Shutdown Fullcast - Everyone's Made Terrible Work Choices - Week 5 Review

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

Sure, James Franklin maybe could have called a better play at the end of the Ohio State game. And sure, maybe Bobby Petrino blew a chance to beat Florida State for almost no reason. But Jason almost ladder match'd innocent bystanders in a Publix. Further points of discussion:Kentucky is good!Notre Dame is also good and that's confusing!Nebraska is not good!Washington State may or may not be good but they have achieved PEAK AIR RAID form!Talented Mr. Ripley-ing strategies!Stop being a grumpus about fans rushing the field! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast I'm Spencer Hall and you are listening to the dulcet tones of the only college football podcast on these internet. I wanted to

just jump right off and say I wanted to just start with mistakes. We've all made mistakes in life. Massive, sometimes unrecoupable mistakes. You definitely had you're listening. Yeah. You're already listening to this podcast. Come on. Save yourself. Bail out now. Eject. Eject.

No, no, no. In for a penny. In for a pound. No, listen, you may hit the canopy like goose, but isn't that better? You know, that would be calling a timeout. Maybe you should call a timeout and go get yourself together. Oh, you need... I don't know, Spencer. Timeouts don't always work out the way you think they would. Maybe you should take another one, just to be sure. Could you take two timeout? outs? The bottle says only take one, but...

I don't know. If one's good, two must be better. My grandfather really believed that, so, like, that might explain why, like, I would watch him, he's like, Nyquil, this is good stuff. And then, like, 30 minutes later, you're like, why is he drooling green

and passed out on the couch? If your grandfather wore a lot today, he would totally buy those Tom Brady copper pajamas. They keep me springy and limber. Speaking of... I've always had that theory about amputations. Pardon? Like they say, you know, this arm's got to go.

I'm like, well, fuck it. Get rid of both of them. I hate them both. I'm so glad you're not a doctor. Finish the bone saw. He might be in Kennesaw. Yeah, that's true. Jason Kirk, in the humor, says,

what's the biggest mistake you ever made at work? Boy, we're, uh, We've launched into the Where to Begin portion of the program. Yeah, I don't love those. Yeah. Because I can tell you, let's see,

I've made large mistakes at work, probably the most humorous one, I think, is one time when I was working at a liquor store, I thought I could balance one more box of wine. And I don't mean boxed wine. I mean, when you get those big Ernest and Giulio Gallo, like wine, you know, jugs, right? The kind that, you know, cost $3.99 and contained four gallons of real rot-gut, California.

Not even Chardonnay, but like, shardin-n-n-n-n-n-t. Yeah, shardin-a-n-t. Anyway, I thought I could balance one more on those. And when I put it up there, it did, if you ever heard a structure sort of heave and talk to itself, saying, this is going down right like that shudder oh why why did you do this

oh spencer this was going so well no i think if it's speaking in a male voice it's like i got this no i'm good i don't need to help stop i'm fine i'm fine no no i'm good i'm good

no got this got this dude just look away look away don't look at me don't look at me if i get rocked the shit No, I don't need a mop. I'll just absorb it all. I'm made of cardboard.

Collapsing tower of wine bottles is probably a good metaphor for UCLA football this year. It really is, yeah. And I was the Chip Kelly. I was like, oh, no. It can surely handle this one additional option. No! So I did that, and I heard the whole thing shudder, and I ran like hell. And I watched about...

How did you know which direction to run? The way that was not in the way of this giant... of liquid because when they ship those giant like four, three or four gallon like bottles, first of all the glass extremely thin. I know you think you would be getting value, but you're not. In addition to that,

they put them in boxes. So basically they're just loaded bombs hidden as solid boxes. They're basically little, they're like a little kerosene tanks, but with wine. Also, you've just given me a great idea for transporting a bomb. Always looking for those.

uh that's there's too much tennessee in this broadcast already i got a new way of making ordinance you won't find this in the cave the uh so i moved and about this entire solid wall of 30 bottles just went and when it broke it was it was the worst smell i have ever experienced in my life like imagine if you could just take essence of mad dog and boil it for two hours to get it down to its finest most intense yeah it went it went right to the nose and i smelled like that for like a week it was horrendous it made a really cool noise though and i don't regret it well congrats yeah that's good you did it yeah i'm not it's important it's important to try things i'm not letting you off the hook because we're going to talk about mistakes that that somebody made on a football field. But first, I wanted to give anyone here the opportunity to just go ahead and get this off your chest.

For reasons of liability, I am out. Yeah, boy, are you? Damn. Yep, yep. No, you can't, you can't say, hey, I used to be a lawyer. Here's the biggest thing I ever fucked up. No, you can't do that shit. It's nonsense.

Why not? Okay, well, for statutes of limitations, lawyer term, I'll confer with my attorney. And I will say I will not use anything really. to my current job yeah um yeah i mean at publics i'm sure i knocked over i'm pretty sure i did basically the exact same thing smiths said um i'm trying to think of my greatest grocery disaster oh i uh you know like the the big like i don't know how tall the ladder was 20 or 30 feet or so it was an extremely tall ladder all the way up to like you know a grocery store with a high high

ceiling um one where you can go up there and i don't know what we were doing maybe putting up Christmas decorations or something like that. And I was walking the ladder. I was, at one point, I was like under it. Instead of folding the ladder and, you know, folding it down and having two people carry it, I was like, that takes too long. I'm just going to walk the ladder with me under it. Sure.

