Shutdown Fullcast - Fullcast After Dark: Missouri Versus The Mailman

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

SHOW NOTES Ryan journeyed to Auburn with the LSU internet contingent, and you'll never guess what happened next ...  Jason is observing a vow of silence to honor the baseball man's continued incursions into our games ...  Oklahoma debuts "Splatooner" defensive package ...  A new perspective on Mel Tucker's contract at Michigan State ...  A red-zone musical interlude featuring DJ Uiagalelei ...  Jimbo Fisher wears the Sad Shacket ...  UCLA, the football team, beat a surprising quantity of ass ...  Contemplating the void of Wisconsin maybe being bad ...  A Big Ten punter gets the look he wants ...  Holly and Spencer float in the sensory-deprived relief tank of a bye week  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Holly, did you, did you know that Alabama has its own official, there's an official lumber of Alabama football? Wait, like, okay, is this something that they've always had, or was this in reaction to Yellowwood? I, so I don't know the history of it. I heard it on the broadcast. I assume it was in reaction to Yellowwood. And the commercial for it is very funny because they keep talking about what it takes to make, quote, championship lumber. Oh, Jesus. And I'm like, you guys picked one of the only sports where there's no wood. Like if you sponsor basketball, the court is wood. If you sponsor baseball, the bat is wood.

No fucking wooden foot. What championship lumber are you fucking talking about? Toe meets arsenic. Gary Patterson's leg. Gary, the barrel that Gary Patterson wears to take an outdoor shower. Yes. Yep. And to go over the falls in Niagara.

With his big scrubber, you know he's not the coach of TCU, though. I know. But it doesn't matter because they want to tell him that he doesn't know. It doesn't matter. If they're not SEC, local honk, Spencer Hall doesn't know. Spencer Hall. Hey, speaking of our respective affiliations, we had a couple people suggest today that the full cast streak, it has been broken by Ryan attending Auburn LSU. wrong for a couple reasons.

Okay. First of all, fuck you. Second of all, good start. Second of all, we attend individual games as individual citizens. Yes, that is correct. But third of all, Ryan was in the LSU section in an LSU shirt. Correct.

So fuck y'all again. Yes, I went to an LSU tailgate. I hung out with mostly LSU people and was in the LSU section. And, yeah, LSU didn't just win. Elsie came back from 17.0 and 1. So, fuck off. Welcome to the full cast after dark

lotion Hello, Clarice Oh, Um Ryan I was Oh God! Oh God, I was so

No That's the sound of Brian Hart from sucking Sucking money Out of the Auburn Corpus Just go ahead and say teat. Go ahead. Go ahead. We're already puking.

Go ahead and say teat. He might already be gone. Yeah, go suck some more out of the money cow. It's fine. It's Auburn. That's what it's for. Jimbo Fisher with two money cows just sitting there like siphoning. He's like, I used to just do this with gas.

Now I'd do it with money. Yeah, he's really going to think this is funny when he finds out that each cow is actually two Saudi assassins, wearing an elaborate two-person vaudeville-style cow costume? They wanted me to meet them at the embassy, and I said, no, buddy, I didn't fall off the turn of a truck yesterday. Old Jimbo knows those tricks. So you were, Spencer, you were asking me about my experience in Auburn, Alabama. As an LSU fan, for a day. LSU fan for a day sounds amazing. So I went to our online buddy, Zach's, tailgate, the and the Valley Shook Tailgate at ZR-A-U on Twitter.

Wonderful time. Had lots of drink, had some really good food. I think this is, yes, he said this. This is the first time Zach has done this tailgate. He usually does it in Baton Rouge. He, like, brought giant pot to make etoufé and jambalaya on the road. And, like, it was fucking great. It was very good.

Got a road cauldron. And met some, like, long-time internet denizens, met podcast, had a great time, was sitting way up in the nosebleeds. I think unintentionally went, like, semi-viral because I tweeted a picture of a dude sitting like four rows in front of us wearing an Aaron Judge jersey to the point where... Oh, no. About a half hour later, his dude, like, the dude he was sitting with turned and looked at me, he was like, did you tweet? eat this? And I was like, yeah, I did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I blow up your spot. It's good, though, because I don't know if you know this, Ryan. Yeah. But Aaron Judge has hit 61 home runs. Is that good? He is close to breaking the American League record if he hit 62.

Let's see how he does. So this is also the second time that this has happened because when we went to the Yukon Vandy game last year, I was wearing my Stephen Godfrey hates my team shirt. And as I was walking up the stairs, that dude grabbed me by the arm and leaned in and was like, fuck Stephen Godfrey. Yeah. And then just went back to watching the game. And we tweeted about that. And then he came up to him out. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, I do feel kind of bad. I don't think you could see this young man's face. What? Yeah. But on the other hand, you did wear like an Aaron Judge Yankees jersey to a football game. To an LSU game. You don't have a reasonable expectation of privacy.

You were looking for some level of attention, unlike the person who wore the Notre Dame jersey I saw. That person was looking for a different sort of attention, and I refused to acknowledge that, other than just saying that they were. But as I was telling Spencer before you hopped on, Holly, have you ever hung out with a couple that is so, like, they're not actively fighting, but you're like, oh, so clearly you two are done with each other. and you just haven't figured out, like, who's going to dump who? Oh, yeah. That's Auburn fans and Brian Harsen at this point. Oh. Like.

