Shutdown Fullcast - Foolproof Cures from Spencer Hall, Frontier Doctor - Week 9 Reviewed

Episode Date: October 29, 2018

We open our college football podcast the way you'd expect: by running through a buncha Red Dead 2 misadventure on the parts of Jason and Spencer. Further topics include! 13:19 - Hooboy Georgia Tech tore through Virginia Tech  16:20 - Ryan calls the DUDEVOLUTIONARIES OF THE WORLD to answer Boston College’s call 17:19 - Entirely too much time spent on Kentucky-Mizzou 22:47 - Maybe not enough time talking about Washington losing to Cal, which tenuously leads to Texas losing to Oklahoma State via a Wazzu detour 30:45 - Which SEC Quarterback am I?  36:16 - Spencer shares the greatest historic example of QB leadership 37:20 - Jason asks would you rather: lose as a 24 point favorite or lose after leading by 28? 40:04 - A pretty rational discussion of Florida-Georgia 43:18 - SHIRTLESS FSU PROFESSOR READIN’ IN THE STANDS 46:01 - We warned you, Oregon! 52:05 - Iowa has broken the rules of literary genres Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. I am Spencer Hall. I am joined, as always, by Jason Kirk and Ryan Nanny. We talk about college football. This is the Week 9 review show, and Week 9, it's taking out the trash week. All kinds of trash. All kinds of refuse.

All kinds of, I don't know, second-tier teams, hiding his first-tier teams, finally being given the heave-ho, sent to live with the Hoypooy, where they belong. Go on get. get. That's what this week was. Go on. Yeah, yeah. Kind of weak.

But before we do that, I have to tell everybody about my achievement today. I'm very proud of it. I killed a bear. What did you use to kill the bear? Well, let's see. In Red Dev Redemption, the best way to kill the bears with a real big gun. But I let my friend take the big gun, which wasn't real smart. Because I decided to stay up in the mountains and just hunt by myself.

Because I thought, I'm a G, I could take this bear. I got it. Turns out I could take the bear. However, the problem was, when taking the bear, how do you think you want to bring it down? One or two shots? Clean, right? From a distance, yeah. Maintaining distance, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you do not want this to be a personal interaction. You don't want to get into a melee fight with a bear. You don't want reach to become an important metric between you and the bear. I'm armed with a mace and flail. I got this. What? He can only stand for limited amounts of time. How good can he be as an animal?

And you don't want the bear to know it. You don't want this to be a personal thing. You don't want the bear to be like, you later. That's not something you want to happen, right? So I should have had the big gun. Did I have the big gun? No, no, no. What did I have?

I had a revolver. Did I get it out and get the draw on him? Yeah. True facts. True facts about a bear. Takes more than six bullets to kill him. The first six just make him mad. You saw a bear, a legendary bear, no less, and said, draw a motherfucker.

The time-honored tradition of pistol dueling is upon us. I challenge you, sir bear. 20 paces. Yes. I will show you what a pace is. I put six in him and went Riverside, motherfucker. And he went, this is...

I will defend my wife's honor, dear bear. You have insulted her, you cur? Yeah, it turns out that's not how you do it. I had to take this bear down like it was a mob hit gone wrong. This bear has extorted the honest businessmen of this town for too long.

tell me two times says hello carcass of this bear how many shots how many how many how many shots did it take you to put this bear down i think it was 18 i think it was a full six six and six right i put the devil's you're you're not even close to what west virginia did then so you should feel fine no no no west virginia west virginia will take a bear down and took him uh what seven minutes i think we're tied actually that was a clean shot yeah that was a down a hundred bears just like that. But they went over to the body. I was just like, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam.

Blam, blam, blam. Blam, blam, blam. That would be if the bear were throwing bullets at you, saying, take them. Here, keep going. You reload. Reload. Here, you dropped your gun. I got one you can use. Here's a health pack.

I don't even know what that is. Yeah. I got you body armor. I love you. Yeah, so I had to, unlike West Virginia, who tidily put away the Baylor Bears on Thursday night in about seven minutes, after seven minutes of running around and screaming and just charging a pistol into everything in range, including boulders, weeds, probably my own foot. I don't know. It was hectic. Listen, West Virginia missed a couple of field goals, too. It's fine. The result was the same. Dead bear. So when you skint this bear, do you remember what grade you got for it? Like what quality the hide was?

Uh, what are the qualities? So if you, say if you take down an animal with like bow shot to the head, you're probably going to get a perfect quality hide. This was not a perfect quality guy. Whereas if you riddle it with cannon fire, it's going to say like, poor bear hide. I think, I believe this would be poor. I'm just going to go ahead and summarize it's like, it's like allegedly a bear hide. That's your made a bearskin colander.

I did. Somebody's going to be eating. this bear meat later and go like, and spit the bullet. You walk up to camp like, well, here's a wading pool full of hair. How much you give me for it.

See, it's actually enriched because it's got extra lead. It's got iron. It's a mineral. Yeah, it's got iron. Lots iron in it. This here's a drawing of a bear. It's a Swiss bear.

