Shutdown Fullcast - Come Fantifa With Us - Week 7, Recapped

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

Georgia lost a Muschampin' Contest, but that does not make this week a Blood Week. (Patience, you who thirst for chaos and woe!) We will give you a dollar in Fullcast Download Store Credit if you can tell us what the Pac-12 South standings are, we determine how many games Iowa can win the rest of the year if they score twelve points and only twelve points in all of those games, we talk a lot about the extended Fansville universe, and the Sandman stops by for a minute. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. That was a nice ad there. Thank you. It was soothing. Wait, that was an accident. Good God. The only college football podcast on these internets is off to a stellar start already. We are going to review the week that was.

I just realized something. it's kind of messed up that that ad was a song had a song called Summertime Lover and it came out like... I don't actually know what's played. Wait, why is Summertime Love playing? It came out right at the end of summer. Wait, it's coming out on my computer. I don't know what...

What is it? I have no idea, just mute it all before we die. So Jason, how ever you hacked their computer so that they have... have to listen to Summertime Lover to do this podcast. It was coming from the Slack channel I tried to export last night.

Get up, get up. Like it was playing all those media files at once, which is why Summertime Love was in there, like five times. And nine other things. Okay. That's what Slack is for, I think. Yeah. When I think work productivity, I think sneaky renditions of summertime lover.

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. Take it from the top. We can cut all this out in post, right? Just edit it out in post. We can't. We don't know how. They didn't actually Vox didn't give us the edit button. It's like Twitter.

It's very true. I can't believe that happened. Speaking of things I can't believe happened. Hit the segue. This was not a blood week. I think at the very top, there was one shocker this week. But there's a rule about blood week. Jason's sort of our minister of the week of the Samana Dilsangre, if you will.

Jason, was this a blood week? So I think as a couple people tweeted back at the people who were asking if it's a blood week, they said, if you have to ask if it's a blood week, it's probably not a blood week. And I would like to elevate that wisdom from the crowds to the rest of the congregation. It's funny, like, since we discovered this concept and have worked to enshrine it, which we're glad you love. Yeah, it's great, you know. Yeah, we all look forward to it happening.

We're all very excited. We've noticed for about a year or two now that pretty much every time a top 10 team loses people start tweeting at the full cast account and various other accounts saying, is this it? Is this it? Is this blood week? And as the forecast account itself will remind you each Saturday, patience. You'll know when you know. The groundwork, when we went back and researched all of it, the standard I had for historical Blood Week is four top ten losses, preferably all of them upsets. Like, that's when you know you've hit really, really good shit.

And we've done that about once a year for the past decade or so. in the explainer that that Ryan and I put together we said let's say two top 10 upsets at very minimum plus some other stuff I think we got closer we did get closer than maybe we realized because like if USC completes that comeback and beats Notre Dame if Iowa upsets Penn State at home if Wazoo beats Arizona State that's a thing thing we have to talk about here because life is dumb if Texas Tech doesn't lose in double over time. Like there were at least a few makings of a potential blood weekish product substitute here, but there was not nearly enough on the page. Yeah.

I think there was a lot of seasonings that could have gone along well if, say, Iowa had beaten Penn State and another top 10, you know, like if we throw in FCS games, then we're pretty close because top 10,000 in Montana State lost to unranked teams. See, now we're cooking. Yeah. But that's not really a thing we have done. This is more of like the veggie chili relationship here. Like, yeah, okay.

It's got some stuff. I wouldn't really go out, go crazy and say, blood week chili, here it is. That sounds delicious, by the way. The other thing here is like, we have looked at the history here and we can stress patients. and it's not just a word like this is the historical trend the shit really starts to pick up right now and like you'll see as we do these historical you know these weekly-ish episodes on the history of it like you'll see the shit really starts to pick up over the last half of the season i believe we will get our we will get our holiday this year just not yet i bet there's one person

that really wishes it had been Blood Week because in Blood Week the attention is spread around between three, four, sometimes five different car wrecks all happening at once. One person who really wishes that had not been the case

or that had been the case and that they weren't really the only spectacle on display. And that's Kirby Smart. Because this week, you know what Georgia did? Georgia managed to poop its pants in a moderately sized town. Ryan, go on.

Ryan, you're getting ready to leave New York, right? Yeah, very soon. Very, very, very soon. Are you, one, buying all the Rutgers gear you can buy? No. Speaking of pooping. No. You need to go ahead and get on that.

Two, because, you know, it is New York's team, so you got to get all the swag. I thought that was Northwestern. As a Middilgrad, I will tell you, our loyalty to Chicago is on ending. So long as Chicago is at an 18-mile distance, and we never actually have to go there. Big Chicago sports fan, where you live. Evanston.

So the second question I have for you is this. You live in New York. You've probably walked by people. You probably walk by people who poop their pants like every other day. Spencer, I've seen a man shitting in the street. I'm not making that up. I think my definitely my first year

in New York Fullcat wants to register his enthusiasm for shitting in the street my first year in New York I think like my first couple of months I saw a man in between two parked cars in the middle of the day

just taking a shit yeah that dude's having a worse day than you are right just a different one it might be going pretty good yeah he could be like you know what I want to do today

I'm going to poop between two cars. Bucketlist. I should point out that Spencer has been trying to take his shirt off without muting the microphone or removing his headphones for like the past five minutes. Layers. Today was the first day I could wear layers down here and it tried to be a mistake because it heated up.

You won't let me take a picture. Yeah, it's bad. So at any rate, you don't want to poop your, you want to poop your pants in New York because nobody's really going to notice. Right. However. It's hard to be the like,

most disgusting most shameful person in New York there's a lot of competition but like Kirby made the mistake of pooping his pants in like downtown Milwaukee right he made the mistake of pooping his pants in Chattanooga yeah we got to go somewhere warm because like it was detectable yeah

Chattanooga's got a river there was wafting going on I mean you could just say Athens It's, it's true. It's not big. Everything is walkable. People are walking right past it. It's warm.

So yeah, that's, that is everything that we need you to know. That the actual thing that occurred was Kirby Smart being the only one to poop his pants, right? If you want to take this to kindergarten, you don't want to be the only kid pooping your pants in kindergarten, right? Well, it's really more like third grade at this point. third grade yeah um we've moved those goalposts yeah yeah because nothing took the attention away from Georgia somehow losing 20 to 17 to south Carolina was this in was this in Columbia that might be understandable that's an interesting road game that you might not have prepared for no no this was this was in the sanford stadium hallowed Sanford stadium

By the way, don't tell me that, like, South Carolina is celebrated by pulling stuff out of the hedges, and they're like, oh, they touched all beloved hedges. Barbara! Barbara, call the sheriff. They touched all hedges. Those hedges are like every other plant in Georgia, okay? They're indestructible, evil, and they will eventually devour your corpse.

