Shutdown Fullcast - FULLCAST AFTER DARK - WEEK 7 COLLEGE FOOTBALL RECAP: The Dogcast feat. Carl Panthers

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

NOTES Mack vs. Mario! Swim, Mario! Notre Dame’s potluck force punch HEADLINE: Pitt Put In Pittastrophe Oregon-Washington celebrates vibes-based analytics Nice things about Rutgers Bama and A&M both tried their darndest to lose. In this, A&M was better NBC’s juiceless, joyless Notre Dame broadcasts A seismic update from the top of FCS ball A formal transfer of stereotype from Penn State to Miami This week in CFB ads: fungal flush and free speech! Graham Mertz’s assassin turn The newfound joys of CW football Scott Satterfield cosplays The crew and comment section adopt a series of new aliases as totally plausible NFL owners We're not the Associated Press, contrary to popular perception, but we would rank the JMU Dukes, personally Announcing an exciting new top secret Mandela Effect game that YOU can play along at home The return of Midwestern Voices Visit sunny preownedairboats.com! Subscribe to Vacation Bible School and Channel 6 and Buried Treasure! Listen to We’re Not All Like This and DNF! Sign your name away in full faith to Shutdown Fullbooks! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp-H-E-L-P-com today to get 10% off your first month. These kids need to stop twitching and go to bed. Forecast after dark for men. After. Hey, man, sometimes, you know, sometimes the opening kickoff, it, it, it bounces to the side. And then that first snap, you got, that was Joe Flacco on the Broncos. Sometimes, you know.

It's a high snap that hits you in the nards. It's raining. Uh, you got, you got like 17 guys injured, but you fight through it. That's what Spencer did. Thank you. Not playing injured. Just playing husky. I sounded like you were yelling through the vegetable mister.

that were on display at Krogerfield tonight. Listen, let's attack this show with the energy of Con Mentor EDW 388, who for some reason just said, take down the con! That's right. I have an important update. Already?

Yes. So before we got started, I forget who. I think it was Holly. Oh, no, no it wasn't. In relation to Sam Hartman? Oh, no. Who wanted to know if there had ever been a hallmark Christmas?

Oh, me. Yeah, you want to know if there had ever been a Hallmark Christmas male lead with just a mustache. And so I reached out to trusted Hallmark expert. Of course she had an answer for this. Alex McDaniel. Her answer. This is from Christmas comes home to Canem, 2011. The closest I can find is Billy Ray Cyrus wearing only a soul patch.

That's like an inverse mustache. it's a mustache that got lost anyway so so sam hartman shave the beard go mustache only conquer the world of homework film the same way that you and your team conquered USC i don't know if notre dame will permit that kind of raw van by the river energy in their halls well listen the sam hartman thirst remains real on multiple social media Today was also the day I discovered mom TikTok. Holy shit. Mom talk. Mom talk is horny as fuck.

Mom talk's got it bad. Yeah. I don't want to be in there. Yeah. They are It's not there because he's like 24. He's dad aged. Yeah. So it's not like the age gap discourse, you can settle down because he is the age of a parent.

Yeah. I'm just like, now that there are college football players who are conceivably old enough to be my own children, it's just suddenly ooh yeah listen it's like it's squicky to me

apparently the handsome butcher who helps the failed publishing lady find love in her hometown that's that's the model we're putting us around but what about her family's Christmas tree farm is Alex Grinch the failed publishing lady so wait this makes

what like Wake Forest was the big city business business boyfriends who didn't have time for love. I work for the Bank of Wake Forest. I can't find a wife. I'm here to close down the Christmas Street farm. Evidently, we've already got a fight in the Idaho-Montana game. That's awesome.

Coming on the heels of a spectacular nut punch in the Tulane Memphis game. That's how we do in the Big Sky Conference. Somebody fighting in the end zone in Kentucky, Missouri hit a ref who didn't even appear to notice that he had been struck. the big sky, because you're going to wish that's where you were once I hit you. Because you're going to be looking at it. Yeah. Right. Unless you fall face down, which is also an option.

Face forward. When you skate, your ass is going to be looking at it. And it's the close dirt. It's the close dirt conference. It's the big. The ground's big, ain't it? Hey, are we supposed to say the Quar's Light thing or not? I can never remember. Just say it in case, Spencer. No, because I'll mess it up.

Someone else needs to say it. I'm not going to. Folks, this episode is either is or isn't brought to you by Coors Light where the can turns blue when it's cold enough to drink but it already was because drinking warm liquid is fine

Shranger's beer sponsor Mountain Full Refreshment Made to chill Thank you. I did have Speaking of another sponsor I did have two fast twitches today You had two? I had two

You had my fast switches That boss was addressed to me That's like six cups of coffee I think I feel fantastic I bet All right Yeah Well where do you want to start then

Oh I would love to go ahead Let's just start with Let's start with the red meat Let's start with the mains Let's start with an entree Let's start with Colorado Stanford That is correct

We will talk a little bit about that Holly and I say it up to watch it Yeah yeah no let's go Let's go ahead It was very difficult not to summon The rest of you at like two in the morning I just I know we all know what happened at this point But can I just quote

No Escalators who had the best encapsulation of the game that I have seen. Dion is just speed running 10 years of football in a single season. We're getting every type of game. Big upset. Humiliating Nebraska. Closer than it should be rivalry game. Humiliating blowout loss.

Just short, huge comeback, huge blown lead. Yeah. Yeah. And then Ryan added, still remaining. Backup QB has Monster Day in Victory, win on total bullshit call, destroyed by Alabama or Georgia in an NFL stadium in week one, unwatchable

11 to 6 final either side and lose on total bullshit call. You decide how those are going to be doled out the rest of the season. I mean, Iowa seems to have unwatchable 11 to 6 final on lockdown. I'm sorry, a two score win today for Iowa. They won by two scores.

So Colorado has six different kinds of games already. Iowa has only one game ever. Yep. Yeah, Ryan, did you stay up for the press conference because Dion said something extraordinary. No, once, all right, so I said this elsewhere, to me, and maybe it was just the haze of the lateness on Friday night, but when Stanford kicked a field goal on first down in second overtime, not the first first down, they moved the chains once and then they just immediately brought out the kicker. I was so convinced that they were going to miss that when they didn't, I was just like, all right, I think my brain is not working anymore. So I went to bed immediately thereafter.

I don't know if there's a word for this, but if there's like a term, probably like a Japanese or German word for something you really, really want to hear an opponent say about you. Because I would love to conclude a battle of any sort and have somebody say about me what Dion said about. Stanford last night. What did you and say about Stanford? This is just the start, just the first two sentences of his opening statement, which were, hats off to our opposition today, I am truly upset, truly

disturbed. I am truly disturbed. Iowa. That's the Iowa fact. He was, I was, I would love to hear, I would love, no, I mean, it was, he he was absolutely correct, but like, I would love to hear an opponent say that about me for somebody who was so animated as a player and can be animated in many other circumstances

dion sanders was amazingly placid during the game and i don't mean that as a criticism i think like it was it was very interesting that like as this was unraveling he was not losing his mind going off on anybody he was just a hell he was a real evil kermit air under the hood compare i think on the sideline he is notably tranquil and has been and like was last year, you know, like, as a coach, it's, it's, it's, it's very clear when he is on stage and when he's not on stage. Um, his defensive coordinator, who I believe is Charles Kelly. Yeah.

Was not. Look, looked like a, uh, third party had taken, had had hacked the system and taken of his limbs and was just flinging him around the sideline in not so much a rage as a, like, a frenzy. I think is the way. They're spending it in an online pharmacy out of Keeve. I'll break it in real quick here. We have 10 seconds to go on YouTube TV anyway. In the Miami, North Carolina game with North Carolina up by 10.

Stay tuned for whatever the hell Mac is going to try and do to Mario, who he will absolutely call Mario. Who has the ball? It's over. Miami has the ball. Two, one. Deep throw to the end zone. Oh, God, intercepted. It's a goal line.

All right. Don't you hate those end-of-game Miami turnovers. They're the worst. Zoom. We did have somebody say, we did have a reader set earlier tonight that they were listening to our prior episode about Miami. Hang on, here they come. Yeah, no, I want to point out something that Mario did here.

Wait, wait, clutch. Clutch. Oh, yes. Okay. Mario's very strong. So, Mario, in order to, in order to prevent Mac from getting a full double clutch, 10 to 15-second interaction. no he almost did the swim move away from him he shook the hand and he put his left arm between him and mac so that he could disengage quickly mac got a quick grab of the left arm matt got around him and got the elbow back in and got a little bit of a second he did but mario was already skedaddling that was the best handled mac brown handshake i've seen yet maria way way to protect your energy i love it yeah like that's maria now just apply that to everything else and you'll be good you'll you'll be good you'll you'll

be in good shape. Mario was ready. He was very prepared for this. I am assuming anyone listening to this has already seen Stanford's helmet catch to tie the game in the first overtime. If you haven't, if you haven't

where basically Travis Hunter becomes the meat in a catch sandwich. Yeah. Not in a mean way, just sort of a gentle way. Yeah. No, it was a pretty mean way because this came after a full quarter just about of Stanford treating, of Stanford's offense treating Travis as though his last name was Sweeney and he was Spawn of Davo.

