagine this year everyone's been making fun of dabbo for a month about this shit and I haven't I haven't seen I'm sure they're out there I haven't seen a single Clemson fan say yeah yeah nobody believes in us to be clear we know it's a motivational tactic it's just a stupid

motivational tactic. Right. What I'm saying is Clemson fans are smarter than Patriots fans, not that that's difficult. Also, Clemson has the Dabo's players have the internet, presumably. They know folks believe in them.

Clemson's favored. Yeah. Clemson's favored. Weird. Speaking of speaking of Orange teams at the media will just not stop hating on and discount

from Escalante brew. Texas wins the Alamo Bowl and declares itself back. Texas would do well to remember what happened the last time they declared themselves back. They got to go to the Alamo Bowl. How's the Alamo in for Texans? Pretty memorable. This is probably the game that... I got there.

That's good. I guess we'll just end it there. It's been like 20 minutes. No, I'm afraid we have to keep going. Okay. I think of every game on this schedule, this is probably the one that annoys me the most. Like, we all know how bowls work. If you are a famous team with lots of large fans in a certain geographic area who will attend a game,

you probably get preference over better teams. but you combine Utah days earlier was on the brink of the playoff and played well enough over the course of the season to get a New Year 6 game instead the likes of Virginia have one of those due to conversize Utah meanwhile falls all the way down

to have to face a 7 and 5 Texas which okay this is probably a win for Utah so that part is good but man I would have much rather seen Utah Well, not Friday, Utah, but the Utah from the first 12 weeks of the season in a more prominent game than Lilal, Texas. Also, you're getting Texas in a situation where I'm pretty sure no one on the team really likes anyone else, and they're all going to San Antonio, which is one long inland booze cruise, basically. Yeah, it's going to go poorly.

It's not going to go well at all. for the longhorns. Utah's going to show up all pissed off. Hey, when was the last time Utah showed up in a bowl and felt disrespected? Every time. Every time. It hasn't gone. Utah wakes up, disrespectful. They're like, ah!

A lot of those games produced the first to ever surrender cobra on record. We start with the last full-time vowel. Are you suggesting that letter is H? Uh, no, this, you know, why is like a, you know, why is like a part-time vowel? It's not committed to the program. This is, Yale. Um, why is a working mother? No.

Who's its child? This means Yale would be madder than Utah if, like, they were considered a full vowel, I guess. But never. Oh, and that's twice. They're the last, they're the, the black sheep of the vowel family. twice by being both Utah and Ute

fuck them up Uts this should be the construction for most states football teams though I understand that the Uts themselves are a tribe however phonetically

it's fascinating to me because we could have the Alabama owls the Georgia Jors right you could have the Louisiana Luz the Florida Flurs

I'm saying It's an appealing construction. Next one. At Magna Carta. Illinois ends up doing touristy things in Sanfran instead of actually going to the Red Box Bowl. Let them. Let them.

Illinois football is stressful. It takes a lot of effort just to get to the bowl game. Why don't you just take a lap? Also, if you go to the game, you have to play Cal. That's weird. stressful, right? Tedious. It's probably the way to describe a cow football game.

Tidious and painful, right? It's just like a cow football game is just like headbutting a really poorly constructed wall for three hours. Even if you get through it, it might fall on you and kill you. So don't do it. There are 35 points to spend in any Cal game. That's not fun at all. you know why don't you let cow hurt cow okay you didn't you know they didn't come that far you're there why don't you just you know hey man go over to marine county there's an in and out like a mile away from

the end of the golden gate just go there and chill it's good go look at some sea lions don't go to the bowl game you know who remember the red box bowl not cow cow will be like i don't even know what we're doing here. That's how they are every game. My favorite thing about bowl scheduling every year is that, or at least the last couple years, is that Fox's only bowl is the Red Box Bowl. And they pick out their time for it. They're perfectly targeted time.

And then ESPN just plops the Music City Bowl in at that exact same time. And it's not like the Music City Bowl is some grand spectacle, but people are very likely just going to leave it on ESPN instead of. going to hunt for the Red Box Bowl. So we need big nude Saturday in bowl season, I guess is what I'm saying. Also, Illinois, this of course is our BVP coach of the year, Lovie Smith. I think this man has earned a vacation instead of having to play Cal. Come on.

What coach in college football deserves a vacation more than the man who led his team from Illinois to literally anywhere else, right? like Moses Moses led people to the promised land if you can get someone out of the state of Illinois to

anywhere else you're doing really well a couple takes on the sun bowl this year which is looking really sunbolly from Sean underscore ESPN neither Florida State

or Arizona State makes it to the field in the sunbow due to quote recreational difficulties and from Steve Vigurkin

on Twitter Herm Edwards will get into a fist fight with the Life-size Tony the Tiger mascot at the Sun Bowl. I forgot this was the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl now. By the way. It's not the Frosted Flake Sun Bowl.

