Shutdown Fullcast - Fullcast After Dark: Southern Baptist Theological Seminary Dr. Doom

Episode Date: November 6, 2022

Notes Spencer has a bold new social media strat Georgia fans sure have changed SMU and Houston make history! Clemson?  Stop pretending we don’t know who’s gonna win the Heisman Guess when we last saw a Miami team this bad. Please phrase your answer in the form of a decade! Let’s all practice Brian Kelly blindness. You too, Brian Kelly  Mods are asleep, everybody post Georgia Tech's win total and then compare it to A&M's An extended detour into Big Ten sexytime talk that somehow doesn't involve Holly Visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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code space 80 at talkspace.com. Mississippi State's kicker's name is Massimo Biscardi. What? Recording. Massimo. Massimo Biscardi. Oh my God. They're really going to do this.

I live in Starkville, Mississippi. Is Starkville the least Italian word in the world? Starkavila. Starkville. Starkville. It's my villa. Should I just start the space? Yeah, fucking fire it up.

Yeah, let's go. Twitter probably turns, shuts down at midnight. Yeah, who knows? Listen, this is great because Elon has to press the button. It's the only one left. There's no one else who can do it. Yeah, that's it. Kaiju,

the street and crime and pie. That's the best combo yet. Did you see, this is earlier in the game, by the way, where Auburn, of course, came back from like a zillion, points down to go ahead. Then while they were doing that, to call a timeout, Cadillac Williams, their interim coach, and yes, former Auburn running back, great, pulled his hamstring. No, I missed that part.

No, he pulled a hammy trying to call a time out. Like he sprinted down, called it, and then limped gimpily back with his hand on the back of his leg. Two things. One, are we waiting to hit a thousand per usual? Yes. Even though, like, probably a lot of people don't have Twitter anymore. are there a thousand people on Twitter let's find out

we got 980 we got 985 here we go here we go all right we hit it yeah the last space in the history of Twitter yeah Mississippi States field goal with short

so we're going overtime sponsors start the show let's start the show before let's start the show while the Twitter still exists brain genius Thank you. Fullcast after dark for men.

Welcome to the full cast after dark after dark. Scree! Scree! Mooh. The night cow! All hail the night cow! Welcome to our recap of the week that was in college football. I am Spencer Hall.

I am joined by Ryan Nanny, aka Celebrity Hot Tub, and by Jason Kirk, that's at the Jason Kirk, on Twitter.com. We're going to be here until the site stops working. That's kind of... This is the first time in the history of the shutdown forecast. We have plugged our Twitter handles. That's what I'm doing it. I want to be clear, he's doing it on Twitter to people who already follow us.

Yeah, that's right. That's good shit. I have to, what, when I have a chance to do this. On Mastodon, it's a long series of letters, numbers, and backslashes. And you have to, it's, you're going to need to learn Linux. Boost our toots, please. Boost our toots. Boots are now likes.

It's really simple. It's like emailing a person who has not email. It's so simple. Yeah, please join me in the non-sexual hentai and Warhammer room. That is, we can't just discuss things. You have to tell somebody in public. Please join me in the respectful hentai club. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Join me in the florps room where you can fave all of, of our toots. That's the idea. Let's let's also clarify that Holly is not here. I don't think specifically because Tennessee lost, but Spencer, you probably know best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was a no-go for the Tennessee game due to throwing her back out and is on the DL tonight. So everybody have a thought for the injured reserve. She's fine. She's just just her pack. But yeah.

on the DL tonight. So not because Tennessee lost. She was more than happy to face the music there. It was more getting through throwing out her back. So we're going to have to discuss. Oh, no, we'll have to discuss Tennessee, Georgia for her, which I've got like three seconds on Tennessee Georgia. That's it, which is Georgia's better.

George is better. They're better at football. Yeah. Pretty much. Despite the little number that was affixed to the team names a few days earlier. Yeah. Yeah. I would like to say one thing.

that I'm proud of not Georgia the team but Georgia the fan base for so quickly Georgia has Georgia fans have jumped to that like peak Alabama place where they beat you and they're like how dare you have the temerity to even envision a world where our team would lose you fool you fucking piece of shit you simpleton child idiot this shit changes so fast because like For years, Georgia fans were basically Michigan fans in terms of, like, paranoia and anxiety. We're winning by one point. Oh, we're fucked. Right.

Like, the Lord hates us and he wants us to suffer. But now they're like, we are God's favorite boy. And you don't even deserve to live in this town. Clemson fans were like this, too. But then now they suck. So they're back to Clemson fans now. Yeah. They turned it to Dr. Doom overnight.

How dare you question, Doom? How dare you? And I'm like, I remember when you were broke, I had more money than God. Is Georgia, so not medical doctor? Yes, doctor of theology. You can't spell national championship without nation, and that's what Dr. Doom has, and so does Georgia. Southeastern Bathist Theological Seminary, Dr. Doom. Please stop your prattling, less than mortal.

He believes only men can be Dr. Doom. psychiatrist with a two handicapped. Dr. Doom. I have a tea tie. Make it brief, Spider-Man. That's new Georgia fans. All of you. And by the way, it's going to be great when you go back to like winning four games when I don't know. Kirby is abducted by aliens in two years or whatever. We can't do this. They're Bama now. They're Bama now. Do we don't get to wishcasts like that? They're not Bama now. Bama's like a five and four team. Yeah, Bama. Bama is bad. Georgia's good. Bama's like Peak Mississippi State right now What does that even mean?

That's a phrase that means nothing to be Peak Mississippi State Yeah, Peak Mississippi State Ranked number one That's right Yeah, it puts some respect on their name, Ryan They were ranked number one Just like Tennessee, Tennessee was ranked number one

Yeah, it was very mean that ESPN was like Did you know Mississippi State is the only other team that's been ranked number one in the first college football playoff that missed the playoff entirely? Go false. Why did you do that? They do this every year. They're like, folks, you might not believe this, but Mississippi State was good for several weeks.

Remember that dipshit neighbor of yours? He was rich once, but then he blew it all. Exactly. Like, you walk out of the door and you turn on the radio and somebody's like, hey, Spencer Hall's never died in a plane crash before. He's the first guy named Spencer Hall to never die in a plane crash. I'm like, I'm getting on a plane today. Is that bad?

It's every ad. It's every stupid, like, bot-generated ad. see on a website that's like see how horrible this celebrity looks today it's like that's remembering Mississippi states one day in the sun yeah it's me it's me why am I on this site yeah 2014 Mississippi State football with the headline what's wrong with her god that would be such a great bot that you could put into people's browsers if it changed it one photo on those celebrity stories to you right like see how this child star grew up to ruin like what That's me.

Ugliest baby. It's a picture of me last week. I would also like to acknowledge that Georgia didn't just beat Tennessee. They did it in the two meanest ways possible to Tennessee. They completely dismantled Tennessee's offense. Mostly they're passing, or I guess most notably, they're passing offense, where for weeks everybody's been like they have all these receivers and they just scheme them open and you can't do anything. It's just amazing.

Every play is like, you know, 20 yards guaranteed. And it's like, fuck that. You get nothing. You get 195 yards passing. And on top of that, there are like, Stets and Bennett's going to stunt on you. Absolutely he's going to stunt on you. If there's one thing Stats is going to do, it's stunt. It's, it's just the meanest shit.

And then you look at his stats, and you're like, he only threw 25 passes. But he absolutely fucking stunted on. Yeah, and then they shut it down. Did a little bit of footwork on the way like he does? Yes. They did a little bit of, they did, I think, the most demoralizing thing, which is not throwing to Brock Bowers, but it's throwing to a guy named Ladd fucking McConkey.

