Shutdown Fullcast - BOY MATH + GIRL DINNER + A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

SHOW NOTES  A great deal of NFL content, the existence of which can obviously be blamed on it being Florida-Kentucky week It's time for another incidence of Spencer Hall, Naturalist We break down some film! Jason walks us through some everyday threat assessment Ryan lays a trap We uncover the female corollary to dudes and the Roman Empire The two genders of situational awareness Holly learns Metal Gear The crew does some heavy terraforming Fondly remembering some former sponsors A little Week 4 schedule review, as a treat A scavenger hunt for our bunny-boilers out there Setting up Dan Lanning's next elderly celebrity feuds Visit sunny preownedairboats.com! Subscribe to Vacation Bible School and Channel 6 and Buried Treasure! Listen to We’re Not All Like This and DNF! Sign your name away in full faith to Shutdown Fullbooks!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I can understand people who were Titans fans when they made the Super Bowl run, when they, like, those teams had, like, oh, these are cool players to root for. And now it's like, hell yeah, time to go see Ryan Tanil throw it around. You would think that most reasonable Titans fans, they did just, they discovered football in, like, 1998 or, like, started to watch football in, like, 1999. And they were like, hell yeah, these dudes are cool. Yeah. But yeah, there's no way you could have, like, gotten into the Titans in 2011. No, there's some freak out there. They probably live in, like, Poland.

They're probably, they're probably like, I wanted to learn American football. So I just decided to adopt a team. And I really enjoyed the 2011 Tennessee Titans because I did not know what football was. But now my loyalties are cash sunk. It's already done. Jake Locker is a national hero here in Poland. he was done poorly I feel like he could have been a success

sincerely Yoslov from Gadansk let's see I don't think there's a lot of NFL a national market yeah who's the Titans international are there not available

that's right that's right we're keeping that for us you get the moon Titans congrats I I know this, though, that there is a middle school principal in Williamson County that a couple of my family members have been educated under the ages of. And he was just hanging around.

And they're like, that's our principal. And I was like, ha, cool. He seems nice. Kind of a, it looks fit. And they're like, yeah. So that's our principal. And he played for the Titans. like what what you know he goes yeah he played for the titans and i was like oh that's that's that's that's wild that's wild what

i have no choice but to believe you yeah what is what does he do that guy in a bow tie and they're like oh well he's um that's kevin dyson oh what Kevin dyson is the principal at centennial high school or at least he was what the fuck and he'd worked his way up and the best part was nobody mentioned it like hey that's Kevin Dice and our principal is the wide receiver

and he played for the Titans it was like yeah there's our principal he's cool and as a hobby he played for an NFL franchise he built ships and bottles yeah he came up one yard short in a Super Bowl nobody's not

did you know he played for the Utah Utes and then some other teams after that I think there should be I think there should be a high school in the greater Nashville area that is entirely staffed by former Titans like, oh, be like, wow, Bruce Mattis is

a math teacher. Titans Founding Academy. Yes. Batman Jones and Woodshop, I don't know. This is an NFL podcast. Last week, it was all my call's thought. This week, the Titans. The important thing is that it's all brought to you

by Coors Light. That's right. This episode brought to you by Coors Light. start this show. Mountain cold refreshment. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the only college football podcast. during the welcome that was that was a that was a that was a six that might have been a nine that was a really good one I thought

how do you what is your grading criteria like what I don't know it's all vibes entirely okay okay yeah okay to continue the NFL conversation by the way East Germany I guess just remember that this episode is brought to you by Coors Light Mountain Cold Refreshment made to chill I said that I want to talk a little bit about boy math yeah I'm glad we're gonna do this boy math yeah yeah boy math a bad I'm not aware of? Probably. Probably, he says

opening a tab and Googling Boy, Mass. I will search. Nope. Last I found no results, it's available. Let's take it. Yep. Boy math, that's the name of our band.

Server, you have to assign us instruments. I don't know how to play anything. Server, you're the musical talent. Yeah, I'm absolutely. You don't know anything? Bassist. You're good. No, I was going to claim bass. God damn it.

Wow. It's only for you have to have your over. I'll, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, granted. Guitar. Yeah, drums, fine. I'll take drums. Thank you, Animal. Wow, I'm vocals.

Okay, I've done it before. It's fine. Yeah, I was going to say, you're the only one who's actually published a musical work, correct? What did you want to say about boy math? Boy math is this, that there was a long time ago when Florida was switching coaches, and Jeremy Foley was really excited. Art These are athletic director at the time, and was really good at a lot of things, but was terrible at hiring football coaches and really liked guys who got it like that was jeremy foley's

weakness he's like that guy you know like that i like that guy he's definitely a dude i'm going to hire that guy and a guy who gets it and who's a dude that he wanted to hire on multiple occasions was josh mcdaniels because he was desperate to get a little bit of the bill bellichick shine into the florida football programming not realizing that most of bill bellichick's assistants are lackeys that bill bellichick is just saying please go do this He hoards the knowledge. He gives them none of it. He's like...

Correct. He's like a brain network that has... It has conduits that he brings in. One's called Josh. One's called Bill. They have names. But you just pop them out and insert a new one. Yeah, it helps less to think of them as CPUs or processors.

And more as relay pods. That's really all they are. This is our new offensive coordinator, Sega Game Gear. That's right. This is my favorite thumb... This is my favorite thumb drive, Matt Patricia. Yeah, that's... The CDR, I think.

Actually, thumb drive for Matt Patricia might be a little generous. He'd eat it. He'd eat it 100%. Yeah. But shape-wise, I like where we're going. Shape-wise, and he would love the drive part. Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah. Low thumb. Everybody, wherever you are, if you're listening in your car, if you're in your office right now, try to talk to the pad of your thumb. like directly to it turn it towards yourself try to inspire it that's very difficult because it kind of makes you do a little head tilt like a very conversational head tilt sure so this was the dude that man fully fully wanted bad okay and we made some bad hires but I'm pretty sure I would have committed felonies if they'd ended up hiring Josh McDaniels who don't trust anyways because

his eyes are way too close together those dudes just don't think they see the whole field additionally. Wait, nope, nope, we're going to expand on this. No, he does. No, no, go on. This passing cone is too narrow. It is Spencer Hall. It is Spencer Hall's naturalist hour and we are going to get into this.

Yeah, this is, this is one of my prejudices. You got to have your eyes. He has like anti-horse vision. Yeah, you got to have your eyes. Please don't make this weirdly eugenics. Please. This is why birds are such good quarterbacks. Okay.

I just, I just don't trust him. I don't trust him as coaches, right? Then I'll see the whole field. You give me a lizard and 53 athletes, and I'll win you a Lamar. A gecko. Jordy LaForge, hell of a quarterback. Let me tell you what. Sankey's couldn't tell where he was going with the ball.

The Phil Jercovic or Jordy LaForge Challenge. Let's go. But Josh McDaniels is now coaching the Raiders, which, yeah. I like the pause for laughter. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hey, listener. Did you think that talking about the Titans was depressing and pointless?

Congrats. It's the Las Vegas Raiders. Still brought to you by Coors Light. So let's just do some boy math. Okay, this is when... I still don't know what boy math is. You're about to find out. Boy math is this.

You're down eight with two minutes and 22 seconds to go. This would never happen to me. You'd be up. Is that boy math? I know. Ryan, you're down eight with two minutes. Wow. Fair, you know what, fair.

Yep, okay. I'm fired before preseason, brother. At least you made it. Okay. The George O'Leary of our show. Please continue. Yes. Oh, he's dead.

Is he? It's not important. It's not important. Keep going. Down eight with two minutes and 22 seconds to go. Yeah. All right. What do you do if you are, if you are reasonably within?

You've left out like. I know it's left out of salient. Do you have the ball? You have left on a salient piece of it. You have the ball. And let's say we're in scoring territory. Am I within 10 yards, let's say, of a touchdown? You know what?

