Shutdown Fullcast - Corruption Uncovered In One Specific Division Of The Big Ten

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

SHOW NOTES Spencer is pranked, with unexpected results Which hosts have been kicked out of a go-kart track? The Chris Berman/Strega Nona collab we’ve been waiting for A brief history of Ball A game! Who’s got the most corrupt mega boosters hiding in their walls? Visit preownedairboats dot com, won’t you? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So here's a funny story. Ryan and Grant Brisby tried to prank me. Oh, come on. I told them this last week. I told them. Did you tell him that? I told them. You can, Doug wasn't here if you can tell Doug.

I still think we could pull this off in like a week. He'll forget. Fuck. So. This was such a good prank. You're such a dick. It was. So, Douglass, they sent, so Grant sent me a, an LP, sent me a vinyl copy of a bar case

record knowing my weakness for 70s funk records and I said and I was like okay cool and I opened it and inside there's a copy of Bob you actually did open it yeah and there's a copy of Bob there's a copy of Bob Dylan's gospel record which is in a disography full of shit is the stinkiest turd in all of this barrel of horrible shit and what I was supposed to do was go wait wait wait Wait, wait, wait. But how did you know it was a Bob Dylan record? Oh, I didn't. I mean, I opened it, and I was like, and I was like, oh, okay.

Because it's not just a Bob Dylan labeled record in a barque's sleeve. No. It's a Bob Dylan record with a barquee's sticker that Grant had specially made to put, oh, put on this. Yeah. And you never mentioned this to anyone. You know sold this? I was so often. bitch.

I was so upset by it. So it worked. Congratulations, Ryan. Oh, I feel much better. There was no way I was going to publicly hell. Oh, I feel much better now. This is great. To be honest, Spencer absolutely did the right thing.

I would absolutely never tell anybody. And it drove, because this happened months ago. And every like two weeks or so, Grant and I would, each other just be like why the fuck hasn't he listened to it this is driving it's crazy and until grant caved there was no way i was going to acknowledge that it even happened i was going to die before letting it and go all right well this is the cold open now all right marking that oh god i'm glad i'm glad you at least played it because that at least makes it somewhat worthwhile.

No, I mean, I laughed really hard. How long did it take you to realize? Like, what's the first song? Oh, I forget what the first song is, but like, he wheedled up. Bob Dylan opening his mouth. He wheedled up to sing about Jesus. And I was like, this is the thing I need least in my life. I appreciate that you immediately knew what was, there wasn't a moment we were like,

this is an odd start to this. You were just like, fuck. these guys. Everybody out of the building right now. But yeah, when that happened, I was like, I am going to take this into my coffin and dive in.

Yeah. You did, A, it worked. We were so past for so long. Because, like, how do you win that proposal?

Like, how do you win that situation? Yeah. And the only way to win is to not play. Yeah, you're right. You did. You win.

God damn it. You saw this so hard that the record, like, the record sleeve is still sitting up on the shelf with all the records like just, you know, on display with the rest of them as though it is normal. God.

So I think the logical answer is this, that we need to find somebody else who hates Bob Dylan on on the iTunes. Oh, we got to pass it on like the ring. And we gotta pass it on. Yeah, unfortunately you've already told me about this so. Why can't you sit on me?

I think we played on the road trip, did we play Bob Dylan for you, Jason, and you were like, oh, this is garbage. For me? At you. Around you. I mean, I've been no fan of Bob Dylan for a great deal of time. I didn't need talked into this, I assure you.

For the record, I told Ryan and Grant, in the middle of thinking that this hadn't worked, I told Ryan and Grant that they should try it again, and the thing that I wanted them, to put in the sleeve this time was a single of ants marching just because of the way it starts we were we were so beaten down by this dude that would be the funniest fucking thing in the world if you thought you had like planning information if you thought you had like an original sticky fingers with the rolling stones with the alternate mix and there's only like 75 copies and you rigged up the cover and you sent it to somebody who actually knew what it was and cared like if we sent this to server and he put it on and all of a sudden he heard blow

that opening sacks flail holy fuck I'd shit my pants laughing he's so good this is like you need to understand I'm gonna sound so much warmer in vinyl too

consider we overlap for a long time at work Grant and I never work together on anything except this project this is the only collaboration we've had this is gonna be an amazing LinkedIn moment for both of you I mean you gotta realize

this was actually a success I know, I know. It was a success on all sides because it really did eat at us. Because I'm supposed to come out of the mining cart, right? I'm supposed to come out of the kitchen and be like,

I'm supposed to pitch a big old fit. Throw my ladle. Right? Your damn kids in your mom doing my corn cow boots. What's in the nagel? Nagel. Ladle? Did I just have a stroke?

Yeah, that's what I'm supposed to do, and I was like, nope, not getting that shit. Welcome to the shutdown forecast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. Introductions to follow. I am Spencer Hall. You are listening, as always, to the dulcet tones of Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanny, and Holly Anderson joining us this week as our guest DJ is Douglas Reyes-Serone, who is taking the wheel

literally from one Michael Serber who I believe is out racing go-carts right now. He's quite losing to Stephen Hartzell at go-carts. He has texted us a photo of Stephen Hartzell on the victory podium. He's so dejected? Yeah. Oh, God.

Yeah. That's a nice podium. That is a nice podium. This is a quality carding operation. I was going to ask, Ryan, have you ever been asked to leave a go-kart track? No. I actually am pretty well-behaved at family amusement areas because I'm not looking to catch a lifetime ban. That feels like too much. Have you?

I have been asked to leave, yes. Okay. That has happened. How long ago was this? Like eight years. Was this because of something you were doing as a driver or as a non-driving human? I was driving Okay I was not I was not alone

And being asked to leave So I will say that it was definitely a situation Didn't you put a strange kid into the wall And throw up the three By a strange kid Do you mean the kid was unusual Or just a child he didn't know A child that was not yours

Did you put a stranger's child into the wall And like throw up for Dale as you ran by I put a spectral youth into the wall His pallid skin glowing With an unclean And evil It's not called ghost cart That's one odd kid flying off that.

Boy, he's got a weird face as he, as his go-cart flips over. And not just because of being smashed face switched into the wall. It was previously odd. I was the bully in a mutant revenge tale. Is that why you were asked to leave because you were racing too hard against children? No, actually, that was totally kosher, according to people. watching it. It was a clean pass and it was just a racing incident. That's what we would call an F1 a racing incident. Clean racing, no blood, no foul. I did throw up the three as I went by though

because as we discussed in a jovial chat after the race between the driver and I, the young man was an exceptional driver and hung me up for two laps despite me being cleaner and faster. So well done by all parties. That was not why I was asked to leave. Nor, by the way, at that same incident when my elder son broke this broke a wheel on an electric go-cart putting it into the wall snap the strut clean like not like oh maybe we didn't break this no we totally broke it and we were also not asked to leave quality establishment in every single respect no that is not when i was asked to leave i was asked to leave uh a deston area go-kart track that's a high bar yeah i bet there's felonies you could commit without getting turned out of there just overly aggressive racing and there was yeah there was a there was a ramming incident that turned into a it was i was trying to ram directly it kind of turned into a t-bone and then it piled up four or five carts including one that took an alarming almost topple and i think that's really what took it from misdemeanor to felony go-card infraction was that one of them almost went over the rail and at that

point we were asked as adults to leave the go-kart facility do you feel you did anything wrong looking back yes i did wow i did it wasn't you know what it wasn't i got to admit it was not it wasn't a racing move that's where i'd like as a motorsports aficionado i was not in the spirit of racing i was merely trying to exact revenge with a go-kart involved and that i think that threatens the integrity of the sport and that's where i admit fault did you use any weapons banana peels turtle shells no no i i think i had been pushed out of the cubes at that point you know when you're trying to get to the good double cube and somebody else takes it yes so another donkey cong and my mario card of life had swung over and taken it from me so i had to rely on the weapon alone yeah i mean the go-cart

yeah I think you mean another dry bones yes another silver another metal Mario had swung over and taken what was mine so I felt the need I felt the need to bring Lakitu into the race repeatedly for those against me Jason have you ever been kicked out of a go-cart track I think the first time I did it no one explained breaking to me and I believe at the end of the race I just stopped by slamming into the next person I think I don't spend

bumper cars at that point. And the car I slammed into belonged to my mother. So, you know, heard about that a little bit later in the day. Mom's always want to chirp. What's a bigger chirper than a mama bird?

Should have had her eyes on her six, I guess. I basically thought we were doing fast bumper cars and I didn't realize. They probably explained breaking to me, but it was like, eh, that's suggested. I'm not at a, I'm not at a listening age at this point.

Hold down A. B is for losers. B is for cowards. That's on the spotter in my opinion. You would all really enjoy go-karting with Michael Felder, who, as a grown-ass man, does not believe in applying the brake pedal in a go-karting in any go-karting situation. That's a friction and gravity are for. Rally style. That's such an affront to driving.