Jesus Christ. And then the broadcast, because then the broadcast gets to do the fun thing where they're like, well, this team full of five stars just here we got, here we got a walk-on quarterback, throw into a two-star. because it's just humble blue collar Georgia football winning with anybody that they can. This is my favorite thing because it's like the band where it's like the drummer went to Berkeley School of Music

and the bass player also attended Berkeley School of Music and the guitarist studied with several avant-car jazz musicians. Fred Durst. The singer is Fred Durst. You're like, well, Fred's still getting it done, man. This biscuit is very limp. It is. It is so like, yes, and our lead singer, we found him working at a 7-Eleven. Also, absolutely fucking thank you to whoever pointed out that, like, slightly sad and perturbed.

Josh Hypole looks exactly like Bobby Hill. Exactly like Bobby Hill. Yeah, it's unavoidable. It's completely accurate. Oh, boy. Yeah, they didn't have a whole lot of answers because guess what George's answer was. we'll cover you in man that's it that was it it was like yeah no we'll just put a dude on you turns out we can do that yeah i feel like there was um this idea that like tennessee was just going to be running free i didn't see that happening i i saw georgia run in free yeah yeah

by the way captain clutch keely wringo keely wringo stats if you look at him for a collegiate career it's going to be like he made three interceptions and all of them were crippling back breaking Like, Keeley Gringo only bust out his finest for games where he could look like an absolute superhero. Much respect to him. Georgia also had the best fucking punter of the year in this game. The last team that needs a good punter. Apparently has an incredible punter. Has the best punter.

Has an incredible punter, a 74-yarder, I believe, that bounced out at the one. We should let Rodrigo Blanketship come back and, like, maybe not play for eligibility reasons, but he should just get to hang out and, like, enjoy all the cool vibes. That punt. should have counted as a full Iowa punt because it let's be honest there was a safety it didn't matter and like the next play was a Georgia touchdown anyway but yeah this game should have been even worse for tennis yeah uh by the way look I believe it it is Todd Monkin who's the offensive coordinator one of the few coaches that I'd actually be like yeah that's totally worth

whatever you're paying him yes and has been they're so tricky they are so difficult to defend in every single way because every time you go well shit stets is a problem they start running the ball and you're like well i don't know all those running backs are a problem and whatever you decide to fix they just poke another hole in the fence it's it's astonishing truly dogs you cannot control by with any fence

it is uh they're handful man i don't know they're real good that's my summary georgia auburn just lost Auburn just lost Auburn just lost huh yeah as Ryan ruining the tradition of winning the game after you fire the coach? Is that where we're at?

Yes, correct. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, when you let Mike Leach on side for no reason. Which at least ultimately didn't matter, but... Let's address another boogeyman for the time being.

Jason and I were talking about this before you got on Spencer. I'd be curious what you have to say. Okay. Is this a blood week as we stand right now? No. I don't think so. Okay. Like, I mean, even, even if you said that it met the print, that it met the print criteria for being a blood week.

It didn't feel like a blood week to you. No, because I think a lot of these, we kind of knew the rankings were a little borked anyway. Sure. And because until tonight, until tonight, the results were somewhat ordinary and predictable. I think nobody was surprised by Georgia beating Tennessee because of the way they did it. Tennessee was, what, a nine-point dog in that game? Yeah, yeah. So I don't think it's a Blood Week at all.

All right. Interesting, yes, intriguing by all means. Blood Week, no. Well, let's talk about the game that made that possibility the most likely. Okay. Clemson had no points entering the fourth quarter of their game on the road against Notre Dame. That had happened to Clemson, not that. Long ago, the season opening lost to Georgia last year.

Georgia, of course, went on to win the national championship with a legendary defense. Notre Dame has lost to Stanford and Marshall. The last time before that game that Clemson was shut out for the first three quarters of a game was a two thousand and three loss to Wake Forest. Oh, God. Is that a Bowden loss, by the way? Yes, yes. Yes, and it's like, oh, we think we got something cooking here. about it's not like oh this isn't working anymore yeah yeah yeah um yeah clemson uh clemss

looked like shit uh we have a couple of like uh sick man of europe teams to talk about tonight okay yeah by sick man of europe i mean wow you were some shit in 1615 ah it's 1740 though these other guys they don't respect archers anymore turns out if it's the i think clemson played their uh picked the wrong century to uh oppose the catholic Netflix because what a moment for that was sweaty turned out poorly

lost a bunch of papists and yeah lost extremely bad extremely like just a like the notion of being this inert offensively is astonishing to me

given the like and I mean even like free Deshawn Watson like going back to Taj Boyd like Clemson scored they scored they scored they had moments where that scoring was interrupted

see Todd Boyd getting housed by Florida State when we all thought Clemson was about to turn the corner but they've been in a morass for a couple of years that we thought okay well they'll just what they'll put in K. Klubnik turned the corner and here we go. That has not happened that apparently will not happen because they're going to allow DJ Uyong Lele

to flail and to throw pick sixes. Kay Klubnick played in this game. Oh he did play no no no. He had one pass and it was the pick. Yeah one pass was caught. Yeah it was was caught, not necessarily by the right people. What the hell? Like, is this just where, like, Ryan, I think you might have hit it on the head by saying this, this just isn't

working in terms of the way they do everything. I mean, Notre Dame's defense played very well because the number, even though the quarterback situation is the one that stands out as like what the fuck's going on with Clemson, and this includes Sacks, obviously. Clemson tonight rushed 25 times for 90 yards. Notre Dame ran the ball 47 times for 263 yards. Mm-hmm. Like this was, there are times where you get shut out because you are moving the ball, but things are bogging down, or you are missing field goals,

or you are turning the ball over in bad places. And most of these Clemson drives don't go past the 50. Like, until they scored their first touchdown, which happened with 10 minutes left in the game, after they're already in a 28-0 hole, I believe Clemson only snapped the ball in Notre Dame territory. It looks like three times, four times. That's it.

Yeah, man. Yeah, that's inert. That's a nerd. You're a noble gas. This is the noble gas offense. But you're a noble. you're noble and you're not doing anything you're certainly not doing anything to help again a great defense like the part of the team that didn't fall off right even though you lost your coordinator

you're still not doing shit it's unreal this this this this this felt on time the clemson uh not just a loss a decisive loss to an unranked team felt very very very very on time like this is this was anticipated you know what i mean like i don't know if people knew if it would be this or south carolina but like i'm glad we are now in a situation where it is less likely we will have to tolerate clemson losing a playoff game by 40 points and that being what you know 33% of the playoff for the well and it's not even at least from my perspective it's not even like oh i'm fucking tired of clemson i understand that some people are but like there is there there There has been no game this season of consequence.

It's like, yes, you beat Boston College 31.3. Fucking whoopty-do. There's been no game of consequence where you're like, oh, Clemson consistently shows that they, like, can do that thing. That they can be, like, an interesting playoff participant. And that's fine. You don't have to be that every year. Listen, they're still probably going to win 10 games.

Go to a good bowl game. very likely, they'll, like, what, is it looking like they're going to play UNC in the ACC in the ACC title game at this point? Yeah, yeah, I mean, this is still a likely conference champ, maybe an Orange Bowl, probably top, top 10, top 15 ranking for the second year in a row, and this isn't, you know, things are fine at Clemson, and, like, not wanting them in the playoff isn't at all, like, anything about being tired of them other than their head coach and his whole. you know personality but like it is specifically this 2022 team is bullshit this is a bullshit team

in terms of playoff level and they still might they still might end up in a spot where if you look at it and you're sort of there is a path where you're like well we have to give it to them they have the best they have the best resume out there yeah nah no listen it's not impossible here is here's the fucked up reason why that path exists spencer what's unc's record right now. Are they 8 and 1? They are 8 and 1. Yeah.