You are. Okay. What down is it? Jesus Christ. We'll get the exact down and distance here. Just to satisfy the analyst. I told you this was boy. Boymouth is a word problem where you're not given a.

all the information, but you push forward anyways. That's correct. You might have thought, dear listener, that Spencer was establishing Josh McDaniels as the boy mather. Spencer himself is walking. To be clear. A train of a asshole at

357. What time will the bird land on? It's like, what the hell are you talking about? I'm going to give you the first one. How many sandwiches are in the dining car? How many miles away is the sun from you're at fourth and five

on the Pittsburgh 29 fourth and five yeah okay with 311 left yeah come original what do you do you're down five okay no you're not down five I'm sorry no sorry at this point

you're down eight you're down eight Ryan Ryan Ryan you want to be down five don't you what do you do what we're learning here is that this had been explained to Josh McDaniels like this I understand

no he would have totally got how do you think he understood it this is totally how he got it Ryan what do you do I would go for it on 4155 because I need to because I need to get a touchdown rather and a two point conversion

and if I don't I'm giving them the ball at a place where I can still get a defensive stop and try again okay that is not what professional coach Josh McDaniels sure and one time Florida Gator candidate for head coach would do he decided to kick it and they kicked it with 311 left it was good but it was nullified by a penalty on Pittsburgh so they get the ball at the 14 first and 10 with 310 left and they drive all the way

down to the Pittsburgh 8 okay it's fourth and four the time left is two 22 on the clock. You've been given another chance, Ryan. The football gods have smiled on you. What do you do? Your boyfriend is at Pittsburgh 8. It's fourth and four, he said. It was a Jacksonville 2.

How is that possible? Math, boy math. It's fourth and four. And I can still get a first down. I don't need, it's not fourth in goal, right? That is correct. That is correct. That is correct.

First yard markers at the four. So yeah, so yeah. Okay. You know what is great? There are people listening right now who watched this game. Yeah, and they're screaming. You already know what happened. Having committed to a course of action, I continue on that course of action, and don't

try to double back and relive the Choose Your Own adventure that I passed up. So I go for it. That's not what Josh McDaniel said. He kicked a field goal. You're doing math. He did boy math. Because, you know, you're going to have to get it back anyway. So.

Oh, great. I imagine the Raiders fan base took this with equanimity. Neutral observers I saw were calling for him to be jailed. So in the most in the most cowardly like cowardly lion punting type way calling for him to be jailed. That that friends is boy math. You know what Josh McDaniels first, who Josh McDaniels first worked for? No. Let's find patient zero.

Who did it? He was a grad assistant at Michigan State under Nick Saban. Josh McDaniels has worked for... I just kind of assumed he was grown in a lab in Foxborough. He's worked for Nick Saban. He's worked for Bill Belichick. Two guys who, you know, maybe you can point to like, they don't do this well, or this is like a flaw that they have.

But nobody's ever said of either of these two, oh, they have catastrophic game management problems. And yet, oh, boy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, you know, just a little note when somebody says, you know, what is, what is boy math? Boy math is being like, being like, I'll go for the same field goal twice.

The boy math wasn't the decision. The boy math was the discussion afterwards, I would argue. Yeah, no, I agree with that. It's the insisting that I needed two possessions. When everybody understands that's not true, but saying, like, no, I needed to, I needed to have two. That's the boy. It is like trying to put a small child to bed. Sure.

And you're only out, and this is a delight, because. It's like hearing, it's not like hearing no. It's like hearing, hey, it's a buddy, it's time for bed. I'm a space man. Like, yeah, that's not in dispute, that's not in dispute, but you still need to brush your teeth. To bring this back to our area of expertise, and I say that. with all the grains of salt. I think I think Josh McDaniel's boy math brain

would actually work much better in college football. And let me tell you why. Go on. The NFL tends to be a like well-oiled machine where smart people are making rational choices. And if you are the dummy doing boy math, you stick out pretty sincerely. The same way that like when Josh McDaniels in the brain,

Broncos were like, first round pick on Tim Tebow. There's some boy math for you. I want a horse for a quarterback. You also have a phalanx of people whose entire job it is to keep the media from talking to you. Sure. Yes. You have a ton of resources at your disposal to not fuck. Like, you get fucking tablets on the sideline in the NFL.

Was it JMU's coach who held up a cell phone during their game? And they were, whoa, whoa, whoa. That'll zap your nuts. brother, don't put that away. And I think Josh McDaniels, if he, if he coached in college, would just be one more boy math artist amongst his companions. And I, like, I can see this working in college football, not because it's smart, but because it's crazy. And I can absolutely see the scenario where it's like, yeah, I don't know. Indiana kicked a field goal there, but then they got the ball back and they won the game. It was fucking stupid, but it worked.

So we're saying, come on down, brother. Come on down, down a level. I think Josh McDaniel's Florida head coach is the destiny that Spencer so richly deserves. You can quite clearly do worse. Yeah. We'll see. Yes. Yeah, you have.

Not now. Numerous times. No, I mean, if Josh Daniels was coming down down, let's see. Because you know what a job is open. He's coached there before. It's where he got his start. He's not, no, we're not. Michigan State head football coach

Josh McDaniel Sure Why not? I don't say that This is very fun for the listeners Who really don't follow college football And are like Huh the Michigan State job's open

They've never talked about that We have another story to tell you Hey the guy who found out about Bob Stoops' retirement from our show Found us on Blue Sky the other day That's right That's great Found out like eight months later

If I recall correctly Yeah which is sure Friend go Google Mel Tucker sexual harassment Michigan State you'll get caught up so I think on the subject of things boys think about

there have been a number this this boy math is which is one of many trends heavy quote fingers around the word trends which on the internet that means like one person said something and caught the attention of one other person and therefore it's declared

a trend but there's been a spate of these trends lately about things boys slash men think about right the Roman Empire I swear every boy thinks all day long about the Roman... No, they don't. While that was happening, the TikToks were adorable. Yeah, because everyone's playing along.

That's fine. It's great. It's wonderful. It's good to play along with jokes. And then the last, as of this recording, the most recent one, is every man, every time they enter a room is playing fucking Rainbow Six in their head and thinking of all the ways to tactically take down everyone who might ingress or egress, and they do this because their brains all have combat PTSD from serving in whatever.

No. From playing rainbow sex. Right. That part valid, yes. But, like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's shouldn't have let my flashbangs at home. There's been this weird thing in the internet for the past month about, like, things men think about.

And it's all just such a fucking work. Like, like, like, like, like, like, there are things that are surely disproportionately thought about by the brains of people who identify as men versus other. kinds of brains yeah sure but like it's all very performative the things that everyone is just sort of going along with like as a person who probably statistically does think about Rome more than the average person just because like I don't know read the new fucking testament a lot and I play civ a lot so like there that's my Rome excuse but like I don't feel like more of a dude because

of it like it's it's this it's this weird thing we're all humoring each other but like oh I can only think about boy thoughts I think about trucks all the time I can't help it because I'm such a boy boy like no you think about everything and like it's okay to think about everything you don't have to pretend to think about trucks more than your more than you do just to impress some made-up person who thinks boys think about trucks that said Josh McDaniels you know he thinks about trucks Josh McDaniels he's like oh man I wish the Roman Empire had trucks that would would a truck kick this field goal or absolutely not huh huh exactly like look in his head and

tell me you don't hear Do do do do do do. Thomas was very cross. Like that's in a mid-wif. Look at that face. I'm right. Sir, lose them hat. Yeah.

What do you, by the way, Jason, like when you enter a room, when you're in a room, see, I tend to, when I enter a room, I tend to not know where I am and not really think about it. Yes, we know. Yeah. I mean, I do have the habit that was ingrained in me by very, men in my family of like sit face in the door so you can escape if your shit jumps off right it is this habit and I like I fight it like that's so fucking stupid I'm not going to do that right

like I get how it's ingrained you know and and like if I was and like fuck I've been in dangerous situations and shit sure and having awareness sure that's normal it's human but like this idea that all dudes are just constantly going around sizing up shit is like you're performing you're well like yeah if you if you walk in if you walk in that room that something's actually going to happen you know what's going to happen it's going to happen that's it like okay I've identified all the threats no you haven't that's why I don't want you to be an air marshal

and it's also not specifically a male thing like I was talking my daughter she was like every time I'm in a car I think about like if this car exploded and went flipping through the air here are the maneuvers I would do in order to land on my feet and I'm like fuck yes that's that's a normal human brain everybody's playing everybody's playing beam m g in their head

That's what they're doing, right? They're playing, like, automotive crash simulator in their head. And they're like, no, I'm in the trunk. It's fine. Maybe, yeah, I got some scrapes. Maybe I tore an ACL. I'm good. Yeah, like, that's not, that's why they call it danger.

You're not going to anticipate that. It's not like you go walk in the room like it's like, and I've talked about this, but you're not going to walk in the room like it's hit man. You're like, I'm going to take the banana. I'm going to take out the guard. Then I'm going to, then I'm going to steal his clothes without the person seven feet away from me noticing by hiding behind a plant. Then I will execute my plan to cross the room and attain the remote control.