Like, they were targeting him. At one point, at one point, they threw at him three times in a row successfully. I truly couldn't tell if they were targeting him or if they were targeting, excuse me, Alec A.O. Menor, who... Well, of course, but I think it's... I think obviously they weren't targeting Travis. They were targeting the enormous... Stanford's got some big fast.

Yeah, who prior to this game, prior to this game, by the way, had 208 yards receiving on the season and had 293 last night that catch. Also, also, he's Canadian. Uh-huh, from Medicine Hat. He's from Medicine Hat, Alberta. What would you say is a medicine hat? I looked at up. We looked this up.

We looked this up at two in the morning. Yes. It is a translation of the term for the feather headdress worn during special ceremonies. Actually, it's Medicine Man Hat, but Medicine Hat is way better. So not those little, like, white squares with, like, the red thing that just sort of rest on top of the hair. And not a, not a beer helmet. It's not a term for a beer helmet. That beer helmet was going to be my guess, yeah.

Yeah. It's my medicine hat. if you could have like if you're scared of needle something or something maybe there is a way to do the post game hangover spa iv where you just drink your saline through a beer helmet yeah i think that's fair um yeah let me but anyway um a o menor was like a o menor was being covered by Travis of course who the announcers kept referring to was shakeier shakeier voices is like the the best cover guy in college football um who also who also who also had to a very nice day on the receiving end of things because they continue to use in both ways. Yeah, which they maybe shouldn't have done that. And who played like 140 steps.

No, 157. They were like A.O. Minom was visibly exhausted by the end of the game. And I can't imagine how Travis felt, but in a couple of these shots where you saw them, like where you saw the two of them framed at a pylon cam and they landed, they're basically leaning on each other to get out. 157 snaps.

I want to salute Stanford for doing my favorite thing, which was pressing the button that kept working, salute Stanford's play calling for just going, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. It's well, because usually when this happens, it's, oh, man, replacement player X or freshman cornerback Y is having a really bad day, not guy who's been lauded as one of the best in the country. Yes, number one recruit at two positions, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.

It was, oh, it was, there. And also, Colorado committed a lot of penalties. I think Travis Hunter had a personal foul on the game tying drive by Stanford. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I still don't think it, I don't think it's like, ha ha, I told you Colorado sucks. I don't think it's that. I think it probably is like, yeah, Colorado has some consistency issues that are probably pretty normal for what they for for where they are in the process and like i don't know it's just

it's just so like i don't blowing a 29 it's that at stanford that's what it is if you if you blew a 29 lead to almost any non-standford pack 12 team i think we could wrap our heads around it but it's like this is not the stanford brand in any way shape or form maybe maybe not but the one thing that I don't know I kind of saw this as I kind of saw this as a microcosm of the concerns that I was laying out about Colorado earlier of the season and I was worried about them

in the back half of the season as bodies wore down and broke down as they do with every team like are they going to have the depth to stand up to the back of this really sturdy schedule and they kind of ran out of steam against a very sturdy schedule over the course of a single game last Yeah, I think you're, yeah, I, yeah. Hi, I'd like to talk about another team that's entering the back half of a very sturdy schedule. USC?

Yeah, yeah, I want to talk about USC, who I think we've, I think we've come up with the capsule on 2023 USC, which is this, fundamentally unsurious football team. I think what happened was several teams accumulated. like parts of a loss against USC and they all decided to pool their resources and said, okay, we have 1.7 losses that USC should have been dealt, but none of us had a full loss to give them. So we're going to give you them to you, Notre Dame, and you will deliver the effective like two and a half losses to USC in one way. Notre Dame. Notre Dame take my energy. Like potluck force punch. This game was, the final score is the biggest lie of the day.

It's wild. Okay. In which direction? That Notre Dame has a lot of points. So you look at that and you think, oh, well, USC defense bad. That's what it was. You know, USC's defense is, it's FBS average. You know, it's, yeah, it's not good, but whatever.

USC's defense played really well in this game. Yeah, I see 48 points. Two of those came off returns. the others were aided by five turnovers. So, like, Sam Hartman threw for like 130 yards. USC's defense played by far its best game of the year, and they're going to get zero credit for it because number big. Number big.

If you want to know how absolutely lopsided this was, Notre Dame 48 points on 13 first downs. 13. Sam Hartman Sam Hartman On 49 snaps On 49 snaps USC's a fundamentally

Unserious football team They pull back within two scores They're like, okay I'm gonna make a late fourth quarter run After Caleb Williams Through three interceptions And took like 500 sacks And what did they do?

Boom! Return TD for Notre Dame Like immediately Like hope did not live but three seconds before USC tripped and fell into the sea. That's... We did not have Notre Dame pioneering clean energy

on my bingo card for this year. No. They just at every point dropped the ball, like literally and figuratively in this game. Congratulations to Notre Dame. I know this one felt really good because they were like, I didn't feel like we were kicking their ass that hard.

You were! You were. it showed up on the scoreboard eventually yeah this is it's bad it's super it's super bad their offensive line looked like shit their play calling was bizarre

Lincoln Riley did nothing to help them against an aggressive pass rush like it was like no I don't know call slants Col slants here you go I guess and I said this before we got started it's really it's really messing with me to say okay Notre Dame beat USC by 20

8. Notre Dame just lost to Louisville. How did Louisville do against Pitt? Pit. Transit of win against USC. Fucking right. Which means so many teams have transit wins against USC. Thanks to Pitt.

That's just spreading them around. Everybody gets one. I think we all had one game today that we watched too much of or maybe not enough of. Mine was this Pitt game. I was absolutely glued to the television because it combined... Wait, wait, wait, not to which channel, though?

The CW, baby. That's right. Had you watched any CW football until today? Because I had... I hadn't either. I had to do the thing with... I didn't have any auto fill on YouTube TV when I had to go looking for it.

I was so excited to type in CW and see the logo pop up. Yeah, I'm going to watch like the son of the flash. or whatever. Flash is stepdaughter? All right, cool. Does she run fast?

No, she has totally different power. Yeah, like, I know those of you who have been watching LiveGolf and such family and some of the family movies available on the CW on demand, including, and I'm not making any of these up, Army Dog, Skate Dog. What's that about? Wait, wait, wait, wait, what's that one about? You'll never guess. Army Dog versus Skate Dog, who you got?

Alex Ryder, Operation Stormbreaker. Alex Ryder, Army Dog. And the librarian, Quest for the Spear. Okay. I know. I was waiting for Holly to be like, wait a second. No, no, no. I own one of these movies on DVD.

Guess which one? The librarian Quest for the Spear. Okay, that's not fair because Spencer, you've seen it, and Ryan, you gave it to me. you guys want to know what a good friend Ryan Nanny is I'm going to tell you two stories first of all on what we were talking about wedding food today because fall weddings came up a fucking gin on my wedding day Ryan Nanny had one job and one job only and that was to keep the wedding party women supplied with sonic cherry lymates all day and he did a fantastic fucking job of that thank you because it was July and we were outside um the second thing about Ryan is that when I collected two out of three of T and T's Noah Wiley starring the Librarian movies on DVD and the third one was out of print Ryan Nanny tracked down a goddamn

Oscar screener of it on eBay and bought it for me. That's fucking friendship. If your friends wouldn't do that for you, get new friends. I love it. I wanted... I'm sorry, you said librarian and you had to know that would trigger me. I know, I know. But I also wanted to say that like the

CW... I mean, trigger it in a Manchurian candidate since. This game, this game, the CW show... It's not as good as the Librarian Quest for the Judas Chalice. I'm sorry, did you want to talk about football? The show that actually reminded me of this Pitt performance is Chris Angel's Magic with the Stars. Because Pitt made Louisville disappear. And by that I mean this.

I don't actually know how they won this game because I watched a quarter and a half of it. And friends, it was Jack Plummer overthrowing receivers and Pitt being unable to run the ball out. That's all it was. I, my only question is this. How did Pitt score 38 points? No one knows. I will tell you, I said this before we got started, but this game was vintage Pitt. And when I say vintage pit, I mean vintage full cast.

Yeah, sure. Not actually vintage, not actually whatever qualifies as vintage football. This was, this was Pitt gently reaching out a caressing spiritual hand and reminding us, hey, you guys didn't come to one of our games this year. And Pitt, we're really sorry about that. We did not get to come up there yet this year. We're clearly going to have to try and fix that because something is happening. I was hoping it would be longer ago for this answer.

But the last time Pitt scored 38 points in the game, just to twist the knife one more time, was when they beat Miami on the road at the end of last season, 42 to 16. Exquisite, exquisite. This is very similar to the other game that in Vault. Because the turnover margin was negative four. Fewer first downs for Pitt, more first downs for Louisville. Louisville had 28 first downs, Pitt had 12, and they won by 17 points. At the end of the game, unable to gain more than two yards at a time on the ground,

Pitt decided to run the clock out in the most unpit, unconventional fashion available, which was to throw a nuke, throw a long bomb, which they hit in order to take it to 38 and scored their only TD of the fourth quarter. Louisville dominated everything except turnovers and pitness. That was it. I guess hopefully this wasn't the end of the super weapon for the year. Like no shade to Louisville, but we didn't exactly build them up on our minds.