Like, it's not even sad. No. Oh, yeah. Well, you pass the sugar. Yes, it's more, you are debating, like, well, how, what, what, do I want to fight for the toaster? Or do I just want to get the fuck out of this really? Like, that's the level that this is at this point. Because leaving this game, which Auburn jumped out to a 17-0 lead and then didn't

score the rest of the night, including at one point, I think what ended up being basically the game-sealing interception they had thrown by a wide receiver who's an LSU transfer, who left LSU because he said he was the best, the most talented person in the position group, but didn't want to be there anymore. But there was, I expected like a lot more anguish. And it just like, the vibe was mostly just like, well, that's, you know, Whatever. Yep. Just like, as long as this gets us closer to the end, as long as this gets us closer to the end of this relationship that neither one of us wants to be in, that's fine. Hey, and at least y'all aren't going to the same heaven.

This should be of comfort to many Auburn fans. I wanted to share my favorite stat from the end of this game, which is that Auburn, famously, a team that cannot pass with Robbie Ashford and quarterback. They threw for 337 yards and they lost. And LSU on the other hand threw for under 20 yards

in the second half and had just 85 on the night including a vintage Jaden Daniels performance of 8 for 20 with no TDs and no interceptions and they won. Correct. They won. I'm going to try to find it here

so somebody sent me the these are the second here this this is from Nathan King the Auburn beatwriter at 247 sports so I want to credit this appropriately these are Auburn's last eight second halves against power five teams zero points zero points six points three points three points six points zero points three points that is a total of 21 points scored across eight second against Power 5 teams. It's quite bad. You know what, though?

I think they just need more time. I think this is, I think this is, now that we've taken the emotion out of it, now that we've hit rock bottom, I think we can really start to build. That's what you have to do. Holy shit. Who is 26 on USC's roster?

They're talking about them right now. I just can't hear. Oh, that's Travis Dye. Travis Dye has the most amazing 70s wrestling stash and hair. Congratulations on all your success. That's all. I just want to shout it out. The wild thing about Auburn at this point is that they do not exhibit what I would consider like the typical symptoms of a failing, of a team that's given up.

Like Auburn played pretty hard in this game. And Auburn does not like, Auburn has some fun. mentally broken elements, but they're most, they seem to mostly be like personnel base, not necessarily like what people are doing. There's not like a sense of like, oh, they just don't fucking care. Or they're just like too angry and sloppy to win games. Like LSU is probably the sloppier team of the two on the night as a whole. But like, yeah, there's just like, there's no love here at all, at all. And, and like, why should there be? Auburn spent the entire off season telling their fans don't love this man he's not going to be here very long except he still is

at least as of this recording i take great offense at them making up a scandal because alburn has generated such quality organic scandals sure there was no need to construct one none yeah but i had a very good time and i will say other than georgia mazou i am very aware of because everybody in the stadium was like very much paying attention to what was happening in that game naturally. Listen, when you're flipping channels and you hear Georgia has yet to convert it third down, you stop. Every score I heard was so, like, at some point, somebody was like, it's 2212, and I just wanted to throw something because it's like, stop it.

No, it's not, but I guess it was. Not anymore, though. Listen. What you need to know about that game is this, that Mivas, Mizzou's kicker is a fucking dawn King among men

absolute glory in the garden of this earth's glories a gigantic kicker who stroked it for 55 it would have been good from 65

I mean it looked like he was at it really did look like he was at top golf right just like hold on casual 55 yarder gone beautiful Mizzu ultimately squandered all of his positive efforts, by the way, in doing that because Mizzu can't have nice things.

They can't have nice things. Just not allowed. And ultimately, Georgia was going to stop fucking up because Georgia was there to make mistakes. They were there to botch handoffs. They were there to misreads. I don't think I've seen Stets in bed hounded quite as much. You have to understand, Mizzou played genuinely possessed defense for much of this game. Frenzy.

Hey, man. If there's one thing, Missouri. is experienced in, it's threatening a male carrier. It might not work out great for them, but they're going to do it. But that won't stop them. No. Is that a government man? Also, shout out to Tom Hart, who has become...

Don't shoot. I have porn. You could just strap those VHS tapes around your body to block bullets, sir. Shout out to Tom Hart, by the way, who has... has been for a minute but deserve some recognition as the SEC Network's Jotess only he has never abandoned us for a golf show quitter

but Tom Hart keeps Tom Hart keeps getting these manic games and he's great I love him in these broadcast because even when you can tell he is having a fucking blast he is very very good at keeping a dry tone that just has a little bit of

giggle to it it's like a it's like a it's like a champagne that's not overly carbonated. There's just enough to tickle your nose. It's a good pairing. I really, I really like this combo of him and Jordan Rogers and Colcubuk. And I'm saying this because we complain about broadcasters a lot. But Tom Hart is super underrated in a manic freakout game like we had tonight. Live programming reminder. Yes, Arizona State USC are still playing for some reason. But more importantly, by a score of 38 to 24 in the Big Sky Conference, the finest conference in the land. And yes, fan of this here full cast after dark

production, Montana State is winning 3824 over UC Davis, which you can watch on ESPNU. That's right. Did we just plug the Big Sky Conference because they listened to our show? Yes, we do. We're easily bought. I need sponsors to remember that. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm going to actually, someone actually captured a photo of what the dude was wearing. The dude who grabbed my arm and said, Stephen Godfrey. It really helps. I left out the part of the story where I explained what he was wearing, but Jesse Toe, who was there that night, gotten a picture of it, I'm going to retweet it right now. So it should be at the top of your timelines momentarily. I neglected to mention that this gentleman who accosted us at the Vandy Yukon game was wearing a sleeveless,

Alan Iverson jersey, and a backwards Dallas Cowboys hat. I'm like, yeah, I bet you don't like Godfrey. He was perfectly lovely to me, so, you know. But Ryan, to sum it up, what happened in that game and how Georgia pulled it out was this. They started throwing the ball to the Giants that nobody could defend. They just started throwing it to their tight heads. That's it. Thank you. Thank you, big brontosaurus. Yes, that's it. Big Bronosaurus says throw it to big bronosaurus. Thank you. Thank you, Ryan, for catching that alleyup pass.

the Spencer just watched to go by why didn't they do that before why didn't they do those things before because Detson Bennett was getting the shit beat out of him he really was that's Bennett took a walloping both of George's lines took a walloping for much of this

night the other games that I know something about because I was mostly driving today because people in Tennessee cannot fucking drive to save their lives nope no they can't and they're real mean about it too I know that Kentucky just gacked the fuck out of that, an opportunity to at least tie the game and probably win the game against Old Miss.