Are we really going to do this with the ACC, though? It could be a top 10 conference title game, and that could be the thing that gets the number four in there. Because here's the other thing. UNC still has to play Wake and NC State, both of whom are currently in the bottom, but hanging in the top 25, but are like interesting teams. Georgia Tech is frisky, if nothing else. That's their third team.

if they get to the ACC championship game undefeated, the irony there will be that then we will have a matchup of two teams who assuming Clemson wins out as well, who would be, this would be an undefeated ACC championship game, except they both lost to Notre Dame. I love Notre Dame being in this role because they are the original we'll take the playoff spot that we don't deserve. Sure.

This is them being like, brother, you don't want this life. We know it. We're going to keep you out of it. I'm going to do you a solid. Every year, every year that bullshit playoff team is either Notre Dame, Oklahoma, or Clemson. I'm going to serve this up, and I think there are two ways. I'm going to let Jason decide where we go with it. Jason, this win for Notre Dame was their six, which means they're bowl eligible.

What does that make you think of today? For me personally, wow. So there's a high road and a low road, isn't there? Yes, your buddy, we're on the same thing. You pick which road you want to take. The high road is, in fact, topographically speaking, actually quite flat. Yeah. Let's get the good news.

Let's do the good news first and save the fun stuff for later. Your bowl eligible Kansas Jayhawk. Put the shirts. Yes. The shirts have been printed. That is a thing now. And for the first time all year, I'm like, you know what? thinking about it that's a pretty good keepsake because it has an existence is 2008

Kansas is going to a ball and they could go to a decent one not only do they are like they they have a nice win they'll have a nice ranking they'll have an excited fan base that whatever bowl is you know um we'll keep that in mind but uh yeah beating Oklahoma state because I don't know Mike Gundy's busy um he probably runs Twitter now he's the he's the 8th and final employee of Twitter. He's like the head of moderation at Twitter probably. KU beating OSU with number nine last week. Nobody will believe that or remember it.

Beating him by 21. No. That's, so that's, that's, that's one of the, the best things about this Kansas team getting poll eligible is you look at the schedule and it's like, these wins are legit. Like all wins are wins. But it's like beat Houston by 18, beat West, Virginia on the road by 13.

Be fellow bowl eligible Duke. By eight. The losses are mostly close, or at least were close for long stretches of the game. Like, there is not a case that, like, oh, this is just some ephemeral bullshit. And, you know, good for Kansas, but they've had, like, a lot of lucky bounces or something this year. Nah, man. Like, Kansas has just been a very solid team. Yeah.

I would say unlucky balances. Unlucky bounces. Like they've had quarterback injury. They did this with their backup today. Let's mention that. That's right. The bean. Yep.

Not as unlucky bounces as, of course, their former rivalry partners, the Missouri Tigers, Jesus Christ, Missouri. Okay, please. You, no, I'd like you to explain this. No, no, no, no. I need to ask. Not responsible for this. All right, let me get to You tell me what the fuck happened

Because as it was sort of explained to me was game winning roughing the punter All right, I'm going to find The official like AP description of it Okay I'm just going to read this verbatim Incredibly it was the Wildcats Six and three Bull Eligible

Who benefited from their own special teams misfire, staking claim to a win, making them blow out, well, I shouldn't have said it the first time. Lining up for a punt on fourth and four from their own 41 yard line with 234 left, Kentucky long snapper Drew Perry

sailed the snap over the head of punter Colin Goodfellow. Remember, they were at their own 41, who chased the loose ball down at the four yard line. Goodfellow managed to turn back upfield and boot the ball away just as he was

tackled by Missouri linebacker Will Norris. A flag immediately came out and after a discussion the officials penalized Norris for roughing the punter determining that Goodfellow had remained within the tackle box and by resuming

a punting motion had maintained the protection of a punter. Goodfellow was injured on the play and was carted off the field. The play enabled Kentucky to run all but 38 seconds off the clock. They ended up winning this game by four points. Retained the protection of a punter.

This is some like... Diplomatic immunity. I was going to say this is like playing somebody in Magic the Gathering who knows the rules extremely well and it's like, ah, but I played this card combined with these other two and that means the protection of the punter still applies and you lose. Behold the protection of the punter. I cast protection of the punter. This...

Like, there's no indicators. there's no like hovering arrow over him and says like punter protection still applies. I'm going punter mode. No, I want to tell you, I want to tell you this, by the way. Colin Goodfellow, though he is named Colin. Yeah. And I think has a name that could easily be from our friends down under. Colin Goodfellow is not an Aussie punter.

And this is how I know that this was both an intentional play and that it could not have been pulled off with an Aussie punter. Because when Mark Stoops pulls you over on the sideline and says, hey, listen, this is the only way we're going to win this game. I need you to go out there and get absolutely maimed. Stay in the tackle box, okay? Go back like 37 yards. And, son, what I need you to do is volunteer to get absolutely dumped trucked for this team. They all say it would have been like, nah, mate. Nah, it's not worth it.

Not doing anything. So, sorry. I'll just go back home and go to college for free. Yeah, I'll go to home and go get health care in college for free. I'm, dumbasses. I'm 37. I've got two kids. Yeah, 37.

Can you do this in front of me grandkids? Do they say me? I don't know. Boy. Like, oh, Naur. Naur. Nour. But Colin Goodfellow, of course, is from Ohio.

So he's like, yes, sir. I'll get on it. Oh, fuck, yeah. Don't even pay me! This is the first living experience I've ever had. So this is now the situation that presents itself for our dear Missouri Tigers, who have also, it should be noted, lost to Auburn, in what is to date

Auburn's only conference win, I believe. Oh, sounds right. Yes, that is correct. I wonder what happened just before the game. Surely they didn't extend Eli Drakewoods to a two-year extension. And it should be noted, the Auburn loss was because Missouri, as they were about to score a touchdown and overtime, fumbled into the end zone. So what I'm hearing is that, yes, they definitely extended him this weekend.

For two years. So here's what presents itself for Missouri. Since bull eligibility seems to be the theme here, Missouri 4 and 5. Next game, they get to go on the road to play a probably feeling somewhat bad and mad Tennessee team. Not feeling great about that. Last year, I believe Tennessee ran for 400 yards against them. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Next, after that, they get New Mexico State at home. Mexico State not a good team so I'm willing to go to five there okay then they close the season with Arkansas let's flip over to Arkansas we will get to today literally Jesus Arkansas is five and four Arkansas just needs one win to get bowl eligibility

their next games are two home games one is against LSU and we're going to talk about what LSU did tonight as well and the other is against Old Miss and then they travel to Missou, so it seems incredibly likely, not guaranteed, that we are going to get Arkansas and Missouri stumbling into each other, both five and six, both with some incredibly stupid and painful

losses. This is a pain. And only one will emerge bowl eligible. Do we even want to acknowledge what happened with Arkansas today? um no i'm a we could we could adopt the mindset of their opponents and say um we're we're biblical literalists and it's this isn't in the bible therefore it didn't happen i don't fall for the devil's machinations and counterfeits so no you can you can show me the smoke but i'm not going to look at it okay because i know i didn't i didn't i didn't watch this game i just watched

god forbid on hulu the documentary about jerry fall well instead of any time Liberty football is on. Just watch that instead. You got the same experience. That was something I liked watching. Let's talk about the LSU. Since I brought them up, let's talk about LSU. You want to talk about LSU?

You want to talk about LSU? My tagos? My beloved tigers? Brian Kelly's Tegals. I am so, I'm just dandefinedly happy that my tigers put forth such good effort. Governor Brian Kelly's Targles. A chicken in every pot.

A Cadillac in every driveway. A win against Alabama every year. It's probably he like fucks it up by not knowing the animal that goes in the pot, right? Yeah. He says an animal Southerners, Anian, too. Yeah, a pig. I can't imagine what that would be now that I think about it. A pig in every small eight-court pot.

