Shutdown Fullcast - EMERGENCY WET KIRBYCAST

Episode Date: January 2, 2020

Holly and Spencer really just wanted to talk about the most important event of the bowl season: Kirby Smart taking the heaviest Gatorade bath of all time. (And the resulting stories of our worst workplace spills) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shuttown full cast Oh, wait, hey, this just in Kirby Smart, Dun got Gatorated. He's so wet! I thought we had to do a special episode, break, bulletin, the Wetcast. Mainly because,

because we really just wanted to talk about Kirby Smart getting annihilated with the Gatorade bath after Georgia's victory in the Sugar Bowl. Georgia won. Georgia won a football game. This is the extent of our Georgia football talk. Jason, you can unplug your ears now and continue listening to this podcast. But hey, for a big old dog, for a lifelong, a vowed dog, Kirby Smart has some big wet cat energy. be mostly because first of all Georgia I think we're going to discuss this because Georgia hit him with what I think was a physically improbable

amount of Gatorade Yeah I I'm not going to name The players here because A They wore numbers on their shirts with their names on them and they're quite findable if you want to But B this isn't about that This is about Kirby They were but the facilitators of our delight

And Kirby's despair But yes The build of one of these players I really have to give credit to George's Strength and Conditioning Program, which everybody does this time of year, but

one of these guys was a bigger kid who you think could probably heft that much liquid over his head. One of these other kids was a little bit slighter in build, you know, a little bit leaner in build, and you would think would not have the overhead press capacity necessary

to sustain what looked to be a sarcastic amount of Gatorade. An amount of Gatorade that really should not fit inside the container provided. It was like 20 gallons and a 10-gallon drum. Yeah, Spencer, should we be worried at all about Georgia's hydration on the sidelines? No, I really don't think so, because if I'm correct, what I think is happening here, is that their Gatorade expands to twice the volume of normal Gatorade once it's loose from the special Georgia container.

Now, does this posit that the University of Georgia is solely devoted to finding better Yeti and beverage container construction. Yeah, I mean, what else do they do? Go look up University of Georgia achievements. This has to be what they've been working on this whole time. Are you a little bit bitter because they have taken Florida's greatest achievement in the field of sports and turned it into a victory celebration for Georgia? No, because they can't even celebrate without mentioning us, right?

Rent free. Rent free. In their heads. That's right. Also, you know who... Georgia loves public housing. They won't mind. Also, you know who owns Gatorade?

Who's that? Pepsi. What's the biggest company like beverage-wise in Georgia? Coca-Cola. That's right. Poisoning everything from the inside. That's how we work.

Terrific. So Kirby's probably okay, right? I mean, he was wearing a visor indoors. So surely the liquid cascaded off the rim and left his face clear and ready for his post-game interview with legendary Holly Row. I'm going to say this with emphasis just to get my point across, but it is felt and not theatrical.

I've never seen a man take that much of liquid. In one shot, like, it looked like the end of deep impact. It looked like... That was an event horizon level Gatorade happening. Yeah. I really didn't think you could put that much liquid in said bucket. And I did not think that they would apply it. Because you know what happens with the Gatorade toss usually, right?

Slash, done, laugh, ha ha, ha. Oh, ice cube in the color. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, no. And usually there's not a complete application of Gatorade to said coach, right? It's usually partial. They miss. Sometimes they hit other people.

Sometimes the coach puts on a couple of moves and misses completely, right? That's not what happened here. Sometimes the coach executes a perfect form tackle on their own player. James Franklin, in the only moment I've ever enjoyed James Franklin on television, tackled one of his own players in a post game the other day. Yeah, strong move. Definitely a strong move. Would like to establish dominance.

Yeah, and an innovator. But this was not this. This was, I think, the platonic ideal of the game. Gatorade plunge, because it got, like, Kirby had to have, like, Gatorade in his brain. Well, let's back up and describe what happened. And by the way, if you would like a video of this, you can go to longtime friend of the program, C.J. Zero on Twitter, who has captured beautiful video footage of this from the ESPN broadcast.

But the real, I think the real danger here for Kirby was in situational awareness. You know, like a lot of bulldogs, his head does not have a lot of. Not lateral motion, but what's it called where owls can turn almost 360 degrees around in their head? Kirby is the opposite of an owl, which has a natural enemy of Kennesaw State, I understand. But it also means that when he hears footsteps behind him and the first icy trickle of Gatorade hits the back of his neck, what does he do? He turns the top half of his body, which means he takes an entire, like, sluice gate of Gatorade, in the face this doesn't usually coaches don't usually get gatorated

from the front yeah and he's wearing black too which really should have mitigated the wetness in terms of it did not it just made him shiny yeah no it made it just reflected how absolutely saturated this man was he finished it off by doing a couple of things

he left in the air twice like a cat who had accidentally fallen into a bathtub I would say it was more akin to if you didn't see it Luigi from Super Mario Brothers 2 Like, there was an unnatural sustaining ability at the crest of these hops. He had the former DB. He could probably dunk.

