Shutdown Fullcast - Fullcast After Dark: The Sunniest Blood Week

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

SHOW NOTES: Ryan is lost in the ether Raccoon noises, explained Blood Week, settled A sermon is given Texas and A&M further tank the statewide energy crisis Emergency career guidance for Bama players who commit penalties The launch of Gene Chizik’s local Emmy campaign Iowa math as party drugs Follow @IsThisBloodWeek and visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

That is, we're going to wait for everybody to file in here before we get moving in earnest. Yeah, Ryan, I don't even see you as a listener. Cool. It's doing the thing it did last year. We're doing so well. We're having so much fun. We are over 1,500 listeners. 1492.

That is correct. Scott Frost will come in a smallpox blanket. And soon we'll be gaining one once Ryan is able to join. Once Ryan's able to hop on here. It says I'm in it, but it won't let me request. a speaking role so this is the shit it pulled last season we made it all the way to week too i've been fired we're we're waiting to get ryan on here because of course we can hear him and he sounds wonderful go on without me the funniest part is right before the call we actually did the most

orchestrated shit we've done in months we were like okay you say this and then you say that and like that was the entire plan for the show but the plan relied on right Ryan had a role to play in that plan. This is what we get for planning two sentences. Once again, I would like to point out that this is Twitter, fucking up, and not us. No, not us. For once, it's not our fault.

It just won't let us invite Ryan. We can't see Ryan. He's invisible. It also won't let me leave. Okay, listen, if you're out there, I promise, once you hear the full version of this in podcast, it's going to be really funny because we can hear Ryan right now, but you can't. He's talking shit about all of you. Yeah, y'all just, yeah.

He's saying the meanest and funniest things. God, you could only hear it. Ryan, I'm going to scream. Well, go ahead and scream. They can't hear you. That's true. Hold on. Ryan, are you sure you're in Twitter?

Are you looking at LinkedIn? Oh, you know what? I am looking at LinkedIn. Sorry. Yeah, that did it. Are you on Facebook again, Ryan? You know, I just love that grind. Love that grind.

Hashtag grind. Hashtag grind set. I'm going to restart my entire fucking phone. I love you, buddy. Ryan, green bubbles nannies caused him the problem again. It's just, it's just, it's just, the guy breaks the group chat with his little green bubbles. Right.

Oh, man. Did you hear what Tim Cook said? Yes. To that dude. First of all. That dude works at Fox Media, and I know him. Mm-hmm. And I think it's hilarious that Tim Cook said,

hey, you poor bass. We're having a conversation with Ryan that none of you can hear. Buy your mom and iPhone. When the real baller move would have been like, here, take my old one. I don't even fucking want it anymore. Wow. Oh, you're going to hear.

What's that one? The 4S, the one that's good? Hold on. I know, and you may not be able to hear Ryan, but here's what you're about to hear, all right? Yeah, but. Oh, is that a cold one? Is that a cold one?

Oh, is that a Coors light? This is, y'all, this is a cold one. Are you guys being dudes right now? Oh. Sounds great. Yeah, doesn't that, don't I make a delightfully seductive sound when I'm drinking a cold one. We are over 2,000 without, without starting the show. I think this proves that I'm not necessary.

No, right now. Not bullshit. Yeah, I will, Ryan is currently starting his, his leper of a phone, his absolute. Green bubble. Fine. Green bubble, nanny. It appears to be a weirdo. It appears to be.

but I've sent the request. Oh, we got Ryan in the chat. Look at that. Ryan in the chat. Motherflies. Look at Eddie Murphy's beautiful face. Oh, wow. Hey, you want to do a show?

All right, time to fire it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to fire it up here. Guys, let's maybe not say the F word. Arizona and Mississippi State are playing. Hi, Big Sky, by the way. One of our most loyal list. Thank you to whoever from a big conference listens in on the official conference account every week.

Two most loyal listeners, Alex McDaniel and the Big Sky Conference. We are now also joined by the Southland Conference. Oh, shit. We're collecting all of FCS. No, hello. Right, start the show. Yeah, by the way, we're also joined by somebody referred to only as the Beast. I love it, man.

It's great. Beast wants you to start the show. Fullcast after dark for men Welcome Fullcast after dark That's a low energy howl What does a raccoon say? That's pretty good.

They kind of chitter? Sure. They chitter as they feed. I think a raccoon says like, hey, are you going to use all that trash? Yeah, because I love trash. What if I say yes? Just let me hold some trash. Too bad.

Just let me do. Speaking of trash, Spencer. Hey, man. What's up? Smooth. All right. Everybody's been asking for, I don't know, six-ish hours now. now, maybe any longer.

God. Blood week, not a blood week. Let's you and I try to hash it out a little bit here. What's a blood week, first of all? Define this for us, counselor. What is a blood week? So we have a more formal definition somewhere, but fuck if I remember what it is.

Briefly speaking, a blood week is a week where the rankings just go whoops and you've got a bunch of upsets. They're like actual upset, upsets not, oh my god number 19 beat number 17 can you believe it you need like a certain number of i don't know let's say top 10 teams to lose you want a sprinkling all the way down you definitely don't want all your losses clustered in like you know the let's say traditionally uh Tennessee portion of the top 25 hey Tennessee's undefeated and we'll get to them I was going to say, Tennessee won today.

We're going to talk about it. Don't look at them. So, given everything that transpired today, and we can go through the case if that would be helpful. But what does your gut tell you right now? Blood week, not a blood week. If I'm going strictly on a vibe-based decision here, and I would, because anytime you lay out criteria for me, I lose them very, very quickly. Either the paperwork disappeared or I just forget what I'm. talking about. So based strictly on vibes and on the number of teams I saw take absolute

headers off the Hoover Dam today. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say, I've seen enough. I watched a bunch of teams that were ranked absolutely shit their collective feds. Yes, blood week. I pronounce it a blood week. What about you? Ryan, what say you? In the spirit of needless debate and legalism, I'll take the negative case. So I'll say this, if Texas had beaten Alabama, no question. No question, you're right. It's a blood week.

But looking down the rest of the schedule at least as it's played out so far, Georgia, Ohio State, Clemson, all went easily. A&M did not. We will get to that game. That's weird. Notre Dame did not. So we've got, if I'm looking out of here, I've got six and eight losing two unranked group of five opponents.

I've got number 12 Florida losing at home to Kentucky which does count for these purposes but Kentucky's number 20 and also kind of normal something that's kind of happened recently it is now it is now we live in the world where Kentucky beating Florida is normal yeah it's cool it's cool and I love it no I've put this shirt on and it smells a little but I can still wear it in the store yeah then I've got number 17 Pittsburgh losing to Tennessee and overtime which was, I think Tennessee was favored in that game. So it's sort of like, does that even count? And then the other two that qualify for this are number 19, Wisconsin, loses 1714 to Wazoo. I do want to talk about that game later because that's some of the stupidest sequences you'll ever see in football. And number 25 Houston losing to Texas Tech. Texas Tech was also favored. That game went to double over time.

so I will say I think it's close but no cigar but it really doesn't matter because I'm not in charge of Blood Week and you're not in charge of Blood Week Nope nope I think it's time by the way to summon the key master to announce the name of he who definitely shall be named the portal master himself the one who can unlock the secrets of a Blood Week Jason Kirk holder of the title enter the discussion please and i looked and behold a white horse he who sat on it had a bow and a crown was given to him and he went out conquering and to conquer he was the kansas j hawks winning in morgan town by two touchdowns in overtime what the fuck he was also georgia southern winning at nebraska when he opened the second seal i heard the second living creature saying come and see another horse fiery red went out and it was given

to the one who sat on it to take peace from the earth, and there was given to him a great sword so that four FBS teams would lose to FCS teams on a single Saturday. When he opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, Come and see. So I looked and behold a black horse, and he who sat on it

had a pair of scales in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four living creatures saying, Wisconsin lost to Washington State. When he opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, come and see, so I looked and behold, a pale horse and the name of him who sat on it was death and hades followed with him and power was

given to the kentucky wildcats over the fourth of the earth with sword with hunger and by the beasts of the earth to defeat the florida gators when he opened the fifth seal i saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of god and for the testimony which they held and they cried with a loud voice saying how long oh lord holy and true until you judge noterdame for losing to marshal i looked when he opened the sixth seal and behold there was a great earthquake and the sun became black as sackcloth and appalachian state beat Texas A&M and the moon became like blood. I am pressing the tweet right now from Is This Blood Week on Twitter? Yes, this was a blood week.

