Shutdown Fullcast - Everything is Rasslin'

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

- But first, Holly has some enriching homework for you - How pro wrestling explains college football and everything else - Kofi Kingston vs. Vince McMahon, the most uncomfortably on-the-nose wrestling feud - A lot about LeBron, for some reason - That's a lie - There's never a reason - Some more wrestling stuff happens? - The offseason will continue and some day the universe will end, thanks for listening Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. That's right. See Internet's only. College Football Podcast. Thought we'd take this opportunity here. A week shy of WrestleMania, which, as we know, is the biggest college football event of the year. Just, you know, see how we're feeling. See how, what's on our hearts.

Before you go to a battle royale, you got to make sure the body, mind, and spirit are all set and prepared. Okay, hang on. Whoa, I'm sorry. What? In the spirit of interrupting, which is a common wrestling trope, I have something on my heart. Okay. I have to act real surprised about it.

Hold on. Whoa, whoa. Where's the police coming from? What's Holly, Holly Anderson doing here? Yeah, coming down from the rafters. All right, all right, hang on. I want to lay out a very, I want to lay out a very specific path for the two of you, for the one of you who I did not wake up at a,

11 o'clock last night screaming through the phone about Michael Bolton I would like to speak about the television program Billions and there's a couple reasons that might seem

like an odd choice for this show for one thing there's no news hook I know that we try to be topical WrestleMania is a week away Billions is like four weeks into its fourth season

same thing right right so maybe on full cast time it makes sense that we're coming around to it too Billions is on Showtime. We are but humble bloggers, not real deep in the premium cable game. And maybe most crucially,

Billions is a show written about rich people in New York by other rich people in New York. So it may seem an odd choice of entertainment fair. I feel with the development of last night's episode, which is called Chicken Town, this show needs to be

brought into the consciousness of our collective listeners. It's called Chicken Town. It's called Chicken Town. I'm listening. Okay. So first of all, this is an approach with caution because here is a show written by four and about

rich New Yorkers, which I kind of watch as though I'm watching a foreign language film with no captions. I don't understand any of the references in it. I don't understand when they all lock eyes and cackle knowingly about the Yankees or French playboy in the 70s or any of these other rich 50-year-old things that I'm supposed to be conversant in to watch the show.

And I'm even more taken aback than I usually am watching this deep well of insanity, which I only started watching in the first place, I should probably point out, because one of the guys who created it used to be a Grantling guy. you know you're going to watch brian show it's on the air we're going to watch it um so last night's episode opens in arkansas and my back starts to go up a little bit because here is a show about new yorkers written by new yorkers that it's going to set itself in arkansas what unfolded over the next hour was not what i imagine imagined was going to happen.

I don't want to reveal too much of the plot because I feel like you can all just go in cold and understand if you have Showtime. Just going cold to the Chicken Town episode in season four and come tell me what you think about it. It also helps not to know any Bruce Springsteen songs as I don't.

So when a man skates into the middle of a trading floor, to start singing a song about a chicken man. You think he's just making it up and you don't understand that this is some kind of deep reference. But then they go to Arkansas. They do not really make fun of Arkansas. Arkansas is portrayed fairly in a neutral light as the sight of much hilarity.

No one has a deep understanding of anything brought on by a diner. No one talks about our shitbird orange president. And the line, forget it, Bill, it's chicken town, is uttered with a straight face by a noted actor of stage and scream. All of this pales, Spencer, can I just throw to you as you explain the thing with Michael Bolton? Can you explain our deal with Michael Bolton in a way that doesn't make it sound real weird? Okay, so Michael Bolton is a, Michael Bolton is a Trump card if you're playing any kind of roundtable. music game and by that meaning it could be uh suicide karaoke where you know everybody sort of draws out of a hat a song that somebody put in there that you know you might deem embarrassing

impossible to sing or otherwise um just an awful experience for everybody else right jason have you ever played suicide karaoke no yeah it's um we have yeah it's rough it's very rough we would also do this in turntable which if which is an you know an old rip turntable yes where you could go in and listen to music with people and you would take turns DJ and there were several songs that were always you know like the ultimate change up

and one of them was steel bars by Michael Bolton which someone on this call tended to overuse yeah someone not me or Jason yeah yeah it was me it was my go-to board now

song was assaulting my co-worker's ears with the song Steel Bars by Michael Bolton I discovered last night that may be the only song that I know by Michael Bolton but it's enough and now I'm trying to describe the part that Steel Bars has taken

in our lives in a post-turn table world where I will just call people for no reason and scream it at them like this yeah if you want to hear Steel Bars yeah so anyway that happened last night I was already high by about 40 minutes into the show and then the chorus of steel bars comes blaring out of a scene out of nowhere y'all i got i got turntable fm by a new york city television show on showtime on the sabbath was it at the key change or was it yes it was right after the bridge it was right when everybody starts to clap I thought I was hallucinated it's

one of the songs that has the really dramatic chorus and then they feel the need to add a key change to it which is kind of like oh this barn's on fire we should drop napalm on it yeah anyway um I'm not I feel like I'm not selling this well enough because I don't want to explain

any more about this that is utterly necessary because I need you all to go in cold but please watch the Chicken Town episode of billions on showtime and join me because I'm not convinced that what I saw was not like a 57-minute-long fever dream with a lot of Bruce Springsteen songs in it.

Also, you're challenging Jason for the Mid-Continental Title Belt on Saturday, whether he likes it or not, brother. This is also fine. Okay, y'all can talk about wrestling now. I've done my evangelizing. In Jackson, Mississippi. Holly, I think this is good because it's more a, it's almost like you're asking for a confirmation that this thing exists as opposed to, like, selling people on something.

I'm not sure. Okay. Well, we'll take a look. We'll get The Wisdom of the Crowds on it. I'll try and take a look. We'll get as many eyeballs as we can on this thing. Yeah. Try to determine.

