Shutdown Fullcast - Culver’s and Health: A Podcast at the Intersection

Episode Date: July 1, 2026

Ryan receives the news of Surber's earthly demise with mild concernSpencer joins the ocean floor aristocracyThis leads inevitably to snack protein discourseCollege football uniform patches feat. Gay Hospital ™ and the Michigan State BankDiscussion returns to protein the old-fashioned way (grave robbery)Google ratings of the godsIntroducing our new summer workout plan, Neckstrong ™The Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 29 (twenty-nine!!) bonus episodes since launching in August. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)Shutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Corey CunninghamDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s other show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz (new album out now!)

Ryan, we have to update you. Server has died. Oh, yeah. It looks like it went well. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. It was all bullshit. Everyone's here.

I, too, do not know anything about server dying, so I need brought into this loop as well. He appears to be in heaven. Yep, update. Yep. It was all bullshit. It looks like we've got one defending your life model of heaven fashion. Satan has an excellent record collection.

So is this the death thing is just about. the light behind you? Yeah, I was wearing I'm wearing it. I didn't know if there was some fantastical caper that happened moments prior or something. No, I'm just breaking the rule

to not shoot in front of a window. Maybe server is the only human who goes to happen. Who's to say? I'm usually the one breaking the rule, but I'm inside today because it is 75,000 degrees outside and I probably could have changed out of sweatpants, but

no need. Just got time for that. Don't bow to nature. You are the one with Dominion. That's right. I ain't a bitch. I'm going to take these sweatpants from my very warm dead body. I'm sweating. I'm doing what it says.

You will peel these drenched sweatpants sweat from my sweat. Very warm corpse. Now I'm just imagining the noise that's going to make. From my melting corpse. We always call it from my cold dead hands. From my hot dead thighs. But somebody's got. gotta be warm as hell, right?

I mean, for a bit, for a while, yeah. From my hot dead thighs. Thank you. Like, I assume you're like, he's been dead for so long, he's cold to the nudge. But I bet sometimes you're like, you're like, oh man, he's dead, but he is so warm.

He is so hot. That's probably, that's probably not a good sign for the rescuers or discoverers here, right? Sure. They're probably, I mean, I guess it depends on how you're stored. but yeah once you come all the way back around to warm that's not good have you been ironman threed is what i was wondering like are you about to burst into flame well let's use that from based on

that film um that's a good sign because it means you'll come back as i understand i think it means you'll come back as a bomb like a ticking time bomb better than not being around which as i lived aren't we all just ticking time bomb i don't know about you brother me i had ten fried shrimp from Culver's yesterday, so yes. The answer is yes. I know, la de da. Can I, all right. Would you have ordered the fried shrimp were it not for them?

No. No. So how much did this Culver's fried shrimp travel thing travel beyond like politics? I don't think at all. Okay. Not at all. I think it's like 2,000 people were talking.

So it was like some tiny, weird, weird account was like posting about There are 100% people listening to this episode who are like, I don't know what you're talking about or why you're talking about. So we'll bring it. I was driving this. We were driving back from Michigan

and I missed all of this because I was driving. Sure. Yeah. So like speed run it. Like 10 second explanation. I've just been told that Spencer is fancy for shrimp. Yes. So Cat.

Oh my God. I'm going to slaughter her off. Faster explanation. does it's like some weird politics account was like i found this politician posting about eating fried shrimp at culvers they're rich they're fake poor and like that was the whole thing that's it that's the whole i'm sorry i'm gonna add i'm gonna add two words they refer to it as fast casual which is yeah yeah it was like clearly they were like fast casual yeah i don't know it's not even that fast it's that's yeah i think that's what i think that's what colver's fast casual means is

like you ain't in that big of a hurry, are you? Because if you were, you wouldn't be eating this. And it turned into a big, listen, it went anywhere any internet conversation. What does it mean to actually be poor? Who is food actually for? What does it mean to be casual? That's right, yeah. It was clearly like person found, was digging for dirt on someone they don't like,

and they found restaurant they'd never heard of, so they looked it up. They see the word fast casual and they're, aha, gotcha. What? As if any, like, I don't know. Fast food is how I describe, but who cares? It doesn't matter. Shrimp is only for the rich. Right.

Yeah. It's bugs. It's Wisconsin shrimp. Yeah. It was inland seafood. It was inland seafood. I know y'all got a lake. It's Wisconsin shrimp.

All right. How was, they're not a sponsor, so you can be honest. You're honest all the time. Hard hitting. Hard hitting food reviews. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah.

It was fine. I didn't feel. I got to admit, go server. Well, I'm just. curious right on top of that. Culver's famous for the concrete mixers. One of the things, another fast casual

joint named after a young gal named Wendy provides as a frosty, and I love to dip my french fries in a frosty. Did you get a concrete mixer and dip the shrimp in the concrete mixer? And if not, why? Server, that sounds real boozy. You sound rich. He looks like that. Oh, yeah. I am.

I'm real rich. Well, yeah, all right. Speaking to us from the afterlife where resources and money are not a concern. from the gilded heavens. Yeah, you got to know right now, by the way, listener, because this is a visual medium server, is shooting in front of a window, which is giving him a heavenly glow.

An angelic light. And in addition to that, he is wearing kind of a loose white shirt, which is what you should be wearing because it's 5,000 degrees outside. And his hair looks great, and he's beaming, he's kind of beatific. And he looks like he's died.

And like everything worked out real well, as opposed to some of the rest of us on this call, who in our dingy basements and tank, top's look like we received a very different judgment. Yeah, we also, Spencer and I also looked like we died. Just in a pre-judgment. We're in that rotting stage. There is a lounging

quality to Yeah, I am looking like slow casual. I didn't know purgatory would look like a hotel lobby. If I'm told you don't get in unless you wear a button shirt, I'll be like, shit, all right, guess I'll be in when you change the rules. Hell rules, let's go.

But I did not get a concrete for this because I know my limits and I had waiting in the, I was like, I think 10 fried shrimp, which I'm going to eat far too quickly, is going to be a challenge. And in addition to that, I haven't moved all day. And I am hunger responsive to movement. When you were in a car for seven hours, friends, the metabolic demands are low. So you were the passenger in this vehicle, yes? Yes. Did you consult the driver, who I assume was Holly? No, Ryan, I'm an asshole.

Yeah, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. I did actually, I was like, hey, it's shrimp. No, no, that's not what happened at all. No? Oh, no. See, this is why I asked the questions. Holly, what happened in the lead-up to this transaction? I was not consulted.

I just ordered shrimp. So they were a surprise shrimp. About eating seafood in the hot car on the eight-hour car drive. It seems like a conversation that should be had with the driver. Well, you know, as a person who is famous for liking seafood, I really would have had no problem with this. Yeah, but, but yeah, I didn't ask. Fortunately, I wasn't driving with somebody who's known me,

for 20 years. Who knows that seafood makes me gagged. I saw shrimp and I struck. Yeah, you did. And I may have hurt some people. Sort of like a crab. Spencer, is it possible you thought because it's a Wisconsin chain

that it wasn't actually shrimp, that it was like some sort of small land creature? It's probably worse than that, Jason. I didn't even think about the origin at all. Okay. I just saw something advertised as shrimp and I dove. It was just cheese curds. Dive, dive.

That's... Skinny. Cheese skirts. Like a great, like a great fat sea bird. I just saw and struck. We'll now call back to one of the rare full gas episodes that I remember when Spencer revealed

he enjoys the seafood surprise sandwich from Subway back in the day. So as long as it comes from the ocean, Spencer will eat it. I think he's an ocean floor dweller, basically. And you can't even swim. That's why he's on the floor. That's why he's on the floor. All the good stuff down there.