Take them. Set fire to them. They won't burn. I promise you. Sir? Sir, coach must ship, you must know that that's part of the course and it's a free drop. The box hedge is the tenderest of creatures. You can't pull it out with a truck.

It's fine. Also, you'll tour that shit down for Olympic soccer. Stop pretending you're Southern. You tore that shit down for soccer. You can't complain about somebody taking a little cutting from the bushes, right? until you quit emptying your RV's sewage onto the quad, all right? It's fine. It's fertilizer.

I've seen your... That's public grass. Yeah, that's fine. My taxes pay for this shit outlay. Yeah, no, you don't get to complain about that, all right? Not until you do what I have seen, honestly, every other Georgian in my life do, which is throw trash out of your car window and go, oh, man, I hate it when things are dirty. Cars clean now.

No, you don't get to do that, all right? Well, it's just, you shouldn't, don't put something that can be turned into an easy trophy so handy, you know? Like if Washington, if the University of Washington had a bunch of apple trees growing, you know, behind one of the end zones because they were like, hey, this looks cool and it's, you know, part of local culture or whatever, every time Oregon wins on the road, that game. Oregon players are going to have apples in their mouths. Like, that shit's just going to happen. So you know what we should do? We should surround our football field with snapping turtles.

You know what they're going to do? They'll just, like, LSU comes to your place. They're just going to cook them on the spot. With their hand inside the snapping turtle's mouth. Yeah. When is he going to let go? Oh, and this is about 400 degrees. Either he, either he going to eat me or I'm going to eat him.

I call this a grown-up lollipop. That's just a big glove. This ain't my first time. How many times have you done that? How many times I ain't? That's a better question. I hear gigging snapping turtles. Yeah.

You don't get to do that because you know what else you don't get to do? You don't get to complain when everybody so far watching your team this season is gone, hey, y'all should try to do something on offense. Shut up. Second gear's fine. Jake from 16 miles an hour. Yeah, we're running in the red because we believe in Georgia. We're just.

If you run it in fifth gear too much, it burns the manifold thing. Yeah. It's too fuel efficient. It's gross. I'm going to roll coal here. That's what UGA was doing, rolling coal, five yards per pass attempt. Take that look. because there's an actual football point contained in this,

which is that George has just been nibbling people to death on offense and letting the defense carry the rest and hoping the run game provides your explosive plays and occasionally letting Jake Fromm off the leash. I don't know who's been saying that other than anyone who's been watching the Georgia Bulldogs play football this year. Anyone. I described it in great detail before it even happened in the middle of a game last week

if you were on our Slack channel. And you know who loses the teams like that? People who try the haymaker, people who try the big play, people who try to actually do something. Because one general trend in football is this. The team that tries less and has less ambition, over time, you're probably going to have a more steady record. I didn't say better record. I just said more consistent, right? Unfortunately, you know who Georgia ran up against this week?

Someone who tries even less. They ran up against the super curvy. They ran up mega Kirby. They ran up against the micro must champ versus the mega must champ, the original must champ. Machamp himself, the Pokemon at the end of all of the dumb-raged Pokemon's will must champ. South Carolina didn't try to do anything. They didn't even control their players. Javon Kinlaw on the defensive line, he put himself back in the game.

You know who said that? Must champ. Because after the game, Must champ said, yeah, we told Kinlaw to come. him off for a blow and he just said to hell with y'all walk down the field you ever seen him he's real tall i just let him go that man's not even control of his own team and and they won by not doing anything just do less if you're playing a team that's conservative because it works georgia lost to some anarchists like like anarchists who don't like smash windows who just like sit in the way of the door you know like the obstructionist type anarchist

the fucked up thing is that when you think of like big upsets you can usually go back and say like oh when they did this one thing that's when you knew like they were going for the three they were really trying to win this game you know there was a flea flicker or they threw the ball they threw a deep ball on third and one or they went for it on fourth and eight and they got it or they faked a punt like what

there's there's usually something yeah there's nothing here there is nothing I mean look South Carolina's defense played very well had a little bit of luck

but not like an outsized amount their offensive line kept the quarterbacks mostly clean is except for the one who got knocked out of the game but there's

there's nothing that you can point to and say like, yes, that was when Will Mustchamp decided like, we're, all right, who's with me? We're storming. He's, no. Will Must champ's like, no, stay in the police station. The zombies are out there.

Leave them. They'll run out of stuff to eat eventually. It's fine. They run out of ammo. Jake Fromm's out in the middle of the street, like, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah. Yeah, you just listen. He'll run out of bullets eventually. 50 he threw 51 times

51 times I think in George in Georgia's offense against the zombies Jake Fromm has like a boomerang it's it's not a shotgun it's yeah he's got a he's got an automatic fire staple gun that's got a knife he's got a he's got a bow and arrow but just the one

arrow and he's really good at it so you're like wow man you but you got to go get it every time oh that sucks how do you throw 51 times and not hit 300 yards how just you're just the micro nibbler just just trying desperately

to put the ball somewhere between the four yard mark and the seven yard mark that's designed by the way it's not like South Carolina was you know bringing them close this is also another problem with Georgia Loki they don't have anyone to stretch the field none of none of their perimeter players are getting off It's not just design. It's partially designed.

But they don't have anybody who's going to stretch the field or make something happen on the perimeter by themselves. The only person they have to do that is DeAndre Swift. That's it. So what better way

to try and win a game with a team that wasn't even going to try to do much than to do less? The sloth of the SEC, South Carolina. You know what sloths do when their coats get mold on them?

They use them as camouflage. That's South Carolina football. right now, down to their third string QB and OT, which they got to, by the way. Ryan, I'm going to have an aneurysm if I describe it. Please tell them what happened to get them to OT. So South Carolina has the ball. I have the play-by-play here, so I'm going to make sure that I go to it and not completely cock up what happened here.

They start with the ball right after Georgia has tied the game. They've got a minute 48 to go, and they move the ball successfully down to the inside the Georgia 47 with plenty of time to go. They don't have total success, but they're facing a fourth and three with 45 seconds to go. Georgia has just called a time out at this point. Now, they're at the 40, so it's kind of a in a kind of a tweener place. They could punt. They could say, let's just go to overtime, or let's see, if you can. drive the ball deep down the field with only 45 seconds to go.

And I think they only had one timeout left. Now, they had two timeouts left at that point. Or you can go for it. Four and three, not at all an unmakable distance. And even if you don't pick it up, they're still going to have to go a little bit of a ways. Or you could do what they did and attempt a 57-yard field goal that missed very, very, very far right and gave the gave georgia the ball back at the 40 with 40 seconds to go at that point

georgia got to um inside south carolina territory pretty quickly and with 13 seconds to go they have they they've called time out it's second and five they throw two incomplete passes one of them has an illegal shift that backs them up 43 yards or five yards rather to the 43 with on the last play of the game from the 43 in its high game when you do have a maybe the best kicker you've had in school history you would think maybe that is the time where you would say okay let's trot him out here and try what is that a 60 yard field goal yeah like is he going to make it probably not do you need to be prepared for a kick six yes but other than that there are pretty much no major downsides nope just attempted

an incomplete pass that didn't go anywhere and that's how we got to go to overtime where just so much stupid shit happened and over a double overtime that ended with how many total points scored between both teams

three three do we think you two broke down a lot of the dumb stuff in the top whatever Sunday morning but there was also like weird coaching decisions And I think most of them were by Kirby.

