Shutdown Fullcast - Come To Las Vegas To Die Like A King

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Light the MILFBeam for the Super Bowl Criss Angel, Sober Hall Buddy Stop un-theming hotels DJ Durkin’s back, that taste in your throat is nihilism and it’s not going away Pacific J!i!!m!! Today’s theme song was arranged and performed by Todd Kitchen Visit preownedairboats dot com with all haste Visit SHUT DOWN FULL BOOKS DOT COM  for exclusive literary revelations  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Right now, the Luxor Casino in Las Vegas looks like an enormous Dorito. And as a podcast obsessed with pyramids and the need to build more of them. Sure. I feel like that's important news. Let's do a little look, look see, to see. So for readers who aren't familiar, the Luxor is the official media hotel of the Super Bowl this year. Those spots are now full. And hungry media, who must cover the greatest game in football, must now stay at Excalibur.

And I'm going to take a look and see what a room at the Lexor is going for for Super Bowl weekend right now. $79. So, it's a good bid. For anyone who hasn't familiarized themselves with this facility, what is it that makes it so bad? Are you guys familiar with the term smoked glass? No, I'm actually not. Okay, it's a, it's a term, yeah, it can be. It's a term that's used in, in decorating, in glassware.

Like, if you were to go into, like, a restaurant supply store and say, I'm looking for, you know, some smoked glass, you would end up with cups that are, like, clear, but they're charcoal gray, right? You've seen these, like, these, you know, kind of, kind of darker colored bar glasses, you know, the color of smoke. In the case of the Luxor, it's an entire appearance. built on the Las Vegas strip out of smoked glass only you get the distinct sense through several of your human senses that the smoke was acquired organically you know what I mean yeah it is I can't really describe and it's it it doesn't it's not a light that invokes as I haven't I haven't been to Egypt I've never been to Egypt but I have seen the documentary the Brendan Fraser documentary the mummy yeah and I I don't believe what they call light inside the Luxor invokes ancient Egypt so much as it invokes like you're in the hitman video game and you're way down the hall from the door of a lit bathroom that has just opened. Only it's like that everywhere and you never get closer to the light. It's genuinely unsettling. Turns out building a pyramid is terrible for air circulation and for letting light into the interior of a building.

As a psychological experiment, it's really something. Great for putting a dead, rich Egyptian in, many, many, many millennia ago. Very, very bad for putting people in. Also, here's another thing about the Luxor. Wait, I never thought about that. They never put live people in buildings. That's why they know so. Sometimes they did, didn't they did, but they did.

But not in a position to, not in a position to say go on Yelp. Yeah. It wasn't like, hey, this is fucked up air circulation. You couldn't advertise. Like, I get the appeal. of the Excalibur, because it's like, come live like a king when they were alive. Come die like a king. It's not the Luxor's like, come stay where the king went when he was dead.

Come survive the death of the king, who is you? Reader, just to put you on a scale. Oh. Okay. Reader, just to put you on a scale of what Spencer thinks is acceptable Vegas, Vegas lodging. The first time we ever had an EDSBS trip to Vegas. Vegas. He said of the now demolished Imperial Palace and I quote

you're going to love this place. It smells like dead bodies. And also found the unremodeled circus circus whose primary decorating motif was poorly taxidermied raccoons a fun place to spend an evening. Luxor is too much for him.

Luxor is a bit much for me. That's where we're at. Yeah. And it's it's the smelliness and the odd geometry and the trick of the light. Is there? Yeah. There's another thing. There's another thing. I'm sorry, Ryan. There's one more thing about the Luxor

that you have to tell people. Besides the giant Dorito. Yes. And the NFL media. Oh, and the inclinators. And the inclinators, which are these elevators that go up the inside at like the 45 degree angle,

which are mind bending. But the call of the void is very, very real inside the Luxor to the extent that they have. By the way, no matter where you're going up in the elevator, you're always hanging out over space. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

With Mike Florio. And you're drunk. With my, yes. You're already. Mike Floreos leaning in the elevator with you, rambling about analytics. You're already thinking about ending at all, right? You're already like, what has led me to this?

And then you get out, and it's inevitable because imagine the shape of the pyramid, all the balconies lean over the other. So you're just staring into empty space. So if you were already thinking about it hanging out with Mike Floreo, the geometries themselves are kind of pointing you downward. I think the other reason, and I'm psychoanalyzing a little bit. that Spencer probably feels this way about the Luxor is to me the Luxor is quintessentially 1990s like that's when it was built that's when it was built is a big thing I'm looking at the Wikipedia page it has appeared in showgirls released 1995 Mars attacks released 1996 the music video for getting jiggy with it

1998 like this is just a it's just an aggressively 90s place and obviously lots of Las Vegas is about go back to a different time. But very rarely is that time supposed to be the 1990s. I know that's in vogue right now in some ways, but I don't think anyone actually wants to live in the 1990s again. You certainly don't want it to smell like them. Not that authentically 1990s. Right. Right. Also, a number of people, once I expressed my opinions about the Luxor began sharing, and I found an extraordinary one. If you don't know, the Luxor is, or at least was for a long time. The home casino for Chris Angel.

That's correct. The mind freak himself. R-I.P. Magician. Couldn't get out of that one, could he? Yeah, he'll be back later this afternoon. Hey, quick question. How old do you think Chris Angel is?

57. Is he older than David Cutcliffe? I'm going to give him a steady 62. 49. Jason was closest, although Holly won Price's right rules. He's 56 years old. Oh, wow. Yeah.

So he's almost as old as me. Easy. I like how we've clicked trained him into doing it to himself now. We just beat it to it. We get it over with it. It's done. And he doesn't have to hear it. Great job, Brian.

So this is the home casino of Chris Angel, aka the mind freak. Stupidest description of a building I've ever heard. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. We didn't, we don't. Can we talk about the beam as well? Because that was the other thing that was like a big deal was that at night, it shoots up this beam of light

known as the Luxor sky beam. The sky beam. These are two very useful pieces of sentence from Wikipedia. Moths are also attracted to the light. This in turn attracts bats and owls. I thought you said moms.