You can shove the whole thing in there. It's a pig in every cooler. is probably, yeah, that's it. A deer in every cooler that we just shot. A possum in every microwave. A 32 point buck. He probably fucks it up by saying like vegetables

in every salad. Boo! Yeah. I mean, Mirapois. Yay! Hey! I the kind of read I had on LSU before this was

that they didn't make a whole lot of mistakes and they kept shit clean um guess what they don't make a whole lot of mistakes and they keep shit clean and they stay level and they don't really make it too easy on you that's it that's it's pretty simple football on top of that let's like bring out this um they got a couple of dudes like seriously good dudes low and behold um let's give some credit to labor harold perkins if you have a name like harold perkins all right first of all right first of all you're born 42. There's no way that you're not a 42-year-old man if your name is Harold Perkins. Second of all, Alabama, whose offensive line has been getting handled for what feels like two years. Easy. I don't know what the big change was, but like both Clemson and Alabama in terms of

the sick men of college football Europe, both of them have lost contain on their offensive lines at the same time. They don't dominate. They don't push people around anymore. All those guys go to Georgia now. That's evidently where they go, because that's how Georgia manages to beat people up so badly with a quarterback. They picked up off the back of a truck behind the QT. That is a truck with sick graphics. A truck with absolutely sick graphics, right? That's why Kirby recruited him. He's like, the dude has the coolest truck. That's our QB. Yeah, like, think about it. He's got like 22 other roster spots, 21 of them. Kirby Smart spent 90 hours of film watching them, getting their blood type, analyzing their DNA, being like, these are perfect. And he got to the QB, and he's like,

I don't fucking care. Go get that bad ass dude with the truck from behind the QT. And it worked because he's like, bet. I'm going to be the greatest 5-5 quarterback in the history of the SEC. Is he old? Old as hell, dog. He's old as hell, dog? He can rent a car.

Damn. But he doesn't need to because he's a sick-ass truck. Because he has a sick-ass truck, you know? They're like asking him to chug a beer. Can he chug a beer? He could chug three beers at once. He can't because he's old. He's too old to chuck beer.

My Lamega. It fucks up my sleep. I got to be at work. Stetson Bennett has real, like, at the dealership. 60s quarterback smoking in the locker room vibes. He does. The Stetson Bennett discourse that,

obviously, I have followed it all year long. It's slowly starting to emerge. You're hearing it more and more. You're seeing it everywhere you go. There's a lot of people trying to talk themselves into various Heisman quarterbacks this year. Making decent cases. you know but I feel like you're all in denial

you're all going to come around it's not about who's the best it's not about who has the best numbers it's about which story do sports writers like the most Stets and Bennett's going to win the Heisman I told you all that months ago and I don't know why it's taking you so long to believe me I'll give you the lead you ready

yeah yeah it's a word people down here know it you might hear it in the wind off the oaky finoki Sometimes people say it at the diner where they get their eggs. We call it Swamp-Wise. That's right. Swamp-Wise.

And that's what's written on the side of his truck. It's fucking sick. It's written on the side of his truck. Championship quarterback. I just wrote the lead for your hackney profile. Go ahead. You fucking do that. Can I introduce you in a Jaden Daniels maybe?

Me? Me? Yes. Heisman voters? Okay. All right. All right. Because.

I won't speak for. Spencer. I'm referring to Heisen voters at large. I am a Heisman voter. Spencer is a Heisman voter. That's real. Yeah, that's always weird to process. Like, Spencer, I don't want you to take this the wrong way. It's really changed how I view the award. I'm about to take it. I'm about to take it the wrong way.

It's really changed how I view the award. See, here's the thing with the world, Ryan. People die all the time. Sure. And there's nobody smart to take their place. They have to be replaced by Spencer. So you just eventually if you just don't die

you get stuff that's how it works you're right you're right i hear you um like like you remember prince charles that guy was a absolute dufous hey he had to fucking wait he had to fucking earn it my dude rode the bench for a long

time he did a lot of not dying do you know how much british scout team he had to run so much British scout team they don't run those people don't run yeah they had that they had that dude like run a bureaucracy and like you know tiny little outpost absolutely he was like that you know buckingham palace was like hey the queen has a meeting with nepal next week and we need you to run we need you to be Nepal in practice he's like fuck I don't know their offense at all this doesn't suit my strengths why don't you go run a tea ceremony and Gibraltar you nitty and he did he did he did so but in that at work. Congratulations. You didn't die. That's how I'm a Heisman voter. Actually, that's

not. I mean, it's part of it. It's part of it. Yeah. If you had died, you would not be a Heism voter, in my opinion. People aren't replaceable, but chairs are. Okay. So all I was going to say is, like, Jane Daniels played his ass off tonight. Bryce sound was great, too. It's not that he wasn't, but like, Jaden Daniels looked great. And it made me realize something that this is going kind of sound, this is going to kind of undermine the praise I just offered. One of the biggest differences to me about Alabama, this year specifically, thinking about the last, what are we on? 13 years. A lot of changes for Bama around over that time. Sometimes they're run heavy. Sometimes they have a dynamic quarterback. Sometimes they have like otherworldly receiving talent.

whatever. But the one thing that feels consistent throughout that whole time is the quarterback they face always, always, always, always looks uncomfortable. It doesn't matter who it is. Doesn't matter how good he is. And the ones that don't, it's like extremely rare cases or maybe like too stupid to know he's in trouble. Yeah. But there have been several quarterbacks this year who didn't look that uncomfortable like jane daniels played really well but he wasn't running for his life most of the most of the game he had stretches where it was like okay he has time to sort of make decisions decide what he wants to do with the ball he still us to make the right one he saw us to make good throws but like it's not comparing it to how hend and hooker looked which was deeply perturbed having a very bad day

having a very bad day how he looked today yes how hen and hooker sorry yes how Hennon Hooker looked today versus Georgia versus how Hennon Hooker looked against Alabama or how Jaden Daniels looked against Alabama or how Quinn Ewer's looked before he got hurt for Texas against Alabama. Like it's not the same thing. It's not the same like the ball is snapped

and you are already fucked. That's not what happens anymore. Yeah, in years gone by for a quarterback to have a good day against Bama, it was like Chad Kelly bullshit, right? Yeah, or you had to be like You had to be supremely, physically talented on a level that not even they could handle. But you also had to be a hymbo.

If we're being honest, you had to be like a physically talented hymbo. Yeah. And now you can just be a good quarterback. Or you could just be a regular, attractive man. Or woman, any person. Yeah, yeah. We're inclusive. Jaden Daniels, they've done the funniest thing with him at LSU compared to what he was at Arizona State.

At Arizona State, I remember Jaden Daniels being one read and a run. And that running wasn't always forward or backwards. It was usually laterally. Like, Jane Daniels is one of those quarterbacks, like, ever so gently like continental drift floating to the sideline. And it's great because LSU appears to have just completely reoriented it. You have two gears, all right? Forward and more forward. That's it.

Don't go sideways. Don't go sideways. Just go that way. And it's amazing because as a coaching point, it appears to have completely revolutionized this game. He's like, oh, what? I'm not going to. No, you can't. Like, I just imagine them putting bumpers out there between the hashes and being, like, him running into them and going, oh, no, oh, sorry.

Yeah. Yeah. He's so much better. I don't know if I've seen a player in the country this year, like, smiling more. Like, he's having a great time. Like, which it's pretty weird transfer to Brian Kelly's team and you're happy all the time, but life's funny sometimes. This LSU team really requires you to forget that Brian Kelly is there. Yeah.

