Shutdown Fullcast - CHARITY BOWL BONUS EPISODE: To The Victors Go Godfrey's Swords

Episode Date: August 15, 2025

You might have heard, but Michigan won the Charity Bowl again this spring. In celebration of that fine victory and the extension of Michigan's historic Charity Bowl winning streak, the EDSBS Extended Universe delivered three prizes for the enjoyment of our wealthy and generous donors. Two of these rewards were live events, held in Ann Arbor in June and in Atlanta in July. Here is the third and final token of our boundless appreciation for the Charity Bowl community and this year's record-shattering fundraising haul: One hourlong bonus episode in which notorious Michigan foil Steven Godfrey has to say nice things about the Wolverines.To make matters worse, he's actually sincere. It's weird for us too, but here we are!Also appearing in this episode is actual UM degree-holder, erudite ball-knower and dear friend Jane Coaston, who joins Ryan, Spencer, and Holly to drag Godfrey through the cleansing waters of Lake Michigan.Together, we celebrate the madness of the 2024 college football season and welcome Wolverines home to their true spiritual stomping grounds: The SEC.Now through September 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch will be donated to Mid-South Trans Nation. Visit preownedairboats.com to find the finest Blue Sharks gear and other Fullcast-related itemsFullcast theme song arranged and performed by Russell PowellSubscribe to our new $4 Patreon for more Fullcast stuff big and small, including After Dark episodes each CFB weekendCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz and his new show, PodcasterinoListen to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Jason's critically praised novel and other workDID YOU KNOW: Holly and Spencer write Channel 6, their own year-round newsletter, mostly about football until it's notVisit HOMEFIELDAPPAREL DOT COM for all your comfy vintage oh-fficially licensed collegiate apparel needs

One time in college, I got really, really high and took a bet that I couldn't play Keith Brooking at quarterback in Madden. And that was basically what they did last year in one game, one real games, one big 10 football games that way. So, yeah. Big meaty men slap with me. Damn right. Fuck your pass attempts.

Welcome to a wholesome addition to a wholesome edition of the shutdown full-cast. Oh, no, no, no, no, you have to do it as James Earl Jones. Does this count as speaking ill of the dead? I don't think so. I'm unclear, though. I know, buddy, you're going to, listen, you're going to make me, you're going to make my voice bottom out on the speed bump. It's not, it doesn't go that low.

It doesn't. But I will tell you that this edition of the forecast is full of Midwestern values, wholesome Midwestern values. Brought to you by that cereal that was designed to make you masturbate less. An institution rising in the Northwest. The frontier. conquered in the name of enlightenment, virtue, and wisdom. That's right.

This is the payoff for the University of Michigan winning the 2025 EDSBS Charity Party Charity Bowl. That is right. And what we do to pay that off, what we do to honor that debt, among other things, is... Make somebody else do it. We're going to make somebody else do it. That's right. We structure our debt and we pass it on through the magic of...

We do. We amortized. We repackage. We sell upon that debt. We buy Party City and we saddle it with our debt. Our Michigan Bedrock. And now your children may not have balloons. They may have books.

And now our walking golem of Batman paper plates and hats. Our empire built upon cans of Werner's ginger ale amortized debt and a sense of superiority that reality has finally caught up with. I love this because he already looks like he's in pain. there are Stephen Godfrey the amount the amount of podcasts I do

and there's that anxiety always of oh I really I gotta be on I got to carry this thing is so far from me right now oh I've got a

I've really verbose fast walking into this you walk into a food fight in the third act that's how the show starts thanks for having me you volunteered to do this

don't don't don't crawl up on that cross don't you dare climb up on that cross yeah no no no you didn't even you brought your own step stool he's got this y'all I wish you could see this because Stephen is as everyone knows the best looking of all of us by a country mile

and he just has this like far away look in his eyes right now it's very Lana Turner oh I'll take it she died on pills didn't she oh I just met the cheek bones oh okay But she died on pills, right?

This is going just so well. That's how I, okay. That's how I preferred to, yeah. So, what we are doing here is Stephen is here to help us lift this. I mean, technically it was throat cancer, but I guess there were pills involved. Yeah, but you could get pills. I mean, okay, sorry, I don't want to. Stephen, we'll help you die on pills.

God, the full cast is messy. The pills, that's a given, buddy. We got that. what we don't have are your affirmations about the finest football program in this nation per the shutdown forecast

the University of Michigan Wolverine. Wait, wait, Spencer, why are we here? Yeah, what do we do? Why are any of us here? Existentially, I mean, start at the beginning. The first question I cannot answer the second I can, which is that we are

