Shutdown Fullcast - F**K THEM - Week 3 Review

Episode Date: September 17, 2018

Ed Orgeron did a cuss, but BYU won in Madison despite specifically not doing cusses, so it remains to be seen whether or not cusses are the way to win football games. Arkansas and Northwestern and USC all probably did some cusses, though you can't really blame them for that. Also there's way too much sexual discussion in this episode related to the Mario universe. Sorry. P.S. Kansas scored 55 points in a football game in 2018 and Rutgers is now a cuss. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

and welcome to the shutdown full cast this is our week three recap the week three recap where we're only really gonna talk about one thing and that's ls you beat auburn and then ed or geron and or geron made it in passion speech captured us He did a cuss. Scandalous! Can you believe it? Can you believe a coach, which is basically a teacher, which is basically a parent, did a cuss. It's basically a member of the ministry there. Louisiana, that's Father Ogeron.

How dare he? Basically an apostle, did a cuss. A man named Ed. Who if he were an apostle, he'd be shouting Thomas. Jesus Yeah, we're off to We're off to a banger of a start The Internet's only college football podcast

welcomes you to a 90-minute discussion of Ed Ogeron Cussing And everything else that happened in week three Hey Jason Kurt You feel passionately about this, don't you? Fuck them! That's the entire text Actually, I'm sorry, I left out a line

now this is video that's being streamed by the way on a phone from the locker room player like seated directly in front of coach oh holding perfectly still under the pretense i guess the logic that ed o're on is a t-rex and if you don't move he won't know you're recording him sure that's right and in doing so capturing some excited back and forth going on between the players and the coach and one of the players goes, yeah, fuck him!

Not in that voice. No, he's not a 30s gangster. Yeah, he's not, he doesn't have a Bowery accent. Say? Told you. Fuck those wise guys. Yeah, so one of them yells out, fuck him!

And then, in response, Ed Ogeron says, Yeah, fuck them. There's an extended T-Rex cheer after that. And then that's it. That's the entire speech. Most impactful football speech the year. But we agree that the them is unclear, right? There is no reference.

There's no clear reference to that. It was A.L.com, I believe, was sort of interpreting it as, like, fuck Auburn, which granted, lots of people feel like saying fuck Auburn from time to time. Including Auburn But we don't, but we don't, but we don't, I'm just saying we don't know that.

So it's possible. That was the initial interpretation, but people who were actually in the locker room indicated it was more about, you know, the very sick lib media hater doubters who fake news, you know, pointed out LSU was not incredible last year and might not be incredible this year.

Guys, we all know he was talking about Louisiana Fish and Wildlife Department or Air Marsh. Fuck them. Maybe this was a conversation about how wages have not risen with the rest of the economy and how income inequality is real in this country because big banks and financial institutions control our government. Yeah, fuck them. Some head coaches barely make more than their defensive coordinators. I think it was probably more about not being able to stage Eagrit fights. That's the great southern Louisiana tradition of Eagret versus Heron, two of the lankiest birds and all the swamp. They both look like ducks, so duck them. Duck them!

What do you mean I can't hunt with pepper spray? It's from the earth. It's from the earth. It makes a dear mad, and then you fight it. You kill it and season it at the same time. How else you're going to get the spice in? You got to start the brine early. I look.

Low and slow, just like Ellis is quarterback. That's right. Low and slow. You got to hit it for, I don't know, wait until it's about 48% of feet. That takes about 60 minutes to know that she's quarterback. I'm so baffled by this game because not only, of course, like the least baffling thing to me is cell phone footage of Ed Ogeron, like Cusset.

That's the thing that makes the most sense to me. The thing that makes the least sense to me is LSU has a quarterback who's going to put up like a legendary college batting average for his computer. Like, oh, man, Joe Burrow hit 480. And you know, every single one of those passes is a knife. Like Joe Burrow, Joe Burrow only makes big hits. There's no, there's no second singles or third singles on the Joe Burrow album, okay? Bangor or Trash.

It's either hit or miss. There's nothing in between. He's a throwback, and sometimes literally. But, I mean, go back and look at like Joe Namath completion percentage. You know what I mean? Go back. It looks like, look at some 1960s completion percentages. Joe Burrow would rank like 19th in the country back then.

He would have been awesome. It's sweet of you to stand up for your son. Listen, I won't stand for this slander. Anyone out there who has anything to say about my Ohio Louisiana son, I have one thing to say, fuck them! I do, I do think, though, that we shouldn't be insensitive to those who think that that speech was inappropriate, and so I wanted to offer up an alternative. Oh, that's them too.

Okay. Now, no. Ryan is our sensitivity representative. My mom's here. Thank you. Yeah, I just want to, I pulled a speech from Hollywood lore. And I've coach owed it a little bit, but I just want to read it for you all in his voice, if that's okay. Listen up, ladies and gentlemen, our fugitive has been on the run for 90 minutes.

Average foot speed over uneven ground bar and injuries is four miles an hour. That gives us us. a radius of six miles. What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard target search of every yacht, canoe, catamaran, fishing boat, airboat, ski boat and glass bottom boat in that area.

Checkpoints go up at 15 miles. Your fugitives name is Dr. Gus Malzon. Go tigers. They got him. Yeah, nailed him. Nail him. Got his ass. By the way, you didn't say P-Row.