You don't have. Well, I just got to sink. I lay on the floor with my mouth open and let it fall in. Also, by the way, I was not going to bring this up until he said he was on good behavior. I was not going to bring this up until he lied. Yeah, really pushed it. In my limited defense of Spencer, I think there is a thing that can happen with some human brains. Maybe Spencer's is one of them, where when we take an item and we bread it and fry it, it ceases to be the original item.

We stop thinking, oh, this is seafood that I'm meeting. It's like, no, it's protected from. the outside world by the crust and therefore any offending odor or allergy or any unpleasantness. No, I've squirled it away. I've put a zinc shield around it so that it's not seafood to anyone else just to me and my tummy. I don't think that's true, but I think Spencer's brain might think that's true. It's just become nucky. Yeah.

You hope it just smells like batter, right? And I sure it did. I'm sure it smelled a lot like batter. Not enough. Not enough. battered ocean. So consequently, consequently.

Was anything said to me about this in the car? Only after. Like, oh, whoops? No, there was no whoops. There was no apology. This is the first time you brought it up. Spencer, can I say something with love?

I can't stop you. Why do you need the love? You are the human embodiment for me of ask for forgiveness, not permission. He's never asked for forgiveness. I think there's I think he's a secret third thing Rask for permission and then do it anyway There's only a hundred and eight degrees

We're fine Serber you're dead You can tell me forgiveness the whole thing That's bullshit right It's horse shit Yeah I don't need to worry about that No no he's good You're getting in you're fine

Yeah see You want a Z28 Free Yeah Free Bad ass This is awesome Anyway, I don't feel good today, and I can't figure out why.

Are you here? Once again, reemphasizing. I was not going to bring this up. You're telling me, smoking and abandoning it with shrimp. Then he tried to paint himself with Serber's angelic brush. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

That was in the shrimp hot box. So. In the shrimp hot box with a guy who I said, do you want a DJ? And he said, how would you feel about some wham? And I was just like, I'm sure I've been in worse situations. I was in the mood to listen. It was hard to think about. Yeah.

Who doesn't want to be listening to wait me up before you go-go while a guy eats 10 fried shrimp next to you in a hot car? While a guy eats 10 fried shrimp next to you in a hot car with alarming speed. Well, yeah, I did eat it really quickly. That's good. Which is probably good on the whole. It went away fast. But still part of the sensory experience for the driver. Also terminology there, Ryan.

Yeah. Probably the wrong term. that will only be very funny to people who are very familiar with how Spencer conducts himself online. He opened the box and it came with lemon wedges. What'd you do with the lemon wedges? I had a moment of hope because I was like, oh, he's going to get mad and pitch it out the window. I'll be fine. Nope. No. I was like a common, you're lucky if your seafood doesn't come with cheese on it at Culvers. So I felt pretty blessed. And that is not an exaggeration because I have in another moment of extreme consideration for my car mate ordered three.

fish from Culver's and the fucking shit came with cheese on it. So I thought that was pretty fun. Like a filial fish tile sandwich? Yes, yes. They will put a slice of American cheese on top of your fish, which in a tolerant society. Oh yeah. That's the other funny part.

This has happened before. Yeah. We have been through this at Culver's before. All right. Spencer, I'm going to list some foods. Not the part where Spencer gets cheese. The part where he orders seafood to eat in a hot coffee. Spencer, I'm going to list some foods and you tell me if Colvert's offered them and you were driving somewhere with Holly if you would order them. Okay.

The answer is all yes. Lobster. Yeah. Of course he would. Like a platter, a whole platter of lobster. You got to understand that other people aren't Spencer. Sure. The other people aren't people to Spencer.

But in like, not in like a sociopathic way, in like a somehow genial way. Sure. Which just makes it worse because you're not allowed to get mad at it. Again, I'm going to cite servers lore from the afterlife, the forgiveness thing. That's bullshit. Oh, you're good. Calamari. Also, I didn't say anything in the car.

Yeah, sure. Because I was just like, sure, why not? Calamara, yes. The Charity Bowl event was great. The Subway Seafood Surprise. Yes. Tuna sashimi. Okay, so I was at a pilot, and I don't want to spend money.

at pilot so I just went to the bathroom there but I did notice they had sushi at the pilot and for a moment you run the you know my Terminator brain is like menu options select and it was like gas station sushi from a pilot and my objection was not the fact that it was sushi it was that it would have given money to the Haslam's so I decided that yeah I would probably take your rich ass to Culvers instead but if that's right but if the sushi had been available at Culvers yeah I give it run and my last question Colver announces, hey, you can drive through our restaurant and we will sell you for a reasonable price and with confidence that you are getting a food safe version of this, raw oysters.

Are you ordering raw oysters to eat in the car next to Holly? Not next to Holly because that might end up. No, this is a vomit situation potentially. So that's the lie. But am I going to post about it? Am I going to go to Culvers and be like, let's see how this goes? Yeah. Yeah, I can't lie. I would.

You're lying right now. How's this? I hope I'm not lying. And really isn't life lived in the hope of being better. You're lying because it's not that you would consider the welfare of others and then discard that notion out of hand. This is not malicious. It would never occur to you to consider the welfare of others. And you'd feel bad about that precisely up until you forgot about it.

and I don't know why I'm using a subjunctive tense here. You forget about it. No, no, no, no, just get into it. You beat yourself up about it just long enough for you to forget about it, which doesn't take long, and then you do it again. Spencer, it's awesome. I say this with love as well. I hope that one day you get to be on the stand or in a deposition chair

and you get to say the sentence, I hope I'm not lying. I kind of have been in that situation already, right, you know. I mean, that's pretty much what Jonah Arc said when they were like, they were like, are you good to go? Are you going to heaven? And she's like, eh, it might be. How should I know? Listen, once you have those raw oysters from Culver's, you're going to start having some visions too, brother. I'm saying, what? I think God wants me to free France. From Wisconsin. From Wisconsin. People living in Wisconsin would understand that. They'd be like, oh, yeah.

I think that's a great idea. We'll get there when we get there. Yeah, I would totally get oysters from a Culver's. To the shutdown forecast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast, sponsored by Culver's new oysters. Come on down. You've never had them so raw. They're fried and raw.

So raw, I don't scream at you. With cheese. So Midwest. and so raw it apologizes as it slides down your throat. Culvers, fresh oysters. Ops. Ops. Opsters. Ah, geez.

Let me just scoge down your throat real quick. Spencer, I'm going to let you know right now. I want to derail your intro. Okay. But I want you to have some choice in the matter. Try to be a good co-hosts here. So would you rather talk about protein or the sun? I would rather talk about protein.

Okay. We'll talk about the sun another day. The son and I are enemies right now. We'll talk about the sun another day. I'm sure we've talked on this show about the proteinification of all food. I spent a lot of time on the Pop-Tarts. And on the whole, I'm fine with it. Like, I think it's fine for people to have more choices. I understand why certain people, like, need to get more.

Whatever. I don't really feel that strongly about it. I don't have a diatribe here. But it didn't occur to me the other day that there is a line where if this specific food item becomes proteined, if I see a version of this where it's like now with 18 grams of protein, I will become sad. And we've already crossed like ice cream you can get in protein form.

