Shutdown Fullcast - Dr. Pepper’s ’Zona Farts Club Plan

Episode Date: September 2, 2020

- Week 0 recapped in terms of long snappers - Holly has a new Jeff Fisher - Technical Difficulties bingo: Jason's all cranky about being in a time delay - Ryan's ongoing lifehack: wisely avoiding football - Spencer shares the harrowing tale of the Poop Doctor - Week 1 previewed, for like 30 seconds - A lot of strolling around Wikipedia, putting ourselves in the line of royal succession, and other Week 1 prep - Rate/review the Fullcast imho - Subscribe to mooncrew.substack.com - Support this show and actual good stuff via ko-fi.com/mooncrew - Advertiser inquiries welcome at [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown full cast. This is the Internet's only college football podcast. If you want another one, too bad. Also, congratulations. We're all you need. Hey, I know that you may know that I'm Spencer Hall. I'm a, I'm going to summon Jason Kirk out of the ether. That's right, college football editor, extraordinary moon crew member, Jason Kirk.

Jason Kirk, I understand, brother, that you like me were touched by the bountiful blessings of what I think is going to be the college football game of the year, at least to this point, Central Arkansas, and Austin P. playing not a home game at Central Arkansas where they got the turf that comes in the dark colors. No, not the mixed dark color turf of Central Arkansas, the team that will fight anyone, anywhere. And we mean anywhere because they went where? They went to the Crampton Bowl in Montgomery, Alabama. That's right. You watch this with me, correct?

That's right, buddy. First of all, thank you for summoning me here. It's very difficult to breathe. Smelled etherous, I would say. Now we are here in the opposite of the ether. That would be the takeover. We're here in the takeover. And yeah, this game was awesome.

If this stands as the entire college football season, then I will count myself satisfied. Sure, this is good enough. Our Central Arkansas Bears, I'm going to go ahead and declare them our FCS team, or adopted FCS team for the season. If anyone wants to opt out of that, that's fine. But seeing as they are the only team guaranteed to go, at least 1 in O on the year.

And they did so in entertaining fashion. In a completely, the most week zero game of all time, I think it would be fair to say. It was week zero, even by week zero standards. Filled with nonsense, you had a turnover top hat appearing on the sideline, turnover money cane. You had a quarterback punting seven, might I add, because the pandemic robbed Austin Pee of its long snapper.

he's in quarantine and they had two punts sailing wildly awry so austa p quarterback jeremiah ozvall funded for 38.1 yard average he was hot man like what a weird sentence there was a pandemic so austin p's quarterback

had a pretty good day at punter at one point please go ahead holly summoned out of special guest holly sorry i know i'm a guest here let's let's summon holly from the guest ether. Guest ether, Holly Anderson.

I was just going to say this is a name that requires almost demands some kind of cani-narro type theme song. Oatsvall. Right? You hear it?

He can kick it. He can throw it. He's an Oatsvall. He did run in a TD. He also at one point had more punts than completions. I think that's a huge achievement. Who missed? all of this who missed this glory well that's special that's i'm going to go to the guest ether again

just imagine my hand reaching out dr strange style just sitting there circling creating a portal and summoning one ryan nanny who i'm i'm certain didn't watch this do you wear a cape have you ever worn a cape yeah it's happened i'm not going to lie have you ever worn a cape for non-band non-hlloween reasons high school spencer absolutely were we're like five Oh, yeah. Yeah. Ryan, that was really brave of you to not rope off sex talk like five minutes into the show. You know what?

I was comfortable with him going there if he needed to. But I appreciate the high school magic dork as the better answer. No, I did not watch the Central Arkansas Austin P game. And I, no, I'm not going to apologize for that. I just didn't. No, that's that's okay. Okay, that's fine. 99.999% of the world did not.

I have a principled reason for that, though. Uh-huh. So Central Arkansas's mascot is the bear, right? Yeah. Yes. Women's teams at Central Arkansas are known as the sugar bears. And I think I am livid that they're not all the sugar bears. I think it's much better, funnier, more interesting to be the sugar bears.

bears in all sports in all things men women everybody who's representing the university I think to yeah I mean the sugar bears are funnier because they could they could be like near diabetic they're cranky they need they need that fix they're coming to take your candy it's also kind of like being beaten by a an off-brand cereal mascot which I also really get the kick out of like it's not the honey bear and it's not the sugar smack frog, it's the sugar bear, available only at Albertson. I think that's a great mascot, and I think that perhaps they are no longer our FCS team. Perhaps we have canceled the sugar bears.

Damn. The non-sugar bears. Right. The sugar-free bears. Oh, that means they're just, oh, yeah, terrible poops. The Central Arkansas Zero Bears. If you haven't seen Austin P's mascot, that mascot has four close. on several of my family's farms.

Yeah, several of my family's properties over the years. And then it's like, that's the Austin P. Tennessee governor. I'm like, he bought a horse from my grandfather and never paid him for it. Definitely, the Austin P. Governor. He looks like he's kicked the demon Deacon's out. That bastard's repossessed my daddy's leg. I'm sorry. He didn't make the payments.

He looks too beef. Like the face on this guy looks way too stern and tough. That's not your cedar. So here's what I know. happened in this game. I believe Central Arkansas won late. I believe there were like a bunch of long snapper fuck ups. I want to say on the Austin P side because I know Roger tweeted about this about how they like maybe their top three options for long snapper did not appear in the game and maybe didn't even travel to the game so they like had to alter things pretty drastically i think

there was a touchdown on the first play of the game the first play from scrimmage at least um that is correct these are all the things i gleaned from twitter matt brown was separately making p p joke and p tape jokes and jason did that too i should and i'm sure others did as well everyone everyone can it's austin p that's fine right um i think that's it i think that's all i It's like singing Sweet Carolina karaoke with your family. It's wholesome and everyone knows the words so you can do it and that makes it not lame. Karaoke with your family sounds terrible. Not like, I don't mean your family specifically.