I thought you said mods. Moms. Moms. My other wine is the sky beam. Unleashed the milf beam. That's pretty 90s too. Dude, that's some. sick. I'm a good luck sword.

Wait by the milf beam for my dream lady. I'm just going to stand next to it and hope for some runoff. That's why it's Chris Angel's home casino. Well, Deb, I was wondering where we're going to hang tonight, but they'll lift the milf beam. We've got to go. More sexy mothers for my experiments. Don't you mean tricks? No. Go away. I'm Chris Angel.

Chris Angel. No freak. Can you levitate? Oh, we'll levitate, baby. We won't. Below the milf beam. So is the Doritos thing new? That is a promotional thing, I think, for the Super Bowl. The Doritos thing is, believe it or not, a cosmetic upgrade.

So is this a reaction to the orb? The orb always has pictures on it. So now they're putting pictures on this thing, too? Maybe. Yeah. If these were objects, you'd have to say that they're in conversation with one another. Maybe all of Las Vegas is. going to be turned into virtual reality whether you want it to be or not they're learning they're

adapting they're learning yeah this is i love this too because there's a picture that that that you can see of the luxor as the super bowl hotel which is admittedly it's like reasonably close to the stadium that's most likely the reason that they're using it in addition to it being very cheap and the NFL wanting its journalist to die of black long um it might i mean the NFL probably does went that yeah i had people who when i tweeted about this and shared it on other social media platforms go well it is the closest hotel even though the delano is closer it's in the fucking photo it's right there though it's closer that's why they did it's the closest hotel with a badass shape it's the closest with yeah it's the closest endorsed by doritos the official dorido of the NFL

football stadium you can't stay somewhere normal the NFL's force field is so powerful it has distorted very eyes of people loyal to the shield. The thing I wanted to discuss was somebody who decided to share a story about when they were there and had an encounter with Chris Angel. This is from at Timmer 517. Tim, I want to say in advance, I love you, dude. I love you. I got so drunk at the Luxor about seven or eight years ago and couldn't find my room.

And I almost started crying like a little kid, crying, laughing emoji. And I kid you not, out of nowhere came that Chris Angel dude with two big bodyguards. And I could hardly talk. But he looked at my room number and got me there. All right. But he teleported you, I assume. You're like, you're trauma drunk at that point. Like, you're just tragic smashed drunk at that point.

And you look up and the mind freak himself shirtless and in a leather jacket and pants is in front of you. What of Chris? The two linebackers behind him? What if he's really an angel? What if Christ's, what if he's like a fallen angel bound to the limits of the Luxor? Yeah. You can't leave. I'm getting like, uh, he's Constantine and John Wick at the same time.

Yeah. That's why he sends a milf beam. Only the Luxor shields him from God's sight and he uses the milf beam to blind God every night. The blind God with milfs. I'm lonely blind God and some of the milfs. Blind God. Also have the kitchen send up a hummus plate. The Pito was dry.

Ryan, the backup The backup hotel is now the Excalibur. Yes. And what's that one like? The King Arthur themed. Oh, that one? Yeah. So people stay there?

I've stayed there. The water pressure is incredible. And they have many lanes of ski ball in the basement. Medieval ski ball? Not just like ski ball. As a college student, it's a great value. I haven't. I haven't stayed there since I was barely not a college student, but...

It's the place designed for the living king. It is, it is like, it is also a 90s casino, believe it or not, like, barely. It was built in 1990, but it's the backup. This was in like, people had, people had Lady Hawk fever. But that's what it was. It was 100%. They have also, they have also remodeled it in recent years to where as, uh, It's, they've beef O'Badies did.

Mm-hmm. A lot of them were overtly medieval elements have been swept away, tragically. Like, I don't know what, I don't really know what possessed the people in Las Vegas not possessing of, like, the Paris and the Venetian to think that we don't want themed hotels anymore. What gave you that idea? Stop it. It's probably because the West has fallen. Are there, like, are there return guys for, to put back the medievalness? it's like return but the return is the leg on the flamingo

yeah a little the little v yeah yeah we need more I think we need more themed casinos and we do need them in like return theme right they should be mandatory there should be like it should be like roller derby names there should be a registry and you can't use the same one twice what themes have we not used at this point uh fish camp okay

sure yeah unless you can't wait does bass pro shops have a casino in it And if not, why not? I don't think it is. It does. The Bass Pro Shop's Casino would kill. We have a, okay, we have a barredo shop attached to a casino, but it's not the same thing. We have a pyramid casino. We don't have a Ziggurat, like a coat of Hammarabi.

Sure. And there's lots of pyramids from all around the world. Everyone always goes Egyptian. Like, what about the many other cultures? Let's have a Mayan casino. They love gold. Aztecs, love gold. A few days ago on Twitter, I floated the concept of upgrading a Waffle House into a Waffle Hotel, Monopoly style, and someone, some genius, then added on that it should be a Waffle Hotel and Casino.

Ooh. It would go. Waffle House Casino would go. Theme-wise, Journey to the Center of the Earth, I think Magma themed could be pretty good. Are you talking to the Mole People Casino? Is it really hot in there, or is it? Oh, it's super hot. No AC at all.

hollow earth casino where you discovered that the moles all smoke two packs a day each room's thermostat you're just punching it it won't go below 150 honestly at this point at this point in time we might as well do like a conspiracy casino be like this is that here's come see the soundstage where we fake the moon landing here's JFK he's alive like the QSino yeah yeah you see no are you telling me QCino wouldn't do huge numbers in absolutely that's also and that's also very 90s where you could just name things like Q or Z or X. Yep, yep.

I'd like a Reba McIntyre casino. Hot damn, can we talk about the Rebissants? Is there a Rebuson? Have you looked up, sorry, go ahead. Ryan, I will let you discover this on air. Go look up the musical acts for this year's Super Bowl. So like, not the halftime show. She's, she's doing.

