Shutdown Fullcast - Colorado's got a great gambling program

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

- Welcome to coach-firing season! It's always coach-firing season! - Time for the NCAA to acknowledge student-gambler-athletes - Oh no, it's Auburn vs. Pitt week - No Week 2 football games previewed, because there are no guarantees Week 2 exists - Not that we'd preview football games anyway - Join us in newly launched Moon Crew Discord via patreon.com/mooncrew! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. Feel like I went a good four seconds on that four or five. Your sense of time is disastrous. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. Fucking disastrous. Yeah, you know who's got to live with it? you that's right that's right you're all in here in hell with me on the internet's only college football podcast i'm spencer hall voice you heard there was our guest the dulcet tones of one

ryan nanny and shortly thereafter joining in the mockery of yours truly an innocent soul is our other fellow guest holly anderson i am like 30 minutes removed from squirting you in the face with a kitchen sprayer like an angry cat because you would not stop laughing at the Tennessee football program. I'd do it again. And I will do it again. Yeah, and I'd do it again. You see how this?

No one learns or improves. No one learns or improves. We're currently listening our way through the back catalog of the full cast for a project that we will explain to all y'all later. And we've arrived at 2016 and I have a lot of anger. How's 2020 doing in that department? 2020 is great because I quit that poison. Anger?

I took advice from Bo and I do not consume Tennessee football. I'm happy. Out there in the ether, believe somewhere with his loyal subjects, the cicadas, I believe there is my co-host, Jason Kirk, somewhere out there. I'm back in the ether. Oh, you're back in the ether. Nice. Is what I'm gathering.

No, last week I left the ether, and now you have placed me within it. So I'm broadcasting from the ether. He's the ether bunny. Big old can of it. Just open in the garage. Now, Spencer, you said nobody learns or ever adjusts or changes. We have one example from 2020 of someone learning something, which is the Navy football program. Yeah.

Learning from a 52 point loss to BYU that blocking a. and tackling are essential to competing in football games. They had not practiced these things, which, you know, that was one not so bad idea on how to handle player safety, but it just doesn't translate to actually doing games. Like if you're going to practice that way, you kind of can't play football games. So they are going to adjust that going forward. Navy has learned things. That is it.

No one else. Just Navy. they have and speaking of by the way things that you thought would or wouldn't be true right you'd say well man navy's going to be ready was navy ready navy was not ready navy found out the tackling dummies or bags not exactly a substitute for actual football practice which i feel like we're all going to take the wrong lesson from this oh definitely yeah the coaches who really love contact will say well look navy's really good they're disciplined that ken na montalolo he knows what he's doing she does. However, in an effort to be safe, they said, ah, let's just go ahead and minimize

contact between players. They go out and they get housed by a bunch of, you know, 25-year-old BYU players who are mad about, you know, their kids and everything else that were a concern for BYU players that may not be a concern for most other college football players. So they just go take it out and practice on each other in Utah because what else is there to do in Provo. My favorite part is how we Army played on Saturday and just pasted Middle Tennessee State. Just like did the thing that we, when we watch Army or Navy play and we don't have a dog in the fight, we're like, that's what I would like to see.

I would like to see the scrappy triple option, the scrappy triple option undersized team just like slowly Sarlac Pit digest this other team. I would like to see like the erosion of another football team. And then we said, well, Army

and Navy are basically the same team, right? They're both service academies and they both run the triple. Therefore, Navy should do that to BYU. And like, we just sort of ignored that Army and Navy are different teams. And

watching the Navy game I was like oh right Navy is is starting this very weird season having just lost one of like the best three quarterbacks in program history and to be a great quarterback at Navy is like to be on a very a very very talented list but like Malcolm Perry doesn't play for Navy anymore oh right that proves to be a problem all the other stuff matters too but there was just this like weird whiplash where it was like well army did this good thing and the armed forces are all basically the same so therefore navy's going to do the exact same thing even though it never works that way this is how we got space force oh man space force is going to be so it's it's going to be good when space

force still runs a ground-based offense when they run the triple option the triple passing option I think they're running the Maryland eye I was going to say where is the Space Coast Academy going to be, but then I realize it's just going to be Orlando, and oh, man, UCF's going to be overshadowed again. Wow. Wow. That's when, that's, not me.

I actually prefer, I actually prefer that the Jacksonville Jaguars become Space Force University. Like, their mascot, the space ghost. Yeah. And just become like a pro football team that is also a college.

Okay, so can we call them the Space Force? Jaguars? And Jackson DeVille, he gets an astronaut helmet. Everything stays the same. They don't even leave Jacksonville. Jacksonville develops a space port. That's right. They're still an NFL team. They somehow play college games. Jackson DeVille becomes the ambassador to Russia. Kidding me? That's how this works. Jackson DeVille is the ambassador to Mars. The best part is I know if the current president were involved in the actual setup of the Space Force football team. Oh, God, it would be every horrible idea from 1986.

Bill Paul sells. He's going to be the coach. He's 79,000 years old. Sign, O.J. Yeah, but we're signing Belichick. Who'd you get? A good friend, Rich Kotite. He's dead. Perfect for the job.

Belichick's like assistant cornerbacks coach. Yeah, that's where you want him. His retirement gig. Come on down to Jacksonville. doesn't want to retire to Jacksonville oh crickets I actual crickets actual crickets thank you I have two other things that we thought wouldn't definitely definitely be true that turned out not to be true because there's actually an article in Yahoo right now bearing this headline that is but 19 hours old and it says that

one upside for coaches this year school's probably too broke to fire anybody it's a guess it's a pretty good guess how accurate is that well it's oh for once now this was on yahoo there's been the how how's that working now well we're o for one because old miss old miss said yeah financial sense hell with that no we're going to fire our coach after week one hey we're going on they didn't no they didn't did i say it again not old miss southern miss old miss is fired their coach breaking news news i mean that that is not a bad guess by spencer like if you say spencer you say old miss has fired its coach we might be right by the time this comes out you never know statistically

that's not a bad guess really not lyn kiffin's there come on hey yeah good very good so proud of you southern miss fired their coach because uh well we're not really sure exactly why he's a shitbird generally speaking yes the reputation not exactly there and not exactly like not exactly i think anybody who's had experience with that dude would not necessarily it would not necessarily be surprised but yeah why not why didn't they fire him before the game like that's what i want to know because they probably didn't like him to start if you fire somebody after one game. Why not just go ahead

put the interim in charge if you're already leaning that way because it wasn't like they it wasn't like they came into that game and said, yeah, we're feeling really good about him. Oh dear. Four quarters of football

completely undid our positive opinion of this man. Well, I mean, when you come in as a two touchdown favorite and you lose by two touchdowns, that could shift things just, you know, that one last percent. Does it shift it that much?