When protozoa climbed out of the sea, the University of Michigan was there. The primordial muck. rising from the ashes zingerman's deli that's correct we are with the first apes wandered into skeeps to get crashed today we're missing jason because i'm like oh if we had a primordial sludge dorido i bet jason would try it 100% dude that'd be so awesome if you were sitting there drinking in a bar in arbin all of a sudden nine actual gorillas came in like what's up boys we're getting fucking hammered let's go I love that. Yeah, it'd be a warm embrace, too, because it's a very friendly place. We are here because, first of all, the Charity Bowl this year exceeded our wildest expectations,

raising $1.3 million for New American Pathways, Refugee Service Organization here in Atlanta, Georgia. If you're listening to that, you wrote a check. Thank you. If you didn't, you got a chance to do that next year, buddy. Why don't you go ahead and do that? The second reason that we are here is because every year, a school, wins this by being the most charitable in the name of spite. This year we had a plethora of 1310 themed checks and usually far much than $13.10 because it turns out that Michigan not only enjoys

weaponizing their hatred against Ohio State, they enjoy monetizing it as well. And charity benefited from that spite in extreme. Joining us to honor the promise that if you did win and if you did conquer the charity bowl by being the leading donor, then you were going to get a face full of Stephen Godfrey's opinions on the University of Michigan skewed toward the positive necessarily, because he'll talk shit about you all day for free, but that's not what this is about. Nope. No. The worst part is these are genuine. So per the charity agreement that I can't remember what I said, but there's no reason to pull it up. I'm here today to say nice things about Michigan the problem is this time we did this last year and you Craven bastards made me

repeated again but the problem is now it's actually something's occurred I have felt an awakening class you and that and that is I've seen films about this yeah yeah strange feelings it's pretty cool to meet a guy with three kids who's just now going through puberty although that does imagine what's coming I can't get taller A lack of sex, Ed explains the number. Mecca, Godfrey. Like, it'd be like a super tall, super horny Godfrey. It's like, I don't know what to do with my body.

I'm too handsome. I hate you, freeze. This could you hates old miss. Yeah. Help me with this erection, bird. What character was that? What 70s character actor from Smokey the Bandit was that pointing to the sky, Ryan? Richard Kiel.

Yes. Stephen Godfrey, Kyle. Oh, shit. Stephen Godfrey hates your skyline. Just a game of Rampage, but with like a visor on. Yeah. I always pick the Godzilla. Never picked the monkey in Rampage.

Five things that are probably going to take a while if this preamble is in the indicator. Five things that I genuinely like about Michigan now. This is the problem. I can't do the forced positive things bit that we did with Jane. last year, which I believe was actually over at split zone duo, because now I actually like Michigan for five important reasons that I think, unfortunately Michigan fans will, I think they'll embrace what I ran y'all through this list before we went on the air. Most of this you're going to embrace outright, I think. How is this going to be received by our Michigan

donors? Well, if it's any indication of what happened last year, we turned off the mics at the end of the Ann Arbor Library show. It's a little dart match. Does anybody have any questions? Yeah. Eight hands go up. Five people are asking about, like, what's Stephen Godfrey really like? You know, heads and hands.

And then I did maybe the worst thing possible for both parties involved, which is I told the truth. I told them, you were the kindest-hearted human being, maybe of any of us. And that made both everybody in the room mad and Godfrey mad when he found out that i had pulled his mask off and uh yeah back in pro wrestling we would pull you aside as you came back and say protect the business brother sorry about your giant heart buddy got to protect the business can't let him heels on one bus faces on the other you know the rules shout out to dirty dutch mantel wherever he's at right now that's the best boss i ever had you guys ever had a supervisor

named dirty dutch mantel i did uh number one spencer could probably pass but that's fine spitzer Oh, that's a conversation I would create. Dutch lives somewhere around Nashville. We can make that happen. Listen, man. Just me and Dutch out there fishing in a lake filled with medical waste. I'd love it. If for no other reason, just beard care alone.

Yeah. I would say owners of equal amounts of cargo shorts and then just also what, like, yeah, you guys could trade wardrobes instantly. He does have a lot of... I don't have a single pair of cargo shorts. How dear. Really? Yeah. He has a lot of, he would wear a lot of fishermen's vests into the office so much so that they actually incorporated that into a character for him on screen. But I feel like you could do that. Number one, I really like Michigan now because they got cheating. They got caught cheating in the most hilarious and Michigan way possible. So before I turn this over for discussion, what do I mean by that specifically? We're not here to argue or take apart anything that happened in the signed stealing scandal. I don't really give a shit. And that's the God's honest truth. What I love about it and what really sealed it for me was that they won a national title doing this, not specifically because of the cheating, but you can never separate the two

things, was that Michigan didn't decide, look, we're going to do duffel bags, we're going to do cash payments, we're going to hand out dodge chargers, challengers, et cetera. Nope. We are going to orchestrate the most pointless, the least yield possible for a cheating scheme is we are going to send a bunch of agro weirdo instagram bros who are you know constantly engaging in self-help podcast listening to go for the good of the big im and steal signs in the most convoluted pointless way possible against rival schools we're going to have we're going to have disguises we're going to do fake espionage one guy saw one john lecar film on netflix one night and the next thing you know it's we're full on dead dropping information about like two and ten teams that you

were probably going to beat anyway. This endeared me to Michigan in such a specific way because we're sort of monotone in our cheating in college football. We all sort of cheat the same way, right? Like we just pay better players to come to our place. You know, occasionally you have like the sort of overhyped tree poisoning or something like that. But in the world of cheating, it's nice to have some differentiation. And I appreciate that Michigan stayed true to their character when they did that i'd like to interrupt with a question very yes sir what is an underhyped tree poisoning what's the one that we hipsters can really champion you just did this is a question for later might not i'm thinking i'm thinking right now

do you okay this is my rebuttal do you think that that was the first tree poisoning in relation to a college a college sports college football related dispute i bet cal i bet cal has definitely tried his god of the forest out of nowhere this is my question about the Stanford tree. How would you know if you poisoned them? How would their behavior change? You wouldn't know. They might, well, in that case, it might be a self-poistening.

