Shutdown Fullcast - Cookie Man Defeats Penn State

Episode Date: December 3, 2025

You may be surprised which hosts end up on which side of the "Play Copperhead Road At Day Care" argumentGeorge Blindness, explainedRemembering Mark Stoops topping all those basketball coachesDJ Durkin's staying at Auburn! Gross!Pete Golding's staying at Oxford! Whatever!Michigan State's 48-hour Only Stick ChallengeFired Coaches Draft updateBob Chesney, great news: The worst part of the UCLA job is the jobPenn State why did you try the cookie peopleNebraska doesn't have enough guys to get clogged upWhich football team is "a rave with hotdogs"Plus! Conference championship and playoff game previewsNow through December 31, 100% of proceeds from all PTKU merch sales will be donated to Trans Ohio. Visit preownedairboats.com to purchase BRAND-NEW BLUE SHARKS GEAR #EXCLUSIVEFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Trey McClureDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it's notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason's critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band Killer Antz and his new show Podcasterino

So this is me starting a thing, an intro to the podcast. The writer, behold, the writer at work. I'm already so exasperated with whatever it's about to happen. Right. I'm so pre-annoyed with whatever you're about to do. I'm trying to help someone here. So here I go, embarking on my stated purpose. Right.

Okay. yep um and and i just want to oh what right a carefully constructed arrangement has emerged if only no one comes along do we want to talk about george blindness i we're going to do george blindness we're going to discuss george blindness but i've been interrupted so it's already Thanksgiving is already come and gone but i would like to belatedly say source Canada according to Canada Thanksgiving is long gone I would like to belatedly thank America's educators. I know it's the time of year where everyone is very tired.

And I know this from a specific thing that's been happening at my house, specifically with my younger child, who is in daycare still. Daycare is obviously a little different from school in a variety of ways. But one ways in which it's very similar is that this is still the part of the year where you get that fatigued, like. like, fuck it, just put something on TV kind of thing. For high schoolers, that's, you know, for some reason we're watching glory in math class. You know, it's, we know what that looks like at an older age.

At a younger age, that's like, okay, we're going to put on some sort of sing-songy thing that the kids can sort of like dance around to or whatever. And most of the time, I don't clock what this is whatsoever because it's, you know, some YouTube video made for three-year-olds. in this case I think the teachers have run out of ideas or needed something that was

a little more palatable to their ear or you think this was a plan C whatever this was I don't you tell you I'll tell you what happened and you can weigh in on it because the other day this is the week of Thanksgiving the other day I bring him home from school

and I'm making dinner and from the other room I hear take it back now y'all one hop this time and he is how old he's almost four oh this is good that is a very that's a very kid friendly song it is very it's not inappropriate it's just not what i thought i would hear the three-year-old start barking out from the other room like a wedding had popped up out of no way i think that's a strong pull for a couple of reasons actually for and i'm let me speak here from a platform of somebody

who has not been a teacher for a very long time, but is a child of one public educator and a family and friend group with many other educators of multiple levels. This is a heady play here because you are, it is occupying time, which is also key in the late November, early December range.

It is, as you said, age appropriate. It is tiring them out, which is major key in a daycare setting but also it's a form of social education eventually they will go to weddings this song will clearly never go the fuck away much as we might want it to

and now they can cut it up with Nick Sabin the next time they find themselves sharing a dance floor with him at a family function it's got counting it teaches you left from right following directions it's about following directions you're clapping on one two three

and four so you'll be able to fit in in multiple. Actually, server, is that an eighth notes or are you clapping on the one ands? What are we thinking there? I mean, the that's eights, right? Or is that 16th? That's what I was, yeah. Are we, so you're covering all the bases here. Like you're, you're, four, one, two, three, eights. Oh, it's eight. Yeah, that's right. It's a fast eight. But yeah. No, I think there's, I think this is a strong play. It, it, I have no complaint about it. Unconventional, but strong. To me, it just said, like, okay, that's where everybody is at daycare right now, where we're just like, it's

cha-cha slide. I don't care. I don't care what you kids want. We're listening to the cha-cha slide. But I do kind of wonder, does this open up? Like, am I going to come home to a kid who knows how to do the Cupid shuffle in two months? Listen, if you would ask me which one of those songs that was without having just said

cha-cha-slide, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. Okay. So maybe this is important. I got to tell you, I only got, I only have one dancer in the two kids, but both of them, if you put on the electric slide. Yeah, you just went to a wedding. The Cupid Shuffle. Yeah. Right.

Or if you put on the wobble, if you put on any one of the three of those. Can one of your children wobble? I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure my younger son is wobble compatible. That's good. I don't think he knows all the steps, but, you know, he knows to like, get in there. Listen, given what else recently happened to him, this is a strong. foundation. No. Listen, you just, I think your kids, whether you know it or not, they're going to

daycare in Atlanta. I appreciate this also now because I'm remembering a different memory from my older child when she was five. We were at a wedding. The macarena came on and she was tearfully furious because everyone except her knew how to do it. She was so, I hadn't seen her that mad in a while. It was like, it was as if you failed me, father. It was as if the, the Conspired to learn a dance and specifically exclude her from it. That was how she felt about it in that moment that was not untrue in a way that is what happened. I would say it was not that was not the intent Oh no of of the but I see how she got there sure sure I don't think Los Del Rio did it to hurt my daughter specifically. I'll tell you that to a theater kid sure this is so much less problematic than if they'd come home and started doing the copperhead Road line dance, right? Wait, why?

That's Heritage. I'm going to have to explain some things. What the fuck is wrong with Copperhead Road? I don't have to explain what lesson someone learned from Charlie when we're doing the Cupid shuffle. I don't have to explain the dynamics of why the DEA's got a chopper in the air. It's just a lighter lift. I'm not saying it's, yeah.

Having learned Rocky Top from the cradle, you just, it's environmental. It's ambient, right? You just learn from a very early age that this is the way things are. I think Copperhead Road has some valuable lessons to teach preschoolers. I would like to say this also remind me of a recent post from our collective Yukon Madman, No Escalators. This is from around Thanksgiving Week as well. I'll just read it verbatim. You ever make a mistake as a parent where you reveal to your kids that a song called The Whisper Song exists?

Oh, no. but immediately dive to turn it off once you hear the lyrics which you forgot were that bad why did you think they were whispering how did you forget what they were whispering

why did you think they were whispering that was my feeling as well why would they have had to whisper hey I respect and value you as a romantic partner and as a human being with your own personhood there's a neat trick

that's not why we're here yeah it's not here's the coordinates for the pirate's gold now imagining the ying yang twins as the scorpion and the frog in one of their sea world appearances like riding on the back of shamu yeah hey kids there's got to be a kid's spot version of that song what do you think it says hang on yeah there has to be well you see my what what do you see my gift it's a christmas song or a birthday song where do you see my gift you will be so

fricking chuffed what okay I found this this eight year old Reddit thread of what's the most graphic song kids Bob has covered

they did thrift shop yeah okay they changed they changed smell likes R Kelly sheets

piss to smells like my baseball cleats ew to which the first reply to this comment is God is dead and we caused it

I wouldn't say that's a load-bearing lyric That's a funny change. It's not like, you know. Walking to the club, like, what up? I got a cool mom. What?

Sure. It's not like they did candy shop. What? Yeah. She lets me listen to this. That's how cool she is. They did the version of I'm Real that starts off with Jarl saying, what's my motherfucking name?

It's not your dad's kid pop. Isn't that the Pussy Ninja's son? They did lips of an angel? I want to thank you. This is making me feel much better about the cha-cha slide-to-day-care. Yeah, we need to discuss a disorder that I did not know one of us had,

which is... No, you picked the word for it. It's your thing. I'm not sure I should be made fun of for this. I'm not making fun of you. I'm not making fun of you. You suffer from George blindness. Okay, that makes it.

sound like I am looking at our first president and saying didn't that guy play for the 49ers when what is actually happening is that I did not mean you're about to slander me I just want to say this it's not that I'm looking at a picture of George Kittle and a picture of George Pickens and saying these look the same to me no I'm not saying that at all clear about that what I'm saying is that if you had both of them facing me in their football uniforms I can't tell you whose surname is on the back of who's jersey. Yeah. So when I hear a story about one of them, I always have to take a beat and be like,

which one did that? Okay, that makes a lot more sense. And I can't remember from story to story which one is likely to pop up in which type of news headline, which I think adds a little frisson of excitement to my day. Okay. So we're trying to figure out on a monic. I know that they're different people. Right.

But we're trying to figure out a mnemonic so that you can remember your George's. Yeah, we couldn't come up. with a rhyming mnemonic was the problem, which is weird because Kittle and Pickens both rhyme with lots of words. Yeah. If E.B. Terror-stricken, your George B. Pickens. That was the closest we got, yeah. Yeah, because he's terrifying. George Pickens will straight up in the middle of an NFL game, throw a WWE move on a block for reasons. No one has to understand. He's the guy who, when he was at Georgia, tried to kill a guy he was fighting with. Like, through him. I was trying to get there with like Pickens like he's going to pick your teeth with his bone pick his teeth with your

bones but that's hard to do you made this more confusing you said WWE move and George Kittle literally is always in the crowd at WWE event thank you he's the one with the lucha mask he was an AEW guy no loyalty no he's he's loyal only to Penta though so respect I think it's just I mean if they're running together it based on the first attempt at distinguishing them that I heard just disregard distinguishing them. Hmm. Yeah?

I hadn't thought about like surrendering. That's very... One of the Georges did something. There's something very... Is that Buddhism or Hinduism? George, well... Which one is going back into the ocean? I'm sure you could get there in any faith tradition.

Okay. Yeah. But yes, we just needed to go ahead and address the issue of George blindness. Folks, if you have a rhyming mnemonic that can help me tell the George's apart? Shout out in the comments. If he catch passes in the middle, your George B. Kittle, he is a tight end. That's too many. That didn't even scan. That's too many syllables. It is too many syllables. I'm just trying to help.