It was a strong episode before I got. It was like John Boyce was piloting this episode. And at the very end, I got a Michael Bolton song flung at me. What level of knowledge would you recommend of seasons one, two, and three and of previous episodes in season four? None. Going cold. Okay. Okay.

No problem. I think we can get this done. It's so billion, the thing I like about billions, I should also point out, I started watching it because I knew one of the people who had created the show. I keep watching it because if I wrote a show about New York City done entirely in memes that originated south of the Mason Dixon, this is what I would do. But it's written by actual people from New York.

And they all chew scenery like Anne Margaret on Crystal Meth. it's kind of wrestling Okay Yeah No I mean you gotta have Mike skills And I think everybody on that show has Mike skills Everyone at this show is operating at like a nine at all times Like no one

No one ever just says anything I think the first line of the season That was spoken by an actual person Was they're tighter than ACDC in 76 And they were talking about like a fucking stock it's all like that it's amazing it also forms my entire understanding of new york city which may explain several things that's good i think that's about all anyone anyone needs to know whatever anything you need to know

about new york city you can discover in arkansas i've always said this correct the arkansas segment is quite nice there's a fishing show as there should be yeah and something called the arkansas chicken index yo yo Y'all watch this show and convince me that I didn't, that I'm not dead. I'm just glad we're talking about this on the seven-year anniversary of Bobby Petrino. I'm sorry, nine-year anniversary of Bobby Petrino. Seven year. Yeah.

Man, the numerology here just does not lie. Is it seven or nine? It's got to be seven. How could it be nine? Because I'm bad at math. Well, that's fine. This is true. I guess it's nine now.

That's why it could be nine. It's nine. Seven, seven or nine. Seven and nine are the same number. Thank you. In my opinion. Just go out the Jeff, the Jeff Fisher span. Where?

It was about one Jeff Fisher ago. It was one Jeff Fisher somewhere between seven and nine. A Jeff Fisher hints. Y'all, I'm already in like a bleak emotional place right now. Do we really want to bring such erotic charge into the show? We are about to discuss endlessly sweaty men. Oh no, I meant Jeff Fisher Yeah, we know

Okay To be clear Speaking of what Speaking of wet as Roman rains Gah Jeff Fisher's got that wet hair look He's not that wet anymore He's not that wet up a little bit

As wet as triple H That's a shame That was the thing that I thought He really had going for him That nice young man with the hair Distinct weights He was insanely wet I don't know

Maybe he See he got leukemia And he went away for a few months And then he came back and he wears his hair different now. Wait, in real life or was this a thing people did to make them like him? It wasn't work leukemia. It was shoot leukemia. Okay.

Yeah. That's a worst leukemia. Yeah. Yeah, that's the bad kind. Okay. He was, he was, uh, avoid that. He was booked to, uh, whatever he was booked to do, he beat leukemia. Excellent.

So. I bet that made everyone like him now, right? Yes. they all love him now no they all love him like they could not stand him and then he came out his first uh his first night back from leukemia to deliver a long long speech fans are hanging on every word after before he got sick of course they chant it would chant asshole fuck you you boo like they fucking hated this guy he got sick he came back and now they love him so sometimes and and slightly less moist i think he's much dry

in his he is much drier also he no longer wears like tactical uh vests to wrestle in i don't think i think he's just like tank top guy now as far as i can tell it's because he's yeah it's because you know you can't you can't do that and have people like you're like a tactic vest so many pockets no one needs that many pockets yeah and like why is this allowed i can't punch him in the chest That's not fair I had leukemia What are you doing Oh in the slam

Like fucking Come out in riot gear Yeah this is just what I wear To wrestling matches Could I be the first person To have like cancer And come back and be a heel Right like

Oh I had cancer You can't do that Oh in the slam We didn't have cancer Cancer had you Yeah That's it

He's going to be a people's favorite now. I'm sure this has been done, but I can't. Just give him time. They'll be booing him again in a few months. As soon as he wins like two matches, they'll hate him again. That is Georgia Tech's own Joe Anouye. Georgia Tech's own all ACC defensive linemen. As previously discussed in this program, the ACC is your superior wrestling conference.

ACC legend, The Rock, of course. Mm-hmm. That is true. Although there is the SEC weapon with Thaddeus Bullard, aka WWE's own Titus O'Neill. Bill Goldberg would probably take top billing there, but. Bill, Bill Goldberg, no moves, Bill Goldberg. Absolutely none. One move, one move, one move, enough to defeat the Big Ten's Brock Lesner.

That's true. The Big Ten. Who also has one move. Yeah, it's true. It's true. The Big Ten does have another, like, I think, more likable representative. They've got big. E, right?

They got Big E. They got Seth Rollins, who didn't play, but he claims Iowa hard. They got Rick Flair. That's true. University of Minnesota's own Rick Flair, you know? Although, like, saying like active wrestler Rick Flair is just problematic. Yeah, I mean, he's 70 and in staggeringly alive, I think would be a good way to put it. But he is a part of the storyline at this year's WrestleMania because Drax kicked his ass.