Musical acts for this year's Super Bowl. Let's see, Usher is doing the halftime show. We knew that because everyone's, there's a national shortage of birth. control. Reba is doing the national anthem. Hey. Which is great. And Post Malone will do something. Post Malone is going to

sing America's a beautiful. What a, what a roll of getting that out before I could speculate whether Post Malone was doing lift every voice and sing. No, that's a hundred day. And Tiesto is here as well for so. Oh, Tiesto. Chesto. Chesto. Chesto. Chesto.

Chesto. Chesto. There's also an in-house DJ. Do I have that right? That's it, that's what, that's his job. Oh man, that should have been Chris Angel. College football has in-house DJs, y'all aren't special. Chesto. Yeah, the NFL always takes ideas from college football like 15 years later.

What if he didn't pay the players, guys, profits. Oh, man. Thought about that. Welcome to NFL University. I got all the good players. Their standards are so low. What we'll do is we'll make donors. pay our players salaries.

It's perfect. I went to Panthers Tech. That's a terrible school. It's a terrible school. I didn't learn a goddamn thing. Here is a good review of the Excalibur, by the way. Two stars on TripAdvisor. It's Excalibur.

What do you expect? The casino is not great. It is a place to sleep. However, even the room seems to lack amenities. I've come to expect at other locations. This feels like a Wesley Willis review. It will. There are a casino.

Listen, if there's a casino that will take your face off, it's the Luxor. welcome to the shutdown full cast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast i am spencer hall i am joined as always by ryan nanny jason kholly and on the ones and two's michael surber welcome all how we doing I have a hot take that I've been percolating on and I don't know that I'm ready to run with it, but I want to start walking I want to feel talking here a little bit. Yeah. Let's get a montage, training montage. Go. If, if Jim Harbaugh wins a Super Bowl with the Chargers, it is the most impressive thing he will have done in his coaching career. I think that winning a national title whilst being benched for six games is more impressive.

Okay. Okay. Also, but I will, I will concede that this does change the game of, the Easter dinner that we theorize it's coming up Shay Harbaugh because now Jim is going to be sitting next to John like hey John hey John how many teams did you did you have to beat to win your national title I beat 132 oh you didn't win your national title did you know that 132

is more than 31 in my opinion and I this also may change who stabs who first with the ham fork but not who gets stabbed first. It's going to be Tom Crean, no matter what. Ow!

He is the collateral damage. Ryan, how many years is that until that Super Bowl win? Like, what time frame are you going with? I don't know that it matters. I think on any timeline, like, the Chargers are such a... So you're saying, like, overcoming Chargersness would be more impressive than anyone with the Ravens. Yes. Okay.

Yes. Then, like, I think right now... Because, look, winning a title with Michigan, obviously impressive. But I think the knock on Michigan for a long time was this is a program that should win a national title, should contend for a national title. It's not like, it's not the same thing as like what Gary Patterson did with TCU, for example, where you're like, wow, really check a program that had been languishing for a long time. I know Dennis Franchone did it, like, started that process, but we don't have to acknowledge that here. like the Chargers are not meant for good things you are not just fighting the other teams in the NFL you are fighting football fate itself nothing good has happened to the to the Chargers yeah ever right so like with Michigan you're taking literally the winningest program of all time yes and you are getting them to lose one or two fewer games per year yes that's great it's still impressive it's not not impressive it's awesome but it's not on par with accomplishing something at the end of the season.

Mind you, the Chargers are awesome at going like 14 and 2, and then nothing happens. They don't even arrive at the playoffs somehow and they get lost. They're just, you know, like, never showed. But, like, I also think the roster he's inheriting. A lot of people are like, oh, it's got all the pieces. It's got, like, a quarterback.

That's great. Yeah, it's got some old dudes. Yeah, it's not an awesome roster. It's good. I get why it was his choice, but. You're in Patrick Mahomes's division. like there's a lot yeah I just I don't know

I think I think if you can win a Super Bowl with the Chargers who again are uniquely cursed like the Chargers and the Rams both moved to L.A and the Rams were like oh we'll just win a Super Bowl not a big deal not a raw metal

the Chargers just got to suffer like an incredibly brutal collapse of the fucking Jaguars he's got to do it he's got to do it in like three or four years though because when he walks He'll go insane otherwise Wait no they'll go insane living with him

They're walking to that They'll walk into that building And be like who got it better than us And they're like many people Several teams All the time Many franchises Like they should need it coach

Yeah Do you want me to answer that? Yeah Just need a little bit of a better attitude Around here I need a better contract That's a thing That's a thing that can happen there

Like the Raider The Chargers have spent so long being good enough to like get in the playoffs or get close to the playoffs and then just do absolutely nothing and even even the year they went to the super bowl oh god just got absolutely pasted and it's not like they haven't had like they've had junior sale they've had ladenian tomlinson they've they've had like all kinds of great talent and it still just sucks when like a college player at like goes to the chargers it's a lot like when an NBA a player goes to play overseas. I'm like, oh, well, y'all have fun. I hope you,

hope you figure out your taxes. It's been good. Like, playing, like, if you play for the Chargers, you're essentially playing in a foreign country to me. I know. You're in Los Angeles. That's something I know, and that Jim Harbaugh evidently messed up several times. They're the one team that, like, it is very hard to remember where they are now. Like, the Raiders move, and the next day, I'm like, sure, the Vegas Raiders, right? Like, the A's, Okay, yeah, whatever. Vegas Ayes. It feels natural. The Chargers, multiple times per year, I'm like San Diego Chargers.

I think I wrote it in something that published last year. Like, it's impossible to remember where this team is. It feels wrong. Like, the Rams, at least, had been in L.A. at one point, so you could sort of, like, pull back from memory there. But, like, it feels wrong that they are the L.A. Chargers. I also find it incredibly hard to believe, again, because he's just like us, that Jim Harbaugh did not make it through multiple rounds of interviews with the San Diego

Chargers, that's right, without calling them the San Diego Chargers at least twice. You probably did. They don't care. They didn't care. No, I don't think they do, because if they're going after Harbaugh, you have to know. I mean, I assume they know. This is not a new ownership group.