I'm just so I'm so appalled by that. Truthfully, a go-car, any responsibility. To be clear, I agree with them. Any responsible go-kart facility should have, like, the cable setup they have on an aircraft carrier. It should just, at the end of the race, it should pop up and it should catch you on that. Why are you relying on teens and pre-teens to play honestly and stop the car? That's crazy. Don't do that.

We're talking about teens playing honestly. I know of adults that you all know from ESPN who have cheated in those races before. By the way, Gary Streisky will cheat in every go-com. race you ever play with him because he worked at a go-kart track as a teenager and he knows how to take the governor off you think chris burman likes the go-kart absolutely ryan call me emerson fit to paulty because these rules are stylish get out on the track track track track track track track track track track just chris perman pop in canadian pills that is what chris berman would call his cat i hope chris perman yeah chris perman

Yes, so I know of adults who will still cheat at Go Kartzberman. Yeah, no. Kittsperman is the Panthers mascot. Does he call himself like, Cart Warner? God, I hope so. I think I'm on like, I'm on the 20 to 25 year development curve where I'm like, now I think Chris Berman is funny again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. You should do, like, children's birthday parties at this point in his life. We should do, read, a rainbow. Hungry, hungry caterpillar. That's a great, that's a good fit. You're so hungry. Eric, Carl. You haven't, you haven't heard Stregonona until you've heard Chris Berman read it.

Just say, just say Stregonona in the best Chris Berman voice you can manage. Just try it. of Noda! My favorite Chris Berman thing is whenever anybody got like, you know, paralyzed on the field or decapitated, he'd be like third down. And we're just gonna get little loose here and say

we're thinking about the families. And a punt! Like, he would always have to like... It's like going from the Fox injury music to an Appleby's ad. Yes, in the span of one man's voice. What an instrument. He taught us how to carry on. And the pond is

The audio book here that's set to, oh, fuck, I'm blanking on the Sunday night primetime songs, but, you know, I've only heard them my entire life. You know, you know those songs. Sure, yeah. When now we fall Sunday night. The Carrie Underwood one? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the shitty, the shitty,

the shitty background songs. No, the shitty background songs that play underneath the highlights that air as Chris Berman and Tom Jackson shout at each other. Yeah, it's sort of like the same music you would hear on like a Ninja Turtle's arcade game nobody was playing.

It's like a various menu. Yeah. Menu music. Yeah. Final Fantasy mini boss fight music. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where they're narrating something like Colts and Browns, both three games out of the lead. Bampan, bhaas is ACL in nine places on this play. Leading a fourth string quarterback, Blorp Flickthark. I love the Cassio choir the most. Blorp doing his best. That's his third pick of the quarter.

I want to see some really enterprising band of TikTok teens start a band that's just for this. One fish, two fish, redfish, Jeff Fisher, leading the Titans to a team. 13 to 30 loss. We can make a lot more out of a corporate music library than we can't play in gigs, fellas. No one walks into corporate poop bag stadium with an easy win. Does everybody know the name of the venue

in which the NBA finals were decided last night? I did not until yesterday. It's something ridiculous. It's adorable. Yeah. It's, well, okay, there's a story behind it that's actually even better, but the name is ball arena. Ball arena, that's what it is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which, first of all, if you say it fast, it's ball arena. Yeah. Second of all, I looked at the font on the court and I said, wait, is that ball arena as in the canning jars? Yes, and, Spencer, you told me the rest of the story. Why don't you pick it up? Okay, so the Ball Corporation is... Which is not just jars. Yeah, there's a tie to the local area because the Ball Corporation is headquartered in Westminster, Colorado.

It didn't start there. It was founded in Buffalo, New York when it was known as, God, I love this. The Wooden Jacket Can Company. Yeah! The wooden jacket sounds like some kind of hillbilly torture implement. It is the most jug band name ever, right? Like, here, the main course has arrived and now to entertain you, the way. wooden jacket cane company.

It sounds like a southern, a southern fable. Like, my boy's walking around like he's got a wooden jacket on. Right. What's that mean, grandpa? So the ball, if you're saying, oh, man, like ball jars? Yes. Yes. We're talking about the jars because it was originally a glass manufacturing company.

That was spun off. And ball is now involved in all kinds of different stuff, including pretty much anything that involves aluminum, avionics, metal beverage, food containers, aerospace systems. More specifically, Ball State University, also these people. Correct. That's what I thought. I'm pretty sure we've discussed on here. It might have been a few years from, but like, Ball is like integral to the James Webb Space Telescope.

Yeah. The fucking jar people helped build possibly the greatest technological achievement in humanists. Eat shit, Mason. You know, all you're good for is collecting rainwater. That's right. You're not helping to advance the enterprise of human knowledge intergalactically. No, man, you're just sitting there full of some sort of artisanal beverage that people think looks cute with a nice garnish. Me, well, balls out here.

Expensive lemonade, and that's what you're doing. Yeah, you're doing expensive lemonade. You're not out here acquiring Tubex Industry in Commercio de Embellagand Limited in Brazil for $80 million. low tier FBS football That's right And producing David Letterman The most famous graduate of

Ball State University That is That's who they are named after Kind of a shocking thing when I was like Oh how quaint the jars And then you look up what they actually do And you're like oh fuck Jesus

They make some fearsome shit So we had ball We had ball arena And Is it was it Crypto.com or FTX. I forget. He somehow still named that.

Crypto was the Lakers. The Lakers one? Cryptos, no. Gone. Staples us back, probably. Crypto is gone, but isn't one of those names still the name of the arena? You come crawling back to office supplies. You thought you were too good for staplers and folders.

A.m. Radio. They can just leave the fucking URL on the stadium and whoever buys it. God, a collapsed crypto fund URL. That's got to fetch a pretty penny. Hets.com coin. Yep. Who is. Hey, TM.

TM. When you just start folding eras of bowl names together? Isn't it like the micron PC coin? Isn't fraud if you mint and market a cryptocurrency that you tell people at the front, this is a scam? this is a scam and it will we will take your money and leave like it's talking about definitions of the word

bit right does that mean it's like based in a country with laws so they have to sure that can't mean Dade County cannot mean Dade County it is now sponsored by the way the Miami Arena formerly FTX Arena

now sponsored by Kasea if you look up what Kasea does it says that they empower service providers to streamline workflows automate tasks and deliver exceptional service to clients. I read that as we design the assassin sex robots. Yeah, that's like the shell company that the John Wick universe lives in. Yeah, they have a stylish hotel that you can only stay at if you're into streamlining workflows.

I'm just going to walk up right now and be like, is this an assassin hotel? Like when I pull over at the Fairfields Inn. Right, right. Just bring a gaudy plastic gold coin and slide it across. I need one room. Kind of wink. A brick. I need one room and then second coin with breakfast.

This poor hand manager is just looking at you handing over your cookies. The mundane problem, like, behind the Guild Hotel, right? Like, these sheets are itchy. And also, like, roll up your sleeve and reveal a confusing tattoos. somehow. As you know, I'm not allowed to murder you here. This is sacred territory. The continental breakfast at this Hampton is off limits.

Walking around the lobby, asking everyone where some character is, who's called like the adjudicant or something like that. Night manager, Janice, you're lucky this is holy territory. Otherwise. I need to speak to the night manager. And you mean like the person who manages the knight. go citronites right i i mean the person who like controls the armored horses because i need one and it turns out it's the same person yeah yeah i have an idea for the next four john wick movies

and it's to reshoot the first four john wick movies only every scene is fully glaringly lit sure great john wick but you can see everything uh-huh like one of those fights on one of those fights under the gentle humming fluorescence of a double tree. Oh, okay. I see it. I see it now. A hungover, Craigie Ian McShane in all of his natural light glory.

He's going to look a lot worse. All of this takes place inside of a Costco at 2 p.m. Give me John Wick in the back rooms. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I just want, I want the short film about a guy who gets a really good deal on a room at the Assassin's Hotel when it's not a capacity.

Who accidentally, like, gets it through orbits? Yeah, you know oh shit all these people seem really really really really defensive but sexy sexy yeah is this a convention hey little lady whoa i meant no offense go to the front desk where's the best text mex boy you don't seem very friendly actually is that dude just just lance sitting there going like Lance Reddick, trying to explain, Lance Reddick going, Kserrido.

Yes. RIP, Lance. They have an excellent cheese dip. Yeah. Cheese dip. He would pronounce the second one. A cheese dip. How far do the dolphin swim?

The thing where you meet dolphins, is what we're here to do. The encounter, sir. So the existence of the job. You're here to kill the dolphin mate, eh? Oh, gosh, no. No, there's an insurance convention here. Yeah. That's where you really want to call in the Marines.