I'm going to become a bottom heavy mech. Yeah. A variation of this attitude colors most of the bad things that have happened be in life. This will be fine. Yeah. Yeah, just fuck it. We're just going to get it done. And yeah, this worked for a while. It worked fine for a while. And then

boy, when it started to not work, it just really stopped working all at once. Did it? Did it take you with it? Brother, yeah. So, like, I'm, there's like, this sense that all the weight in your body is like 20 feet

above you when you're, when you're becoming one with a giant ladder. And you're like, pushing and pushing, but it's like, you know, it's really like something's pulling on your head, pulling you back. So, yeah, I fell completely backward, and the ladder is, like, laid out across an entire aisle. Luckily, the angle was just right. It didn't, like, smash into, like, you know, destroy all the, all the bottles of jars of pickles and, you know, land on a baby's head and start a fire. And, like, luckily, it just landed right on the, floor but uh so basically this is like an easter island statue goes shopping at publics yeah it was like

watching an undertaker match when like he's got to take a bump and it's like boom boom and everyone's like oh i don't know if he'll get up um kind of just wanted to stay down under that ladder so like luckily there was no damage no loss of life but there sure could have been I just enjoy that you introduce the phrase bottom heavy mech into this world. Because that just puts like the notion of like, you know, a Jaeger from Pacific Rim with like a really with a donk. Like with an absolute like, when they're like, did you have to make the ass so huge on that robot? Yes. Yes, I did.

Yes, I did. Can you make a giant robot? We love our thick mecs. We love our, it's a robot that fights. Where is the power supposed to come through if it's not swinging through its hips? Smart guy. I know. Man, it would have such a dope name.

It'd be like, Jaguar Wagon. It'd be like, Volcano Donkey. Volcano. Does your engineer have some issues? Is he going through some things right now? No, he's fine. He's so lonely. He's so...

Damn, girl. It'd take two pilots to run. run that ass it's got this robot's got two processing centers let me guess where one of them is let me guess we call it the Stegosaurus

model I know I know we're to get to what we're actually talking about college football speaking of UCLA speaking of UCLA giant robot butts

Penn State Ohio State happened and I just want to get right to it that at the end of the game I mean there were mistakes before this right serious

both both teams making like interesting tactical errors anybody who watch this whole game and is like Urban Meyer is a far better coach you sure about that I think somebody just got the chance to screw up lash right yes yes I think for like three minutes he was

maybe two It was pretty dicey. There was a lot of dice. Yeah, there were many dice, and not all of them landed the right way. But then James Franklin decided to swallow one of them. Yeah, then James Franklin decided to play crafts by throwing the dice across the room. Like the difference in the coaching here was, and Alex Kirschner and Richard Johnson did, nice post breaking this down this morning, is like on Ohio State's final drive with the ball, their decision was, let our athletes be athletes.

They just, I don't know, we can't block Penn State's line, so let's throw screens. Just keep throwing screens. It's simple. Football's not hard. And then on Penn State's final drive, what they decided to do was let Ohio State's athletes be athletes. So how can you separate them? They're both making the same choice.

Yeah, they both decided to just let Ohio State do whatever Ohio State wanted. Penn State decided, hey, that really big guy, we can't block. What we're going to do is run at him. yeah it's a brilliant decision also we'll take on the final play of the game because here we go this is a final play of the game now building up to this by the way like ohio state finally adjusts for four minutes of the game right in case you want to know how many minutes in a football game you have to be smart the answer's been clear four minutes you got to have four minutes of smart play if you're a really talented team which sucks if you're like north texas you got to be smart for like six Street minutes, dude. You can't make a mistake in a game. If you're Ohio State, you're like a rich person, right? Like, I can't blow all this money.

One isn't real and neither is crime. Yeah. I can't. Even if I go into debt, technically it's an asset for me. You know, and that's Ohio State. Ohio State was smart for like three or four minutes. But before that, James Franklin, I think the best summation of that was either Richard

or Alex's article, or a succinct tweet by at BP redict, be predict, that would be Jeff at basketball predictions. Lowe, a basketball predictions guy has a really good summary of every mistake James Franklin made. Before the game, does anyone recall what James Franklin, head coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions, said about getting to the 50-yard line? Does anyone remember this? He said, he said, they were not going to point. There would be no point.

It's four-down territory once we get past it. Mm-hmm. When they were inside Ohio State's 40, they punted twice. They punted twice. Maybe did they, hang on, did they get there without crossing the 50? Did they go around or under? Sure. Did they teleport?

Was there a portal? Was space folded in on itself? Should have taken a left-hearted Albuquerque. No, there were no folds. It would not have a 50. Mm-hmm. No, there was nothing suspicious. There was there was nothing untoward about the way they got there.

They merely got across Ohio State's 40 and then punted twice after James Franklin said there would be no punting. Well, they punted on fourth down, fourth down, right? Yeah, they didn't. See, it's fourth, that's, it's a four down, four down territory, fun on fourth down. That's not one, but two David Shaw's. And they didn't, they didn't punt on the last play, technically. They probably should have. See, eventually it was worth for it on there.

Honestly, I would have gone for that over what actually happened, if only because it would have been unexpected. God. No, never mind. That was certainly, you know what? I take that back. What transpired was certainly unexpected. I would say before we even totally get into that, if you somehow did not see it, they would have been better off lining up doing exactly what you do in video game football and calling fake punt pass and lining up out of that. they really would have been better off in it

than what they did oh they were at Ohio State's 49 and they had a fourth and one James Franklin said they weren't going to punt did they do that yeah they punted they punted on fourth and three in the red zone did they kick a field goal yeah they kicked

a feel call I'm not I'm okay with that because it was kind of a sloggy game to that point but yeah I am less certain on this when you're in the fourth quarter and you score with what I believe was about seven minutes left in the game and you're up by five. What does a card say? This is an honest question.

