Shutdown Fullcast - Click Here To Read White Castle’s Response To Covid-19

Episode Date: May 4, 2021

 - Previously! On the Shutdown Fullcast! No small amount of time is spent reviewing last week’s episode!  - Spencer refuses to bring back Prince! Shame on him!  - Some innovative new draft language, measured in food-pounds, is explored Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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What are you doing? Just go. That's it. That's it. That's all the welcome you get this week, folks. You're welcome now. Hi, welcome to the Internet's only college football podcast. You have been welcomed.

Try again next week for the full welcome. It's the dance remix version. How do you like it here inside the only college football podcast that's now underway? I won't ready. I was, I'm ready. I, man. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You're listening to the Internet's only college football podcast.

No, I'm not. You're about to. this is now two welcomes the first one counted also double welcome that's how much that's how happy we are that you we will be charging you double for that listener um one point seven one point seven two hundred percent of nothing is nothing buddy can we talk you to one point two yeah can we can i bar can i can i can i barter you down acorns dot com that's that means cash this is this is is a really wonderful week for me personally who are you i am spencer hall and joining me as always is my co-host i hope this is how holly goes to a broadway show like just screaming at the actors

who aren't doing it right i love him why are you disrupting patty lupon would do it too oh so the the thing i wanted to discuss to start the show was my favorite subject in the world. Whoa, can I back up first? My favorite subject in the world. So, listener, you're going to want to navigate to R-Thick on your Reddit app. Good God.

What? You said your favorite subject. As I was saying. It's in like seven tabs on your browser. I can see it right now. It is not. There's one, two, three. Like I said, the internet's only college football podcast.

What is Mormon porn? I have one follow-up thing from the last episode, which is very good. The karaoke draft is great. Serber, I thought your team was really excellent. I like that Jason had the most, like, pivotability, like, you know, when curveballs were thrown. And Spencer, I think, had the worst team. I disagree. I'm right.

I'm time tested. Okay. Like, you put it on trial. I will have the crowd. Juice was a very strong closing pick. So is Sweet Caroline. You just have high expectations of people. You're right.

Of you, no, he doesn't. He knows you. Of people, not of me. I would like to share. Have you ever witnessed impromptu unexpected karaoke? Yes, I went to drama school. That's fair. No.

I was at a bar near my old office in New York when a man walked in at maybe like 9.30 at night in a suit by himself with a briefcase. He walked directly to the touch tunes display on the bar and he put in probably $5 and he put in some songs. We're like, okay, whatever. He picked nothing but Shakira songs and he sang every one of them as loud as he could in a mostly empty bar and then when his five dollars had uh you know elaps when he played four songs or whatever he picked up his briefcase and he left that was it the whole thing what do you think you know really the lone wolf flash mob is the hardest to stop um what was in the briefcase probably the nuclear football i think that's a stress yeah i can tell you

what it is because i bet i know this guy have long hair. No, he was balding. Okay. I was just remembering a fellow who used to turn up at not the nice stars karaoke on 280 in Birmingham that we did the live show at, but the grimy stars two 80 care or the the grimy stars karaoke that is non 280 in Birmingham that is kind of like ramshackle. Because we used to go there on Thursdays and there was always this one dude who kind of looked like what we do in the shadows extra, by which I mean he always came into the riochi bar wearing a cape but no other visible signs of vampirism sure and he would he would nurse like a bud long neck and he would get up there and staring at a point in the middle distance not blinking or moving his eyes the whole time would sing turn the page the metallic aversion oh yeah and then leave yeah he was there and one time it was different one time he's saying everrose has its thorn maybe he got pranked maybe Maybe that guy got pranked and somebody slipped him like a piece of paper that was like important mission.

Go to shitty stars and sing, turn the page by Metallica. Oh, wait, further instruction. And he just did that like 700 straight days and nobody came. I hope he's doing all right because the thing that really resonated with me about last week's episode was the part where it's like the thing that you least want to say in public is somebody who is clearly going through some shit. When all you are there to do is drink and hoot. Oh, yeah, that's why my defense pick would be Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Christmas shoes.

That's a good one, too. Those are both repellent. I don't know if those, I feel like those are, if you hit the kind of person who would have feelings with those. Sure. I don't know how much fun you're going to have anyway. Exactly. I'm reverting to my jukebox FM pitch, which was my term table FM pick before that. Martin Page is in the House of Stone and Light.

How much longer? Yeah, no, that's a banger. That's really good. And you have to see the backup. Yeah. My favorite part of last week's episode was that at one point I opened my mouth to make a terrible pun and I was feeling really sad that I was not there. And then before I could say it alone into my headphones, Jason said it on the show.

I got you. And I don't even remember what he said now. It just made me so happy. My offense pick would have been. I think it might have been corn traversy. No, God. My offense pick would have been Call Tyrone by Erica Badu. Oh, fuck.