That's not... I have leveled up, persuade. I will simply talk to everyone. No, I have not, actually. There's one thought like this that I think spans, at least in America, all genders. Like, it's not gender specific at all. You are driving, and you come... You're driving on the highway specifically, and you find yourself behind a flatbed,

trailer that is yep ramp time, yep, yep, yep, Mario cart, it's going. It's going. Yep, yep, okay. Sorry, that's just that's just a frequent one of mine. I'm on a new, that's, it's like, that type of shit is like that's person thought. We don't have to call it boy thought. That's a person thought. Like, all this shit is like

we're, like, everyone's terrible at math. Everyone has terrible ideas about what they do in a car wreck. These are person thoughts. We don't have to pretend that like, well, girl brains are so boring and normal. no everyone has stupid person thoughts so like this is this is relevant to football because i think everybody goes how could you not see that blitzer and i'm like man do you know the average shit you trip over all the fucking time right like just think about the last thing you tripped over in your house it was probably huge and very avoidable but you were thinking about something else

or distracted like k club and it gets blown up this weekend you're like man how do you not see that blitzer i'm like he's real fast and and you were looking downfield that's probably why It's probably a real simple explanation. There's also a version of this that they do online is Girl math was the original joke. Like, girls are bad at math was the original joke. It's like, did you know how many girls I've known who are better at math than me? You know what I mean?

You're like, like, there's a child in my house who's female who's better, who's like better at math than I've ever been in my entire life. Like, girl dinner was a good version of this. Girl dinner was valid. And as was Alex McDaniel's point that all tailgates are girl dinner. that is the only version of any of these jokes that I'm completely on board with but tailgates are also guy dinner because you're like what am I eating today and you're like oh I'm gonna have a rib well but it requires but if it's a paper plate with a rib

and a snickers bar and like a dollop of something that has neither to do with either of those that is girl dinner with one extremely boycoded object on it well we have to code negative lady behavior which is wild to me because they're counted on to be the back boat thank God somebody on the internet finally is just funny

taking the gals down a peg at last let know that women need to stop being there womeny it's so it's so fucking wild that like we put so much of civilization burden that we put so much of civilization's burdened on women to do everything. No, don't start. No, no, no.

You take, why are you pointing at me? I'm pointing at Ryan through the internet. Here, there we go. It's about time. I'm keeping my mouth shut like I should. Don't put on your ally costume. No. To do like one normal.

This is what a feminist looks like. You know, when I said, this is vengeance for me being like, Ryan, you'd be a mediocre NFL head coach. And he's like, I'll accuse you being sex. It's like it's a peace and quiet in the man cave. I turned on the shutdown full cast. Like, I had a weird, I had a weird dinner, so I'll have to call it girl dinner.

Let's get into the weird dinner. You could do that. You don't have to make a code thing. On the college football podcast that's been screaming, gender is a construct for a decade. Yeah. You don't have to do that. Lay some bro coat on us, buddy. Yeah.

Fellas, you know when your wife comes home and you're like, ew. Go away. Why are you wiping all over my house? And it's my house. Shut up and go away. I'm listening to the shut down full cast. You were the skin. You'll laugh.

This was like have massive ratings. This is about dinosaurs. How's it number one on iTunes? Lake Nick Daniels. Like, Josh is like, these guys get it. Yeah, Josh McDaniel's like. Talk about it. Man, this whole thing's been about a late kick, Josh.

That's amazing. Yeah. Josh McDaniels is the other late kick, Josh. That's wild. That's incredible. These guys are everywhere. Josh McDaniels somewhere out there like watching the top the train. Boys love to kick late.

There's one thing a dude's going to do. Spend all day waiting to kick. I was trying to sit quietly throughout that last segment because I was trying to stay in my lame. But can I point out one really, because of where I'm from and how I grew up, I need to point out one very insidious danger in all of this. in this conversation. And that is activating the one friend that you have

and everybody's got one who's really like this. Oh, who is really like what? You're not going to escape. Ryan, you've met him. Friend or relative, right? Oh, are you talking about like that? Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm talking about the guy escaping from a room.

The danger ranger? Yeah. Yeah. The danger ranger. You run up on the one friend who's exactly like this. You're not escaping this conversation for four hours. Yeah. Yeah.

That's true. Yeah. Danger. See that, but yeah. No, every fan group does have a danger. No, you've got this guy too. He was in my wedding. It's the person who looks around and goes, yeah, I don't know.

Shit might pop off. Like, that's, there is somebody in that group. If we have tactical egress at 0200, you and me, we're the ones responsible for getting the. This is my friend who, this is my friend who opened carried into his job at Banana Republic. He never got. He never go. Let's, I go over Banana Republic. They're dating trails.

Do we mean a banana public? No, I mean like Knoxville, Tennessee, Westtown Mall Banana Republic. Yeah. I'm not waiting for the hooncha to get me. I'll tell you that. Some guy steps up. Like, you got to be careful with these conversations because they're tiresome until they're not. And everybody's got one.

This is like, one in every group. The very southern version of this guy is like, you know, when the looters show up. I think the important thing is to give your friend If you talk to this friend You need to give them challenges That you can disguise as like getting shit done around your house Be like, oh This is always the guy that we can call

When we're locked out of the car He has uses Yeah Like use this person as an asset Yeah but he's at the banana republic Like some guy comes out of the dressing room And he's like, ooh boy I've been eating these pants are a little too tight

And he's like you hear the metal gear like MAHs noise you know He's like oh God Yeah He's hostile He's aroused. He's agitated. In the NFL, there is no margin for error. One mistake can change the outcome of the game.

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I had an intrusive thought that I don't think is necessarily generous. Was it about trucks or was it a girl? Yeah, wait, we should, while we have four of you here, we should try and figure out what is the common thread. My thought, and I'm going to start by asking it to Spencer. And I don't know why I had this thought, but that's true of many things I say on this. I'm just going to skew your sample size, whatever it is. Why are you so sexist?

Well, why are you? if somebody if a government official came to you today and said spencer i'd be looking for the exits brother someone please point the exits out am i being detained i grab a banana free to go and said spencer we're going to give you as many eggs as you will need for the rest of your life oh no we're not going to give them to you all at once they'll come to you at regular pace wait what kind of eggs uh what what kind of of it just chicken eggs okay that is a disturbing question large do you want how many spider eggs do you want in your house

you were going to jump this I was like she's going to jump to spider eggs first what are they uh the government official might jump to spider eggs ungrateful is this government stooge giving me cage free eggs yeah cage free organic oh like all that's good happy happy chickens are awesome okay okay but you have to tell us you have to tell us the number And, and, and if you, if you go over and, and you are committing to consume this many eggs from now until the date of your death. Okay. So, I'm going to live another seven years. Like at best.

So that's, that's, that's 2,555 days. Yeah. So that's my, that's my answer. I could do an egg a day reasonably before I get sick of them, right? Because some days I'm going to eat two. But are you using eggs for anything else? But buddy, I'm not baking. Are you throwing them in cars?

That's what girls do. Yeah. This is boy, Jesus boy, Matt. Here in the man cave. It does not contain the number egg. That's in the kitchen. Food only comes out of it.

I don't go into it. Anything with eggs that takes more than three minutes isn't for men. I sit at the top of the stairs and I just scream at the kitchen until eggs appear in my hand. I cook eggs Ghostbusters style. I smash them on the counter and I'll make them cook with my mind. Well, is it gay to go with the Industrial Revolution? I just put the egg in the microwave. Yeah.

I don't see what happens. That's the move. So you want 2,000 some eggs? Yeah, for the next seven years of my life, 2,55 eggs. I'm probably good with that. Okay. Cool. That's my, that's my boy math.

All right. That's it. I just, I mean, I just wanted that. We're not going to, this isn't an episode of the box or anything. No. We're not going to ask anybody else about this, and you're going to wonder why. Yeah. No.

2,000, this is... Don't worry about it. I know. It's some long set up, and I'm ready for it, yeah. I like that a government man is just willy-nilly offering produce. It's not produce. What's the produce is? Poultry.

Poultry? If you go to the grocery store and you walk into the produce and scream, where are the eggs? It's not... You'll probably just give it to me. Public swear shopping is a pleasure. We've got to defer to Jason here. He's right.

It's not produce in terms of, of the department at the grocery street. Yeah. I'm with you there. Yeah. If that's what you mean. Yeah.

Yeah. Eggs are technically pre-pultry, right? Oh, my God. What do you mean, right? As we know, this is the original philosophical debate. Yeah. So we're making great progress here.

Yeah, but I'm not baking, so like we can cut down on the eggs. Yeah, that's for girls. Yeah. That's right. How much chicken would you want from this? government official. Oh, a lot more, right?

Oh, yeah, a lot more. Yeah. I can knock off a chicken a day. Wow. So that's two chickens a day. Like a video came care. You're going to restore so much. You're going to give me four health.