I saw a jar of peanut butter that was advertising it as extra protein peanut butter, which baffled me. But I think if Entenman's Danish rolls out a protein Danish, That's where I will say like, oh, we have lost something here. Entenman's Danish to me, for whatever reason, is the thing that's supposed to be like, you should never feel like this is good for you. You should never feel like this is the thing that you are,

oh, I'm doing this for my health. This is the thing I'm doing to, nope. I think the protein line for me is, is there a scenario in which you eat it and then not long after that go to exercise? Because protein is, it's almost all understanding. That's the stuff you put in and then you exercise. To build the muscles. Yeah.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. So, like, that could be either it's an actual, like, thing you would probably eat if you were looking to gain muscle versus it's something that if you eat it, you think, oh, shit, I better get to work. Get rid of this. Intonement, obviously, that's the thing you should probably, the latter. But also, it might be more of the kind that's just like a, ah, fuck it, right? Like, I'm not working this off. I don't get this shit.

Right. Yeah. So I could, yeah. Like there are certain unhealthy foods that that spur you to greatness, which is my entire dietary model. Yes. But there are others that are just, you're punting. Yeah, the vibe of Entenmans with protein feels so wrong to me. Feels so like spiritually bereft.

And I just wanted to know, Spencer, if you have a similar sort of place in the grocery universe where it's like, hey, if I see this protein max version, I will similarly feel. feel sad. If I, so, I am more of a savory snack person than a sweets person on the whole. I will destroy both, but if I had to land on one side of the other, a big bag

of Doritos or some shit. We've protein those. That's wrong to me. Oh, yeah. Oh, 100% we have protein. Broritos. Yeah. It's not good. It makes me very sad because the entire purpose. The entire

idea, and this is where maybe we can return to Holly's theory that I am just a big cat in a cage need enrichment. The entire takedown. No, it's a hypothesis. There's plenty of ways to test it. We're working on all of them. By putting you in a big cage.

Oh, you think if I put you on the roof like Mitt Romney's dogs, anybody would actually complain. He's happy up there. Yeah, it's a breeze in my hair. Once they find out he's a podcast, they'll be like, ah, it's a stunt. It's fine. It's a stunt. It's just for content. Don't call the cops.

You're not doing it for the love of the riding on top of a car game. Probably some Mr. Beast knockoff. Yeah. Hanging on the roof does fucking rule though. Yeah. It does. Not as a punchline. It's just fucking, it's sick as fuck.

It's awesome up there. It is awesome. That's why server is in heaven right now. He's riding on a car. He's on Earth's the roof of the cosmos. Yeah, I'm doing the Teen Wolf thing. Spencer, is there a specific savory snack? Like, is it Jerritos or is there like, oh, if we lost this one?

specifically. Oh, Doritos. Like Doritos are like the whole idea. We have lost Doritos. We have lost. Yeah. We did. And that makes me very sad because the whole idea, by the way, first of all,

grab bag, crinkle. Ooh, stimulating to the ear and the hand. Rip bag open. Ah, fresh aroma of hog fodder, right? Covered in salt and artificial flavorings. Crunch. It's delightful. Every single bit of devouring an entire bag of Doritos when you've had either too much

to drink are very very, very tired or otherwise compromised. Great. Can I, can I sell you on slightly sadder would be Zapp's voodoo protein chips? That's a betrayal of so many things. Yeah.

Like that feels like a cultural betrayal. Like Doritos, I think, at least have enough malleability conceptually where I'm like, sure, you had to do this eventually. If Zaps went protein mode, I would feel a sadness in my soul. Yeah, I would, I mean, then that's like, like Holly said, that's a cultural betrayal.

Yeah. Louisiana's not. This feels like what Ed Ogeron actually eats, though. But he makes his own Zab's protein chips. I'm confident it's Zaps like, listen, I'm sure he's taking, I'm sure he's taking protein powder, mixing it in sour cream, dumping it. And using it and having dip, having chips and dip. There's my protein dip. That's my guacamole.

I mean, I know what a Cajun protein. chip is a pork rind. That's true. That's what it is. It's a no, no, I get that. Like there is a, there's a shrimp buff. Now, I'm saying all of this, by the way, and I know it from the fact because if it is one of those protein enhanced foods, if it's several degrees removed from reality, I will

automatically try it. So for instance, those like those high protein potato chips that like you see not in the regular potato chip section, but in the pharmacy. They're like medicinal High protein Tortoise chips Warning, not for dogs Yes

As I As I pawed off the shelf Gotta get that shit Not real food Yeah I'm gonna get massive on these Fake cupcakes Cups they sell it QT

Your dog will fart themselves to the moon Fart itself inside out Yeah Just like me, baby. You'll prolapse this whole dog body if eats these chips. Your dog will disappear up dog's own but hole, but you'll be fine. You'll disappear from the visible spectrum. Don't let the dog eat the protein chips.

You got one of them dog fart ghosts now. You're going to be stuck on the connector in high intensity traffic with the ghost of the airfoot latrine disaster in your car. And you can't roll the windows down because it's 102 degrees. But you're going to get swole. You're going to be so swole. Nobody's going to want to be near you because you'll smell like. And the taste is bad. It's bad.

That's how you know it's working. It's like medicine. That's why it's in that aisle. The other aisles are for food that taste good. You want to go to the bad food aisle. That's what you're looking for. It is. They should just call it that.

This is the bad food aisle. Welcome. This is our business idea of the week. We open a gentleman's apothecary, and it's just this stuff. Hey, did you see something? snow piercer and say, hmm, tasty. This is the aisle for you. I'm looking up the protein chips now.

These are, they look incredibly dry. The Doritos protein chips? Or the general protein chips? The medicinal protein chips. They come in bags that look like cough drops. Yeah. Yeah, they're bad. The only ones that are kind of acceptable are the chicken ones. Like there's ones that are the sort of reconstituted chicken in the form of a chip.

Yeah, it's closer to a pork rind in some ways. It's a chicken rind essentially, yeah. It's a horrifying phrase. I don't want to hear, and by the way, like, you can say that you don't like them unless you're the kind of person who has had a chicken nugget in the last 48 hours, in which case, welcome. That's all you're eating. This is a flat chicken nugget that somebody is kind of like air fried, you know.

They're not good. But I will also say this. But you're going to get swole. They're going to get swole and they're better than any of the. baked goods, donuts, fake cakes that you can buy, the Quest cakes, oh Christ on a bike, those are terrible. Absolutely awful. I'll probably get them again later this week when I get gas.

But still, Doritos, whoa, they make Doritos cheesecake. Oh, they don't make it. They don't make it. And I tagged Holly for a reason. There is a whole recipes section on Doritos.com, which includes an alarming number of recipes, I don't like the use of the word cradles. And one of them is for Doritos Nacho cheesecake.

I can't believe, wow, I can't believe they use the wrong form of guilds in here. That's amazing. Okay, red pepper jelly in here makes this a cultural attack. Red pepper, it gilds the lily. They got that here too. No, no. Wow. I bet you'll never forget your first bite.

I believe you. If you, no, someone's going to try to do this. I shouldn't have spoke with this. Now somebody on the internet is going to listen to this episode and be like, I'm going to make the Doritos Dachia cheesecake. And then where do we go from there? This is, those who indulge will never forget their first bite. Doritos macarones.

That's an item on the Doritos recipe. I'm listening. Listening intently. Doritos egg rolls. Some of these are just normal. Doritos loaded nachos. Yeah, man. I don't need a recipe for that.

I just can't figure it out. That's not. I just need some weed. That's all. So I'm carefully measuring how much gravy to put in on my garbage truck nachos. They should have a section on here that's like, hello high people, click. Okay. There is a recipe on here where you make Poper del pasta, but you make it including crumbled Doritos.

Oh, no. And I just, I don't understand the Venn diagram for people who are like, yes, I want to make my own pasta. And yes, I also want to make it with the, I don't think, like, it's a, that's TikTok. Oh, Jesus Christ, I just saw the butterboards. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I brought this into our lives. No.