So I'm aware that that happened and I'm so annoyed on their behalf. It's the worst kind of loss because, yes, there were parts that were not Kentucky's fault completely out of their control. For instance, yeah, they missed a blatant targeting call on a will-levels fumble. then on the subsequent possession driving for that potential game-tying field goal and or go-ahead TV will let his turn to fall over again. After throwing a touchdown pass that got called back because he went too fast and didn't let all his receivers set. It seems like you have all the pertinent information you need about this game, honestly.

Listening on the radio is a very different emotional experience. Oh, and you had the Kentucky Broadcasting. to listen to you didn't hear how did that go they were so sad because when he when he fumbled this like when he fumbled the first time they were just sort of like well you know now it's really going to take a miracle kentucky held and got the ball back had a big run down to like what the seven or something and they were like oh my god they were freaking out rightfully so and they were like and he's thrown a touchdown and no it's coming back and then he fumbles and rather than get like angry or sad they're just like and it's oh and it's all over that's it's it's it

That's, I'm, I'm dead now. We're back to Kentucky all over again. It was, um, I say that was sadness because also, man, Will had no help. I mean, I, I, I am sure that everyone involved is trying their best. I'm not up here to drag Kentucky's, uh, lines, but, uh, can he live? Can he just have an unbothered moment, please? He may not live. Yeah, their run game, which I thought it sort of figured itself out after the second half of the

Florida game. that just turns out Florida was like sucking that night turns out they haven't figured that out either they don't really have that consistent a run game they also weren't able to take control of the game when they needed to finally they also missed two extra

points to blew a field goal attempt 39 yarder you know it should be good it's a little iffy yeah and then on top of that had the penalty that negated a touchdown that was a little touchy I'm just going to go ahead and say

that penalty was there you didn't have to call that shit you didn't have to be a dick hey listen I know I was speeding but you didn't have to pull me over this was a oh like there were officiating crews

that might have been like yeah it's ify yeah I listened to more of Iowa Michigan on the radio than I would care to admit and it was

if I can if I can think of a game that was suited for a non-visual medium, it would have been Iowa, Michigan. This is where I learned that there is an official wealth management team of Michigan football, which just fucking tracks. Like, if, I also don't realize. Are they good? You know, they didn't say.

Yeah. They honestly didn't say either way. And it really, because I don't listen to that much football on the radio, And because I haven't been to a game in a while, I forget that, like, there's a sponsor for fucking everything. The Alabama broadcast, I listen to a little of Alabama, Arkansas, there, I swear to God, there was a sponsor for the first first down, every subsequent first down as a group. Injury timeouts have their own sponsor. Like, if it is a discrete subunit of a football game, like, I bet if you wanted to, you could call up out, Alabama and be like I want to be the official sponsor of second and six all other second I can't afford the other second downs I can't afford first I can't afford any first downs and I can't afford third and six but I just want every second and six shut down full cast to be the official broadcast partner of Alabama second and six and you can probably they'd probably be like yes we can make that happen absolutely it is it is

wild how much sponsorship you can stuff into football radio michigan is also one of those schools you especially hear this on the radio because you don't have like any visual like when you're in the stadium you know there's this uh tennessee's uh admonitions to uh put your put your recyclables in the recycling bin sure have had a sponsor since time immemorial and it ends with you know it ended at the time with you know john ward booming out in his big voice good sports always recycle and that can kind of roll past you when you're in the stadium and you you've got like it's part of like the no there's a lot of noise happening already right right but that when that sense is when that sense is isolated in the radio i i can get how that would be

disorienting also michigan is one of those schools already don't forget that has the that has fucking everything endowed that has that has you know harbaugh is like the you know betty and janet Vanderdebby the Michigan football head coach. Oh, the Vanderdebys, yeah. Dope couple. The Nantucket killer. Cousins.

They're lovely people. You know, this is when I get to remind everybody of what Alabama's visiting locker room is named. Oh, that's right. You do you recall? By, it was named after a gift from philanthropist and insurance and holdings magnet, James M.

fail the name of the visitor's locker room at the University of Alabama and I am not making this up is the fail room. It didn't work. It did not work. Yeah, other than that, I know Alabama pretty much kicked the shit out of Arkansas. I heard

that Bryce Young is hurt. I don't know if that's true. I am really out of sure it's here today. He is and it bothered Alabama not a fucking bit. I mean, I mean, I'm sure they're a very concerned for his welfare. That's not what I meant. I meant that it did not appear to have a significant effect upon the final score. Right. Right. Yes. Because there was a hot minute in this game where they got it where Arkansas after a bad punt snap went over the punter's head got the game to 28, 23. I want to say,

Oh, five point game in the third quarter. Arkansas scored 16 points in the third and got it kind of tight to zero to Alabama. Bryce Youngstert. Ooh, what's going to happen? And then they gave the ball to Jemir Gibbs and he ripped off a 76 yarder and Jalen Millrow ripped off a 77 yarder. And then Jamir Gibbs had another long one. So they were like, oh, we can't pass. Shame.