Are they just, listen, do I have to cook it? Two things I need. A barrel and a whole roast chicken to put inside of it that I can punch. If somebody brought a whole rotissory chicken to my house every day. Yeah. I could do that. Should we start that app? Yes.

Boy meal. That's what we're going to call it. I don't have to gender code it, Ryan. There are plenty of lady slobs out there who would be just as happy to have. Are you tired of slavs? Roo fru ingredient delivery is asking you to mix things like cilantro and peppers. Well, it's a point meal. We send you one roast chicken every goddamn day.

That's it. So you don't have to think, make a decision? Yeah. Roast. I'm just going to throw it at fire and pull out. out of it. I'm going to summon lightning. That's what I'll do. Yeah. You're going to cut the wood for two days. Then you're going to be like

wood delivery service seems like a worthy investment for the tribe. That's more mainly for me. That is more. Listen, my time is very valuable. That's why I need to go play Hitman again. I need to pretend to be thinking about empires.

She likes cutting the wood. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah. That is. Yeah. It makes her butt look hot. It does this. that's all that exercise that's why we do it that way now is a hand in the dirt episode organizing the entire household around complete lack of effort and making butts look hot these are the priorities of our tribe but hot for you that's how yeah yeah you know that guy on ticot who's like all hot

and chopping wood that's going to be you baby that's good but a girl not me no no no i'm not going to be that guy if you're seeing king of queens that's the goal me Kevin James. I got these greasy chicken hands. I can't be holding them. That's crazy. That's not safe. Not for me because I have a plan for what to do if my own act.

I will simply dodge the axe. I will simply make use of tactical roles and various impact roles. And I will climb into the fucking ducts and the air ducts. That's usually my plan. Except I'm not going to sneak and I'm going to stomp around up there. So let's talk about a thing. is boycoded on the internet as well and that's that men think men think about which animals they could fight and how well that's absolutely true don't women engage in this as

well don't do women engage in this in the slightest do women like not at all no I think that's a shame is it well I do I don't personally think about it in terms of me and my body I think about it a lot in terms of other people but that might me because I hang out with you guys a lot. So what kind of fights are you booking? I don't really ever picture myself in a fight. This is a slight, if you're, if you're the Don King of this situation, setting up bouts. I'm only speaking about you.

You don't think about what animal you want to fight. You think about what animal you would like to keep as a pet. To tame? Yes. Yes. No, not to tame. Just to keep. Oh, I'm sorry.

Just. Yeah. Holly's actually wonderful in terms of how accepting she is of an animal's nature and does not want to tame it. She's just like, huh, one big spider. Holly is like, tiger neat. Me, I'm like, hmm, manageable tiger. Manageable tiger. We're not getting back into how you think you can commune with animals.

No specific ones. The problem is he's right, except we haven't tested it on big cats yet and he thinks that that would be the same. With lions, no. We got seven years. You were on tigers for a minute. No, but they're a single serving animal. And then we convince you that tigers were single serving animals. Serving.

What do we mean by that? So lions, many lions, tigers, one tiger only. Yeah. Tigers are not pack animals. But women don't, on the whole, I think the whole animal fighting thing is if you want to go ahead. And this is how we talk Spencer out of voting a tiger. Maybe a lion though. Yeah, I genuinely think you could befriend a lion.

One, bro. but yeah i think that's i think that's how i think that's holly's diversion into that area it is is whether it could be a pet i'm sorry for momentarily pretending that i was better than you bro listeners of the full cast that we know it's all bros here as we've already established ask your lady have you ever thought about fighting an animal i mean i imagine killing a lot of people That's girl talk Let's let's uh let's uh let's uh let's do like a little Ask your kids to add just ask your kids

Tell your kids tell your kids to ask their mom What kind of animals to ask their mom While you're punishing your kids To pass along a message to your wife Further coding Give them a late kick and tell them to ask their mom Sorry honey I got to go do some girl crime It was girl

Girl crime. It was girl murder. Okay, that's the corollary I was going to mention. Women think about killing a lot. Not necessarily fighting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Healing, yes, fighting, no. No, guys are like, I want to fight an animal.

And women are like, I want to kill that guy. For every time we've been thinking about which kind of bears we might could wrestle, another woman starts a murder podcast. That's the other, that's the other thing is that like, and maybe this is wrong. But I think like where dudes, where dude coded people are talking about like, I could fight an antelope or whatever bullshit. Shit that's never going to happen. Lady-coded people are in group text being like, here is how we kill our partners.

Yes. And get away with it. Yes. There's a much more actionable path to that mindset. We're not going to fight animals. Interesting, right? Which, again, this does seem like overthink. I can't relate to my current circumstances, but.

Because I'm extremely killable. Like, that's, that's like. You are extremely killable. Extremely killable. Not so far. Yeah, like, extremely murderable. Not by lions.

No, not by lions. That's not murder. That's the way of nature. What makes you more murderable? That's boy dinner. Like, are you some sort of a lemming?

I just, when I walk in the room, I was like watching that entire discussion unfolded thinking, like, when was the last time I walked to the room and was like, identify threats. I was like, never!

You'd be really easy to rob. Never. But it's part of that because, like, you walk into people and people are like, oh, don't fuck with that guy. He looks big and strong and he's got a big beard. Maybe for different... Then he opens his mouth. Yeah, then I open my mouth and they're like, I'm going to rob this fucker.

Yeah. There is something very funny about, like, the thing about where we try to teach boys and men, like, yes, at this chilies, you must face the door so you can identify any possible threats to you and your delicious meal. But we don't teach them, like, you should. know the name of your child's pediatrician. You know your phone number. Or is it just programmed into the phone.

Here's how you escape. If an RPG strikes it. What's your blood type? Let's teach you about the real threats. Do you have health insurance? Child's fucking wheezing and waiting for an epipad and you're like, that window looks big enough that I can squeeze out if you need me. Like, I love that people are like, you have to make sure that there's not a Taliban

terrorist in the corner. Sometimes they hide behind large wardrobes. And I'm like, your wife pinned a note to your shirt with your blood type and your home address on it. Right. Before you went out the other night. Before you went to Burning Man. Yeah. We are not the same. You know, you were smoking next to a generator at the tailgate for Florida, Georgia, right?

You've done that. Yeah. I don't smoke. If it blew up, I would have done a cartwheel while doing John Wick gun foo. Right. You were, you were scared to drive into Atlanta, so you took your AR-15 in the back of your F-150, but you didn't actually fight your greatest opponent heart disease. You know, like, that's...

I gotta keep myself safe. Sure, buddy. When some shit goes down at this shonies, yeah. Yeah. That's why... That's why dudes love Metal Gear Solid. It's just like a bunch of dudes talking... Dude's talking to each other.

Never actually taking care of themselves. That's right. I'm poisonous. Too bad. Talking about made-up robots instead of doing it. In terms of boycoded behaviors for boycoded people, remembering athletes is probably just, demographically speaking, more likely, not because girls can't remember, but because, you know, just typically, it's how it's, it's, fewer girls have been encouraged to get that into sports or it has been discouraged out of it. Or to purchase trading cards. Fewer girls get trading cards for their birthday.

Yes, yes. And, I mean, like, you know, everyone does this shit. Like, everyone talks about Slater. Like, I was a bunch around a bunch of music nerds all weekend. We talked about bands from 2003. Like, everyone does this shit, just remembering shit from 20 years ago. So, like, naming athletes, yes, and also Metal Gear. I think those are the two things.

Like, the universal rule, I forget who posted it, that nothing is cool if only dudes like it, it doesn't apply to Metal Gear. That's it. That's the only exception. like in many ways metal gear reads as like a parody of tunes yes it is what is what is the ending of metal gear solid i thought i was going to die but thanks to being on my phone all the time i did oh my god wait wait wait 20 years story about a guy who is like eight different guys who all hate each other and we're all failures of each other's dads trying to establish a country where all the soldiers can just hang

out together to make it even to make it even more narrow metal gear solid is all about oh i'm going to kick my brother's ass i'm going to be my dad and kill myself i made a friend i made a friend did i have to have a lifelong friendship no he chose death that's what happened so i don't have to deal with him he's my boss and he punched me he was additionally i have another friend we just talk online That's it. Yeah. We have the same name. I never have to go to the doctor because I'm going to die.

But I'm not going to die right now, but I'm definitely going to die. So I'm going to go into the woods with a hot girl. I barely know. The only woman in the story is naked. She breathed through her skin. And I'll never have to make the plan again. What's her name? Quiet.

That's why I love. That's a name quiet. Is she deadly? Absolutely. Can she talk? No. Yes. This is 100% real.