That's the only thing. It's the only critique I have in there and that the list of boats of P-Row, I'm not listed anywhere. Well, that goes without saying. That ain't a boat. That's a lifestyle. I like that when I start doing Coach O long enough,

I start to just sound like Mitch Headberg with like severe layer and drugs. Can I give you another like amazing stat about LSU? It's just absolutely amazing, okay? They've beaten Miami and they've beaten Auburn, okay? They're 3 and 0 at this point. LSU currently, this is via David Hale of ESPN, 77th in points per drive, 98th in the nation and touchdowns per drive,

91st in possible yards gained by percentage, 103rd in yards per play, 128th in completion percentage, and a hundred and second and yards per rush. Y'all, your punter's not that good. This year's team that, where math is officially for losers, this is the article about like, this guy lives on $400 a month and is still saving for retirement.

And you're like, what the fuck? Oh, oh, he eats his, he eats old socks. Okay. Yeah, I guess if you're willing to make a lot of sacrifices, is you can do that. I know how familiar you are with Louisiana public education, but I'm pretty sure it's official government policy that math is for losers. I'm pretty sure LSU is being outgained on the year against FBS opponents.

The math is close. I'm not going to look closely enough to figure out whether it is true. I'm just going to say it's true. I believe you. I trust you. Thank you. You seem confident. You know what?

You're more accurate than the ESS. P.N.com, that's for damn sure. I'm more accurate than Joe Burrow. Don't say that about your boy. Your sweet, medium-sized adult son. You'll have a catch. You know the family tradition? The scatter gun.

Son, I'm going to teach you how to play by showing you Contra. All right? Just sort of spray it everywhere. Backyard football games generally take about three hours. All bombs. I think, like, the Florida quarterback is, like, the swirly gun. Yeah. We're just like, God, I got to get off this.

Give me something else, please. I'm just going to die, so I restart with the normal gun. No, Florida quarterback, to make a more contemporary video game reference, it's the tree branch and Breath of the Wild, like, when you're completely out of weapons, they're like, want to pick up a stick and start wamping people? Maybe it'll work. Hey, you could light it on fire. That's fun.

Hey, are we talking about video games Because I have something I want to ask This is quite the diversion And I fully have fully endorsed it We've talked about the only game Spencer wants to talk about So Okay So being behind on everything

I have just completed Super Mario Odyssey For the Switch At what point is Mario going to realize That Peach just keeps happen To be getting kidnapped By this gigantic buff thing like and then acting kind of surprised when he shows up so you're saying Mario's a cuck

yes absolutely yeah big one 100% also in this one he shows up to her wedding to Bowser dressed for a wedding himself that is mad problematic Mario take a hint also he's wearing white to her wedding yes thank you not in like a Louisiana way

Bowser's doing it. Like, Bowser looks like he owns a funeral home. But in a Louisiana way. But in a real, like, glossy way. And Mario looks like a cater waiter who wore the wrong outfit combo. He looks like Tom Hankson Big at the fancy office party. He kind of, read her. He acts like Tom Hanks and Big.

Also, at the very end of this, after, frankly, some pretty erotic overtones between Mario and Bowser. I feel like this is going to end with Mario and Peach fighting over the affections of Bowser, but we'll never know because at the very end of the game, after Mario saves both Bowser and Peach from a

collapsing thing on the moon, Peach leaves both of their asses on the moon and takes off with this supporting character's girlfriend on a world tour. Doesn't he also inhabit Bowser's body at some point during this? Yes. That's the ironic.

Mario goes deep inside Bowser's body. Best of Bowser scoops up peach, and she looks at him and goes, Mario. You're like, yeah, yeah, girl. Best of both worlds. Honestly, they needed that. That's the only way the three of them can ever, ever, ever live in harmony. But anyway, Mario, take a hint, dude.

Imagine the fanfic that is out there that you stopped just short of. Oh, man. No, I'm not going to Google this. Well, the other side of this is, you know, Toad, all Mario has to do is, like, hesitate, and Toad is on, Toad is down. Toad is always just like, hey, you need anything? You need a back rub? You know, we're just friends, but who knows? I have been deeply upset with all things Toad ever since Spencer, uh, reacting to the news that that is not Toad's hat, that is his head in describing everything above Toad's neck as hat meat. it is it's just it's just that here's here's totally upsetting uh here's toe's body parts uh pantaloons

tiny torso and hat meat there's a little face in between otherwise it's just all it's all muscle to do what he's strong it's Mario two look it up Mario two he's the strong one that's a fever dream for a reason yeah yeah ether they're throwing turnips around that shit's not right come on a friend of mine when i was explaining my my upsetness with toad

said i can make it worse in one image and i said okay because i think i was distracted or something and he sent me a what i'm hoping is a fan art jpeg like i hope but someone put a lot of time into this uh like it it looks professionally done uh of toad in a kind of a bestriding the world pose wearing a pair of min's tidy witty underwear briefs and has long hairy human legs it's the worst it's deeply and i suggest that we release it with the that might have been that might have been the one i mean i don't know if it's the exact same one but one of our polygon colleagues for like a long time was trying to get intended to retweet a picture he had made of toad wearing an adult diaper and i think having human no it's that one yeah yeah oh yeah

that's a polygone original and i think there's like 12 youtube episodes about the quest to get Nintendo to retweet it oh i am so glad to know the origins of this because every month or so i will send it back to our group text just to upset everyone and it works every time i mean but to review if you find your girl on a yacht like literally on a yacht with a huge dude in a really really really really outlandish suit and she doesn't smile when she sees you she just goes, oh, Mario. Didn't expect to see you here, buddy. So is she, Jennifer Lopez, Bowser is Diddy, and Mario is Ben Affleck?

Wait, I thought we were going, I thought you were about to do the wedding planner. And that took a swerve. I think it's, she's, I think it's Mario is Jennifer Lopez, Bowser is Matthew McConaughey. and Peach is Bridget Wilson-Sampras? I think if Peach is J-Lo, then Wario is definitely definitely her Alex Rodriguez. Who is the hat? Wow.

