Shutdown Fullcast - Football Disasters LIVE! From Atlanta

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

The Internet's Only College Football Podcast teams up with noted NFL/media criticism podcast Split Zone Duo to review. Topics include:- Stadium Tarp or Giant Blanket?- How to Acquire Vintage Diseases and Maladies- The World's Largest Outdoor Grave Desecration- Best Birthday for a Michigan Mom- The Siren Song of Hot Chocolate - Go Birds - Go Bills - Do Not Go Jags - And then we turned off the recorder for a DARK MATCH- Theme song arranged by Trey McClure- Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing show, We're Not All Like This, and check out his narrative podcast with Steven Godfrey, Who Killed College Football? https://www.wkcfb.com - Check out Jason's free newsletter and other work: https://www.jasonkirk.fyi/ - Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at https://channel-6.ghost.io/ - Purchase only the finest Fullcast gear at sunny https://preownedairboats.com/

Hey, pals. Ryan Nanny here, one of your hosts of the shutdown forecast. This is our Atlanta live show we recently did with the NFL podcast SplitZone Duo. I'm not going to tell you what it is. You know, you're here. You're on this feed. If you're listening to it on the Split Zone feed, man, good luck. I hope you have been thoroughly prepared for it. But if you're here, you're good. You understand what this is all about.

My only note, because this is not a visual medium, I was, in fact, for most of the show, wearing a giraffe costume. Why? I don't have to answer that question, unless you have a warrant. Okay, so without further ado, here's the live show. I will be back in the middle of it to do a little podcast business. Atlanta, Georgia! How are we doing tonight?

We're going to do this one-by-one, one co-host at a time. I'm gonna be up here for like 10 minutes and then I'm gonna leave and there'll be one more and that's not, no, that would be weird enough, but that's not what we're gonna do. Shout out to Monday Night Garage for having us back. We didn't fuck things up too badly last time.

How many of y'all were here last year? Complete opposite question. How many of y'all have never listened to either of these podcasts before? That's way too many hands. All right, all right. So we're going to talk about football. Anyone see that boy, the chiefs, they really cut it close.

What do you think that means for the next round, the ramifications? That's probably the extent of our football talk as far as teams playing games go. If you expect a national title preview, just listen to the latest full cast episode. There's a lot of it in there. Tonight we are going to be talking about football disasters. Kind of a middle ground between the full cast, which talks about disasters and split zone duo, which talks about football.

This might sound redundant. Don't you guys always talk about football? Only when we have to. Let's put it that way. So at full cast live shows, we come out and we tell stories of shit fucking up in really funny ways, right? And we've never done one specifically about football, so it felt very, felt very meta, felt

very full circle. We're going to do it a little bit Royal Rumble style. We're going to mix and match. It's not going to be the full cast out, and then the forecast leaves, and then split zones. We're going to mix and match, all right? And I'm going to start us off with a football disaster of my own. And when we put out the call for these, we specified this is not my team lost a game. Who gives a shit?

Everybody's team has lost a game. I'm a fan of the Atlanta Falcons, so I really don't sympathize with your big sports loss, because if you want to compare notes, I got you, all right? I'm also an alum of Kennesaw State University where my owls at. That's right. All of you who yelled, you are owls. So about a decade ago, KSU did not have a football program. All right.

And we brought in state legend Vince Dooley, God rest his soul, to lead the process of determining whether the school should launch a football program, right? And so at this big event when Coach Dooley is going to make the announcement in the gym, it's, you know, the students, locals, local reporters gathered in the gym for the announcement. Biggest moment in school history to this point, right? I am there. This is like literally one of the first sports journalism things I'd ever done was covering this event. Because it's like, oh shit, my alma mater is going to join D1.

I bet I should do something about that. So here comes a big moment, right? Coach Dooley said, the committee has overwhelmingly voted in favor of launching Kansas State football. It's so close. It's KSU, yeah. He caught himself, he played it off, he turned it into laughs. It was great.

I got some page views out of it, win, win, right? Honestly, it turned out better that way. So that's a little bit of a disaster, but these things often work themselves around because that program went on to knock Liberty out of the fucking playoff this year. And as I was hurrying to the library to post this, because it's like, oh, this is a little bit more urgent than I thought it would be because we have a funny meme happening. There was this, like, journalism startup there doing a job fair.

So I'm like, well, shit, let me stop by. Got a job offer from them, blah, blah, blah. I went to the bosses at SB Nation, said, hey, you should give me a job offering, blah, blah. Next thing you know, I'm full time there. And within a couple of years, we could launch the shutdown full cast. we hired the three guys who formed split zone duo so y'all might be here tonight

if Vince Dooley hadn't done that but I don't know if I would so it worked out for me personally right so yeah it is time we have intro music and we would love to play it for you let's bring out at this time

Oh, shit, sorry. Time to pay some bills. This jacket? Who made this jacket? This event is brought to you by Homefield Apparel. The booth is over here. Pick up your shirts if you haven't. Pick up one shirt.

If you pick up more than one shirt, somebody will have to pay for it. Probably us, I guess. But thank you to Homefield, as always. Look to your left, look to your right. You will see someone in Home Field Apparel. go to their website and buy a copy. So at this time, let me bring out a little bit of help.

Going to be joined by Holly Anderson and Stephen Godfrey. The shutdown forecast Bulldogs Narrative At the end of the day Antioch for birthday spider More of less More or less

Bespoke Your mother Mother mother mother Mother mother Mother mother Mother mother mother That's right Narrative

I'm on the ceiling Brother Ryan Silverfield has been Well the jury's out Bespoke Oh no Disaster What a bad idea

I forgot to get a mic That's never happened. You forgot to talk? I forgot to get a mic. Are you ready? Is that everybody in this first group? No. Are you ready?

You think... Are they ready? Now? Bring out the asset. Send them the asset. Ryan Nanny! What the fuck is up? In case you're wondering, I'm still taller.

No, really, we took a picture. Please refer to Ryan for the rest of the night as the wolf. How are we doing? It's good to see you. It's good to see all of you. There is a segment of this joint audience. that is like, oh no, it's the worst three they could possibly put on stage. I thought we weren't letting the Discord in.

So several weeks ago when we were assigned this group, you said, oh, good, they put the mean table together. This is the mean table. Yeah. It wasn't me who said it this time. We usually do this at any live show. It feels especially important to do this. who here has never been to either a split zone duo or a shutdown fullcast live show. Hi ladies. Yeah. The small percentage of women all raise their hands. Who is here with their spouse and has never seen this?

Sorry. The weakness of the woo is appropriate. Everything is non-refundable. Who here has never listened to either one of these shows? brave, brave soul. Who here thought that you might be getting a split zone show tonight? All right, okay.

I'll see you. When I walked out of a giraffe costume, did you realize that was wrong? I like to think someone here was like, we're going to talk about the Ohio State secondary. And the moment you got out here, they're like, we're at the wrong event. Shit.

There were several people holding us. out hope after the full cast national title preview dropped, they're like, oh, they're saving this for the live show. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big Ten staffers, raise your hands. They won't do it. No. They won't do it. I know you're out there and I'm very proud of you. This was a ridiculous, you know what, this title game is a ridiculous reason for you guys to come just to vet Georgia Tech. Okay, guys. It's okay. I know. It's fine. All right. Let's go ahead and start this. Just something. Holly, do you want to present your football disaster first? Well, since we've got Stephen Godfrey up here as our special switcheroo change-up, I thought I might start with a story about this industry. The media.

When I was a baby reporter working for Yahoo, which, by the way, is why you can't hurt me. I worked for Yahoo. When they took Reggie Bush's Hysman away, I was responsible for writing the news blurb saying that, you know, the number of Heismans in USC's media guide had been reduced from seven to six or whatever,

and that was it. It was maybe a hundred words. A reader sent me a Google Earth screenshot of my house. That's U.S. A USC fan. So back in those days, as in, what was this, what would this been, 08, 09? It was very hard for those of us in independent media to get credentialed for major games. Fortunately, that has changed today, right?

