Shutdown Fullcast - Clapshot! Playoff Slander and a terrifying Tour of Scottish Cuisine

Episode Date: December 2, 2020

--An opener with the most amazing glitch in Fullcast history --20 minutes about Scottish food and booze including the legend of CLAPSHOT --We apologize to Michigan for our sins against The Mitten --BYU could have gone 30-0 and still missed the playoff --Jason shares a terrifying Notre Dame stat --We ask: Did the Russians put an ape with a shotgun into space? --Spencer does one accent passably well? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Brace yourself, Jimmy, boy, clapshot coming in! He is really, as awful as your English accent is your Scottish accent is really delightful. I really, really need WWW. Rassler Drew McIntyre to change his finishing move to the clapshot. And like, what is it? I don't care what it is. Clapshotland. Normal punch. Lottie, I'll put peckers and keep you. in there. It's when you punch somebody

super hard, but then you fall down. Your mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, yeah. Okay, that was real. Serber, do you get that? Oh, my God.

Hell yes. We have to keep it, right? Yes, this makes the cut. That's got to be the cold open and so. Holy shit. with horrific mother mother mother because for a minute i thought he was doing it and i was like why are you doing this oh my god no it would it be really dope is if when uh when they come back he's still doing it he's still doing it like it turns out he really was doing it

Holy, oh my God. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast, which is why I want to start with the biggest story of the day. I understand some of you out there listen to this podcast because you like information and news. That's why I'm going to give you the most important news of the day. And by that I mean an important debate in England about whether a scotch egg is a meal or not. That is the most important story, by the way, today. Now, the debate

is this that Michael Gove who is a politician and what kind of name is that Michael Gove Dave Mike Gove who if you look at him that is a made-up word if you look at him he looks like someone who Veep would invent as a caricature of a British politician okay this this is a professor plum that's who that is professor yeah and he even has that look but I'm like, what? You found the wrench? Where? Hello.

Goodness. A child by me? He looks like the way I imagine Jason Garrett looks when Jason Garrett looks in the mirror. Does that make any sense? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like that fits with his actual profile, which is dude who's been trying to be in charge of the conservatives there for years and he keeps failing. That's where he's at.

So he's a Borogove. Yeah. I'm top. Jabberwocky 5. Why am I concerned about this story? Why should you be concerned about this story? Oh, because we caught this man at a catch-22. Because Michael Gove suggested, okay,

after being born in Aberdeen, no less, that scotch eggs were just a starter and not a substantial meal. Are you familiar with what a scotch egg is? Do I need to clarify this for anyone on this podcast what a scotch egg is? Is that when you drop an egg into your morning scotch? Yes. For extra protein. Yeah, the weightlifter's morning scotch.

I ain't going to stop drinking, but I got to keep these gains. Let's put a few in there. That is how Scottish weightlifters work, though. I mean, are you really Scottish if you're not a little bit drunk? It's why they have short but spectacular careers. So you're like, for 90 days, that man was the most incredible weightlifter in the world. And then the scotch caught him. Not the egg.

The egg and the scotch got him there, but the scotch took him down. No, scotch eggs are, I have heard them baked or fried. But I think fried is probably the more proper thing. Because if you want to know where the South got its fascination with deep frying things, came from Scotland, y'all. Nobody fries more things than Scotland. The Texas State Fair pales in comparison. to what happens to the average Scottish person's bloodstream

every single day. Scotch eggs are a part of that. Scotch eggs are hard-boiled eggs. Okay, you got a place, you got to take that egg. Boiled in scotch. And then you have to take it and you coat it in breading, Jason? Breeding, but also you're going to need to make it even more Taco Bell. You're going to put sausage on them.

Well, that is way worse. You're going to need crunchy cheesy You're going to need to make this fourth, fifth, and sixth meal You know every Taco Bell Advertisement for Newton menu item It's like whole uncharted levels of crunchy cheesiness That's the Scotch egg

Which has been around since the 1700s It's kind of like the Taco Bell grenade That is a great fucking idea I'm just going to lay here Taco Bell you just drive past The window will be open. Just lob it right in. I will try to catch it like a puppy dog.

And we will all go about our days. Fire sauce in the hole. Now I'm just thinking about what a food claymore would be. A food claim would be a dozen. You take a dozen scotch eggs. I didn't mean to make you do another voice. I'm sorry. It's happening.

Actually, Haggis might be the food claymore. Haggis is the food clayboard. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right, Scotland, go free. Hagg us the garbage bag of entrails that is the official national food of my historic lineage. So, as a person of Scots Heritage, I have to point out that the Scotch egg comes from London, according to the Wiki.

Oh. A London department store invented this. Heresy. However, while we were talking, I have taken a trip through the Scottish cuisine. wiki page as always an exciting journey can i bring up four dishes right quick please yeah we have a clap shot a traditional scottish dish uh may be served with haggis oat kates mince sausage or cold meat created by the combined mashing of turnips and potatoes known as neeps and tatties With the addition of

You heard him You heard him Neeps and tatties With the addition Now, but wait It gets better, all right With the addition of butter or dripping Wait

Dripping what? Come on down to Scotland to find out That's a condition too Whatever's coming off the roof Just play it under there That's pretty This might be your best accent Aye, thank you

He's watching the duck tails. Dish number two. Glam gold. Dish number two, of course, is sewer plume. Spencer, as a person who speaks... Can you sell that? S-O-R-S-O-R-P-L-O-M. Spencer is a person who speaks Scots.