It's the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl. So Mike Norville has stated that he would like to coach Memphis in their bowl game. Florida State wants him pretty bad. What are they going to do to say no? Meaning this is Florida. This is still be under old management, under interim management, Florida State. Is this O'Dell Hagen's yet again? It will be O'Dell Hagan's, all-time interim head coach for all panhandle Florida football teams.

If you have a high school in Escambia County, guess what? He's your interim coach. You didn't know that, but you're welcome. You're welcome. You've got O'Dell Higgins. He's got to show up. Then consider this. Florida State will be playing within striking distance of Warren.

in a bowl game with minimal management who will matter later on and at the end of a very long and frustrating season. It's going to be great. It's going to go really well. It's going to be beautiful. And like we have the general El Paso energy emanating from the desert skies. It'll probably be snowing with zero atmospheric protection. You know, the spirits of bizarre sun bowls from The spirit of Bert Reynolds will be powering the knolls. You'll have, you'll have Herm Edwards wondering about like, all right, we won. So now we get to face Ohio State, right? You know, this game is going to rule.

While Florida State's players, you know, after tackles, like, they get hit and then, like, cocktail straws fly out of their uniforms. An old hamburger rapper from the night before. I didn't come here to play football. I'm going to be a real honest. I came to El Paso to confront my demons, the sun devils, the actual demons. Speaking of demons in the state of Florida and just bad vibes and cities where you don't go to do serious, constructive things. From Aaron Tampa, Noel on Twitter, Miami fans will be satisfied by their team's performance.

I like this one a lot because I really cannot fathom what it would look like. if Miami was happy about how it went against Louisiana Tech in the Independence Bowl. Like, if you win by 50, it's, we should have done that all year. You know, like, there is no possible outcome in this game that leaves Miami fans happy in any way whatsoever. And that's pretty great. What, do they win by, I mean, if they win by 90? Yeah, okay. I mean, if you do some like all-time, meteoric record-breaking type,

stuff then I guess that's just pure fun but even I don't know Miami fans are not known for seeing the sunny side of things I don't think if they're up if they're up 12 3 at the house right I mean I'll watch it because that's funny but I'm not nice uh skipping ahead a little bit from Sam j Dawkins also on Twitter I guess gonna get attacked by a live bear isn't he Georgia is of course again facing a big 12 team this time Baylor which has employed bears before could bring them back at any point the bear the Baylor Bear historical anecdote has gotten into a fight with another SEC canine mascot that would be the Smokey 2 I believe for Tennessee Smokey got into a fight with the bear and allegedly held his own remember that mascot died after it stole a chocolate cake ate the

whole thing and then had gastric torsion that killed it that sounds like the sugar bowl to me that sounds like that sounds like that sounds like the ultimate tennesseean death what did you do i got a new a fight a couple weeks later ate a whole chocolate cake then i died um and here are a couple on what is possibly my favorite matchup of any game this time around Minnesota versus Auburn in the Outback Bowl. I think these have been quite arguably two of our most entertaining, chaotic, pivotal teams. Oklahoma's probably the only other contender for that title, at least in the Power 5. And when these two get together, something idiotic is going to happen.

VT. Kevin R says PJ Fleck will make his team live and work in the Bucks pirate ship while they're in Tampa. they will somehow row it back to Minnesota after the game. I believe this completely. Especially like this because it doesn't imply they win. Yeah, also, that's easier than you think. You just go up the Gulf Coast, hit the Mississippi, right? You can take it a good long ways in. Yeah, okay.

So that's a lot easier than having to go all the way around Florida and up to the Great Lakes. I mean, I don't think they're going to row it overland. that is how some that is how say you know the conquist doors traveled and you know so I guess it has been done before yeah did you kind of just got to be motivated this is also the game where if I were a betting person I would not touch it with a 10 foot pole because I am dealing with a Minnesota team that PJ Flet will in all likelihood coach to the gills in a game that ultimately does not matter, versus Auburn. Auburn.

The Schrodinger's cat, the tiger, if you will. The Shredinger's tiger bird. Is it dead or is it live? You'll never know. Open the box. Open it. And it will rise from the dead on the third day. And also it'll be radioactive.

It's bad. Is it a zombie or is it Jesus? That's the ultimate Auburn question. The entire team explained in one religious metaphor. So, yeah, who knows? Because I know that an Auburn team I assumed was dead in the water, went into a bowl game against Purdue last year, and scored 900 points. Maliciously.