Because Ryan, I have heard that performed by an acapella group. So two reasons. One, it doesn't have. No, that was smell your dick. It doesn't have. Jesus. It doesn't have like a crazy amount of range. You don't have to like get real high or real low.

And more importantly, it has the best opening possible for a karaoke song. I'm getting tired of. I'm going to tell you shit. Aren't we all? Aren't we all? You don't never buy me nothing. My defensive pick is Martin Page in the House of Stone and Light. My offensive pick is Build Me Up Buttercup is an instant crowd favorite.

And everyone's things that my key for just as Spencer's key to the game is get the women on your side. My key is a good, upbeat call and response. Yeah, I had, I think I mentioned this in the Discord. Build Me Up Buttercup was like a backup for me. like just in case lean on me was a good pick in that vein yeah i mean as a melodically challenged person i can handle lean on that's probably the most difficult song i can probably i can make it through without uh inventing entirely new notes that have never been attempted before that was like it's not it's not like a like it is not a uh a like comfort behind a microphone thing like i'll make noises

Just, you know, picking something like that, it sort of increases the chances that they will not bother anyone that greatly. Cassio Dog, play Jesus freak. You can't do it, can you? I can't, no. You can't because you're a sinner is why you don't know it. That is true. What is the karaoke? So the world opens up tomorrow and you hit karaoke, and all of a sudden the mic is past you.

And out there in the spotlight, you're a million miles away. What song could you put on and just slay instantaneously without irony? Let me clear my throat by DJ Cool. I love you, Ryan. I'm going to kill Love You Inside Out by the Bee Gees. I'm going high. Are you doing the... No, I'm doing falsetto.

The whole thing, yeah. Are you singing the music? Are you singing the melody line too before the vocals come in? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm saying I'm embarrassing myself, but I'm going to kill it. You're not embarrassing yourself. You have a great falsetto.

Why, thank you. Jason, what's yours? Um, shit. Let me go outcaste A. What's in your hip pocket? What's in your hip pocket, right? What can you always reach for? Yeah, I'd probably just hit Outcast A.T. aliens first.

Um, what was like? Oh, all this talk of Turn the Page, though, it does remind me how, um, this might be like first year of college or whatever. Whenever it was that we hung out at the Waffle House until like 4 a.m. every night. Um, on the jukebox, there was always a dude who would play Turn the Page. Just like, every single night. And it became this, like, sing-along type thing.

And I hope that's him. Yeah, yeah. It might be. He might travel the country just sing and turn the page until it works. But, like, I have, I have, I might actually attempt that at some point just because, yeah, we all had the voice down. And, like, you know, 19-year-olds trying to sing, like, 55-year-old smokers. That's a vibe. You know, this is the performance you feel comfortable with.

I feel comfortable with it Yeah The question is Is the audience gonna have a good time or not And I mean, hey man, that's up to them All right I think if you bring the enthusiasm Serber, what would your open immediately

Slay it, Pickby? In bloom Nice That's strong Holly, what would yours be? George Strait, Amarillo by morning Ooh Oh yeah

I would totally do the wolf howl too Because like the cowboy in the song I am out there looking for That's That's That's Yeah Good night

Everybody That's our show So Wait nope Server What's yours He did in Bloom Oh shit I am Spencer

Yeah He did in Bloom Which is super strong I might also Depending on the crowd I might do Debra by Beck Oh fuck that song

And fuck back Yeah God that song is so good karaoke though I'd make you do darling Nicky instead. Absolutely not. I'm doing Prince.

Prince might come back from the dead and punch me. Yeah, Spencer, do it for the rest of us. Bring back Prince, you coward. You are flattering yourself to think that even in death with all the time in the world, you would be, you would not be beneath Princess Notice. Do you know how petty that man was?

Come on, man. He's a foo fighters, not you. Yeah. Spencer, I'm saying if you have this power. Or you need to deploy it because we could use Prince back. This is like, so I'm Spencer tonight and Spencer is Godfrey. Like everyone's secretly thinking about me all the time. Godfrey doesn't listen to this show.

It's fine. Can we talk about the White Castle though? I actually really like the part of this episode where we just talk about the previous episode. This is like, damn it. This is like FX's hit show Damages. This is intro. Can we be the talking dead of the full cast? Don has difficulties

We'll do that But first you have to sit through 48 minutes of low winter sun So Yeah We wanted to talk about White Castle Because if you're not familiar with White Castle

Then it says to me that she grew up Someplace South of Nashville The further south I've seen In White Castle is Nashville, Tennessee So it probably means you grew up Yeah There is a Nashville, Texas

you probably grew up south of Nashville and you probably grew up do they have White Castle in California what the fuck should I know I'm gonna guess they probably do I'll do the research folks it's fine I've never seen one but I don't think I've ever been inside a White Castle personally

so I wouldn't know what to look there there's a White Castle in Scottsdale Arizona yeah White Castle basically the Ohio of Arizona other than some in Arizona and Nevada basically stops at Texas Actually, all of Arizona.