I'm sure you can translate what a sewer plume is. Soaploom! That's a sour plum! That's right. Sour plum. There's a lot of them where it's basically just like, all right, yeah, Scott's is somehow a real. language and yeah uh dish number three rumbledy thumps no i beg your no that's not real that's right

uh the main ingredients are potato cabbage and onion these are all pretty similar uh it's similar to irish cole cannon and english bubble and squeak bubble and squeak yeah yeah uh i'm on the opposite side of spencer and holly any any noise could come out of jason's mouth and i'd say i'm sure that is a scotch dish absolutely he's very he's very reliable It's like if he was just naming Star Wars secondary, sure, whatever. Have you played Among Us, by the way? Amongst us. Among us is a game where you can, if you are the imposter trying to kill people,

you can sneak into other rooms through a vent. Scotland is the vent for Scandinavia to sneak into England and be like, that bad food's here! We brought more of it! Yes, yeah. And finally, dish number four, of course, the most Red River rivalry meal. in all of Europe, the deep fried Mars bar is a

it's basically the most Scottish dessert delicacy Okay I want you imagine by the way that you're all cranked like okay now all these foods are available to you right but you've decided to go out and have a night on the town

however it is a bit cold both in your bank account and outside How do you say night on the town in Scottish? Just make it up. A night on the town? Yeah. oh that's a ronnie brook that's when you're going out with ronnie and he's drunk as hell and he wants to fight that's not a donny brook because donnie donnie donnie died three years ago drowned in the brook he drowned in the brook three scotch eggs in his belly so he died happy um i am real sorry to dc trojan and all the other scottish people who i know listen to us very sorry but imagine by the way that you're the americans aren't going to fare much better so it's fine

Oh, what's going to happen? If I show up in Edinburgh and somebody head butts me, I'm going to feel at home. They're going to be like, you asshole, you did a terrible accent on a podcast, I'll headbut you. I'll be like, thank you. Spencer's going to headbut somebody, and they're going to be like, he speaks the ancient tone. Imagine, by the way, that you're out and you go, well, I'd like to eat three scotch eggs and some clap shot. Clap shot.

What's going to go in my face while I'm doing that to keep me warm? How about some buckfast? Now, this is a step beyond, I think, because Buckfast is a fortified wine with caffeine. Thank you, God. That, by the way, is produced in such quantity as to be transported in tanker trucks. If you go to the Wikipedia page, there is the Buckfast tanker truck, which is like a milk truck, but it's filled with caffeinated, fortified wine. This was allegedly based on a traditional recipe from France made by Benedictine monks.

You can't just blame everything on France. who had it as a tonic but what happens when you take an abbey's finest tonic and transport it en masse to scotland well we turn it to buckfast which is traditionally considered riot fuel it's it is and i quote produced an association with the loudish ned culture and antisocial behavior yeah the what culture ned ned culture is that like a lad um i Well, yes, and I will... It's an FIU thing. Yeah, it's a Scottish people saw that happening and they're like, I... He's the one to do that. My only complaint about the Scotch egg is that to be, I feel like a truly, you know, United Kingdom British Empire dish. If you have an ingredient in the name, that ingredient should not be in the dish.

Like Welsh Rarebit does not have rabbit in it. and like sweetbreads completely not that that i see that i appreciate because i like the yeah i'm with you i like the stealth aspect right right and i think i have a good example here all right another another uh Scottish dish it's an alternative to the pancake made from fine ground oatmeal uh and the name of it is something that you would likely not enjoy if it were ground into oatmeal and made into a pancake it is of course the festycock right right um i'm going to read to you the greatest single paragraph in all of wikipedia okay because buckfast buckfast buckfast has by the way if you drink a 750 milliliter bottle of it and boy shouldn't you

i'm sure it's not pronounced buckfast you know what buckfast is the meal you have with your buckfast which you're going to need because you're going to be awake but also very drunk because it's 15.5 percent alcohol and in addition to that the high caffeine content you finish off one bottle it's like drinking eight cans of coke yeah a diet of four bottles this is directly from the entry has been described in a scottish court as not conducive to a long life it's a matter of legal record but this that's not what i wanted to read to you i wanted to read this to you the beverage is entered the popular lexicon nickname such a as wreck the hoose juice commotion lotion Cumbernauld rocket fuel Wait say that last one again Cumbernaud rocket fuel

That's a big 12 receiver Mrs. Brown Bucky Baracchus I'm not done Mrs. Brown is a very sneaky one It really is That's some shit you can Yeah you can order that at jail

Yeah Other nicknames Coat Bridge table wine Bucky Bucky Baracchus and a bottle of What the hell you're looking at It has also earned the unofficial slogan Buckfast Get You Fucked Fast

Nice The drinks prominence within the Buckfast Bucky triangle An area east of Glasgow between Air Drie Coat Bridge and Cumberdoll Has raised concern In addition The glass bottle has been

blamed for contributing to litter and providing drunkards with the weapon. So one day when I finally return to my ancestral homelands y'all can come. We're going to have a great time. Also the, so you know, every region

sort of has its own pizza, has its own style of pizza. Of course, the Scottish style is deep fried pizza because, as always, it is basically super America. It's the distilled, it is like, It's basically, you know, when you buy a concentrated, like, iced coffee, right?

They're like, hey, listen, you got to pour, like, one shot of this. That happened to you this year. It did. Yeah, you don't drink the concentrate, right? It's like America concentrate. You need to water down your Scotland, right? Also, it's incredible looking at all this, and I can't quite figure it out. Like, why this country is so bad at sports?

Just this doesn't make any sense at all. And then you go, So, ah, Buckfest and Scotch eggs. Got it. Spectacular athletes for 90 days. Powering up for the 100 meter with a big old barrel of clap shot. Just their approach to food sounds so violent. What is it?

Clap shot. Just put it in your face. Surprise. So on the Scottish cuisine Wikipedia page, there's a drinks section. Yeah. man, of course there is. There are four non-alcoholic options, and there are...

That's sweet. 12 alcoholic options. That's right. So here's something... You know what would be really fun is to go through the Scottish Cuisine WikiPage and turn each of these into Pokemon. Yes.

Like the bramble. That's a Pokemon, right? The... The... Haggis, like, there's serving to... Several kinds of haggis. That's an evolving Pokemon. Haggis is one of those little ones with spines on its back.