Dang. Kevin Pollock. Damn, I was going to say the hat is herpes, but you made it worse. Did she? I don't know. Yeah, so that's obviously the second most important. Oh, that is a diaper. See, who says we don't plug other Vox Media content?

What? This is terrific. Anyway, there I am being two years late to a video game only to discover. Mario's a cuck. Sorry, everybody. He kind of always has been, right? Yeah. And even at the very beginning, it's like, you know, he just keeps running into her friends

or like, oh, yeah, she's not here. Maybe go to a whole different. Castle. Yeah, no, just no. Oh, but do you know which one she's in? No, man, you should probably just check them all, I guess. She's in another castle. Or this is, like, how they get him to do shit for them.

Yeah, we got a nasty turtle infestation. She said if you clean that up, she might call you. She might, like, look at you. And that's the whole end of the story. Now I know why Luigi is always. so disgusted at his brother like the look of the chest. No, no, Luigi. Okay, Luigi

and Mario Odyssey has become that girl from high school who wants to sell you Pyramid scheme with us. Yeah. Just hanging around with his fucking balloon team. Yeah. No. Do you want a balloon, huh? No, get a job, Luigi. Bye, too. Give your friend one.

Get your own balloon truck. I get a bonus. Luigi's unlicensed balloon truck. Okay, can I yank this? back on the track. I guess, yeah. All right. That's a Mario Kart reference by Ryan just now.

Yeah, inadvertently. So obviously our preview episode, I think, came out after the Wake Forest Boston College game. Is that right? Right. For most people. Again, for once not our fault, miraculously. In this game, which, great job, Boston College. You are now maybe the fourth best team in the ACC.

crazy as that sounds um wake forest had 298 rushing yards do either of you know how many rushing yards florida state has all season including this last loss to syracuse 19 34 i'm going to go 290 they are eight behind wake forest in a single game that wake forest lost

wake forest lost but lost valiantly and looked a hell of a lot better than florida Florida State has in any of its game so far. Oh, my God, Florida State. What? And I say this, I say this as somebody who's been a Florida fan for the entirety of this podcast. What happened? What, where are you?

What is, what? Why? I have a theory. I do. And it's an actual serious theory. Yeah. On why they look so bad. Okay.

because Florida high schoolers have been learning how to play offensive line from online only colleges that aren't real you know that's part of it probably we're keeping it very real well that goes for our those goes for our physicians too so that's fine um in practicing medicine not playing offensive line or both but here's my theory as to what's happening okay and it's it's not without precedent okay what kind of an organization did jimbo fisher infamously run at florida state it was an organization that was so tight-assed and so control freaky that people really had no latitude to act or to take initiative they were told precisely what to do at every single point and that went down to his coaches like if you notice that jimbo coaching tree out of florida state most of people had very

short stays because they didn't get to really sort of branch out and do their job the way they wanted to it was very top down and that went for players too there wasn't a lot of latitude there weren't a lot of reads there weren't there wasn't a lot of initiatives on the field everybody was told precisely what to do at every single moment you feeling me on this you picking this up okay so willie i was thinking about hat meat okay everybody was told exactly what to do with their hat meat under jimbo fisher okay you did it you brought it back up

we were long past that remember Jimbo Fisher does dream of owning his own jerky business so hat meat jerky could use a lot more hat meat Oh man that documentary Jimbo dreams of jerky It's just so good The poor person has to write subtitles for that in any language

Oh god So the transition to Willie Taggart, you'll notice that every single thought Willie Taggart has had, there's been a year, which I have referred to in the past is Demo Day. Going to take out some walls. Clean out Grandma's Garage Day. Yeah, yeah. We're going to find some flat cats in this hoarder's house, right? Going to burn some stuff if we have to. We're going to look as bad as we have to look so that we'll look better later on.

And I didn't think it would be this bad, but the lurched in transition from Florida State under Jimbo Fisher, where again, I think, taking it off, boss, go to the bathroom, boss, might have been an actual term, right? Like, just shy of being institutionalized. That's how strict and that's how precise and that's how nitpicky everything was under Jimbo Fisher. switching to something like Willie Taggart where, you know, the players on this offense, the idea was that they were going to have like, what was the phrase, something simplicity, right? Like, savage simplicity. Like, lethal.

Lethal. Hashtag do something, we didn't say what it was. Right. That given this, and given like this kind of lethal simplicity where people might have to make some reasons and some choices and might have to sort of take more initiative and things of the play as it unfolds on the field and doing things differently after being told precisely how to do them for a while, that's going to be a serious cultural

ship. And that, that, if you want to know why an offense looks that bad and looks that out of sorts, that explains it to, that explains it to me better than anything, because what they're doing isn't that complex, right? It's not. That was the idea. And what they're getting is what they're getting looks like they're trying something beyond complex and that's not what they're doing it's just they're not executing it because

it's going to take a while to figure that out is that a sort of coherent notion of a compelling notion of what one of the huge differences here is bizarrely yes are you okay oh I'm just taking a massive beverage No, I just, I just didn't expect you to sort of like, okay, yeah, I have no, I don't know, Jason, do you take any issue with that assessment?

That's deeply incorrect, flawed from the beginning. I have 17 things that were incorrect. No, that's, I mean, that's, I think that's the overall theme. Counterpoint, Florida State doesn't want it enough. Yeah, I think it all comes down to momentum and motivation and integrity. Yeah, I think, I think you'll get some awkward personnel fits. d'andre francois you know not super into this offense not exactly you know the first choice for this offense uh and that's compounded by their on like their ninth string offensive line i think roughly or at least it looks like it yeah yeah by the way if you want to like look at you go man what's wrong with my team if you're one of these people who's wondering what's wrong with your team

i know what's wrong with your team without even looking at them it's probably the offensive line All right, let me, let me turn on you this way. Who do you feel better? Who do you think will be, have their shit more together? Not necessarily be winning more, whatever. But who will, like, be starting to figure shit out more by the end of the year? USC or Florida State? I think USC.