We had entering the season. All right, everyone agreed. We had three title favorites, but we have six teams with basically realistic chances. Notre Dame and Texas A&M were in that discussion. They both lost teams that were in FCS within the last decade or two. A&M entered on the hottest recruiting streak in the country, number one class. Like, this is the team that this is like the only hope outside of Georgia to top Alabama in the SEC. They lost app fucking state. I will argue that the app state result is more proof that it's Blood Week than the Marshall

result because it was weirder. Like, Marshall beat Notre Dame A, in part because they ran all the first. fuck over them and their offensive line was successfully getting a lot of push on Notre Dame throughout the day but also because like Notre Dame continues to have like a real quarterback issue and the issue is that the quarterback looks at whoever he's going to throw the ball to and Marshall says oh it's going to him I'll count to three and then I'll go take the ball from him Notre Dame had numerous chances to get back into this game late and they pushed away the life raft at every point they they really

did and you know I said that they had basically like put the nail in their own coffin yeah sealed them up they were putting super glue on the inside of that coffin like nope don't give me out of here nice in here and like Marshall had a pick six that effectively sealed the game but before that they had like long long long long scoring drives of like 70 plus 80 plus yards where it's like these are not these are not sort of like fluky weird confusing things where it's like wow Did you see the, like, gadgety eight-yard run that Marshall ran on Notre Dame? App State, on the other hand, Texas A&M only ran 38 plays in this game. I one time went on like a 10-minute rant about Yukon playing the worst offensive game I've ever seen,

and in that game, I believe they ran 35 players. A&M, far better situated, and with a coach that they are paying, and we have to pay a total of 95 million. $38. Here's the weirder number to me. So App ran significantly more than 38 plays. Texas A&M had one sack and four tackles for loss on defense. App, despite only being on the field for 38 plays of Aggie offense, had two sacks and six tackles for loss. Appalachian State had an eight-minute drive, a six-minute drive, another six-minute drive, a nine-minute drive. And these weren't even necessarily that productive.

Two of those drives ended in a misfield goal and a turnover on downs. The nine minute drive ended in a field goal. They held the ball for 40 fucking minutes. And they went for it on fourth down a bunch of times.

Technically they went three of five. The last fourth down was really just the last play of the game. So they really went three of four. But all of the fourth downs were fourth and one. They averaged six yards to gain on third down there was no like like they just refused to let A&M participate yeah by um my quick math uh Jimbo was paid $16,000 per snap by A&M's offense today like this this

is the one that is like just baffling because like if you said oh if Marshall can like establish the run and win the turnover battle be like yeah that'll happen And if you said, well, for App to win, A&M has to not play one side of the ball entirely. I'd be like, that doesn't make any sense. Oh, this is how it happened. Cool. If you were wondering, maybe Appalachian State is a sleeping giant defensively. Last week, they let North Carolina put 567 yards and 63 points on them.

By comparison, this week, that same defense held A&M to nine goddamn. Well, to be fair, they got a lot of practice on defense last week, Spencer. To be fair, to Jimbo. That's true, but they didn't get over the Mendoza line when it came to yardage. 186 total yard. That's it. And a kickoff return touchdown, I believe, as well. Yeah, and a kickoff return touchdown.

Otherwise, you're looking at 17-7. Which, honestly, I'm sure the defense was like, oh, cool. A kickoff return touchdown. fucking great i guess we'll get back out there for another eight minutes thanks a fucking lot you couldn't just wave you know they'll give it to you at the 25 you couldn't just do that all right cool hey speak where's holly by the way has anybody seen her i heard her for a second uh holly is she around hey hey all right i'll put it to the room does anybody know how to get a hold of gregg abbott i don't have a number not not in like a i mean the governor of texas no yeah no do we know okay

Do we know if there's like, I know that he's encouraging Texans to report their neighbors. Not just report, sue. To help, right, to health and human services for seeking life-saving medical care. And I just want to make sure he knows there's at least two abortions today that I'm pretty sure he missed. You can sue. There's a big one. There's one in Austin that lasted like four hours. There's another one in College Station.

I can give him televised footage. Anyway, you want to talk about somebody who needs to worry less about D&C and more about defense and catching? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Good evening, Greg. That's correct.

I can't find the actual hotline. I was going to try and find if there was an actual hotline and we were going to call it on the show. But I can't find like an after-hours number for Texas Health and Human Services. Coach Abbott, we got to keep our offense out there on field, coach. I will say, all of the problems Texas has had with the power grid,

we came very close to being able to store like a year's worth of nuclear energy off of Texas fans bragging about beating Bama while A&M lost to App State. That would have solved all the energy problems. So absolutely close. But you know, you can't keep the defense off the field with a power run game if you ain't got no power, Ryan. So it ain't happening. Wow.

Yeah, the Saudis taught us that. God. at Texas A&M. Yeah, Texas A&M satellite campus in, I believe, Dubai? This isn't a joke, they have one. It's somewhere.

In space! In space, that's right. At least they got something out in space. Maybe we need to send Jimbo there. That might improve the offense a little bit. Here's the fucked up thing. The state of Kansas had a fucking bang-ass day in football. Well, I mean, Kansas having a better Saturday than

Texas. We were kind of used to that by now. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Dude, how good a day? How good a day was it for Kansas, though? Because who did Kansas State beat? Kansas State absolutely hammered. Mizzou. Yes. And they did it with Taylor Martinez, just letting Taylor Martinez being good at the things he's good at, and not, I don't know, whatever Nebraska does all of the time. Yeah. So further enhancing Kansas's day. Like, their greatest historical bully just lost to Georgia Southern. What a good big 12 day, like historical big 12 day this was. It's Godfrey in here because this feels like his dark Brandon moment,

and I just want to make sure we capture it. You add to this, Texas Tech tweeting a crumpled Red Bull can at the Houston, at the Houston. Listen, when Dana wakes up in like three hours, he's going to be really mad. He's going to be mad because he's got to look at that can and be like, there's still meat on that bone. You throw that away? Show some respect to our.

fallen soldiers. Hey, if you drive to Illinois, they'll give you 15 cents for that game. I use every part of the buffalo. Let me tell you, brother. I chew on it to brush my teeth. And meanwhile, the thundering herd buffalo used every part of Notre Dame, so it's a circle of life. It's perfect.

I have a word of advice to every Alabama player on the roster who suspects that they might not. Is it involve a giant UPS box? Yeah, take that giant UPS.S. putting yourself on on sark's doorstep in a basket with a bonnet here's what you do gogoo you just get a little you just get a little double-sided tape you put it on the appropriate flaps on that box you address it to a school that might be interested in you maybe somebody else offered you and

you were like now i'm going to bama do you know how never i would get into a closed mode of transportation with nick saven after i'd been even near that many penalties being committed regardless of whether or not i was responsible for them in any way don't go home yeah You can't go home. Hit the bricks. Leave. You don't want that practice. You need to quit.

I mean, keep playing football, but go do it somewhere else. Nothing good is going to happen to you for a minute. Get the packing materials of your choice. For instance, if you want a bunch of bubble wrap and you just want to like bubble wrap yourself into a box and then sit there and pop them to keep yourself amused while you're shipped from one destination to the other so as not to be spotted by Alabama's five, go right ahead. because you have 15 penalties for 100 yards in a game against Texas that you won by one point.

You don't want to be there for that practice. You don't want to be there for the next one. The next week is going to be a living hell that you can excuse yourself for. Take a vacation from purgatory. Transfer, get out of there. Hell, go to Northern Alabama. It's lovely up there.

You know the worst part about all those penalties? I have a, this is probably a very Florida theory, that like not all penalties or bad penalties sometimes you were you were you were throwing up the you right now yeah it is it is very it is very my advantage like you were footballing too hard or too excitedly or you had a ref who just like decided nope this is the day where i'm calling a lot of defensive pass interference whatever like i kind of put those to one side but problem for bama is that they had five false starts and three off sides penalties in this game and that's not footballing too hard. That's just footballing wrong.