Haggis starts out cute, right? Oh, it's a little sheep. And then, oh, no. Something has come out of the sheep. We've taken a turn. I love this headline. Buckfest, a drink with almost supernatural powers of destruction. Scotland has like sparks the country.

It is. Old Sparks. It's like three loco. You remember when four loco could actually be fully loaded for a loco? Spencer, you were in your 40s, but Ryan and Jason, we were in college. Yeah. Yeah. And I was still drinking it.

So when you're in your 40s, let's see if you go that hard. Don't. Don't. Don't. No, you really don't want to. Here is probably the vaguest Wikipedia page on a food item I've ever read. The Lucky Tattie is a type of traditional sweet made in Scotland. The Lucky Tati is flavored with Cassia

and steamed and covered with cinnamon powder. The tattie used to contain a small plastic lucky charm in the Centra. That's European for Center. Hence, the Lucky, due to health and safety, they were removed. And no point does it explain what a tattie is. It's written as if there's only one of them, and it used to have a small plastic charm in it and no longer does.

So if you see it, beware. I think we have a really good transition point, by the way. Yeah, speaking of things that have small plastic charms lodged in them. Well, you were saying, well, you mentioned Forloco, right? Where was Forloco invented? I'm going to guess Ohio just without even thinking about it. You are correct. Oh, good.

But not just Ohio. You say invented. What you should say is discovered. Yeah. Discovers. Unleashed. This is the Indiana Jones movie that they never released. It's on the periodic table next to Fago.

Could we go with, could we go with, um, revealed? Yes. It's first victims. The first outbreak of four logo. And the burning, the burning bush vomited up a can and said, drink it, Moses, you pussy. I needed to go fight somebody for me. Hey, go fuck up that statue down the mountain. Hey, that, that, that asshole down at City Hall.

one of these will get you ready to fuck that motherfucker up that sucks that you would do you'd be like hey dude listen I can't go down there and like fight that guy because I'm a bush yeah beat that cow up beat that stupid cow I don't know that cow's got like an old like Buckeyes leather jacket and some like acid washed jeans I don't know if I want to mess them here drink this he'll get you ready do you earn the acid washed jeans in Ohio is it's like a that's like an acid at you At your regular jeans. I got another acid fight. Now my jeans look sick. We filtered this malt liquor through the jeans of the toughest 52-year-old guy we know at the gym, and that's how we got four loco. We call him Uncle Steve, and he has no brothers or sisters. We had Chris Spielman spitting it.

That's why it tastes awesome. I told you this is a great intro. But enough about Scottish food. But that's Scottish food. Which, by the way, I don't know. Y'all never drank, like, none of you actually drank For a Loco, right? Are you looking at me like I didn't go to Tennessee? Did you drink Four Loco?

Yes. Okay. Did you ever get extremely messed up on Four Loco? The first time, I'm going to say one sentence, which is that the first time I ever tried it, my roommate had made red beans and rice that night. Don't ask me why I remember that, but you can guess. Probably because you experienced it twice Yes

At least Oh you caught a little bit of clap shot You caught the short clap clap It's when it goes in reverse The I know Ryan didn't Jason you never got hammered on a four loco Did you?

Hammered, no, sampled And that's enough thanks That was enough yeah i did and i have my what my favorite sentence in my biography is this one time i became very intoxicated on four local in idaho yeah with boise state fans you gotta watch out for those folks they'll mix anything they really really they're the virginia tech of the upper northwest yeah don't do it they're all minors or they drink like minors every single one of them speaking of a different kind of drinking like minors yeah yeah i just gave you a segue but i don't know

where we're talking about that's well that's good yeah let's see where this lands four loco was for loco of course like just lobbed up like a no look and just turned around and walked away let's see what happens like all great it's like a it's like a it's like a no look but not necessarily in the direction of the basket we're not even playing a sport right now like all great Contagents and Plagues. Just picture me walking away, hands outstretched. Nick Young, just dark. Yeah.

All great contagions and plagues come from the state of Ohio, and in particular from Columbus. Ohio State grads are, to credit, blame, and to be feared for unleashing four loco on the world. All amazing, amazing catastrophes inevitably have some kind of tie-in to the great state of Ohio. We got one of those right now? Is that happening? Did we get one of those tonight? Did he graduate? I guess my quibble is whether or not he actually graduated.

I don't know, actually. But. You could ask, oh, no, you can't. No. I mean, like it's difficult to get a diploma from Ohio State. They hand out like 30,000 at a time. Yeah. Go Gators.

15,000 at a time. Thank you very much. Oh, he did. He did graduate. Oh, that's sweet. What's his degree in? Business administration. well he got given the business tonight

we're talking about that other kirk the one we don't like i i don't know i don't know what people but i didn't know what dabbo was thinking when he said something to the effect of florida state being scared to play clemson oh he said florida state was scared to play clemson yeah which again what makes you think florida state isn't afraid to take an ass whipping from anyone based on their performance over the last couple of years you're like no no no they'll get beat by

anybody they'll show up anywhere and get beat by anyone and i thought well maybe we saw the last of that apparently we didn't see the last of that my sweet sweet summer child i know so during tonight's uh college football playoff rankings super show because it's very important that we have a long broadcast to reveal a list of 25 names. I did not see the show itself, but I know that Kirk Herb Street, I don't know if he directly said it or if he just strongly implied that Michigan was going to try to fake COVID so that they wouldn't have to play Ohio State. Is that roughly the starting point?

He's been listening to the full cast because I guess after he blocked Spencer for making fun of his weird, sweaty earthquake skin, he missed us. Sure. I'm no longer blocked by Kirk Herb Street, by the way. I don't know when or how that happened. Oh, it's because you're in the, it's because you're in the ESPN family networks. Oh, it's because of talking out loud, Monday nights at seven on the SEC network. No, it predated that.