You're going to be on all the stunt food subredits. Like this, this is, there is absolutely a whole industry of like baiting out. by cooking something really stupid. That doesn't make sense. What has the Dr. Potato Blog wrought? And I have played into it inadvertently. Spilly Gore. Yes.

Oh, we, yeah. By the way, if you've ever, if you haven't been with us that long and you saw the, the guy making the Gatorade tuna noodle casserole or whatever it was a couple weeks ago, that's us inadvertently. It's a long time ago and it's a long story, but we're responsible for that and we're sorry. You're welcome. Yeah.

And now you can make Doritos cheesecake. As his editor, I'm not sorry at all. Yeah. Or Doritos Barbecue-Crusted Jamaican beef patty. I'm not saying no. Doritos chicken Gordon Blue. Yeah, I'm not really sure I know what Sorry would feel like if I ever did experience it. Anyways, we could have talked about the sun, but now we're here.

I think this is a much better place. I feel much more positively about every single one of these atrocities than the ball of gas currently boiling my world. Go on get. Let's talk about college football now. So speaking of boiling gas, Wisconsin is putting a Culver's patch on their jerseys, which is one of the very few jersey sponsorship patches. It feels actually apt and appropriate and cultural and like, oh, y'all are from this place. So is that thing that everyone would know and or like if they'd ever tried it. So, you know, good for them.

That's cool. So sports business journal had a list of the college. Matt Brown had one as well in his newsletter a few weeks ago. I'm looking at SBJs. And most of them are kind of eh. Arkansas, their jersey patch, Tyson Foods. Yep. Duh.

They really should play up the abattoir of that more. I mean, it's kind of funny that, I mean, yes, it makes sense, but if we thought about the fact that the Razorbacks have a slaughterhouse for chickens, right? It's basically like, yeah, eat them. Eat them, not us. Pork bad, chicken good. I hadn't thought about it as like in the wild defense mechanism. I was just thinking about like, welcome to the slaughterhouse over the stadium.

But of course they haven't. Not of course. It's weird that they haven't. Memphis, FedEx, duh, it's kind of your only. Yeah, that is your entire identity. I get it. USF brought to you by the hospital, which is always really weird to me because it's like, I mean, if I break my arm, where else was I going to go?

Hooters? You know, like, what are you competing against? In Florida, brother? Some people might. I'm just going to drink it off. I'm pretty sure Tampa Generals where... I'm pretty sure Tampa Generals where that guy had the wrong leg cut off. That sounds...

They should have been more Tampa-specific. That also... The problem with that anecdote is you're like, you're making it sound like it's the one time. Yeah. That's a problem. But yeah, Jason, if you can get Hooters in network, absolutely people will go. In network, yeah, that's different.

That would change things quite a bit. I'm just saying the hospital advert. I mean, I realize there are millions of things like this where it's thing advertising. And I'm like, okay, it's either, you know, I don't need any helicopter parts and or I don't, you know, if there's only one hospital here. You say that now. Yeah, you say that now. But when you need a helicopter cart, brother, you're really going to need one. The first one on look up, of course, is Bell.

Regardless, the Tampa Hospital deciding that the way to take the focus off all the legs are cutting off is U.S. football. That's okay. That's up to them. Sure. That is the most Richard's scary brain-level busy town shit is like the football team, sponsored by the hospital. You know, the hospital. Right. The place you go and you're hurt from playing football.

Other stuff from other things. Florida football sponsored by the farm the farm where your food comes from it's not like I have like ooh should I go to this hospital or that hospital which one sounds better like I'm just fucking go to one the nearest one

I mean if you're on this show or listening to the show you're probably not going to go to the hospital do you think there has been somebody who like grabbed the ambulance driver by the coat and was like make sure you take me to the official sponsor of the Tampa Bain Lightning. God damn, don't you take me to the other hospital.

Because the other one's not for sports fans like me. I'm going to get killed in the group chat if you take me to the other hospital. The other one's not for sports guys. They made sports clips for your cutting your leg off. Rocky's not going to come visit me if I don't go to the official hospital of the USF football. God damn. The other hospital is gay. They sponsor ballet.

I don't want that one. I got to go to Hulk. hospital. Again, probably this happened. These are things I'm doing if I'm a billionaire. I'm going to buy a hospital, Shane. I'm going to call it gay hospitals.

And I'm going to make it the best hospital in the area. Every homophobe has to be like when there's, brother, take me to the Hulk emergency room. Right. When they've, when they have killed them, when they've like fractured their spines because they're trying to

squat 620 after taking steroids for two weeks, right? Like, I got a brother. They have to look up at a friend and go, take me to the gay hospital. Take me to the hospital. Which one? Don't make me say it. I need to go to the gay hospital.

You buy up all 10 hospitals, right? Yeah. You make sure one of them sucks, and you call that one straight hospital. Like, that's the one with, that's the one with, it's failing like the fucking, um, the surgeon general, blah, blah, blah. The health code number is like eight out front, right? All the, all the gay hospitals are awesome. I know it's terrible. I know I'm going to die.

But at least it'll. It won't be supporting U.S.F football. Have all of these ass with these bros with the not my president's on being like, I went to gay hospital and they took good care of me. Thank you, gay hospital. Which hospital are you at? Yeah, I'm at gay hospital. I was admitted to gay hospital.

Yes, I told them my pronouns. Yeah. I got pronouns now. Got them installed. They got that to step. That's what I got in. I heard it was the Gaia hospital We told you it's not called that

I also like that It's Tampa General Hospital sponsored USA Because it was like some super specific hospital That'd be one thing like Oh I don't know they have a hospital for that That's what I needed But general hospital It's like

Store It's owned by the cartoon insurance guy with Shaq He owns that hospital The General Oh okay Come to Tampa Jennifer and save some time. Cut off your leg.

Real fast. If you die, Shuck gets to eat you. Yeah. That's how we pay him. If you want the best care, go to gay hospital. If you want affordable care. Come to the general hospital. To the general and save some time.

Yeah, you can save some time. It'll just die. Just kill you. Here's one weird hack. Here's one weird hack to fixing all of the problems in your life. Die. Can't confirm. That's right.

Angel server from on high. Also Marshall brought to you by the Marshall Health Network. It's like, duh. Where else was I going to go if I need health at Marshall? So if we just boil these down, USM sponsored by the hospital, right? Yeah. Marshall brought to you by the hospitals. You're right.

It is really Daniel Tiger, where it's like. So this has led us to something with Wisconsin. They have two sponsors, all right? Okay. Two sponsors. Culvers does not put jersey patches on everything. They have football, men's basketball, and men's hockey. The sponsor for women's basketball, women's hockey.

The sponsor for women's sports is the hospital. They're sending men to Colvers and women to the hospital, which honestly, I'm like, you know what? What would rather go to Colvers than go to the hospital? I'm thinking this is actually going to fix society in the long run. We're going to send the men to Culvers. They're going to die off from eating Culvers, whereas the women will be well taken care of at the hospital. You're saying Culver's is poisoning the patriarchy from within.

Yes, yeah. We're sending the men to eat the cursed shrimp, and the women are getting hospital care. I will tell you. The Wisconsin Badgers are slowly fixing society. Brian, it took 38 minutes of recording, but I finally feel better about our trip home. Thank you.

Spencer is dying as we speak, Holly. I got to say, after eating 10 of them, I think that it is a form of treatment, but not the one you want. Feminism is spiking as we speak. I think if I had eaten 20, I would have made a serious contribution to feminism by dying. Joining spent during server in the after realm. Yeah. Me and server be up there like, it's awesome. They got plenty of shrimp up here.