Is this why you brought this on, this is why you brought this on the show, not to make fun of me because I can't tell them apart. No, this is, this is an honest problem. A clinical issue. We need to solve it. Oh! Welcome to the shutdown forecast. You're listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Halt joined by Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, and Michael Serber on the ones and twos. Shane, we don't have anything to talk about this week.

Yeah, what do you guys want to do? Yeah, we can start. I want to start with the most important coaching news, the thing that we've all been waiting on as a nation, the thing that has. has both united and divided us all at once, which is Kentucky has fired Mark Stubes and has hired Will. Sunny Will. Sunny Will, current, the former offensive coordinator for the Oregon Ducks, former Louisville Cardinal quarterback. Former Dickensian orphan. Former Dickensian orphan.

The golden boy himself, Will Stein, is now going to be running Kentucky football. It's, I just want to, but shout out to Mark Stoops for, dude, he lasted 13 years in Kentucky. Like, whatever, whatever tolerance for misery you may think you have in life, Mark Stoops has got you, baby. He's got you. He outlasted basketball coaches. He topped basketball coaches in terms of power. He, what? I'm sorry, outranked them.

you don't know it might be both you know if that was what he wanted to do he could have done it because he did everything else at kentucky hey hey he's the man whooped our ass mark mark stoop's did everything but at kentucky mark stoop's sent burp sent bottles of bourbon to the pope that is a factual sentence that you can say in this lifetime so much respect to mark stoop's for for just being as cussed and stubborn a football coach as exists on this plan it um before we send him off into the sunset and then they they just went out and got will stein which is a good hire no pen state what are you doing yeah the really the funny part of kentucky's move to me is okay it's pretty becoming apparent for somewhere between weeks and years

that stoops is probably not lasting much longer loses 41 nothing to louisville and it's like wow gosh that's got to be the last straw uh and then the next morning this past sunday there's a whole flurry of moves and the reason I specify SEC folks is because that's the conference Kentucky is in and one of the coaches who get scooped up who I'm sure we'll discuss at some point is John Summerall a former Kentucky linebacker that for months and months people had said like okay if Stoops goes this is the obvious move to go get this guy so I loved the timing of Summerall's gone 11 hours later Kentucky's like okay time to enter the market and see who's available and you just had the sense of them looking around and like

Whoops. But then they pulled the fast one because they got the guy who had been mentioned in every single candidate's list since back to September. A guy who had, you know, would have, if literally any school had hired Will Stein, they would have said like, okay, I see it, I see it. But he's back home in Kentucky. One of, I mean, the smoothest transition of all other than having to pay Mark Stoop's $36 million, which he is, I love the framing on this, very kindly. allowing them to pay over the course of years rather than all at once. That rocks, Mark Stoops.

Which was the sticking point for this. Like a only kind of mean stepdad who's like, you wrecked my car, but don't worry. I'll let you pay it all the time. Tell you what. All you got to do is buy me a new one. So yeah, Mark Stoops is going to be connected to the University of Kentucky for 20 years while they pay this thing off.

So like on the one hand, but on the other, all right, you got a shiny young boy and there is your head coach. And this is a very much bridging generations of college football internet thing because like we remember the meme of this dude when he was Louisville's quarterback looking up and smiling into the stands.

That is brand new information. My byline is on these stories in 2011. So like, yeah, if you younger folks, if you're seeing like a smiling Louisville boy, that's Kentucky's head coach. Let's go get the story stream. Just drag it back. Can we just take those now?

they can't do anything with them right I mean I've just grabbed shit from there and put it up on my sub stack is like yeah I wrote this it's mine I would just do that I would like so so I would like to propose a new way for us to grade coaching hires because every year we sort of get

to the point where we're like gosh you know this Luke Fickle everybody thought that hire was going to go great this hire that we didn't think we'd go well has gone surprisingly well I think we have acknowledged that collectively, we don't have any particular ability to grade coaching hires that will be good or bad. Yes, Holly? I think the distinction that we need to land on, and I say this because I

just finished listening to the Phantom Island, where you and Stephen were talking about what, shit, I call him Stephen again, why, or how coaches view hires the way they do. I think the distinction we need to make for maximum, like, emotional well-being for everybody involved from here on out is not to say, it is to keep our feelings about this in the present and not the future. You can say, I like this hire without saying, I think this guy will do well. This also leaves room for you to say, I like this hire and mean that in a derogatory sense. So I would suggest that we frame all our feelings about this in the here and now. So I would like to amplify that even more and suggest that the only reference we should use for grading coaching hires is how

amped up did this get the fan base? How much enthusiasm did this generate? Because I'm kind of saying this tongue in cheek, but I also think in the current world of you have to motivate your donors and your boosters and you have to like generate excitement. College football has become a thing specifically at the coaching position where it's kind of like being a member of the house where you're like, cool, I have to go right back out and fundraise again and I have to like keep, I have to keep doing the circuit forever. There isn't like a lot of, well, okay, we have some time to sort of build a plan and figure it out. So purely on the grade of how did Kentucky fans feel before and how do they feel today,

I have no problem giving this an A-plus. I think there are a lot of things you can point to and say, like, well, you know, he's never been a head coach before. Oregon's offense took a little bit of a step back this year. Are we just sort of lumping him in with Kenny Dillingham when he's not Kenny Dillingham? Like there are logical reasons you can sort of pick apart why this may not be a perfect choice. but again if my only if my only category is did it get the people you need to get excited excited a plus 10 out of 10 no notes i think ryan the like virginia tech i think is a good um

a good proof case here because like okay objectively lane franklin it's lane franklin exactly james franklin isn't we get it we get it we're moving past it james franklin is in objectively great hire at virginia tech for x y z reasons all So he has them super fucking fired up to throw money at football for the first time ever. It is self-proving. That money is going to translate to it being a good hire. So, like, yeah, this shit matters. Like, we every year we're trained to say, like,

it doesn't matter if you win the press comp. Guess what? Now it does. Now that's the only thing you have to win. And you know who won it was John fucking Sumerall, who eight hours prior had been the most hated hire. Jaders were so pissed. Oh, his resume has like three similarities to the previous guys.

Oh, no. He's Billy Napier-shaped. He's Billing Napier with Olmins. You're not going to fool me. Oh, my God. He's won at a school I've never watched on TV before. And then he gets up there and he cracks three jokes. That's our fucking guy. We love him. Have some money, sir. I'm a winner. I love him. He said he's a winner.

Yeah. He made a joke about Lane Kiffin. I've seen that on the internet. Yeah. This is why. It's all you got to do. This is why in retrospect, I have to say Mario, like, Mani Diaz is a good coach, has done good things. is in the ACC Championship, which Mario Cristobal isn't. But Mario Cristobal, sure. Great higher for hire.

ACC. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. Several things wrong with that. So like, yeah, on this metric, we're also giving Auburn just, here's the way you can fiddle with this. You can tank it just to spike it, which is what Auburn did. Auburn sends out like, hey, we're thinking about the DJ Durkin. Boo, all we got somebody who's not DJ Durkin.

And they got, I love the shots of Alex Colestrol enough to Auburn. The band is here, the full crowd. Everyone's losing their minds, cheering for not DJ Durkin. That's how you do it. It was really, it was really pretty great. Like, you probably called Durkin at the office. He's like, too, yeah, man, I need to use you as a tool. And you're lucky.

Hey, man, you're going to get a big. He might, DJ Durkin might stick around. That's a fucking mercenary scumbagg. He'll do it. There's a giant swath of Auburn people who want him to stick around because lest you, listen, here is enough cure in what I'm about to say for an entire generation of imposter syndrome. There's a whole bunch of rich people. There's a swath of boosters at rich people at Auburn who think that hanging out, who thought first that hanging on to DJ Durkin is the interim and who think, that keeping DJ Durkan on staff as the DC will be the key factor in keeping the recruiting class together.

That is DJ Durkin. Please look up his previous relationships with players at places. He has been the coach. If you would like to know more about what I'm talking about. The other one that comes to mind here along this metric is Ole Miss itself, where, oh, God, we hate this guy. Get this fucking asshole out of our. town. We hate him. Go away, scumbag. Loser. We don't like you. Pete fucking Golding

struts onto the stage with his pin tucked into his hat, with his Louisiana accent, and says like, hey, y'all, we're going to try really fucking hard. Players lose their minds, roll credits. We love this guy. That's our dog. Great hire. A plus. It's perfect. All you need is an asshole

to point at, and then you need to hire someone who's less of an asshole. Speaking of pointing at your asshole, the hot yoga ladies of Oxford are... I 100% I thought this is going to be about Pat Fitzgerald. Oh. I'm not actually sure he's that flexible.

An important part of this football program is staring at other guys' dicks. Get up on that pull-up bar so we can look at your dick. You know what? That is a step up. Allegedly. Allegedly. That is, you know what? That would be a step out of the hole that both that he has dug for himself and of the

whole that Michigan State dug for himself by who do we, you know what to talk? You want to talk about incremental progress? Who do we replace the guy who sexually harassed the sexual harassment educator with? The one who was cleared of all charges in a lawsuit. So we got this guy who was jerking off on the phone while talking to the don't jerk off on the phone person. And then we brought in some other guy. We don't like him. So now we're going to bring in this whole other guy who had the staring at buttholes during pull-ups problem.

And all right, we forgot about that, I guess. Also, he goes 500 all the time. I don't know why. But Jason, 500 in what division? Oh, my God, the Big Ten West. It's basically the NFC South. Yeah, a couple of weeks ago we talked about playing Purdue every week, and I'm not actually sure we went far enough with that.

Pat Fitzgerald beat Purdue 50 times, and it got him the Michigan State job. My favorite angle on this is to assume that Pat Fitzgerald can only use smart players and that if we just got a place with lower academic standards, he's not going to be able to do it, right? Like, Pat Fitzgerald football is so cerebral. It's so challenging. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

The way they play every game 11 to 9 and not even in like a cool way. From what I could tell, I know some Northwestern grads. So I'm talking directly at you. I'm not going to say like, oh, not the people I know. No, you. Who are furious right now, all of them. They're furious, all right? Because.