Actually, no, I'm looking at the Crystal Belt. Crystal stops at Texas. It's an aggressively regional chain. Like, it's mostly in... Yeah, but Arizona is an extraordinarily chain-dependent United States. It is. It is the most chain restaurant.

Good chains, remember? Good pizza, too. Yeah, but Arizona's like all about the good chains and also White Castle. I mean, Arizona is as, well, never mind. so can we basically just say um white castle is yankee crystal yeah the simplest way to put it oh but they don't have like they don't have like crystals they don't have crystals like

vaguely pop eyes tinged you're gonna get what you deserve not what you want no they do it's just that you don't deserve anything good well it's probably in part it's probably because they're midwestern polite that's it right they got junkyard tots at the white castle they got chicken rings does that do anything for you chicken rings wait what the wait no wait

what is that that sounds incredibly upsetting um I will find the exact description from White Castle's menu is that like chicken nugget slurry piped into the shape of an onion ring made with tender white meat chicken

on the inside and crispy on the outside you're goddamn right Holly it's an onion ring made of chicken more like Shite Castle that's how that's how you know how old the chicken was. I think we built the wall

too far south in this country and that's the problem. We need to build it north of Nashville. Listen, White Castle will sell you clams too, all right? No, okay, build the wall. That's it. Build the wall. Clam strips.

What? Build the wall between White Castle and here. But can I get a clam ring? To my knowledge, no, but I'm sure science is working on it. That's all I need to hear. yeah white castle super gross um i i will actually i'll defend them a little bit if you're drunk it's less gross that's yeah that's a strong as i can go that's not a defense that's everything that's

all food somebody's got something what moderately nice you could eat playground mulch and when you're drunk you're like what gets worse you know what i think if you're super duper drunk then like really nice high-end gourmet food gets a little worse Because you can't taste it and you feel bad about it. You're like, I don't do anything. I've done that. I know you have, but that doesn't mean that it's a thing. It's true.

Yeah, I don't know about that. Oh, they have crinkle fries? Fuck this place. I'll trust it. I guess I can't wrap my mind around. I am drunk and I feel bad about something that's not like bleeding or on fire. Sure. Right?

Like your bar for feeling bad goes down. I love bleeding. All of, I mean, I don't want to judge folks who like being on fire or whatever. That's fine. boy their breakfast is a lot a lot of what chicken and waffle slider where it's waffles and there's no way they've had that for

more than like two years yeah this is these are all fairly recent all right but again breakfast I'd experiment with this breakfast you're like the dinosaur that lives under the sink and the Flintstones we can't trust you when it comes to food it's a living the oh oh no there's a grilled cheese sandwich

in front of me and I'm going to run to the bathroom room and wretch let me have a clam ring instead i'm spencer a delicious clam strip waffle sandwich can i get a order of clam fingers there's one that says click here to read white castle's response to covid 19 like bring it on give it to us is that sorry what if we stacked all the white castles end and used them to make the wall again above Nashville or no I guess south of Nashville since they've got one they're contaminated like

Godfrey lives really close to the one we have you know we can use that as the line block him up there with those people here's a horrifying thing the White Castle website has a recipe section show me so according to

I know where I've heard of White Castle before because there are a whole bunch of people who I forget about every year until November when I Remember that there are a whole bunch of people who chop up White Castle hamburgers to make stuffing at Thanksgiving. No. You can't trust these people. You can't trust these people. Can I also say this?

White Castle has made me a xenophobe. Hold on. Jason was going to say something. I want to hear what he had to see. I'm just reading White Castle's response to COVID-19. Please do. Please do. As a family-owned business for 99 years, our vision is to feed the souls of Craver generations everywhere. Feed the souls what?

Craver generation. So what you do is once you, once you, so every generation's different, right? Some generations aren't Craver generations and some are. How are you supposed to know? What is this saying that they think about our souls? Well, souls need to be fed, especially if you're a craver generation.

And you can't confine this based just on geography because these craver generations are everywhere, is what it says. According to White Castle response to COVID-19, there's an app where they tell everyone who works at White Castle to wash their hands a lot. That's their, uh, that's one of the things they're doing. Unlike before.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like it really ruined the experience. Like, when I go to get a chicken's asshole at White Castle, I don't expect it to be washed by someone who who learned about it from a nap or not. That really is what I was asking.

Are these just like those Swedish ring cakes, but it's just a series of chicken assholes that's been fried in order of size? Ours is, but to wonder why so uh the average tenure why and the average tenure of a white castle general manager is an industry leading 21 years so once you're in you're in for life um we're talking about white castles yeah because it's a castle they got like they got drawbridges and moats and shit let me say yeah i mean once you get in there you're like you're landed right that's your manner i'm not

not buying seafood from anything associated with the castle that's just i'm not associating castles with quality seafood of any sort. I buy eel me. Huge slam on island nations from Spencer out of nowhere. Spencer, what about King Triton? Wow. Eat shit, Spencer. I've been rebuffed.

