Shutdown Fullcast - Crootin' and Cuttin': Signing Day Lawncare Tips

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

Holly, Spencer, and Jason are joined by Bud Elliott, SB Nation's foremost recruiting expert/lawncare superexpert/State of Florida hypersuper expert. They answer your questions about all of those topics and also get easily distracted, because that's how this show works.  Topics include: The hardest positions to evaluate from high school to college Bud goes in on FSU again Lawns are just places to store unwanted dads Chip Kelly wants you to pick a lunch place Why you should text recruits because the phone is now evil Scouting Bad Boy Mowers' catalog for five-star recruits Very hesitant and skeptical Tennessee praise Chip Kelly doesn't like any of the places you picked for lunch Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. That's right. The Internet's only college football podcast, churning through the offseason. Even though there's like absolutely no actual football to talk about, that's never stopped us. If you're listening to us for the first time, what are you doing? Just, just what dark path have you set down is what I ask. Jason, if somebody were listening to this for the first time, what are you doing? first time. What would you tell them, if anything, to help their godforsaken soul?

I'd say, first of all, you need to know that the first question any host receives from Spencer will be basically the opposite of what was discussed two to three minutes before we began the recording of the show. Because in fact, the first question was not going to go to me at all. In fact, it was going to go to someone else. So I would tell the listener to be prepared for that. I think that first question, if I can consult my notes here for a moment, which I definitely have on a piece of paper in front of me. I think that first question was going to go to Internet dealmaker, travel enthusiast and expert. Impressario, dare I say. I can say this with absolute clarity.

Florida State's most accomplished alum, period. Recruiting expert. I think world-class cat-rangler. Bud Elliott, I think the first question was supposed to be before we ask you a whole bunch of other stuff about National Signing Day, recruiting, talent. I wanted to ask you about something more important than all of that, which is tell me about your tips for traveling on the road.

Because you being a recruit, Nick, you're out there quite frequently. I dare say more than any of us. And there have to be things that along the way you've learned and that you would love to pass on to our listeners. Sure. So, you know, it's just hashtag grinding on some film clips, you know, on the way back from recent travel. And I was just so happy to have my European to American plug adapter.

Because all those holes on the airplane plugs are just so worn out. You know, people just hit them all the time. If you put the European plug in there, And you plug that big heavy Mac adapter in there. Normally, it's just going to fall out. But if you use the adapter, it's good. It just sticks in there, a whole ride. It sticks in there for all your worn out holes.

Thank you. Plug the holes. So you're using the hole less warm? Is that the move? I think you're just filling up the hole a little more snugly to make sure that it's more of a tight fit. That's the least inspirational and not safe for work, Robert Frost's poem. I took the whole less traveled by. I don't know.

There's a lot of those. Yeah, that's true. Like, you read Robert Frost in school and they say, oh, man, here's all this inspirational poetry. And, like, the third one you read is called the head of death itself, which I did espy from my bed one morning. I guess. It would be, like, a poem about it was a kind of a chilly morning. and then you read it back again and you're like wow it's about how god hates us yeah that's and it was like nine words yeah which i have to say no better segue towards recruiting and questions

about national signing day than god abandoning us and hating all of us except for Alabama fans for some reason make fun of them if you're like they are the chosen people jason where you want to start well we so signing day is always kind of an interesting thing um because for a lot of college football fans it's this like mysterious whole other thing and yet it directly relates to the exact thing that we pay the most attention to um so i wanted to make sure we didn't know the side of it you know wanted to have butt on um to talk about a little bit of the fallout now that national signing day is no longer a one day thing now that it's like a four days spread across

the three months and if you want to check in on the absolute minimum now's the time we sent out a call for listeners to send in questions and we got some good ones back we also because Bud

is a lawn care expert we asked you to pair your National Signing Day question with a long care question is your friend who's never had a lawn care disaster there There were some people who wanted to know, like, our lawn's good.

Our lawns are overrated, right? Do I really need a lawn? Which the answer is, yes, absolutely. I want to know what the best kind of grass seed is. Grass seed. Wouldn't that be a contextual question? Wouldn't that depend on where you are? Yeah, you know, you got your, you know, you got your regional differences, but this is basically a Florida podcast.

most versatile I would go with that yeah because you know Florida what's a nice zoisha man my dad plays golf what I like you say that it's like a school yard thing like yeah my dad

plays golf that's just the only reason I know that there are different kinds of grass did he mention Miggleston last night trying to finish winning at Pell Beach in darkness he did not what happened well Miggleston getting up there in age so i think he just felt like oh my swing's feeling good he's trying to finish

off he's like look just let me finish playing 17 and then i know it'll be in the dark but i'll just hit an iron on 18 and i'll just finish out buggy and win and uh the the the pga officials were like no we're not gonna like you to finish in the dark go inside dad yeah shouldn't that be like isn't golf all about not only obeying the rules but also gentlemen agreeing with gentlemen on the terms of play shouldn't shouldn't you know if everyone was cool with it playing in the dark like if i'm a golfer and i'm in if i've never played drunk and croquet in the dark yeah come on man like if if everyone's cool with it right like all right let's put it this way if you're competitive with an old guy and he's like yeah let's finish in the dark hell yeah i'm gonna go for it he can't

see sure we played midnight paintball on a golf course once come on here's a good starting question for you bud from a valued subscriber Michael J. Altman. First part, why should a casual fan follow National Signing Day and how should they do it easily? I got kids, man. Well, like, that was a part of question. Yeah, I think you should follow just to kind of get a good feel for maybe the health of your program, right?