Yeah, that'll happen. Yeah. Okay. So if it's okay with you two, I would mostly like to hear what I mean. missed out on and I would like to start if it's all right what the fuck happened to Oklahoma today I have seen that score all right can I take a lap for one moment as a as a sunny Dykes enthusiast from the Louisiana Tech days please can I just take a victory laugh and say that this was extremely funny but that's all oh what happened um Oklahoma's not

very good. And that's interesting because this is still mostly Lincoln Riley's roster, as the broadcasting team was tactfully pointing out. I know that what you really want to hear, Ryan, however, is not about the game. I'm going to leave that for Spencer, who is a professional SEC honk. I will leave that for him to talk about this bedraggled entity that we are apparently accepting into our home conference in a couple of years. What I would like to talk about is the really good idea I came up with during the Oklahoma TCU game which is that every year for

the next, like for as long as they're paying Gary Patterson's buyout, they should overnight replace his statue on campus with a new statue every like six weeks or so that's just half an inch shorter.

Slowly whittling and down. Like same statue, same proportions and everything. Just shrink it a tiny, tiny bit. and put it back in that you're a private school you have money you can do this and you know you want to what i can tell you about the game is this tc u got on that ass fast they scored 27 in the first um Oklahoma it's disturbing enough that tc uffance was able to make this much hey all at once they had Oklahoma they had over they almost had 700 yards of offense they had 600 they had 600

and 68 yards of total offense. But that's like, you kind of expect that with a Sunny Dykes team. You go, okay, well, it'll be 56, 55, and you'll probably beat them. Right, but we talked about this a while back as the value of watching these early season slaughterhouse games. Like, if you ever wanted to see a, for lack of a better word, a clinic on what this offense is supposed to look like, well, here, Oklahoma played scout team today. it's very helpful yeah they didn't even uh honestly they didn't even have like there there isn't like five turnovers in this game for oklahoma there aren't a bunch of egregious mistakes a um and it was clear early that the thing about this one that was great was that

uh i i appreciated the pace of play because by the time all the other noon games were at half time which is, you know, if you're a sicko like us, you know that that is a dreadful, boring point of the day because most of the staggered games start later in the day, so you don't have anything to watch when the first flight of games... You don't even get to, like, watch Matt Liner do opera or something. Right, right, right. But when the first, when all the other games I was watching were half-time,

I clicked back over to TCU, Oklahoma, and there were still like nine minutes and 50 seconds left at the second quarter. So I appreciate you. They threw themselves, like, they were, the game was moving, or the pace of play was going so fast. They were using up so little clock that I got to watch them throughout the day whenever everything else was on commercial. I would just, and also it was the game was never really in doubt because this blew up, as you'll see from the box quarter, pretty immediately in the first quarter. And so you could just kind of check in throughout the day and be like, oh, that's what they're doing. You could just turn it on for a few seconds and watch TCU touchdown and then flip back over.

Right, Ryan, Max Duggan had a 67-yard touchdown run. Now, Max Duggan is an athlete. He is faster than you think he is. He's faster than me. He's faster than all of us. Yeah, he should, he could run the 40 twice in the time it would take me to finish. And yet he's not supposed to go 67 yards to a defense. TCU rushed, TCU rush for 300.

and 61 yards. Like, 302, you're getting in a modern game, you can allow. On how many carries? 41. They averaged almost nine yards. I would, yeah.

And I would actually encourage you to pull, even when you, shit, I didn't, Ryan, I pulled this for you because I knew you'd be interested. They had some long ones, but even when you pull those out,

it's still a, like, five yard. It's like, absolutely gross. I don't say this to be overreacting. I don't. But the numbers you're describing are very much like, oh, like when Brett and Venables got fired as the DC at Oklahoma, like, there are those kind of numbers.

Why would you bring that one? Yeah, man. Right now, by the way, 0 and 2 in conference 3 and 2 overall. So, so wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So what you're telling me is that Oklahoma is two games behind Kansas in Big 12 conference standings. We tried to tell you all to rank. Kansas teams last week you shitbirds that was just me going at the associated press except for

Ralph Russo who's lovely that would be that would be game day host the Kansas Jayhawk did they announce it is it official yeah it's it's it's all hell yes my favorite listen one one of my one of my favorite maybe the only UAB Kansas house divided fan I know uh shout out to Jay who I know is having a real big night and I know he's listening to somewhere and I know he's real drunk. Shout out to my favorite work husband Ray Ray, who has been a lifelong fan of both the Kansas Jayhawks and the Chicago Cubs. So good things don't happen to him a lot. The human brain is a mysterious computer. It really is. It really is. But I know you're going to have to apologize to everybody in the bar tomorrow,

but it's going to be worth it. If you're not banned, you might be banned from the bar. And even that he's not banned because he's got that he actually got this real good habit that I think that I think a lot of of dudes our age could stand to pick up is that he goes around at closing time and shakes the hand of everybody still in the bar and he's like I'm sorry for cursing I'm sorry for cursing he does he does a good game lap like after a pickup soccer game and he's like I'm sorry for my words you know hey I'm sorry for my actions tonight hey and it's it's genuinely charming yeah I would remind you also that the final

score of the Kansas Iowa State game, okay? Matt Campbell's trending. I know Kansas won because people told me Kansas is 5-0 but I don't know anything beyond that. Yeah, but we didn't tell you what the score was. Because it is for Kansas, ah, we won a hard

fought low-scoring defensive struggle. Just another success for the upstart Kansas Jayhawks. And for Iowa state it is we scored 11 points i don't care what kind of football team you are even if you win if you score 11 you failed you failed like utterly failed sorry we need to jump back for one minute because indy eddy mac reminds me that there was also in the oklahoma tc u game a long convo over the broadcast about how venables had mellowed and didn't need to get back coach anymore

and then like two minutes later the entire o u sideline got a warm morning. Is that because everybody else has to run out now with him so you can't see it? That way you can't tell. Yeah, I am Spartacus. Oklahoma's a really funny place to try can't arrest us all. But go ahead. I'm going to say this, by the way, that how does this work?