Yeah. Okay. Number, are we good there? Do I have to keep doing? No, I want to pull this a little bit. Okay. The other thing that I think makes the Conor Stallions scandal so special is that it required everybody to do the thing

that I think Michigan fans really wanted us to do. When we talk about, like, oh, you paid this player or, you know, you contacted them outside of the recruiting window, whatever, these are the rules like everybody kind of understands. Everything about the Conor Stallions thing was like, we must check the rulebook. We must, like, we know you're allowed to look at tape, but when and how it became like so highly legalistic and very much like, let us consult the Dungeons and Dragons rulebook to see what about this was and was not allowed. much like yeah but it was much like every fucking argument i've ever endured online from a michigan fan supporter or or media type it was just sluggish and overblown and had so little yield to it yeah it was the least efficient way to do it it's a fan base of people you want to have as your lawyers you know oh god no it's it's all this scandal soup to nuts is the most lawyerly construct

that you could imagine a lawyer allowed them to like get their teeth and there was no there was like there was like some argument about like is this important does this matter or whatever but it was really the opportunity to be like let's talk about what words mean and how clauses are formed it was oh man it was well suited for this fan base okay so they got caught cheating in a hilarious michigan way i appreciated that i also appreciated inevitably of course they were going to win a national title again one day, but sort of the position I had adopted and the bit or gimmick that I was living, it was once the reality and the second set of suspensions came in, I thought now they have to win the national title because it becomes this beautiful, concrete sort of like, you know,

shackle on them forever because you can't really ever mention, look, the head coach of that national title winner, he missed like eight games that season. So it's delicious, it's wonderful. They get to tout the national title. We get to remind them of it. So I appreciated that. It was wonderful symmetry. It was good storytelling. Number two, for reasons I don't know if I can fully convey.

I don't know if I can explain myself why here. There's just something that I hope the class here agrees with me. Now that we have separated the University of Michigan and its football program from Jim Harbaugh, both are vastly less annoying. I'm not exactly sure why. suddenly all of the isms and, you know, moral bullshit that he spouts at like a Chargers press availability is, I wouldn't say endearing, but it's so much easier to sort of ignore and write him off as the sort of, you know, the genuine silliness that he adopts. And then kind of the same can be said for Michigan.

But there was something about that combination. And I remember writing the big video for Secret Base about the, the Meyer rivalry, he could feed back exactly what that fan base needed to hear to justify a loss or a losing streak to Ohio State the way no other human being could. No one preached to the choir better. And dare I say more effectively. Up until that one year, they kind of were going to fire him. They didn't hire Matt Campbell.

That happened for like five minutes. so there's something about both parties that is now just infinitely more tolerable for me and i think the rest of america do you think it was wearing thin with with the choir i mean obviously winning winning curing all they were fine with it down the stretch and i think they rallied his defense and but like it is a little interesting to me that like jim harbaugh wins a national title immediately leaves to the nfl and like look i'm not saying there needed to be renting of garments or whatever but like yeah there was some sense of like okay this is happening because every offseason jim harball is linked to an NFL job and he finally he

finally got one but i think there was maybe this is just the michigan people i follow online i think there was some sense as well of like this is for the best we wish you well like we're happy with what you did we bear you no ill will but we don't really know if we wanted to do 10 more years of Jim Harbaugh. Would they, my response is, would they have immediately signed up for five more after that title? Yeah. I don't know. I say, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. They come all the way back around and all of that annoyance is now just another affirmation. The big flexible piece of that, too, is the profound irritation on the part of both Michigan as an institution and Michigan as a fan base. And to be clear, this is understandable, uh, with Harbaugh going like, oh, I'm going to the NFL. No, no, I'm not.

Love me. Like, I really cannot if you're, and I don't know why we're, I don't know why I'm underlining this because this is a same Michigan audience oriented episode, but I, I don't know, I don't know where I could put the potential, the potential dial on how much more they would have signed up for because even as he kept coming back to Michigan, he fucking never stopped with his NFL

flirtation. No, no. The Vikings one... Like to a degree that was comical. The Vikings one was where and I apologize for doing for doing a journalism here, but that was the one where other agents and other people in the industry felt

like that both parties were pretty much stripped bare. And they couldn't do this one more time. and then half him return. This was also at a period too where like, that shit mattered in recruiting. Like he's, he was fanning those flames,

starting those fires and fanning those flames in the middle of recruiting season over and over again. Well, this is, this really does lay bare the fact that as the head coach of the Chargers right now, he is doing as much recruiting as he did

at Michigan. This is a go-get-em guy. This is a go-get-em guy. get him and i'll occasionally come in and clinch them but even then he's not the guy you want to clinch that wasn't his thing that's a football man and football ain't beating people yeah it is yeah it's it's very much like hey i'm gonna drop a route for grandma she needs to get out there i need to see her i throw i throw one way grandma listen if she if that curl is lazy the ball's come and she better be ready for it Ryan you think i'm joking

No, no, no. I know, I know somebody who was at a bar with Harbaugh, and Harbaugh, somebody goes, Hey, Jim, let's go throw outside. Jim being, you know, Jim being the Midwestern guy, was like, yeah, sounds great. Kids will love it. And he, he immediately stepped out the door and went and he was throwing. And he's throwing with a couple of ladies who are also at the bar. And he's like, hey, only throw one way.