I don't know what the card says. You score to go up by five? Yeah, you're up by five. Do you go for two in that situation? I'm going to guess it says go for two because the touchdown is more likely than two field goals. That would be my guess. But even if you're not quite as ambivalent about this as I am,

just know that he forgot to go for two at that point and this gets us to the finale which would be i really hate that we already did the 30 second fireworks show fairly recently on this show yeah uh so on fourth and five at the Ohio State 4 with a minute 16 to go and trailing 2726. Fourth and five, James Franklin first calls a timeout. Right? That's fine. Yes.

It's fine, right? You got two. You got two at that point. Brings everyone over. They see what the defense is doing. And then they call another. timeout. Have you ever seen an offense call two

timeouts in a non-field goal situation when it's fourth and five with like a minute left? That's unusual. Just ice and Greg Shiano. I mean... He has swollen. He's had problems with infections before. Browback burn.

Mercer. Lord Mercer. I got you. where you look at me like I'm supposed to approve of being made to think about Greg Shiano and metacoccus and foot infections yeah so speaking of foot infections they come out for the second after the second timeout and then they run Greg Shianos definitely had like a disease that only horses get right several horse a horse you know horse or like Like, he's contracted Dutch elm disease at one day in his life and no one that right knows now.

Spray me! Anyway, please continue. I think it was probably, I think it was probably a disease that grass gets because like that, it gives up a lot of yards at once, right? That's, that's, that was close. That was close enough. We'll count it. Yeah, yeah, no, that's, yeah. I'm, no, I'm counting it.

I'm counting it. Because you know what? That's a decisive play that I didn't need to call a timeout to run, much less two. All right. That's true. You failed, but you didn't think about it too long. No, we just gunned it, baby. We're just going to go.

Okay, so with a player with 461 total yards of offense by himself, Trace McSorley in the backfield, what does Penn State call with a minute and change left on fourth and five after two timeouts to clarify all this? What would you describe that play ass? Because I've seen it described as a draw. That seems generous. It was TechMobile Run 1.

I was going to say, like, it's an open-in question what was actually called, right? Do we know what was actually called? Because I know what I saw. What did you see? You know that thing at the end of that famous clip where the organist and the Messiah loses track of their place in the music? Mm-hmm. And it sounds like a carnival train derailing.

Mm-hmm. That, but playing out over the face of a single human being. It was kind of beautiful. Yeah. I mean, I think that's what, I think it was a tailback draw, maybe, right? To a guy who had like 45 yards on the night. And Ohio State had been entirely comfortable. Yeah, take the guy who has 461 yards of total offense and all your scores out of that, right?

He either threw him or he carried it in himself. And they took it out of his hands. Yeah, surprise. you know what I'm going to go with here let's see I'm going to go with the thing we're not good at in a clutch moment that's what we're going to go they didn't even

go off of like a fake off the good player right no no they didn't do that no it wasn't like it wasn't like um Trace McSorley held the ball and looked over to the wide I think they had trips left

it's not even like he looked over there to hold somebody they were just like nope Here it is. Yeah. They went with that. And whatever it was, James Franklin called it. And this is where we remind you that James Franklin, James Franklin, frankly, needs some, some, like, defenders before this,

because I don't think he gets enough credit for being a very good overall head coach who gets programs moving the right way and wins a lot of games. You know? Also, when other coaches get the chance to, like, blindly talk shit about other coaches, he always comes up. I think deservedly so, because he's one of those guys who he enjoys recruiting, which probably means he's, like, sort of a terrible person to other coaches, right? You don't want to go there. He's got termites, like the program? No, he personally.

Greg Shiano? Yeah. Yeah, Greg Shiano. He's got horse diseases, weird grass infections, and turmites. Turmites. He's a decrepit estate all by himself. But yeah, I don't, like, there's no defense for this. This was just...

There was some defense for it. Yeah, there was all sorts of defense for it. All right. At first look, it looked to me like it was meant to be read option, get trace loose, but, I mean, it, I don't, it doesn't even matter if the D-line blows it up to that degree? I don't think they knew the assignment. That's the thing They look back twice

Well when would they have had a chance To find those out Yeah Yeah come on Everybody just get hydrated Stop hurting these young men They might have been talking about The Sharp Objects finale

You don't know I mean what were they doing What HBO? That is a more answerable question than what I'm asking At least the press conference went well I didn't watch it

what happened he did this isn't what he meant but at one point James Franklin actually says we're done with being great is that not what he meant you know in the moment

maybe not did I miss anything else in that press conference did he bite anyone wait no it was very passionate it was like the coach equivalent of like the it's not literally a whole

The Tim Tebow, like, we were going to try so hard thing. It was a lot of stuff about, like, players are going to take notes in class now. Because, like, which is weird, because, like, you almost lost to Appalachian State. I know that was a thousand years ago. A lot of people saw that. People saw. That was way more embarrassing than losing by one to Ohio State, no matter how it happened. So maybe you should have started taking notes then.

I don't know. I don't know. This was there, right? But this is, this game always ends in some dumb bullshit. Like they out, they outgained Ohio State by a hundred yards and lost. And I feel like that's the story of the last three times these teams have played. Yeah, when these teams play, it's always, you know, the team that is ahead and the fourth loses. It's stupid Penn State covered.