I don't ask for credentials. I don't know. Did you check with the giraffe? But Tennessee football, which got Wi-Fi in its press box in, like, 2015, was not letting blogs in when I first started doing this job. But I thought I had a way. My father, who will probably be FaceTiming me at some point, if you've ever been to one of these shows before, he has a way of calling during, was playing golf with a member of Tennessee basketball staff at the time. He was, like, part of their regular rotation, and I went to a game with him, and he took me down to introduce him and said, you know, would you like to go to the locker room? I said, you know, well, sure.

And we're walking through the tunnel, and who do I see, but legendary dinosaur, Tennessee Sports Information Director, the gatekeeper, to all of the coverage I wanted to do, Bud Ford. I don't know if he's still alive. I'm going to say that right now, because if he comes after me on the Internet, please don't. know that I didn't know he was still alive. I'm Googling. He was old when this happened. So I bounced right up to him, and I introduced myself, and I said, you know, hi, I'm working for Yahoo.

I would love to do a story, this, that, and the other. And can I, can I touch you? Me? Because I want to show them what Bud Ford did to me. No, face me. Okay. You know, we're shaking hands on what we're talking. He cups my face.

Okay. I'm 25 years old. he cups my face like I'm some sort of animal or china doll he's imprinting on you he pats me he pats me on that face and said to call him when I got a real job this is not the end of the story fast forward two years

I'm at Sports Fucking Illustrated this is not a triumph this is not a triumph please clap And I'm at SEC Media Days, and I'm sitting on Radio Row, which is a bunch of tables like this in a hotel room hallway with the traffic behind you, right? There's a row of tables facing the wall this way and row of tables face in the wall that way. People just walking through, and the radio guys are on this side. You know, you do one interview, you do one interview. And I'm on with Josh and Will from Knoxville, and we're just, you know, talking through coming season, whatever.

and I stand up, and one of them says, oh, there's Paul Feinbaum. And I turn, and I'm wearing heels, because I'm a goddamn professional. One of my heels hooks in a cable that is under the table, and I tumbled directly backwards into passing Bud Ford who catches me by the ass. I still didn't get credentialed that season, the end. Eyes emoji, eyes emoji, eyes emoji. What does that mean? Hold on.

I'm not Richard and Alex, you can't interrupt me. I'm glad to see the Discord's here tonight. Godfrey, would you like to give me proxy power to interrupt Ryan? Oh, absolutely. Okay. Um, most of these submissions come from you, our lovely audience. Some of you are here tonight, some are not. But Stephen Godfrey, intrepid reporter, decided to go to sources for one of his football disasters.

The RN reporter next to my name is getting smaller by the year. Okay. You talked to Brett McMurphy? That's a really old joke. Thank you. All right, let me pivot. Um, all right. Yesterday-ish, I asked a couple friendly coaches who may or may, believe it or not,

college football coaches actually listen to both of these programs, which if you're ever worried, you're like, you know what, we're paying our coaches, you are, you're paying your coaches too much, because they are familiar with and engaging with these programs. This is from an FCS assistant. This was my favorite, and I abbreviated this for the story. It was the 2020 pandemic season, and our athletic director thought it was safer for us to bus to our opponent for 16 hours instead of fly. For those of you who have any familiarity with FCS football,

safer means cheaper. 30 minutes after we left campus, the air conditioning broke in the bus containing our linemen. Every time the thermostat and the bus increased by one degree, our head coach sent a photo to the AD with the word fuck. We're not done. Because it was the height of a pandemic, the buses had to arrive at the visiting stadium.

I'm sure all of you have fond memories of this, immediately for COVID swab testing. When the buses pulled up, our offensive line exited to greet the nurses with no clothing on, glistening in sweat. We won the game. All right, I have a submission from shirtless Bert appropriately. I feel like we don't have to ask if you're here because you would see you.

Does anyone want to call? Is it? Bert, are you here? I think there are like five people who are like, that could be me. I don't know. How can you wear home field of your shirtless? I like that one of those plus ones out there is like, oh, God, I hope it's not him. I hope it's not him.

This is the night some lucky lady. I see that Texas couple right there. Ma'am, look, I don't know if he did it or not. I've seen you shaking your head since, yeah, I'm sorry. Shortless Burt says, tailgating outside Notre Dame Stadium. Are there Notre Dame fans here? Okay, cool. I didn't know y'all did tailgating.

Good, the awesism. This next part will read correctly. Tailgating outside Notre Dame Stadium, a police horse. Wait, police horse tailgating? I changed my mind about you. A police horse took a shit nearby our spot. It didn't smell great. After a couple of hours,

some inebriated soul got fed up and tried to do something about it. They got a trash bag. Now listen, Notre Dame is this shining city college on a hill only the finest minds only those with the best ideas can go there so what did this fine fighting Irish

fan do? He set the poop on fire you're not better than us but he did it in a really like humble and stately way didn't get too excited like the Protestants would there were no guitars

playing because that's sacrilegious I want to do another historical one right now that also involves Notre Dame. Is John from Mobile here? This is another one that could be simple people. Fair enough. I get the feeling that everyone who is like, check the box,

I'll be in attendance, is suddenly rethinking, raising your hand. There was one, my favorite one on this list, by the way, is the person who did not give your name but said you would be here. Like, it's like, they wrote like, prefer not to disclose my name. I'll be there. John from Mobile.

was a freshman in the front row for the Clemson Notre Dame hurricane game spent 12 plus hours in a downpour. Feet hurt the next day, so I went to the campus clinic. Diagnosed with trench foot. Trench foot back. Clemson Notre Dame set football back to Gallipoli.

I think that legally makes him a troop. Oh, yeah. I thought we cured that one just by like, I don't know, the war's over. For some of us, the war has never ended. We invented tanks. That's why they added another one. If I say the words Georgia Tech Robert, does that narrow it down? Are you here?

We're at. I see you. Look at that brave soul. Hey, buddy. Our first to admit being here. Wait, we have more than one of those, because I know a different... There are multiple Georgia Tech Roberts. I know that first.

a fact, but I'm giving this one. Oh, oh, we have a dispute. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Kiss, kiss, kiss. It's possible both of you submitted this via some sort of Georgia Tech computer hive mind. A drunk Florida State fan, but you repeat yourself.

Sometimes they're asleep. Ryan, how many games did they win this year? It wasn't three. It was two. It was two games. That's two less than the year Notre Dame went four and eight. How many FSU fans are here?

Thank you for sticking with us. We will not take any mercy on you. No, wait, wait. To be clear, if you're a Florida State fan, if you're a Florida State fan and you listen to the shutdown forecast, it's because you know they're probably not going to talk about football that much. You are not.

brave. Baby, we are your safe space, to be clear. Oh, thank God. You're talking about the falconer dick. Oh. There's no other sports podcast that's as ardently pro-smoking as we are, so they feel at home. I was going to make a cigarette joke.

I haven't listened to every Ohio State podcast, so I don't know if that's true. No, that's a Zen podcast. That's different. Chrisings and Courtney. Sorry, go ahead. Drunk Florida State fan. So a number of Georgia Tech Roberts pooled their mental collective

and they issued this story of a drunk Florida State fan jumping on the field and blindsiding Georgia Tech mascot Buzz did not know that Buzz was a former high school wrestler Buzz got hands this drunk

knoll ended up with a broken nose and severe ass kicking before being arrested He's now the governor. This was during the makeup for the game canceled after 9-11. That might be DeSantis. Did the entire state of Florida lose in the 9-11 makeup games? Because you know what the year that was for y'all.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. You don't want to talk about losing to Casey Closson at home? I don't want to talk about it. So, all right. Godfrey. I'm up. You just, you look like an asshole.