If you want to enjoy it. Yeah. Which. Which I am. He's been less caustic and exploits. because he's very like brand conscious you know so that's nice and like he got memed all summer long so he sort of laying low which is probably smart just keep doing that for everyone BJ BJ Ojalari and Harold Perkins that's it think of it think about what absolute

monsters they are yeah by the way Bryce Young yeah you're amazing this is the thing about Bryce Young it'd be really cool if you had an offense where the things that they drew up worked yeah they don't they don't you say you say that but like a lot of what makes Bryce Young fun is him having to work around that? I'm not saying it's not sustainable. I'm not a good plan. He's going to do, you know, three, five, seven of those type plays per game.

It would be great if all the other plays were just regular nice functioning machine plays. Right. You can't make the whole meal plan. Dad's making dinner. Yeah, exactly. Like you can't, basically what I'm saying is

all of these plays are very, very cool. but if you try what they do in the adult videos in real life as your only move, no one's going to have a good time. Okay? No one's going to have a good time. There's a lot of basic, keep the trains on schedule kind of shit that you have to do. Well, the trains were what I was trying from the adult videos.

So Bill O'Brien, you need to let Bryce Young just make out for like half an hour, all right? That's how, that's the first drive we're going to scroll. Phil O'Brien, you've got to let that thing simmer. You've got to get, okay? Because, you know, this oven's got one setting, and it's not going to win a whole lot of games. Jesus Christ. Do something crazy.

Do something I've never tried before. Here we go. Everyone's watching. It is. It's basically like, oh, well, levels isn't open. I guess. Figure in the butt. Figure in the butt.

I've never tried this. Figure of the two fingers go. it has to happen also i'm navigating around seven people to get it there yeah it's yeah it's complete oh my god it worked it worked i knew it work now what they've just got they've just got brys young out there without a script or help that's really what they've got and um he can almost make it work that's the most impressive thing about this offense is that brys young can almost make this work but he doesn't have a reliable, like, steady receiver, a go-to receiver, right? Like, we're in a universe where Fries Young, the most gifted quarterback, obviously,

not only in the SEC, but maybe in the nation, has no one. Steps in a racer, once again. No one he can really go to it. While dude we picked up behind a QD, I'm sorry, let's rephrase this, really nice dude we picked up behind the QT with a cool truck, has at least two, if not three solid weapons that he can go to on every single down. This is also Bo Nix erasure. 20 of

24. Two touchdowns. Two receiving touchdowns. Or two rushing touchdowns. I refuse to believe this is real. One receiving touchdown. Getting it done in the bedroom is Bo Nix. He moved to the West Coast and everything just started

working great. Just matriculating that shit down the field. Bo Nix is fucking awesome now. He's like leading the country and all the passing numbers. I mean, good for him, but It's a sci-op. Well, sure. I mean, like, someone earlier today was like, he's just, like, hands down the Hysman.

I'm not, I'm not fixate on the Hysman, but just someone mentioned Boenix is like, you're definite high. I'm like, did week one not happen now? Am I going crazy here? That shit has to count for something. Like, yeah, like the, I mean, it's. If you want to talk me into finalists, I'll go there. Sure.

And I don't, and I don't think the quarter, like, you have to give it to, A, the quarterback, B of the best team. Like, you don't have to stick. Well, I think that. because I have a battle defensive in it. That's right. It's like, like, Bo Nex-Hisen finalists. How many years did, like, was that a meme at Auburn?

Sure. It's, darn near almost likely. He's putting it all together. It's finally happening. He's a jocourse life. This is all a complete rebuke to the Southern lifestyle, right? Because Bo Nix goes somewhere where they're like, yeah, you should go outside more often because it feels good and not like Satan's sauna.

And he's like, man, it's pretty nice. out here, right? And they're like, yeah, you should probably just, like, you know, play loose because it's just football and it's just part of one thing in life. And he's like, you're right. Oh, my God. I could go kayaking or some shit. I could look at a waterfall.

Yeah, you could, like, sleep in on Sunday morning. Who gives a shit? Yeah, don't. Yeah, don't go to church. God knows you're there. Stetson Bennett's crushing a chicken biscuit in his truck. Yeah. That he picked up on Saturday.

That's right. Like, he did the thing. He bought double Chick-fil-A on Saturday. That's right. That's how Georgia, this man is. Before I forget, I wanted to mention back to LSU Bama. This result made a lot of people ask, is this blood week? Is this Blood Week?

And I agree with Spencer that it's not quite there. Because, like, Tennessee, Georgia, that felt really big, but Georgia was like a significant favorite. LSU Bama. Bama's already lost a game, tried to lose several others. LSU was top 10. Clemson, okay, yeah, that counts. That's a big chip.

That one definitely counts. And then there's a few in the teens, but, like, K-State losing to Texas, Texas was favorite, right? Like, so, like, your case for Blood Week is, like, Clemson, Illinois. Illinois, who we had in the playoff, you piece of shit. Yeah, that's right. Literally all my ball projections are in tatters because of what Michigan State did to my line. Actually, that's not true.

Some of them are more likely now, but. What is the shape of a stable beam you can build an entire building around? That's right. The eye. The eye beam, and it failed. You're engineering was sound, fate was not, okay? Fucking, fucking one of six on fourth down, Illinois, you idiots. From Edward Alexander on Twitter, he suggests we call this Blood Orange Week,

which I, Tennessee lost, Clemson lost, Illinois, lost, Oklahoma State, last, Sydney, lost, Oregon State lost. I know an orange team. But Texas beat Kansas State. I know another Orange team that won. Oh, is it time to, hey, hey, speaking of bowl eligibility. Texas A&M. Lost to an orange team.

You are down, you're down to the wire. Texas A&M now has to run the table. They have to beat Auburn, UMass, and LSU. They've lost five games for the first time since 1980. And now we're going to play a little game where I'm going to run you through the 1980 Texas A&M Aggies and the five games that they lost. Hold on. Let's all do a lot of cocaine because it was 1980, which as we know from 1980 to 1982, the high school class. that did the most drugs if you were born to high schoolers sometime between 1980 and

1982 and you're wondering why did I not do that well on the math test that's why so foolish that the the the the survey data is like no we were incredibly cool and nobody's ever I trust these I trust these numbers completely I assumed that the survey was like that exactly you had to be doing those drugs at that moment right like in front of the survey taker that is like five percent of high school seniors are like, yeah, we did PCP this week. No, you didn't. You didn't. I bet. I think it was 10%. 1980, Texas A&M. On the morning of October 11th, woke up two and two, having gotten pummeled on the road by number 12, Georgia, who obviously went on to a very successful season that year as well, and having lost at home to Penn State, who also went on to a pretty good season.

Then this is what they did. They lost to Houston in the Astrodome, 7 to 17. That was a 7 and 5 Houston team. In front of all of Texas. They lost to number 13 Baylor. That Baylor team is pretty good. They went 10 and 2 that year. They lost that game 746.

They lost to rice, 6 to 10. Was that a good rice team? No. That was a 5 and 6 rice team. It was after 1940, so... Yes, no. They lost to SMU, 27-0. That was a...

That makes sense. And okay. An okay SMU team. This is right when SMU is starting to match the gas. And then they lost to Arkansas 24 to 27. That was not a great... That was a Lou Holtz, Arkansas team. Compare that to losing to Mississippi State by 18, to Bama by 4, to South

Carolina on the road by six to Mississippi at home by three and to Florida at home by 17 I think 1980's worse because it has a 10-6 loss to rice but we're so far I think I think they also had the excuse of again being high on 10% of the team doing PCP before kickoff the I think I mean it make you really good at defense you add in a loss at Auburn next week. And does that top a lost around? Yeah. Especially this Auburn.

The other thing we're not mentioning, nobody expected 1980 Texas A&M to be good. Yeah, they weren't paying their coach. Even ingested for whatever, the number were anywhere near $100 million guaranteed. Actually, that'd be amazing if we went and looked back and they were still paying their guy 95 mil. They're like playing.