I'm sorry. Sure. Swedish Castle. I will totally purchase. He had some prominent nipples. Look at all those Reddit tabs and tell you don't think it's better down where it's wetter. You don't see a perky King Triton, do you? No, you don't.

Oh, God, by the way, in the recipes, there is a Hawaiian Castle bake. No. Which you take hamburgers, White Castle hamburgers, you remove the top buns. This is just the Idaho potato bowl. You put pineapple, rice, terriaki sauce, and macadena. I'm sorry, scroll back up. White Castle hamburgers, crushed pineapple, uncooked instant rice. Mm-hmm.

Do you want it to soak up all the White Castle juice? while they're cooking. Oh, I got a belly full of White Castle juice. Extraordinarily upsetting. What is wrong with you people? Hey, kids, did you know you've got White Castle juice in your body right now? It's called blood. White.

Yeah, this is rough. So one final takeaway from White Castle's response to COVID-19. The last sentence, We're the original take-home food. Take-home is in quotes. I think because it's not going to make it home You're going to eat this shit on the drive home No

Here's the thing Some people buy much like Crystal An alarming amount of this food And here's my segue We are talking about White Castle Because a White Castle opened In Orlando, Florida Today when we're recording this

Oh shit Well we got a wall off Orlando That's way easier Things were They opened at 8 a.m. There was a massive massive line of cars lined up waiting up to four hours to get this and white castle had to put a 60 slider per order limit in wow due to the demand yeah but did y'all have a hair pulling knockdown dragout fight between two moms in adjacent cars in the drive-thru like cookout did when it opened in atlanta not to my knowledge Yeah, get on our level.

So is this demand like transplanted Midwesterners? Is that what's happening? Yeah, entirely. Yeah, because as we said before, Orlando is the Europe of Ohio. Yeah, there are so many people from Ohio in the middle of Florida. That's all Orlando is. It takes two O's to spell Ohio. You just take them, move them south.

It takes two O's to spell Orlando, all right? math checks out it's just it's the most midwestern place in florida and that says a lot because a lot of midwesters ended up and midwesterners ended up in florida but let me remind you just how midwestern white castle is it's mentioned in an m&m song all right that's you just you don't that's that's the proof right who's one of the greatest buck guys of all time orlando pace it's got the word land in it land grant universities, the entire Big Ten. So this is now the largest White Castle in the world.

And this is how White Castle CEO explained the decision. We built it because we figured that in Florida, they would have the largest craving for our products. And God damn if White Castle CEO, Lisa Ingram, didn't nail it in one. Boy, that is the meanest thing. People in Florida crave what we have. We sensed a desperation And not the good kind

And here we are I picture like Obi-Wan On the Millennium Falcon being like Oh, something's happened Something terrible in the years A great craving has cried out And it was suddenly filled with tiny burgers Suddenly filled with chicken's buttholes

So a side note A side note on chicken butthole they are you are also filled with they uh to some extent yes especially depending on how recently i've eaten a chicken nugget the g pgu is kind of a taiwanese delicacy and uh usually serve it on like a skewer so it's just chicken butt on a skewer right kind of looks like chicken rings and i knew a dude who got into a motorcycle accident this Taiwanese guy and he's like yeah man i got to a motorcycle accident like what happened he's like yeah i was It's just like kind of lost in my head because I really wanted some chicken butt.

So I was thinking about going to the barbecue stand for the chicken butt. And I didn't really notice going around this corner. Just wipe my bike out. Crash right into the chicken butt stand. Light for bike out and then the chicken butt wipes your butt out. Love it. It's just some guy driving around thinking about chicken butt. It's like, oh yeah, man.

It's going to make my whole day. Yeah, that is not the only fast food news that broke today. go on in the second stupidest thing i have seen to come out of the washington post today and to be fair there's not a lot that can be done to top their memo that asserted that pride juneth and the fourth of july were not political holidays uh domino's pizza is bringing back the noid a mascot that once drove a man to take hostages that's a fucking headline i'm going to read this story and y'all stop me when you get to the point. Y'all stop me where you feel that this story interacts with our podcast and I promise it will be obvious to you. Moments into Sean Burnside's

work shift at a domino's pizza restaurant, his first customer whipped out a gun. The perpetrator rounded the corner of the counter as he demanded $100,000 and a white limousine that could serve as a getaway car, and he insisted on talking to the company's owner about it directly. Five hours, two hostages, and a standoff with police later, the 1989 incident had become an example of a bizarre misunderstanding gone outrageously wrong. The subject, the devilish, buck-tooth, rabbit-eared mascot of dominoes, which coincidentally shared the gunman's last name. Kenneth Lamar Noid, 22. wait wait wait we're not there yet kenneth lamar noid 22 was having an ongoing feud in his mind with the owner of domino's pizza about the noid commercials apparently he thinks they're aimed at him police sergeant mark bender of shambly georgia told reporters

at that time. Oh, this poor man. But then... Hamley, baby. The good news, after Kevin Noid was trained by the League of Shadows, he emerged back into society as the one the only, John Schnatter. Spencer, Jason, spot ruling, how Georgia is this crime? This feels too...