I think the crickets there were very important. The crickets were appropriate, but if I had to say who's going to look better at the end of the year. USC will get to play UCLA, so that's going to help. That's going to get. I bet she gets to play Florida. Yeah, there's a difference there because playing Florida is like, that's, again, back to Mario Kart. That's like you and your opponent both hit the mud pit at the same time, whereas UCLA, that's

just, you know. Okay, speaking of Mario, I've managed to track this down. The image that I'm thinking of is actually fan-marked. created in response to the polygon show, it's a good thing that podcasting is a visual medium so that everyone will know immediately what I'm talking about. But this is fan art created by Marcos Christop. The important thing is that everybody's had multiple occasions at this point to think about toad with human legs and long, long hairy human legs and some sort of human undergarment.

For what, I don't know, because I don't exactly know why Toad would have an ass or external genitals, but that's a whole separate question. Why wouldn't, Toad? Well, for the record, I tried to get us back on track. I did. I did my best. Spencer talked about football, and then Holly just... I assume Toad reproduces via spores.

Right. So why would he have external genitals? so you can poop spores so to make to make more toads does he exude the spores from his pores or is that way they're called spores yeah it's like smores

it's like when you're when you're camping you make smores that's the same that's how you make spores to give me some more sports English okay just making sure I don't know anything because I knew Jason's was I just wanted to make sure that we were

showing proud for this state. Oh yeah, we don't know. Nobody on this podcast knows anything. No, we got a lot of hours of English classes being put toward this problem. We're going to get this thing figured out. Yeah, we're going to make this thing so post-structuralist

it'll have your head spin. Great. Speaking of post-structuralism, Oklahoma State. Yeah, I want to talk about Oklahoma State. They beat the crap out of Boise State. And we made a lot of Madam Bovary jokes while they were doing it. I wish I was joking. Yeah, no. A lot of Adam Bovary jokes.

Taking them around on the carriage. That's, yeah, it was a beating. That was not, that was one of my surprises this weekend was, I thought Boise would hang a lot longer, and they had Brett Rippin's head spinning. He did not, he still had a pretty productive day, but they didn't run for anything on Oklahoma State, beat the tar out of them up front. I know Boise still got yardage, but they paid for it. They took a hammering in this game.

the murder smurfs downgraded to like third degree breaking and entering smirfs conspiracy smirps intent to distribute smirfs yeah we're going to beat that it's a minor charge

these smirfs are skating boys male fraud smirfs male fraud serious how dare you yeah how dare you those are federal charges um yeah how do you think they ended up a night out work with me

I'm with you yeah but yeah that was one of my big surprises I was not surprised that TCU hung with Ohio State as long as they did like I think that's actually one of I mean that's what I wrote in the top whatever that the most the best compliment I can pay to Ohio State

is that they made that they they not all they they dealt with TCU on their own terms and came out ahead right and decide and managed to change the dynamic of a game that started out with everything pretty much going TCU's way, right? Started fast, scored fast, got a couple of big strikes, had the longest run in TCU history for a TD

to take a 14-13 lead in the second quarter, right? But they fucked up that trick play on the kickoff. They did, man, this was like a weekend of fantastic trick plays if you're into that, including the greatest one, which approximately two Arkansas fans do not want me to talk about so we're talking about it later but

this podcast hits Arkansas in seven months they can complain to me about it then really they won't yeah they'll be like Chad we won four games Chad's got us on the right track

the Chad I like Chad too I don't like Arkansas fans who suggest that they should be instantly good. Yeah, because, you know, taking a team that Brett Bilema crafted and turning them into us. Well, to be fair, there is a difference between, there is a gulf between instantly good and lost at home to North Texas by almost 30 points. North Texas is good.

North Texas is good. Again, there are many spots in between those two things. Are they that good, though? I mean, they fucking shelled Arkansas. We're not going to focus on this game that much. Spencer is right. It had one of the best. trick plays you could find holly is right podcasting is not a visual medium therefore go read

alex kersner's uh piece on outstanding piece on the craziest fake return not even fake trick return you'll i have seen in my life he talked to both the returner and the special teams coach at uh north texas explained how they did it what the hell they were thinking the terror that lived in the returner's heart which was real just go read that Can we appreciate for the moment before we gloss past us of the fortitude it takes to just stand there? It's notoriously the most violent play in a football game to just stand there and not betray a twitch of motion with what's... Especially when, and this is from Alex's piece, when one of the Arkansas players looks at him, looks up at the scoreboard at the Jumbotron, is like, why didn't they blow the whistle? It's like, oh shit, they made me.

Covers blow, got to go. Man, that's so well scripted. That's like in every single, like, heist movie when somebody goes, Hey, that's... Hey, the cameras aren't supposed to do that. It's straight from the script, right? Right, like, hey, why is blood dripping from the ceiling?

Ah! I love to, but, like, football has... Because the characters getting tired and the little fill off their jackets. Did you guys just transfer in from the other precinct over or what? We didn't order a kickoff or turn. Oh! I enjoyed, too, if you read the piece, there's a great moment where after like the caper, after the jig is up and the caper has been exposed, but it's too late, right?

They're running down the field. They're like, yeah, at that point, it was just block a wall. And I'm like, there's some North Texas offensive linemen, right? Who's going to go on to, I don't know, Let's pick a, like, a Texas career. He's going to sell a bunch of big-ass fans, right? He's just going to sell a bunch of gigantic. Big Dave's a big-ass fan for him.