Yeah, I mean, we forget that. The coaches, you know, most of them were former athletes. There's very few of them who did not play football or at least weren't some kind of jock. Like before yesterday, Kirby would not have made my leaderboard of top ten coaches likeliest to be able to dunk a basketball from the three-throw line. He's up there now. Yeah, yeah, I was stunned. And also turned at one point to face his...

uh his like attackers and when he was doing this the attackers the people who were carrying gate rate backed up like a good like five feet and there was the state trooper with him the cop right did you see his hand twitch for the state trooper's gun a little bit because i thought i could see my i thought i could see him visibly restraining himself from going for the guy's gun i'm going to say something here there's a reason we wanted to do this as a podcast and not as a written piece because I wanted all the space in the world to make this as amply clear as possible that I am not here to start some shit. I am a Tennessee alum, Spencer is a Florida grad. We are here to revel in this beautiful splash that would have been funny if it had happened to anyone, but it's extra funny when it

happens to someone who looks like a large, angry pet to begin with. I am not trying to insinuate anything I may or may not know about the Georgia football program. In PAP in terms, this is an I feel, not an I know or I believe what I'm about to say. That whole thing went down as though Kirby's players hate him. And it's, no, and it's mutual. Like there's, I'm going to lay out, I'm going to lay out the evidence here. And I'm not saying this again to be like, oh, Kirby's lost, you know, Kirby's lost container of the Georgia program. We got sick of shit of that during the Mark Wrecked years.

But this all went down as though everyone on that team is just sick to death. death of one another because the two players who hoisted the gatorade up you can see because of the camera angle one of them kind of backpels onto the side the other one the slightly leaner one i was referring to he fades immediately he he is gone before kirby even really gets turned around he is back into the crowd and gone when kirby alights from all of his leaps there is a there's a very uh wet cat or dog type full body shiver that he does you got to assume there's some ice cubes sliding down his back there but as he kind of attempts to compose himself while holly row is preparing to interview him he looks furious remember the he looks absolutely like he's quivering

with what looks like rage uh and this i'm not saying this again don't at me i'm not saying this because i'm telling you some deep dark you know seedy terrible underbelly kirby's lost the locker room, I'm saying this made it even funnier. I think that as a demanding coach and in a very stressful year for Georgia, where they were clearly this close to being something else, but also this far away from having that something. And by that, I mean a functioning offense. I think they were this close to being something else in both directions. Yeah. And that's actually really interesting. Yeah. I think it's way more frustrating in a year where you're almost there than in a year where you're outright bad.

In a year when you're outright bad, man, go look at like Will Mustchamp. There's an exasperation there that's a coping technique. You just say, hey, this year we suck and it's going to be bad. It's just going to be bad, and it'll hurt every time. But at least I won't have the hope that maybe things will turn around and will win a title and we'll win a championship. That's where Georgia was. And I think that is so much more frustrating.

This is actually like semi-relevant coaching wise. Dan Mullen, after winning the Orange Bowl, said something that, kind of went, I think people took it the wrong way, but I think that if you think about it, it's, it's actually, he said it poorly, but it's true. It's way easier to go from four and eight to ten and two than it is to go from ten and two to eleven and one. Oh, absolutely. It's the, you know, it's a parabola, right? You know, the curve is, the curve is almost at the bottom. Yeah. And get steeper in, in exponentially steeper as you climb up. I thought you were going to say it's way easier to get hit with water, which Kirby grumbled aloud to, uh, to, to, to, to,

Holly Rowe on the microphone. So we obviously talked of nothing else last night once this game is over. This is indeed the only thing apart from a tremendous and terrible hit on Baylor's quarterback that I recall from that game. And so as to avoid talking about Georgia football, we're going to move along to where our conversation extrapolated last night, which is to talk about spectacular spill that have occurred in our workplaces. Now, this is not a disaster's episode.

We've done a bunch of those recently, and we don't want to, you know, we don't want to fill your hearts too deeply with those. We want to spread out that joy. However, you and I are both former movie multiplex employees. Correct. And this means that in the non-hazardous waste division, we are really up there when it comes to our experiences with spectacular spills.

my favorite in the Knoxville's Westtown Mall Regal Cinema's 9 back on half of it was a really creepy video arcade every piece of equipment in that video arcade has had someone have sex on it by the way don't let your kids touch it the night I think that

I couldn't remember the movie for a second and then I remembered it was just called Pearl Harbor the night that Pearl Harbor that summer we had a near-signment Spill of an enormous Cambrough filled with ice and a container of the concentrated butter substitute go down within, I want to see about 90 seconds behind the concessions counter. And it was like a game of crack the whip on ice for the rest of the night because that shit ain't ever coming up. I'm also reminded of an experience I had when I was younger of walking in the back door of my house and seeing my mother on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor.

a not uncommon appearance, but everywhere around her, there was just red. And my first thought was not mom upended a bowl full of cherry jello powder onto the floor and tried to clean it up with a wet rag and it got in the grout, which is what was actually going on. My first thought was, well, who's wrapped up in a sheet in the backyard? Anyway, my mother did not help this impression, by the way, by looking up at me, blowing her hair out of her eyes, I'm going, let this be a lesson to you. Jello is like blood. You're never going to find it all. That's the comment that begs a question, and then another question, and then several more

questions. Anyway, out of West Virginia and back to the American further south, let's talk about Spencer's multiplex experiences, because tipped off by a tweet that we got last night about a load of Strawberry Quick, you have a doozy. You have one that outstrips all of my workplace spill stories. Yeah, packaging is amazing. Like, for instance, Georgia managed to completely inundate Kirby Smart and give him water on the ear for life with just one bucket of gatorade. He's going to get an ear infection.