It predated, it's been like a year now. That's how you got the job. Oh, my God. Just take the picture off the Twitter. Anyway, I got some, I got some shit to say to Kurt, and I hope that y'all will let me get this off my heart. Speak on it. Kirk got turned around in a real hurry because in what I would call an unexpected speed for a man of his age, agility, and girth. He went from railing against Michigan's alleged cowardice in the face of an unprecedented and still largely unknown

disease that is ravaging the nation and the globe to apologizing while looking sweaty and taught into his phone and putting it on the internet he ends the tweet that frames this i mean he thinks it's an apology so we can call it that he ends this tweet thusly with uh i'm talking to three english majors here you're you're going to tell me if what i'm about to read is an imperative sentence of Michigan football for my words he's telling us to apologize to Michigan football for his words right yes I haven't I won't because I won't I didn't say shit to Michigan football Kirk and I think you should take some fucking responsibility could it maybe be I really you know Michigan I'm really sorry for what happened to you and you know when Kirk Earp Street said that dumb shit about you

like I really sympathize with you Michigan now I apologize to Michigan for all kinds of things that I have misunderstood about that we have enough to apologize to Michigan for on this show Kirk and I wish that you would pick up the fucking shovel and fill in this hole that you dug your damn self I will say this I didn't I don't think I appreciated to Nard Robinson enough I'm sorry about that Michigan you know what else I didn't appreciate enough about it the simple beauty of night moves by Bob Seeger I didn't that's a beautiful song and I'm sorry I didn't appreciate it before I got to like the age of 35 we don't thank Michigan enough for the fact that they didn't invent Twitter in the age of the

Unabomber and we don't have to listen to Michigan graduate Timothy McVeigh's tweets. Okay, I'll apologize to Michigan. I am sorry Michigan that Kirk Herb Street talked about Michigan football at all. It's the playoff show. You rightfully thought that there was no reason for you to be discussed even obliquely. It's unfair that this, in this, your dumbest year in some time anybody on ESPN is talking about you you should be allowed to wallow in your own corner and it's disrespectful that people are opening the door and pointing at you and saying, Ryan, look, he shit his pants. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. Yeah. I got to take an issue with their they a Michigan man does not wallow in a corner. That is a reading nook. Okay, it's a fox.

There's a lamp. There's a lamp and everything. Get out of my book's foxhole. Get out! This is my sulking, cubby. Just crawl in there and talk to Mr. Tumnus and shut the door behind you. Oh, now I made myself sad. This is my feelings, trench, and I will advance out of it very slowly for many years. I love the notion of, by the way, immediately leaving the room and writing a note on your own stationary that says, I was. Sir, I was not to be mentioned tonight, and I was mentioned several times.

I objected this mentioning of me in a non-mentionable meeting. Anyway, we don't know what happened here. We don't know why Kirk got turned around on his skis that fast. The speed with which it happened makes me hope that it was somebody at the network, by which I mean, I hope Desmond Howard tore him limb from limb, go blue. But has, okay, has everybody gotten everything they need to say about this out of their system? Because I need to move us on to one more thing about this. I have one more thing I want to add, if that's okay.

I also have one more thing I want to add And I suspect that it's the same as yours Let's rock Let's rock paper scissors Say it at the same time One two three Ready? Okay

When we're going one two three three or one two three go? We'll do one two three shoot And then once you're done Be honest and say what you through Okay Oh I thought we were saying the words out loud Okay yeah that's a good idea Okay Spencer you do one two three

Spencer you do one two three And then Holly and I will eat to say it Okay One two Three paper paper Shit shit Shit One

two, three. Paper. Paper. Shit. One, two, three. Paper. Rock. Shit.

Tenacity. Tenacity wins the day. That was Florida State behavior. You would have stayed on paper until hell for us. I've seen this game before. Christ, I'm delirious. You were established. the run i really appreciate that yeah anyway the only thing i wanted to say is that this is

absolutely the point at which michigan should fake a covid outbreak wow wow they'll never suspect holy shit right right what was the thing you want it's not even important holly it's not even important so i can think about now is this is after kirk has apologized this is absolutely the time that they need to make it out break and keep oh we mentioned clue earlier this is the point at the clue game where somebody says it was you professor you professor plum and everyone's like it couldn't be professor plum and everyone's like no he's a good dude professor plum at that moment should stab someone in the face what uh what game did kirk call last week goodness jason i don't think i know i don't know um

It was a weird week, wasn't it? Because they didn't get... Beth Mowens is on the primetime game. Yeah, I'm trying to find the last time he was in Ann Arbor. Hmm. Interesting. Let's just say it was last week. Do they have, like, a minimum degree requirement to set foot inside the city limits?

That might be his problem. Because I'm thinking what they could go with is they could say they caught it from Kirk. you know his face is super spreading that had to be the kind of thing by the way like as as like like if you say dumb shit on TV you know that it's dumb and it's coming out of your mouth and you're like I can't stop it there's like another I got another sentence full of stupidity to get out of

this before I can stop it because I'm mid sentence and I got to do it should be clear it's not funny when people call your boss because of shit you say on television or the internet, it's real funny when you're raging behind the scenes misogynist piece of shit to all your female colleagues, and then that shit happens. Playoff rankings.

Oh, you mean the point where Ohio State is four and no behind an eight and one Clemson and still has to play Alabama? Uh-huh. Yeah. Ohio State might not be getting off that. four and oh y'all we might have I don't know why they would want to what perfection

I mean why play more football 4 and 0 what are they going to put A&M in Ohio sit you won four games let it ride respect to A&M by the way for getting a high playoff ranking and immediately just turned out just looking like

absolute garbage and trash I hope they keep it up I hope they win but I hope they'd look like absolute trash for the last two weeks and yet no Texas agricultural and mechanical so let's let's let's see can you all spontaneously remember all four of the of those wins where absolutely not okay how many schools do you think we can name before we get to the right ones you can get some of them i'm confident i mean indiana yes correct that's their big win their big win is indiana that is they beat they beat uh penn state who correct was ranked at the time

which i don't think were they yeah i guess they were i'm pretty sure it was early on no they were oh no they were already they were already o in ones they might have dropped out uh did they play illinois they did not and they opened uh you're you're missing rutgers in nebraska honest to christ i'm not sure i would have gotten rutgers penn state was indeed number 18 at the time that's quality winsor god this like It's very hard. Other than the, listen, the Indiana game counts. But it was also, it was, that's their best win.