If anything, if nothing, I think that will make him seem more authentic to Chargers fans. They're like, you know what? Our fans all say the same thing. Come on. Yeah. It's so relatable. he doesn't know where we play oh there's still the

San Diego Chargers they just commute they shouldn't have changed anything yeah I agree yeah yeah if nobody was going to change the name but they're going to get like they will get properly sick of him he's got like three or four years to do it and if he doesn't do it he's just going to be another annoying guy

who gets fired I listen but we'll always have no matter what last year's Vikings coaching head search as being the last time we had to go through this.

He should interview for the Michigan job when he's with the Chargers. What's wrong with Sherropin more? I'm just saying if it doesn't work out in three or four years. They should just switch. Yeah, yeah, just switch. Be like, I know the guy. I got the fellow for you.

When Sharon gets the Rams job. That's right. There. Onward and upward. We'll be very optimistic about that. My only regret is that we couldn't have the timeline where Jim Harbaugh got to coach the Philip Rivers Chargers. Because I feel like Jim Harbaugh and Philip Rivers. That's a lot of opinions.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot. Give them a podcast that I don't want to listen to. I'll sell ads on it. That's right. Imagine the carpal. What do you think about having kids?

I love it. I love it too. Welcome to Force Birth. Yeah. Like, do they even have to talk, or is it just an instant mind melt? We are perfectly synced. Airdrop! Eardrop all the time!

Airdrop terrible opinions go. They're Jaeger pilots. Just piloting the shittiest Jaeger in the NFL, the Chargers. It's a Yeager that's at March for Life. It's a robot that's got Dropfoot. Pacific Him. How has nobody done Pacific Jim? Oh, boy.

Sword. Sword. Okay, what would Jim Harbaugh's version of Sword be, though? It's got to be one syllable. Football! It's got to be one syllable, which is tricky. Just say football is one syllable. Porge.

Yeah. So, yeah, that's, again, I don't know if I believe it, but right now I'm in the... If Jim Harbaugh wins a Super Bowl with the Chargers, it is his greatest, the accomplishment. Yeah, if he overcomes Chargersness. Because, like, Michigan fans had the whole workers, workers thing,

you know nothing. Yeah, like, the night, like, you know nothing of madness. The other competitor is probably what he did at Stanford, but. I think technically doing what he did at Stanford is more impressive as far as actual, uh,

on-field accomplishments. Yes. Like, if you're the type of dork who doesn't believe that, like, vibes are real, you know? Yeah. Like, once you factor in the vibes, there is nothing that could top winning with the Chargers. Yes, I think that's right. That's true.

But in terms of actual, like, facts, if you were interested in those, the Stanford thing is still way more shocking because it was so bizarre to look over and go, Stanford is absolutely beating the shit out of them. Right. That was a program that could kind of hiccup to, you know, seven or eight wins every now and then. They could field some good teams. But at no point did they ever feel the team like Harbaugh's where those Harbaugh teams, you're like, oh, my God, they are mashing those dudes out. They ran for 250 against them. They beat them by 20. Yeah.

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official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL C store for details. Oh, also, if this is your source for news, Jim Harbaugh took the Chargers job. Sharon Moore is now the head coach at Michigan. There's a lot of news that we ourselves missed over bowl season. Do we want to try and catch up on that now

We want to wait until all the slots are filled. Let's do the bad one first, just to get it out of the way. Let's get the bad one out of the way. DJ Durkin is now the defensive coordinator at Auburn. Cultural fit. For Hugh, that is, not for Auburn's players and many fine fans. Yeah, yeah. So it's a podcast list where you can say all of the things that you might not be able to just like, you know,

short form. This is where we go back to the failure state episode and just tap the sign. There's not even a shitty reason to do this. There's not even a business reason to do this. Yeah, it's not like you're taking a guy off the scrap heap who was so brilliant at his job

that his negligence and or cowardice and or general shittiness would be worth this kind of pick. He's mid. Citation sponsor? Yeah, for example. I thought he was cleared in court of all wrongdoing. Yeah, like, here's the thing um the jordan mcnair thing's a legit tragedy the entire event is just read the report

and you just see this like slow motion horrible bad thing that should not have happened and that was um attributed largely to the delay of the training staff and administering some of stuff uh particularly a cooling tub which should have been available and it was standard protocol but because they had moved practice it wasn't there and we're getting into the weeds but generally like really like more not more to the point because because not to skip over the actual event but what happened after that because that's the part that I feel like people forget so a curious thing has happened after that and it's it's that well DJ Durkin was fired by the university of Maryland not immediately and not no without wasn't it like within 12 hours of being reinstated

yes the university tried very hard to not fire DJ Durkin yes yes Which, thanks. D.J. Durkin was largely fired for being very bad at his job. That was what he was fired for, right? He was fired because he handled the Jordan McNair situation badly. I think he chose a kind of legal inertia as his standpoint. And by inertia, I just mean being inert. He chose that over sort of actively engaging with a lot of the

factors involved in it, including the family who, by the way, the family still attend Maryland games. The McNair family still attends Maryland games. They're still part of the program. They've talked with Mike Loxley. They've talked to Mike Loxley, which first of all, good on Mike Loxley, which is something I don't think we've ever said on this program. Keeping them around the program, bringing them back into the program. The McNairs have forgiven, like formally forgiven in the public eye after three years. The trainers involved in the incident they they've done that like that is done that is legislated between the people i think who are most important here and i say that matter of

not only just most important in terms of central to the story i mean in terms of displayed i think the greatest medal and the greatest kind of charity towards and like depth of character that's like the mcnares uh and the people who are closest to jordan mcnair's death they've all really acquitted themselves well in the post. So why are we still mad at what's his name, Spencer? That doesn't seem right. Because he was negligent, bad at his job. If you read any of the Washington Post reporting on the culture at Maryland,

it was this like absolute freak show of a program where they were watching videos of wild animals attacking and eating each other in the dining hall where players were called pussies and where the kind. So this is a good, that's a good, an exit or representing. Go listen to what his former players have to say about him. Yeah. And then ask if you want your brother, son, cousin, friend. Playing for somebody like that, which if you're Hugh, I imagine you have no problem with. That's the thing. It's like, it's not that great at his job on top of that.