No. Yeah, we were like, Louisville is a peaceful planet. They have no weapons. We miss Alderon. Who hit the casino planet. You jackass! Louisville, you were just the demonstration.

But, like, we haven't exactly built up Louisville as a prime target in our minds. So Louisville being taken down, like, I don't even know if they stormed the field. I don't know, probably. But. Jay, we're stealing this for the show title. We are all pitnesses. All right. Now that we've, listen, we've talked about the game that I know all the pundits wanted to focus on.

And it got all the ratings. So let's talk about the undercard, Oregon, Washington. absolutely whipped first of all it kicked ass oh my god i would have watched this when it ended i was like to run it back let's watch shit let's watch the shit again this is amazing i'm just glad watching and pulled it out so that oregon wouldn't think those uniforms were lucky and would use them again

USC notre dame aside i feel like it has been an unusually good year for top tier like top level matchups i know it has not been a very upset of a year yeah i think i think we have had like a really good set of highly ranked teams playing one another and most of the time getting an interesting or an exciting game out of it. And this was, I don't know if this was quite as good as Red River because Red River was so nuts right out of the gate. Yeah. But it was quite

good all the same. And that was one, even within its own category, that was, I'm sure Old Hills will scream. That was the best Red River I've ever seen. Yeah, it's certainly, it's certainly, my favorite yeah. I'm sorry, that was my favorite Red River. Yeah, yeah. But this, it, it, it, it lacked the chaos of Red River, but, uh, just as many highlights. Dan Landing certainly tried to add some chaos with some fourth down moves. Uh, yeah, he had the bold, bold choices, which, okay, so he basically did the same thing at the end of each half in case anyone missed it. At the end of the first half, Oregon had a chance to possibly punch in a touchdown or to just take the field goal. Um, and he chose to go for it. And he chose to go for it. a fourth down at the end of the first half didn't get it which those three points it turns out would have been quite valuable that choice was probably not the right one like the the benefit of going forward on fourth down like on the goal line is if you don't get it the other team is stuck with really bad field position at the end of the first half is the one time all game when that doesn't matter at all um and then the decision with about two minutes to go in the game uh they were

at oregon had the ball at midfield the other quarterback had thrown for about 75 thousand yards that game so dan landing decided let's just go for it and keep michael pennicks off the field they didn't get it and immediately everyone decided oh it didn't work and therefore it was a bad idea uh washington scored within like uh one second two plays right yeah which i thought proved proved the decision correct you can't you clearly can't stop them anyway and look at all this time you've saved for your own offense by going ahead and aiding their score um but yeah i i thought those those those two big decisions one for two at absolute worst i think tend to agree i i think the second one mostly it's this like the way i think of it if if we're going to if i'm going to

piss and moan about coaches who play conservatively and don't go for the throat and don't try to put their team in a position to like win decisively and tuck their tail then like i have to I have to applaud the decisions even when they don't work. Like, the one at the end of the first half, I could go either way on. But, like, yeah, I think it's awesome that Dan Lannning went for that fourth down in the fourth quarter. Yeah, I think there was also this element of everyone had so much fun talking about Crystal Ball last week. And they wanted to pile on a coach again this week. But no, that was, that was a, like, literally the worst idea you could possibly have at the end of

game this was completely um completely valid choice yeah it it does not help that at the uh i think i'm the last possession of this game last year or Oregon's last position of this game last year dan lanning went for it on fourth and one from like his own 35 while the game was tied and that put washington in position to kick what ended up being the game winning field goal but like yeah i i i think you just sort of i i appreciate that it gave us i appreciate that he was like he stuck to his guns i guess is what i'll say i really i appreciate dan landing blurring the lines between analytics which say that you should do these things not only more often but all the time and between jocks because the way that they carry it off makes it like someone would call me

bitch, so I'm not going to do that. Oh, it's a lot, it's a lot like how the eagles go for a lot of fourth downs by trying to just, like, punch you in the solar place. Exactly. It's like, here, let's do the nerdy thing in the most ferocious way possible. It's so it's, it's like vibes based analytics. Right. It's like, like if you told Dan Lending, the number said this is smart, he'd say, huh?

How dare you, how dare you call me smart, right? Hey, pointex, Dexter, point Dexter, are we going? Uh, yeah. Yeah, we're going. Let me tell you what, Dan Lanning is going to fucking rule when he gets the Texas Hane. I'll tell you what type of analytics this is. Some of y'all will know and some of you will need to look it up. Dan Lanning has mastered Steiner math, okay?

That is the type of math that calls for going on fourth down in that situation. See, when I was going for the field goal at the end, I had a 66% chance of making it. But my teeth full of natural-bore freaks. Oregon had a 163 and a third percent chance of converting that fourth down and somehow they didn't. I love it. They're like, who dares

wins? Well, actually, some math does back this up, but I'm not a bitch! I don't know I don't know if Matt Berry was talking about this game specifically. He was going on some little mini rant in the studio about analytics and he's like, I bet analytics lose more than

they win. And I think it was I think it was Joey Galloway, who sort of looked at him, and half joking, half serious? It's like, well, you'd have to check the numbers. I love it. It's unfair to expect a Madame Alexander doll brought to life to do math. We're asking too much of Matt Barry. If analytics lost most of the time, why would people have given a shit about them to this point? If I don't listen, did the animator who brought Matt Barry to life from his doll cabinet,

it without math? Oh, if only these football nerds weren't so sexy, I wouldn't have to listen to them, but they are. Oh, they got that ass that won't quit. And that's why I went for it on fourth down. This is like the person who finally understands, hey, if I'm really good at chemistry, my roids are going to be awesome. Like, if I got my cycle straight, bro, it'd be huge.

You know why we do analytics is because the guys with calculators are so badass. they want to be cool like them that's why that's right i didn't respect math until i saw their numbers are totally fake they don't work they don't know what you're talking about you see i really just go to this i really just go to sloane for the pussy have you seen bet aflick and the accountant that's what really turned me on it let me on it don't don't laugh dan landing has totally got that on dvd i know where's that shit out um yeah but it was just fun fucking game oh so so so so like so good lead changes going for two going for it on fourth my

Washington showing that they could run like I did not know Washington had this effective of a run game it wasn't like super explosive necessarily hundred yards they they mixed it in effectively to not make it all just be on Michael Pettix they did and this is like a great styles make fights kind of thing because Oregon really did the thing they wanted to do which was take their sort of extended triple option, you know, long handoffs, you know, passes as long handoffs kind of run game and slow this shit down. And they did for long periods of this game. Do that. And then Washington sometimes had to do what they were uncomfortable with, which was real off these like 12 and 15 play

drives. And then sometimes they got to do the, you know, fraggle offense where they were like, la la, la, 70 yards. It's different. Yeah, we're better at this than you are. That was the last score. The score were Washington came back, they'd had this kind of like constipated, slow couple of drives before that. And on the final drive, it was like, no, look, that guy's open. Oh, when Oregon got on the next to last, on the next last Oregon drive, Washington drive, excuse me, when Oregon stood them up at the goal line, I was like, that has to be it. That's it. That has to be it.

But it wasn't. no because because you know what you can't defend that's right the perfect pass i had this like bittersweet feeling this whole game just thinking like man the big 10 does not deserve no like looking over at what the actual big 10 was doing at the time which we'll discuss but like just like i mean first of all those people aren't ready for this and secondly like no they don't like fun that's their brand for the past 100 years has been not having any fun no one besides them having you enjoying anything players not getting any money and they get to just import this shit fuck that there is one school that does deserve it

and that school is ruckers who came down he came back right who came back down 18 with 14 minutes to go by scoring on it's it wasn't a blocked punt it was just the punter forgot to grab the ball and and they scored it and Rutgers grabbed it and scored a touchdown um they score then then later on they went for i don't even know how to describe this maybe you all have seen this before it wasn't an on side kick they set up Michigan state was set up as though it were an onside kick but they left a returner back as well and like they kind of tipped it in between the two units and then a Rutgers player basically boxed out the return Turner for an onside kick. They recovered an onside kick at the Michigan State 21, which I've

never fucking seen in my life. All the way back there. Like it dribbled. Yes. Yes. And it was based off of that that they scored the go-ahead touchdown. The most wild shit about this game. So after the the fumbled snap touchdown that started the comeback for Ruckers, who scored 21 points unanswered in the fourth quarter to beat Michigan State. The Spartans ran six plays on offense the rest of the fourth quarter, and they got two yards.

Yeah, that's an offer for the Big Ten to this point, by the way. Oh, that's awesome. That's great. Five win records, baby. Five and two. Wait, that actually fits in the you could make the G the five. Yeah, which is a better, which is a, that's a better record than Texas

A&M. Hey, who also has a better record than Texas A&M? Tennessee? Where to begin? Florida? The zoo? I was going to say Florida. Tulane does.