I dare say it's more Florida, because, like, Georgians have bad ideas. within their own right minds right whereas the florida man would say the tv accused me of being benoit spencer what you think um yeah i think this is too grandiosely conspiratorial and not stupid enough all right all right yeah it's got to be dumber do better next time kenneth sorry about it kenneth lamar also he doesn't sound he doesn't sound lazy Kenneth doesn't sound lazy enough no that's that's a man with initiative yeah it's got to involve something kind of a slip shot too right remember the noid had a video game yes yeah this is this is back when anything could have a video the seven up spot had a video game home improvement at a super nintendo

game atlanta's i don't remember the home improvement had a video game yeah oh but he deserved it what was he bulldozing black neighborhoods what was the object of the game is he is he transcended race class and gender no he didn't that wasn't No, they didn't. That wasn't Izzy. Izzy just needed the job, okay? It was hard times for a little electric sperm. It kind of looked like an electric sperm.

Little blue electric sperm. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. What do you think sperm looks like? Like Izzy. Yeah, like Izzy. Exactly. Right down to the eyes.

Right down to the eyes and the sneakers. Definitely. Yep. So when you were growing up. You can have to sell this episode in a brown wrapper. When you were growing up. Did you have, I mean, you, you, Jason, you probably qualify. I know Holly definitely qualifies.

I don't know. Ryan grew up in the big city of Tampa. Don't tell me what I qualify for. Okay, so he might be a little too cosmopolitan for this. That might have been too big. But when there was a new restaurant that opened there. The city where cop and a half was filmed, okay? Get it fucking right.

I get this. I'm sorry. What would the Tampa-Ized version of Hollywood be? right because india has bollywood Atlanta is yollywood uh south india has tollywood what is Tampa's version you just Terry Terry Terry Bolea wood

Hulk Hogan started it y'all excuse me Tammy would but but what restaurant open in your town where you where it was like a big honkin deal right that's a sign that by the way you grew up in a place that was smallish pass right yeah you're gonna pass I mean we had a we had a burger king that shut down because it was used uh the police

commandeered it for a hostage negotiation with the bank across the street but that's not what you're talking about so if we need a place can we need a place to work clear out the burger game they went to the burger gang they blacked out all the windows and after that burger king just is like ah too much work shut it down I really respect Burger King always being the laziest fast food chain in every because they do that

they're just like I just leave the store there should we shut it down or sell anything no no lock the doors no it cares just like cut the power and leave stop being a baby come on it's bike week stop bothering me about this

um Jason was there a place that opened near you where it was like a big deal no not growing up no like i mean i've kind of lived all aroundish so like i don't remember living far enough out where it was like oh oh thank the good lord we got a taco belt like i've always been around anything that i've wanted i think the most recent ones i can think of was like when cookout made its way down here when culvers made its way down here that type of stuff yeah that's like regional opening in new region right it was a big deal in franklin when like the

racks opened we got a racks roast beef and oh man who high cotton that was a big deal that was that was money that was huge that was enormous when the racks opened there it was absolutely fantastic like but that was a big deal oh yeah yeah yeah like it was a thing like there were there were lines like we had to wait a long way sure right yeah but that was but like like that was sad because that was our little town right that is not what should happen in a city with like 1.5 million people in the metro area in Orlando it shouldn't be like hey we opened a white castle how starving how how how down bad are you that's down bad well it's it's not even you know like if in and out opens a new location or something or if like like shake shack shows whatever like i get why sometimes that happens because people have heard through the grapevine oh they've been to an airport because shake shack is airport food yeah there is that um but but i at least um jet kind of understand the impulse at no point was anybody

like oh fucking white castle finally bobby flay's been talking about it for weeks we got to go totally about regional nostalgia like that's completely what it is yeah everyone in a car is someone from fucking pennsylvania yeah because like if you put it if you put it in and out of what a burger or whatever in Orlando no one out of line tops like this this is tapping into deep feelings of people who who've led a region and and sure haven't probably haven't had white castle in 30 years and they think oh that was good It's still good. Well, I'll tell you what, their nostalgia will end after about 30 minutes in that car if they drove any further.

Because brother, those onions are going to do their work. And it's hot. You don't want to roll the window down. That's Florida. You want to keep the AC on and up. So you're going to have to make a very painful decision. You're going to have to live with what's coming out in the car, or you're going to have to let what's out in. Either way, it's going to be bad for you if you're driving more than 30 minutes after eating some white castle.