Just to catch everyone up on some things That's the story That's what happened Drax Batista who plays Drax Beat up Rick Flair So now he's in a match Came out of nowhere Right

It should be complicated sometimes Well it's just you to look up And there's Drax Killing Rick Flair Not in the blue green This is sort of what I wanted When I wanted to discuss about Rasselmania here

Not so much Rasselmania a preview because as always you could go and find a podcast that could give you more complete information although any questions on this year's card I can answer to the best of my knowledge as a delapsing fan I guess I could put it like as my daughter gets into the stuff it's like oh I'm suddenly very very aware of wrestling in a way I haven't been since like high school I mean if Drax is involved it's much much much better than being a prolapsing fan in my opinion disgusting I thought we were done talking about Arkansas

that's sexy we should probably just end the show right there absolutely I sort of wanted to discuss how the pro wrestling as a storytelling device if you pay attention to it for an extended period of time

any period in your life you know you come in and out of it you pick up on how this thing is it functions much as you know it's like a simplified metaphor for how the universe works the rules of the universe the zero zero sum rule of the universe you know the only way for one thing to become more powerful is to destroy at least part of another thing that's how galaxies work that's how animals stay alive like that is the rule of the universe and it's the rule of wrestling and it's it's how things work right like the only way the only way to increase your the audience attention in you which is the currency which is the energy of this thing is to

either win cheat or be funny you know what I'm saying well and let me just put it this way too structurally structurally we have some real similarities here right every single person who says this is like, you know, oh, this is, this is one big thing. It's not. It's not. It's actually like this kind of uneasily slapped together, like system of smaller conferences slash circuits that have been billed under like an enormous bigger one, right? That really doesn't know what to do with itself at all, right? Are there meaningless titles? Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, you're going to tell me being like conference USA champion isn't basically like, you know, the mid-south midwestern atlantic transcontinental championship belt yeah we've got those same thing

it's the exact same thing you might win the belt you might get the undercard but you're not getting a shot at the big one that that's reserved for like eight people sure i mean if if it's like specifically college football i think that yes i mean it is everything but like locally speaking that's there. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you could start at the very, like, okay, the athletes are not really compensated in a way they should be. Everything is kind of, only a very, very, very small, select group of people actually have a chance to compete for the championships that matter. You know, you can go on and on and on forever about how wrestling is college football specifically.

Yeah, but no, but generally speaking, 100% the case. And every single. Like, Mike's skills. Mike skills can get you so far. Like, so can cheating. You can even just cheat, like flat up cheat. Sure, sure. You can just straight up cheat.

You can have a, say, a monstrous heel who's been built up for years and years and years and years and years. And everyone's sick of this guy. Everyone wants this guy to lose, but knows it's not going to happen. Just, oh, here he comes again. It's fucking Brock Lesnar's music. Here comes this guy. And then, bam, 44 to 16. What happened?

Oh, shit. The little guy just beat Brock Lesnar's ass and everyone saw it. It's Clemson, by the way. Oh, yes. It was that, that happened, right? Yeah, that did happen at this past year's football mania. Hmm. You put football mania.

But you see, like, as you, as you pay attention to this stuff, you see these storytelling rhythms in other works. If you're a person with any kind of a college degree anywhere near the liberal arts, this is the kind of shit you would discuss in college and people would use words like postmodernist and you'd say yes i know what that means but like when you look at it as a act of storytelling and you deconstruct it a little bit you this shit is just everywhere it's just the simplest version of every story that anyone ever tells like take you know take the most popular thing right now the mcc you how do they set up that someone is strong they have them beat up the hulk

you know and and if it's anybody short of thanos the hulk has to have an excuse for why he lost. Well, an airplane was shooting and so I had to go jump on the airplane. Oh, my green dick was out. My big, I tripped over it. My dick is so big, I tripped over it. We all have great Hulk voices. This is one thing that I've learned.

Yeah, yeah. Or you have Jeff Goldblum is a crooked ref. That happens in Ragnarok. And that's the Hulk's excuse, or Thor's excuse, whichever it was. But, you know, the system of power and things setting up other things is all wrestling is built on and that works for everything and and i think that's the

that's the thesis that i would just like to express here's everything is wrestling Hulk put phanos over right exactly that's that that's what that is yeah Thanos is new guy in town how do we demonstrate in scene one this is the baddest dude well he beats the Hulk in a way completely unlike the Hulk has ever been beaten it didn't take three minutes like it's you know 10 minutes like it took iron man it's a like one set second. It was over. The squash match. I love how Squash.

Hulk squash. Like his dick. Hulk playing any racket sport is really entertaining to me. Just not handling it all well. Stop hitting ball so hard.

Hulk not move laterally. Hulk's ankle's very fragile. The The other, I love this idea of being put over because, like, the idea of it, like, oh, man, you put somebody over and suddenly that, you know, they're a champion, right? Right. Like, that's just, everyone's like, oh, yeah, they're the top dog now. That is, that's so unique to wrestling, right?

And not to actually any other combat sport or any other sport for that matter, right? Especially football, right? Like, this is Pitt. Like, Pitt, it's like, oh, man, like, Pitt finally beat a big team, man. They're good now. They're the champ. That's big dogs. We would never say that.

It's a straight face, right? Like, Miami put Pitt over or Clemson put Pitt over. Nope, they're going to lose the next week. That's just going to happen. When something happens like Pitt beats the number two team, your wrestling equivalent of that is house show. Yeah. That shit didn't happen. No one saw it.

No, dude, I was in the stands for it. Sure, you were in the stands for it. I was in the stands when Daniel Bryan got pinned. He's no longer the champ. Did you get video of that? No, because they took your phone. Didn't happen. Yeah, that's a dark show.

It's just not. That's a dark match. And guess what? Next week, never happened. Never happened. Never happened. Clemson loses at Syracuse. Dark match.

Dark match. It might mean, it might be. That building is pretty old. It is pretty, the lighting isn't great in there. Okay. Lizzie, we saw what we saw. We all have our theories on what happened. Dark Night in Syracuse.