But Tulane's better than Texas A&M, so that's not fair. Duke does. Oh, let's see. I'm just going to control F5 and 24 FBS teams currently have more wins than N. Oh, we get six and. We've had buys. Oh, that's right. Let's see.

I'm sorry. 45 FBS teams currently. I might be getting some conference records in there, but let's say 45. It's a lot. Jacksonville State, the team that's brand new to FBS, they're 5 and 2. That's not what Texas A&M is.

When Richrod takes over at Texas A&M, this will be of great comfort, I'm sure. This is the great thing about whoever takes over at Texas A&M, and it doesn't always work, but because they will spend literally amount of money, this is one of those things where you can slot literally any coach you can think of into the next head coaching job at Texas A&M,

and it's funny every time in a different way. There are also two seven and O teams, so 47 FBS. Seriously, find a coach who's the next candidate for Texas A&M who's not funny. Jason, you're saying there's an NFL and a half worth of teams that are better than Texas A&M. Well, I don't... Yeah. There's nearly as many as the number of hours in 14th. 48 hours. You all have said Urban Meyer, Lincoln Riley, and Mario Cristobal, these are all hilarious. I said list teams who aren't list coaches who would not be funny in this role.

The bottom of the SEC West, which is where Texas A&M is at the top of the bottom of the SEC West. It's a shit show right now. In conference, O and four, Arkansas, O and three Mississippi State, O and three Auburn, two and two Texas A&M. The two wins that Texas A&M have. as in conference play are Auburn is one, and the other one is Arkansas. That's great. And those teams, A&M, I'm sorry, those teams stink this year. They just do. Bama tried so hard. Yes. Cough it up to Arkansas today that I feel, I am forced to conclude.

Tennessee tried very hard to cough it up to A&M today. I'm ready to talk about, Tennessee and A&M had a, a, a, a, game-long fight over who was going to cough that game up to each other with a third possible participation by the refs who missed several egregious. I'm actually not sure who, every team will say it's theirs, I'm not sure who got the worst end of the refereeing tonight because there were so, like, I'm talking multiple missed face mask calls that were visible on the normal broadcast angle. But Tennessee, it was hot potato.

I didn't see enough of Bama, Arkansas to determine if, Arkansas was also determined to give the game away or if they were just being out talented by a Bama team determined to give the game away. But like Tennessee and A&M were just playing that version of a game where it's like, oh, whoever has the ball last is going to win. This is like, no, whoever fucks up second to last is going to win. Jalen Milro had a great first half, then he had a bad second half. That's what really let Arkansas kind of creep back in this game, along with some timely play

by KJ. Jefferson. Although for anybody who's a Dan Enos hater And that's quite a Quite a few people around the country And the line, listen, the line forms behind Chris Driver. We have a friend Chris Driver who... Y'all are arguably this. If you don't know him, Chris Driver played football at Central Michigan.

Yeah. And was subjected to Dan Enos as a head coach. And, but he grew up an Arkansas fan. I don't know how many Central Michigan, Arkansas house, divided houses there are out there. But so he's now on his third round of Dan Enos. So please imagine his off-season when they said, when they said, oh, we're going to fire Kendall Browles. And like, oh, yeah, get rid of Kendall Browls.

Get him the fuck out of here. That's great. Yeah, get him out of here. And there's like, who's a replacement? It was like, Dan Enos. But for. Poor Christmas, swear to God. I don't know anybody else this has happened to where, like, their personal coach,

Bugaboo has, like, dogged them through three different ten years. So the whole, to conclude the Dan Enus point, having seen what they've done to K.J. Jefferson and his game in that offense, it's not like he's bad, but you've taken the joy out of our large rambling son. That is what you have done in Dan Enis's offense. And also to the tune of going 0 and 4 in conference to this point. That's where you're at. So it's not really like Alabama, like it's not like at any point there was a real serious threat here.

Nah, Jalen Milrow was just missing left and right. if they ran out the clock. Nick is so happy about this, by the way, because one, he doesn't really care about the margin of victory and two coaching points because they got a false start on the victory formation. He was livid, livid, like hands making all sorts of, like, chopping invisible wood with karate chops as he talked. Like, yeah, it was great. He's so happy right now. a brief break from this discussion of the one of the better conferences in division one to discuss the best conference in division one our Idaho vandals number three in FCS trail are Montana Grizzlies 20 to 7 at the half in the kibby dome also apparently there's a fight at Boise that sounds right we'll update um oh uh Notre Dame uh the broadcast for this game. We discussed the box score a little bit.

The Jason Garrett, Jack Collinsworth broadcast duo, someone pointed out on Twitter a few hours ago that if we had been tasked, say, two or three or four years ago with coming up with the most boring possible broadcast booth, that is one that we might have submitted as a joke. And it's more boring than I would have even expected, like, to the point where I think it's, there's almost a public utility to it.

Like, it, it gives me a sense of whatever it is that people get out of ASMR, like, that, that shit has never done anything for me. But this, I think I get it. You could do one of those Volvo ads where you, like, put a baby in a carrier and carry it into the stadium and just put it outside the booth door. And, you know, the baby's been crying the whole time when the dad's, like, what do I do? And at the end of the commercial, he just tucks a little Notre Dame blanket around the baby,

and Jack Collinsworth's like, and there's a long drum cake. Yeah, and then Jason Garrett comes in and goes, that's a real nice Grover you got up there on the shelf. I had one like that myself. There is a moment where Notre Dame, which again

is the, not only the home team in the stadium, but also like this is, this is their provdha. Like NBC is supposed to be jacked up for Notre Dame, like all the juices for Notre Dame. They had a scoop and score a touchdown.

And the reaction from the booth was just like, as anti-Gus Johnson as you could have. Well, they did score 48 points. So they might have been pretty tired at that point. Yeah, they were so exhausted from all the screaming earlier in the game. But who could they have found who was more qualified than Jack Collinsworth to get in that booth?

I mean, that is a good point. earned the job. I, well, you know, it's an important part of the Trinity, the sun. Fair enough. Spencer Hall back at his anti-Catholic name. God damn it. As always.

So is Jason Garrett? The Holy Ghost, yeah. A spirit in this. The Holy Ghost is Tom Hammond. He's very white. Jason Garrett is the Holy Ghost in here because he could not be farther from the Jason Garrett voice. that we have done on this show in real life.

The Holy Ghost is Regis Philbin. Okay. Okay. Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's. The Holy Ghost is Lou Holtz, and I'm glad he's really bad. By the way, most outstanding broadcaster of the weekend was of course Mark Jones, who Mark Jones getting deep into the the thesaurus, like in the first quarter of the Colorado Stanford game.

Yes. And only getting more and more. like just ludicrous as the game went on, an incredible work. That has to be like a challenge he's issued to himself, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Can, look, I don't, I don't listen to any of the like podcasts about media or newsletters about media, but somebody, somebody.

You don't. Because you don't work that anymore. We don't have to. Somebody ask, somebody ask him, like, what is, what is your prep strategy, like, purely from a vocabulary point of view. Is this off the dome? Is this like, is there a list somewhere? I just want to know more. That's all.

Do you just have one of those word a day calendar and you're just ripping through that shit? Just throwing papers left and right? We're going to do two months in this game. Look out. Because broadcasts are definitely, there's definitely a meta quality to them where like, like, there's a lot of winking. Yeah. It's the reason the Manning cast works so well. How did?

Nothing but. How did Indiana's new offensive coordinator do today, guys? They died. Oh, man. They died. It was really great for several minutes. They had, they had not only did they have an early touchdown that brought them even. They got to the goal line before then as well.

Yeah. Like there is a scenario if you change one or two plays where Indiana had like a 14 point outburst in the first quarter. Yeah. So for the first quarter, it was seven. zero Indiana and for the rest of the game it was 52 zero that's not a joke that's what happened that's been Michigan every like every week this year is they just they're like they're like a big guy running down a hill by the time he gets to the bottom oh god get out of his way I think Minnesota has scored the most on Michigan this year and it's 10 points yeah now and I look I know

I know Michigan's schedule is what it is so fucking like these are these are aggressive but they could be sleepwalking against these teams like some people Georgia right exactly yeah like you are how you perform against who you play yeah like it you know we've seen

champions legit champions win title games after playing quote unquote light schedules like blowing you know completely obliterating mediocre teams is just as impressive as like barely beating good teams.

Yeah, I mean, they might be playing, they might be playing trash, but that shit is getting taken out. Speaking of obliterations, can we flip leagues for a second? Why is North Dakota State University trending? Because they lost, they lost in North Dakota, I believe. What? Correctamundo. Yeah, I think this is their second loss of the regular season now.

Yeah. Yeah, the balance of power in FCS is very different this year. It has, it has, it has, it has shifted south to South Dakota State. The reigning champ and possibly on its way to, uh, becoming, becoming a, like a, a, a sort of a Georgia to NDSU's Bama. Unless Idaho has something to say about it. Well, Montana has something to say about Idaho right now because the big sky conference, the deepest conference in all of, Division 1. And our personal favorite.