Yeah. Nick hates it when you football wrong. That's footballing when you are at least supposed to be footballing. That's the kind of footballing you do when you're distracted by going on the road outside of the conference, which I would remind everybody, is something that Bama hasn't done in a real long time. But we root for Florida, so we can't talk shit about this. We can't as long as we acknowledge the same. It's a lot of. long way. I like sleeping in my own bed and I'm scared of pooping

anywhere else. So that's really what you tell people when you don't say... Luckily we're recording this. Space is ended. Yeah. Yay. Yeah. Are you... Oh, God. Just keep rolling and see if we can fire it up. If not.

We two part two, the sequel. Before that happened, we were like 500 people above our previous eye. Famed, Texan, Elon Musk shutting down our... Oh, Hercot came for us, folks.

I'm the first one in the space. Oh, now, Ryan, it's established dominance. Now, I will not let anyone in. Do you remember when we were trying to figure out what was going wrong, and the Twitter engineer's suggestion was to make sure that we hit the button first? Yeah. Hi, everybody. Things are so sweet over here.

That wasn't our fault. No one pushed any buttons. no one pushing any buttons how could it be our fault of no one push any buttons maybe we were supposed to push buttons press press press x to continue uh we're back over a thousand oh man twitter spaces you need more quick time events that's yeah oh yeah press be be beat beat beat we were probably talking about how you should absolutely put yourself in a box to mail yourself to another program rather than go to alabama practice this week i think that's what you're sort of around i just don't want to i don't want to make icons

with Nick at this time. Did you see, there's a photo of him smiling in the press conference after this game. Of course there is. He gets to talk about rat poison now. What's the opposite of rat poison? Because now it's going to be all like, oh, it's time to write my... Cat food. Cat food.

He's tuna. Just give him a little... I think the opposite of rat poison is a rat. Oh, shit. Mickey Mouse. The media. Who does Bama have next? Who does Bama have next? Let's see.

Bama schedule well I'm not the one that made us that said we were number one that was you that was you people oh wow I love that song an old friend comes to town next for the Alabama Crimson Tine Louisiana Monroe

oh god I'm sorry let me say so much to let me say it like Stephen Godfrey Louisiana Monroe Monroe yeah Monroe Monroe and yeah you all that was not good

So ULM, it ain't worth it. Somebody has to suffer for our sins, ULM, might as well be you. The athletic department can probably make it through another few months without this check. ULM, you don't need it. They probably can't, actually. A few months, I said. I don't know if that's true. Have you seen the heads that the sunbelt took today overall?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just take out a loan from App State. They got money. And what's our other producer, Michael Serber, texted us right before we went on air. Sunbelt schools were paid $4.1 million to beat Power 5.000. That's more money than Jimbo made today. Can I talk about one more stat that I just love from this Bama, Texas game? Oh, sure.

Can anyone give me a non-stupid way to get to 19 points? No. No, it's all dumb. 19 joins 5. and would you take two touchdowns with two point conversions in a field goal that's stupid no that's stupid two two point conversions that's not stupid for you that's not stupid for you but somebody i mean sorry stupid in the context of the game okay pretend i'm lane kiffin who's never few two points conversions like like this is you've allowed two two point conversions something in this game is

sideways pretend i'm lane kiffin showing off for my friends against an fcs team i mean it's cool but it's stupid. Not a Sunbelt, too. I guess it's cool and stupid in late infant's case. Most cool things are stupid. Grad school is like 16th grade. Is that Godfrey again talking? Yeah, that's really nice.

Hey, I've got a Redwood hot tub at my place. I know, it's Oxford, Mississippi, and it's 90 degrees and 70% humidity. But, you know, it's really nice. Should come over. It's also just like, Texas almost did this, having to play their third string quarterback for, points for like a decent stretch of this game yeah yeah because the starter out and the backup playing fucking hurt yeah like within minutes this game turned into oh man I remember the 2009 title game

when this exact same thing happened and well guess what happened in that game they almost pulled it off despite losing the starter that's the part that repeated that that's the part that's amazing also there was a whole like when you were getting hurt it happened on the kind of hit that I absolutely hate but think it's just like unavoidable if you're playing a collision based game and that's where he got hit

right he'd already let the ball go the guy finishes the hit and when he does he lands on the guy right and when you land on the dude like sometimes it's accidental sometimes it's not it's so impossible to tell because you have people running as fast as they possibly can

towards each other and then asking to pull up and a hit at the last second, right? I don't, I don't know what the, I said this like a bunch of times today. I don't know what the defender's supposed to do. For instance, in a game that Kentucky won completely fairly because they beat Florida's dumb ass, all right, up and down the field of the second half. But there was a call for roughing the passerer of Will Levis. We're like, I really don't know what the defender was supposed to do. He wrapped up. He hit low. He avoided going to sideway. Guys, he's talking about Florida again. Okay. Hey, it's time for me to bring up my favorite stat about, you know,

how I know Texas Bama was a good game because 20 minutes apart precisely 20 minutes apart we got the following reader assessments first from I am boiling I'm convinced this is the worst possible outcome Alabama wins we have to listen to Texas think they belong and complain that they got screwed 20 minutes later from R.E. Golf Bama looked awful and Texas got their hearts broken best possible outcome as far as I'm concerned. Play that Choo Choo song. Just be positive Why not? Take it. Kansas is 2-0.

Take it, all right? I think that the most beautiful games are the ones where you can see whatever you want in them. Bama and Texas is a perfect crystalline sphere. Rankings are in the heart. If you want me to rank, if you want to go ahead and say, hey, you were 12 and you lost to a 19, that means that you should at least get 12. Screw that. Pick one of those nice spots.

Take a four. If you want a three, maybe take a two or a one. It's all in your heart. It's week two. You put your team wherever you want to put it. Who put Duke Northwestern on this Google document? Me. Not it.

Me. Why did you do that? Because I heard somebody besides me say Duke football on television while I was flipping channels, and it was as close to an out-of-body experience as I believe I've ever had. Also, Duke now has a transitive win over Nebraska, but somehow now that feels like an insult to Duke. I think that's interesting. That's all.

That's all right. Let me just remind you who was Texas A&M's defensive coordinator and kept them in a lot of games over the last two years and did a fantastic job and then got a job at a school and left A&M to their own devices where they hired DJ Durkin who allowed Appalachian State to, I don't know, play most of the game. That's among the least offensive things DJ Durkan has allowed on his watch. True, true. Everyone made it out of this game.

So good job, DJ. Mike Elko is the answer, by the way. Mike Elko, the current head coach is Duke. Hmm. Duke Flickville? Hell yes, Duke football. Did they show Gary Patterson at any point during the Texas spam game? I didn't see.

It was hard to tell because he had a white polo on and so you couldn't immediately clock his moisture levels. Okay, I didn't see him, and I was really hoping that that was because they couldn't show him because he was in that, like, oil pool that the baron is in in Dune, that that's where he's calling the defense for. Except it's orange. But it's also oil. But it's still oil. Tang must flow. Orange oil. I mean the drink.

I think, yeah, nice. I think they can show that during big nude Saturday, which also, I think, is the reason Bama struggled. They have never competed in a big nude Saturday before. They've never been exposed to the orange oil. But by the way, it's taco juice, right? Like, it's the juice that comes out of a taco. Yeah.

You funnel it into a giant reservoir. You put Gary Patterson in it. I feel racist, and I can't figure out why. I regret saying this immediately. Of course, so does Gary. But my brain cannot imagine Nick Saban taking his clothes off. Like he's the kind of person that I think he goes home. Like he's a doll where the clothes are molded plastic on to him.

They're not fabric? Yes, he's just like. I could buy that. Oh, time to get the shower and my clothes. Now, is the showering shirt also a polo underneath whatever polo he is putting on for the day? Yeah. He has some sort of a grafted skin polo. He molds.