Was there any point today where it was the last day of September for Maryland? Because Maryland beat Michigan State. And this is clearly September Maryland. I think the answer is. So September Maryland beats good teams. Yes. And it's not September. So I think the only logical conclusion,

and there's lots of evidence to back at up at this point, because at Michigan State is not a good team. I would like to quote a, who as far as I know is not a listener of ours, JJ one of one, but his tweet circulated into my timeline today. He says this. And it's one of those things where,

you know those, those GOP memes that accidentally make Joe Biden look cool, which shouldn't be possible? Here we go. Listen to this and pretend you don't know any of the circumstances surrounding Michigan State football. Mel Tucker really made $95 million

by smoking cigars and calling rushing plays for Kenneth Walker III. I don't hate that. That sounds like a fantastic way to accumulate a fortune that I will pass down to my children and my children's children. If I had to pick way, if I had to list my top

five ways to make 95 million dollars that's up there that sounds like a lot of fun it is it is one of the ways that um is least damaging to society i would say just say hey kenneth hey kenneth walker go that way hey kenneth walker go that way wear shorts to work cigar chomp chomp chomp this is great i'm not mad at this at all i saw someone today sort of archly suggest that perhaps those of us who follow these things had maybe gas mel up by getting really excited that he coached in shorts to my my response if if we did whose fucking fault is that i what like i care it what do you think i want every dude who coaches in shorts to get 70 million dollars yeah i do you're just be clear you're trying to insult us by saying we're too powerful yeah or that we're cool that that that we're just

like yeah we're too cool so you guys thought he was cool yeah he is pretty cool my opinion You're going to take 70 mil from Michigan State and give them nothing in return? He's making cryptocurrency without being able to define the term. Mel Tucker is career goals all over the place. The dream, the dream. If you see me, it's like Spencer Hall signs deal with a very stupid corporation for tremendous amounts of money. I want everybody listening to know, I know. I know what just happened.

Congratulate me, okay? No one deserves that much money. no one so you might as well go ahead and take it yeah congratulations to getting that money you money stolen is twice as sweet as money earned we all know this ryan what else would you like us to enlighten us enlighten you on so you told me ios iosate scored 11 how many did kansas score more 14 technically that's more okay um whatever whatever you'd like to share frankly i'd love to hear about um i would like to fast forward to well spencer go ahead oh no no no no i think you're going the same place i'm going where are you going uh i was going to go towards another coach uh who is

living the dream who all who had a bit of a rough day that he doesn't care about because he's going to get paid no matter what happens okay uh that would be jimbo fisher not where i was going at all please continue okay whatever just tell me what it's my turn again flawless. Wait, wait, hold on. I want to know what Holly was going to say. And then I want to, then I want to choose. And I forget. Damn it. I was going, I was going to NC State Clemson where there's, he stored a lot of touchdowns. So I don't remember which one, but it was towards the end of the game where DJ ran an absolute vintage David Cutcliffe asshole route that I will let Spencer describe in detail momentarily. But it actually, Spencer, go ahead and explain the schematics of what happened, because I just like calling it an asshole route, but some people don't know what that means. Yeah, asshole route, aka... Hatcliff is the one who like calling it an asshole route also, because they run it and everybody watching it goes, you fucking asshole. Yeah, asshole route, aka a more polite company, the jerk route is usually what you see it referred to as a print.

It is a play and or route built entirely to make the person trying to defend it, like an asshole and in this case the jerk route was uh they're i think at about the 10 so they're in the red zone and they roll out play fake formation strength is to the right of djuiangolele the playfay the play fake is so convincing that off the reed the end crashes and uhiangolele chill as hell because i got to tell you the defensive end is not too far from him. Usually when you see somebody whiffed badly. He ambles. Chill.

Gets real cool with it so that the guy thinks he's handed it off and then turns up field button hooks to the left and waltzes in. I mean struts. It looked like Ryan, have you watched I think you should leave? Yes. Okay.

It would not be out of place in and I think you should leave skit because you can't see his face through the helmet, but his posture is very much like it's all my it borders on the sarcastic it's almost like I don't have the ball I don't have the ball if you were scoring this if you were scoring this in a cartoon it would be like boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom like sneaky music not me touchdown the end the end does not give up on the play either which is what makes it doubly insulting because he's calling ass out of position but not giving up on the play. I don't know who that was for NC State. That was a valiant attempt to make it up. It was.

You got schemed into hell and you refused to accept it, even though ultimately you ended up in hell and allowed the touchdown. It was in, was this late third or was this in the fourth? This was in the fourth. You can clearly hear. You can clearly hear. There aren't that many. You can probably just go pick out which video it is.

It's probably, I think, the last touchdown he, or the last rushing touchdown he scored in the game. But you can hear him be like, You know, ain't nobody here but us chickens. It's like a Muppet sketch watching it unfold. It was so beautiful. It sounds like a Muppet baby sketch.

Do you remember like the, do you remember the nobody here but us chickens? It's that in football form. The defensive end is so clearly chasing him going, sir, we have a policy at this restaurant that you cannot hog all of the loaded nachos. And DJ Oiyangolele is clearly going like, you made that up that's not a real policy did you tell him to say that like that's it was it was

absolutely fantastic yes thank you stats boy andy has clipped it has the video ready for us thank you yes check our check the full cast menchies at uh that's about 127 eastern time if you're listing if you're listening this tomorrow i'm i am now sitting next to a hotel air conditioning that is a roared to life like a fucking generator over here Hello. Audio continues a pace. I'm glad something at Auburn is functioning. God, it's A&M, yes.

I know the final score of this was 4224. I'm going to tell you that we could have called this from the beginning. Okay, it was fun of good than that, but I'm going to tell you that we could have called this from the beginning because Jimbo wore the sad shacket. Please describe, because this is an audio medium, what is the sad shacket, Holly? So do you remember the, of course, the originator of the form was Gene Chiswick.