Yeah, there's not, this isn't urban, right? You can't make, you can't even make a nihilistic case for hiring this guy for football reasons. there aren't good football reasons for it. Even if you're urban. Yeah. Which is just because you want to. Yeah. You just wanted to.

You just thought this was the move and you did it regardless of any of the complications down the road. You also, and I don't think any of them have earned a good faith hall pass here. You also love the reaction that it's going to get. You love that we're talking. talking about this right now. Like you love putting a thumb in the eye of people who tried and failed to hold you accountable and who tried and failed to hold your buddy accountable. You get off on it to a degree if you're Hugh and if you're DJ. And some ways the situation is so poisonous that it flows, uh, it flows not only downstream, but upstream. And it even taints the opinion of guys who, uh, everybody, you know, speaks very highly of, but who stridently defend, did you during this case. Hey, we'll must champ. What's up? I think part of it is part of Hugh Freezes career arc and brand as someone who views and sells redemption as getting a better job. That has worked very well for him. So for him to then quote unquote pay it forward to

someone else, well, he's just spreading that redemption and spreading that forgiving. No, you're hiring some asshole because you're an asshole but yeah uh the story that hugh is telling is one of um of paying of paying it forward and i mean he's he's paying something forward he's not wrong there indeed paying something forward like is it authentic atonement and redemption no of course not no but he gets to feel uh he gets to feel superior for one more second for one more reason uh uh two people who dared say, hey, what the fuck? And that is what matters.

That is ultimately all that matters to these people. You could have hired a younger assistant on the come-up. You could have hired a young black coach. Didn't do that. There's plenty of them around. Plenty of them underrepresented still in terms of the management class of college football. But you didn't do that. You went for a retread with a horrendous.

Lacuna Gap Hole in his resume Where when you look at it Was he on last year Yeah he was on Jimbo's How about the year before that? I was also on Lane Kiffins

Yeah You guys are terrific Love all y'all It's also confusing Given who they hired As their OC because Oh that's the other thing Auburn after one year

Is switching both coordinators Probably a sign that everything's going Super Bowl Everything's great They brought in Derek Nick who is black, who I believe this is his first OC job. I know he had like an associate head coach job with Old Miss, but I don't think he was ever a formal coordinator.

I think he was always a position coach. And what are he plans for play calling? There is that as well. Yeah. But like at least with Derek Nix, you could be like, okay, this is somebody who has been part of a program that the side of the ball that he's coached, like has done very well. has seen a lot of progress.

You could make the case that, okay, this is a good way to sort of modernize what your team is doing. And then you go get DJ Durkin. So that's the bummer one. What are the other two that are not bummers that you wanted to talk about? I just wanted to point out that in the churn of bowl season and trying to get through 40, 40, we missed out on two long, long time presences in the EBSBS-extended universe. or the shut down full cast

as aided universe Mani Diaz to Duke and Pistel Pete Lembo resurfacing at Buffalo hello we should mention

the Buffalo job came open because Maurice linguist he's taking an assistant role with Barlow

which is wild because not wild but interesting because Pete Lembo's who has been an associate head coach and a special teams guy

for a couple years most recently in the SEC at South Carolina, whose prior not claim to fame, but was notable for leaving, this was a lot more uncommon a few years ago, I guess, before the resource disparity in college football became quite this pronounced,

but left ball state to take a coordinator job at Maryland. This is the MAC2 coordinator pipeline. Yeah. Anyway, I love this for Manny, though, also. He has been the recipient of more unfair shots than like any two or three other coaches I can think of in various settings. I'm interested to see what he does with what is really an uphill gig, albeit one, that was done very well recently by Elko.

One starting in decent shape. Yeah, one starting a good shape and one where I don't think that, I don't think that job's overburdened with expectations yet. I think the bar has been raised, but it's still not, it's still pretty manageable. It's going to take a while to get expectations there. I would actively, I would be the biggest men's basketball. fan at Duke, like I would be so like, hey, you should go pay attention to them. Now, do I want them to be successful? No, I would prefer if the basketball program were completely on fire if I were Duke's football coach. Without looking, Spencer, what did Duke go last year? What was their

record? Basketball? No, football. Football. Would they, uh, God, were they six and six or six and seven? Eight and five. Eight and five. Okay. Yeah, see, what? That's, that's testimony, right? Let's just go ahead and hang it. I think Spencer's saying he's so focused on Duke basketball. Yeah. That's right. Stay so focused on Duke basketball

that you don't notice anything I'm doing here on the football side. And when we go like six and six, right? When we go eight and five as they did last year, Ryan, which I knew. When you do that, people are like, oh, that's awesome.

Like I still think they're kind of in that good pocket where like, if you can hit good cut cliff equilibrium there and just keep like a nice, low, steady level of success like that's a good like five to ten job you can keep that a while that's probably true i'm like i think it is a little harder now because the others most i know i think across the board without looking uh from when cutcliff took that job it feels like the other schools in the state

have gotten better okay i'm glad you said state because i was like are you about to say the acc's got shit together. Specifically in the state. Specifically, NC State and Wake Forest. Specifically, NC State and Wake Forest, and even UNC. Like, UNC is still a disappointment in a lot of ways, but they are a better

disappointment than they were. The same old shit as ever. But otherwise, the point stands. Yeah, yeah. And also App State's here now. Yes, App State is here, although they're not on Duke's schedule, so they got that. We're coming up.

We're coming up and, listen, this is Mac Brown's season. I don't want you guys to slander him. Oh, yeah. Why are you ruining it? The next six months are going to be awesome for you. Right. Why you've ruined and Prime Mac Brown? This is the point in the calendar where we are. It's Jim Nance and Mac

Brown standing a stride our spring. Mr. February himself. Man, UNC plays JMU, their fourth game of the season. I don't get killed. I don't think that's a great plan. Somebody wants you to die. That's a great plan. We got a lot

of things cooking here at UNC. This is, listen, this is UNC Football Championship season. I don't want you turning it sour by mentioning on their parade. UNC's home schedule in particular is full of like,

God damn it, how did we lose that games? Charlotte. I don't think, I don't believe in like the pokey's Charlotte all the way, but like, I'm willing to entertain it.