He molds polos. You know he has that button on his desk to close the door so he doesn't have to get up and do it, right? There's only one other person I remember hearing about having this, and it's not the same story at all, but please, go ahead. All right, so he has that. This leads me to believe all of his clothes are secretly tear off. I mean, they're just Velcro, they're right here, so he could just get straight in the shower and just. Yeah, but not for, I was going to say, but not for entertainment, right, for efficiency. There's no, there's no, there's no, there's no way he worked with Lane Kiffin, and Lane Kiffin never tore his clothes off if they were tore away, just as like a prank.

During a game. That's why, that's why he got, that's actually why they made him leave after that one game in the Georgia Dome. I wonder if they, um, one of the, the sideline shots of, Sabin B-rating Kiffin was because Kiffin tried it, Saban anticipated it and wore decoy tearaways that day. Oh! And I knew you would fall for it

with a little piece of shit. Where they just looked like snaps, but it's all sewn together. Fuck. It's like a band uniform. What are all these buttons for? They don't do anything. Everyone saw you doing that when you should have been calling the offense, you idiot. Everyone saw you try to get me naked. Is this maribou? When you should have been

calling a naked bootleg. God, I can't do that. Hey, speaking of defensive coordinators, Gene Chiswick for the second week in a row, we beseech you, man. Got some words of Chisdom for you, brother. Okay, I will say that at the time at which I began worrying about Gene Chiswick today, I was also worried that they have Notre Dame next week. I'm no longer quite as worried.

That's a get-right game. I'm worried, but now I'm kind of worried for everybody. Like watching your child leave. home with an underage driver? You know what's fucked up? There are going to be some voters who look at the App State A&M result

and they're like, well, UNC beat that team so we got to rake them. They're three and no, so we got to rake. Oh my God, Gene, go home. Gene, go home. You have a family that loves you, I presume. Go home. You don't have to live like this. You can go back on TV.

It's not too late. You were great on TV. There are no touchdowns on TV There are no long third down conversions on TV Yeah You're one of the few people I know Documentedly has money I've seen the number Also you lived in Auburn

The number that you got for coaching Auburn And the number that you have to spend To live in Auburn Brother, you're good for like 500 years Gene Chisick Do you want a local Emmy? Because we'll get you a local Emmy, my dude. We'll campaign for that. Who in C is going to be like 8 and 0

and Matt Brown's going, Matt Brown's going to be like, I can't do this shit anymore. I'm going to, it's time for, it's time for me to get, I'm going back to television. Like, he just materializes in the booth on a Friday night at 1130. Like, I've been here, what the hell are you talking about? I've been in this booth right beside you this whole time. And Gene Chiswick looks up to realize he is now the interim head coach of UNC. Oh, fuck. Oh, God, what a nightmare.

He's the one in, and like this, and the playoff committee is like, they're 13 and oh, what are we supposed to do? national title contending head coach yeah oh god buddy go home it doesn't have to be this way he's got the pedigree he's he's won before oh i mean you know that's all that's all technically true he did win do you want to fuck up his emmy chances rockabai bitch Mac, by the way Mac looks stressed Mac looks like this season is putting it on them Mac looks like his skin is tight

Yeah, yeah He looks like he's been in the freezer A little too long If a person can look freezer burnt Without ever being in the freezer That's how he looks You don't know what he does He has chapped ass of the face

and it's old the whole thing North Carolina football is chaffer's at maybe he just snowboards a bunch that Chapel Hill it's right there hi I'm Mac Brown

I'm about to go grease this half pipe Mac Brown can I get you to say shred the gnar real quick Henry Kissinger and I won a tandem

X games medal in 1994 nobody talks about that anymore I am shredding the gnar Seriously, this whole week, not a heart murmur from Henry Kissinger. Not one. Not unkillable. You know what keeps them alive? It's a lot of skateboarding.

That's what keeps them alive. Sick Ollie after sick Ollie over at trash can. Here's one of the best tweets I saw all weekend. This comes from Marissa Barton. It's kind of nuts that Brian Farrens is still our most egregious example of nepotism in a week that Charles became king. And this. ladies and gentlemen is when we'll talk about the fucking iowa iowa state game brian weighty katie there let's do it elastic hoe wipe out like there there were there was more

than there was more than one there were several moments where i was like matt campbell's going to lose this game again matt campbell's going to drop to i think it would be oh and six against iowa he's won two games against Oklahoma. He's won two games against Oklahoma State. Everybody else sort of in the middle rung of the Big 12, he like punches with consistently. And he's going to be 0 and 6 against Iowa in the dumbest in most miserable ways possible. Like when they got those 20 yards of penalties called against him at the, I was like, this is how it happens. This is, this is exactly how it happens. But thank God, Matt Campbell, you didn't have to do that again. Because God damn, I didn't want to watch overtime back in Iowa we know you don't like it when we talk about you like this but the

problem is you keep making it very difficult to talk about this game in other ways this is maybe I am misremembering and I frequently do it feels like the Iowa anger at Iowa doing this shit is much higher now than it has been like in years past it just sort of been like well we just play big tough football you're just mad because we just we take it from me and You're just jealous. You just want to be honest. Before there was a mix of that and secret frustration that they didn't want to admit. They're admitting it.

They're openly admitting it now. But to be fair, things are far worse than ever before. Yes. Spencer Petrus is so unfortunate as a quarterback that like- So coached by the Ferensis, yeah. That whatever you, full-cast listeners, say about Iowa and their offense on the internet, and Iowa fan is saying something worse. Can I go through some Iowa statistics?

My only statistical research this week, as a person committed to watching every hour of Iowa football this season, yes, this game was better than last week's. Jesus. So Iowa scored seven points. We spent a great deal of time last week enjoying the fact that they got to seven points in the stupidest way possible. This time around, they didn't do that.

They got them all at once. That's bad. they lost um iowa gained 166 yards in week one their season average yards per game then went down played a better team played a better team yeah iowa is on pace i was on pace to gain 1,896 yards this season they can't keep up this pace you might say but they've literally already played their only FCS opponent. They still have to play Michigan, Ohio State, and a bunch of teams that are probably

roughly as good as Iowa State. The point is, Iowa is on pace to gain 1,896 yards this season. Let me give you the entire list of FBS teams that in this millennium have gained fewer than 2,500 yards in a season according to sports reference. The list is Kevin Steele's

2 and 9 Baylor Bears from the year 2000. That is the list. Note, Iowa would have to improve in order to gain that many yards this year. Yeah, but Kevin Steele got the Tennessee job for a little bit there, so... Iowa is now averaging 2.79 yards per play this season.

Here's the list of FBS teams, this millennium, that have averaged worse than 3.4 yards per play. 2002 Rutgers, which went 1 in 11. Iowa will need to improve by almost half a yard per play in order to be better than Greg Shiano's worst team ever. You shouldn't average a three-and-out? You shouldn't? That's what that is.

That's averaging a three-and-out. It is. Like, that's so bad. You could go for it on every fourth down, and we're still like, ah, it's pretty dicey. Yeah, it's not even averaging a like, oh, a decision to make three-and-out. It's like, yeah, I got a pun again.

Well, perfect. I was 2.79 yards per play is even half a yard worse than 2011 Alabama's defense allowed per play. So far, Iowa has turned South Dakota State and Iowa State into Nick Sabin's most Nick Sabin team ever, okay? Iowa is passing for 3.86 yards per throw. The only full season number anywhere near that in the last 14 years is 2009 New Mexico State, which threw half a yard per pass better.