And they're like, ah, whatever, Jim. And he's like, boom! On a rail. And, like, it hits her hands. And she's like, how old. And he's like, got to be ready. gotta be ready got to be ready to compete clean that up if you can touch you can catch it uh number three i don't even you know what that exhausted sigh was not necessary or applicable here this is just fact

michigan football created the two funniest moments of the 2024 college football season in back-to-back games i wouldn't say that they were equally as unexpected and stupefying but it's like when a when you go see a concert and there's a fantastic finale and you're like oh my god they pick that for the encore of course i am referring to we'll get to ohio state in a second but let's also pay homage because this came up in social uh last week i think people could talk about what sankie was saying in spring meetings and in alabama and playoff and all this what they did to alabama by essentially not using a quarterback uh before the show i said uh joking well this is it's not a joke but When I was in college, one time I got so high, I had a bet with whatever roommate I had at the time that I could put Keith Brooking, the linebacker for the Falcons, in at quarterback on Madden and win a game.

That is essentially what Michigan did in the Alabama Bowl game last year and beat Alabama on the heels of probably the greatest 1310 football game that was ever played. I don't have a quip here. I don't have an aside. I have to pay respect and cite the record here that Michigan football accomplished the two most amazing and funny things of the entire season last year. No contest.

And in doing so, by the way, both the cheating and the title game, they fulfilled something that I know on the full cast, we have wished for vocally a number of times and a number of post seasons in the show's history. We did this during Alabama and Clemsons, endless back and forth. We did this when Georgia seemed unbeatable there for a few years. And every once in a while, even this far into the life of the show, we will get people

seem like, oh, you guys are haters, blah, blah. We're like, no, we hate Florida State. We don't hate anybody else. The difference here is all we want, all we really ever want during these stretches is for something different to happen. Yes. And Michigan gave us this both in the form of their title run itself and the way it was accomplished.

So you had a different title winner and you had a different Michigan semantically doing the title winning. I have no complaints about that stretch of time. Holly, because it was different. Holly, the cascade of funny and unique things that this program has created in the last two years is it is such a benefit. to us specifically, those of us who have to shovel these minds. And we, you know, and we in the full cast, especially, Ryan was spared some of this because

he didn't, he didn't have to go. But, you know, we have been riding the, you know, as proud Michigan alum's bit train ever since our fateful November trip to Ann Arbor, during which they won, by the way, you're welcome. But even then, you know, we want something different. that's all that's all i really want at the end of every postseason i want something that didn't happen the year before to happen this year because i want to tell a new story i want to see i want to tell a new story as a as a creator and i want to see a new story as a fan i would like to add to this list a thing that michigan didn't do that i appreciate in a year where they beat ohio state and they ended the year and technically started the calendar year beating alabama

They didn't beat- Way to set your intentions, guys. They didn't beat Indiana. And they came very close. That game was very close. And I really, like, if Michigan had beaten Indiana, it would not really have changed the trajectory of the 20-24 Michigan season in any super meaningful way.

It would have completely derailed Indiana's season and run to the college football playoff. And it would have made the Ohio State and the Alabama-Vict, is less interesting as like it's a small thing and I don't you're right it's in the variance it is yes the variance yes yes if you had to pick one what was funnier last year Michigan beating Ohio State in the regular season or Michigan beating Alabama in the bowl game in a bowl game to remind everybody where Michigan was basically like fuck it throw anybody out there who wants to play and Alabama was like starters

starters will go we will win this we will win this for all who came before us it's uh i would if if i'm picking if i'm making an overall list i opt for secret third thing which is ohio state winning the title anyway sure but um but uh as as uh as somebody who's is well i don't even have to list my bona fides here it's alabama for me i think i think i might agree with you i i think i might agree with you it it does feel a little contrarian or you know we're joking earlier like hipster but it it's it's funnier now for some reason it's it's it's i think it's funnier because of this weird chapped ass campaign that the SEC's been on all offseason oh my god where they've been just been like uncharacteristically offended and

can i propose something that we've never done before but if we're all still alive next year which who knows can we do something we've never done because i think that both of our shows should go to the Destin meetings and just like and just like Greg hey Greg Greg Greg Greg Greg we've never done it we've never done this I've

never been to these as a reporter because I have never had to and so I have not gone because I don't want to but I thought you were going to say self respect let's host an Illinois tailgate at the for the first time in my career

for the first time I'm a career this year I feel like we missed out on a comedic, from a comedic standpoint at not being at the spring meetings this year. Jesus Christ, Greg. This counts as being nice to Michigan because we are slagging the SEC. This would be a good, this would be a good, this would be good opt to actually resurrect the sub-sluts sort of cosplay. And Ryan said it a second ago, like, just go to the lobby, get credentialed or whatever, and then actually tailgate as like we don't have to be brett belemma but just you know we

could essentially just yell sup sluts at various league officials why brett shaped yeah yeah sup sluts it's case of going on how you down hi jane oh thank god you know i was so relaxed from another national title another day of endless victory and you know the proud very heteronormative norms of our intellectual betters on the internet that I just fell asleep. I love that for you. Ooh, I'm jealous.

That's how I'm... That's how I'm... You know what you can do? You can be like, Pride Month. It's Pride Month. Ohio State won a national championship, and Jane is so unbothered that she's literally sleeping on them.