North Carolina Central, who they should be, JMU, Pitt, Georgia Tech, Wake Forest and NC State. Did they just book straight chaos up and down?

It's not great. It's not great. Like this is, just for invoking the ACs, there are a lot of like a lot of these games I can picture like Sad Matt Brown in the rain at the end of

you know that is have it all that is one of those schedules where I look at it and go they could win any of those games and they could lose all of them like I don't they could lose all of them yes it's completely

it's completely possible they should win all of those games they will lose two of them in the ugliest fashion you've ever seen. And one of them will be the NC state game. That just feels like, if it's on the CW that goes without saying, it would be a mauling. Yeah. Yeah.

Man, like a completely pissing vinegar, Dave Doran is the funniest goddamn thing of the world to me. And I love it. Man, he's really, he's really got so much more interesting since we found out about his personal capacity for violence. How did UNC dodge all the new guys in the ACC, too? That's a shame. That's that Mac Brown magic. Listen, I'm telling you, this is this season when Max getting it done. Right now, we're laughing.

We're having a good time. Max's on his grind. He's at the country club. He's calling rich old folks. He's getting checks written. He's calling commissioners and being like, do you sure we need to play that game? He will get it done next season.

Because next season is spring. This is the year I hit this ready. Yeah, that's it. I got to go convince this quarterback. I'm never learning his name. He's got to come here. That's fine. This is when Mac is busy, y'all.

fall falls when he takes time off sound like Steve Spurrier uh huh it's like almost verbatim verbatim king of spring king of spring baby it was right

I like the Spurier won't back off that shit he'd be like hey you two are old you're about to die shouldn't you make up and he's like fuck that guy not too old to be right no it's real

it's a real John Adams Thomas Jefferson right on writing that down not too old to be right that guy's a loser I love I love I do actually also have the other thing San Diego State got Sean Lewis

San Diego State got Sean Lewis Yeah man going from From punt world to Sean Lewis Like going from brick That's the biggest whip lash That's the biggest fun upgrade In possibly the history of college football Yeah it's up there

I thought what he took to Colorado gig and I thought again with this one that he could have held out for more. Possibly. I don't think this one's that bad though, because I think this... I think it's a great spot. This, like, provides you enough opportunity

where if you can... Like, San Diego State is a school where it's like, yeah, you can win 10 games. You can win 10, 11 games here. Other guys have done it. So, you know it's on the table. And I think if you can do that, then you do put yourself...

Like, Sean Lose is still young enough and then we'll have shown, like, well, he's done this at two different stops And, you know, like, I think that puts him in the mix for a number of interesting jobs at that point. And I think, like, the teams they most immediately compete against, I would say they have the highest ceiling. Like, unless Oregon State comes into their conference or whatever, and we want to say that. But if I'm lining you up and you want to go, hey, listen, it's not my overall. I know I'm good, but it's not my absolute value that matters.

It's the guy who came before me. Who's the guy who came before me? Who's that guy and how am I going to compare? I think he's good here. Y'all, I think he's real good. He gets to be neighbors with Jim Harbaugh, who lives in San Diego. Hey. Also, I should note, Holly, Pete Lembo is younger than Chris Angel, just so we have that on the record.

And more handsome. He's younger at Spencer. Yeah. Yes, yes. And better at magic. Wow. Hey, he won some games at Ball State. That's real sorcery, baby.

A lot of games in Ball State. Yeah. Pete Limbo back in the Mac, baby. Also, um, let's, yeah, South Carolina special teams last year had a lot going for it. Um, if you're wondering, yes, Duke does play at Miami in 2020, so, that'll be fun. Yeah, just so you can watch Miami fans be like, who's that guy? I think we all know how that one's going to go. Yeah, but that doesn't mean I don't love it. I'm looking forward to it.

I actually think it's going to go a different way. I think, and I'm going to, I know we're really. the schedule here a little bit, but I'm going to do it anyway. I think how that's going to go. I want to make sure who they're playing next. Oh yeah, I feel great about this. I think they're going to, so that's after the Florida State game. I think Miami, let's say Miami loses a Florida State. Let's say it's yet another like, ah, God, can't quite get over that hump. And then I think they just take it out on Duke. They're like, Duke is a team that has given them trouble in the past. They are, they're going to hate playing Manny Diaz. Like, let's say Miami just destroys them. And they're

like fuck yeah the u is back then the next week they go to georgia tech and they lose that's what's going to happen okay yeah that's how i see this i'm counting that as revenge for manny regardless yeah yeah no matter what happens loosen the jar yes yes yeah and that's it those are all the hires of college football this season if they're tied in the fourth quarter

yeah it goes into a game management situation that's what i'm saying that's that's what i'm circling those miami fourth quarters mm-hmm 750 outraged fans going oh no It's starting again. It begins again. Brian Kelly didn't try hard enough to get the Michigan job. I didn't hear enough sock puppets. I didn't hear enough.

I heard Brian Kelly was actually. Frank Kevin's very handsome and good at football. This is an authentic Southern voice and I love Frank Kelly. Brian Kelly has a Michigan accent now. I love that Brian Kelly Oh, Batcha There's so much shit we can't say right now It's fine

It's man Yeah But yes, despite his many backflips Don't worry though To get out of Baton Rouge Don't worry, we're going to spend the next two years Every time Michigan loses a game It's going to be like, you know Brian Kelly would take that job

worried offer to him. Let's talk to my friend Mr. Sokow. What do you think? He's really good. Did you notice how the LSU media members, and this is, this is Canny, because it got by some people,

but the LSU media folks who ran with this, ran so in the fashion of, I'm told that if Michigan were to pursue Brian Kelly, he would take that job. That's the hardest working clause in a sentence. If courted, Brian Kelly would consider adalions with the mission. It sounds like where the Woj is trying to tip draft picks without tipping draft picks.

Right. Which is adorable, but no. The lack of efforts. This is the escape for Baton Rouge, the Brian Kelly story. Also apologies to our several dear friends who genuinely believe that Brian Kelly wants to stay in Baton Rouge. He should, but he's not good enough for y'all. So you'd do better. I think they'd be fine.