It's a Swiss bear. It's supposed to have those holes in it. it's the fishnet bear it's the sexy one oh i'm a ghost of a bear oh yeah so i didn't see the grade because i was probably too traumatized actually i this is my favorite the accidents in this game are my favorite i have two and then we'll talk about football the first is after i killed the bear and i was toting it down the road uh right down the mountain i went to go get something else because my health was really low because a bear had hit me a couple

times. Bear just bitch slapped me. I thought I need, so a can of beans fixed that right up. Did a bear hit you? Yeah, just eat some kidney beans. You're good. Rub some peaches on it. Yeah, have some peaches and beans. It would be amazing. I did that and when I was trying to get to it, instead of going for the peaches and beans

my finger slipped and I just downed a whole bottle of bourbon, which made sense, right? The game was like, no, this is better. Congratulations, you're a Kentucky doctor now. Oh, God. I just blasted a bear to hell. Just, just nearly died. Had a bear bite me on the chest and rip up my clothes.

Scariest thing that I'll never be able to unsee, wake up screaming in the middle of the night for the rest of my life. Come here, Jim Beam. Come here, Kentucky smuggler. So, so drunk you stumbles back to camp with a bear that looks like it's been through a cheese grater. Yeah, basically. What, everything's fine. Stop looking at me.

Which is just proof that who you are in video games is who you are in real life. There's no difference. You said get a bear, I got a bear. Why he got a quibble? Why he got a quibble over details? No, you're drunk. I was going to eat some food, but I accidentally drank a bunch of bourbon. What? No, the bear ain't drunk.

He's dead. He won't have this hangover. He's the lucky one. Jason, have you done anything quite this stupid in this game yet? I did not fight the bear. At that point in the story, when it was like, you're going to stick around and bring down this bear? I'm like, no, bye. Which again, whoever you are in real. Whoever you are in. in real life. Jason's like, oh, that's not sensible. I don't have the right equipment. Me, I got 22 bullets in a bottle of bourbon. This is going to be fine. I got a revolver.

I know where beans are. I, um, yeah, I mean, I've done my share of blunders in the, uh, I feel like every, every, every, every waking moment since this game came out that hasn't been working, which it's really not that many moments I've spent with this game. Um, and I hope that continues as long as possible. I think my favorite moment so far was someone caught me doing outlaw crime. I forget what I was doing at the time. What are you a cop? And you had to go chase this guy down so he doesn't squeal.

And he ends up falling off a cliff and he's hanging on the edge. And like it gives you all these little moral choices about whether, you know, you could save this guy. You could pull him up and say, you know, I'll kill you if you talk. Or you can just like push him off the edge right there. Well, there's a lot of buttons. I pushed the wrong one, and I blasted him in the face with the saw it off while he was hanging on the edge of the clip. So, like, I didn't just, like, grab his hands and, and, like, scar Mufasa him. No, I blasted his entire body from the top down, and, you know, it gave me, like, the little, like, you gained an evil point thing.

Like, shit, I'd say so. All right, so here's what I'd like to do going forward. This is a little bit of a homework assignment for each of you, but I think it will be a easy, an easy and a useful one just in between episodes just like when you do something really stupid just make a note somewhere so we can come back to it I would like

to keep this as sort of a running what's the dumb cowboy thing either of you two do I've remembered my second thing I might as well tell you now rather than writing it down sure there is a moment when you're coming back from the bear where you hear a guy go

Jesus help me he's being ripped apart by wolves And you go, and it's a great game. And you go, like me being the Good Samaritan, you know, you could just ride on by, right? Please, Jesus, help me. If you do that, it's just like, well, that's an evil point. Yeah, I'm just listening to this podcast on my horse. That's as bad as shooting a man hanging off a cliff in the face.

Exactly, it is. No, it gets better. So I went over and I shot the wolf off him, right? Because I thought, yeah, cool, get a wolf pelt too. It did say poor wolf pelt, which I now understand. At first, I was like, why are we being judgmental about his income? Low credit, Wolfpelt. Busted ass bankrupt vape shop owner Wolf felt.

What? Student debt, Wolfelt. I'm going to leave that one on the ground. The guy is laying on the ground and it says, well, you know, you can give him some first aid. And he's like, oh, Jesus, it hurts. It hurts. and me being very sympathetic in criminal, I was like, oh, here, why don't you have this stolen medicine that I have?

And he goes, that I won't do anything here. I'm bleeding out. And the option that comes up isn't help him. The option that comes up is Target. As in, you've got to put this dude out of his misery. So I was like, okay, bro, I'm ready to do this. So, again, learning the controls.

I was going to shoot him in the head for a quick and merciful end. I didn't move the cursor quite fast enough, and instead I just gut shot him, and he's like, Ah! Why, I missed him. Shot him in his already injured leg. Hold on, you're going to need more beans. Let's pour some beans on that case in a lot of beans for this. Hang on, buddy, I'm going to go to town and get some potatoes.

So, so I tried, I was like, okay, I'll get him in the head. this time. Nope, no. Just put another one right in his stomach and he's like, ah, you son of a bitch. And then he died. I was like, well, I'm going to go back and I guess sell this bear soup that's on the back of my horse.

It's been a great day out here. Did you get a poor person pelt? I was watching with my wife and she goes, well, you're going to loot his body? And I was like, cold-blooded. So you do have a. code. That was my next question. Oh, no, I looted his body. Okay, okay, good. Yeah. Wasn't my fault.