Unless you're one of those programs, it's just not really into recruiting. And then also kind of get a feel for, you know, like, yeah, well, hey, no, 12th in the nation. Now, you got Phil Fulmer wearing like attractive, you know, hip shoes with his suit that they're doing things up there and awesome. Who dressed that man? You saw that photo I sent you, right? Oh, I did. Would you please describe, would you please describe it for the listeners briefly, since this is an audio format? Podcasting is a visual medium, as we've said many times before.

Phil looked tight. He looked together. He did. Because remember the big critique of him in the book. blind side was that quote he dressed like a toddler he dressed like a toddler on school picture day but so does every man in media i mean we would know right yeah like that's the thing when somebody goes well people in media would you know and you're like well yes yes exactly and yeah Tennessee did Tennessee not pull a five star we had two two two two yeah it's two more than florida and they beat

Alabama for a Polynesian liebacker on sign-a-day. Yeah, which, you know, for a little while, it looked like, like Vama might kind of lock down that sector of the country as well. The Pacific Ocean. Yeah. Surrounded, the island of Hawaii is surrounded by what the tide?

Mm-hmm. Signs for that. Should be their territory anyway. I do. Nick Saban, king of all oceans. Roll Poseidon. Do you think he can swim? Oh, like a, come on, like a fish.

Do you think there's ever been a pool he could stand up in? I don't know. No, that's why I asked. Do you think he's just like avoids? No, no, no. He's, he, I'm telling you, that man, he's like Aquaman, but, you know, smaller. Much, much, much smaller. We saw him in that boat.

He did not look, he did not look ready to swim to shore. No, that's, well, that would have, that would have been a display of weakness. He wasn't going to do that. He can swim. But he's going to be like a cat. He's going to be pretty mad about it, right? I mean, I think Bud makes, you know, often makes a good case that, like, these things are directly related, signing day, recruiting, the health of your program, so on and so forth. Can I tell you, as a testimonial to the Bud approach, I used to be a recruiting atheist.

I just didn't follow it at all. And since I followed Bud's advice, it actually, you know, I think follow it on. a cat all right not a casual but like slightly better than casual level it's greatly improved my literacy in the game because you know two or three down years down the road you can go oh hey do you know why they suck well i won't name any names but for instance one program just doesn't recruit offensive linemen hey that used to be us yeah i can't recruit offensive linemen for some reason it has to compete with i don't know Alabama LSU Arkansas You know, in Mississippi State, team that faces a lot of fat guys. A lot of real agile fat guys. You're going to need some agile fat guys on the offensive line. And let's just say that team couldn't recruit them. And then when you go, oh, man, what's wrong with that team?

You understand it a little bit better. There's two teams on Highway 13 that might fit that. So which one are you talking about? Both of them really, yeah. Okay. Yeah. We'll just roll with that. That's a very regional joke.

I mean, this is not a regional show, but. Yeah, it is. No, not at all. This is international. Yeah, see, we've already discussed the Pacific. Yeah, come on. We'll now take our advertising break for Mercedes. Also a regional brand.

Again, roll tied. But the second part of this question from Michael, at what age should your kids start mowing the grass? I like this one for the person who does not yet have a child capable of anything. I think it's got to be the age where, like, you've got to calculate what's the chance they're going to get, like, seriously injured versus, you know, what's the chance, like, they might do a little bit of damage to your own property, right? Because if you... Versus, what's the chance you're going to have to go back and do it over again, and they will have just made net more work for you. Right.

You might want to start them in the backyard, right? Kind of like the J.B. team and give them a section. Or if you have a side yard, like, like, you know, it's harder to see. You don't want to have them just going out there in the front. And then I think there may be some push mower versus right-on-mower elements here. I mean, you could probably be a little bit younger with a ride-on just for physical ability. But at the same time, you can do more damage with a ride-on to things. Probably won't hurt yourself quite as bad on a ride-on as you could with a push, potentially.

So I'm going to say seven. I was probably going on the grass of seven or eight, I would that think. Yeah, I think I started my dad being, yeah. The six is kindergarten, right? Yeah, did your dad start you in the front yard or the backyard, though? Definitely the backyard. Yeah, see, my dad wasn't serious about it. He's like, you go ahead and mow that front yard.

I'll be doing anything else, literally anything else. So that's why we had lawn dolphins, you know. Term for the little fin rising up in the middle when you... Oh, I thought you meant you had those little concrete dolphins in your yard because Florida. No, no, no, no. This was Tennessee. Lawn dolphins in that case would have been. meant like a really crappy job done on the front yard which no I did because I thought that was

a term for an alligator a lawn dog it's a lawn dog no that's just Fred and he's a good man alligator yeah clancy don't ask him about the war he don't like to talk about it I have a question for bud if we have completed that and it's one that I think is real interesting because it asked the question of what we mean by expertise. It's from long-time listener, fourth and jort. One, what's the hardest position to evaluate

from high school to college? Okay. Probably probably quarterback or offensive line. With O line, that's usually the position that needs like the most continued like physical development.

It's just hard to figure out okay, who's going to put on, you know, 30 or 40 pounds and still maintain quickness, or conversely, if you're taking a guy who's pretty overweight, who's going to lose 40 pounds, and how much quickness is that going to unlock, right? Like, there's very few linemen who come out and they're really big, but also really quick. Most of them either need to add a bunch of weight or drop a bunch of weight. And then you hope that there's kind of that resulting, hey, yeah, you added strength and you stayed kind of quick, or you dropped weight and you unlocked a lot of extra quickness,

but it doesn't always work like that. Quarterbacks, it's just the defensive types you see schematically, and I think the defensive speed in college is just so much different. It's really hard to tell. Plus, there's that leadership element, and it's just different in college than it is in high school. How so?