Yeah, we should say this. We're not tagging this on the fan base right now. Nobody likes this. Yeah. But with Northwestern grads, as far as I. know your education is solely musical theater based that's it i heard there's a journalism school no no musical journalism but not but not like musical like no musical talent just like sorry spencer journalism that is musical in some way newsies yeah uh no because that is a pro-union piece of

plus that's a new york that's a new york movie not a chicago boo no downtown chicago so it's chicago Chicago, then. We love Chicago, says media member who lives in New York. All right. Got it. Can I offer you just in the interest of journalism, if nothing else. Can I offer you? I'm talking about Lane's butthole.

Can I offer you what Pat Fitzgerald's record against Purdue actually was? Oh, no. I would love to hear that, Ryan. Can we guess? Yeah, sure, sure. I'll tell you this. So 14 games. So that's what you have to work with.

How many? What's the win loss? Yes, Holly, I was going to guess. Holly says seven and seven. I was going to guess eight and nine. I'll stick with that. Eight, over 14 games. Even though I know you've said that that is not the number.

Okay. All right, we have a seven and seven. We have an eight and nine. Spencer, you want to throw a hazard guess? I'm going to go four and ten. Okay. Right. Okay.

I'll have different strategies. I'll go ahead. Spencer is wrong server. You want to see if you can hit the number? Uh, six and twelve, or six and twelve, six and eight. No, no, six and 12. Innovation. Innovation.

If Serber and Jason get the win number or the lost number right, do they go ahead and get it? Jason has the win number right. It is eight. It's eight and six. Eight and six against Purdue. This is your hero. This is your, this is your king. Unreplicable God.

This man lost to produce six times. This is the titan you had to have above all others. The man who could get not. What a single game over 500 against Purdue in 14 fucking tries. And I know how we're going to cover this, too. Like, this is, you remember that David, what's his face when he was running for election here in Georgia? I can't even remember his last name. David Purdue.

But we're going to, every picture of Pat Fitzgerald with the on three graphic just totally exonerated. Totally exonerated. I don't think they, yeah, they only got room for totally. It's the only do the one for it. Yeah. What about just X on? The thing with this dude. for years we've been saying is like somehow he has such a good fucking brand among people

who make decisions like he's the jock who impresses the nerds for whatever reason um he's because he's shaped like that somehow and wearing his shorts yeah yeah and being so pale being shaped like a lego man that's got to hurt so i guess i guess i'm glad that we don't have to hear in every like every single coaching uh discussion like well you know who's really respected and is out there like okay god yes i get it he's so respected so fucking respected now let's see if he can finally go better than seven and five for multiple years. Let's definitely not explore what that says about the folks doing

they're respecting. I really can't wait to hear how the challenges that Michigan State are going to add up for him. Oh, it's such a hard place to win. Oh, it's not like Northwestern. Oh, my God, it's the hardest job in the country. You're in the same state as Michigan. You're so close to Ohio State. Does this count as

another Hitler headline? You're surrounded by water. Hitler's there. oh it's so goddamn hard oh yeah that's crazy no one else could go four and eight there only me I alone can fix it

I'm sorry one other little I'm sorry a naggingly practical note here we're getting rid of Jonathan Smith in part because of some sort of NIL dysfunction sure yes some sort of

the pre-NIL guy who went. You're bringing in the guy who doesn't want them to be paid in the first place. Great plan. Hey, that's an ethos. It's an ethos. The Union Buster who went 4 and 20 in the NIL era. Yeah. Yeah. It's a dumb fucking idea. There. Aren't you guys supposed to be the smart school? It's so hard here. Our afflictions include having hired me. Not just that. The magic, like, the Willy Wonka of Northwestern left. And Northwestern didn't fall into a pit of abyss somehow. The magic didn't walk up. They're fine.

They're completely fine. They're completely fine. It's the same shit. Strad it in. They're doing better. And has gone to two ball games in three years. It's the exact same shit. Pat Fitzgerald goes to two bowl games in three years and we'd name a building after him.

Also, Pat's whole thing for so many years was like, I understand. I am of Northwestern. I am like the blood of Northwestern flows through me. And if you wanted to do that, you should have gone to Kirk Cousins and said, hey, man, aren't you tired of playing football? Why don't you come coach Michigan State? Why don't you come home? Mama is calling Kirk Cousins.

You can be the Pat Fitzgerald of Michigan State. It's time to be a Kirk Father. Because I'm too Northwestern for this. So I shouldn't be here. That's right. That's right. Can we like Kirk Cousins, I'm going to tell you, Kirk Cousins are Pat Fitzgerald.

That's a push for me. Kirk Cousins, no coaching experience. But he smiles a lot. Yeah. Real positive. Yeah. Right. Kirk Cousins did some good shit at Michigan State.

We don't have to talk about his NFL career. It's been up and down. Kirk Cousins won 11 games his last two years at Michigan State. That's right. You kidding me? That's just hard. It's so hard. He survived, he survived a three-hour beating at the hands of, like, alpha male killer, Alabama.

Right? The most pissed off Alabama team ever. What's the modifier there? I'm not sure. Mail. Kirk Cousins threw 400 passes, 419 passes, his senior year. I didn't know he could do that at Michigan State. I didn't even know that was legal.

He was in a Rose Bowl. I seened it. Yes. He used them all. They were in past deficit for the next four years. And if you want a guy. Shit, that was Connor Cook. Sorry.

If you want a guy who knows how to like manipulate the market, who embraces player compensation, Go look at what the Falcons paid Kirk Cousins. That is a man who embraces capitalism and player value. Like, none other. Like, and depth chart, like, you want to talk about a guy who'll give your backups a chance. Yes. It's the guy whose current team's backup makes $700 billion a year.

Mm-hmm. I love that Kurt Cousins was succeeded by basically evil Kirk Cousins that Connor Cook came on and everything that Connor Cook was, was like Cousins was not and vice versa, like that he came on and they were like, so an inspirational leader who's always there at FCS and leads the prayer. They're like, no, a guy who's beloved by his teammates, you're like, no, sometimes we're just radio block him.

Next. Next. Do you know who never lost in Michigan? Who? Kirk Cousins. Not Pat Fitzgerald. Not Pat Fitzgerald. Fuck, no, not Pat Fitzgerald.

It's too hard. That's right. Oh, Michigan has cell phones. How can we compete with that? Do you know how many times Pat Fitzgerald beat Michigan? How many? Once. One time.

He was there for 17 years, mind you. Yes, but he did it ethically, Ryan. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yep. That's right. many years when that motherfucker's team would be like 10 and 3 clogging up some bowl game the computers are like yeah this is the 58th best team in the country like and now we get to watch this shit all over again yeah and now we get to watch that and they'll go to a bowl game and play Auburn when Auburn's just sort of you know Auburn goes into a depressive state for like three years three years three years interspersed with when they do the other thing I think they were, they were, they were scheduled for a three-year happy cycle, but then they hired a heat freeze.

Right. So their football, football cicadas is what you're saying. We're due for two happy cycles now. Auburn has, Auburn has wrong meds years. Where they're like, oh, it's not working. But I got to finish the cycle. I got to take, got to empty the bottle. I had some tax trouble. I didn't get my meds right. But I'm good. I'm good now. Good now. Auburn will like meet Northwestern in a bowl game and Northwestern will stay like either get close or they'll beat them in a game that means nothing and people will go wow that's you know that'll be Michigan State now

they're holding up the banner for the big 10 yeah it's because you beat you beat a 68th and SP plus Auburn team currently on the wrong pills you beat an Auburn that is like that's the best seven lost team in the country best seven lost team oh god that's the pairing worst 10 lost team and the best seven lost team

it is some store brand unfrosted mini-weeds ass football is what it is god like when when you say the most boring team in the country people default to iowa no iowa is it is a laugh riot iowa is non-stop entertainment even in those years when iowa didn't score points they they didn't score points like in a really intentional entertaining way where you could see the story they're telling we pin you on the one we get a safety that is like There are things, Northwestern, that is a, like, the Fitzgerald era Northwestern, it's the same offensive coordinator for about 8,000 years in a row, and that guy doesn't do anything. Like, nothing happens.

The score is 13 and 11. You cannot reproduce a single explanation as to why. That's, that is North West. In a Big Ten that didn't have Oregon, USC, Washington, UCLA. It did have a Big Ten West. Yeah. Like, okay, have fun. Good thing you scheduled Notre Dame next.

year this is going to go awesome guys they did what yeah not just because it's hard it's so hard it's so hard to have to play notre Dame oh no yeah yeah no one else has to play Notre Dame nobody we're the only me on Notre Dame schedule only me the heavily afflicted always be leagered guy who gets whatever he wants like Mick McCall they would do this thing Mick McCall was Northwestern that guy yeah he was Northwestern's like I don't even want to say And eggs. He was like the scoreboard restrictor plate. Yes.

He was a Mike DeBoard class offensive coordinator, somebody who you mentioned as a curse. The first stick you find in a Zelda game where you're like, learn to swing. And then Ms. Gerald attempts to do the only stick speed run minus the speed. Straight to Gannon. Straight to Notre Dame. Here we go. 48 hour only stick challenge.

Yeah. Like I think, I think that Mick McCall, there would be. I remember reading this in at least two seasons where they'd go, hey, there's a lot of interest in somebody hiring McCallaway. And that's when I really realized, agents are liars. And they get paid to lie. No, but somebody would be like. It was just within Northwestern. Yeah.

There's interest in Pat Fitzgerald further promoting somehow. Yeah. I think there's a lot of interest. And I'm like, yeah, I think people do think he's interesting. They're like, what does he do? There might be some D3 school. He's like, oh, he's for a big 10 guy. sure, send him on down.

Maybe you could do that, but... Currently, offensive coordinator at UMass! So... Oh, God. God, that explains so much. Jesus Christ. By the way, UMass is the worst team of the millennium. So, yeah, I rest my fucking case.

Officially. Officially. That is more than I have ever talked about Pat Fitzgerald, other than to accuse him of being... In a while. Other than, to accuse him of being... He was one of our characters for a while. To accuse him of being the guy who likes to take a shit on a boat.

