Shutdown Fullcast - EMERGENCY SPITECAST

Episode Date: September 24, 2016

Did we need to drop a 15 minute express SPITECAST for Florida/Tennessee? No, but if we told you we got Holly Anderson for it? THEN IT BECAME ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Holly and Spencer talk about the essentials of the rivalry, which is now basically about fear and a mutual hatred of what this has turned us into after 15 years of enforced mutual hatred. WE ARE MONSTERS. BORED, HATEFUL MONSTERS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Spencer Hall and joining me for this late express edition of rivalry hatred for the Florida, Tennessee game. Now, tomorrow, since we were recording this on Friday night, joining me is, oh, hey, Holly Anderson. Oh, hey. Look at you. I'm going to get you talking some football. Don't patronize me. It's rivalry week. I'm supposed to patronize you. I look I don't hate you

you don't hate me it's been like 10 fucking years since you threatened to kick me in the dickmitten over this game I never said that it's in print on your own website and we got jobs anyway and I think we've come to a point

we were agreeing this week where we can both admit that what we actually hate is this goddamn game the whole point of this game, and I wrote this today on ADSBS, but it bears repeating,

I think, that we hate this game now. We hate it so much. None. Because what can you win? What benefits you from this game? Like, win or lose? Well, if we, okay, let's run the numbers here.

If we beat you, which is not fucking happening, we have defeated your homely weatherman of a coach and your offense operating without the services of your best option at quarterback, which is Luke Del Rio. Yeah, no, he's not, remember, he's not starting, right? No, I know, but you know, you're somebody at quarterback who is worse than Luke Del Rio. Oh, well, we don't, we don't know that.

But we could find out verifiably. Somebody, your coach is like less than Luke Del Rio. Let me put it this way, okay? Luke Del Rio didn't earn a scholarship at his previous stop. At least Austin Appleby did. Spencer, where was that? Quarterbacks in college have to go through one of two places. It's either Florida or Purdue, Austin Appleby, he's a unicorn.

He's passed through both. So, yeah, he was at Purdue, just like LSU's starting quarterback. Oh, God, that sounds so bad. Oh, are we, we keep promising not to bring up Purdue. It's just kinder. We keep going back on that promise because we're bad people. God, it's so, this sucks so bad. I'm sorry, are you talking about this game or LSU's quarterback situation?

Both. It sucks so bad, it sucks so bad to me that we're at a point where multiple SEC schools have to have transfers from Purdue at quarterback because basically we, are the luxury car that has a fiat part holding it together right like defensive tackles five stars wide receivers five stars you know offensive lineman five stars quarterback two and i want to be clear we're not and i'm speaking for you here but i'm fine with that we're not speaking to some sort of wounded civic conference pride here when we bemoan the state of quarterbacking in the SEC see because I don't care if you never get a quarterback

and your shitty, despicable football team crumbles into the dusty swamp from which it arose. I just don't want to watch these games with these bad, bad, bad quarterbacks in them. I'm bored. I'm bored of this. I'm bored of the... I'm bored that y'all can't put together a team

that's compellingly evil. You can't. You think you're bored. Oh, you should be real bored. But, like, you can't even put together a proper villain it's not like like even like for me like the best parts of the old tennessee florida rivalry which is not the current robbery right were that you looked across the the line and there was john it's just mean john henderson just big john fucking henderson screaming blood makes

the grass grow at the student section right just big ass country dudes who like to hurt you and wanted to win a game like 2421 that's what that's what like tennessee at its best was it wasn't like and Florida at its best was this we'll beat you 63 to nothing right like that was and that that was what made the game fun both teams at different ends of the spectrum with different

strat working to affect this like this like they it was basically like malice right like that was now I feel like fear fear is the primary motivator in the series like fear of failure fear of looking too bad because exactly and it's not that

it's not that inborn hill jack dread that I as a double legacy Tennessee fan watch all football games with, this is different. This is acrid somehow. I don't...

It's not ambient. It's just for this game. It's unpleasant. Well, you know what else there is? There's the baggage of this game too, because it seems like win or lose or lose or lose or lose, there's always something about this game

that makes everybody pissed off, that makes the winner not quite able to trust the victory and the loser just extra, extra mad. I mean, how many bullshit injuries, blown calls, fucking 9-11 moving the game to December after which she lost to Casey Klassen? But there's always something. It can't ever just be a game.

It can't be that, and it's got to be about everything, which sucks. Like, I love, and I don't know what this is for you, because you're a Tennessee fan, right? As a Florida fan, like for me, that's the LSU game because it's the West game, right? It's fun. If we lose the game, it might not be the end of the world.

Usually isn't, right? And if they lose the game, it isn't the end of the world for them. We get to go to a fun place. We get to play a team that always pulls the same tricks on us, and we always pull the same tricks on them. It's a delight. Florida LSU is honestly my platonic ideal of rivalry games. I know.

And like it's two fan bases who are both, sort of like repellent but outgoing people, you know, like, it's great. It's everything you want out of a rivalry. This is not that. No, this is not that. And, well, we've talked before about the age divide among Tennessee fans, the generation gap of people born after, I don't know, 90, 95 who say that, well, nothing else matters in the season except beating Florida.