And it was also their, like, weakest showing, I would argue. Like, the fact that- I think you mean their most competitive matchup, Ryan. That is what I mean. The fact that, like, nobody's going to care that the four-and-o, that what this four-and-o consists of is a lot of junk, is a lot of fucking garbage. I think that goes for everybody, though.

Okay. Like, let's take that out. Bama's got three really good wins. All right. Clemson. Your best win is Miami, who's, okay, their records, nice, right? Is anybody really impressed? Cincinnati, okay, we're not going to pick on Cincinnati.

Florida, you beat Georgia. Cool. You know, let's see, BYU being wrongfully, wrongfully treated. A&M somehow every team I click on they beat in Auburn A&M you're up next you know Oklahoma

Texas and quadruple overtime impressive you know like no one's beating anybody it all sucks Bama's beating everyone Notre Dame

Notre Dame has the has the year's best win that's where we're at they really do although like I think it's funny in this great credit default swap scheme that we have here of loans built on loans

built on loans that is we need more banks man we need more banks because we got to get these some of these loans got to get gone yeah we do call miami in indiana basically even right sure historically that's always been true and i think miami fans would agree with that they would our natural rival they have a they have a similar number of of teams that retroactively get called the greatest ever because of well you know just in different sports um but yeah i mean add some fluff on to Ohio State's resume and it's pretty similar to Clemsons. Clemson being ahead of Ohio

State's fine, but. But we're not, but to be clear, we're not even going to add the fluff. Nope. Yeah, but why would we need to? I mean, come on, we know they're one of the four best teams. Why would we get added a egg wrapped in sausage? Yeah, we should why would we just have an egg when we can deep fry it? I feel like what

cutting a month out of Ohio State season is, it does, is like, let's just cut the bullshit. Like, we know they're going to be either number four or number five every single year. Let's do that. whether they play any games or not. I do, okay,

I would have appreciated more if they had just played Nebraska, got shut down the rest of the year, and still been, then I would have been fine with it. Then if it had just been on the strength of the Nebraska win. It's just what they did to our Hoosiers. That's what sticks in the crawl.

See, the Galaxy Brain take for me is this, Indiana's fifth. Because they've actually, they've played more games at Ohio State. They almost beat Ohio State, and they're five and one. so like if we're attributing all that magic big 10 power to ohio state i don't know

there's a lot of that sort of magical big 10 power in indiana too they're just right there they're right there they're practically the texas a and m of the big 10 so why don't we have them at five or six great question why's georgia why's georgia all the way up there they're six and two i'm sorry that's two games that's one that's that's a 100% increase in losses that's right from teams ranked below them like miami and my beloved Indiana. And our BYU Cougars. And our BYU Cougars, who, by the way.

They don't even have the one. Y'all, they played nine games. They could play 20, I mean this, they could have played 28 games at this point, and they still wouldn't put them in. BYU could be sitting on 30 and zero for the year. They could have played games on Wednesday, Thursday. They could have cut out the avocado,

toast and the frivolous shopping and got a roommate i stopped buying coffee out and i i steal coffee from people instead i'm just jealous because b yu's got enough sacks of flour to last all through this pandemic winter sorry about you georgia miami oh i know who doesn't have that florida no way no way florida no every florida fan's like i'm just going to loot that's it i'm not going to prep just going to take somebody else's prep listen man i got a big thing of peach rings the gas station and the pandemic started and i got to make a blast all right see it's the two colors that make the nutrition that's right one side is protein that's the good that's the thicker color the jelly side that's fruit that's candy candy those things aren't jelly not in florida man's brain

they are no no no he's like gummy worms those are protein right that's right yeah Ooh, protein-infused gummy worms. Write that down. That's got to exist. Hold on. Protein. Okay, Ryan, while you look that stuff, I need to run my invention by Spencer and Jason. Not literally yet.

But I absolutely am not making this up. I invented something in a dream that I think is amazing. Okay. Have you ever given a gift to a parent? It's probably a parent. Or to, you know, a loved one who, was a little bit older who you had to give something that appeared useful but really you just wanted to annoy them yeah okay what if a robot vacuum reasonably priced runs well solidly constructed

but the entire time it's running it tells jokes how blue are the jokes are there settings for the jokes absolutely not these are like romata in comic jokes sure right yeah right like and I said and then the rabbi said hey that's not a duck yeah pretty good yeah I I want the yeah the most basic humor possible yeah um yeah I went I went Norm McDonald at that one roast at the Bob Sagget roast yes this is the exact example I was giving to Spencer just imagine this little robot butler whirring around your house going this corner is for the birds there's a shit time of protein guys it's possible I've been inside too long

Okay, anyway, Ryan. There's a shit ton of protein gummies. You have missed this. Oh, God, dang on, hang on, hang on, hang out. Protein'gummy what's. Oh, okay, that's fair. They're just listed as protein gummies. No, we got to conquer the shapes in market.

You're looking for like a hairy, a hairy beau, a hairy bro. Maybe. Is that the name of the company? Oh, God. Yeah. Harry bro. Here is we capitalize on the twin engines of gummies with protein in them and nostalgia. and make like the dinosaur-shaped protein gummies.