Last one, Iowa's on pace to score fewer total points than the 1 in 10 ULM Warhawks of the year 2000 who only played 11 games. This is making me sad, like, this is making me sad at this point. But I feel great. So scoring seven points the hard way at scoring the Iowa touchdown against San Diego State, or I'm sorry, South Dakota State, the total, the weather that day. Do you recall the weather? It was about 72, 74 degrees per year.

delightful fall day, all right, late summer, early fall day for Iowa football, seven points. Today, in driving rain, the entire game on a wet track, it was about 55 degrees, and Kirk Parenthood was sitting in a white t-shirt looking like a wet hen on the sideline. How many points did they score? That's correct, seven. Iowa football is so miserable and so inefficient. weather doesn't affect them i call them dependable rain or shine they will score seven points i think again we just have to remember that this is clear evidence that brian parents does not have

sex yet he is not strong enough to beat up his dad he will have to have sex in order to become his strongest form like bachie the grappler and then finally defeat his father in combat and then take over Iowa and average eight points a game instead of seven so what do we do when like Iowa explodes for 61 points and just a random game this season like oh brian finally did it brian finally found a special someone and whooped his dad's ass yeah his father watching along going show show them what hanma men are made up do it even even the 2012 hawkeyes which went four and eight and did not have a very pleasant season and that included a six nine loss to iowa state in week two even they average 19 points a game oh that's so many points

like slow down this this this this cannot wow i i feel like that breaking bad gift that like he can't keep getting away with this but like he really can't keep getting away with what he can't keep getting six million dollars a year for this like at some point at some point it has i don't know no it does it but like northwestern kept the same oc for like 15 years and that was a dude who was like i don't know does 78 yards sound good would that be enough for you how about a cup of soup to go with it all for the live progress okay the entire idea of history for some people is not to improve it is simply to replicate the same shitty thing forever okay that's it It's to keep getting paid.

If they put up too many points, Farrant has to go take the bear's job or something. Nobody wants to do that shit. Let's start doing that. Let's just going, I hear people in the NFL are sniffing around Kirk Farrant. That's happened. That happens every few years, the Chiefs before they, like, allegedly, they're like, should we hire Andy Reed or Kirk Farrants?

People had to sit and ponder that. Like, that's actual difficult choice or something. let me put it this way that man has won anywhere from seven to nine to ten game for the better part they made the big ten championship last year for the better part a west team has to for the better part of 20 years for the better part of 20 years by spending five dollars on a quarterback if listen if if if the big ten west champion is not wisconsin i view it as they had to send someone we have we have a sign of life from stephen godfrey george of southern learned the forward pass last month and they've scored more touchdowns in two weeks than Iowa has this decade. God. I don't know if that's mathematically true, but it feels emotionally true. It's basically true. Oh, shit, that might be mathematically true. Yeah. Can I, um, can I, can I share with you some, some very confusing things that happened in the Washington State, Wisconsin game? Oh, wonderful. I wish you would. I didn't see a second of this game, so please do.

Yeah, I honestly, I was, uh, I happened to look up. right at the final score like what what the fuck so yeah this was by the way when you received the first incidents of a very large uh traumatic incident via twitter without knowing what's going on that's exactly what this game felt like right like hey i heard i heard spider man fighting dr doom downtown right oh my god this building fell over that was every tweet i saw about this game okay so wazoo won this game 1714 despite having 10 first downs And 253 yards of offense to Wisconsin's 400 yards of offense. Sure.

But here's a partial explanation why. In the third quarter, because Wazoo shut Wisconsin out for the entire second half. These are a couple of ways in which that happened first. In the third quarter, Wazoo threw a terrible pick, like passed directly to a defensive back. But they forced a fumble. during the return, got the ball back, and turned that, like, extended drive into a touchdown that was scored by a running back transfer who used to play at Wisconsin, which is the meanest thing you can do.

Then in the fourth quarter, Graham Mertz threw a red zone pick to a defensive lineman. He fumbled the ball back to Wisconsin. Two plays later, Graham Mertz completed a 24-yard pass all the way to the one. Wazoo 12, but then Wazoo forced to fumble and got it back and burned the last five minutes of clock at, like, it's, it feels very rare

and special to see the double turnover, the I throw a pick, you fumble it right back to me, and that means I get a first down, no matter, like, where the ball was before what happened. It feels very special to have that happened twice in one game.

And to have it happen against Wisconsin is just like, Yeah, I don't know. This, this, this, this felt, this felt haunted? I think, I think, Wisconsin's haunted. Yeah, I think Graham Merth is a Mr. Toad of a quarterback. I don't know where the machine is going, but it's going to be a wild ride. No matter what the numbers say, you know this is an especially weird game because both teams have three turnovers.

Normally when you see a game like this, you go, oh, 400 yards and you scored 14 points. Or you must have a whole bushel of turnovers there. Nope. Three and three, buddy. three three i know i know like mike leach hasn't coached there in a long time and i know programs change it still feels incredibly weird to see wazoo win a game against a power five opponent on the road with 17 points uh-huh yeah it's wrong it's wrong you could go ahead and say it this is a wrong and unnatural game was involved right and we all joke like ha ha these two teams are going to get along

This is too hard drinking, hard partying teams. It'll be a good time. I don't think it sounds like anybody had a good time. No. It seems like a very bad time for everyone involved. Yeah. Yeah. Legislation needs to be passed.

These two teams do not play anymore because this should not happen. Whereas what I'm watching right now live, by the way, just by way of update, because this is a live program. The game I'm watching right now in the second quarter, between Mississippi State and the Arizona Wildcats at 15 to 10, already having featured some of the most bad shit plays I have already seen all season, these two teams should play every year, and they should not start before 11 p.m. each two teams? Yes, these two teams, Mississippi State and Arizona. Okay, what starts is curiosity becomes tradition, Jason Kirk. This is a rivalry.

We need to preserve it. This needs to be out of state, out of conference, rivalry every single year. I think the Mississippi State of every conference of the P5s, those five teams, those five Mississippi states should play. And this is, I think, the first leg of that tour, Mississippi State Arizona. They should play the most deranged conference schedule ever between every Mississippi state of every conference. Live update here from the motherfucking lock-in where the youth group kids of Baylor have just scored to pull ahead of BYU.

It is after midnight as officially a lock-in. 13 to 10. Low scoring. The Chase game, appropriately enough. Oregon State, by the way, 14. Fresno State 13. Out in beautiful Fresno. So, Holly, Tennessee is undefeated.

Yeah. Did I tell you where my father is this week? The listeners don't know if you want to divults that. My dad chose to carry my mother's purse on a three, week i forget if it's an architectural tour or like a landscape tour of southern france rather than be in the country for this tennessee pittsburg game yeah so then tennessee beats acrin so uh after that it's Tennessee florida where they're going to go for that one shit yeah that's the week i'd pick him up from the airport he might just stay there if you get past

him there's a trip to lSU and then it's bama that's that's a lot of travel stop stop that You're supposed to be the nice one. You've got to send the folks on a cruise or something. How do we like start the Tinder of, oh, I don't know. Bama looked a little bit weak in Tennessee. Yeah. Tennessee's really show up. How do we do that quietly?

I don't want it to burn too hot too fast. I just want to let it simmer. If today's Tennessee played today's Bama, I don't know. I mean, Bama against Orange teams with T.E. at the beginning of their name, Bama against U.T's. I don't, might, might be the kryptonite. I think, I think if you, I think if you just, you just change one thing.

And that's only funny when I do it. You just have to change, uh, Bama has to be coached by Patner Doosie. And then I, then I'll, I'll buy that Tennessee is going to be. We're going to commit to the run game. Patner Dozy did my favorite, my favorite coach thing, which pit drives

to score the game tying touchdown on fourth and goal. It's like a, Really, really impressive catch. Like, they've got to be feeling great. There's still, like, a minute, 30-ish left on the clock. The defense comes out. Tennessee goes three and out. There's, like, Pitt, because Pat Narduzzi just hates timeouts

and called, like, the most petulant challenge you've ever seen earlier in this game. They only have one left. Just a lashing out challenge. Yes. He's a very emotional, man. he's so dramatic but they have they have one time out left Tennessee gets stopped on third down with like a minute to go and and the dues is just like no let's play for over no absolutely let's play and it's like I hate what coaches do this

intentionally scaled down offense minus Keed and Slovis in a situation where we're relying upon them to score let's do more football it's like I mean I can I tell you how much I appreciate having a backup quarterback for Pitt named Patty with an eye. I love that. This is not a diss. I love that. He played beautifully. Oh, I would like to share my

favorite name of the day. Eastern Washington's quarterback is named Gunner-Talkington. Oh, hell yes. Does that mean we're done talking about my phone? It does. No, it does because I hate it. If you've gotten this far in the podcast and y'all wanted to hear something, Okay, because y'all be talking about all these other teams.