That's really what I thought. his big goal in life was. He's the kind of guy's like, I got a boat, I take it in a lake, I take a shit on it. Do you mean his boat? Do you mean just pooping anywhere on the boat

or pooping in the toilet on the boat? Like he gains great satisfaction from his like, I'm my own little island. And then, you know, I've conquered water. I've conquered water. And then you know what I get to do? I get to shit in it.

So is it, I guess a third version, he takes the boat into the lake and then hangs his ass off the boat. poops into the lake itself. He probably does that. Yeah. This is for the Edmund Fitzgerald.

You could have just pooped on the shore, you know. Take that. Eat shit, Lake. Not so great now, are you? Take that, Poseidon. More like bitch, you goomy. Yeah. Take that.

Oh, my God. We finally found the villain to freshwater Aquaman. Yeah. It's Pat Fitzgerald. Yeah, that's more than we ever should talk about him ever again. We'll be back to, no, we're going to talk about Michigan State more than we have for call it two years. That's without question. Other than when Hitler shows up.

Again. I am a little disappointed they didn't do it again just as a fun goof. Just as ironically this side. Like, oh, to be clear, boo, we don't like, you know, like you put a little red circle with a line through him. Yeah. Yeah, but we don't like that guy. To be clear, Michigan State is anti-Hitler, no matter what you might hear. Folks, it's time for the...

We don't like Hitler song. All right. Fourth quarter, everybody stand up and boo, Hitler. It's our opinion, though controversial. The Hitler doesn't deserve his own commercial. You want to know a Hitler fact? He's dead, and that rocks. Yeah. I would put, like, I'd put it in the, like, shittiest A.

art up there of him surfing right like whoops wiping out yeah to be clear to be clear yeah but they're ugly yeah titler look at his ugly tiths you're really we don't even like those Jason canceled for body shaming titler no not me Michigan State fans I didn't do it if that's what makes that's not the reason I hate hit me. If that's what he wants. Oh, boy. Yeah.

I'm glad I don't have a job to lose right now. Did we start the show? We did. We did. Do you want to update to the hot seat draft we did a while back? I would love that. Oh, God, yeah. There are lots of numbers to crunch.

I'm still holding steady with just one selection from my board. Trent Dilfer gained me nine points. David Braun, as noted, is an incredible coach at Northwestern. exactly as good as Pat Fitzgerald, so my selection of him was poor. Luke Fickle somehow hung on, and Scott Satterfield, my God, dude, 7 and 5. Everyone hates him with Scott Satterfield. He has a losing record there at Cincinnati, but somehow, it was the 7-0 start that assured he would not accrue me any points.

Penn State jobs still open. Penn State job is still open. Good luck to Action Cookbook, his agent Action Cookbook on securing him that job. He was 7 and 1 Don't forget he was 7 and 1 He was briefly It feels like years ago As of this recording

Penn State is open We'll see if the crumble cookie man Can deliver enough money To keep Sataki in BYUu or not Which is that's real folks Up next is Serber Who got one

Called one shot and then bounced Got Deshawn Foster The first firing off the board Which means he gets 15 points for that Serber I think you made your point Like you prove that you had the magic touch and then you just left points for everyone else. Yeah, I'd like to make it clear. I stopped playing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't need to be there anymore. You kind of did that intentionally. Like you pick Kalin to board, which granted, you know, it's Alabama, so you never know. But still. Yep. Up next is Spencer, who got Mike Gundy, one of the first. Billy Napier took a little bit. And then you also are the latest on the board. Mark Stoops is only worth one point, but that might continue to grow in value as presumably more coaches get fired.

Spencer has 22. Ryan has 26 with Brent Pry and Sam Pittman. Just the two, but both very early. And then there's Holly who wisely sat out the selection process, which means she was,

she obtained all the coaches who were not in our draft. Let's picture a Chuck Echise cheese machine that's malfunctioning and spitting out tickets. Only winning move is not to play, baby. So by simply not participating, Holly has 48 points.

Always take field. Whoever's idea that was, good idea. So next year when we do this, none of us will participate and we will all win. Maybe that's the key. We'll see who can participate the least. I'm going to vote for Michigan State next year. I don't remember who was on our card. Who is the least fired coach that one of us.

did pick. Again, Holly wins because she had the field, so she has whoever wins the national championship. Other than Holly. Holly has Kurtzignetti. Who would you say is the least fired coach? I mean, server has Kaelin. I bet there's somebody on this list less fired than that.

Sean Lewis. Okay, yeah, it was a bad pick on. Hand up. You swung big for Sean Lewis. I get it. I don't think that was I don't think that was... I think it was a rough start. It was a rough start, and then they almost made the conference title game but it was I don't think that was crazy I think that was okay okay um

everything else you know I can see with a few more losses they get okay one way or they are right magnificent work um Penn State is still open which um I want to go ahead and congratulate everybody do some kind of game around that do we know that they're still looking did they know they need to find one they have they have a lot of irons in the fire um But they didn't want Bob Chesney, I guess. Just sort of letting him wander all the way across the country to UCLA. That's the one that's kind of puzzling to me.

You know, we were right in the genre sense in the somebody is going to fuck around and end up with Bob Chesney, and we just didn't know which participant in the UCLA Penn State game it was going to be. I think because UCLA gets him, I feel like now every time I say his name, I'm going to have to caveat, like, but I don't know if it'll work. If he'd gone anywhere else, I would have said, like, great fucking higher. That rocks. That's awesome. Smart. You guys did the smart thing. But because it's UCLA, it's past performance is not a guarantee of future results.

We'll see. They don't actually care about any of this. The goal is get good by year three and get the fuck out, right? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, import JMU's roster, go 10 and 2, bounce. That's the plan. Washington job.

Hello. Yeah. Few, made it. Few. I mean, that's so bad. that with UCLA, you have to be like, yeah. So the worst part about this higher is the job. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. That's never uncomfortable. That's why Chip Kelly wanted it, dude. Chip Kelly only has bad ideas. You think his agent knows that too? Do you think his agent, Chip calls him and he's like, ugh. I mean, he got him $11 million to be the Raiders OC and not do anything. They were not even running his offense or anything.

Yeah. Did somebody hire Chip Kelly and I missed? No, I'm glad you asked, though, because there was a brief moment in time after the Kentucky job opened where it was floated that Chip Kelly was maybe going to be the hire, which makes me think that somebody was like, oh, prominent Oregon figure, and they just didn't finish reading, they didn't finish reading the assignment. We're going to get the Oregon guy with nine letters in his name. But there was a moment there where that was a rumor being floated, and that, I think, if we're going back to, like, enthusiasm, I think that would have been the complete. lead opposite if you would have been like hey you remember the guy who looked like shit with the raiders and totally mailed it in his last couple years at ucla he's here and he's definitely not giving up all right everybody horses we got bill bellichick horses are beautiful because they

don't talk to me yeah we've got offensive bill billiichick but without the rings here you go yeah apparently like i think it is notable that penn state apparently knows they need to hire a coach That's good, yeah, yeah, yeah. They, I guess I don't know how it's going to end up because, like, they're doing a lot of stuff. And, you know, a lot of these other schools, Kentucky is just sort of like, let's do one thing. Boom, great.

That was easy, right? Can I float? And Michigan State's like, we're going to do one thing. And we like it. There is a plan. You may hate it, but it is a plan. Can I float a maybe stupid thing? Sure.

Is it possible that firing James Franklin is going to be Penn State's, version of Nebraska firing Bo Polini? I mean, it could be Nebraska's even worse than, or Penn's, yeah, even worse than that. Ryan, run this out. So, Bo Polini gets fired at Nebraska for not doing better than nine wins most of the time. James Franklin was obviously doing better than that at Penn State, but had the same problem of sort of like, was never bad, but couldn't get over the hump. This year was bad, at least for the time he was there.

But obviously, the lease was pretty short. And I think there are some similarities between, certainly with what got leaked, like Bo Polini was probably pretty difficult to deal with inside the Nebraska athletic offices. No. I know. Who could believe it? James Franklin reportedly had some level of friction with his bosses as well. And Nebraska, for people who don't know, has not consistently gone nine and has not consistently reached Bo Polini levels.

since they fired him. If I'm going off memory here, it's Callahan, Mike Riley, Scott Frost, and then we get to Matt Rule, who has been better, but is still, like, we're still like, oh, God,

be great to get back to nine. Like, haven't gotten back to that level. It has effectively, with a lot of other things happening in college football, set Nebraska back in a way that I think they did not anticipate. If the counterpoint of this is like, Georgia fires Mark Richt, they bring in Kirby, and that sort of like rocket boosts them up past the level they couldn't reach before. That feels a little bit more like the exception than the

rule. And I don't know necessarily, I honestly don't know which category Penn State potentially falls into, but the longer this goes on and the longer it feels like, hmm, I don't know if you like had a specific here's who we need to bring in to do what James Franklin couldn't. It feels like we're introducing the possibility of that sort of like sag back to eight wins seven wins something like that mostly because it's just easier it's easier to get worse than better when you were winning 10 or 11 games a year yeah I mean this was always the thing for me with franklin is like yeah I get the frustration but uh you don't want to you probably don't want to find out what happens when that floor is no longer there and like as soon as they fired him it was like very on

the table. Oh, this might not work. There is no reason ever to assume any higher will be better than the guy you had before unless it was Trent Dilfer. And I mean, argue, like, there was the second time Nebraska did that with Solich and with Polini. And I think there are a really great comparison here because the guy that you evidently wanted Penn State was Matt Rule who didn't come back and also provided evidence after not coming back that he might not have been the best idea. because their season kind of fell apart. Yeah, there are reasons that, injuries, blah, blah. But still, like, if you decided that's the guy who's going to take us from 10 wins every year to 11 wins every year,

and he's still not doing it, I think that says a lot about your plans. And you should probably, probably just pick one. Just pick a plan at this point. Let me tell you, that Matt Rule plan, it's a crock pot, buddy. Three hours, let it simmer. And there's nothing wrong with the job he's doing. No, there's nothing wrong. The job he's doing is going fine.