Like a weird timeout, that weird kick thing you just mentioned. Do we think that he looked up, looked across the field, saw a guy wearing glasses. This would be Will Must Champ and thought, oh, shoot, they got a smart guy. Oh, they got a, they got a chess grandmaster. Uh-oh, they got a big brain over there. I better really bring it. College boy. I'm going to have to dig in my analytics.

He went where? Oh, he must be smart. Yeah, I think it's, I forget who tweeted it, but toward the end of this game, someone just tweeted, both these men have degrees from the University of Georgia. And it was the funniest thing I saw all Saturday, outside of our Slack at least. This car, this entire game was just one long warning

about having people from rural Georgia manage a football team. It was, there was really no other conclusion I could arrive to. There was something else we didn't. mention that to carry on Joyner, the third string quarterback, who didn't get sacked, despite being the third stream quarterback on a team that gave up almost three sacks a game against the team that like to get about three sacks a game. He, on third and six, to carry on on joiner runs for three yards. It is fourth and three, and the clock is ticking. Georgia calls a time out to let South Carolina, if they're third.

thinking about going for fourth and three, draw something up that's pretty nice, decide, ponder, review their options, or to give the kicker more time to rehearse. Just let it go. Just let just yeah. What the hell are you doing, Kirby? What the hell? And that was when they gave Will Mushchamp preparation time. And as we know, being from the internet you give batman preparation time and he can defeat anyone this also goes for will must champ he'll apply his big old glasses brain and you're sunk it was like giving it was like when you have a dog that doesn't understand object permanence and you go i'm going to give a little bit longer to realize the ball is under the bowl and it comes back and it's like you made it disappear

sorcerer go dogs yeah this is this is not this is to me not an aberration that's usually what you think with the upset you go oh man you know this is just a lot of weird things happened and a lot of nope this this is very much in keeping with the 2019 team and i don't even know if it's entirely just kirby smart being super conservative i just don't think i think part of it is that they can't do a lot with their perimeter players or down the field or at least don't trust them to but a lot of it's them being super conservative. Now watch.

I said all this and like Jake Fromm's going to throw 23 times for 400 yards against Florida. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they have the talent. So I think it is more of the trust and, you know, the trust and all that. Because like, we know they have the talent all over the roster. And how, where does the trust come in? Because like, no, I'm saying the lack of trust in that talent to.

And Jake Fromm, like, that's the thing that floors me is that they're collaring him like he's a freshman. He's going to be kind of the inverse of, you know, every year we have like that, that like Mac quarterback who threw for like 5,000 yards and we're like, oh, I hope this guy goes in the seventh round. With Jake Fromm, it's going to be like, yeah, he threw for like nine yards in college, but you should probably draft him. I've never seen him play football before, but I bet he's good at it. it's real tall there's also that

oh he's gonna be a jet it's gonna be great oh never had a game with never had a game with with more than two interceptions and he keys in with three here he threw six

remember you're a jet for life and that's why Sam Darnold keeps trying to get sick I thought you were gonna launch into this song and I was so ready I know I'm sorry I believe it is time

for podcast business Podcast business What's that business? Podcast business I don't really know How to do it as well You had a little You had a little

Like a growl in your voice there Yeah It's because it's the Ogeron Oh I thought you were doing DMX Yeah To pull up instant rap air horn I'm just the I'm just the drum machine

The cheap drum machine That keeps going in the background The washer Or the dryer Right I wish my dryer had an air horn. I'm sure DMX has at some point said, you know, told the listener to suck an animal's dick. I'm sure that's happened.

This is crazy. It's actually harder to think of songs where he probably hasn't done. Well, that's not true. Because there are two DMX songs. I will kill you and everyone you love. And please, Lord, why must I deal with so much pain? Yeah. See point one.

I refer to point two. first item in podcast business we're doing a live show how are you going to have DMX on this soundboard what is this shit none of it would be clean it's fine um we're doing a live show in jacksonville florida home of rap's greatest act limp biscuit that's right greatest rapper is alive i'm not talking for the rest of this i would like to be excluded from this narrative i don't want to get emails

Here's the thing. Maybe Limp Biscuit will be at the show. I can't prove that they won't. Yeah, it's not like they're busy. We haven't asked them to, and I would prefer that they didn't, but it could happen. I bet they'd really get the show rolling. Okay. When I say, God damn you, I want to make sure I'm being very clear that I'm actually asking for a higher power of some sort to strike you dead. Well, don't ask for it in Jacksonville. God ain't been there in years. You go to 25 Snakes.com. That is where you can find tickets.

It's to this show where God will not damn, Spencer, it's safe ground. No, it's safe ground from the Lord. Probably. Oh, that's a great point. We're also going to go around Jacksonville telling people that Spencer is Gardner Minchew from the future. Also, we're going to be traveling in a van and God can't see through lead. I'm Bardner Minchu, the poet from the future after he's given up football and his material wealth and return to the land. If you hated that, maybe you will hate these ads less, but I can't promise that.

There was another song in our hearts, by the way, on Saturday night slash Sunday morning. A song that if you've watched the Fansville ads. Which, how can you not? Yeah, because they're on a lot. Something will catch anyone from that ad, like at any point for me, it's I still hear the line. That's my, that's his Dr. Pepper hand from Dr. Eddie George, which of all the celebrity cameos in that, I feel most secure in a real-life appearance. It was the, I think, the girlfriend of the guy with the wounded Dr.

It was. I found her on Instagram, by the way. Her name's Natasha. She's lovely. She's also a lady bodybuilder, which is awesome. And really didn't show under her, like, waitress apron that she had to wear last season, but she's jacked. So she knows all about, like, dominant hands. And for grilling, exercising.

For grip. But everybody in the Banner Society slack that we keep going on Saturdays, which they can, anyone listening to this can get into that, correct? They just need to request. Except for like three people, yeah. There's a Google form. Except for the people who have already made their way out. Except for the people who have.

No, there's only like three of those, which is kind of a miracle. Yeah. If you're listening to this and you've been the person who. who's been told you're too dumb to have a good time. You're too dumb for rooms literally labeled nonsense and cannibals. The room called nonsense, you got thrown out of that one, so you're going to need your own slack. But the thing about Saturday night is that this didn't even take place in our most nonsensical room. It took place in our middle of the road room.