Is that like when LeBron got dunked on by like a high schooler in a basketball camp and Nike tried to confiscate the tape? Nope. Yeah, yeah. Wait, what? Yeah, that happened. Tell me this story. I can't remember how many years ago this was, but it was at some sort of like McDonald's

All-American type camp. And, man, some high schooler just saw his moment in a game and it played out right. And he yammed on LeBron. which is a great moment in that young man's life and Nike heard about it and just was like no no never happened I'm sorry look at the controversy

it was like look into this light you saw swamp gas that's what happened like they did they tried to memory hole and men in black the LeBron dunk tape and I think it eventually got out is what I got out but they were mostly successful I mean mostly

because like we had to explain it right this should be something everybody knows that LeBron completely got yammed on by a high schooler and to an extent it's like a what's it called the stric sand effect hasn't been owned by a teen true that just makes him relatable that was I think that's peak dad

LeBron right is to get owned by a team that's nothing more dad than that like he wants to be like a great sort of you know father figure all around for his teammates for the community for everyone that's that's what you do as a dad somebody yams on you and you're like oh back of the day that would never happen to me i don't know i don't know i don't think that's quite a dad thing because i think the dad thing is

like uh you have such the gripping fear of your impending mortality that absolutely you know you will defeat this team you want this so much more than this teen ever ever could you know Is that when you just start calling glass hitting jumpers? I think the dad thing is to go nowhere near the rim. First of all, that's your first of all. Yeah, there's no, it's a danger. I'm not going in there. No, there's elbows in there.

Fundamentals don't happen in there. Yeah. Well, geometry can't help me in there. Like, as in the fake Mike Malloy Twitter thread, the greatest of all time, talking about some guy in a taz shirt and a pair of umbrose who's like 60, putting up bank shots and yelling, Bob petted at him, right? Yeah, the one where this dude played at Navy.

He's in Holy Cross. He's like, he's like, dude was an all-star Holy Cross at 57. And he was sitting flat-footed jumpers on me. That's what LeBron needs to do. Like, he needs to score, he needs to do 28, 10, 10 until he's like 42, but just do it differently, right? Like, never leaving his feet when he's 38. Never. Just doing the dad thing.

Just ever, inching ever more and more. to being a mid-range shooter. Because, like, the kids shoot the threes these days. Now that LeBron's old, he can't do that. No, no, no. That's for the kids. Bank. He's just got to study Tim Duncan film.

Wow. That's way harsh, Ty. He's just got nothing but Tim Duncan, right? Like, Glass, baby. Glass. Can you imagine, like, having to caffeinate your way through Tim Duncan film? You're going to need some Duncan. it's probably eventually you're like this is the steely dan of basketball moves man just the studio work

it's so precise and mellow watching tim duncan is like when uh yeah it's it's super bowl half time show or grammy show or whatever and some band is on that you don't care about and like but one of your band friends is there and they're like oh dude the bass player's fucking killing it you're like i'm sure he is i'm sure he's really great i don't sure yeah look the ball bounced like how to make every shot the rim three times and go in that's every shot must hit three surfaces that's how washed i am i need i need to lean on actual matter and energy to get this to go in instead of determination will and skill i'm playing pinball that's how old i'm playing that's it this is basically just cornhole but with a basketball and the hoop that's what we're doing here i'm so old i know what pinball is i'm calling

bank because i'm an old man and i check my balance frequently that's that's what I'm calling bank because I got a rough IRA yeah that's it just calling out all my investments as I Index fund Bunk another jumper

that's what LeBron needs to do it'd be so sublime if he did that love that the other wrestling thing like as in everything is wrestling and I miss this I think this is like an important thing that we need to somehow bring back was everything is basically talking about something else, right?

When I address the crowd and I'm talking about, you know, the issue at hand, I'm not actually talking about the match between me and say Daniel Bryan, right? No, no, no. What Daniel Bryant's actually doing is getting everybody mad about like the environment. That would be an insanely hairy match. That's too much hair. They would just call that the datadook. He would just have to grab beards, right? For Daniel Bryan, picture Spencer if he shaved everything but his face.

Gross. Yeah, just like, imagine like the beard gripping. Who will yield first? But when like, like, Steve, like Stone Cold Steve Austin's rivalry with Vince McMahon was not about that. it was about on Monday night watching everybody in America go to work for the first day since the weekend

and then coming home and being like I'm going to watch a guy kick the shit out of his boss yeah like what greater more rewarding thing is that that was the heat there Daniel Brian's like he'll Daniel Brian's like

it's not a heel turn that he's gotten but like the sort of like extremely woke environmentalist right like semi-Marxist thing he's got going on they do they do

He's the champ. He's the champ right now. Yeah. Oh, no, he did an entire monologue that was basically like, Venture part of a generation that squandered America's greatness that you could have bigger garages. Spot the lie. Yeah, no, you go to the grave of worthless waste of time and space.

He really could probably win, like, the Democratic nominee. He just comes out there and says the realest shit, and everyone's like, like, you can tell what part of the country they're in based on their reaction. like if they're out west they'll be like Big pop I realize we're like obligated to boo this guy but uh you know He's making a compelling argument

Spill it Like He's based like if they're on the West Coast man He gets the DSA like uh you know Overture plant like they They're for it you know If they're in the south He gets the big Antifa pop

If they're in the south It's not quite the black block Antifa out Alabama, it's not quite. Yeah, it ain't quite hitting in Alabama. But, like, he's definitely a heel. He's basically playing the cartoon version of himself. Because, like, he is from Washington.

He is, you know. So it's like being a blogger. Exactly. Yeah. Like, he, like, he is a hipster environmentalist and all this stuff. But, like, he was a good guy for years and years. And he was the, in a way, the Stone Cold character in one of the biggest WrestleMania as ever, where, like, the company kind of really was out to, you know,

they didn't want this hairy little weirdo to be the face of the company, but the fans just hijacked everything and eventually the storyline merged with what the fans wanted to put this little goofy-looking guy as the champ. He kind of got sick of being good guy, became a bad guy, and decided the easiest way to do this is just to be over-the-top version of himself. And now, full circle, folks, now he's the bad. guy as another guy is doing the same underdog company against me story to try to take his title. They just play the hits. They just play the hits over and over. In another instance of we're not really talking about the match, Kofi Kingston. Yeah. Who is African American?