But y'all, this wasn't even a game. The Fighting Hawks of North Dakota scored 21 points in the first quarter and beat them 49-24. Staying in this general area, Air Force is 6 and 0. Yeah. Your current group of five, hate that term. New Year's six favorite. Air Force. We can save me.

friends here we can say mid major it's not a dis it's not that's the part that drives me crazy that's why is it fine in basketball yeah oh you think you're so good football yeah you're in the middle it's okay to be in the middle like saying mid major is is better than saying bottom half of fps yeah complete next division yeah group of five does has some real like oh this is unlicensed avengers gear you got to at the dollar store. It is we demand to be taken seriously League of Wizards. It's a little Maoist for me, right?

Like group of five traders, all of them. Where's my off ramp? Speaking of Mal, I want to point out one, we need to talk about Purdue, Ohio State just for one second because we need to discuss the special teams.

Because Purdue had a student make a 40-yard field goal during a timeout, and then the boiler maker's real kicker missed a 39 Yarder. Thank you Marcus Hartman for pointing this out. Suit them up. Suit them up. Seriously. I think, was it Floyd who said earlier?

Leach would have had that kid in pads on the next series and kicking on the sideline. The 5 also sounds like these five congresspeople promise they're going to get shit. Oh wait, they all hate each other. Yeah. Immediately they hate each other. It's also like

rap group from 1992. Yeah, sure. You're supposed to just say, oh yeah, they had like three classic albums. I didn't like them, but. You know what it is? It's, it's, this is the same group that like spent time and branding effort to be like, aha, it's called college football playoff. Aha. It's called bowl season. Like, in many ways, group of five just fits like the incredibly uncreative brain behind a lot of college football branding decisions at the top. Hey, hey, we're going to start

the first ever collective in college football. got 10 universities, what should we call it? George Schroeder of USA Today really summed this up beautifully right around the time while this shit was getting started when he said, I bet Bill Hancock's dog is named dog. And he's got a bowl with its name one and everything. There was one loss, by the way, for Air Force tonight. And it's that their time of possession went down because they only held the ball for 29 minutes. I thought you're going to say they lost another F-35.

That would be a win, however. Have you lost another airplane? Nope, found one in the swamp. Man, between six wins on the field and one F-35, they don't have to worry about anymore. It's been a nice autumn. It's been fucking great. Yeah, so they're down to,

they're down to a little over 35 minutes a game of just squatting on the ball, not letting you have it. You know it's number one? Just in my favorite unimportant start. Penn State. Of time in possession? Penn State. Yeah, okay.

Penn State. That feels like it's mostly a factor of Penn State's defense has been playing wildly overmatched teams and getting them off the field before they can... I think it's also just James Franklin pouting. Sitting on the ball and waiting for it to hash. Speaking of James Franklin, I had a thought while watching Miami.

So our joke about James Franklin for a long time has been an incredible recruiter who just did not invest a lot of points in skill points in game management. Right? Like, that's been our go-to with James Franklin. For obvious reasons, there is a strong contender for that title. And I think this game clinched at Mario Cristobal is Mario Cristobal has taken that mantle. Like, this game was just a mess.

There was a point early in the second half when Miami got the miscue's montage. You never want the miscue's montage. But there was enough, there was enough for it. Like, I don't know, it might have been like 10 minutes left in the third quarter. yeah well like when the controversy section on your wiki page is like the second section like that's pretty bad um after the miscue's montage miami was out here like coming out of a timeout with 12 guys on the field and giving up a touchdown on that play come on man like this is everything we have said james franklin is Miami actually is so i i move that we uh we we slide that

joke to Miami. And now that I've said this, just wait for Penn State, Ohio State next week. Brain genius. Penn State, by the way, 630 over UMass today. Just, you know, light little swing through the schedule there. Oh, God. Miami's got to play Clemson next. That'll be normal.

Great. If we get this, if we get a three-game skid for Mario. Oh, man. See, watch, watch. It'll be good for recruiting, though, because. there would be clearly lots of playing time. Look, oh, we need, we need your help. Did you help?

New joke fits great. He's something like, I think he's now three and eight in ACC games. He is, oh, yeah, and he is. Those are really hard, though. Still hasn't won a game at home, and he is 0 and 2 in the ACC. Well, he couldn't win a game at home because they're on the road, so. Yes, but just keep that in mind. Keep that in mind.

Yeah. Meanwhile, like, as we all predicted, there are only two reliable teams in the ACC, Florida State and Duke. That's it. That's correct. The standards. Is there a possibility that we're going to get a little too early in the season and just be like, yep, the ACC championship is locked up, and it's those two teams.

Which we've seen before. I forgot North Carolina. I apologize, North Carolina. You're in there as well. Man, let me give you, let me give you, by the way. Hold on. We haven't talked about this part. Florida State, North Carolina, and Duke are all undefeated.

in ACC play, and they don't play each other. Yeah, and Louisville doesn't play. I realize Louisville is not exactly as prominent in the running, but Louisville also plays, you know, very few of the other ACC condemnation. Duke is the only one of those three that they play, and that's in two weeks. The dark math of an ACC schedule baffles me.

Do you guys remember who Duke played in the ACC championship game the last time they were in the ACCC? Was it Florida State? It was. that was uh wasn't that the jamish year uh that was the year yeah that was the year they played the second game okay no that was your fs you beat obering the title game um so everyone in the acc plays 11 conference games but they do not play each other somehow no one plays anyone you know what's going to help this and they all play notre dame what's going to help this is adding three

more acc teams that's good yeah i just can't wait to see uh to like oh uh somehow they all only play This is the worst L-SAT question. Is the ACC real? There are 16 nights at the table. One may not sit next to the other. I'm going to start watching some fucking CW to see what the hell it is they have going on there if no football games are happening. But all these stats keep getting right. I just appreciate that the ACC was like, all right, the coastal is a mess.

It's impossible to tell who wins it every year. We're getting rid of divisions. Everything will make sense now. Now it's going to be like, no one plays it. we're going to the eighth tiebreaker to decide if it's north carolina or duke going to no wonder you have so many good teams apparently all of you are playing virginia tech virginia tick won today wait for is the one that sucks i'm so sorry like 30 points they beat the shit out of way virginia tv virginia tech is one game behind the lead for the conference yeah

it's not so much like that that division is not so much a lobster pot as it's like quicksand and just like one virginia tech arm reaching up out of the mind to grab Wake's leg. Get in here with me. This is, I love this for the ACC though, because it's like, I'm tired of you making fun of us. We're going to get rid of divisions so you can stop making fun of everyone being four and four. And now it's going to be like, okay, raise the astrolabe to the horizon. Should it be three degrees higher than parallel, Duke shall go.

Indiana Jones, you must take away three units to honor Duke's forefathers. This actually, okay, the CW thing is making something else makes sense because I was wondering where the ACC alternate networks were going to offload all their unused ads. Did you guys see the Crystal

Fungus ad that ran during Arkansas Bama? It was like, it was some copper jam, listen, the Arkansas Bama game had some like copper jama's peak ACC network late night ads running, but one of them, I just wrote the notes down. It's just called

crystal flush and the tagline was flush your fungus. I refuse to learn anything else about this. I don't think I have any fungus. But it was running over a bit. Well, it's clearly already flushed. Listen, the ad that I have been in my brain,

my 2023 season ad that I cannot get out of my mind is Phil Swift, tear an ass in that boat made a flex tape. That's, oh my God. Like every other break, Phil Swift is looking happy. He's going to get the Arkansas job. You watch. He might. They might be like something like Jerry is just going to be

sitting there knocking back his fifth Johnny Walker blue of the night and he's going to see Phil Swift to go, hey, he looks cool on that boat. Mike McCarthy. Can you do, can you make a boat out of tape? Yeah, can you kick ass on a boat like that? I bet you can't even get in a boat, fat boy. Fire him. Go get me Phil Swift. So speaking of ads, a few commentsers have mentioned it. Did anyone see the fucking free speech, fire.com or whatever ad on NBC? No. No. I think I've seen a billboard for it here, but that's not.

Okay. It's like an ad for free speech, I think. I don't know. And it's like the setup is these announcers are interviewing a player after a game and he's saying things that they find controversial or whatever. Like he keeps talking about Jesus. flat earth and vaccinations and it's just sort of like name checking a bunch of controversial shit and like then it's like free speech is cool go to our website and that's it they that someone paid a lot of money to air that oh the co-brothers paid a lot of money okay

needs to be tactical free speech if you want if you want to be able to pay attention I need my free speech but it just aired and I saw everyone who was watching that game was was just was very confused by the existence of it. This was during Notre Dame USC? That's good because Notre Dame fans usually are holding their opinions at all time, so I'm glad they feel free to let us know how they feel. Finally. I mean, their crowd is pretty quiet, so maybe this will get them tired.