Now you are the chicken ring. now what are you craving that's right fresh oxygen air circulation because i guarantee you too somebody got on a plane right after that right and that's there's going to be a plane no no because everybody who did this missed their fucking flight four hours that's why they're in our land yeah it's worth that I wonder how many people got in line thinking this was a Disney thing, right? Yeah, that's a real possible. Hunt. Or it could just be like, it could just be some like bullshit wear.

Oh, boy, steamed beef. Please do that again. I will not. Randomly. Yeah, I don't know. On a Monday, too. That's the part that I know days don't mean anything anymore, but. It's a real.

don't mean anything and apparently neither just food no it can't be that bad or lanto there have to be other things to do man it can't i guess so i know we've discussed i know we've discussed the miserable choices you have when it comes to you have 30 you i will give you $30 million to live in one florida city choose it's like so like it's it's totally about these folks missing this specific place like if you had not had Popeyes for like 30 years and all of a sudden one is opening in the city that you happen to live in you'd spend an amount of time in line for it four hours is a lot i don't know if there's anything i'd choose four hours worth of wait for but that's totally what's happening yeah and to be clear most of what happened here was that

dumb asses got in line and once they were I don't know 20 minutes in they were pot committed they were like I'm seeing this through I won't abandon this mission I'm gonna save you clam strips smuggle you out in my belly

I mean if you craving generation I'm here to crave cravers that's how I know they're Midwestern too is that they're still stuck on some like good 1980s advertising language.

Oh, don't you crave it? Isn't it delicious? White Castle, it's what dad's crave. Well, well, they're not wrong. Somehow this calls to mine my favorite slogan of

all time, which was what was it, is Hungry Man? Is that the TV dinner? Yeah, it's one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it was like, Hungry Man, a pound of food men love. when you're touting the weight oh they've changed it to they've changed it to hungry man eat like a man

but yeah pound of food was the selling point yeah here it is Booker T the pro wrestler Booker T the pro wrestler had a commercial where he he said it's a pound of food men love yeah it's on YouTube That's good because it appeals to that very stupid part of the male brain that's like,

well, that's like 20 hit points it's going to heal that much food. Well, if I eat a less than a pound of food, somebody might think I'm a boy. I can't have that. Buddy, look at that boy over there. He can't run for mayor. God damn it. What do you got there? An ounce of food?

What are you got? two-thirds was that pre-cooked or post-cook get out of here piece of shit i i i eat a pound of food every meal it's like a pound of what food two things i love stomach pain and the imperial system one thing one thing i like is weight yep this is my that's like literally my tv dinner can kick your tv dinner's ass you don't think so put it on the scale wait this is formidable it's power it's barely even the relevant measure of food it's like yeah look at this computer has got a shitload of horsepower what are you talking about or like yeah i got a pretty good computer it's about it's about

Yeah, 10 pounds. We really should have done that with TVs, because TVs at one point did weigh like hundreds of pounds, right? Yeah. How big's your TV? 400 pounds. I got a 900 pound TV. Oh, it's about 50 pounds of TV men love.

When I turn it on, I can feel the tumors growing in my forehead. How many pounds of tumors? It's like a nine-pound tumor there. I don't know what you're doing with your... seven-pounder. Jesus, Dale, step it up. You got to put your skull real close to that TV, get you a big old tumor.

You need to eat some more hungry man. Feed that thing. Also, can I just say how much I adore the direct marketing of hungry man? It is the lowest common denominator of marketing to have somebody go by the fridge and go, well, that does describe me in two categories. Because I'm definitely a man.

And I am hungry. I think the other alarming thing about the White Castle story is that by definition, this was several people's first day of work, like first real day of work. They'd done training. They did whatever. But, you know, however many people were staffing this 4,000 square foot white castle showed up, and that's their first day, is serving four hours worth of Floridians, the most flavorless hamburgers

and the rubberiest chicken asshole rings possible all day long chicken assholes can you do that in the Mickey voice yeah okay just Cassio Dogg is the only one that does the call and response don't please don't come on

she's not a soundboard she's a person I'm just I'm waiting for her to spring that on me like was no warning That's what I want. What'll me when she kills you? That's fine. Oh, boy. What's the last thing you'll hear?

A Mickey voice talking about chicken butt. Today shall thou be with me in paradise. Awesome. Coins for the boatman. Oh, speaking of coins. Speaking of change. Yeah. You know what a really good way to make sure that all your little coins and change add up?

Home field apparel. God damn it. It's such a good segue going to. That was our own little private episode of 911. Two strangers. Oh, man, I'm making this turn well. You're learning to drive off the side of the on ramp. Down.

911. What is your call? I have an ad to read. Jason. You can't read. Should we do both ads at the same time? Can we attempt that? No, no.