We read up basically nothing. Yeah. My dog has a knife. In terms of Metal Gear, I have absorbed. Chief and Ramirez? Yeah. What do I?

Ramirez is from Cod. Shit. He does everything. Sorry, Ramirez is too competent for Metal Gear. Yeah, yeah. In Metal Gear, be like, I'm an absolute genius, but I get winded. I've absorbed the notion of boss just osmonically from you guys, and that's it. This is all new.

Yeah. Well, just not to say that I'm not a gamer. Maybe the best franchise ever about dudes, ever. Period. Her name is quiet. I think about L-M-L-G-M-M-M-Muigi's mansion. Can I conquer, yeah, can I actually pass a mission with flying colors by using a videotape of a man taking a shit loudly?

The answer is yes. You know who doesn't? The most powerful weapon, pornography. You know who doesn't sit facing the door at a restaurant? Fuck a Luigi. That's who. Mouichi's just there. Does he not?

Does he reverse cowgirl it when he's taking the shit in what? this is the weirdest episode of this question this is the greatest episode of this is a greatest episode we're starting us on Josh McDaniels yeah no this was a great jump-off point Josh McDaniels is definitely a punished snake math snake he's math snake numbers snake I only had one thing I wanted to talk about can we get to it before we all have to run Or do you have to run? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Very important tweet last night, 7.09 p.m. September 25th, 2023 from at Super Loafcat. They should build a big river across America so you can go across it by boat. Building it would create a lot of jobs, too. There is an attached map. I have dropped it in the chat. So, first I would like to point out the number of states that are going to have huge portions of them eliminated. this guy this is faintly

Kentucky is this is functionally gone Frankfurt's still there This is this is functionally if you're If you're listening at home We'll tweet this out with the show We never remember to do this It's a little bit above I-40

If you imagine where I-40 is Which is to say that Most of Virginia Kentucky, big chunk of Missouri Including St. Louis is obliterated Kansas is left with Kansas and South Kansas, but all of South Kansas is now like beachfront property. Oklahoma is fine.

There's lots of chunks of Colorado. There's lots of Colorado and Utah left. Nevada and California are split into upper and lower Nevada and California, which frankly should please a lot of people on both ends of those states. And also, as the user below suggests, we could create a really narrow spot where boats could get stuck for our entertainment. So it's mostly a straight line across. roughly from

Virginia It saggs in Nevada It zags up at Nevada It does this weird veer in Nevada And I can't tell which town that is But it's not Las Vegas There's just some town

In the middle of Nevada That we are It steers up towards It steers up towards possibly To make Carson City a seafront port Okay Yeah Yeah

That's fine I really want the section where you're going through Colorado and the mountain west because there's a few options here that I really like. There's two options of both of them are really entertaining. Either digging a 6,000 foot deep trench or tunnel.

Tunnel the whole way. All of Southern Colorado's border is now a log flume. I like that. Listen, I am not an oceanographer. Sure you are. Kind of scientist. Would this mean that we would be creating essentially a shark and whale tunnel through the United States such that you could go to Nebraska and, like, go look at whales and octopi and shit? Well, no, but you could do that at Kansas.

Yeah, obviously not Nebraska. Ryan, look at them. Nebraska's a little far north. Oh, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I wasn't paying good attention. Also, by this map, Branson would be our new Myrtle Beach, which... That feels right. Which would really do...

I feel like would do numbers for the U.S. economy. It kind of already is, but somehow it would become even more Branson. There's a number of dreams fulfilled by this, and one of them is that at last, Nebraska can finally die their dream death, which is being eaten by a shark just south of Topeka. So you could like swim from Gatlinburg to Branson to your race. That's how we get this back here. If you showed this map, if you showed this map to dude-coated brains, how many days would they say

they would need to swim the entire width of the continental United States and only because I'm stopping off to gamble where the Mississippi where the Mississippi meets what we're calling Big River I think is where the America's greatest new casino conglomerate is destined to blossom

What is your preferred direction for the water East to West or West? Like how do you want this river to flow? Ooh. What if they what if it each flows in from the ocean creates a massive, like, perpetual greiser slash splashpad at, like, Missouri. Missouri is just like a constant hurricane in Kansas. I have, I have a, I have an actual piece. Now we can name any soccer teams that may crop up in the wake.

We have a whole new weather feature. The way it's going to flow. The surface of the Pacific Ocean stands about 40 centimeters higher than the Atlantic. So we have a slight downward grade from west. Short King. Atlantic Ocean Short King. Right. How did it end up like that?

That doesn't seem real. The water's lopsided. So it has, it has a slight differential. Meaning, what are they hiding? If I put in, that's true, if I put in an inner tube just off of the coast of, let's say, new Monterey here, okay? That means that I can just tow a cooler of beer. With your trusty companion otter.

You're right. With my trusty companion. Vannian otter and we could cross at a gentle snake Otter con I'm just talking just talking to this otter through a flip phone

I'm like you're the best friend I've ever had the fucking the eight bit portrait of otter with an iPad and a beret so me and ottercon can float the lazy river that is the united states now ottercon merch yeah but that'd be so disappointing because when i was done i'd be in like richmond that's so depressing all that work just to go to virgin okay so i think that answers the question we have to have it

flowing east to west here's the other thing nobody wants to end up in virginia i'm depressed to report this if we dug this giant river through america within two years that fucker is full of trash it's got so much I'm hearing job creations this is the this is the new WPA yeah

cleaning the river brother that's where we're putting the trash please that's what it's for wait okay there that's the answer for the east to west flowing we're sending all our trash to Virginia where it belongs

how are we going to raise the level of the Atlantic so that it's higher we're going to throw all of the car batteries in that we're going to throw all the car better. Let's have to level these oceans. Like that, that might be my most... It's all about a fair playing

field for the sea gods. That's right. Like, also, we have, so we had the experience of, like, driving west, like, right? Like, that's the classic experience. That's what all the stories are about. Let's have the counter-narrative of swimming east, right? Because from the perspective of

many peoples throughout the history of continent, it hasn't been about going, it hasn't been about going west. Let's tell the other tale. Okay. Okay. And there's a turtle in both stories. It's so the opposite of like the hopeful go west young man story. Go east. Lower your

expectations. Fuck it. Go east. I was going to become a star and own a ranch and attain fame and instead I will own a Duncan Donuts franchise. Now I was born a star and I'm moving to somewhere or depressing. Either way I'm dying in a wagon. I went to Oregon

to find my fortune and now I'm a Browns fan. Like every small town kid dreams of making it out. This way you're making it in. Oh, only to be covered by, oh man, a lot of people are going to dump bodies in the Earth's

Well, yeah, it's going through Kentucky. People dump bodies in every waterway. Yeah, please. This is, so what we do is we dump all of the bodies and all of the A.C. Delco batteries into the Atlantic. We do what humans do best. And we make water zombies, water Frankenstein. Let the bodies hit the books.

That's how we revive them. the ocean floor doesn't scan you're welcome uncle Dan we revived you with this car battery now you're back

what does this mean for mymel well of belt yeah it's a belt it's a cumber bun mimel's got a midriff is what it is we have to

we also have to read it now as myel if they're cut in Kansas if they're cut in Missouri and half these are the straits of the

VHS pornography. Missouri will be happy to hear that. Yeah. Missouri is so happy to have this happen, right? Like, most of these states can be like, well, how are we going to manage it? Missouri will be like fine. Splash pad. Yeah.

Finally something we're known for besides VHS porn. Now we know which like which region Missouri's in. That's nice for everyone. Because everyone else is like, who, they're not ours. Also, no more confusion about which Kansas City is which. They're both gone, I think, under this. Oh, no, they just made the cut. Ah, shit.

Don't sleep on the state navies that we're going to be able to create. Yes. The Nevada Navy. Brother, I'm signing up for the Kentucky Navy. Choose your fighter. Kentucky Navy log fluming down out of the mountains. North Kentucky Navy or South Kentucky Navy, because Kentucky is the most decimated state here. Okay, so I'm seeing, I'm visualizing South Kentucky Navy as more of like a collective of barge situations, very much a defensive, a fortress type.

set off? Do you think Tennessee will just move and capture South Kentucky? Absolutely. I think it's smart. Yeah. Tennessee has a unique ability to play in either situation due to its current waterway system. You know, they have the barge capabilities, but also a great deal of whitewater rapids experience. And I'm curious to see how that skill set translates to the open ocean. Also, you know what I'm doing? I know people open wineries and they're like, hey, you know, we're going to make it work here in North Georgia with some, you know, pretty

trash wine. These are those wineries that all have signs out front that say things like premium wine. That's the like things that you think should be applied to gasoline. Yes. But we're going to actually open legit ones now that the ocean breezes can cool the highlands of Kentucky. That's right. Kentucky's going to outdo Bordeaux. Kentucky Shard name. Oh, Arkansas wine. Yeah. So the L.A. schools make this a problem. What else is new? Does this river perfectly bisect the United States? into Big Ten and SEC country?