Like, if you had to put it, if you had to phrase it, how is that leadership different as opposed to just like, hey, guys, let's do this, and I can tell everybody what to do. I just think it's easier to be a leader, potentially at the high school level, right? Especially if you're a quarterback who's being recruited, you're almost certainly the best player on your team.

When you get to college, you may not be, right? So they may not be following you simply because you're the best player. You're the guy that needs to make sure everybody's there at workouts. They need to actually have legitimate confidence in you, which might not be quite as automatic as it is in high school. I do think it's different. Also, just having a car won't make you. a leader right like we yeah we listen to because he gives us rides that's a great point this does

seem to be the case at clemson though there was a story about um christian wilkins once uh trevor lawrence got the full-time starting job he and uh christian the two team leaders we're going to go out we're going to we're going to forge a forge a leadership at breakfast and it was like this big legend that played out for like a month and then it came out christian wogan said no he just went to breakfast because he's got a car so if you're Trevor Lawrence you can sort of pull off the kid who could read as the quarterback wait does Christian Wilkins not have a car no he didn't have a car man he came back to clenstead for a senior year and passed up NFL dollars yeah yeah yeah you know why

he's he's tied with his money like Christian Wilkins is uh car carry member of the Clark Howard fan club he is frugal does not like Bums rides all the time How much money can you load on to an Uber or Lyft gift card, hypothetically? I'm just trying to, you know, rub some numbers here in my head. Those guys did come back to Clemson for a reason, right? I mean, the only people in Clemson I can see turning down Christian Wilkins for a ride would be somebody whose car cannot hold Christian Wilkins. Yeah, sorry, man, I got a Kia.

Yeah, it ain't working. He's not climbing into a bolt. Yeah, you know, it's a little bigger than you think. I was thinking a mini, like they're a little bit bigger than you think, but still, I'm not packing a defensive lineman in that thing. I don't know him that well. He doesn't know me that well. That's a lot of closeness. The second part of the question, by the way, I'm sorry. Fourth and Jort wanted to know, I have been debating getting a riding lawnmower for a while now, despite my wife's best efforts to prevent this. What brand should I check out?

I mean, it just depends, like, do you want to just totally angry your wife, or do you want to, like, make your neighbors jealous, or do you just want something that likes to cut your grass? Run the option here. Okay, so I didn't even know this existed, but Bad Boy Mowers is totally an unnecessary purchase, like, under really any circumstance, I think, residential mowing. We saw an off-brand one of these at Home Depot the other day that was yellow and black, and it basically looked like a home theater that can cut your grass.

It's like those energy pills. You see at the gas station, those, those, those, those, uh, black cats that give truckers like a million things of caffeine. Yeah. If they made lawnmowers. John Deere's probably a pretty good brand, you know, to go with, like that a lot of people like those for sure. A lot of this is just how much yard do you have to cut?

If you're having to convince your wife that you need this, your wife may be right. Like you may not have enough yard that you actually need a ride on. I think your wife may be right is probably our single wisest. answer to any question. Except for this one, you definitely need a riding lawnmore. Definitely. That's the answer. If it comes back and they go, yeah, well, how much, like, what kind of acreage are we work? Doesn't matter.

Need a riding lawnmower. If he gives us the answer in square feet instead of acreage, then the definitely to sponsor the shutdown broadcast with your riding lawnmower company. Please contact Ryan Manny. Yeah. Bad boy, bad boy mowers come on down we'll rep you we'll rep you unlike any brand has ever been wrapped the quality if you actually did a podcast on a bad boy mower might be higher than some of the else first episode so it's true yeah it's true we have had lawnmowers on here

before thank you jason they were not they weren't bad boy mowers you can tell to to the listeners misfortune. Does bad boy mowers advertise like deafening levels of volume, right? Like make sure all your neighbors know what the hell you're up to. Or they're like Harley,

Harley motorcycles? It's not polite, gentle lawn mowers. These pipes save lives. Somebody might be in the way of this mower. Hell no. Your daughter might be in here. Yeah, your daughter might be on the back of this mower. If you can read this, the preacher's wife,

off. It'll scare all the snakes out of your yard. Also, these are not cheap. Have you seen what these run, these go for? No, they're like, aren't they? They're like a car. Yeah. It's like, but you could buy like that or a Chevy of a show. Aren't they like seven grand?

So the bad boy MZ Magnum, 54 inch, uh, 3,500 at the tractor supply. When it says 54 inch, what measurement is that? It's the, uh, is that girth? It's the length of the cutting deck, like the width. excuse me, the width of the cutting deck. So girth, yeah. Notice they threw,

they threw Magnum in there because it means big penis and big gun because subtlety is not this company's strong point, right? They're based in Tampa. No, no, no, they're out of Arkansas. Why are they in the, never mind. Yeah, no, no, they're out of like Bentonville or somewhere. Oh, there's like a weird,

yeah, no, no, no, business espionage. There's a drama. You need to know this, by the way, about bad boy mowers. There's like some espionage and like business. like civil war and intrigue behind it like apparently there's also like a bad boy mowers knockoff that the brother or

the former business partner I'm not getting the relationships totally right here but like that the one we saw on Home Depot the yellow and black one? Yeah there's like a mower feud between two like rival mower families in this one town in Arkansas it's like Puma and Adidas but you know with mowers and in Arkansas

but way cooler because it's about lawnmowers right way cooler so is this one like good guy mowers or do they lean even further into evil. Son of a bitch mowers. Dastardly bastard moers. Tuddling a mustache and tying your wife to the train tracks. That's what we're doing.