Okay. I'll put it down. I'll put it down a second. What? You ain't paid no respect. None. The team that's just done nothing, but put its foot straight in the ass of all the asses that done got on the ass whooping line.

All of them. Okay. You're done, you're going to put butts on the rack. Quit trying to chin up another wamping moment for yourself for your fucking SEC show. Going into business and fair. yourself putting yourself putting yourself over wanted to go ahead and say that they didn't see any reason they couldn't rank this team number one was one ryan nanny that's right coastal elite on the cumberland river ryan nanny okay he said he couldn't see any reason why he should go ahead

and rank this team number one so if you made it this far guess what it's 1235 and arkansas I don't wamp some ass. If I wanted to hear this much talk in that voice, I would watch thinking out loud, Mondays at 7 on the SEC network, but I fucking don't. You can get wamped there too. You show up wherever.

Arkansas is going to walk. That's right. Got a running back name Rocket. You see him coming, but it doesn't matter. Okay? They got KJ. Jefferson. Just a beautiful juggernaut of a man.

Wamping here, wamping there. 4430 over the South Carolina Ginkog. I saw a straight tweet. today in which someone said that British actors, the American accent they can do easiest is Southern. And I'm like, okay, first of all, that's a fucking lie. You're all terrible at it.

But note what Spencer just did there. He said, DUDDENT, all right? If you don't hit them with DUDDN, you don't know what you're talking about. You got it. You ain't doing it right if you don't drive a fucking dudden on them. That's right. When we conjugate that verb,

I done, you done, we done. Noseotros, don't. Newsome's Arivay. Yeah. Vost doesn't. Yeah, that's right. That's, yeah.

If you, like, Arkansas just does nothing but beat ass. How does Arkansas not have, like, a lineman named Ustetus? How is that that? Okay. I got a word problem, speaking, which, first of all, I love what Arkansas. Sorry, it's us tetties. U.S. titties, right? That's weed titties, please.

Your last name was somehow La Miblitheca, okay? I'm naming my first son Dondeesta, okay? Doug, you can just kick him off any second. No, that's absolutely what I would name my child. I have to. We know. Yeah.

I got a word problem for y'all. Please. Involving the Arkansas, South Carolina game. A broadcast mystery. And I loved watching Arkansas today. They were playing 90s Whitney, and the student section was singing along. I don't think there's any stronger magic. I think the score bears that out.

But at one point, with the score 14 to 3, Arkansas, there were clearly audible, overrated chance coming from somewhere in this stadium. Arkansas is ranked 16th and was leading South Carolina, a team which is not ranked at all. This was like the start of the second quarter If you want to run your DVRs back Where in the fuck were those coming from And who were they directed at? This feels like one of those train leaves Boston, train leaves Chicago things I'm going to guess that these were directed at everyone

Who voted for any mascot name besides Cock Commander Is it possible that they were That it was coming from everyone And it was showing a Bama Texas score at that point in the stadium. That is the only reasonable explanation I've heard so far. Okay. Because it wasn't that early slate.

That feels like that feels like a moment to come together. Okay. It really threw me. I mean, the overrated chance is illogical to begin with, but you know. I wonder if it was about a score that had been shown in the stadium at that time. Like maybe the Bama score had just been shown. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that. One little side note here from a conference that we love traditional Big Ten power USC.

I know we talk a lot of shit about the Big Ten, but God damn. God damn. USC had a damn half against Stanford. They scored 35 points in the first half against them. And they look vicious. They look absolute. They're receivers, especially Jordan Addison, who of course came from. pit of all places

I do love that USC's not people like USC's back I'm like they had to go to a receiver yeah from where

where they've been but yeah they were really good that's right quick by the way one of the top three most like absolutely

fraudulent bullshit study abroad places that are not in North America that you can go to like when somebody was like hey man I did study abroad

and they're like oh where'd you go anything in England anything England anything I'm eliminating North America. Okay, you've got to at least cross an ocean. Okay, or you've got to leave the

Anything in England, because it's like, they don't you didn't have to learn a new language and the food's terrible. Like, you just want to drink more easily. We know everything they know. That's a really counterpoint. That's a really good reason to go on study abroad. Yeah, that's, just go to Florida. Sometimes bullshit is good.

So sometimes... You're in Ohio. Just go to a dueling pianos bar in Florida if you want to drink more easily. I studied abroad in Paris, where they can bring everything to your apartment. I really learned a lot about myself ordering food and having my launch to be delivered to me. It taught me a lot.

I studied abroad in Memphis. That's not bullshit, though. You can learn a lot. I'm an Egyptologist, so it made sense. Yeah, like, my most bullshit one was always like, I went to Spain. Like, do you speak Spanish? No.

Everyone I know who went to study abroad in Spain. They're like, what did you study? Ham. I speak ham. I know you ham. It was crazy, bro. I'll let you drink. That was it. Everybody I know who had to study in Spain. Like, what did you learn? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The study and study abroad is like, it's almost sort of like, you know, a joke.

Yeah, I did a lot of research work on my study abroad, and I feel like a fucking idiot. Yeah, you fucked up. You did. Yep. I mean, it was a party school, but I did way too much work. Don't work. That's not what study brought us for. It has not gone well, but, like, I believe that Scott Frost has done a lot of work. And why?

To what end? Shouldn't have. You shouldn't have done all that work. Never try. I mean, if he had worked less, they would lose by, like, they would lose by, like, six instead of three. They would lose by eight instead of seven. Right. But he'd, like, get more free time.

he'd get to go on more walks he'd get more sleep he could well he's about to have a lot of free time for the end of days sure sure he could do all of those things

he could also he could also get absolutely shit housed by Clay Helton Clay Helton that's the best part pick the form of the destroyer name the way you want to go

okay Clay Helton Clay Helton did one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen in a football game in this game. And because of this, I know what he looks like. At one point in the fourth quarter, Georgia Southern is driving. They don't end up scoring on this drive. They throw a bad pick. But he's

trying to sort of, they're getting ready to go for it on like fourth and one. And he wants to like let a little bit more clock run out. There's still like seven minutes left in the game or something. So he tells the ref, hey, I'm going to call time out when the clock gets to one. And the play clock gets the one.

But for whatever fucking reason the ref calls it when the play cox at like 10 and clay helton lights into this poor fucking referee like he's just insulted every person clay helton has ever loved it's so great because like at USC you never really got clay helton is a capital B capital C ball coach yes for like he's from gamesville right program he pronounces it program he's a program guy and you never really got to see that side of him at USC and it came out guns fucking blazing tonight it was amazing because so fun and and like you're used to seeing coaches yell at refs because they think the ref has interpreted something wrong but like I really want to know what the ref was saying back because I hope it was just like well I don't

fucking care I'll you said time out so I'll call it what I want I'm not your I'm not your fucking errand boy I'm not going to look at the clock oh if you wanted to call it what you call it then And to be clear, this is an interaction. Listen, every podcast is somebody's first podcast. If you're new to the sport, this is a not uncommon interaction between coaches and referees. Correct. This happens all the time. Correct.

This is not some completely, like, out-of-pocket request that he was making of this official. Oh, I just remembered one other funny thing today. This is a super far back up. I apologize. Oh, no. Disorder in the show. The best thing, one of the, not the best thing. The, uh, let's call it the eighth best thing.

thing about App State beating A&M when A&M was ranked super high, is that they have to talk about Michigan. They just have to. And it's like, Michigan 7th, Michigan, you know, won the Big Ten last year, went to the playoff. And it's like, nope, sorry, got to say it. There it is. There's the graphic. Oh, shit.

You're associated with Texas A&M now. This is the first, this is the first time someone's pooped their pants in the Vatican since Michigan did it back in 2007. They might have never. they were there like a year ago it was so like it was so long ago why do people keep talking i don't know you put your pants in the vatican so i think i think app state's thing is they're beating all the power five war dad schools so like virginia tech i mean we already we you lose to worse teams than app state already but you're next in the biggest stadiums we have yeah big buildings only one of them is called

big house we didn't name it that big ass building only for app state we would have named it that because it's very descriptive but help us help you who's on app state schedule let's have some fun yes yes who's about to die open it up who fucked up bad who wasn't did you guys see tory smith today besie oh my god stop adding app state to their schedule 2023 app state at mac browns north carolina tarhue hey jean go home sorry thank you Gene, get out of there. At Clemson, 2024.