Tom Wilson was fucking loaded, dude. They're playing like, they're paying some dude name Slappy Ferguson, $95 million. That's all the money in the world. Yeah. A&M. What's fucked up about this game? Texas A&M led this game 2420 at the half, had 300 yards of offense, despite having, like, a fifth of the team out with the flu.

They were playing really well. They were playing well. They were playing well. And also, Florida was doing a bunch of dumb shit. Yeah, baby. And then they just didn't score again? So remember that prior to Conor Wegman getting reps last week and scoring a bunch of points and throwing four touchdowns,

that the joke was that they had not scored more than 24 points in like a year and a half. And then they scored more than 24. And do you know where they topped out and just stopped scoring against Florida? 24 points. That's it. Haynes King was in there. They stopped at 24 and they were like, tap out of points.

Too bad. There was a run by Anthony Richardson who had a very nice game in this game where he went around the corner. He was on a boot and he was going to throw and he had levels. And he looked at one level and he was like, no, I'm going to go a little bit further. And he went to a little bit further toward the sideline. And he was like, I think I'm going to get like three or four yards. Surely someone will come tackle me.

He got about three or four yards down the field. And he was like, puss seems pretty lonely out here. Think I'll just continue mosying up looking for a friend. Didn't find anyway. Just like 60 yards. TD run. Just straight up the sideline. Nobody touched him. So these are the teams

in Texas that are bowl eligible right now. I think I have them all. TCU, Texas, Baylor, all eligible from the Big 12th. UTSA and North Texas from Conference USA. Rice is one win away. Rice is significantly

closer than Texas A&M is. Utep still got to win two games. So they're not knocking on the door quite yet have i left anybody out i don't think i have um i want to talk about a team that took a big step towards bowl eligibility sure uh towards Texas state is three and six so they're they're Texas state and Texas A and them are in the same fucking boat uh in fact two two teams one of them is five and four after tonight and the other one is five and four so with their next win they will attain ball eligibility and i hope both of them reached that because they participated in a

piece of NCAA history tonight that is correct i am talking about houston at sm u oh god a 77 to 63 victory for the smu mustangs basketball season already jason jason if i told you that tanner mordecai smu's quarterback through nana mortica through nine touchdowns how many pass attempts do you think he had 19 that would be really awesome spiritually you were right 37 is the answer okay every fourth pass was a touchdown that's bad shouldn't let that happen counterpoint that's fucking awesome way to go tanner mordecai David clingler holds the record with 11 passing touchdowns he did that in 1990 and he needed 58 passes to do it I love games like this where the opposing quarterback also has an amazing game and still loses.

In this case, I am talking about Clayton Toon, the quarterback for Houston, who has to be so goddamn tired right now because he threw for 527 yards, seven touchdowns, three interceptions. So he got a bit of yardage in, a bit of cardio in chasing those down, I imagine. And was Houston's leading rusher with 111 yards on 12 carries and a score? He accounted for eight TTs by himself, and he lost. I'm delighted. This is so good. They had a combined 65 first downs between them.

They had one, they had 1,352 yards of offense between the two teams. That's amazing. And the bulk of this was in the first half. Yeah. Like, they slowed down. God, damn. They did. They did slow down out of, the other team that slowed down today, God, I'm just

going to bring this up briefly. So Florida State obliterated Miami. Absolutely obliterated. And this is when I knew that I should turn the television off. I remember it so crystal clear. Miami is near midfield on their side facing like a fourth and five. there are 11 minutes left in the second quarter at that point I want to say they're down 213

again there are 41 minutes of game left and Greg McElroy of all people says well you gotta wonder if you start if this isn't the point where you have to start going for it on fourth with 41 fucking minutes left in the game and based on the final score 453 he was right they should have been going for every fourth down

what would it have mattered They got absolutely tuned up in this game and Florida State completely pulled, like, pulled way back. I would, I looked this up because I thought I had hallucinated it and I had not your preseason ACC Heisman frontrunner. Like which quarterback in the ACC, which, you know, coming into the season, there was a pretty good supply of, you know, rich quarterbacking talent to choose from in terms of perspective post-season.

season awards, Tyler Van Dyke. It was Tyler Van Dyke. I felt so he barely played in this game. And when he did, it was, I legit felt bad for him. He looked so hurt and so physically incapable of being out there. But he was trying, you know, he wanted to try. But I mean, this is just, this is, this is the fucked up thing about it. Two years ago, and I know the COVID year doesn't super count for a variety of reasons.

It's just a different time, et cetera, et cetera. Two years ago, Miami won this game by a score of 52 to 10. Yeah. And now they're just getting destroyed. Yeah. Uh-huh. I think one interesting fact about Miami is their like half of A&M's power conference wins. That's half of what A&M's hanging their hat on.

So looking at this, the historical record, this is the worst Miami team. Like, unless they really turn things around, you have, like, the 2017 that went five and seven, but wasn't horrible. You have, like, the 97 team that went five and six, but wasn't terrible. This is, I think you can make a strong case. It is the worst Miami team since before Schnellenberger. And even, like, some of Miami's horrible 70s teams that won, like, two games, they were playing, like, incredibly difficult schedules, like, top 10 teams, every week like yes the 77 team is playing you know it's like yeah they got their ass whoop but they're playing ohio state pin state bama and notre dame like this is possibly the worst

miami team since the fucking 60s they they're only fbs wins are over the two virginia schools who are both bad this year and they're both like narrow ugly wins sorry they're only power five wins they beat southern miss as well but yeah this is look i get that it's a it was a decision to rebuild and you know the recruiting has shown some promise and maybe this year just doesn't fucking mean it and and on the other side of this florida state got off to a terrible start under mike norval so it might maybe it truly does not matter but this year it is quite bad it is um oh the other thing is um speaking of this game the uh like lSU as a like as a you know as a title contender or whatever um that like

complete bullshit fSU lSU game in week one that you know it was it it's sort of like registered as like a pre overreaction kind of game like oh we're going to make too much of this but then we like uh we were so like uh know it all smart about it we better not make too much of this well now look it's one of the most important games of a year because otherwise LSU would be like a title, at very least, the SEC's number two title favorite, if not for one of the dumbest games of the year. Everything matters, folks. I've come to a, this is not really related, except that they do play Miami next week. Georgia Tech has more wins than Texas A&M this year.

No. Georgia Tech is four and five. Do they have as many wins since firing their head coach as A&M has this year? Yes. maybe there's the solution and and and honestly they've beaten pit and duke and that's probably better than A&M's best two wins yeah those are two bowl teams right uh is I think I think pit is I don't remember yeah pit's five and four just beat Syracuse they still get to play Miami so that's this wretched market can you listen listen Pat Narduzzi anti-foot

ball his way into a ball game i know it's very worn out at this point to be like nobody's at the miami game nobody's going to be at that less miami game at home hosting pit absolutely nobody got to see if pit makes the mayo bowl fuck that'll bring him out mayoble no longer in here i don't think i uh i really i i'm just i'm stunned at how i i i'm just i'm stunned at how i what on earth what on earth do you sell Miami fans on based on any of this?

I actually think that's not a worry. I think you'd just say like this team is super beat up. This is not about this year at all. And who can't, like, it's not that different from what Florida has done this year. Florida is, you know, Florida's what,

one win better has played, you know, a reasonably tough schedule. but like I think in both of those cases these are good examples of like yeah the first year really doesn't matter the year after that well you can't be this bad in year two you can't you can't be this

feckless in year two but this year it doesn't matter busted out feckless it is the correct word it's real bad yeah they ain't got no fecks yeah no no not one feck in the not one feck in the building

hey buddy feck you also bowl eligible now After basically leaking, if he loses to Virginia, we'll fire him. Louisville has ripped off four wins and is now six and three and ball eligible. It turns out he's a beloved coach. His players are rallying for him. They still have to play at Clemson, home against NC State, at Kentucky. So, like, this might have been the very last way to get to it.