Listen, we're outlaws here. We're just trying to get by. We've got to do what we got to do. Hey, those, listen, those three crackers weren't going to do anyone any good out there. I had to take him. Yeah. That's my favorite thing also. You can get like a felony for like stole three crackers off a dead corpse. I'm to be like, witness. And I'm like, snitch. I think my favorite thing about the law enforcement in this game is like comparing it to Grand Theft Auto, which is like, you know, you, you, you punch someone and, like, within three minutes, there can be tanks bearing down on you, you know, whereas in this game, like, I had a bounty on me for, like, hours, nothing came of it. Like, the map was read, like, don't go here. Cops are looking for you. There are no cops.

Cops are looking for. Okay, I'll go camp in an ice cave for 10 minutes. It'll be fine. I don't want to leave either Thursday night football or the mention of looting corpses behind without noting that Georgia Tech ran for 465 yards on Virginia Tech. How many times did they throw the ball? Uno. Once. One time. Once.

And what was the result of it? Was it the quarterback falling down and the ball hitting the turf? Yes. They held the ball for 42 minutes. Spencer, if you did not put that poor wolfman out of his misery, Paul Johnson certainly did not do that for Virginia Tech either. Bud Foster, just kill. But Foster wants to die.

Just kill me. No. You know what? I'm listening. I got a triple option here of ignore, ignore, and ignore. And I think I'm going to choose all three. Woo! Yeah, that was, by the way, it's a vintage quote.

It's not a, a Paul Johnson quote. John McKay, I believe, has been credited with using it. So has Herschel Walker. It's a football lore quote. However, when Tobias Oliver, who came in for the injured Taquam Marshall and did brilliantly for Georgia Tech, when someone asked Paul Johnson if he was concerned about Tobias Oliver's number of carries, the quote in return was Paul Johnson saying, the ball ain't heavy. Yeah. And now we live in a world where Virginia is the only ranked team in the coastal and leads the coastal.

2018. It's weird, isn't it? For now. For now. For now. For now. For now. One,

while we're going through in priority. Because you can come back. Friday had... What kind of priority we're talking? Oh, a calendar priority. Yeah, calendar priority. Friday did have a game worth talking about, didn't it? Didn't it, fuck-oh?

Indiana, Minnesota. Well, that one. Are you referring to Utah being the only Pac-12 favorite to not lose? In retrospect, yeah, yeah. To not only not lose, but again, continuing its rampage, pile-driving UCLA 410. Yeah, man, Utah, Utah's mad. Don't talk to them. Don't look at them, right?

Don't. You'll have to run around them with a pistol, shooting them with 40 to 50 bullets just to get the job done, all right? Do you know how many Utah passing yards you need to get at 41 points? On using my Utah conversion math, I would go 114. I'm going to go 11 or 12. 145. Very close, Spencer. Very, very, very close. And I was under, so I get the showcase. Congratulations. Now you get to be a UCLA fan as well. Yeah, just, no. The taxes alone. Oh, God. Yeah, just when we were like, man, UCLA's looking a lot better. Utah Powerbomb.

Listen, all I want to say about Friday is that now Boston College is the only thing standing in between Clemson and winning the Atlantic yet again. I call on you my fellow dude volusionaries to rally to the cause. Wow. Thank you. Stick that chest out. Bring donuts on Fridays. That's all you got to do. Eat donuts off your chest. Like a

dude oh man because you know now now we're getting games on like fridays and we'll try to be judicious about talking about all of those but honestly you know it quite quite the achievement there for boston college like i don't just don't want to skate past that but three one in conference y'all boston college having another quietly successful season six and two perfectly fine record for a football team to have at this point in the season saying that for possibly self-invested reasons. From Saturday, I'd like to start with the biggest game. And by that, I mean, Kentucky, Missouri.

Did you? What a stupid piece of shit game this was. What an absolute crap fest. Oh, my God. Where to begin? Can I give you, can I just say that this? What's the final score? When you see 1514, that's a lot like seeing a baseball game that's like 2-1.

You go, oh man, either that was a classic or it was a masterpiece of sludge like nothingness creeping forward. At least a 2-1 baseball game might be fast. This was Jesus. No, God, that's the problem with Missouri games, y'all. Missouri's like, hey, this is terrible and there's so much other. here this is what if you're listening to this podcast and you are walking right now i want you to uh pull up your step counter on your phippet or your phone or whatever and go get uh let's say let's say go get 40 feet just to be safe all right there you just got a first down something that missouri did not do

in the entire second half not one not even on accident they didn't even find one lying around that was kind of like half eaten and moldy. Not one. How? Because Kentucky's good at football. Kentucky is not, we won't let you get any first downs

at all good at football. Not even Bama is that good. Quite evidently, Kentucky is the best defense in football. You're right. I can't argue with science. So everyone after this game was like, oh my God,

they burgled that one, they swindled that one, which yes, that part is correct. Everyone was like, oh, that what a, what an ass game Kentucky played. Like, do you know how hard it is a whole Mizzou to 14 points at home in Columbia? If you're a ranked team, it's not. Well, who has done it this year?

I'm just, listen, overall, okay? No one, it's true. Kentucky play math, like my working theory, by the way, Kentucky's Josh Allen had two sacks and busted the ball out on both of them. He's been amazing. That defense has been magnificent. they've defeated such luminous offensive attacks as Florida. All credit.