It's not like you can be partially fired, you're either, you know, you're either there or you're not. And if it's just that one extra nudge is all it takes in the form of the South Alabama Jaguars. Yeah, being fired is a binary state. I just remain confused and baffled as to why they hired him in the first place. Jay Hobson, gone after a week. The only thought I ever had about him was like, was it like four years ago they hired him? something like that, that it is sad that just about the only time in recent memory in HBCU coach

is hired by an FBS team, it happens to be a white coach. Seriously. It's just lame. And I don't really feel like I need to update my opinion on Jay Hobson that can just, I can just ride with that opinion, I guess. No, you're good. There is also this that you might assume that, well, if your football team is not playing, then one probably could not

enter into a somewhat lucrative deal with anyone much less with a sports betting concern but you know what out on the range out on the wild frontier do things just a little bit different

things you call rules we don't even see them things you call stop besides we roll right through them up here and the flat irons old prospectors of Colorado they done did it they uh they entered into an agreement with a sports book to sell advertising and have what they would call a presence

in the Colorado football program I have questions many many many questions because I don't know if you all know Colorado's in the PAC 12 they're not playing football right now it's just not happening you want to bet you want to bet that they're not because you can do so

at University of Colorado dot com I'm assuming that's their website do you yeah do you get like do you get like 500 credits in whatever pseudocurrency the sports book uses

I regret to inform you that the University of Colorado does not own University of Colorado.com yeah sports book does oh no this is a whole thing because we're going to start a casino because you know they abbreviate it like cub right yeah this is how first of all i know they didn't ask the NCAA they said they did they said they did no why would you they're not even there they said here here is from this is from a USA today uh

post about this the i think it's the athletic director um is he now or is he the manager well i wasn't sure he's a pit boss now i wasn't sure if it was somebody else at the school but he said he consulted with the ncdb a and the peck 12 before doing this deal the immediate next sentence the ncdna declined to comment on the deal through a spokesman they left a message there's nobody at the headquarters yeah yeah everyone they left a message at the headquarters that's oh we told you isn't the nca didn't they just lay off like dozens of people they did they have furloughed people okay sorry yeah i mean you know condolences to those folks but like the nca is very busy which the nca is not accustomed to being you know the nca just usually just sits around on

its hands and does nothing but they have like a backlog of waivers and a pandemic to figure out how to do nothing like the NCAA is busy so like if you want to start a casino right now now's the time you know just like say you drove past and waved the waved a sign in the window and no one said anything about it so yeah there's an argument to be made that this is kind of a piece of with the southern mist situation which is that if anybody anywhere at any institution wants some constant roiling cover to really try some shit uh good shit bad shit interesting shit uh hectic shit epic shit terrifying shit now's the time go nuts uh important to note the the company colorado is partnering with points bet originally founded in australia oh just like outback wait nope that's not right no you've got to completely shit founded in my favorite part of australia tampa yeah tampa's in australia we've talked about it on the show i just wanted to put Tampa in Australia and see how it felt I'm liking it let's see if we could go ahead and switch them up can we trade Tampa for like what city can we trade

Tampa for in Australia I don't know I've never been Canberra sure Australian full yeah listeners please tell us what the Tampa of you is does everyone have a Tampa like do people have tampas oh yeah like Spencer what's your well I that's my question is it like a part of your personality is it like a trait you have that you wish you didn't is it like an organ system i have asthma is that my tampa there is a semi famous play uh called the philadelphia by david ives where this dude is in like an unsurvivable funk and his friend identifies in a media is like oh you got a Philadelphia.

There's a part of you that's just throwing rocks and batteries at you all the time, man. You would love this. It's just like a nonstop dragging of the rust belt of different cities in the rust belt based on personality disorders. What part of your body wants to kill robots? Is the Philadelphia is like the Philadelphia is like your Tampa that is just very proud of itself, you know, like that is happy to be a Tampa. That's your Philadelphia.

Tampa is just even confused as to what it is, you know, I think probably my left brain. My left brain is probably like the entire left brain is just Tampa. Doesn't know why it's there, right? Kind of happy with itself, even though demonstrably it should not be. That's, you know, kind of occasionally periodically excited about hockey. I don't know. I think it's probably my entire left brain is my Tampa. I think my facial hair is my Tampa.

Like, unimpressive. won't but won't fully go away it has to be reckoned with in some way and every time i try to give it a chance everyone around me is like stop it oh i guess tampa's my speaking voice shit that's ridiculous that's ridiculous no i um man i feel terrible yeah that's your tampa that's a bizarre thing and i really object yeah i do kind of sudden feel like I have food poisoning. Yeah, this is Tampa. Sorry. Definitely. Yeah, this is, but points bet also, uh, by the way, and entering all of this in saying that they checked with the NCAA is now, of course, put the University of Colorado's football program. I don't

know, maybe in the black. Are they the only packed 12 team making money? Not for long. Because you know who else? You know who's going to throw down with points bed or some other? Now that this gate is open and nobody's returning calls at the NCAA. Andy is humming. I wasn't saying. Or I guess it should be Florida State first, shouldn't it? No, bro. I was considering a school.

Ah, I'm sorry. Where are my manners? I was seeing Phil Mickelson's eyes a blaze as a graduate of this going sports betting in college, inside a college? It's more common than you think. Man, imagine Arizona State Cal e-sports with Arizona State and Cal having their own sports books like this is a this is an internal economy machine like this was going to power america this is solar this is wind this is everything what this is what you're describing is like the

dystopia that most most movies miss which is where colleges all become self perpetually perpetuating casinos i'm not sure it's dystopian and all because what i was just thinking is no this is like the stand was good yeah right where is what what is this have to do with this. Change that this to a you, brother. You're right. This is, this is by the way, I just, Jason, I'm sorry. I just lit up with the concept of the Arizona State wagering team, the varsity wagering team.

Hey, meat judging is a sport. Just like the gambling decafalon, they're out there with like, all right, yeah, Johnny's working the books. We got Dave over there. He's got the crafts table. It's going to be incredible, you know. They're all named Dave. They're all named Dave.

All these dudes from Arizona. to have New Jersey accents. I like the, uh, instantly. I like the high school gambler who's like getting scholarship looks, who's like, yeah, bro, I'm going to earn that law tech, that law tech scholarship. So wait, are these, are these NCAA regulated events where you are a amateur gambler and therefore you cannot keep the winnings? No, no, no, no.

This is the thing. We say we consulted with them. Yeah, yeah, no, we consulted with it. We left all kinds of messages. Never bring the NCAA back. They keep finding ways to fix every single college basketball game so that they can't have it. Like, I don't know, it's weird. We had a COVID outbreak at this game.