Ohio State might be the second best team in the country. Penn State almost beat them. That's way better than being taken overtime by Appalachian State. Also, there's also the point, it is also at least more saying that. This is funnier, but that's not the same thing. Exactly, exactly. That a better design play

doesn't necessarily succeed, doesn't necessarily mean that they kick a field. Like, they're still, it's not so massively boneheaded that it's like, oh my God, you could have won the game and you just totally, it's not what Louisville did. okay can you fill me in on that i'm very serious because not only do i want to talk about how bad louisle is

because i think we've we've ragged on james franklin enough who by the way in other games before this has done at least one thing per game where you go i don't think that's right i don't like coachwise if you're watching them like manage a game at one point he does something where you go yeah i don't think that's a sound investment the ermine farm i don't think mink is a big I don't think Mink's going to, like, get me to retirement, buddy. No, no, no, no, just write the check. So, so here's what the situation is. Louisville has the ball up 24-21 with about two minutes to play.

They have just converted and they have first and ten on the Florida State 21. Florida State, I believe, has only two timeouts left. So if they just do nothing of interest or aggression, them. They can, uh, Louisville can drain the clock to like a minute, a minute five, something like that and try to kick a field goal, go up by six, give Florida State almost no time to mount a, um, and no time outs to mount a game winning touchdown drive. Alternatively, they can just get another first down and end the game. Um, at this point, the win probability for Louisville was at 98.8%, which Penn State's win probability when they called this fourth and five play was nowhere near that.

What did they call, Jason? What was the play that they called in this situation where, again, kneeling is, is, is, does you almost no harm? And run is safe run also does you almost no harm. Let's throw the football. Well, I'm starting to wonder if Bobby Picrinos is the man for this job. Louisville Louisville calls a Bobby Petrino calls a pass play

that Florida State picks off so now they have the ball down three with two minutes to go and both of their timeouts and they end up winning the game we could have done the safe thing

but we did the naughty thing oh it's so much worse with earbuds it's like it's going directly inside my head like that's a straight up fuck up right the quarterback's name pass

He's not going to hand off. Just. Just so, I mean, there's that. Northwestern. Northwestern led Michigan 17-7 at halftime. In the second half, they never crossed midfield. I get that Michigan's defense is great, maybe the best in the nation, or at least in the conversation. But, God damn, you can't even get past the 50 when you hold the lead.

You, you stupid asshole idiots. I love this. God, the Petrino quote. I look, like, I'm not, I can't do the voice, but he said, I look back at it. I bet you do. Obviously, I should have ran the ball, a somber Petrino said in the post-game press conference. I did know what they were in. And I was expecting him to throw the hitch into the field.

It's my job to make sure we're on the same page. I didn't get that done. That's, man, I was expecting him to throw the hitch into the field. That is the, like, that is the most, like, subtle little, oh, yeah, I was expecting the quarterback to do the right thing. But, hey, it's my job to make sure he isn't an idiot. Yeah, it's like, way to take the fall, coach. I was expecting the dumb ass to make the right move.

That's my fault. My second favorite part of this game is the segment of Florida State media that is like, see, this proves Willie Taggart's got culture change. You can see it. You can see it taking hold. I do love this though because Willie Taggart has benefited from this time and time again. I think teams that just have this like, like, they could have really stepped on his neck and make things super bad. I'm like worse than they already are.

for Florida State. And, you know, a good attitude and a little luck just kind of gets you to the next day. Well, we're not where we want to be yet, but we're not Louisville. This is a team that lost by 24 to Virginia, and you're happy that they fucking handed you a chance to win. Be thrilled with it, dude. You know what? Did you see what happened in other games? Yeah, you're right.

You're right. You're right. You could be Nebraska. Whoops. God. Scott Frost Day's never. never going to end. Again.

This is the worst Scott Frosty ever. So put your little hand in mind. Yeah. Just no respect for, no respect for the sacred holiday of Scott Frost Day. Scott Frost Day. Scott Frustay.

None. That, that, in this game. It's a pagan ritual where you frost your tips. Yeah. You know what? Power cleans and frost your tips. Yeah. Frost your what?

You made that happen. He did. Jason should have, Jason could have passed on that joke, but he chose to run with it. It wasn't me. Do you think Scott Frost is ever going to stop talking shit about future opponents? Because Michigan, what was it?

He said, we were going to out hit. He said, he said we did out hit. We did out hit. But he also said they were going to, I think. he said last time they were there with UCF he said yeah we lost by 35 but we out hit him which at the time it was like boy that's that's plucky and then after they lost to Michigan he said well at least we've got a winnable game next week and then Purdue beats you by 14 I mean that's not a lie that's a winnable game it no yeah I could technically be an astronaut

unless you're Nebraska in which case maybe they're not Right Even the Akron cancellation Looks beneficial At this point You're like, ooh Good job there Oh wait

Who's next road game at Wisconsin Have fun Nebraska I mean maybe they'll pull this No Wisconsin already had their One kind of like Lost weekend game Where they're like

Oh How amazing would that be though You know a madman When Don Draper would kind of like Drink a little too hard And he'd go like I'm gonna get clean and then like three episodes later it was like back at it you've been working with a ruptured appendix for three weeks don right where he's like oh i'm aware of my alcoholism but i'm not quite willing to do anything about it that's wisconsin lives in b yu right i think i love my children no i know no i know

i got money in a big car wisconsin's now back into the i got money in a big car stage of things they're they've had that scary moment with b yu that moment of clarity they're over that they're just going to going to pave Nebraska. Let me give you this quote from Scott Frost. In my opinion, we look like one of the most undisciplined teams in the country, and it kills me. That means this is edge of tomorrow for Scott Frost. He dies every Saturday. He wakes up like,

Another beautiful day in the Husker Corps. You know he talks like Bill Paxton. A fiery crucible. A fiery crucible that makes man men. His champions are forged. That's it. Every Saturday, like, oh, hey, I'm going to get it right this time.