The Dolphid talk shit about the Chargers. Get him. One thing I really appreciate about the John Wick universe, they don't even, like, with some very slight exceptions, I think, in the first and maybe the second movie, it's not even suggested that police exist in this universe in any way, shape, It's an incredibly libertarian. 500 people are getting shot and stabbed in 24 hours, and the cops are just like, well, we're just going to set up a speed trap over here for regular full. Every problem is like, it'll sort itself out through the free market of murder. It's really just a long lesson in minding your own business. The invisible hand slits your throat.

That's how the economy works, maybe. in any talk of like, we got to avoid the cops. It's like, no, my horse is murdering people on the street. Fuck, right now. The premiums to be in the Assassin's Guild must be fucking nightmares. You kidding me? Yeah.

We're fighting in the world's most famous roundabout. Well, the calls all have to go through your accomplices, the room full of attractive rockabilly women, remember? That's true. Yeah, they're very good. They're the only ones who could do it, and they probably just reroute that shit. They're like, hold on.

They're very good at sleevelessly rerouting the cops. Yeah. Or they check with the cops and they're like, I don't know. The attractive rockabilly ladies told us not to look so close at that. So I'm going to obey them. I mean, she has a lot of tattoos. And God help you if you get a phone and you happen to get some old assassin's number and there's an 8 million contract out for what? What is this?

This is the weirdest spam text I ever got. I work at a preschool. I'll try it. I guess so. I guess so. He's right there running past me right now. I mean, shit. I'll join the crowd.

I'd be crazy not to. It's free real estate. I mean, I was just watched him fall off an eight-story building bounce and get up, but I think I'm the guided for the job. He can't shoot every. Oh, he can. It turns out he can't. He can't just run into a room, build a gun, and shoot me.

in the head. Oh, I didn't do the math on that one. Just did it. Damn it. They didn't tell me he could build a gun. This motherfucker's crafting. Yeah. So that's... Oh my God. I'm sorry, I just thought of like a paper Mario John Wick, like the

Yoshi game that's just crafting. Minecraft John Wick. It's little arms just waving like Minecraft arms. Slaughtering people. Yeah. So today I actually did have a game, a quiz, a survey, if you will, a discussion point because we like to be topical. And one thing that did happen to happen in the past week was an entire sport somehow managed to get like 49% bought by the kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

49. Wasn't that like two weeks ago? Just because, wait, we talked about this. Just because it didn't happen on the last episode you were on. I know that was a week ago. Whenever Spencer's not around, time pauses. Time pauses. This is correct.

We're all just, we're all just NPCs waiting for the main character to return. We enter a temporal anomaly. We just wait for someone to bring us 12 sapphires so that we can hand them the baseball mitt. I really hope he lets me use one of my six conversation arcs. That's all I have in life at this point. I'm just selecting the Zelda option goodbye. You know, there's always like three. The number of times I do that with NPCs in that game, even when I shouldn't, they're like,

so I was just looking for the enchanted item number eight. Goodbye. Goodbye. Spencer, last week, all we talked about was, The bridge is out. Someone needs to fix it. The bridge is out. Also, you and my daughter play this game the same way.

I'm like, all right, let's understand this story. And she's like, next. We need to find something to jump off of. Fix their own problems, people. Jesus. She'll do all the missions. She just doesn't want to know why. Come on.

Just put the yellow dot on my map and move on. Just tell me what the fuck you want. I don't care. You're a bird with problems? All birds have problems. Shut up. I will climb anything. I will collect all the garbage in the world.

Just do not explain why. Not a fucking plot point I'm interested in Every time a coroc is like Hey I need to reach my friend I'm like that's crazy I did I did have a good moment So I finally started playing this game this week I held off because I had life to deal with

I did I couldn't figure out how to get a corak across the river Effectively so I just put a jet turbine on him And let him sort of bounce over across the river It works It was great It was great I turned a corak into a jet ski

I did that I think I launched one straight up into the river, swam across the river, and then told them across the river. So you got the middleman. I like just tacking them to stuff and throwing pieces of metal. Like sometimes I'll just attach the coroc

to a huge piece of metal and throw it. And, hey, if he complains, you get what you pay for. That's right. You could have just walked. This is essentially the frontier airlines of help that we're offering you, Korokks. It's the really libertarian Uber.

You wind up with. where you wind up. Yeah. I need help. Sure. Spencer, before you get to your news that has already happened

more than a week ago. Your ancient news. I would like to briefly pause to note that somebody, and I forget who, and I should go back and find it, I apologize, Twitter user. Somebody has proposed yet another way

in which you could make good on your, what is it, two or three years ago, beer promise? Yes. Florida has made it to the College World Series in Omaha the men's college world series that is

congratulations to Oklahoma fuck off FSU forever and the bar in Omaha that does the jello shot thing it has been suggested that you could put in an order

for at least some portion of your debt and others could eat your jello the jello shots that were supposed to be beers yeah no i love this idea you're not going to do that he's not going to do that's a great idea what about standing in the crowd during a home run as beers rained down upon you that happens sometimes that would be like trying to absorb 300 beers through my skin okay i i am now realizing that i i have asked spencer to do something baseball related, so I retract this

and I recognize the folly of baseball and math. Oh, but it's college baseball. Yeah. Baseball and math. It doesn't matter. Yeah, baseball, math, and consuming large amounts of beer past the age of 40. It's not a great idea. You're older than 40? I am over 40, Ryan.

Oh, can I am sorry, I keep getting off track here. I turned 40 and none of you noticed and it fucking roll. I congratulated you, didn't I? No, you didn't, and it was fine. Oh, I congratulated Floyd. Man, you slid harder than Floyd.

You didn't want it to be noticed? I prefer my birthday to go unnoticed publicly. Yeah, that's fine. Folks, here's how you can be trying to say, happy birthday. It's too late. Just give him Spencer's number. So you've revealed that it has happened. It's already passed.

It doesn't count now. You've narrowed down which half of the year it's in. That's true. Yep. I let Floyd's go until like 8 p.m. on the day of, and I was just like, well done. It's powerful of you. Yeah, now that you turn 40, by the way, you're off the calendar. You don't ever have to celebrate a birthday ever again.

And I won't. When's the last time any of you celebrated your own birthday? This one. Okay. This one went up. This one was like some stuff was involved, but. Oh. Well, no.

That makes it sound more exotic than it was. No, I took a drum lesson. My wife said, I've always wanted to learn how to play the drums, and my wife set up a drum lesson, and I went and played drums for like an hour. Did you get a kit? Like on a set? I got a electronic kit.

Okay, that's a good start. Yeah. You have two kids. That's an excellent call. It has an off button. Yeah, because otherwise that would have been, I got daddy a gift, and you're like, you got daddy a curse.

Because you're going to hear like a, five-year-old in there just doing their best drunk john bonham yeah also it's somehow in six different rooms already yeah you chewed through the hi-hat that's never seen that before wow what's thumping on the roof sorry um you want to talk about the the piff i was going to ask by the way how's your right foot your right-hand right foot are you right-footed yeah i am you play drums yeah Okay. So how is your right foot, right hand separation? That's really hard for me, like when you play drums. It's okay. It's okay. It could use improvement. Yeah. But that's why I'm, you know, I'm just, I'm just getting started. So. Well, beautiful. Congratulations on turning 40. Thank you. The goal is to eventually do a full cast live show where I don't participate other than just playing drums.

A lot of drummers also vocalize. Yeah. I'll be the full. Between that and the chimes, we could have. like an analog soundboard. That's pretty good. That's fun. I learned two chords on guitar last year. Oh, man. I'm basically a punk band already. Spencer, are you ready to be the front man? I am ready for the front man, yeah. Hell yeah. What style are we going for? The darkness. We'll fling it. We'll find out when we get there. You know, I think, yeah, I think it depends on the combination of all three. You can't really say because I know that like we can make guesses based on all of our preferences, but when we play together, maybe we're a punk band. Who knows? I think by default,

given our level of skill, we'll have to be a punk band. boy oh no that means you're doing a British accent that's fine fake British fake Californian somewhere in there yeah yeah it's like the flaming lips started and they were like we're gonna do Led Zeppelin and they started to play and they're like oh no we're a punk band we're ass Spencer tell us about dat Piff So what I wanted to talk about today was this, that we're always familiar with the oncoming threat of the terrible people we might be associated with in sports. But we rarely think about the terrible people we've been associated with for years.

And this goes for college football because we're not ever really sure who owns college football. And the real answer is no one, but there are people who like to lease it, and that would be boosters. Boosters come and go, but they write large checks, and they sometimes make large and heinous differences in the trajectory of programs. I thought it would be fun today to just go ahead and give you the blind card on some of these. For people that we already, that we know, all of these things about, and you say, okay, I think that's this booster associated with this program. You know some of these. Some of these you don't. Some of them are individual.