Again, it's wild. Meanwhile, the wagering team gets to, like, play their 48th game in a row without the NCAA's input. Yeah. I think we can, can we filter the wagering team through, like, you know, like just bullshit, econ stock market crap. You know, every couple years. There's some, like, oh, here's some new. way to make money it's like betting on the betting on the betting on the betting on the betting on the stock market you know yeah and then like oh okay now we have another yet another

collapse now they're a think tank no we need something that has we need something that's somewhat immune to the rule of the system we need something like texas hold them where i thought you were going to say texas hit texas the entire state immune to reason immune to analysis we need some we need something like hold them or god roulette can you You always come back to that. But yeah, but like, because it's completely nonsensical. Can you think of anything funnier than the idea of an NCAA champion roulette team? Yeah, guys.

Really, like they just know where the ball's going. Right now, are you feeling like, oh, man, I could have been pro. I could have gone. No, I'm feeling. Because this team would be from Florida. Yeah, I'm feeling like I'm going to end up being the bear Bryant of the shit. I'm just going to be over the table, like, just have a good attitude, man. Think positively.

The literal bear Bryant. Yeah, what are you going to do? Just put the chips out there, you know, where they fall. I mean, literally, it's actually how you play the game. Just go ahead, throw them out there. Have a good attitude. Let's roll. That man does magic.

He's never been, he's never been nothing but a winner. I always thought let the chips fall where they may was about puddles eating a bag of toastitos. I'm excited for the first academic scandal that befalls a gambling team. We were like, oh, yeah. No, no, this is where they get kicked off the team because they were held. helping too many other people with their homework. You're suspended for five blackjack hands. Because they were giving impermissible tutoring to like math majors.

Yeah, he tested positive for Monster Black. You can't drink that at the table. It's just too powerful. All right, that's a good episode. I'm so glad this happened. Oh, so. Why Colorado, though? Like, I know why.

I do. I have a like this is why what state legalized weed first what state encouraged actively like there were active the actively encouraged Colorado populace used jury nullification to legalize weed not because everybody wanted to get high but because basically fuck 12 that was it that like the whole legalization movement was fueled by looking at Colorado and going these really are the people in South Park be like don't you hate Cops. Don't you hate judges? Yeah. Okay, we'll go in there. Throw out every weed case. You guys can have free weed. That's this. That's what totally why. Like what state welcomed Kyle Orton with open arms. What state had Jake Plummer. That's not the worst argument. No. What state had Jake? What state had Jake Plummer and they were like awesomely waived farewell to him as he embarked on a professional handball career. Yeah, they're like bro. Good move. Good looking on you. Right. what state has a history of embracing wild boom and bust cycles quite literally

so that it actually has ghost towns up in the mountains that were like towns of 5 and 10,000 during the Gold Rush era that just disappeared and they were like, I don't know man, easy come, easy go just let that town sit there it's empty, it's cool. I got a thing I just enrolled in Arizona State

I got to go. Yeah, I'm on the wagering team. I got to move. Yeah. That's that's why Colorado was first in because they don't care they really don't you know like everything americans claim to be coloradans are closest to it and i mean that also in the sense of when you're like yeah man screw the cops yeah except for the ones i call when i see someone i don't know on the street those cops those are good but the ones the ones that i get to tell to go to hell when i smoke

one joint in my yard those are the bad cops and to hell with them i'm going to pass a law and now i can bet with them on and on university of color Marado property? I don't even understand. This better mean that like Folsom Field is getting some decent wings. Because if they're a sports book now, got to have decent wings. They also, so they also did the, they also did the like lottery thing in talking about this where they're like, don't worry. Much of this money is going to go to our leadership development institute.

It's going to the varsity gambling program. that's where it's going that's the most college football thing about this is you're like don't worry we're taking this I can see how you might think it's inconsistent of us to call these amateur sports and then sign a deal with a casino but don't worry it's all going to the school fund

for schooling you'll get that press release today about everything that the college football playoff is doing to thank teachers this month. Oh no. Yeah, that's been their yeah, that's like been their

charity excuse is teachers. This year it feels especially even for the playoff, especially in poor taste. They should just come out and be like this money is being taken

from a utility like something that generates no utility and then it is going to be converted into jet skis for the families of the executive of points bet that's how can i change a good one-eighth of someone's paycheck into a new mercedes for my friend paul the accountant at points bet this is how i can do it i just had a really depressing thought imagine losing your house because you bet too much money on

colorado football it's happened it has happened that that has happened but yeah yeah you know what this is the thing too you're going to be able to go into that stadium legally god the state's state's pretty cool y'all so you're going to be able to go into that state legally go into their football stadium flagship university open up your phone gamble on the football game you're watching while cracked out of your brain on edible stronger than god's biceps that wow that's a lot of freedom carl darrell must think this job rules like since he showed up yeah he got they're just in time since he showed up like they're not really you're not really doing much there's no there's no games to play that's great no pressure mm-hmm probably getting like a free

quarter zip from points bet or something love that yeah carl darrell's like this is the best job in the world probably got you some casino hookup somewhere too right yeah sure yeah you know nice nice weekend with the lady you know out of the place where you know you can they're like would you like the prime rib and you're like I'm at the casino of course I want the prime rib I'll take it at the at the gambling table please Well, where a place where the coach can, but wouldn't, because it'd be bad for image, but where he could, again, just be out there eating half of a, like, half of a THC chocolate bar, gambling like crazy, occasionally texting some 16-year-old two-star fullback in Boise.

You're like, well, my life's awesome. It's incredible. So, all for what? all for going like just over 500 at UCLA once you're just you're describing like the sleepiest GTA game ever

Grand Theft Auto Boulder we got on our razor scooters GTA's Grand Theft admin Hey this only goes to one star Yeah man never really seen cause for more than that That's like it can we call it Grand Theft Autopilot Yes you've unlocked rollerblades

it's like every station every station is 80s vapor wave I feel compelled to admit here that when Spencer said I was laughing but when Spencer said you have unlocked roller blades I felt a little pang of wistfulness that this is not a real game me too

there'd be no there would be mission after mission of Pointlessness it would be like hey go to this guy's house. He needs to talk to you. He'd be like I forgot what it was. Do you want to play Tony Hawk and you'd play Tony Hawk inside Grand The Boulder? The new one, you know, because because you know you could do the retro thing. Yeah. Then you play the Tony Hawk game inside it. And then he's like, I forgot. Can you go get a pizza? Then you got to go get a pizza. Then you go down there and you see your other friend. He's like, hey, how are you? That's awesome. Later, do you want to come to this show and you completely forget about your friend with the pizza you go to the show see this is how it works and then at one point actually yes now you're describing a spider man game with no villains yeah it's like oh i'm spider man in colorado and it fucking rocks nobody even knows right no that would be like the marvel version of animal crossing that's it would be what are you doing you just end the night you're like i don't know just high as hell i'm up 500 at the sports book thanks to some hot tips i got from the varsity gambling

team from carl darrell from carl darrell doubles as the coach of the varsity gambling team in a triumphant match he already had the quarter zip it was a totally it was a slam dunk higher man what what an adventure that state is what what fertile ground for the imagination so um you should pay the players too just a little thing just yeah you should give the players some of that because otherwise at least let them gamble At least let the players gamble. Oh, I guarantee some Colorado player is going to get kicked off the team for gambling with the company Colorado's doing business with.