It's honestly, they said they couldn't make the perfect eight and five season. They were wrong. all right i i want to ask jane this question cold since she didn't come she didn't she's not exposed to our discussion of it i've no idea you're talking about what do you think was the was the funnier michigan victory of last year over ohio state in the regular season or over alabama in the bowl game over ohio state that was the end up comedy it's the funniest thing that's ever happened yeah see we all so we answered we answered the other way but i think that's

because an actual Michigan alum is, you can't separate yourself from that. It's like picking a favorite star in the heavens. And I wonder if some of it is the order, because after Michigan beat Ohio State, there was probably some part of the Michigan brain that's like, well, we could beat out. I mean, lots of people of Vanderbilt's beating Alabama, Oklahoma's beating Alabama. That's a good point. There's way more context to the next one, which makes it a richer text. Yeah.

Yeah, like, also I just think that the degree to which. which the Ohio State victory was a complete and total surprise. Like, we've beaten Northwestern the week before by like 50, and I'm like, it's Northwestern, like, okay. But the Ohio State victory, and the funniest thing, oh, there are many funny things about it. So there's obviously the entrance into the stadium, which did not have the Sicario soundtrack, but now does.

Like, I just prefer to believe it has a Sicario soundtrack the whole time. It's real bad, by the way, when, like, Life comes to you and goes, yeah, you're going to be in a scene that fits the Sicario soundtrack. And you go, huh, which role am I playing? Which role am I playing? Why does my character name have a number three after it? And like, because you get to halftime and I'm like, all right, you know, like 10, 10. Kind of like a weird moral victory, which is like, it's nice.

And then. And then not a goddamn thing happens. Like, it was actually a spectacularly boring game. Like both Gus Johnson and Joel Klatte are reaching. They are reaching so hard. The Pilates both of those men were doing for like three and a dollar. I'm going to say something really mean, but at the time they were doing what they could,

it was giving Mike Keith. it was very, it was very tight in radio. Holding fuck eyes. Jane bringing up the entrance has reminded me why I'm going to change my answer. Okay. Because everything that happened at the end of the Michigan, Ohio State game, makes it much funnier than what happened in the Alabama.

Like, that's the other thing. It's like, yes, obviously, you know, we beat Alabama in a monsoon. And that was funny. That was funny and entertaining. And, like, you know, doing it sort of twice in a sort of calendar year if you get technical. But then the end of the Ohio State game involved tasers,

involved flags, involved the Ohio legislature trying to make it illegal to plant a flag in Ohio Stadium, and it involved my dude, K.O. Mullings, saying, you know, some people just need to learn how to lose. And also his expression during that interview

of really just the most like, Oh, you hate to see that in today's America. It involved Brian Day's emotional operating system with blue screen completely shut down. Just nothing. Most relatable moment by a head coach I've seen in years. Yeah. Like, nothing. Just to, like, and I'm aware, I'm aware that they then go on and have a run where they then win a national champion.

She's air quoting for those feelings. I was going to ask, we track this. We tracked this for a while, guys. Do you know how many touch? I can't remember what the final total was. Do you know me fucking touchdowns they scored after scoring one against fucking Michigan? Oh, they went on a, can I give a guess? Let's see, four.

Let me just ask the Michigander here. Like, that had to be the best. I don't want to talk about it. Them scoring 50 plus a game had to be that. much more fucking satisfying right chain it no other defense could do what you did oh my god was that teamwork was that teamwork were you guys putting your conference mates over the best defense they faced in the run up to winning a alleged national championship with our sorry asses our sorry like a bunch of you know will johnson was like business you know you know business you

I got business to do. Not going to play. Like Rob Moore gotten hurt in the goddamn summer. And nothing. Not a thing. You've got a wide receiver core made out of gods. And you didn't do anything. Again.

I'm sorry. I'm doing, I'm accidentally going into the voice. I want to talk about something else. I accidentally go into the voice of the, I'm sure you have all heard the, uh, Michigan State Notre Dame rants in like 20.

Money. My play. Make plays. Make plays. They didn't, and it was funny. And this also, like, there is something, and I enjoy it, there is something about Michigan the last four years in which Ohio State will come in,

and I'll tell you Spencer about this, Ohio State will come in, and they will have just scored 900 million points against somebody. And then something about it, they were just like, no, we shouldn't do that. No, what we got to do is not that we've got like last year um you know they had i think we held marvin harrison jr to two touchdowns and like 112 yards everybody was like damn locked them up and uh this

past game nothing nothing it was great you can see why i'm so relaxed yeah i'll change my answer i think that was the funnier outcome all right i'm gonna stick with elabama Because it was so funny watching Jalen Milrow, a demigod-level athlete running his ass off. Do you know how many yards that man ran in that game for nothing? He ran. Family circuit shit. I guarantee you, he ran like 1,500 yards in that game for Alabama to have like 200 yards off. All right, number four.

Number four. a behavior that not only can I not dislike, I thoroughly endorse, and one might say, built my career off of observing and reporting on this kind of behavior. Number four reason why I can't hate Michigan anymore. A really rich guy bought his girlfriend a quarterback. It's so romantic, isn't it? They say Sibyl Rie is dead. He's not even a Michigan fan. He isn't, but his girlfriend was like, baby.

Dude, fuck it, the most like, do you want this or a Bugatti? Or do you want both or, you know, three Bugatti's or this? I think for what they're paying him. I don't know what it equates to in Bugatti's. I'm going to stop saying that word. It would be a number of Bugatti. Yes, it would. It would be a number of Bugatti.