I mean, screw you, buddy. We're awesome. With one's family. Like, I would never do family. Karaoke with your family sounds awful. Family karaoke is church. Family karaoke is delightful. That's when you find out some shocking things about like people can sing.

You know, like when you're, your aunt gets up there and does my neck, my back, you go, well, we've learned some things tonight. This may shock you. My aunt would not do my neck, my back. You don't know that. You do. We're on karaoke with her. She lives in Utah.

I'm positive she wouldn't. I'm just saying, scientifically, I still have a case. Until we put it to the test, I'm going to stay on that case. So in your head, I should do karaoke with my aunt, put on my neck, my back, and just hand her the microphone wordlessly sing the song no you just need to see if it occurs i you're affecting the experiment that's like saying okay will this tiger eat me if i strapped stakes to my face probably you're you're biasing the experiment from the start what i'm saying get into a karaoke environment and then just see if it happens i like that your answer to that is probably probably it'll eat me if i

putting stakes on my face you don't what now now ryan knows the soul of a tiger that's what we've learned tonight you speak tiger yeah do you not one bit son not a damn word so i assume nothing i also don't know your aunt so i don't know that she would or wouldn't sing kea's classic my neck my back at karaoke and thus give your family a gift that they will never be able to return to target that's how i have i have one question sure brian have you you only have one ant um yes one like direct ant i have like i have a great aunt and i have like ants removed and what but i have one like straight up ant okay so so i think you had i think maybe one issue is you have a you have a very small ant sample size right sure yeah so like i mean i feel like most people you

have like four or five untold numbers of ants like you meet ants at like age 30 you know oh sure you're my aunt so like maybe if you had more ants you would have a greater a greater hit rate on my neck my back performances i will talk to my grandmothers i'm not sure they're down for adoption at this point in their life but if they are maybe maybe the maybe there's some new roster spots on the ant team i will i will say this family karaoke last note on that my brother Taciturn would prefer to live in a cave if he could, maybe said 400 words all of last year combined and he was particularly talkative. When we did family karaoke, he got up there. He put on the song Sea Cruise. I don't know if you're familiar with the song, Sea Cruise. It is a very old song

by Frankie Ford saying, ooh baby, won't you let me take you on a sea cruise? He got up there sang it with as much enthusiasm as humanly possible. I don't mean for him. I mean he absolutely destroyed it and then went and sat down and didn't talk the rest of the night was one of the best things i have ever seen in my life strongly encouraged family karaoke i i am also now realizing that the g league team the fort wade mad ants should change the name keep mad but change it to a un t s not a nts yes a lot of a lot of like name learning we're having going on here you didn't clean up yeah why do i always always always think Thanksgiving. It's because you can't cook. And you can't. The other very exciting thing that

happened in Central Arkansas, Austin P is that Central Arkansas's tight end is fucking Buckwild. This guy likes football more than anyone I've ever seen. He does. Central Arkansas is the most football-loven folks since 1890. And this dude, early in the game, he's scampering through the sideline. I believe the enemy's sideline. And Austin P. had a massive box fan that someone compared to the size of like a 2001 flat screen, you know, like when a flat screen TV

would take up like a fourth of any room where it was like the size of an arm wall. Peak of civilization. He slams into this thing and it like topples over and he didn't just knock over this massive box fan. He bowed up on the thing before,

like he really made sure the box fan knew who ran into it. It was number 85. And then later in the game he trucked some dude with like the exact same move. That guy, let's see, his name might be Tyler Hudson. Nope, that's a different guy. Anyway, it's some other guy who's not Tyler Hudson on Central Arkansas

is the most football player of the week. Here's my question. How many times did they cut to a coach and somebody, some like GA or the Get Back coach or somebody had to be telling that coach like, hey man, you're on camera put your mask back on hey you got it he got we got it there was so many bare faces okay yeah yeah yeah yeah it was I mean and it was like fast too it was within like the first like two or three minutes that you're like oh fuck okay yeah yeah they said oh he's having

he's having difficulty with the mask is what they were saying it's having difficulty yelling with the mask on just go like full balaclava like night vision god the whole like do the whole look you're saying like go full Max Fisher like full call of duty see that's how you sell it yes you go hey dude it's gonna look so tough if you go full COD with this well that's like this I think we were talking about this several months ago we did like a Waffle House episode we're like it Waffle House is telling you take the shit seriously surely you'll take it seriously like people own balaclava's and night

goggles are the people who are not taking it seriously you know I think instead of calling them just like masks, do you think it work better if we call them tactical? Yes. Absolutely. Okay. It's a tactical kerchief. This is why I wanted to start an entire... Oh, shit. Do we just solve everything?

We did. Yeah. All right, it's lunch. I just wanted to solve it. I want to be able to listen. Here, I'm going to get to them. I'm trying to save time so I can go back to tweeting sexual come on to Ed Markey. That's fine.

That's fine. Just do a tactic. Oh, you're laughing because you're looking at the screen and not at Twitter right now. where I'm actually doing this. No, I believe you. Just do it tactically. That's all I ask. Jeff Fisher's been out of the league for a couple of years.

I had to transfer my affections. That is, that's fine. Like I said, just put some sort of military and or masculine spin. That's why I wanted to sell giant dick masks, the brand Giant Dick. Giant Dick. The mask that you can wear. Big don't run with the big dong. Stay off the porch.

Stay off the don't. so it goes on your face it goes on that's right you're putting big face is that big yeah no so i got it stay off the verandong wow oh wow really yeah that that is correct god damn all right i'm going back to twitter um what did was there at any point an explanation as to why this game was being played in a state that neither team is from? No, well, there is like, so they were like, this is the FCS,

the Krampton, whatever classic. Yeah, which like, it's been all over. It hasn't always been a neutral site thing, I don't believe. Yeah, it's just here. It's got to happen. It has got to happen. And I saw one,

someone cited TV ratings that 500,000 people watched it. I mean, I don't, I don't, I, as a football game, it was very fun. As a thing happening on the day it happened, I don't know why it happened. No one knows. No one made any money off it. We're going to have a lot. We're going to have a lot of that, aren't we?