It will break my soul. Oh, my God. They invented shit. Chirwine zero. I'm so sad. That's not the point of cheer wine. Acorns.com. The show is not sponsored by Chiline. Acorns.com is a saving and investing app

that you can put on your cell your telephone. If you go to acorns.com slash fullcast, you get a $5 starter kit. Who knows what $5 could become in the next 60, 70 years. whatever the case may be. It could be millions. It could.

You don't know. It could stay $5 and then still, what do you got to lose, right? So how it works is you set it up so that an amount of money goes from your regular pile into investment pile. You can make regular weekly donations to yourself. You can have it nickel and dime your own purchases. And as you pile money into the thing,

then investment magic happens. And ideally, the line continues to go up whether you're doing anything or not. And eventually, I will have enough to start my own white castle in a community that does not have it. So besides Orlando, what could use it the most? Orlando's really hard to tell. I'm going to put one in Marilago. That's where I'm going to put my white castle.

I think I'm going to go ahead. Actually, it's kind of redundant. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and put my mega white castle in the only other place I know that has that midwesterners and so mega is here modifying white and not white castle white mega castle no that's worse that's no we already did mara lago yeah that's yeah that's bad i think if i really i think if you put one in tampa and then wait we can fight i got it i'm gonna put it in like germany or wherever where like actual vessels are i'm gonna put a white castle in an actual medieval castle oh this tastes

with my winnings from acorns.com. Yeah. That's beautiful. I want to go ahead and tell you that in the updating of the race to see how much money my younger son can embezzle out of his own junior account on here, out of his family account, the early account for kids. The gap now, by the way, stands at $12, $12, meaning,

he's managed to siphon off about another 75 cents this week to make it around an even 12 His perfidy continues You know You're watching the theft happen You're updating it on this podcast Is there a number that's just too much for you

Just a line will cross $23 $23 He's probably already there How many weeks are doing this? I think it's very important to teach kids That there's an acceptable level of graft in an unacceptable level of graft. When he wets his beak too much,

that's when I'll let him know that, you know, it's time to get your wings clipped. You went a little too far, buddy. $23. It's whatever anybody needs to learn. You're the worst mobster. The absolute worst. Spencer, what happens if you realize

he has also taken 12 from you? Wow. Like, how can you be sure? How can you be sure you have a full sense of the scale of the damage here? What if it's so much deeper than you realize? What if the $12 is a smokescreen and he's gone behind your back and like there's $50,000 missing from your account somewhere? Well, at that point he gets to throw me in the volcano like we're on the old show dinosaurs because he's out foxed me.

He's beat me and the world is his now. I don't want to live as I don't want to live as his servant in that world. So he's just going to have to end me. I will have met my better. All right. Acorns.com. your son will kill you and take 12 and take $23 from you before he doesn't if you're if you're thinking about sitting in your car in Florida in early May which early May might as well be

fucking July in yeah central Florida if you're thinking about doing that for four hours so that you can get a tiny square hamburger that they literally will sell you a frozen version of Sam's Club, you should at least be comfortable while you do it. And that's why you need to first go to homefield apparel.com pick out probably several comfortable shirts. For this, you're not going to need the sweatshirts, but look at them for another purpose because you'll probably camp out for something else stupid. But yeah, you're going to want to go and check out they've been doing all kinds of refreshes. What did we get this week? We got Bowling Green. I know. got a refresh michigan state indiana got a little bit of an update there's like seven other schools

that i'm forgetting um michigan state michigan states is is stellar Purdue also had an update i forgot about that um yeah so so lots of options which you're going to need because you're going to get sweaty in this car for four hours and you're going to want to change out and um you're just you're just going to go ahead and use offer code fullcast to get 20 percent off your first order take that and use those savings to then go by what i can't recommend that but you're already in line yeah you know what if you're already in line go ahead and use your savings from your from our the full cast offer code buy some white castle with it why not yep and then tie a comfy home field shirt around your nose and drive and then look down look down at your Purdue

shirt and realize that's how he got that way just eating white castle burgers that's how he got that rictus face that can't move anymore that's yeah that's how he got that haunted look in his eye he used to look like fabio stunning chiseled and now through his motionless features he just says don't be like me learn from my mistakes Decades of White Castle decadence have taken my features from me. Eat at least one vegetable, you piece of shit. Why is he Christoph Waltz? Why is he not?

By the way, this is the best Fabio segue I will ever do and the only one. That Fabio, there was a day when Fabio was hit by a bird. when he was at bush gardens in williamsburg virginia sadly not tampa i know but in 1999 fabio was on a roller coaster in williamsburg virginia at bush gardens and he was having a wonderful time and looking beautiful until a bird hit him in the face and bloodied his nose and there is an urban myth that it was a goose which would be fantastic but it's not true i'm just going to sell that though it just be like yeah Fabio was totally hit by a goose. I'm going to tell you it's not true, but I'm also going to say

the better story is the goose. So just tell everybody that. Nobody will look it up. There's photos of him. It's glorious. He looks very distraught that his beautiful nose has been destroyed by a bird. But birds won, Fabio, zero. Did you just feel like telling that story?