It could. Maybe it's with the bump in Nevada. I know, I know, I know Lexington is gone. Columbia, we're going to have to move Missou, but that's fine. They don't know. Do we have to move them?

Yeah. Okay, we'll just leave them there. Do we leave them at the bottom of the sea? They kicked a 61-yard field goal to win a full game. Oh shit, no, I forgot about that. Yeah, we got to bring them. But still, they can be in the Big Ten. That's fine.

That's fine. They'll be happier. Everyone involved will. be up here. So I, so like say, say lower Kentucky becomes part of Tennessee, say Arkansas claims Missouri's leftover Ozarks, you know, and, and like, northern Kentucky, Ohio probably claims that or whatever. I want to draw our attention to southern Colorado, that purple sliver.

What if that goes to Oklahoma and Oklahoma gets even more fucked up shape? Or is it? It looks like, it becomes that dad we talked about who tried to like put a pole saw on a broom handle. Yeah. When a kid makes a gun out of Legos, that's what this looks like.

The double broom Commonwealth of America. The panhandle is panhandle. It looks like some shit that would kill a Japanese Prime Minister. Well, I mean, don't even stop there.

Given the bottom part of Utah, given the bottom part of Nevada as well. I was looking forward to having a bunch of states that I was looking forward to having a bunch of states that were entirely beach strips,

but I like this. idea a lot better. Yeah, you can keep this going. A little bit of Utah in there. A little bit of, oh, wow. You can have two going on. Then you start going back the other direction and you're like, they get to part of Missouri. This is how actual Texas happened.

Shit, coast to coast, Oklahoma. Yeah. And ironically, when you do this, what you create is a horns up. Wow. Oh. This does look like horizontal Chile, though. This is amazing. This is good.

We should do this. See? No, we should also. Also, you know one thing that's going to be true in that belt state. My favorite thing about having this is that there's been a point in the conversation in all of this where everyone's eyes have suddenly lit up as they've kind of dug their heels into it. Mine is the vineyards of St. Louis. Ryan's was just now and Jason's was a minute ago when he realized that we could make a kaiju state. Mine is people being able to say, we're going to Indiana to go to the beach.

You could do that anyway, Ryan. Indiana has beautiful beaches on the Great Lakes. I can't believe you would say that about Indiana. Oh, yes. Everyone knows everything about. I'm sorry. We're building mega tracer where the Great Lakes can fuck off. Gary has been.

Interior. If you ask me. Yeah. Yeah. Bang. Okay. What if we change this very slightly and we cap it off on the ends and we've just built one huge swimming pool in the middle of America?

Oh, that's so much. So that way it's not salty. a lot of yeah and it's just one big it's just America's giant party lake so like the Missouri is the Mississippi is flowing into it

from both ends for like circulation yes so then to get from Arkansas Missouri is the pool filter essentially to get from Arkansas

or Missouri you have to walk to North Carolina walk to Virginia and then walk all the way back west as our forefathers that's gonna slow down

some meth pipelines so we've also solved a drug problem yeah yeah you know there's gonna be no cops in this shit right no like there's just no cops

cops can't swim we're just going to put up a sign that says go away no lifeguard no lifeguard on duty that's the new mile marker signs it's just no lifeguard on duty science all the way across also if you want new nude nude dude goals right because this nation will obviously be divided and have nude dude dude dudes nude dude goals that's what he said you heard him nude dude goals that's put in so many words that could have been a full cast sponsor in like 2013 frankly nude dude goals that was probably pitched yeah for men it's about shaving your nut sack we got a we used to We used to get that pitch to us all the time. God, every. Dude, it's the support hose for men. A couple of those got through. And if it was the ad copy, it would always be like, get it. It's about balls. And it's like, yeah.

Nuts. That's the punchline. It's just the copy. The coffee is just pearls, gems, family. The ads should have been the time of the meetings where they were pitched to us. So I was like, get it. Get it. It's for your nards.

But we've actually. Tatex. I'm so sponsored. serve the full sorry Viagra suppositories Yeah Also if you go back

Some of these are probably still in there Because some of these ads Were not dynamic That's true They're definitely still in there back Yeah This is like post seat geek

Yeah Oh man Myagris suppository Has not been It's not been evaluated Didn't we do Boner pills Until we realized

They were boner pills Wasn't that? Yeah Yeah I did No do you remember What happened? I told them

I was going to be reading the Boner pill ads from now on And we never got another one That's true. Nice. Nice.

That was, that was, that was, that was, um, that was hymns. Boy. Just with that, this didn't work with all them, but I was like, I'm going to be reading the, I read one. And they never made it stu me again. For men. They're like, yeah, nope. For men. This river is just for men, by the way.

This is man river. No ladies allowed man river. Yeah. Man river. So what's what part of this map are we giving the ladies then if we're claiming this huge? All the land. They get all the land. So they get all the dirt.

Look at all the dirt and grow all the crops Grow their food You'll like You'll like Plant the babies in the cabbage Plant the babies in the dirt Yeah babies are gross

Bear and rotten Place where I see Find no purchase I'm hooked thin Babies ship their pants That scares me Seed is woman's work Oh I gotta take to the waters

It'd be a pirate of Nebraska See you later My Fair life I'm gonna go punch a fucking shark Orlando Bloom made this look like it smelled a lot better Do you know how many stupid invasive species We're going to trash this thing with There's going to be because there'll be no natural

There's a reason why There's a shading Asian carp work Oh yeah exactly There's going to be like nothing but Asian carp and betas Right like there's just going to be shit from aquarium Everybody releases all their National Festival Day where every child releases their unwanted carnival fighting fish

Right Chris he's running on giant coy pond And it's going to catch a number of voters. Oh, no. Oh, no, you guys. Where did you put it? What's that noise? A north to south version?

Yeah. Isn't that just the Mississippi? I'm recognizing there's already a Mississippi. But we're still going thick Mississippi. I'm making a reef out of Ford Explorers is what I'm doing. I am bisecting lower Michigan and going all the way down and just cutting in half there. Because I want Michigan to have three states to be in three parts and insist that. that it's all the same thing.

Can Detroit be like a floating city? So there's four Michigan's. Yep. I like this. Yep. We're going straight. Yeah. Just straight down from there.

I would just crack super Mississippi. That's it. We're just making thick, Thick, we're just going to. I'm going to take, I'm going to take a pseudo-continental divide. And just kind of shift it a little bit.

Let's go down through Monta. Let's, let's take a Lego approach and take the squares, like to the left of my own. Oh, you're going to Ted Turner it. Yeah, I'm going to Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, it for tidiness sake. And also, if we have a fairly straight-sided river, it will be very easy to navigate for commerce

and for fun. I think I'm going to go diagonal Seattle to Miami, call it the seatbelt. Oh, that's strong. And instead, there it is. Instead of high-speed rail, we just have jet skis. Yes. Take that, China. Jason, can I, can I go ahead and add a codicil to yours, which is by creating the seatbelt?

Can you just continue, can you just, can you just, can you just create a stripe here that goes through the entirety and width of Florida so that you just eliminate the state completely? Yeah, it wouldn't be hard to just sort of squiggle it and, yeah, just save everyone the trouble. Just give it a little flourish. Actually, if you, let's see, if you angled Florida, you'd be left with the parent handle. Florida just becomes Pensacola. If you took like, okay. The dream. Finally. Florida's been solved.

Take a stripe the width of Tallahassee to Jacksonville. And you take that straight up. You knock out Atlanta, which is great. You knock out Nashville, which is also great. Indianapolis and Springfield are going to like bank this river. Oh, can we do this because this eliminates Madison. Now, can we do this for the seatbelt? Can you make sure that when we're doing this stripe, that it goes theatrically around

Atlanta, but straight through Birmingham. That's what we need to do. Oh, whoops. Y'all wanted to segregate it. Yeah, well, you're separate now. Half you over there, half you over there. A bunch of water in the middle. We took your statue of a guy's butt.