Yes. In the white shacket. Yes. The white short-sleeved windbreaker. Yes. That looks like it should be on a dentist jogging. Mm-hmm. So Jimbo was like, what if that guy had an evil twin and he wore a formless black short-sleeved shacket?

and Adidas made it so of course it looked stupid and he it was like Little Shop of Horrors Community Theater level dentist wear that's that's my contribution for this game but yeah this was way worse than the score looked and also I'm gonna make it is way worse it was also at every point where things

could have turned nicely for A&M it's like they said hey do you want to win the Mississippi State game or do you want to win the Arkansas game? And Jimbo's like, Satan, I'm so glad you asked. I need you to go ahead and we need to win that Arkansas game because fuck them forever. And he's like, okay, Jimbo, we got it. You just got to pay for it with the Mississippi State game. And he's like, that's in the future and I'm rich.

Fuck it. So they went ahead and they won the Arkansas matchup in Jerry World under insane circumstances with absolutely but nothing on the plate. Remember, as we discussed last week, it is Jerry's fault that they lost that game due to the height of the NFL goalposts. Like, we knew last week that there was something, we knew when this happened, that there was something weird about that win. And now we know what it was, Jimbo cast in his chit, and the bill came due today. So I will give you, in short, excellent field position driving, Mississippi State, or A&M is the Aggies are at the Mississippi State 18. Devin A-chain busts 12 yards.

He's doing great, and he fumbles. And then immediately, and so it's zero-zero. They could have led, they could have scored first, and they fumble. And then Mississippi State goes, 94 yards to score for the first time. Okay, that's cool. That's cool. That's cool. Seven-oh, we're good.

We're good. I said this last year. I'm going to say it every year until he leaves because it's funny, as long as you have a quarterback named Whale-Rodgers. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. So A&M has some hope. they're down 14 nothing right in the late uh i'm sorry i know i'm jumping on this but this is the funniest fucking game that happened all day and i'm including the tc e game because for once a nm's offense

is actually kind of doing some production for the first time outside of devon a chain like they're actually you know max johnson's you know kind of moving them a little bit and they get down to the mississippi state 15 and johnson is sacked and he funnels and they lose it and they go to the half down 14-0 oh that's okay that's cool that's cool we're gonna get back into this and uh we're gonna be fine there's a full sideline happy jump sad jump at this moment if you're into that uh yeah which is weird because the last time we got one of those this good and this thorough was a jimbo florida state staff yeah it really ends when they put in haines they put in haines king and naturally haines king does what he does and scrambles around and throws an interception it's 3517

well that's okay we're going to get back into this we'll just put Haynes back out there he throws another pick this time for six effectively ending the game with three and a half minutes left usually the great irony is that Mississippi State they're an air raid team they cannot run the ball out yeah they cannot run the clock out not this time this was this was a new and innovative way of Mississippi State by gobbling clock and the great news for I enunciated it and the great news for A&M is that right after this happened guess what A&M you get the ball back Isn't that swell?

Neat? You can just keep giving us points. Yeah. See, A&M's offense turned around, scoring points for everyone in this game. Yeah, absolutely hilarious. I am legally obligated to remind you. It feels like we get to do this every week, but I'm legally obligated to remind you that at this point in Kevin Sumblin's career at Texas A&M, he was 37 and 16 at this exact same point.

And he dressed like he loved himself. I mean, I assume he still does. He's not dead. Jimbo Fisher's record at a much more premium tier Patreon membership for the Texas A&M fan base, 37 and 16. Same record. Inflation.

I blame Joe Biden. There it is. Yeah. That's what we can do. The only, I think the only power conference we haven't really touched on is the Pac-12 mostly because there's not... Half that conference is playing it right now. Yes, partially that.

Spencer, you watched a lot of the UCLA Washington game earlier this week, yes? I did. I did. I watched a good chunk of it. And I, my, can I give you my very analytical professional opinion as to what happened in that game? Please do.

UCLA got after that ass. They got after that ass from the jump. You know, like, You just go, oh, this is the game that UCLA is going to blow. And, you know, nobody will show up. And, ha, ha, the powder blue team with absolutely no spine will flop again. No, that is not what happened, motherfucker. You turned the wrong corner.

You showed up in the wrong goddamn rec room. They beat ass. That's all they did all night. Michael Pennix, Jr., in a somewhat soft schedule. Maybe, by the way, maybe beating Michigan State wasn't necessarily the best. best resume builder early on for Washington. Why not?

It turns out Mel Tucker is living the dream. He's definitely living the dream. That sounds like hater talk. There was a sequence in this game, by the way. Absolutely incredible sequence for Dorian Thompson

Robinson, the quarterback for UCLA, who if you have not stayed up and or put off more prestigious and or famous conference, is to watch him play there was a sequence in this game where dorian thompson robinson just goes the hell off vaults a guy um yeah yeah i saw i saw the clip of that it's very teddy bridgewater it is very all over the place like completely out of control i'm sorry very lamar jackson i'm

mixing up the global quarterbacks yes yeah um it is it is wild uh he he he was all over the place passing and running pretty much like just a beast all night. Also, their big receiver is named Jake Bobo. Wait, is he of the Bobo Bobo's? I believe he is of the Bobo Bobos. Are we going to actually get like an interesting UCLA-USC battle for, I know the South It feels way too early to hope for that, but God, it'd be nice. I do think it's funny that like now it's happening now that the South.

mouth now that the pack 12 doesn't have divisions anymore and we can't even like just got to do it in this stupid way um i have only one more game to ask about and i'm going to ask holly about it uh because then i'm pretty sure my phone's going to die it's just all right let me find the score here okay uh illinois 34 wisconsin 10 let me find the score here i experienced something disturbing during this game Okay. That I should probably consult a medical professional to deal with. Okay. I'm worried.