Some of them are a cast of characters, because honestly, when doing a little bit of the cursory research, that went into this you encounter groups of boosters that are so large so nefarious and octopus-like that there's just no way of pinning down a program's dominance and sketchiness to just one person there's just so many people involved looking at you any school in texas that you really can't just put it on one person so some of these are a cast of characters i will tell you about those some of these are very obvious because they have such unique profiles we'll start with a real easy one associated with one of the largest and most successful athletic departments in the country and a billionaire. Let's see.

This one's very short, but it should be very obvious. The guy who put Jeffrey Epstein in charge of his money. This is Ohio State. That is a lot of guys. That is correct. Do you know the guy's name? Wexler, I want to say. That's way too many guys, though.

Les Wexner. Wex, okay. Yeah. Yes. Who is like, has Victoria. Secret money, I want to say, or some shit like that? L brands. L brands, which includes...

Wasn't that the thing that I... Wasn't that my stock game? Yes. Wasn't that the stock game that I picked? Because it had Alta in it or something? Yeah, yeah. Yes. Among other brands...

Wow. Yeah, Victoria's... A really smart investment. Yes, Victoria's Secret. Bath and Body Works is also... That's why I picked... That's why I picked it for a pandemic stock, because everyone was going to be smelly. Yeah.

Yes, the limited. The limited was also that Abercrombie and Fitch, definitely not a problematic company in their own right. Sure. Sure. Also not a very Ohio State fan company. I think his, I think, like, his family name is on, like, either the Ohio State Med School or the hospital on campus or something like that. That is correct. To be fair, because I can, unfortunately, I can hear Ohio State fans already yelling at me

that some of these are legacy donors. It's not like Wexner is, like, deep in cahoots with the people running the football program. His name's on a lot of things at Ohio State. Sure. But it's a significant chunk of money. Or does that do the other thing? Nevertheless, his name's on a lot of things. It makes it worse. It makes it worse. So I'm just going to go ahead and air that argument out. It makes it more.

Sure. Sure. It does. And so it's like, not like he's like, you know, calling up Urban Meyer and being like, you're done. No, like that's not how it worked. But yes. So he's also bad at judging football leadership. That's what you're saying.

One could say that. One could say that. Also, you know, designed Victoria's Secret to be the store that men bought lingerie for women at. Not women bought lingerie for women. Imagine Urban Meyer at a bath and bodyworks just like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. For the first time in his life, thinking about his sense of smell. God. That would be...

Red and... I never thought of peppermint as a pink. Red and white. I don't even think half these berries are real that they're talking about. Listen, after I smell the cucumber, they're just all one smell to me. All of them. They're just all... It's just all oblivion to one flavor.

Ginger doesn't have blossoms. Excuse me. Do you have this candle in Adazio scent? What the fuck is vet of her? What is the Dazio sense, sir? Masculine. It's the most masculine scent imaginable. There's one that smells like Field.

It's cheeseburger spilled on a leather couch. Excuse me, do you have 10 mile per hour wind east? Need one that makes the whole room smell like Arby's. But not just not the restaurant. The bags and the passenger seat after a couple of hot days. Give me one that's 49 degrees Gray 1 p.m. Eastern

The smell of gray meat Give me a candle that smells like success I said sir the Michigan candles are over here In the interest of balance Our second one will be this Please tell me the major donor To a major athletics program

Who in 2019 I really that was not in 2019 Hosted a fundraiser for Donald Trump at his Hampton's mansion. It should become very apparent after I say this next one, but we're going to play it anyway. Find $1.5 million by the NFL for numerous violating the integrity of the game infractions.

This is the Dolphins owner. As owner of the Dolphins. Yeah, yeah, I forget his name right. Stephen Ross, is that his name? Certainly not the sole donor to Michigan Athletics, but definitely not someone who couldn't be considered a sole donor to Michigan Athletics. That's right, one of the champions of the West,

Stephen Ross of Michigan At least once a month Jim Harbaugh calls Stephen Ross is like you're ready for it you're ready to hire me yet right like that has to be happening and Stephen Ross has to be like

oh let me oh we're just working on paperwork still but any day you'll see he's got to do that right and then Harbaud does the okay I'll tell the school president to post that I'm staying forever I'll check in next month

just Jim You know Jim Harbaugh, you know Jim Harbaugh blew the Broncos job by, like, telling the guys, hey, football team's like a body. I'm your butthole. And everybody needs a butthole. And that's like, and I'm the asshole. The Broncos guys are like, oh, okay. It's funnier and more likely that he said butthole. He did, yeah.

These people were, however, charmed by Sean Payton. Yeah, that's something about how off-putting Harbaugh has to be to adults. You're not too good for Harbaugh, you freaks. Listen. With Sean Payton, you know there's pills involved. That's in their premise. Oh, we're going to get mile high for real. Yeah.

All right. So many things make sense now. I also think, I also think if you're the Broncos, you're like, we can't put Jim Harbaugh and Russell Wilson together. Oh, my gosh. What a potent brew? They will be like, not only is the earth not flat, it's one dimension. It's a single dot. The concussion water is also holy water.

Moon is far. Earth is flat. Moon is far away because it's a nanobble. They'd cook up some wild shit. Russell Wilson would throw for 4,000 yards, 48 TDs. He'd have his most successful season afterwards. And then there would be reports a day after that would be like, this is the worst year of my life.

Being coached missionaries to Antarctica now. That and then the offseason, they'd like start their own wellness channel. Pete Carroll's like, Jet Fuels. can't melt steel. And Russ and Jim Harbaugh are like 9-11. They're like 9-11 didn't happen. It was all staged. I can also see them just fighting off of meaningless corporate perks because of Russell Wilson's obsession with like theater. So, you know, if he came up and he was like, I need a, I need a thing that says this parking space reserved for the boss, comma, and the boss has to be in quotation marks. And the lines have to be gilded. They have

to be lined in gold. And Harbaugh would be like, I need one of those. He can't be the big boss. I'm the big boss. I'm the biggest boss. Put biggest boss on mine. I love Metal Gear, Denver. Can you put Mr. Asshole?

I'm the asshole of this team. Put Mr. Asshole right here. That's another Metal Gear name. I'm liquid asshole. After all those breakfast burgers, I don't doubt it. I know the answer is maybe Holly did. Did any of you see Aaron Rogers at the Tony Awards? Yeah, I'm upset.

What a sentence. First of all, why was he there? Who's he dating now? I think he's just trying to be New Yorkie. I don't fucking know. You know who he's dating? Theater. Oh, Mr.

Stammed Theater. Broadway. The Great White Way. The Great White Way. Yes, I know he's in love with drama. Yes. yeah he just all right

Spencer he got next they should have given him an award for all his shenanigan are you is his Berman again and it was found myself very confused because the winning show

was named Parade and you know he's not experienced it's been about 11 years since he's caught that one God that's a joke for three people and I love you all Chris Berman would have

so many Rogers and Hammerstein jokes if he could still be Roger's Hammer's team. Whoa. That was the other Jets quarterback. I'm going to call him a pirate of Penn's ants

because he's the modern major general. Jesus Christ. The previous Jets quarterback, it was Hammer's Milf. I was referring to. It's fine. Who's next? We can cut this out in post, right?

I'm calling it. I'm calling Aaron Rogers a shark because he's a threat to the Jets. Does it make sense? It does. It doesn't. Not at all. So, so next, next. I liked this one because I did not.

I learned something doing this one. So we'll do this one. A nepo baby. A lot of these guys are nepo babies. Had a little head start in life or a massive head start. This guy inherited a mortgage business from his dad, spun it up into an even larger mortgage business, one that's currently under fire after a Bloomberg report depicted the company as a hotbed for sexual harassment, drug use, and racial disparities.

It's also the subject of an NLRB investigation. He defines his leadership style as being inspired by Tom Izzo and uses a lot of basketball as life metaphors. Citation needed. He's one of two mega boosters, speaking of crimes, behind the Mel Tucker deal. Wow. and most recently gotten to a shoving match with Nicola Yokic

who I don't think cares about anything shoving match is a very exaggerated term for what that was bounced off of yeah was mercifully spared by yeah this is like some big don't you know who I am energy

and I at no point will Yokic ever have any awareness of who this guy is nor should he He's not a horse, so he won't care. I don't even perceive him. Do you guys think he's still in Denver right now? No.

No. Like, he's gone already, right? Oh, yeah, gone. Yes. Okay. You're talking about Matt Ishbia. That is correct. Michigan State Mega Booster, Matt Ishbia.