They do. You know that Shoney's breakfast bar shit where it was like a hollowed out Twinkie? and you can put stuff in it, that's all we eat. It's called ally ship, because it's in the ocean getting shrimp to kill us. That's right. And I'm because I'm trying to eat all that shrimp. That's all my shrimp.

The USS Indianapolis was a real ally ship because it was all dudes and they all died. There. Yeah, ideal. Perfect. There are two sponsors on here, though, that I want to single out as being uniquely strange. New Mexico State.

Oh, this is a good one. This is, like, a good one in terms of nomenclature and in terms of how the actual patch looks. This is a local hotel thing, resort type thing called. A casino slash resort. Are we sure it's real because you know that one time? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there was that one time that ball fell through. That one time the bowl fell through because the thing didn't actually exist.

However, this is the end of the mountain gods resorting casino. Which is bringing to you, New Mexico State. And I am not going to attempt to guess who this individual is in the patch. It is, this person looks awesome. Let's put it that way. It looks like, it looks like a mountain god. I'll tell you that much. This is, this is owned by the Mescalero Apache tribe.

Got a, got a knife. Also got a different blade. That's not a knife. Got a sick hat. This dude is sick, man. That's the end of the mountain guy. And it's on, it's next to fucking new. Mexico State's Pistol Pete?

Like, what a duo. What a tag team this is. Pistol Pete and the Mountain God? Mm-hmm. Listen, you want some featured games? They got Blackjack, they got poker. They got a $60 showdown tournament. Ooh!

They got a weekly $120 ante up on this. My only note is that Pistol Pete, as I am picturing him, feels more in line vibes-wise with hospital than casino. I don't know about that. Maybe not. No. No, maybe. Like sending people to hospital.

Yeah. Okay. Never mind. You're right. Keeping hospital in business. This is part of the cycle of pistol feet life. I apologize. Why not polymarket the hospital?

Are you going to make it through the surgery? How much do you believe that? Well, partner, the two of us ain't going to the same place tonight. I'm going to Casina. Your ass going to the hospital. Blah, blam! Don't worry. It's gay hospital.

I love you. You're ass going to gay hospital. hospital they got a hooters they got a gay gay hooters i'm mike gundy and let me tell you mike gondy here for gay hooters do i sound like how you made it sound like a children's book like in the gay gay hospital on the little green hill in the big big house beside the gay gay hooters there was a big white truck i also want to spot like michigan state sending you to the bank death taxes banking it's as exciting as watching michigan state football watching michigan state think football.

Which bank? The Michigan State Federal Credit Union. Credit union. Not even a bank of credit union. Just like, yeah, it's a type of bank. It's a type of bank where you're like, I recall scrolling past someone on Reddit who's like a huge disciple of you should always go to the credit union. That's the extent of my knowledge about the credit union.

Having said that bank. I just, it's funny that this school that previously was like, NF duck. Yeah. The future of digital. Get away from. Additional finance. Take your money to the credit union. They'll give you 1.2%. Stop being greedy. Put it in the bank that's more boring than the bank. Here's a $2 bill. Happy birthday. It's Michigan State football.

This is Pat Fitzgerald Brain as far as football tactics are concerned. Is like to do a bare minimum. Do, do, do, do, just aim for six points. If you have more than $25 cash on you, you're asking for trouble. Go to the bank. Go to the credit union. It's going to get robbed by bandits. that pistol beat is a real asshole. He keeps all of his money on his person. You should have enough cash to buy Culver's shrimp for you

and none for your lady because she goes to the hospital. I go to shrimp hospital. Michigan, that's perfect. Michigan State's pitches like in all directions too. They're like Michigan, they'll want you to do fancy things like a mutual fund. You know what's mutual disrespect? We feel you disrespect for their speculative financing. Come on down and get 1.3%.

here at the Michigan State Credit Union. Ohio State, I hear you with that funny money, those crypto guys over there. You just, no, you keep that fake stuff. Come over here, 1.3. I'm not grave robin. Fuck, crypto. Get over here. Thank you for the...

I mean, getting the choice. Thank you for the implication that Ohio State fans in the imagination of a Michigan state fan are robbing graves. Bro, do you know how much protein there is in the graveyard? Yeah, all the carbs decay. It's a cache of protein. Carbs, unstable. Aged bone marrow forever.

Did you sprinkle a little Dorino on that? Oh, my God. Delicious. You say gross, but have you seen my vascularity, bro? Have you seen it? The whisper makes it so much worse in a way that I can't. Yeah, yeah, because like, it sounds like I'm close enough to you to be inspecting your vascularity. Yeah.

Whether you want you. want to or not. I can't help but notice, literally cannot help but notice your vascularity. Hey, listen, man. If you, listen, if you want the dough to rise, you got to do a little digging, you know. That's all I got to say. No. Plaintiff, no.

Why did you say that? I'm out of indignation after the past, like, 72 hours. I'm just protesting with what's left of my soul. You think Indiana Jones School. You should see Ohio State Jones. Fuck a written dude. Wife's a bitch. Won't let me have

Nintendo Switch. That's just temple of Zoom. I think $1,900 for the Switch extended is totally worth it. Oh my God. The amount of protein in a human heart, you kidding me? It's like, well, that's a no-brainer, bro. Yeah.

No-brainer. Yeah. Nature's... Put it... Nature's lollipop. That's what is. Put it on the grill. bitch. Put it on the grill.

There's one more in here that is extremely bizarre, and I did look up what they did. I need you to look at you in LVs. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. So, we have sponsored by bank.

We have sponsored by casino and hotel and resort. Sorry, into the mountain gods. There's so much more than that. But we also have sponsored by accesso biologics Excesso biologics You may go

Hey man That sounds kind of Terminator 2ish That sounds a little Downright dystopian I'm going to keep reading And it's one of those things where I say one term And another question arises

Nothing about me explaining this will help It only grows more sinister You open their website And it says Advancing the field of regenerative medicine. Regenerating what? I guess that's my first question. So, they specialize in sports medicine allographs,

spine and orthoalographs, and PRP therapy, which is platelet-rich plasma. That's what this company does. Okay. This shit is Weapon X, is what I'm gathering. I think so? I think that's what you got. platelet rich plasma therapies where you take their own blood

take someone's blood and then use a center to concentrate it so that it's all platelets It's blood plus It's blood plus yeah that's a great yeah That's a great way of explaining Is this Dracula plus? Shit we found it It's got protein and what is

What is Dracula what? Excesso That's what he wants I knew it was real Let me in your house Excesso biological Excessal It's like some sort of a spell. I'm just going to read the names of some of their products, which they advertise on here.

I hope is blood. Excesso strut core. What? Accesso regent chips. Chips? Mm-hmm. Blood chips. I try them.

Assessau Crunch Matrix. What? And then the one that really disturbed me. Assetsu. Regen Puddy. What? That is the worst. Mind you. Crunch Matrix, I just looked up. The shit comes in a syringe. Spencer has left out. Excesso power tend.

I'm going to say something. I need to say something here. Yes. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a medical professional. I think our country has gotten into a lot of trouble by treating people who aren't doctors like they have valid medical opinions. That said. I don't think anything you put in a syringe should crunch. That's what I'm bravely. I beg to death. That's how you wound up in heaven.

Great, great job. Just not being RFK, just doing the voice. Yeah, somebody was really saying on that. So there it was shooting crunch. Yeah. Does it, Spencer, can you read all the assessor's things

in a Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, though. I think they'll be cooler. I'm going to land on assesso as the, well, actually, it's Arnold, so he's going to say accesso. Okay. Yeah, you have to do the end how he's going to do it. Excessal bio chip crystals. Excessal Regen potty.