Like, you know, there's a lot of things that need to pick up quite a bit, including recruiting. Good God. But, like, there's a lot to. Is it bad, Jason? Is it bad right now? Prepare your eyes before you. But, like, it's, you know, you can say there are still signs of progress there

as long as the quarterback stays and they get, like, any recruits. But she's not. um he's telling raoul is not going to stay so and they also don't have any recruits um but like the the point is if you say you have to go 11 and 1 here every single year and this was your idea of who was going to do it all that reveals is that your ideas were uh were wrong and like oh shit yeah this isn't necessarily an indictment of nebraska or penn state it's mostly even though it's mostly a reflection of like oh it is hard to to be outside of Ohio State is the only, really the only school that you can point to

and say like it's not, it doesn't seem to be hard there. Like everywhere else, it's like, yeah, you are pretty much one mistake and higher. Even when everybody thinks it's great from losing the plot, pretty bad. Hard. Do you, can we get a guess over under on Nebraska's recruiting ranking one day before early signing day? I'll take 30 86

47th Serber you got one 30 29th Holly's closest Oh Jesus Oh my God But we need to go way lower

Oh no Is that a problem? It is below UMass What That can't be right Are you kidding me? It is one spot ahead of Idaho.

Idaho is in FCS. 109. Is this where, okay, we made jokes about Matt Rule, quiet quitting, and then loud quitting, but this is, this is where I remember again that the reason I was personally so sure that Matt Rule was going to take the Penn State job is because the people I was hearing about this from were not Penn State people. they were Nebraska people like there was a large contingent of Nebraska folks who thought this was done done and I don't know what happened there

but I can't help but wonder if that percolated outwards while it was happening we'll see if they grab a big old hall tomorrow on signing day I had to click load more twice Sacramento State is 74 the only big 10 program they're ahead of right now is Penn State who lost their head coach

and had their head coach basically plucked everybody who was in that class to go to Virginia Tech. They are behind Wisconsin, they are behind Northwestern, they are behind Purdue. Just for fun, where are they behind JMU who has lost their coach and is like barely in the FBS?

J.MU is sitting nice at 69. There we go. Talk dirty to me. Where's UNC? Oh, oh. Oh, North Carolina, surprisingly 17th. Because they, well, they're a very... They got a shitload of commitments.

Holy God. They got 39 people. They're heavy on bulk. Okay. Not impressed. They're just... Server, they're just ahead of Clemson. But it is purely because they have basically doubled the class of Clemson at this point.

Yeah. I mean, if... I wondered if the Nebraska thing was because, like, they just don't have any high school recruits because they're like, ah, fuck it. We're bringing in 15 portal players. Mm-hmm. It could be. Sure. I guess, man.

They're also firing. They just recently fired, like... couple of recruiting staffers and didn't we just up the rosters to 105 everybody should have like 20 extra spots you need more guys yeah you should have more guys than this it's not enough guys like it's not even it's not even like last year they signed it looks like 20 guys which is not a particularly large it's not like oh the you know we're clogged because we had a bunch of guys oh boy okay Nebraska's doing the story of giddy had a bunch of guys the story of getting in the body who's like the fewer guys you have the more faith you're showing that's right okay guys I'm gonna show you 300 every day look look see all you need is a few guys they didn't even have that no shirts man I wish we had 300 we got 30 at this point we got like 14 they don't there ain't a movie called 14 oh my god yeah if you if you're a Nebraska fan just you Let me know what's up.

I feel bad that our Penn State segment turned into what the fuck's up with Nebraska. It always does, always. I don't want it to be this way. Nebraska fans, we know you have been saying this to us for years, that every segment will eventually work its way around to you. We didn't even want to do it this way. You saw it. You're too interesting.

We tried to talk about Pat Fitzgerald for so long to keep it at bay. Stop acting like this and maybe we can all be happier about it. Hold on, I gotta go look up Pat Fitzgerald. up Pat Fitzgerald's record against Northwest. Maybe you should out against the Brassel. Maybe you should out recruit Kent State. Ryan's the problem.

Ryan is, yeah. Stop emailing my wife. All right, hold on. Stop being so freaky. Who the fuck was that? Now, it is of note that here's the only thing I'll say because he does have

a decent number of wins against Nebraska. It's about 500 over his course. That's not good for Nebraska. Also, no. He appears to be 500 exactly, but Nebraska does represent Pat Fitzgerald's last win as a college football head coach to date in Dublin to start the 2022 season. Oh, right. I forgot. Yeah, that was their only win that year, right? That's the year they were winless in this hemisphere.

Yeah. Yeah. That's festive. Yeah. That is, yeah. So, allegedly, Penn State, not Nebraska, is looking at Kalani Sataki. Sure. As head coach, which...

Would he go? That is a source of, like, debate and conjecture right now. I can't believe it depends on the fucking crumble money at this point. I mean, we'll see what the offer is. And also, who would come in after him? Yeah. There's only so many. No, for real.

There's, like, three. Bronco is one of them, right? Yeah, he's right there at Utah State. Yeah, but he has to take the Utah job after Kyle Winningham so he could complete the complete cycle through every Utah school. Just completely jump the... Now imagining Brian Kelly attempting to mollify an angry BYU crew after he surrenders his third straight loss to Utah.

This is going to power me through the rest of this episode. It's just a Brian Kelly rant except he says, like, gosh. Yeah, gosh, dang it. I didn't want to lose. I'm so hecking angry So heck and angry Yeah I don't know Like if they want to do that

Kalina Sataki's awesome It seems a little weird Especially when yeah They could have had Bob Chesney Right there Don't blame Bob Chesney though His coach's entire life on the East Coast And then he got his first rest coast offer

And he was like out Oh I'm not I'm not down on Sataki as a coach at all I was just like Yeah I don't really know the I don't really know the conventional wisdom On like once you get the BYU job you know like do you you know would you entertain any other job yeah yeah i mean if it's

pan state yeah you know it's a different set of ambitions a lot of times you know for guys to like the i don't know whether the b yu job is the be all end all for sotaki or if he has aspirations to either a high level p2 job or the NFL or whatever yeah yeah i mean i guess that's the thing that we'll discover once we see like BYU can't afford to match anything like they're paying their basketball player twice with they're paying Sataki surely they can give coach a raise especially once the cookie money starts flooding in um unleash the cookie the question for me is like all right say he goes there he's not exactly close to like the pacific island pipelines um in the middle of pennsylvania it's not like it couldn't work but it'd just be a completely

new thing. You know, Bronco went to Virginia and, like, it didn't go bad, but also he's very, very far from his part of the world. Expectations at UVA are also very different from expectations at Penn State. As we know, Penn State tell us about your expectations again. Counterpoint. Dude's got a thick neck. You're going to be looking at that thing. Look at that thing. Put an air roll on him. You know, you can't. He's already got one built in. It's like a water main. Give that man five years. that man looks like infrastructure he's got to be a good coach and he can he can dance yeah he knows the hawka he's he's tough he looks like he honestly looks like the juggernaut let's just yeah

keep him there yeah in terms of in terms of giving someone credit just based on how absolutely massive they look just standing there i think he's good for three years there how big ten is he shaped there is nobody shaped more big ten it's it's it's it's It's like, yeah, we have a matchup of, we have a matchup of the Oaf build versus the fullback build, right? Like if you, like, if you want to hire a football oaf, we've got Oafs, we got a whole list of those. Frankly, there's not many guys who can outmass Sataki. Dude has a yoke. Like, he's, like, he's built like a bison.

Like, half of his body mass is from the shoulders up. I do also wonder if there's some advantage to, like, Chesney is obviously like, oh, we'll, we're just trying to get our own signity. Matt rules in the conference, known quantity, et cetera. I do wonder if there's some advantage just like, ah, fuck it, let's just throw everybody a curveball. None of our fans know how to feel about this guy because they don't watch BYUu games.

They don't, like, they don't really have an opinion about him. And therefore, it's harder for them to already decide, no, this guy sucks. I wonder if it's also like, oh, God, we got to hire somebody who doesn't remind anyone of James Franklin. because we just saw Florida get yelled at because you saw a guy who has like three things in common with it

you know so it's like this guy's really friendly and always smiling and he knows a bunch of dances and James Franklin didn't ever dance yeah by the way Florida fans within seconds were already like that's dumpster all John dumpster all

also Kalani Sataki wears a hair wears a hat we don't have to worry about whether he has hair like James Franklin or not yeah yeah but congratulations to everybody on their success in this coaching. I think you all made great hires, especially me, you Michigan State. I think for content purposes, yeah.

That's great. So when we talked about the most, heck, we're talking about it right now. Again, we know nothing. I thought Jonathan Smith was going to work there. But so shows what the hell I know. Winning at Oregon State is kind of like a strong baseline to build for from, I mean, I do too. I guess, let's see.

I don't think we mentioned Arkansas. There's so much going on. Oh, right, Arkansas. You got in on this, too, and everyone's pissed at you. That is. So, to Ryan's point, they are at the bottom of the scale. Yeah, I'm sorry. The protest was like six people, but still, they had a protest of this higher.

So that's not going to win you many points. I'd be mad, too, if I thought I had Golish. and it was almost anybody else. It's also... If you were like, oh, split zone duo is going to hate this. That's why I value my hires. It's also the length of time that job was open. Like, it was like so...

And on the one hand, it's like, it's not Patrino. So it has some element of like, okay, we dodged a bullet. But that also, like, we moved on from that too long ago. Yeah, it's just... Oh, boy. It's a long time for this job to sit. And a lot of lists to come out, a lot of names. to be associated with, to be like, I don't know,

Ryan's over, whatever. Ooh. It's like they locked in the list, their list, as soon as they fired Pittman, because, like, at that point, Memphis's 5 and O and had beaten Arkansas. Well, like, well, yeah, go get that guy.