That's going to be a recurring theme this year. Yeah, yeah. Why did these things happen and who did they benefit? I'm kind of writing a newsletter about that at, at mooncru. dot substack.com this week like oh is that podcast business music podcast business time i guess i don't do me any favors so uh moon crew that substack.com we we kind of haven't explained really exact it is um it is in basic terms is richard Alex Spencer and me have started a little worker-owned collective to house a free newsletter uh it publishes this podcast it published the

Inful 7 eBook. It's sort of a chill home base for like minimally employed folks who happen to be the four of us. And like, you know, someday we'd love for it to evolve into like a full-time thing that, you know, employs any number of people. But for now, it's just this chill little thing where we kind of put stuff and that's cool. You know, no big grand mission statements because like it's 2020. So like, you know, the mission statement is we will try to do something. 2020 we will try to do stuff

stuff will happen newsletters free for you full cast is free for you we accept donations in the amount of your choice at co dash phi.com slash mooncruits linked on our newsletter and Twitter the link is hard to say so it is linked all over everywhere

we have said we wanted to have stuff to give donors we will roll that stuff out bit by bit first we are working on a booster club discord for those who donate on a monthly basis we, I think a good goal would be to have that out within the next couple few weekends. All the stuff that, you know, if you enjoyed Banner, Society, slack, cannibals, nonsense, all that, we can, you know, we can bring that stuff back.

You can do stuff in Discord that you could not do in on any other platform that we've done before. Audio watchalongs. We can do, you know, we can do time stuff. Link to streaming stuff because, you know, that's something you do from time to time. Did you get karaoke? We will get Ryan's aunt in there and she will astound him.

First you gotta put your back into it. She will be in there. She will perform some Megastalian for us. You know who else was a nice person? Ty Willingham. I'm just saying Nice doesn't save you. Technically my aunt didn't win any games

that you're at Washington either. See? Oh, I was actually thinking of Ty Willingham at kansas hey speaking of which yeah is that all of our podcast business by the way before no no oh dear we're there's more i really do quit i really do but it's not yet it's not all the podcast business is it well i had one more did you have did you have more as well i mean we have we have our beloved sponsor okay one more one more that goes under podcast business i don't even know anymore how about this how about this how about this how about this let's go with our beloved sponsor

and then I can combo maneuver chain the final piece of podcast business onto that. Welcome to our production meeting. Go off, son. Who had the ad tonight? Oh, it was me, but I'm sulking. I thought you were happy about the Twitter man. What if you can make horny for Ed Markey part of your home field raid? Connor really doesn't want that.

Okay, what if you can do horny for the Syracuse mascot? Is that a thing? I can get there in three moves. Is it being horny for orange men how we got in the state in the first place? There we go. Oh, my God, tens. I'm holding up all the tents right now. Oh, thank God.

Your approval means the world to me. Michael Keaton is looking around gleefully in the stands. home field apparel god fucking do it do it do it oh i'm done oh what is happening here i don't know don't know either home homefield apparel dot com very comfortable t-shirts and sweatshirts and hoodies

and tank tops and pants folks they got pants is as good as this podcast is not wow that's amazing that's amazingly good that's all i can say about that correct why do they advertise here possibly because we despite our lack of skill appreciate the craft care flare and real thought put into every single home field apparel product i know that ryan has told this story before on the show about it not even being remotely cold in nashville yet and his wife already having swiped one of this season's hoodies and we found out this week that the same thing happened to brian Floyd. Here is Brian Floyd to tell you all about his wife, Alicia, stealing his Hawaii Rainbow's hoodie. That's right, Brian Floyd. The hoodies are extremely... You said it, Floyd.

They're very good. The offer code, full cast, as always. 20% off is the number that we had previously. Is that still the same number? That is correct. That is correct. Push the button. Roll the dice. Syracuse coming up next. Then the Homefield on their Twitter account, they're keeping a weekly ranking of who posts the biggest day one sales numbers each time a new school is announced.

Pitt, of course, currently number one. Monsters. That will be challenged in the coming weeks. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I believe we could talk about Syracuse. We talk about how Slippery Rock did beautifully. It will not be challenged by Syracuse, no no no not all that much but no no but there will be somebody on the way i will say

colorado school of mine strong showing let let me i got i got a bold prediction i got i got a i got a i got a hot take here all right hit let go pit number three yeah yeah like by the end of the year at the end of the year uh uh yeah we don't really know how long this is this is this is is going to last, which means the home field thing is kind of like actual college footballs. We don't really know how long it lasts or when it ends. But I would say, yeah, by the end of the calendar year, Pitt number three. You know what? Pat and our dozy's happy with three. Which former Big East team do you want Homefield to get next?

Because they've gone on a little bit of a run here with Pitt, with Virginia Tech, Rutgers is in there as well Yukon Syracuse Yep So who is the Who is the rest in peace Big East team And you can say TCU

Technically that counts Even though For like six minutes So could you I mean you could go Miami You could You could go Temple If you really wanted to

Because Temple Remember Had the indignity of being kicked out of the Big East, which I think was an achievement. Yeah. Can we hit him with Creighton? Let's go Creighton.

Was Creighton in the Big East? I don't think they were. I'm looking at the membership timeline, which is real weird. Yeah, Creighton's in there at some point. Like at 1906? somewhere in there are you thinking of a marquette didn't the big east have that thing where they had a huge they're in the biggies right now well that's i'm talking about the old biggies the new big east is a lie yeah the new biggie also basketball big east and football big east established in may 31st 1979 it's the same conference yeah but remember they had the deal where they had a basketball football split so yeah but now they have split from football entirely it's innovative This is a real sentence on Wikipedia.

Which is just like large swathes of America at the moment. This is a real phrase on Wikipedia. The Big East often referred to as the classic Big East. I like that because it sounds like, hey, remember when the Big East was made with more sugar? Remember when before the government regulated Big East and it just had plenty of tar? 84% more horse meat. Back when the sugar bears were in. Yeah, they're sugar bears.