Yeah, their names are very much what you think they would be. The renegade diesel, renegade gas, rogue, rebel, revolt, Outlaw, Compact Outlaw, Maverick, ZT Elite, MZE Magnum. Compact Outlaw. Compact Outlaw! Yeah, that'll send you back 6,300. please refer to me as compact

No wait Ryan's not here So Ryan has to be compact out Compact out loud And then they have a pushmower Which just looks like a regular pushmower That's colored orange and black That pushmower better come with like a mounted machine gun on it

It's $1,100 I mean that's an easy How much is it? 1100 you can get financing for your pushmower Jesus A mounted machine gun is something that you could easily mod up at home I mean just a little metal working right? a little basic

do that what is the pushmower called uh just hold on I can pull that up it better be badass because you got a lot to compensate

it can't be better than the compact outlaw compact outlaw this is like the junior outlaw okay the push mower is uh

it looks like it's just called the pushmower fuck that it's not even called the push. You've seen Randy, he can't even afford like he's got the push mower.

The big, he doesn't have the, shaming you. That's what they're doing with the name of it is shaming you. He doesn't have the compact outlaw. You have that in your, in your cart at bad boy

mowers.com and like a hooters waitress comes around and says like, is that all you can afford just push mower? There's a like, you know, old running gag about, you know, I'm my neighbor borrowed,

you know, my mower and I'm going to kick his ass if he doesn't give a, to me right like ah things all old dads and granddad's would complain about but if you take my seven thousand dollar mower and don't give it back the cops are getting called right like somebody's ass is getting kicked unless you ran paul in which case i'm just going to beat you up it's my highest priority to steal your seven thousand dollar mower so this compact outlaw has 810 cc's I'm sorry about your dicks

America I've driven a motorcycle that had less than that I'm sorry about your weird dicks and the things they make you do oh my god this shit ain't for cutting grass this is for like deforesting the rainforest it's like free shipping to Brazil

that's a fucking woodchipper on wheels Yeah. Yeah, Spencer, it's a, and the other option for it, it's a 726, air-cooled, Kawasaki, FX 691, V-Twin. So, uh, 40 pounds of torque at 2,600 r p.m. I want to be the first man to go up Everest in one of these. My God. God, y'all, that is...

We've reached, like, Earth, gravity, escape velocity. Hey, man, I didn't know how the drag strip was going to go. It was street racing. You never know that's going to happen. Dude showed up in a lawnmower. I have a question that you guys probably are going to think is sarcastic, that I assure you is not... Are any of these in the X games yet?

Not yet, man. It can't be far off. Like on the half-pipe, you think? Yeah, I was thinking more like cross. like snow cross but that's why you gotta get the zero turn yeah exactly see this is by the way like I know the event you're ready to hear what the event is okay big green strip in the middle right of grass steeple chase right and then a bunch of half pipes and like ramps and then you just take the mower and you do nasty tricks while also mowing a clean swath through the middle of the course

and they grade you on both oh like dressage well like You know, you've got to do some nasty, like, tricks and stuff. No, like, dressage, but the lawnmower is the horse. Yes, and you also have to mow, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like we're going to, like, we'll deduct points for ruts. Yeah, for, like, you know, if you get a little lawn dolphin or some clumping.

Or if there are any blades stuck to your face, this is a style question. Yeah, you can't have any of that. Bad boy mowers. Holler at us. We just made an event for you. This shit ain't hard. No. 810 cc's.

Hey, listen, life, life ain't hard when the genius switch is stuck in on. Okay, it just ain't. Here is a question pretty directly for Bud from at Sleepy at 830 on Twitter. We are recording an hour and a half past this person's bedtime. I'm a fan of a school that will never be on the right side of the blue chip ratio. That's cool is Missou. Should I just stop caring about college football? Yes.

No. The blue chip ratio, of course, being Bud's proprietary metric for how good your team is at recruiting, whether it's close enough to win a national title or not. I would say only, like, if you are at a school that inappropriately thinks it should be winning national titles. So, Mazoo. Did they think that? I don't know. I kind of feel like they just, they're happy to have joined the SEC.

Hey, Bill. I don't know what school would think that anymore. Have you been Nebraska? Yeah, more like Nebraska, Tennessee, Michigan. I'm just running through schools that were good in the 90s. Rude. Schools that, like... We were only good for part of the 90s, hater.

Schools that stopped updating their resume had just coasted on it for a while. A bunch of Windows 95 programs. Yeah. Nothing prepared me for graduate school at Medill more than undergrad at Tennessee. The schools that Y2K actually did take down. Man, they could have. They really could have. Is there a second part to that question, Jason?

Sleepy at 8.30 has lived in apartment buildings, his entire adult life, and never had his own yard. What am I really missing? So my buddy in L.A. lives in an apartment. and wants to get a big green egg. But his wife's really against this because she thinks like you probably need some space and not just their tiny little paddy like covered patio, you know,

with apartments above it. And I'm like that. But that's a year-round usage for the big green egg out there though. That's true, but it's also like a massive fire hazard. Well, yeah, you're also probably going to burn down your yard. Yeah. What little of it you have.