Way to end the street. However, I would also point this out. I think Buffalo drafted the wrong pot, Josh Allen. Well, yeah, granted. That's my theory. Greatest Josh Allen of all time. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, Kentucky on one side of the ball played an incredible game.

And because their offense isn't designed to score more than 15 points, I don't think we should hold that against them. Not their fault. The offense is designed to score exactly 15 points, which, let's see, the past three games, 14, 14, 15. And by the way, don't accuse Kentucky of a crime by stealing this game. One, it ain't theft if you're not looking, at least in Kentucky. Two, two, it wasn't yours if you didn't earn it.

And let me say, when has Missouri earned it under Barry Odom? When? Because Gary Pinkle, I'm coming around to the notion that Gary Pinkle is like one of the five best coaches of all time. because he got Missouri competitive because the guy who followed them Barry Odom How many wins does he have in the SEC

this year? That's zero. None. Buckkus. Nada. All right. How many does he have against ranked opponents in three years? Three years. How many he's got?

I'm not recall any of a lot. Settle. Settle for our listeners in English. That's zero. Also, Doolock hasn't beat anyone ever in the top 25 ever he plays for Missouri how's he

supposed to do that he's put up a lot of yards against bad teams and Kentucky limited the number of yards I'm excited for the future Missouri beats a ranked Florida and Drew Locke goes off that jinks that Spencer is setting up here so good job on that

first of all that Todd Grampson's fault that's not mine I can't I can't do anything about your emotional blitzing I can't. I can't do anything about, you know, we got like a baby cornerback. Let's put him in single coverage in big situations. How did that go?

Poorly? My point isn't that, you know, beating Missouri, yes, that's nothing special. My point is holding Missouri to this type of offensive game, that is impressive. Georgia gave up 29. It is, which means that next week, if we're lucky, Kentucky beats Georgia by a score of 6'3. God, that'd be beautiful. If Kentucky full-on Wake Forests their way to an SEC East title like this, like by trying to do nothing.

Oh, remember, by the way, Kentucky also didn't have Benny Snell for part of the game because he got in a fight with Eddie Grand. Their offensive coordinator, and they kept him off the field, even though it was hobbling everything they were trying to do. See, there's your excuse right there. They would have had 16 points. This is not, however, the worst example of keeping somebody off the field and seeing it bite you in this week of college football. Come on down, Washington.

Let's talk about decision making. Okay. So I'm going to set you up for this because I know what happens, but this is the other. And I'm just going to be, I'm going to say yes. I'm going to be a good partner here. Okay. Hey, the starter. That'd be, let's see, Jake Browning, right?

Yes, yes. one of 18 jakes on the quarterback depth chart at Washington. That's true. That's true. Because he was replaced by another Jake, albeit very briefly and fatefully. Redshirt freshman Jake. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, so that'd be burning a red shirt, right? No, no. He redshirted last year and he has played, I think he played like mop-up duty here and there. So not his first time on the field, his first meaningful time on the field against a, in the midst of Washington having massive problems on offense Chris Peterson by his own admission he kind of

in the post game conference he was sort of like you know it had nothing to do with with Jake or his play it was more just like we needed to mix it up and that's why we bench him it's like well you did pick that part to mix up you didn't just sort of say like well let's put all 11 let's just put the second team out there

see if that works Redshirt freshman, Jake, goes one of four for 11 yards and a pick six that is Cal's only touchdown of the game in a game that ends with the final score, Cal 12, Washington 10. That would be fateful for the Pac-12's chances. Were it not for the lone stalwart, the last survivor, the one pack 12 team now in a position to the bear who cannot get shot enough it's a bulletproof bear this is the team who is both the bulletproof bear and the idiot who only has a six gun going after

the bear right right right this is a bulletproof bear throwing arrows at you yes who would that be that's right that's right your washington state cougars who facing stanford did the thing that you're supposed to do against Stanford, which is make them score points, which they hate to do. They just despise it. Like, the score gets into the 30s, and David Shaw's like,

how gauche, how inefficient. Look at all this clock. $14 wine. It's just as good as $45 wine. I mean, he's a Stanford guy. I might not say that. Okay, well, you know,

maybe he understands value, you ass. Listen, he understands luxury. and he understands that sometimes sometimes he'll even let KJ Costello throw for 300 yards. He's had

to do that a lot recently because Stanford can't run the ball. Say that out loud. It feels wrong but it's completely accurate. They can't really run the ball. And that didn't matter because Gardner Minshew and the Washington State Cougars kick a field goal as time expires to win 401

to 38. Gardner Minshew full-on super bandana headband bro type guy, East Carolina, transfer. Is that the most Red Dead Redemption quarterback name of 2018? Gardner Minshu. Hmm. Name's Gardner Minchew.

I'm the town medic. Dutch never got along with him. Here's some free leeches. I'll see you in a week. Oh, no, he's taught by Taylor Cornelius. Yeah, Taylor. This train belongs to Taylor Cornelius. Y'all know that, right?

They call him Taylor Big Sleeves Cornelius. You can see his sleeves are rustling in the wind. That's a... Don't laugh at the big sleeves of Taylor Cornelius. They were sprinting past Texas defenders. The big old gusty sleeves. Just a flapping in the breeze. Which I enjoy that whenever Mike Gundy wins, he decides to go off.