It will happen. It's all right, because you know what he's got then? Job. Yeah, that's true. I mean, the coach told me to bet on myself. Shit. What now, Carl? Carl's like, I don't know.

I was thinking about something. something else. Hey, I'm supposed to get a pizza? We're all learning a lot this year. I learned something, um, something disarming recently. I don't know if we've done this on the show. Um, but if you'll allow me. Podcast business, podcast business. Oh, wow.

Podcast business. Whoa. Podcast business. Podcast business, podcast business, podcast business, podcast business, podcast business, podcast business. Man, he's been describing you as Dulcett this entire time and he was selling you short. Thanks. Yeah, it was great, man. It only occurred to me.

I've tried it with Rocky Top and it works there as well. Yeah, there's probably going to be a whole universe of podcast business songs here pretty soon. Oh, man, it doesn't work with Hail to the Victors, which almost feels a professional. Yeah, that's right. Podcast business school is what you'd have to make that. Business school, the University of Michigan. It's like, oh, you got a good school of business? No, the whole school.

It's all of it. I'm not a business school. I'm a business school. Yes, we are consistently busy. That is why we call it business. What you are talking about is commerce. And tawdry. So podcast business.

Podcast business. Oh, we should do podcast business. Yeah, right, okay. Yeah, hit it. I did. You did. Homefield apparel. The latest entry in the, what is, it's not big nude Saturday, but it's, big new.

Oh, buddy, it's about to be. It's kind of the opposite of big nude Saturday. Well, yeah, it's, because they're selling clothes. We are going to be. light on big nude Saturday content this season with the first big nude Saturday game of the year being postponed, I think. Is it Iowa State Raging Cajuns? What time is it? I forget which one. It was either that or it was like Tulsa, Oklahoma State, one of them. Yeah, and postponed due to the code, as your mom would call it, the COVID. That was a later one. Yeah. That was a later one.

Okay. Every big 12 game is postponed. Just assume every big 12 game is a will be postponed and you'll probably be right there was a bit there yeah the big nude saturday one was postponed but that means the event of saturday at noon is homefield apparel's availing of auburn merchandise god which will undoubtedly challenge pit for number one and day one sales at homefield apparel.com and i so pit currently number one Auburn currently unranked this is the chaotic thing in all of college football that is even conceivable um you might say what if auburn was number one and pit was unranked well we know it would happen there that's a sure thing that's that's that's that's not chaotic at all hail it wins at homefield apparel dot com

promo code full cast 20% off 20% more 20% more i will clarify because there's been some 20% almost no nudity 20% off your first order if you so if you've been sitting and waiting and thinking like is it time now you can descend with your wielding the power of the full cast promo code get 20% off in theory and I don't know if this is right or not but in theory if you spent a million dollars on home field merchandise you could try you would get a $200,000 discount with this offer code right making money for you and with $200,000, you take that to the University of Colorado, you talk to Carl Dorrell, you have

boom, you have turned that into $350,000, just like that. And you buy $350,000 worth of Gardner Webb merch. Yeah. If you'll remember, Pitt basically was a team from Alabama for a couple of years. When they were Compass Bowl participants repeatedly? Yeah, they kept hitting that BBVA compass bowl in Birmingham like on the reg like three out of four years or something to the point where Pitt players joked about not having to ask for directions

when they went to Birmingham they're both steel cities yeah it's just organically the whole blueprint of the city it's in their bones already there's an appointment for that Pitt has never played Auburn I am learning because Auburn is scared because Auburn is scared

I am learning from Winsipedia here that Pitt is 12, 3, and 2 against SEC opponents all time. And there is only one SEC school that has a winning record over Pitt out of eight, out of eight schools that have played them. Do any of you know which school that is? Tennessee.

Incorrect. No, it's not. Tennessee is 0 and 2 against Pitt. Thanks, Spencer. Tennessee does have a victory in terms of taking Pitts head coach correct that one time the answer the answer is oh miss apparently huh was it the wait that was in the compass ball wasn't it i don't know i think oh no i'm thinking of that time florida went to i'm thinking of florida going to the compass bowl never mind yeah that was when that was when that was

when our running back, that was when I'm sorry, that was a victory one, and two, two, that was when our running back pooped his pants on National Television. He did poop his pants. Other item of podcast business after you go to homefield apparel.com, you can go to patreon.com slash moon crew, where we are going to do the Discord thing with one amendment to what we have said so far, the cofi.com slash moon crew page that will stay up for tips, donations, anything. Anything? Lord puts on your heart that you'd like to share with us monetarily. If you have become a monthly donor there, we will get you grandparented in and bring you over. Make sure you are in the Discord. I have, in fact, by the time you hear this, I have emailed you about this, Kofi Monthly Donors. Everyone else, Patreon, that'll be your door to our Discord. We'll chat about this and that. We'll try and do whatever fun stuff you all might want to do. Yeah. Yeah, let's give that a shot. How about that? That's it. That's the only business that I have for right now.

2020. Let's give that a shot. Like literally, that's the, that's, yeah. Yeah. This is the way to go. With podcast business complete, is there anything else? Anything else on your heart from the last week before we move on to a primary topic tonight? Did we, so we did at mooncru.

dot substack.com we of course did if the season ended right now our playoff rankings which in 2020 might actually be of some value just wanted to note uab was our first number one of the year because they are the only team that has beaten a team that has beaten another team so fair just quick shout out to uab we have not seen a new top 25 yet right because this is where we will eventually like i think the next one we'll see will be the like funny um order 6 661 where we're like, oh no, Ohio State and Penn State and Oregon all fallen and what terrible fate has befallen the Midwestern Jedi. The Youngtown wings. Beno snapped.

That's amazing. And I said the name of the town wrong. What a fucking waste. So in a usual season, even in the like the weird Labor Day week, we usually do do a Tuesday top 25. But I guess so a few teams have played that it's like, why even bother? Cowards. I mean, yeah, rank you A B number one, you should have, but. Or BYU.

Yeah, damn. There's a compelling case for either. Yeah. But I'm looking forward to that. Eventually that will happen. And it's just going to be funny. I think as soon as that happens, we start the narrative that like, oh, wow, Ohio State, they really collapsed. Just couldn't handle the pressure of starting number two, huh?