How would, we're all friends here. Yeah. Jason, oh, shoot, where are my manners? Jason, by the way, for those of you who are missing him, and that's everybody, including us. Jason lost his voice cheering for the baseball man today. He was just real excited. Baseball has taken so much from us. Mm-hmm.

And from you, listener. Yeah, so that's where Jason is. Anyway, I experienced feelings of real affection for a Brett Bilema offense today. And I'm not sure what to do, where to put those feelings, because I don't want them inside my body. You know how there's that trope about how, like, people start, people when they're young, they're very liberal. And as they get older, they get more conservative. And I think, like, broadly speaking, we have all learned that that's not necessarily true. Maybe, Holly, this is where it's specifically true for you, that as you get older, you become more amiable to the offensive stylings of Brett Beelma.

I thought you said this was going to make me feel better. Nope. Sorry. Did I? How about this? If you go take, like, let's call it 10 big steps. you will have out rushed Wisconsin today. Oh, that does make

me feel better. Wisconsin's a famous tradition of running backs. Wisconsin, I had a really chilling thought, right? The kind that characters in fantasy novels have when they're like, the old ones are back. And it was this, that

Wisconsin may be bad again. Like, because that's, they look. To be clear, how far do you have to go back to again? Also, as we discussed in the preseason they are uniquely well equipped to handle such an event if it did come to pass i i think i think that may end up being wrong because pre-1994 bad ryan uh ryan make your make your case for this being wrong so so i think i think i agree i agree with our initial

premise that like wisconsin has uh well-tempered to the strain and struggle of like ah we lost three games we lost four games we didn't beat our rival we didn't win the division like i don't know what wisconsin looks like if it's like oh god we've lost eight games we're we're getting because it's not just like it's not just we lost to illinois and our former coach it's we got fucking pants by him you didn't even need that much to stay competitive. You really didn't because it's not like, you see a score like that and you go, well, the other team had like 400 or 500 yards of offense. No, they had like just over 300. Yeah, that might actually be the worst part. You're right. Or at least the most, the scariest part.

Wisconsin couldn't muster like 250. They just sucked. It looked bad. They looked outmaned. They all looked like they felt like Graham Mertz. And Graham Mertz is one of the guys who I just look at and go, I don't know if you're enjoying this like the good news and i i hope this is right is that wisconsin's next two games are at northwestern and at michigan state and in theory those those two those should be good for it for a feel good if if they're not that is that is where you can see this like turn extremely bad because if you can't win if you can't win both of those games what is this season for for you, Wisconsin. It's a sunk cost at this point, which, you know, is what you do in your fire coach,

anyway. So not that this is related to a Wisconsin lifestyle choice or story, but what you're basically saying is that Wisconsin, you've already had five beers. There's six in the total, like, six-pack, right? Yeah. So basically it doesn't count. And then you're, yeah, but then you're only sort of drunk. and it's 2 a.m.

And you have to work the next day. So you might as well open another six pack. And when you start that, you go, we're five more. Five more. Might as well get where I'm going. Like, I understand some of it is, you know, limited sample size scheduling is not equal this early in season,

et cetera, et cetera. The O and two teams in the Big Ten right now are Rutgers, Michigan, State, and Wisconsin. That's it. everybody else has it has one conference one at least shit before i forget ryan day and greg shiano kind of scrapped why over what while their teams okay so their team scrapping so their team scrapped their team scrapped i'm sorry i can't believe i thought you would have heard about this by now let me let first of all i was this game first as an ohio state fan who's then in all things

um right right right or i abhor violence in all its forms this game was not close what as far as i know right of no and the incident where it happened the score is pretty relevant in terms of the saltiness and fault ryan with nine minutes and 32 seconds left in the fourth quarter and with the ohio state leading 49 10 by a margin of 39 american standard football points which are almost equal to the great great british points at this point it's a 1.18 conversion man fuck the british quit making me do that shit but the queen Made you go another three yards to get in the end go. Man, fuck that.

Anyway, since we play standard American unit football, by a 4-49-10, Ohio State is leading Rutgers, and with nine minutes and 32 seconds left in that fourth quarter, on fourth and two from the Ohio State 38-yard line. Ohio State, if I tell you they had the look they wanted, Does that phrase made anything to you for a punter on fourth and two with a thirty-nine point lead that the punter had the look that he wanted? Oh, man, you can't give the punter the look he wants. He's going to take it.

Why! He let it fly! Greg Shiano, you've read if you give a mouse a cookie, right? If you give a punter the look he wants, you're going to give up a fake. So the putter That's not why they fought, but it should have been. It gets better. So he hauls ass and he steps out of bounds

at the, it's wildly successful because he had the look he wanted, right? Very well coached. He hauls ass and he steps out of bounds at what appears to be the Rutgers 36, 37, somewhere around there. That's not the big deal. The big deal is that

The returner has flown all the way down the field from where he was waiting for the punt and he comes over and lays an unholy ass-wipping of a hit on the punter. Ryan, the punter is standing a good three feet in the white on the sideline when this hit arrives. In the middle of the Ohio State bench, which is fantastic that this guy for Rutgers was like, yeah, fuck it, I'm going to do it.

start a fight and immediately Karam's into him in the middle of the entire Ohio State bench and then things get chippy. The flags, by the way, excellent throw. There's like eight of them and they all come in from all directions from people who I don't even think are referees. Ryan's phone died. So now Spencer and I have to continue the space

without Ryan and without Jason. That's okay. We're going to make this for the 1,400, 14 people still listening. We're close to a perfect 14-11. I'm really excited to watch the... Ryan's still listed as a speaker, which is very funny. I'm very excited to watch the listeners just plummet as soon as Ryan leaves. Yeah.