If you say 9-11 is why Florida lost Tennessee. Okay? You look like an asshole. And yet in Tennessee, it works out great because if you say we love 9-11, you're perfectly normal. I would just say Florida was compromised to a permanent end.

Why am I always having to go? I lost Casey Klossom, too. Honest to God. You're a Michigan one. Oh, and why do I have the Michigan ones, asshole? When we called these submissions, I wasn't the first person to look at them, so someone gave me all the Michigan questions.

Are there Michigan fans out here today? Probably answer your emails, and that won't be an issue. I'm so glad you left the library, you fucking dorks. All right. He's sorry. He doesn't know where the library is. Six years

1.96. Wait, which time? Y'all know he got kicked out twice, right? This is not a joke. No, it's not a joke. Okay, you gave me multiple Michigan's. Okay. All right.

Please understand that I did not pick this, that he did. This is basically like me playing free. It says Godfrey next to this. It's your name. Honestly, it's embarrassing. Shut down forecast. We work.

hard, we rehearse, we do so much prep work for these costumes? And then these lazy ass, do nothing split zone duo assholes show up, just like, I don't know, what are we going to do? It's fucking gen X reporters. I feel like I'm getting lectured by fucking a chucky cheese extra. Tell us about radio head, dad. I'm toys RSD. The mainest part is that you picked the wrong are you done wait is it not radio I drove 800 miles to take this is already at the most Michigan story I drove 800 miles to take my father to his father's fathers and sons sorry

even when I don't want to do old miss it comes out I drove 800 miles to take my father to his first Michigan game it was on mom's birthday but left her home alone it was the trouble with the What, wait, I'm just, I'm just going to go ahead and... Best birthday prison ever for mom. I'm just going to go ahead and do the second one since you gave it to me. Yes. Anyone know what happened on September 1st, 2007? Look, I didn't do this, okay?

It was like, y'all yelled Freebird, and I was like, fuck, here's a solo. Okay. on September 1st, 2007, my season tickets were stolen because I'm an idiot. So my broke undergrad ass had to scalp a second ticket to the App State game. Is that, are we here? Oh, no, we got an app hat. All right, okay.

We got an app hat. No, this is an app pit combo. This is elite. Yes. All right, I got one. Let's go to Philly. Is that Alex's dad? Yeah!

He's right? Yes, sir, absolutely. So, I hadn't claimed this one, but I'm going to combo it, all right? This is from Brian. I watched the Trouble with the Snap Play unfold at a wedding reception in Ann Arbor for two Michigan alums who, marriage lasted less than 18 months. I mean, sometimes you just call it.

Like, yeah, all right, that'll do it. Sorry, was that a go green? That was a go green. That was a go green. That sounded as exactly, like, criminal work releases it needed to. Good job. Have I ever told you guys where I was during that game?

No. I was at a, I was at some, like, massive sports bar in San Francisco waiting to cross the river for the second half of the Tennessee cow home and home and it was like a disaster movie because this was like it was like a McCormick and Schmix or something and so there's TV screens all around like the bar is this big and there's TV screens all around the room and it was like a Roland Emmerc movie because one by one every channel started changing to the Michigan game you know as things were winding down like oh this is getting real and like a hush fall it was so cinematic a hush falls over the room

and nobody says a word as that last kit goes and there's two guys at the very far corner of the room this is for you because I made fun of you and they stand up and they turn around and I see they've got Spartan caps on and with the biggest grins I've ever seen they just turn in perfect silence and walk out of the bar

and as they pass in front of me I can hear one of them's going and do do do do do and really isn't that what this is all about Do you want one or do you want me to do the one you want me to do the one you picked for me? Yes, I do. See if you can guess why I picked Ryan. All right, this is from J.P. J.P. says, this is not mine, but it's my dad's.

While working the chains for my youth football game, a fellow dad on the crew abruptly said, ooh, hot chocolate. Left, it never returned. I have built so much lore in my head around this time. There is a certain Bruce Spring scene romanticism to Dad went out for cigarettes and he never came back. That is somewhat lacking with, ooh, hot chocolate. That's the Christian rock version. And the line been moving and the spot on the chain and the empty chain on the field.

My theory is that this dad, we later saw and didn't realize it. It's Minnesota Dilley Bar, Coach. I just picture the Homer Simpson finger wiggle. Oh. Oh, hot chocolate. Let's keep this in the Big Ten. This is Justin. Took my West Coast raised non-football loving girlfriend, now wife, home to Columbus.

For the first time. to show off our culture. She got what she came for. You can use any verb, and you chose show off. Look, those ankle bracelets from the court are, like, really fancy. I mean, like, it's actually pretty impressive technology. Five minutes into a, wait, this says this was a night game.

This has to be a fake story. They don't play at night. Ohio State doesn't play at night. This has never happened. Five minutes. into a night game against Nebraska, the man to her right vomited all over the man seated just

below. No one flinched. Yes, but what was the man seated below wearing? Is what this story is missing. Giraffe costume. This is me calling the Ohio State man in the front of a slut, just to be clear.

Wow. Okay, so obviously shutdown podcast is the internet's only college football podcast, but Split's Zone Duo is an NFL podcast, canonically. So we do have some media criticism outlet. Why do I agree to come out? Like, why do I go?

I honestly don't know. This was Alex's idea. I see you almost every day. I don't know. We made a podcast together. This is from Dave. At a family Christmas party, I convinced my uncle.

What a beautiful phrase. Getting sexy. Like, degree of difficulty low, important part of this plot. I convinced my uncle to jump through a table to prove he's a true Bills fan. God, oh God. I want to add a note from the spreadsheet as the person who read all 800 responses. You might wonder, like, how rowdy was my college? Sorry if I'm interrupting it.

No, please, go ahead. Just adding some analytics here. Like, I bet we had the most stories. There really wasn't a school that jumped out as, like, disproportionate. But, I will say, the two teams that far and fucking away were represented in the spreadsheet were the Bills and Ryan Nanny's Philadelphia Eagles. Go birds! Guy in Flyers jersey is celebrating.

The Super Bowl that would destroy America. Would. All right. to bring you back to easily convinced Bill's uncle. He attempted this on his own dining room table.

There is an untold half of this story, I'm sure, and it definitely involves the hospital. I could see the pockets of Bill's fans. And when you got to the hotclone, they were just like, eh. Sure. Can I jump in? Shit, we did that a history.

There's another silly story. Go for it. Can I tell the other Philly one? Sure. Let's do one more round through y'all. Okay. All right. All right.

Oh, well, then I want to tell the other one. Okay, never mind. If you want to squeeze into, do it. I got physics questions about this one is the thing, so it might take a minute. Name given was just go birds. Was told by my high school girlfriend's dad, here's the part where I have a question, to pee in a bottle in order to stay warm. So you can hold it

So you can hold it You yeah you you You pee in the bottle The bottle acts as a hot water bottle That you made The greenest hot water bottle I did it because Oh for an Eagles playoff game

Right yep I did it because I was so excited That I got invited And I didn't want him to think less of me They lost On the scale of urine at an Eagles game That's pretty good. It's in a container.

Yeah. The container stayed with you? And then when it gets cold, you throw it, right? Godfrey, you go. Jason, do I have permission to do a slightly long one? Yeah, go nuts. All right, I got one more that was assigned to me. There are several Joshes here, but this Josh was, by his own admission,

a 5'7 nerdy kid in my first week of high school. I was the center on our freshman football team. In my first game, we didn't check these for accuracy. In my first game, the opposing nose tackle in his only game for his freshman team was Vita V.A. According to Pro Football Reference.com, 6'4, 347-pound defensive tackle. How is this person alive, let alone listening to the fucking show? This was a very common genre of response, by the way, was like, I was a middle school football player and I got trucked by this future first rounder. Like, this happened a lot.