He's King. Go off. Go off, King. Because he did, because, one, he earned it a little bit. Taylor Cornelius came through, which was a bit of a redemption for him to continue a theme accidentally. Because Taylor Cornelius had been criticized a lot for underperforming for the five and three Oklahoma State. Cowboys, then Texas came to town and Taylor Cornelius was with the hell off. And not just with his arm. No, no, no.

Taylor Corleyos was also really instrumental in the ground. In fact, dragging his lumbering, is he six foot four? Six, yeah, I'm going to call him six four. Six, four body across the goal line for the game winning score. So, Gundy decided to go off and Gundy had comments on Twitter. None of which I can say are inaccurate. Nothing, because he said, and I quote, crowd was fantastic

Homecoming was fantastic I don't give a rat's ass about Twitter just pooh I'm going there called it a platform to bitch and suggested that people who were hanging out on Twitter were quote

late for a payment I think he means light on a payment but I don't know made this entire fan base sounds like freelancers and their struggle is real and I respect it but yeah called it

a platform to bitch just when he also said throughout, he twice used the quote which was represented that got transcribed. Transcribed as fart noise. If you're out there

and you ever appear before the Supreme Court of the United States, please make that noise at least once so that somewhere somebody is going to have to in an official Supreme Court transcript put parenthetical fart noise.

What would they put as our resident legal scholar, whether they're at, like, flatulence effect or what? I honestly have no idea. That's kind of why I want to call. Blows raspberry is. Yes, yes, disrespectful mouth spitting. Chicken bat update. Hey, Spencer, what's Texas rank now? Let's see, because I only.

follow my own rankings. Uh-huh. I don't pay attention to the mainstream media's rankings. They're 15. Yeah. They're 15. Yeah, they dropped nine spots because of this. So you are already on...

How is Penn State still ahead of them? Because they beat Iowa. Do you... They beat like a good Iowa team. Fart noise. I'm just saying, you are already on the precipice of moving into push territory. And, oh, don't look at the upcoming schedule. Surely there are no more losses around the bend for Texas.

Oh, boy. Yeah, they're just playing that West Virginia that just put one through a bear's eyes from 100 yards. Just to go back to that, West Virginia did not have a punt or a turnover until there were nine minutes left in the game. I enjoy that they, like a true drunken gunslinger. West Virginia, walked into a bar, got thrown through the window and took an ass kicking, and was like, that's fair, and I'll be back. Just strode in next. Just immediately stood up, dusted themselves off, pointed at someone and said, you.

Come on. Actually, actually, actually, that's unfair. West Virginia, they did not dust themselves off. No, rolled in dirty. Can I, can we play a quick game here, a quick, Who Am I, game? Sure. So I'm going to give you to the yards per pass attempt by game in conference play for one SEC quarterback, but I'm not going to tell you who it is.

Your job is to figure it out. And these are in sequential order. I'm not going to give you the opponent either because that would make it probably too easy. But the last number I give you is from this week, okay? 4.5 yards per attempt. 3.8, 4.1, 2.5, 11 yards per pass attempt. Which SEC quarterback? Kyle Shermer Vanderbilt.

Okay, that's Spencer's guess. Jason, do you have a guess? That's a really good one. Let me go, let me go Wake Forest. Wait, this is an SEC quarterback. Oh, oh, sorry, I missed that part. No, it's cool. It's cool. It's not Kentucky

Nope I'll tell you that much Because they didn't pass This is Nick Fitzgerald This is Nick Fitzgerald Holy Christ That's Nick Fitzgerald Nick Fitzgerald

Who had not Two on the season Had not against SEC opponents at least Thrown for even five yards In a game And lit A&M up Have you seen his numbers against Jimbo

they're disgusting all he does is destroy A&M I didn't know it was 11 an attempt damn yeah huh it was it was rough it was I mean considering

the the final score you're just sort of like 2813 seems like that nope Nick Fitzgerald 22 attempts 241 yards passing and ran for 88 yards and two touchdowns on top of it that is honestly the most we know nothing thing of the weekend yes it's i know that only i know that i know that only one thing was

different and joe moore had said i'm going to let him throw what what you do i don't know i just I don't know, go be loose. Football's so stupid sometimes. What'd you do? I don't know. I just totally be cool. That is kind of what A&M has done with Kellyn Monde all season, so. I guarantee you that is not what Kellyn Monde has been told by Jimbo.

You just go out there and hang loose. No, those words can't come out of his mouth. But it is what happens frequently. It's what looks. At Spencer, I think the problem is Jimbo don't know how to speak Texan yet. He comes up there and all bleep-blop, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleed. Blurt, boop, boop, boop, boop. All killing mine here.

That robot said I said fling it. That twangy robot. Like, I have no doubt that there are coaches who do that. Like, I know Dana Holgerson. It's just looked at Wilger and been like, I don't know, man. I don't know, man. I just go out there. It's just, I think you should just spin it.

Hey, who the hell are you? Dana Holgerson is totally a red dead redemption name. Oh my God. Dana Holgerson. Ain't that a lady's name? Well, probably accounts for how angry he is all the time. Mad at the world. But yeah, that's like, I know Dana said that, right?