2025, NC State and South Carolina. You fucking morons. Jesus Christ, y'all. What is wrong with y'all? When the Carolina schools do it, I understand it more and less. Much less. Much less. Because, like, you, not only do you know this team, you are probably recruiting quote

fingers against this team. You know, it shouldn't be a challenge to recruit against them. unless they beat you. It's not like you don't know the recruiting ground, and it's also not like North Carolina is enough of a concentrated recruiting ground to, you know, it's not like going into Ohio, right?

Like there are talented players in North Carolina, but it's not a major, it's not like one of the top five major concentrated areas of football talent in the country. So you're going in for recruits who are already relatively, I know they have great players, relatively thin on the ground for what you're gaining in return.

When you stop the thing about it, North Carolina just has way too many fucking football school. It's like, guys, this is just absurd. This is like meeting somebody who has 14 kids now, not like back in like 1937 or something. Yeah, where they expected like three of them to die. Like you should have made a different choice. We absolutely should have. If we'd plan this out better, we would have put Wake Forest in like Louisiana. Louisiana should not have one power conference team.

Ohio should not have one team dominating a top five, top six recruiting state. We got to move Duke to Ohio. There should be like one Mississippi school, right? We should have Mecca Mississippi. There should just be like... Mississippi meth sharks. No.

One gigantic ball of Mississippi. You know, we can call it one Mississippi. Nope. I... God. I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... We'll never get on board with that plan. Yeah, because it'd be too powerful. You fear it.

Yeah. But North Carolina's hard in football schools. And, like, it's just too many. I think it's great, though, because all of them are, at least the powers, are calibrated for maximum comedy. Like, what if NC State was good? Like, if we got rid of Wake and redistributed their players and it's like, oh, God damn it, NC State's good. No one wants that. We didn't plan for this.

I know how Ab State ends up on people. people's schedules, by the way. All right. Sometime in the dark of night at 3 a.m. An athletic director awakes. And Yosef, the mascot, in full mascot regalia, is standing there with a manila envelope in his hand. And he drops it on the bed.

Right? And he drops it on the bed. And the AD picks it up. And it's them having sex with their mistress or hitting a car and running away, right? Or documentation of the time they killed someone on like a dark country road and got away with it, that's what it is. And normally ADs get that kind of stuff all the time. They're like, I don't care.

That kind of stuff all the time. Right. But getting it from somebody as haunting as Yosef, the bearded mascot for Appalachian State, it just hits different. I hope it's not even evidence. I hope it's just an envelope with that letter inside that just says Yosef knows. Yosef knows. Yosef saw everything.

That would scare the shit out of you. That would be the scariest thing that ever happened. you play us in football if you want to find out what joseph knows yeah joseph knows that your defense sucks and will be on the field for 41 minutes yeah like like a and m going and scheduling app i'm like well that was stupid but it's not like the dumbest thing you could possibly do like i i think with a and m that's more like you know scheduling houston or something you know somebody somebody local you should know better but i also yeah i think a and m plays miami next oh dear oh that was i'm directing that sentiment towards both schools which the score don't let the scoreboard fill you

Miami look like garbage today for large stretches of that game so there's a good garbage on garbage matchup no that just means that just means both these teams are gonna come out and be like i'm gonna show them some cool i'm gonna show them some real cool shit you'll see i'll show everybody who laughed at me how fucking cool i am on this skateboard since when does jimbo make emotional decisions that's not fair It's despicable that you would say that, that we have to sit here and talk about this, Holly. Ryan, Danny, I can't believe you would accuse me of doing a crime. I will say, I don't, after today, I don't believe that Texas A&M is paying players. They bought every player in that class.

I hope you kept the receipts. Can we, um, just in case the, uh, What the electronic wiring that is holding this show together fails us. Can we make sure we spend a few minutes on Notre Dame losing to Marshall today? I just don't want to overlook that that happened. I want to, Jason, can I return this back to you? Because you were the, as the spiritual leader of our pack in most things, you were also the spiritual leader.

Well, no, I take it back. This was a schism. This was me and Jason against Ryan and Spencer, right? Ryan and Spencer intended to maintain their hatred of. Notre Dame, and Jason and I had decided to relinquish that hatred with the departure of Brian Kelly. Jason, I regret to inform you and the court that I found today's Notre Dame lost funny as shit, despite my affection for Marcus Freeman. Oh, sure. I have no ill will for Notre Dame. I hate that number eight by their name. You put a number eight by a team's name,

and I want them to lose. So now that they no longer have a number by their name, was cordial with them. I have no problem with Notre Dame. Now that they're 0 and 2 already this year. It did lead to a very funny moment. Ohio State beat Arkansas State easily today. And in his post-game press conference, Ryan Day was like, well, you know,

we've already beat a top five team. So I think we've already been tested. I think this was before the Notre Dame result was fungal. That is a, boy, that perfectly illustrates the problem with using rankings at time of kickoff a thing I just cannot stand when like media stories do it or like even more common as like an SID doing it. We've beaten eight top ten teams this year.

Okay, one of them is ranked right now. So like nothing has ever illustrated it better than that. We beat every team that everyone was absolutely butt wrong about. Those are those are our pelts. We beat the biggest liars. Yeah. Is O and two Notre Dame going to stay in the top 25? No. Oh, surely.

Sure, go ahead. Yeah. I will bet anything you want that they will not. You're saying they'll drop all the way from eight to not ranked. Poof, they are gone. Yeah, they'll be gone. Somebody will vote for them, but they'll be gone. I will put them as visibly appearing in also receiving votes.

Yeah, Mortimer Clapprot of the Tara Oat Tribune, right? We'll be like, I thought they did well. Well, I think what you'll see is you'll see a few votes because you see this every single week from people who just didn't notice the score. So like someone... I almost didn't notice the score until there were like four minutes left. Chad Pennington's a good quarterback.

It's an honor to lose to him. There will be a voter who just... Oh, they were playing Marshall. I'm not even going to look... Or they didn't even know who they were playing. Notre Dame will get voted. One reporter will vote Notre Dame eight. Everyone else will get rid of them.

Can I also celebrate the joy of listening to Jason Garrett being asked to verify if a team was fucking up? That is delightful. I didn't know that was Jason Garrett for most of the game. Yeah, the Jack Collinsworth cursed, by the way. It is. Today was his first game. It's like in a police procedural when you go to a serial killer and like, do you recognize the pattern here? What can you tell me about this football fuck up?

Go straight to Princeton Lecter I feel like Hannibal would send this one back to the kitchen Like if you just, by the question I would always ask I thought a team was just twiddling and wasting its promise I would be like go get Garrett He'll recognize it He'll know Yeah

The richest team lost Jason Garrett time That's our man Jason Garrett must return to explain the rich to the I like that LSU losing last week, Notre Dame losing this week. It's Brian Kelly just losing every week, it's all I'm seeing. Do you think Jason Garrett thinks Marshall's a Service Academy?

He's like, oh, Raylan Givens played there once upon a spell. The Argentine Marine. To lose to the school of our nation's lawman is no shame at all. He thinks Marshall is a service academy for the fast food industry. That's what he thinks. Oh my God, dude. It kind of is. That's what he thinks.

I didn't say that's what they are. I'm saying that's what Jason Garrett thinks. I said it. I said it. I went to a commuter school. Who gives a shit? Degrees are fake. You can reach Jason at Bud Elliott.

Randy Moss chose Marshall because they have superior academics in Notre Dame and they're better at football. Listen, George O'Leary agrees at degrees are fake. That's how he got the Notre Dame job. Exactly. Degrees are bullshit I would like to mention one more game before this sunsets and we completely

lose it okay I mean before we sunset Yes before we sunset Is it Louisville UCF? No we had some I wanted to go over I put that in there but we don't have to talk about it No one ever has to talk about that game Ever I have a tiny game that I want to play

But we can we can save it to the end I was going to ask while we're piling up the bodies and filing the paperwork tonight, there were some FCS victories. We had some FCS upsets, did we not? It was four. Four? It was four when we started recording.