Yeah. And part of the all African American trio New Day. Coffy has been like going to outlandish lengths to get his title shot. Links that you might say, are twice as good as everyone else's, right? Just to get the same shot. We're not really talking, like, the writers do this all the time. We're not really talking about that when we talk about Kofi Kingston. Like, oh, why wouldn't he get a shot? Now everybody knows.

Yeah, we all kind of know why he hadn't got a shot and why he's having to jump through all these extra hoops and why he has to literally, like, beat six guys in a row just to earn the right for his friends to then beat 12 guys in a row just for them to finally have a chance to maybe win a title when like jerks like fucking Randy Orton get a title shot every eight minutes and Kofi has to spend you know a decade grinding for just one like we kind of know what we're talking about here and because it's wrestling there's like this fascinating subtext of like no they really did this shit to black athletes for

years and years and years like and now it's I'm just I'm really fascinated about Kobe Kingston story It's like, how aware is Vince McMahon of his role in this story? Because he has played, he has played roles in this story behind the scenes. We know this. And now he's playing it in public as the bad guy, as the guy intentionally holding down the black athlete that the crowd loves. Yeah. There's a lot going on here, man.

Yeah, but doing it also, like, if you've watched it, and I've watched, I've watched, like, most of the Kofi Kingston storyline. In doing that, Vince walks a very fine line because they haven't playing. a role, right? And he can't come out and just be like cartoonishly racist, right? Which he has done before, to be fair. Yeah, which everyone in the WWE

at one point prior to 2019. Something around. I mean, Hulk Hogan's back, so. Everyone. Yeah. It has done that, to some extent or another. So they have him playing like a very fine line. Right now he's kind of

like mute, smug, institutionalized racist. That's sort of where he's been playing it, not explicitly, overtly, theatrically racist, right? Right, right. He's just looked like the man. It's, I would say, they're just enough details coded just in a specific way where you're, it's clear the story they're telling.

It's just Vince McMahon's role in it that makes this, okay, this is a lot to process. well and now and now what they're doing is pitting the pitting Daniel Brian against him right yeah so nobody wins right like taking

taking the two like taking the two sort of I guess like primary planks of the Democrat party yeah and pitting them against each other in the name of making Fitzman money like either either either you want people to get a fair shot regardless of

color of their skin or you like the environment. Like fucking can't can't we just like both? Can't they be on a team or something? Yeah. I don't know. Coffey Kingston out of here pulling the mid-major thing too, right? Coffey Kingston doing the

well, Boisey, in order to get into the national title chase, you must pull off these five impossible moves. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, in college football terms, Kofi is this year's UCF without question, except um, Cofi fans are actually fun and good people, not pains online.

Not bad at online. Actually, fun to be next to in real or digital spaces. Another thing that will get you, another thing where wrestling is very much like, tells the story of the rest of the world, it helps to be related to somebody. Yep. If you want a job. Because that's all over the, place.

I mean, you are again going to see this year Shane McMahon jump off some shit. He has a fight against former tag teammate The Miz, who some of you might know from MTV Real World like two decades ago. Yeah. Yeah, that guy's a wrestler now. He's pretty good. He's actually really good. And Shane McMahon is terrible.

He just jumps off shit. Yeah. But I will say this, and we have to explain this to Holly, Shane McMahon is Vince McMahon's son. Shane McMahon is the only good fail. son. He's the only good fail son and I will say this because Shane McMahon understands that he's not a good wrestler but he works really, really

hard and jumps like off of 20 foot metal cages for the company. Yes. This is the one thing he does. I think I think the only thing is they take they take up five to ten minutes at the biggest show of the year for Shane to do this.

I think everyone would like Shane's role a lot more if it was literally just like Shane's music plays. Look at him. There you goes. All right. Thanks, Shane. You have now earned your keep for the next year. He's like a mascot.

He really is. It's like if Trump Jr. Just went and just shot himself in the hand every day for our amusement. Like, we'd like him a lot more if he did that, right? I hope he's listening. We'd like you a lot more if you did that. Just think about it. That and that and it also like in terms of,

of relations of terms of you know relationships in terms of what the Chinese would call kwanxi in terms of having an end I don't know the no holds barred match is triple H versus Batista uh triple h kind of tied

into the company he's married to the he's married to the daughter Vince McMahon like in real life that that's happened yeah he's if whenever whenever Vince's um

advancing age forces a change at the top triple h will literally be in charge triple h and stephan mcman will literally be in charge um and yeah he also books himself to win every year at russlemania this year's facing drax the murderer of rick flare rick flare is fine by the way i mean he's not fine because he's rick flair but he hasn't been fine for about 45 years but the gimmick of this match is that it's a retirement match for Triple H which like okay you're going to retire to running the company yeah like what kind of sticks are these you don't have to exercise anymore what Batista's got to retire to

if that's if he loses right no he doesn't have any sticks because he'll just go make Guardians 3 yeah that's what I was saying like you know Batista could just Vatista has absolutely nothing to lose here right right right because he'll just go act If you've not read the Tampa Bay Times profile of Batista. Oh, it's excellent. It's incredible. I can't even pick a part of it to quote.