It is kind of nice to have your own space, but it's also nice not to have to be able to take care of anything. that is nice having done both not having a yard has certain distinct advantages right like i will say it's easier to go from from one to the other than than it's easier to go from uh having yard to not having a yard because you're like oh hey i got like two extra hours in my week or extra money in my budget to um to not having a yard and going to having a yard because that transition sucks because you're like oh man i got to keep a can of gas in my house for summer like not in my house but i'm gonna keep a can i mean you know and you have sons i mean that's yeah always danger

that's there is a marginal danger a like a percentage that you kind of just welcome into your life when you have a yard because you go well got to cut it with blades and or if you're in the south more fun i can just walk out and suddenly there's a pit full of angry insects that can sting me that decides to live there that I didn't invite squatters rights i really do respect the the guys who you know like buy a house down by the beach you're like you know what i'm just going rocks i'm just just going to put you know put rocks in my yard and i i does it look good no but i i understand when they're coming from yeah no i get it they just you know that's like it's basically the lawn equivalent of dropping the top right what's your hairstyle i just

shave it. Why? Just don't have hair. Don't want to worry about it. Don't want just, just shaving it. It's actually the equivalent of somebody who has hair who does that anyway, right? Not the bald guy who's like, well, it's going anyway, somebody who has hair and who still shaves it because, no, screw it. I don't want to deal with it. It's hair. I've calculated. I spend four minutes per day on my hair. That's four precious minutes that I need to devote to my yard. What do you think the smallest acreage or square footage is of somebody that who has bought the uh what was that called again the compact outlaw the compact outlaw yeah like like or do we think anybody with under a quarter acre has bought this absolutely

anybody listening to this show just to park it in the driveway i think our listeners are more like i got way under a quarter acre do i want one of these yes you could just park it would i terrorize the neighborhood in it absolutely do this if if anyone listening to this podcast actually actually has a bad boy mower. Tell us what your acreage is. We want to know. Don't be ashamed. You can do it anonymously if you want.

Just email, you know, you can email any of us. I'm at Spencer at SB Nation. Just go ahead. You can add Celebrity Hot Tub on Twitter. Yeah, you can add Celebrity Hot Tub. Just get us the information. We want to know if you own a riding lawn mower, specifically if you own, and especially if you own a bad boy writing a lawnmower,

we want to know the exact acreage that we're looking at here. Okay, we won't, we won't make fun of you by name unless you want us to. Maybe we'll start a spreadsheet and what we'll say is if you bought a riding lawnmower new, how about that? Yeah. We will send you a GoPro so you can record your neighbor's reactions to you. Bad boy, bad more, your like third of an acre or quarter acre. What if you get that 54 inch deck and you got like a third of an acre? Done.

I mean, I'm so accomplished. I mowed the yard today. If you don't have a fence, you could knock it out in like probably seven or eight minutes. Oh, yeah. That's also, by the way, triggering a vision of me and my head

in front of a whiteboard with all of these equations showing all of the time I could save equaling money if I just bought this massive mower, which would allow me to do this chore so quickly, honey. And then I could spend more time with family.

That's at the end of the equation, is more time with family. She doesn't want you to spend time with them. that badly. $7,000 a lot. The great trick of lawn work

so we don't actually want you in the house. Yeah, that's, yeah, get out of here, please. I have a question that I wanted to ask Bud because I think it is related to a larger mystery. This is from at Dak Moyer.

The recruiting question. Is everything okay? K at UCLA? I read the ellipsis there. He actually put like dot, dot, dot. Blood had a good piece out on it this week that you should read if you have not,

or last week that you should read if you have not. Absolutely. This is a setup for that. And also because it's a fun opportunity to talk about, talk about, man, what happened? There's some. What happened to Chip Kelly, y'all?

There's some things going on. Gosh, Chip hates recruiting. That's new. Who could have predicted? Basically, it came down to three general problems. Number one, they were way, way too picky. At one point, they had offered 76 kids, and Stanford had only offered 74.

And Stanford has, like, an actual reason for only offering that many kids because they can't get most kids in school academically. So they were way picky. Number two, they were way late on offering those kids. So they took way too long. And then number three, they were actually really terrible. at the kids like recruiting the actual kids who they did offer they went one of 40 i think it was

on signing the the 40 uh four and five stars whom they actually deemed good enough for a UCLA offer and we were talking to some parents and they were like yeah uh coaches kept trying to call our kids like we can't even get our kids to answer the phone like they'd much prefer to snapchat or text it was just kind of weird i was like oh so like some of the guys that might have been in the NFL for a decade or so. A little out of touch with recruiting? Okay. So, yeah, UCLA, I think their recruiting class finished in the 40s, which it feels like a little bit of a missed opportunity because USC is really struggling.

I might have a lame duck coach in Clay Hilton. So, yeah, that's my general three category breakdown. Way too picky, way too slow, and then very bad at actually recruiting the kids they did like. Who other schools liked. But other than that, swimming. Other than that, everything's going great. I like the idea of a UCLA offer being as hard to get as like a job at NASA or something. This year they have announced that they are going to have like, I think it was offer Thursdays.

So they're going to do this big thing. Like they're going to announce all their offers every Thursday. And I was like, why not just send out the offer as soon as you want to offer the kid? Like, y'all are already slow at this. Just, like, why? Like, if you decide you want to offer a kid on a Monday, why wait till offer Thursday? Or if I'm a competing school. I'm offering on Wednesday.