Yeah. Now, explain to me what happened with Fansfield because Ryan and I were sort of distracted at the time. I'm going to let Jason kick this off, and then I'm going to pull some highlights. So the football nonsense room is the one that's, it's exactly what it sounds like. It's a bridge between football and nonsense, and it's the one where I spend most of my time. And I honestly did not see the actual beginning of the Fansville thing. But I sort of, there were a few other joke threads that were going on throughout the day. But eventually everyone just locked in on expanding the lore and canon of,

fansville um like explicitly saying let's do this and at some point actually at some point early on someone said we need to make a complicated enough lore for fansville for there to be a tv tropes page which is like the pinnacle of the internet by the way there's a shut down full cast one proofs we've made it if you ask me that means we're pretty big shit but uh so for about two hours it was just constant non-stop word association expanding the world of Fansville, like, you know, coming up with rival towns and jobs for everyone in the town. And who would this, like, it went on and on and on. Opposing factions like Fantifa.

Yeah. It was about two hours of the funniest internet I've ever been a part of. And in fact, I believe we have retained the logs. Yeah, I did attempt to export a lot of this for posterity last night, also for, you know, lore construction. but it was surprisingly genial for an enormous group of strangers who have decided that this Dr. Pepperad is using race as a construct for soda pop. So among the things that were decided upon last night, for one thing, everyone agrees that Gus Malz-on is the coach of Fansville High.

That's pretty much unanimous. We've decided that Fansville is a. Red City, but Tech has a blue flag, so it's probably a swing state. We have decided that Fansville is crazily gerrymandered in favor for state, and people act like that doesn't bother them, but secretly there's a lot of build-up against it. Fansville is also suffering with a crippling caffeine addiction problem that is their analog to the opioid epidemic. you get it or you don't but also the the part that really stuck with me was somebody just saying

America's best political explanations are Dr. Pepper commercials and I can't find any argument against that for the past few years no also we decided Lars von Trier's elephant took place in fansville there was a point when people were just throwing out questions and it was like Whoever answered, the first answer was perfect. Good. That's canon now. Next. Next question.

The Fansville mayor is 100% a neoliberal that is destroying the middle class by cozying up to outside capital that gentrifies the city core. Nobody argued against that. There was, someone said, who's our judge? And the instant response was Lou Holtz, but he's totally blind. Also, Larry Culpepper is Xi Jinping in this universe? Which, honestly, that took so long. That would involve its own show to. explain how we got there, but everyone again instantly agreed.

I'm tired of these splitists in Section 408. There was, at one point, we were talking about, like, how do we date things? What year is this? And someone suggested it's such and such BC, but then someone realized that's before Culpepper. Colpepper invented the college football playoff in 2014. This is already canon. Therefore, the year right now is five.

Yes. Right? It's five after Colpepper was, among our. our other lores, Dr. Pepper Dark Berry is a false prophet with an underground cult in the town. And Dr. Pepper Cherry

is the evangelical group trying to lead people back to the Enlightened Path. I kind of want to, I have never played the most recent Fallout. I think it's Fallout 76. The online only one. I would kind of like somebody to create a Fansville

in Fallout that we can all live in. So here's a critical detail. You need a Fansville and then you need a second residential area nearby. Right. Because at one point, someone said, all right, so what's the Hogville of Fansville? And we realized, no, no, no, no, no. Hogville is a separate town.

Hogville is not an Arkansas Razorbacks message board. I don't know if the Arkansas Razorbacks exist in the universe of Hogville. Hogville is a heavily fortified nearby town. Hogville is kind of the Parks and Rec, Eagleton, two, Fansville. we fucking hate that place someone says that place has powerful Craig James energy like

we decided Craig James is from Fansville but fled to Hogsville and they're refusing to extradite him back I like this because I picture like Hogville sending war rigs to try to intercept Dr. Pepper shipments

yeah but really really fucking snobby war rigs walk away walk away from the Dr. Pepper also there were pigs the transfer portal is real um it takes you to hogville so it's heavily guarded yeah there's a stargate aspect to the transfer portal in yeah uh there's the question of whether it's in america we don't know that can't prove it for sure uh the notion that every time coke puts out a new flavor fansville

nervously crosses a flavor off the heavily secured list of 23 flavors and dr pepper i missed that There was, one of the questions people throw out was, in Fansville, do we believe in the moon landing? And this kind of stumped everyone, so we did a poll, and this eventually led to... I'm telling you, you guys who were watching the games missed out. We eventually realized that if you went to state, you don't believe in the moon landing, but if you went to tech, you do. Because, like, tech, right? That's the smart school. Also, there's a private school that they never talk about. Oh, Our Lady of St. Francis, was that it?

Wow. Yeah, yeah. It went on and on and on and on. There was like the, what was it? The town council is like Larry the cable guy, Jeff Foxworthy, and Urban Meyer. And Larry the cable guy is constantly disappointed at Urban Meyer, I assume. Yeah, sure, yeah. Come on, man, you got to make better choices.

Oh, I found a list of schools I was looking for. Incarnate Fansville, Our Lady of Fansville. Fansville Methodist has also received the death penalty for money and coke shenanigans, as in Coca-Cola. Someone said the official religion of Fansville is game day superstitions. The only concerts that happen in Fansville. I got to wear my lucky drawers. Why, to get into heaven? No, so we'll beat tech. The only concerts that take place in Fansville are the summertime love guys and progress on ice

um is there is there an off season in fans will fuck no okay no no this is like a rose and cranson guildenstern set up right they're not aware of an off season oh we decided their high school rival was Flabertown

there is uh every movie theater just plays game film just that's where you go you just go grind film they're replaying the cheese at bowl there um it's a horror movie. Dude, it just went

on for fucking ever. It was awesome. And in fact, I don't think it's done yet. No. This is better than my original theory that it was all a Truman show set up for Brian Bosworth, the real Brian Bosworth. I think we ended up deciding it takes place in the roller coaster tycoon

universe. I think Brian Bosworth is like he's like in charge of like something like the fire department. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, because you don't want to make him a cop.

We decided, of course, Pat Fitzgerald is the sheriff. Now, you know the first thing I'm going to do when we open up the slack next weekend. Is create a Fansville fanfic room? Yes, that would make my job a lot easier. I will. And, all right, you're right. I'll do that first. The second thing I'm going to do is I'm going to ask the crowd, did 9-11 happen in Fansville?

Oh, God, damn. You know what? You said it this early. We're going to get some, like, documents and slideshows and shit. Actually, they were asking, can we? leave this open as a fansville role-playing room seven days a week so you do it one day and they might figure out how to hack it and just stay there i also have some quotes from iced tea in fansville svue it's big with the kids they mix fiberglass insulation with pencil

shavings and cocaine call it a dr pepper five pack there was there was talk of grand theft auto fansville actually yeah we should really that's easy we should do that yeah we had it sounds fucking tiny. I've been wishing openly for several years for the Heisman House to devolve into this like dystopian hellscape from which none of them can escape from either the trappings of fame or the

house itself, but this is way better. Also, this is the first positive association that anyone on the internet has ever had with a Dr. Pepperad. Also, it was decided that the Dosec-E's team is part of the Fansville EU as is the Heisman House. So like the Dosec

Becky's team is some sort of, that's like a non-conference game. I assume the Heisman House is like the haunted Stephen King murder mansion in the town, where all of those players are actually ghosts. Except Eddie George? Oh, that is a crossover problem. Oh, he's leading a double life. Wow. Yeah, Eddie actually.