That's when you can reheat the. Not usually a problem. You can reheat the stupid clay tweet where you're like, in September, the Big Ten is out of the playoff race. He's finally right. He's finally correct. This broken clock is telling me the time, y'all. That's how fucked up 2020 is.

That guy, the wrongest guy of 2020, is right about something. Amazing. Amazing. He really, like, that really should have happened. The minute they canceled that, that should have been the. move right just retweet yourself on earth the tweet finally right

scoreboard bitches that's like waiting for someone to die and then claiming you got revenge there's a lot of that happening this year too oh I got a list it's gonna be so good did I say that out loud what really shouldn't it's fine it's fine

you never get credit for being meaner than me. Spencer, just give us a taste. What's one name on the list? Yeah. We're diving into this. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no.

No, no, no. Hey, Serber, you're an accessory now. Just see now. No, no, no, Ryan's an attorney, so this is all privileged. That's not how this works. That is all this works. No, you can't just wave a, you can't just wave somebody who went to law school over a situation like he's Fibrize legally. Ryan, what's the point with all that law school if you can't get us out of this fix?

Thank you, Jesus. Just spray some Ryan on it. It'll be fine. You can say whatever you want. God, do we have a civilization? Jason, I'm going to give you the same answer I give everybody who asks, what's the point of all that law school? I don't fucking know.

No violets. My child loves arguing and you're going to law school. Yeah. And she's sort of started figuring out that that's a thing she does not want to do. And I've been able to, you know, from you and from others, I've been able to really express that this is. a thing you do not want to you know i've been able to picture of this man look how sad and pale this man is you know my you'll become well when when he's not an onion here's what he

looks like he's happy but only when he wears the onion suit oh sounds great it's it's sad dude saturday you're gonna go to you're gonna go to you're gonna go to law school and become an onion but doctor i am bloomin onions every once in a while i remember that ryan's siblings are doctors like actual doctor what is why it's not his fault the man hates organic chemistry hey i hate organic chemistry i didn't get close to organic jesus come on man oh good good good i just wanted to make sure we weren't stabbing too deep you know sometimes sometimes you have to do that thing it's like that's like that scene and scream where you're like i think he's stab me a little too deep.

So speaking of education, right? That was a topic we wanted to discuss this evening. Do I have that right? That is correct. That is correct because a lot of us have kids and a lot of us have kids at home. And those kids right now are not doing the thing where they disappear from the house.

for eight hours a day to go be educated. No, they're right there the whole time. And you have to be there with them for a lot of it. And fortunately, well, fortunately in 2020 adjusted terms, so does the entire rest of the internet. I would like to draw your attention, especially those of you who are, we are all some degree of going through it right now.

But I would like to draw your attention if you want to feel a little camaraderie to a Twitter thread from late last week by Twitter user Meow Deow, which is a delightful Twitter handle. It belongs to Alexis Diao, who works at the Washington Post. And she has this story to share. Zoom preschool is both hilarious and depressing. My four-year-old keeps unmuting himself and yelling, I don't know your name.

Is this meeting over you? I read this and I have never felt closer to a child until I read this response from Karen Hoskinson my son called his first kindergarten Zoom meeting a living nightmare while lying face down on the floor perfect have you ever have you ever felt so five years old and so 50 years old at the same time okay one I'm going to throw in one more from this thread that is uh just a big 2020 mood my second grade boy made it an hour on his first day yesterday walked out and announced i'm going outside can you go sit on the call i mean it's better it's better to ask than just it's also worth a shot yeah you don't know until you try i have uh i have a couple more

children here in this thread who went the the rowdier route this is from user Christiane my daughter was unmuted in Zoom preschool and she asked Google to recite the weather while the teacher was talking power

sheer power no power is this next kid computer yell over the teacher power is Keith Edwards second grade son who when he gets bored he just closes the laptop yells technical issues and walks away genius perfect yes okay I'm going to be so good at work they're going to be so

fucking good at work they are so well prepared for what it is actually like we talk about these kids are going to be so good at getting nothing done at all people talk about how like you know the American worker works longer hours has less the show for it what are we going to do the answer is we gave all these kids a taste of work at a super early age and they're going to grow up and end up like getting paid for 40 hour work weeks but doing like seven hours worth of work because they just close their computer and yield technical issues this is how we take it back we had one kid literally take it back erin pepler further down in this thread says my son's second grade class meeting went on for 20 minutes without the teacher who lost her Wi-Fi signal my son suggested

that everyone showed their pets on camera so they did near the end of the call he said i'm the teacher now we also have one instance in this thread of this has to be a rowdy uncle we have a rowdy teacher uh this is user steel snowflake one her name is josephine uh today my My second grade daughter was on her tablet at 9.30 a.m. I asked why she wasn't on her computer in class. She said the gym teacher got on screen, made us do 10 jumping jacks and said he'd be back at 1015. Yeah, gym teacher's got it figured out too. Good job. That's perfect. All right. Last one. And then we will turn it over to our own reader submissions.

A friend's four-year-old told her after the second day of Zoom class, this is from user Ashley J-Mell. I don't want to watch that again, Mom. The show sucks. I gave it a chance. You said watch one episode. And I would know if I was in or out. Maybe you and us both. I have,

Ryan, your child is at home doing this, correct? No, my child is going to, is going in person to daycare. Okay. Because this would never work at home. that's probably a better decision than the one we've made where the kids are doing this and discovered two things that the 10-year-old has already figured out the internet so he's like

yeah it's cool i'm just going to look at cool pictures of like anime dogs all day okay good job kit there's a lot worse anime he could be looking at give it's true it's true like you're thinking it's anime dogs today it's anime dongs tomorrow well he has to we always have somebody watching him with the computer we rotate this between a couple of different adults so somebody's always watching him it's not like he can just slip that in so he has to like call up anime dog and like look over and go are these anime dogs acceptable the adult has to go yeah so it's worse because if you're providing oversight he then wants to to go ahead and go, is a pretty good anime dog, right? And you go, I don't, I don't know what a good

anime dog is, kid. So to be clear, every anime dog he sees, an adult also sees. Yeah, this child, this child is one of those kids who do you have, I have a cat that does this. I have one cat who you pat the cat on the head, the cat goes off to live its cat life. I have another cat, the full cat who demands your eye power. Like, you have to be made. making eye contact with the cat or the cat will yow, which is why the cat appears so often on the show. And this is this child. It is not enough for him to be doing what he wants. He has to have your opinion. He demands that you participate. Validate these dogs. It is absolutely exhausted. All I know is now my whole perspective on what I thought was the completely reliable

set of internet analytics totally thrown because now I know that possibly, traffic numbers for anime dogs are undercounted by 50% if every child who looks at an anime dog is sharing that anime dog in person with at least one maybe multiple adults maybe anime dogs are actually pulling more traffic than the new york times right i'm sorry we've all just been fired by viacom shit this is like uh sports bars showing like mma you know like they yeah they got to pay more because of all the eyeballs so what we do is we open a sports bar that shows anime dog anime dog sports bar