They'd be fine getting her. him, I think. A situation where he had to forcibly be kept in Baton Rouge is hilarious to me, right? That's kind of what we're headed into. But that's very LSU in a way. Yeah. Like, there's not a situation. I don't know that you can name a single coach.

There's no coach you can name where I'd be like, yes, they're happy being there and LSU is happy having him there. Yeah, they always hate their coach. Yeah, it just doesn't work that way. They can't stay in their coach until someone else talks shit, but I don't even know if he's got that going for him because like this is the rare LSU coach where you're like that guy sucks and LSU fans are like yes I agree yeah that doesn't happen very often they're saying boo it's B-E-A-U-S-O-B-E-A-U-S-O-B-W-B-W I want to go back to Cheryl Moore for a second because I am noticing something happening among Michigan alums that lets me know that even after a national

title Michigan people are going to remain Michigan people and overthink things in the most adorable way, which is I have seen like minute by minute turns among some of my Michigan peers in terms of this guy left. I don't know. We might be in trouble. Oh, they're going to keep this guy. Okay. We're going to be all right.

Well, we lost this guy. I don't know. It might be all done. This might have been a mistake. It's great because normally I'm used to the complete headstrong confidence of other less conscientious programs being like, we're going to be good forever. Kiss our ass.

Well, they had, so maybe that ultimately is why Harbaugh worked there, because he's the only Michigan person who's like, fuck yes. We're going to win. Without him, they all revert back to their mear, mealy-mouthedness. He's the only Jocko Willink in the bunch who's like, we lost a TCU. Great!

Great! Now we can try harder. Yeah, now we can try harder. We didn't win. That means we can win next year. Flash is a motivational film. I should work harder. Not my tempo. Yeah, that's it.

Like, that made me what he worked because he was the great bandaid of optimism on that. Now they're just going to worry all the time. Exactly. But again, like LSU, that's their natural resting state. That's a better place to be. And you get to worry with a national title now, which is better than worrying without one. Yeah. so it's fine

this is why ironically I think Les Miles would have been fine at either place because he's completely unaffected by the weather or other people's

outside thoughts that is also why Les Miles was not okay that's true that's also why it was not okay oh boy it's good

I'm glad that this is a sport word now any coach you talk about you're like well what about this bad thing that they did yeah yeah it is always like

anytime we mention a coach you have to take a second like okay what is that a controversy section of the rookie page look like. It's really great. It feels really great all the time.

Why didn't this just say antics? Shenanigans. That's what we want. Oh, really? Oh, was Mike Vanderjacked who said antics. Like, Michigan fired a guy because he got drunk at a restaurant, right? That's, that's so tame.

That's just paltry shit, man. Gary Mueller, I'm sorry, man. We owe you an apology. Who doesn't, who hasn't gotten blind, drunk and insane at a restaurant? I mean, what, Texas A&M fired a guy for starting a substack. Yeah, that's just good media savvy. What's wrong with posting?

I'm sorry that he was ahead of the media curve, Texas A&M. Let's just remind everybody here that Dennis Franchoni lost the Texas A&M job in part because he published his own newsletter that was like, hey, hey, me. We're subscribers only. And I'll tell you what's going on. Here's what my team is bad at. Dennis Franchione was not a skull dougarous side hustling. Now we just call it on three and it's fine. Now, yeah.

Now that's just hustle. Now that's just modern media. I'm sorry, Dennis Franchone. We owe your cyborg ass an apology. Blog king, Dennis Franchone. Proto poster. I call it grubstack because my team stays hungry. This is Dennis Franchone, who also had an entire motivational thing where, like, he had a SWAT team attack his team in the locker room.

Oh, my God. Hey, that's a good segue to it. Yes. Can you podcast business as now, please? Podcast business. Podcast business. What's the business? Woo.

Podcast business. It's a business. And we're talking about God. We're going to talk about God and books and stuff and stuff. and God and books and stuff off. Ultimately unknowable, just like the podcast business song. Can I do a lightning round? I have several things.

Hit it. Also, like God. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. One, if you're coming to our sold-out Atlanta event on February 16th, note it is at the Monday night garage. Be sure the place you're going is called the Monday night garage. That is the word I'll keep emphasizing.

Someone will mess this up and we will hope they make it there. Someone will show up on Monday night also. Why don't, I can volunteer. If you want me, I'll go to the other location. And point people. Say, no, you're at the, this is not the garage, go to the garage. Doors at six show at seven, technology will and get there at six. We're not going to wait on you to filter in because of Atlanta traffic.

There's bars all around at the compound you can get to so you can make sure you are able to line up within the 6 o'clock hour. Two, the religion disaster story submission link is in the comments of my latest substack post. I tried to email it directly, but technology. happened three. Next book of Inchoity! You know who you need. So let's see, where was it? Uh, sorry. Franchoni again. Next book of into announce a big 10 mission trip. I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin on North Street tap room on leap day with Matt Brown of extra points and former NAAII wide receiver, Mason Menninga of really good religion and music podcasts. Uh, it's free, like heaven, but capacities limited unlike heaven. Uh, four we have just over two weeks left to go in the

books Trevor Project fundraiser that number once again $39,000 already donated plus however much we'll add uh is a really fucking great number and deserves to be talked about by lots of writers and podcasters to talk about anything having to do with any of this yes you whoever you are uh and we want number bigger because books really fucking good and it's doing good things so tell your friends and tell writers and podcasters that they should talk about it uh and if you are a person who's read it and enjoyed it good places to post about it include relevant subreddits facebook groups Instagram and TikTok. There should be lots of posts

on TikTok about it. I don't know how to do that. So I need someone else to do that for me. That's the end of my podcast business. Subscribe to Channel 6. Subscribe to Channel 6. Coming up this week, we're going to have somebody wanted us to write about Reacher.

I'm writing about Reacher because Reacher's just... Somebody asked for it to be clear a sincere review of Reacher. And we're trying. I'm trying. No, it's very easy because everything about recharis. They're asking us to overthink it.