On Wednesday, that's evening. If you're like, when do we offer them? So they're going to make some changes this year. I think there'll be more, a little better communication and maybe a little bit less picky. USC should have offer Thursday. Like, they should just announce it. Hey, it's offer Wednesday. gonna or offer Friday where they just offer everybody UCLA got on Friday

immediately upgrade your offer all of them they did have a kid decide to walk on at Washington instead of taking a UCLA scholarship oh and then there was a kid from Cal Poly decided to go to Kansas State instead of UCLA and I was like what yo that's a life decision that I can't endorse man well on the face of things you know well i chose manhattan over los angeles ah as so many intellectuals have he thought it was manhattan beach but uh wasn't there a deal with the kid the kid who got that offer or who walked on at washington though there was some unusual circumstance there was there not other than i picked walking on at washington over an actual scholarship offer from ucla yeah he had

he had been like like a long time like like like washington guy he really wanted to be at Washington and I don't think it was a like a hurting for money type issue but still it still looks bad yeah we're still going to laugh at it for sure number two from doc moyer the lawn care question what's worst running over a sprinkler in the ground or coming across a rattlesnake while mowing clarification push lawnmower not riding so there's no there's no superiority there's no safety here of being on the being on the deck no you're you're right at right at snake level it all depends on your insurance man i mean you know that's the spirit sprinkler heads are can take a little while to replace and uh if you're wearing proper long care attire you may be

okay if you get bit you go through the boot but what's proper long care attire i mean if you're in a place with rattlesnakes i i might have to have a rattlesnakes i might have a rattlesnakes i might have a rattlesnakes, so I don't have to deal with that much, but I'd probably be wearing some boots with a little steel toe in them, or at least some boots. If I had rattlesnakes in my yard, appropriate attire is basically swat gear. Or pay somebody to cut your grass at that point. Didn't one of your children chase a copperhead in my yard? Yes.

Yes. A baby copperhead. A baby copperhead. The most dangerous ones. Those are more poisonous, right? concentrated yes yes they haven't learned to regulate their venom yet same turn just in time to see his little hand go ooh I like the idea of a snake kicking boots that's these my boots these are these are by the way things that we are just going to sell as consumer products

okay these are like we keep inventing them every week we're just going to have them okay snake kicking boots right we're going to basically push and endorse the mower then we drop the snake kick and boots boogie on sound cloud yep and then i i had one for the gentleman who wants to leave the gentleman who wants to be a considerate bathroom roommate uh that would be the cloud buster candle for after you defecate a cloud breaker right that's it you know because you know you know you want to be considerate. Light a cloud breaker candle. What does it smell like?

Victory. And, and consideration. The bad boy bathroom breaker bathroom. Bad boy mowers candle.

If we slapped a Yeti logo on these things, they would sell almost a good. No. The turd, like, what, the Yeti turdbuster candle. Like, that's it. Be a massive hit.

shutdown full cast in partnership with old row here's a question for you bud that i think sort of has been sort of in a lot of people's minds for at least the past few months maybe the past two years do you wish we could go back to the way it was

the old national signing day purely for entertainment purposes of course as it seemed a lot more fun this is from the subway domer on twitter yeah for fun purposes yeah it was it was definitely more fun we had more craziness like we have not had like a recruit like have his mom like taking sprint off with his letter of intent in like two three years you know i can't remember the last time i saw a a tiny baby animal like two years ago we had the was it two or three years ago we had the puppy yeah georgia brings out a puppy every couple years but yeah i think the first one of those was

Isaiah at Crowell. He's on the Browns now. See? Or maybe the Jets, one and two. Or maybe the AAS. If he's really serious about football. He loves football, man. AAS.

Yeah, I do think the later sign of day was better. Although, from a media perspective, I definitely like this one a little bit better because we kind of get two bites at the apple. And sometimes the Super Bowl was so close to sign a day, when it was in February that it was like it would kind of eat up a lot of the excitement um yeah that was a little awkward so they'd be like oh hey uh social team we have this sign-in-day thing and they're like super bowl which i totally get because you know

super bowl is much bigger than sign a day but this is kind of nice to have have two shots at it to me it part of it goes down to what's better for the players and i don't know that the new thing is better for the players when you know you have your offensive coordinator leaving for the NFL like right after you sign you know and then tons and tons of other coaches leaving right after December signing day so like I don't know if this is an improvement that makes life better for them like it's easier for the coaches but who cares they're millionaires that they can deal with whatever it's definitely not easier for it like it's I don't know and the thing is we saw this coming like the NCAA even briefly looked at this proposal thing and

they are like, no, it's fine. And we're like, no, this is really obviously going to happen. All you need to do was just let the school and the kid agree. All right, if these couple coaches leave before the fall starts, you can get out of your letter of intent, or before the traditional signing day, whatever, you can get out of your letter of intent. So head coach, your coordinator on your side of the ball,

probably your position coach on your side of the ball. You'll have to agree with the school that you're signing with about what position you're going to play. Seems pretty easy since they're trying to say. sign you and you want to go there. And then maybe your area, like the guy that does your area, that's probably with whom you have the best relationship. So to me, those three or four coaches, just put that in writing on your letter of intent.

If one of them leaves before this designated period of time, you can get out. It would actually provide some more coaching, or it's like job security for these coaches, but it also helps kids a lot, which means it'll never happen. yeah some position coach who doesn't actually coach the position or whatever you know just comes in and says like hey look i'm listed on 14 different players scholarships you better keep me around oh wait there is a yes there is a lawn care facet of this that i don't think any of us actually have any direct insight into but if you live north of kentucky should you ever sell a snowblower that works

just to make room in your garage? This sounds very personal. I feel like this is a decision that is. This sounds like a grudge that we're settling. This is like somebody's attached to the snowblower. Was the snowblower used in a murder? I mean, Kentucky. Is a snowblower actually how you cook chicken?

I think you should sell it just because it might be the most high-tech thing in your state. Yeah, you got to get that out of the state. Somebody's going to come for it. Somebody's going to think that's witchcraft. He's bringing fire to us like Prometheus. It's 72 degrees right now at 10.10 at night.