A mere doctor. No, see, Eddie is actually at night. He is of the debt, but he can serve the living so long as he works as a doctor. that's right Teddy George Wow We also need to work in an I-Zombie sob plot There are needs

We need serious needs here Also to bring it back to stuff We can all talk about It was decreed that 80s Hulk Cogan could be in Fansville With zero changes Find it hard to argue with that We'll just do ready player one

With every crap culture Like Thing we want to create in there Ready player soda gun I don't know I'll workshop it. Ready Player 6. Yeah.

Ready Pepper 1. Ready Player 23. See, it's like Ready Pepper 10. No, Ready Pepper 1's better. That's it. Yeah. It'll be like Ready Player 1, but good. Anyway, man, this is, this has got to be up there with us talking about bowl.

Movie that came out four years ago. This is got to be up there with us talking about bowl websites. Hey, I just object to. But, guys, you got to come join us on Saturdays. It's a fucking black. Someone made a Fantifa logo. Yeah, we have Fantifa emojis by the end of it. And fan shows.

Yeah, it was wall of solidarity emojis. And like Matt Brown, who goes to church, currently has an Antifa Twitter avie with a Dr. Pepper in it. Yeah. What I'm trying to say is that our Banner Society Slack may be the last good place left on the internet. And the first good place on the internet since we created it. So you all were having more fun than I was, because I was watching Florida.

Yeah, you were watching your team lose to LSU. You hate to see it. I don't. Wait, we do. You know, I'm okay with like. I don't hate to see it at all. I'm okay with all of it. I thought it was a good game.

I thought it kind of went like, it made sense. You're not like, oh, man, that's exactly what should have happened. No, but like it made sense. Toward the end, Florida's drive. And that's enough Florida football talk. All right. What's next? Do you know, Spencer, we'll ignore these two.

It's fine. We usually do. I realized why this LSU loss This lost LSU rather did not make me mad There was nothing to be like There was no moment where they like Pulled the rug out There was no like oh they took my wallet

There was no like yeah we converted eight fourth downs And we faked a kickoff Didn't even know that was a thing did you yep We just picked it up off the tea and ran with it And that's legal like if anything Florida had a couple of plays like that

the one pass in the the one touchdown pass in the first half that got like tipped and bubbled and caught somehow comes to mind it was just it's very hard to remember the last time Florida specifically

lost to LSU and it was just like yep just got outplayed just lost to a better team yeah there was no point at which it turned into a caper it was just at the end you go what happened you you're like no what happened at the end they just blew open that window they had an RPG yeah yeah this wasn't a heist right it wasn't like oh we've been watching the wrong video camera footage all the time because they looked it right there was no oceans 11 to this whatsoever um there was just a

14-point swing of, oh, our defense did something better than your offense did, and then our offense did something way better than your defense did. Congratulations, you're now down by 14. And that's like, that's the difference between LSU this year and last year when you go, well, what do you have to worry about? You could get into the weeds with, well, I don't know, they passed the ball now. No, at root, if you're just going to simplify it, they're playing with sevens and not threes now. Hey, are we still talking about Florida football? We are. Great, let's move on. Can we note the difference was Joe Burroughs completing 79.4% of his passes

on the year. I'm sure it was. I mean, it's not even just that. They only ran 48 plays. I'm sorry, folks. I tried to derail them. Keep going on. They only ran 48. No, this is really more about LSU than Florida. They ran out. No, no, it's cool. I'm going to tune out. LSU ran 48 plays and scored

42 points. Yeah. Holly's going to Fansville. That's nuts. Buddy, I'm in a Fansville of the mind. Fansville is my Margaritaville. Fansville never leaves me now. I just float a round in Fansville. Look, I, like...

We're like the librarians in Derry of Fansville. They only converted one third down, but they only got to third down four times. In a whole football game. It's because Joe Burroughs too good on first and second down. It was, it was a real, they're a real good team.

They're, like, that's a boring answer. They're a real fucking good team. I'm taking a lap with the streakers. There's such a, there's just such, like, there is something. I think, like, not emotionally satisfying, but it's at least, you feel okay if you leave a game and go, that is a better football team. And they, at two points, you go, oh, we flinched.

Like we, we were playing a game of chicken. And at that point, Florida turned. Hold on. Welcome to year eight of us vastly overestimating our audience's interest in our feelings about Florida football. Okay, I want to try something else here. Tennessee one. I don't want to talk about that either. No, I don't want to talk about that.

Let's talk about a really good football team. I would like to talk about football games. How about let's move elsewhere in the SEC East. There is one team of interest in the SEC East. You mean the team leading the division? Yeah, let's talk about them. Currently projected by multiple analytics to win the SEC East is ineligible to win the SEC East. Is that, wait, how does that work?

If they can they not go, they can't go to the conference championship, right? Wait, you're telling me Kentucky's still in it. Possibly, yeah. Woo! Yeah. Mizzou is in the same situation as like that UNC team that one year when Miami was also in that same boat, like the old Ohio State team that allowed Wisconsin to go to the Rose Bowl and finish eight and six. Yep.

All that shit. Yeah. So, yeah. Georgia's going to like finish second in the SEC East and go to the NCCC title game. I want to pull this. I want to pull off Florida losing to Missouri, beating Georgia and winning the end. SEC East despite looking absolutely horrible in their losses.

Horrible. Horrible. Just horrible. Yeah, that's what I want coming. If you review the conference standings right now, right, Missou would be the SEC East champion, right? Missouri lost to Wyoming where it's frack time. The current leader in the Pac-12 North won't surprise anybody. That's the Oregon Ducks.

In the South, who would like to take a crowbar and try to extricate my brain from looking at the South? Oh, me. Which Arizona is it? So four teams are tied at two and one in conference play. You had me in a crowbar. The other two are at one and two. We'll start at the bottom. UCLA and Colorado.

You're a game back. You're still in it, buddy. Just a game back. UCLA, come on, man. USC, Arizona State, Utah and Arizona are all tied at two and one. USC has a head-to-head win over the Utes, Arizona State and Arizona and USC. I believe have not played each other. So, yeah.

Do you want to know who's playing golf? Do you want to know who's playing golf here? All right. Arizona State fittingly playing golf because UCLA, you go, oh, man, they haven't scored any points at all. Chip Kelly's been struggling. That's just faded. That's just a cyborg that's taking Chip Kelly's name. and is running up credit card debt, right?