Hey, it's a brand, right? The big-ass fan. Right off 30. Yeah. It is. Right off 30. You can get there in the great big-ass fan. That, this guy's going to sell big-ass fans later in life.

And he's going to be like, hey, I'll have this one time we're playing Arkansas, y'all. Glory, Dave. Oh man, did you make like a really nice block? He's like, no, we did something really fucking. But he's, he's going to save the story for whatever an Arkansas customer comes in. Hey, man. You like the pigs? Okay, I got a story to tell you.

Hey, let me show you this cool trick we did against you guys. All right, stand still. Perfect. Yep, that's exactly how it went. Big ass fan here. It can't move. Guess what? That's wow, Brett Beelham, a little.

left and they got slower. Well, no, no, don't you see his mission was clear to complete. He made college football slower. And wait a second. I was about to say he made college football slower and therefore safer. But how up at night mad was Beelma last night seeing a slow and unsafe thing happening on the field? Oh, man. The game was slower and demonstrably more perilous.

It's fine. now he's like a teaching assistant watching the Patriots lose to the Jags. Life is full of curveballs. Yeah, do you think Biela was watching that with like Belichick? Belichick's like orders their shit.

Oh my Christ. Imagine Bilema in a socks game. Just somebody throws pizza at him and he just nabs it out of the air like a fish linking it. Time! The pizza! He just,

springs like 25 feet in the air and then dives back into water like a saw and just pepperoni dust blows back and like I've spent $128 on pizza and just keep going to this guy. It's amazing. The

going back to Ohio State like going back to that trick plate that's the one where Cavante I believe it was Cavante Turpin throwing across the field right? Well across and up, significantly up. Turpin is a herb. Yes.

They threw across the field, and this was, I've seen this before. The last time I saw, I believe, was Kansas tried it. That was before Kansas became a legendary juggernaut with back-to-back wins, bitch. Back-to-back wins. We'll get there, too. Don't worry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was the last time I saw it where somebody actually lays down in the end zone to

blend in with the turf to blend in with the color. Michigan State did it. I used to call it the surly hillocks defense. Yeah. They're just lying and wait. Unfortunately, they threw a forward pass. This was the second forward pass that I saw this weekend. It was the only one that was called because I believe Houston.

Yes. I just Texas Tech threw two passes on one play and it did. Because they're innovators like that. Yeah, they threw two forward passes. And let me tell you, having seen it happen, if we legalize two forward passes, football would get crazy awesome. It would get so much better. It's a really fun sport to watch sometimes.

It would become insanely good if we legalized this. Because it happened, and the defense looks. like it had a seizure. What? As they should because it's seriously illegal. It's like one of the big no-noes. You can't do that.

And they just chucked it up there. And it worked. It's fine. We've gone a very long time without talking about the fact that the number six team in the nation played a non-power-five team at home and lost. Just haven't talked about it. yeah that happened who's the biggest upset of the year so far by the point spreads and we and we just like

it was it was it was almost like too clean of an upset it was like yeah b yu didn't have any turnovers yeah uh b yu did good things on special teams and wisconsin didn't um b yu too clean you say so so my favorite b yu uncomfortable you say very impressive pass on the day. That was a trick play that did not come out of the quarterback's hand. Do you know who the quarterback is right now of BYU?

I do not. It's still the same guy. It's still Tanner Mangum. Do you know when he was coming out of high school, who he was co- MVP of his elite 11 camp with? Jim McMahon. James Winston. God.

And yes, mission trips are real. And that's of it, but it's just a... That's a real beefless and gallant. And listen, you know, Tanner Mangum and BYU throwing ball have not been very good this year. On the other hand, Ryan Fitzpatrick is the new hotness. So who would you rather be, Tanner Mangum or James Winston? I don't know. Who would you rather hear from?

What school Ryan Fitzpatrick went to or what school that Tanner Mangum went to? I don't know. This new Ryan Fitzpatrick... The latter. The latter, definitely. This new Ryan Fitzpatrick doesn't look like a Harvard man. Well, he looks like a cocaine Harvard man. Let me be clear.

Is school in a good school? Eh, I'm there. It's okay. I do know that what's happening to Ryan Fitzpatrick is what happens to everybody of conscience or intelligence who moves to Tampa. They abandon all hope. Embrace hedonism. Become very fatalistic about life. Like, I really hope that there's a hurricane scare in Tampa while Ryan Fitzpatrick is there.

Not that it hits, but that there's a scare. So someone can ask him his newfound policies and opinions on hurricane. because he'll be like whatever man god wants to give you a haircut you just got to sit in the chair the sign says no shoes no shirt and that's what my dick's out we're two and no and now i'm the guy who smuggles vibranium yeah no one claw yeah now now i'm a belgian dj I love it He's completely He's just a great poster name too

Yeah DJ Belgium You can go back to pronouncing it Mangan is bad intended Tanner Mango I got $10,000 to get the CBD oil tattooed on my neck I think

Hey Lizzie you know my policy on this It's not a real tattoo It's not real commitment If you're not willing to put it on your neck Damn shots fired at Spencer Folks for the next charity drive If we hit

A quarter million Jim Harbaugh's face Is going on Spencer's throat His actual face Like Sean Stevenson's Abe Lincoln throat I It is bizarre that we got this far

Without talking about Wisconsin Because Change the subject Before we all last I was a beard I get it You can't even It's under there

You can't even like that happened and no one really blinked because I think the general take is that if you lose a one score game to Wisconsin right or if you beat Wisconsin by one score that doesn't seem

I mean it's not BYU has kind of a national presence they were terrible last year they were terrible last year and so far this year they had beaten Arizona not by not that much and they'd lost a cow I'm not saying

BYU's bad, but it's not like this was BYU three years ago where you're like, oh, better watch out. Yeah, but if I told you Wisconsin was within striking distance of losing to anyone respectable on their schedule, it doesn't seem weird because

you know, I don't expect this Wisconsin team to really like drop the hammer. But we had little evidence that BYU is even respectable, though. True, true. The real story here for me is BYU. It's not Wisconsin losing, is what I'm saying. Like, the idea of Wisconsin losing in a close game, not totally far.