There's an entire section where it explains all of his tattoos, and it contains more like depth content and character development than like 50% of movies I've seen. It's amazing. Including the part where he like calls Ron Howard up and he's like, hey, do you mind if I use Imagine for my production company? And they're like, kind of. why do you like Tampa there's like a whole say it's incredible like it's he's he's going through a divorce in the article he's like I miss my dogs sitting in his like man okay yeah yeah sitting in his man cave just with like you know he's like yeah serious like alpha male shit in this house he's got you know he describes it as that yeah Dave Batista rules that is generally the like takeaway from this profile also by the way

just I don't know Charlotte Flair these are people by the way who are good wrestlers sometimes great wrestlers you know but like it's a family business for sure

oh do we have by the way do we have like otherwise marginalized subcultures which which contributed greatly to the development of the sport but have still been relegated to the undercard absolutely

Samoa Joe versus Ray Mysterio yeah yeah yeah wait wait wait wait Ray Mysterio is this Ray Mysterio is in this I should point point out that the only wrestling i understand is lucia yeah because lucia underground used to tape near my house he's 44 years old okay i will tune in for a mysterious yeah all the innovation all the interesting stuff just like in football happens out in the frontier never happens in the big time

they just port it in kind of feature it and work it into the bigger thing just the borg cranking and assimilating away that's still the most like supportive and welcoming sporting event i've ever been to it really it really is independent wrestling lucho overall just just big a big old cuddly experience that you know sometimes you get a 280 pound man thrown in your lap but you know what that's a kind of a hug we made friends with a lot of juggaloes yeah great people you have um yeah charlotte flair is a contentious figure in this household because my daughter really fucking hates charlotte flair like yeah god yeah More than she hates anything in the world, I'm pretty sure.

Like, there was one night, Charlotte is talking, Rick Flair's daughter, a really, really good wrestler, crazy good athlete is talking on the TV. I look over my daughter, the look on her face. I'm like, holy shit, I've never seen that before. This is the magic of wrestling. I hate that. Who was that for you growing up that you were like, God damn, I hate that guy? I didn't hate anyone to the degree that she hates Charlotte Flair. I don't think I've ever like as far as wrestling I've never hated anyone but I mean I don't know if I've ever really hated any people other than like actual evil people you know was there an inciting incident that brought this on for her do you know I think uh it's a few things one she's tall my daughter's very short um gymnacized uh I think that's one thing I think she doesn't like the attitude the perceived which which Charlotte Flair very much plays on is this like

inherited, you know, dynastic kind of thing, McClare's daughter. Even though Claire, she's good on her own, but she realizes if she plays this up, the crowd hates it, so she's going to, you know? A lot of stuff, perceived smugness.

And also, my daughter's decided she really likes Becky Lynch. Becky Lynch is currently basically if Stone Cold Steve Austin was a lady from Ireland. And that's really almost literally all you need to know about the character. Her breaking moment was about a year ago. She just beeped the shit at a Charlotte Flare with a chair.

And then the crowd's like, oh, yes, this is good. She does this all the time that we have decided. This is a quality lady. We like her a lot. We've decided this lady that we were like kind of like, yeah, she's pretty good. She's fine. She's just one of, you know, she didn't stand out until she did this.

And then immediately every wrestling fan said, all right book it yep put her put her in we're good we're all on board this is relevant because the wrestler i hated growing up was rick flair really because you yeah well because i was a kid man you know and like rick flair was the guy who came in and was like you're too poor you're too you're too dumb and poor and and you don't have the style in class i have and i'm like a dusty roads guy right and then a macho man guy you know and rick flair like rick flair was hurt my feelings man which is what he was supposed to do why it was cool you know

but when you're eight you don't get the meta right I guess you also don't get that it's like it's supposed to be aspirational right or you know if you can be a Rick Flair person and be poor you just you're saying you just want to act like Rick Flair right exactly right

you didn't get that when you're eight right all I saw was you know somebody was talking shit about my beloved Dusty Broads pointing out that he was less and toned. We know that. His belly's a little big. He said it himself.

Man of the people, Dusty Rhodes. Man of the people. I was a Rick Flair fan about that age, but only, probably, only because my granddad who introduced me to this shit, he was. So, like, I see what you're saying. You don't really,

you don't really develop that on your own unless it's handed down to you. No, no, no. Like, later on, Rick Flair would be a WCW, and, you know, my much wiser postmodern wrestling watching self could be like oh man Rick Flair's cool as hell a little sad but cool as hell

I'm gonna soak in all the layers right now with you buddy you know like you could appreciate it and the robes you're like well the robes were pretty cool but you know he'd heard him he'd talk you know he would say how weird the macho man was yeah

macho man was born weird he's here for he's here for all the lunatics y'all it's so good to be represented i know it was exactly these these jokes will never go over your head your reflexes are far too fast but yeah like you know that's why i hated rick flare i was supposed to hate rick flair yeah and then i realized i was you know that you're like oh that's the genius of this art form that as that as an eight-year-old i was like he's calling me poor screw that guy I'm gonna root for dusty roads

because he believes in America because he's poor too he's not actually poor because he's for the people reach out and touch my hand yeah and then later macho man you know macho man was my maturing

you know like when you go ah me a sophisticated gentleman Now that I am a man. Now that I am a man who understands complexity and has developed exquisite taste. As a man of 12 years old. Which, by the way, looking back on it, I take back none of this.

Right. Yeah, it's like phases, you know, you go and like maybe at some age it's like, oh, I appreciate Dean Melenko and his incredible holds. chain wrestling and the strategic and then it's like fuck that macho man

let's go back to macho man give me the elbow who needs to think about this shit like when they would show when the macho man would be relaxing at home and it was just macho man in like a lame vest and the aviators or the like Oakley's

in my home with my beautiful wife this pool and you go no man that's actually aspirational I know some people are like man Rick Flair is so cool I'm like no I actually want that house I want to sit there in the wrap around Oakley's

looking swollen kind of like so tan I'm dirty just being real fired up and deranged you may not like it you're to accept it you know doing like whipping out whipping out coffee accessories for

my big you know like promos right the cream will rise to the top yeah that that was the more sophisticated me and you know what rick flair hated him too yeah hated it so you go from hating rickflare to liking macho man to like what's next on the progression here uh the next was a long departure but then like i think everybody goes through everybody goes through sports of like periods of being a lay wrestling fan, you know, where you just, you're like, yeah, I'm not practicing at the moment, you know, not attending services. I don't have a church home. I don't have a church.