bring the kids bring the whole family wow we just booked a deal with Colorado amazing university of Colorado's school of anime dogs guess what they're no longer the buffs they're the Colorado anime dogs

the gambling dogs you can bet on the anime dog racing yeah I'm going to short some anime dog futures it's going to be sick it's going to be sick you're going to make so much money what do we call what do we call this established

but I don't know enough about anime to make a joke I'm gonna go I'll think of something ghost in the peanut shells I'm sorry sort of oh boy yeah so the seven year old is the one who does the things

like unmuting himself and saying this meeting is canceled he's really good at that that it's very convincing which he is done or done things like i am going to play legos i do not like he'll just announce like imperially what he's sure yeah you do that spencer sometimes like i do you're going to play legos no this is the kid who would like this is the kid who would he could barely walk was climbing into the refrigerator to retrieve an entire watermelon so it's not like

you didn't see this coming i have appropriated this watermelon it belongs to me the emperor of the universe should someone have comments i like this because this is the this is the same logic that like the youtube account that just uploads an entire movie and puts on in the comments i don't know this i don't know this no fair use no copyright infringement intended that's right yeah no infringement intended i say as i crack open the vault and warner brothers is like damn it he got us we can't do anything i'm sorry i'm sorry mr president there's nothing we can do Twitter by who clearly states that retweets don't equal endorsements. See, this is lawyer in, Ryan.

This is what lawyers are for. What I'm hearing is that one of Spencer's sons is a better lawyer than I am. No, he just tries harder. You know what? He's more relentless is the problem. Yeah, he's not bound by moral law. No. He follows kid law.

Kid law is an amoral violent place. We have talked about this one on the show before. this is the one who told his teacher when he saw his teacher's photograph of the teacher's deceased grandmother on the desk walked up and patted the teacher and assured the teacher she's probably not a ghost i think she's just dead and he told me the story after school looking at me and i said well i mean she probably is you know just dead that's so you're hmm that's interesting because i would have assumed that he licked this off the grass but it was clear that he did not i mean there's nothing you can say in that situation but nod and go yeah yeah this is this

really that's how every eulogy should start yeah just a first of all a kind thought and wanted to settle the minds of everyone who've come here racked with turmoil fear guilt and the slight terror that auntie b was uh you know is turned into a ghost um she's not she's probably just dead it's probably just gone forever a good two-thirds of catholicism there's only a two percent chance she's in hell and if you want to wager on that points bet dot com is ready when you are the official paranormal gambling company Colorado weed funerals. Of the University of Colorado.

Can you add ghost onto that too? Ghost betting. That's it. You just get all those South Parkers out in Colorado so like head up about like, aren't you tired of the primacy of the physical world? Who are you going to call? What the hell? Yeah.

Sorry what? Okay, this was just a social headline in the Denver Post. I, okay. Okay. the actual headline of the Denver Post in this article from 2019 is as trends shift Colorado cemeteries and funeral homes look to inject life into the celebration of death and wait celebration of death I'm hearing buffet the the social headline is Colorado fun cemeteries put fun into deaths I think what you wanted there was fun into

The funeral. But the social headline is they put fun into death. We put fun to death. Okay. Anyway, this has been Google. That was me screen capping this because it really happened. So we went and we asked our readers and listeners about what they had experienced. I will tell you, kind of a heroin collection of stories, because I had to filter the funny ones out of here.

A lot of y'all. going through it. A lot of y'all just wrote in and they're like, this sucks. This is the worst thing I've ever done. A lot of y'all are juggling two laptops. A lot of you are going through high levels of stress, merely trying to pull all of this off

all under the same roof that you're only supposed to really just sleep and wake up under, maybe you know, have two to three hours of casual time in a couple of weekend days. No, no, being cooped up with kids and trying to do this all. Also trying to work and pull it all off. It's putting a lot of wearing terror on y'all it's a very jetson's time we're living in where we're like wow look at all

this technology none of it works and we're all miserable yeah like george jesson still hates getting up in the morning nothing's changed you got to put them on a little tube got to put them on a slide got to have a little robot that pours coffee in his face yeah it sucks except now you have to pay to get that robot on kick starter yeah or you could pay slightly less to get the, you know, the Romanian version, which is terrifying and definitely hasn't killed a couple of people in trials. That one does have a ghost. Yeah, to be clear, you want the Romanian version because you're getting twice the robot, ghost robot and regular robot, all for $500 less. Doctors hate both of them. But we did actually get some funny ones out of there.

But I did want to say, like, for all you all wrote in, and you're just like, like some people actually said, hey, listen, I just wanted to, I, this isn't funny. That's, like, there are a number of people who just wrote in and they're like, I want everybody to know how not funny this is. No, trust me, we feel you. We all feel you. I just need this to be recorded somewhere, like a sad audio file in a video game that you stumble upon. Yeah, I don't even have children.

I do have relations, uh, virtual. schooling in my home because I have the good ass internet I know I know y'all it's bad it's real bad yeah it's very bad it is a challenging time so you know take heart this is not forever one day you don't know that I don't know that that's true but one day you might laugh at it might or you might just fight somebody when it's mentioned your eye might twitch forever like this You might just be stuck cackling in the corner maniacally for the rest of your life. But that probably isn't the case. No.

This will probably pass, like your children, who will presumably pass these tests. Oh, okay. Yeah, because they're going to pass the test because you're going to be. But they won't be ghosts. But they won't be ghosts. Yeah. Oh, no. So probably.

Remember, remember, that's where my son left him. This is not ironclad. This is not a promise. No, no, no. He put percentages on it. Like, yeah, you know, probably not. 65.35. Yeah. It was the handpath that really did it for me.

Yeah. Yeah. Like the reassurance. What you find comforting and what I find comforting makes me terrified of you. What do you find comforting? Okay, I wish you'd never told me that. One from, I wanted to start with listener, Emin Smith. At Gin and Juice on Twitter.

Entered a chemistry class Zoom to find a student buck naked and dancing in his room. He had failed to shut off his video. Failed to shut off his video. And the professor was panicking. Okay, one, I don't think he failed to shut off that video. Two, I don't think the professor was panicking. No, I'll buy that. I'll buy that, like, some professors like, okay, I got walked through this by somebody in IT.