Yes, it would. And let me just say, thank you. I didn't. I love it. it's great i hate i hate it because i hate it because kings know your worth she needs to buy you a quarterback that's what you are the prize get off your knees quit letting them run your life here comes spencer's instagram account yeah here comes my instagram sometimes you got to cut toxic people out of your life that's right um it should be boost him not booster

that's right excuse me it's june boost them boost them I just love to see love, you know? I want to see romance in the air. And I will say, though, that if somebody was like, maybe I don't even follow this sport, I don't even know who these people are. But this weird podcast host says that you would really appreciate a $10 million child quarterback.

I like the idea that he went the same way, like, a befuddled husband would go to the counter at Macy's. And he's like, what would you get? And then at the same time, but that's better than trying to go on your own. You just, this is a, this is a tactic. You stand near the cashier and you look bewildered and you wait for somebody to come take you by the hand. Yeah. It works in airports. It works in jewelry stores.

Men do this. Could you try on this price under wood romance? I need, you need to appreciate it. You need to appreciate that on Larry Ellison's desk, there is a notebook. Because it's about outcomes, right? Right. There's a notebook or notepad, because I'm sure he's still the kind of guy who writes shit down. And on it, it says things to buy.

And that list is insane. And at one point, it says quarterback. And it's right between like Island and part of, another part of Malibu. What's this? New liver. I knew, I knew that the second. we stopped fucking around and stopped trying to be like moral or doing anything. I was like, that's when we were going to get business done.

Yes. I've been saying for years because that's like, I think Michigan basketball figured out a little earlier, like, oh, you got a, you got to just a bit, yeah. Just a little bit early, yeah. I have it a lot of fun this year. I have it a lot of fun this year just like texting the SEC logo to members of the Michigan Athletic Department whenever they, whenever they pull off a good caper.

Yeah. I don't fully understand how in a recruiting battle with LSU, LSU was not the party that was like, whoop, girlfriend wanted it, somebody got spent. God, the degree that could be, like, could be any worse at this? Again, y'all, you couldn't have scripted those games.

You couldn't have scripted what occurred in recruiting. If I didn't lay down my sword, it would, like, I would be betraying myself. This storyline is so on brand for the, for the southeastern or just other parts, Ohio State, if you will, it doesn't, we don't really have to limit it to a region. I think a lot of people, when the story broke, I got a lot of people on social saying like, oh, you must feel justified or, you know, like this, they're finally acting. No, no, no, I was happy. I think it's great. I think it's hilarious because, look, the whole reason we're here today is because Michigan fans have deep pockets.

Put that to comedic use. This goes back to what Holly was saying earlier, like, you are giving us content in a way that maybe only you could. And I'm so glad that you got off of the moral high ground and started doing funny things that we could celebrate. That's all we've ever really asked for. And there are people like Jane who there is real peril here. There is peril here in taking the Auburn turn. Because as we recall, the reason that we have an institutional disdain for Auburn dating back to the early aughts is not that they got Cam Newton and Chief. to get him. It's that they pretended they were above it.

Yes. I would never. And I made this comparison before and it makes them really mad and I will make it again. If Alabama had been the ones who had gotten Cam Newton and we had said y'all cheating, they would have come back with your broke. Yeah. And we have, I'm just glad that we have people like Jane on this wall who are, who are, who are front facing with this. Because you may not be poor. poor you may not take this as a compliment

you guys may not take this as a compliment hearing it but we are absolutely delivering it in the spirit of one you are like us now we like yes that's all we ever asked for yeah we never asked you to be right nice down low hanging fruit is tastiest no one ever told you all to act right in fact we were offended that you weren't

we weren't acting wrong honestly with the rest of us and we're overjoyed that you're here let us acknowledge that this is when the new kid with the pocket protector start smoking in the boys' room with the rest of us. You listen to Metallica too? Oh my gosh.

But I also, to Jane's original point, I appreciate that Michigan held their powder until rules were changed and gets to do it all under the like, listen, morality is whatever the rules say is.

Yeah, no, but I love that move because it means like, we were before when we were noble, when we were playing the way we wanted to play but you turned us into this you made me the joker you we must i guess technically we are frankenstein the doctor not the monster yes and i would just like to be clear as far as we all know that's how it happened that we don't know anything like they say

allegedly it's an ongoing investigation there we go cam newton was the only one in that entire bunch who had the correct how did a group of lawyers take this long to have this much fun with plausible deniability that's a great question the second we realized we're like i mean we should have been doing this 30 years ago we should have been doing this 30 years ago when we let's listen that's over because a booster decided he wanted to hang out with some basketball players in the hot tub i vote for i vote for ignoring the fact as we as we would in true southern society ignore the fact that you are late to the party and embrace the fact that you showed up It's true.