And then Memphis finishes two and four. But now we have a fun new game to play that I hadn't even considered until just now because of the everything going on, which is, guys, where's Bobby going to go? Penn State

God, someplace warm stuff Oh yeah It's usually where he goes Sorry, Western Kentucky first Back to A&M Oh wait, there is, I can think of a job That's probably going to be open pretty soon And we know Bobby Petrino likes to go back

To the scenes of previous crimes Can I talk you into Atlanta Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino One more time Again, that would be great content I like that Coach Our our draft pick

is in the possession of the Super Bowl winning LA Rams so good luck yeah I love by the way that your approach

to the Falcons is just now great content I don't give a shit that's the only way to live man I don't I don't own stock

in this team I don't give a shit I'm gonna watch it imagine such a thing imagine the publicly traded Atlanta Falcons oh God we are voting no

Confidence every day. Again, I call another board meeting. The Green Bay Packers'ization of the Atlanta Falcons, people just burning their stock certificates after week seven in protests. South, South, South, South, South, South, South, South, South, South, South, South, South. Coaching staff growing themselves from the 52nd story of a building. It's like the team, the team of valuations, you know, cowboys, $800 trillion. da da da da da da da da da da da da falcons oh no they're in the they're in the rain falcons wreck world economy after ipo the falcons the falcons the falcons becoming like the enron of the 2020s but a very

transparent edron like hello welcome to fraud co yeah never hit it right what do you guys do we generate value oh boy what kind of value shareholder value share that's right what do we do we skip the business part and we go straight to shareholder value. Most businesses have to make money in order to get money. We've skipped that part. What's your signature business item? Cheap concessions.

So are you a state fair? I don't understand. Kind of. Are you a Costco? Lights that look weird on TV. Are you a Costco? We're a rave with hot dogs. Dude, that sounds

That's been way better than the Atlanta Falcons. Yeah. This is the first time Spencer is considered the Falcons. This is why when you tune into a Falcons game and you see the stands are empty. No, there's people there. They're in the concourse enjoying the hot dog rave. Man, you could probably, if you told people, hey, Falcons games have cheap hot dogs in Molly, you could probably give people out there in droves.

Molly, yes, Molly's foot is going to take. I love that there's just some Normie out there who's like, yeah, I'm a Falcons. Falcons fan. Hope they do better next year. I think the team, I think with good effort, we can go 10 and 7, and I really hope we pull it off. Why? I assume this is the same person who's like, huh, this new Wendy's item will probably be good. Oh, I'm going to, you know what? Hey, now. Hey, no, easy there. No, no. There are some things I don't believe in. There are some things that have never

steered me wrong. The Falcons, Wendy's. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. excited to try new Wendy's items, but I don't think you approach it with, like, an air of optimism and belief. I think you're like, adventure awaits. Oh, okay, morbid curiosity. I mean, they're chicken sandwiches. Yeah, that's better than anything the Falcons have done for me in decades. Ever?

Atlanta Falcons, bring back the Super Bar. Atlanta Falcons, just, they should turn the team into, like, chain restaurant. we're like the falcons take over chick-fil-a establishments on sundaes every every chick-fil-a on sundays is Arthur's chicken that's right and that's all that's all the franchisees i Jason this is the best pitch like I have actively regarded the falcons as a malign presence to keep out of my home right like I like I think it's it's bad it is easy to quarantine yourself from the effects of it I have right more than inoculated myself but rave with hot dogs oh that too yeah

Listen, listen, listen, it's got me thinking Let's just go, let's just go and start one Let's go start a rave It's arousing emotions in me Got to check out ticket prices Go ahead Ticket prices for the rave with hot dogs Yeah

Where the fuck are we? Speaking of business Oh yeah, there it is, there it is $34 to get in Shit That's the cheapest Molly probably podcast business plus and business

podcast business we got business falcons business blow up the economy gonna blow up the world economy with the falcon stocks because we skip the business but we never but we never skip the business here

because that's all we do work and business the two words associated most with the shutdown fool oh no the next set his teacher union pension was entirely invested in the Atlanta Falcons. So true.

I don't know. Like the Big Ten being bought by the California University Pension Fund. We're going to do that with the Falcons. This is going to be like a six-minute version of the big short. Big very short. Except we don't even need a jenga block, right? We're just like brick.

Here's a brick. It's going in someone's face. That's our business plan. Margo Robbie explains it in like five seconds. Yeah. Speaking of, by the way, a company that I would gladly help destroy the world economy. One, I trust implicitly. That'd be Home Field Apparel.

That's right. The company that deserves to be that important. Hey, you know what? You know what? We talk a lot about what Homefield sells. This school, that school, sweatshirts, sweatpants, t-shirts, hats. You know what Homefield doesn't sell? And I'll go ahead and say this.

And maybe this is a promise I'll have to take back one day. Hot dogs. Atlanta Falcons merch. Yeah. You can't. Thank you. They won't do. Homefield, we salute you for your bravery.

Thank you. Not once. Not one time will Homefield try to sell you something with the Falcons on it? Not happening. Air Force Falcons? Sure. Yeah, Bowling Green? Yep.

Check. Atlanta Falcons? Not once. Not even once. That's the home field. That's the new homefield promise. can you find your school yeah you know what if you can't fuck them that's right which at this point is pretty much stanford fuck stanford and fuck the atlanta falcons i academic equals yes that's right

that's right and i know you're coming i know you're coming up against the most important challenge which is this what do i get the men in my life for christmas right It's a well-time to bark. Yeah. Free dog. Free dog. If you can't give your dad a free hound. Forged in the fires of hell, which is what he wants.

Deep in his heart. Does your dad have too much pie? Yeah. Does your dad have a dry fruit? Try free of a leather bound knife pie, whiskey knife. Does he have too much free time and do his carpet smell? too good well it's your dad some no no no no it doesn't um if he if he doesn't have one of those and

you can't get him one home field apparel dare I say better than a hound forged in the fires of us all right go ahead pick something up for him every school everything from classic pullovers to gift boxes to standard excellent home field shirts to jackets to yeah get on the bandwagon all the Indiana merch you want that's a 1 v2 matchup coming up baby get on the right side of history are the Hoosiers going to win it's not even a question it's not even a question wow might as well go ahead and pick you up some Hoosier merchandise definitely going to finish with more wins than the Atlanta Falcons that's for damn sure well yeah yeah yeah what like it's hard homefield apparel dot com proud partner of the shutdown

forecast. Hey, Ryan, why don't you take the baton? Okay. We mentioned Phantom Island earlier on this broadcast briefly. It's the show that I do with Stephen Godfrey. We'll just call him Godfrey now because I agree with Holly. It's weird to call him Stephen. Don't like calling him Stephen. What do we do on that show? Well, lately we've been talking a lot about the coaching carousel and everything weird and interesting about it. But we do other things as well. We have an episode coming out shortly. It'll be out the same time this episode is that actually about whatever happened to sports movies is am i on that episode not very much because i would have derailed it with one question and one question only in the airbud

universe why isn't everyone else trying to get their dog to play sports i haven't watched the airbud movies so maybe that is a subplot of some of them but i don't understand why one dog plays basketball and everybody decides well it's just the one dog i think in a real airbud situation hundreds of people would be trying to get their dogs to go pro in sports But I think... Was it, Serber, was it you who got incandescently angry at AirBud being referred to? As AirBud being, yes. His name is Buddy.

His name is Buddy. But he can't... I refuse to accept that Buddy would be one of one in the sports dog, in the world of sports dogs. I just don't think that's how it would work in reality. Is that on this episode of Phantom Island? No, it's not. Because I restrict that kind of bullshit to the full cast. And you're welcome.

It's quarantined here. You can go to Phantom Island. dot show to sign up today and not hear me rant about buddy and why there wasn't a legion of buddies and eventually a situation where dogs take over all sports and humans aren't welcoming them next i would go ahead and like to tell you on a subscription to channel six for those you love or pick one up yourself that's right the newsletter that holly and i uh do two things a week for you for ten dollars a month during the season we've been doing nothing but dropping the weight of the top whatever, ranking the teams, personalities, coaches, and items that we believe

have dominated the week that was. The last edition covered a lot of this coaching stuff. And also, you know, did the dangerous, most dangerous thing in the world, which is saying that Ryan Day is pretty good at his job, it's pretty good at his job. What's his job? Not screwing up the Ohio State gig, which I assure you someone could. In related news, apparently, well, must champ's going to like have an enhanced role with Georgia football. That'll be fun. Two things a week for the low price of $10, $3,000. the off-season we write about might be writing about Formula One this week

because holy shit have we got an exciting finale to the F-1 season between Max Verstappen, Lando Norris and Oscar P. Astrid. When is that finale if people want to tune in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that finale will be this weekend.

Sunday. Sunday will be the Abu Dhabi finale for F1. This is something that has happened before and it went really great. Don't look it up or ask. F1 handled it beautifully. We'll explain all of that to you.

And so much more. Channel 6, that is Channel 6, our newsletter. You can find it in any of our bios or at channel dash 6.ghost.io, $10 a month for two things a week. What if that's not enough newsletter for me? What if I want more newsletter? What if I don't want to pay for a newsletter? Yeah. What if I only want to pay for a newsletter?

for one newsletter, but I want more newsletter, and it better be free. What if I want it to be about college football? So if you would like to pay money for a newsletter, you've heard your best choice there, but if you'd like to not pay money for a newsletter, hey, freeloaders, hey, yeah, come right this way, you, you, you, uh, you low lives who just want stuff for free, I get it. The until Saturday newsletter at The Athletic, written by myself, I charge you $0. dollars and additionally i i i can get you into the back door to stories on the website don't tell anybody that but it's true um you can tell people that's fine i am right now it's a grift link

i'm going to go ahead and call jason the most entertaining writer at the new york time oh it's not even close yeah because that's that's what his readers call him apparently apparently you are the funniest and most entertaining writer in that entire media organization we could have told them that but i'm glad they discovered it i think it is kind of funny to think about it's probably true that i am probably the most red college football writer which feels like a thing i'm made up as a joke but it's probably literally true it's like you do you do you do you have you done the thing that where you just kind of look at your hands and you you contemplate have you had like a pre ozimandias moment yet

the good i mean i think it's happening right now i think watching it happen like that like he's contemplating the power that he holds the palm of his hands but but he hasn't like he hasn't you know trampled half the world with it yet yet i'm excited for you to do that yeah we're getting around to it i mean i don't know i might just leave it how it is you're at the mighty work stage without the lone sands yeah no despair all mighty works no despair yeah look at my mighty works they might still be here i don't know i mean like i think i think the newsletter mindset is a good fit for getting out of Osamandius mindset because like dog