Not super well. I think I have control of this. Oh, God, there's immediately. a naked student shit. Yeah, and there's some dick. Spencer, there's a coda on that tweet that you need to read. I'm going to. Thank you. I have never laughed

so hard, comma, war, eagle. All in. So excited for home field and for Auburn gear coming to home field, that he just let it all hang on the chemistry zone. Now, now this student can dance with a shirt

on and no pants in chemistry. He can Winnie the Poot Winnie the pooing it all over You know Big Pooh Saturday No one can tell if you're Winnie the pooing it in Zoom class

And you know who's Winnie the Pooh's best friend Tigger? That's right Back to the Tigers That's right It's all part of the plan This is from Jeff Eeyore is Vanderbilt

Right Not Tennessee Yeah No no No wait we're rabbit You're rabbit yeah sorry all excitable oh my god this guy's falling it's the second quarter and we're down by one point bye time to go drink in the back of my truck i'm gonna get the squirt

down back out i'm gonna get the squirt gone surely my child will be more level-headed than me nope just as hyper just as terrified of things where do you live in the ground Outdoors. I'm going to die. Go balls. Not for any of the usual reasons. You wish you were Eeyore now. Yeah.

Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Time to go for it. Tutt. Actually, oh, my God. Hmm. Okay, never mind. I just remembered a Tennessee artifact involving E.R.

If I can find it, I'll post it in the Reddit. I'm not going to mention any more about it now. Yeah. Sorry, Spencer, please go ahead. Yeah. the next one comes from jeff jeff i'm a teacher while my students were taking a quiz on zoom i was sitting there like a jackass humming and making farting noises my mic was on as you do because i get that you know so that's the other good thing about children being subjected

to zoom this early a they'll learn that work is a bunch of garbage that sucks but they will will also like any student who's like I really look up to like people at a certain station and I think grownups are responsible they're just going to be like oh my god grownups are just so stupid and gross constantly all of them doesn't matter who they are let's see what my hero's doing off camera Jeff I think you did a good thing man you're letting people know that it's real out there and I appreciate it I'd also like to drop a piece of wisdom in there for people who are juggling multiple Zoom accounts for her, perhaps your child and your workplace. When you sign in to two different Zoom organizations for meetings that you have not set, if you have one Zoom account, if you have like a virtual background, that stays the same. That goes with you. That's how I ended up doing 55 minutes of a junior league meeting last week with the photo of the owl sitting crisscross applesauce,

looming over my head because I had also turned off the look at own face thing which to this day I had thought was the best Zoom trick because you don't need to see what weird faces you're making in meetings it's distracting. Secret owl

yeah yeah so anyway check the just check your logins that's just friendly advice relevant to that advice I'm just going to run one here from Heather calling an audible my boss forgot

to check his zoom background so i learned he loves some hentai it starts at the anime dogs i mean i know it's coming that was way better than mine but then you become the boss so it all works out sorry heather wait isn't heather in the army probably i would have i'm wondering if it's the same heather probably not general hentai that means uh if you go high and That means the boss is Donald Trump. So he's giving a Zoom with hentai dogs in the background. The State of the Union. That's the state of the union.

I did that on purpose. The people love this. Big beautiful anime dogs. Big beautiful. That's what I would do. Like if I had the president's here for one second, I wouldn't try to do anything but go, hey, do you know what these rubs really like?

You know what they really like, Don? Anime dogs. You need to talk non-stop about anime dogs. And everyone in the press court would be like, is this some kind of coded message? I don't know. I phoned everyone on my Harvard list and nobody knows what the anime dogs are.

So then I did Peloton for an hour and a half, still couldn't figure it out. And I've decided this is strategy to distract us from other. That's why he's talking about the anime dogs. This is when he became president. This might be how you get, you get the Q&N on. brains to just overheat and become normal as soon as he does this like you know this is too much

we're going back to being normal oh is that like when you put a heat compress on a flip on a back that's flaring up yeah no that's just because i called the white house and said i was steve jobs and got through to him to jobs how you doing anime dogs it's the next thing it's the next he doesn't know who that is he thinks that steve jobs is like the department of labor secretary I need more jobs Meanwhile the president is like Some kid told me Steve What probably wasn't a ghost

It looked like he was wrong All right So listen the president came up And it's technically one day after Labor Day Which means we can talk about the boat thing right The boat thing Oh you mean You mean one that Lake Lanier didn't eat people

Who were out there in boats Thank you for not soaking Wow There are a lot of results for Lake Lanier boat accident just so you know. That's what we've been trying to tell you. Go look at that set your Twitter location

to anywhere in Georgia and just what, like every two weeks as long as the weather is nice, Lake Lanier will trend because it has eaten another person. Google lists 451,000 results for Lake Lanier boat accident. And obviously there are some duplicates in there,

but shit. For those of you, non-Georgians, Lake Lanier was, is a man. made lake that flooded a town and in addition to all the regular kinds of dead people there's cemeteries down there anyway it eats people don't do it yeah except it didn't eat anyone this weekend lake travis however was not so shy like Travis went ahead and just ate a bunch of them boaters ate four boats it's hungry like Travis the the reason this happened lake Travis is um i was that was educated up on lake travis's unique hydrography um it is by a thousand giggling hydrologists

on twitter yeah they're like oh who okay so lake travis i didn't ask so lake travis no no no this was great this was i love it when i love it when like a niche subject really gets its chance to shine yeah and this was like this was hydrography twitter's jam yeah they explained that lake travis is uh it's kind of a shallow pan so it doesn't really take much to get the waves going and popping like a skillet yeah filled with a filled with a thin layer of water that um you really shouldn't you know rile yourself rile up in a boat you really shouldn't just you know gun the engine you shouldn't be out there in like large numbers causing a lot of waves because like a wave you should obey posted boating speed limits which is not something i would ever say

except you really should do that at like trance because otherwise this one happens yeah things get things get messy four votes four votes end up at the bottom of lake travis that's that's the punchline all with a lot of like maga signs on them and flags i can't stop imagining the ride home for the people whose votes sank and i think it was ryan who said the image that has most haunted me since this happened just imagine the empty trailer rattling behind your truck the whole way home. A recrimination

with every hole. It's all I can think about. And just everybody looking at everybody else in the car trying to decide who's going to be the first one to try to talk to Daddy. Shut up. We're getting great mileage now.

You'll notice that. At least it's insured. Can't insure against stupid, Daddy. Nobody has boat insurance. Why? Like, what does an insurance agent do when you go in, hey, I'd like to insure my boat? Sure, buddy.

Why don't you just put five grand in the middle of that table? We'll light it on fire and laugh. Go right ahead. I have another one. This one is from Res. And there are a couple like this. And I have experienced a couple of these, too, because my son has done something similar, though not quite with the same color.