Also, I learned from this Wikipedia entry that Ruckers and Holy Cross initially declined to join the Big East when it was formed. That's amazing. I think the best Big East member on here would be the Denver Pioneers lacrosse programs. Hold on. Hi, hi, wait a second. Yep. In 1982, I'm reading this verbatim. In 1982, Penn State applied for membership. but was rejected with only five schools in favor,

Penn State needed six out of eight. You know, these Penn State haters walked so that we could fly. I'm just saying I'm grateful to them. I'm grateful to those who have gone before us. I don't think I, my whole view of life is different now that I know. that Penn State wasn't good enough for the big east and this was peak Penn State like god I think maybe they just didn't want that hassle they didn't want you know this is jaw rule demanding too much money to appear in the Fast and Furious series right and then ending up get losing it to ludicrous

yeah like this is this is this is a this is a pen state that's like consistently finishing in the top 10? Oh, yeah. Years and a row. This is big, this is big, this is, this is big money Penn State. And the Big East was like, nah, Miami's going to be good forever and they're never leaving. I choose to believe at this point in time, one of the Big East members was a time traveler and was like, no, Penn State. I cannot let you join.

This ship is doomed. Yeah. Yeah. There's, the unsinkable Big East may not offer you passage. if there's no if there's no more football uh after a few weeks this fall we should just read wikipedia live on air well i because this is this is pretty fun i kind of have a you know what reading wikipedia live on air has made entire careers so it's true yeah we're often without attribution this is a funny podcast where we never list our sources that's that's not

what i'm going to do tonight by the way to transition out of this um we're which is, I wanted to say that the Big Ten has been engaged in what I would consider to be the least substantial and most puffed up story of this entire pandemic regarding football. You know, you get like 30 parents who are super bad and show up in cargo shorts deal at the headquarters and now the president's involved, which is how you know it's not actually a real story. But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the Big Ten trying to do the responsible thing and maybe fumbling the messaging somewhat.

I want to talk about how the Pact 12 was actually made a difference. That's right. I want to say kind things about the Pact 12. You ready for me to say kind things about the Pact 12? Maybe not. I'm going to go in. I'm going in anyway with your responsible science because while

the Pact 12 kind of gleefully canceled the season, like that's my favorite thing about the big tan has had this like oh let them play let my boy on the field he's just going to be at home kicking cans and fighting in the streets with the urchins yeah that was the only part of this argument i liked where uh they included juvenile crime rates that that high school association and the pack 12 did as though to threaten to become juvenile criminals themselves themselves if they were not allowed to have their football and their other sports. Yeah, like, I just, at this point, all I'm saying is at this point in the timeline, I appreciate a fresh argument. The PAC 12, the only well-adjusted people involved culturally with this sport said, you know, we'll come back school. We're gone. What are you going to do? We just, some of you know, like, I'll hang out.

We're just going to chill. We're just going to chill real hard. We're going to take out the harpsich course. go hiking you know maybe work on my garden there's things to do man get i'm getting into home brewing yeah i'm going to spend a lot of time on my bike not worth it yeah i'm just gonna you know what i'm gonna do other things fact 12 was like hey my dance card is full next name that's where i'm going meanwhile the big 10's like don't leave don't leave so that's an amazing big 10 voice what was your inspiration uh the new rockney story and basically every supporting character and it talks like that it's gonna be good in like december when the coaches are still

floating rumors that like the big thames kicking off in october of 2020 they're going to figure out we've we tied a rope to 20 October and we're going to pull it back i hear are a great beefy rumbling on the horizon. The firmament will crack. Could that be the big... Here it comes, folks. Whoa. Like we got a big beefy storm front blowing in.

We're going to push the earth backwards on its axis reverse time and start football in October. Oh, now y'all believe in science. The people demand Nebraska, Purdue. Yeah, you'll chill. You know how many, you know how many necessary things are happening right now? Not many. Not many. You know it's not necessary ultimately?

Football? It's not. Pac-12 was the only conference that is completely 100% accepted this. And in response, Washington State, it's like, yeah, we'll take care of that. Sike! I have the biggest COVID outbreak of the United States in Pullman. Woo! But not every university's had that response.

And there's a real reason I'm getting. to this because I'm not prone to going off and just doing propaganda willy-nilly for the University of Arizona. However, I'm going to share with you a story last week that I think I really need to expand upon the NBC News headline is this, how the University of Arizona used number two to solve its number one problem, the coronavirus. Turns out, University of Arizona managed to track an outbreak at the Lycans Hall dorm by testing wastewater. That's right, COVID shows up in wastewater well ahead of any actual symptoms and well ahead of anything that's traceable and using standard methods. There are a couple things I want to highlight about this. One,

some scientists out there is just looking at poop water for a living over and over again. So whenever somebody says, follow your dreams, you can be anything you want. If this is, the thing you want congratulations you're like i really like to look at poop all day you you can say it out loud as long as it's science florida state twitter you say we never talk about y'all anymore waste whatever coined the term wastewater like a plus to that person to that like scientist or marketing specialists or whoever because it's vague enough that people can be like i guess that's i guess when i drain my pasta that's what happens to that that's probably that and and in fact it's just poop water and absolutely amazing amazing like amazing cleansing of an otherwise distasteful subject

oh yeah it's absolutely amazing now i the thing that i want to get to is this that the guy who is in charge of this effort at the university of arizona is named ian pepper he has the doctorate named what? Ian Pepper. That's correct. The poop doctor is... Spee P-E-P-P-E-R. That's correct.

He is doctor... Of the Fansville Peppers. That is correct. He's now part of the Fansville universe. You can write him in because Dr. Ian Pepper is the poop master at the University of Arizona. Couple highlights here.

Each day he had. Nicholas Betts Childress, a junior in Arizona, studying engineering management, collect samples at 10 locations. Yeah. A punishing 10 locations. Hold on. Hold on. When it says each day he and a junior, it means the junior does the collection. Okay.