Another analytics, quick fact, literally dozens of submissions from people named Matt. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's great. All right. Can I speed run like two more? I promise they're worth it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. This one, you know, we always say the best submissions are the shortest. And this is maybe the best example of a disaster submission in format that we've ever seen. So I thought we could all learn from it. Anonymous. Varsity head coach was wearing a Spider-Man shooting sleeve. They lost by 30. Simple, elegant to the point.

Every time I've gone through this sheet, that one has gotten me. That is a very, like, for sale baby shoes never worn. Got a sports story. Spider-Bitch is worse. Spider-Bedged sleeve, warded off. All right, I can do one more because Chavon is here. All right. Shavon, I played football for one season in high school as a kicker.

In that season, I, one, made an all-state team. Two, started dating the captain's ex-girlfriend, nearly causing a fight. Three, caught two passes on two-point attempts and got crushed short of the goal line both times. And four, threw up around the 20-yard line of what is now Highmark Stadium. I'm a woman now. Fuck yes. Belisima. To close our portion of the show,

I reached out to our mutual friend, John Boyce. A long time ago, John and I were working on a podcast together that never came to fruition. Who's to say why? It definitely doesn't involve a major media company. But there is a story here. Are they a major media company? They say they are.

There is, this is a story from the NFL that takes place on September 30th, 1984. I'm going to try to keep this short, but it's John Boyes. If I stay under 45 minutes, I've done a fucking awesome job. The Los Angeles Rams are hosting the New York Giants. The weather is around 70 degrees and mostly sunny, and there is a light 10-mile-per-hour wind. It's a great day for a normal football game. The Rams receive the opening kick, and their kick returner, A.J. Jones, loses the ball in the sun. It just happens sometimes.

He watches the ball bounce into the end zone. But he doesn't pick it up, and he doesn't take a knee. He just jogs away. This is still a live ball, so Giants player Phil McConkey recovers it, and the Giants take a 6-0 lead. It's not a 7-0 lead, though, because their kicker, Ali-Hy, Haji Sheik, who at this point in the season was so bad that they were calling him Ali Haji Shank, and he was leaning into that, misses the extra point. This is one of three kicks, a 44-yard field goal and another extra point, that he will wind

up missing in this game. This is when extra points were the easiest fucking thing in the world. We're not going to focus on that, go, because that's not the weirdest thing involving the goalpost in this game. In the second quarter, on its own, nobody ran into it. nobody kicked a ball into it. Nobody did anything at all. The goalpost falls over

all the way to the ground. And this is where I should mention that we are not playing this game in a football stadium. We are in Anaheim Stadium, home of the Angels. Are there any in Los Angeles Angeles of Anaheim fans here today? No way. We got one.

Okay. Any just fans of bank fraud? So, that's... might be why this happened. This was being used by the Angels for baseball seasons. The goalposts had to regularly be taken in and taken out and put back in. We're going to come back to the Angels at the very end of this story. So despite that incredibly gift touchdown to start the game, the Giants go into the half down 17-6. Because they kicked off to start the game, they get the ball to start the third quarter. They quickly end up back to their own one-yard

line where they get a punt blocked out of the back of the end zone. That's a safety. It's 19. It's a bummer, right? But they kick the ball back to the Rams. They play good defense. The Giants end up getting a punt back, possession at their own eight. And you can guess what's going to happen now, right? Phil Sims drifts back into the end zone. He gets pushed out by two Rams defenders, and we have another safety, 216.

Now, the Rams have the decency to score a couple of times to break this safety streak, but we are not done. Near the end of the third quarter, the Giants return a kickoff, and a holding penalty puts them at their own 10. Three plays later, they are at fourth down on their own five-yard line. A ram special teamer, Norwood Van, blocks this punt, and the ball is recovered in the end zone by the Giants, which means we have three safeties in one quarter of football action. This is still an NFL record. Yes, it's a record for safeties in a quarter.

It's also the record for safeties in an entire game, and it all happened in 15 fucking minutes. Now, you're probably wondering, why do John and I care so much about this not that important regular season game between two good but not amazing teams? The reason is this. This takes place in the era of the NFL blackout,

where if you don't sell out tickets to your game, the only people who get to see it are the ones who are physically there. So the only people who saw this game where the opening kickoff was just, nah, not interested, there were three safeties in one quarter, and a goalpost fell over with the people who bought tickets. I said I would come back to the Angels, and now I will. Obviously, they're not playing in Anaheim on this day, but they were active. They were actually playing their last game of the 1984 season in Texas against the Rangers. John and I aren't sure if these things line up exactly, but these games started at around

the time where this would all line up. All this bullshit is happening with the Rams, not on television, only if you're there in person. At the same time, Angels pitcher Mike Witt throws the only perfect game in Angel's history. And that game also wasn't on TV. The end. Okay, as promised, aforementioned podcast business, first and foremost, big thanks to our sponsor of the podcast on a regular basis

and of that live show, Homefieldapparel.com, CEO and co-founder, Connor, was so, so kind to get up and participate in our shenanigans. He is too much of a real businessman to associate with us, but he doesn't know better. Perhaps, who's to say? Homefield apparel, you know, you might be wondering, okay, well, what's so special about home field apparel?

Can't I just go to insert disappointing clothing brand here and get college apparel? Well, let me tell you this. If you go to homefieldapparel.com and you just search SUR, S-U-R-F, you will come up with a pelican, a penguin, an anteater, an elephant, and a bear. All surfing. Are these all schools next to the ocean or known for surfing? Nope, not important. Homefield apparel believes that all animals can surf if given the opportunity and the belief. That's, that's just not something all companies will say. Some companies haven't even thought about whether animals can and should serve. Homefield apparel has, because they understand that when the war between,

between humans and animals comes to pass, it's nice if we can say, hey, we were on your side the whole time. Hey, we thought you should have fun leisure activities. We did not gatekeep surfing as a human-only activity or a humans-and-dogs-only activity. We said, yeah, get that penguin out there on the surfboard. This is to say nothing of the two-lane stuff that they have that just has the green wave on it. The pelican is two-lane as well. You can use Offer Code full cast for 20% off any surfing-related paraphernalia at Homefield apparel or anything else. Just, you know, I am fairly confident there's nothing on here on this website that says no surfing for animals. It might not all explicitly be about surfing animals, but you're not going to find something that's negative on that concept.

Thank you to Homefield for your sponsorship of this live show and for your open-mindedness with what. animals should and should not do at the beach. That brings us to this week's version of, more or less, the game show we do, presented by prize picks. Because it's just me, we're going to play the home version. You, gentle listener, you are the contestant this week, and you will be grading your own paper. Honor system here, I believe in you.

The Super Bowl is coming up. Go birds. I hope Philadelphia wins by 78 points. Today we're going to be talking about pairs of players and asking which of them has scored more career touchdowns in the Super Bowl. Now, there's one rule I want to establish here, and it's going to come into play for definitely one of these pairs, but I want you to understand it. For our purposes, because this is how pro football reference counts them, and I'm pretty sure it's how the NFL counts them too. scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl means you physically ran the ball in. Could have been a catch, could have been a run, could have been a kick return,

could have been an interception or a fumble. Throwing a touchdown for these purposes, not what we're looking for. It does not count. Zero. Okay? Everybody clear? Great. Here we go.