Oh, dead again. That's going to be the Wisconsin game. Giant Monster. Just, look. A giant monster smells of sausage. Mmm, delicious sausage monster. The fuck, dude. I know.

There was this, too. Ryan, congratulations. Fellow Gator, we won a game in Starkville. Yeah, it was... Starkville! Yeah. I think Richard told me that this was the first time Florida's one consecutive road conference games. We don't play non-conference games on the road, so that was a non-necessary qualifier. In five years. So.

Hey, little things, man. Like, I was sitting there on 136 and I'm going, yeah, man, 13, 6. Then I was like, yeah, hell yeah. 136. But this isn't the result that made me feel... This is not the result that made me feel best about Florida's season. No, I know what you're going to say. Go ahead. Kentucky is good. Listen, Kentucky put it on South Carolina. I know that that score isn't the most dominant, right?

Oh, but it's a score you know South Carolina. Will Mustamp hates to lose by that score. I'm supposed to win by that score. Damn it! also another game by the way where basically two teams entered and both of them pretty much had the same box score and wow you'll never guess what doomed south carolina i mean i mean the complete inability to pass the ball for most of the game turnovers yes yeah yeah man over. Kentucky is now number two in the SEC in yards per play allowed on defense and yards per rushing attempt. Georgia is number one in both categories. Kentucky is good. No, this is a good football team. They've evolved. This is a horseshoe crab of a team, right? The SEC East basically kind of

somewhere in the prehistory of football evolution at this point, right? SEC East has been bombed back into like, I don't know, some antediluvian kind of state where there's a bunch of crabs, maybe a few dinosaurs, like George is like the big dinosaur right now. Right, right. You know? And Kentucky, you know what? Kentucky's an antikilosaurus, man.

They're real hard to flip on their back. Right? Like, how do A&M fans feel about getting Kentucky next? Bad. They have to feel real bad about that. After really barely beating Arkansas. After really trying hard,

to lose to Arkansas. They probably want to like, I don't know, grab Kentucky's face mask and be like, do we have to do this? I cherish you. I value you as a person. You don't know what he said. Jimbo Fisher grabbed a kid by the face mask

and like yanked him around by it. And this was one of my favorite things this weekend was to watch former players on Twitter be like, I would beat that little man's ass. No, tell him what Schleris said. Oh. I know how this was extremely revealing, especially considering who he was talking about. Oh, yeah.

This was amazing that when this happened, all right? This is during A&M's game against, they played Arkansas this weekend, correct? Yes, yes, and won by seven, and it was dicey all the way to the end. Yeah, which again, like. Thanks for asking. Yeah, that's, by the way, Arkansas, steadily improving. I know they continue to lose. On one side of the ball.

There's one side of the ball that is not improving. I'm trying to help, man. I know, but right now, Arkansas. I'm a main person, and I'm trying to discover kindness, all right? Arkansas is a dominant pitcher. It is a pitcher with, you know, like a really ripped dominant arm. And the other arm is like, ooh, geez, that has maggots. I don't know about that.

Yeah, they're like a tennis player, except in this sport you have to play tennis. in box. Got one big arm. How? So, Mark Schlarith said that he sort of quote tweeted it with the clip. Jimbo Yankin this kid around by the face mask. And he said, my O-line coach in Denver once had a team meeting to tell us, if I ever put my hands on you in a game, you have the right to whip my ass.

True story. One. I enjoyed that this was a meeting. Meeting. subject line if I ever put my hands on you 10 a.m. We're here to discuss

10 a.m. to 10.03. When you may and may not whip my ass. Two, if you don't know who said that, it was in all likelihood, like 99% certain that this was Denver's offensive line coach and legit football genius Alex Gibbs. All right. North Carolina's own

really cool dude. Super profane. There is a coaching clinic where it's him, Mullen, Steve Adazio, and Urban Meyer on the YouTube that you can watch. And in it, it starts with.

And I'm not kidding. He goes, Hey, listen, this is how I run this shit. That's how we've always run this shit. If you guys want to do it fucking different, cool,

I don't give a shit. Like, and motherfuckers do this all kinds of ways. That's like the first 10 seconds of this clinic. Okay. Imagine that's your like polyside professor. God, that'd be amazing.

Alex Gibbs could have done that I know He really could have been like Hey motherfucker neorealism Here we're just gonna lay it all out here for you It's got failings and it's got fucking successes It's all just one giant fucking mess

Here's how you zone Here's how you zone block communism The 201 chemistry lab Right You're ready to titrate You're not ready to titrate Neither am I, it's fine You can blow your hand off if you want

I don't give a shit This electron's got a jump a level I call that a reach block. So, yeah, the best part is that's Alex Gibbs. Alex Gibbs was a tough son of a pitch. He was a really tough dude. And still is, by the way. He's like, I think he's 83.

But Alex Gibbs was super tough. And he's like, yeah, you can just beat my ass if I ever do this in a game. Notice, by the way, he said in a game. I don't know about practice. You can try. In a practice, you can just kill him. Yeah, you can throw, you can toss me around like I'm Loki and you're the Hulk, buddy. You can talent Mr. Ripley me. You assume my identity.

Now I'm Alex Gibbs. Shit, this kind of sucks. I was making more money before. Why did I do this? Always talented Mr. Ripley up. Don't talented, don't talented Mr. Ripley down, right? Don't be like, hey, now I got his identity. My, he's got terrible credit. it. No. Ryan, who would you talented Mr. Ripley? So you could just assume

someone else's identity after killing them in an Italian villa. I don't know. No, no, it's on a boat. Yeah. Oh, no, I'd do it to Jude Law just for the, like,

the hilarity factor. The irony. You'd kill Jude Law. Right. And then assume his identity and be Jude Law. You just show up as Jude Law. I'm like, he's different.