You know, Dana at one point just been like, I don't know, man, just go out there and spin it. And you know what? For a quarterback, I bet that's sometimes the best thing to hear, right? Like, you get broken down into, like, defenses and zones of thinking and assignments and systems. and eventually some dude, you know, just walks up and is like, you go out there and be a stud, you son of a bitch. Yeah, man, we're all dying every second and every day. Who gives a shit?

Why don't you just go out there and put a bottle up something's head? Just do it. Like, that's, I mean, that's for a jock, you know, like in the moment. It's not like you're going to get technical or better when you're sitting there on the sideline, right? Like, I don't know, here, look at this iPad. No, you're a 19-year-old. Shit, man, Northwestern lost Akron, and they're going to play in the goddamn Big Ten championship. Strategy don't mean damn thing.

No, like I guess like in-game coaching, it's got to be like, I don't throw it to the guy in the other jersey and just go out there and be a stud. Just go do some shit, man. Feel it. That would really work on me if I were an athlete. You're like, yeah, I am pretty great. I'm just going to go out there and fuck it. Of course, that might be why I would throw six interceptions in a game. feeling it

Shooter's got to shoot I mean if you're Whenever you're around coaches You hear like as the stakes raise The instructions get simpler and simpler You know like it starts out with like Okay boys there's the schematics You know

Download this PDF And then like When it all boils down It's be an athlete Make a football play Go make a play It's got to be even for defenders You don't even have to be that articulate

Right You can just walk up to him be like Burr Go fuck something up Yeah, like once you get down to it, hi, I make $10 million. I need you to fix my problems. Like the greatest quarterback story I've ever heard in terms of talking to his teammates is in the Super Bowl versus the Bengals when Joe Montana walked back to the huddle and they

got to go down at score, right? They got to go down to ruin Boomer Assison's life. And they get back to the huddle and John Candy and John Candy sitting in the stands. And Joe Montana gets in there and looks at him in the aisle and goes, hey guys, look, John Candy. And they're all like, what? And he's like, okay, let's go. And they went down and scored.

And I just, like, Joe Montana was either so inspired in that moment or such a genuine, brilliant idiot in the spot that he was like, hey, look, man, that's John Candy. That's awesome. Anyway, 38 Wright Falcon. Let's go. Let's go jump Snake River Canyon. Yeah, just, yeah, the psychology to me is amazing. But they just told Nick Fitzgerald, who previously I had written had been throwing like he had a hook. for a hand.

Just goes out there and demolishes Texas A&M. I love football. It's a beautiful sport. Can I ask a would you rather? Sure. Would you rather

lose as a 28 point a 24 point favorite or suffer a 28 point collapse? Lose as a 24 point favorite. I'll take the 28 point collapse.

Well, good Good, good, you know, good, good for, good on both of you because you're both Colorado fans. Yes. That's what Colorado did this weekend. Go bobs. Rolled in as a three-plus touchdown favorite, tacked on a four touchdown lead on top of that, and then lost in overtime to Oregon State, a team that never wins anything. How?

Like, how? Also, as David Hale, I believe it was David Hale pointed out on Twitter, this is the second time. Colorado has had a four-touchdown lead evaporate in the past decade. Only two other teams have done this once. Colorado, you're incredible. That's bad. You shouldn't do that. Who are those?

Do you know who those other two teams were? One was UCLA. Or A-NM against UCLA, excuse me. The other one, not off the top of my head. Does Randy Edsel get any kind of bonus money for that? Certainly. Those are copyrights. Probably.

Those are copyrights. I get $75. I get $75 because Colorado Blue League. God damn it. That isn't your contract. You thought of everything, really. Damn, he is a genius. He did get bonus money for losing to UMass at home because Yukon led at the half.

It appears they stuck some of those prop bet incentives in his contract to try to keep fans in the building after half time. And like, how many people are like? People are like, hey, we're beating UMass. We might not have to stick around for this. I sincerely hope that as they were going to the locker room, Randy Edsel got his phone out and like sent a Venmo request to Yukon Athletics. That was like, okay, $5,000 sent for halftime lead sent. He's just got an accountant following him around at all times.

Accountant and a statistician working into. tandem yeah here listen if you just put another 300 miles on this company car boom 800 dollar bonus that's gold status so uh coach etzel i know your i know your linebacker broke his wrist breaking up that pass but it did get us over the statistical threshold so now you get another thousand dollars congrats coach yes he did it the player will get uh a new wrist maybe um Brian it's time I stare it's fine About what? Florida, Georgia?

Yeah. Okay, first of all, I didn't watch it just because I didn't feel like it, and I watched other things instead. But, like, am I supposed to, like, yeah, Georgia played better, has a better roster. Is a year ahead of, is at least a year ahead of Florida in terms of, like, coaching and development and all those things, and, like, I don't know. I don't have, like, this game was close for a lot of it. later than I would have honestly would have thought it would have been.

And then it just wasn't. And that's fine. Right? Like Florida can still win nine games this season. That's a perfectly like reasonable goal. And think about, I remember how we were after they lost to Kentucky. I'm not going to be the asshole who goes straight back to that.