But the fuels like temperature is 71, so we got that going for us. So you've got to get rid of that. I'm no help on this. Yeah. What the fuck is now? Um, I have, um, I have a personal question. You can disagree with the phrasing of this because I've seen this question at least three or four times in the responses. So I'll just pick one variation of that.

Uh, this is from at J.E. Miklos. Can I get another salty bud rant about how FSU's recruiting class was disappointing? This is a loaded question. Oh, man, the fans hated that. Uh, yeah, I just thought it wasn't. really up to standards. They were absolutely killing it over the summer. And then, like, we kind of knew that they couldn't really lose in the offensive lineman.

And I think Bill even put it in his preview. And then it happened immediately. And then they looked like a total disaster on the field. And I just think they stayed on some, you know, some of their Plan A kids way too long, which caused them to be late in offering their Plan B kids, which means they had to settle for some Plan C. and some plan dees. And people don't like hearing that school A Route 4 sign some kids who normally are not talented

enough to play there. But in my opinion, they did. So I said on the NOLCAST recently, I was like, look, yeah, I'm still a believer for right now. But they signed another class with this lack of talent for 2020 class and I'm out. That's kind of the condensed version there. But I do think they took too long to move on from some of their plan A's that they were not going to get when they're getting blown out by Syracuse like you kind of got to just read the room a little better

I think and say okay wait who's our competition for this kid okay should we be off of the like I just I don't think they did that right not quickly enough I would have moved on after the Syracuse game and I think in some cases it took them five or six weeks later to do so

and it did hurt them is that by the way like in season right how how much does the season affect recruiting for a staff, right? Does that change a lot? Or are they just working a plan and they're just going to stick to it

no matter what happens on the field? Well, I think if your season is that different than what you thought it was probably going to be, I think a reasonable expectation last year was probably for them to go like eight and four-ish. So they were three games short of expectation. I think if you're three or four games

short of expectation, that can change some things for sure. Also, I think they had to really, realize, and I just don't think he did a good enough job of this, like over the summer, they were legitimately in it for a ton of the top prospects. If they go eight and four, I think they really get Kavon Tipido, the number one player in a country, or on some metrics from, you know, from out there in California, he ended up signed with Oregon.

But he was all very much gunho about it and would still, you know, contact them throughout the season, which it's got to be hard to give up all that equity that you'd built up over the summer in order to move on. I understand how that would be tough and yet I still think it was necessary to do. But yeah, I think you can realize I don't know if you can move up a ton necessarily with the great season, but you can definitely move down

some if you look really bad. And the other schools you're recruiting against are having really nice years. For instance, if the school you're going up against for several of these players is named Alabama, and you go five and seven, and they look through, you know, 10 or low, games like one of the best teams in history of the sport that's probably not can turn out for you and it did not that thing about sunk cost that that sounds like uh ea sports and c a 14 so i'll

assume i'll assume we all know exactly how it's done because that concept sounds pretty familiar you know like we were in on this dude and then we had a disappointing season now we're not in on this dude but we put all those points there so we're gonna we're gonna keep plugging we're gonna keep talking away some points here. Hey, that's fine. I'm going to get that five-star fullback to play for MTSU. I'm going to do it. It's going to happen. We're going to make it work, okay?

Dad, come home. Dad, come home, come on. The second part of this question from at J.E. McClose was when mowing a yard of at least one acre. At least one acre. Oh, a baron. Which is the best method for getting

the job done? Push or riding. unless you really want to avoid your family for long stretches I think over an acre you got to go right on but if you have like

if you have a hard core history show that you've downloaded and you want to knock it out all in one all in one mowing you could definitely push that thing if you're in a reasonable climate like I would say not in the state of Florida during the summertime that's probably Heath truck

but yeah i mean i right on could work too i just for sure i just see somebody with like a 20 acre lawn queuing up you know the mongol horde no you got to get jason's dan carlin yeah come on jason break it out let's see what's dan talking about dan's talking about now he's i think it's the war in japan yeah it's been supernova in the east yeah and uh it's only 13 hours long i listened to one episode all the way to south carolina and one episode all the way back imagine imagine mowing your lawn in that time that's actual historical events have taken place at less time that it is thinking dan carlin to talk about them hey this sounds weird people have you all ever felt like one of those episodes was short i can't listen to him i can't really i've no i

I've tried. I can't, I cannot. They're like the perfect zone out material. No, I just felt like the last one was the most recent one on, what the Celtic Holocaust? No, no, that was, that was interesting. This one, it almost felt like it cut off like too early. I was like, is he going to like shorter episodes or something?

Because it was, I don't know, it just didn't last my entire flight there and back from Florida to Austin. and so I was like, damn. Has Dan Carlin lost it? No, we should make like a map where you put in your address and it gives you your Carlin's own. Like it shows you how far you could drive in one episode. How many Dan Carlin's does it take to drive?