Yeah, I've been taking care of myself lately. Sorry. Been real sick. I've been doing this new workout. Doctor said lots of bed rest and twizzlers. This is what you get. Happier than I've ever been. I'm still a great actor, though.

Anyway, yeah. What I'm doing here? Cool. Just start taking, just start taking all. of Jude Law's worst offers, right? Beethoven 9, yeah, let's do it. Yeah, I'll act in that. What time do you want me to come act?

I would talented Mr. Ripley, the Queen of England. I don't think that's how... No, there's specific rules about how that works. Y'all have about the same build. You picked the exact job where they have thought a lot about what happens if this person dies. Yeah. Yeah, so it's fine. I'll just show up and...

Do you know how many fucking meetings you have to sit in? Meetings? Not if I'm... Do you know how much paperwork is involved in being the Queen of England? What you're describing is also basically the plot of King Ralph. That's fine. Okay. What do you think? You're not inspired by King Ralph? Are you a Philistine? Sorry.

Yeah. So that was my favorite... There you go. There's your favorite Jimbo Fisher movement moment of the weekend is to see this little coach they've signed for 75. million dollars for ten years putting his hands on a 300 pound kid like he's not taunting death itself I like it coaching him hard mm-hmm sure

coaching them hard so that they lose by only seven to Arkansas which at this point is like they beat Arkansas okay they beat Arkansas it's fine wins a win y'all we should talk about Notre Dame I know you don't want to

I was thinking about Jude law I know okay look if you just if you like fuck with your TV's visual settings

and you can't really tell that it's Notre Dame this is a very fun football team to watch they're like pretty good and they know what they're doing and they don't get super rattled and they are competent on both sides of the ball

and like they're aggressive on defense and they kind of mix it up on I don't know Notre Dame is good and not Like, in that sloggy, terrible, why do I have to deal with this kind of way? It's weird. No, they're, I mean. Sure.

Sure. I mean, in yards per play, they're still right around what, UCLA? That can't be true. It is. Yeah. It is. I don't, yeah. No, that was last year.

Not this year. I'm doing anything I can to avoid actually looking directly at Notre Dame being good. You're going to have to because. There's nobody left on the schedule. The only thing you should, here, I know you don't want to deal with this. They're going to lose to pit, but other than that. Other than that, the season defining lost to pit. The schedule is pretty smooth from here on out,

unless you think Florida State or Virginia Tech, or I guess USC who barely beat Arizona, are going to turn the table here. So Spencer, instead, I want you to focus all of your negative mental energy into this. Notre Dame runs the table. table but doesn't get in the playoff because they don't play in a conference championship game i'm going to work on that i would also point out by the way that like they're probably a top 25 offense at this point like under book like they're still going to have to get their

numbers up but like and and they're but they're like a top five defense yeah yeah probably that probably does it for the rest of i mean they have nobody left that's that scary pit You have the best theory on pit. You do. That pit is a super weapon that has to take all year to charge. You can only use it once. It's a legend of Zelda thing where they're like, let's get this divine beast.

We have to point it at the target. And it's going to have to wait for the right moment for like 60 hours of gameplay. It's just like in this like angry cocoon for the first two months of the season. Just taking blows. Damage, damage, damage, damage, damage. Damage, damage, and it's, like, slowly turning redder and redder. Somebody said it's like Black Panther's armor,

where it's not actually useful until it gets beat the shit out of the line. Didn't we say that on here? That's not the dudes is loose. It's the dudes is loosed as in a cannon. Yeah. As that, he's sitting there just bulking up, hulking up the anger. The other thing you can root for is UCF to just jump Notre Dame. Because UCF still, UCF still undefeated.

and the end of their schedule between Navy, Cincinnati, and USF has some reasonable quality on it. Navy's kind of in the middle there, but like Cincinnati and USF are both undefeated right now. I do like the idea of Notre Dame the playoff thing. They're not in a conference. I do like the idea of that still being a debate as if, I don't know, can anyone think of a recent example of a team making the playoff

despite not winning a conference? Nope, no, can't think one. But they were brave enough to be in one, okay? That's the important thing. Right, okay. They didn't dodge the opportunity. They just were not called to serve. They did not dodge Ole Miss.

Bonespurgers. Alabama registered for the SEC Selective Service, and it was Auburn who was called to be gutted by Georgia in the championship game. Notre Dame is fleeing to Canada, which may be worth three of their next game. games are i can't i was i'm sorry i was looking for investment opportunities and our neighbor to the north business business is a war too business is a war damn that's so profound see war profiteer business dick um yeah that's and again you know or or notre dames just plays alabama in playoff oh oh congrats guys hey that's the only

fun part about having a bully on the block like that is you're like, ooh, Debo, go get him. Every now and then the pit bull bites the right person, right? It bites everyone, but every now and then it bites the right person. And this is when we get to remember that Steve Bannon is a Notre Dame fan. Hey.

Shake down the tide. He did. He tweeted that. It's one of the best tweets. Yeah. He's a genius. I like that even that's just the level of grift. I would Threat their businesses

They extort them for money This is why I really don't want to pay attention to their name Is if I want them to lose one I do have to root against the team Which is potentially looking like a really interesting To watch team which sucks In addition to that The teams I have to root for outside of our beloved pit

Who can potentially beat them down the stretch Yeah There's conflicts all over the place No no There's one free, there's one free place you can put all of your energy into. November 17th. That's right, because if Notre Dame loses its only game of the season and knocks itself out of playoff contention in their fucking Yankees uniforms against Syracuse, yes.