Excessal fiber flex. Flex. Pudy. Accessal vital fibers DBS. Accesso bioflex. Accesso bioblox sponge. Yeah, this is disturbing. I'm trying to imagine all this in Dan Mullen's accent.

Dan Mullen's probably just like got bowls of this stuff on his desk. Just eating tendons. Yum, delicious. It's just putting Regen putty on a salad. Hey, it's just great. It's a knot. It's amazing. Yeah, so I've read all of these things, and I still can't really tell you half of what this company does.

And that's how you know it's good. This company appears to be headquartered in a mall. Like, it's down the mall for Mazeals. That's like most of Las Vegas architecture. It saves on air cream. That's fair. So this is mall hospital. We have shrimp hospital,

mall hospital, gay hospital. I just think it's weird to be like, the future of medicine is down the block from Magiato's Little Italy. Mall hospital, daughter, or shrimp hospital son. This is, this definitely sounds like something you encounter in a video game. Like there's a row of stores and one of them you stop in for power up syringe. This is sort of, this is where Culvers meets hospital. Yeah, at last we have found the junction.

We're going to launch a podcast at the intersection of Culvers and health. Actually, we kind of have. We have, yeah. Yeah, this is our pilot. At the intersection of tech, politics, hospital, pooters. They have zero Google reviews. How is that possible? I guess we'll be the first.

Because they get so healthy that they don't need online anymore, server. They're done with computer. too happy. Yeah. I don't already need a computer. I only touch grass. Not in Las Vegas.

I have become grass. I have become grass. I touch gravel. Is that what you tell people in Las Vegas? Go touch gravel. I have no. Go touch parking garage. Yeah.

Touch Rhinestone. Go walk like, go walk a quarter of a mile and touch absolute wilderness. Yeah. Touch the desolation that should be here. I think also, by the way, can you imagine the Yelp review that they would get, which is, you know, I've had better regent putty. Yeah. From a different mall-based health concern.

From Hooters. Yeah, from Hooters. From Hooters. From Hooters Hospital. Breast hospital. Hurders is a form of urgent care. Yeah. That's all. It's a weird collection of Jersey patches. I don't really know what I expected, but like getting to the point where it's like, okay, there's one thing on here that's like a product and everything else is like, it's an entity. It's kind of the bowl. We're kind of having the bowl problem or the bowl conundrum.

All this stuff is like, yeah, they take money. Do they make goods and services anymore? Yeah. Well, FedEx, FedEx, I guess counts. Because if I'm like, hmm, UPS or FedEx, well, I saw FedEx logo more recently, I don't know. But otherwise. Yeah, and if a thing, and if a mere hospital were to sponsor a bowl, I think we would all be thrilled because that's something that we can identify.

I will say any of the mountain gods counts because it is by far the most interested I have ever been in visiting Mescalero, New Mexico. Yeah, I think we can just, I think if we created just a blanket mountain gods exemption from bitching about sponsors, I think that's going to cover a lot. If there's a mountain gods bowl, I'm like, yes. Oh, 100%. I don't care where it is. Actually, I'm now interested more in a fictional sponsor than anything else because the first program that has gay hospital as it is. sponsor. I am 100% on board. I'm like, that's a great program. I am Googling

Mountain Gods of New Mexico. I want to see like the Mountain Gods of like Florida or like Mountain Gods of Nebraska, you know? 483 feet. All right. Now this is final makes a lot more sense as a college football sponsor. 366 Yelp reviews.

2.7 stars. That's just they lost money while they were there. That's just you can't get in an argument with the mountain gods. They failed to appease a mountain god Listen, the mountain god The mountain god is always hot at the craps tape If you're a god and you're getting 2.7

That's actually a pretty good batting average Honestly Yeah does that mean you're doing it correctly In terms of like smiting versus blessing Yeah yeah maybe so I think if you're reading's too high It's like how much of a god really are you And if your rating is too low

It's like I think you might just be a good If it's too high you're not doing any coaching That's right yes yes Like five is genie One is devil. Right. Two in the middle, mountain god. That's a good mountain god right there.

I've read the classic. Zeus is getting like a 1.3 at best. If he's cracked at one, I think there's a little inflation going on there. He'd be heated about it too. I think the point three is like, I don't know, they just liked the stories. They never actually interacted with them, you know. Just me shit-talking Zeus from behind a private account on Instagram. Be funny if you could reply.

Click. Zeus is super chill, man. Oh, really? Once you get up there, it turns out he just, he just fucks with us, not y'all up there. He's really into his garden. I think, Serber, this is really highlighting off when we talk about, like, death, like, you being dead, you know? And you comment on it every time. Yeah.

Like, it makes me wonder if we're just, this is, like, all we talk about on here. I do think there are some people giving Zeus, like, giving one star because not Kronis. Probably there is, like, some element of that. Like rival camps. Yeah. Yeah, like better than Kronus. But somebody's still bitter. Somebody's still bitter about the change, right?

Yeah. I liked it better when this show that Crohn's head. Fill off once it became GCC. Oh my God. And what were the Titans famous for, what were the Titans famous for having a season record of? Eight and eight. In their heyday.

Yeah. Yeah. Back when they played real ball. They believed, yeah. Back when they fucking believed. I want my jersey, I want my jersey from my college football team to be sponsored by Ultron, who had the right idea. No, Thanos, sorry. Ultron just had different right idea.

Ultron kind of does sponsor Tennessee. I think Ultron is more just like, don't go online. And that's a good message for today's youth. The lessons we can learn from Ultron, many. Stay off the computer because you already are computer. I think it may be time. Should we not get a little podcast business? While we're on the subject of commerce.

While we've made all this money for USF. Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business. It's a business. Podcast business. Sponsored by the farms where you get your food. It's called the farm and that's the way sponsor your football team.

The shutdown forecast is brought to you by a shirt. Not just any shirt, though. Homefield apparel.com is. The shirt company that makes best shirt. And, man, have we looked at USF recently? I don't think we have. I thought I recall. This is spectacular stuff.

This is a bright, bright, vivid green on all these USF throwbacks available for you at Homefield Apparel.com. They have the old, they have the old Bank Bull logo. Yeah, Bank Bowl. I do like Bank Bull. That's amazing. It's got inaugural 1997 season with Bank Bull. You can LARP as a full-time, a real-time.

original ground floor, USF Bull, which will probably get you like into the front of the line at the hospital. Or Hooters. It would. Or Hooters either. Yeah, the manager will call you right to the front. I'm going to tell you, you get front row at Hoobus Tank if you're an OG USF fan. Where's Hoopisank from?

I don't know. South Florida. Spiritually. Are they? Spirit. No, I don't know. I have no idea. Somewhere Aguara Hills, California.

So we'll look at wherever that is next time. It's the Tampa California. That's a little bit North Philly. I got cousins there. Okay. But they're Penn State fans. I also like at Homefield. There's a Big Ten thing, I guess, retroactively.

Maybe they've Big Ten expanded because of them. Also at Homefield Apparel.com, another USF garment I really like. Sailing at South Florida. Just a picture of sailboats. Like I feel really advertised to. I want to go to Tampa to sail in my Homefield Apparel.com USF gear. I like the golden brahmins logo This is on a like yellow shirt

And it has Is it truly an anthropomorphized Mascot if we haven't changed any Like if it has hoobs And it's just standing on its back hooves And holding up its front hooves But we haven't like made them In any way like hands

Does that count or is we just showing like a fucked up bull It's wearing a jersey It is wearing a jersey but you could put a jersey on an animal. Yeah, you could put a jersey on a pet and they are, that you have, that doesn't make it a man. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. It's sort of like, it really plays with your idea of like, what does it mean to be human? It's wearing shorts. Yeah. Imagine putting shorts on the bull. Hopefully all the peril is constantly questioning, like, what does it mean to be human versus animal? That's why I go there.