Pride, man, don't care. Welcome to the club, baby. We got jet skis. They all have names. We have hinted at a conclusion here because when we discussed this mea coppola of mine, God bless this assembly of minds, we thought, well, if we're modifying this bit and I'm doing a face turn on Michigan, what does that mean that Michigan is? just that much more likable who are we left with what what villain can we cast what punching bag is there that remains and his name has come up i think two or three times during this recording today

already and since we just talked about um that quarterback being purchased out from underneath that particular program uh the first time i ever realized there was a disconnect in terms of like the headaches that we had with the fan bases we were dealing with at sb nation it was after the first and only i guess banish Society Live event. I don't know if y'all remember this. We did it in Atlanta. Does anyone remember what show that was, 2018 season? Who knows? I have no idea. A long time ago. Yeah. Right. So that was the one show we all did together. The next day. That was the prize for the table show is how I always think of it. Yes. Yes, it was. Um, when the next day we got together, we were all watching games. We like got a, we got a conference room in a hotel. This is actually a good use of box

money finally and it was a Michigan Notre Dame Sunday night game Monday I think it was like it was one of those odd times or maybe it was just primetime kickoff that's not the game I remember from this weekend because it's it's the same weekend Maryland beat Texas I think for the second time but it was it was hey was that's the one that's going to stick in my it was the first time or the second time that that happened I believe it was the second time that's fun I love that sorry go ahead so so so where I'm the person I'm heading towards in this that I feel like could unify all of college football and possibly even the fan base that he currently coaches for is that we were talking about just who

were we most exasperated with as working in the new media world social media all this kind of shit and there's a disconnect as Holly and Spencer were instantly like oh man fuck Notre Dame I hope Michigan wins and I was sitting there with like a couple of companies I was like oh no no no no absolutely not fuck Michigan I'm so sick of listening to people talking about the SEC and boosters and corrupt and all this shit. And that's when we realized that that sort of bored, that was the birth of discussing the who's more insufferable Michigan or Notre Dame, which is a debate that we had for five, six, seven years. A while, yeah. And since that is now, I guess, buried for the time being. On both sides. Yeah. On both sides. I didn't want to turn. Both sides have come in the same

direction. Out of respect for the winners. I didn't want to get into the, hey, we're, we're tolerating Notre Dame now conversation. Marcus Freeman is fine as hell, so whatever. There we go. It's weird, but we're there. Ladies and gentlemen, the most insufferable human being, the place to point your genuine incredulity and outrage is currently sullying one of the most entertaining brands and fan bases in all of college football.

So if you're asking, as we leave this today, where do we send our outrage or where do we, where do we point our sarcasm? it's brian kelly we send it specifically to one room within one program because again get out of there buddy you're messing up our playpen yeah i i i think people like blink blink if you can fucking agree with us right now baton rs because i think we're finally turning on man y'all r a d just understands us okay you don't understand we got a serious ad here in the first time we're not going to have any more cage and idiot head coaches we got real football coaches you know it's gonna honestly there were we all did and by the way we all did and by the way

way he put together the best fucking football team that he of us saw for 20 years and he also had the single best response to like wait what's my buyout yeah that's what you do just tell me which can you can you calculate that boats please god doing the back oh that's a lot of boats to this day he said on his way out as he's standing next to a guy who just threw 20 knives in his back he he has this little quip at the end where he says something to the effect of um i i know i can afford a cheeseburger that's what he that's what oh said like at his firing press conference and i've i've run into him a couple times since his firing from lSU and i'll say how are you hey what's going on coach how you been to beat you up no no we're on great terms oh yeah he gives

me parenting advice which is a whole other podcast oh so every time i see him i say how like what's up coach where you doing it and he goes oh just just enjoy the cheeseburger that's his code for and it's an instantly recognized that's his code for hey fuck this entire industry I won they'll never top what I did in a single season

they hired that asshole who everyone can't yet quite admit that they hate and want to get rid of because they have a terrible contract attached to him and by the way they'd have to fire the AD too Ed Orgeron comes out as a total winner in this and for some reason LSU fans get really mad when I say that. Not as many

is not as many as you might think, or not as many as many once have. You brought into LSU a place full of frivolity and illegality and snakes, as far as I can tell. You brought in a man who, like, at any one time, like, you brought Willie Lohman into the situation, who is just all, like, Willie Lohman is like, I was going to say Albert Fudd, but you know, or, oh, no, like, 100% like, you know, Willie Lohman, like, at a level of just, it's funny because, like, he has actually been very successful in many places, and yet at no point has he enjoyed any of it. Like, I don't think he enjoys college football at all. Like, something, I'm aware that college football to coach it, it's not as bad to me as college basketball, which will kill you. Like, college basketball has killed before and will kill again. College football, like,

You know, at some point, it'll kill you, but, like, it'll take a little while, you know? Kind of like, you know, when everybody was like, we're going to put radioactive materials in our drinking water. Why did my jaw fall off? You know, you're like, you'll take some time. But, you know, but Brian Kelly isn't enjoying any part of this. And how can you not enjoy your head football coach? Yes. In Baton Rouge, Louis, he is the only person who's not having a good time.

And it's making me sad. He's enjoying certain aspects of the. real estate, but that's not making it easier for him. Like, like, even, A, Kim Mokie has won a title. Brian Kelly hasn't done that. And even Kim Moky is like, I'm going to get these fits off. I don't care how stupid they are, but I'm going to give them off.

You're like, Kim Mokie, you're a shit person. She's like, call me queen turd. She's like, you're saying. You said, claw your eyes out. Yeah. Not for the first time. She had the press conference where she just walked off the stage going, I take it at test, talking about taking a COVID swab for like

10 minutes. You can. You can go bear in a sequin Dalmatian suit. Kim Mokie would show up to a postgame press conference with a nest of robin eggs and eat them one by one. Making unbroken eye contact. That's right. That's right.

To want to be great or do you want to be great? I thought nobody was going to have a worse attitude towards Britney Griner in Russian prison than me. And as usual, Kim is there to win. It was her coach. It was her former coach. Kim is there to win.