The idea of BYU having an outstanding running back named Squally Canada. Who has a mixtape, by the way. That's right. Can I say one more thing about Ryan Fitzpatrick is I promise not to bring it back to the Mario universe? Yeah. So I'm guessing most, if not all of us, have seen the photo of him at the podium. today post-game. Sorry, today we're recording this on Sunday. It'll be released sometime in the next 12 days.

Yeah, the aviators and the shirtless with mini-chains under the jacket. And friend of Todd Janie Campbell points out that I can't unsee this now. One of the medallions hanging from Ryan Fitzpatrick's chain appears to be in the shape of a golden manatee. The one he killed for sport. The one he killed for sport. The one he killed for a sport That's amazing Harvard is a good school I take everything

Tampa Bachelor parties man They're weird Who's that I do that memory of my mom Wow She was like a big conservationist Or something's like I pushed her off a boat

And do a propeller What's even better is that's all Deshawn Jackson's stuff Yeah Sean Jackson loves manatees. Sure, those four words make sense. I mean, I would believe it if you told me. I would completely believe that.

It's harder for me to believe that like Ryan Fitzpatrick is going, I need some manatee themed playing. And somebody is like, yo, I got you. I got you. I'll set this up. I think the thing in Tampa, too. I thought they were just like an Atlantic side thing. No, no.

They're a thing in the Bay area. They come to the, they come to the springs. it's cold. Oh, gotcha. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you can feed them out of a,

or you can water them out of a garden hose if they're in like a brackish canal. Aw. Yeah, it's actually very cute. You can just take a garden hose and sit there. And then after that, you gaff them and pull them up and they're just like, brine them and put them on a low heat for like,

you know, three days. That said, Ryan Fitzpatrick's Jean-Ralphio turn. Not as surprising as Kansas store, scoring 55 points. Are you fucking, do you know how long it took them in Big 12 games to score 55 points total last year? They had to get to their fifth conference game before they had a total of 55 points in Big 12 play.

And they did all of that against Rutgers in one day. What is going on? I think what's going on is that as bad as we say, as bad as you feel when you say the word Rutgers, as bad as that guess is by sentiment and by gut. It's worse, which is shocking. There's really very few things in life where you go, man, I have the worst expectations for this. And it turns out to be worse, right? Because you tend to remember those things, and they later become like your own private kind of like Shackleton's voyage across the Arctic Ocean.

That's where Rutgers is right now because they just lost by 41 to Kansas. Rutgers is the onomatopoeia for coughing and pooping at the same time. Rutgers! Rutgers is heavy food poisoning on a hot bus. That's where they're at. It's really... Why did I think a bus store of Cambodia made sense?

I went to Rutgers. I like that you went all the way for Cambodia when, like, New Jersey is right there. Yeah. If you want to be queasy, if you want to be queasy on a bus, buddy, do that right around the corner. You can save a... You can save a flight.

Yeah. Little place. Little place I know. Can I give you one more stat from that game besides the score? Kansas had 400 yards rushing. Yeah. 400. Oh, to go back to that game we're playing, that's 72 more than USC has all season.

Whoops. I don't hate it when Jason's audio gets scurried because it sounds like a trap remix of the crickets. This is a weird weekend. Arizona State lost a game on a targeting call that was not committed by them. How do you even process this? How do you say it's a her? All right. There's a new rule.

Oh, Jesus. This is going to be. All right. Oh, boy. What is it? False start? Yeah, we got that. I know all about that.

Yeah, that sucks for you. Oklahoma's defense is just so assy, so assy. It's unbearable to watch. Bill has them at 50-5th. Bill's S&P rankings, rather, have their defense at 55th in the nation, and they are just going to waste a perfectly good offense and lose some game that they should win because Mike's do. Oops is a fail son who won't leave.

I like that giving up all of 27 points is what inspired this, because we're talking about Iowa State, and that very well might be the most points they score all year. They just, yeah. I mean, well, you saw what Iowa did to them. First of all, Iowa is the reason. Iowa is the reason why your prediction about Big Ten fans is wrong, because we are, I haven't looked at Iowa schedule,

but we're probably a week or two away from the Iowa mass, and I use that in an intentional singular, rising. Why isn't Iowa in the top ten? We're going to get some real stupid ones because there are still some teams that are undefeated and probably will be undefeated in a week or two who are going to get to that extremely deceptive 5 and O and then start the long, glorious slide back into like regression to the mean, right?

And we talk about October's like, oh, that's when conference, let them the games go. This is really why I like October. Regression to the mean. Yeah, I mean, BC's next two games are at Purdue and verse Temple. Temple, as it turns out, is a feisty team. Sorry, Maryland. Temple with the transitive wins over the entire 2006 Rose Bowl, by the way. Duke is still, Duke is still 3 and O despite having some sort of like wasting disorder going on in their team.

But they do have Virginia Tech in their next. too, so they probably won't hold up. Iowa has Wisconsin next, so that's settled. Mazoo! Mizzou! Undefeated Missouri! Yeah, they got Georgia. They got Georgia next, so that's settled. They got Georgia. Now, here's the interesting, here's an interesting one for you. Indiana hosts Michigan State, and then goes two Rutgers. So if they win both of those games, they'll be 5'0.