Here's a pool you can't fill with concrete, Birmingham and joy. It'd be cool diving Vulcan, though. That'd be great, right? They would try to fill the whole thing with concrete, too. They would be able to. They'll be fine. Yeah. They'd appreciate the challenge.

right now deals in Birmingham are like if they try to dig a dig a ditch from Seattle and Miami here's what we're going to do right they're tactical in the whole thing If I hear one I'm putting sugar in the tank Every cement mixer I see My brother's a contractor

I bet this is how God said I got That's the second most dangerous guy Is that I know a contractor guy No I got some people This is how God planned the great flood Yeah I thought this is the exact process

Doing designs first And eventually it was just like, I don't know, what have we, all sliders do next? What happens if we go all sliders? Doing some shit where it's like you draw an MS paint in MS Paint Square and then you're like, ah, let's just fill it in. This is a genuine question thing that I do not know. It's going to sound like a joke, but it's not. Where do, where does the, where does the Latter-day Saints Bible say that the Great Flood occurred?

The Latt-Says-Bristic Bible? Don't they have the Garden of Eden in Missouri? Yes. So where was the Great Flood? Hang on. Lake of the Ozarks. Matt? Matt?

Matt, are you on the call? Matt, help us out. Jason, you're fond of they found the horn discourse, right? And since we're doing every bad podcast in one today, right? Like, since we've got hot-dud opinions. We usually just do the one bad podcast. No, we're doing them all. We haven't even done the bad sports podcast today.

We'll just throw this one in. Sorry, you'll have to wait next week for your bad sports podcast. Tune in Saturday night for Bad Sports Podcasts. this is a really interesting read and there are no pictures so it's going to take me fair we talked about the titans and the raiders and if that's not bad sports i don't know what is true my uncle one time i can't believe the dolphins dropped 70 points and server is a dolphin's that we haven't even fucking no it's fucking 70 fucking where were you when you found out about 70 points i was just learning that they had scored 63 uh i was yeah every time i looked they had more

It was amazing. I was in Birmingham, Alabama, as a matter. They had to ease up. They had to ease up on the gas, and NFL owners are still like, yeah, they were nice about it. You've disgraced the game by embarrassing the Denver. This is the same thing that happened with Oregon. This is not the same thing that happened with Oregon. But as with Oregon, everyone was like, they were trying not to do this.

They were running the ball. They had a line after the game. I don't believe you were mean to Sean Peyton. I like you give the shit. Guardian of the shield. Protect our snosman. Don't you protect our little snosman? Barry.

Like, yeah, he's the guy you hate the most. Also, um, the dolphins coach, whose name currently escapes me. Mike McDaniel. Speaking of short kings, what have we learned throughout all time over not fighting the shortest guy in the organization? Mm-mm. Fair. Uh-uh.

Imagine how many people Mike McDaniel had to fight coming up. Like, 70 points is fucking hilarious. Oh, it is. It's not the funnyest. thing that happened in the NFL. I got to find this so long. They had a Broncos line that interviewed after the game who's like, I've been here for seven years and all we've done is lose.

Oh no. Yeah. It was legit sad. He seemed like actively. All right. The only fun that I had was imagining what Russ was saying on the sidelines when they were down like 55. Hey guys.

And what was being said back to him? One play at a time. One play at a time. We just do this and just someone would be like, shut the fuck up. God, for the love of God. Shut the fuck. Fuck up! I hate you.

I don't even go here. I would like to note on this our NFL podcast that the Buffalo Bills led the Washington commanders 37 to zero with 46 seconds left. And then the commanders kicked a 51-yard field call. Bravery, courage, valor. These are words we use to describe these men. Boy, math. The NFL should understand.

understand that kicking a field goal when you're down 37 is more dishonorable than scoring 70 points than losing by 50 than lose because you scored 20 at least you were fighting because at least with the with the zero it's like oh something went bad wrong and with the little number of there it's like oh so you are capable of it you just chose not to oh you were trying oh um this at uh an hour and 24 into this does anyone want to read the schedule It's, uh, I'll tell you what. Not really. Not on this episode. Watcher, watcher of the grid, what say you?

It's not up to a week four in terms of ranked versus rank games. Let's just say that. It'll be fine. It's always fun, but, um, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a very much a, just turn the TV on time of Saturday. See what happens. That's kind of, no, I like the, I like the, you know, just skip around. You'll find something interesting.

Clemson at the very, the very beginning of a buffet. Clemson at Syracuse. Oh. no maybe sure there's a lot of maybes that's a that's a lot of Ole Miss like the closest thing to a headliner is LSU Ole Miss if that tells you anything

has Kansas Texas maybe sure it feels weird to be like Kansas is ranked and like I don't know I think Texas probably going to win pretty easily okay genuine interest Utah Oregon State sure that's a Friday game there's a fairly interesting Friday slate

Friday's a Friday it's very solid this week. This is a this is more robust Friday's than we deserve. This is one of the best Fridays in a very long time. Hey Georgia Auburn. Yeah. George You know what? I'm tired of people being so hateful about this game.

That was a new one. Wow. So I posted about the other day in a bunch of Ole Miss fans he said he said this all the time about like the Egg Bowl which I don't ever remember him saying that before. Yeah a bunch of us missed it apparently apparently it's a it's a freezeism maybe he kept that in the family yeah for once yeah just you know

if you could if you could just play not with oh no but okay and this continued in the continued list of why are you doing this bailer's playing UCF in Orlando well they have they don't have a choice there that's a conference game they can't escape because that's the world we live in I know Arkansas State UMass That is a contender for A certain kind of game in the year Let's see where we're I

Arkansas State's 2 and 2 All right And UMass has a win And has UMass is currently Second to last in the computer composite Nevada is currently last Boise and Memphis

Both need some get right in their systems I would probably rather watch that than Pitt Virginia Tech I gotta be honest I'm gonna make it through the whole year Without looking at Virginia Tech at all Pitt, Virginia Tech is the two-man no parachute game. That's a lot of time to think on the way down, too.

Yeah, well, somebody's going to grab that backpack. They're going to pull the rip cord and a bunch of picnic shit is going to fly out of the back. I'm sorry. I forgot Game of the Week. It's Notre Dame at Duke. Notre Dame Duke. I'm not really kidding. 730 Eastern on ABC.

Hell yes, Duke football. Ooh, looks like the game of the week is Buffalo Akron. two sub 120 teams like have we stopped to consider that we might be hurtling towards not that when's the first college football playoff ranking like late October

week six? About a month away what if Duke's in the first playoff rank yeah I mean they've I'm pretty sure that finally something good happens to Duke football Duke has been in

they have ranked once in the in the playoff ranking no i mean sorry in 24 i mean in the i mean on the graphic on the fucking graphic what like what oh wow because by the time we get there if if if if it's when i think it is undefeated duke will have beaten clemson notre dame and florida state yeah and that would have to put them in but they are at that point yeah and they are yeah they are yeah ahead of them only because they have one more win in the conference are Florida State and I don't know we all don't think Louisville's going to stay up there the thing is Clemson keeps losing and that win is only going to win is going to lose some shine over time well look at the teams look at the teams above Duke and the ACC this is sorry but you're no longer

a quality win for Duke well right on Florida State has Virginia check and Syracuse before they themselves play the Florida it might come down to the Florida State game, which is in week seven. If they get past that Florida State game, you realize that the next major challenge for them is the basketball classic. It's going to be Duke at UNC. We're going. That's fine.

We're going. I mean, now we're gassing them all up and Notre Dame's going to win because that ruins everything. Yeah. That's fine. Duke fans and UNC fans rooting for a big football game. That's such confusion, such emotional. Duke's beat the shit out of four pretty bad teams. Yukon, Northwestern, Lafayette, and Clemson.

But these scores are wrong. It's not okay that he's doing this. Oh, sorry, server shit. I just wanted to talk about the dolphins. Serber, you're so nice and you're such a normal person that I keep forgetting this about you. He works on this show. He's not normal.

Kate Klobbing looked pretty good last week. Yeah, I, okay, buddy. Okay. Clemson did look really, really good against FSU if we believe FSU is really good. That was a good. game. I enjoyed watching that game. I just want to remind everyone that it wasn't that long ago that Serber was like, I just, I think I'd be happier of Clemson. Can we, okay. Somebody out there

to a guy that we beat five times already so that he can say he's our daddy. That's somebody somebody out there in Reddit or on the Discord is going to know this. This was last year or the year before and I asked Serber if when when Clemson started to wobble from off their dynastic perch if he thought that clemson fans were going to return to baseline or if they were going to stay as as rabid and foamy as they were then and i don't remember what episode was but i know one of you weirdos does so please let us know because i want to find that conversation i'm on record as having longed for an eight and four clemson team oh yeah you said you guys were going to say exactly the same and so far you're right can i talk you into eight and five yeah damn

Man, so we've got to go to a bowl game, like when there's nothing else on to lose that, too. You don't have to. You sound like me, man. What's up? You can have the academic standards to not fool with those? I kind of want eight and eight. Yeah, I'd be fine with eight and five. If it meant we were eight and four, because I think eight and four, it's a student Mayo.