Who has scored more career touchdowns in the Super Bowl? Marshawn Lynch or Jeremy Shockey? Former Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch or tight end slash rapper Jeremy Shockey I'm going to give you three seconds three, two The answer is Marshawn Lynch with two touchdowns Jeremy Shockey, one

Okay, moving on Let's go straight to my favorite division and yours, the NFC East Who scored more career touchdowns in the Super Bowl? Irvin, or Jalen Hertz? Dallas wide receiver Michael Irvin, part of a great dynasty of Cowboy Super Bowl runs that exists only on VHS, and maybe Laserdisc, or Jalen Hertz, again, three seconds, three, two, the answer is Jalen Hertz. Obviously, it's Jalen Hertz. I wasn't going to put this on here and make Jalen Hertz look bad. Jalen Hertz, three career touchdowns in his sole Super Bowl appearance

to date. Michael Irvin, two. Okay. Here comes the quarterback battle. I'm not going to repeat the rules because I'm sure you were listening and you understand them. And also, it doesn't matter if you didn't. There's no penalty for being wrong. Who has scored more career touchdowns in their cumulative Super Bowl appearances? Joe Montana or John Elway? Three, two. Answer is John Elway. Four touchdowns, the helicopter one probably, one of the most famous, I would say, Super Bowl touchdowns. Joe Montana, two, two touchdowns in the Super Bowl. Okay, next up, we're going to do another division rivalry this time in the AFC.

Who has more career super bowl touchdowns? Rob Grancowski or Thurman Thomas? That's right. Add pitchman confused about what Stolen Valor is. Rob Grankowski or Ledger. legendary running back on some Bill's teams that definitely got to the Super Bowl a lot. I'm not going to say more about that. Thermon Thomas.

Three, two. Thermatomas has four Super Bowl touchdowns, but Rob Grancowski. Five, five Super Bowl touchdowns. Okay. Let's do a Mike showdown, all right? Mike Rable or Mike Ditka? coaches with strong jaws who look like they would punch you in a solar plexus

if you looked at them wrong Mike Vrable or Mike Ditka three two Mike Frable has two Super Bowl touchdowns which exceeds Mike Ditka's one and our last pairing for who has scored more career touchdowns in the Super Bowl

Wes Welker or Derek Brooks You might be thinking You mean the linebacker from those Tampa? Yes, I do. I mean one of the greatest linebackers of all time I know he went to Florida State Who won two games last year But I'm gonna, I'm putting him on here anyway

Wes Walker or Derek Brooks Three Two I am the Sawpuppet West Welker zero career Super Bowl touchdowns. Derek Brooks won career Super Bowl touchdown. He is, in fact, the Superior Super Bowl participant just by this number. And you can't, these numbers don't lie. That brings us, of course, to Prize Picks. What is Price Picks? Well, it's the best place to get Real Money Sports action with over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings. Price Pix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You know this. You pick more.

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Do you think Patrick Mahomes can throw at least one yard? The Eagles defense is very good, but do you think he can get one yard? If he can't, it's going to hurt his case to be the goat. I'm just going to say that. If Patrick Mahomes finishes his game with zero or negative passing yards, hard times for him. Price vix is the best way to get action on sports in more than 30 states, including California, Texas, Georgia, and Florida. Join over 10 million members and sign up today. You get $50 instantly

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That's right. Offer code full-cast, $50 instantly after you play your first $5. lineup. Prize picks, run your game. Okay, everybody, back to the live show. Love you. Joining us now, Alex Kershner, Richard Johnson, and Spencer Hall. Split Zone Duo, the shutdown forecast. Go! At the end of the day, Antioch for birthday...

I've got youth on my side. blessed bespoke. Your mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, playing the role of Steve Harvey tonight, none other than Homefield Conner. Split zone duo, shut down, forecast, bull dogs, narrative. At the end of the day, Antioch, the birthday spider. Wait, wait, wait, wait, this isn't right, this isn't right. We, hang on, hang on, hang.

We got three on three of that. Family feud is five on five. Do we have, by chance, Amanda Mull and Joel Anderson in the house? No way. Where they at? No way. Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. The Joel Anderson? I have drafted the two of you to the shutdown full cast. Oh, shit. You'll give it up for my cousin? Hell yeah. We got actual media members. Fuck.

Surely this won't damage. their career. How are y'all? Give it up again. Hi. How are you? Amanda Mullen and I live maybe five minutes away from each other in Brooklyn. We frequent the same restaurants and yet we have to travel 2,000 miles to be in the same room.

So that's nice. It's nice to see you too. Jason, I feel like this is a bit fucked up that you would take the Bloomberg exit Atlantic writer and, like, the best non-sports podcast or sports podcasters. Why are you denying me a chance to play on my team with my cousin? It feels... Listen, we had to have all the Andersons together. We had to have four SEC East and Spencer, what conference is TCU in?

Cleveland. That's right. Texas Cleveland University. Wait, wait, wait, five on three. That's fucked up. Matt Brown. Jessica Slickettano. Oh, shit.

Wow. Where is that's just, yes, that's just, can a Buckeye and a fighting Irish person? There she is. We're playing away. Cooperate. Whoever booed, show yourself. You are on SCD.

Welcome to Split Zone Duo. A classic Chicago versus New York matchup. Do we have enough chairs? No. No, we don't. We don't have enough chairs. And now we will attempt to remember the rules of family feud. Connor, would you like to take it away with our first question?

It's like the full-cape behavior. All year, the South tried to suppress Indiana's voice, and here we are. Connor, were you turned around again so they can get a good look at that jacket? Yeah, Connor, could you? Yeah, there we go. Please note, please note it says Indiana Hoosiers National Champs.

We're in a post-truth society, people. So listen. Sometimes misinformation is awesome. Correct. Adjusted for history, this is accurate, okay? So Connor is your host. Connor's going to be the judge. I'm going to be the jury, all right?

Yes. I have the answers here. You know how there's a jury on Family Feud that decides which family goes to jail and which one does it. And then Ryan's the executioner because he brought the giraffe costume. So let's do it like this. Let's go, both of you go right to left. So this first one, the first answer will be Godfrey versus Amanda, all right? And then you'll work your way down.

Connor will call out the question. And then first one to just make a noise gets to answer, all right? Because we don't have buzzers. I bought buzzers, but they need to. batteries, fuck that. And, like, you know, Connor, if you can't tell crowd, decide who won, okay? Yeah. All right, and for this one,

the first one to ARP. ARP? Is buzzing in. ARP, yes, correct. That is anti-Georgia slander, sir, okay? I know. Amanda, we don't call it ARP. What do we call it in our native state? It's more of a...

Ooh! There we go. There we go. I'm gonna lose this one. If we're doing finesse, it's like, A-O-W-W-W-W-P. Arp. I can't spell it. I can only feel it. Oh.

Yeah, that's a Georgia grad. Hell yeah. It only took me five years to get out. Godfrey, how long did it take you? Well, I couldn't get into Georgia, so it took me six and a half. Okay. Well, I will do my best here as appointed Steve Harvey from Jason. Starting with the softball, which state has the best barbecue? Has the best barbecue?

Yes, barbecue. And this, mind you, this is according to a survey of our listeners. We asked 100 people who listen to these people. I trust that you guys asked 100 people. Uh-huh. Texas. Bing! Survey, sir.

Texas was the number one result in our survey of a lot of people. So now, family feud rules. Now we work down. Richard, if you name one of the top five results, then your team will continue. We've modified the rules. If you are unable to name one of the top five results, control of the board. We'll go to the full cat. Oh, one of these answers better be sexual.

said the man in the draft suit. I'm going to go North Carolina. North Carolina, ping. All right. Charlotte is probably the most unsexy city in the United States of America, so apologies for that. All right. Jess, can you keep it going?

Can you name one of the top five barbecue states, according to a survey of full cast listeners? Well, Kansas City's in Missouri. Missouri, bing! Three for three. Alex, can you keep it going? Sacralina? What was that?

South Carolina. No. You heard the bad? No, no, no, no, no. What did you say the first time? I don't know what you heard. This is the second time in less than 24 hours. It sounded like you were saying soccerlina.

Is that what you think that's spelled? As if the state had somehow combined with gasoline. I don't know what you thought you heard. Totally gasoline. Alex, that word is pronounced sacralina. I think it's close to me. No, no. Bro, I literally live in one of those days, man.

Some of you have never eaten. It's correct. Wow. It's not correct. Wow. That's got to be. All right. I just wanted to do it.