And that's how we get swole kids. This is also, we take that, and then we invest it in our big, huge subscription product, which is the vacuum that tells jokes. And we update the jokes. This gives a whole new meaning to juicy juice. Right? Just that vacuum caught on a rug with tassels, right,

going like, the doctor says, the doctor says, my wife, my wife. The doctor says you'll live to be 60. I told him I am 60. The doctor said, see, I told you. God. Just this robot kind of bumping it. Also, it could go downstairs in my dream.

And it was like, Doc, it hurts when I do this. Well, stop doing that. There's no laugh track on the vacuum, by the way. It just tells these jokes into silence. Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer. Yeah. I like this.

Thank you. You have a terrifying Notre Dame stat for us, Jason. That's right. Based on various scheduling. bullshit, Notre Dame has clinched a spot in the ACC Championship. One try, one successful appearance

out of 114 years. They've been in a conference for one year and it's gone great. Here are the Power Conference teams that also have one appearance in a conference championship. There might be an error somewhere in here. I only went through it once. A small sample size theater.

Arizona, Arizona State, Baylor, Duke, Iowa State. We're going to count it. Mississippi State. North Carolina. Northwest. Western, you might be off this list pretty soon. Miami, Penn State, Pitt, South Carolina, TCU, Virginia, one each. Here are the teams, power conference teams that don't have any conference title game appearances. Unlike Notre Dame, Cal, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisville, Maryland, Minnesota, NC State, Oklahoma State, Ole Miss, Oregon State, Purdue, Rutgers, Syracuse, Texas Tech, Vanderbilt, Washington State, West Virginia.

That's 19. Oh, there's 20. Michigan. You're on here, too. Wow. Huh. So that's, God, that's rough. As they say in Scotland, that's a spicy meat of ball.

Michigan, you just got clap shot. Brace yourself to me, boy, clapshot coming in. He is really, as awful as your English accent is your Scottish accent is really delightful. I really, really need WWW. Rassler Drew McIntyre. Change is finishing move to the clapshot And like what is it

I don't care what it is I don't know It's a normal punch Lottie I'll put Peckers and Keepys in there Keppers and Peekies It's when you punch somebody super hard But then you fall down

Your mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Okay you heard that too right yeah okay that was real server do you get that oh my god hell yes we have to keep it right yes this makes the cut that's got to be the cold open and so holy shit that was horrible mother mother mother mother because for a minute i thought he was doing it

I was like, why are you doing this? Oh my God. No, it would be really dope as if when they come back, he's still doing it. He's still doing it. Like, it turns out he really was doing it. Oh, my God. It's time for some podcast business. Podcast business.

What's that business? Podcast business. You can hear you want some business with some podcast. It's a podcast and it's business, yeah. Jesus. Spencer is now our ranking, Scott. Aye. Eat shit, Scott's step.

So by the time you hear this. Why is that the funniest thing that's happened tonight? You haven't heard the cold open yet. Once you do, you'll be fine. Um, by the time you hear this gentle listener, there will be new merchandise available where at homefield apparel.com. What kind of merchandise you're wondering? Is it another school that's coming on board? Is it new designs of an existing school? Honestly, it could be. I can't promise you it's not those things. But Spencer, Jason, what do we know for sure is going to be going up on home field apparel? uh tomorrow wednesday december 2nd well assuming uh this episode doesn't happen to go you know to publish back in time or something like that you know you can never be too sure about these things fair yeah

uh there a moon crew collection at homefield apparel dot com we got a shutdown full cash shirt a splits on duo shirt a moon crew shirt a sinful seven shirt and we are in fact joined by a school there's a vacation bible school shirt in there so yeah yeah there's a school sort of sure that's that's that's a good point um and i don't know if it's going to make it up in time i did submit a design that is um just a middle school photo of stephen godfrey on a shirt in case you want that i didn't but now i really want to so uh godfrey's wife call us like right now she knows who she married I hope yeah she saw that picture of him and still married him yeah he's tall now though that's true that's it what's what's Stephen Godfrey's most appealing quality he's very

tall and very handsome you know having a tall husband was probably more appealing before we were all locked in our homes now it's just like moving stretch yeah it's just like you're fucking femurs you're breathing so high up how are you always blocking the television always that woman's Cajun too she's gonna put his leg bones in a soup there's so much husband to store I knew I should have gone with the compact low energy husband but instead I had to buy the full big green egg husband think about it when you live when you live with somebody that tall you always buy 20% less couch than everyone else and 20% more shirt yeah and never ever any leg room in your vehicle.

No, never. Imagine getting into a car or truck seat after Stephen Godfrey has sat in it and trying to reach the pedals. Just imagine being this far into the pandemic and being like, oh my God, a fucking scarecrow is screaming about the Atlanta Falcons

inside my house. An end. There's an end who's like, we've decided you are not our coach. He sure files like an int. Arthur Blank does move at int speed And you think about it like I need another year to ponder

This man who started two and six And then did it again We've decided to give this weird OGM another year Even if you decide not to Buy the middle school t-shirt of Stephen Godfrey That again I have not actually submitted to Homefield there are many other options there's the moon crew collection jason just described there are all the others uh comfortable stylish extremely uh warm and cuddly sweatshirts t-shirts i can't say the pants

because the pants are out of stock and every time somebody tweets at homefield about put the put the sad dog on the pants they get all huffy and they're like stop telling us to put the sad dog on the pants so please refer to them as the doggers the doggers i apologize But all the other options are still there. You can still use offer code full cast to get 20% off your first purchase. Yeah, you can live a life of luxury and comfort, unless, of course, you're Stephen Godfrey, in which case, you are just that wacky, inflatable man at the auto dealership,

except you are mad about the Atlanta Braves. Spencer, could you say time to put on my doggers? Scottish accent. Ah, it's time to put all me doggers. Nailed it. Fucking nailed it. So, since... He should do the whole show as a Scotsman.