Heading into, that's right, the road game against Ohio State. such high hope game day in here for that one look look at you Indiana finally got game day going to Bloomington just such a great atmosphere everyone's going turn around

turn around don't watch it's hideous the Pack 12 South is not going to cause you any of these problems though because god damn oh sir thank you such reliable

Colorado is the only defeated team in the South right now. We've only played three games, y'all, and most of you have not played each other. What the shit? Wait, is that open up the possibility that we could finally get back, like, we could finally get to Folsom Field for a game day? Meaning,

meaning, it's time to give David Pollock some edibles and make it legal. How much bigger could his eyes get? You guys ever thought about mountains? He's going to play

here just get down on this turf lays on the turf kind of rubs out like a cat cable box show me what love is who's not going to handle it well you know you'd think it'd be curt but weirdly Dez is the one who has a hard problem with it it's just not working for it yeah they won't stop using that picture of me

I look so red the Big Ten's weekend I mean we really shouldn't talk about it it's just I mean teams have these kind of weekends but but um the polite Midwestern thing to do would be to ignore their trauma oh look it's right here in front of me

well I guess while it's right here in front of me I might as well look through it right because yeah you know Ohio State won't know Wisconsin lost at home to unranked BYU 10 state I don't get 10 state right

Michigan oh congratulations Michigan in the self-esteem special from last week. You took a little while to take hold of it, but once you did, you got there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 45-20. Feeling real good about yourself, right? And I can mention Minnesota perfectly, a workman-like performance, 263.

They beat Miami. The other one. The one that probably smells. Designer imposter. Design your imposter. The cradle of coaches. I mean, there's a lot of designer imposter in Miami. that is my favorite thing about Miami Ohio they're like cradle of coaches not players not

coaches coaches though lots of coaches uh here's the rest of the Big Ten's weekend Rutgers we've discussed that Indiana maybe ball state yeah Maryland classic Big Ten power Maryland you lost by three scores to Temple Illinois okay this is the one I feel bad about this yeah this this is deceptive yeah because have you seen lovey's beard this year the beer came out in illinois is actually playing okay it is magisterial yeah it's a gorgeous beard and and if you hear it uh with that beautiful kind of muscle shoalsy kind of accent lovey has you're like oh my god that's what jesus sounds like it's like an angel that loses to south florida by six points i think i think that one

was deceptive because in in yardage it was usf 626 illinois 380 like there was just weird stuff going on here they don't don't worry they got their asses kicked um Nebraska yeah Nebraska lost at home tough tough way for Scott Frost Day to go down every day should be Godfoss day every day should be Scott Frustay Scott Frusty um yeah they lost uh they lost a hard one to to Troy Neil Brannis this is two follicular discussions from me in a row, but Neil Brown has

beautiful hair, and it doesn't be talking about enough. It is, my God. It's like a bear's it's like a bear's rug. Like, it's just, yeah. I would go so far as to call them Raven Trusset. Ooh, like, we're talking like Bob Diaco grade? Oh, no,

Bob Diaco looks kind of, Bob's looks kind of wiry. Yeah. I can't really think of anybody in the current coaching game that I'd compare it. Neil Brown's hair looks like upstart junior congressman who you like before inevitable scandal comes out you're like that meal that neil brown he really he really speaks to me he did what oh no he was paying his mistress with campaign funded stamps like just he was violating the franking privilege he also maybe feels spun out of

another era like door to door grill cream man on the cover sure sure why i smell that pie on your window sill and I just had to. No, exactly. There. Yes. That's good. Scott Frost in an apron. Well, go ahead. Just take one. Oh, he took the whole thing. Farge, he took the whole thing.

Off moves a little slower around these parts. Never trust a high woman. And Purdue lost to Missouri in heartbreaking. Purdue is fuck. Purdue Purdue is 0 and 3 by how many

points, eight, eight total points. So we had Purdue Missou on mute while we were watching. How are we watching at that point? This is still TCU, Ohio State. And every once in a while we would look over at Purdue Missou muted on the laptop and everyone on the screen would just be gesticulating wildly no matter which team they were covering. It was, Purdue is so close to having good things happen and I know

I know what Brom's solution to the problem is going to be next year. More points. That's it. They're like, well, we give up 40. Need to score 42. Got to score 44. And then yeah, yeah, this is my favorite

one. Are you ready to dive into this? We didn't talk about this one. No, no, no, no. We didn't talk about this yesterday at all. I don't think anybody talking about it, which is, I guess, no. Oh, no. I saw Roger Sherman talking about it. a lot well that explains why i didn't see it but i was like why is the media so silent on this oh it's close to my heart because as a graduate of the medill school of journalism i

obviously i'm very invested in northwestern's yeah northwestern's future as a football program and their overall performance it's it's close to me though objectivity is my first mistress I do from time to time still see a love named old Northwestern football and old Northwestern football oh suffered quite a loss yesterday to the hands of

my god that's Terry Bowden's music the soft yet leathery hands what is Terry Bowdozen music it's the first part of Janet Jackson's if that sounds like a circus tarillon just repeated over and over again interesting I was going to go with escapade, but we were

both in the same area. Maybe the Sonic the Hedgehog level music that's like Burwain, you know Green Mountain Zone. He was kind of a robotnik with the guy. I can tell you

that this. Sir, it's it. My father was Mr. Eggman. This loss had to go. any Northwestern fan who cared because it's the ultimate triumph of dumb-ass luck and catastrophic mistakes undermining your otherwise honor student

like performance. You just hear them jumping up and down in the bleachers screaming about how they were the only ones who'd done the reading. But we did the reading. No, the worst part was that it prompted more reading. Akron won this game and then everybody was like to LexisNexis.