Finally, unmuzzled Notre Dame and USC fans, at last, political dialogue can reach New Heights. Can I give you, by the way, the all-American real American football quarterback line of the week. It's from Duke's second string quarterback, Henry Baylon, the fourth. He went four for 12 for 107 yards, two TDs and one interception. He ran five times for 28 yards with a long of 26, and they won by 21 points. Henry Vellon the fourth, congratulations. You're the Jay Barker overachiever of the week.

Fuck him up. That's awesome. Fuck him up. Four, 12, 107. That's red-blooded American football. That's real football right there. All right. Can we talk about this Iowa game?

Yeah, it's about time. The final score of 15 to 6. Iowa Iowa through 14 passes for 37 yards. Iowa had how many first downs was it? Nine. Four, Iowa went four of 17 on third down. But Wisconsin, you went two of 17.

Wisconsin threw 50 passes. And for their troubles, got six points. Thank you, user, caboose, MSG. A.L. Menor had more receiving yards in the second half of Colorado, Stanford, that Iowa-wide receivers combined have had in seven games. Wisconsin, you know what Wisconsin was on, by the way, offensively, Ryan? That is the COVID-year day-trading policy, right? Bang, bang, trade, trade, trade.

Do a lot of things. How much did money did you make today? I lost $7. How many trades did you execute today? $38. I just. I was leading the Big Ten West right now. Yeah.

With a negative point differential. In conference, not overall. There's six and one. They should absolutely be ranked. They have scored just very quick. 146 points on the year. They're averaging 20 points a game, I think. Yes.

That's just from typing these scores into the Chrome browser bar that doing math for me i think they would have to average 30 points a game from here on out to uh to hit the 325 i'm sure someone has already calculated this but can we all agree that iowa should be ranked and simultaneously that's really funny that they're not i i get why they're not but they should do it and by the way let's actually say a positive word about an offensive player for iowa lashon williams 25 carries 174 yards and a score he has the hardest job in the world Because no defense goes in there saying, like, well, we really got to respect the Iowa pass. There needs to be some kind of Sisyphus trophy among all the other end of the season hard where we canned out, most of which are interchangeable.

He does. Think of the number of kindergartners that you would have to think of for like how many kindergarters would it take to tackle you, right? Okay, cool. LaShawn Williams faces that every single time he touches the ball, right? If you're like 38 kindergartners, that's what it would take to tackle you. tackle me. He faces that every time he takes the ball because it's not going to be a pass. Iowa's leading receiver had 19 yards on two receptions. According to comments are deliberately vague, Iowa needs 29.8 points per game counting the ball game. So yes, my math is close. Here's who they have

left. Minnesota, Northwestern, Rutgers, Illinois, Nebraska. Whatever you think of those teams. Oh, God. There is nothing in here that says, ah, this is going to be. the team that forces Iowa into a gunfight. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think no matter how dire it's looking for Brian Farrant's entering that, whichever Florida bowl they go to, LSU's defense has got this. I don't know. I don't know.

That's my serious answer. They did. Auburn had a bad day, I understand. That doesn't change anything about. my prediction that uh that i that lSU's defense is going to bail out brian parents man yeah that's that's territory that science even flinches at examining that's that's what we're talking about here that's bad um can i can i have a moment to state uh some happiness better be about missouri it isn't

beautiful al you Florida won a road game that's all I want to hear about let's talk about Missouri and Florida won a damn road game against South Carolina

4139 is it is it a little funny that Graham Mertz threw for like 480 yards while Wisconsin was putting up six points yeah that's but that probably feels really bad for them, I would imagine.

Hey, we're going to go air raid. Meanwhile, our quarterback is a, he left. Our quarterbacks at the state fair in Columbia, South Carolina, whooping and wallering, eating all the funnel cakes. Grammertz was a fucking assassin. He's gotten scored six points. Nobody was. This is like, you're not joking.

Both quarterbacks in this game had great games. Both of them did. They really did. Yeah, these defenses are, whoof. ass. Yeah. Pure ass. But yeah.

You'll get to rejoice in beating South Carolina. Hey, take a holiday when it's offered, okay? Oh, what is? Like, sure, it's a bank holiday, but we're taking it. That's great. Florida's five and two. Going to make a bowl. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Bless your hearts. Tampa's lovely this time of year. And you can sleep in your own beds. I see nothing but advantages. Maybe you get to play Iowa, who knows. I imagine Graham Merts would be so disappointed. He's like, hey, who are we facing Iowa?

Of all the things Jason has spoken into existence that I will hate, Iowa winning a bowl game against Florida 10 to 4 is probably the worst. In the trough. Did they still say in the trough? Maybe in the parking lot of the trop. Can they reopen the trap just for this? into the trap. Maybe they'll keep the trop open when they build the new Ray's stadium

and they'll keep the trap just for the ballgame. Just for ornamental purposes. Missouri killed Kentucky. That's all. Yeah. There was a lot of, there was a lot of weird shit. Arizona beat the fuck out of Washington State. Arizona is apparently

quite decent. Iowa State easily beat Cincinnati. Like, I don't know. Cruised. Are we, are we at the point where, I don't know well enough to say, are we at the point where Cincinnati's like, oh, God, what did we do? Why did we hire you get into? Yeah. Because they are not terribly competitive at this point. Yes, but you know what's going to happen. We have now entered the Satterfield cycle, where now that they are two and four, and three, and we're going to get the story. Scott Satterfield's like, the chili sucks here and it smells weird all the time. I hear Michigan State has interest. Hold on. Cincinnati, one of their two wins is over Pitt, and Pitt just beat Louisville. So, Cincinnati beat USC.

So Cincinnati's got a transit and win over USC. So you're ready, you're ready for this, by the way. Everyone's going to start hating Scott Satterfield. He's going to start leaking stories about his own dissatisfaction in Michigan State being interested. And then they're going to go. The New York Giants want Scott Satterfield. That's right. And then they're going to go on a four-game win streak.

That's how this ends, right? somehow Kirk Cousins somehow becomes the head coach of the Cincinnati Bearcats. No, not before this repeats for another two seasons at least. That's true. Including Scott Satterfield taking bathroom breaks during his own radio show to call in and being like, there's NFL interest in Scott Satterfield. We can hear you. Hello. Hello.

I'm the, I'm the president. Hello, I'm Dave Chargers. I'm Dave Chargers. I'd like to hire Scott Satterfield. Is this a number of citizen? I demand my rights Yeah Hello Carl Panthers here

Carl Panthers Curiously enough owns the Saints Carl Panthers The name I would completely believe Can you imagine if you were a guy And you're on the make And like international finance or something And you got a hedge fund

And you make like $30 billion And you go Hey man What are you going to do with your money And you look at your driver's license and remember that your name is Carl Texans. You're like, shit, I have to buy them. God damn it.

Can I buy another team? No, Carl, you can buy the Texan. Speaking of TCUBYU 4411? Oh, God, I've said it too. This was, if you did not see, Chandler Morris has been a point of discussion amongst TCU fans in terms of his performance as a quarterback.

Oh, he can't ever come back now because did you see the video they put up after? Uh-huh, Josh Hoover. The backup quarterback got the good hyper, like the good, like, vintage catlap shit hyperal video. They can't put Chandler Morris back in now. Yeah, like the video has like vacuums dancing on the Hoover Dam. He had four TDs and 439 yards. I know he was cool because he also threw two picks just to keep it real. I like quarterbacks to do that.

Josh Hoover was really brilliant in this game, and man, no one on BYU's offense was. They got, they got whooped. If you want to talk about somebody experiencing that Cincinnati moment of regret, that'll come and go for BYU, but it definitely arrived in serious form today. The Big 12 is going to be like a playoff team, a New Year 6 team, and then 10,500 teams. A bunch of bleeding guys. Like, Oklahoma State, we'd abandoned them. And they're four and two now.

Took down a ranked Kansas today. Just all over the Big 12. Like, don't go in there, man. Anyone can beat anyone. It's a bar fight. The only way to win is to leave. Yeah, just get out of there. Good idea, Oklahoma and Texas.

Have fun, Arizona State. I wanted to mention one thing. Well, I know we covered this already, but did we mention that Missouri beating Kentucky, included Kentucky blowing a 14-0 lead that they had built after a quarter? We did not, no, because it was erased so terribly quickly. This box score is so, if you just look at the scoring by quarter, it's so weird. First quarter, Kentucky 14 to 0, second quarter, Missouri 17 to 0, third quarter, Kentucky 7, Missouri 3, 4th quarter, Missouri 18 to 0. What the fuck?

This is like, this looks like a tennis match. Dev and Larry melted down in the back half of that game. Oh, okay. Pretty aggressively. Somebody in the chat, by the way, has changed their name to Dave Chargers. Thank you. Thank you, guys. And Carl Payne.

Oh, he's here? I heard he has interest in me taking the job coaching the Chargers. Well, we all do. That's the rumor I heard. That's right. Shout out to DJ Oiyang Galee, who had a great game. Yeah, real good night. Yeah.