I mean, the shirts and the sweatshirts are comfortable too, but it's to confront, like, the very notion of, am I human or not? Yeah, really, I go there to do that and I just accidentally. start buying stuff. Yeah, sure. And then it's a surprise treat for me. And I'm like, wow, this was brought to me by a far more wise and philosophical version of myself.

And then I think, like, but only humans could buy home field apparel. Surely a dog could never, but maybe one day a dog will buy home field apparel. In a way, shopping at home field apparel is very affirming for me as a human because it's like, wow, I am truly conscious and sentient because I am the one who bought this stuff. Really, it is the most life affirming thing there is about life. to shop at homefield apparel.com. Is to shop, yes. Yeah.

Yeah. To purchase and consume, mainly homefield apparel.com. Yeah. Everything else is capitalism and that's bad. Homefield apparel is great because you get clothes that are very pretty. But what I'm going to do bad capitalism, I would rather do bad capitalism at Channel 6. If I'm going to do it somewhere, it's got to be at Channel 6 because I got to tell you, channel 6 only delivers me newsletters I enjoy reading and never shrimp that I eat in the car next

to a driver who didn't say it was cool if I ate shrimp in the car. Channel 6 has never once done that. Never once has it done it to you or will it do it to you. To you. That's right. It's your adrian now. You've got to take the ball and run with the bus. I'm ready. I'm giving you some room

for the mirth and now I'm going to proceed to the pitch. That's right. Channel 6, channel. It's time to go die for more shrimp. Here we go. Yeah, here we go. we do it twice a week and we always come back with a bounty that's right two pieces two pieces of fine content delivered to your inbox per week channeled six dot news ten dollars a month for two things a week um yeah subscribe baked baked not fried baked not fried unless you want fried we'll deliver that to you as long as you give us the ten dollars

little crispy bidson. It's channel 6. It's spell it out too. Don't use numbers. Spell the numbers. Don't be lazy. Numbers are for the bank

and you don't go to the bank. You go to Colvers. Bet you can remember it before Spencer does. Culver's the everything app. I would much rather bank with Culver's than with Twitter to be on it.

Culver's credit union? Hell of yes. My God. That's what we'll bring the big ten together. Culver's credit union. Eat that, Michigan. That's right. That's right.

Do all of your banking ad. Channel S.I. X. Dot news. Did it. Great. More bad capitalism can be found over at Phantom Island. Phantom Island.

Show. Your money goes directly to Stephen Godfrey. The worst person of all, a Falcons fan, an old Miss graduate. Can you think of a worst person in the whole world? Also, he's tall. Does that make him smart and handsome? I don't know, but he sure is tall.

So if you want to just give money to bad people, Phantom Island's the place to do it. You can tell him, I said so. we had a projection screen of incredible size at the Channel 6 Charity Bowl event that we held in Ann Arbor, Michigan over the weekend. And listen, I'm not saying that I am a Christ figure for my shrimp suffering. I think I am a Christ figure for having a thumbnail that they made of Stephen Godfrey's head for the Yahoo show. a face that I have referred to in private on previous occasions as matchavetna. And I did not put his head up on the projector screen.

Are you not merciful? I just, I want, I want credit for that. You should, you deserve credit for it. I don't know if I deserve credit for it, but I do want it. Can I give you, can I give you one line, by the way, from the show that I think needs to be shared randomly without context and immediately? Was it Brian Phillips saying anyone can get hit by a torpedo? Anyone could get hit by a torpedo. Yeah.

Yeah. My only other pitch for Phantom Island, the show I do with Stephen Godfrey, is please support us because the other day, my youngest was asking me how I got the job that I have now. And I said, that's complicated. I used to do some other things. And before I can finish, he said, and you were bad at them? So. Gotcha. So how old is younger one?

He's four. Four-year-old. Toast my professional resume. It doesn't even know what it looks like. It's great. You have a little God for you. That's fun. Yep.

Because there aren't enough little God for it. Based on a four-year-old's judgment, I can't go back to the old life. So please support the life I have now because otherwise I'm fucked. So there I was. Failing and unimpressing my kid who didn't even know what I had allegedly failed at. Folks, if you want to abandon capitalism entirely, I have a free newsletter for you. It's called Until Saturday. Don't look up the website because there's a lot of money.

there. I'm just saying if you don't want to involve yourself with money, just subscribe to it. Just blindly subscribe to it. It's part of a really great company that I work for. So I hope they don't fire me for any of that. It's all called on Zittal Saturday. It's about college football. It's got a lot of college football stuff in it. More than this podcast usually.

Which, you know, that could be read as like me apologizing for about it, but no, I'm not really going to. It's just, you know, it's two different things. But it's really good, I think. And you don't have to do any capitalism in the order to subscribe to it. if you want to undermine capitalism, all you got to do, you go to any, any like Apple store, anywhere there's got accessible computers, all right? And then you go to Spotify or whatever music streaming service. You don't even have to log into it.

You go find Killer Ants with a Z or a Z, depending on your country of residence, and where you're, I guess, whichever computer store you happen to be in. and you just hit repeat on a course for the wasteland the new killer ants album and you will just be siphoning money away from the fat cats that you know music label or recording concern or whatever you'll be giving it to michael server in heaven it's zero notes you're my manager now that's the killer ants pitch for this business this podcast business just go everyone please go do that that's a really good idea It's like heaven's expensive We need, yeah We need some streams Didn't we used to do this for PAPM Like take our relatives' phones

And subscribe to the show on them Yeah, I think we did just that at one point Yeah Yeah But now we're doing it for killer ants Oh yeah do it with like your mom's phone too That's cool Yeah

What you do Set it on Start it playing Make sure you hit repeat So it keeps going Change your password So you can't unlock her phone Sorry Bob

We don't even have to do that If we're being on Most of the time, probably in a lot of those cases. For most of our relatives. Or dad. It's not just moms. It could be dead. It's usually dad.

Oh, yeah, no. It's my, to be clear. I'm talking about my dad. Yeah. I do like the dads who are like, you get them a cell phone and they're like, that's cute. I called you three times, dad. Oh, my phone.

It's at home. But don't worry. The ringer is set to the loudest tone pause. Mm-hmm. So what about the reverse? What about the reverse of that when, like, they call you five times? And you finally get back in touch with them. They're like, I just wanted to see if you were home.

Yeah. Yeah. A common text message. Yeah, my family, it's like text them and immediately they call you. Immediately. Yes. To say, yeah, that sounds good to me. Yeah, I got your text.

Good. Thanks. I was worried. If you have Killer Ads course for the Wasteland playing continuously on their phone, they won't be able to call you because they'll be like, oh, I don't know how to turn this music off. I can't. All right, now I'm sold. Why would I?

Right. Leave me alone. You're interrupted by my listening session. Don't call me on my touch tunes. I'm listening to my stories. And I think. Also note that if you went to fully and finally, truly the finishing blow of capitalism would be to subscribe to, Patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast, which is really the home and the fount of the revolution,

many have said. And over there, I was looking, we have posted 29 episodes. It has not been, it's been about 10-ish months that we've had this thing up. So we're well over, counting after dark, well over two episodes. We had no real clear goal on how often we were going to be posting to that thing. But, you know, we've managed to post quite a bit. And we got another one coming, as noted. Another one may be up before this episode.