Well, the real chip Kelly is somewhere either underground in a lab or on an alien world being imprisoned, having experiments run on them. Like, what happened to this person? That's that they are not the same coach that they were 10 years ago. Well, they've scored 157 points, 157. The team that is currently tied way up there for the lead,

the 5-1 Arizona State Sun Devils, you go 157 points doesn't sound like much. Well, a household succeeds through, budgeting. Okay. And Arizona State, they only have 152 points on the year. And they're still five and one. Wins per point, I don't like, that's a terrible stat. Arizona State's going to win it. Bill Connolly just threw up somewhere. Yeah. It's just like, you know, it feels a disturbance in math somewhere. My, uh, my favorite standings thing is that the entire Mac West could go bowling. The entire Mac East could miss

bowl season like it's it's darn near likely in fact like you might see a six and six Mac East like Buffalo or Ohio and like then that team loses the conference title game oh my God

that's that's fantastic I had no idea also in the big 12 yeah there's two teams you haven't lost yet and one of them is Baylor, you have to say it like that. So I think one thing we should mention about Baylor is Matt Rule, what are you wearing?

Okay. I like Holly's explanation best. I didn't have an explanation. I just asked why he was dressed like he was about to give me a dental x-ray. Oh, see, I viewed that as an explanation because this, Occam's razor, the simplest answer is he's going to give you a dental x-ray. Oh, okay. Yeah.

he loves dental x-rays the thing that kills me about this outfit is that that shirt probably retails for fucking $120 is it a shirt or is it like three shirts it was like a we had suggestions ranging from a penny in gym class

I like to imagine it's a modern version of like what a knight wears under his armor yeah I was calling him friar that shit on so he could be a road coach yeah I was calling him friar truck What do you call those sort of velour A tabbered?

No, those velour plush onesies that babies wear Right? That go all the way over the feet, but they're sleeveless. Oh, sleep sacks? Yeah, I thought he was wearing a... Like he busted out of his sleep sack? He busted like something like... No, he does kind of have a baby face.

He does. Go swaddled that rule. God, we should try that with like James Franklin. Oh, somebody's going to at least like, Eventually, they're going to come out with something that just looks straight at like an infant sleep sack. And the person who's going to look incredible in it, Gary Patterson. It's going to be so sweaty under all that plush, velour material. Oh, God. No, Gary Patterson, you have to sleep on your back.

It's for safety. But I'll drown. I was trying to move on and I can't. He sleeps in a basin. He has to have a drain cut Put Gary Patterson in his colander Gary Patterson is laying down in his pan To go to sleep

He's Dr. Robotnik but just in like a metal sieve Floating on the sideline Hey gang, got a good marinade going down here If I put Gary Patterson in like a terrarium I'm going to come back in six months It'll be thriving Like wow you replicated a rainfall forest, what did you use?

GCU's coach. It's a self-sustaining ecosystem. Just corked the bottle. Why do coaches wear such weird shit? This is the last time that... Inventing the shacket was weird enough. Then PJ Fleck wearing fucking kimonos and shit. You remember that like two-year period where all the coaching jackets from Nike had like that hexagonal pocket on the outside of the upper arm for no reason that we discovered would hold a can of

skull but not even a normal size cell phone. The off center pocket? Yeah. Yeah. I think at this point and Nike and Adidas are just taking turns going, you know what, these guys are cheap as hell and they expect to be fired at any time, even though they make like millions a year. Let's just

see what they'll say no to. Nothing? I think they might actually be categorically, because they have to come up with new shit every year, right? There are only so many configurations you can do. Yeah. Like next year, oh man, but if they're all like tactical polo let's put a spoiler on the back that's cool i would like to see that and i would also like to see

tactical male corsets become a thing oh they're they're gonna at some point they're gonna be like yeah man it's dry fit tails you're gonna wear them long ass coach's polo in the back that's when kirk ferns is like finally gentlemen return he might have been wearing like next season's looks if if that's the case the get back coach has you by the tails get back coach is out in the stand Oh yeah, what if like they come with a sash and the get-back coach can just wind it around his wrists? I want hyper-color shirts so that they just all immediately get real sweaty and like neon immediately. Chip Kelly dressed up as tactical Tanuki Mario. Listen, we got away from discussing Florida football.

No! And I'm going to keep that going. Dan Mullen's pants. Who do you want to talk about, Holly? just not Florida or Tennessee give us anybody give us anybody well I was kind of

wondering we haven't talked to somebody in a while he was asking me but I would like to talk to our old friend the Sandman that's one option I can never it's like a seance we got to summon them hey hey fellas and lady fellas

there he is I can never remember the accent it's going to be different every single time that's part of the joy man to throw the feds off if we did a super cut it would sound like that splice movie but you're like all of the characters that james mackerel's playing you're like val kilmer and the saint like what's a tv show where the character does an ambitious accent and then just gives up uh i i've seen i've seen the trailer for um robert downy junior and this new dr doolittle and yeah oh yeah he's from every Guess which animal is causing all the trouble. The fucking goose.

Honk. It's also the Costner and Robin Hood for two minutes in that movie. He's like, hello, my lady. And then at two minutes and one second, he's like, hi, I'm Kevin Costner. Hey, I'm Kevin Costner. Is there any baseball in this? Yeah. You guys got, you guys got any sky vodka?

It's my favorite brand. It comes in a blue bottle, and it's very inexpensive. All right, I'm going to go allegedly fucked. Cal Ripkin Jr's wife. You guys know a lot more Kevin Costner facts than I have ever absorbed. Wait, have you never heard this story? No, I've never heard this story. That sound, by the way, is Spencer slapping his bare stomach

because he finally managed to get shirtless. And he got real mad at me when I took a picture. Okay, I will do this briefly. This has been kicking around the internet for a while. I don't think it's true, but in the middle of... So specific, why would you make that up? Just, Ryan, right, right. Just say it happened in Fansville.

In the middle of Cal Ripkin Jr., that requires the Baltimore Orioles to exist in Fansville. In the middle of Cal Ripkin Jr.'s Iron Man Streak, they had a game that was canceled because there was some sort of lighting issue at the ballpark. Wait, so he was busy with baseball and Kevin Costner offered to fuck his wife, that's sweet. Hold on. There was a problem where they couldn't.

get like the outfield lights to work or something and they postponed the game the rumor that circulated was that they actually intentionally sabotaged the power system or said it was broken or whatever because cow rupkin junior couldn't play because he had gone home from practice that day found kevin costner in bed with his wife and punched him and injured himself and therefore was not going to be able to play and his streak was going to end prematurely and that that's why they set this up. And like, both of them have been asked about it. And I think they have both denied it, but in ways that you can't tell that if they're

angry that they're being asked this question, or if they're like, how did you fucking find out? There's a sensation here that I haven't really experienced since we, since we were doing, it seems smart. And since we were first constructing with our friend John Boyce, the scene in which Albert Bell's teammate whose name now escapes me was crawling through the ceiling to try and find the umpire's locker room

to retrieve the corked bat. Jason Grimsley. And thank you. And Jason Grimsley removes the ceiling tile. And it's like the groundskeeper's lounge or their locker room. And there's a guy in there. And all of a sudden, you're going about your day.