These people are wrong. Nothing matters except beating Alabama, which we also can't do either. Thank you. to your point that you were writing about earlier today what happens if we win this game nothing what happens if you lose what happens if the streak extends not much in that direction either

like this game is so impactless because and fucking game day we haven't even talked about game day being there I feel so bad for them it's a grim it's a grim week when they have to take put this game on in lieu of better content because they're they're because they don't want to do this

right there better content my ass why aren't they at georgia old miss they should be at either georgia old miss or wisconsin well no misconsin michigan state i get the feeling is when wisconsin craters do you know what happened do you know why i was so confused when game day announced that they were coming to florida tennessee actually really i think they should they've gone to Arkansas, A&M. Like, if we're going to lean into the shit show that is this week's schedule, let's lean in real hard. But what confused me about why game day is at Florida, Tennessee, is that it didn't occur to me until I looked at the master's schedule for the weekend that we're both ranked. It never crossed my mind that we were both ranked, which is hysterical because, as we were talking about earlier, in the shaky, rickety upper,

middle class echelons that we occupy in football, both our teams are 3 and O, and we've just spent like 10 solid minutes complaining about how we don't want to watch them play. That and this, that they really should have been, if I were picking, it's not the best locale, but the best game is probably going to be Arkansas, Texas A&M, which though Texas A&M usually wins that game in like the last five or six years, that's a barn burner. It would be the most entertaining interviews. be, you know, it's a location. They haven't been to as much. And it would definitely be, like, more scope for the imagination than we're going to provide how many defensive starters is Tennessee

down. I've quite literally lost count. Well, you're down Cam Sutton, like, for sure. Yeah, because the Indian burial ground curse on your defense is back. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, that's back. In addition to that, Florida has their own, injuries just to counter that right which of course it's quarterback like that's there's we've been a headless football team for like five years straight right big pecks big shoulders enormous ass powerful legs no head no ability an amazing mascot though it is it's a very florida thing to be completely brainless like what is it yes it's a big brainless machine that doesn't know where to put the ball right and i recognize that in the

cosmic context of things you are still a person who has seen your alma mater when two national titles in the last 10 years you spoiled fucking brat but man am i bored right now yeah it's boring it's boring to almost be there right like it's boring to be like because now like there's at least this this is entertaining because i don't know maybe jim macklewain's good at this right That's a possibility. Just like, we went from this. Okay? We went from,

we went from Steve Sparta, who is like so... That's where we're at. Uninterrupted, desperate laughing. He might be good at this. I don't know. I'm sorry, I forgot the question. But like, like, my team, my team, my team.

No, sorry. Still, still going. Sure. Still going. Oh, wipe out. Like, my team went from, like, the Potter Familius, right? I'm crying. Are you crying?

I'm crying. A little bit, but not for the same reasons. Like, we went from, like, the program's basic founder, like, Spurrier, right? Who was so good at his job and so revolutionary and obviously, like, knew it and thought he was, to a completely inept and a very enthusiastic person, to a psychotic semi-robot of a human, who I really like for that. It's not like Urban Meyer ever lied about being an extremely screwed up person, right? No, I respected him for that.

Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah, I'm not healthy. You should get away from this. And then went to another extremely enthusiastic and inept person, which our AD just loved hiring. Oh, he's got such passion. oh shit you're right which is whatever I do

you know who else has passion ferrets it's true parrots have ferrets oh god but yeah and now we're back

now we're back at a guy who I'm like I don't know maybe he's confident I don't know he's pretty yeah sure maybe I don't know he's an unknown

but you know what Jimbo Fisher won a national title so I assume anything is possible okay yeah yeah by the way like the other thing about this game that sucks is that I don't feel like there's much you know

when fans interact in a rivalry uh usually it's because they believe they're diametrically opposed right like they they invent a tribe in some form of hardcore polarity right like Auburn fans are the farmers Alabama fans are just those rich boys with fancy hairdos and but the thing about Tennessee Florida is they're neither alike enough or dissimilar enough to make this interesting in either direction. It's just, yeah, like... It's just a mismatch. It's a mismatch.

It's not even like these two teams speak, like it's not even like the two fan bases speak the same language of hate. No, you don't even get the humor of Alabama and Mississippi arguing over which state is backwards. Right. You don't get Texas A&M and Texas parsing out who actually does manual labor. That's all

Texas, Texas A&M is about, by the way, is who makes things, right? You don't know how to change a tire. That's it. It's just a class argument, right? For Tennessee and Florida, it's like your boat sucks. That's really like, that's really... Your bait sucks and your boat's ugly.

Exactly. That's the only argument that I can really see any serious passion about. Because otherwise, it's not even like the value priorities the same. But it's even different fishing styles. We're not an airboating tribe. Not an airboating tribe, not a deep sea fishing tribe, right? That boat moves too much for me to. get on it. How am I going to put my worm on the hook? Yeah. How am I going to get my fly on there?

You know, what? You don't hold the, you don't hold the pole the whole time? That's ridiculous. There's not enough similarity, there's not enough similarity for us to argue over who does the same things better. And there's not enough different for us to argue that our separate ways of life are in one way superior or inferior. Exactly. They're completely different. They don't even attempt to achieve the same things, right? So what I'm hearing out of all of this, Spencer, is Florida to the Big 12th. I don't know. I see Tennessee up in the corner there, and I'm like, that's natural big east territory. We're going to put you, buddy.

I'll put you there with West Virginia and Virginia Tech and Miami, natural rival Miami. I'm going to kill you and I'm going to make it slow. Ooh, now we're, see, now we've got the rival. re-cooking again no i still feel nothing yeah i'm not even going to enjoy killing you do we just end it there i think so