That evidently contained 30 gallons of gatorade. Well, that goes for candy, too. And when I worked at a movie theater in Florida, fantastic experience, by the way, It taught me way more about the real world than school ever did, mostly because it taught me that you cannot call the police just because somebody blows up an entire bathroom by themselves, though my manager wanted to. When you say blows up. I mean, a scene so bad that one of the employees who also moonlighted as a part-time, like, cop trainee cadet type thing, called his mentor, the guy who was a police officer and asked him who, who clearly. cleans up crime scenes because none of us wanted to go into the bathroom and clean us up. ServePro. This is serve pro. Serve Pro does not sponsor the shutdown fullcast, but they should.

Yeah, think about it. We were going to call somebody who cleaned up Florida crime scenes to come tend to this bathroom, right? Okay, so we were led into this conversation by Twitter user Bob P. Under the username Mr. Pocky 09, who informed us last night, speaking of dumps. I was at a municipal dump for work once right as a trash compactor crushed what could only have been an entire palette of strawberry quick it hung in the air for like 15 minutes it got in everything and this made me think of of something that happened uh this was a two-story movie theater where the projectionists were up top and there was a staircase coming down and for some reason because i don't know we did things real smart. All of the storage was on the second floor and all of the movie theater was

on the first. So anytime we wanted to get anything, we had to go upstairs, all right? Two flights of stairs, straight staircase, okay? One landing and lit by one of those long fluorescent tubes on the side about halfway up. One of my co-workers was named Chuck, Chuck, drove a Camaro, Chuck. It was a sweet Camaro. It was a 70s Camaro. Is there any other other unsweetened Camaro's? This was the sweetest kind. It was a like T-top, like, butt-rocking Camaro that he drove no-I with a mullet that he flobeed. He is the only person I know who not only admitted that he used a flow-beat. He extolled its virtues at every turn saying it was the best way to save money possible. And also, I have to say, gave him a pretty rock and mullet. Anyway,

He was one of those guys who was cigarette ripped. He lived on, like, a six-pack of beer, whatever he stole from the movie theater, and, like, cigarettes. He was just, and just absolutely jacked. He was really fond of seeing what he could throw up and down the stairs. What's the joy of throwing something upstairs? Proves how strong you are. Oh. That's all, you know?

And he would do pull-ups off of the top of the staircase. Wait, wait. So if you throw something upstairs, don't you necessarily have a lot of, you know, I don't know, giant bags full of 50 pounds of popcorn kernels bounce back at you? No, they're pretty heavy. They just sit put. You know what will bounce back, though. What's that?

One time Chuck picked up a big box of nerds, and I don't mean a single box. I mean, the box full of boxes of nerds, right? The box full of, like, movie theater candy boxes of nerds? That is correct. Okay. And they were packed very, very tightly into this box. And Chuck... Does that come to bear?

Yeah, yeah. Possessing a natural strength and a fondness for throwing things upstairs, he decided to take a pack of nerds that had just come in off a shipment. Look at me and say, hey, you want to see how far I can throw this up the stairs? Me, of course I do. He winds up, takes the box, throws it as hard as his irrationally jacked physique will allow, throws it up the stairs. And he has the distance, y'all.

He completely has the distance. The thing he does not have is a well. calibrated trajectory because the wind at his back a song in his heart and no sense of physics targeting software is off here all right and puts the gigantic tightly packed box of nerds directly into the fluorescent light the only light in this staircase i am at the top he is at the bottom i watch the whole thing explode make the noise that only a light breaking can make everything goes dark and then i hear raining down the steps like they had come from 10,000 feet

an entire thing of nerds. Just like buckshot, just I feel like that would sound as though you were inside an enormous Brazilian rainstick. It was soothing. I'm not going to lie, right? I was laughing too hard to really appreciate that at the time, but

remembering the way it sounded, it was absolutely gorgeous. And the best part was there was like five seconds of silence and then hilarious laughter from Captain Camer down at the bottom of the stairs who was not concerned at all about the damage that he had just done to the movie theater No one should ever be concerned about damage that they do go in movie theater Yeah, that's my fantastic workplace moment was that second place is throwing those big exploding xenon bulbs from projectors into the dumpster outback

I don't know, that was probably like against every EPA regulation on the planet, but they made a really cool noise