You look up and there's a famous baseball player staring at you from a hole in the ceiling. and just that that sensation I'm wondering what the sensation the moment of awareness is of walking in and Kevin Costner's in your bed and he's not taking a nap yeah

I mean it's weird either way yeah that would also be weird that might be even weirder actually oh the original Goldilocks so he walked in and there was no way out so for whatever it's worth snopes.com says this is not true But I think that's just them making a judgment.

We need a Snopes for Snopes is what I'm saying. Yep. Snopes scopes. In Fansville, Snopes is, Snopes is Mark May. Whatever Mark May thinks is Snopes. Oh, God. All right, so that really fucks up the moon landing problem.

No, no, no. We can make it work. It's fine. No, he's got a university of Pittsburgh education. and that's also where the space program originated yes correct I would like to say put it in space I like that I like that UCF and gotten gotten got real heated up because Purdue dared to kind of sort of not really copy their space helmets which like Jesus Christ Orlando you're not Canaveral they literally put a flag on it and like Purdue has so little

this season just let them have their space helmets Just let them have the moon Also, I want to know How many UCF grads have been to the moon? They're probably, no. I think they have a few astronauts. They have astronauts, but I don't think they have anybody Who's walked on a moon, no.

I mean, how many Purdue grads have been to Firestone on Freak Night, huh? Probably more than you would care to know. Kyle Orton. The answer is Kyle Orton. Kyle Orton. You want to know who's been to the moon who went to UCF? Kyle Orton, don't ask how.

Man, UCF has all of three astronauts. I just checked. But it kind of made me wish that some other school who has no NASA claim whatsoever. Like, I wish FAU was just like, yeah, fuck, we're doing full space suits too. Eat shit. Listen, dude, Tennessee has a lot of astronauts. It clearly doesn't take much. Right.

I want to figure out the least outer space school. UCF has three astronauts. Purdue's got 25. Liberty's like the Earth is flat, but we've been to the moon. The moon doesn't exist. The moon is 400 years old. We know it because we've been there. BYU's like, we all get our own planets. We have the best claim to space school.

That's true. I'm going to tell you one. All right. I think I'm just going to go ahead and say there's one school where the people there would just be like, no, man. No man. Moon is too freaky. We're not going up there. I'm going to go ahead and say that there are absolutely no University of Kansas astronauts. That's my question. Yeah, it's so bumpy.

Yeah, if I wanted a frigid hellscape, I'd go outside in February. It's got hills. Ugh. Yeah, it's just, it's not normal. Don't trust it. Moon's haunted. The Kansas Stayhawks. Cox gun

The Samman's doing good by the way 40, 31 and 1 about 50% Yeah, bad The pick of the week this past week was LSU Minus only two and a half Which I managed to get in March A savings of 12 points 11 points

Can the Saman or anyone else help me with this existential question How did Iowa score 12 points and lose This feels like such a This feels like such a powerful Iowa score It's not like they don't have practice. I mean, when Penn State got to 10 against Iowa, we sort of looked up like, uh-oh, here we go. Now all he need is 11. And then they got 11, but they needed more than

11? I mean, yeah, because I did not watch minute one of this game, not one. I watched, Dan, I think whoever scores more points is going to win this game and the other team will almost certainly lose. Spencer, I'm going to give you the remainder of Iowa's I'm going to give you the remainder of Iowa schedule. You tell me of 12 points will win each of these games. Are you ready?

Yes. Home versus Purdue. Yes. On the road against Northwestern. Yes, definitely. God, yes. On the road against Wisconsin. No. At home against Minnesota. No.

At home against Illinois. Yes. On the road against Nebraska. Yes. And they'll do it on Scott Frost Day. So Iowa's going to go eight and four by scoring 12 points the rest of the way. Also, one more for your bowl, for Iowa's bowl. I have them against, I have them against y'all at the moment.

Is 12 going to do it against Florida? No, 12 is not enough against this Florida team. Shut up. Stop being a Zoot Baby. Wow. Wow. No, we were actually good. Dan Bull had called a great game.

See, we're not done talking. No, it wouldn't be enough. We would beat them. It would have been enough to beat Michigan. It's important to remember, 12, 12 would have been enough to beat Michigan. I hate to see it. Can I talk about, yes, but I think Jason's, you and I are both massive fans of this Hawaii team. Was this their most frantic performance?

They're most panicked, active. I will say this. They do a lot of stuff. The team that did the most, right? Like, I don't, I didn't say what kind of most. I didn't say good. I didn't say bad. Creating content.

The team that posts most frequently. The spammers. The spammers of college football. The most online team is Hawaii. Now, they lost 59, 30. but it was a really energetic 5937 they you know

at 24 first downs they just ran a shit load of plays and did they turn the ball over? Yeah frequently four times just stuff's going to happen yeah man the team that beat Arizona

despite turning the ball over what was it six times tried to do that against a better team really far away from home it didn't work this time but hey We're not going to change who we are. We're going to do the exact same thing next week.

We're going to turn the ball over as many times as possible and try to score 50 points because that's how we do it on the rock. They're the anti-Iowa. We went straight from Iowa to anti-Iowa. My two favorite teams this year are Hawaii and Wisconsin, who are the exact extremes of the possibilities of football. Hell yeah. Let's talk about Wisconsin. Yeah. Wisconsin is fucking awesome

They are terrific The grinder I tuned in to this game When it was I think 21 to nothing Wisconsin I was like oh this is just getting good And this is when they start to Like this is when they are Starting to stop trying to score if that makes any sense

They just can't help continuing to score against Michigan State Because Unfortunately Wisconsin is too awesome Just gonna call them the Madison an Eau Claire tectonic plate. That's their offense. What are you doing? Just shifting three feet at a time, slowly, grinding away.

It's very confusing that we're halfway through this season, and Northwestern has both scored the most points against Wisconsin and had the closest game against Wisconsin. It was all that reading. It's just confusing. And just like, oh, God, these guys are so smart. Oh, I can't stand it. Nerds.

It might be because Wisconsin is everything that Northwestern has ever wanted to be as far as football goes. Like, this is what they think they're getting at. I mean, isn't this what Michigan State wants to be? This is what almost all the Big Ten wants to be, if we're being honest. I think Michigan State just wants to, like, lay down and be quiet. For a while. At this point. They're just tired.