Yeah, you know, like I didn't have a church home. I haven't found my church home. Yeah. It was devoutly WCW, you know, that was like, especially in college, you know, like pre-college and then just like leading up to college and in college where, you know, you had to watch Nitro because Nitro was going through the NWO era, right? which sort of fed into the WWE attitude era you could just surf right into that

once you know WCW was canceled and effectively merged with WWE so you kind of went into that that was what my dad called me at like you know 1230 at night one night after they went to imagine was like I think they really arrested stone cold you know like dad I'm pretty sure this is still a kid show I don't think that was real no no no I sainted it.

This is another thing they did with Becky Lynch. They arrested her in Atlanta, matter of fact. Really? Yeah, she spent the night in, she spent the night in Fulton County. For beating up Charlotte Flair with the chair? For beating the shit out of somebody with a crutch. Dang. I think.

That's assault, y'all. Yeah. Did they get real serious about it, too? They're like, oh, she's being charged with assault. Something like that, yeah. I love that. This was, in wrestling court. You're going to a wrestler.

court. The judge is the undertaker. By the way, wrestling. In like the, uh, when they do like, uh, locker room fines and stuff like, you know, you, you lift your smelly socks on the floor. That's 10 bucks. Like supposedly you really do actually have to take this before the undertaker, or at least when he was around. It really was his job to preside over the, uh, right? So he's like the R.A. Yeah, no, yes, yes.

From the R.A. from beyond the grain. Oh, no. What is the Hogwarts thing? He's head boy. Yeah, he was head boy. or like dead boy the deadest boy the deadest boy the fun well not really fun but

the interesting thing about the main event of this year also in it is Rhonda Rousey you got a three lady match everybody just wanted to be Becky versus Rhonda they threw Charlotte in as well sure that's fine but like the story line for this thing

has been just a complete fucking mess, like the opposite of the very clean and tidy Coffey versus Brian match. The lady match is the actual main event, but like they've thrown in like Becky's suspended, Becky's unsuspended,

Becky's suspended, unsuspended, she's injured, she's using crutches. Like she spent the last two months, either she's spent it or injured the entire time. And throughout this, Rousey is also playing up this. I know wrestling is fake. Actually, wrestling is fake and I could beat up all these people for real.

is she doing the CM Punk thing but actually with like with like MMA skills right yeah like yeah she she's doing the the Vince Russo shit and backed by the actual knowledge that she's completely right

so like they kind of toyed with like if you're going to snap is you're going to go along with it and everyone's like no this fucking stupid just give us our make believe pretend stupid nonsense let's just go with that we don't want to actual competition here please we're here for this we're here for the fake shit thank you

we don't want her just doing arm bars they're kind of boring like yes we know she could murder everyone in the ring we that's already she could already beat up every woman on earth except for like exactly two but yeah it's like her and brock lesner like people people who would actually completely smoke somebody in a ring right yeah like this is already known we don't need we we don't need to prove this but that's been going on as well they somehow took the gift of like we have these three women wrestlers who are all talented one of them is insanely popular one of them has mainstream crossover appeal um and one of them brings in like long time fans and they somehow fucked it up to make it the most complicated it is college football exactly

let's how do we make this hey what if instead of doing the the easy smart thing we did the dumb hard thing expand the playoff to three teams make the SEC 14 teams and bring in Missouri Rutgers take the big 10 and make it

inaccurate and watered down Maryland is in the Midwest now okay that famous Midwest Dish crab cakes I also Oh Jesus Christ What would hot dish do with crab cakes Oh God, no

Do you put mayonnaise on these? Is that a thing you do? I have a new nightmare What if you did the A meal confining all the cuisines Of the Big Ten? Oh God Oh God, that is an off-season episode

That is gonna fester The turd-uckin Rude But I hear it Little New Jersey Little Minnesota Little Ohio It would be so bad

So that's a lot of Hot dogs in everything Speaking of cut off hot dogs Randy Orden Is uh Wow Actually Dave Fatiste's head You're gonna talk about cut up

That man has the lumpiest head on earth I'm sorry if this is a condition or something but my God. Condition of what? I don't know. Skull lumpiness. So, so swall that, you know, you just stretch the very material limit. This motherfucker looks like Darth Mall.

Yeah. For my next trick, I will wrestle cut in half. I'm sorry, Mrs. Batista. It's swall skull. It's incurable. Yes. He's just got to become bigger and bigger until this sort of looks okay. Like when they were doing makeup for,

dracks they had to like spackle in the gaps in his lumpy skull wait really i would i mean they'd have to look at it i would have believed that completely oh or you could just say it's like a feature of his alienness which this is this is now canon yeah yeah they had to do that just tell everyone yeah it took it took an extra hour it's official randy orton is uh randy ordain kind of looks like he's like he's one of those super smooth hairless buff dudes who's tanned a lot so he kind of looks like he's just made of like you know extremely well done hot dogs you know even though yes he's he's not to be clear I think the wrestler wrestler currently working who's actually made of hot dogs is that bray

wyatt um no this is uh Kevin Owens Kevin oh okay yeah that's true who who wrestles in a sleeveless cutoff t-shirt and big big shorts and it's not really like cut or toned in any way uh his whole gimmick is just i like to fight people i like to beat ass who likes fight people because it's my job and it makes money for my family that's this whole character he's very funny but like that's the entire pitch of the character i like to fight people and dress like i'm going to the warp tour you know there's a nobility of purpose in that i yeah no i respect it a directness to a man it's very 2003 you know he's like a is a pro wrestler whose character is i'm a garage I don't need an amp