And son's owner, yeah. Yes, an owner of the sons. Who they got rid of a guy that everyone was like, yeah, we got to get rid of him. Then they hired him. And for one day, everybody was like, all right, new guy. The day two, they're like, ah. So as a Michigan. Michigan State fan. He played a part in hiring a coach for way too long. He overcorrected

by then firing a previous coach of the year as soon as he had the chance. Because he just didn't like him. Just does stuff. Just the guy who does stuff. Yeah. Just doesn't like him. Like Monty Williams, a guy who, to be fair, it did get on DeAndre Aiton's nerves by being like, you should turn your life over to Jesus. And DeAndre Aiton is like, ah, now. Like, I'm kind of on DeAndre Aiton's. side where he's like you know you need to chill with this i'm just going to be an NBA dude okay that's all i'm going to do i'm going to go home i'm going to play video games that's my whole life that's all i'm doing and apparently he and moni did not go along well so like i might i might kind of get that with matt and dandre on that side okay well that's more money from el tucker that's more money

from el tucker that's right let's re-up let's do it again um next next next on the list we'll get out of the big 10 and go to another major conference. Nope, that's the end of the episode. Every other team is clean. Shame on the big 10. Only the big 10 is full of scumbags. That's crazy. That is definitely what we're going to title this episode.

Only one division of the big 10 at that. I've always been a Big 10 West fan because that's where honest football is. I think it's more the Big 10, the schools we've named are just so filthy. I just can't bear to talk about the rest of the conference anymore because all of it is so, is at least this moral depraved. Yep. Yeah. So this one, I will say this school's boosters are very hard to fare it out. They are very hard to figure out who exactly holds sway. So you kind of have to revert to like a little bit of older data, which still holds up regarding their significance in the program. Like that was Ohio State. Ohio State has like a hundred mega boosters. They have like so many

different people. It just so happens there's a big whale in the middle name Les Wexner. So Georgia, the people who are paying for the program and paying handsome, God, that's a good Red Dead 2 name to say Liz Wexner When I find Les Wexner

Sorry Was that Tom Cruise's name Tom Cruise's character Tropic Thunder Yeah I'm going to steal so much lotion From that man

I'm gonna learn The Secrets of Victoria It's you just put Words over the butt That's it Just put words right over the butt Yeah That's it

so but this this guy in it this guy is most noted for an incident this is a major this is a former member of the board of regents and a major major booster long time booster to the georgia football program and he's most noted for this in 2006 this man a wealthy wealthy man got involved in a street brawl as in a fight in the street sure with the drunk-ass son of the mayor of Athens, Georgia. I'm giving it away, but I don't care because this sentence is amazing. And this booster, despite being 68 years old and 19 years older than the other guy, beat his ass so badly that he broke his nose and collapsed and punctured his lung.

Wow. No charges, baby. No, because you said this was the son of the mayor of Athens? Yes. But he was, but if I'm doing the math right, this was a 49. year old man. That is correct. Fighting a 68 year old man at the time. Like, I think a guy who is so well known for his own life that at 49, he is the mayor's son. Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah. I have a side to pick here. I don't know who this is.

This is Georgia Mega Booster Don Lieburn, head of the Georgia Crown Corporation and a major liquor distributor. So if you want to... He really doesn't make headlines outside of that one particular thing. What? Why did this happen? That's a great question, Ryan All you need to know is I don't care that this man's in his 80s at this point I'm not fucking with Don Lieber Like I didn't go to J school

But I at least one would have asked Hey why did this old man beat up this middle-aged man In the street Punctured his lung Why did he beat the ever-loving piss Out of the mayor's adult son He beat the wind out of this man.

What a large son to beat for me. That means he had to go home that night. And they're like, what happened? He's like, I got my ass beat by a 68 year old man. 68 year old liquor baron. 68 year old liquor baron.

I'm going to tell the dam. I'm going to tell dad. We know how hypervigilant the Athens Police Department are. For them to have done jack shit. What are you going to do? They're like, He can get your tickets on 50. I ain't touching him.

These are, like, car crash injuries you've described. I think it's Athens police. It's like they watch the 20-year-olds like fucking hawks. But once you're a 49-year-old son, you can just go about your business. Like, was he on a scooter? Eh. Yeah. Once, yeah, I think that makes sense.

Once you're in your 40s in Athens, you're like, I don't know who son he is. I'm not fucking with it. It can be anyone's son. I think their answer is he'll be gone on Monday. He'll be gone on Monday. he's going to go back to Carrollton or Unfucked Snellville He's going back to John's Creek

He's got a tea time on Monday I know he does So just find him To pay it Get his ass out of here We ain't got room in that jail Because that sucker's full You let Don Lieber and beat his ass

As long as he wants Oh sorry crime lab Crime Labs only open Tuesday through Thursday A drive-thru window is hectic You don't want to throw evidence through there could we argue that this was a form of like equine therapy equine well you know how people go out and pet horses

sure for for therapeutic reasons what if beating this guy's ass significantly lengthened this senior citizen's life somehow oh like maybe he had a prescription for it yeah like he siphoned power yeah

you need to go beat up a fail son is what you need to do That's right. It's going to make you feel so much better. Listen, as long as you give the person your $35 copay, it's all legal. It's all 100% legal. I just need to take a card. Standing over and throwing a Cigna card down and just turning a hill and walk it away. At what age do you pivot from son to fail son?

And does it depend on how much money you're set to inherit? Like, does that, is that a key barrier? Like, if your parents have a billion dollars and you're 21 and you haven't done anything, are you at that point already a fail? probably yeah yeah i would give it to like 25 like give yourself a chance to get out of school maybe if you're pursuing an advanced degree but after that yeah i think it's also like 25 is a fair number it's also rich if you're rich enough i don't think there's an upper if your parents are rich enough i don't think there's an upper level for which that designation can ever go away it's also a scale

that like gets lower the more dumb shit you do so if you've made it to 21 and you haven't done anything but you have, like, wrecked several yachts. Yeah, like, if you have a wiki link next to your, if you have a blue wiki link. With controversies? Yeah. Yeah. If you have a controversy section and you're 21,

yeah, you're probably a face on it that way. Okay, so that, that is key factor in the form of the law. Legal matters. Yes. I mean, if you have a heavily disputed talk page on your wiki. Right. Clash with Shug Night. Why do you have that?

You're 21. how did you even find him? That would... I'm not sure that wouldn't improve. It depends. I'll tell you who ain't a fail son. That's Don Lieber. He's earning it.

He's a son, Failer is who he is. Is this his only... He's in a relationship with the gymnastics coach, Suzanne Yocular for a long time. Is this his only like demerit, though, that we have? You know what? That is it. because I will tell you this,

and it's just in like a fun side note, Georgia's booster crew is a lot like Florida's booster crew in that they keep things real low-key. You don't have a lot of like, it's not like Arkansas, which by the way, Arkansas's not on here, so we'll mention them. It's not like Arkansas where you go,

well, who pays for all this? And all of a sudden, in your brain, hooting in from the right side. Woo, Jerry! There's a lot of Walmart money in there too, actually, right? And some, like, Purdue money in there as well because chicken is big money in Arkansas. saw because they got the chicken man.

But they keep it real low key. Like in terms of who pays for what in Georgia and who like the big boosters are, pretty well spread out and real low profile relative to some other programs. That goes for Florida as well. Both schools are kind of mirror images of and keep the same profile. I like that to this point, the Big Ten is full of freaks and perverts. And you see schools nothing but like Cotton Hill. we're going to catch up on that rapidly

don't worry about that in fact let's start doing that now so a fourth example this concerns a mega booster who has presided over one of this conference's most dysfunctional programs over the past 15 years

company was investigated by the feds for a fraud scheme that targeted specifically Hispanic gas station owners by overcharging them. We're already there, but I'm going to keep going. Is an NFL owner who... Probably have a good and smart franchise, though, right? A franchise dumb and amoral enough to assign Deshaun Watson,

not just after all of the shit surrounding him, but to a contract so large it has been cited specifically by other franchises, two agents as something no sane franchise would do. A unique keeps great friends because he's the brother of a worthless governor and roommate to an absolutely worthless piece of shit senator and drafted Johnny Mansell because he said a homeless person told him to do it. I'm sure his takeaway from that experience is, well, I'm not dealing with the homeless ever again.

Ever again. I've been burnt once. I've been burnt once. you'll be damned if you see me donate to any efforts. You, QB, whisperin, draft Nick who's also homeless and unhoused at this point.

You, I'm not listening to you. These drifters poison in my war room. Targeting not only Hispanic gas station owners, by the way, but truckers, like the backbone of this state economy. Uh-huh. You don't fuck with truckers in that state. Holly, who is this that we're talking about?

Oh, Kovalz. This is the Haslums. I mean, pick a Haslam. This is this Jimmy specifically? Jimmy Haslam. This is Jimmy. Okay. Cool. You also have a former mayor of Knoxville there in the mix.

Not the wrestling, not the wrestling one. No, Knoxville, not Knox County. Oh, sorry. It's fucking weird. Yeah. We can't elect good anything. Yeah. Not, again, not Tennessee's sole donor and honestly, not anymore and not really

anymore they're like their largest donor anymore you got to get there's a there's a there's a this is maybe a dead letter story that we should throw over to split zone but you really you really don't get you don't have enough room at tennessee for the texas level of like internecine booster fighting but if you if the program was just a little bit bigger and the state was just a little bit more populace. The Haslums and another family, the Thorntons, this would be a dynasty, Dallas level of shit murdery. If you'd like to get a flavor for this, just Google the Avignon Papacy.