Man, buddy, that's a hell of an internship. Yeah. Yeah, this is Dr. Pepper, by the way, this is in Arizona. So you're like, oh, I don't know. maybe it'll be cold enough. It's 120 degrees. Hot poop. You're not escaping.

You're not escaping a single fragrance or note. Getting all of it. Dr. Pepper did promise you hands-on experience. If you worked at a certain point, you're getting baked specimens, though. This, which like, if it's, steamed poop. No, I mean, if it's charred enough, then that, that's not going to make it great. But that could take certain edges off. It's too moist.

If it gets, if it gets, if it bakes enough, you're going to lose some of the 23 flavors, is what I'm saying. This sounds like what I think. Would now be a great time to bring up the fact that tonight's glowing orb in the sky is referred to as the corn moon? I think it's very relevant. A few things to cover before we cover the glorious Scott Frost evening corn moon is this. Happy Scott. Uh, Dr.

Dr. Ian Pepper is quoted as saying. It's still funny Because poop doesn't lie Poop can tell you the truth About you and your community Oh he really worked for a long time on that You can tell I'm not going to make fun Guys he did

Important Important development on Dr. Ian Pepper Oh no So got his Bachelors degree From the University of Birmingham in Great Britain So, first of all, this is British Dr. Pepper.

So it's Peppa. Living in Arizona. Sergeant Pepper's son, Dr. Ian Pepper. Where do you think he got his... That's Barry's boy. Where do you think he got his master's and his doctorate from? Notre Dame. No.

University of Alabama, Birmingham. No. That would be an amazing Birmingham, Birmingham switch. Jason, you want to go for... Yeah. Creighton. The Ohio State Universe. Is that a good school?

Where did I receive the, where did I receive the secrets of poop of poop science? Who understands the matrix? My God. You're coming full circle with me, Holly. No, to every, you're thinking what I'm thinking, aren't you? To everything. There is a season. Poop cooler.

That's right. All of you, all of you, beautiful specimens. out there defecating into styrofoam buckets on cold asphalt it happened for a reason for doctors reason for all of it dr ian pepper was out there going you know what i'm going to make flowers bloom from this shit he did god did yeah okay studying poop biology at ohio state that's like well i want to pick up french i should head to the sore bone you know what i mean i guess you could say the spot was good for Dr. Ian Pepper. Wasn't it?

Wasn't it, Michigan? I would also... I mostly like it because he applied to Ohio State and they were like, oh, hello, Mr. Pepper. We see you've done very well in your studies so far. What would you like to study here at Ohio State? He said, poop. And they sat back and they're like... Accept it.

They sat back and they said, we're not so different, you are not. your fellow's across the pond man it's really like that's one of those fields as like trash and like like mortuary sciences where you go hey man I should do that because you know like oh and list demand because you think yeah I can get used to that man I bet three days into that curriculum you're like no and if that doesn't do it get now and going hey I have my internship this week week after that internship you know whether you're there or you're not i'm guessing most people not i think if you make it two months into poop science you're a poop science for life just like listen listen you'll get used to it i can't remember who said this if it was roger ebert or somebody else but when hot tub time machine came out i remember there being a movie review saying that films like this do the audience a great service in advance because you hear the words hot tub time machine and you know immediately one way or the other, whether this movie is for you.

It's true. No, I really like a title like that. For instance, by the way, wastewater science, right? It's extraordinarily straightforward. I think that's why they haven't changed the name, Animal Husbandry. They're like, hey, yo, you're going to have to... You're going to jack some quadrupeds. Yeah, you're going to be all up in it and you need to be ready for that.

God, now we're back to Ohio State again. So the last thing on this I wanted to say was, one, this gives an entirely new meaning to the term bear down why are you like this and in addition to that it's fine yeah it's fine just yeah it's cool it's cool man just go with it it's cool

I agree with Holly no no no it's not cool no we're not the host of this program that's right that's right you're a podcast in addition to that we'll start our own full cast where we don't talk over each other and

I don't know what else who the fuck would listen to that not us and then in addition to that i think this is basically a premise for an amazing single season of high quality television about pepper it'll be called pepper is this like is this like a crime procedural yes it'll be about started watching grantchester this week so there's been a lot of sad vicar talk no but there will be a there will be an entire thing about a detective who solves crimes using only wastewater science sure yeah that's it only ways like don't you want to see the crime scene no i just need the poo just show me the poo i'll tell you everything you need to know where is his toilet detective yeah this is the crime scene well i'm definitely looking at a crime scene here and yet and yet the evidence is in the other room that's it it's an entire thing about like you know that like he solves crimes based on just just the poop in fault right that's all and and like a true crime procedural we can stretch the truth of this to

just be like wow he knows what kind of bullet this man was shot with because of the poop he took three days before his death that's right doesn't matter he's pepper before he's that's that's that's that's good there'll be a there'll be an entire thing a tense interrogation room showdown between a suspect who does not want to give a sample but pepper will just wait him out here have another sugar-free gummy bear this guy's good a sugar-free gummy bear from central arkansas that's right that's right pepper only on USA also is this the part where we talk about how how Notre Dame is playing a football game in 2020 on USA Network. This is absolutely where we talk about that.

So NBC is going to try to just like do their usual thing on, but it just happens to be on USA. And that is a mistake because they should just USA the shit out of this broadcast. Like the two leads in Syke, they should be calling the game, Adrian Monk should be involved in some way, burn notice should be referenced all the time. These aren't even shows that are on USA anymore, and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. They should just USA the shit out of it. I mean, we should reference USA up all night, even though USA's gone to bed steadily at 10 p.m. for the past 20 years. Yeah.

At least. Yeah. Ski school has to be on streaming somewhere, though, right? I would think so. I hope ski school is being streamed somewhere 24 hours a day, or this is not the America, I know. Okay. Did we mention what that Notre Dame game is being preempted for and put on USA for? That's important.