I think it's going to be up, yeah. Because we were just finishing that up before we recorded today. It's a fun one. So go, if that one is up, go listen to it. Let's put it that way. Listen, even if you don't think it's a fun one, you cannot deny. It's a long one. But it is a fun one.

Let's just tell them. It is Serber telling us all about Gilmore girls. And even if you don't think you would like it, you should try it. Because again, it's long. And every time we do this thing where one of us talks at great length about a subject, everyone likes it. So that'll happen again. I want you to think about this.

Everyone's like, oh man, Richard Wagner. What an amazing musical composer, right? Wrote the cycle of the ring, right? The ring cycle. You know what? He didn't put out as much quality content as we have. Therefore, full cast, greater than Richard Wagner. Oh, yeah.

Damn. No question. Gilmore Girls would be a really good jersey patch for like Yale or something like. If it was just, that would be so good. Yale should just be sponsored by capital. Capital. By bank? Bank.

Money. Yeah. Yale sponsored by white people, wine people. Yeah. And the like motto would be, Nah. Stanford sponsored by blood. I'm confused.

Blood too. Is it blood? Not exactly. Does it do what blood does? Mostly. Blood too, sponsored by... Subscription-based blood. Yeah, subscription...

I'm sure that's underworks. There we go. It's called boss? Blood as a service. That's it. I've never felt better. Subscribe now and receive 29 days of blood a month. And you'll be told that like the 30th day is like, that's a cleanse.

It's a cleanse ravines. Here at the shutdown fullcast, we will feast on your cowering flesh. I'm on a blood fast. Yeah. The returns. Think of the returns. If you use something other than blood to live. Ba-p-p-pah-pah-pah-pah.

I have some important academic research that I have done on a point that has mystified many observers of college football for years. And it's this. There are a series of photographs of Penn State in the 1980s. And Penn State in the 1980s, if you don't know, and you've seen these photographs of players like Shane Conlin or Safety Michael Zordage. All of them have so much neck. Oh, my God. they've all got necks wider than their heads. They've got necks that stick out, no lie, pass their ears.

When did we stop, when did, like, football people stop, like, noticing this and, like, harnessing it as a characteristic? I remember announcers in the late 80s and 90s when I was, like, growing up and learning about football, like, necks were mentioned often, especially if someone had a long skinny neck. They were like, he's got to be careful. He's got that longer neck. I remember them saying that about Rocket Ishmael specifically. one time. And I remember my dad, like, pointing out a linebacker one time. He's like, look, he's got a short, broadneck, perfect for a linebacker.

But no one talks about that anymore. It used to be really great. It was a thing. Yeah. It was a thing, and I'm going to tell you why. Because I was looking up, I was like, well, surely they weren't just recruiting on next circumference. It wasn't like the Penn State coaching.

It won't hurt when he gets hit. Right. They were. They kind of were. Kind of. But also this. The emphasis in training, when it came to strength training, remember, it starts in Nebraska and they're just lifting anything, right?

Like, there's just Boyd-Eppley, their strength guy, and he's just in a barn, and he's just trying to figure out what the best blend of lifts is going to be from the three main disciplines of lifting. And he's just trying shit. And he did this on himself. to know one of the craziest things anyone has ever done. Boyd Epley, in order to come up with the first real strength program for a football program, um, decided to test powerlifting, bodybuilding, and Olympic lifting on himself, right? And he was like pretty young at the time, but he was working out like two or three times a day

trying to just, and observing himself. I think his notes were probably just, ow, ow, but he came up with it. And then over time, people evolved their own approaches to it. If you want to know why everyone in Penn State in the 80s had these gigantor necks, it wasn't because of some natural recruiting tendency where they were like, come to Penn State, you get a big neck. No, they worked them. And they made it a focus of their training.

How does one work the neck? There are a number of different ways. You can do neck-specific exercise. which involve putting sort of a strap or a harness on the head. Okay, I kind of was picturing that and I figured that that was stupid. It is stupid looking. It works. Like to work those little erectors and all of those muscles that move and stabilize the neck,

you can make them thicker. And one way to do that is with a harness that you're going to apply directionally. So it's a harness and it's weighted. You might be at a bench and have this harness. that is strapped, say, with the weight loaded down from your forehead, right? And you are lifting it up like you are nodding. Or it might be loaded to the side. You would do, ideally you would do every direction in order to stabilize the muscles of the neck.

You can also work all of the traps. You make your neck big in just one direction. Ah, you just got a big old lump. Yeah. Hump? What hump? Just looks like you've got a goiter. Yeah. Yeah, man.

No, but I'm thinking more, it just, it's not, it's not a lump or protrusion. It's just like, from this side of your face, your neck goes out to here. And from this side of the face, your neck just goes out to here. You could do, I mean, you could. Like your head, it looks like your, until it looks like your head sits asymmetrically on your body. And then you can peek around corners at babies. If you subscribe to the shutdown, Fullcast, Patreon, I will put a strength program for the unidirectional neck where you can get the looking around corners. It's up to you, man

I think you got to pick a direction No, I'm here to make you great Ryan Whatever direction you want People will abuse it They'll just get all the directions And then they will be This is how we're going to identify ourselves

Tribally Right This is your sneeches moment man What about front neck and back neck? Can you get a big spine? Is it front neck throat? Yeah All right so let's your throat

That's your huge Like Bullfrog type throat wrote. This is for Bebop and Rock City. That's also a way to assert like sexual proclivity. We are. Oh, boy.

I am. It asserts sexual something. The directions my brain just went, oh no. It's bad in here. It's so bad in here. Yeah, who started this? So you can work the neck. And you can also work the muscles around it so you can do traps.

You can do shrugs. You can do all of the sort of trap-related stuff, which are all stabilizers leading up to the neck. So you can work all of those as well. Front raises or like front raises where not not front raises is like for lats, but front raises or for your your shoulder muscles. Like front raises where you pull up. That's also one of the things that they would do. So consequently, these guys basically just did. And I have a fantastic excerpt from the original strength from the strength coach at the time there, which is what area of muscle groups do you prioritize? the most important area that we feel for a football player is to train the neck because that's where a football player can get injured most seriously any one of our players walks on the field to play they have the chance of possibly not walking off and every year there's anywhere from six to ten neck injuries this dude who was their strength coach no lie only prioritized like or mainly prioritized like like one two neck and legs that's it that's like that's like where you this is

Bare minimal benching in this program. You just had super big quads, giant calves, and a big fucking neck. That's that triceratops workout. So that's how old football players ended up so square is modifying all the parts of themselves outside of the sort of naturally rectangular core of the athlete, making everything else rectangular as well. Yeah, that's why. So if you go like, hey, man, it looks like they only worked out their neck. kind of do you know where I think we finally decided like all right we don't need to do this anymore

to chaos spikes I think we were like that's as far as we can go science has gone too far yeah I think we're like well that's shit man it's like that's it's the extent of it right there right right like never gonna have neck bigger than that's the biggest thing I ever saw I feel so inadequate

yeah that neck in 1995 we reached Pee's neck with the keos spikes yeah so that's why if you want to know if you've gotten this far and you're like hey did i learn anything in this podcast yeah you did uh people used to have big old thick necks in the 1980s because um maybe they were more honest about the total football takes they're like oh yeah you can get totally killed out there you should get a thick neck you should do that i guess it is interesting to um realize that a there was a logic to it and b the logic made sense they basically tried to look like that figure that is the ideal car crash survivor that's it

like if you look at the like super thick neck and then super thick legs for for like pushing that was it that was all they did so if you want that look y'all get his look and who wouldn't yeah work that neck from my hot dead eyes