Yep, yep, there's a lot, yeah, yeah, there's a lot there. Anyway. But hey, weirdly enough, great MLS owner. Great, I won a title with the Columbus crew. And then nothing bad ever happened in that franchise ever again. Nope. That just means the players were good. You know, it means somebody, a job creator with the huge entrepreneurial mind to make this happen.

God, the amount of ball washing Stan Cranky is getting on LinkedIn is fucking unbelievable. Also, the next time Janus wins a title, the person who receives a trophy might be doing half them. Yes. What a contrast between two humans right there. The best thing Stan Cranky ever did was briefly make it make the rest of the NFL ownership think that he was going to stick them with all the St. Louis legal bills. That was a funny week.

I really did appreciate that. I will tell you, Stan Cranky does have a thimble full of my respect for being like, yeah, I'll spend money. What? Y'all, y'all broke? That's the job. That's, oh, my God. No, no, no, but that's not what, like, MLB.

owners absolutely hate the owner of the Mets, Steve Cohen, because he's like, yeah, I'm going to buy the best players. And MLB owners are like, whoa, Charlie, slid out. Owners hate him. And surely the Mets are doing great. Yes. The strategy's paid off. Surely pouring money into the Mets has solved all of their problems.

I like the Mets a lot more ever since I found out their owner was the inspiration for the protagonist of billions. Although you expect them, you're like, I bet he looks cool like Bob, you know, like, I bet he looks like an actor, like a handsome actor, like Bob, nope. Steve Cohen does not look cool. As a television, it's all right. I love that this baseball season is like, wow, how will anyone beat the Mets and Padres? They both spent a trillion dollars.

And the answer is, well, they're the Mets and Padres. Because ghosts are free and they come with the building. That's why the Braves keep moving, just to avoid ghosts. so that is that is one i do want to cast a wider net though to encompass the cast of characters behind this football machine and i'm just going to these are phrases and they all apply to the people behind the money behind this absolute Godzilla of a program i'm going to start with the banger the CEO of lock he Martin. Is that bad?

No. I don't know. What country do you live in? Yeah. Are you currently at a wedding in the Middle East? Donations from a noted Cole Barron family who started in the United States, but who outsource their operations overseas to Columbia for efficiency. I wish you hadn't already done the Haslums because this is an amazing head fake for Tennessee on both of these counts. It gets so much. I'm just like most people only hear the names but when you describe them by how they actually made their money

it's amazing I know who this is so I'm going to recuse myself but this would have been an amazing head fake for Tennessee I'm now I'm now surprised there's not like a big push to make coal-powered drones just belching their way through the sky do not give them that idea listen when you when you hear who this is and you think about some of the other

corporations that are located in this state you'll you'll see the vision okay it's like yeah it's not that far off the drones have no job other than spreading pollution okay great one of the biggest and oldest mules in this particular collection of large mules a nepo baby dog track baron turned banker so he started legit but yes and and finally finally the people who made the buck suck Like the people who made the Tampa Bay Buccaneers a laughing stock For the better part of 30 years The originals?

The originals? The Culverhouse family? That's correct. Oh, okay. All right. But where are they giving their money? All of them are top tier boosters for what program? So I'm only guessing based on last one I want to say the Culver houses are Bama donors Ding.

That is correct. That was part of the big. issue with how they fucked over Bo Jackson and he refuted like the best draft pick ever when the book spent

a first overall draft pick on somebody who said I'd rather play baseball fuck off each shit I'm not doing that I'm not wearing that orange this is the Bama

conglomerate yes these are these are just a few names from the the constellation of sunbelt tycoons who are behind the Crimson Tug machine. And speaking of coal-powered drones,

Mercedes-U-S. has a strong presence in Alabama. Right. The dream is alive. Okay. Let me just say. The coal-powered drone we call this... The cold-powered drone dream is alive. This cold-powered drone we call Greta Thunberg.

Book you. God. They would, too. I believe the children are past. We believe the children are our past. Then we will fight in the shame. It's an inclusive drone, and that's what matters most. If it's too hot, we just put more cold clouds in the air.

That'll cool everybody down. Oh, I thought you were crying about global warming. We did something to fix it. We took a bunch of murder devices and had them fart. clouds all over this guy. Thanks to this $8 billion defense contract, we're going to drone the sun. That's the solution.

You'll see. It's always been the enemy. I've always said that. Dron the sun and deny the moon. We're going to drone the sun because it's making the Midwest to warm, reducing our recruiting advantages. It's the only opponent Sabin's got left. He's beat everybody else.

What else is got? God. You got to take out God. Um, next. This is, this is fascinating when you go. This is more of a like, who are people named after? Uh, this is another group of boosters who are so amorphous and difficult to pin down. And real quick, I'd like to back up and just say, the group you just mentioned is the group that Nick Saban has successfully got to like operate on the same page. Uh-huh. Bought his house. Like LBJ and the Senate style. Wow. It's fucking great. I need, I need, I don't wonder just how close. to LBJ. I need 6,000 pages on this. I need Caro to just stop writing and I need him to go and start

on the Nick Saban Chronicles of how he got all of these people into line. So this next group is fascinating to me because we're only going to get sort of sketchier and weirder on these people and there's a historical note in here that made it absolutely irresistible. The player development facility at this program

is named after the founder of Core Labs. Core Labs mission is to assist to completely drain oil and gas reservoirs to completion. That is their goal. CoreLabs is like, get the most out of the earth. CoreLabs' whole goal is like, hey, are you draining the earth dry of its natural resources with the license? Would you like to be? When you nut and core keep on labbing.

Got a gusher, let's get it all out of there. Help. So their mission is impetus. That is correct. Their mission is to suck. which when you which when you which when you which when I when we get the name of this program will become a funny joke in itself okay core labs that includes their campus by the way multiple locations for core labs includes their campus in Saudi Arabia and by the way

the head of Saudi Arabia's national oil corporation Aramco is also a graduate of this same University and has attended, I know documented has attended a football program or football game at this university. The facility, the actual facility is named after an oil guy, an old school Texas oil guy who hated all forms of government welfare and who actually decided to take out an advertisement in the Dallas Morning News once when a president came to visit and asked the president a number of different questions in this advertisement when he took it out. He asked questions like, sir, are you a communist? Why do you not support the hardworking freedom fighters working to liberate those in Cuba?

This was a Dallas Morning News ad taken out and was published on November 22nd, 1963 in Dallas, that said, welcome Mr. Kennedy. on November 22nd, 1963. And then what? The same day he was shot, Ryan? Did he receive a response or not? He was on a, Mr. Kennedy was unavailable for comment on November 23rd, 1963. So after being shot down.

Some of us would feel awkward about asking the president harsh questions. And then his death was no, death was no excuse. When asked about this, by the way, This man said, I thought it was a good ad. It's not really. Some kook shot him. It's not my fault. We can relate to that, surely.

Yes. Yes. So just to give you an idea of, that's who the facility is named after. Okay, hold on. Time out. The facility is named after. Speaking of ads, Spencer, can we do a little podcast business? Before we get to our answer, absolutely.

Yes. Yeah. Podcast business. Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business, actual info on some stuff we got. Ryan, won't you tell them about the park? Pre-owned Airboats.com is back.

It's been a long way. It's been a long wait. It's been a long wait. We appreciate your patience. Pre-owned Airboats.com, our merch store, is back. It's up. It's running. It has a lot of the stuff that was in the merch store before. It has some new stuff.

It will continue to get some new stuff. And maybe some old stuff that I forgot to put back in. Go check it out. go buy some some uh coffee mugs and stickers and not everything is coming back we should know some of it was some of it is left in the past and you're orange that's right that's right you could have bought it we have pint glasses now that's a new thing that we're trying hopefully they're good can we talk about the champion series go ahead so much tell them about the champion series no no you do it was your own okay fine uh we have a series of welcome uh glasses and stickers

that are color specific to national champions of years gone past. Is it all the national champions? No, no, it's not. Is it every year? If yours is left out, should you feel bad? Yeah. Probably, and it's, you know what? It's intentional, and it's to make you feel bad because of something you personally did to us online.

Or I just haven't gotten to you. We should include one that's just purely claimed and not, like, we should put in, like. Oh, I'm going to make a UCF one. 100%. I'm in Auburn, but this will also work. Yeah, so if you want to buy some fun shit and help support our podcast, you go to preonderboats.com. You put some stuff in your cart. You put in your financial information.

So far, nobody has received medication that they didn't have a prescription for, so I would say it's already going. But can we get bladder pills merch? You can't get. We do have a bladder pills soccer jersey sticker because I'm the stupidest man in the world. Love it. Hey, Ryan, what's that website again? Pre-ownedairboats.com. That's pre-owned airboats.com.