Like, y'all were on fire. I had to put my thumb on the scale a little bit. Not because of full cast bias, but, you know, just like we were. really building a sense of drama here. So, um, uh, Fulcast you have, uh, you have a chance to steal two of these top five responses. I'm fucking up the rules, but that's fine. That's fine. Tennessee. Tennessee! Please note, uh, one-third of Tennessee's votes

specified Memphis. Oh, it's not the rest of the state, yes. And finally, the fifth on the, the fifth, fifth point available. South Carolina Brooklyn You're not allowed to collaborate Oh we're not? You're not allowed to collaborate Spencer just has the answer

Our audience Okay Demographically, I feel like it's got to be Georgia, although it's a lie. Wait, is it Alabama? Alabama. Back to SED. Matt Brown, barbecue expert from a different culture. I'm struggling here.

I'm just going to say Alex was really close. Which one did you say? Zacharyland. I took it away. You're not allowed to collaborate. I'm trying to mentally go through everybody else in the original SEC right now because God knows it can't be... You can say the Confederacy, it's okay.

Yeah. It's fine. Just pronounced South Carolina. Is it Mississippi? No. Jason. Hey, Jason. Is it South Carolina?

South Carolina! This game is a Travis Chamalcary. It's a sham. And I'm already upset. I also want to note virtually everyone who submitted either one of the Carolinas got really cute with it. And, like, no, actually, this county has better barbecue. No, y'all need to work together. Texas didn't do that shit.

Texas didn't say, oh, West Texas, not East Texas. No, Texas said Texas. So North Carolina, y'all got to come together. Y'all got to figure out your various discords and disagreements. Just say you have the best shit and then figure it out amongst yourselves, all right? Little advice. Connor. All righty.

I was very excited just by that happening just now because one of my good friends growing up was the guy who said Achilles instead of Achilles. Do you remember that? So now I know a guy who doesn't know how to pronounce South Carolina as well. And I am adding to my rolodex of people who have goofed pretty bad in a game show. in front of a lot of people. I just want to point out, we did a whole segment

on South Carolina on this week's split zone and Alex wrote the segment. He didn't speak it, though. I didn't speak it. From Bill Connolly. Question two. You've heard of him.

The numbers, man? Not familiar. Mama read numbers to me. All right, so this one, where did we leave it off? Is it Godfrey and Amanda again? Well, I've yet to read the question. But I'm just saying,

this is who is buzzing in. Yes, it would be Godfrey. for in a minute. Buzzing in for control of the board. Okay. From Bill C, which coach is most likely to lose a national title game by settling for an 18-yard field goal? Are Kirk Farrants?

Kirk Farrantz is on the board, but not the number one result. The full cast has a chance to steal. Wow. Yeah. James Franklin. James Franklin. That's the daughter of a message board poster right there. Holly. Second coach?

Three more of the top five coaches likely to lose the national title by settling for a field goal. Give me Mario Crystal Ball. He doesn't know what a field goal is. Imagine Miami making the national championship game. That's in the playoffs. There's no way Mario knows what a kicker is. Spencer. Losing by a field goal.

And I believe we're on the board. Settling for a field goal. Shit. No, no, no, no, no. It's already been said. No, they wouldn't be in the championship game, motherfucker. Right, Shiano. I'm going to go ahead and say, you know what, I'm going to go curveball here, Kirby Smart.

Just missed the cut. It's a running theme with Georgia this season. SED, you have a chance to swipe the final two points available here. Bit of a deep cut. This is not a collaborative effort, sir. This is about playoffs. Bit of a deep cut, but show me William Larry Muschamp. Wow.

Come on. I don't see him on my board here. But spiritually. I think you're right. I think maybe the problem was full cast subscribers forgot about him or something. Yeah, yeah, that could be. I too blacked out the must jam there at Florida. So, yeah.

Fulcast, you have a chance to swipe more points. Joel. Yeah, I'm going to do it. All right. I'm going to do a little black on black crime here. Sharon Moore. Ooh. Y'all made these answers, not us.

Okay. Okay. You are close in a way. I am shocked. didn't say Sonny. I am shocked you didn't say Sunny. Jess, there's one here that I think you'd like. Pat Narduzzi. Pat Narduzzi! Alex, can you finish him off?

Alex, can you finish off Pat Narduzzi? I didn't say him. This is collaborative. So, so far, James Franklin, Kirk, France, Pat and Arduzzi, and Mario Christopher. Billy Napier. But good choice. Ryan. When was this survey taken? Like a week ago.

Oh, that's not the problem, though. No, I'm going to go with my heart. I'm going to say Ryan Day. So close. So close. He was number six, number six. Okay, okay. He said Ryan Day, Ryan Day. Yeah.

I'm trying to think between the people that would do this, but never, ever make the playoff versus. Pat and Arducey was on the pours. This is, you said James Franklin right off the top. This is fair. Show me Bert. Brett Bilema. Unfortunately, no.

Brett Bilemma does. doesn't settle for field goals, he embraces the field goal. All right, one more try, I'm going to give hints. All right, it's back to Amanda. Oh, I... Oh, I... Huh? Brian Kelly?

Brian Kelly. Everyone hates that man. Electric. Great work, everyone. Brian Kelly, who is not here this weekend. Next question. And he's definitely happy that Notre Dame is here. Question number three, from one, Jane Koston.

Which coach is most? likely to have a late-game meltdown over a clock issue. This one, come on. It's not fair. This is not even fair. Holly versus Richard, who's buzzing in? What? Holly versus Richard, who's buzzing in first? Me. Oh, that was on me. Oh, okay. Am I getting it? Holly buzzed in. All right, Holly buzzed in. Holly buzzed in. Mario, come on back down. Can you keep it going? Play the hits.

James Franklin. I can hear this audience and you are a broken. I can hear this audience and you are a broken people. I'm torn but Lincoln Riley What was that Lincoln Riley? Lincoln Riley Lincoln Riley that's a great choice

unfortunately no not in the top five not in the top five SDD how many points can you steal Richard? How about dabbo dabbo just missed the cut just missed the cut you're coming so close here

unlike Clemson Brian Lane Kiffin So close We're just missing it every time I got to go back to Narduzi So Narduzi was very popular for the previous one But didn't feature for this one

I will say all of these names have been said in the previous round Back to Amanda I mean, people hate it. So, yeah, Brian Kelly. Is it Brian Kelly? Brian Kelly! I like that the answer to all these with Brian Kelly is, who do you not like?

No, the key of this is, the key of this is that we have to combine what we know with the emotional truth that we all share. He's the former, is it Division 2, Grand Valley State? Central Michigan, I believe. It's Cincinnati. Two more points available. Can you round out?

How many more do we have? We've had Visibald, Franklin, and Kelly. Two more. Holly, your turn. Bush Jones. Wow. Take that, Arkansas State. Did not feature in the top five.

Who's up? Alex, you're up? Yeah. Late game meltdown, clock management. already said I mean, Hugh Freeze. Hugh Freeze.

Hugh freeze. Hugh freeze. Let's text him right now. And one more. One more, Matt's up. Matt, this would hit close to home. Let's just put it that way. Hit close to home?

Oh, well, that would be John Cooper with a beard, Mr. Ryan Day. Ryan Day. All right. That's that one. Oh, wonderful. From here on now, we're going to do three answers per question, all right? We've got to step on the gas.

I think that's a good idea. Oh, how did this question get in here? What's the best thing Indiana accomplished this year? But Alabama didn't. Had class. Arp, art. Beat Michigan. Ding.

They made the college football playoff. That is on the board, but it is not number one. Full cast, can you steal? Jesus. Win double-digit games? That is also on the board, but it is not number one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, beat Michigan.

Beat Michigan. The other two were didn't lose to multiple six and six teams and hired a coach they actually like. Wow. Their coach didn't have a war drum debacle this year. That's a big win, unlike Kailen DeBore. Weird.