But, man, he really took that. He really was motivated by that. say he's going back to app state man that's what's happening it's uh not impossible looking at the end of the schedule here oh boy that's my favorite thing

that Louisville is like we were looking at like at the beginning of the season it was like listen let's just end this let's just end this both of us won out we won out now now like it's just like you can't get rid of you he's like

now Louisville's like oh he agreed to go to therapy with me fuck I can't end God damn it. Oh, damn it, I like his new haircut. He's doing it just despite me. He wants out, too. I do, I do. I just keep showing up for this.

Also in the ACC, I just want to know, I feel vindicated for never believing in Syracuse, and I just will never do that. I'm just completely fine being a Syracuse deniercule. Does Syracuse really rewarding? Does it, it hurts me when you do that, Jason, as a Syracuse supporter? I'm just like if Syracuse is 10-0 and I'd be like no that's that's fake they're gonna pull they're gonna pull this together we're gonna we're gonna write the ship gonna get back to the winning the winning bullshit football that got us as far my favorite early game was Ohio State Northwestern it was extremely a Northwestern game it was like 7077 for like just grand stretches of the time all the weather sliders were set

The weather continually got worse and worse and worse, and northwestern fans were sort of like, it could be viewed as ironically cheering the bad weather, but like, no, they were very sincerely aware that like the shittier this gets, the better for us, because the closer it is to Pat Fitzgerald's personal brand of anti-football. It's like, I can beat this bear if we fight in an aquarium. Yeah, yeah, bears can't swim. Get wet, bear, get wet. How do you beat Ohio State? Bears can swim. it makes them bloated and sleepy but the best shit was Northwestern's players there was a point where like the rain really picked up in Northwestern's players started cheering like a really

hype song just came on the PA or something or like they just got reinforcements or like stone cold just ran in to back them up fuck yes it sucks out here did you see the footage of Brutus getting his ass beat by the wind out there imagine as bad as it was normally putting on a three foot wide mask

got head and wading out into that he's got to be like wearing a sail Brutus gets it a lot like Brutus got beat up by the Ohio bobcat he got beat up in the Rolly Ball thing earlier this year Nature took him out

I'm trying to send a message Brutus man Brutus needs to hit the weights but he does have very skinny legs which I can't imagine Ohio State fans are okay with oh bro bro bro bro bro no we put some fucking jinkos on Brutus bro.

Yeah. We need to beef them shit's up. He's got a couple of pipesters right there. So I will say, I mentioned that, seeing Brutus with the umbrella made me wonder, like, how well one could swim in various mascot costumes, and I got the following response from Mr. Andy Reed. My cousin was walking to class in East Lansing once, and she looked over the Red Cedar River Bridge and looked down to see Sparty rowing a canoe by himself.

It didn't look like it was a lot. part of any bigger thing just a giant warrior enjoying a nice afternoon on the river just seeing what the persians were up to with their whole i did see i did see the hawks mascot in atlanta once just driving around on a moped like full on just chilling on a moped like there was no event there was no nothing he was just i think they were like we don't have anything for you to do today why don't you just go like die in traffic and he was like cool yeah mascots are people depending on the season, that might have been preferable. This is where I know that among the mascot heads of lore and all of the things that

have been done while wearing the mascot costume, I know for a fact that somebody has had sex while wearing Sparty's head. I just want to remind everybody of this. Somebody has... What about Sparty's arms? I imagine this is probably more common. Put them on. Put them on.

I'm going to put on. It looks so fucking sick. It looks so jacked, bro. In terms of Is This Blood Week, I think. I think USC and UCLA are closing the door on that. They're both significantly entering in the second half. Northwestern outgained Ohio State. This game was a weird fucking game.

It was like they were constantly like getting near a smid field, which you wouldn't expect them to do, right? Whereas Ohio State was kind of like every drive was all or nothing. So like they made their yards count. one of the best parts was when the weather really got very strange and was like aiding northwestern puns significantly like whapped an 80-yarder wind-aided punt it was the most roger sherman shit i've ever seen they might beat ohio state because their punts are doing crazy stuff it's at last my vision has come true i i can't believe we've gone this far if you've made it to 1237 uh waiting to hear about the most

important football story of the day and I'm like when are they going to talk about it when are they going to get to it oh my god I can't believe they're putting this up we're finally putting out right now I'm going to go ahead and give it up unleash the dragon Iowa Hawkeyes 24 Purdue three taste the vengeance of Spencer petrus 192 blazing yards through the air I love that what was it was like three or four weeks ago and Ryan was like is he ever going to top two? 200 yards again or whatever and like no day when they score 24 it's like nope wouldn't it's simply unnecessary I won't be doing it how many do we need one hundred and ninety two and

not a yard less or more that's right bombs Spencer treat petrus dropping fucking nukes on the Purdue defense they're bombs they're like they're like um cartoon balling ball with the fuse bombs you know lots of it's going on it's just it's just great because like it's not that the offense is per se fixed no but you know kirk ferris is like this is what it's supposed to see i told you this is what it was supposed to look like this is perfect vindication we beat purdue Purdue should not only yeah yeah um but yeah so just just just one one thing Yeah, yeah. Haters.

Take note. Take note. Uh-huh. That's all. Iowa and Nebraska. It's still penciled, circled. That's still the, you know, the, um, it's not as sicko as it could have been, but still, still very excited for that game.

That's just the dumbest shit, man. It's so dumb. We have a little fascinating thing about Ladd-Bacocki, by the way. from friend of the program, Ben. Do you know where Ladd-McConkie wanted to play football and where all his family went? Wales. Close.

Also, a rocky place where many people hide underground. That is correct, Tennessee. Ladd-McConkey's entire family here. Yeah. And do you know, and he wanted to be there, and according to Ben, the recruiting at UT wanted him there too. Guess who said no? Guess who said no?

It was like... Cap and asparagus? himself. That's right, Jeremy Pruitt. A little mini Fomer was like, you know.

I don't want lads. I want men. You come back with your man, McConkey, you hear me? He doesn't even have a cool truck.

Somehow this logic doesn't work for him, but it does work for Kirby. Yep. One more team, listen, this happened much earlier

in the week. Yukon is one win away from bowl eligibility. We're so close. We're going to do it. We're getting there. It's so fucking close, man. It's going to be so good.

The tricky thing is I'm not exactly sure if they have a home, even if they... Doesn't matter. Pull it off. It doesn't matter. Print the shirts either way. Eligibility is all we care about. The shirt just says bowl eligible. It doesn't say played in a bowl.

It doesn't say invited to a bowl. It doesn't say want a bowl. Eligible. That's right. All it says is bachelorhood. That's right. I'm out here. It's all that matters.

I'm out here. I put myself out there. Did you put yourself out there? No, man, we declined the invite. But you know, zero numbers gotten. But, you know, I feel good at tonight. I'm talking to some bowls. Yeah.

What boy you play? She goes to him. She lives in Canada. She lives in Canada. It's international bowl. You probably haven't heard of her. She hasn't been around for a few years. It's more of an online thing.

Khan's really just been sitting at home playing Final Fantasy 7 again. It's the remaster. Yeah, you know, you wouldn't know it. You know, you've got to be, you got to know, if you know. The weekly Nebraska mention, I think the mention that has happened was insufficient stat from Max Olson. Every Power 5 program has been to a bowl game since 2017, except for two Kansas and Nebraska. One of those is going to change this season. We're down to just Nebraska.