I sent that shit yesterday it's not on you know what I mean like it's in your inbox you can go see it but it's buried under a hundred other things just like the arms of Osamandius it's cool it's fleeting it's ephemeral it's a newsletter you read it and then you moved on yeah you're gonna be

brozomandias you're like look on my works they're chill do you remember my works me neither it's right thing never mind never mind yeah no we don't we don't even do it we we'll even do you should have said this i already forget i already forgot what happened eight seconds ago we've already moved on there's a whole new email can i congratulate us all while we're in the business

segment and thus allowed to talk about ourselves uh for something that we did not say yes we have been doing this show with this lineup for uh oh like going on what like six years we've had a long time to kind of form a long distance hive mind of sorts like there's you know well one of these instances that we put out in front for you guys is you know you can immediately tell if it's a blood week because if it is a blood week you don't have to ask if it's a blood week everybody just knows and in our little ecosystem between the four of us five of us sorry floyd there are you know there are lots of these little mental micro transactions happening all the time like we're bored with this topic we're going to move along i can't remember one that i've been more proud of

than at some point at the start of the holiday weekend we never do this but i'm going to gas everybody involved up when all of us immediately just knew that lane kiffin was going to ruin a lot of people's fucking weekends and we just decided immediately that we were not going to be in that number like we didn't even have a big discussion of no we're not doing an emergency lane kiffin episode it was just like no like jason was headed over i believe when the hire was announced jason was heading over here for brunch hammer ryan was doing things with his family. We talked very briefly about, eh, we should see if one of our

producers is available. And then we just kind of went, eh, and we went about our weekends. And do you know what the funniest part of all of this is? Do you know, I went and looked, do you know how many people I saw on social in email to us personally asking for our, where was the

emergency episode? Do you know how many requests we got? None. So I'm proud of you guys, too. I'm proud of you listening here. Because you did not let this little shit-ass hot yoga fraud ruin your weekend either way to go way to go everybody involved proud of you great work coaches yeah and uh you know if you are if you enjoy that hive mind if you are proud of the uh if you are proud of the consensus brilliance that is this community

go ahead and throw a couple of bucks toward our patreon that's patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast uh for you know low price of four a month you can support what we do which is yeah getting your after dark yeah getting your bonus and emergency episodes that are deservedly made to topics that should be covered determined by us mm-hmm determined by us go ahead stop by patreon.com slash shut down fullcast those couple bucks it's worth it with the extra shit worth it with the extra shit um man that's a lot of content I need to listen to some tunes to clear my mind. If only I had a perfect band.

You should consider Yellow Card. Their first album, at least an avenue. Really kind of takes the edge off things. Thank you. You can also listen to my band, Killer Ants, if you want. That's with a Z or a Z. Next time you can catch us live is December 20th at Gas Hill Drinking Room, which is at the Ramcat.

Tickets are available at the ramcat.com. We're playing with Drat the Luck. It's going to be an ugly sweater party. We're giving away. You'll get a free Killer Ants T-shirt if you have the ugliest sweater at the show. You'll also get some free swag from Foothills Brewing for your troubles. So please come out, dress up, stay for Trat the Luck and us, and hope to see you there. Other than that, I'd just like to point out that shit ass is the perfect name for Lane Kiffin.

Way to go, Holly. Yeah, as we type this, by the way, TikTok ladies of Oxford Hot Yoga community are still just dragging him up and down the dance studio. Yeah, because Lane Kiffin, according to their comments, would just show up and do whatever he wanted. He just decided he was in charge of Hot Yoga. That doesn't sound like him.

Little Nepotis. It doesn't sound like him. Yeah, no, not our boy doing jumping jacks while everyone else was in Charles Post. It's the jumping jacks during. yoga thing that is really like for some reason that's the one that stuck with me i think also the the he insisted somebody else go get him his weights the little 20 pounder sees go give me my weights go get him like dude the whole world is your office it's disgusting i believe that concludes podcast business yeah uh damn it might be time to just look at the schedule

all right the schedule yeah because damn it's championship week what week does that make it this would be week 15 we're past numbers yeah but we're past numbers Spencer made it he made it out of numbers I did now

now only has his words yeah boy can't wait to see how those fail me too yeah don't think of it as words failing you think of it as you failing us you know that helps a lot I'm going to think of it that way.

And I'm ready to start failing you right now. Conference USA, we have Kennesaw State at Jacksonville State. Mind you, as noted, this is championship week. What does that mean? Does that mean Kennesaw State isn't a championship game? That's right, folks. That's right. Print it.

Print the legend. Yeah, Kennesaw State, who may yet be involved in the coaching carousel fingers crossed for you, Jason. Yeah, dude, I mean, I'm telling you, if you ever hear you, here Kennesaw State coach Jerry Mack speak go go look him up go go listen to him speak within eight words you'll be like oh shit that's a Memphis coach we're talking about a fantastic phenomenal beautiful Memphis accent on this man um good luck to him get that money uh here here or there coach yeah he's he's going somewhere all right whether it's to the top with Kennesaw state or to Memphis to take that job where unlike shit-ass Brian Silverfield

he's going to win the damn conference. He's going to do it Memphis. I thought you can abbreviate that SARS. Appropriate. At the same time, we have Troy at JMU, which could be incredibly important if JMU wins. They're favored by a million. Troy's decent, but JMU is also one of the

every G5 contender has a coach leaving, so it kind of doesn't even really bear mentioning, I guess. But yeah, I like that JMU is going first because it'll sort of put them in the on-deck circle should catastrophe strike on Saturday. But yeah, this will be, you know, Jamie's potential playoff team, this will be the first time almost everyone watches them

and, you know, even still a lot of people won't watch. But you probably should. Later that night at 8.8 p.m., we have the most amazing. American game before the American Conference championship game with North Texas at Tulane as

permanent coach of the North Texas mean green I'm going to say this. You're kind of like the Putin of North Texas where like no matter who's in charge you're actually in charge you know. Like they have a prime minister who comes in every now and then but we all know that you're really in charge.

Like this. It's North Texas so I don't even have people like buildings to push people out of i'm like yes they fell out of a second story window what a coincidence oh my god he ran into a wall yeah he ran into that wall 10 times hmm how unfortunate um in my role as desperate of north texas got to say i'm very excited for the season we've had drew mestermaker an incredible season the leading passer in the nation This will be highly entertaining no matter what happens, and what happens is probably a two-lane victory.

John Summerall still finishing out the string with the Tulane Green Wave as he prepares to take the Florida job full-time. So, yeah, who knows, man, give it a run. This is still like a really fun game. Another really fun game, same time. So multi-screen, get ready to juggle the Mountain West Championship game. UNLV at Boise State. which was, of course, arranged by a system of computers.

We're back in the BCS and Mountain West. Those computers include Bill Connolly's SB Plus, by the way. Bill, you did this, you piece of shit, you monster. Our guy Bill set up this matchup. Jason X going to hunt you down, you absolute monster. In some way, four-way tie in the Mountain West, and they just said, ah, fuck it. Which I thank you so, that is so much better than what the ACC does, just saying, like, I don't know, let the computers put the two.

best teams in there. And then, you know, it's a rematch. Yeah, it's, uh, Boise State is on the way out. UNLV is not. So it's like, uh, can, um, see and punk leave with the title kind of thing. Um, UNLV has like the faintest, slimest, tiniest little glimmer of a playoff, um, you know, like, again, so much depends on Duke. Um, but yeah, like, the most important team. What a, unfortunately.

What a fucking bastardization of William Carlos Williams. So much depends on Duke. No, fuck that, dude, he ate my plums. So, like, so from Friday, we get a situation in which either North Texas or Tulane is in. JMU is in the like, huh, please notice us position. And then if you and LV wins, they're in the, but please also notice us maybe. And then the QSA champion is like, fuck you. We've already, we've accomplished what we came here to do.

We don't think the playoffs legit. We abstained. We've already won the biggest game. We're the Ivy League before this year. Exactly. The academics only, not the work crimes. Yeah, this is, by the way, another potential alternate universe outcome for Penn State, which is they might be watching their future head coach, Dan Mullen,

after Kalani Sataki is bought out by the cookie man. These are sentences that are all potentially true. I was, I was offline this morning putting the Christmas tree up, And the disorientation I found upon re-entering sport orbit with the cookie, with the cookie lane now open. Crumble. Crumble has a U.M in it. Michigan is a lying. Oh.

It doesn't have an E. Cookie Man take coach. Penn State. Penn State has multiple ease. On Saturday, the cookie man's coach, BYU, is headed to Texas Tech. Again, you know who's the actual most important team? All that stuff we said about Duke? The Cookie Man's team.

BYU is the most important team because if they beat Texas Tech, they steal a bid, which means if Bama loses, they are on thin ice. I like them we're making him sound like a late night Saturday radio team. You're listening to the Cookie Man. Cookie Man. I mean, he's the mover and shaker. He's the one who decides all.

He's the one who determines older. like if maybe if he gives kalani sotaki enough money is b yu then so happy that they beat texas tech and they take a bid from bama or notre dame the cookie man can do that yeah this is a neutral sight game these two teams have previously played back on november 8th b yu lost 297 to the texas tech red raiders in lubbock whether this is an indicator of future performance TBD that was in Lubbock weird shit happens in Lubbock and that was also the cookie man had not

dropped the bag yet so Cookieman had not supercharged BYU thus forcing Penn State to hire slutty BYU's head coach Kyle Whittingham No I am not I have been to Utah

sir I would not impug them UNLV though is slutty Utah would love nothing more than being called slutty BYU They would love that. I think that's good. Also, I, I, there's all that's talk about Miami not to be in a conference title game.

That's pretty weird because they are. They're playing Western Michigan in the Mac Championship. It's right there. Read the document, folks. It's all about the, you know. It's all about the cradle of coaches. It's all about the cradle of coaches. Remember, we brag about being managerial.