Like, fuck being American. Left me... Left me doggers in the jakes. Noted liberal Ryan Nanny says fuck being American. He's too leftist for the full cast. He says he could be... Too radical for Georgia. That's why we moved him.

to Nashville. Totally exonerated. Okay. We need to talk about totally exonerated because Spencer and I have both seen these. Jason, did you see these on TV during the general? Because they've been running these on television like before now. I don't know why it just showed up on social now. Totally.

But David Purdue has been running these like I am not a crook ads. David Purdue was totally exonerated for selling his citizenship for a pair of doggars. If you watch it on mute, it looks like an attack ad. and it was made by his own campaign. Yeah, and Kelly Leffler has one also that, like, the first half of it is, like, you know, didn't actually do all those crimes. Clear of all wrongdoing. And then it hard pivots to, like, pastel tones.

Kelly Leffler uses her illegally earned billions for the good of poor people. You know, like, it, you know, it at least pivots to something besides totally exonerated, even though. Some of my gardeners are poor people, I'm told, by my chattelin. Her hairdresser is fucking poor because she's not paying her anything. I have some friends in certain marginalized communities who have distinct opinions about why her hair looks like that. Because the person doing it hates them. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Holly, I've got a question. If somebody wanted to learn more about the special elections in Georgia coming up or the state of Georgia, politics more broadly where would one find such a resource hey folks this is not a joke not that anything we say on this program is a joke but i am working for the next eight weeks on a special edition miniseries podcast with my friends at unir it is called ground game georgia it is hosted by me and my friend marcus patrick elsworth first episode drops wednesday december second the point of the show is to take you through all of the grassroots operations and other organizations in Atlanta and elsewhere that have been mobilizing voters throughout the Senate runoffs because you might have heard we live in a beautiful

baby blue state right now and control of the Senate rests with oh shit Georgia winning a contest in January what could go wrong anyway first episode is me and Marcus talking to Robert john Ina Hosa from Song Power, which is the 501C4 arm of Song, Southerners on New Ground. It is an intense 20 minutes. We cover a lot of ground. Robert John is fantastic. And we ended up making him the entire show because he was such a good interview. He was going to be on for like eight minutes and he just kept talking and all of it was wonderful.

You could find us at groundgamepod.com at ground game pod on Twitter, ground game pod on Instagram. Come check it out. It's going to be, I don't know. it'll be a fucking podcast how am i supposed to end this speech no you did it that's how we usually that's how we usually end this show right this man this is a great thing about working with a whole bunch of people who aren't me is i just have to talk into a mic and then i'm done one more shout out the guy who hired me to do this podcast is a long time edsbs reader like before i even started

there and the show is being edited by a guy who i know because he last year last year after our live Charlotte show sent me a special wave form that he had made of our sack time impressions. So Jim and Dan, our footbuncles, are indirectly responsible for assembling the team that made this runoff's podcast. And I know they're proud. Go blue. Democracy dies. Democracy dies in crossing routes. Democracy dies in dorkness. Anyway, sorry, I got sincere for a minute and I felt uncomfortable. Let's go back to the other thing. but please go listen to the show. It's really good,

and a lot of smart people who aren't me are working on it. We got any more podcast business to take care? We have one more important item. If you, dear listener, like us, have roughly a billion fewer dollars than Kelly Leffler, then have we got the app for you?

You should visit acorns.com slash full cast to clave a $5 bonus when you begin using the easiest magical investment app that I have ever encountered at long-time listeners, as in two weeks or so, know that I have. invested a handful of dollars and i was bragging about my seven cents and winnings recently that

all going towards my eventual retirement uh i'd like you to know that the market has boosted that up to 16 cents and climbing and climbing saw it we were sitting next to a millionaire rich folks only in your mentions it wasn't the market it wasn't the market it was the invisible hand of the market and who discovered that invisible hand scotsman adam smithsman That's fucking right. That's right. Ryan, I think that was the invisible ham of the market. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. Invisible ham. Aberdeen's finest. And this pig loves acorns, baby. It's like, Adam, who drank all that scotch? Oh, it was an invisible hand. Oh, we invisible hand. Used to call him the invisible wallet because it was tab never getting paid.

This is a scotch down full cast. I assume Adam Smith was actually just a pickpocket. And he pivoted. to being an economist to explain it away um there's a lot of fucking pickpockets who are economists today so yeah that's pretty noble professions running side by side yeah by the way let me just go ahead say adam smith might sound like the most scottish person because you know the invisible hand that definitely didn't eat those scotch eggs or take the last bottle of buckfast no it's david hume the philosopher who was like you don't know the sun's not coming up tomorrow you don't

know what's coming up you just assumed that like oh what glorious pessimism yeah i mean in the In northern Britain, it's really not a guarantee you're going to do anytime soon. Acorns is the country's leading saving and investing app. The Rock uses it. And he has a lot more money than we do combined. For now. In 1,000 lifetimes. For now.

Hey, hey, the Rock. You know, the Rock's production company is called 5 bucks production because, you know, at one point he had $5. Well, 16 cents productions is coming for you, brother. Jason, I hate to correct you, but that name of that production company is called 7 bucks productions. and only started with five. No, I'm saying those two extra bucks clearly came from where?

Acorns.com slash fullcast boosted the rock to everything he has ever produced would not be where he is without acorns.com slash full cast.

Destroyed that ad read in the best possible way. Excellent job. Sorry, I said the invisible ham because I was looking ahead to our next topic, Brett Bilema. Yeah, I just kind of wanted to mention.

It was a very visible ham. Perhaps the most visible ham. You can, like, see the ham waves coming off of him. It's like, it's like a whole different part of the spectrum of light. The ham spectrum. I just, you know, that's where they get ham radios. Why are you laughing? Ultra porcine.

I'm glad you went quantum mechanics with this because you said ham waves. And I immediately saw Matthew McConaughey being like, detach. I'm going into the ham, brother. It's the blackest hole of all. It's all ham waves out there. You, me, the birds, the sky, this beaic, it's all ham waves. I'd like to apologize to my colleagues and our entire audience for making Spencer watch Interstellar. He just gets to the end of the universe and it's a bunch of hanging hams.