Wasn't it Jeff Schwartz who assigned that to you? Yes, Jeff Schwartz. Jeff Schwartz, former offensive lineman, who also, actually, I shouldn't say former because once an offensive lineman, forever an offensive lineman. Jeff Schwartz, who I found out today has the Orlando Pace highlight reel on his phone. I just imagine Jeff waking up at like 630 and his wife is still asleep and he's got his phone up on his chest, right? And he's looking at it like all cug, snug in the bed and all cozy.

And he's like, yeah, yeah. he's making little noises along with it so Jeff this one's going to be for you it's a post for the big boys it's a post for all Reacher fans and those who want to understand the miracle of Reacher as well a couple of other things

we got cooking on Channel 6 Subscribes Minimalist hero Jack Racher Yes I also had an intrusive thought over the weekend that I could really only banish by sharing it with everyone and I would do that now

Brack Ritcher. Hey, everybody. Just Brack punching through a car windshield. Just his head. Thought you're getting away, you turkey. I need a toothbrush. Nobody messes with the special investigators. You're way too good enough Brack boys.

There's a reason. There's a reason. Comes from the heart. Oh, boy. All right, I think that's all the business. I don't have any business. I'm just over here. Just over here.

Ryan, you are a business. You are a business. I'm not a business, man. I'm a sad old dad. I'm a sad old business man. I'm a sad old business man. That doesn't mean it can't be the saddest though. Okay.

Folks, subscribe to Ryan. Yeah, sure. Subscribe to Ryan's Texas A&M newsletter on soft tech.com. co-written with ghostwriter Dennis Franchoni. He's in there. He doesn't want to admit it. Viable insights about the early 2000s, Texas A&M football program. Jervorski Lane, probably making a move to tailback.

Oh, shit. Big boy in the backfield. Did y'all know that Juan Perron's hands got stolen? Go on. Sure didn't. Well, moving him down the wide receiver depth chart. There is an entire Wikipedia page called Hands of Perone. That's a wonderful title of a beautiful.

Because in 1987, like 13 years after he died. Why I wish you to save this to try to convince Spencer it was a Broadway show? Fuck. You know what? It should be a Broadway show. Don't forget. Too late now. Keep going.

13 years after his death, unknown burglars broke into his tomb and stole his hands and tried to ransom. them to the government but the ransom never got paid and I don't think anybody knows where the hands are anymore. I have a question. Yeah. Were the hands buried separately from him?

No. Okay. No. They used they used an electric saw to dismember his corpse. Okay. Yeah. There's always some there's always some crazy shit happening around the burials and door funerals of South American politicians of note.

Like there was an all out like brawl at pinnishishishish. Which has our boy Bolsonara. Oh, COVID-free. I feel like I haven't seen him get hospitalized in weeks. Did he quit? He's trying to get back. He's trying to get back to his favorite place.

What if Bolsonaro is a hero who is trying to absorb all of the COVID so that nobody else. This is one of those shows that I really hope it's somebody's first because it's like, you guys are, you red state commies are friends of Bolsonaro. No, we just love him because of how close he is to death all the time. Yeah. Nobody skates closer to that edge, man. Right? What, like, he's our, uh, he's our, uh, he's our pharmacological ex games. What Max Rastappen is to the limit. That's what Jayae Bolsonaro is to the limits of his own body. He's always right on the edge. How much COVID can I put in one man? He's like, uh, there's like the peak of human performance. He's like the valley. Yeah. He's the death valley. He's 342 feet below the surface of most people's low.

Hey, no, I walk. Didn't he move to Florida? Did I make that up? He did. Somebody saw him in a poliotropical. They were like, the fuck is a chair of Bolsonaro getting chicken? This is the only place weird enough for that guy. Like a year earlier, it was like, I stand at the head of the powerful state apparatus of Brazil.

Now it's like, I would like a medium drink. And extra line. I got a coupon for that. Yes. Anyway, yeah, the kidnappers asked for $8 million for the hands of one borone, and the government was just like, no. Every sentence in that has this quiet poetry to it, $8 million for the head. If somebody ransoms, like, a dead relative's hands to you, you're not paying, right? You're like, God, they don't care.

What do I have with hands? Hold on. Hold on. Within reason, like, if you were like, we have your grandpa's hands and we want $4.8. They steal my hands. First of all, first of all, the idea of pyramids as a human attraction remains repellent to me. If you wake me up after 2,000 years, I'm never going to let your descendants rest. But second of all, if somebody manages to get away with my hands after I'm dead and I don't catch them in some kind of like partnership with the Dark Kings, fair enough.

I guess my question is. So this happened in 19. board this happened in 1987 so we're talking 37 years ago do you think do you think they kept they have kept the hands and tried to preserve them for all that like do you think somebody who's been like well time to move i guess we have to decide if we're like moving the hands to our new apartment or not or we can we finally get rid of the hands and do you think one guy's just like you never know you never know what these hands are going to be useful or they forgot like they're like like you know like toaster oven books you know when we were young we were told to hang on to like our baseball cards because they were going to raise in value so we all did and therefore they didn't

but the two things we turns out we should have kept for Pokemon cards and other people's hands did you do any of your parents did they keep your baby teeth oh have you seen those little boxes at Hallmark that they just for those

I saw one one time that was shaped like a purple octopus this is the thing that some people Some people do. They keep their, I don't think it's that popular anymore, but some people, like people are parents aged. Mine did not.

Yes. I like that. This is my favorite generational dynamic, which is, hey, we do a thing. The next generation's like, yeah,

that's gross. We're done with that. Does they make a necklace of it or something? No, they just keep it in a box. But if they make a necklace, it'll look like you defeated a lot of very tiny people. I mean,

I wear them on a necklace around my, around my neck. Just wear them. fought all of them in combat tiny little ding to ding yeah that's it so badass

walk around talking talking like jessie ventura just like I killed so many second graders Phil Rivers has like whole armor yeah

Jim Harbaugh next time go you think of what I was thinking tooth fest tooth fest good idea Phil who got it better than us several I made a lot of teeth generators just like me.

Wow! Bam! Can you eat a lot of steak with all those teeth? It's so cool. First I fuck my wife, and then there's teeth everywhere.