Other things that I think we should mention today before we hit DeBrix, so to speak, besides Ryan Day and Greg Chiano, making nice after this, by the way. But going after it, and I was like, man, you know, With Greg Shiano, it's not so much that he could beat you in the fight. It's the bite afterwards and the bacterial infection you get from that bite that's really going to haunt you. Yeah, it's the fall that's going to, it's not the fall that's going to kill you. It's the landing. Yeah, absolutely.

I wanted to say that Kent State, the official Spank Me Daddy team of the fullcast after dark and the shutdown forecast. And we say that because every year, Kent State signs up for the worst four weeks of human experience to start the season, and then straightens things out nicely. The theory is holding steady, by the way. The first team, I think, in modern NCAA history, to have a 240-yard rusher and a

240-yard receiver and a 31-24 victory over Ohio. So, yeah, the Spank Me Daddy Golden Flashes movement, holding steady. What are you doing with your other hand? Fiddling. Definitely fiddling. Noises.

Thank you. Noises. in addition to that do you have any other anything else you wanted to mention before we took what was you know like a relatively uneventful week five mostly I'm just glad that my team didn't play today

because that means nothing bad happened I don't want to think about what's happening next week yeah oh yes and one and four Northwestern is in first place in the Big Ten West one and four Northwestern currently atop the big

10 West standings. Pat and our dozy lost to an interim coach today. Is he too? Thank you, Josh Legg for reminding us of this. The dudes is loose.

I'm glad that we seem to be, sorry, I'm doing that thing where I'm an editor, so I revised my sentences 10 or 12 times while I'm talking. And I do it a lot more when I'm sleepy. And we did our first Twitter space at 118.

am and it is 1.45 a.m. the next day. But I was thinking about it because I was thinking about Kevin Sumlin and how up until the arrival of Kevin Sumlin, I thought of Texas A&M as the moon. It is the moon. Everyone in it is weird. Kevin Sumlin and the Good Bull Hunting blog arriving, like within a fairly short time of one another, really just changed my entire outlook on Texas A&M and the surrounding culture because now it's like you know they're weirdos but there are weirdos and despite the fact that you know there are many parts of Texas A&M as with most universities that I find abhorrent one of the things that is great about the rise in not official access to players but in player access to us is that if we want to talk about a team's personality

we don't just have to pin it on the coach anymore right we can yeah we know about you know thanks to shows like t o'l monday nights at seven on the cc network we know about will leave us eating a banana with with mayonnaise on it you know we know where uh we we know where players accidentally got scammed for fake shoes we know whose mom was a professional wrestler back in the day and I'm glad of that because we love Pitt on this program we adopted Pitt as our in kind of like a leo-and-stitch situation pit is stitch you know a long, long time ago on this show and I'm really glad that we have other things

to like about Pitt football and other things we can cling to because I guess I'm just trying to examine the roots of how I feel this much affection for, A, a team that keeps thumping one of my most beloved rooting interests, and B, B, a team coached by, like, the boring brother of Bebop and Rocksteady. Yeah, the guy who, the guy who said, hey, you know that really successful offense? Hell with that. Tired of that. Who likes scoring? Yeah. Screw that.

I'm hiring the mind behind Boston College's 2020 offense. That's the guy I want. Somehow, and we all showed up this year, so I feel pretty safe saying it. Somehow our pit affection remains intact. And that's definitely in spite of the coach and his coaching, not because of it. And I'm just glad that we have more than one peg to hang our affections on with every team. I do want to note a couple of other teams that we are at least affectioned or sympathetic with today who had very good days.

Yukon, currently two and one in conference, by the way, and two and four overall. A 1914 victor over Fresno State. Don't say we don't say anything nice about the sad Huskies because you went all emo on Fresno State and they came away much worse for it. So congrats to them. Additionally, I would like to state for the record that we are turning it around at North Texas. It is difficult doing everything I do and coaching the North Texas Mean Green, but we've got it back to 500. We're three and three, two and O in conference in Kusa.

And we beat Florida Atlantic today, 4528. So there's nothing a little bit of hard work and smooth jazz can't accomplish. I have a confession. I think I missed the episode where you were the coach of North Texas. and I have no idea where that came from. It's from a full cast episode, the smooth jazz one. Yeah, I know. I can't remember which one particularly.

Okay. Oh, that makes it worse because I'm pretty sure I was on that episode and I just wasn't listening. All right, I'm going back to the end up crossing. We've done a lot of, we've done a lot of fucking episodes. Ryan knows the answer, but can't help. You know, Ryan, oh, Ryan says I wasn't on that one. Okay. That does make me feel a little bit better.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah. And in the Outlet Mall Bowl, congratulations to Coastal Carolina champions over Georgia Southern in the Tanger Outlets classic 3430 coastal wins. By the way, that game features one of the most insane hurdles. Just search Coastal Carolina hurdle on Twitter. And God damn, you'll see it. It's absolutely fantastic.

Who is buying all the Ann Taylor Loft at the Tanger Outlets? Because I've seen how people who live around that mall dress. where is all the Anne Taylor loft going? Sorry, I've been full on what is Brittany doing with her life mode at this point. Wait, one note on that, by the way, there is an everyday should be Saturday shirt at Lane Bryant, that's Stephanie Lane, who may listen to this later, brought to our attention. It's a tank top, and it sucks. It's a tank top. It's not a great tank top, but I will state this. It's terrible. They could not have tried less if they were trying to try as little as possible. Even granted that, I would never say anything bad about Lane Bryant. Lane Bryant. Lane Bryant's

done too much for me personally for me to ever be bad at them what do you mean Spencer not going to elaborate on that good night everybody good night