I'm going to need a little time. I will get back there because I'm a broken person. I think you can win 11 games this season. counting a bowl but yeah anyway listen whoever we're facing

in a bowl game um that'll be hilarious also um jason i don't have great feelings about that south carolina game that south carolina

not because i think south carolina is like so good but more just like oh south carolina will make you hate everything so much all of the time no one has

great feelings about South Carolina games. South Carolina fans will must jam, God in heaven, no one. Trust the process. Okay. What process? I don't know.

It's a good way to change the subject. Spencer, you covered it pretty well. Jake Fromm played well. Georgia remembered that they have multiple good running backs. Florida turned the ball over too many times. Yeah. Did they still... Yeah, we have three turnovers.

You kind of look at the difference in this game and you go, We have a Felipe Franks and we have a Todd Grantham and we have a C.J. McWilliams. We have a baby corner and, you know, just so happens when you have one of those. The other team sometimes notices that. Oh, that guy. He's new. Gator fans got some national media appreciation for their sanity this weekend. This week in Schroed post, Alex noted that there was a lot of ranked team. James lost this weekend, and he noted that for Florida, there really wasn't any anger.

Everyone was just sort of like, they sounded like you two, basically. Yeah, I only get mad when I get taunted by Chad, you know, like, just, you know, other Georgia fans, like, it's fine. I live here. I got a lot of Georgia fans in my life, they're fine. I don't like getting, you know, like, by Bradford or by Tampson or Chad. You know, those are the dudes that I can't stand. the mega frat avie uh yeah you know don't talk shit to me if you're wearing a baby fedora don't it's not gonna go well for you i'm not even gonna be cool about it i'm just gonna be like the only goal for florida in this game was to not become a meme and they did a good job because they weren't the one

with a professor shirtless reading a book in the middle of the game Dark places. Dark places. It's about a satanic murder cult. A satanic murder cult. The guy was like, well, it was better than watching this. This is, we're not making up a joke. A professor at Florida State took his shirt off, went to the top of the stadium, pulled out a book, and was like, I'm just going to get some son.

I'm just going to get some son and some reading it. Dabo's boys, that's a Christian murder cult. Yeah, he's like, well, I'm just going to read about what I'm. I'm watching. When Clemson rolls into town, your ass is getting blessed. Also, Willie Tagger was like, some of the guys quit. It's like, yeah, man, the professor up there with this shirt off reading a book. I'm pretty sure he quit.

Yeah, I did check in with some of my older Florida State fans, and the reactions were displeased. displeased but not racist they're doing real well they're doing really really well that's progress yeah that's my best outcome for a florida state fan when i talked they're displeased but not busting out the racism okay good good i got that's always we got real problems with him just you know i know he's rebuilding we really we love willie we do it's great but you know you can't be happy with this and i'm like that's good that's good you could Just stop there. Stop there.

This comment is neutral. It's good. Stop. Just stop there. Every good stump speech is short and to the point. You don't wander. You don't wander off message. And includes a.

Yes. Yes. And did that fart noise. Yeah. I wouldn't even like, to me, everything to get to, like, I think of Florida fans in the same boat, but with slightly different different different different different rentials right is this you go it's year one what a curious result ta-da that's it it's all really all you can do because it's year one of doing things drastically differently and rebuilding from a not

great spot it just so happens that you know Florida's been like huh well look we made it run with the parts we had in the garage and Florida states like we had to tie it to a donkey pull it out of the stitch a poor donkey a poor donkey hide Does your one explain Arizona 44 Oregon 15, though? No, no. You know what explains that? Oregon podcast Big Duck Energy, which tried to tell Oregon not to do this. Forfeit this game.

Yeah. Call in sick. We did, didn't we? Forge a document, miss your flight, vote to evict Arizona from the Pac-12, leave the Pac-12 yourself. Yeah. Do whatever it takes to never go. to Arizona. Don't go to Tucson. Don't. It's where

your two greatest seasons in school history, you suffered a loss there. You suffered the most catastrophic loss in school history there. In multiple ways all at once. And now, you know, hopes aren't super high this year, but you still had a shot in the Pac-12 race, and now you don't.

Why? Because you played at Arizona. Yeah, this is, I think it's the ducks need moisture. Ducks need moisture. They don't do well in arid climbs. Yeah, you don't ever hear sand off a duck's back. Yeah, you just did, though, and it sounded wrong, didn't it? It sounded really wrong.

Most disappointing part about Oregon in this game is that Arizona held them to under 100 yards. And when Oregon can't run the ball, you can beat up on Justin Herbert, especially because he's real tall and visible-like. And that's... He can't hide. I see you. Yeah, no, man. How do I find Justin Herbert, man? I just look up.

I can't get my wanted level to go down. Yeah, man, they can see you. Yeah. You know how pissed off a duck would be if you dump sand on it? Like, ducks are mad enough already. That sand in all its crevices. You would die. That duck would kill you.

Fuck you. We're going golfing now, duck. And ducks don't play well angry. This is just backing up my point. It's just frantic sputtering. Yeah. Kind of like Oregon. Yeah.