A couple of beautiful passes in Oregon State's defeat of a stout UCLA team 3624. DJ had a nice, nice game. That's a lot of points against that defense. It's a mean-ass defense. And this may have gotten lost in our decrying of the term group of five, but the James Madison Dukes are 6 and O and did beat our beloved Georgia Southern Eagles,

dropping them to 4 and 2. Whooped up on it. And this was a thrash. 411.13. So we're looking at a second straight year in which JMU should absolutely get to do all sorts of postseason stuff. And can't. But the NCA has rules.

I think we're going to start. We are going to tell our grandchildren that the first years you were in a conference and the first years you level up, you cannot go out and win the conference title because it would hurt everyone else's feelings who has been there for so long. I know, I know this is, I know this is stretching things a bit, but like, is this the most confusing NCAA rule? Because the way I understand it, that's quite a, quite a list of it.

I know, but the way I understand it is that logic is we don't want teams overambitiously trying to jump to another jump up a division. and so to dissuade them from maybe letting their reach exceed their grasp we're going to prevent them from playing in a bolt I don't understand like how this is supposed to stop to like what is this supposed to do it's nanny state guard real like it's so yeah I mean we all agree it's dumb but like the thinking is so that nobody just swings for a cash grab as if they're oh thank God enormous benefit to be gained I was worried that might start happening

in college football. But now that JMU can't make a bowl game, all is reserved. All is safe. JMU can't play in the fucking Frisco bowl. Oh, boy. The sanctity of I think, so if I'm Sam Houston State, I use this as my, well, we knew we couldn't make a bowl anyway. So we just decided.

You know, it took them forever. How many working groups do you think it took in the J.W. Marriott to come up with that rule, too? I don't know. Probably could use a couple more. Should build those. I bet the catering was exquisite. Is Thursday too late to go back to

no I think there's there's one thing we should discuss I think an event happened that's that still lingers yeah we should probably discuss that who wants who wants to try to explain

West Virginia Houston I'm no I'm out not it I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to feel my dads are fighting and I don't like it okay so West Virginia Houston let's just get to let's get to the end

that seems like a good place to go let's get to an end with Houston leading 35 leading 35 32 with about a minute 17 left

West Virginia is on their own 12 it's bad but then then we get the following we get Garrett Green

three straight incompletions leaving a third and ten at the 50 after some progress and then on fourth and ten at the 50, Garrett Green completes a pass to Hudson Clement for a touchdown. 50 yards.

This was revenge for all that. This was a night, a real night of not revenge. What's the R word I'm looking for, not reclamation? Rubarb. No, no, no. I don't know.

I'm having a stroke. This was a real, this was a night for all those. They left a lot of time. Not retribution. Residue. Thank you. Redemption. It's redemption.

This was the night of redemption for all those. They left a lot of time on the clock. Cold refreshment is right. Yes. They lacked a lot of time on the clock for Houston. I'm glad you said it. Yeah. 39.

So you're saying for once the scored too fast people were right. Yeah. That's more reason. to hate this game. West Virginia 39, Houston 35, with 12 seconds on the clock. 12 seconds become seven seconds after there is a kickoff. And first and 10 at the Houston 43, with seven seconds left. Donovan Smith completes a pass for eight yards.

Boom! With second and two on the West Virginia, 49. The distance matters. Mm-hmm. It sure does. on the West Virginia 49 Donovan Smith

completes a past to Stefan Johnson for 49 yards and a touchdown. Houston 41. I think but it's correct. The R word I was looking for is rumchata.

West Virginia 39. Sometimes I happen like that. I have a text from a former member of Dana's staff here. This is very Houston specific, but for those of you in town, you will appreciate that state

48 is about to be stake 420. Houston, badly in need of a win, manages to pull it out with seven seconds left in the fourth. This was like both, both teams

blew so many leads in this game. Like, West Virginia led at one point 24, 21. In the fourth, in the fourth, in the fourth quarter they let them away

in the fourth quarter they led 2421 Houston scored two straight touchdowns to go up 3524 West Virginia scored two straight touchdowns the last of which was the 50 yarder

like God yeah yeah yeah it's a good hey it's a good day for Dana it was it was a

really good that sucks man press conference yes this was shit happens the game because he was really after west virginia scored he was really trying to hold it together he was really he was so if you have ever if you have ever like really made your dad mad in public and he's not the kind of person who wants to yell at you then he wants to wait that's how dana holgerson looked like he saw what you did at the assembly, and we will be talking about it later. Gabby's gripping the shit out of that steering wheel.

The thing that makes me slightly insane, and this was, I'm not just spiritually tying this together because I'm me, but this was a spiritual twin of the Tennessee A&M game in that leads were not taken back and forth, leads were handed back and forth, and the wild thing about this is Tennessee and West Virginia were both coming off a buy, and I think so was Houston.

That? That? You did that? That's fine. You had, you had two, you did that. It's fine. This is like you got, you got an extension on your taxes and here is a baggy full of French fry receipts that you sent to the IRS. It's fine. Oh. Absolutely superb. There's people dissing Houston in the comments and I'm going to throw all of you out one by one.

The city or the city? Oh, okay. Fantastic city. This is not a safe space for you, people. You could take that shit to LinkedIn. Oh, wait. Oh, I'm going to anti-recogn. That's it.

I'm going to anti-recommend all the people in here. Yeah, anyone talking shit about Houston? I'm going to recommend you for being bad at knowing which cities are good. I'm going to endorse you for. Recommendment for Excel errors. What? No, you've run it to me. I'm going to endorse you for ant farm sodomy

Best in the business Okay, sure I don't know It's fine Hey how did they manage to make TV is a miracle man The Idaho game is on right now The picture is crisp and crystal clear

And they have somehow lit it To where it looks like a normal building And not how it actually looks AI The power of AI Like big sky conference I know you're not listening Because there's an important game on right now

but what is your magic? They're showing the history of the Little Brown Stein right now in the Idaho-Bontana game, and I'm like the liquids that have been in that thing. Plasmas that have been that game. I don't want to know. Idaho's coach, but go ahead. Maryland lost to Illinois.

We don't have to talk about it, but I just want to. No, it's just not September anymore. That's allegedly a conference game, mind you. It was part of the worst quad box selection that I've ever seen, which was on offer today. Which was? I was subjected to that. Quad box pulls out some hits. It really does.

No, but there was only one quad box option, at least on my television for the Tennessee game. And it was Tennessee A&M, Washington, Oregon, which of course I wanted to watch, Texas Southern and Bethune Cookman, which were, each one and four heading into this game. I'm all for watching the swag, but one and four, it's sorry, now two and four Texas Southern over, one and five, Bethune Cookman,

and the Illinois game. What? Yeah, I would love to, I mean, is it a computer determining these matchups? Like, these cannot be handpicked and they cannot be based on like audience data.

There was no way to watch, for example, the Florida, South Carolina game and the Tennessee A&M game at the same time. I can't imagine where there would be people who would want to watch both of these games. If there was any editorial oversight of assembling these quad boxes, someone would say,

let's put all the games from each conference together, right? Or they would say, like, let's have one big, obvious game should be in every quad box. And I think if an algorithm was determining these things, it would probably come to that conclusion on its own as well. But they all are fucking random. There are games that had 17 quad box selections, and there are games that have one. I think.

And the 17ers aren't necessarily the biggest games. No. I think the safest assumption, because it's digital media that we're talking about, is fraud. And that somebody is like, oh, we're going to juice the fuck out of this Syracuse Florida State game. We're going to make these ratings. You know how many people watch Illinois? They're crazy for Illinois. It's one of the most viewed games of the day.

Yeah. So here's what we do. We get Ohio NIU into every quad box in America. We put a pixel of Ohio NU on every channel. And Ohio and NU becomes America's most beloved team. And now actually I'm on board with it. Now the more than I'm saying it. There could be some, listen, seriously, this is how it all comes crashing down, though,

because some eagle-eyed reporter is going to go, nah. Meanwhile, the CW is like, come on over. We got one game to watch. We got one game. carefully selected for you and then it's seven. I got a, I got a, I got a blanket for you and some chup. And we're going to watch one game of football with your old puppy. And we're going to sell you a moon pod and you're going to plop onto it.

Look how fun that is. Okay, football's over. You got your pick. I hope you enjoyed your pick game. Time to go night night. Time to lay down on our mood pods and think about the one game we watched today. I think Atticott is. I think Atticott is right in the comments.

This is one of those Build Your Team posts where you have $15 to spend. Okay. And Ohio NIU is always free. Yeah. You got $4 back, actually. I came out of head. I especially like when Quadbox gives you an alternate broadcast that makes no sense. Like, for Clemson, Florida State, the quad box I was getting was the, um, the broadcast

that has like the stats in the lower half, which basically- And they don't tell you. They put the fucking Macafee cast in for one of the games last week and did not warn you. They did it for Red River. Yeah. And like the only one available. And it was mostly it's like it renders quad box useless because you're like, wait, you gave me the broadcast where the actual football game is already reserved like cut down to half the screen. So I have like oct box here.

And it's going to order the screen. I can't read the fucking number. Yes. It's particularly stupid. So it was a broadcast with like what half the screen is Pat McAfee's face or something? It's like Pat McAfee being like, hey, I'm here. It's a fan cast, but it's, I'm going to set. I'm going to sack tap Matthew McConaughey because that's why you're watching Texas, Oklahoma.