But they're, they're Yankees, Duke, Lakers, Notre Dame. They should just have all the logos on there. Wharton, MBA program. Yeah, the Pats logo somewhere on the. there, right, Drake, right, Amazon. Study abroad in Greece. Amazon Prime. Notre Dame, sponsored by Amazon Prime.

They'd be sponsored by Costco. No, that's a good company. Amazon Prime is a little, all right, Sam's Club? Well, you get me Sam's Club. Two, no, they've, the brandy, they'd never co-brand with Walmart derivative. They'd invest in it, though. Is it Target? Target? It could be Target. I don't know. They're from Minnesota. They're a little socialist. Best buy? Best buy? Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.

Very shiny. Yeah. Range Rover. Just put range rover on there. And then Syracuse comes in. Eric Dungey. Eric Dungey throws 58 passes, has no TDs and interception and wins. Eric Dungey, confused upon entering the stadium as Notre Dame's mascot. That's how I got in. They were trying to keep me out. It's my camouflage. The other, there's another game that I think bears some mention, which is, was absolutely hilarious for me to watch because I enjoy watching Northwestern Luce.

But I think it's just because they're so good at it. I watched Michigan Northwestern, and it was hilarious because Northwestern blew a 17-0 lead. Again, they did not cross midfield in the game. the second half. They just, they just stopped. That's enough. All right, we football. We, we showed we could football. Well, I believe, I believe we've made our point. We shed football again. Which, like the Red Army, you know, you might push Michigan back. But if they start coming this way, just get out of the way. Because they're going all the way to Berlin. They're not just going to stop at Poland. It's just going to

all the way back. Don't think about who I made Northwestern in that metaphor. Just let it go. Let it go. But yeah, they didn't cross the 50. They were awful running the ball. Absolutely awful. They were meaningless. They just, again,

they just stopped. They had 28 yards rushing on the day. 28. Wazoo had zero and they won. what happened at the end of that game please inform me I have not watched it yet I haven't either I can't be useful here

the air raid has reached his final form I need to know Mike Leach has finally been perfected he is now well not I won't say ascending to heaven whatever the alternative version of that would be QS plus he's being mummified Sure. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like something you're really into. Yeah. He's gone to air raid heaven, which is coaching at like Abilene Christian for the last eight years of your career.

For $78 a week. Somehow, but it's not about the money to me. I coached in a Division III school in, I coached in a Division III school in Paraguay, and I love it. I coach it Monterey Tech State Tech. You averaging like 500 points a game? No, we're clearing like 22. I don't know what happens. But it's crazy. I just lost my stuff. I coach a softball team on a submarine. And I'm happy.

We're three and two. Yeah, I don't really know what happened at the end of this. All I know is that there was, it was one of those things where across Twitter there was just a sudden like shimmer of panic and glee, right? Like, uh-huh, oh, no, like Utah fans go in, God damn it, Utah. Not again. We're terrible, we're terrible. Utah is terrible. Oh, dear, they're not wrong about that.

They're, um, man, they are, they are something to watch. They are. I do like this method of reporting on a game. Yeah, we should. One team one, um, everyone was yelling. what do you make of that? There was a hullabaloo. And then after that, eh.

This feels like the truest method of reporting on a game. The other game, the other game I understand it, a whole bunch of shit happened. Your thoughts. The other game I need to be informed of is that was very late and very weird at the end was USC Arizona. No, you don't. No, you don't. So quit asking. Yeah, you don't need to.

And I say that because I know, Jason wants to talk about. Georgia, Tennessee. Whoops. Well, not really the game itself. I'll spare everyone involved that. The special teams, though. Boy, were they special. Did, uh...

Tennessee currently has four punters in the NFL. Punter you? Man, I guess. Now, it's been that way for a way. It's been that way since the Colquit Lab stopped churning out Colquitts. Well, they find a way to get. these boys a lot of experience and I don't just mean because the offense is bad um do do we know how many penalties there were in just one quarter for failing to line up for punts I want to say

three but I don't know because I didn't watch which is a good idea smart I know I know at one point I saw somebody say that Tennessee had punted had three possessions but had punted five times yes yeah yeah yeah I love that it was and it was and it was it was how did you fucking your tax returns up this badly, Tennessee? It would be, but it would be like doing it three years ago. Have you heard what we do to revenues? Punp them, so to speak. Yeah, they lined up incorrectly for a punt, which, okay, that happens once.

Okay, Nick Saban pulled the veins out of his throat if that happened to his team, but anybody else, fine. Then it happened immediately, it happens again. Like, did you not just, did you think you're just going to get away with it? with it this time they wouldn't notice and then it happens again and at that point it's like fellas you're allowed to talk about these learning experience please you're in college you're supposed to learn meanwhile and georgia special teams uh rodrigo blankinship greatest kicker in the country sprayberry high school alma mater of jerry mckenon and uh xavier woods best high

school in the country. There's a bobbled snap and a Tennessee rusher breaking through the line. The kick's going to be blocked. And what does our hero the greatest kicker in the world do? He does a stutter step maneuver like he's kicking a free kick in soccer

just stands there, waits for the Tennessee linemen to descend and then just flicks the ball over the cross. Just chips it up for him. He almost is just... He came close to Panenkaing. the shot. He really almost

pulled a Pananka. It was like a disrespectful PK. Yeah, it was like, oh, you want to block it? Okay, hang on. Let me just... Okay, you're doing this whole thing. I get it. You're jumping up and down. You're laying on the ground. Are you done falling it? Are you done falling? Okay, thank you. Boop.