Rez's child in the middle of teaching of my first class of the year high school English their teacher when my nine-year-old burst through the door and yells with an urgency all of us have known and he types in all caps dad I clogged the toilet again making this sound like might be a boast might be a plea for help might be both this next one is from Philbo Baggins so my wife teaches fifth grade and on the first live video sessions one child was being incredibly distracting to the group by cooking pancakes during the lesson that is a king said child was home alone my wife promptly called his mother informing her that he was using the stove apparently par for the course his mother

did not react nearly as poorly as I would have this boss of a child then sat and proceeded to eat no fewer than 12 pancakes live on air so we've gone from children who are emulating us to children who we should strive to emulate you know you want your you want to raise your children to be self-sufficient independent people who won't rely on others who can like set their own course and if that course leads to eating 12 pancakes during a zoom call like you could have done whoa there are far worse outcomes right yeah god you could have raised a waffles kid wow wow i don't understand the slander of waffles here they're fine like who gets who gets like nobody in this world gets violent about a waffle like

the geometry of this offends me maybe maybe there's somebody out there who does maybe there maybe there's an erin aronovsky movie about somebody that waffles just maddened to the point of insanity but you know the in the most horrifying thing about the fifth grader eating um the fifth grader eating 12 pancakes hmm i guarantee you they felt fine that oh yeah like an fuck you kid like an hour later that kid was like cool wins dinner all right number mind now i'm angry what are we doing i feel fine i could go i could go swim right now i go hit that yeah if i ate 12 pancakes at 10 in the morning you would not see me further i would call out sick i have seen i have seen an adult eat 12 pancakes exactly 12 actually

wait under what circumstances okay so this was a fundraiser uh bill handstock ate 12 pancakes oh yeah what size pancakes are we talking this was at like denny's i denny's these are denny's size pancakes so they're robust serious pancakes yeah yeah these are these are serious big league pancakes and and bill the idea was you know they thought well we'll sit at denny's for 24 hours we'll stream it and i'll just keep eating pancakes and it's the review sketch before review existed right and i thought and he thought he could pull 30 and i thought for like 24 hours that seemed real reasonable you know i was a little over a pancake an hour, yeah.

Yeah, just like moving, right? If not, if not, that doesn't feel insane. It's not a pick, but it's not a pace question. It's a space question. It's a space and insulin response question. Because it wasn't just that this, there was out of space, he felt ill. Yeah, he felt like he was going to die.

Your body will go into shock to stop you from doing this. Yeah, because you're not really supposed to put that much sawdust in your stomach. That's really what pancakes and waffles, mostly are sawdust. Alert, you are killing us with crusties. I think I know why your kids eat eggs for breakfast. Yeah.

I'm not going to feed him sawdust. Yeah. But yeah, this kid ate 12 pancakes and just felt fine. God, I had a worst joke there, and I course corrected. And I just, oh. Thank you. Crash landed. Yeah.

But yeah, the other thing, too, 12 pancakes, there's some spite there. Kid was going to eat 12 anyway if he could because he's alone and he's like, freedom! This is amazing! And he doesn't really have to deal with the repercussions of freedom yet. No, he was going to do that anyway.

However, eating all 12 on camera is also like a, what are you going to do? Send the Zoom cops after me for eating pancakes. I hope this child cleaned the, like, rinse the, clean the bowl, clean the spatula, clean the pan, like erased all trace. and ate all 12 pancakes, not purely to stunt, but to eliminate any trace that this ever happened.

I, on the spectrum of things he could have gotten up to while home alone and at school to, this is fairly mild. Oh, I hope he gets to, I hope he like starts doing, like, Japanese habachi tricks. He's going to do the volcano. Sorry to the teacher. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. That's true. This is the listener's wife that we are making, that we are taking the opposite side of, but like, no, I'm not, to be clear, fuck this kid. Like, come on, if he flipped this shrimp into another Zoom student's mouth through the internet? Oh, no. You could do like a, you could set up like a TikTok. You could just do the gag where he flips it off camera and all of a sudden somebody off camera at the other end, you know, throws it in. Yeah. Yeah.

Somebody's going to do this. Please. If anyone, if anyone, if anyone, or tells this if anyone listening to this if your children in the car kids do this do this you'll be internet famous which don't listen to uncle spencer listen to uncle spencer full of good ideas internet famous it's worth a lot it's not worth that much money no um this one is from michael had a professor end a zoom call 45 minutes early because a student refused to stop eating captain crunch with his Mike on. Professor insisted the student leave the class then, but the kid did not budge, insisting that if he had to be in class, we were going to deal with it.

Wait, this is a college student? This is a, this is young Bartleby. I would drive to their house and beat the shit out of them. He has since dropped the class, something that truly disappointed me. Was he just going to keep doing this? It's college. You don't have to be there, you dumb dumb. you're gonna have to deal with that just a guy like with the belt sander on during class

this is the guy who said that to so many girlfriends about his home brew set up in the closet closet's too tidy i think he just had it in the middle of the room right like i don't know step around it's in the shower do you cook my home brew don't agitate the yeast it's perfect it'll mess it up yeah you can't you can't shower with hot water in there yeah that's this is that team will ruin it this is that dude i also enjoy the professor refusing to deal with this at all powerless i respect this completely powerless like we're teaching children that we're teaching children in college students that the structures around them are all a lie if you could just make pancakes in the middle of class and eat captain crunch at the professor can't do shit like

all all laws are aligned all society is just like some shit we made up and you can dance naked on your chemistry zoom because your teacher's just going to make farting noises while you take a quiz anyway or eagle this is this is why ryan mentioned that american productivity's been pretty much level for something like 50 60 70 years at this point because we basically crushed all of the blood out of the stone. Let's crash that bitch into a mountain. People, yeah, no, now, now we're finally going to, you want it to change? Okay, cool, it's going down.

Yep. You know why? Because some eight-year-old is like, society's a lie. The French take long vacations and, like, go home early to see their kids. We just get naked at work and eat pancakes. Yeah. These kids have already, basically, we're going to have an entire generation of children

who've advanced to the office space stage of undrilling the screws so they can have a view out of their cubicle they're already doing that I'm very proud of them all of them they basically skipped like 30 years of personal development and Carl Dorel will leave them

a nation a nation of uncles arises girls can be uncles too I'm proof I have this is the this is the legion of uncles we're watching be created here yeah i have one more which is from at willbanks after a few weeks of chaotic zoom classes in the spring things mellowed out with our nine-year-old son he got calmer easier

to get to his room for the nine a m start this is where you messed up because you didn't have them out in the central area where you keep an eye on them no you put them in the room put them in the room will banks that's their territory you're playing on home field you're going to lose they've already got a three-point advantage on you if you're having them working out the room and i'm about to bear all that out with the end of the story that's because he figured out he could take a webcam picture of himself set it at his as his zoom virtual background and read graphic novels all day have you not seen speed have you not seen speed so yeah that's why i'm mostly offended by this

is because these people clearly have not seen speed just watch speed so many things you can learn from that movie one don't trust the tape two all gaps are ramps if you drive across a level gap Arizona Wildcats good football team should have considered Arizona State best gambling team and wagering squad and all of NCAA collegiate wagering Arizona State.