So tired. Like you said, you said on. You said on this week's POPN that Texas is probably the best four-win team in the nation right now. And I think you're right. The best like the best like four-and-two team, right? Right. Yeah, the best team that's like because they've got two losses, but both of them were against really good teams. I don't know who the worst four-and-two team is or four-and-three team is, but Michigan State has a case to be made for it.

let's see what the math says i mean india it well indiana's also foreign too so damn it there goes among power five teams uh there's virginia tech oh god virginia tech has four wins yeah this has to be some sort of a misprint i'm skeptical uh they do uh they beat o do you they played two fcs games and od u and uh miami's silliest game in a series of silly games no all right because remember coming into the season in the Virginia Tech thing was I don't think they'll be very good but I don't see how they could win fewer than nine games with this schedule yeah they got no I'm telling you they went down to South Florida

I went down to Miami pulled out a close win went to public's got those Bogo wins like buy one get one Nebraska's also down there NC State Michigan State the numbers I guess are impressed with their defense yeah really that's right

I mean, is it Iowa? No, Iowa was good. What based on anything you saw out of them allows you to say that? The half of football that they prefer to play. I just need to get that right, right? Let's just flip that. They're good at the half of football that they care about. The ACC Coastal is just nothing but four-win teams.

Sorrow. What the hell? The ACC Coastal, by the way, sitting atop that. That's right. Duke! Duke! Coach Cut himself! Just up there, just up there, Darren, Darren Mack Brown to try to get it together.

Looking at Bronco Mendenhall, like, hey, weirdo. I'm not named after a horse, and I'm in first place. That's it. Any insult toward Bronco Mennel starts with, well, at least I'm not named after a horse, Mr. Got him. bang got his ass yeah that's the only other game that I

watched and thought oh man this was both meaningful and interesting on the day when I was like okay I kind of learned something and we talked about this a little bit on PAPN but Oregon

Oregon can bang like they can bang and they're not just Justin Herbert throwing the ball 30 yards straight I don't really there's no arc to his ball when he throws it as hard as he can and when I mentioned this readers and followers were like

yeah that's because he hates his receivers like he straight up is trying to kill them because they've been that bad for him but when Justin Herbert throws the ball he throws it like a zip line right like he's just throwing it down a zip line it's kind of terrifying and kind of amazing all at the same time

Oregon still has to play of course, the meat of its schedule. And by that, I mean Arizona and Arizona State. So. Yeah. And then Arizona State again in the Pat 12 title game, of course. No, it's just them facing Arizona State and Herm. Just, hey, what do you think of Justin Herbert? Oh, he's a quarterback.

It's definitely a quarterback. That guy, he's got, he's got quarterback. I can't wait to draft him next year. Yeah. We're going to do good things with the Tennessee Titans. I do like that. As we've sort of started the, like, okay, college coaches are getting back into the pro ranks. Nobody uses, nobody ever, like, there's not even a hint of, like, maybe Herm, maybe Herm's going.

No, it's like, no, he's good. I hope, I hope Herm wins the Pac-12 and then says, like, all right, so on to the playoffs. And they're like, no, harm. Herm, it's done. Who we got in the first round? Who are we playing in the wild card? The Chargers? When will these jokes get old?

Never, because Herm's going to win the Pac-12. He's not. That part's not true. Do we really think whatever Jeff Long-type person is in charge of the committee this year is going to be able to stop Herm from, you know, challenging, hey, they can play Missouri. How about that? Call that a wild card game. What I'm worried is that they'll come out with the schedule, and Herm's going to be like, great, we got a first round by.

please I hope that happens it's all I want to happen I would now listen if Arizona State and Missou are willing to play a postseason game that they both insist is the national championship I will go and I will treat it seriously I have one other note from this week that I have not managed to fit in anywhere that I think is appropriate we've managed to we said now we're not going to talk about Rutgers that's cool Can we talk about, can we talk about mega Rutgers? So, Yukon, oh, God. Yeah, Yukon did something this weekend, which was, yeah, it was sad.

It was so sad. I wonder if this actual play is incentivized and Randy Edsel's crazyly incentivized contract, the one that has little $1,000 bonuses for Yukon doing things like, got 10 first downs. Like it's a fucking shore wheel. Yeah, ding! Like, Randy Edsel is the first person to ever have the Xbox achievements contract where it's like, congratulations, you have unlocked scored 20 against an FCS opponent.

Well, it's also very Xbox achievements in that, like, they don't necessarily have to be good. It could be like, got hit by eight cars. Ding! It's also that bullshit where it's like, completed tutorial. That's the UMass game. which way too many people want us to go to. We're not going to that. That was when Yukon beat Wagner by three.

Yeah. So this weekend, they played the two-lane Greenway. This allows us to also mention two-lane, five and one, two-and-oh in conference. Looking fearsome. Like, God, they're one of those teams that can run for 300 yards. Never play a team that can run for 300 yards and also pass for more than 100. It's bad. You don't want any part of it.

It hurts. But Tulane, actually good. I think this is the first time since 1999 that they've started off 5 and 1. Back when the coach at the time was Tommy Baden and his offensive coordinator was Richard Rodriguez. Yeah. This is as good as they have been in 20 years

and maybe longer if you just add up all the stats. Anyway, they host Yukon. They destroyed Yukon because that's Yukon football. They're not real good at any. thing. They also did the saddest thing that I saw this weekend, which was Luke Swanson at Luke from 2011, pointed out, and by the way, he's a staff writer for the Yukon blog. So this is coming from somebody who would really like to say good things about Yukon every now and then. Yukon might have just ran the saddest punt in history, down 28-0, with 25 seconds left in the half, 4th and 1 in 2-lane territory.

They punt it, 4th and 1. You made me do this. We have to talk about a Rutgers thing because you reminded me, it's real. You're welcome. This is about Rutgers quarterback Johnny Langan. Somebody pointed this out to us on Twitter. I forget who it was, but I am obligated to talk about it now. Or maybe it was in Slack.

I don't remember which. Here are his numbers against Indiana in a game that Wreckers lost 35-0. Five of 13 passing, 13 rushing attempts. For his trouble, he tallied one passing yard and three rushing yards. That's 26 total times being the response. party with the ball and four yards of offense could you do better maybe not if we just gave you pads and we just handed you the ball i'm sorry i'm sorry i am he also lost a fumble okay so because i will tell you this i will be hospitalized after maybe the sixth carry oh sweet

at best. Oh. And I will fumble on maybe all six of them went hit. Let's be honest. I'm going to read the first play of the game, word for word. So Ruckers takes the opening kick. They take a touchback. Lang and Johnny sacked for a loss of eight yards to the Rucker's 17.

Fumbled by Langenjani, recovered by Indiana for 17 yards to. the Rutgers Zero for a touchdown Clock 1450 It's the time stamp that kills there 10 seconds Well, that's a wrap Thanks for coming At least Nenzo Campanile can go back to his job

At running a deli in Fansville Wreckers was down in this game 21-0 And with 8 minutes left in the first quarter on the sidelines what do you do just like everybody drink water everybody halftime we'll have snacks

remain calm the big 10 paid money for this that's the best part