I see you're going through a lot of effort. I respect that. Thank you. Procedurally, I would like to give a massive shout out to North Carolina for doing something or helping create a moment. I have never scene, which was committing so many turnovers in a single flurry of

ineptitude that the opposing defense has to call a timeout so they can get a breather. Not because they've been on the field so long, but because they've been on the field so long because they keep running the ball back when you drop it or throw it to them. This is the most damning statistics I've seen in a while. Miami scored 47 points. Do you know how many plays?

they ran uh was it 42 it was 46 you can't you shouldn't average more than a point per play they were winded oh my god brough running 70 yards friends

it's just this chain's heavy I gotta oh yeah they they took a time out because they were tired they literally did the like yeah i'm going to have to ice my foot it's sore from me kicking your ass they they did that also shout out to toulain two lane two lane kicked memphis's ass it was the friday night game and yeah i watched it and yeah i was happy about it because

two lane and the like angry wave helmets easily a top five college football helmet of all time they took it to memphis and not just regular anger wave this was big guy's angry weight yeah big like tsunami yeah tsunami like all over the helmet right they they absolutely beat down Memphis the team that usually dominates them so shots out greenway and Texas one Texas well on course for nine and three

damn it how did the Sandman do this week I don't even remember over over 500 we'll put it that way How far over $500? Not two. Was it Rodrigo Blankenship clearing the crossbar? Yeah, just, it's in there.

It's in there. That's all you need to know. My other favorite thing this week was the Clemson game, which, of course, had a big quarterback drama. It was very exciting. But at the end, we go through this every fucking, like, once a month. A Clemson home game, if it comes down to the wire and everyone sees the fans come onto the field,

then the whole They rush the field for this? Yeah, you boost Syracuse and you act like you just beat the New England Patriots. You bought a bunch of losers. Because I don't understand why everyone gets mad about this. Like, to a degree in which I... Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean... I yelled at a lot of people about it. Clemson's been doing it for 70 years and it's not like that is an essential element to it being totally fine. I say this is a yard.

Run on the yard. How do you get this mad about this? where do you have that kind of free time? Like, as soon as the game ends and the camera pulls back and you see the kids coming on the field, it was like, oh, right, we better tweet the article, like, because we did a post on this a couple years ago, because people get so reliably mad about it every time. Like, yes, this happens every single time. There's a reason.

There's your tradition. So we tweeted it out with, like, you know, hey, tag your friend who's mad about this. And, like, I saw so many people quote tweeting it, like, oh, well. I didn't know this. But that doesn't make it right. That doesn't. I won't accept it. There's one thing we're missing in college football.

It's policing of the emotions of young, mostly black and brown kids. More of that. It's very important to do that. So much more of that. Act like you've been there. My culture demands joylessness. Also, this is great for traffic. Are you kidding me?

Yeah. Have you been to Clemson? There's one and a half roads in and out of that town. And I mean, one on one side. half on the other, that's it. Put half the stadium on the field and say, wait, just wait, just, you're gonna wait. Just chill. Northwestern

should rush the field, however. We lost. Well, they only got halfway. We're so bad. Yeah, they should only rush their half of the field. And they're quitted ropes. You know they've got them. It's a good school. You're a wizard, Eric. well i mean you didn't he didn't run in quidditch did you no i would also like my

whatever this comes up right like it's just it's an idiot test like if you just want to shake idiots loose you'd be like hey look there's people having fun over here like that's it's a really unbridled human emotion unbridled human yeah act like you've been there but where is there which i have been here it's my school yeah like where is there act like you've been there before what act like i won okay that's a good thing no be grim about it actually the best response to this in clemson's case is act like you've been there before yeah like that's they lost to syracuse last year they haven't been here before yeah they haven't that was like the one thing also not for nothing but their baby freshman third

string quarterback's rally is the reason they won that fucking game yeah like also this too like all right I make fun of Texas. I make fun of Clemson. All right. But man, Texas won in Manhattan. You're like, that's, that is their, that is the pedestal that, that always stubs the toe, right? Like, that is, that is the, oh, that's the, that's the, that's the Super Mario world that they skip. That they're like, yeah, I figured out the way around it.

Just not even going to play it anymore. None of, yeah, no. That's all, you know what, because I'm slightly sympathetic to this, because my team won an ugly, hard fought, hard won battle. And it was great. It was great. That was awesome. You're like, well,

I don't know. It's just, I mean, why are you, why are you happy with 13 points? Have you seen what they've done to our face? Yeah. Have you seen what they have done to our facial structure on multiple occasions there?

It's not been good. They got Ron Zook fired. And thank you. Thank you. And then Ron Zuck pooped in Florida State Stadium. Literally. Just. Right there on the field.

This is going to be the most intense public. you've ever seen. This is for you, Bobby! Yeah. And it was. It was for you. Um, you know, that all worked out. So thank you, Mississippi State. But I'm not going to take joy away from anybody.

You celebrate whatever you want. We don't pay these people above board. And even then, not at market value. Gosh, I wonder what the overlap is of people thinking that they should not show joy in these games and also that they should not be paid. Act like a professional, but don't be one. Gosh, weird, huh? Life's funny. Yeah.

I wish Gladiator games are real. That's it. Even then the Gladiator has to win and immediately put on a tie. Don't be up! Stop strutting over that dead tiger. You just, you had a net. Don't be proud.

All collectively jacking off to pictures of dead Cecil the line. What? But not celebrating. Kill the lion the right way. No, it's a joyless stroke. Look. That's how a gentleman, that's how a gentleman impregnates a lady, grimly.