The, uh, less we overlook the FCS playoffs, I'm going to shout out, uh, Villanova, Lehigh, North Dakota, Tarlatan. And then the Montana's, which welcome Yale and South Dakota State. Welcome to hell. Where's our boy Alex Campbell going to be this week is what I want to know. The D3 bracket, who is North Central fucking up. What God forsaken realm? Let's see. North Central this week will be flattening.

Their bracket is so huge. Wisconsin lacrosse. Oh, oh, good. Hang on, hang on. LaCross, Wisconsin weather. I'm going to. go ahead and hazard a guess that they're used to cold and bad with it north central north central we'll be hosting they're the top seat oh oh good so we get to go back to that shit yeah we get we get

the continued torments man that really is too bad because in lacrosse on saturday it's going to be a balmy high of 27 oh no wait it looks like lacrosse is the higher schedule it doesn't matter we're used to the high okay so high of 27 on saturday in lacrosse uh low of 14 occasional snow showers but this is occasional for Wisconsin. They're going to throw for three T-Ds in that shit. And the moon will be up at 606 p.m. Oh, this is going to be great. We also get Prairie View at Jackson State,

which will decide who is meeting South Carolina State in the Celebration Bowl. So, like, if you look at the schedule, and like, ew, ooh, sad, ooh, only like nine games. No, no, there's a lot going on. Yeah, this is pretty, until the late night. It's Prairie View's first nine-win season since 2009. So whenever Prairie View is good at football, you're like,

Hey, hey, hey, good job, y'all. This is several times it's been the worst team in all of D1. So this team, being in a national game for a shot at a championship. Always, always an occasion. Yeah. Bama Georgia's next, and then, yet again.

And then the Big Ten title game. I mean, dude, Bam and Georgia played so many times we have literally already replayed an entire Bama Georgia episode in the history of this show as a championship preview. That's how often Bama plays.

The game will be awesome. I just don't have any... Like, I'm going to watch it and love the whole thing. I don't have anything new to say about it. I am experiencing the muscle confusion of having, like, actual serious fomo about the Big Ten Championship game. That's weird. Big Ten Championship is going to be the biggest game of the year to this point,

and Indiana is in it. Yeah. Indiana Hoosiers. Just like we drew it up. This is technically a game of the century, right? Yes. There is a college... For anyone who doesn't know,

a college football regular season, non-championship game between a number one and a number two, even in championship games number ones and number twos are going to be rare going forward is, it has been applied the term game of the century. They are very, very rare. I think it's... I think it's especially

a game of the century when it's two undefeated teams as well. Two undefeated teams for an actual championship, right? Like, you, like, we can do the conference titles don't matter, blah, blah, if Indiana wins a conference title, conference titles matter. If Indiana goes undefeated, if Indiana

takes down their own final boss probably clinching the Heisman as well and the number one playoff seed conference titles matter like this don't let us down who's your play hard the flip side I mean is that is that the phrasing we want to go like this is I'm not saying you got to win I'm just saying play hard make us proud the flip side is if Indiana doesn't win make us proud and afraid it at least is like okay everybody he's been dogging Ohio State. They haven't played any, you know, their strength of schedule. Who's been dogging Ohio State?

Until this past week. Until this past week, Ohio State hadn't played anybody. All we said is we don't know what they are because we have. We're not talking about our show. I'm not pointing out of anybody. I'm just saying we're talking about everyone out there. I'm sorry. I thought Ryan for some reason was building up to a nobody believed in the consensus

number one football team. I don't have to do that because I'm confident somebody at Ohio State is doing that already. Do you think... I think the... Ohio State had just sort of coasted through 8,000 different Purdue's, but at this point, beating Indiana

does not count as beating a Purdue. No, no. That's right. Also, at the same time, the somehow, some way, even more important game than that is Duke Virginia. That's right.

Because if Duke wins, we get to argue not just... We all. lose it's not just should this team be number one or number two it's should this conference be in the playoff or not and potentially should one of their conference championship participants be in it or not like should it be the answer who missed the conference altogether if duke wins if i mean if duke wins the last auto bid should go to jm u or a hypothetical unovie yes yes

But, like, you know, if there were such a situation where you could pass it along to like, okay, the ACC has won a spot, ACC, do you want to give us your actual best team? Because the ACC would sure prefer that. Sorry. Are they going to get that? It's Duke. Nope. No.

All fine. Should have done the 2020 Big Ten thing. The 2020 Big Ten said, uh, hang on. It has been revealed to us in a dream that we need to change our. rules before kickoff so Ohio State can be our champion. BYU's just nodding like that makes sense to us. It's right. The ACC, it should have been revealed to you that you should have put Miami in this game.

This is, oh my God. You know. I am so in favor of the ACC writing itself out of existence in the playoff. I'm not saying that with any answer to. Hey, you're down here with us in Conference USA. I am much more, for whatever it's worth, I'm much more excited to see UVA wins and makes the playoff because, like, a very interesting- That is bad too. No, I think an interesting thing that has developed this season kind of quietly in college

football is we have a coach we don't like who hasn't been successful. We've decided we're going to put more money into the program and that will work. And a lot of why people are doing that is because that's what Tony, that's what UVA did this offseason with Tony Elliott. They were like, all right, we're going to get serious about it. NIL and the Transfer Portal, we're going to, like, actually put some money into this, and, like, magically that will work. That ignores that, like, a lot of what has happened at UVA has been some favorable scheduling, some close wins. Like, it doesn't, it's not guaranteed to work this. And, like, yes, Chandler Morris has played very well.

And they got, got a quarterback, which is your hack. Like, there have been, there have been good personnel decisions. But I'm really interested in, if people have seen Kurt Signetti and been like, that's a thing we need to copy. I am fascinated by people, be like, UVA has the blueprint. We are now living in a world where people are going to look at Indiana and fucking Virginia and be like, that's the blueprint. Hey, if you want to compete in college football, these are the two programs you've got to model yourself after. I think that's fascinating.

I mean, I think there are good lessons in Virginia. Like, you don't have to freak out. It's okay to have a bad year. It's okay to be patient. You know, like, yeah, that's all true. At the same time, this team's not very good. How do we get to the point where Wisconsin has to learn how to compete? competing football from fucking UVA.

That's crazy. Learn how to be patient and slow it down. The two slowest basketball programs. We talked a couple weeks ago about how, you know, the type of program, the genre of program that schools have, like, due to the ability of large chunks of the team to shift at once, you know, everybody following Bob Chesney around, the type of team that you are can change faster, which also means that conventional wisdom is going to have to start to adjust faster and while that process is happening we are going to to Ryan's point get some huge

swings and misses on what we think the new conventional wisdom is and I am so excited for that I'm also excited because if UVA wins the ACC championship and goes to the playoff as a result Miami fans are just going to have be like how the fuck did we not get UVA on the schedule has this the year the one year we didn't get to play UVA we would have pumbled them but we didn't get to prove it like Miami they need to give Miami a a 16 game schedule. Just like let Miami play everyone. Play everybody in the ACC and the game.

Because like every year it's a thing where you happen to not play the one team that if you had played them you would have made a game. But we played Pitt. Doesn't matter. Pits not important this year. Go away. It's so fucked up. Yeah.

Who was the most important team? Shit. We should have known. We should have known that we should have. What do you mean we didn't play Duke? We love to play. We play so many garbage A.C. teams are we not playing Duke?

Yeah, you would have gotten in, but you didn't play Wake Forest. Fuck! We wanted to? I don't think he did, actually. I think Virginia made it in. You didn't want anything to do with this, brother. Virginia made it in because they were the only one along with NC State-wise enough to add extra ACC games.

They added that extra ACC game, lost it, so they got that ACC loss out of the way for free. And now UVA gets to go play. in Brazil, Miami doesn't. They're going to showcase this shit internationally. Sorry, you're not a big enough brand for us to take to South America, Miami, which you were. Play harder. Such a weird game to send a...

I also love that this was scheduled as a... Miami's literally like we're in South America at home, though. Yeah. NC State, Virginia is scheduled as a non-conference conference game. We ship it abroad and the ACC is all of a sudden like, oh no, that's our stuff. This time it counts. This time it matters.

Yeah, the other great thing about this, too, is that look at the times that we have these staggered out with on Saturday. We've got the big 12 game at noon, which seems like a weird time to be watching BYU and Texas Tech both, but whatever, we'll roll with it. And then the Mac is also in there at noon for some goddamn reason. Welcome back, Western Michigan to the Apex, by the way. Got Georgia and Bama in what would normally be the 3.30 slot, now the 4 p.m. slot. You know, that's a very as God-intended type of time slot. Big Ten is the marquee game in the evening, as it should be. Duke and UVA also kicking at eight, right there, head-to-head, equally important.

Even in years when it's like, okay, it's Clemson and a reputable opponent, it's still going head-to-head against the big to time. It gets such a kick out of that. Like, come on. It always cracks me up. And then, as always, I've said this about 18 times, but that's the scheduling. Mountain West, you need to move your title game to Saturday and midnight. However, we do have an AfterDark game.

We have an FCS game, Rhode Island, UC Davis, okay? So we at least, we have that going for us. So we will, and we are doing, we should probably tell people, we are doing AfterDart this weekend. It occurs to me that we have created the Simpsons soccer joke in reverse because we are sending an ACC game to Brazil. And it's like, determine who the best football team in the world is. Duke or UVA You might Consider for a second

That we might be sending the ACC champion Who knows what they'll do in the playoffs What if we are by some measure Sending national champion appearance I don't think I could go all the way to title game Yeah ain't it cool What if we are like The second best team in America

Hence to South America To play at C State who will win eight games The world champion Virginia Cavaliers. This is the greatest sport in the world. I was going to make clear, Tony Elliott fucking fucks up the playoff every time he goes in there. He's done extremely well. Clemson's never won a national

championship in the college football playoff era without Tony Elliott. So, it's fucking primed. And they're not going to do it this year either. Let's call it. Let's go ahead and say, UVA national champs. Look out Georgia. Look out Georgia. That round one game.

I'm all fucking in on the Cavs. Like, I am very much like not in my normal setting with them because they're telling me to quiet down and shut up and have some more cheese but like I really fucking want them to beat the shit out of everybody I will say this I'm on cheese do you know what do you know what they looked completely unconcerned by the American Dairy Council