He used to wear home field at Washington. He did just fine when he wore home field there. All right. Question five From Road Raj Roger Sherman What hobby do Ohio State fans like more than Notre Dame fans do?

Real quick, I put my thumb on the scale here I deleted one, a lot of people wrote in Storming the Capitol I deleted this not in defense of Ohio State fans but because that's Steve Bannon erasure, thank you. Thank you. Y'all think Notre Dame doesn't get down

like that? Check Indy Nation dot com, all right? Anyway, take it away. Arp. I heard an ARP somewhere. I'm ringing in. Bring it in here. Yeah, family court.

It's a great choice, but not on the list. Arp. Fight at a wedding. Fight at a wedding? I'm going to count that as sinning in public. I was literally going to say sin, sin, so that's taking by. The SED has the board.

Fighting in the state of Michigan. Fighting in the state of Michigan? I'm going to count that as MMA. Thank you. Can you sweep? Protestant Jesus. Yes. On the list was actually going to church.

Fulcast has a chance to swipe a point. Wow, thrilling again. Also from Roger. We have one more. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. I thought, yeah, this is three. One more Ohio State hobby. Smoking with a lip-in. I'm counting that as vaping.

Though, as noted, Notre Dame is making a comeback there. That's it for that one. Also, let's see, steroids. and arguing about weight lifting. Yeah, Matt is getting absolutely yoked right now. Of course, dude, I notice. We talk. Also from Raj, what football penalty might you ask your partner to commit in the bedroom?

This segment is not sponsored by Homefield. Extra points. I heard it being Wait, do we have it? I heard it over here. Amanda. Illegal touching? What was that?

Illegal touching? Illegal touching? Not technical. Let's count it as illegal use of hands. Boo. Holding? Holding! I've got to.

Giving him the business. On the list, but not in the top five. The list is wrong. Giving him the business is on the list. I'll kill you, Steve Harvey. Encroachment. Lots of encroachment, but not in the top of. Oh, my gosh.

Christ. Okay. These people aren't having sex. Unabated to the quarterback I think my favorite was continued participation without a helmet The First Unnecessary roughness

The first round that the full cast has swept Was that one Next up was too many men on the field. And finally. And finally. And if we talk about Liberty football tonight. That's weird.

The final question of the evening. I think that's the sideline warning, actually. Only if they count it. Holy shit. Thanks, Connor. Remember, for 20% off. Go to my website. Use off-code cuck chair for 20% off your first order.

When you're interested in looking for a deal. That Kansas State cook chair is incredible. The Bill Snyder family cuck chair? Good evening, once again, to Alex's parents who are in the front room. This will shock many of you that we typically don't give them verbatim ad reads. Think about how many free ad reads Alex is going to give you because he feels bad about this. That's so true, dude. That's a great point.

A lot. Shop home field. Finally, from Roger Gett, the final question. Which college mascot is the sexiest? Way, very, right, right, right. Way too quick. Way too quick on the draw there. Big red. Big red!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Which one? Which one? Which one? Which red, big one. Western Kentucky University, baby. Okay. All right.

Big Red. Look at that lawyer bullshit over there. Split Zone do it controls the board. Can I get a Purdue Pete? Purdue Pete number two. What? What is wrong with you? Yeah, that's fucked up.

They voted for it. This is Steve Harvey face. This is what Steve Harvey does. Okay, the horn frog's got to be in there, right? With the sculpted ass. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to be in. I'm going to.

Um, Obie, the Orange Bowl mascot. That's a good one. What was that one? The Orange Bowl mascot. He's cute. It is cute. I don't know, I would. Not sexy, unfortunately.

Fullcast, you have a chance to swipe a point. A sexy mascot point. I feel like if Fullcast doesn't win this one, it's an indictment. Do it. Do it. I don't want to do it. Do it. I don't want to do it.

Okay. Spitz is going to do it for me. The horn frog. Unfortunately not. Son of them. The fuck. Objectively the answer is the Tulsa Golden Hurricane, but we're not ready for that conversation. We got it.

We got it. Is it to me? Yeah, too. Pistol Pete. Pistol Pete is on the list, but not... Oh. Not top five. Not top five, not in the top three.

The Mountaineer. The Mountaineer did very well, but not in the spot we're looking for. Let's go with Mr. and Mrs. Wolf. Mr. and Mrs. Wolf. Shit. Unbelievable, a split-by-split zone. Nothing sexier than a committed relationship.

And that's it. That's the Homefield Apparel ad. Which podcast won? I don't know. I closed my laptop. What am I going to do? Connor, did you have any more business to talk? This is a home field ad.

The score is value to fun. That's right. Shop home field. Go Hoosiers. Holy shit, that's a lot of people. I didn't say, honestly, for this many people in this room, you smell all right. I didn't say great, but you know, you're doing okay.

I would like to start, and I would like to start with something indicative of the highbrow humor that you all came here for. The name attached to this one is anonymous, and I have no idea why, because you should be very proud of it. It is, my high school football team had to ban the jersey number 69. Because players kept getting into physical fights over who got it. We do have some women here tonight, and thank you for showing up. And I do want to tell you, it is so awesome being male. It is just the fuck at best. Oh, my God.

Because you could do that. Nobody asked why. I just went to Jersey 69. They're like, fuck yeah, right. That's funny to do it. I have to say, Alex is about to go, but Alex's parents are here, so I just have to say, sorry for what he's about to say. So, by all means, Alex. It's not really my fault.

Yeah, there's an errand in attendance somewhere here tonight. Aaron shared with us that Dad took the entire family to our first LSU game, and my sister ate at the time wanted to save her ice cream for later by putting it in the backpack with the camera and the binox. Dad found the saved ice cream in the state that you would expect just as Alabama proceeded to score two touchdowns in the last two minutes extending their win streak in Baton Rouge to 30 years. I've been to Baton Rouge once. It was in 2019, so things were good.

So think about me, I'm Jewish. No. And, you know, our people have always fared fine, I think, in Louisiana, I guess. We don't keep kosher in the home, but we didn't have a lot of, you know, seafood. It's kind of like the anti-censure, you know. Like, I would eat a cheeseburger, but, you know, we didn't have a lot of shrimp, not a lot of pork. With Richard, going to watch Ellis, you play Florida, Joe Burrow, Kyle Trask, two legends. Sure.

In Baton Rouge. I have a shrimp po boy, Richard's like, this is what you've got to have here in LSU. This was actually in New Orleans night before. Wake up the next morning and I don't feel quite right, but I figure I just might like have a case of the Louisiana's because we went to the French quarter the night before.

So I'd go about my business. We take an Uber to Baton Rouge for a tailgate. I get fed a lot of gumbo by our friends at the big LSU tailgate. Zach Rowe and the fellas, thank you. And the night ends. Florida loses. Richard doesn't talk to me on the walk back to the car for like 30 minutes or whatever

it is. You don't talk to Richard within like 12 hours after a Florida defeat. And then the next morning, in the Baton Rouge airport, you know, my stool was not the color it was supposed to be. And I get out...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Did you expect a Mardi Gras cavalcade of greens and purple with like beads in it? Yeah, I did. frankly. I get out of the stall. It's about 4.30 in the morning in the Baton Rouge airport. Leo Corso is washing his hands. Hold on. It's 4.30 in the morning in the Baton Rouge airport the day after an LSU home game that started at night. That's the disaster right there. You're priming the pump there before anything else happens. It wasn't great, but I felt like I drank

quite a bit. Like we iced luged it that day. So I went on thinking, oh, you know, this was fine. I saw Richard a week later. He got us shrimp mac and cheese, and I went into anaphylactic shock. So we got to the bottom of it. It was the shellfish. Thank you, LSU. Yeah. We found out Alex flirting the shellfish.

You know what? You should thank me, damn it. Because you went through life this entire time, not knowing you had a shellfish allergy. And as a good friend, you learned something about you. You looked out for me. It made us stronger. I got you. Yeah.