Oh, man. This is bad. Again, and this whole takeout the trash element, this whole like, oh, that's what you were. Yeah. Yeah, man. This is, that lost to Stanford, looking a little more explicable every single day, you know? Yeah. I mean, it's, like some people, we, we sold this as a potential blood week. Potential. Yeah. We didn't get there. But it was definitely a heave-ho to some suspect clutter week. none more so than USF like good job other than Texas well sure but at least Texas

you sort of understood like okay they have put some results up that are impressive like I get how people sort of got here USF I get why they're ranked yeah sure USF being ranked was simply a matter of like well you have accomplished the assignments

as we as we gave them to you ignoring how and why you did them the way that you did we have to rank you USF was a spreadsheet ranking just if zero must rank yes and then Houston said okay well let's make that a one and let's make it a decisive one a mean Houston brutal destruction one yeah yeah they scored 5736 in Houston was without the best football player in the country who prior to the game joseph d'warte of the houston chronicle posted that ed oliver was going to be held out of the game versus south florida to which in a quote tweet at oliver

pregame said said who i'm playing then then uh ed oliver didn't play and that's why you always the health portal. Got them. When your doctor sends you a text message and says, check the health portal, you check the health portal. What a magnificent. And then responded, he responded to this with

crying, laughing, emojis. You could also take those four words a different way. Like, he was deciding whether or not to play. And then he said, he said to the, you know, the team doctor or a coach, like, who am playing?

They said, USF, he said, oh, okay, they don't need me. Or he accidentally just put the question mark in the, who said I'm playing? Yeah, Houston, by the way, if you have not watched them on offense, do, do. They are currently back to their rightful roost, historical rightful roost in the top five. They are the second most prolific buy points offense in the, Nation, and they snap the ball with like 38 seconds on the clock. Go! Did we have any Sandman-worthy games that we should be paying attention to that we haven't talked about?

The trend held in Notre Dame Navy, the Mids covered the final 24-point spread. I advised you to invest in Oklahoma State. Those of you who did can now afford larger homes. Um, let's see, going through the... Oh, let me actually pull up my damn sheet. It was a horrible week for the under. Uh, wazoo Stanford blue past. Mitsu Old Dominion blue past.

The Iowa game blew past the under. These are the end times. Oh, uh, you, while you look, let's take everybody. TCU and a loss to Kansas also went over. TCU lost to Kansas via a butt fumble. Fart noise. Yeah. Can I, whew, let, just to, just in case you, this is, again, for those who are not following along,

or maybe you want to relive the moment for us, I enjoy that play-by-play now is broken down, play-by-play. You can click on a box score, and it tells you exactly how everything happened. A beautiful thing. For fans of narrative, definitely something. Sometimes it's full of ESPN lies. Sometimes it's full of ESPN lies. Well, yes. You know, you can see. For fans of narrative, it's great.

It's like a little story. You can follow along. Unless you're following an Iowa box score. Because... Because then we just get into some surreal Ruki Murakami story with a disappearing girl. It's magical realism, okay? It's a well-recognized field of literature.

Because Iowa got out to a 14-7 lead. What'd you say? Oh, well... Just like Iowa's trophy case, 100 years of solitude. Wow, loving the time of Cornera. No, this is how they got to 14, because you go, oh, no, there's two TDs. I don't know how Iowa lost this game, by the way, because when Iowa does this, it should be a lock. There's no way they should give up their birthright like this because it went to O Iowa,

got a safety on Penn State, 5-0, Iowa, which, has happened before. Then it went 12-0. Oh, man, they scored a normal touchdown. Nope, no, no. That would be, I believe if you look it up, that would be not Nathan, not their quarterback. It would be Colton Rastetter. Throwing to Sam Brinks. Colton Rastetter is not a quarterback. Sam Brinks is not a wide receiver. It's a big old defensive lineman, actually. and he's receiving a pass from I believe the backup punter on this fake yeah a real floater too just a real lazy lob they did not he did not hold X he tapped X yeah he tapped X was out of his hand fast it was an impressive release time for

a special teams player yeah that's that's how they got to because uh Iowa didn't throw for their standard starting quarterback the conventional thrower did not did not score a A point. That gets them to 12-7, right? Which you go, oh, that's fascinating. Well, wait, you said they got to 14th. That's right. They got another safety, y'all. They got a safety on Penn State. And I think this was automatically set Iowa at a disadvantage. Because remember, there's only one other person in the Big Ten who can really compete in terms of teams. What Weird score? That's James Franklin, which is how they came back to win. Oh, that and Nate Stanley also having, I think, calling back again

trying to shoot a bear with a tiny gun that only made the bear mad Nate Stanley's line is one of the most spectacular achievements I have seen in college football this year

it is not bad it is not good it is merely remarkable he was as an Iowa quarterback 18 for 49 that must do the ball 50 times for I think 18 to 49

oh man he must have thrown for like 27 300 205 yards average 4.2 per completion what was the most game changing pass that he threw I believe that would be an interception and where did the interception take place I believe that interception took place as they were driving in the end zone on on the Penn State three on the Penn State three yeah I was said

yep throw the ball down six with about three minutes to play on oh by the way it was first in goal not third or fourth in goal yeah yeah after after marching like a classic Iowa march down the field

I will kill this legendary bear that was Iowa's most throws in a game since 2014 Jesus sometimes sometimes the bear at you, Kirk Farrants. It's like, I don't care if you're rich or poor. You're on the dinner plate.

All right. Should we kill it there? Hang on, hang on. Just one last thing.