A Carlin furlong. You're like, I'm like three Carlins from Chicago. Yeah. Not even that far. Yeah, no, I, I, yeah, I, I've tried. and this is the basic problem I have is that I just I it's just there's so much of it

there's so much of it history it's a lot it's not just that there's so much Dan Carlin in it like I don't know bring on a kick like can I get a change up can I get somebody like a cameo to just appear you can listen to his other podcast a hardcore history addendum where he'll interview

somebody and like he's talking for like 35 minutes and then he's like and now my guest will join us to answer these questions I'm like fuck I forgot this was the interview like like my usual route I run it's about an hour and most recently I was listening to this addendum and and I'm halfway done before the interview starts it's amazing if you have a certain attention span I guess yeah no no I mean I got a like maybe i need to run more because because that would be the only thing that would just make me completely zone out hard enough to like focus on that because because i don't know man like just put down the mic put down the mic dan carlin will never log off

no dan carlin dan carlin's never let anyone else have a feature on his albums okay just 100% emcee dan carlin j cole and dan carlin only two who could ever do it i like how he has like footnotes inside of his footnotes in a podcast yeah you know that's you know what that is too that's years of being around internet piss entry that's all that is right because he's thinking in his head he's like somebody will notice that somebody will note that in 1068 they actually did this but depending on the calendar they'd count it like this better put a footnote and a footnote so some so like the most pedantic person on the internet this is godfrey after too much exposure to start fill group text this is where he's

right right like you're preempting the worst people in the world oh my god i just thought about jason having to edit dan carlin writing and he was like what why we block quoting every single thing like this is not i think you turn in a draft that size i'm like fine publish fine i'm not reading all this the internet i ain't reading all that We got time for one more. How about that? From flying lamprey on Twitter. Is that you say the name of that animal?

Lamprey? Yeah, lamprey. Yeah, it's a lamprey. Great. Can G5 FCSD2 schools now make a recruiting pitch that success at their school gets you to the AAF? That's a lot, that's a lot of acronyms. I think so.

I mean, those of us who root for lower tier AAAF franchises, struggling, rebuilding teams, we are constantly on the lookout for Division II talent who might be able to improve our team. The rest of you all seem to have found a superior AAF team, so maybe you don't have this problem. Oh, the Atlanta team's bad, right? Yeah, I'm logging on with Memphis for the duration. And I with the Orlando Apollo. So was Orlando actually really good or Atlanta does that back? Because I was in Texas for this game, so we got the San Antonio versus San Diego game,

in which Mike Martz had a 260-pound offensive tackle, and they were doing seven-step drops from under center. I mean, that's a choice. But we did see the best hit of the weekend by far, I think, or maybe of the year. Wait, oh, wait. Oh, wait. Was that Martz who got Berkavichie to Cabbage? Yes. Oh, so you're trying to.

You're trying to say Mike Martz got a quarterback injured. Everybody's good at something, man. Mike Martts got like secret fat too, like his time away from the NFL. Like I'm like, who, like, that's Mike Martz. Okay. All right. And then like, first of all, they're wearing starter gear. Yeah.

You realize that? Like, like, how are the players on the sidelines not wearing starter jackets? They should be wearing like enormous 1993 starter jacket. with the weed pocket in the front yeah red white blue puffy Memphis

starter jacket actually that hot shot the hot shots jacket would look really good their logos their logo rules

they look like PlayStation badges it achievement unlocked you beat the Atlanta legends yeah Birmingham's

uniform is extremely any given Sunday Mike Mike Martes with a nine step drop

I know there's a nine step drop in that playbook gotta be I did feel bad for Bergen-Bici and then by the way

I don't know like if there were any injuries in the game in Orlando because that wasn't on TV where we were but I don't know if they have any medical personnel like the D-Line coach ran out there like a system off the field and like uh do they have trainers or

yeah there was one dude at some point just sit there was like a tight end for Memphis or something just sitting on the bench with an ice pack on his knee like just hanging out huh that's a good question in the ESPN articles

that all medical care might be doing yourself I would yeah I would want to verify that because you know they could be planned by old Formula One rules right like where if you crash and your car caught on fire the field marshals would just sit there and look and go ah la loo look at this

they would like F1 they would just straight up watch somebody bird to death and they're like it's too bad this sounds like an intro it sounded smart or it seems smart oh god listen the history of like when you think when you go man and sometimes i feel really conflicted about being a football fan you know i'm not going to take that away from you i think they're definitely conflicts for you go go look at what being a formula one fan was in like 1963 you're like ah this is murder this is just i'm just watching high speed murder all the time

I think that might have been the end. Was there a lawn care question on that? Oh, right, right. Sorry. What are some advantages and disadvantages of zero-fight-based landscaping? That's cactus, right? Let's look that up. I believe zero-fight might just be, you know, going to flow.

The plant, which needs very little water. I thought that was just like the rocks and, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It seems that would include cacti. Also, pineapples. but pineapples are okay don't pineapple

have a ton of water maybe not I don't think so okay um like they're low maintenance yeah I'm guessing I'm guessing one of the advantages

you don't need water because that's what it says in the name yeah that's a big advantage if you live in a place where humans probably shouldn't live then you might want to look at some of these types of landscaping Yeah, I think I pick this question, mostly do the AAF, but then we're also learning what zero fights are.

Also, how did this guy get all these emojis into his name on Twitter? I wonder how to do that. Now, we have questions for you, readers. Yeah, kids are doing that. Show me how to do this. By the way, what are those places where people shouldn't live where people live? But I want a semi-authoritative list. Like probably massive swaths of the American West.

just for the lack of water but that's that's that's not really a now concern quite yet maybe 50 years state of Florida sooner yeah yeah that's like 60 years out though state of Florida that's like next week let's go down Florida is rough except like right now

this time of year I did hear you guys had some snow up there we did not have this is one thing I want I want to see you in an actual environment where snow falls this is we we used to do sign-a-day new york when we did those sign-of-day lives remember that i'd have to go to new york and was like damn it like the one time going to york all year it's like super cold it was at least talks about weather like he is a football coach though like he is

reminding you how nice it is on his campus i think i got muted on this morning's conference call because coffee's like it's snowing here i was like it's it's 81