My personal disaster also involves Bourbon Street, which is where you started to find them. If Richard walks around Bourbon Street, everyone goes up to him and says, is that collid? His hair was a little different at the time. Thankfully, I don't have that hair anymore. 2012,

Sugar Bowl, Florida playing Louisville. It's New Year's Eve. We are on Bourbon Street, doing what you do on Bourbon Street, which is probably about to get in a fight with some Louisville fans. It's getting a little dicey. You know, that's one of the last times

I was that close to a physical altercation, it is what it is. So at some point in time, like we're having these productive discussions with the Louisville folks, and everybody kind of stops. And I'm like, what's going on here? And I turn like this, and there is a horse's head, a mounted police horse cop, like right here. So everybody disperses, we think it's going to be okay. And then a friend of mine who I'd known since childhood, she is five foot, nothing, runs behind the horse, and smacks the horse on the ass.

If you are unfamiliar with what happens when that happens, that is assault on a police officer, because the horse is a police officer, apparently. So my friend who will remain nameless, spends the night in the drunk tank, in New Orleans, and, well... Does the horse have statutory immunity or whatever is? The diplomatic immunity, of course the horse does. It's America. What country do you live in? You ever hit a horse?

I've never hit a horse because I love horses. But I did have a disaster involving a Bronco. I was in Boise State, and I was doing a story that was part of a terrible endorsement deal that our website had at the time. I had to put a sign on the side of the car that was like the Allstate Campus Tour, and it blew off in a Rocky Mountain Gale, like, in three hours. hours driving to Boise. It was great. I saw it go under the tires of a semi-truck and get chewed up like so much tissue paper. It was fucking awesome. It was truly then when you understand, you're like, none of this means anything. It's fine. So I went to Boise and I started drinking because everyone in Boise, there are two types of people. They're either very devout Mormons

who will not touch a drop of alcohol, or there are people who believe that they are either Romulus or Remus suckling at the teat of the great gin wolf. All right. Like, they drink like fucking minors. Right? You know, if you've seen Chernobyl and they're like, what's a pretty boy in a suit? That's everyone in Boise who drinks.

And they saw me and they were like, that's a bitch. So they started feeding me drinks. And like the third drink I remember, this is how I know it's a bad night, double digit drinks, and the third one was a four loco. And so by like drink not,

I was pretty much my own space program and I'm being shuffled around and I remember I am completely blasted and they shuttle you into one of these bars that they only have in places like Boise, Tulsa, Stillwater, or Ogden, right? Like, it's, the ceiling is eight feet tall, right? Max, like you can scrape your knuckles

on the top of it and I am loaded and for some reason somebody goes Hey, listen, you gotta know, Jared Zabransky wore white Levi to the SPs, and we think he's a loser because of it. And I was like, what do you mean? And some other guy with an Idaho accident is like, no, he's a total shitback. He wore white Levi's to the SPs.

And I'm like, but what did he do? And they're like, he wore white Levi's. That's all you need to know. And I'm like, why are you telling me this? And they put me at a table, and I wheel around. And it's Jared Zabransky and a pair of white Levi's. If you don't know, Jared Zabransky was the quarterback for the Boise team. The one that called Circus, the one that beat Oklahoma in the Fiat.

Estabal, he's that dude. And he goes around, and I'm so drunk that I look at him and I turn around and I go, hey, jackass, why did you wear white Levi's to the S-Bs? So typically it's like, you're the college town here at a place like Boise, and they

say, like, he'll never have to buy a drink in this town again. But in Zabranski's case, it was like you'll never be able to buy a drink in this town again without being called a little bitch. Exactly, yeah. And they figured they were like, let's load him up and point him at Jared. It'll be fun. Cold. Cold. Like Boise is probably pretty cold. I don't spend a lot of time

that. Richard? I will just read one. I spiritually identify with this person. First and foremost, this person signs their name, no thank you, which you're about to know why. Okay, I took my girlfriend to a game between the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Cleveland Browns. You fucking, you fucking idiot. It was this year. for our third date since she is from Cleveland, and she said she wanted to go to a sporting event. The game was already as crummy as you'd expect, but to make it worse,

a group of Florida frat guys sitting near us recognized me from my long-standing beef with Mike Neighbors, the head women's basketball coach at the University of Arkansas. That is, as far as beefs go, that is as bespoke a beef. Don't we all have such a beef.

You will ever hear. After the game ended, we worked our way out of the stadium and ran into the UF marching band, which had inexplicably been hired for that game. At this point, I had to explain to my girlfriend that I had graduated college two months before, my beef with Mike neighbors, and that I had been in the U.F. marching band all four years. When I dropped her off at her place and asked if she wanted to go out next week, she said, I'll need to think about that a bit. I believe this person is here.

Do not, do not identify yourself right now. But please, find me after the show. We have some stuff to talk about because both of us tried to take significant others to Jacksonville Jaguars football games, which, Jesus Christ. At that stadium, though, I will say, the last cocktail party I went to, Florida, Georgia,

was with this strapping young lad. After the game, we couldn't get an Uber for anything. and so we're like we've got to walk and walk and walk and walk hammered Florida's just lost both of us are pissed I didn't realize that the place we had ended up stopping at to finally order this Uber and get out of here was a graveyard and so naturally before we get in the car Spencer looks at me and says I got to take a piss so you know normally maybe you go to the side the road, you find a port-a-john somewhere, but something. Spencer walks into the graveyard and defiles the dead and pisses in the middle of a graveyard after Florida has lost to Georgia

in the world's largest outdoor cocktail party. They're dead. They don't care. They're dead. They're dead forever. It's not like they're like, ooh, I'm a spooky ghost. That's not real. You can be wherever you want. All right, got a good one from the audience. This might be it for me. It's from J. Rock and Kiefer. We got drunk and decided to hide under one of the giant Heisman jerseys that USC uses to cover sections of the seats. We both passed out while under the number 20 jersey, but when we woke up, many hours later, we had the world's largest Mike Garrett jersey in our possession.

only brought up by me to point out that you could have gotten the OJ, which is still there, and we'll never come down. God rest, according to USC, his soul. By the way, like I've seen that fence outside USC. Those dudes were athletic. That is a very tall fence that they climbed to get out of there. Yes, they climbed a fence. This is a good point. They want to protect the hallowed names of, of Heritage Hall. I do like that they just got sleepy and cozy, that they just got out of there. They're like, ah, such a nice blanket.

I have a couple. This is a themed run. Yeah, we're going to hit these quickly. Claire, my mother and I sold my dead father's car and used the proceeds to buy me a ticket to the 2022 Super Bowl. Go birds! That is absolutely right.

This one is from Mickey from Delco. Mickey from Delco, this is the implied go birds. Mickey from Delco says, practice field is under construction. Coach is sick of busing to a temporary field. Practice in school parking lot in full pads. That's right. Starting inside linebacker's arm explodes.

Go birds. That's all. That's the run. It's two Eagle stories back to back. Alex, do you have one to close it down with? I can grab one if not. I was going to let O.J. close it down. Okay.

In the way that he does. I got one left. Okay, this is from Wink. A buddy in his late 30s broke his ankle rushing the field when OU beat Bama, and my dad dislocated his shoulder throwing his shirt when OU lost to LSU in the 2003

National Championship game. Remember how I said I had I was done? I lied. He's never done. No, I've got one more. It's from Duncan. Duncan, where you're at? All right, Duncan is allegedly here. Went to Army Navy with my West Point alumnus, grandpa, and family.

Uncle got arrested for serving cousins alcohol and ended up in the jail under Lincoln Financial Field. Reporter gets a picture of me trying to grab plastic beads hanging from my hat with my tongue. Like this, I imagine. Photo ended up in the Philadelphia Inquirer the next day. Go birds! Go birds!