As it is, you could be favored in every remaining game, as things are. Like, depending on how Notre Dame looks at the time. Yeah. Well, I mean, the schedule's not. They'll have them at home, which is always going to help. yeah the Miami depending on what

North Carolina does but right now just massacrating just to pick one out I don't think they'd be favored over I don't think they'd be favored over North Carolina right now yeah I don't think so

no that you and C where is that game in Clemson they're going to get a couple points I think because like unless this I mean the bottom falls out hang on hang on let's okay

Clemson's two and two let's walk it out at CERC's so you and C would currently be favored over Clemson at least in North Carolina but I mean my thing with UNC is always those motherfuckers are not real so like let's see a month

here's the problem with... You've got to go to Columbia and you've got to go to Columbia in the last week but the three weeks before that are all at home. Yeah, Clemson would be favorite in almost every game. The problem is like I can't go through the schedule and try and predict like oh do we still have a 10 and 2 season

like maybe we backdoor our way into a rematch with FSU in the, or Duke in the ACC Championship game. Like, the problem is just like, man, I've seen this team play really good to see first half against Florida State, see second half against Charleston. First, first three quarters. Pause for a moment and talk about

you're talking about back drawing your way into a rematch with Duke and the championship game. I mean, but like, I try to tell myself that story, but it's like that's not going to happen because like this team, I fully expect, could just turn it on and run the table from here on out. But like, man, I just don't think they can go that long without stepping on themselves to not at least pick up, you know, two or three more.

As is right now, Massey favors Clemson over UNC by seven, would favor Clemson over UNC in Clemson by, FPI would favor by three and a half. So, yeah. They're going to be favored a lot of the way. But I mean, you know, Syracuse. Were they favored over Duke? I guess it happened by a rebuttal to that. We're only talking about the future. They were a two-point underdog to Florida State, which is at home with a 25-game home conference winning street. Which? It's insane.

My point is eight wins is easily attainable. Yeah, they should. They should win six more games, but God, it seems like that's going to be really hard. It's going to ruin my UNC player, my NC State playoff pick, too. I am really worried about how bad everyone's going to feel by the time we get to Clemson, South Carolina. Like, that's already, like, a good crock pop. Who's everyone and bad about what? Everything?

Yeah, okay, fair enough. In all directions. Spencer Rattler's not losing that game. He's not. They nearly lost in Mississippi State. I don't care. Yeah, but that wasn't that game. You're not loosey.

Okay. Boymouth. This is a boy mass. I think Clemson fans are very much more, like, would sell the rest of the season just to beat South Carolina at this point. point. That's so, dude. Don't do that.

Don't do that. It's only to take it from South Carolina because that's what they're in for it. Like South Carolina fans are already as disappointed as Swimson fans are because they were supposed to be good as well. Nobody's happy to be two and two at this point. No. Even though both of you have played a like probable college football playoff team in Georgia and Florida State.

You know, and both you got your asses kicked by a North Carolina. Carolina team. According to FBI, you're the two best two and two teams in the country. Thumbs up. Yeah. Oh, God. You're the best mid. The best mid of it. You're ahead of Arkansas. That's how good you are.

Look, guys, we're only six fumbles and two interceptions away from undefeated. Same. Arkansas has pulled off something kind of amazing. What do they do? This is going to sound like a backhanded compliment and it's not. They had a coach come in who,

they had a big personality. come in his coach, and they had a very loud, party-filled, personality-driven rise. And now that the bottom is kind of falling out, they're not getting any of that attention, which is not usually the case. Usually everyone wants to come back now and be like, well, maybe if you'd spend less time on pig statues and more time on the practice field. and they're kind of being allowed to drift back down in peace, and I think that's interesting.

What if Arkansas plays Oregon on Oregon's tour, Oregon as the defenders of non-flashiness of Oregon goes to Arkansas. This isn't about ornate, poor sign, statuary. This isn't about ointing. This is about normal off-tackle runs while wearing regular green shirts with no stripes. I had kind of thought that Dan Lannning was a weird fit at Georgia until this past week.

And now I'm like, I see how this worked, okay. Until he revealed he was WCW all along, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Until he revealed himself to be not the twin, but at least a close cousin of that guy on the golf course who took his shirt off. We're not out here filming everything, guys.

Yeah. We're not doing all this shit for likes. Can you bring my monitor up a little bit? As I'm posting. It's my video on. Okay, that's better. Next take. Next take.

Okay, good. We don't pay attention to outs. side noise. There's a clip of Skip Bayliss. I love, I don't really know who, what one person, I mean, I guess it's Dion. I was like, I don't know what one person we can nail this coach promo down era to being responsible for, but I love it. Oh, God. To me, this is just an evolution of the five-ish years we've done of nobody believed in us. Like, now we're just focusing it on people.

Finally, we know who it is that does. Yes, specifically, you singular. It turns out it was Lou Holtz who didn't believe in you. All Dion has done has been like, here are the names of the people that didn't believe. Like, this is not different from the shit. I'm Dan Lanning and welcome to my YouTube show. Let's hunt and kill Lou Holtz. This is not different from Stetson Bennett at the championship parade being like,

everybody thought we'd go sub 500. You're just making shit up. Famous people who are 87 years old. No, but Dan Lannick, you're ignoring the one great innovation Dan Lanning has made in this trash talk, which is this, that Dan Lanning, if you watched the fine propaganda film that Oregon dropped about their defeat of Colorado. Colorado are the first ever football players to talk trash.

Y'all, the list of 87-year-old celebrities who he could also start beef with is spectacular. You want to talk about a murderer's... Oh, I said Murderer's Row, and then I got to Woody Allen and King Solomon. Okay, I probably shouldn't use that phrase. Well, Julie Andrews... Julie Andrews didn't believe in the ducks.

She said. Yeah. I heard what she said. A little spoonful of sugar to make this loss go down a little easier. Robert Redford, your foreskin face did not believe

in our football program. We're going to Jeremiah John Son him. Chris Christopherson. Alan Alda step the fuck back. To bring it a little bit full circle,

I think all this like shit talking also it comes from the same broken brain that thinks I'm a cracker barrel and I must assess threats. Yep.

Which is that the world is out. The idea that these people think about you for a second. I am the main player of this video game. And I must be ready for everyone to attack at any point. Set bladder is 87. And I'm going to John Wick's set bladder. You'll watch. Louis Gossett Jr.

You know what you did. Going to grab cinnamon candy. Yeah, I'm going to grab cinnamon candy. Throw into eye of assailant. I heard Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia was talking shit. But Dan Lannick has really not done much for people who are like, yeah, must assess threats now. No.

Everyone was the cell phone's a fucking threat now. No, but Dan Lanning said that Oregon was playing Oregon. That's what he said in this thing. He was like, yeah, listen, listen, we're playing against ourselves, right? Which means Dan Lanning is set out the unique and innovative notion of cutting a promo on himself when Oregon loses. He's the one who doesn't believe in Oregon. Yeah. You know who didn't believe in Oregon?

Oregon. Oregon went out there and took Oregon down. I don't believe in you, fellas. There's some asshole standing here right now where I am. standing who doesn't believe in you. Josh McDaniels has said that. To be fair, he meant to confused. To be fair, he had to

get their attention because he is quite short. He did a who's on first with himself. Josh McDaniels kicked a field goal eight yards away from the game-towing touchdown. He doesn't believe in his team. What was I going to do try to score a touchdown? Why would I do that? Have you seen this garbage?

How mad are like Dennis Leary and Dennis Miller that their crests of fame are not coinciding with this national latitude. I mean, I'm grateful, but how mad are they? I believe in the ability to overcome the adversity that is ourselves using the skills that we have given ourselves by overcoming the adversity we have provided vis-a-vis ourselves. Now that coaches are confirming the bad take people have always gotten through to them, the bad take people are going to become so much louder. This is like finding out Kirk Harb Street searches his name on Twitter, which he does.

not once never no you can't break that seal yeah do you know but do you know who trash talks dan lanning he's probably in his own mentions it's like i don't believe in you yeah i built a bot i built a burner bot punching punching mirrors again this is wait no now we're back to metal gear like fighting yourself is what metal gear is all right everything is they say everything is wrestling uh well everything is metal gear everything is metal gear which is wrestling by the way. Yes. Yes.

It is. The real war is the war of the self and also the one with bombs and bullets. That's why they've both got big boss, man. Yeah. The real war is a ladder match of the mind.