Brian Kelly is in this like weird halfway place where he's like, he's neither so businesslike that you're like he's just like a Belichick robot and like he's just like all football all focus. Can I can we can we can we pull the great unifying thread here? Sure. Because we don't we don't we talk about both sides of this coin a lot, but not as being on the same coin very often. whether you are a good time shit kicker whether you are the most buttoned up business tycoon there ever has been you can be a Dana, you can be a dabbo

that shit only works if you win and yet he kind of has that's the confusing thing about Brian Kelly though he kind of has like it's not an object disaster but it's also not good enough but that's the purgatory that's the purgatory is that it's never horrible.

No, no, no, that's, you know, what's the box from Hellraiser? It's like, yeah, you're going to get a Heisman winner. I mean, Jane, you're not going to like this, but it has Marvin Lewis vibes to me. Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah. Marvin, except also, Marvin Lewis was then tasked also with fixing race relations in the city of Cincinnati. How'd that go? Hey, Jane, what else was going on in Cincinnati at the time?

Anything. Ed racism. You know. No. was all they had to do was put an ed on the end of that and be like ended racism and that's sorted we did it uh yeah i did jane do you remember that lady and do you remember jo at mtv from london yes i do you remember the comic i got to tell y'all the story this was oh god this was summer which i was like which really hot summer where everybody was getting shot 2016 yeah and we had we had

meeting with this woman who i'm going to call joe because that was her name uh and she was over from our london office jane were you in the room for this i can't remember okay uh but she was talking about how things were not great in a number of places in the world at the time fortunately that's all that's all solved since then but uh she was uh you know just sitting in on one of our meetings where we had to you know shuffle multiple people around to cover the uh the latest extrajudicial murder and she said something about like oh you know i just i i it's it's so racist so different over here every time I come over and I before

I could stop myself like I opened my mouth and one of my writers beat me to it he turned and he was like Joe how are all those how are all those Pakistani neighborhoods doing you know doing in London right now and she goes oh we've got that sorted

oh but it sounds funny it's funny you're in the British accent and they didn't even have Marvin Lewis to help thank you poor damn Marvin Lewis I'm going to say one prayer for the quiet man in all this scenario, and I feel, I feel a little bit protective of him because this is very pointless trivia, but we did grow up down the street from one another, so I feel a little bit protective of him. Say a prayer for Matt McMahon, who has not had a good time as LSU's men's basketball coach, but who has to pull into work every day in my head between Brian Kelly's parking spot and Kim Mulkey's parking spot. And I kind of picture him just sitting in the car for 30 minutes every morning before he goes into the office, just like, looking left, looking right. Being like, by all accounts, the most normal human being there has ever been.

And just looking at these two Yehuis and being like, Jesus Christ. I do know of a good coach for LSU. He's currently in Raleigh. Oh, my God. Listen, no, no, no, I'm for this. You want to put him in a scenario where he is encouraged. not just allowed to punch people? I feel like I should say this on the Michigan podcast

just because it'll double down on at least some people who are still chapped at me. We did a phantom island about Will Wade to like basically launch the entire pod feed. Very like, you know, kind of quietly put it out there. That's where I thought we were going when you said Willie Lohman. And then I get a message from his assistant and they're like, hey, what's your shipping address and your shirt size?

And I was like, I don't know. I have more NC state warm up gear around my house than I know what to do with right now and I am rocking the shit out of that. That's corrupt journalist accepting favors. Damn God for you. Right, go blue. I am a little concerned with our conclusion here for one

reason. Why? You launched on your failed crusade against the Michigan Wolverines and it ended with Michigan breaking a long national title drought. Are you at all concerned that by anointing LSU you have now

guaranteed them a national title in the next one no no no but this would mean because we got to the national title by renouncing all of the things godfrey didn't like we know what happens to brian kelly in title games i've seen this movie yeah like we started we started playing like we didn't do the fuck we were in 32 straight times against penn state because they couldn't fucking do anything and then our at the time assistant head coach uh who was filling in because of alleged crimes cried and swore on Fox. It was great.

Ryan, what Jane is saying is that, yes, I am guaranteeing that Dan Lannning will win a national title at LSU. Oh, boy, you just made so many different bases. Woo. There he goes again, folks. This is like, I like this Godfrey is not, I wouldn't say tame or even really like docile, but reserved for an hour.

And then he comes out with a gun that shoots axes in all directions. It's like he saw a sign. was like Beehive Factory, pull over the car. I should crash into that. Kim Mulkey has the most drunk driving energy of any woman I've ever seen who I don't know for a fact has ever actually driven drunk.

Oh, she's been asked to leave a bonefish grill at 6 p.m. for sure. I think she's hitting people with her car sober or not. I got to say that if Kim Mulkey got absolutely hammered at my recruiting dinner and I were like some 6'3 center, I'd be like committed

she's a real one yeah yeah I will say I don't we never really did hash at what she's a real one means but yeah yeah 100% yeah I'm not adding any value the rare derogatory she's a real one yeah

chat GPT can't make that whatever she is we don't doubt that any of it was not genuine very very onion manufactured hey man and no can't say that yeah i believe in a i asshole energy i'm waiting for her to turn up and i'm still waiting for her to turn up and i i'm still

waiting for her to what asshole energy i thought that you were going to say for ashley babet is innocent but