That'd be golf. Yeah, golf. Golf, which I feel like... No, that makes perfect sense. I realize I'm defending a major TV. network right here and they don't really you know need or ask for that but why should NBC preempt the US open for a non-conference ACCC football game because because it's against USF and Notre Dame will be out for revenge because they lost yeah it's remind everybody

they lost yeah we do I also think by the way like that is no no A Notre Dame fan would completely agree with that. Like, well, how are you preempting Notre Dame football? It's with the U.S. Open. Almost right. I got to watch Phil. Phil! Phil!

My guy! Every Notre Dame fan, by the way, turns into, like, Thurston Hale's grandson when I talk to him. That's not inaccurate, so. Yeah. We do actually have football games this week. What? yeah that's still happening believe it or not and guess who's playing on thursday jason let's bring this home baby who's playing on thursday you're goddamn right brother the central arkansas bears are back at it

like 110 hours after they dispatched of austin p they're still sitting in the ring they've been there this whole time back in alabama no less hey it went pretty well last time that's true yeah we should say as of this recording there are football games that are scheduled to happen who the fuck knows like what percentage of these will actually happen but they are listed they are listed uh the the contracts have been signed so forth it is a very very um like power conference teams are not playing yet we are still getting an odd assortment that's like a very particular slice of the country with the exception of I think BYU, Army

and Navy. Yeah, Thursday night you got actually, actually Dusty Roads here I'd like to invite you to come to this weekend of college football with Dusty Roads, Mid-South International Airlines.

We're going to go from Conway, Arkansas to Jonesboro, Arkansas. We're going to go from Birmingham, Alabama to Mobile, Alabama. We're going to go from Hattiesburg, Mississippi, to Richmond, Kentucky. to Huntington, West Virginia, to Memphis, Tennessee. Yes, sir. And we're going to go from Murfreesboro, Tennessee, to Dallas, Texas, to San Marcos, Texas, to Houston, Texas, to Denton, Texas, to El Paso, Texas.

And, brother, we're going to bring it home to Nagadocious, Texas. You had to say Nagadocious. Dusty Road's Mid-South International Airline, now partnering with Antifa Airline, and we fly to all destinations except Charlotte, North Carolina. Because the honey is a little too big to fly to Charlotte, North Carolina. There's also BYU Army and Navy mixed into this. But I guess I feel like Dusty would travel to see Army and, like, it's for the troops, you know. It would be. I don't know if he's ever heard of Mormons, but.

These are all places where you would be, where you can follow your name, comma, and then it would be the place. And it would be like, you know, arrested by the ATF, right? apprehended by a secondary federal law enforcement agency in said place all of these places all of these destinations all of these teams great places to be apprehended after a lengthy manhunt looking at this schedule it is becoming that could be a good episode down too um looking at this schedule it is very clear that the thing you are used to to doing on Saturday, which is to say, turn games on at noon Eastern, keep them on until question mark, if that's what you do, or just like hop in and out, that strategy will be

very different because, like, let's take 3.30, or this is, sorry, this is central time, so 4.30 Eastern. You're going to get SMU at Texas State, and that's it. If that game's not good, it won't be and it and it won't be because SMU should like beat the shit out of the Texas state right yeah should so like if you're if you're bored by that and if you're thinking well I'll just flip over to ESPN news no not gonna be doing any of that the night games I I mean it feels like the first Saturday bowl season you know it's like oh we're also fired up and then oh fuck we're watching you know oh oh gosh God damn it. We're watching Marshall, you know.

I was going to say it's like when you, the New Mexico Bowl actually turns out to be kind of fire and you're hyped up for that. And then you realize like about two and a half quarters into the New Orleans Bowl that all the fun is happening outside of the Superdome. It's Halloween where half the candy is good and plenty. You're going to eat them. Yeah. And like there will be a load of Reese T cups. Like one of these games will be Reese C cups. But, yeah, there are few and far between, man.

There's going to be a lot of raisins. The week zero, that was like fireworks for Halloween. Yeah, right. Why are you giving the kids fireworks for Halloween? Why not? Dr. Pepper will be the first one to tell you. There's going to be a lot of raisins. I did have one more piece of podcast business.

Go to Homefield Apparel, buy a shirt. Speaking of, if you know someone who might like to, pay to advertise on this program and why wouldn't you after what you've heard to this point who would who could resist paying to be a part of this no server took out all the bad shit so the show is now 16

minutes long yeah now that you are you are like four minutes into this podcast and it's all been perfect shutdownfulcast at gmail.com and someone can talk advertising with you that's it that's the end of podcast business

it'll be Spencer it'll be me We're going to make tens of dollars. Spencer, real in some big fish now, brother. You got a real insome, real in some big deals. This is our natural fish. This is our negotiating strategy. We have Spencer in charge of the email account.

Spencer returns to the computer with a salmon clenched in his jaws. I did it. Did I do good? I won the fat bear competition. Hey, that is my throne. Spencer's mailing us boxes of fish like you said. you're like this is you know i have such video game brain that i'm like box of fish i could probably barter that for a crossbow poor pelt yeah if it was arkansas that's totally

if you actually came back with a load of crossbows i wouldn't be mad saying if you have a crossbow company and you would like to advertise on this show put down forecast at gmail dot combecky call me that's it that's the entire Wait, what are non-tactical crossbows? Are there decorative crossbows? Are there like casual crossbows? Like the Weekender crossbow? Like your LLB and crossbow?

Sure. It's just not really my thing. I think is it so like tactical as in like, you know, sneaky. So it's like super loud crossbow, you know, like when like when you fire it like it yells. It's got an air horn. I've been fired. Brim, baby, me. You pull the trigger in it and it says four.