My daughter's on the other side of these hams. And my daddy, he's one of these frozen ham. Yes. Here he is, Bertrand. How you doing, buddy? It's just prosciutto stacked on top of prosciuta stacked on top of prosciutto

That's it Hey what's the one force that stretches across all dimensions That's right ham That's right Not love like like wafting smells of ham It's the fifth dimension What's the Milky Way? A spiral How do I like my ham cut? Same way, brother

That's actually why the front of a spacecraft Is called the nose because it is going towards the ham at all times It's searching for ham Mm-hmm. Aren't we all? Aren't we all? You know why Voyager 2 never came back?

I found a ham. It's still working on it. Ground control to major ham. This also explains where Jody Foster went in contact. They should have said to butcher. Man, imagine, okay, a lot of our night ham scenario, imagine get to the end of the universe and you get to hang out with your dead daddy on a beach, and just eat some nice ham.

Yeah. I mean, that sounds awesome. That's not too bad at all. No, that's pretty good. This was all my way of saying before we got into the quantum mechanics. Before we started recording this podcast. That Brett Bilema is being considered. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Local media is reporting that he is. So, contact. Oh, no way, I'm wrong about that. They're not. Contact starts with a young kid with a radio, right? And that's that she becomes, yeah, exactly. Also, what was the name of America's mother, mother, mother, mother, mother. What was the name of America's most successful chimp astronaut?

Ham! Ham, that is correct. Wait, is there a ranking of chimp astronauts and how successful they were? Buddy, that's what this show was made for. That is what the playoff committee should be doing. List of chimped astro. Yeah, who is the least? Why is list of chimp astrology signs before chimp astronauts?

Wait, chumps have different astrology signs? Because chimp, hey, man, like the rest of us, chimps are searching for answers and they're turning to the heavens. I would never trust a chimp, Scorpio. Never. Man, okay, there are all kinds of names. And my main objection to, I mean, apart from, you know, an obvious list of objections,

to sending monkeys into space is when the first primate in space, Albert dies of suffocation during his flight on a vehicle. V-2 rocket. They named the second one, Albert 2. Guess what happened to him? What? He died, but in a different way. How?

Impact. Oh. Is the listed cause here. After a parachute failure. Anyway, hey, Albert 3 also. At what point do you change the name? You don't. We're going to keep doing it until we get it right.

This is where they got the Space Olympic. song. Albert 3 is also canceled. Albert 4 is also canceled. Even Wikipedia gets a little salty about this. Albert 4 on the last monkey V2 flight died on impact on December 8th that year after another parachute failure. This just like if you just control F and replace Albert with Uga, none of this would seem strange to you. Man, how would you imagine Uga's face in multiple G's. That's, this is my favorite, the reporter at the press conference for when Ham came back from space successfully and said, hey, were there other apes? And the answer is, nope, nope, ham was the first one. I am developing several favorite chimps in space via reading this article.

The first is named Goliath, a squirrel monkey who died in the explosion of his Atlas rocket on November 10th, 1961, followed into space by a reaper. called scatback who flew in a club shot who flew in a suborbital flight on December 20th but was lost at sea after landing oh did y'all even look for him I hope I I will say I hope I hope they haunted the shit out of these NASA folks I hope at least one of these chimps fake his own death and it's just like live in large somewhere I can definitely tell you which one it is it's Francis first monkey in space Martine. Yeah, yeah, that sounds right.

Do you know the first Earth life to encircle the moon and come back? No. It was, in fact, two Russian turtles. Oh, hell yes. With guns. Turtles around the moon. Oh, now they're just like, oh, we're just grabbing an animal. I don't know.

What do you have? You got a couple of turtles? I think, like, Russian logic is like, no, we don't have to buy a shelf. Yes, yes. already has helmet Russian pet smart was very low on supplies that's a Soviet

pet smart that makes it even grimmer Soviet pet smart yeah it's like we have half donkey we have half donkey you want or not Wesley admits he should have called

first y'all got to see this photo of Miss Baker like the reprove is already in her eyes I guess we're sending half a donkey into space for military send half a donkey and like only a quarter comes back what the fuck happened?

How do you even know if space flame has changed that's a turtle that's not space I think Ryan I think it fits like wielding nunchucks I see wow this turtle fucking loves pizza well you know what I'm wondering is

The Russians did have apes, and they did have other animals they sent up into space. Did they just use the same template that they used for every other capsule? Because in every Russian capsule, there was a gun, a shotgun. So at one point, is there the possibility that there was an ape with a shotgun in space? That's what I want to know. We sent two turtles. One guy's back. Those turtles are back from the moon, and they're pissed.

One shooter, one spot. Have some careful scrutiny of the first page of Google results for animals in space. I got a hand the trophy to France. Not only did they have the previously named Martine the monkey, they have Felicit, the cat. I didn't know France had a space program. France also launched rats into space, which I guess explains several things about French culture.

His name was Hector. In French, I guess that's Ector Argentina Meanwhile see France be more like Argentina Who named their rat Bellisario

That's beautiful It was humane Because he gave them all cigarettes That's it Send the apes with cigarettes to space Man we just Blanket it's facing We have sent parasitic wasps into space

Well Yeah ma'am You don't want them here You all ever feel Look no reason There's no current public event That's that's fueling the sentiment but y'all ever feel like as a species we are just jumping up and down and asking for it

listen i would love if like one of these crafts landed on an alien planet and they were like oh a gift from earth and parasitic wasps just come flying like we're going to go out in a couple of hundred thousand years and hit a planet where like it's all parasitic wasps the parasitic was they're like at last they're scottish as well at last you here you thought you could leave us behind Lay eggs in you That's what we're going to do Scotch eggs Scotch eggs

You'll be infected but delicious