I don't need a producer I'm ready for this did we miss is there absolutely any other element of this universe as universe that we have missed I mean that's the thing is like you could go on forever

if you're trying to just do the this college this thing is like that college football thing if you were doing it specifically within those bounds you could do this for I think this is one of when we did a video of the shutdown full averse like we did a whole episode and we had actual pro wrestlers on to throw us around the set or whatever and like we did do this forever yeah for instance of all the of all the

this thing is college football jokes you could do this might be the richest one and and this is I realize I'm kind of saying like instead of jokes I'm just going to say there are a lot of jokes but like that really is how it is yeah like for instance Vince McMahon being beaten up in the hospital with the bedpan I did say that that was Clemson, Alabama this year because Alabama came into that game

a little banged up allegedly Oh, too bad! Clong! Stone Cole hits him with the bedpan and it makes the greatest noise ever recorded on network TV. I'm just going to say swings it with authority, clean over his

his actual boss's head, by the way. That's what makes it so good. And in addition to that, I think you could easily say that I'm just going to throw teams out to you real quick. I'm going to make it easy on it. Okay. Right. We'll just throw like five, I'm going to throw like five college football teams or entities

out at you. And you just tell me who they are. Okay. Yeah, we can probably do this. I'm making big and broad. So you won't have to reach too far down, right? no like no like who's Kent State

no one cares wow Florida Florida let's see here story passed so you're good in the 90s that's the joke you appear out of nowhere in the 90s

yeah good out of nowhere in the 90s you sort of hang around forever good in the 2000s as well indifferent to bad results recently but you You know, kind of getting it back together. Very hit or miss fashion, of course. Yeah.

A couple different gimmicks. We've had some gimmicks that didn't really go well. My dog is going crazy right now. I'm not quite sure why. In case you hear this racket. Talking wrestling, that's why. Hey, buddy. Fired up about the gators.

Go dogs. I think the appearing out of nowhere thing in the 90s that sort of calls to mine The Undertaker. also he died a few times definitely return to a spot now would you say like return to a stable spot yeah because he quit yeah so did we Florida should just quit yeah that's it I always feel like the undertaker was like Notre Dame was all about entrance right took forever that's Nebraska yeah you got to see the entrance and then what you got to see the entrance. And then they lay down.

They just and then they just sort of lumber and they just lumber around. Okay, number two. If I go, Roman rains. We did this. Let's see.

It's two different things. It was the one who wins all the time and you're sick of it. So that's Bama for a long time. Just because no matter what you do, no matter how hard you boo, just comes out and wins and it's not even exciting it's the same three fucking moves it's okay here they go they're signa for the jump punch for some reason when you punch someone after jumping it hurts a thousand times more we get it this is a bama game right but now uh i think

sort of late in 2018 early in 2019 they both got real sick didn't they bama and roman rains so you know not not looking quite so invincible I don't think Bama's going to come back with the crowd suddenly liking Bama but it does sort of give him a little bit

of a I don't know it's not the same fuck them still anyway we'll go with Roman Rains as he was as Bama I have one to offer Triple H is Ohio State number usually number two right yeah at least the top four

always inserting themselves into the conversation when nobody else wants to right what are we talking about triple H isn't that Florida State no because no yeah that was Florida State for like a year they fell back though it's Ohio State I think

appreciate it Florida State it's Ohio State always wet and mad right how is that not florida state oh just the aggrieved big big swall extremely well supplemented white dude who's just wet and mad and wants to talk about triple h you know aren't there anybody in this league who dresses up like a dragon that's more of a lucha thing sadly i know i'm just i'm looking for i want fin baller to do it that would be good fin baller he kind of does he he doesn't he dresses, he's got this thing where he dresses up like a demon and no one

really knows why. Then he's kind of he's invincible when he's the demon, but it's like, well, why didn't he do it? That shit all the time. Is he, you know? Oh, I want to change my Florida answer. This John Siena. He wrestles in jorts. This is easy. Oh, yeah, that's true. It's been in, yeah, and then like, had like

sort of an invincible streak and then just got indifferent, right? Yeah, and the same color scheme, right? Like, he would come out in blue and orange. Right. And I think he's, his, his, like, profiles sort of fits the, you know, Florida went and did other things for a while, you know? Florida is like the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards of the SEC. Florida, Florida went and won at other things.

I mean something to somebody, surely, but mostly it's just sticky. Will Florida compete this year? Florida's yet to decide. Our softball team was incredible. It's one week before the festivities began. Will Florida be competing? We'll find out. Yeah, we'll see. Come on.

defense. Let's say Florida hasn't booked an opponent at this time. Yeah, yeah. Florida's going to make a movie with Amy Schumer and going to be really way better in it than you think they'll be. John Sina was a revelation. He was. John Sina should really be in every film if we're being honest about that.

John Sina, like, for a long, long time, he was the Rassler who fans were sick of. The dude is fucking awesome. He's hilarious. If you don't, if you haven't, if you have an Instagram account, and you follow celebrities, follow him. He's fucking weird as hell, and he's very funny. Yeah, he's a delight. You should also follow Finn Baller on Instagram

because he will on his stories and on his videos occasionally just post himself oil it, because he's very oily. He's a particularly oily wrestler. And he will occasionally post videos of himself trying to oil up with other things. Somebody will just hit him a jar of peanut butter and he's like, hmm, he'll start rubbing it on his chest.

And then kind of go like, oh, this isn't baby oil or Vaseline. He's like, mm, it's not working. It's the wrong consistency. Stars. They're just like us. Yeah. He's, he's a fine follow. Also, you know, just like constantly, a very crotch confident athlete.

Half the photos are just him like at like waist level. And you're like, it's a little much, dude. I mean, I'm glad you're, I'm glad you're feeling it. Glad you're confident. Definitely a dude who fully is fully aware of how attractive he is. Yes. Yes. has no no no misconceptions nowhere in his mind is there a thought that he's not very attractive um okay

that was that was my my claim triple h congratulations your your ohio state right down to the lame three-wheeled motorcycle that you ride