Yeah, this was the most newspapers.com results of the year so far. everyone's going back and reading shit from the 1890s the big 10 didn't exist the price of the price of milk the last time Akron did this milk didn't exist everyone drank lead how many how many first downs did Northwestern have they did the reading and had 29 well Akron only had 15 over the total yardage Northwestern out gained them by 130 points just like my SATs also Also, this upset came days after Pat Fitzgerald said, what? Does anyone recall? Railed against RPAOs being communism. That RPAOs were communism. Oh, guess what?

Guess what? Just put on the trees by rush. Guess how many penalties you had? I followed the rules and only had three of them. And Akron had 15 for 140. I lost my Hamilton tickets on the L. can we just can we just end it there actually

no there's there's more there's more because guess how many turnovers northwestern heads I thought you were going to tell them about how I discovered Rush was not a band of ladies

Polly did think Rush was a band of ladies how was I supposed to unlearn that you know it's very true though because I was like oh she's a woman why would she have ever listened to Rush? The answer to have a terrible boyfriend.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. It's a 22-minute song about all the other people who wants to love. Just let it grow on you. But on the black light, it'll help. I'm going to be over here playing Half-Life, too. Yeah. How did I?

I don't know. Yeah, like this should have. Sounds like my type. I don't know. And this is where we find out Holly briefly dated Getty Lee and doesn't know it. Yeah, Northwestern. Oh, it's actually how I found out there was a picture of them in the Paramount cafeteria. And of course I call Spencer for help who treated my lack of knowledge with care and said he laughed so hard he coughed up a long.

I did. It was almost as funny as Northwestern blowing a 213 lead and having three. turnovers. That's the, that's the thing, right? What did I do wrong? Yeah, you had three turnovers. Also, you bought Adderall off an undercover cop in the library. That's what got you kicked out.

But I didn't. Actually, he wasn't undercover. I thought it would be, I thought that was the only way to buy Safe Adderall. Combs are our friends. You know who's not your friend? Akron, because they beat you by five points. And again, they had no

business winning and that's the most discussed northwestern on this podcast ever what we don't want to add that non-prescription adderall is just dispensed in akron yeah acrid can get you drugs northwestern you skip the best step you skip the best stat in my opinion which is the penalty comparison 15 no i mentioned it did they had yeah and acrin had 15 for like 140 yards Yeah, 15 for 140 yards, all undone by free turnovers and Northwestern bitten the bit on a 21-3 lead. But here's the important thing, even though Northwestern is one and two with this loss and a loss to Duke, they're still undefeated in conference, and therefore, the dream is alive.

The Big Ten Championship still lays ahead for you. Who do you play next? It's Michigan? Yes. Let's do that dumb shit. I can still go back to law school. Yeah, that's actually true. You can't.

I'll write you a letter of rec, Northwestern. I'm very proud for... No, this is Northwestern. They're getting MFA's. Can I tell you just like another few sort of random notes? Please don't. Yeah, there's no reason to talk about Alabama. We don't really need to.

But the other game that I watched that was absolutely baffling. You should really go watch Utah. No. No, why? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is the God damn it, Spencer game. Okay.

This is a game of the week. Fuck everyone. Fuck them, if they, if they disagree. Oh, my God. Utah is so bad. Okay, because you know, Florida State, you just kind of go, oh, man, these guys don't know what they're doing. With Utah, I'm like, no, they're on some avant-garde shit.

I'm just, I'm just not smart enough to figure out the majesty that they're trying to impart here. Utah is, like, Even if you're not rooting for them, you feel a sense of relief when the punter comes out because the punter is very competent. They got that Australia pipeline. They've had the best, you know, well, they've had one of the two best punters in the country for like five years in a row. And, yeah, when the latest dude comes out, it's like, oh, thank God, it's over. All that they were doing if you didn't. Because, like, honestly, they are the offense that comes closest to performance art for me.

Right? They have a receiver. Britain Covey. Britain Covey. Okay. Britt and Kobe is, first of all, 41. Also, four foot one. Four foot one. 41-year-old man.

Yeah. He's built like a man who lived on box cars in the 30s, right? Like, you get the feeling that play calls that really speak to his soul would be like, would be like, boss bull coming down. Ninth stick on three. If you put this symbol on the side of this play, it means that there's a sympathetic woman who lives here. He looks like the type of receiver that Bill Belichick would look at and think. Well, I'd like the general look at him,

but he could really stand to pack on about 30 pounds or so. Yeah. Anyway. Man, his first name is just like Britain, not like B-R-I-T-T, like Great Britain. Yeah, he's not great as in big. that's why he's just little little britain lesser britain little britain little britain yeah well he's wales he's wales our new netflix show big old britain yeah so if big old britain uh his brother little britain

if if briton covey did anything in a past life he is paying for it by having tyler huntley at quarterback throwing because all tyler huntley has done to briton covey is he did not throw a single pass that was not in front of one of Washington's safeties. What can you say about the Washington defense after watching them for just five minutes? Their secondary is lethal and they are trained to hammer people into submission.

What did Tyler Huntley think? I'm going to throw you into the tree. You know in backyard football, when you go, hey, why don't you run a post toward that tree and you throw it right at the tree and somebody runs into it? That's Utah's passing offense. No jury will convict, bro.

You know, in like, British hunting, like British country hunting culture what nests of quail called, right? Cubbies? Yep. Whoa. We got a experience here here. This is right sporting.

Chaps. This is, so, wait, Holly, are you suggesting that Utah's leading receiver in this game is not a person, but is actually just an assembly of quail stuffed into football paths? What could be more Utah?

He's a hot dish. Oh my God.