I just want one that does, I just want one that does, you know, like, like fallout boy when I play it. Like a whole song or, oh, okay. Winding a crossbow actually kind of sounds like Fallout boy. Yeah, or if I could do, or if I can do one that just does nothing, but this is the thing, by the way. In terms of people that I would love to advertise in this program, I would like the Slipknot Apparel Company, the Slipknot Apparel Company, the Slipknot apparel site to advertise here so i'm going to give you a little free free business here you can buy the old school a j soprano approved slipnot jacket for 70 dollars used ryan of wearing on last week's program yeah you can yeah we by the way made that happen because i made a joke to ryan

about it guess what popped back up for sale on the site this week that is correct you have lost your ability to tell time but you have not lost your touch for speaking horrific things into existence. Thank you. Gift and a curse. No, just a curse. There's no gift. Is it possible where the only thing keeping the economy afloat? Like that slip-knocket was the only thing sold in America that week? Three million of them shipped. It was nuts.

How great would it be, by the way, to see like a bunch of middle-aged guys wearing slip-not jackets to Lowe's with masks on? Oh, God, I've got to buy some mulch. Better get my slip-knot jacket. The best jacket I've ever seen. I would be happy because they would be wearing masks. That's true. This is one way to get these guys to wear masks. So let's do it.

Wow. Tactical kerchiefs, please. Can we try a game that I just came up with this week? And I want to see how it goes. Okay. Yeah. I see no way of stopping you. No, you can.

I'm afraid that you'll hurt me. That's good. All right. so this is how this game is going to work i'm going i have picked a week from from modern college football history so like post world war two i'm not going to give you really weird old weeks but i picked a week and i have picked out four final scores from the week and i want to see if you can identify or how close you can get maybe to uh the year of that we're talking about just based on these five uh these four rather final scores and i will tell you if applicable uh what the teams involved

were ranked okay okay all right wow okay game number one number three okama beats number four ohio state 29 28 number three oklahoma beats number four ohio state close game game number two kentucky unranked beats number 17 west virginia 28 to 13 west virginia ranked 17th upset by unranked kentucky possible bigger upset slightly bigger upset at least number 15 Washington state loses to kansas by a score of 14 to 12 Kansas unranked your fourth score number five Penn State beats Maryland who's not ranked 27 to 9 based off of those four game four final scores what year do you think this is Jesus so Penn State beating Maryland Penn State beating Maryland yeah that narrows it down to literally any year first okay yep

you're welcome Washington State being ranked is a is a tipper there there's really only certain times. Wazoo and KU. They have only played like two or three times if I recall correctly and they were both fairly recent. If I recall correctly at least. Oklahoma, Ohio State not as common as I want it to be. Right? Like I'm like, oh, they used to play

all the time. That's not true. Like there's a kind of nostalgia that people my age have for oh man, out of conference games used to be better. No, that just used to be the only game you could watch on TV. So it seemed like it was always happening. It was not. It's tricky. What was the West Virginia Kentucky score again?

Kentucky beat West Virginia 28 to 13. Kentucky was not ranked. West Virginia was 17th. Okay, I know for a fact, this is before I was born then because they have only played twice in my lifetime, and West Virginia has won both times. Wow.

So we're probably, we're looking before 82. Oh, yeah. I'm going to say, though, it's early Dawn Nalen if they're ranked. is my guess, right? So I'm going to go, this feels like late 70s, is my guess. I was thinking of a different wazoo opponent, I think. If Ohio State and Oklahoma were both ranked that highly,

it really, I'm not thinking of an 80s year that would fit. I'm telling you, I think this feels like late 70s. So I'm going to get, can I just, can I foster a guess? Yeah, you can, you can each throw out a year. I'm going to say whoever's right I'm going to say 79 so Holly says 1976 Spencer says 1979 Jason I'll keep the mathematical formula going I'll say 73 1977 so good you all did I feel no I feel okay with that yeah that's not bad of narrowing down to what this was this was weirdly week four in 1977

seven. I did leave off number 13, Florida, beating number 12 Mississippi State, and Michigan beating, number one Michigan beating Navy, unranked Navy, 14 to 7. So if you've noticed that, yeah. I feel that that score is the one that would most translate to any year. That is, that is what would happen. The most, yeah. Number one Michigan played a service Academy the other one that maybe maybe works in some sentences also from this week number 18 UCLA losing losing to unranked Minnesota 27 to 13 like number 18 UCLA losing to an unranked opponent that also has like a certain timeless quality not necessarily a big 10 opponent but just anybody out there in the universe if if and when UCLA has ever ranked I don't

know, 12 to 20th. Whoever they play next, you are the king killer. That's, well, not the king, but the Bruin killer? Brewing killer. The barren slayer. Like a Duke killer or a bearant killer? Yeah, you're a Franz Ferdinand killer, if you will. This actually reminds me of an important question.

Holly and I were discussing earlier with Floyd. And Floyd can weigh in here if he wants as well. Yeah, Floyd. Please give us your perspective. on this too um and i i'm just going to ask it to spencer and jason cold where where is the best place to be on a royal line of succession like let let's let's let's let them give their answers before we give the one that i think we ended up agreeing on yeah like what's what what number ranking do you want to be in and we're looking for like an intersection of two axes here we're looking for like

where is the sweet spot of you have prestige and people have to treat you royally but also Also, you don't have a whole lot of responsibility. Yeah. You're not worried that, oh, people are judging me because I am the likely future regent. No, they're just judging you for all the normal reasons. Like, you barfed up a whole bunch of pastries in the backseat of a petty cab. Fomited up a whole lobster. Yeah.

Surprise is attacked. That's his German blood. He's intolerant of shellfish. Oh, good. You're thinking season one of the crown, which is also what we were thinking. Yeah, yeah, that's great. I'm in there. Having played a fair amount of Crusader Kings, too,

my perspective is that I want very minimal responsibility. I want to be very, very middle of the, like, assassinations is the number one thing to avoid here. You get too high and you're an assassinations target, and you're going to have people trying to invade and take your shit, and all your children are going to be trying to assassinate you so that the thing comes to them but if you're in the middle

you can probably live out most of a full life before you get assassinated so yeah just plot me anywhere in the middle you know what I'll just remain in Earl I'm already an Earl I'll stay in Earl that's good that's good I'm going to take can I give a numerical answer

like I want to be fourth fourth okay fourth in the line okay because that's still you're going to swing some power with fourth because I don't know maybe there's a car crash maybe there's a plane crash right but if I'm fourth chances are I was trying to think of the number of people who would be required at any event and you don't want the one and two together but you still want to get invited to the good parties right so there's probably going to be some protection against well you can't have everyone killed at once

that's not it's not good so what they'll probably do is they'll probably say okay the one of two can't be there but I still want to be at the good parties so I definitely want to be in the top five. However, I don't want to be mandatory, which would be third. I want to be able to beg off of some of this, correct? I want to say, you think the fourth doesn't get like the shit where they're like, hey, we're christening. I'm open to input here. I'm just feeling like fourth.