Was that? I did. I did. I feel like it made everybody better. Homefield apparel. Was it a chicken that did it? I believe it was a pigeon. Was it a chicken flying backward that did it with its butt?

Is that why we're discussing this? Would that be more insulting if that happened or just a pigeon? That's actually weird. Guess what chicken butt came from? Yeah. It's about the White Castle of Chicken Rings. It's about the White Castle that the chicken that flew backward into it. What if it was a hummingbird? Wouldn't that be humiliating?

do what if a oh yeah especially if like a hummingbird knocked you out that'd be great that'd be phenomenal also it'd be like really good for the hummingbird street cred because you know Fabio's real big of the hummingbird community

if you knocked him out you kind of get his juice right yeah well literally because he'd his blood and your soul would mingle that would kill you like how big a bird do you have to be for that to not kill you

you think how many pounds of food would you need to be how many pounds of food would you need to be? I'm just going to translate everything into this now. If you're a 10 pound of food bird would you survive that? My NFL draft my NFL draft previews are just going to be about everything in pounds of food. They're like yeah this fullback's about 248 pounds of food coming through the hole technically for a T-Rex

sure he'd be just this thing he's uh he's got he's got He can bend. He's got good fluid motion. He's got great hands. He's a really great run blocker. He's also just at least nine meals for a T-Rex. He's an enormous feast of a man who would keep a lizard happy for at least a week or so in terms of sustenance. So, yeah, he's about a nine-meal guy.

Well, should we keep podcasting? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got a thing. Oh, okay. I like that. I do actually, I do actually have one thing. I was like, go ahead. No, no, no, no, you're first. No, please. No, you're first. At the same time, go. My daughter did say a mean thing to me if you want me to tell you about that.

Yeah, go ahead. Please, please. Today, I took her to the park and she said, Dad, what's a speed demon? And I said, oh, that's just a word for, like, somebody who's really fast. And she thought about it. And she looked at me and she said, you're a slow demon. I think, Ryan, I think what she meant is that you're a speed angel. Ryan, will you tell them what she said about your Philly T-shirt? Yes.

I have a shirt that says leave Philly alone. It's this like charitable organization that prints these shirts that I like. And Nora was looking at it. And she was like, what does that say? And I said, well, you try to read it. She looks at it very carefully. She says, leave Holly. alone and I say yes. That's exactly what it. Yes. Good night everybody.

Well, my thing was this, that, uh, that I was just, there are times when you were completely wrong about something and one of mine was sleeping on a player, like on a college football player that I now like him, like, God, he was way cooler than I really had any clue until I went back and watched a game so i watched 2015 old miss alabama which is the um it is the j it is the chad kelly tip pass game it is the shootout where eventually old miss prevails 43 37 and old miss becomes as big arrival to alabama as they have had and eventually paving the way for hugh freezes national championship team in 2019 right because that's definitely a thing that happened this is also the team that played alabama when alabama started cooper bateman aka copper batman you remember cooper bateman cooper bateman was uh he had a short tenure just just 14 attempts as the starter at alabama before throwing a pick and uh getting the yank early and yielding way to jake koker jay koker is a championship quarterback for them like one year

but a championship quarterback and in like the pantheon of Alabama quarterbacks I know there's a lot of Alabama fans who like really adore and love Jake Coker but not enough of you do not enough of you appreciate what a joy he was because in this game where he leads a furious

comeback all Jake Coker does is just one lumber around with his big old lummixie body because if I had to describe him like Jake Coker's greatest physical trait is his largeness. many meals

Jason would one Jake Coker be Gotcha Yeah just like Big old lummixie dude Listening to the announcers Try to describe him They're like well you know He's known for his arm

And all he's doing is throwing the ball 500 miles an hour over people's heads Like he is just He's throwing at one speed With no touch Just directly throwing through people All the time It's beautiful

He's everything you want And like A big old giant pile of dude kind of quarterback in addition to terrifying scrambles where you're not really sure what's going to happen when he hit somebody but it'll probably involve some sort of shattering of someone's bones hopefully not jay cocker's and he just just ends up winning a national title for them this dude out duels to sean watson in the title game uh ends up being an SEC championship quarterback this is this is his origin story and i slept on jay cocker just want to apologize to

checkoker he's listening to this he's not but man what a absolutely cool college level player who retired after like two years in the pros because he didn't want to get another knee surgery because big old lummixie dude i think took a lot of hits particularly when he was playing for alabama like he and derrick henry might be the biggest backfield that they've ever had at the university of alabama god so many pounds of food so many so many hungry man meals all backed up end to end over there. But yeah, I was watching Jay Coker and I'm like, didn't appreciate this man enough for being the

giant rolling war machine that he was when he was at Alabama. So, see, Holly, Spencer only cut you off so he could talk about Jake Coker.