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Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. Hi, folks, welcome back to the ad. Last time on the ad, we discussed how we will spend our retirement plans. We, to be clear at the time was Spencer, Server, and I. Let's check in with a different crew because this summer, Coors Light is encouraging everyone to chill by treating this summer like their

retired. So, let's plan ahead. Ryan, what does retirement mean to you in the future tense? If I ever get there, what I plan to do in retirement is go to big box stores, best buy, Target, etc., maybe Home Depot or Lowe's, wearing similar vestments to the employees and just wander the store and wait for people to come up to me and ask questions and give them bad information. because I don't work there and I can't get in trouble. The good advice you could give them, of course, is to try Core's Light. That's right. Welcome to Best Buy. Would you like some Coors Light? I have some right ear.

The can turns blue like my polo. Yeah. Holly, how about you? How is retirement shaping up? I got to tell you, the thing I'm most looking forward to, just in general, is I would like to live to an age where everything I say is automatically adorable. like wise and adorable or just sort of like quirky but like quirky like you know I can I can come in there I could talk much like I am now and say that I believe the earth is around but the moon is flat and everyone and no one can say shit to me

because I'm so ancient like did you ever have one of those relatives or they could just say whatever the fuck they wanted and no one was allowed to call them on their shit because they were just basically bags of bones with opinions sure and it's genuinely funny when someone says

something so confidently at a certain age. Yep. Yep. In a way it's like being a child again and I'm looking forward to that. One way in which I will not be a child again is I'm going to need something to unwind with after

alienating all of my younger relations with my various antics and tomfoolery and gosh, I hope Coors Light is still around. because I won't be able to rely on visits from my grandkids, but I will be able to rely on those mountains turning blue when my beer is cold. I think if you're going to be an eccentric retiree, I think you develop, like,

it's important to have, like, confusing dietary choices that you insist are part of your longevity, be like, oh, every morning I eat three lobsters, and before bed I drink four cores light. That's not confusing at all. That's why I've made it to 98 years old. It's called hydrant, Ryan.

We've done a lot of these, and I really think that my favorite takeaway from this, and the thing I've learned is that I do want to be the person who dispenses health advice, like, hi, the secret to me living to the age of 143 is that I have exactly two Coors lights a day, and I smoke a cigar that would kill a lesser man. Fruit destroys your white blood cells. That's why I don't eat it. Spencer is going to live longer than any of us, too. That's the sick part. 100%. Because his body will forget to die. It won't be on purpose. He's just late. late and fortified by the cold filtered, cold-loggered, icy, cold taste of Coors Light. This summer, chill like you're retired with Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to Coorslight.com slash shutdown.

Celebrate responsibly Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Okay, that's it. Unless anybody else has pie caps. I love that we touched upon a virtual decapitation and decided, now is the time to drop the ad. while we're having a light day yeah so while we're going over this this is to remind everybody that by the way the reason i have this one so far back in the line is because when we joke about this program's fortunes being tied to the price of crude in the west permian when we what uh joke about this program's fortunes being tied to the price of crude in the permian basin uh that's not really a joke and it also means that it's also tied to the global price of oil and the performance of other major oil entities, i.e. Gulf states. You kind of already basically in business with them if you are a supporter of this program. It should be pretty

obviously what we're talking about right now. Gagum. Gagum, baby. Yeah, the ones respectively, that's Monty Davis, the Davis performance facility is the football facility for Texas A&M, the training facility, the weight room, if you will. That's Monty Davis. Davis of Core Labs, the ones that their job was to suck. And Bum Bright, former owner of the Dallas Cowboys as well, pre-Jerry Jones. He's the guy who sold the Cowboys to Jerry Jones. Bum Bright, the John Birch Society member, and the guy who took out an ad, welcome Mr. Kennedy on November 22nd, 1963.

That's the Bright Football Facility is named after his contributions to the program. he was the ultimate Aggie super fan. That's kind of, those are the people who are kind of like in and around A&M, along with Tony Busby, the attorney of stars. Is Tony the one who bought, did he buy the tank? Is he the one who bought? That is correct. Tony Busby put a tank that he could not put in his driveway, so he parked it on the street in front of his house in Texas. If you look this up, by the way, because it's just the most cookie cutter suburban looking street imaginable. And it's got, it's a tank-ass tank.

This is not like, oh, a pair of this is possible. and mistaken as a paramilitary safari vehicle. No, it is a tank, tank, tank, tank, tank-tank-tank-tank-tank. So you, the people who live in Georgetown in Washington, D.C., who are cranky about the guy who has the transformer statues, Google this. You would much rather have transformer statues than Giant World War II tank.

Yep. Some neighbors hated a neighbor Ken Douglas, though, told K-H-O-U in an interview after Cheyenne, the name of the tank, arrived from France to the front yard of Tony Busby. French tank. He said, I think it's an asset. And I think if you watch the cars come up and slow down, you say to yourself, wow, that's America. You know what?

He's not wrong there. You put Christmas lights on it, right? Like, if you have a tank in your front yard, it's part of your Christmas setup, right? Oh, do you put a giant skeleton on top of it? Oh, my God, how can you not? How could you? I would actually put, like, one giant skeleton on top of it

and several regular-sized skeletons, like, trying to crawl on top of it. Yeah. By the way, had to move it eventually after neighbor complaints and after traffic cops had paper Sherman with three parking tickets in six days. And it was only after the third citation that he defiantly announced on his Facebook page. My God, that is the most... Quit over a parking ticket. I thought you were rich.

Now it's on Busby's ranch near Texarkana. It went to live on a farm. Sent the tank to go live on a farm. When was that? This was 2017. Okay, so 2022, here's a headline. Lawyer battles HOA over World War II tank parked in front of his house. So at some point it relocated in front of his house.

There's a screenshot of the thing sitting on the fucking. street. It's so amazing. Is he still there? This is 2022. It's probably move somewhere even dumber as of now. That's incredible. Because by the way, he said, I've adopted the tank as my son, and you can't kick my son

off my property. The Battle of River Oaks Boulevard. Pitted a Marine against the homeowners associations. Yeah. This is my sweet son, Shia Muzby, and I'll be damned if you try to take him away from me. You know, families are different. You've heard of found family?

Well, this is ground family. I like somebody who said, somebody who defended... This is ground family. Somebody who defended Busby's part in this by saying, you know, he is a veteran. I'm like, we don't give veterans tanks. What the fuck?

You don't just get, it's not like you get to re-home a tank if you're a veteran. The tank might be a veteran. It is, it is a real shame that Tony Busby, who I think is a, was an A&M regent owns this tank and does not tailgate with it

at every A&M home game. What a failure of imagination and and bravado. Rihanna is tank like it's a police dog. I bet I know why. You know why? The only reason that I think the Aggies

would accept, it'll scare the horses. Can't bring your horse to the game at the tank's there. Well, are they really war horses then? Sounds like the horses. for combat. I'm just like while Tony Busby

was leading the lawsuits against DeChan Watson, he was also contending against an HOA about a fucking tank. Yeah. Yeah. These things are a multitasker. People importance, I guess.

Yeah. Everyone needs a cool-down hobby, I guess. What a bizarre. I have not seen a more distinct example of a man containing multitudes in quite some time. Yeah.

Most Aggie thing about this, by the way. Mileage for the tank, 10 gallons to the mile. 10 gallons to the mile, baby. You got a refuel? Yeah, it's been on for 10 minutes. So the Aggie won't get very far. I'd say they'd get somewhere between 8 to 4, 8 to 4 kilometers. I got more like 6 to 7 to me, frankly.

6 to 7? Yep. That seems optimistic. Better put some Bobby Petrino on it. That'll fix everything. A phrase I'd never want to hear it again. Get it in there. Rop some bobby on it.

Next. I have a good one. That would be... This would be... We've gone back to single Mega Booster. This Mega Booster allegedly threatened a business partner whose answers he didn't like in a leadership meeting by saying afterwards to him, one-on-one, I could fuck you up if you don't like it, unquote. It's not a threat. It's an offer.

No, it's an offer. Hypothetically, you can't threaten somebody in the subjunctive. After scoring a bunch of money in a SPAC for his company, he made deep NIL commitments that initially yielded very strong recruiting classes for a program badly in need of a rebound. I'm just going to throw it out. Stock of the company in question pledged $30 billion in one week following that. following that.

And the company is now out of compliance as a publicly listed company thanks to accounting irregularities. And the program, after being a top five in recruiting over the past year and change, is now trending towards the mid-20s, 27, around there for 2024. Can you name the booster and the school? This is John Ruiz, I believe, is his name? That is correct. That is correct.

Very good, right. And we are talking about the goddamn you. The you, baby! The you, which, per their other boosters, is looking to diversify its NIL money, in one word. Yeah. And, yeah, because of accounting irregularities at Life Wallet in the John Ruiz Empire. It would be the most Miami Hurricanes thing ever to just buy a fantastic recruiting class and instantly run out of cash due to accounting irregularities.