Do royal families, it sounds like what you're describing as the actions of like the U.S. cabinet. Yeah. Do royal families treat events like that? Do they have a wedding survivor? Yeah, that's what I was going to ask. Well, that's what I'm asking, because they're so. many of them does it even matter like that's the reason they have lines of succession that go down that far maybe after the documentary king ralph wherein the entire royal family is electrocuted in a

reunion photo yeah john john goodman confusingly wearing a bear's hat and a i think a bears hat and a maybe it's a cubs hat and a packer's jacket one asshole um becomes a king so the answer that Floyd and I both landed on independently was a generalational solution you take the you take the ruler and then you take their younger sibling their next younger sibling right the second in line to the crown and you take that person's kid that's where you want to be yeah because you are you are so far removed like you're this person your your parent is also out of the line of succession because presumably the ruler has had multiple children at this point so you're you're starting out at like 11th and that's before any like surprise babies or grandbabies

come into the picture but also you know you are you are in the orbit of the immediate family of the throne so you get invited to all the good parties and you have a dope place to live that's where I want to be but also none of these people have air conditioning

I'm still not sure it's worth it Currently, Wikipedia lists 59 people on the active British line of succession, like people who would conceivably, 58 people could die. And then this 30-year-old person would become the head of the House of Windsor. yeah that's how alabama's coaching staff worked yeah it's how the hiring process worked for a while no it's how it still works that's why butch is still there yeah yeah if 59 is still there right 59 people die butch jones will be the head coach of alabama don't you think he knows that what the difference is and i think the thing that should happen is uh especially with albama is it's got

to be weird for like i don't know let's say prince edward who's born in 1960s and at some point like he you know he is he is a child of queen elizabeth the second but like he keeps seeing new like babies keep jumping him and that's got to be a kind of a weird feeling to be like yep see all those four babies see that baby who just shit right through its royal diaper ahead of you ahead of you yeah you said babies keep jumping and i'm like in the street babies keep rolling babies keep rolling up to him

and are like throw down old man Edward foy a baby brett is rough man I'm taking over all everyone's dead voices

and I'm making them worse that baby that baby has a knife on him of course he does he's fisty I like him I mean Prince Edward should have

showed more initiative it's like are you saying that listen I should say, I should say I have in the middle of listening to the Vacation Bible School episode about Moses, but are you saying Prince Edward should have murdered more babies? You know what? You want the job or not? No. No, I'm referring to birth order here. Oh, he's... Oh, okay. Listen, either way, that is solutions-oriented thinking on Jason's part.

Actually, if... Who's easier to pay off than a baby, though? Ryan, Ryan, I'm giving you a Jacob and Esau solution, not a King Herod solution. King Herod had some solutions, though, man. Like I said, I've been listening to the Moses episode. There's a lot of, there's a lot of infant death in it. That's all. Yeah, there's more coming.

By infant death, you mean babies rolling up on people and going, bah, blah, pow. Yeah, infant death squads is actually what he meant. Yeah, they don't tell you the first plague was actually a place. plague of babies that's right unruly babies i believe this completely you ever seen a baby with a butterfly knife you will actually i can make this case so like uh exodus exodus two what is the big problem for for the egyptians oh god there are too many israeli babies here that was the first plague plague of babies yeah that's right babies who were unruly smoking same things like yeah wise guy

What is a baby after all, but a rowdy uncle in its larval form? And can't be prosecuted. A future uncle, a pre-uncle? Pre-uncles outside of the law. Frequently nude. Uncle Nuggets. Wandering the house pantsless demanding things. Please follow this train.

It's going to take you to a good place. Fun-size uncles. Now I'm mad. Imagine that fun-sized uncle will be king one day. And you will not, because you were too slow being born. God, how much would it suck? You will be subserving it to babies. I just feel like being called Prince as a title after the age of 40 has to suck.

Like, okay, Prince Ed. I'm just saying it beats being called Jimbo. Jimbo is a title of nobility in West Virginia, though. is there a prince hold on i'm going to do a quick lincoln search i want to see if there's a prince jimbo certainly he's perhaps dabbo over at it so you're you're searching linked in specifically for princes yeah is that where people yeah is that where people post that job like i'm a prince and i'm looking to move up prince ocanoccanque nekwell is this is how you this is how you like arrange a marriage uh uh uh between like my my my daughter

daughter the fourth princess is looking to marry someone in uh in this court do you have anyone it works it happens on lincoln areas of specialty include royalty there is a prince jimbo all right there is a prince jimbo on lincoln he's the executive chef at it at a hawaiian golf resort holy crap i totally trust anybody named prince jimbo who fixes me food i just i don't know it works he's got kind eyes in jamaica yeah We have a friend in Jamaica. That's awesome. Perfect.

Prince Jimbo. 70th on the line right now. Tell you what, he ain't King Jimbo. King Jimbo's got 75 million. King Ranch Jimbo. You all saw he got married, right? What? What?

No. There is a gym boy king on LinkedIn. Go ahead, Ray. There's a Jimbet. yeah jimbo jimbo fisher had a covid wedding just just him just him his his wife now and a minister and the minister had to be there rcci slocum had to officiate that's the law that's aggie law aggie law following pepper on USA after what we learned last week about him he's really turned his life around and embrace law well congratulations to Jimbo Fisher hopefully

somebody will make sure he doesn't leave the house looking like that now that's way kinder than what I was going to say so let's just go with that and it wasn't nice