Like, I was at one point during that game going, I didn't know y'all were this awake. I didn't know you cared this much, Auburn. I just I love both of these teams I love the stupid things they did this year stupid and good stupid and good you know Oregon Oregon Oregon's entire season ended up you know swinging on on Auburn as well as Herm Edwards Herm's team Bama it was entirely out of the playoff conversation thanks to Auburn Auburn itself was entirely out of the playoff conversation thanks to Auburn and you know Minnesota is basically

Big Ten Auburn this game rules Also by the way By the way going back to Herm He wouldn't punch Tony of the tiger Tony of the tiger would just walk in And Herman would go Don't get near me

Don't don't get no No I'm not having anything to do with that Yeah he would just be He would just be very weirdly hostile To the entire idea I don't know who's under that suit Show me show yourself coward So like he's more concerned

By the person in the suit He's more concerned by the... Impostore. Yeah, he's more concerned by the effrontery of somebody in the middle of the day going around in a tiger outfit, right? Why would you do that? Well, it's to sell cereal.

So you're trying to trick kids into thinking you're a tiger? That's against nature. Doesn't seem honest. Is that how you want to live your life? You know, my kids eat corn flakes? You know how I know that they sell corn flakes in the box? Because there's corn flakes written on the box.

I don't know what accent I was going for. for there, but I hit absolutely none of them. I think the key is just be loud. You just have to be loud and emphatic. Yeah. And you're calling me, Herm Edwards. The secret to the Herm accent is just volume. That's it.

Yeah. That's it. And yeah, he would just say, no, don't get near me. I don't, I don't associate with lies. Take Herm Edwards to Disney World. That's what he would say. I do think he probably really, really likes corn flakes, you know, plain Cheerios, just like sitting there late at night with a brandy sniffer.

full of maybe if he's feeling real naughty some kicks I'm just like fishing them fishing them out of the brandy sniffter he'd go to Universal Studios because he'd say this is the pretense of fiction from the start when I go to Disney that man is trying to tell me that he is a giant

dog not a dog don't tell me you're a dog unless you can bark I think Jason does the best term we might just want to hand that one over to him you and I are flailing out of context full cast

okay this is such this is such big dog shirt humor Hugh freeze fired after offering free mammograms at the cure bowl I didn't actually know that Liberty University believed in cancer this was just this is such a weird pairing because like this game

is a feel-good game. Liberty makes everyone feel bad. Hugh Freeze makes everyone feel terrible. Georgia Southern is here. That doesn't make up for Liberty. How did you end up, by the way, with two schools that are, I think, in demographic, so close to being similar, but not. Right? If I ask the number of people who... Yeah, not loudly. if I asked the number of people who went to Georgia Southern, hey, y'all ever worked as a barback? Like half of them would be like, hell yeah, yeah, I did that.

Barbacking. That's good. Liberty, not quite so much. I think that's the difference. I think the number of service jobs. Be like, listen, man, Jesus is my Lord and Savior. But a little cold hard cash, got to have that at the end of the day, man. However, you get it, you get it.

Liberty would just be like, I want to serve my life. Lord and also go into marketing it's like Georgia Southern and Liberty Liberty Liberty's all the evil twins Liberty Liberty is Georgia Southern's cousin who can't change tire is Liberty regular Georgia if they had the courage of their own shitty convictions oh you know it Liberty is Liberty's Georgia Northern this is Georgia Northern versus Georgia Southern and finally from Jay Ferguson A.U Air Force which which throws the ball 9.5 times per game,

we'll still throw five interceptions because it's in the cheese it bowl. I didn't realize they were throwing that many passes per game. I'm not joking. They're the Aerial Service Academy, so they throw a few, literally throw a few bones that way. Air Force versus Washington State, just about the best styles make fights matchup you could get. You're going to have a Michael H team in a venue that last year gave us

the most intercepty ball of the season and here comes Air Force doing the complete opposite kind of football almost very exciting there is no way in which this does not end up being a confounding

and frustrating result for everyone involved there's no number that Washington State can beat Air Force by that will satisfy anybody because Mike Leach will run up the score because I don't know there's time left on the clock

against the Service Academy right he's done this before he did this to navy a long time ago yeah yeah and and he'll happily do it against air force right um at the same time air force will keep the part of the game that we want to watch which is washington state's offense off the field for possibly a quarter at a time if everything's going well yeah it's gonna this is gonna be this is one of those matchups that we go it's an interesting matchup of styles making a fight let's see how it goes and when it happens we're just going to go this is this is like watching a pot that will never boil this just doesn't make any sense at all and that's all we want yeah also nine interceptions each