Yeah, it was four. I thought it was two. Good God. Which two did you know of? Let's see, Holy Cross. Yep. Holy Cross beat Buffalo. Right, which, God, that's a tough pull for our friend Maurice linguist.

It's especially tough when you're, Former coach is beating West Virginia. Yep. Yeah. Again, that is coach Maurice Linguist. And I knew about Weber State over Utah State. Trashed Utah State. Trashed, you are missing the glory of incarnate word.

In so many ways, yes. Which God bless them because they had to write their full name out on the Chiron for the first time maybe ever. As well as it's a directional. I'm scrolling and scrolling. It's a directional. got in a long thing with a Mac team. Oh, and

Idaho was given Indiana the sauce for a lot. Eastern Kentucky Zoo. Yes. Eastern Kentucky beat Bowling Green in seven over time. Yes, seven over times. Jesus God. Bowling Green tried to end it with a hook and ladder to a lineman.

The play went very, very badly. If you've ever seen a worker lose a refrigerator off of a palette as it tipped over, that's exactly what it looked like. that paints a picture yeah it looked like a fridge falling off of a pallet that's how well the play went for them so congratulations to all the fcs present hey you know who else got

their first victory i see in the comments we haven't shouted anybody out man fair virginia tech grad virginia tech got their first win under bread pride tonight that's right trashed them last week they got their first win hell yes go hokey's congrats to the key play and to all of our many other virginia tech brothers and sisters out there I want to talk about Texas Tech Houston for one second. Okay. Please step. Because Ryan and I were playing a little game earlier tonight with Brian Floyd that I would like to now put to Jason S. Spencer.

Can you name Texas Tech's head coach? Is his last name McGuire? Oh, I'm asking. Can you name Texas Tech Tech Coach? Oh, I can't remember his first name. It's probably Matt Wells. It's not. It's not Matt Wells.

but it could be anyway here's an email for some reason I am on Texas Tech's like booster club email list and I just never sign off because the graphics work are too great they made a big huge deal on the broadcast as they should but all the investment that's been made into Texas Tech football recently and that reminded me that I don't think I ever told you guys about this fundraising email I got from Texas Tech back in July the subject line is Texas Tech announces $200 million investment into football here is the letter and i'm going to read it without skipping any parts on monday night texas tech athletics announced a 200 million dollar investment into red raider football as a valued

red raider fan we wanted to make sure you saw this historic announcement by clicking the link above new paragraph in addition to major gifts for transformational projects like this we need all red raiders to be members of the red raider club financial support of the red raider club annual fund provides for all academic and other vital resources for other 400 student athletes throughout the year i don't think you should pair those two things together when you're asking people for money. Oh, that's fine. It's fine. Hey, we got $200 million. You won't give us some more? It's fine. Like, I respect it, but I've never seen it smashed together like that in a single fundraising email. Spencer, you were correct. His name is McGuire. His name is Joey McWire. Because the only two professions in the United States where you can be a grown man named Joey, our football coach, and boy band member. That's it. Everything else, you're Joe or Joseph or.

Joe McGuire. Jojo. Jojo. No, that's much better. If a slightly depleted BYU, Y, U.N., number 21, beats number nine Baylor in the lock-in, that does count towards the blood week. Oh, absolutely.

Vegas had it as like, eh, but fuck it, man. It's when I am, we're counting it. Texas, why couldn't you? Because you're Texas, that's why. I'm also going to state, for the record here, by the way, that though it does not count in any way, towards any ranking of any consideration of anything resembling quality. But Mississippi State and Arizona playing to a weird score, that's just icing on this cake.

This is great. Are they done? Oh, no. We're only at halftime. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. I just put that game on for funsies, like right as we started to record, and like, 12 weird things happened the second I turned it on.

And yes, by the way, also in progress, Fresno State 23, 21 over Oregon State at the moment. So the god, J. Kainer, king of late night, currently 21-30 or 236 yards, he's going to win because he's Jay Kainer and you're not. That's why. You know what I really appreciate about this Blood Week with a little reflection? I feel like in a lot of Blood Weeks, it becomes very conference heavy. It's like, oh, my God, all these Pac-12 teams lost or, oh, my God, all these big 12 teams, whatever. this felt more evenly distributed. I think, well, this one was conference heavy because the sunbelt dropped its big old ass on everyone else's face.

That's right. It's big, big heavy conference ass. The sunbelt, the rest, like the official, if there was a conference that to me signified, I just ate at a gas station. It would be the sunbelt in every single way. The Sunbelt, with its like 19 mile footprint. Mississippi State should join the Sunbelt.

They should just be like, oh, fuck it. We're not going to win the SEC West, and we know we aren't. So we're going to go to the Sun Belt. Completely unironically. We're going to have a good time with our high school friends. We don't like any of you anyway. This is my absolute most sincere take is shit like that. Yeah, 100%.

Like, yeah, unironically, yes. I only want to hang out with my high school friends. Sorry. Yeah, to cut a quick promo, by the way, no Sunbelt team lost today, even if they lost. For example, Arkansas State, Ohio State's like, yeah, we kick your ass, 45, 12. Yeah, but you paid for it. You paid for it. Arkansas State. Up in cash on the day, y'all, okay? Southern Miss made money today. Georgia State made money today. Yeah.

And normally for Ohio State to pay to beat up on people, they have to go down to the VFW Hall Whippleball tournament. yeah i'm seeing nothing but nothing but w's and dollar signs throughout the entire sunbelt scoreboard exactly miami's like yeah we're back we beat southern miss okay first of all you got miami to humiliate itself again which is amazing second ball i saw that score early you didn't immediately beat southern miss no no you let southern miss hang around that in itself is a victory for southern miss okay additionally again making that money james madison destroying Norfolk State. Like that would John Quincy Adams.

That's right. O.D.U. Hey, listen, anytime you can help burnish the reputation of East Carolina University, his most famous representative is Vince McMahon in this troubled time, you know what? That's grace. That's an act of grace. We're counting ODIU beating V-Tech.

That is what launched the whole thing. So they're in on this too. Yeah. Yeah. A Big Ten alternate eastern Michigan lost to the power of the Louisiana region. Cajuns, you know, Troy, beating up on Alabama A&M. South Alabama beat CMU. Yeah, conference superiority.

Take that. That's a go-daddy bowl preview, folks. The Sunbeast absolutely dominating shit today. Talk about them at your own risk. They will come to your door, and you'll have to pay them for it. They'll be like, listen, I'm going to kick your ass, and you're going to give me a million-dollar check. Next week we've got game days at App State. The damn Troy game is the game day game.

This is incredible, man. Season of the Sunbelt. Iowa, join the Sunbelt. It's the only way. No, no. We don't want that shit down here. We don't want that shit down here. Also, it's far.

The Sunbelt, they only travel. They travel to games by bicycle. That's how far they're apart and all their teams are. I was like, we got penny bargains. Pass this test. Eat every item on a Bojangles menu. Conquer this mountain. and you may join Iowa.

I would be like, oh, it's too spicy. I just not realize, not only did Virginia Tech schedule ODU, Virginia did also. Everyone in that entire part of the world, everyone in the Mid-Atlantic is stupid, is what I'm learning from scheduling. Yeah, that's right. You know what ODU is?

They're taking their wealth and making them look common. So they should be Kings of Virginia. That's right. One game at a time. And that is a podcast. That's the whole thing. I think we've hit the end of the road here. Thank you for joining us for what was officially proclaimed a blood week.

Stop asking us if it's a blood. Hey, follow is this blood week on Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going forward, the short hand is if you have to ask, it's not yet. And that and that and that and that was legit because it wasn't until Georgia Southern put away Nebraska for just a little spicing on top. I thought it was Illinois beating UVA, but I'm glad we cleared that. Yeah, they were neck and neck. If Bama had not, Bama ruined everything. everything as usual. This would have been much less of a question if we had a little more action on the top 10. I say this is somebody who's not in charge of it at all. Don't at me about it. Speaking of a little more action, Illinois's 201. All right, now we're definitely done.

Now we're definitely done. He's getting the Iowa job. You know it. You find out. Can't wait. It's going to be great.