That is, oh, shit, that's chef's kiss. that's so good and not just a class they did this in like every sport at once yeah yeah surely that's sustainable jason clearly yes surely that's something that we can keep going across the board forever yes that is that is the miami hurricane zone john ruiz let's just say the uh their two most famous women's basketball recruits then left for a more stable environment the wwee Speaking of the PIF! Speaking of stable management, great creative ideas.

This one is, it's very hard to pin down everybody and this boosters, like, cast more than any other. There's so many names in this pool. I just wanted to pick one, okay? Because it embodies a lot of, I think, what fuels all of this, and I have a really great quote That also sums up, I think, what this booster core is mostly about.

Somebody else who got money from his oil, barren dad. He took that money, flipped it, and bought Omni Hotels and Gold's Gym. All right. And is a massive GOP donor, spearheaded, among other kind of sketchy initiative, something called the University Liberty Institute, which is a conservative think tank at the school. That sounds auto-generated. like yeah that's like that's like we're coming up with ideas for fallout five what do you got uh yes and i'm going to give away the answer because i have to do it in order to get to this quote

okay um because there was a dispute over a little diddy a song at this school yeah sure which surely they can afford these kind of disputes being already excellent at football in every other sport and rich and rich uh and the quote was regarding this dispute i am not advising you or taking any position regarding this issue right now when somebody writes this in a letter by the way it means that they are about to advise you or take a position that's exactly what it means just the opposite other than to say this needs to be our song i am wanting you to be aware of the quote talk about town unquote. It's another super dumb guy thing. Regarding this

a lot of folks on this email chain who love the university and are in positions of influence. Wow. I don't mean to threaten you. You're threatening. So you probably got the school, but you probably won't have the name. Who is this?

And for what school are they a major booster? So this is Texas. That is correct. I do not have the name. There are so many people who showed up for that goddamn song that I can't even narrow it down. That's Bob Rowling. All the boosters at Texas I can actually name are dead, it occurs to me.

Yes, big, big buddy. There's probably nothing there. Big buddy of Greg Abbott, Bob Rowling, who's also a large booster, largest booster for the Texas, and is a big fan of the Choo Choo Choo Choo Song. Our little Choo Choo Choo Song. This is going to be our song. We won't write checks if you don't sing it. This is our train song.

I thought I'd have something. Sorry. No, that's fine. No, that's good. But yes. This does make me think of the alternate universe where Texas donors are really mad that Texas players won't sing drops of Jupiter at the end of Texas football games. The trade song's important to us. Oh, and that's it.

Those are, oh, I have one more, one more, and it's a very short one. So a clue is to, a clue is to this particularly controversial booster. It's Phil Knight. Phil night, y'all. Like, there. It's Phil, Phil Knight. Okay. Why is he controversial?

You know, there's a lot there, and it starts with the word sweatshop, and then it just kind of spirals out from there. And that's before you get to all of the influences he's had on the Oregon Athletic program for better and and for worse. So much worse. Sounds like a weight room. Yeah. I think you mean redistributing wealth globally. That's what he meant.

Who is the Florida State Booster who I think had to be disassociated? He's dead. Who am I, oh, is he dead? Yeah, dead. That's pretty disassociated. That was that series of sentences sounds like Florida State killed him. When you talk about somebody and you say they disappeared him

Mr. Wick, he needs to be disassociated. Welcome to the Talahas, the Continental Mr. Wick. I'm just here for the convention. I don't know what you guys are disassociated. Here is your tactical fishing shirt, Mr. Wick. Mr. Wick's sweat.

Oh my God. As you will see, it is both a name and a benefit. killed my manatee i mean if it's dry fit that means there's no blood on it right yeah there's there's no way there's absolutely no way that john wick could be a texas fan god i would love to see a manatee fuck up john wick i will say i bet if you go into any tallahassee hotel john wick universe or not and say why don't you give me a gun you'll it might work you might get what well okay sir you should just try it speak to the concierge

Sound off in the comments. Tell us how this worked out for you. You just call down to the front desk. Oh. I'm sorry, sir. I need some washcloths and... Can I get the fucking menu? I'm sorry, sir.

The gun buffet ended at 9.30. There's a fucking duel every morning. It's okay because the continental breakfast is the safe zone. Two hours per day when nobody can shoot each other down. As long as long as, that waffle iron's hot and on. Just waiting for the eggs to be taken away. Start blasting.

Jonathan, what have you done? You've destroyed the waffle maker. Pouring bullets out of those tiny little boxes of fruit loops. If you watch T. Payne's live stream, like one time he's talking to a guy and he's like, when I find out people from Tallahassee, I always ask, are you okay? The guy that you were thinking of was chainsaw Al Dunlop. That's the one. Yeah, whose big thing was to take over a company, fire half the people for no reason, fudge inventory numbers, boost the stock price and cash out.

Yeah, that was Chainsaw Al Dunlip, who as a part of his settlement from the Sunbeam case could not be a CEO anywhere. Like, that was the thing. The United States government was like, you're done. He sounds like he should work in digital media, frankly. I think he could be good at it. Yeah. Profits are up, maybe. And there's no Florida booster that you have for us today.

I have a list of four people I am trying to work through and find out how sketchy they are. Okay, good. Because, like, you look at the businesses and you go, hmm, ostensibly these are legitimate. Seems a little too legit. Yeah. Like, one of our biggest businesses is Gary Condren, and Gary Condren is a, he's a construction guy, right? But he's a construction guy.

So I'm like, what do you really mean by that? It's more. sense. Or in the like, I just assume every major business that's super profitable is a front for something else. Like, what does Tesla do? They're actually a tax credits company. There's one exception to this. They build bombs.

Yeah. Arizona, the only honest business in America, other than whoever we're advertising this week. They're also honest, but besides them. I mean, Coors is like, we sell beer. That's true. If it comes in a can, it's probably honest. Yeah, I think that's right. It's a good rule.

Yeah. Like, even for a loco was like, This will kill you. Don't drink it, but we'll sell it. So I saw Luke Zimmerman tweet about this. Did Ohio State hockey players really invent for a loco? Is that true? No, that's true. Listen, everybody whose ears are on at the moment.

We talk a lot of shit about Ohio State in this program, but nothing but high praise for the most compelling and on-brand origin story of a regional company ever. That is that Ohio State hockey players created the beast that was original formula for a loco, and that it was so gnarly they had to tone it down from the general public. they had to be like here's a dragon and they were like the dragon is too strong like an amazing time to be a sophomore in college like they've toned it down but for a while florida really used to play up like the birthplace of gatorade and like oh how

they should be doing this with four loco as well yeah but not just for look they have to be like the the birthplace of original formula four loco which for real heads they would be like oh yes i too took that slide straight to hell like that should be that should be the like the thing they do at the start of the fourth quarter at every Ohio State home game is some sort of loco thing. Everyone pounds of four loco. Come on, I don't care that you're seven.

This is tradition. I think the next time Iowa, Ohio, excuse me, got them mixed up because they both lose games. The next time Ohio State wins a game that matters, coach gets doused in four loco. It'll be a while. And he either melts or bursts into flame. Turned into Daredevil.

It's fucking why. Please stop praying for him. It's too strong. Yeah. So the original formulation is allegedly equivalent to at least four beers, one espresso shot, and one Red Bull. America's never stopped innovating. An entire Friday. In a can.

Somebody asked yesterday, like, you know, why would you millennials or why would like elder millennials do this? And like, do you want to mix this up in a gas station bathroom? Or do you want to grab a can? efficiency resource allocation i'd do this in a buckies i thought you were going to say i'd do this in a bucket i was going to say yeah that's how we used to have to do it that's next youtube account ungrateful build a functioning still inside a buckies and then it's legal bucky shine yeah our and our producer today douglas says it apparently also had psychoactive

ingredient of absent wormwood sure sure i don't think it was in an i don't think that was in enough quantities to um i think that was just to show off yeah i think that's just there for branding you know yes that was that is that is my we have completed the tour of no the sketchy people that you already aligned with not anybody let us know because we i would like to know about more sketchy people there's probably ones we don't know about but we want to these are the only the ones that know of. There's one in here that was just brief and super depressing. It's that the guy who is the head of Daniel defense, Marty Daniel, is a big Georgia Southern booster. And that's the company that made the AR-15 that was present in the Arsenal of the Las Vegas massacre shooter

and was also used in the Yuvalde Massacre. And that's a big Georgia Southern guy. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But that's just a bummer. That's just like there's not anything super colorful and just like oh man that's depressing as hell and the sackler family doesn't give a shit about football i guess thank god although if they're willing to contribute to the florida nil fund yeah god i'm gonna say no this there can be reached up like your bleep that douglas please do not bleep this that's my actual number no it's not i can't remember your actual number i don't think he can't either holly why would i remember that that's true