Yeah. Yeah. While we're pointing at the TV. That sounds really good. I want to start one on a quad box, only available at a quad box that you can't actually click to, which is a manning cast but it's with like two of the most off-putting people in the world okay Jordan and Aaron Rogers so Notre Dame NBC broadcast I was gonna say that still already exists that it's Pat McAfee's podcast right or just two dogs two two animated dogs talking right

and you can't pick it because I just I just wanted regular dogs right I just want but in sweaters right so they're like stacked on top of each other like the Manning brothers right in box no describing ugah right and they're just talking and I just want to read the emails from people who are like, hey man, what the fuck is this? I kept trying to click on the dogcast and I couldn't get it. And I at least wanted to figure out what the shit this was.

Okay. Hey, CEO of Comcast. I can't watch the dogs talk. Do you think if we announced this next week, announce an email campaign, we could convince enough people that it was real, even though they hadn't ever seen it? Because like, oh, if you click over to Multibox,

and this isn't in your feed, they're not even letting you see the possibility of it. Yeah, like, what is the name of that, the Mandela Effect? Yeah. And then Yeah, we'll just, we'll just invent that for this. And then people go to the free speech website to demand that the government stop

censuring dogcast. Bring back, bring back dogcast. Dogcats is great. Mitchell Comcast is silencing dog view. People weren't ready for the hard truth the dogcast were spitting. About

Auburn. This is Spectrum. them this is great we're going to make this happen it was only on for like 45 minutes i think they pulled the plug on everybody in here everyone everybody in here you're in on the joke be cool yeah yeah and don't and don't tell them where don't tell them dogcast and full cast are related we should have picked a different no it's fine it's fine i think people will deduce that there are there's a syllable in common but i'm going to rig up a Photoshop of this okay oh good it looks like the bandy cast that it's going to make sure it doesn't look like you made it

Don't leave digital footprints. No, no, no, it'll be perfect. It'll be seamless. Cover your tracks. My metadata is just all going to go back to MacCAPA. Oh, the goddamn dogcass metadata. Dogcast was also guaranteed family-friendly programming, which we sorely miss. Yeah, that dog had his dick at the whole time.

Well, it's nature. No, that's my back. Man, I bet that guy's got a weird dick. Oh, boy. Fire.com free speech versus dogcast. The Supreme Court case we've all been waiting for. Live on the CW. There is.

I'm not going to dime out yet another famous person for a full cast fandom, but there is a fairly high profile Supreme Court Journal. It's a longtime full cast fan. There's also per sources. There's also. an NFL owner and maybe we'll leak more information over time. And NFL owner.

We teased this earlier, but when we said the most famous person who listened to the show last week, we then got an email confirming that an NFL owner listens to the show. Listen to the show at least once, yeah. We're all a little frightened. Well, the fuck that thing is that Virginia McCasky's, Virginia Hallis McCasky is so fucking old.

Like, a hundred-year-old bear's owner. She's down, though. She loves this shit. And as people are already guessing which owner, I'll just say, it's an owner that would amuse you. It's Dave Chargers. It is, it is Dave Chargers. That is correct. It's, it's Dave Chargers.

Oh, you got it. You got it in one guest, aren't. No, no, listen, we're not going to tell you, but when we, we're absolutely not going to tell you because I don't want to scare him off. This is great. Knowing this owner, I don't think that's possible. it's arthur it's arthur blank he's like yeah he goes yeah it's arthur blank he's actually he's so he's so weird actually actually like the amount of time he spent

near adult swim people yeah spencer just want to tell you fantastic podcast you guys don't here's ten million dollars for dogcast i believe in the business people he does like he has given a lot of money to the zoo at least one person has guessed correctly in here so far but you've already mentioned all the NFL owners so it doesn't narrow it down at all. By the way, I have you, I met Arthur

Blank once, and he was the best smelling man I've ever met. He smelled so rich. He smells like he smells like the numbers next to his name. Who's the worst smelling man you've ever met? It's got to be Mark Davis, who I've never met. Do what?

Wow, he smells that bad through the TV. You know who smells surprisingly good is the big show, the wrestler? Sorry, I need to say one more thing about the NFL owners thing. We are not cheating and saying somebody who owns one share that Packers listens to the forecast. No, no, actual owner.

This is an actual, like, sole owner billionaire. I don't think any Packers fan listens to the forecast. No, God, I hope not. We can take care of that in big hurry. So, yeah, I mean, their team scored six points today. So, yeah. The big show, the big show is a fantastic smelling man. You know what other wrestler is noted for using,

lotions, creams, and colognes to make him smell amazing in the ring and people love wrestling him for it? Samoa Joe. The big show is actually full cast aware. I don't know if he listens, but he does know who we are because we got prevented of this by losing our jobs at the end of full cast iteration one. But when the big show did a sitcom on Netflix

called Adorably the Big Show show show, the showrunner of that television program is another long-time full-cast listener. Hello, Jason. Whose name is Jason also? It's a different one. Sorry, there are Packers' hands listening. I didn't know. It's fine.

Well, all right. Listen, nobody's perfect. Yeah, as noted, Steiner Math has returned. Shmoa Joe has made multiple appearances in this episode. Listen, Schmoa, Joe. I really hope that eventually we can confirm. this. And again, we will not, we will not, we can't dime him out right now because it would pretty easily reveal our source. But I, I hope we get this guy near us someday because he would

be a fucking hoot to have on the show. Who? That guy. Our NFL owner fan. Oh, that one. Yeah. Yeah. We'll just make a call. Yeah. Yeah. We'll get it now. Which we will listen, we got we would share us with you if we could, but his source would be revealed directly and we are not going to burn it. why we love you so on that note did we forget six points god damn it was the fucking packers breaking my ass scoring six points the fucking college packers

the badgers took the kids to the game and they fucking hated it the kids didn't love it Illinois and Maryland I'd have a Illinois Maryland I had to take the kids fucking fishing just to cheer him up

I hate fishing we gave up our Deerdorf and Brandy voices due to some real life bullshit on their part and I really feel like we got to pour those voices over to somewhere else they were too good to quit every big 10 team who played today scored more points than Wisconsin all of them

Indiana scored more Purdue scored more oh hit the Purdue scoring more is really sad especially in this situation I mean just to make the kid's smile. I hit the fucking garbage cans with my car on the way in.

I mean, boom. I knocked those fuckers right across the lawn. What's fucked up is this is this character in a therapy session. That's the really messed up. And then he goes home and like talks about how entertaining the therapist found him.

You know, like, oh, that fucking guy sits on that goddamn couch all day. And he listens to people bitch and moan at him. I go in there and I tell him some shit. I just watch his face light up and he's like I look forward to seeing you every week having a great fucking time

we were cutting up like we were cutting up like sailors that's the best thing that you ever made me do I think it's therapy for him honestly honestly he should pay me for an hour of that I'm gonna meet him at the fucking

bar after this oh bar in the baseball I think the did uh did we did we did we Did we forget anything? Almost, sir. This is a fun show to record on my back porch at 1 a.m.

The dog is dreaming and her little nose is... We're done. Yeah, we're good. Aw. Do you want to yell Twitch? Do you want to yell Twitch names, like the wash dad that you are? I love it. Yeah.

I'm going to do it. I'm trying to say hello to the people. Our patrons, Ryan. Sorry if you don't understand customer service. Hey, how much money have we accidentally made on Twitch through this thing? And what are we going to give that money? About 500 bucks.

Like a dim shit American trying to speak French for the first time. Go ahead. Who's the one who has a Twitch channel, Ryan? Oh, wow. Oh, man. Oh. Oh, let me paint my orcs at you.

That's right. Sorry if you don't know. Sorry if you don't understand. The future of 2017. Ryan is out here playing video games in secret. what's he hiding yeah when Ryan plays the Spider-Man game the world can't watch

that's right you're still putting I bet you still put a disc into the console oh boy here we go who has their own emote that's right just fucking yell your names already this man's bragging about having an emote like I said the future of

2017 I'm already there here's here's a 50 year old man yelling twitch name is going yes death fudge uncle beer us serve bro barbecue dot go master gator hot dog caesar i saw carl panthers in here a minute ago there's carl panthers again yeah there's carl pan some of these are stream yard or linked in commenters by the way and they're the tend to be the ones with the real extra names, actually. Hey, if you changed your name to Carl Panthers on LinkedIn, you are my hero.

It's your name to Carl Panthers on LinkedIn. I won't recommend you. Holy shit, I cut eight job offers within two hours. I've endorsed you, I've endorsed you for Panthers. I'm being hit up by a darn Schaefter. I'm endorsed you by Jungle Cat. Thanks for joining us. if you've made it this far into the evening.

Go to bed. Yeah, go, yeah, go, Jesus. Jesus, go to bed. Full quarter of Montana, Idaho left. These kids need to stop twitching and go to bed. Back in my day, we wanted to twitch. We'd drink a fucking beer. Until our nerve ending shorted out.

Good night, Janice. Thank you. Thank you.