It's amazing. Also a note on Twitter. Maybe the last cool thing that ever happens on Twitter. The following words are trending. Roll-tide, what? Of course, the response is, fuck you. Did we forget anything at all in our vast survey of everything that happened? today. Air Force won the

Commander-in-Chief trophy. That hadn't happened in a while if memory serves. Yeah, they have planes. TCU's still undefeated. And TCU is almost certainly going to be in the top four of the playoff now. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they'll probably they'll have a chance to rank ahead of

Clemson and Bama now, as they already should have. Already should have. Are they this year zero? We thought Clemson played a tough road environment and showed metal at the end. Our fourth quarter metrics are really what we have a top 10 defense and a

top 30 offense. We watch every game. Let's make sure to send us. We thought Texas Christian University was insufficiently aggressive on the piety matrix compared to Clemson. We watched the game and

they do not have a top 10 defense. Send our biggest nerve. Our biggest fucking nerd out to talk to the public about football. The way the committee spoke to people talk is like they talk like kids who are looking at the back of a like sports card for the first time. No, that's not what I, I actually relate to it a lot because what the playoff committee is doing when they do the press conference is they're explaining to a child, it's just because I said so. Right. I don't want to tell, I don't want to explain why because I know my reason isn't very good or concerned.

I just don't want you to do that, and I want you to stop asking me. Do you want to get to McDonald? The child is the one looking for, like, rigid consistency and logic, and, like, you said I could go to bed at 9.30, but I'm going to bed at 9.20. Why? Because I have diarrhea right now, and I don't want to tell you that. Because I'm on ESPN. Alabama is where it is, because it is easy to put Alabama.

Yeah, because daddy has to poop. But mom, you said, if TCU won all their games, they could come over. Mommy has a hangover. I know what I said. And I watch all the games, and I have a hangover, so you'll let me do what I want. Listen, mom doesn't trust DCU's game control, all right? Does it have anything to do with the fact that Mommy slept three? hours last night because mommy was up watching the latest season of great british bakeoff yes yes

no i don't i don't think we miss anything if we did there's nowhere else to listen to it because there's no other college football podcasts i mean there was there's no other um no other twitter so yeah rapidly running out of options folks yeah shouts out to the app state fan who showed up at the texas a oh my god just to make sure they're dead like like to be clear the best explanation is that that guy never left, right? My house in the walls. I'll leave when you want me. Yeah.

Yeah, according to a couple of people on my timeline when I posted it, they're like, yeah, I just walked past him. He's a real dick. Good. He should be. Yeah, you know why? That's his stadium. Maybe you should show some gratitude that he's.

lets you in there. Hey, I'm your wife's new boyfriend. Why don't you go to the grocery store, get me some lunch. Yeah, imagine you're like, your kids call me dad. My wife's new boyfriend is kind of a dick. Well, yeah. Did you expect to get along with him? Yeah.

I mean, that arrangement is a thing, but if he's a surprise to you, that's probably not going to happen. It's like this guy's, like this guy's having sex with my wife. Well, that's, you know what? In an AppState shirt. A&M's not going to be good until Jimbo embraces polyamory. I think that's the missing piece here. That's where it all went wrong at FSU if we remember correctly.

It's called 12th man, Jimbo. Yeah. I really wanted to get through this without making fun of Jimbo. Why? Well, because, you know, you got to keep the good stuff fresh. You don't want to drag it out every week. Not at A&M, you don't. You can just tread out the same.

shit five weeks in a row it seems we better get used to this shit man it's like what eight years left on the contract we're gonna do this every week forever i don't know if you saw today but like he's trying to make a call on the sidelines and he's got a whole fucking spiral notebook in his hand like a whole entire spiral notebook and a folder and then there's a play sheet on top of it they won't run my system my beautiful system they massacred my boy he totally looked like every junior lawyer and every movie about New York in the 80s, right? Like, do-do-do-do-do.

He's got to show up for his first date. He's like, oh, oh, oh, spilling papers everywhere. Opening the briefcase. The judge looking at him like, new here. Oh, no, megelabines. Yeah, exactly. Do you have a law degree? I do.

There's lots of, like, I just misplaced my, and he's patting a sport coat. If you just, if I could just have 15 minutes to run home and grab the paperwork it's like we're in the world's worst meat cute with him every single time he appears on camera right like whoa my papers they should just put him in a mex suit covered in playbooks they can afford it they should do this they could that's it there aren't enough you know what the problem is there's not enough plays if those aren't winning you need more plays that evidently those are the wrong plies so next year we're going to have five many

place. We're going to have to make 100, maybe 500 more plays. Who knows how many plays there might be? I'm just going to keep calling them until one of them works. That's what we're going to do. You see what's happening with the old

place. Of course, can't throw them out because sometimes they work. I better keep them off. My precious minerals. Like, that's him. What the fuck, dude? He's a hoarder of plays.

There are people who there are people who call offenses without a fucking note card. And he's over there with my entire seventh grade locker and his arms. Earth Sciences wins a lot of football games. You don't know that. I'm not saying it's not that hard. I'm just saying your symptoms could be a little more elegant, buddy.

All right. We're going to wad it up gym shorts. That's where we're going to try this time. All right. Defenestration of Prague on three. One, two, three. Here's a note from a girl named Anna. We're going to try that.

All right. Got the yearbook here. the yearbook order for him. Which one you want to run, y'all? There's bubblegum that's been there since 1964. Like the Peyton Manning Colt, the Peyton Manning Colts offense ran like seven plays. They ran like seven plays and Jimbo's like

nah. I'm going to take these five stars. Yeah, Peyton never beat Florida either, though. That's right. So what's the answer to? All the plays or no plays? There's nothing perfect. God, the minute he gets his hands out of TIA-84,

boy college football is going to change 85 that's not enough plays I need TI 95 that's how many millions I got that's how many plays I got 95 million I had somebody I just lost to Miami on drug wars

shit no you didn't no one loses to Miami is my name is my is Miami and drug wars is that tutorial level or final boss level Well, you know, if some schools or basketball schools, Miami is a drug war school.

Yeah, yeah. Miami's E-sports team since 1994. Hey, you guys are playing a game when you're doing that hacking the government thing, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's definitely a game. A fun, silly game. Yeah.

I was just looking at that, and I was like, man, man, we really, we fucked up. We should have gotten into a better grift. Apparently, Cal just scored, but it's still a 13-point game. Again, I only believe Cal when it hits 60 minutes and they've won. That's it. Everything else before then is just twiddling. It's just the universe twiddling its fingers. Cal fans will appreciate this.

They know I'm right. Yeah. All right, y'all. We've reached, I believe, the end of another successful and flawless forecast after dark. Congratulations for Brian Ferrence for having sex. and unleashing the full power of the Iowa offense. Was he the one who had sex in the Sparty hood? No, no, because that was many years ago, and that had been the case.

Michigan State also scored more points than usual, so I think Sparty himself had sex. Yeah, Sparty was rowing that canoe to go get some ass. That's what he was doing. It's doing what all people in Michigan do. They're like, I gotta go get laid, getting a canoe. Go get some ass. Is it like everyone has to mate with someone on the other side? It's an old French trapper tradition, right?

You take, you go out in the yellow canoe. The yellow canoe is the sexy canoe. Oh, geez, I'm boat horny. Yeah. I'm heading up to the UP. That's why they call it some. To get some for my peepee. Yeah, that's why they don't call it like, you know, like going out or like, you know,

looking for smas. They call it crabbing the ore. That's a famous Michigan thing. Is that what row the boat is supposed to mean? It means something way different in Minnesota. Yeah, it does. It means crazy stuff in Minnesota. Yeah, don't just trot that out in a Minnesota bar and be like, yeah, you're rowing the boat.

They'd be like, oh, oh, easy. One person down the bar is like, you rowing the boat tonight. It's Easter. Calm down. Yeah, geez. I think that's illegal. I've only butch of seven drinks. Let's at least wait until drink 11.

It's breakfast. Yeah. All right. Thanks for joining us. y'all was that the most stable the spaces it might have been it might have been man it was actually pretty rucks on tonight he went fired whoever fucked up the space